#golfer humor

[viejospellejos]

Nunca te enfades demasiado pronto

[bobauthorman]

The Rise of Sindel

For centuries Earth has used Mortal Kombat to defend itself against the Outworld Emperor Shao Kahn. But, Kahn becomes frustrated by failed attempts at taking Earth through tournament battle. He enacts a plan which began 10,000 years ago.

During this time Kahn had a queen. Her name was Sindel and her young death was unexpected. Kahn’s Shadow Priests, lead by Shang Tsung, make it so Sindel’s spirit would someday be reborn, not on the Outworld but on the Earth Realm itself.

However, due to a curious alignment in Earth’s leylines, the site of the resurrection ritual must take place at Hole 5 on the golf course at the New York Country Club in New Hempstead, New York...

(Shang Tsung and a group of men in purple hoods and robes are gathered in a circle, chanting. Before them the ground twists and contorts, taking shape as Sindel’s body regrows before them. From behind Tsung, a man in a tacky golf outfit, silly hat included, approaches)

Golfer: What’re ya doing!?

Shang Tsung: ...We’re fixing a divot.

Golfer: Oh. (Turns and calls to his friends) They’re fixing a divot!

[frankiecatphotography]

https://www.zazzle.com/naughty_cat_golf_head_cover-256846668803457878

Naughty Cat Golf Head Cover - 15% Off with code 2DAYAUGTREAT

[misforgotten2]

They are discussing the attributes of their favorite holes and they ain’t talkin’ golf.

Collier's   August 3, 1955

[emperornorton47]

[bright76]

(via Lose golf balls pun Coasters (Set of 4) by Bright76)  Golf is a game of skill they say.  The aim is to sink the ball into the hole using the least moves possible.  However that sneaky ball will sink often in the sand, under bushes and in the the water.  This double meaning pun will bring smiles to every golf lover.

[moonlightspencie]

hiiii! :3 would you mind write a quick fic with ted or aaron where the reader is a cart girl at a golf course. they meet while the men are golfing and flirting ensues? just smut or fluff or whatever! anything works <3

those tg golf pics came to mind and i can’t help but think of all of the dbf and bfd!hotch fics so…. aaron hotchner it is!!!

pairing: aaron hotchner x reader

warnings: fliiiirting, everyone thinks reader is mad hot & hotch is all googly-eyed

Aaron whistled, looking over the lay of the land for their next hole.

“You’re close, but I’ve still got the lead,” he noted in good humor. “Good luck on this hole.”

Rossi scoffed. “You just wait for next week.”

Aaron laughed, watching as Rossi’s friend Mark teed up. He heard the beverage cart rolling up behind them as Mark stood, ready to swing. All three turned around, the current swing forgotten.

“I could use a drink,” Rossi noted, starting to walk closer as the cart drew nearer. Then, he paused. “I wouldn’t mind a fourth wife, either, now that I think about it.”

Mark walked near them. “I can’t say I disagree.”

Aaron laughed, though he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t seeing the same thing they were. The beverage cart girl was wildly attractive. He swallowed as she pulled up next to them, a dazzling smile on her face.

“You boys looking for a drink?” she asked, her voice like honey.

“Yes, ma’am,” Rossi replied, walking up to introduce himself as she climbed out of the cart. “I’m Dave.”

Aaron’s eyes were glued to her. Her tennis skirt showed off a pair of legs that had him very distracted. Not to mention the tight top that accompanied it. He stared her down, hardly realizing she’d already helped the other two men and was waiting on his drink of choice. There was a glimmer in her eye and a knowing smirk on her face when he finally noticed she was looking right back at him.

“Uh, just a water for me, thanks,” he said curtly, slowly walking closer.

She smiled again, grabbing a water bottle from the cooler and handing it over. Rossi paid up for all three drinks, insisting that they’d just have to make it up next time. Both Aaron and Mark knew they’d never really have to repay him for it.

Mark started walking towards his tee again with one last lingering look at her. Rossi debated staying, but after noting how she looked at his colleague he decided Mark’s swing would be more appropriate to linger around.

