#gonna go stream this for ten hours goodbye

[stochastique-blog]

hmm...

Art for Morning Elvis live at the Denver Ball Arena by Florence and the Machine ft. @mothercain

[verstappen-cult]

#. . . Five times Max refuses to acknowledge he’s sick + one time he does.

request made by @lucien-calore. . . “hi, you asked for a max request and i shall deliver! can i please have a sickfic where max refuses to acknowledge he's sick (a flu or something, nothing too serious) but when he does, he acts like a drama queen?”

#1

You’re making dinner when you hear Max coughing from his streaming room, then the laughs of his friends making fun of him. 

You don’t think too much about it. That is until he can’t stop coughing while you’re eating, and when you’re getting ready for bed, and at all during the night. 

It’s only in the morning, as you’re making breakfast and he’s feeding the cats, when you decide to say something. 

“Baby?” You say, trying to look nonchalant while making the eggs. 

“Yes?” He puts the cat food away and makes his way to you. Max hugs your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. “What happens?”

“I’m gonna go to the pharmacy after pilates, do you need anything?” 

Max hums, like actually thinking about it before saying, “No, love. Got everything I need.”

“You sure? Nothing for that cough you have?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He kisses your cheek and pulls away, grabbing an apple. “I’m gonna be streaming, make sure to say goodbye before you leave, okay?”

#2

“Are you okay?” It’s the fourth time in less than an hour that Max enters the kitchen to fill his bottle of water.

“Yeah, it’s just that all the singing and screaming at the concert last night left me with a sore throat.”

You try not to laugh but it’s impossible. It’s been three days since he started with that horrible cough, which hasn’t stopped, but he still doesn’t understand that he’s probably sick. 

“Max, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t that.” You close the book and get up from the couch, he looks confused as you get closer and place your hand on his forehead. “Jesus, Max, you’re burning up!” 

“I’m hot, don’t you think?” 

“Max, I’m serious, you got a fever.” 

“It’s probably nothing,” He reassures you by placing a kiss on your cheek before turning around. “I fell asleep on the terrace. I’m gonna take a shower, okay?” 

“Max, I swear to God—”

“You look hot when you’re angry.” That’s the last thing he says, walking away. 

“Max!” 

#3

It's impossible. You’ve tried everything to make Max understand that he’s sick and needs to rest, but he won’t admit it.

This morning you practically begged him to stay in bed to rest and recover, but he did not listen to you, saying that it was nothing — as he’s been saying all week — and actually dragged you to the Padel court because ‘I’m gonna win this time’. 

Dani’s visiting, so, everyone got together to spend Sunday morning at their favorite place, promising to go to brunch after. But it’s been three hours and they have just finished the second game. Who’s fault is that? Max’s. 

It’s no secret that Max is not very good at Padel, but now that he’s sick it’s been torture. Every couple of minutes they have to stop the game for him to cough, so it’s been impossible to actually play and he doesn’t want to give up. 

And it’s worse because Charles is his partner. Only a look at the Monégasque and you know he wants to murder him. 

“Max,” You call his name, leaving your book aside and walking closer to the wall that’s separating both of you. “you’re sick, why don’t we go home?”

“But, baby, I really think I can win this one.”

“No you won’t!” Lando shouts from across the court as he’s stretching. 

“Oh shut u—”

“Max, I’m serious.” You don’t know what else to do at this point. He’s always been so stubborn, but this has reached new levels. 

“I’m gonna win this for you, baby.” He winks and turns around to join the rest of the group. 

#4

“Max? Why are you still in bed?” You enter the room, gaze immediately going to the watch on the nightstand. It’s two in the afternoon. He never stays in bed past ten, not even during winter or summer break. 

“Jus’ tired.” He mumbles, face hidden in the pillows. 

“I’m gonna make you a cup of tea, okay?” You sit next to him, stroking his hair. 

“Don’t want a cup of tea,” He opens his eyes, looking up at you and pouting. It makes you giggle. “I want you.”

“I won’t kiss you until you admit you’re sick.”

“That’s so unfair!” He pouts again, this time grabbing your arm and trying to make you lie next to him. “I’m not sick. I’m like super healthy.” You snort, shaking your head and standing up. 

“Then, no kisses for you.”

Max groans, hiding his face under the blankets. “I can survive without your kisses, you know.” 

That makes you laugh because you know Max, and you know how much he likes to kiss you at every opportunity. The chances of Max keeping that promise… Impossible.

“Whatever gets you through the night, Maxie.”

#5

“Hey, baby.” Max places a kiss on your cheek as you leave the grocery bags on the kitchen table. “You got everything for tonight?”

“Yes. I already talked with your mom and they’ll be here at around nine.” Max helps you put the groceries away, frowning when he sees some medicine and a special broth he knows perfectly well among the things you will need for dinner tonight.

“What's this?”

You try to hide a smile, pretending to be busy with anything just to keep you from looking at him. “Your mom said you used to love it as a kid.”

“Yeah,” He says, still confused. “when I was sick.”

“You are sick, Max. I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this.”

“I am not!” He huffs, rolling his eyes. You can see from the irritated expression on his face that he's tired of you repeating the same thing over and over again. “I’m gonna go play for a little bit.”

You grab his hand before he can walk away, pulling him closer to you. “Hey,” Max raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to talk. But you cup his cheeks instead, placing a soft kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m worried, I don’t want you to get worse.”

“Yeah, whatever.” 

You can only watch as he leaves the room, Jimmy following closely behind. 

“Well, I tried.” You mumble, looking at Sassy perched on the counter. She meows and you’re glad at least someone understands you.

+1

“Schatje?” You hear Max’s hoarse voice say. 

“Mmh?” It’s your answer, busy peeling some vegetables. “What happens?”

He hesitates for a second, you see from the corner of your eyes how he avoids looking at you, which makes you stop and turn your attention to your boyfriend. 

“I’m sick.” He whispers, surprising you. But he deserves a little teasing. 

“What? I didn’t hear you.” You play dumb, and Max sees right through you. 

“You were right, okay? I was being an idiot.”

“Yes, you were.” He pouts, making you feel warm all over. You walk to him, placing your hand on his forehead. “You have a fever. Why don’t you go lie down on the couch, uh? I’ll heat up the broth.” 

“I’m sorry for being an idiot.” He breathes into the air, blushing all the way from his cheeks to his neck. You know that admitting when he’s wrong is not something easy for him.

“I know, baby. But,” You reach up and boop Max on the nose with your index finger. “I’m gonna take care of you, okay?”

“But I wanted to help you, everyone’s about to arrive.” 

“Worry about what your mom will say once I tell her how stubborn you have been.” He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. “If you’re a good boy and take the medicine, I’ll think about giving you a… reward.”

If Max takes the medicine and finishes all the broth is only because he wants to get better. It has nothing to do with the reward you’re going to give him tonight.

[please-buckme]

A Broken Heart.

Chapter 1

Lee Bodecker x fem!reader

Chapter warnings: slight mentions of sex, 18+,hitting, sad shit, break up, heart break, angst, cursing

Chapter Summary: reader and Lee breakup.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 2 //Chapter 3

The world felt as if it were shattering around you, crumbling beneath your feet like the rapture was upon you. Honestly, if the world did come to an end right now you’d be elated. At least you wouldn’t have to deal with your broken heart anymore.

You sat against a wall in your room, wallowing in your own self petty. It’d be three days since Lee Bodecker had broken things off with you. He had said that you were hurting his campaign, that he still loved you but needed a woman of power to help him become sheriff of this godforsaken town.

Lee had taken you out in the same field he took you to every time y’all made love. He kissed you so passionately, held you so closely. If you weren’t so caught up in the way his hands felt against your bare skin, you would’ve noticed how distraught he was the entire time he made love to you. It was his way of saying goodbye before he actually said goodbye. After he’d broken up with you, you felt disgusting and violated.

You’d never felt like that with Lee. He was your deputy and sinner in disguise. He was your rock and your soft place to fall. When the tears finally fill, the most empty feeling you’d ever felt emerged in your gut. One day you thought you were gonna be Mrs. Lee Bodecker. You daydreamed constantly of your wedding day and sharing a bed with the man you loved for the rest of your life ‘til you were old and gray. To know now that dream will always remain a dream.. that’s what hurt the most.

After Lee drove you home, you sat in your room for three days straight, not even coming out for supper. Your momma tried to convince you to eat and it worked once on the second day, until you threw up right after.

She didn’t understand. She’d never been in love, not really. Not love like you and Lee had. People told y’all all the time how rare and beautiful your love for one another was and you agreed. Just looking back on those memories made you sick. You listened in awe of how beautiful your love was not knowing Lee would only break your heart days later.

Today was Sunday, the lord's day, and usually you never wanted to go to church, but today you really didn’t want to go. The whole town, including Lee and his new arm candy, would be there. It’s the first time you’d be seeing Lee since he dropped you off. It was too soon, especially since you knew he’d already moved on.

As you sat with your head between your knees, your momma barged through your bedroom door.

“Jesus, girl. Why aren’t you up and ready to go? Church starts in an hour and you aren’t gonna make me late again.” She stomped over to your closet and shuffled through your dresses.

“Momma.. I- I’m not ready. I can’t see… him with her. I just ain’t ready for that kinda humiliation.” You sighed, trying to reason with your Bible-thumpin momma.

“Oh, no. You’ve embarrassed me enough this week. Disappearin’ for three whole days over a boy? You’re pathetic. You know, back in my day, we didn’t get to sit around and sulk the days away. No. We had to carry on like everything was fine and that’s what you’re gonna do. Now, get dressed.” She threw you a dress, one of your favorites actually. It was a teal blue, babydoll dress that you usually saved for special occasions, but you weren’t feeling very special at the moment and now you were just pissed off.

You stood and came face-to-face with your momma, “I’m not going. You have no idea how I feel. You can’t. You’ve never felt love the way we had it, Momma. No one ever loved you or me the way I love Lee. You couldn’t possib-“

Just then you felt a sharp sting against your cheek as your momma slapped you across the face.

“Not. Another. Word. You will be dressed and waitin for me at the car in ten minutes. No poutin’ and no sulkin’ in the pews. I don’t wanna hear another word about that boy.” She turned to exit your room but turned around to give you one last dig to the heart, “And, honey, a man in love would never have done what he did to you. Remember that next time you wanna preach to me about love.” With that she left your room. Your cheek still stung from the unexpected hit to the face. Your momma was cruel but she’d never hit you before.

The slap, in a way, was kind of refreshing. For a split second you’d totally forgotten about Lee. Only for a second, though. His crystal blue eyes and cheshire lips never leave your thoughts completely. You shook your head in defeat, trying to erase him from your mind. It didn’t work, but you took a deep breath and began getting ready.

//

The church parking lot was full when you and your momma pulled in. Rickety old trucks to brand spankin new, brightly colored cars littered the dusty lot. You spotted Lee’s car immediately, thankfully he was already inside.

The whole town came to this church, which wasn’t that many people. Nevertheless, everybody knew everybody and, even if you didn’t care, everybody knew everybody’s dirty laundry. Old Man Karl got pulled over last week for a DUI, Nancy from the library cheated on her husband with his brother and.. oh yeah, Lee Bodecker dumped his long time girlfriend for the mayor's daughter.

Lee and yours breakup was the talk of the town. You were the fresh, new gossip in this boring as hell town and there’s nothing you could do about it.

You couldn’t get two steps into the church without being bombarded by women you didn’t want to know but also knew too much about, asking if you were alright and that they’d pray for you on this ‘beautiful, glorious Sunday morning’. Yeah, same shit different day, different person.

One woman stayed to chat with your momma, so you went to find your seat. Your usual spot was next to Lee and naturally that’s where you headed, only to be greeted by Lee and His new girlfriend, Laura-Jean Mancon. She was one of those girls who’d been pretty her whole life. Blind hair, blue eyes and a huge rack. Everybody thought she’d go into modeling or start an acting career but she never did. Instead, she stayed and was now going to marry Lee. In your eyes, that’s the best path she could’ve taken. You’d take her place any day.

“Mornin’ Y/n.” Lee cleared his throat, unable to make eye contact with you.

“L-“ You went to say his name but found you couldn’t. It was only one syllable, only three letters and it pained you to even think about, let alone say aloud. You cleared your throat, “Laura-Jean, nice to see you again.”

Laura-Jean said nothing in return. She just hummed, waiting for you to talk away.

“I guess I’ll go.. find me a new seat.” You took a deep breath when you felt the tears welling up in your eyes, again. Lee stared straight forward the whole time you stood there, too cowardly to even look you in the eyes. Some Sheriff he’ll be.

You scanned the crowd of people and found your momma in the front row, of course. You made your way up the aisle and took your seat next to her. The chorus sang their hems and the preacher clapped his way in on the last versus.

“How are we doin’ on this fine Sunday mornin’?” he drawled to the crowd. He got an assortment of greetings in return.

“I said ‘HOW ARE WE DOIN ON THIS BRIGHT N’ SHINY SUNDIE MORNIN’?’.”

“GOOD” the people shouted in return. You could hear Laura-Jean giggling over something but you wouldn’t dare look back. Lee always made church bearable, making wise cracks at the preaches expense.

“Now, today I’d like to talk a little bit about love. Of course, we’re always talkin’ about love when it comes to our lord and savor, Jesus Christ. But just for a moment, it ain’t about him. No. This mornin’ I’m preachin’ to you about young love.”

Here we go.

“It comes and goes so fast, but when you have it, it’s one of the most beautiful things this world can offer you.. especially when you put a little Jesus in it.” The church laughed. You knew where this was going. Your stomach churned as you sunk down into the pew.

“I’d like to ask the newly engaged folks in the crowd to come and join me up here. You know who you are, soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Lee Bodecker.”

Your heart felt as if it were going to explode, a tear escaped through your lashes and you quickly wiped it away.

They walked up hand in hand, smiling for cheek to cheek. How could he be so happy, so calm after only being broken up for less than a week? Did he ever love you? Really love you. Like you loved him. Obviously not because you could never, in good conscience do this to him. You couldn’t stand on a stage wrapped arm in arm with another man while Lee sat, just as you were now, devastated and totally distraught.

“So tell us,” the preach beamed. “When’s the big day.”

Lee looked at you with a pained expression as Laura-Jean answered the preach.

“May 21st”

Your breathing heavies at the reply. Turning to your momma you whispered, “Momma, that’s in two weeks.”

“I know that. Now, hush.” She side eyed you with a full smile still pressed to her lips. Even your own mother didn’t seem to care about your feelings. You sat there, listening to Laura-Jean go on and on about their ‘big day’. Tears streamed down your face and you let them. You’d given up on trying to hide how hurt you really felt. When you looked up, Lee stared straight at you. He wasn’t crying but his pain ridden face told you everything. One look at him and you couldn’t breathe anymore. You stood abruptly, all eyes were on you and Laura-Jean had stopped talking.

“I- excuse me.” You said before booking it out the back door. Lee hollered out, asking you to wait. It was too late. You were half way out the door and couldn’t stand to be in that room for another second.

Your feet stomped against the grave, dust clouding up in your wake as you made your way to the road.

“Y/n!” Lee called out after you.

“Go away. I have nothing to say to you, L- fuck.” You cursed, trying desperately to get away from him.

“I said wait, goddammit.” He growled, capturing your bicep in his large hand.

“Let go of me!” You whined sounding out of breath.

“Not until you listened to what I have to say.”

“What, Lee? What could you possibly have to say?”

“I- I.. dammit. I know I put you in a tough position but-“

“A tough position?” You repeated.

“Let me finish.” He sighed and released your arm from his grasp, “I know I hurt you. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am, but, doll, this is it. This is my only chance at becoming Sheriff. You know how hard I’ve worked to get here and you’ve always been so supportive of my dream. I- I just thought.. out of everyone you would understand.”

Your skin burned as you imagined smoke blowing from your ears. Did he really just say that? That you should understand the break up and go on with your life like nothing happened like he is? You stood there frozen, breathing heavier and heavier as your brain tried to come up with a coherent response while trying to also remain a lady.

“I- I still love you. You know that, right?” He asked, bringing a hand to your cheek and wiping a stray tear away.

You flinched at his burning touch and slapped his hand away, “Don’t touch me. Don’t you ever touch me again. I don’t love you anymore. I can’t love you. Shit… seeing you was the best part of my day and now I can’t even look at you without feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I can’t even say your name anymore. Everything about you, now, fills me with so much pain and dread. So if that’s what your love is, keep it. I don’t want it anymore.”

“Doll,” A tear ran down his cheek, you now being the one who’s breaking his heart. “I never meant to hurt you. I swear.” He sniffles.

“Well, you did. I’m in so much pain.” You sobbed, “I’m in so much pain and I have no one to go to because you were my person. You have left me completely empty and utterly alone.”

“Y/n, I-“

“Save it, Bodecker. I’m done talking to you.”

Lee didn’t chase after you this time. He let the tears stream down his face as he watched you walk away. He was just as heartbroken as you but couldn’t show it., not when he was so close to winning this election. He wiped his face with the back of his hand and headed back towards the church. He knew you just needed time and that he’d still see you around town.

Seeing you today took his breath away. You wore your favorite dress that he bought you for your birthday so long ago. You didn’t have on any makeup, which he loved. You were so naturally beautiful and he did still love you with every piece of his shattered heart. He’d eventually come up with a plan to get you back, but for now he would respect your space.

//

Once you’d gotten home and shut the door, you couldn’t help but scream at the top of your lungs. Hoping for some sort of release from all this heartache you felt. Telling him you couldn’t love him was the hardest thing you ever had to do. You sat on the floor in the same position you were in before you left; head between your knees and sobbing like a baby.

There was no escaping him in this town. There was church and the grocery store and the diner you worked at part time. He was everywhere. He’d come in every morning you worked to have coffee with you. He had been a part of every little thing you do in your daily routine for as long as you can remember.

There was never a time you weren’t together. It was always just you and him. He was the one who held you when you were sad, but where was he now when you needed him most?

To you, there was only one way to fix this; get the hell out of here. Completely leave town and start anew somewhere else. You have an aunt that lives right outside of town. You can stay there until it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you got up. Your aunt agreed to the plan and said you could stay with her for as long as you needed when you called her. You packed a small duffle bag and waited for her to pick you up.

When she did finally pull up out front, you hopped in the car and she drove off, leaving the dusty ole town you called home for so long. You took in a deep breath as you drove towards your new life. No Lee, no momma, no worries.

Dividers by: @firefly-in-darkness

Taglist: @haydens-moles , @c00lkidvibes , @tcc-gizmachine , @buckysm3talarm , @gogolucky13 , @cryptidcasanova , @heavenlyseb , @writersbuck , @teddy-bearbaby , @bbmommy0902 , @sweetllamaparadise , @thereblogcrusader , @aleemendoza2425-blog , @frostbytebaby , @jessyballet , @emotionallyandphysicallydone , @sarge-barnes-sir , @generalbagelcookieslime

(Dm me to be added to taglist)

[sweetdreamsshifter]

Her - Damien Haas x Reader

A/N: Hey 😏 This is stupid, I know it is, but we just... We need more Damien content. Also, this is probably gonna be multiple parts, but I can only use my phone, which makes them small and sad. 🥲 But I will push for good stories still!!!

Category: Fluff, as always 🖐🙄

Y/N = Your Name; E/C = Eye Color

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Why am I here.

The man stood in the corner of the deafening room with a cup of soda in his hand, watching the room's occupants get more and more trashed. Damien was never happier to be sober, but never more disappointed that he was alone with a group of drunks.

Suddenly, his soda was no longer in his hand, but dumped on the floor as he felt a sudden weight push him over. Instinctively he grabbed out for something, anything, to keep from falling on the sticky club floor, dragging down an innocent bystander with him instead.

As his head collided with the ground, he let out a groan of pain, groaning again and he felt a weight fall on top of him. Wait, a weight fell on top-

Damien's eyes opened in shock, meeting the E/C eyes of his poor victim.

"I am so sorry. I got pushed by someone and I meant to grab the table, but I was already falling, and I-" He was interrupted by an airy laugh and a hand out stretched to help him up, the girl no longer on top of him.

"Hey, don't worry about it, dude. I've been there. This place is too small for it's own good, it has to be violating at least ten safety codes." They laughed as they stood up, an awkward air soon taking place of conversation.

"Y'know, I was actually about to go to this nearby 24 hour cafe if you'd like to join me? I know this is gonna sound creepy, but I was watching you for a little bit, and you just seem uncomfortable or something... I don't know, this is me trying and failing to shoot my shot." The girl said awkwardly, playing with her handbag as they both blushed scarlet.

"I'm Damien." He said, stretching out his hand. The girl shook his hand after a moment of confusion.

"Y/N..." She responded, a confused yet amused smirk on her lips.

"I just figured I'd tell you before we go to that cafe, y'know?" They giggled a moment before leaving the club, conversation striking up in their walk to the cafe.

"So, what do you do, Mister Mysterious?" Y/N joked, nudging Damien with her shoulder as they neared the cafe. He let out an airy laugh before opening the door for them.

"It's a little stupid to some people, but I'm a YouTuber, essentially. I won't reveal my company yet, but you'll probably find out soon what with my blabber mouth, but I also stream and act. It's a great life, and absolutely rewarding, but sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. That was an unnecessary detail, sorry." He scratched the back of his neck and let out a laugh as he blushed scarlet, the two getting their drinks and sitting down at near a window. Why am I so flustered today? He thought as he followed the girl like a lost puppy.

"I'm no YouTuber, but I understand that last bit. I, personally, feel really thankful for my life as well, while still feeling that sense of undeserving. I run this little bakery a few blocks away. It's all based on video games, too, which is great for me considering there's a few video game stores nearby and I've been playing games since I was a kid." Y/N rambled, Damien's heart growing as he listened to the young woman.

"Anyway, why we're you at the club tonight if you were so uncomfortable?" She asked, making him flush as he prepared his answer.

"A friend of mine told me it'd be an okay place to meet new people, and I've been wanting to get back in the dating game..." He said reluctantly, glancing up from his drink as he flushed at his embarrassing response.

"Me too, actually... Would you want to exchange numbers?" Y/N asked, her heart beating obnoxiously in her chest. Before she could even take back her words, she saw the light of a phone screen in her peripheral vision, Damien's phone waiting to have a new contact added in. She prepared her phone the same way and handed it to him, both pink in the face as they switched phones again, their contacts now housing one more person.

They continued to talk for hours more before both grew drousy. After a short walk down the street, Y/N and Damien were outside of her apartment complex, exchanging goodbyes with promises of texts and a proper date being set in stone. Before he could regret it, Damien planted a kiss on her cheek, saying goodbye again before backing down the street, not turning away until she walked in the building.

As Damien grew to know Y/N more, he'd grow to be more thankful for the stranger that shoved her into his arms, for the little coffee shop they bonded in, and for everything that was genuinely her.

[astxroiid]

What It’s Like

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Fandom: YouTube

Pairing: Ethan Nestor x Reader

Word Count: 1,623

Warnings: a short moment of angst, crying,

Summary: Y/N invites Ethan, her roommate, to come play Mario Kart and eat takeout with her after his Twitch stream.

Author’s Note: This is just a quick little thing I thought about the last night! Am I procrastinating to keep from writing those series? Yes. Yes I am. [thank you @soft-haas16 for proof reading and giving me feedback! Ur the best <3]

Tags: @bigdickdaddysatan , @staxryskxes , @soft-haas16 , @cas-loves-pizza

Masterlist // Read Before Requesting

(GIF NOT MINE)

Ethan sat in his gaming chair in front of his monitors spinning side to side as he read the chat that was gliding up one of his screens.

“Spidie-cents, thank you for the bits!” He calls, eyes still following the words coming in.

He’d had an average day, nothing too outstanding and interesting about it. So why not spice things up with a surprise stream?

“When am I playing Among Us again? I don’t know. Hopefully sometime soon. I’ve been trying to get a lobby going with Seán, Corpse, Chris, and the rest of the usual bunch.”

He takes a sip of his water and checks his phone real quick. Nothing. He sighs and sets it back on the table, looking up at the chat.

“Are me and Y/N dating?” 

Ethan becomes visibly uncomfortable at the question. “Uh, no. We just live together. Not dating.”

Chat goes wild, teasing him and asking a thousand more questions.

Ethan struggles with reading while the chat is going so fast. Only making out different ship names and heart emotes.

“Guys. Guys. Calm down. I can’t read chat.”

There’s a soft knock on his recording room door. “Yeah?” Ethan calls out. You step in, looking slightly shy and nervous. The stream can’t see you, which your thankful for. But they can see the way Ethan is looking at you. Smiling with loving eyes and excitement running through him.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Oh, am I interrupting?” You ask, concerned.

“Oh. No, your fine. What do you need?” He reassures

“Well, I was gonna see if - when your stream ends - you would want to come play some Mario Kart with me? And maybe order some takeout?” You’re fidgeting with your hands, trying to maintain eye contact.

Ethan smiles warmly and nods enthusiastically. “Yes! Totally. I’m ending my stream in about an hour,” he checks his phone for the time, “is that okay?”

You grin. “It’s perfect. Thank you. I can’t wait.”

Ethan expresses the same feelings before you both say goodbye and you leave the room, giddily preparing to order food.

✩ ✩ ✩

Ethan comes downstairs after his stream, excited for a game night with you.

You’re sitting on the couch, scrolling through your phone. You’re wearing a pair of dark grey sweatpants that you might or might not have stolen from Ethan, a black spaghetti strap shirt, and a silver chain necklace Ethan had gotten you for your birthday last year.

He smiles at the memory of you opening the box he’d been holding behind his back, gasping and giggling and completely at a loss for words.

You struggled for a few minutes trying to find a way and thank him for such a beautiful piece of jewelry.

You look up from your phone and smile wide. “Hey,” you greet, “whatcha smiling about?”

Ethan looks into your eyes. “Nothing, just thinking about your birthday present I got you.”

You absentmindedly reach for the chain resting on your chest and play with it, smiling.

