#google how do I stop being afraid literally 24 hours a day

[whiskerknittles]

My environment: *changes slightly in a way that doesn’t necessarily indicate something bad happened but is a bit Odd*

My brain: The Apocalypse Is Upon Us

[lightsintheskye]

Ahhh I have a lot of messages in my inbox right now (over like ...2000; ) but this one just jumped out at me from yesterday and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’m sorry if this is a long long response (l’ll screenshot it as a textpost so it doesn’t clog someones feed) but I just, with how hypercritical social media makes us about ourselves and others its important to acknowledge bullying and how exposed we are to it. If anyone reading this is also struggling with this topic right now please read below. Remember I’m not a licensed therapist but I’ve had a lot of experience with bullying so read below if you like-

For the most part, the big two are finding a positive support network and focusing on things that make me happy. I’m not unscathed, I have clinically diagnosed MDD, Anxiety, and PSTD, but I’ve learned to manage these things. If you need to take a break from social media, do it- do your best to be your own curator of positivity. If social media is one of your few solaces, create a special account for yourself that just follows what you love. Remember that YOU are the one in control of your social media feed and are responsible for what you see.

1. Support Network:

Find a group that you can trust, and do you best to talk about your feelings and experiences in a constructive way(see no 5). That being said respect your support network, always ask if it’s ok to vent to them and don’t treat others as emotional dumping grounds. I know trusting people is incredibly hard, I still struggle with it (my own support network is literally two people but I also practice a lot of behavioral therapy since a lot of medications unfortunately don’t work for me) but you can not go through life second guessing every action (fuck you, anxiety). If your situation is such that you don’t think you have friends you can talk to, your college might have a therapist you can talk to for free. There are also online sites and hotlines that offer the same free services. Sometimes it takes a few therapists to find one that works for you, but sometimes its easier to talk to a friend rather a stranger- and therapy might not always be available to everyone. Google is your friend for finding constructive options.I know it’s hypocritical since this is a tumblr post, but do research on your own from reputable sites and sources for healthy coping.

2. Don’t bottle it up: I used to be incredibly quiet about any sort of stress or bullying I received in the past. I used to lie about never being bullied or harassed after middle school, but the only person that ended up hurting is myself. I don’t think I’ll ever be perfectly fine, but talking about it helps more than you think. I’m not saying to blast it out to everyone exactly how you’re feeling 24/7 but take time to trade woes with a close friend every week or so. Just don’t forget to celebrate the good when and where you can- this world has so much that makes it suck, but there’s also a lot that we can enjoy- too.

3. Bullies seriously suck, but don’t become one:

In my experience, very few bullies ‘grow up’ if they’re still bullying people in college, they just kinda get better at hiding it. This usually manifests behind passive aggressive comments, and or just talking behind someones back and hiding behind a screen to say things. Even in grad school I’ve witnessed "adults” being shitty to each other twitter, on insta, on discord, on tumblr, on A03- you name it. Bullies can come from anywhere, and be anyone, and bully for any reason. People who were bullied sometimes become bullies themselves in a way to gain back sense of power- but their own abuse doesn’t make abusing others right. In the past I’ve had comments and emails telling me everything from childish bullying to literally telling me to kill myself. Negative comments about my appearance, the way I talk, the way I draw, my hobbies,my choice of schooling (which ??????),  harassment about my choice of friends and the people I associate myself with. People who seek negativity will find any reason to slight another. But know that harassment is harassment regardless of why, so even if you’re angry bullying someone back really wont change much. I can think of nothing more toxic than willingly engaging with your bullies in order to find ways to ‘get back’ at them. The beauty of being online is that you can just leave a site, hit a block button, and even make a new name for yourself. Do your best to limit interaction with them. Do not put yourself in situations that involve them. Do not cyber stalk them (yes, repeatedly checking their tumblr/fb/instagram to criticize and mock their every post, or find every person they talk to “whistle-blow” on them is a form of defamation of character and cyber-stalking). Doing this will only invite negative emotions and make you start to hyper fixate. It’s an easy two way street that will invite people to do the same to you- and unless you’re the next coming of Christ someone will inevitably find out something negative about you. Do not hold people to standards that you yourself cannot achieve. You may be more morally inclined than your bully but no one one is perfect. You will never be able to please everyone. It is not your job to do so. 