“Um, I— My name’s Aaron,” he said, reaching out a hand.

She took it, and he realized the handshake was a mistake on his part. Her hand was soft and pretty-looking in his own, and he was sure all of his feelings were apparent on his face. She’d already clocked him once.

She introduced herself, giving him yet another smile that had him feeling weak in the knees.

“You must be new,” he stated. “I haven’t seen you around here before.”

“And you’re so sure you’d remember the beverage girl, huh?” she joked.

He smiled softly. “I’d definitely remember you.”

Now, he reveled in the fact that there was a bit of a nervous smile on her face rather than his. She nodded slowly, looking at him through her lashes.

“Fair enough, Aaron,” she said in reply at last. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

‘So many things’ he thought to himself.

He looked towards the other two men who waited on him. He then reached into his coat pocket.

“I don’t think so, but,” he started, pulling out his card. “If you ever need me to solve a crime or… To buy you dinner—”

“Solve a crime,” she asked with a laugh, taking the card. She looked at it, then back at him with a new, mischievous look on her face. “I see. I might just call you up sometime, G-man.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” he said with a wink, gaining confidence at last.

She smiled once more, then got back into her cart and drove off towards the next group of golfers.

He strode towards Rossi, a new pep in his step.

“And I thought I was the flirt,” Rossi said with a smile.

“Maybe I’m just spending too much time around you,” Aaron replied.

His smile was stuck in place as he hit his ball, all the way through until that night when an unknown number came calling. After that, it lasted all week long.

[mydaddywiki]

Fuzzy Zoeller

Physique: Husky Build Height: 5'10" (1.78 m)

Frank Urban "Fuzzy" Zoeller Jr. (born November 11, 1951-) is an American professional golfer who has won ten PGA Tour events including two major championships. He is one of three golfers to have won the Masters Tournament in his first appearance in the event. He also won the 1984 U.S. Open, which earned him the 1985 Bob Jones Award.

Handsome, nice belly, an even nicer bulge and easygoing American masculine style, Fuzzy always looks ready to shoot a load or two down some lucky cocksucker’s throat. Known for his critical humor, at the 1997 Masters Tournament, he made a racist remark regarding Tiger Woods. Zoeller later offered an apology which Woods accepted.

Of course he's married with a son and three daughters (which go to my 'love to fuck' theory). His passions include hunting, fishing and he enjoys all sports as well as golf course design. A plus. He also loves to cook and grill with his own line of BBQ and Steak Sauces as well as premium dry rubs. Another plus. He has also launched his own line of ultra-premium vodka, Fuzzy’s Ultra Premium Vodka. Also a plus as I can get him drunk with his own stash so we could have some inebriated fun.

[sickhumor]

A little humor for the golfers out there.

[ladyloveandjustice]

My Top Seven Anime I Watched in 2022

Here are the best of the best, alongside a few bonus good, good anime. Please note that I’m only including premieres I actually watched in 2022, and there are a few ones I haven’t gotten to yet. I only started watching Bocchi the Rock! this month (and I’m enjoying it) and I’ve heard good things about Raven of the Inner Palace, so I’m planning on checking that out.

Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch From Mercury

Suletta Mercury arrives at her new school with a mech named Aerial and a checklist of friendship milestones she wants to achieve after being homeschooled for years- only to immediately get involved in giant robot duels and engaged to a prickly heiress. Unbeknownst to Suletta, she’s a tool in her mother’s revenge scheme against the terrible corporation that destroyed their family, and things will only get more complicated. Sometimes a fun romp, sometimes an action-filled thriller, and saving its best twist for the very end, this might just be the anime of the year for me. The romance between the two girls at the heart of the series always has you rooting for it, it introduces you to some great kids (and a ton of cool ladies) and as a bonus, it’s wonderfully inclusive. The only think holding me back is the fact it’s not over yet! I’m praying the second season keeps up the good work.

Read my full review here.