“Thank you, again.”

He shakes his head, grinning, and saunters over to the couch. Ethan flops down beside you, placing his arm behind your shoulders on the back of the couch.

He slides down slightly, spreading his knees and rubbing a thumb on your shoulder bone opposite him.

Chills cover your body at every little gesture Ethan does. Especially the way his arm is around you and his thigh is pressed flat against yours. Your cheeks heat up and you pretend to focus on your phone.

“U-uh the food should be here soon. In ten minutes maybe,” you look over at Ethan.

He looks back at you, a goofy smile on his face. “Nice,” he squeezes your body against his with his arm and rests the side of his head on top of yours.

You start to get ready for a round of Mario Kart, choosing your characters and load outs and then moving on to which cup you should play.

“What cup do you wanna play?” You look over to Ethan.

“Well, I believe there’s only one good answer - the greatest cup out of the entire game.”

“The Star Cup.”

“The Bell Cup.”

You both blurt at the same time.

“What?” You ask incredulously.

“Star Cup?!” Ethan looks at you, shocked.

“What do you mean ‘Star Cup’? It’s the best one! It’s got Dolphin Shoals - which is hands down the best map in the game, Mount Wario, and Sunshine Airport. That’s the big three all in one cup!” You flop your hand to your thighs for dramatic effect.

“No. No. No. No. See, I hate to break it to you - but that’s where you’re wrong.”

You raise a questioning eyebrow and cross your arms over your chest.

“The best map on the game is Wild Woods, but the rest of the maps on the Crossing Cup suck. So that leaves Ribbon Road, Super Bell Subway, and Big Blue which are a trifecta of greatness.”

You shake your head. Before you can retort - there’s a knock on the door. The food has arrived. You thank the delivery person and grab the food, taking it to the living room and sorting out your’s and Ethan’s food.

“At least we can agree that Bowser’s Castle is the absolute worst,” you say, setting Ethan’s box in front of him. He nods his head, agreeing.

“Yes. Definitely.”

You both decide on Ethan’s Bell Cup first, eating your food and goofing the whole time.

✩ ✩ ✩

Halfway through the night Ethan realizes that he’s losing. In a desperate attempt to redeem himself; he snakes an arm around you and begins to tickle your side.

You jolt upward, almost throwing your controller while trying to fight him off.

“E-Ethan!” You cackle. “St-op!”

While you’re distracted, Ethan manages to send a blue shell your way and slowly crawl his way up to first.

You press the pause button and catch your breath. You both set your controllers on the coffee table and look at each other.

You’re panting and smiling at the goofy man next to you. “That... was so... unfair,” you accuse breathlessly.

“You never told me to play fair,” Ethan states like the five year old he is, smiling like a dork.

You roll your eyes and get up to throw your box of food away. Before you can get to it, there’s a hand gently in yours, pulling you towards him.

You crash into Ethan’s lap, giggling. “Lemme put my food in the trash,” you look up at him.

“In a minute,” Ethan looks down at you, pulling you closer to his chest - hugging you. You bury your face into his shirt, inhaling his scent. Your body relaxes into him and you smile to yourself.

This is all you could ever want in life. You and Ethan, holding each other, at peace. Then reality sets in. And you realize that you couldn’t be truly happy like this. Just friends.

All this is - is one friend holding another friend. And that’s all it’ll ever be. No ‘I love You’s. No kisses. No holding each other in bed every night. Just friends being friends.

You feel tears welling in your eyes and you try and hold them back but before you can Ethan pulls back to look at your face, smiling.

His face falls at the sight of yours, being replaced by fear and concern.

“Hey. Hey, what’s wrong? Did I do something?” He grabs your face, looking into your eyes.

A tear slips down your cheek and you shake you head but Ethan knows better. “No. Talk to me. What’s wrong?” He asks again.

You take a deep breath and move his hands from your face. “I—” you start but decide against it. Having no idea how to tell him. And do you really want to ruin your friendship?

Ethan’s eyes plead with you and there’s no way you can refuse him.

“It’s just,” you take a deep breath. “I don’t think I can do this,” you admit gently.

“Do what?” Ethan asks, concerned.

“Be just friends with you. It hurts too much to keep going,” another tear slips out. “I see you every day and I’m filled with this overwhelming sense of loss. And the pain in my chest everytime you look at me is so overbearing and I can’t keep putting myself through this every single day,” you look away from him, closing your eyes tight.

“Especially when I know you don’t feel the same. That’s the worst part about it, Eef. Knowing you’ll never feel the same,” you collapse into his chest, crying.

Ethan places a hand on your back, moving the other to the base of your skull and kisses the top you your head.

“Hey,” he says, softly. “Look at me.”

You look into his eyes, your own red and puffy.

“Who said I’d never feel the same?”

“What?” Your face contorts in confusion.

“Y/N, I’ve felt that exact way about you for so long. You have no idea...”

Your heart melts and you smile. “Really?” You wipe a tear from your cheek.

Ethan uses his thumb to wipe away your other tears and smiles. “Yes. Really.”

He slowly starts to lean in and you grin. “I think I do have an idea of what it was like.”

Your lips connect and move together in a sweet dance of love and tender longing.

You pull away and giggle, pressing your forehead against his.

You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him to the side, laying with him on the couch. You kiss him for longer this time with more intent.

“Can I go throw away my food now?” You almost whisper.

“As long as you take mine with you.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Ty guys for reading! And for 300 followers!! Ahh words can’t express how thankful I am for you guys <3333!

[eternal-armin]

saying goodbye was never part of the plan. [part 1]

//sorry for not uploading as much. this should be expected pretty much all days because of work and school im sorry xx. love from wyatt and pet squirrel harriette

before reader succumbs to the throes of incurable disease, armin grants their last desire of seeing the ocean one last time.

armin gently caressed the back of your hand, blue eyes dulled as they stared into nothingness, looking at everything but seeing nothing. never before had he felt so numb, so far from life and everything in it. your chest gently rose and fell as you breathed, a delicate process that it hurt him to see. it would cease soon.

armin couldn't bear that thought.

he had never wanted to say goodbye to the magical times you spent together, to the laughter you shared, the embraces, even the tears you shed with him. he was naive enough to think that you would never die, that he wouldn't either. of course, after erwin's death and his own transformation, his years had been numbered. fate must have thought it funny to tear you away first. you, his seashell, who had been so healthy for so long. all the regular medical examinations required for the military didn't find anything.

was there anything that they could have done?

"armin..?" your weakened voice asked, wavering with heavy worry.

he looked up at you, almost surprised to hear you. armin summoned a small smile, hoping that you wouldn't know the suffocating thoughts in his mind. it was a vain hope. you knew him inside and out, just as he knew you.

you returned his smile, yet even that drained you of energy. "i'm scared too," you said. such a simple three words had so many emotions that they canceled each other out. "it'll be okay. we'll see each other again." the sureness in your voice, quiet but noticeable, provided at least a small amount of comfort. "if i had any say in things, i would never leave you. you know that, right..?"

armin pressed his hand to his mouth, trying not to cry. he nodded slightly, still trying to keep up the fake smile. "i-i know, seashell. i know." he squeezed your hand gently. a slight flash of fear glinted in his eyes. he was still so worried that one touch would make you shatter in his arms. you had already done that. shards can't break that much further, can they?

you could vividly remember the day you knew you were going to die. pain and rashes were chalked up to bad clothing and dermatitis. headaches, blurred vision, and seizures finally brought some attention to your case. after spending hours waiting, steeping in an anxiety so heavy that expeditions couldn't rival it, you finally got answers. for the first time, answers were the worst thing you could ever get. you could remember bursting into tears, armin's arms holding you close, all your hope and happiness draining from your body so quickly it felt like you never had it. the symptoms that had gone unnoticed were going to be your downfall, and by now, there was nothing that could be done. any feasible surgery was so risky you were better off not going under the knife. medications numbed the pain, but didn't stop the spread. the technology that eldia had was just not enough. it was addicting to act like you were resigned to your drugged-up and numbed fate, but you didn't want to die.

you never wanted to die.

you didn't have a choice.

"i am scared, though, [y/n].. and i know you are too. i- i can see it. it's okay to be scared." armin was unsure if he was advising you or himself. seeing your once shining eyes eclipsed by death was horribly painful. armin would fight the world and give up everything he had so you wouldn't look like that anymore. so the light in your eyes would be that of dreams, and not that of the windows; so the color they once had was as vivid as it had once been. so that they could look at the sunset over the ocean instead of at the dull wooden ceiling. your dreams wouldn't just disappear, right...? he couldn't stand the idea that all of your thoughts would disappear, your aspirations, everything you loved and strived to be, it would all be dead. the specific joy and light you brought to the world would be snuffed out without any mercy.

armin prayed that it would at least be painless.

you forced a weak laugh. "yeah. i am." your voice wavered slightly. "before... can we visit the shore again?" you asked, managing the energy to look your lover in the eyes. "if i'm gonna go anywhere for the last time, i want it to be there." you tried your best to pick the words delicately. as much for armin's sake as yours. all the memories you two shared there, from your first date to now your last. it had been your favorite place since you were both fifteen.

it had been ten years. ten blissful years, filled with love and life and endless happiness on the shore of the ocean.

"o-oh, seashell, of course we can. of course we can." the floodgates broke, a few tears streaming down armin's pale cheeks. he pressed a kiss to your hand, trying with everything he had not to cry as hard as he wanted to. "we can go wherever you want, sweetheart. i'll bring you anywhere in the world." the broken promise in his voice made your heart ache.

your lower lip quivered. armin pulled you into his arms, holding you close.

the gentle shield around you made you feel safe enough to cry again.

[fi0r3]

Just A Black Coffee

Warning(s) ⇾ profanity, 

Pairing ⇾ kuroo x gn!reader

Genre ⇾ fluff and some angst, college au,  mini-series

WC ⇾ 3.1k

Summary ⇾ You just got out of a toxic relationship and now you need a new place to stay. Your friend just so happens to know someone who’s looking for a roommate who can help out with the rent for the apartment.

AN: @luv4sakusa​ wanted to be included in my story so bad so I put her in 😒

j.a.b.c master list || next chapter

Ch. 1: New Encounters 

It was two in the morning, you and your boyfriend were in a heated argument. You had just caught him cheating on you, but he was trying to deny it. “Why won’t you just fucking admit it!” Your throat was hurting from screaming so much. “I saw you on the couch with her and you dare to tell me that it was nothing!” Truth be told, you had known for a while now that something was going on, but you were in denial. You didn’t want to believe that your boyfriend of five years would do something like that. Yet here you are right now, confronting him. “Omg, you’re overreacting. I was just--” you cut him off “YOU WHAT? HUH? YOU TRIPPED AND YOUR TONGUE ACCIDENTALLY SLIPPED INTO HER MOUTH?” You didn’t want to start crying, yet your body said otherwise. He stared at you in silence before you stomped off to the bedroom. 

“Y/n what are you doing?” “Isn't it obvious? I’m packing my shit and breaking up with you.” You were shoving your things into your suitcase not bothering to fold any of your clothes. He scoffs, “Really? Where are you gonna go then?” “Anywhere without you seems good.” You had no clue where to go, all you knew was that you didn’t want to be near Daisho for another second. 

You zipped up your suitcase and pushed past him. He forcefully grabbed your arm causing you to turn around. “You can’t just leave me y/n,” he says almost menacingly. “I think I fucking can when I have a pretty valid reason.” You yanked your arm away from him and walked out of the apartment leaving him alone with the girl. As soon as you were out, you felt a sense of relief, but that soon went away as you realized that those five years you spent together were nothing. And your heart starts to ache even more the further you walk away. 

_______________________________________________

You were sat on a park bench, the autumn winds nipping at your nose. You looked at your phone and the time read 2:31 am. ‘I shouldn’t have left while it was this cold’ You go to your contacts and call your best friend Abby. “Y/n?” she says in a raspy voice. “What’s wrong, why are you up right now?” You sigh before telling her everything that happened. 

“So, yea I was wondering if I could crash at your place for a bit.” “Bitch of course you can! Fuck Daisho, his bitch-ass doesn’t deserve you.” You chuckle at her string of curses. “I’ll be over soon.” “Okayyy be safe.” 

You were thankful for having a friend like Abby. You stood up from the bench and made your way over to her apartment. You needed to start finding a place for yourself soon because you didn’t want to mooch off of your friend for too long. You knew she wouldn’t mind having you stay, but you didn’t want to be too much of a burden because she lived in a pretty small space. You got on the bus that led to her address and looked up some websites for apartment listings to pass the time.

_______________________________________________

By the time you arrived at her place, it was already 3 am. You knocked on her door waiting for her to come and open it. You wait there for a few minutes before the door slowly cracks open. “Hey hun,” she says with her eyes partially open. She invites you in and leads you to the living room to set your things down. 

“You can put your suitcase over here and there are some toiletries in the closet if you need them.” “Thanks, Abby, you’re the best.” “Of course,  you know I’d do anything for you.” “Yea I know.” “So how ya holdin’ up?” You stared at her in silence for a moment trying to recollect your thoughts. You thought you had cried it all out while you sat in the park earlier, so you were surprised when you felt tears streaming down your face. 

You didn’t want to cry over this anymore, but your emotions got the better of you. You held your head in your hands and kept sobbing, unable to stop the emotions from pouring out. Abby came over to your side and hugged you. She didn’t say anything. She just let you cry it out until you were able to compose yourself. Deep down she always had a bad feeling about Daisho ever since the day you announced you two were dating. She just didn’t want to say anything because you were so happy. To her, it felt like she was overstepping her boundaries. 

“Ok, I think I’ve cried about this enough for today.” “Well shit, I thought I was gonna have to hear you cry until class started.” You chuckled. “Oh shut up.” “I think it’s time we both go to bed, otherwise we’ll pass out from sleep deprivation in class.” She gets up and brings you some pillows and blankets. She bids you goodnight before going back to her room. You were glad she went back to her room because you didn’t want her to see you crying still. You felt bad that you called her so late so you told her to go to bed. You spent that night crying until you finally fell asleep.  

_______________________________________________

You woke up at 7 am, eyes still sore from all the crying you did. You felt so drained, but you had to get up and get ready for your classes. Getting up from the couch, you fold the blankets and place them neatly to the side. You open your suitcase and take out your clothes and some toiletries before heading off to the bathroom. 

You saw your reflection in the mirror and were startled at the image before you. Eyes all red and puffy and hair all tangled and sticking up. ‘Yikes,’ you thought. You quickly detangle your hair and wait for the shower to heat up. 

When you get out, you quickly dry yourself off and change into a fresh pair of clothes. After getting dressed and drying your hair, you met Abby at the kitchen for breakfast. 

“You gonna be okay going to school?” she questions while grabbing two plates, placing one in front of you. You take a seat at the counter and fix yourself some of the food she prepared. “I’m not gonna let this whole break up ruin my studies alright. I just have to hold myself together during the day and break down when I get home,” you say with a strained smile. She rolls her eyes at your remark and takes the seat next to you.

“I swear if I see him I’m gonna--” you interrupt, “You’re going to walk away and not cause any drama.” She looks at you with an unamused face. “I’m serious, I don’t want any drama. I said what I said and I have no reason to talk to him anymore.” She turns back to her food before responding. “Okay fine.” You shake your head as you see the look of disappointment on her face. “I’ll be fine, promise.” 

You two finished up your food and grabbed your things for school. Both of you rushed to the train station so you wouldn’t be late for class. You were still in anguish over the events that happened, but you were trying your hardest to ignore those feelings so you could focus on your studies. You were anxious about running into him because you felt like you would start crying again if you did. You didn’t want to have a whole breakdown in school. 

You pushed all those thoughts in the back of your head as you reached the front of the school. “I have my club meeting after school so you’re gonna be going home by yourself.” “That’s fine I have my part-time job today.” You bid your goodbyes as the both of you head to your respective classes. 

_______________________________________________

You head to the back of the classroom and take a seat. You didn’t feel like socializing with anyone at the moment. Mainly because you didn’t want anyone to notice how red your eyes were. You had tried to cover it up as best as you could but to no avail. You decided to look for more apartment listings as you wait for the professor to come to class. All the ones you found were either too expensive or looked like they would fall apart the second you walked in. Finally, the professor walks in and begins the class. 

You barely paid attention during the lecture. You were so tired from basically having zero hours of sleep and stressing out over how you were going to find a place to live. You weren’t that close with anyone in your class so you couldn’t even ask them for help. You had zoned out for the majority of the class.  The only thing that you obtained from the lecture was that you had a research paper due in the two weeks that was worth 25% of your grade. 

You feel a buzz from your phone and you look down to see what it was. 

*Message from Abby*

Abby: “Hey y/n, I just wanted to let you know my boyfriend is coming over later to hang, but don’t worry we won’t make you a third wheel :)”

Y/n: “If I walk in on both you being whores, I’ll kick you out of your apartment--”

Abby: “Whatever”

You turn your phone off and try to pay attention to the last ten minutes of the lecture. 

_______________________________________________

School was finally over and you quickly met with Abby to tell her that you might be coming home late because you had to cover for your coworker. “Okay, just remember to be safe, you never know what sketchy ass guy is gonna be around.” “Don’t worry I know how to take care of myself. I didn’t take those self-defense classes for no reason.”  She waves goodbye as she heads over to meet with her club. 

You walked over to the convenience store where you worked that was only a couple of blocks away from your school. You liked taking the night shifts because it was usually the least busy and it meant you could do some homework. That being said, you also had your fair share of creeps and drunks. You had bought pepper spray just in case anything happens. Though you hoped that you wouldn’t have to use it. 

When you arrived, the worker there got up to leave so you could take over. You didn’t have much to do. Your main tasks consisted of restocking shelves, mopping the floors, and managing the register. When it was just you in the store it kind of felt peaceful. Sometimes you’d just observe the people who walk by and other times you’d be lost in thought. However this time, you wanted to be away from your thoughts. You tried to put on some music to drown out your thoughts. For a while, it was working until you saw your ex walking hand in hand with the girl he cheated on you with. You were enraged at the sight. How could he move on so easily, while you were still stuck on it? Were you overreacting? Were you the only one who cared about the relationship? All these negative thoughts started to flood in. You were brought back to reality when you heard the bell from the door ring, signaling that a customer was there. You quickly brush off those thoughts and greet the customer. The last hour and a half went into cleaning the floors and doing a little bit of homework.  

By the time you finished your shift, the sun had completely disappeared. Although you were confident in your self-defense skills, you would still be nervous about walking home alone. You made sure that you had your pepper spray with you before locking up. You quickly shoot Abby a text saying that you were done with work and were on your way to the apartment. 

_______________________________________________

 Upon your arrival home, you were greeted by a very loud and energetic guy, who you assumed to be Abby’s boyfriend. You were caught off guard by his liveliness, especially since it was pretty late. “Y/n, this is Bokuto, my boyfriend.” “Bo, this my friend that I was talking to you about.” You exchanged hellos before you went to the bathroom to freshen up. 

“Y/n I just solved all your problems,” your best friend announces to you as you exit the bathroom. “Uh how exactly?” you question with one eyebrow raised. “Bo, tell her” she nudges her boyfriend. You sat down next to them on the couch waiting for his response. “So, Abby told me how you’re looking for a place and I happen to know someone who’s looking for a roommate to share the rent.” Your eyes lit up immediately. “Omg really?!” you ask in excitement. “Yup, I can--” you interrupt “I’ll take it.” Both of them were startled by your immediate acceptance. 

“Damn y/n, you hate me that much.” You roll your eyes at her remark. “You know that’s not the reason why I wanna leave.” You turn back to Bokuto to ask who this person is just to make sure it wasn’t some sketchy weirdo. “He’s a friend of mine from high school, he goes to the same college as us. He’s a marketing major.” “Okay, he seems fine.” “Yea, I’ll tell him that you’re interested, and I can set up a time for you guys to get acquainted.” You were kind of excited to meet your potential new roommate. You just hoped that he wasn’t going to be an asshole like your ex. “Thanks so much, Bokuto.” “No problem y/n” he flashes a friendly smile. 

After a few hours of hanging out with each other, Bokuto had to go. Before leaving he gave you the address of the apartment, Kuroo’s contact information, and his own. He said he would tell you when Kuroo would be able to meet with you. “Aren’t you glad to have such an amazing friend like me?” she asks smugly. “Uhh if I’m not mistaken it was Bokuto who knows Kuroo not you.” you tease. “Okay, but who was the one who introduced you to him? Me exactly.” The both of you started laughing. “Ok, but seriously thank you for doing this. I’ll treat you to ramen sometime.” “You better.” 

_______________________________________________

A week has passed since that day, and Bokuto finally texted you saying that Kuroo was able to meet. You were waiting in anticipation. You were hoping that he didn’t already find someone else during that week of waiting. A wave of relief washed over you when you received Bokuto’s message with the details for the meeting. “So when are you seeing him?” she asks from the kitchen. “Today at 4.” You had about an hour to get ready. “Are you nervous?” “Yes and no,” you respond. “I just hope he doesn’t reject me,” you say while trying to pick out an outfit. “Bo said that he’d be fine with anyone as long as they’re able to pay the other half.” “Do you know anything about him?” you inquire hoping to get a little more information before meeting him. “The only thing Bo has told me is that they’ve known each other since high school and were rival teams for volleyball. Other than that, I’m as clueless as you.” You give her a slight nod. 

You finally picked out your outfit and went to go change. “Does this look okay?” She turns around to see what you had on. “Yea you look great.” You go back into the bathroom to look at yourself in the mirror one more time. “ARE YOU SURE?” you yell. “YES STOP WORRYING, YOU LOOK FINE!” she yells back. You leave the bathroom to grab your bag and head to the cafe. “Wish me luck,” you sigh. “Relax, it’s not a life or death situation,” she jokes. You wave goodbye and head over to the cafe, hoping that you wouldn’t arrive late.

_______________________________________________

You walk into the cafe scanning the area to see if he was there. You didn’t even know what he looked like so there was no point in trying to look. You feel a buzz from your pocket. You take your phone out to see a message from Kuroo.

Kuroo Tetsurō: “By the window.”

You look up to see a guy with spiky hair sitting by the window looking at you. You could feel his gaze piercing through you. Your heart started to race. You walked over hoping he wouldn’t notice how nervous you were. “Hey gorgeous,” he says with a smirk. “What’s your name?” His forwardness caught you off guard. “Uh I’m y/n,” you say as you took the seat across from him. “Can I get you something to drink?” he asks. “A black coffee is fine.” He gets up to order the drinks. As he gets up, you catch yourself admiring his looks but you quickly brush it off, especially when he’s going to be your future roommate. Besides you just got out of a relationship. Just as you brushed it off, he comes back with the drinks. 

“So why do you wanna be my roommate?” he asks you and you reply with “I just really need a place to live right now, I promise I’ll be a good roommate, and make sure to give the payments on time.” “Whoa whoa whoa there, I just asked for a reason not a whole life story,” he says in a teasing manner. You sit there, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Sorry didn’t mean to embarrass you, sweetheart.” Little did he know that it made you feel even more flustered. “Uhmm it’s fine,” you reply. Trying to ease the conversation from what just happened, you say in a cocky manner, “So do you want me or not?” Causing a chuckle to escape his lips. 

“This is going to be interesting.”

[am-imagines]

I see you. - Alex Morgan Imagine.

Request: “ Can I request this: Alex and r are together and the team knows and then they come out to the public in some really cute or funny way and maybe you can also incorporate some supportive reactions from the team? ”

I hope I did it justice, guys. Thank you for the patience to those that are still around. I love y’all. <3

No Beta, so you know the drill here, but I tried my best.

Sharing a room with Alex during the World Cup was somewhat rough when you were barely able to look at her without blushing. You were crushing on her since the day you met, but it was never that bad until you were on the bed next to hers.

The awkwardness that overcame you around her was odd, considering you texted practically nonstop. You became good friends like that, and there was an ease on your conversations that you’d never experienced with anyone else.

You shared so many interests, even had a similar lookout in life. You aimed for the same goals and put in equal amounts of effort to achieve them.

None of that changed the fact that Alex was stupidly handsome. Her beauty smacked you on the face whenever you looked at her and that was your downfall. It didn’t matter what you did, your cheeks would end up flushed with color and you’d stammer total nonsense that would make her chuckle. Alex would inevitably get closer to make sure you were okay, and just like that you were a gay mess.

A thing you learned quickly about Alex is that she never quit.

When you were too nervous to talk, she filled in the silence with a funny story or a new song to listen together. Free nights became movie marathons or just quiet moments where you’d work the nerves away before a match.

Halfway through the World Cup it wasn’t a rare occurrence for you to fall asleep in her bed and wake up cuddled on her side come morning.

Pointing the exact moment when your relationship became more than a friendship was near impossible. It was slow, steady and swift. One day you looked at her and realized that she was more than your friend, and when you leaned down to kiss her, she met you halfway.

This was a new side of yourself and Alex; one that you wanted to enjoy without rush or pressure. No one really knew you were into girls to start with although your crush on her wasn’t exactly subtle. Then again, everyone had to be a little starstruck by Alex Morgan when they joined the USWNT.

Once you were World Champions, you had time to explore that relationship and everything it meant to you. It was both exhilarating and terrifying with all the media swarming you, and yet no one noticed the slight changes in your demeanor.

No one really asked, and you never told.

Perhaps you just weren’t ready to come out to the rest of the world. Maybe wrapping your head around some of the details was harder than you thought. After all, you were dating Alex Morgan, for fuck’s sake!

Maybe the longing looks, the lingering touches and the secretive smiles were a few clues for the team, but if they knew or suspected something, you couldn’t tell. They were a part of your family, and in the end, they wanted you to be happy above everything else.

They would wait for you to be ready, and once things went back to normal after the victory tour, you finally were.

“How are we doing this?” Alex asked as she played with your hair. “Livestream?”

You look up at her, your head resting on her lap as you scroll through social media wondering what the fuck you’re about to do. But a second later all your attention is on her, and you find yourself breathless once again.