4. Report, Put Away, Ignore: If these people are saying things to you that can be documented and reported to your school (assuming these are classmates that you can prove have done things) then take a screenshot if possible and report it. It’s a gamble to have anything done about it, some schools are shit about bullying, but some schools aren’t. Recently in my case, in grad school there was a bullying incident and we were incredibly afraid of what the bullies would do if they found out who exactly reported them, but thankfully I had friends help us report it- so multiple reports from anonymous sources made it hard for them to pin point it was someone finally standing up. Some colleges will take defamation of character (which, as an adult, is really what a lot of bullying is) very seriously and amazingly- that bully completely changed. I would not call them a friend, but for now their apology seems sincere and they’ve worked towards being a better person. So, if you choose to report it, after reporting, put that shit away and don’t keep looking at it, find a way to make it really hard to look at over and over. Put it in a folder within a folder within seven folders if you have to BECAUSE- 5. You HAVE to work towards moving ON or it will consume you.

Way, way easier said than done. I’m not saying so much ‘be the better person’ as to just ...seriously remove yourself from that shit as fast as you can. You owe nothing to the people that hurt you, but giving them more of your time over and over if you have the option not to is only going to end in you getting angrier or more upset yourself. The first time something hurts you, put a warning label on it, if it continues to hurt you, do not engage.

The internet can be so toxic- a lot of bullying is masked as “call-out culture” from minor things that happened years ago, it validates the worst forms of “coping” possible. It creates such a bad system of alarm fatigue for when real issues are happening, and creates a hive mind of abuse and hyper criticism where everyone is looking for the next target. There’s an extreme difference if a “bully” disagrees with your favorite ship or show and harasses you about it, or if someone is literally harassing you as an individual by telling you to self harm or worse. Treat your emotional scars like an actual wound; if you keep picking at it and ripping off the band aid to see if its still there its never going to heal. The scars might still be there and will still be visible on some days, but you’ll no longer be bleeding at the slightest brush. Learn to grow, learn to let others grow. Learn to trust again, and learn to try and be happy with who you are and who your friends are as you know them.  A big reason why I stepped away form the internet is that I found myself looking to validation in terms of popularity. And when i finally had it- I realized how toxic it ended up being for my health. I’d spend hours just to make a comic even at the cost of sleep or food, and 100 positive comments couldn’t stop my brain from fixating on ten that were negative or downright harassment. Even as I step back on the internet, I’m doing it from a much better place internally. It’s so so important not to get lost in numbers and online “validation.” Please just know eventually things will get better, and those that matter will stick around to be there to see your growth. People will always find something to give you shit about, but only you can determine how much it affects you. Recognize your emotions, process them, and take responsibility for them. Let your self-worth be determined by your own actions and words, not the actions or words of others.

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

** Writing Challenge **

I know, I know, my next one isn’t quite wrapped up yet, buttttt this idea came to me when my cousin and I were taking a walk down a ridiculous part of Memory Lane and I got excited. I’m guessing this has been done before at some point -- that’s not stopping me from presenting to you: 

I love fluff. And I wanna see more of it! 

Below the cut you will find some prompts that, in the context of Twilight, are absolutely cringe-worthy. My challenge to you is to take that prompt and make it something we can love. 

Disclaimer: I’m not Twilight-shaming ANYONE. I literally sat and watched all of Eclipse and now want to watch both Breaking Dawns. It’s more about sentiment, and the occasional girly giggle for me, but ... yeah. No judgement here, friends. 

Guidelines, prompts, and tags are below the cut! (Yes, I copied and tweaked from my last writing challenge. I’m being efficient, thank you! :P )

Please read all of the information carefully!

Rules, Guidelines, Important Dates:

Sign-Ups start when this post is live and will go through to December 30, 2020. I will accept two people for each prompt, one prompt per author.

Please send your sign-ups to my ask box so they’re easier to keep track of. I will answer them privately so I’m not flooding anyone’s dash!

In your ask, please include your preferred prompt and a backup option, as well as your pairing (so I don’t take the same pairing for the same prompt). Also, please let me know if you’ll be posting from a URL other than one you’re asking from.

To be included in the challenge masterlist, please post your fic (or the first part, if it’s a series) by Decemeber 31, 2020.

Please include an author’s note tagging me and mentioning the challenge in your fic post; include #BetterThanTwilightWC in the first five tags. If the tag doesn’t work, you may DM the link to me, also. If you decide to write a series, please tag me in the masterlist.

Please give me up to 48 hours to read your fic before checking if I have seen it. If I have not liked it after 48 hours, please DO check. (You know, since we’re all aware of how unreliable tumblr is. And how unreliable my mind can be. Yikes.)