Spy x Family

The smash hit about a spy dad, assassin mom, and telepath child who all form a ‘fake’ family- but will they develop real familial feelings? Cute, funny, nicely animated and full of wacky fights and missions, it needs no introduction. It’s just a good time! The second season isn’t quite as strong as the first, but it’s fun to watch throughout and there’s more good material coming!

Read my full reviews here and here.

Akiba Maid War

A fun genre mashup that depicts early 2000’s maid cafes engaged in violent battles over territory (similar to yakuza movies). Features a lot of outrageous comedy and the world’s most loveable terrifying murder maid in Ranko. One of my favorites of the year.

Read my full review here.

Kaguya-sama: Love is War Season 3

The romantic comedy offers some slick animation and bombastic humor as always, while featuring some truly satisfying relationship development.

Read my full review here.

Mob Psycho 100 Season 3

The final season of one of the best anime of the last decade, it offers a perfect resolution to the offbeat relationship of young psychic Mob and his con-man mentor Reigen, while making a strong final statement on the series’ themes of power, identity, self-acceptance and deception.

Read my full review here.

The Executioner and Her Way of Life

In Menou’s world, kids dropping in from Japan and gaining incredible superpowers is a common occurrence. This rarely ends well, so it’s Menou’s job to murder these teens before they can become threats. But her latest target, Akari, has powers that make her unkillable- and she has feelings for Menou! What’s an assassin to do? A darker take on the isekai formula, the show is uneven in parts, but it’s a fun ride and most importantly, full of flawed, murderous women getting in cool fights and having romantic attention for each other. I gotta love it. The world has a ton of potential, so I hope this yuri action romp will get a follow up someday.

Read my full review here.

Birdie Wing: Golf Girls’ Story

A tough teenager is embroiled in an illegal golf ring run by the mafia- you heard me- and while navigating ridiculous obstacles and dirty tactics, she becomes smitten with a rival Japanese golfer named Aoi and wants nothing more than to see her again…

I debated on whether to include this because the second season is really going to dictate how I feel about it, but it made a hell of an impression, so I had to. After all, in the first episode alone, Eve hits a golf ball through a moving train while up against someone in a clown mask. A gloriously stupid and ludicrous take on golf that only anime could do, Birdie Wing makes the most of its low budget to give a unforgettable experience. Just please don’t do a “Eve and Aoi are secretly sisters” twist in Season 2.

Read my full review here.

Bonus anime I really enjoyed:

Aharen-san wa Hakaranai (Aharen is Impossible to Understand) is a very adorable, funny anime about two ridiculous kids finding each other and has a nice trans-positive treatment of one character,

 Shikimori’s not Just a Cutie (review here) is a cute anime about a soft-hearted boy and a very cool girl who date,

Ya Boy Kongming! is an anime about famous military strategist from the Three Kingdoms era suddenly finding himself in modern Japan. He comes across a talented but unknown singer and decided to put his gift for strategy to use in managing her singing career and helping her to the top. This is just plain fun, and has a really sweet (and shippable) female friendship at it’s core by the end.

And finally, Sasaki and Miyano (review here) is a slow paced but sweet romance between two boys.

[delohill]

Available right now on Amazon at the following link:

[tamtam-go92]

Stone Family

Esmeralda and Rocky strive to set up good examples for their children, hoping they won't fall into any traps others might leave behind. There are reports of some very suspicious activty going on and Esmeralda needs a clear mind to focus on catching the bad guys. Can Rocky keep an eye on their mischievous twins while making sure little Precious behaves well herself? Or will family life cause a distraction for Esmeralda and allow the bad guys to get away? The city is in desperate need of a hero!

Rocky knew since he was a kid he wanted to set up the best example for his own children someday. He was the one who helped look after the neighborhood's kids growing up and it's no surpirse after all these years he's dedicated his time to his own kids now.