She’s stunning in a million different ways but you preferred this one; soft and relaxed. That was one of the perks of enjoying a quiet weekend at her place in L.A. before you went back to your respective clubs.

It seems like the National team is fond of Live Streams but it isn't how you want to come out. First because you’d become a nerve mess before actually sharing the news, and second because it isn’t original at all.

If you are about to come out to the fans and sponsors out there, you want to do so in a way they’d remember.

“I don’t think I could do it even if I tried,” you finally say.

Then it dawns on you: humor is the way you handle most of the things that would make you uncomfortable otherwise. That’s not to say you want the world to believe your relationship with Alex is a joke, but there has to be a way to come out in a funny, quirky and clever way.

“We’ll see each other in a couple of weeks, right?” You ask trying to remember the exact date when your clubs will face each other.

“Yeah,” she pauses for a second and you look up at her curiously. “Speaking of, any chance I can steal you for a night while you’re in Orlando?”

“Well, Ms. Morgan, I’m pretty sure that can be arranged,” you tell her with a coy smile. “For now, there’s some online shopping to do.”

With a kiss on her cheek and all the hesitation on the world to leave her side, you finally go to the other side of the room to retrieve your laptop. After all, you’re in a very important mission. And NWSL is the kind of merchandise you’re looking for.

For some miracle of the Gods above, you find both your jerseys in stock available for shipping within 24 hours with an extra fee. You don’t mind paying a bit more to stay on schedule, and even when you technically still have time, you like to be prepared.

It’d be nice to get your items before you and Alex go your separate ways.

You’d be lying if you say having her autograph wouldn’t be nice too.

“What’s the big idea here?” Alex asks while you finalize the purchase.

Her arms found their place around your waist and she rests her chin on your shoulder so she can see what you’re doing. Your plan is still a secret, and you want to keep it like that for a little longer.

“You’re gonna have to wait and trust me for a while.”

The smirk never leaves your face even when you can feel her little pout. It doesn’t last long, the laptop is forgotten on the coffee table and you turn on her arms to face her. A moment later you’re straddling her lap, your fingers undoing her ponytail and combing her hair until she closes her eyes.

“For now, what do you say we stop worrying about the rest of the world?”

“What should we do then?” She asks, already leaning in for a kiss.

“I think you got the right idea.”

*****

“All set?”

You scan the place one last time to make sure nothing’s missing from your bag. Nothing important since Alex has already claimed half your clothes.

Cellphone and wallet already in your pocket, and keys right on your hand, everything seems to be where it should. The rest of your things are packed and ready to go for the last flight home.

The Victory Tour ended on a good note, so now all you have to do is say goodbye to Alex.

Sharing a room with her was hard at the beginning, and you never expected that not sharing it anymore would be exponentially harder.

“Yeah,” you finally answer after patting your pockets once again. “I think-, I think I’m ready.”

“Okay.”

But just like you, Alex doesn’t really move and when she does, it’s towards you.

You’ve never seen her move as fast as she does while crossing the distance between you. But you don’t comment on it, really can’t when her arms are around you in a second and her lips are on yours.

It’s soft and yet firm. The kind of kiss that makes you weak at the knees and all you can do is hold onto her shoulders. You move with her, allow her to take control of it all as you try to burn her into your memory.

You try to memorize the softness of her lips, the silkiness of her hair between your fingers and even that scent that is purely Alex. You try to take all of it in, but you only have a moment that is over far too soon.

Technology is your saving grace, and you’re not sure what you’d do otherwise. And yet there are things you can’t convey through the Internet.

“I should go,” you whisper against her lips.

“Yeah.”

It’s hard -almost impossible-, to resist Alex. So despite the pressing matter of time, you indulge in another kiss.

Just like last time, you melt into her embrace and you consider staying there forever. It’s almost as if time stopped around you. Almost. Your alarm goes off startling you out of the daze, and you can help the little jump that makes Alex chuckle.

A step back creates just enough distance to clear your mind, the action making Alex raise an eyebrow in amusement but it’s really not your fault. She has that effect on you, has been that way for a long time, and yet she still finds it amusing.

With a tap on the screen you take care of the alarm. And there you are, right where you were ten minutes ago.

Time to go.

“Right. So...here I go then.”

“And-,” Alex adds with an excited smile, “-we have a game plan for next week.”

“That we do.”

Next week you’re playing against different teams on different days which gives you the opportunity to watch each other’s match. It’s the first step on your plan. Coming out seems like a big deal, and bit by bit the pieces get in motion.

“No regrets, right?” You ask.

This is not just about you. As big as coming out can be, this is also the reveal of your relationship with the biggest face of the USWNT. Whatever backlash you can get from this, it’ll be worse for her due to her massive following.

So you have to ask her again if she’s sure about this, if she’s as ready as you are.

“Y/n,” she calls softly as she cups your face. “No regrets at all.”

“Good,” you said with a small voice, barely believing this. “That’s...that’s good.”

You’re on this together, and yet, it’s incredible.

*****

Her match is about to start when you pull out your phone to take a selfie.

The pride colors look kinda odd on you. Maybe it’s because you spent the last few months only wearing the National Team kit, or maybe it’s because you don’t wear purple that often. But well, you’re not requesting a team trade, and it was your idea, so you can’t complain.

One of your friends already helped you take one picture of the back where Alex’s name and number are perfectly visible.

You’re practically shaking, but manage to smile as you snap the picture.

It’s something simple, really. Something that shouldn’t mean too much and yet, it does.

Pulling up your social media, you add both pictures.

  |Cheering for the Pride today. #13 show me what you’ve got. ;)

The wink is cheeky; it’s a reason for people to read into it and wonder if there’s something else going on. Which is…well, totally the point.

It’s funny to see the diverse reactions to your post. Some are confused about what you mean, some jump to call a trade that simply won’t happen; at least not that you know. But the press, oh they are ready to call it a rivalry.

It doesn’t matter how many times you two were caught on camera during the world cup being friendly. It didn’t matter if you two worked like a well oiled machine on the field during every match; Victory Tour included. They wanted to push the rivalry angle; fueled by the lack of a rebuttal from either of you.

You can’t help but laugh later when you call Alex to congratulate her. She truly showed you what she got with a couple of goals and the victory for the Orlando Pride. Those have been rare for her team lately, although you can’t blame them with so many key players also going to the World Cup.

However, the rivalry angle is fun to play with and in the end it’s the one you decide to push a little more the next day when it’s you on the field while Alex watches.

You’re already done with warm-ups and head out to the locker room to change into the kit when you hear your phone pinging with a new post. As expected, you find Alex’s post already blowing up despite it has been up for a grand total of two minutes.

   |I already showed you what I’m capable of. Now it’s your turn, Y/n.

Attached it’s a picture of Alex wearing your club jersey and although the number isn’t really showing, it’s more than obvious she’s wearing yours.

A chuckle escapes your lips while you shake your head. A question running through your head as you prepare for the starting whistle.

What the fuck am I doing?

***

A week later the press is going wild with theories about you and Alex. They aren’t sure what to make of it, but everyone has been talking about it for days. The upcoming match up between your clubs has served to add fuel to the fire, but you ignore all the fuzz of it as you prepare.

Last week you obtained the victory with a last minute goal to earn the three points. And unable to resist temptation, you had to make another post about it.

   |I’d say I’m pretty good at delivering. What do you say, Morgan?

   |TBD. See you next week.

The last part was a clue that no one seemed to catch on considering you were staying at her place instead of sticking with your club in a hotel. Of course, you didn’t share that bit of information and instead let the tension grow outside of your happy bubble.

This match is the moment of culmination if everything goes the right way. But playing against Alex doesn’t mean you’re going easy on her. If anything, being on the same field always pushes you to play the best soccer and be the best player you can be out there. It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing the same colors or not.

Being lenient with her as a rival is the kind of mistake that could and would cost you a game. You just don’t underestimate Alex Morgan. And she better not do so to you or you’ll make her pay.

Adjusting the captain armband once more, you follow your team into the field and take your place just a few feet away from your girlfriend.

“Good luck, Morgan.”

“May the best team win.”

You play your hardest on that field; push to your limits and beyond, but in the end it’s a draw. Two a piece. Of course it had to be a draw. But you left everything there.

The game became physical and you tackled Alex as much as she tackled you in order to get back a lost ball. That’s part of your motto, not giving up even if it seems like a lost cause. And considering Alex decided to date you even when you couldn’t look at her four months ago, you’d say Alex doesn’t give up either.

Well that and the couple of new bruises you have after the match.

You’re a bit disappointed with the final score; you always want to win and carry that inertia into the next game. But it’s a fair result considering how close the game actually was. You two put on a show and the fans of both teams can see that.

“Y/n! Y/n! Can you give us one moment of your time?”

Looking at the person calling for you, you have to fight the smirk as you see it’s a reporter. It’s not hard to imagine they’ve been waiting for this moment since the first post you made a week ago.

“Sure.”

“What a great game you gave us today. Are you disappointed with the result?”

You can see this is not really what they want to ask, but you don’t mind playing along giving your commentary to this question and a couple of others.

“One last question, the fans and everyone really, are wondering about this new rivalry between you and Alex Morgan. What can you tell us about that?”

Bingo.

“Oh, there’s absolutely no-”

You could feel Alex lingering around, listening into this interview while being interviewed herself by another reporter for a quote after the game. But it’s only when you’re in the middle of your answer that she takes the few steps to wrap her arms around you from behind.

“We’re dating,” she announces proudly and straight to the point.

“-rivalry.” You finish your sentence before shaking your head. “Babe, I was going to say it!”

“What’s stopping you?” Alex challenges with that smirk you absolutely adore.

“You’re impossible.“

“Yeah, and…?”

“And Alex Morgan is my girlfriend,” you answer with just a little grumble as you look back at the camera. “But we’re definitely winning the next game.”

“Not on my watch,” she counters before turning your face towards her to kiss you softly.

Whatever argument you had is gone just like that. But it’s hard to keep track of your thoughts when she kisses you. Hell, it’s impossible to think straight when she’s too close to you. That’s why it took you so long to actually talk to her.

Your relationship is still so new, and yet you can’t help but feel like you’ve known her for decades. The connection between the two of you is meant to last, and you’ve never felt your heart skip a beat as it does when you look at her.

You’ve never felt your heart hammer against your chest so madly; and that’s something considering you played -and conquered-, a World Cup. You’ve never felt so in peace as you do when you look into her eyes. You’ve never felt so happy, or so whole, or so seen...or so you.

Alex has the ability to understand everything you say, but words aren’t needed for her to understand you. In a short amount of time, Alex knows you better than anyone else in the world, and as scary as that might seem, it’s also the best thing in the world.

“If you’ll excuse us now...”

Surely there are a thousand other questions the press wants to ask. However, you have no need to stay on the field as you guide Alex back to the tunnel. The fans will be all over that interview in no time, and it’s bound to appear in every social media and every news channel.

Even with the anxiety starting to creep in, the doubts nagging at the back of your mind, you don’t let go of her hand until you have to. After all, you belong to two different clubs. But your goodbye will be short lived as you’re going to her place for the night.

Still, the time apart is a bit scary when you’re about to face the backlash of many, and perhaps the support of most. After all, you’re not the first couple -or the only one-, in the USWNT, NWSL or even women’s soccer around the world.

After another gentle kiss, you part ways to reunite with your team.

You’re hesitant for a moment; taking a deep breath to steel yourself before facing them.

As soon as they see you, the room erupts in cheers and whistles of approval. Then again, your crush on Alex Morgan wasn’t exactly a secret. And after the World Cup, they could see something had changed within you.

Of all the people out there to get you, your club got your back. And after you get a chance to check your phone, you notice they ain’t the only ones.

   |Rivalry, that’s what they call it now, uh?

Megan’s post goes along with a picture of you smiling at Alex at the end of a World Cup match. It’s obvious you were smitten with each other back then, and nothing has really changed.

  |We all know how Rivalries work. One of them has to end on top. If you ask me, my money is on Y/n.

Your blush is impossible to hide when you read Ash’s words, and that’s something that you won’t ever reply to. There are things that you simply won’t share with the world.

  |Wait, hold on. Did you guys seriously not know?

Sonnett asks in her post with several pictures taken during camp. Some of them are during team bonding or well...movie nights. It wasn’t unusual for either of you to feel particularly tired and ended up falling asleep in the same bed.

But you’re surprised to see that you cuddled before you were together.

Then, there’s the evidence of you sitting next to each other whenever you could. During breakfast, on the bus, on the bench, on the plane. At some there was hand-holding added, and you wonder, truly wonder, how you called that subtle.

  |Hottest couple out there. Sorry, Krashlyn.

Bit by bit, every single player of the USWNT has shown their support, and it acts as a wave to generate more support from the fans, and it’s so overwhelming that the few people brave enough to try and drag your name on the mud are immediately silenced.

The world is still far away from being perfect, but your friends, your teammates, your family, they sure make it better.

“Ready to go?” Alex asks when you meet her outside.

“Sure, as long as I end on top tonight,” you say with a playful wink that earns you an eye roll.

“You wish.”

[sometimesiwrite]

Just a Scratch

B I N G O ! 

Prompt: It’s Just a Scratch

Pairing: Lambert/Aiden; Eskel & Lambden; Implied Geralt/Eskel 

Rating: Teen 

Summary: Lambert and Aiden are moving to start the next leg of their adventure together. Eskel sees them off.

Warnings: Modern AU; bittersweet; friends leaving; implied COVID distancing A/N: For Ben & Jemma

@witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo @continentcakeshop @morethangeraskier​

Read it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33145900

“All set?” Eskel asked, squishing in one final duffel bag into the footwell and backing himself out of the rear door of Aiden’s VW Golf. Anya, Lambert and Aiden's husky mix, dozed sleepily in the back seat despite the excitement, having been rudely awoken at 6:30am to confusedly do her business.

“That’s it,” Aiden shrugged, letting the trunk close with a dull, satisfying thud. He opened his arms questioningly, and Eskel wasted no time pulling him into an affectionate squeeze, touching his hand to the back of Aiden’s head before pulling away. 

“You take care of yourself. Let me know when you make your first stop, alright? Anything goes wrong, just let me know.” 

“We’ll call you from the hotel,” Aiden reassured as he flipped the car keys over his finger.

“I still say we can make it to Port Hope by the end of the day if we push it.” Lambert was tucked under the hood, giving the car one final check for fluid levels (tyre pressure had already been meticulously checked earlier that morning).

Aiden tilted his head, “That’s if you drive and unfortunately the highway patrol doesn’t care about fuel efficiency if you’re going ten over the speed limit.” He ambled his way over behind Lambert to get a cheeky eye-full of his favourite view, “Besides, I need you to put that sexy brain of yours to work for navigation.”

“Oi! Gerroff!” Lambert protested and Aiden backed away, but not before getting in a perfectly resonant smack. “If you had it your way, you horny old bastard, we’d be stopping every two hours to—”

 Eskel pointedly cleared his throat, scratching his head as he met Aiden’s eyes with a mixture of amused pride and endearing awkwardness that Aiden had so quickly grown to love. He would miss Eskel. They'd gotten close over the last five years, close enough that they had become friends of their own—each keeping the other company when Lambert or Geralt was out of town, planning surprises... 

Aiden's proposal had gone perfectly, their crowning achievement of mutual scheming. Lambert didn't even try to deny the fact that he'd cried like a baby—candles, dusk, his favourite hiking trail, champaign. Even Anya had behaved herself. That is, until she decided her owners had been embracing for too long and not paying nearly enough attention to her. Eskel had offered to edit that part out of the video, but Lambert insisted on keeping it in—"What's a special moment without our favourite dingus. Isn't that right, Anya? Are you a dingus? Yes! Yes you are!" 

“Not gonna miss us at all, are ya, big guy?” The hood latched heavily as Lambert wiped his hands and stowed the oil rag in the passenger's side door next to the Stanadyne.

"You kiddin'? I'm gonna miss you like hell. C'mere." Eskel wrapped Lambert in a bear bug that nearly crushed his goddamn ribs. 

"Easy, Eskel, Jesus I gotta breathe!" 

"Sorry," Eskel eased off, but he didn't let go. There hadn't been enough hugs in the last year. The last few months had barely made up for it, and now there would be far fewer. More dinners over Skype, more sporadic phone calls, occasional texts... watching his and Aiden's life unfold over Instagram and Facebook. But at least they would be happy, Eskel told himself. At least they were starting the next stage of their lives together with an adventure they'd remember forever. This was important for them. And yet the chill, damp fog of isolation was already creeping in around Eskel. Even as he held Lambert close to him and swallowed tears he'd save for later. 

One final squeeze and a pat on the back, and Lambert turned to get in the car, tossing a treat to Anya as he settled in. Aiden gave Eskel a final peck on the cheek, "Take care of yourself, alright? Don't be a stranger. Call, text, whatever. We're always happy to hear from you. Promise?"

Eskel nodded soberly, "I will. Thanks, Aiden." 

"We'll skype when we get to the new place. I want you to see it before it gets cluttered with boxes. We could even do dinner or—"

Eskel waved a hand, "We'll figure something out. Just get there in one piece, and send pictures. I'm not worried." 

Aiden smiled warmly, "Good. Good." A heavy exhale, "Alright, well..." 

"I hate to interrupt the bleeding hearts moment, but we've got commuter traffic piling up on the 606 as we speak! Get your gorgeous butt in the car, we gotta move!"

Aiden took a beat, "Yes dear!" 

"Okay, Anya! You be good!" Eskel gave the chocolate-and-caramel pup one last scritch behind the ears and closed the rear door just in time for the stereo to start playing Journey.

The car rolled down the driveway and Eskel watched until it disappeared over the hill past the stop sign. When the gravelly diesel purr was finally drowned out by late summer cicadas, Eskel sat heavily on the front steps with his coffee. He couldn't bring himself to open the door and go back inside. Something about the stark emptiness of a home previously occupied with guests made the aimless silence too loud. Besides, robins and cardinals were better than daytime tv for company. Finally, Eskel rested his forehead against his thumbs and let the wave of emotion breach the dam.

Shedding tears was something Eskel usually associated with significant pain—rage, grief, remorse, indignation—an open wound that took time and tending to heal. This wasn't like that, though. This was a scratch. Simple, uncomplicated pain: he was sad. Eskel couldn't remember the last time he'd cried because he was just... sad. Decades ago, he imagined, though he couldn't pinpoint a specific moment. It was something children did before emotions became more complicated. But here he was, sitting on his front steps, crying because he was sad. Eyes streaming, hot and wet down his cheeks because his friends were leaving. Just a scratch.

He felt silly, crying over something so inconsequential— and a man as touch-needy as Eskel, bearlike as he was, was left with the sinking feeling that, aside from Geralt, he might not touch another person for a rather long time.

It's not that they didn't have friends, of course, and he would talk to them later that night. He was helping to plan their wedding for chrissake, it's not like they would never speak again. But proximity to other people was something that had grown increasingly scarce, and Eskel—bearlike as he was—had the sinking feeling that, aside from Geralt, he might not touch another person for a while. 

Lambert and Aiden had an uncomplicated relationship with affection that always freed Eskel from the burden of second-guessing the odd touch to a shoulder or elbow. So many others had different personal spaces, many of which had expanded recently. Eskel was happy to respect, and accommodate, but Eskel always felt most himself when he could be affectionate with the people he cared about, and with those two gone, it suddenly felt as though a part of his identity was being forced back into shadow and shyness.

Eskel felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he sniffed loudly before answering. "Yup? Geralt, hi. Yeah, they just-just left. I'm ok-I'm okay. You know. Goodbyes are never easy. How's the conference? Heh. Good, good. Tell him I send my regards... Listen, I should get to work. No, I’m okay, I'll call you later... Will do. I l— I love you, too, hon. Buh-bye.” 

Eskel hung up the phone and stared quietly at the bird feeder for a few more minutes before going back inside, feeling as though something in the cosmos had shifted. 

[kaimelia]

Here Alone

a/n: hi! this is awfully sad and for that, I apologize...but I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you like reading it!

-----------------

Amelia woke up with a feeling. Some sort of pit in her stomach, a feeling that she didn't want to get out of bed so she could avoid something.

She rolled over and pulled the comforter over her head, groaning loudly when her husband pushed open the door with a mug of her favorite tea in hand. Link had smiled and chuckled at her when she told him and grabbed her hand, pulling her into a sitting position and kissing her lips. He persuaded her to leave the bed and led her into the kitchen, where Scout was happily eating blueberry pancakes and their daughter twirling around in her favorite purple sundress. Amelia left in a hurry with Charlotte in her arms, quickly kissing her husband goodbye. She changed into scrubs to find a note from Link in her locker, "You're amazing. You're going to rock this surgery. I love you," he had written, a messy scrawl on one of the note papers they'd stick in Scout's lunch box. She grinned and placed it in her purse, locking it away in her cubby.

-----------------

Surgery was going well until the nurses started to whisper among themselves. The pit in Amelia's stomach from the morning returned, and she asked if they had anything to share. Silence filled the O.R., and Amelia shook her head, attempting to ignore it. She sighed audibly after finishing the ten-hour surgery, grateful her patient had made it through without any real complications, ready to find her husband and convince him into giving her a foot massage and to order takeout for dinner. The grin on her face fell once she walked into the scrub room to see Jo nervously wringing her fingers. "What happened?" Amelia asked, hiding her shaking hands under the stream of water in the sink.

"It's Link."

-----------------

She felt like she was moving in slow motion. People walked in and out of the attendings' lounge, some acknowledging her and others not. Meredith walked in and wrapped her arm around Amelia. "He'll be okay," she whispered, hugging her sister tightly.

"I had a feeling when I woke up. That something bad would happen today, but Link told me everything would be fine," the neurosurgeon laughed out, tears welling in her eyes the more she spoke. "Everything's not fine."

-----------------

She knew it before anyone said it. Owen walked into the lounge; his hands clasped together politely. "We did everything we could," he began but stopped as soon as Amelia let out a loud sob. Her hand moved to cover her open mouth, her chin quivering and her body falling forward before Meredith reached an arm under her and pulled her up. She had no idea how much time passed until the other surgeons left in a blur of colors and absurdly loud noise and until Maggie ran into the lounge, joining her sisters in a hug.

"Amelia, you should go say goodbye," Maggie whispered, brushing her sister's hair down in delicate patterns with her hand. "You can go see him."

"I don't think I can," she cried, standing up suddenly to run to the toilet. The sounds of heaving filled the small bathroom, and Meredith cringed, grabbing Amelia's hair back.

"We'll come with you. You'll regret it if you don't go to see him," Meredith helped her to stand, steadying her with a strong arm around her waist. They slowly trudged through the hospital's hallways and past the O.R. board, causing Amelia to let out another sob as she recognized the place they met.

Her feet stopped in the scrub room as she glanced through the glass pane, seeing the sheet covering the figure of the man she loved. Her hand reached for the chain around her neck, pulling her wedding band out and fiddling with it. Maggie placed a hand on her back, helping to push her towards the bed. "We'll be right here, Amelia," she comforted, watching as Amelia walked into the room.

The neurosurgeon sat down, pulling a stool over to the side of the bed. She grasped the edge of the sheet covering the body and slowly lifted it to reveal a familiar face missing the childish grin she'd loved for so long. A sob choked in her throat, and she gasped loudly, covering her heart with her hand as the other brushed through his long blonde hair he'd meant to get cut. "Link," she whispered, tracing her fingers down the side of his face, under his jawline, and back up to his eyelids. She yearned to see his blue eyes and the life they always held; the joy, calm, and the future she'd always looked into. "Oh my god," she wailed, a tear dripping onto the sheet covering his chest. Amelia laid her head down gently, sobbing as her ears searched for the beating of his heart fell asleep to each night, only to hear nothing, now.

-----------------

She woke up in a hospital room, cringing at the loud beeping of a heart monitor beside her. Her eyes fell to the weight against her arm, seeing her daughter curled into her body, contently making the soft snores she always did. "Hey," Meredith whispered, standing up from the couch in the dark room. "You passed out. Fell to the ground, and Maggie and I had to bring you here." She reached out for Amelia's hand and held it. "Koracick is gonna come by and give you a neuro check; you hit your head when you fell."

"Is it real?" Meredith raised her eyebrows in question. "Is he really gone?" She nodded, holding her sister's hand tighter as she cried.

"I'm so sorry, Amelia." The little girl's head lifted up at the sound of her mother's sobs, and Amelia looked to Meredith as if to ask if Charlotte knew. Meredith shook her head.

"Mommy?" Charlotte asked. "Why are you crying?" Amelia reached out to brush a stray piece of her daughter's blonde hair back, running her hand down the french braid Link had made for her this morning. She bit her lip as her fingers touched the pink rubber band holding the braid together, knowing that Link's hands had touched the same band just hours earlier.

He'd learned to braid as soon as they found out they were having a baby girl, practicing on almost any woman who would let him touch her hair. Soon, everyone in their family circle was wearing braids and paging Link whenever they wanted their hair braided to fit under a scrub cap.

"Mommy's just not feeling very well right now, Char," Meredith interrupted, dropping Amelia's hand and pulling her from her thoughts. "Let's get you back to daycare, okay?" The mother watched as her daughter waved goodbye, whispering a soft "Bye, mommy," before she was carried out of the room. Her gaze drifted to her hand, which had subconsciously grabbed her necklace and had been toying with her ring for some time, something she often did when she felt anxious. She unclipped the chain, holding it out in front of her eyes. Her eyes traced the engraved letters on the inside of the band, reading, "Till death do us part," a line they had chosen almost jokingly when picking out rings. She had made a sarcastic comment about how he likely wouldn't have to put up with her forever, as everyone around her died. Link had grinned and embraced her, whispering into her ear, "Till death do us part." Now, the line and memory felt like some twisted irony.

Amelia dropped the chain onto the table beside her and turned over, her body leaning backward as if she was expecting Link's firm chest to be behind her to lay against. She let out a shaky breath, adjusting the pillow under her head and closing her eyes tightly. "This is just a nightmare," she whispered. "Just a nightmare."