The challenge masterlist will be posted between January 1 and January 4, 2020.

There are no word count limits, but please use the Keep Reading feature if your story goes beyond 500 words. Additionally, if your fic goes beyond 5000 words, please consider splitting it into multiple parts. This is not a requirement, only something to think about.

Yes, this is a FLUFF challenge, so you MUST have fluff as your main genre. You’re more than welcome to include other genres, but you MUST have a happy and/or hopeful ending.

You’re welcome to think outside of the box! Just because I’m talking Twilight and love stories, doesn’t mean there has to be romance! Give me  amazing friendships or strong family bonds or self-love. Or romance! Whatever you’d like. 

You're welcome to change pronouns in the prompt as necessary! Heck, I tweaked a few of ‘em so they’re not Twilight-specific.

For personal reasons, I do not read and will not accept into the challenge (which means I will not reblog or add to the masterlist) stories that include: non-con/dub-con, underage sex, adult-child romantic/sexual relationships, spouse-bashing, child abuse – I could go on, but I think you get the idea. If you’re not sure about something, I’m always happy to answer questions!

Bring on the ships, OC’s, reader pairings – I’m trying to be more open-minded as of late, but I can’t promise that I will read everything. Again, for personal reasons. But I will reblog everything! 

Characters and RPFs from Marvel/MCU are both welcome. 

If you need an extension or need to drop out, please know that I am extremely flexible when it comes to that deadline/due date. In the words of Captain Barbosa, “It’s really more of a guideline.” Just shoot me an ask or a message and we’ll work something out, no worries! 

Prompts: 

1. “I have always loved you, and I will always love you.”  2. “The clouds I can handle. But I can’t fight with an eclipse.”  3. “I know what you are.”  4. “You held out your hand and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing.” 5. “You have a connection with her that I’ll never understand.” 6. “I’m glad she has you.” 7. “It will be like I never existed. I promise.” 8. “I knew who I wanted to be. I wanted to help people. Brings me happiness.” 9. “That will take a while to get used to.” “We have a while.” 10. “What if I’m not the hero? What if I’m the bad guy?” 11. “I’d rather hear your theories.” 12. (sarcastically) “Super. That makes me really happy.” 13. “You’re like my own personal brand of heroin.” 14. “Maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. It’s gross. I should be thoroughly repulsed.” 15. “It’s an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and they’ll accept you for what you are.” 16. “I’ve been waiting for what seems like a very long time to get beyond what I am.” 17. “I feel like I can finally begin.” 18. “He’s totally gorgeous, obviously. But apparently nobody here is good enough for him.” 19. “He did say I couldn’t step inside the door. I came in through the window.” 20. “I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth. And I know how to use a gun.” 21. “Now I’m afraid.” “Good.” 22. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m only afraid of losing you.” 23.  “About three things I was absolutely positive ...” 24. “You’re so stubborn.” 25. “Do you know how worried I’ve been?” 26. “I can’t even think about someone hurting you.” 27. “The only thing that can hurt me is you, and I don’t have anything else to be afraid of.” 28. “Don’t antagonize her. She’s the strongest one in the house.” 29. “All right. That’s enough experimenting for one day.” 30. “It never made sense for you to love me.” 31. “I wish there had been someone to vote no for me.” 32. “It’s just a little baby.” 33. “How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?” 34. “I’m not missing another fight!” 35. “No one can hide like me.” 36. “If I asked you to stay in the car, would you?” 37. “I have one condition, if you want me to do it myself.” 38. “I had an adrenaline rush. It’s very common. You can Google it.” 39. “How did you get in here?” “The window.” 40. “I love a happy ending. They are so rare.” 41. “You should put your seatbelt on.” 42. “Can you talk about something else? Distract me so I won’t turn around.” 43. “I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.” 44. “After all the thousand times I’ve told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?” 45. “Maybe that’s why they kicked me out.” 46. “All of my best nights have happened since I met you.” 47. “You know everybody’s staring?” “Not that guy ... no, he just looked.” 48. “She wishes she was that awesome.” 49. “Does he visit often?” “Yeah, all the time.” 50. “Lie ... Lie better.” 51. “I’m Switzerland.” 52. “That should have been our first kiss.” 53. “Would you like to hear my story? It doesn’t have a happy ending -- but which of ours does?” 54. “Another party?” “It’ll be fun.” “Yeah. That’s what you said last time.” 55. “You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. I will always be yours.” 56. “The way he watches you. It’s like he’s willing to leap in front of you and take a bullet or something.” 57. “Kill me! Not him!” 58. “Stay.” “Give me one good reason.” 59. “Yeah, it’s and off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell.” 60. “Damn it! You’ll be the death of me, I swear you will.” 61. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not afraid of it.” 62. “Do I dazzle you?” 63. “I’m tired of trying to stay away from you.” 64. “Bring on the shackles, I’m your prisoner.” 65. “You are my life now.” 66. “And then we continued blissfully into this small, perfect piece of our forever.” 67. “Nobody’s ever loved someone as much as I love you.” 68. “I don’t know what happened.” “You love him.” 69. “All of sudden it’s not gravity holding you to the planet, it’s her. Nothing else matters. You would do anything, be anything for her.” 70. “You really love her?” 71. “I don’t see the whole point of the rest of the world without her.” 72. “Then I found a promising site ... I waited impatiently for it to load, quickly clicked closed each ad that flashed across the screen. Finally, the screen finished -- simple, white background with black text; academic-looking. Two quotes greeted me on the homepage:” 73. “I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” 74. “I’ll be fighting for her, too, and I’ll be fighting twice as hard as you will.” 75. “It’s always been him.” 76. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you.” 77. “They’re coming for her.” “They’re not gonna touch her.” 78. “Doesn’t he own a shirt?” 79. “You know, if it weren’t for the fact that we’re enemies and that you’re also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.” 80. “You have disappeared. Like everything else.” 81. “The absence of him is everywhere I look.” 82. “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.” 83. “Your number was up the first time I met you.” 84. “We all like to drive fast.” 85. “It’s too easy to be myself with you.” 86. “I’ve never given much thought to how I’d die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go.” 87. “Don’t tempt me too far. My patience isn’t that perfect.” 88. “His tone questions my sanity, but it only made me more suspicious. It was like a perfect delivered line by a skilled actor.” 89. “What’s he mad about?” 90. “No measure of time with you will ever be enough.” 91. “I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever.” 92. “We’re gonna be great friends!” 93. “If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing him.” 94. “Until your heart stops beating.” 95. “I touched the cool miracle of his ski, and I was home.” 96. “Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.” 97. “This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes.” 98. “Leave it to you ... you have to start hanging out with the first weirdos you can find.” 99. “I love him much more than I should, and yet still nowhere near enough.” 100. “I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes.”