Rocky Stone: male, adult, Sim Family/Pleasure (Graduate 3 Children from College) Capricorn (7/4/1/8/5) Unemployed, OTH: Cuisine Traits: Hydrophobic, Erratic, Foodie, Family Oriented, Unstable

Esmeralda has worked so hard her entire life and she definitely earned her promotion to Detective! Now it's time to fight off all the evil lurking around this city and help restore its safety and greatness. There are reports of snakes hiding in the grass so she will have to tread lighlty and use her instincts to catch them - hopefully her instincts won't cost her her life!

Esmeralda Stone: female, adult, Sim Knowledge/Pleasure (Max out 7 Skills) Virgo (9/2/6/3/5) Law Enforcement Career, OTH: Science Traits: Proper, Unflirty, Stargazer, Computer Whiz, Party Animal

Flynt could easily fool anyone into thinking that he's his twin brother, Onyx, a trick that has come in handy in the past, but will he still be able to stand out if this keeps on going?

Flynt Stone: male, teenager, Sim Popularity (Become Hall of Famer) Gemini (4/7/8/3/3) High School, OTH: Sports Traits: Daredevil, Charismatic, Golfer, Bro

Onyx could easily fool anyone into thinking that he's his twin brother, Flynt, a trick that has come in handy before, but will he still be able to stand out if this keeps on going?

Onxy Stone: male, teenager, Sim Popularity (Have 20 simultaneous best friends) Gemini (2/8/7/3/5) High School, OTH: Music and Dance Traits: Good Sense or Humor, Slob, Dance Machine, Insider

Being Mommy and daddy's little girl, Precious knows she can get what she wants and get away with anything. Be sure not to stand in her way, or she will run you over with her (in)famous cartwheel trick! Ow!

Precious Stone: female, child, Sim Grow up Scorpio (6/5/8/3/3) Elementary School, OTH: Sports Traits: Light Sleeper, No Sense of Humor, Boxer

Challenges rolled for: - round: Public woohoo: woohoo in the photo booth or change rooms. - season: Private School: Invite the headmaster over and try to get the children into private school. - week: Regular Week: Nothing Major Happens

[shiftwux]

for the oc ask game :3

5, 23, 27, 28, 32, 39, 43

oc askgame [x]

5. if you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

gonna sound mad egotistical here but my sona (i kind of call him golfer like hes a hotline miami character because hes taken on a charm of his own) hes so intentionally terrible

23. introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

ohh man. roache has changed so much from conception its crazy. he used to be incel sexyman bait and then i relapsed and dug straight into 4chan t/cc stuff and his world expanded into a commentary/gallows humor comedy about that

27. any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

the recent nurse one was based off of blink 182 obviously but also off of miss moneypenny by placebo. great song my parents are considering getting a cat and i want to name them after that song

28. your most dangerous OC?

all of them are murderers it just depends on how much youre into femdom

32. which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

oh this is SUCH a question. it depends on the qualifications. like whos most likely to survive or adapt to circumstances? probably mangy she gets to live rent free with two gore filmmakers (the guy with the gun sticking out from his face is distinctly not the golfer. ive changed his design we're all good now)

39. introduce any character you want

guy below is named ollie he was roommates with roache a few years after The Incident and they smoked weed together until they got scared and they could have been gay but everyone hates roache

43. do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? it’s time to confess

look buddy im going to be entirely real. usually i either have an archetype (whether that be a trope or a character or an interesting story attached to a person irl) or i just draw me until i branch out a separate character. chek was meant to be my sona but my buddy and i kept talking about how cool itd be if he had a soldier boyfriend who was buff and they escaped from a military bioweapons experiment and he had a tumor that turned into a gun videodrome style

[frankiecatphotography]

Excuse me...your birdfeeder is empty Golf Balls (Pk of 6) - on Sale!