-----------------

People passed in and out of the hospital room, yet Amelia just stared blankly at the hospital wall. Teddy had visited and told her something about her own husband, who died under similar circumstances. Tom had stopped in to examine her, and she silently complied, not even hearing what he said after. Jo came in and sobbed out some story about when Link was planning to propose, which Amelia assumed was meant to comfort her, but she couldn't process what Jo was saying. Even Nico came by and dropped Link's wedding band on the table next to Amelia's necklace, letting her know that he had retrieved it for her before they took his body away. She appreciated it; he didn't try to tell her everything would be okay, give her some bittersweet story about Link, or mutter that he was sorry for her loss. "Can you stay?" She asked Nico as he moved to leave. "Just sit in here with me for a bit," her chin quivered, and Nico proceeded to sit on the couch. "How long has it been?"

"Seven hours and thirty-four minutes," he responded, the number coming out immediately. "I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm sleepwalking." Amelia nodded her head in agreement, the tiniest smile creeping onto her lips.

"How long do you think I'm allowed to stay in this room and hide from everything?" Nico leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs. "I'm just hoping that Meredith and Maggie are handling the kids. Not really being a good mother right now," she confessed, wiping her watery eyes.

"You get as long as you need. I'm sure they've got it figured out."

"I'm dreading seeing them. As terrible as that sounds," she shook her head. "Scout looks just like him. I already sobbed when I saw Charlotte's hair because he braided it this morning."

"Do they know yet?"

"No, I think Meredith is waiting for me to tell them." Amelia took a shaky breath. "I don't think I can do it. Raise them alone."

"You're not alone, Amelia." Her name sounded odd coming from his mouth; he'd almost exclusively referred to her as 'Shepherd' prior to this moment. She almost laughed at the sound of it. "I know we haven't ever been close or anything, but whatever I can do," he whispered.

"Thank you." She held her hand out, and Nico took it, letting his tears fall after she squeezed his hand lightly. "Thank you," she sniffled, beginning to cry again.

-----------------

Meredith pushed open the door and pulled the key out, holding it open for Amelia. The brunette gasped at the sight of their home, a nearly spotless house that definitely didn't look like that the day before. She assumed someone had stopped by and picked up as a courtesy, leaving a pile of his belongings on the table in the dining room. She walked towards the table and picked up his I.D. badge, staring at the photo from the past year.

Bailey had insisted on new badge photos for everyone after seeing quite a few images that no longer resembled the badge's owner, complaining about how nothing ever ran smoothly in the hospital. The day of the pictures was on Charlotte's third birthday, the same time that she had a stomach bug. They'd almost missed the takes and didn't have time to change out of their clothes. Amelia knew that right out of the view of the camera was a trace of vomit that had left everyone cringing. She smiled and set it down, her fingers trailing over the stitching of the bag she'd teased him for, calling it his man-purse. Her hands trembled as she lifted up one of his scrub caps, bringing it to her chest and exhaling out a sob.

"I can take care of all of this," Meredith whispered, placing a hand on Amelia's shoulder. "You should go talk to the kids." Amelia shook her head quickly.

"I can't do it, Mer."

"They need to hear it from you." She embraced Amelia before pointing towards the staircase that led to the children's rooms. The mother bit her lip and reached out for the railing, steadying herself on it. She saw them both sitting on Scout's bed, Charlotte holding her stuffed cat as Scout read her a chapter of one of his favorite books. Amelia paused in the doorway and simply observed them for a moment, not wanting to disrupt the peace she witnessed while simultaneously staring at her son's face, admiring his father's resemblance among his features. But she knew she had to tell them.

"Hey, guys," she greeted, walking into the room. Both of the children's faces lit up at the sight of their mother, and they jumped forward into her arms, relaying how much they had missed her. She felt a pang of guilt even though she had only stayed overnight at the hospital. "There's something I need to tell you guys," her voice sank, holding their hands. "Yesterday, after Daddy dropped you off at school," she looked at Scout, "there was a really bad accident. A car hit him, and Daddy got hurt."

"Can we bring him donuts?" Scout asked hopefully, knowing that was the family's go-to solution for any problem that occurred. Amelia bit her lips and shook her head as tears fell from her eyes.

"No, because Daddy got hurt really bad. And the doctors tried to make him better, but they couldn't save him." Scout and Charlotte were both silent as their mother burst into sobs. "But even if he's not here, I know that Daddy is watching over us and making sure that we're okay right now," she whispered, gripping their tiny hands tighter.

"Daddy died?" Scout asked, his voice shaking. Amelia moved her hand to cup his cheek and nodded sadly, brushing away a tear with her thumb.

"Yes, Daddy died yesterday." She pulled them both into a tight hug, the sounds of crying filling the room. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

-----------------

Amelia stared blankly at the ceiling above her. The funeral was nice enough; everyone gave their condolences and apologized as if they could have done anything to prevent it. She'd barely retained anything that was said. The image of his body in the casket kept replaying in her mind, her daughter's cries sounding over and over again, and Scout's soft whisper to his father, asking him to come back home, all breaking her heart into tiny pieces. She turned her head to the empty space next to her, the indent of his head on the pillow he'd kept for far too long still visibly present. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to imagine him next to her, his bright smile and joyful eyes greeting her when she woke up, their kids joining them for morning cuddles before Link finally convinced everyone it was time to get ready.

She grasped at the chain around her neck, to which she had added Link's ring. It'd taken awfully long for some of their friends and family to leave after the service, but Meredith had been kind enough to usher everyone out once a few hours had passed. Amelia made a mental note to thank Meredith as soon as she could think straight.

Eventually, Amelia gathered the energy to get out of bed. She unzipped the back of her black dress, taking it off and throwing it on the floor in a moment of anger. It was one she had purchased years ago and never intended to use as a funeral dress. It came with a blue cardigan that had perfectly matched the blue tie Link wore to their coworker's wedding, and she didn't even end up wearing the actual dress to the wedding. She'd shoved the dress into a box in her closet, and she guessed that Meredith had dug it out sometime over the past few days. Her hands pulled Link's pajama drawer open, lifting up a pair of his flannel pajama pants and holding them up to her nose, and taking a deep breath. They smelled like him. The fabric was damp a moment later, and she realized she had been crying.

Maggie and Winston were in the kitchen, and Amelia could smell something sweet as she walked out, careful not to trip over the long pant legs of Link's clothes. Maggie looked surprised to see her sister come out of the bedroom and greeted her softly. "Hey," she whispered, pulling Amelia into a hug. "We're making cupcakes for the kids." Maggie glanced up and down, noting Amelia's attire. She smiled sympathetically.

"Where did Mer go?"

"She and Zola went to pick something up. They'll be back soon," Winston spoke, pouring batter into a pan. "Can I ask how you're feeling?" Amelia shrugged.

"Best I can be feeling right now." She sat down at the island, resting her head on her hands. "I don't know what to do, now." Maggie occupied the seat next to her.

"We're taking it one step at a time."

-----------------

They were never the people to purchase extravagant bouquets of flowers. So, she didn't feel like it was right to bring flowers to his grave and instead settled on the grass with a plastic container holding a donut. She figured if he was somehow watching or haunting her, he'd appreciate seeing her continue something that had become a tradition for them. "Hey," she tried, her voice wavering. Amelia felt uncomfortable as she spoke into the air, suddenly paranoid that someone was listening and judging her. She let out a breath. "I brought a donut. At first, I thought I'd get one for you and put it down, but then that just seemed like a bad idea and would probably attract some wild animals," she laughed, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"I miss you. And I know that's incredibly generic and probably meaningless, but I miss you. The longer it is, the more I remember little things that make me miss you and places in my life where there's now a hole." Her fingers drummed against the lid of the plastic box. "It's been a week. Which isn't really a long period of time when you put it in perspective, but this has probably been the longest week of my life," she confessed, glancing at the headstone. It was simple and awfully plain, but Amelia had a particular sort of admiration for it. The words, 'Husband, Father, Son,' were etched into the stone; the three words she knew had all been sources of pride for Link.

"I can't stay for too long. Partly because I'll end up sobbing if I do," she laughed, "but we also told Scout we'd get him ice cream. Maggie took him and Char to the playground nearby." Amelia had laughed when she first heard about the playground a block away from the cemetery, but now she understood the purpose of it. "Maggie and Winston keep looking at me like I'm going to fall apart. Which probably isn't too far off, but it makes me feel like a deer in headlights." She pulled the necklace out from under her shirt. "Meredith understands. She knows when to give me space and when I need a hug. I just wish you were here. It sounds ridiculous, but grieving your death would be so much easier with you by my side." She laughed at what she said a second later, shaking her head. "I mean like, you always know how to comfort me. Or, you always knew," she corrected. Amelia opened the container holding the glazed donut she'd purchased and lifted it to her mouth.

"I honestly haven't had much of an appetite. The one thing I've been wanting more than anything is to drink. But, I won't. I made Mer take all of the alcohol out of the house just to be safe," she brushed a piece of hair back and paused before continuing. "We had cupcakes yesterday, but then I remembered that you were buried in the ground a few hours later, and I ended up puking everywhere." She turned the donut in her hand. "Don't worry, Meredith made me take a pregnancy test. It was kind of funny, actually. She held back my hair while I was puking and then told me how she blamed her nausea on her grief when she was pregnant with Ellis. I made her go out and buy a bunch of tests, even those ones that can tell like a few days after conception—all negative. I'll probably take a few more in a week because now I'm super paranoid. I don't think I could go through a pregnancy without you here," she whispered, looking at the shine of the glaze on the donut.

"I'm gonna eat it, now. And you don't get to judge me," she spoke before shoving the whole donut in her mouth, quickly wiping away a bit of glaze left around her mouth. She giggled as she chewed, soon unable to discern if the sounds she was making were laughs or cries.

"I'm mad at you for dying. I'm really pissed off," she whimpered out, now realizing that she was crying. "But I'm glad I got to love you. And, I'm going to keep loving you, so if you're out there, you have to make sure to stay by me." Her phone buzzed beside her with a text from Maggie informing her that they were walking back. Amelia sighed. "Remember after Meredith woke up from COVID forever ago, and she told us all about the dead people she saw and how they were watching over her and could kind of push her to do something?" She paused as if waiting for a nod or hum from him. "You should figure out how to do that, or whatever. And maybe I'll know."

-----------------

Scout's birthday came sooner than Amelia could process. Thankfully, Meredith had reminded her and taken her to the mall to get presents a few days before. "Link wanted to get him a guitar for his birthday," she'd whispered as they walked past a music store. "I don't know anything about guitars." Meredith took her hand as tears fell down her sister's face and smiled at her.

"We'll go ask someone. I'm pretty sure he'll need a little guitar. That's a thing, right?" The worker directed them towards a wall of guitars, and Amelia was immediately overwhelmed. There were so many different choices, and she had no idea what she was looking for. Her eyes fell on a light brown guitar. There was nothing extraordinary about it, but it was like a magnet, and before she knew it, she was walking over to the guitar. She pulled it off the wall and smiled as if the feeling of it was right.

"This one," she murmured, bringing it over to the counter.

"Why?"

"Link told me to get this one. He did the dead person shove type of thing," she grinned confidently, forgetting the wave of grief she felt earlier.

-----------------

It just so happened that Scout's birthday fell on the one-month anniversary of Link's death. Amelia mused about how it was a good distraction, but it seemed to bite her in the ass that same night. Scout had a party with his friends, and the house was filled with happy children, occupying Amelia for a few hours. They'd made a tradition of having a smaller event after whatever birthday party was happening, just their family in Seattle.

"Okay, this one is from Auntie Mer," Amelia handed him a box, reaching over the mountain of torn wrapping paper in the living room. He opened it to pull out a stuffed bear, and Amelia's heart fell.

"It's a Daddy bear!" Scout shouted, holding it up in the air. The bear was wearing a bear-sized Mariners t-shirt and had one of Link's scrub caps tied tightly around its' soft head. Amelia choked out a sob at the sight, and Meredith wrapped her arms around Amelia from behind.

"I hope it's okay that I took one of the scrub caps; I just wanted Scout to have something," Meredith whispered over the sound of their family laughing, holding onto her sister tightly as she cried. Scout looked over at them, and concern flooded his features once he noticed his mother's upset.

"Momma," he spoke, walking over to her. "You can hold Daddy bear." Amelia pulled her son into her arms tightly.

"We made one for your Mommy too," Meredith added, pulling out another box. "It doesn't have a scrub cap, but I know you have a few." She opened the box and held out an identical bear. "And one for Charlotte. Everyone gets a Daddy bear." Amelia took the bear and brought it into her hug with Scout, holding her arm out for Charlotte to join. It soon turned into a family hug, with everyone in the room piling together and the neurosurgeon's sobs soon turning into laughs. After the moment passed, everyone pulled away, and Amelia was left to hug her bear.

"I have a bottle of his cologne in the room; we can make them smell like him," Amelia suggested while holding the stuffed animal close to her chest. She felt a gust of air brush up her arm in the way Link would comfort her so often, rubbing his fingers lightly up and down her skin to ground her. "You're gonna make me go insane imagining things," she whispered into the bear's head, still gripping it closely. "I love you."

-----------------

She sipped her mug of tea, pulling a blanket over her lap as a breeze hit. Charlotte was lying against her chest, her blonde hair flying in front of her face with her arms attempting to swat it away. "Here," Amelia spoke, placing her mug down. "I'll put it up."

"Braids!" Amelia grinned at her daughter's request, beginning to gather the mess of hair on the girl's head. Scout was sitting on the porch floorboards, strumming some non-sensical tune on his guitar with a binder of music in front of him.

8 months after her husband's death, and Amelia still wouldn't say that she was okay. And, she was beginning to learn that it's okay to not be okay. It was moments like this where part of her just wanted to cry at the thought of him missing them, seeing their son learn to play the guitar as their daughter begged for the braids he always put in her hair. Each holiday, birthday, anniversary, and memorable moment caused floods of grief to pass over the mother.

She finished braiding and tied a yellow rubber band around the girl's hair, pulling Charlotte into a tight hug and ignoring the blur of her vision as tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. Link had always told her how their daughter was exactly like her, but over the past few months, Amelia had noticed how much she resembled her father. Sure, Charlotte definitely looked the same as Amelia did when she was young, but she had her father's dirty blonde hair and his endlessly caring personality.

Charlotte laid her head back against her mother's body. "I miss Daddy," she whispered, her tiny blue eyes watching Scout adjust his fingers in concentration. Amelia kissed her daughter's head.

"I miss Daddy, too, Char."

-----------------

One year. One year ago, Amelia woke up with a feeling. Something that told her not to get out of bed or go to work, a sense that she ignored. She often wondered what would've happened had she stayed at home that day, convinced Link to join her in bed and call their son out sick from school to spend the day as a family. She learned not to let that guilt overcome her. Amelia flipped over in bed to the space her husband once slept in, the indent of his head on the pillow no longer visible. Over time, she'd felt herself losing small pieces of him, something she knew was inevitable but knowing that didn't make it sting any less.

"Momma," the door pushed open, and Charlotte walked through, her teddy bear under her arm. "Cuddles?" Amelia grinned widely and held the blanket open for the girl to join her. Another part of Link she saw in their daughter, her ability to tell when her mother needed her.

The door opened again shortly after, and Scout walked through. He eagerly jumped up onto the bed and rolled onto the other side of his mother, settling under her arm. "Do I have to go to school today?"

"Nope. I already called them and told them you would both be out today," she responded, placing a kiss on the top of her son's head. "I thought that we could spend the day cuddling together and watching movies." Scout sat up quickly.

"We're gonna watch Cars!" The mother watched as her son scrambled out of bed and ran into the hallway quickly. She turned her gaze to her daughter.

"Let's go cuddle on the couch and watch Netflix. I'll tell Scout to let you pick the next movie," Amelia grinned, scooping the girl up into her arms.

"My Daddy bear!" Charlotte pointed down and the bear on the bed. The mother tilted her downwards so she could reach it. "Daddy bear has to come with."

"Of course," Amelia smiled, carrying her daughter into the living room and tossing her on the couch. The three of them settled under a pile of blankets, their eyes all gravitating to the screen in front of them, but Amelia wasn't sure if any of them were truly paying attention. She glanced down at her daughter, who was holding her bear tightly against her chest. Her eyes drifted to the mantle below the T.V., scanning the rows of mismatched frames and photos of their family over the past years.

"Are you thinking about Daddy?" Scout asked, following his mother's gaze. She looked down and him and smiled sadly, nodding her head.

"Of course. It's hard not to think about him today," she kissed the boy's head and pulled him closer.

"I think that Daddy is taking care of us. Like how Auntie Mer said that Uncle Derek would watch us," Scout whispered, fiddling with a loose strand on the blanket.

"I think so too, Scout." The boy sighed and snuggled down further into the couch.

-----------------

Hours passed, and the kids were sprawled across the couch, sleeping contently as Scout mumbled quietly in his sleep. Amelia carefully removed herself to not disturb them, taking her empty mug to the sink and rinsing it out. Her fingers drummed against the edge of the sink, and she looked out of the small window above the counters. The sun was unusually bright for a day in March, causing the silver jewelry on her neck to reflect the light onto the wall. She smiled and reached down, pulling the chain out.

She imagined him standing behind her, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist and his head resting on her shoulder. He'd brush back the strand of hair framing her face and whisper into her ear how he loved her.

Amelia opened the window and smiled at the gust of wind that came through, sending goosebumps up her arms. "I miss you," she whispered, tracing her fingers up her arm to her shoulder.

Another gust of wind brushed up her arm, and she grinned to herself. "You're gonna make me go insane," a laugh fell from her mouth.

"Mommy?" She turned to see Scout rubbing his eyes tiredly and kneeled to his level. "I need a hug," Scout confessed, walking into his mother's arms.

"What's wrong?"

"I miss Daddy." She embraced him tighter and sighed.

"Daddy's here with us. Always."

[simplee-dreaming]

The Ratings

A/N: This was a Six Idiots fic requested by @lokihasadaughter. Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 1323

Summary: The reader rates Ben and Simon's Ghosts characters poorly, so they seek revenge.

--------------------------------------

“Hello hello! How is everyone?” You said to your phone. “I got bored so I thought I’d go live.”

You were alone in your home. Today was your day off from filming the next series of Ghosts, but you were so bored you just had to talk to someone. And what better way to do that than a live stream?

Whilst you waited for more people to join the stream, you decided to make a cup of tea.

“How am I? I’m okay, thank you! Haven’t done much today except binge TV and sleep,” you joked as you read out a comment.

The kettle finally boiled and you watched the comments roll through as you let your tea brew.

“When’s the next series of Ghosts out? Well, we’re currently filming it so we don’t have a release date yet but I’m sure that will be announced in the next few months or so,” you took the teabag out of the mug and gave it a stir before taking it, and your phone, back into the living room.

“What’s it like working with the Horrible Histories cast? Um, awful. They’re all mean people,” you laughed. “Nah, I joke. They’re all lovely people and I’m so thrilled to be working with my childhood heroes.”

You took a sip of tea and watched as more questions came flooding in.

“No, Ben isn’t gay...at least not as far as I know,”

“Yes they used a real pigeon during the first series,”

“Which actor is most like their character? Hm, that’s an interesting question. I’m gonna have to say Robin because Larry likes to think he’s wise but just ends up talking a load of gibberish,” you were met with a load of laughing emojis as you chuckled into your drink.

“Can you rate each ghost out of 10? Ooh, now this sounds fun. Okay um…I’d give Fanny a 6 out of 10, because she is funny but boy she would get on my nerves; Thomas would be a 7 out of 10, he’s such a romantic but can be a bit stalkerish; Kitty is a solid 9 out of 10, who doesn’t think she’s adorable?; Mary is an 8 out of 10, she’s just brilliant and I feel sorry for her; I’ll give Robin a 9 out of 10 because he genuinely is quite wise and you can tell he cares; Humphrey is a 7 out of 10, I would give him higher if he was in it more but he seems a decent bloke; of course Pat has to be a 10 out of 10, he’s always there for everyone and I just want to give him a hug; umm Julian I’ll rate a 2 out of 10, such an awful MP; and Cap I’ll rate a 3 out of 10, far too naggy...and that’s not only on screen,” you winked at the camera.

You answered a few more questions before you realised you had been live for well over an hour. So you decided to call it quits and say goodbye. Thanking everyone for joining, you stopped the live stream and decided to get ready for bed.

The next day, you arrived on set feeling well rested. You said hello to everyone you passed and put your stuff in your normal dressing room. You jumped a little when there was a knock at the door.

“Good morning Y/N,” Ben said as he stepped into your dressing room.

“Ah! Good morning, Cap!” You saluted.

“How was your night?”

“It was boring. Watched a few films, doodled a bit, did a livestream,”

“Oh, I’m well aware of the live stream,”

“You watched it?”

“We both watched it,” Simon said, entering the room.

“Oh really?”

“Didn’t you see our names pop up?” Ben asked.

“No. Must’ve gotten lost in all the comments I got. You know, because I’m so famous,” you replied, flicking your hair. Simon and Ben exchanged a look.

“So..remind us again of your ratings?” Simon asked, stepping towards you.

“Ratings?”

“The ratings that you assigned to our characters,” Ben responded, stepping forward too.

“Oh. Those ratings,”

“So, I’m an awful MP am I?” Simon asked.

“And I’m far too naggy?” Ben asked.

You giggled nervously.

“Well, yeah. If Julian and Cap were real people, they would get on my nerves the most,” you shrugged. Ben and Simon exchanged a look.

“We’d get on your nerves, eh?” Ben asked.

“Well no, not you two. But your characters,”

“Hm. Was it not you who said I was naggy off screen too?” He asked.

“Ah. Well. Um…”

You stepped backwards as Ben and Simon slowly approached you. You couldn’t think of a quick comeback. As you took another step backwards, you fell over the chair leg and landed on the ground.

“Are you okay?” Simon asked, rushing to your aid.

“Yes, yes. I’m fine!”

“Good,” Ben and Simon said in unison. They suddenly sprang into action and Ben started tickling your tummy whilst Simon scribbled under your knees.

“WHOA HEHEY WAHAIT!” You cried.

“Not until you apologise,” Ben squeezed up and down your sides and you threw your head back and screamed. Your hands latched onto his arms as he tickled up and down your sides and across your lower tummy. You kicked your legs out frantically as Simon squeezed your knees and thighs.

“GUHUHUYS WAIT!” You fell into a loud laughter, in shock from the sudden attack.

“Simon! Get her feet! That’s her weak spot,” Ben instructed. Simon nodded and sat on your legs, pinning you down.

“NONONONONO SIMON NO!”

Simon leant forward and took off both of your shoes. With a single finger on each hand, he dragged a nail up the soles of your feet. You shrieked.

“Blimey, if I get that response from a single finger then you’re screwed,” he teased. He suddenly launched into his attack, wasting no time in scribbling all ten fingers into your feet. You screamed loudly and tried to wiggle your feet away, but you were trapped under Simon. He laughed evilly as he scraped his nails up and down your soles

Ben looked at you and giggled at your weak state.

“Ready to apologise yet?”

“NOHOHOHOHO!”

“Suit yourself,”

Ben lifted up your top slightly before grabbing your arms and pinning them to your sides. You knew exactly what he was planning.

“BEHEN NOHO!”

He drew in a dramatically deep breath before blowing a giant raspberry on your tummy. You screamed louder than before. He giggled into your stomach as he blew another raspberry, the vibrations from his giggling making the sensation 10x worse.

“Awww, poor Y/N, so so ticklish,” he teased, lifting his head up just to awe at you.

“Get her again, she hasn’t apologised yet,” Simon piped up, now holding one foot down with one hand and using his other hand to scribble deep into your sole and across your toes.

“Nomnomnomnom,” Ben nibbled gently on your tummy, after blowing another giant raspberry.

“PLEHEHEASE STOHOP!”

“Apologise first,” Ben said, releasing your arms to dance his fingers across your tummy again.

“OHOHOKAY I’M SOHOHORRY!” You screamed.

“You’re what? Can’t hear you over all the screaming,” Simon teased, clawing at your feet.

“I’M SORRY!” You screamed louder.

Ben and Simon stopped instantly and climbed off of you. You sat up slowly and glared at them both.

“Was that necessary?” You asked.

“Absolutely, we needed to get an apology out of you,” Ben replied.

“You didn’t ask for an apology before you attacked me,”

“Didn’t we? Oh. Well, we got one anyway,” Simon responded. You glared again but couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You’re so annoying, you know that right?”

“Someone’s gotta keep you in check,” Ben shrugged. “Now come on, we’ve got filming to do.”

Ben and Simon helped you up off the floor and walked with you on to the set. Little did they knowing you were planning another live stream that evening...

[halpertstuna]

someone to stay - jj maybank pt.2

summary: an abandoned child who felt unwanted since day one got adopted once again and was required to move to the outer banks to live with a lovely elderly woman, but just as she started to feel happy, something had to go wrong and as a result she took a job where she met none other than the blond busboy, jj maybank.

A/N: this is part the second part of my imagine “someone to stay”, if you haven’t read part one yet you can read it here

paring: jj x reader

word count: 2,171

warnings: angst, some fluff, mentions of cancer, death, mentions of abandonment, almost a panic attack? probably typos

-> masterlist <-

{2/2}

(gif credit: @sebastianstahn )

The next morning you were woken up by the ringing of your phone.

“Hello?” You answered, your voice raspy. “Hi, am I speaking with Y/N Y/L/N?” a woman’s voice chimed on the other side of the line.

“You are” you replied still half asleep, trying to focus.

“I’m calling from the hospital, Dr. Brown has some news to give you about Noreen Lewis, but it’s not for the phone. Can you come here?”

As she spoke you felt your heart begin to pound out of your chest, is Noreen okay? What did she mean when she said it wasn’t for the phone?

