#good omens beelzebub

[melbatron5000]

The Big Damn Kiss

Buckle up, my fellow Good Omens Ineffable Mystery Puzzlers, Crackpotters, and Assorted Brainrotters, because I learned something HUGE yesterday.

This will be a bit of a long post, because I want to show you exactly how I got where I am. I want you to understand. I want to put all the naysayers to bed (ha! But I'm still gonna try), and settle this once and for all.

I know (almost) exactly what Crowley gave to Aziraphale during the kiss.

DO NOT TAKE ANY OF MY THEORIES TO NEIL! PLEASE!

Okay? Okay. Thanks. Shall we begin?

Ahem.

Firstly, whether you believe me or not, I am 100% certain that Crowley did, indeed, give something to Aziraphale in his mouth during The Kiss. I've covered that in the link previous. Okay? Okay.

I did not know what it was. I've now heard theories that it was a bullet (nope), a ball bearing (nope), hellfire (nope), and no one, NO ONE has suggested what I see. (If you have, hello! Talk to me!)

Here's our first foreshadowing Clue:

And here's our next foreshadowing Clue:

And the next:

And our last Clue:

With me so far? Well, that first GIF is a bit off, I couldn't find one of Crowley actually spitting out the flies. But he does. When Beelzebub first drags him to Hell, he actually goes "Pleaugh!" and spits out four or five flies.

Moving right along, we come to Crowley in Heaven with Muriel, looking at the trial. We learn two important things here:

One, Gabriel doesn't have a desk.

Two, Muriel does. Where they keep the records. And it's a bit lonely. Every few hundred years, someone comes and asks for something. Muriel can't access the sensitive ones, you have to be pretty high up. A throne, dominion, or higher. Like, maybe Supreme Archangel?

So if Gabriel doesn't have a desk, whose desk is he at when he's getting ready to leave Heaven? Of course I can't find a damn picture of Gabriel at the desk, but it's Muriel's. Where they keep the RECORDS.

Gabriel puts his memory into the fly, then gets on the elevator to go to Earth.

Now, when Gabriel opens the fly with his memories inside, we find out that it's a container. Bigger on the inside. You can put thing(S) in it. The bit we see of him remembering is shot in two parts, one where he's flying down a red tunnel, one where he's flying down a blue. If you slow this scene down and watch, you can see that he is NOT looking at just his own memories. There is more going on here, more that he was not present for. @embracing-the-ineffable put up a great meta about that here. Go look!

Now I figured Gabriel must have taken something else. Something important. Something useful. Something he meant to give to Aziraphale, except he forgot.

I also figured he must have left whatever it was in the fly when he took his memories out. Crowley must have realized while watching the trial footage that Gabriel also grabbed something else. I don't know when Crowley grabs the fly, but he does. And that is what he gives to Aziraphale in the kiss. Why? Well.

I had no idea what Gabriel took until I started working on the chiastic structure of season 2. I'm not done with that analysis yet, but let me show you one thing that I have found so far:

(The numbers are just to try and help me navigate the story and its events without time stamps)

My note #357 of what happens isn't quite right, but when I saw the only two times Aziraphale says "I forgive you" are towards the beginning of Season 2 and towards the end, I realized I had something.

Rephrase line 357: Crowley's kiss is forgiven IN EXCHANGE FOR RECORDS.

(Not that I think Crowley's kiss needs to be forgiven. It's just what Aziraphale says, and had to say at that moment, because the Metatron was listening in.)

What does Heaven in Good Omens remind us of most of all?

A big corporate entity. And what do powerful people do when they get fired from a big corporate entity? They download all their emails while they're cleaning out their desks. Damning emails. Emails that can be used to black mail or even destroy big corporate entities. Or, ya know, maybe they swipe some sensitive RECORDS?

Oh yes.

Records that Gabriel meant to give to Aziraphale, but he forgot. Records that Crowley realized Gabriel had put in the fly. The fly that Crowley grabbed once Gabriel had his memory out. The fly that he gave to Aziraphale when he kissed him. The fly that no longer held Gabriel's memory, but did still contain those damning records.

Here's Aziraphale reading the records:

Here's Aziraphale being horrified and outraged by what he's reading:

And here's Aziraphale realizing he has got some GOOD DIRT on Heaven. Maybe enough to bring them down:

That's it folks. I have no idea what the records actually say, and maybe we're not meant to know until season 3, but whatever it is, it's GOOD.

That's my story, and by God Herself, I'm sticking to it.

[terikanae]

Ah yes

[miss-americanbi]

ineffable husbands and ineffable bureaucracy perfectly sum up the two types of queer romantic relationships: painful mutual pining for 6,000 years and speedrunning from enemies to friends to lovers in the span of 0.5 seconds

[gleafer]

DANCE OMENS

Sketch fest tonight and had some fun with an exercise in movement. Enjoy!

[hg-aneh]

crimis doodles that turned into a story by accident

[fruity-m0nster]

4 idiots in love

[miumiumandoodz]

hey how yall doin? Im trying to cope with images that look like this

[stargezza]

[mr-puas]

[pineapple-lover-boy]

I find it hysterical that the headcanon that ineffable bureaucracy would take the shortest possible amount of time to fall in love, figure that out, and get together while our ineffable husbands take 6,000+ years to even get close to talking about their feelings is now canon.

[aziraphales-lawyer]

Something something about how Crowley and Beelzebub are portrayed as equals in this scene. In other scenes of Beelzebub with other demons, they're always portrayed as front and center and/or on an elevated throne due to their authority (obv). But in this scene, Crowley is not only sitting on a chair with the same fashion as Beelzebub, but they're also side by side. It would have made more sense to talk to your boss facing one another, and this may just be for the transition from the Bentley to Hell to work but Beelzebub brought Crowley to hell, they could have easily just miracled him right in front of them. But this works thematically.

There could be many interpretations about this, most famously the Duke of Hell Crowley theory (since Crowley is sitting in a chair fashioned the same way as Beelzebub's + horns perfectly angled to his head, and Beelzebub's chair-horns are offset because they basically do not want to involve themselves in that anymore)

But this is probably also one of the first hints we had for ineffable bureaucracy. Beelzebub understands Crowley now, they understand why he stopped Armageddidn't — for his angel. And Beelzebub did that too, they agreed on not having another Armageddon (at best, postponing it) because they wouldn't be able to see Gabriel again if that happened. For the first time in the show, Beelzebub is portrayed to have the same level of understanding with someone. Crowley and Beelzebub side by side because what *their* side is, is on the side of their angel.

[goodomensonprime]

The Apocalypse was just a red herring. 

[gayfertilitygoddess]

Michael: Gabriel, Supreme Archangel. You have refused to exercise your celestial authority and you are henceforth removed from office.

Gabriel, scrolling through nudes to send to Beelzebub: oh no, don’t…

[gleafer]

I’m an avid Redditor and follow GoodOmensAfterDark (great group of miscreants!) where a ton of fun memes are posted daily.

One meme was a joke about how Aziraphale had to trap Crowley in a salt circle (demon thing) to get him to partake in social festivities.

And I just had to throw together a quick comic about just that! Enjoy my nonsense!

[snappedpens]

what's up party people

[mistysblueboxstuff]

a little Beelzebub sketch today cos i love em