Tags for possible interest/signal boosting (if you’re so inclined): 

 @captain-s-rogers​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​​​​​​​​​ @hurricanerin​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @horsesandbandsforlife​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @im-not-an-armrest-im-short​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @captain-rogers-beard​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @shynara51​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @sea040561​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @pinknerdpanda​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @xtina2191​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @jackryanplz​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @beakami​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @heartsaved​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @fullprunerebelstatesman​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @blackwidowismyhomegirl​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @the-murder-strut-murdered-me​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @shield-agent78​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @jennmurawski13​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @okay-maybe-i-like-marvel-too​​​​​​​​​​​​​

[garbagequeer]

what are your favorite cshr songs?

i change my mind a lot and can’t make decisions so im just gonna go album by album picking my favorites because there’s A LOT of great songs (also these are in no particular order cause i really am a gemini who can’t make a simple choice). when im done with this i’ll bold the ones i guess are my overall favorites but i have too much room in my heart and brain and i love all of them and i can’t not mention all the great songs that i love. Also my overall favorites change all the time hence the full long ass list. again i AM a gemini

teens of denial:

drunk drivers obviously (and drunk drives single version with the modified verse from plane crash blues like. if you cant find your friends you can leave without them !! so much)

destroyed by hippie powers (which holds a special place in my heart cause i remember listening to it 24/7 and going to the bar with my friends during second term finals my first year of college instead of studying and then the year after that going to see csh also during second term finals and them playing it like. full circle baby)

not what i needed. i feel so empty trying to explain this!