“I- I’ll be right there” you blurted out hanging up.

You quickly brushed your teeth, showered without washing your hair, got changed and ran to the hospital.

When you got there you went up to the receptionist’s desk, asking for Dr. Brown.

You were told to go to Noreen’s room, Dr. Brown waited outside the door for you and ushered you to the chairs in front of the room. He signaled you to sit down and you hesitantly obeyed.

You tapped your foot rapidly whilst looking at him anxiously, waiting for him to talk as you played with the ring on your finger, the one Noreen gave you for your sixteenth birthday.

“there really isn’t an easy way to say this...” he started, “the chemotherapy... it wasn’t affecting the way it was supposed to-“ “what do you mean it wasn’t affecting?!” You interrupted cutting him off, your face and body radiating off infuriation and disappointment.

He continued “we did another MRI scan and found out the cancer had already progressed to stage 3B by the time we started treatment”.

You were overwhelmed, in absolute shock, you didn’t know what to say.

An exasperated look spreading across your features entangled with sorrow.

He gave you a sympathetic look, which only irritated you more.

Growing up as a child that was abandoned by their mother, meant always being pitied and looked at with sad eyes and as much as you hated it, you eventually got used to it.

But this time was different.

This time you felt absolutely useless, you despised it.

Him giving you that look only made it worse.

“Where is she? I want to see her.” You seethed through greeted teeth and furrowed your eyebrows once you noticed how much remorse his eyes held.

“Now.” Your voice firm and filled with rage as you got up.

You followed him into the room and rushed to her bed, she was asleep. “When she wakes up, it’ll probably be a good time to bid your goodbyes” Dr. Brown calmly noted exiting the room.

You sat next to her bed until it got dark, crying as you watched her sleep, lost in your thoughts.

It reminded you of that one stormy night when you were 12 and couldn’t fall asleep due to the noise of thunders, so you snuck into Noreen’s room.

You didn’t want to wake her up, but didn’t want to be alone either so as a result you just sat on the small mint coloured sofa chair near the bed, while you watched her sleep.

About half an hour later she woke up, looking at you.

“Hey” she rubbed her eyes “how long have you been sitting there?” You shrugged. “Were you watching me sleep? Cause it’s kinda creepy” she mentioned sarcastically and you snickered.

“Well, are you gonna keep sitting there or join me, muffin? I guarantee you the bed is more comfortable”.

She shifted making space for you and you quickly climbed into the bed, tucking yourself under the comforter.

You fell asleep right away, knowing you were safe.

You were pulled out of your thoughts by a cough, her eyes slowly flattered open and you shifted in your seat the second you noticed she was awake.

“Hey...” you whispered with a faint smile.

She mirrored it and you felt your heart swell, even in times like these, her smile still managed to melt it.

“I’d ask how you’re feeling but that’s a stupid question” you tried laughing at your comment but instead a sob escaped your lips.

She lifted up her shaking hand and rested it on your cheek, wiping the fresh tears with her thumb

“d-don’t cry, I want my last view to be your beautiful smile” she mumbled and you giggled, nodding your head.

“Does it hurt?” You asked. “A bit” she replied nonchalantly, as if she had only fallen down slightly scraping her knee and wasn’t on the verge of death.

You reached out and held her hand in yours. You couldn’t help but shed another tear, knowing she was in pain.

“All I ever wanted since the moment I met you, was to make sure you knew how loved and cared about you are. How worthy you are of a beautiful life. I hope you know that.” You sniffed and nodded.

“I’ve lived a spectacular, full life. And I am thankful for every moment. I’ve had the privilege of knowing you, getting to watch as you turned from an inverted child who isolated her heart from all of humanity, into this incredible, caring, not to mention immensely funny and talented young woman. Who is honest, never afraid to say what’s on her mind and is completely selfless. And for that, I am thankful.”

The tears you desperately tried holding back were now streaming down your face.

“It’s ok, everything’s gonna be okay” she said in a calming tone squeezing your hand but you averted your gaze from her, unable to face her. “hey, look at me” her words soft, you turned to her with puffy red eyes, you didn’t want her to go.

“I’m going to be okay. And so are you. You’re going to achieve everything you want. Don’t be afraid to let people in my love, and from what you told me, I better be seeing you with that JJ living the happily ever after you deserve” you chuckled in tears.

She let out a series of loud coughs and you felt your heart sink.

She looked up at you with loving eyes “I’m going to join Jasper now, and I’ll tell him all about the daughter I was blessed with” you held her hand tighter as if it would keep her here, with you.

“We’ll be watching you, making sure you’re okay. I’m ready to let go now. I will always, always love you muffin” she confirmed and you nodded quickly “I love you too, thank you for everything, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you” you sobbed out.

She smiled at your words, then closed her eyes.

You felt the grip on your hand loosen, a few seconds later an audible, long beep came from the ECG.

You refused to believe the scenario in front of you, you had to get out of there.

You sprinted out of the hospital stepping into the cold, dark night.

You started running, you didn’t know where, you just knew you had to leave.

A series of heartbreaking sobs left your slightly parted quivering lips, rocking your body as you felt your heart crumble into a million pieces.

Your vision was blurry from tears and you couldn’t see a thing.

Out of breath you came to a halt, resting your hands on your knees as you tried stopping the tears.

Your chest heaving, your breathing only intensified as you felt rain drops fall on your skin.

You didn’t even notice you were stood outside your house until you looked up. The rain got stronger and the wind blew through your now wet clothes.

You were a sobbing wreck. You grasped the hem of your shirt in pain, balling your hand into a fist and felling to the ground, the other hand tangled in the roots of your hair, pulling slightly.

You felt helpless, cold and alone, that was until two arms wrap around your small frame, shielding you from the rain.

Your eyes darted up in fear, but once you recognised the scent of JJ’s cologne which you memorised from all the times he drove you home, you relaxed in his touch.

“it’s okay, it’s just me” he cooed rubbing circles on the small of your back. you cried into his chest in which you found comfort.

“It’s not fare” you whimper, gasping for air.

You couldn’t breath, you felt your chest heat up.

You started choking, coughing as the air just didn’t seem to find it’s way to your lungs.

“Hey hey hey, look at me” he demanded in a hush tone, holding your shoulders in arm length, “everything’s going to be okay, you just have to breath” you looked at him as if he was speaking a foreign language.

He pulled you back to him, placing your head on his chest which rose and fell in a steady pace “breath with me” he stroked your hair gently.

It was hard but after a few minutes you managed to steady your breathing back to normal.

He helped you up and into the house, then let you shower and change into dry clothes, whilst he sat on the other side of the door.

He was too scared to leave you alone, but still respected your privacy.

When you finished, JJ took the liberty to make you hot chocolate and you wrapped yourself in a blanket plopping down on the couch with him beside you.

“Thank you” you broke the silence, “anytime” he gave you a closed mouth smiled.

“what were you doing here anyway?” you questioned.

“I was really worried after last night and when you didn’t show up for work today I knew something was wrong, so I finished my shift and came straight here to check up on you” you looked at him with a surprised expression as he confirmed he genuinely cared.

‘Don’t be afraid to let people in’ the words echoed through your mind.

You scooted closer to him on the couch and hugged his side. He didn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around you and hold you close.

“My best friend died tonight. She was all I had. She saved me but I couldn’t save her. When I was ten she adopted me and a few weeks ago she got sick. I took this job to pay for treatment but unfortunately, it didn’t help. She didn’t deserve this. And now I’m alone again. This is why I don’t let people in... they always leave.” You spoke through unshed tears.

He only held you tighter, clueless of how to respond. He knew how it felt; being unwanted, distancing yourself from others to avoid the ache you feel when they leave.

“I know how it feels, you’re lost and hurting right now, it’s okay” He showed you empathy, “and I promise, i will never leave you”.

And for the first time in a while, you felt relieved, not alone. His words gave you hope and that was a promise he intended to keep.

“Do you want to tell me about her?” He asked squeezing your shoulder gently, you didn’t even know where to start.

You went on a rant, telling so many stories and memories.

“She sounds amazing” he noted “she was” you remarked.

“Too bad I didn’t get to meet her” he regretted his words the second they left his mouth, afraid he said the wrong thing.

“She said the same thing about you!” Your voice slightly louder than you intended.

“Oh so you talked to her about me? What else did you say?” A self-satisfied smirk played across his face as he tried to lighten the mood, succeeding.

“Don’t let it go to your head Maybank” you warned nudging him lightly, an amused laugh escaped his throat.

The two of you talked for hours, it was nearly 3am and you started feeling drowsy.

“Will you stay?” You pleaded “I’m tired of being alone”.

“Of course” he swiftly responded “I’d never leave you” he promised.

You didn’t bother going to your room. He laid down on the couch and you placed your head on his chest.

His hands found your waist and you found home in each others embrace.

He kissed your forehead, lingering for a bit longer than he should, and you dozed off in his arms to the sound of his heartbeat.

The sight of your smaller figure wrapped around his looked so natural to him. He couldn’t comprehend how someone could leave you.

Lost in his thoughts, he barely noticed it was morning.

Your eyes flattered open and you greeted him with a croaky “hey”.

A smile spread across his face as he greeted you back.

“Were you watching me sleep? Cause it’s kinda creepy” you sarcastically marked and he chuckled.

The two of you gazed silently into each other’s eyes for a few minutes before both falling asleep.

He helped you through your highs and lows after Noreens death, always by your side. He was there for you when you needed someone the most, someone to stay.

And he did.

[ves-is-writing-bnha-again]

Just Like That (Hitoshi Shinsou)

@myherowritings​ this is all your fault. You knew this was coming. If you haven’t read her “You Suck At Gaming” series do it. You won’t be disappointed I promise.

Summary: Y/n needed some help learning how to not suck at gaming. Shinsou is willing to help. 

Warnings: Smut. Plain and Simple. Little bit of plot if you squint.

“So you’ll really help me?” You asked, looking up at the purple haired man in front of you.

“Of course.” He replied with a lazy smirk.

You two had decided to meet up at a cafe. It wasn’t a very popular one so not a lot of people went to it meaning neither of you would be recognized.

Your eyes lit up at his response, “Great! So when do you think we could meet up again?”

“When are you next available?” He asked you, taking a sip of his black coffee (fight me) as he leaned back in his seat. You unlocked your phone and looked at your calendar. 

“Um I have a livestream with Denki tomorrow but we could meet up at my place after if you want?” You offered and he nodded, “Yeah, I don’t have anything planned for tomorrow.” He agreed and you grinned.

“Yay!” You cheered and he let out a short laugh, “You are almost way too cheerful.” He said and you stuck your tongue out at him, “Just cause you’re a grumpy eboy all the time doesn’t mean other people can’t be happy.”

“I’m not an eboy.”

“Okay fine. As I said on Twitter. Daddy it is then.”

“Alright then, kitten.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, Y/n got any plans after I leave or are you gonna be lonely like you always are.” Denki joked during you guys’ livestream.

“Actually Shinsou’s coming over to help me get better at gaming.” You stated and Denki choked on his tea.

“What?” He said between coughs.

“I said what I said.” You told him as you pat his back. He finally stopped coughing and cleared his throat, “You sure he’s coming over to help you with gaming? He doesn’t have any… hidden intentions?” He asked, winking at you and nudging you suggestively.

You gasped, slapping his arm lightly, “It is nothing like that. I asked him to help me and he agreed plain and simple.”

“Yeah, he agreed but how do you know he didn’t agree in hopes of getting something else in return?” Denki asked, looking at you with raised eyebrows over the side of his mug as he sipped his tea.

“Well would you look at the time! It’s been an hour and a half! Livestream is now over goodbye Denki!” You said, shoving him off the couch right as he set down the mug.

You waved and said goodbye to everyone watching before ending the stream and putting everything away.

“You can deny it all you want Y/n but I can tell that gaming isn’t the only thing that will happen with you two. Alone. Here in this empty apartment. Just the two of you. Nobody to bother you.” He said, laughing as you pushed him towards the door.

“Bye!” You said, slamming the door in his face. You could hear him cackling as he left. His laughter growing quieter as he moved farther away.

You grabbed the empty mug up off the coffee table and went over to the kitchen to rinse it out.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the door.

Thinking it was Denki being a dumbass and he probably forgot something, you swung the door open.

Only it wasn’t Denki. It was Shinsou.

“Why was Kaminari laughing when he saw me?” He asked suspiciously, thinking that maybe you two were talking about him.

“Oh  don’t worry about him, he’s an idiot. Please come in.” You smiled at him as you moved out of the way for him to enter.

He came in and saw that the couch was still a bit of a mess from you and Denki being stupid earlier

“You two have fun?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you as you came over to him.

“Uh yeah. We literally just ended the stream less than ten minutes ago so I still haven’t completely cleaned up yet.” You said, sighing as you looked at the mess. Most of it being Denki’s fault, but he bailed instead of helping you clean. Granted, you shoved him out of your apartment, but he never offered to try and come back in to help.

“Well you can focus on that later. Where else can we do this?” He asked you and you paused for a second.

“Uhh… the only other console I have is in my room…” You said and he shrugged, “Well let’s go up there than.” He said.

You nodded and started heading towards the stairs, him following close behind.

Denki’s words started floating around in your head suddenly.

‘I can tell that gaming isn’t the only thing that will happen with you two’

You shook your head slightly to get rid of the thoughts. He was helping you get better at gaming. He was only here to help you.

Right?

“You’ve been quiet.” Shinsou said suddenly and you jumped a bit, “Sorry, just thinking about something.” You replied.

He eyed you for a second, “Something? Or someone?” He asked, that same lazy smirk from yesterday reappearing on his face.

“It’s nothing don’t worry about it.” You told him with a smile as you opened the door to your room, “Anyway here we are. Console is right there.” You said, pointing at the console that sat on your tv stand across from your bed.

He sat down at the edge of your bed as you turned on the tv and console and grabbed two controllers before sitting down next to him.

“Let’s start with Overwatch. Since that was the one you sucked at the most.” He said with that same damn smirk on his face.

“Okay.” You said, luckily the game was already in, since you had forgotten to take it out.

“You started up a match and within ten minutes not only had you killed about half your team mates, but you died as well.

Shinsou huffed in amusement, “Wow you suck even more in person.” He stated and you pouted, “It’s not my fault the game is hard.” You said in defense.

“Let me see that for a moment.” He said before taking the controller from you. He started up a new match and twenty minutes later he won. He looked at you with a cocky smile, “Didn’t seem that hard to me.” He teased.

You stuck your tongue out at him.

“Eboy…” You muttered, “What was that?” He asked, starting up a new round, “Nothing.” You said, watching as he killed the other team with ease.

The round ended a few minutes later and he handed you the controller.

“Come here” He said, patting his leg.

“What?” You asked him incredulously.

“Come here. It’s easier to show you what buttons to press if you’re sitting on my lap.” He said.

You hesitated for a second. Denki’s words floating around in your head again before you thought to yourself ‘fuck it’ 

You moved over to him and he pulled you onto his lap and had you sit so that you were both facing the tv.

He wrapped his arms around your waist, putting his hands over yours on the controller.

He started explaining the buttons and what to press when, but you couldn’t focus cause holy shit he was warm.

You were so distracted that you didn’t hear him calling you.

“Y/n.” He said, nudging you. You snapped out of your daze, “Huh?” You asked and he huffed, “Were you even listening?” He asked and you nodded quickly, “Yeah I was.” You lied. You were definitely not listening.

He stared at you for a second before smirking, “Alright then. Let’s start a new match and see how you do.” He said and before you could protest he had already started it.

You died within two minutes.

“Hmm seems you weren’t listening like you said you were huh kitten?” He asked, looking at you, knowing fully well you lied.

“I was listening! I just…panicked.” You claimed.

“Is that so kitten? You weren’t…distracted?” He asked, leaning closer to the side of your face. You could feel your face heating up at how close he was.

Your lack of response seemed to amuse yet annoy him at the same time, “Well? Aren;t you going to defend your pride like you usually do?” He asked smugly, knowing fully well what he was doing to you.

“Umm let’s…let’s do another round.” You said, voice slightly shaky, “Can you…can you explain everything again?” You asked him and he grinned, “Of course.” He said and went over the buttons again. This time you actually listened. Kind of.

Another round started and this time your were actually doing a decent job of not killing your team mates or dying.

Just as you were shooting at one of the enemies you felt something brush between your legs. You jumped slightly, since you weren’t expecting it, and you heard a really quiet groan come from Shinsou but when you looked at him he was still looking at the tv with a straight face.

When you looked back at the screen you realized you had died.

“Looks like you lost again Kitten.” He said as he looked at you and you pouted, “You distracted me!” You argued and he smirked, “I did no such thing.” He said, watching the annoyance start to show on your face.

“Yes you did! You….you…” You said but started to trail off, too embarrassed to say it.

“Did what? This?” He asked before brushing against you again, causing you to gasp slightly as his smirk grew.

“Yes that. Don’t do that it’s distracting.” You said, voice shaking again.

“Why? Do you like it? Is that why it’s distracting?” He asked, taking two fingers and lightly rubbing you over your jeans.

You jolted slightly as a whimper escaped your lips.

“Shinsou please.” You whined as he leaned closer to your neck, “Do you want me to stop?” He asked and you shook your head, “No.”

“Well then.” He suddenly stopped and you whined, “Let’s do another much and if you do well I’ll keep going.” He said, leaving a light kiss on your neck.

“Go on.” He said, hitting start on the game and a new match started loading.

“Shinsou-” “Shhhh don’t worry kitten I won’t leave you hanging.” He said as the match started. Although you were trembling slightly, you did manage to last longer than before, especially since Shinsou refrained from touching you this time.

Granted, you still died, but you did put up a decent fight, and apparently Shinsou thought that was good enough. That or he was just getting impatient.

His hand found itself between your legs again and this time he applied more pressure than before. You squealed slightly and whimpered.

“You did such a good job kitten.” He said, peppering kisses along your neck.

Your hips bucked slightly against his fingers, causing you to grind against him, but you weren’t paying much attention. At least not until you noticed the growing bulge pressing against you.

You ground aginst him again and he groaned before wrapping his other arm tightly around your waist, holding you in place so you couldn’t move.

His lips moved up to your ear, “You’re a naughty little kitten aren’t you? Rubbing yourself against me like that. Are you that desperate kitten? Are you that desperate for me to touch you?” He asked lowly and you whimpered.

“Shinsou please.” You begged and you felt more pressure. 

“Shit kitten I love hearing you talk like that.” He groaned.

He started unbuttoning your jeans and the second he did so he slipped his hand in and started rubbing circles on your clit over your underwear. You whined and moaned softly.

“Do you like that kitten?” He asked you, his warm breath fanning on your ear.

You nodded, not trusting your words. His left arm kept you from moving still and you gripped it with your hand as the other held on to his right wrist as he applied more pressure.

Suddenly he stopped.

“No!” You cried as he removed his arm from around your waist.

“Stand up.” He demanded and you looked at him, confused, “What?” You asked, still slightly dazed.

“Stand up for me kitten.” He stated and you did so, your legs shaking slightly as you stood in front of him.

He turned you around and unzipped your jeans the rest of the way before sliding them down your legs. He glanced at your black lace underwear for a second and noticed they were soaked.

“Fuck kitten you’re already so wet and I haven’t even done anything yet.” He said, running the tips of his fingers up the sides of your thighs before hooking his fingers into the waistband and sliding them down your legs.

You kicked them off along with your jeans and he looked at you, “Shirt.” He said and you already knew what he meant.

Slipping your shirt over your head, you felt his warm hands run across your sides as he reached behind you to unclip your bra before discarding that with the rest of your clothing.

“Fuck.” He breathed as his eyes scanned over you. 

“Come here.” He said, moving farther up your bed to your pillows, motioning for you to join him.

Climbing onto the bed with him he grabbed your hips and moved you to hover over his lap before he guided you farther up as he laid down until you were hovering over his face.

He looked up at you for a brief moment to make sure you were okay with it before leaning forward and licking a long stripe up your slit.

You let out a loud moan and gripped the headboard as he lapped at your slit.

His lips wrapped around your clit and he sucked harshly causing you to run you hand through his hair and tug on it. He groaned at that as his hands tightened their grip on your hips to keep you from moving. The vibrations from him caused you to moan again as he sucked at your clit, occasionally going down and slipping into your heat before coming back up.

You felt one of his fingers prod at your entrance before slipping in and you whined at the intrusion. 

He started a fast pace, adding in another one as he went. Then another. You were shaking at this point. He curled his fingers in a ‘come here’ motion and you jolted as he brushed against that one special spot and you saw stars.

You were groaning and saying his name like a mantra and it was like music to her ears. He kept his relentless pace, not giving you a chance to calm down, and when you started clenching around his fingers he knew you were close. He started sucking more harshly at your clit as his fingers moved more rapidly inside you, bringing you closer and closer until you released all over his fingers and face with a squeal.

He moved you off of him and pinned you to the bed, “Did you think we were finished?” He asked lowly as he scanned over you again. You were panting heavily as a very thin layer of sweat made your skin glisten slightly.

He sat up on his knees, pulling off his shirt and throwing it somewhere in the room before standing and undoing the belt on his jeans and sliding them off leaving him in his black boxers.

You sat up as he took them off before coming back to you. Before he could get back on the bed, you stopped him.

He looked at you questioningly for a second before groaning at the feeling of your hand wrapping around him. You were amazed at his size and wondered how the hell he would even fit considering your fingers weren’t even touching.

Without any warning you leaned forward and licked the tip lightly causing him to groan slightly. He weaved his fingers into your hair and tugged on it as you wrapped your lips around the tip, sucking slightly as your hand stayed wrapped around the base. Your other hand came up to rest against his thigh and pull him closer to you as you lowered your head, taking more of him into your mouth. The tip hit the back of your throat and you gagged slightly but kept going until your nose brushed against him.

Gagging slightly, you started bobbing your head, hallowing your cheeks as you rested both hands on the back of his thighs to keep him in place, your nails digging into his skin slightly.

His hand tugged harder on your hair and you moaned which caused him to do the same.

“Oh fuck kitten just like that. Just like that baby. Fuck.” He said, his hips bucking into your mouth slightly as his other hand weaved through your hair.

You looked up at him to see his head was leaning back as his eyes were squeezed shut and his lips were parted.

You hummed around him which caused him to curse as he gripped the back of your head and start bucking his hips more.

You held onto his thighs tight to keep your balance as he practically fucked your mouth.

“Fuuuck kitten.” He moaned as his hips thrusted more.

He managed to open his eyes and look at you.

“Look at you kitten.” He panted as his thumb stroked your cheek, “You look so pretty sucking my cock like that. It makes me wonder how you’ll look when I stuff it in your little pussy later.” He groaned and you nearly came at his words alone.

“Is that- oh fuck- what you want kitten? You want me to..hah.. stuff you with my cock? Rail you into the mattress and fill you up with my cum? Would you like that?” He asked, panting heavily between each sentence. You moaned around him and he smirked, “I bet you would like that wouldn’t you?”

He pulled himself out of your mouth, a thin string of saliva connecting your lips and his tip.

“Get on the bed and lay on your back kitten.” He demanded and you scrambled up and onto the bed, doing exactly as he said. He climbed over you so his face was level with yours.

He placed one hand on the back of your neck and pulled you up into a deep kiss before pulling away, “My kitten.” He said as he lined himself up before thrusting in completely.

Your head fell back as your lips parted in a silent scream as he as he gave you a few seconds to adjust then began a fast pace.

His hands gripped your hips and you were sure there would be bruises tomorrow but you didn’t care as his hips snapped harshly into yours.

you wrapped your legs around his waist, bring him closer to you as your arms wrapped loosely around his neck.

“Shinsou.” You whined as you buried your face into his neck.

“Hitoshi.” He panted, “Please call me that.” He begged as one arm came up to lay next to your head.

“Hitoshi!” You cried and he cursed.

You didn’t think it was possible but he started going faster after you said his name and moaned louder when he hit a spot you didn’t even know existed.

“Fuck, There! Right there! Please!” You begged and he angled his hips so he’d keep hitting it.

All that could be heard was the echoes of moans, groans, and skin slapping against skin.

You gripped his back, scratching down it causing him to hiss slightly in pain but it was quickly forgotten about as he pounded you into the mattress just like he said he would. He started leaving hickeys on your neck, taking advantage of the space provided from your head being thrown back as you cried out.

He suddenly sat up and gripped your hips tighter than before as he thrusted into you at a different angle which caused him to go deeper.

Your moans encouraged him to keep going as you cried out his name like it was the only word you knew.

“Fuck kitten you’re so damn tight.” He panted, “You look so pretty stuffed with my cock. I could get used to seeing you like this.” He said, a smug smile tugging at his lips.

He reached down and rubbed at your clit again which caused you to clench around him which left him breathless for a moment.

You whimpered, “Hitoshi fuck I’m so close. Please.” You begged and he grinned smugly, “Are you gonna cum kitten? Are you gonna cum around my cock like a good little kitten?” He asked, his thrusts becoming irregular as he got closer himself.

“Yes! Yes, please let me cum please!” You cried and his grin widened.

“Come on kitten. Cum for me.” He cooed as he kept thrusting harshly into you.

You clenched around him tighter than ever as you came with a scream and cry of his name. He gripped your hips as tight as possible as he buried himself in you as far as he could go and unloaded inside you, making you feel warm.

He kept thrusting lightly, easing both of you down from your high before pulling out of you, watching his cum drip out of you slightly before getting up and finding your bathroom, which he had seen earlier, and coming back with a wet washcloth.

He cleaned you up and picked you up, placing you back down so your head was laying on the pillows and threw a blanket over you. He climbed in on the other side and pulled you closer to his before grabbing your hand and placing soft and light kisses along your knuckles and fingers, both of you still slightly dazed and growing tired

“My kitten.” He mumbled sleepily as he looked at you, “Your kitten.” You replied as you turned and moved closer, cuddling him, and you saw him smile. A soft, genuine smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hahahahahahahha it’s 3 am :)

[rebelwrites]

Part Twelve (Final Part)

A/N so thank you for the support on this 💜 hope you enjoy the final part

Join the TagList here💜 // Can You Hear Me Now Masterlist

Leaning up against the hard wall, tears streamed down your cheeks. You had lost track of how long you had been in the cell. You felt so lighter after killing Craig but the whole world was weighing on your shoulders.