[allwaswell16]

This is a fic rec of One Direction ot5 fics where they are all five together in a romantic or sexual relationship of some kind, so a polyamorous pairing between all five as requested in this ask. If you enjoyed the fic, please leave kudos and comments! You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

🖐️ Uncharted Shores by Suzie_Shooter

(M, 111k, deserted island, survival, polyamory, first time, rescue, adventure, hurt/comfort, angst, smut)

the plane taking the boys to LA crashes and the boys are left alone and alive on a deserted island

🖐️ Destined For More by @karamelised

(E, 76k, polyamory, dp, dom/sub, soulmates, alcohol, smut)

The one where Louis is a bit of a slut, Zayn doesn't like it in the bum, Niall mostly just likes playing the guitar, Liam is like 100% straight, Harry is a cheeky flirt, but also gets off to subbing during sex.

🖐️ hand over by crybaby

(E, 60k, kink, exhibitionism, bucket list, dom/sub, smut)

‘Twenty one things to try before 21,’ he reads aloud, voice lilting with amusement.

🖐️ Make It Up As We Go Along by @lululawrence

(NR, 52k, Three Men and a Baby movie au, polyamory, a/b/o, roommates, baby, break up, getting back together, alpha Harry, alpha Niall, beta Zayn, omega Louis, omega Liam, hurt/comfort, light angst, happy ending, no smut)

When a baby is left on their doorstep, their lives become the definition of chaos...but maybe that is exactly what they need to see what has been right in front of them all along.

🖐️ Falling Out of Reach by twoshipsdrifting / @polkadotlou

(E, 32k, a/b/o, mating cycles, Louis centric, mentions of mpreg, omega Liam, alpha Louis, alpha Harry, alpha Zayn, alpha Niall, but statuses are fluid)

the one where Louis' boyfriends get themselves an omega so Louis doesn't have to be one

🖐️ think about all the places we could go by carissima

(E, 28k, Liam centric, porn with plot, orgy, body worship, tears, smut)

In which Louis thinks it's funny to stamp the boys with Liam's name, Niall likes having Liam's name on his forehead, Harry's jealous, Zayn just wants to spend time with Liam and Liam's overwhelmed, really.

🖐️ pep talk turned into a pep rally by sarcasticfluentry / @povverbottoms

(E, 20k, canon, tour, orgies, edging, spitroasting, smut)

two orgies on the South American leg of the WWA tour, one Louis-centric and one Zayn-centric.

🖐️ Outlast by disarm_d

(E, 19k, orgasm denial, bets/wagers, masturbation, smut)

And then Louis says, “I bet £10,000 I could go longer without wanking than all of you,” which was probably his first mistake.

🖐️ Blind Date by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

(G, 13k, reality show au, Blind Date, polyamory, dating, fluff, humor, model Louis, host Niall, pro golfer Niall, artist Zayn, firefighter Liam, baker Harry, getting together)

Louis Tomlinson, model and aspiring actor, has been chosen to appear on Blind Date. The only problem is, all the contestants are wonderful.

🖐️ Turn It Up a Notch by checkthemargins

(E, 12k, ot5, hurt/comfort, insomnia, insecure Louis, smut)

Louis has insomnia and is feeling a bit insecure. Liam has a plan to help him sleep.

🖐️ Tumblr Cross-Posts by sarcasticfluentry / @povverbottoms

(E, 11k, Bread Van fic, orgy, smut)

Bread Van Orgy (OT5, Louis-centric)

🖐️ Bound and Determined by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright

(E, 7k, established relationship H/L, orgy, dom/sub, dom Louis, sub Harry, bondage, smut)

Harry's had Louis bind him up for when the boys come over to play. 

🖐️ 5+x=7, solve for x by alison

(M, 7k, mpreg, established relationship, polyamory, sexual content)

Dads. They’re going to be dads. Niall is going to be a dad.

🖐️ Need Love by Lhhome / @lh-home

(E, 3k, non binary character, girl direction, polyamory, porn with plot, cuddling, kissing, smut)

Harry and Louis fighting is rare but leads to some great stress-relieving sex for everyone.

🖐️ you're like the moon that turns my troubled tide by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed

(T, 666 words, human Liam, ghost Zayn, supernatural elements, ghosts, ghost Louis, ghost Harry, ghost Niall, haunting, light angst)

Becoming a ghost was certainly better than the alternative, which was having to give up on Liam completely.