1937 state park

unforgiving girl (also holds a special place in my heart cause im pretty sure it’s the song that got me into them after being like hey i should check out that car seat headrest band since like 2013 but never getting around to it)

the ballad of the costa concordia like. i love to die thank you

drugs with friends (also it feels 5 times more special to me since i saw them play it)

fill in the blank

literally i feel bad for not just putting every song from this album like i love them all they punch me in the face every time but. gotta move along.

how to leave town:

BEAST MONSTER THING (LOVE ISN’T LOVE ENOUGH) LIKE. WHAT? WHAT?? !!!!

i want you to know that im awake / i hope that you’re asleep. you know that quote from like. an article about greta gerwig and lady bird that’s like (wait i googled it):Every situation is pretext for a confrontation: underdone eggs, a pile of rumpled clothes, a hand reaching too quickly for the radio. The question on the surface might be ‘What did you do?’ but the feeling underneath is ‘Who are you and why don’t you know how to love me?’that’s this song

is this dust really from the titanic? mainly cause i think it’s underrated and very endearing like. car seat headrest: more guitar shit

hey space cadet. obviously like

wasn’t going to put more songs cause i think i need to relax but. the ending of dramamine deserves to be listed i mean i can’t hear a thing now i guess i belong to me now but when night fell on montana i found a rest stop completely deserted but i still felt the eyes upon me so i drove away. it BE like that

you know what? fuck it. america and kimochi warui are also favorites. they’re all so good im sorry i CANT do this

nervous young man:

first of all: i wanna sweat. it’s like. you CAN have the euphoric emotion of bodys outside of the fantasy. effervescent amazing uplifting etc etc

burning man. i will go crazy istg like he’s like im defined by the fact that you’re there and we’re different people… i wanna burn your picture! i mean…… yeah

plane crash blues i mean shut up with all these bad vibes all this yelling just shut up shut up shut up! like. to himself.. we get it. and if your luggage is lost you can leave without it and if you run out of drugs you can sleep without them and if you wanna go home you can call a taxi and if you don’t wanna talk you can sit in the backseat. much to think about

death at the movies. sometimes you’re a little depressed and you just. watch movies and it’s weird

boxing day. hand will toledo a womanhood card right now for this like yeah! i feel so haunted and no one seems to notice and no one seems to care!!!! and it doesn’t really matter I’ll just ajlhfsdg!!!. ALSO literally i did something bad im not allowed to go outside anymore i can only be awake at night for the next year of my life. been there done that and all. ALSO i have worms in mouse traps baby cracks me up every time

the gun song. there’s a lot going on there

afterglow and jerks cause i love to have fun too

monomania:

misheard lyrics and i don’t think it gets enough love

times to die and also the teens of style version

overexposed (enjoy). again i love fun

los borrachos (fun fact: i saw the painting it’s named after irl and i was like. sick csh reference museo del prado)

SOULS. !!!!

maud gone both versions. sweetheart please love me too long

sleeping with strangers. i love to have fun

anchorite (love you very much). i get my feelings hurt by someone i love i listen to this song like. YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!! call it catharsis

and that’s literally the whole album except for one song. im sorry

twin fantasy (which is two albums but. it’s really just one which is very meta of it/them imo. also unless i specify im talking about both versions):

B O D Y S

famous prophets. both versions make me feel breathless

beach life-in-death OBVIOUSLY

twin fantasy (those boys) and i think both versions really mean so so much together which is true of all of twin fantasy but. particularly here it hits me like. from he has only lyrics now to these are only lyrics now. it’s a lot

my boy (more the 2018 version)

nervous young inhumans (the 2011 version. for the monologue like. he defined twin fantasy. also the fact that galvanistic isn’t a real word he just fucked up and that’s the chorus)

high to death (more the 2018 version but both are great)

honestly sober to death for the don’t worry you and me wont be alone no more which is. so much. ALSO when they play sober to death/powderfinger and ethan does great vocals

cute thing (2018)

my back is killing me baby

no passion. he wants a man who would hate him and who would leave him if he were open and he’d do the same to him. he dreams he watches porn but he cant see it. he understands some ugly ass feelings

father, flesh in rags. it bangs

strangers but the teens of style version

happy news for sadness cause once again he says the ugliest shit (i liked you better when you hated yourself every time i think about love i think about me thinking about you) and it makes me think of that shit about how people will disclose they think they’re bad and they have bad thoughts when they’re going to ask to be loved. also you can never tell the truth but you can tell something that sounds like it

the drum. did i say i love to have fun? i love to have fun (both versions but i think i like the original more at least rn)

stoop kid

something soon (both versions)

starving while living:

it’s only sex

reuse the cells

devil moon

i hate living

literally all other csh shit cause i don’t listen to many songs from the first records :/ and stuff:

i can talk with my eyes shut

the ghost of bob saget. the lyrics to this song are hilarious and relatable somehow

i have to mention i am afraid of literally everything / i scream social / this one time I went to a coffee house because some guy I knew was playing and I just sat there for an hour and didn’t talk to anyone and then I came home and wrote this song / you have to go to college / it’s you you’re the asshole that made this but literally only cause i felt like laughing when i was 18 and finally got around to checking out csh and he was like. i wrote these songs about when i went to college and i was afraid of everything and shit was hard. cause like. same. and i just have a fond memory of going through csh’s entire discography from newest to oldest and ending up awake till almost 7am losing my mind. i feel like this about lots of songs from the first 5 albums but i don’t really listen to them much tho. someday i’ll get around to giving them a chance again

that thing someone made where they put together pain star (if heaven is full of people…) and …then it will be exactly the same as earth

does it feel good (to say goodbye?)