All you wanted was to be held, told things were going to be okay and that you wasn’t going to get sent down for murder.

You missed your family, the silence was killing you. No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t sleep but when you did finally manage to get some sleep your dreams were filled with a lot of what ifs, what your life would be like if you didn’t get sent down and if you didn’t kill Craig.

At least the officers let you have your cigarettes still.

Today was the final day of the trial, the day that would determine the rest of your life.

Leaning back into your chair you didn’t know where to look, who to look at or what to do. The knot grew tighter and tighter in the pit of your stomach as you watched the jury walk back in taking their seat.

“Have you made your decision?” The judge asked.

“We have” the older woman said, passing across the paper that held your future.

“On the count of first degree murder the jury find miss Trager” the judge said looking direct at you.

“Not guilty on the basis of self defence”

Tears burned your eyes as you tried to take in the words.

“However on the count of grievous bodily harm the jury finds miss Trager guilty” the judge said “carrying a sentence of five year with the chance of parole in 3”

Yes you just got sentenced to five years in prison but at least it wasn’t life. But there was one thing that you needed to do, one thing that would break your heart and another in the process.

“You have ten minutes to say goodbye” Lowen whispered.

“Thank you” you nodded, wiping the tears from your eyes as you ran into your dad's arms.

“I’m gonna visit you every chance I get” Tig said as he held you tight “I love you so much doll”

“I love you too dad” you whispered taking a deep breath.

Turning towards Jax, he held his arms wide open for you. No words were spoken as he tangled his fingers in your hair just holding you.

“Jax” you whispered before you got choked up from your sobs.

“Darlin’ you don’t need to say anything” he whispered, kissing your head.

“promise I will wait for you” Jax whispered resting his forehead against yours. “I’m not going anywhere darlin’ I will be here for when you get out in 5 years”

“Don’t put your life on hold for me” you whispered as sobbed into his chest. “Forget about me Jax, I want you

“I love you Y/N” He whispered, kissing you softly. “And I’m not going anywhere I swear”

“I love you to Jax” you whispered as tears rolled down your cheeks as the officer pulled you away from Jax.

SOA TAGLIST

@chibsytelford @talicat713 @corebore123 @nothingeverdies @teapartydreams @mrspeacem1nusone @khyharah @itmejado @beth-winchester21 @rocketqueen @auroraariza @trulysuccubus @haynsey @witching-hour @destynelseclipsa @edonaspanca @abbiesthings @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @jadesamhart @lady-pswrld @ly--canthrope @hennessyauntie @gemini0410 @i-love-scott-mccall @est11 @mystic-shadows42 @sugary-x-sweet @starrynite7114 @skyofficialxx @terminallygenius @lauraashley93 @leaalfred @angelreyesgirl89 @sheeshgivemeabreak @marquelapage @meteora-fc @penny4yourthot @justahopelessssromantic @ilikechocolatemilkh @mayans-sauce @xbreezymeadowsx @ben-c-group-therapy @-im-fantastic- @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @milaxmariex @cubblycie @little-diable @hotdamnhunnam @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead

[lauraashley93]

I Don’t Love You Anymore

Part 3

Here is is, friends! The last part! I hope you guys enjoy!

Reader and Angel finally see each other. Will they make it work or go their separate ways?

Warnings: angst, fluff and swearing.

It had been a week and You still didn’t know what to do. His voice.. his amazing, beautiful, soothing voice. You didn’t realize how much you actually missed him. So much better than what your dreams had given you. You felt bad for hanging up but you didn’t know what else to do. You did get brave enough to text Ez back two days later and apologize but you couldn’t handle it. He replied sweet as ever that he understood and he was sorry he just wanted you to know about everything. And now that you did you didn’t know how to feel. You laid in your bed as silent tears fell down your cheek. You missed Angel. You loved him, and you always would. But could you go back? Could you take the risk and run to him? You weren’t sure. So for now you were staying put.

———-at the clubhouse——

Angel was acting like everything was fine. Trying to put up some front. Even though Ez told him how hard you took everything and what you went through he was trying to ward off the hurt he felt when you hung up on Him. Even though he knew he 100% deserved that he was using the anger to block the sadness he was feeling, the Loneliness.

Coco was worried. Easily seeing through his friends act.

“Aye yo Boy Scout. Is he okay?”

Ez shrugged “I don’t know man. I think this is calm before the storm. I keep trying to convince y/n to at least come visit but I mean, I can’t blame her for not doing it either. I just wish I could do something.

“We all do Boy Scout, we all do. We hate seeing him like that. Hell, we all mis y/n. Ain’t been the same wit out her ya know?”

Gilly walked up then. “Yeah, man, I miss her laugh. It was fucking contagious. “

Bishop came around the corner just then cutting off your conversation.

“Alright guys, Galindo has a run for us. We’re out in ten. “ he looks around “Where is Angel?”

Just then, like he’d heard Bishop ask, Angel walked through. Everyone staring at him like he’s a ticking time bomb.

“What the fuck are you guys looking at? You should take a picture. Wack to it or something. “ he went to go walk off and Bishop stopped him.

“We have a run for Galindo, let’s go.”

The guys headed for their bikes and Bishop stops Angel.

“You good Hermano? Or do you need to sit this out? Cause I need you there. ALL of you.”

“Angel bit the inside of his cheek trying to hold back any smart ass comments. He knew Bishop meant well but he didn’t need anyone questioning his ability.

“I’m good presidente, I’m all here. “ And with that he was out the door.

———————————————————————

It was 3:40 Am. You were sound asleep when your phone started ringing. You swore if it was the new girl at work asking for guy advice again you were gonna lose your shit. You did not care and you were losing all patience with the situation. You grabbed it not even bothering to look at who it was and answered it.

“Hello?” You said through a yawn.

“Y/n, look, I know I said I wouldn’t call you but..”

“Ez, it is almost 4 o’clock in the fucking morning. You better be dying or I’m going to kill you myself.”

It was quiet. You could have swore you heard ez sob out. You sat up straight all trace of sleepiness gone.

“Ez, what is it? Please..” your voice cracked

“It’s, it’s Angel. We were on a run and he. “

“Ez.” You were crying now. “Please, please don’t tell me he’s dead. He has to be okay. Right?”

Ez sniffed and swallowed hard.

“He’s alive, but it’s bad y/n. Someone knocked him, Coco and Riz off their bikes. We were hot on their trail but they fired at us and two shots hit Angel.”

You are sobbing at this point. You didn’t think it was possible for you to feel anymore heart break than you did the day Angel broke up with you but here you were wishing you could relive that moment over 10 times if you never had to experience this. “Is everyone else okay?? Is he going to live?”

“Everyone else is fine. A little scratched up but they are okay. “ Ez sighed “I don’t know. That’s why I’m calling you. I know, I know you two don’t really have good standing but I know how you feel and I knew you’d want to know.. maybe you’d, even want to come see him? Look, it’s up to you I just wanted you to know. I have to go. Love you hermana.

And with that the line clicked off and you dropped to the ground. Screaming, crying, sobbing uncontrollably. You could feel yourself hyperventilating. You can’t believe the world was doing this to you. What did you do to deserve this kind of pain? Why would the world try to take the most precious human from all of humanity? Sure, he had his faults but he meant well.. you screamed again and you aunt came rushing in.

“Y/n! Y/n! What’s wrong?? What happened?? What’s going on baby? Talk to me!!!”

You are trying to calm down and you finally manage to talk between sobs.

“It’s.. *sob* Angel *sob* he’s been in an accident and *sob* they don’t know if he’ll make it.”

By this time you’re a hysterical mess with snot everywhere and tear stained cheeks. You aunt is holding you tightly and rubbing your back trying to calm you down.

“Hush baby, I know it’s scary but I need you to calm down, pack a bag and tell me where I’m booking our flight to.

You blinked fast not sure you heard her.

“Wha..what?”

“You heard me baby. You need to go see him.”

You cried again and nodded.

“But, what if, what if he..”

“No.” She cut you off. “There are no what if’s here. Now, go, hurry.”

You smiled and got up and started throwing things in a bag. You don’t take much. A couple change of clothes and the essentials as you were getting your stuff together you told your aunt where you needed to go and she went online and ordered the plane tickets. You’re waiting to board the plane and somehow you still haven’t ran out of tears you’ve tried to call and text Ez but he hasn’t responded. You’re hoping at this point that no news is good news. You start to get anxious and start pacing back and forth.

“Y/n baby you need to relax. Sit down and just breathe. You will be there in five hours tops. “ your aunt tried to sooth you.

“I know, I know I just.. what am I gonna say? What do I do? What am I even doing? Am I saying goodbye? Am I trying to fix things? Am I just there to make sure he’s okay? What do I do when I get there??”

You aunt sighs as she grabs your hand and pulls you next to her.

“Baby, all that will come later. You need to focus on just being there for him. He needs to get better and pull through. You can worry about the complicated stuff later. If you ask me, you being this upset and traveling to get to him, you already have your answer. “

——————————————————————-

Time seems to go by slow when you’re in a rush.. sludge. It’s like you’re just stuck. You’re at the hospital and you feel so small. You’re trying to run but it’s like you’re going in slow motion but finally, you get there. Everyone is there. Your family. Bishop and Ez are who you spot first you run up to them, seeing the saddened look on their face.

“Ez, Bishop. Where is he? Is he okay?”

They are just staring at you. Why aren’t they saying anything? Your heart begins to race and you can feel the tears building up behind your eyes.

“Princesa, why don’t you sit down” Bishop gestured to a seat with his hand.

“No. Stop beating around the fucking bush. Where is Angel? I need to see him”

You start crying and Ez grabs you in a hug.

“I’m sorry, y/n. There’s nothing they could do. “

“NO! THATS NOT TRUE. “ You are all but screaming at them. Beating against Ez’s Chest. “He can’t, he can’t be gone!!! I didn’t get to tell him that I love him. I didn’t get to tell him I need him. Please, PLEASE.”

You fall to the ground as Ez guides you gently to the floor. All the Mayan men surrounding you as you are screaming.

“Y/n! Y/n!!” You feel someone shaking you saying your name and it feels muffled. You slowly open your eyes and as the adjust you see your aunt beside you worry creasing her forehead. The ugly colored seats of the plane in front of you. You look around confused but then, a sigh of relief washes over you. A dream, it was a terrible dream, no nightmare.

“Baby girl? You were tossing and turning. You started crying “no no” I was trying so hard to get you up. Are you okay??”

You nodded slowly. “I, I had a nightmare that I was too late. He didn’t make it and I didn’t get to tell him that I love him. I need to make sure he knows that. “

Your aunt smiles a comforting smile at you and holds your hand.

“You will, we’re here baby. Now we just need to get an Uber to the hospital and you can tell him everything. “

The Uber drive didn’t take as long as you expected. Your nerves were twisting and turning as you approached the hospital. You had a sense of deja vu as you pulled into the front of the hospital.

“I’ll catch up with you, go ahead. Go see your love. “ your aunt patted your hand and you tried to give her a smile. You got out and started walking to the doors. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding and you walk up to the desk about to ask to see Angel a voice stops you.

“Y/n? Is that you?”

You smile slightly as you turn around.

“Bishop!” Tears start streaming down your face as you run to him. You practically jump into his arms and he holds you tight. “It’s been way too long.” You breathe in the familiar scent of cigarette smoke and leather as you reluctantly pull back you sniffle back a few tears.

“How is he? Is he, is he okay?”

“He’s in critical condition. But he’s holding on. Boy still has some fight in him. He’s fucking stubborn, kid. Don’t worry he will be fine.

You knew he was trying to make you feel better. You could see the uncertainty written all over his face. But you nodded and agreed anyway.

“Am I aloud to go see him?”

“I think he’d like that”

You turned around so quick you might have gotten whiplash. Ez was standing there. Eyes blood shot. Tiredness and worry creasing his forehead. You’re sobbing now as Ez is pulling you into his arms. He just held you until you calmed down.

“I got here as fast as I could. Is he awake?”

Ez shook his head. “No, but I’m glad you came. I could tell he wasn’t trying to fight for his life. Like he was giving up. So I told him, I kinda told him I called you and you said you were on your way”

Ez rubbed the back of his head as you wiped away the tears.

“But, you didn’t even know if i would.

“No, but I had a feeling. And hey, it worked. I don’t know what it was but he started making progress so wether you showed or not, at least he was trying.”

You just hugged him again and new wave of tears sliding down your cheek. Ez grabbed your hand and lead you back to Angel’s room. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes before walking through the door. There he was. Your love. Your heart. Your whole world in a bed with tubes and wires everywhere. His color looked grey, and even though he was sleeping he didn’t look peaceful. You walked slowly toward the bed as a new wave of tears trickled down your cheek. You tried to control your sobs but you just couldn’t as you sat down in the chair next to the bed.

You held his hand and laid your head on top of his hand. “Oh Angel.” Your voice broke. “Please, Angel. Please keep fighting. Please. I love you, I need you and we can’t fix things if you go. Please, don’t leave me. I’m sorry I didn’t stay. I’m sorry I hung up on you.. I just. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t but I just need you to wake up so I can tell you I love you. I never stopped. I always will love you. “

He didn’t wake up, it wasn’t like in the movies where they magically get better but what did happen melted your heart. He squeezed your hand. You swear he did. You popped your head up. “Angel! That’s right baby. Keep fighting. I’m here. I swear I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

It didn’t happen again but it gave your heart hope. And so you swore you wouldn’t move from this spot until he woke up.

——————

*Angels POV*

All he could hear was the reoccurring beeping. His mind was fuzzy. What happened? He felt sore. “Why can’t I open my eyes? And what is that annoying ass beeping noise??” His mind was racing. Then, over the Beeping he heard it. Your voice. The most angelic sound he has ever heard. “y/n! I’m here baby. I’m here. Please don’t cry. Why are you crying?” He squeezed your hand and that was all he remembered before he felt more exhaustion taking over and fell back into a dreamless sleep.

————5 days later———

*Angles POV*

His head hurt, his chest hurt, hell his whole body hurt. He could hear voices but they were muffled. His eyes slowly blinking open. Everything was foggy at first. But as everything became clear he thought he might die of his heart stopping. It wasn’t a dream. He DID hear you. You were there. You looked tired. Eyes blood shot and puffy. Your hair was a mess but he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. He felt a tear slide down his face and he went to go to her but were stopped. You looked down at all the cords and IVs. “You’re awake! Oh precious Angel, you’re awake. “ you looked up as you hear hear speak. You reached for her and she hurried quickly to you.

————————————

*your POV*

You were sitting in the same small room that you have been since you arrived. Wishing, praying, hoping whatever you could do for Angel to wake up. You were just about to doze off when something caught your eye. You turned to see Angel trying to move. Tears pouring from your eyes. “You’re awake! Oh precious Angel. You’re awake.” You got up and hurried to him and cupped his face gently sobbing. “Are you okay? Are you hurting? Do you need anything? Do you remember what happened?”

He smiled. Same ole y/n. Always making sure everyone is okay and taken care of and going a mile a minute.

Ez appeared at his other side and placed a gentle hand on angel’s shoulder.

“Hey brother. Glad to have you back.”

Angel was still looking at you. He couldn’t believe you were standing there. He thought he would never see you again. He finally tore his eyes away from you and looked at his brother.

“Ez, what happened?”

“I’m gonna go get everyone while you explain.” You smiled and went to leave but Angel grabbed your hand. He didn’t care. He was afraid you were gonna disappear and he didn’t want you to leave. You could see the worry in his glossy eyes so you leaned down and put your forehead to his.

“I’m not going far. I will be right back, I swear.” You kissed his forehead and it sent his heart into a frenzy as you walked away to get everyone.

It was a busy couple hours. Everyone in and out. Doctors coming to check on him. Finally at the end of the night everyone has gone home. Except you. You never leave. You sat next to him. He looked at you. He had so much to say.

“Angel, i.”

“No.” He cut you off. “I was an ass. I fucked up and I’m sorry. I was trying to keep you from getting hurt and I.. “ he started to cry “I made it worse. I hurt you more than the club shit would have and I’m sorry. I love you y/n. I always have. I can’t tell you how sorry I am and i will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to. I missed you. I missed you so fucking much. I understand if you don’t want to give me another chance, but I just needed you to know. Fuck, I hate myself.”

You stared at him. Tears streaming down your face. You knew he was truly sorry. You knew any other person would have ran and told him you weren’t coming back but you just wanted to hold him and heal every broken piece of him. And that’s what you would do. You didn’t care if he was wrong. You loved him and you were tired Of waiting for that to go away. So you answered him the only way you knew how. You kissed him. You kissed him hard and fast his lips urgently moving against yours. He was holding you as close as he could never wanting to let you go. But all too soon you pulled away. You kept your eyes closed and placed your hand on his cheek.

“Please, don’t hate yourself. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I need you, too, Angel. I love you and I never stopped. I’m sorry I ran, I just couldn’t stay. It was too hard and now, I wish I had of. And I’m sorry”

“Querida, please don’t apologize to me. You have nothing to be sorry for. I deserved everything I went through. You, however, didn’t deserve any of that and I will hate myself forever for being the reason you felt any amount of pain. But if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I swear.”

You wiped the tears from your eyes and nodded your head.

“Angel, I would love nothing more than that.”

He pulled you close and he kissed you, softer this time but still just as needy he swore he’d never let you go again.

—————————————————————-

*two months later*

Everything had went back to normal. Angel got to come home 3 days after you guys talked, your aunt wished you both the best as she went back home and everything seemed okay again.

It was a Friday and it was another wild night at the clubhouse. Party was in full swing as you sat at the bar nursing your beer a smile on your face. This was home. This is where you were meant to be and this is where you would stay. You were watching coco and Bishop play a round of pull when all of the sudden Angel stood on the bar behind you, startling you.

“AYE CAN I PLEASE HAVE EVERYONES ATTENTION?” all eyes on Angel as he jumps off the bar and drapes his arm around you. “I know everyone knows that I am in love with y/n. Everyone also knows I fucked it up. “ you looked at him about to object but he put his finger up. “I don’t understand how such an amazing, beautiful, and caring woman would ever love me back and I can’t understand even more how she could forgive me for being such an idiot. But she did. I know we just assumed we picked up where we left off but I can’t do that.” You furrowed your brows. Confused on what he was saying. He turned to you holding your hand. “I promised you I would spend forever making things up to you. I intend to do just that but a start to forever needs something. Something that is and has always been yours.”

Angel got down on one knee and pulled out the ring you had given back the day you left. You had tears in your eyes and a smile on your face as he held your hand and looked at you with those beautiful big brown eyes.

“Y/n, will you please do me the honor of making me the happiest man in the world? Let me love and cherish you all the days of our lives and remind you everyday that you are queen of my heart. Y/n, will you marry me?”

You were crying as you nodded your head eagerly. “Yes, Angel Reyes! I will!

He smiled as he slid the ring on your finger and took you up in a hug and kissed you. Everyone clapping and cheering for you two.

“I hope you’re ready to spend forever with me, cause I’m never letting you go again.”

Angel kissed you again and you smiled cupping his cheek gently with your hand.

“I’ve never been more ready or more sure about anything in my life. I can’t wait to be Mrs Angel Reyes.”

———The end——-

@angelreyesgirl @auroraariza @spookys-girl @trulysuccubus @stunning-shitz @rosieposie0624 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @skyofficialxx @strawberrywritings @bucky-iss-bae @miss-nori85 @cind-in-real-life @deeandbobbymcgee @starrynite7114 @louisianalady @itsjaybeast @-im-fantastic-

[joheun-saram]

To Make A Power Couple (knj) | 05

Chapter 5: 30 under 30

previous | masterlist | next

Summary- After a bout of long distance our couple reunites for a weekend where they are both invited to the Forbes 30 under 30 celebration.

word count- 13k 😅

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- R

genre- series, slow burn, fluff, smut, strangers2lovers, angst (😱)

warnings- alcohol consumption, softdom!Joon, oral sex (f. receiving), orgasm denial, explicit sex, hints towards depressive mindset, overworking

a.n- new chapter? NEW CHAPTER! AND THERE’S ANGST?! I would like to point out that the Namjoon’s struggles in this chapter are in no way meant to reflect the real Namjoon’s thoughts. This is a fictional character. I use writing as an outlet to work through my own issues so the only headspace they accurately reflect is my own at times. If you relate, or need someone to talk to you, my messages are open - I’m here for you!

Thank you so much for the love you all have given this series so far! I’m loving writing this! Also, I’m still simping for this couple and writing the last two scenes was heartbreaking.

s/o to @moccahobi​ for beta reading! ily!

Feedback much appreciated! 💕

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​, @sscheherazadee, @rjsmochii​, @jinjccns, @joyful-jimin @sideblogger​ @agustdpeach @diamonddia-mond

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“So how much do I have to bribe Sejin to let us be in the same room for the Forbes thing?” You settled in bed, wearing one of your boyfriend’s t-shirts, as you Facetimed him a few countries away, his scent making you feel closer to him. To say his comeback had him busy was an understatement. Since the night you two had agreed on labeling your relationship, you only had a few weeks together to cuddle, visit your favorite places, and argue philosophies of the books you were reading, before being thrown into a long-distance relationship. First, your investor meetings had you traveling from San Francisco to Seoul every few weeks and then he set out on the Asian leg of his promotions and mini-tour. The days that you were in the same city were spent staying in bed and ordering take-out (mostly jjajangmyeon to satisfy Namjoon’s cravings), alternating between his apartment and yours.

“Literally nothing? Obviously we’re in the same room! He’s not gonna stop me from staying with my girlfriend who I haven’t seen in like two months.” He looked tired, his brows creased as he massaged his shoulder. Your heart panged wishing you could be there to massage it for him.

“Oh. But what if we get caught?” This was not a new concern. Since day one, you had to ensure that all your dates were private, pretending you both were single at events you were obligated to attend. He had an image to portray and although it sometimes weighed on you that you always had a group of friends with you whenever you went out in public and that you couldn’t hold hands during your outings, you respected him too much to tarnish his career.

“By who? The room service guy?” He rolled his eyes as he now started to punch his shoulders.

“Yes, or fans who hack the security system. I remember some One Direction fans doing that.” You pretended as if some of those fans were not your old university friends. You don’t talk to them anymore, but you have to admit it was hilarious seeing a group of coders hunched over their computers to get access to grainy pictures of Harry Styles walking in the hallways.

“You are so paranoid. We’ll be fine, baby. Trust me.” He dismissed you with a huff as he finally let go of his shoulders and moved on to removing his makeup.

“Also, I didn’t know you told your company.” You both had decided to wait to tell BigHit about your relationship until you were done with this long-distance leg, opting to go in together to announce it. Neither of you wanted to go public so you assumed the meeting was going to be quick and painless.

“I told people who needed to know. Hyung included.” He shrugged.

“Aww, I was looking forward to sneaking around some more!” You joked as he carried his phone to the bathroom to wash his face.

“You’re annoying.” He whined as he put on copious amounts of skincare before dropping on his hotel bed like a brick. Looking at his bare face, his dark circles and tired eyes were much more evident. Tonight’s show must have been really hard on him.

“Aw, do you miss me, baby?” You cooed, hoping to make him laugh. You wanted to hug him, cuddle with him as the little spoon as you usually did when he had a hard day, but all you could do at the moment was make jokes and hope that was enough. Shit, you missed him.

“I always miss you. Phone sex sucks.” He sighed, making himself comfortable among the pillows.

“I knew it! You only like me for the sex.” Just give me one laugh Namjoon, come on. A chuckle, anything!

“Yes and your sexy brain, pretty girl.” He laughed lightly as he stared at you through the screen, the longing in his eyes mirroring yours.

“Hey! That’s my line!” You giggled, relieved to see the crease between his brows finally disappear.

“Fuck! Three more days!” He said excitedly, shaking the phone in his hand making him look more like a crazed anime character with his new pink hair and lopsided glasses than your boyfriend.

“Three more days!” you squealed.

----------------------------------

Your body ached from the thirteen-hour flight as you walked through the lobby of the Metropolitan Detroit hotel with Siwon. Grateful for how organized Namjoon’s company was, you seamlessly checked in and made your way to your suite, dropping off your stuff before meeting Siwon at his to go over the weekend itinerary. Even though you knew he was still in the air since the boys and his flight wasn’t due to land for another five hours, you texted him your safe arrival.

Over the past four months since the gala, Jiyoung’s hard work had started to pay off. You were no longer an unknown entity controlling a company; you were now an “influencer entrepreneur”. Your personal social media, now closely tied to the company, showcasing not only usual photos of you at museums and galleries (courtesy of Namjoon’s camera) but photos of you in boardrooms and speaking at events (courtesy of Siwon’s camera). You had significantly surpassed your corporate accounts in followers over a month ago, with a steady stream coming in after your interview in a fashion magazine of all things (apparently your “street style” was deemed a breath of fresh air for businesswomen) and another stream coming in when you were invited to this year’s class of Forbes 30 under 30. 

Although you usually didn’t care for flashy awards such as this, Jiyoung had worked overtime on your nomination and the fact that you were one of the ten people invited from Korea made you pretty happy. The coverage and clout that came with your invite had made you a role model for young female entrepreneurs and that was something you were actually proud of. When you started out there were barely any female mentors and you wanted to change that, give back to other young women running their own ventures. You were excited to meet women around your age who you could relate to this weekend. This was one of the first years that there were this many women invited, making up almost 40%, and your extroverted self was buzzing. Of course, an added bonus was that out of the ten winners from Korea, one was your boyfriend and six were his bandmates, who were slowly but surely becoming your close friends as well. You had been looking forward to this weekend since it was announced a month ago.

Arriving at Siwon’s room you ordered some lunch and planned out the weekend. Tonight was a free night where you could explore the city and the pre-festival activities, although to be honest after almost two months apart, the only thing you’d be exploring tonight was your boyfriend. Tomorrow would be a brunch meet for all the winners followed by a gala in the evening filled with dancing, dinner, and drinks. Then the next day was the festival, which you were still undecided about wanting to attend or not.

“Honestly, it’s up to you. It seems pretty useless to attend if you want to hang out with Namjoon instead.” Siwon offered as you both started on a pro-con list for reasons to attend.

“I don’t know. What if there are some big clients we could get?” Although you missed him dearly, there was no way you could forgive yourself if you let your heart cloud your judgment.

“Yes, we can definitely teach Detroit some English.” Siwon rolled his eyes. “Most of the companies here are tech companies, too small for our caliber. Take a break. This month’s been tough.”

As much as you wanted to disagree with Siwon, he wasn’t wrong. This past month has probably been the toughest month for you in terms of deadlines and stress in the past two years. With the added pressure of maintaining a public persona, your days at the office had stretched from the usual ten hours to sixteen. Most of the time you would be holed up at your desk going through proposals or stuck in meetings with your board as you planned strategies after strategies for expansion into Japan only to get shut down and asked to reassess by one or multiple of them. On top of that, your evenings were booked with conferences where you were invited to speak, given your new spotlight. Most times when you reached home you barely had the energy to change as you fell into bed, falling asleep under ten minutes, usually with Namjoon on the phone as he went through similar motions. You were stressed. Even this short trip was cutting into your time and although you had made good use of the plane’s wifi to work, there was still one proposal that you would have to finish sometime this weekend. Suddenly, the idea of not going to the festival was looking better, so you relent to Siwon as you bid him goodbye and make your way back to your room.

After a quick shower, you decided to work on the proposal before Namjoon arrived but soon as you sat on the desk typing away, the exhaustion of the day caught up with you, and with your head on the table, you drifted to a dreamless sleep.           

----------------------------------------

Namjoon hadn’t been this excited in a long while. He could barely focus on the conversation in the car as he followed the little blue dot on his phone that was showing the way to the hotel. He had texted you as soon as he landed but you hadn’t responded and he was getting a bit antsy.

“Namjoon! Are you paying attention? Hey! I’m talking to you!” He begrudgingly looked up from his phone to see Jin pouting at him annoyed that he missed his comment. He rolled his eyes at him as he launched into a rant about him never listening to his stories. How Jin had this much energy after a twelve-hour flight was lost on him.  

“Let him be. He’s just excited to see Y/N.” Yoongi spoke, not even bothering to open his eyes. Although Namjoon was glad that Yoongi had his back, he wished he hadn’t said anything because suddenly everyone forgot about their long flight and started cooing. He felt himself get annoyed as their teasing increased but he couldn’t help the goofy grin that made its way to his face. He couldn’t be mad at them, they all had people at home they were missing, and he was lucky that unlike them he could get a break from missing you and actually hold you in his arms. He wouldn’t tell you but initially, his company had decided to send in their regrets for this event but he may or may not have convinced them to move the shoot for their new music video that was taking place in Los Angeles to next week so they could be here this weekend. If he had to just see you through his screen for another month he was going to go crazy. If it was up to him he would not leave your side at all the next three days.

Namjoon had to restrain himself from sprinting to his room as soon as he was handed the key card. He barely noticed a few of his members following him as he opened the door to spy you hunched over the desk in the corner of the large room, your laptop displaying multiple pictures of your friends and the both of you together. He figured you were asleep but he couldn’t wait to gently wake you up as he usually did, instead opting for screaming a loud “baby” and running to hug your sleeping form.

What he didn’t expect was for you to wake up so startled that you scream and elbow him in the ribs making him stumble backward till his butt met the floor, much to the entertainment of Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook who were cackling in the background.

“Oh my god! Joon?” He could see your face go from confusion to recognition and then into one of the most beautiful smiles he had seen as your puffy eyes go wide. “Joonie!”

You launched yourself from your chair into his arms as you collapsed on top of him in something between a hug and a cuddle as both of you fell to the floor erupting in giggles. Your scent enveloped him and he could feel himself getting delirious. He didn’t know whether it was the long flight or the long-distance but his heart felt like it was going to explode in his chest. He hadn’t been this happy in a long while.

“I missed you!” He exclaimed as he peppered aggressive pecks on top of your head, his arms around your shoulders tightening, making you squirm and laugh. Above you the maknaes squealed a chorus of “cute!”, cooing loudly.

“I missed you more!” You countered, grinning into his chest, before attempting to get up only to be pulled in tighter after Namjoon’s whine. “Babe, we have the whole weekend!”

“Hey! We missed her too! I want a hug!” Jimin mock yelled at Namjoon, who was now sitting up with you on his lap, still not letting you go.

“No. Get your own Y/N.” He pouts, placing a kiss to your shoulder as you giggle. You hadn’t seen this cute clingy side before and you were sure you had heart eyes. Ignoring his whining you managed to wriggle yourself out of his grip and stood up, greeting the boys. You barely talked for five minutes before Namjoon got impatient again and suggested “as their leader” they go rest after the long flight. You all made plans to meet up for dinner and drinks later that night to properly catch up.

You waved bye to the boys as Namjoon pushed them out the door, ignoring their groans. As soon as the door was closed, he grabbed you by the waist, his lips crashing into yours. The kiss was hungry, all tongues, teeth, and desperation. Your arms went around his neck, fingers pulling at his hair as his hands moved lower, groping your ass in an attempt to pull you even closer, grinding against you and making you moan into the kiss. Soon Namjoon was pinning you against the wall, his hands roaming all over your body as yours do on his.

“Missed my pretty girl,” Namjoon says after a few minutes, beaming and panting, his forehead against yours, his hand caressing your sides. Hearing your favorite nickname makes you melt. Even though his heart is beating a mile a minute, heat encasing his body, he hasn’t felt this relaxed in months. Just being in your presence puts him at ease.

“I really missed you.” You reach up to kiss him again, slower this time allowing yourself to relish him after being deprived for so long. He returns the kiss just as tenderly, making your heart melt in your chest as he cups your face, thumbs running over your cheeks. Even though things had started heated, this is what you truly missed, just being in each other's presence.

When you break the kiss, he lifts you up bridal style as you squeal, your arms automatically going around his neck. He grins at you, making you feel the same butterflies you had when you first met him as you poke his dimples, and he carries you to the bed, gently placing you among the pillows before kissing you again.

He was on top of you as you kissed, and you had almost forgotten what it felt to have him there with you as your tongues wrestled, his weight cushioning you to the mattress. Your hands reached the hem of his shirt, pulling it upwards till he sat on his knees to remove it, looking at you with his signature smirk as you ran your hands up his body, feeling the contours of his muscles, enjoying the way his chest flexed under them. That is until his smirk turned into one of the biggest yawns you had ever witnessed.

“Am I boring you, Joonie?” You saw his face flush as he looked at you sheepishly before leaning back over you and kissing your lips before moving on to your jaw.

“I read somewhere that yawns are just your brain's way of getting more oxygen” He whispered while gently kissing your neck, making you moan, as his hands moved under your shirt, roaming over your chest. “And all my blood’s somewhere else now so it makes sense” He kissed your ear, making you giggle.

“Wow your dirty talk sure has gotten scientific.” You couldn’t hold back your laughter as you processed what he had just said, your moans turning into cackles. He nipped at your ear as he leaned up to look at you, a goofy grin on his face.

“I’m out of practice!” He shrugged and pretended to glare at you but it only lasted a few seconds before he started laughing again because this time it was you who was yawning. Somehow the earlier sexual tension fades into comfort as you both get caught into a yawn loop.

“Maybe we should just nap first” you suggest pulling him back to you as you peck his lips.

“I do feel like I do better when I’m well-rested.” He lays on his side pulling you into him, one arm under your head and one around your waist. You hum in approval as you cozy up into him. You kiss as you slowly doze off, the adrenaline of your reunion wearing off into a soft glow of contentment.

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“Y/N! You have to call me oppa. We’re close enough! Stop calling me Mr. Seokjin!” You rolled your eyes as Jin yelled from the couch across from you. You had hung out with him quite a few times and every time he got drunk he insisted on making you call him by the term of endearment. You didn’t mind the term, in fact you called all your older male friends by it since moving to Korea, but riling up Jin till he started rapping was too funny an opportunity to pass up. 

“I can just call you Jin instead if you hate Mr Seokjin?” you smirked as the room around you burst into giggles. You were sitting on the couch in Hoseok’s room, leaning into Namjoon, his arm around your shoulders as he sipped his beer, shaking his head at your antics. After you and Namjoon had become official, you had made it a goal of yours to get to know most of his friends, as he had with yours. Before being separated, you would go out for dinners with your combined friends, and hearing them say they missed you warmed your heart. 

The first time you had had drinks together you had introduced them to King’s cup, one of your favorite drinking games from university, and their penchant for petty competitiveness and gross punishments made the game and you a regular occurrence whenever a few of you had free time together. In fact, Jungkook was so into it that he brought a deck of cards on tour to carry on the tradition, even though you had shown him multiple apps that could do the same. The same deck of cards was the one sprawled around the cup filled with Taehyung’s strawberry daiquiri, Siwon’s IPA, and Yoongi’s whiskey on the coffee table. No one was looking forward to pulling the next king card. 

The room was a bit crowded, filled with people. Although dinner was just you and the boys catching up, everyone had decided to invite the boys’ stylists and managers, as well as Siwon, for drinks. Hoseok had lost the game of rock, paper, scissors so he was made the begrudging host. 

“I’m older than you. You can’t call me just Jin!” he pouted, red cheeks puffed and arms crossed across his chest.

“Yeah by five months!” This is how this argument always went. It was pretty much scripted at this point, as evident by Taehyung who was gleefully mouthing the words before they even came out of your mouths. He’ll argue that Yoongi still called him hyung, you’d retort that’s because Jin forced him and that he was dumb for following through, Yoongi would then interrupt saying that he was still one month older than you and you’d rile up Jin more by calling Yoongi oppa the rest of the night while he would complain about you disrespecting Korean culture and you’d annoy him by telling him that he was disrespecting Canadian culture by not letting you use just his first name. You’d finally relent after seeing him stew only to pick up the same argument the next time you all drank together.

“Stop arguing and pick a card!” Hoseok whined, his sweet demeanor slowly phasing into his zombie persona with each sip of his drink. You loved hanging out with him but the man could not handle his alcohol. Namjoon kind of felt bad that Hobi was the host. He would normally offer him his bed once he inevitably passed out but Namjoon had other plans for his bed once this party was over.

Jin obliged as he picked up a card, careful not to break the circle lest he was forced to down his concoction of mini bar liquor and fruit punch. He picks up a jack, requiring him to start a game of Never Have I Ever.

“Alright, never have I ever disrespected Kim Seokjin.” He said smugly, looking straight at you egging you on to drink. You oblige by raising your glass to him before sipping your drink. To Jin’s annoyance, almost everyone else did that same thing, causing him to grumble.

“Okay that was a boring waste of a question,” Jimin states, rolling his eyes, already drunk sitting on the couch’s arm next to Namjoon. “Let’s make the couples here uncomfortable. Never have I ever had sex in public.”

Surprisingly, Namjoon, you and a stylist are the only ones that drink, making Jimin scream a loud “Kinky!” and prompting Sejin to start his lecture on being careful in the public eye since you were pretty known now and the press would have a field day. Before he can get into the full swing of his chiding, you decide to save you and Namjoon by protesting that you didn’t even hold his hand in public, let alone do anything else, and suddenly the whole atmosphere in the room changed. All eyes went from Namjoon to the stylist, with him glaring at Jimin and her awkwardly downing her drink before leaving. Confused and drunk, you don’t hesitate to ask what’s wrong in the silence that ensues, till it finally dawns on you. That’s the ex he worked with. Oh.

Namjoon could see the gears turning in your head as you put two and two together. He was going to kill Jimin and then himself. Why didn’t he think before taking a sip? He wanted tonight to end with you in his arms, not with you mad at him over something that happened two years ago. However, before he could think of how to make it up to you - maybe he could get you flowers or that whiskey you really like - you laugh, breaking the tension in the room.

“It’s okay guys, everyone has exes!” Still giggling you sip your drink while Jimin apologizes, waving him off. “Why would I get mad at this?”

That caused the room to return back to normal, people resuming the game and enjoying their drinks, but Namjoon was still confused. He knew you were a pretty rational person, but he had just told the whole room of your friends that he fucked his ex in public when you confirmed that he wouldn’t even hold your hand. Surely, he wasn’t wrong to assume that you would be at least a little peeved, but here you were laughing along at Jungkook’s stupid jokes without batting an eyelid. Before he could dwell too long on it, it was your turn to pull a card - pulling a king and effectively ending the game.

“Ewwww. I hate this. Ugh. Is this punishment for introducing you all to this game?” You scrunch your nose sniffing the liquid in the cup as the whole group chants “chug!”. Before you can put it to your lips, Namjoon grabs the cup from you.

“Allow me.” He says as he chugs the drink, almost in one shot, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and barely concealing the shiver that runs through him at the disgusting taste. Half the crowd boos as the other half coos at the chivalrous gesture. You can’t help smiling sweetly at him as he grimaces, and putting your arms around his waist pulling him in an embrace, exclaiming an overly exaggerated “My hero!”.

“Anything for my girl!” He says as he returns your hug and cups your face. “But you gotta suffer the taste with me!”

You’re not one for public displays of affection but you let him pull you into a sloppy kiss, almost forgetting your surroundings as he deepens it, his hand gripping your waist, his tongue tasting mostly of fake strawberry flavoring. Before you can get too carried away, you are interrupted by Yoongi, poking you both and wedging himself between you when you separate.

“Stop being gross! Some of us are single!” He says, making himself comfortable with an annoyed look on his face. 

“Awww hyung! They are so cute! Let them be gross!” A drunk Taehyung exclaims, clapping gleefully from the floor where he’s laying in Jungkook’s lap.

“Yeah! Rapmon hyung and Y/N noona are OTP!” Jungkook says as he sips his wine, almost dribbling it down his chin.

“Nobody says OTP anymore, kid.” Yoongi drawls but refuses to move from his position. “Plus I’m the one responsible for this okay? Your OTP would be nothing without me.” He looks smug as he finishes his sentence, sipping his drink and shrugging his shoulders. Namjoon and you exchange a smirk at his remark and proceed to hug your grumpy friend tightly from both sides much to his over the top protests. Namjoon was truly grateful Yoongi had given him the courage to speak to you that night. He can’t even begin to explain the impact you have made on his life. As he looked at you tipsy and giggling, now arguing with Yoongi over which Kanye album was the best, he felt his heart blossom. You were beautiful and he was in love with you. He was sure you weren’t there yet but he promised himself that before this trip was over he was going to tell you without chickening out at the last moment like the last four times. 

The party comes to an end soon after. Hoseok almost passes out after his third nursed drink and Sejin has the right mind to kick everyone out while Namjoon and Jimin help Hoseok to his bed, your heart warming as your equally drunk boyfriend forces him to brush his teeth and get into bed. Once Hoseok is firmly tucked in, Namjoon turns to you and squats.

“Get on!” He smiles looking at your direction.

“Joon we’re like two doors down. Get up!” You giggle tipsily at his offer to piggyback you.

“I wanna carry you!” He pouts against your protests, finally giving up on the piggyback after asking three times and instead draping you over his shoulder as you squeal. 

“You’re gonna hurt your shoulder!” You scream but your protests go unheard, even as you take the opportunity to smack his butt from your position, a smack that he returns with a warning to behave, but you’re feeling drunk and cheeky as you continue to smack him, even going so far to rap to the beat that you’re making as he unlocks the door to your room.

He tosses you on the bed, pinning your arms above your head before you can wrap them around him and smirks at you, his eyes full of mischief.

“See, I was going to apologize for my ex but you had to go and be a brat.” He kisses you breathless as he takes both your hands in one of his while the other moves under your shirt, raising goosebumps where it caresses your stomach.

“Apologize for what?” You pant as he breaks the kiss, and he can see the confusion on your face.

“You’re not mad?” Now it’s his turn to be confused. He was sure you were mad. He would’ve been mad. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t still thinking about it since the awkward incident.

“That you had sex with your ex-girlfriend while you were dating her?” You do a dramatic gasp as you giggle at his dumbfounded expression.

“Yeah… and told our friends about it.” He looks at you sheepishly, his earlier dominant persona fading into your soft boyfriend. His hand loosens its grip on yours as he searches your eyes for any signs of hurt, his eyebrows scrunched.

“Joon you fuck too good to have been a virgin when we met.” You lift one hand to poke at the crease between his brows as you laugh and he holds your wrist, still gauging your expression.

“You’re not mad? Or… jealous?”

“Pfft. I know I fucking rock your world better than she ever did.” You try your best to do a hair flip from where you lay under him, failing miserably and making him laugh, his head coming to rest on your shoulder.

“That you do, baby. That you do.” He pecks your shoulder as he moves to your neck, kissing up to your jaw before crashing his lips onto yours. As your hands go to his hair, he brings them back over your head, breaking your kiss but not before pulling your lower lip with his teeth, coaxing a moan from you. “But you’re still getting spanked for being a brat.”

You feel his deep voice reverberate through to your core as you look at the lust in his eyes and feel yourself getting wetter. He kisses you again, his arm hooking under your waist as he sits up pulling you with him, making you gasp at the sudden movement, your arms going around his neck. Your heart’s beating a mile a minute as you make out in his lap, grinding slowly. Even after months of being together you still can’t get used to how easily his switch to this persona turns you to putty. You whimper as his hands find your ass, his fingers groping the muscle hard enough to bruise.

“Get naked.” If you were wet before, you’re dripping now as he moves you off his lap, sitting on the edge of the bed, his legs spread and leaning on his elbows. You decide to make a show of it, jumping off the bed and slowly peeling off the layers. You smile over your shoulder as you rid yourself of your bra, watching him smile, eyes hooded, from where he watches relaxed. Your hands find the waistband of your jeans, slowly unbuttoning them and shimmying out of them, swaying your hips as you do. You’re sure you would find this strip tease embarrassing if it weren’t for how his hungry eyes drink in every expanse of new skin exposed. You bend down to give him a view of your ass as you pull your panties off, a thread of your slick following them as they reach the floor, making him groan loudly. “Fuck. I love your ass.”

You drape yourself on his lap, the material of his jeans on your bare skin making you shiver in excitement as he gently caresses your behind. “Since you love rapping so much, how about you rap that song from earlier, hmm?” he says as he lands a loud smack without warning making you jump at the contact. The sharp pain quickly ebbs into pleasure as he soothes the heated skin under his big palm. “What’s your safeword?”

“Rap monster.” That is not your safeword, but your drunk self thinks it’s the funniest joke as you giggle looking up at him to see his face crack into the smallest of smiles before reverting back to a stern look as he glares at you.

“Seems like someone doesn’t want to cum tonight.” He smacks you again, harder this time making you gasp before you’re apologizing at his threat. Namjoon watches your skin bloom red as he tries to maintain his composure. Trust you to make jokes even when he’s spanking you, and trust him for finding it funny.

“Sunflower! It’s sunflower!” you yell as his hand lands yet again on your ass.

“Good girl. Let’s hear that rap then.” You’re not even sure what song you’re mumbling as his hand rains on your behind, each spank making you wetter till you’re dripping down your thighs and whimpering in his hold.

“Fuck so wet for me.” He hisses as his fingers trace your swollen folds making you jump and mewl as he lightly caresses your throbbing clit. He leans down to kiss your red cheeks as he guides you off his lap and on to the bed and lies on top of you, smiling brightly as he cups your face to kiss you, slow and deep. “You did so well, baby. You’re really into ASAP nowadays aren’t you?”

“You really need some variation in the playlists you send me.” You quip, chuckling as you gently guide his face back to yours, kissing him again, his tongue intertwining with yours. As he leans on one elbow, his other hand makes its way down your body, stopping briefly to tweak each nipple and making you moan before he reaches the apex of your thighs. His fingers dip in you slightly gathering your arousal before starting to circle your clit as he starts kissing your neck, suckling the spot he knows makes you go crazy. It’s like your whole body’s on fire as he finds a rhythm, driving you quickly towards the edge, your mind turning blank as eyes squeeze shut and your lips moan his name. You’re so close and he can feel it by how your nails dig into his shoulders, making him hiss, but before you can cum he moves his hand away, bringing his fingers to his lips to clean them as he watches you glare at him with a whine.

“You really think I’ll forget your little joke earlier?” He whispers in your ear, his voice deeper than usual, as he nips on it before sitting up between your legs and unceremoniously stripping himself of his shirt and jeans. The sight of the bulge in his boxers makes your walls clench around nothing as you stare at him open-mouthed. Enjoying your reaction, he places one of your legs on his shoulders, the back of your knee fitting perfectly next to his neck as he moves back towards you, his clothed length pressing against your core as he kisses you again roughly, making you whimper as his hands dig into your sides. Your leg burns as he licks and kisses down your jaw towards your chest, his lips taking a nipple and rolling it around with his tongue. You’re sure he can feel your wetness seep through his boxers as he grinds into you agonizingly slow. He nips at your chest and you moan as your back arches off the bed into him.

He continues his slow kisses down your body turning you into a writhing mess under him. You think you’re going to lose your mind by the time he gets past your hip bone and places a chaste kiss on the top of your mound before moving on to your thigh, nibbling at the sensitive skin and paying no attention to your dripping core making a mess of the sheets.

“Joon please…” you beg, rolling your hips to entice him as he pays you no mind, placing an arm over your hips to halt your motion and continues to mark your other thigh. When he’s fully satisfied by his work, he places his forearms under your thighs and pulls to close to his face, licking a stripe from your entrance to your clit, and it’s like you’ve been electrocuted; your earlier orgasm picking back up as your back arches off the bed, the moan emitting from you barely sounding like yourself. You clasp a hand over your mouth in shock as he continues licking you, his tongue expertly flicking at your clit before he adds two fingers inside you, the digits slipping in easily, making your walls clench around them. He hooks his fingers and you try to grind against him to no success as his arm pushes your hips into the bed. He relishes your moans as your hand moves from your mouth to grasp at the sheets, the sensation too overwhelming as your eyes close shut. 

“Are you close baby? You’re not allowed to cum till I tell you.” He feels your walls tighten around his fingers as he thrusts faster and a chant of please rolls off your tongue, your hand twisting in your hair. It’s like every cell in your body is alight from your toes to your scalp, tingling as you get closer, your eyes welling up with pleasure. But once again before you can come undone, his fingers slow down to a snail’s pace, his mouth moving away. The frustration builds in you as a few tears escape and your fists punch the mattress.

He chuckles lightly as he sees you pout under him as, your hair a mess, your lips swollen and red from where you’ve bitten them. God, even glaring at him like you’re gonna kill him, you look adorable. Deciding he’s taught you a lesson, he pulls his dick out of his boxers, his tip swollen and weeping with precum, and lines it towards your entrance, teasing you further and gathering your juices.

Your eyes roll back with pleasure as he replaces his fingers with his cock, filling you to the hilt in one swift motion. The stretch combined with his teasing makes your head hazy and you can hear him groan above you as he puts both your legs in the air together, holding them against his chest with one arm as he thrusts into you slow and hard. You feel so much tighter in this position and he has to bite his lip to ensure he doesn’t cum immediately. You can feel every vein and ridge as he moves slowly and deliberately and even at this pace you are getting close.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck Joonie… please can I cum? Please I’m so close!” You don’t care that you’re yelling, you’re desperate for release, the earlier tension returning tenfold. You vow to break up with him if he denies you one more time. Fortunately for your relationship, he increases his pace, making you see stars.

“Hold it just a little bit longer baby.” His pace doesn’t falter and you’re writhing against him, a babble of incoherent pleas escaping your lips as your hands try to grab on to his forearm. Your legs are shaking and he can feel your walls tighten harder around him. He increases his speed as your pleas get louder.

“Okay baby. Cum for me.” At his command, your vision goes black and it’s like your body is one big nerve ending, pleasure zipping through you making you cry out his name as you spasm in his hold. He fucks you through your orgasm, pace not faltering, till you go limp, your breath coming out in loud pants as he praises you. “That’s my girl. Good job, baby.”

Without changing his speed, he releases your legs, pushing them to your chest as he leans down and kisses you. The new angle hitting your g-spot as you whine in his mouth at the oversensitivity, but instead of slowing down, he picks up his pace yet again, his fingers coming to trace your sensitive clit, making your head buzz with the overwhelming sensation.

“I can’t… Joon,” you whine as he fucks you hard, panting above you and you can tell he’s close.

“Do you want to use your safeword?” He looks at you with concern, slowing down and closely reading your expression. As you tell him no his hips snap into you again, his fingers working faster on your clit as the pain morphs to pleasure. He’s chasing his release, his movements becoming sloppy.

“Cum again baby. I know you can do it. Come on, that’s it” And soon you’re cumming again, screaming as tears fall down your face and your walls clench around him coaxing him to orgasm. He grunts loudly, moaning your name multiple times, as he cums, painting your walls with his seed. His breath is heavy as he pulls out and watches his cum dribble out of you, using two fingers to push it back in before he collapses on the bed next to you.

He brings his fingers up to your lips and you happily suck on them before he pulls them out and kisses you gently, his hand smoothing your hair. He then puts his arm under your head as he cuddles you into his chest, his other arm pulling your waist into him and his legs over yours. You’ve never felt safer or more comfortable than you do tangled up in him.

“Are you okay?” He asks as he gently caresses your cheek, wiping your runny mascara with his thumb, kissing you once again.

“Holy fuck. That was-” Your voice is hoarse from your screaming and you have to clear your throat a couple of times before you can speak clearly. “That was amazing.”

“Phew! The suspense was killing me!” He laughs as you playfully swat at his chest before pulling his lips on yours again. “Shower?”

“Yes. But this time you really have to carry me.” You raise your hands grabbing at the air as he stands up.

“I got you, pretty girl.” He grins widely, his eyes scrunched together, as he kisses your forehead, picking you off the bed and carrying you to the bathroom. 

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Namjoon looked at you from across the room as you chatted with a group of women with a cup of coffee, your breakfast untouched, totally distracted from the guy who was telling him about some app he had made for producers to make it easier to find samples. He rarely got to see you in your professional element. In fact, the only time he had seen you was during the gala and he felt an unparalleled surge of pride. The way you carried yourself was so different than when you were with him. It wasn’t that you weren’t relaxed, it was just effortless - the way you seemed to answer each question with confident authority, the way you gave advice to people who were probably much older than you, and especially the way you tried to engage the quieter people of the group in conversations. It reminded him of why you had caught his eye the first time he met you, and why he was so unbelievably whipped for you. Your duality of being goofy and sexy when you were alone to being this serious vat of knowledge and experience when networking made him weak in the knees.

“So do you think you would use it?” The founder of the sampling app, Lee Seungmin, asked Namjoon. Seungmin was one of the other people invited from Korea, and seemed pretty adamant on selling his product to Namjoon. It took all of his energy to rip his gaze away from you.

“I’m sorry I missed that. What did you ask?” Namjoon asked politely, looking at the shorter, much chubbier man dressed in slacks and a shirt with his company logo on it.

“Wouldn’t blame you. She’s really hot, eh?” Seungmin jokes, making Namjoon choke on his coffee. Although he knows that this guy isn’t privy to your relationship, it makes him a little annoyed at his comment. Who was he to dare objectify you?

“Yes, but I don’t think they invite people here for their looks.” He couldn’t help how curt his tone was effectively shutting him up and making him move away to talk to someone else at the table. Namjoon would feel bad if he didn’t overhear him start the conversation about you with the next guy. Rolling his eyes, he went back to his lunch, talking to Hoseok and Yoongi instead, wishing this brunch went by faster than it did. He was getting sick of people trying to suck up to him or sell him something. Someone even had the audacity to ask him to pose with their product so they could put it on their website. He politely declined, but the thinly veiled attempts at using him and his members for clout were starting to get on his nerves. He could feel himself getting stressed, much like he did when he had to pretend to be perfect for the media, and falling back into the headspace of last month - cloudy, annoyed, and frustrated.

He was relieved when you both arrived back at the room. You held his arm for support as you leaned down to take off your heels, sighing in relief as your feet met the flat ground.

“God, I hate heels!” You exclaimed as you walked over, dropping your blazer on the ground and plopped on the couch, stretching your feet. Namjoon picked your jacket off the floor, draping it on one of the chairs as he situated himself on the other end of the sofa, putting your legs on his lap.

“Since when do you wear heels?” He asks, as he gently runs his hands over your legs, covered with a pair of navy pants.

“Too often nowadays.” You sigh with your eyes closed, and he can’t help frowning at how tired you looked, even though it’s barely past 2 pm.

“You okay, babe? Want a foot massage?” He doesn’t wait for your answer as he starts massaging your feet, smiling as you relax further into the couch.

“Shit. That feels good!” You moan as you relax. “You know they don’t give Grammys for best boyfriends, right?”

“I’m offended you think I’m doing this for something as dumb as a Grammy.” He chuckles, but he knows you well enough to know that you’re avoiding the topic. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing. I’m just stressed about work. Don’t worry about it.” At that you pull your legs from under his hands, walking over to grab your laptop before sitting on the couch again to start working, eyebrows furrowed as soon as you open the your laptop. Namjoon knows he shouldn’t take your dismissal to heart, but he can’t help be taken aback by your lack of openness. You always told him what was on your mind and he felt his heart ache that you didn’t want to share what was wrong. He couldn’t fully blame you. He hadn’t told you about his stresses this past month either, but unlike him, you hadn’t even noticed he was stressed. It made him a little wary, bringing his thoughts back to last night and your reaction, or lack thereof, to meeting his ex. As much as it hurt him, maybe he was right after all. You didn’t love him yet. He sighed as he got up to grab his book, hoping that he could change that before leaving you tomorrow night.

After a few hours of work, you started to feel bad for ignoring Namjoon. He had been nothing but doting this whole trip and you hated yourself for having to finish this proposal this weekend. Feeling your brain turn to mush anyways, you stretched as you walked over to your suitcase, watching your boyfriend who seemed to be engrossed in his book. You felt guilty for avoiding his questions earlier but you could see how stressed he had been from work - in fact, Jungkook had told you as much over text last week when he shared that Namjoon had collapsed during rehearsals. You knew how empathetic he was, he would do everything in his power to make sure you were feeling good, so how could you burden him with your stresses when he had so many of his own. Sure this last month had been hell and you were barely functioning but if you told him that, you know he would worry about you, and you would rather bottle everything up than have him worry.

Reaching into your suitcase, you took out his favorite packet of ramen, hiding it behind your back as you moved over to stand in front of him.

“I got you a present.” You bent down till you were face to face as he looked up at you with a smile and kissed him gently.

“I think you’ve already given me this present.” He said as he cupped your face and kissed you again, lingering longer.

You laugh as you straighten up and pull the ramen from behind your back, watching his eyes go wide in excitement as he grabs it, his dimples poking his cheeks as he hugs you. You knew he always missed home when on tour even if it was just an Asian tour, and his ramen cravings were the top priority when he arrived back to Korea. You hoped this would cheer him up as you grabbed the packet and walked over to the kettle, starting the water.

“Speaking of presents, I was saving this for tomorrow, but now I’m excited.” He says before grabbing the slim velvet box from his bag and walking over to you, wrapping you in a back hug as you pour the seasoning from the packet into the cup of dry ramen. He puts the box in front you and opens it, making it now your turn to go wide-eyed.

Inside the box is a necklace with the most delicate gold chain holding a pendant shaped like a gold slice of pizza with pepperoni made of small rubies. It would seem tacky if it didn’t look so intricate. No one had given you a gift that was so you, and it made you speechless.

“I know it’s cheesy but I saw it in Tokyo and it reminded me of our first date, but if you don’t like it I can take it back and I’m sure I can return it, I mean they gave me a gift receipt and everything.” Namjoon knew he was rambling but you were eerily quiet and the fact that he couldn’t see your face made him uneasy. 

“It’s perfect,” you whisper as you turn around, your eyes glistening as you wrap your arms around his neck. He was alarmed. You never got emotional, even when you both watched Up together you barely showed any signs of being moved while he was sobbing. 

“It was meant to be for our 100 day anniversary next week but I thought I’d give it early.” He pressed his forehead to yours, drinking in your smile as he held you tighter.

“I’m literally the worst girlfriend. I forgot about that.” You frowned as you looked away before you looked back at him, your eyes wide. “Oh my god! I only got you ramen! What the fuck is wrong with me?!”

“Y/N… Relax. I didn’t get you a present for you to get me one. Plus I know you’re nothing without your calendar app. I swear you’d forget to eat without it.” He laughed trying to reassure you as he kissed your frown away. “If anything it’s Siwon’s fault for not programming it in there.”

“I don’t deserve you.” You sigh as you hug him tightly, making Namjoon’s heart swoon as you ask him to put the necklace on you. He does so, kissing the nape of your neck where he clasps it and telling you that you deserve the world. You wanted to tell him you loved him before you chickened out again but before the words could make it out of your lips his were against them.

Later that night, he feels even happier as he sees you wear it to the gala. Even though he knows he can’t hold your hand, the fact that you have a symbol of his love for you around your neck makes him giddy.

--------------------------------

“Joon, seriously. I have to get this done.” You giggle as he kisses your neck, moving the strap of your tank to the side as he continues lavishing you in kisses. Namjoon was impatient. He had spent the whole night watching you from afar. He’d be damned if he had to wait any longer to have you in his arms. Work can go to hell.

To say that Namjoon hated the gala would be an understatement. First, you and Yoongi ended up unintentionally matching, and he found himself irrationally jealous at the fact that his stylist didn’t choose the Louis Vitton outfit for him so he could match with you. Second, even though all the attendees were placed on tables according to country, you had decided to sit next to none other than Lee Seungmin, the creep checking you out at brunch, who wasted no opportunity to shamelessly flirt with you, even going so far as to put his hand on your thigh a couple of times. The number of times you politely rejected him for him not to get the hint made Namjoon’s blood boil, so much so that Jin had to poke him to relax his face lest the photographers captured his reaction. And lastly, when he had to watch you dance with some old men as you were too polite to refuse, while they leered at you. Through it all, Namjoon could just watch helplessly as you seemed more uncomfortable. Now that you were both back to your room and in your pajamas, he just wanted to hold you before all the jealousy and insecurity of the night caught up with him. He knew if he kissed your neck enough, you’d soon comply.

“Do it later. We only have till tomorrow. Let’s watch a movie together?” He gives you another kiss that makes your breath hitch, a soft moan escaping your lips. Before you can get too carried away, you move his head away from you, sighing and gathering all your self-control. If you didn’t finish this proposal today you’d be in big trouble - like losing a multimillion-dollar contract big trouble. As much as you wanted to just forget work existed, you had to take a two-hour reality check on this trip.

“I can’t do that. Please understand.” You looked at him softly, but Namjoon couldn’t help getting annoyed. Didn’t you yearn for him like he did at that gala? Were you happy to be hit on by those creeps?

“Are you seriously being like this right now?” He scoffed, pulling away from you, eyebrows knitted together. Namjoon couldn’t understand why you had to work right now. You had been apart for so long, didn’t you want to spend as much time with him as he wanted to with you?

“Like what? I told you I need to have this done by tomorrow.” He could hear the familiar edge in your voice. You were starting to get annoyed.

“Do you know how much groveling I had to do to get this weekend together and you’re going to waste it on stupid work?” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. You didn’t know he “groveled”, as far as you were aware this was part of his schedule. Why was he being so difficult all of a sudden? It’s not like you had a choice. Does he think you would seriously spend time away from him if you didn’t have to?

“Are you seriously mad at me for taking two hours, two hours, out of three days to finish some work?”

“Yes because these three days are all we get together for the next month.” Namjoon knew he was being stupid, two hours were not a big deal, but at the moment he couldn’t help but feel abandoned like somehow the scales in the relationship had tipped where the balance of affection was off. He cared so much for you, why couldn’t you feel the same?

“Oh don’t be dramatic. I will be done soon.” You snapped, your attention turning back to the screen. If Namjoon was going to throw a tantrum there was no reason for you to indulge him.

“Don’t dismiss me like that. You’re the boss, just tell the people to wait. Or delay it.” He walked closer to you, shutting your laptop, standing with his arms crossed. He wanted your full attention, and he was going to demand it. He hated how condescending you were being.

“Are you kidding me? I can’t do that. This is for a client.” You stand up facing him, anger flowing through you, indignation plastered on your features. Even though he was significantly taller than you, your glare could have made anyone feel small.

“Just do it later and apologize.” Namjoon knew he was being stubborn, but the reason for the fight was forgotten, he just wanted you to admit that you were wrong. As childish as it seemed, he wanted to win. 

“What the fuck? I have a whole company that I need to pay, I can’t just skip shit.”

“Oh don’t give me that bullshit. Missing one deadline won’t make you miss payroll - you’re not a struggling small company anymore.” That hit a nerve, he could see it in your eyes as they flared with anger. He would feel bad for making you angry if he weren’t so happy to get a reaction.

“The fucking hypocrisy. Sure Namjoon, have RM miss a concert. It’s okay you’re not a struggling small band anymore!” You poked him in the chest as you moved closer. He hadn’t seen this side of you before. You had never been angry with him before. You had never fought like this before. Your anger only seemed to fuel his. He had no control over his schedule, you did. Why couldn’t you understand that fundamental difference?

“That is not the same thing. You are overworking yourself for no reason.” He was talking with his hands, you knew he only acted like that when he was pissed, but you were not going to have any of this petty behavior. For all his bull and bluster about being a feminist, he’s going to pull this shit on you? His job is great and not stressful or busy but when it comes to you he’s going to pull the overworking card? When he literally collapsed during rehearsal last week and hid it from you? You were livid.

“You’re going to talk to me about overworking?” You laughed sarcastically, your eyes burning. “Oh is it not the same thing because it's my job and not yours?” 

“You know that’s not what I meant. Whatever. Fuck this. Enjoy writing your proposal!” Namjoon couldn’t argue anymore. He felt his anger rising to a point where he knew he was going to say something he regretted if he hadn’t already. Using his one remaining rational brain cell, he walked out of the room, not before maliciously slamming the door behind him.

“I will!” you screamed into the empty room, panting with anger as you picked up the water bottle on your desk and threw it across the room, tears in your eyes.

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Y/N: Have you seen Namjoon? He’s not responding.

Yoongi: Isn’t he with you?

Y/N: No.

Yoongi: What happened?

Y/N: Nothing, we just had an argument and I haven’t seen him. It’s been two hours.

Yoongi: Okay don’t worry. We’ll find him.

Y/N: Thanks Yoongs

Yoongi: Where are you?

Yoongi: Hello?

Yoongi: Namjoon. Answer your phone.

Yoongi: Y/N is really worried about you

Yoongi: Listen Namjoon if you don’t answer in the next five minutes, I’m reporting you missing

Yoongi: Enjoy that press 

Namjoon: Stop calling me. I’m fine.

Yoongi: No. Where the fuck are you?

Namjoon: I’m just on the roof.

Namjoon: Please don’t come here. I just want to be alone.

Yoongi: Are you okay? Y/N told me you guys had a fight

Namjoon: I’ll be fine. Don’t tell her where I am.

Yoongi: Okay. Text me if you need a friend.

Namjoon: Thanks hyung.

Yoongi: He’s on the roof. He said he’s fine, but not to tell you.

Y/N: Thanks friend

Yoongi: You should go find him

Y/N: He doesn’t want me, there he made that clear

Yoongi: I’ve known him and lived with him for a decade, trust me. He needs you.

Y/N: Okay, but if we break up it’s on you.

Yoongi: Just go find him Y/N.

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Namjoon rubbed his face as he sat on the rooftop of the hotel, his back against the railing. Replying to Yoongi he tossed his phone aside. He’d been sitting here for the past couple of hours his anger dissipating into guilt far too quick. Dried tears streaked his face as he tried to gather the courage to go back to the room. 

He was scared. The image of your angry face as he dismissed your work popping in his head. He didn’t know why he did that. He respected what you did, but he felt like a hypocrite. All his exes he dismissed when they asked him to take care of himself and not overwork. All the times they came to his studio to force him to leave, only to have the same look of anger that you gave him. He laughed bitterly as he pulled his legs to his chest.

At the edge of the guilt, he could feel it again, the same feeling he’d had since the comeback started, a sort of brain slush. Like a haze shackling him in place. He had felt it many times before but it was never this strong, this force of unproductivity, making him want to forget everything and hide. The stress of this comeback wasn’t any different than other ones. He always made it a priority to write new music in between promotions and shows but his creative block from four months ago was back and nastier. He could feel it gnaw at his neurons, forcing him to stay awake for hours after he should be in bed staring at a blank Ableton file. Usually, he could trick his mind out of this fog by working harder, but lately, it was like it was getting thicker seeping into every aspect of his life, painting his vision sepia, making every movement robotic. 

He remembers when encouraging messages from ARMY would make him happy, excited to make more music for them but nowadays it just made him feel guilty. He wasn’t doing enough for them, he couldn’t even string together a series of 808s without it sounding like a gimmick or worse like plagiarism. Last week he had fucked up so bad that his body shook from the memory. He had stayed up all night in some sick form of self-harm, scrolling through hate comments on Twitter then Reddit. He was never sadder to know multiple languages because even if the characters were different the messages were the same. He was a shitty musician, too overhyped by fans, his awards were bought by his company, his dances sucked, he tried too hard, and of course that he was too ugly to be an idol. His rational side would argue that these messages were meant to hurt him, his friends and you would comfort him by telling him they were lies, but he never told anyone about this habit, and his rational side often lost out. If anyone asked why he did this he would say to fuel another song, but he knew the real reason - he just couldn’t stop. So he stayed up all night till his eyes were dry and scratchy from staring at the screen, and had three espresso shots before the show even though he hated espresso, his body eventually giving out during rehearsals. He got quite a few lectures about that. A leader’s job is to set a good example. You have been doing this for so long, be a professional play in your limits. But there were no limits, not when it literally took a mantra of just “power through it” to get out of bed and shower.

He had been hoping this weekend would solve everything - that seeing you would solve everything. As he sat on the roof, the first few drops of rain falling on him, he curled in further into himself. It wasn’t your responsibility to make him happy, clear the fog, but you had done it the first day. His mind felt clear but it was gone too soon. He didn’t know when it happened but he could see it after a while that you didn’t feel the same way he did. You didn’t crave to be next to him like he did, speaking affirmations in his ear as he did in yours. Hell, even when you saw his ex for the first time, you barely reacted. Maybe it was the way you were so adamant that he not leave any marks because you might not be able to cover them this weekend, or the way you made sure to not sit next to him at the gala even when you were seated on the same table by some stroke of luck. You didn’t love him like he did, and he would be happy with scraps, but he couldn’t afford to miss you more than he did. He laughed again, cackling maniacally, as he realized where he was: a rooftop in the middle of a downpour, just because you once said rooftops had magical healing powers. There was nothing healing about being alone looking at lights shining in offices no one was in - it was lonely.

He was so desperate to feel anything other than this fog that even anger was a better option. Maybe he wanted you to put him out of his misery, leave him as he was sure you would eventually before he burdened you with more of his fucked up life before he relied on you further just to have his legs cut out from under him. He sighed, shivering even though the rain was warm, resting his head on his knees. Could he survive if you left him tonight, justly so?

“Joon…?” You call out as you reach the rooftop, searching for him through the rain.

“I told hyung not to tell you. I wanna be alone” You barely hear him mumble from the corner and you make your way over to the dark figure. He’s hunched in on himself, his arms around his knees, his face in his hands and it breaks your heart. Your boyfriend is a tall, broad man who can easily throw you across the room if he wants to, but at this moment, he looks small, almost tiny. It takes everything in you to not just go and wrap him in your arms. 

“Namjoon, what are you doing?” You squat in front of him, resting your hands on his arms. You wouldn’t usually push him like this when he seems distraught, you knew he didn’t respond too well to direct conflict but you needed him to let you in, your inherent need to fix going into hyperdrive. When he refuses to look at you, you cup his face and pull it up firmly to look into his eyes. He looks like he’s been crying and it makes your eyes well up. “Look at me. Why are you driving me away?”

With nowhere to run, all he can see is your face, your eyes puffy, red-rimmed and glassy, your nose a dusty pink. He made you cry. He made the person he was supposed to take care of cry because he got pissy over something she couldn’t control, something he was guilty of as well. All his guilt bit at his chest again and he hated himself. You didn’t deserve this. You should leave him. Why were you here in the rain trying to comfort him when he was such a useless asshole?

“Fuck... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His voice sounded hoarse and broken, and he knew all the apologies in the world wouldn’t make him worthy of forgiveness. He wished you’d just leave and let him wallow in the rain by himself - he deserved that. Tears filled his eyes and he hoped the rain would ensure they were invisible.

“Hey, hey. Baby, it’s okay.” You kissed him on the forehead, settling on your knees in front of him. His eyes were wide as he looked at you, his hands on top of yours, gripping your hands a little too tight.

“I… don’t know why I picked a fight.” He averted his gaze, not having the courage to look at you.

“It’s okay.” You move your hands to the back of his neck as he places his on your shoulders, opening his legs wide enough for you to move closer, your forehead against his as you caress the hair on his nape. 

“No, it’s not. Fuck! It’s like when I saw you yesterday I could finally breathe! I’ve felt so numb these few months but when I saw you, it’s like I could finally be happy.” He cups your face. He knows he needs to be honest but he doesn't know where to start.

“Joonie…”

“And then I could feel it escape again. I felt it. My head getting cloudy like I was slowly going underwater, and I don’t know… I just… I can’t ask you to be responsible for my happiness. It’s not fair to you. I can’t. I can’t.” He knows he’s not making any sense but his chest feels tight and he can’t fight his tears anymore as they mix with the raindrops on his cheeks. He can feel himself hyperventilating. He doesn’t know why he can’t tell you this without breaking down. What was wrong with him? Maybe that’s why you didn’t love him. Maybe that’s why you never got jealous because you knew he wasn’t worth it. How could he support you when he could barely stand by himself. He was so fucked up. 

“Joonie. It’s okay. Just breathe, okay? You’re okay.” You cradle his head against your chest, kissing the top of his head.

“I can’t lose you Y/N. I can’t be the jealous idiot that I always am and lose you.” He’s clawing at your sweater, pulling you closer than you are, making your eyes well up at his desperation. Why does he think he’s going to lose you? As far as you knew you had never given him any indication of that. You loved him and you couldn’t imagine a future without him.

“Namjoon. Look at me. It’s going to take more than a stupid fight to drive me away.” You pull his face away from your sweater and hold his gaze, his eyes red and still full of tears. The image breaks your heart but you hope you can convey your honesty to him.

“No, but you shouldn’t be with me. I’m fucked up, you know. You deserve better.” His actions speak otherwise as he holds your upper arms in both his hands tight enough to bruise as if you would disappear if he let go.

“Where is this coming from? Namjoon you’re not fucked up, you’re human. I don’t care how fucked up you think you are. I love you.” You look deep into his eyes, urging him to believe you. You had been trying to tell him you loved him all day but you always chickened out, but not now. You needed him to know that you were here for him. You were dying to know what started this, why he felt this way, but you needed him to realize that you had no plans of leaving.

“You… love me?” His voice was almost inaudible as his bottom lip quivered.

“Of course I love you. I love you - good parts and bad parts. I love 100% of you.” You kissed him gently, wiping at his face with your thumbs.

“Why?”

“Cause you’re you. You make me happy, even when you make me mad you make me happy.” You put your forehead against his again as the rain picked up, pelting the both of you. “Just don’t run away from me, please?”

“I don't deserve you. Fuck. I love you so much it scares me.” He kisses you at that, rough and full of yearning. It’s like the first kiss you shared this weekend and it makes your heart ache. Did he feel this way when he saw you again yesterday? Like he didn’t deserve you? You wished you could go into his head and learn all his worries - this did not seem like only work stress to you.

“Hey. I’m scared too okay? It just means it’s real.”

“How do you do that? How do you sound so sure all the time?” His head is on your shoulder as you caress his hair. It seems as if all the energy has been drained from his body as his grip on you loosens and you feel his weight lean on you.

“Because I believe in us. We’re Rapmon hyung and Y/N noona. We’re OTP, remember?” You lift his face and smile at him as he musters a small one of his own, as you kiss him again. “Let’s get out of the rain, okay baby?”

You both are drenched from the rain when you get back to your room, and you lead Namjoon to the bathroom. He just stands there, eyes glassy as you start a bath and grab a towel, drying the rain on his body. Once the bath is full and bubbly, you undress him and guide him in, discarding your own own clothes before climbing in behind him.

“I always sit behind you when we bathe.” He says, voice barely audible.

“Let me wash your hair, is that okay?” you say tentatively, kissing the back of his neck as he nods.

Suddenly, his head snaps up as he speaks loudly, a slight panic in his voice. “I have to use the special shampoo so the colour doesn’t fade.”

“Yeah. I have it right here.” You smile as he relaxes and you foam the shampoo on his pink hair, massaging his scalp gently. You take your time, washing it out before moving onto the conditioner, letting it sit as you massage his shoulders. You hear him sniff as you work at the knots. As you’re washing the conditioner off his hair, he turns at the waist, bringing one hand to your cheek as he looks at you. You realize he was still crying as your own eyes threaten to fill with tears.

“Thank you, Y/N. I… I know I don’t deserve this. Thank you.”

“Shh… I love you Joonie. You deserve this and more.” You kiss him gently on each cheek and then on the lips. You are not sure how to make him believe this but you hope he can see how much you love him as you wipe his tears. Namjoon’s never been this vulnerable with you, never given up this much control, and if you’re being honest it scares you seeing him this way. In a way, you feel helpless. You’re a fixer and there’s just no immediate way to make him feel better, you just have to make sure he knows you’re here for him. 

After you get dressed, he lays in bed as you do his skincare routine for him, running your fingers over his face gently. Namjoon hasn’t felt this way with someone before, so raw but soothed at the same time. He never shows his negative emotions to anyone. Right now it feels like his emotions are a livewire, but the way you gently tap the serums on to his skin, making sure not to miss a spot, he realizes how wrong he was. All the ways he convinced himself you didn’t love him were wrong. You don’t show love through jealousy or possession or even words. This is how you show love - in the quiet of your room making sure that he doesn’t go to sleep drenched from the rain, or skip his eye cream so his eyes aren't too puffy in the morning or at breakfast when you always cut the crust off his bread because he once mentioned he doesn’t like it. He opens his eyes as you say all done and sees you smiling softly at him, some of his confidence coming back. He smiles at you even though it’s difficult, and pulls you to his chest. As you lay on his bare chest for a while, feeling how tightly his arms wrap around you, an idea pops into your head.

“I want to come with you to LA.” You usually don’t make such impulsive decisions, but you could feel that he was not ready to be separated and you were definitely not ready to leave him, but you didn’t want to make him feel like he didn't have a choice so you add, “Is that okay?”

“What about your work?” He asks softly and you can hear his heart beat faster as he awaits an answer.

“I work from home all the time. It’ll be fine.” You rise up slightly to look at him, your chin resting on his chest, making sure to look him in the eyes. “I want to be with you.”

For the first time that night, you see him smile wide enough that his dimples poke through his cheeks and you’re sure you’ve made the right decision.

“I love you, Y/N. Thank you.” He pulls you further so you are fully lying on top of him and as you tell him you love him again, you feel his breath even out, both of you falling into a much need sleep.

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