and their cover of hey ya even though it’s not a csh song. im mad no one has posted a proper recording of it because i do love to have fun. also their cover of this must be the place too. and the cover of waves of fear also. they’re all really fun

[firstdegreefangirl]

It took me way too long to actually get all of this finished, but I used my road trip with @flyawayrachel for a video assignment for my TV class. Here’s that video, which I LOVE ((and that hardly EVER happens when I make things)), and the world’s longest highlights post -- including all three days of the trip, and also show notes -- is under the cut

Monday

Me walking from Rachel’s apartment to her campus because I needed a bathroom. Then the first building I found ((which did have a bathroom, thank GOD, because //someone// forgot to go while I was stopped in LFK)) being the one she’s traumatized about and can’t go into, forcing me to wait for her in a building where she weren’t, just because I needed to pee.

“I placed ‘toilet’ very high on my priority list”

We hadn’t seen each other since like July, so there was SO MUCH to catch up on

Side note: no more of this three-months-separated thing. We missed too many stories and it’s not OK.

Me texting Madison like “this is crazy but come to Denver with us right now today”

When my dad found out we went to KFC for lunch, the first thing he said was “I’ve eaten at that KFC with your mom before!”

That gas station I made Rach stop at so I could take another bathroom break. Y’know, the one with two stalls in one room and NO DOOR, just a little half-wall between them? Yeah, that one.

“Do we like Frank? Cool, I’m on Team Frank then.” In the words of one of my kids, “VILE FRIENDSHIP!”

“There we go, that’s an appropriate Hitler joke.”

“Do … something cute with the maps.” “Out here? Where people can see?”

Me: “This is gonna sound crazy, but let me text my dad. I think we stopped at this rest stop when we went to the Grand Canyon. I remember the museum.” ((closure time: I was right, we did. That trip was four years ago.))

Checking into the hotel on my corporate rate and then dissecting the agent’s check-in skills in the elevator.

Wandering into the hotel next door because it’s the chain I work at and I wanted to scope out the competition.

Then the look on Rachel’s face when I straight up told their agent “I work at another *brand name* and wanted to see what y’all have going on.”

Snapchatting my GM about the hotel we stayed at and her saying “I bet their FD girl isn’t as amazing as ours.”

Especially when she found out that we had to do the lobby wander of shame because no one told us where the elevator was.

Our hotel room had a little curtain separating the bed and the fold out and Rachel was SO EXCITED ABOUT IT ((see the video)).

Watching all of Indoor Boys in one sitting because it only takes like an hour and a half and Rachel needed to see it

How excited I was about the bedspreads being cuter than the ones in my hotel ((theirs are polka dot AND match the towels in the bathroom; my property’s are houndstooth and the towels are just plain white))

Me briefly thinking the bathroom had no door before Rachel saved the day

Rachel wanting a Frosty at 11 p.m.

Which was easily solved, because there was a Wendy’s in the parking lot.

A much harder one was my sudden and intense craving for curly fries.

Arby’s closed at 10, but Jack in the Box is 24 hour and has curly fries.

So off we went.

ONLY THE ONE WE WENT TO HAD A HANDWRITTEN SIGN ON THE DRIVE THRU THAT THEY CLOSED AT 10.

I called another store and the dude was high key judgmental that I didn’t just //know// they’re 24-hours, as if I hadn’t just been betrayed by a store that should have been and wasn’t.

But they did have curly fries, so I got my curly fries.

Also we went to 7/11 so I could try the Captain Crunch Crunch Berry Slurpee. Which tastes EXACTLY like the cereal. You decide if that’s good or not. I thought it was, Rach decidedly did not.

Tuesday

I literally ate just a bowl of oatmeal toppings for breakfast. No oatmeal, just the toppings bar.

Rach stayed up in the room and slept in, so I brought her some yogurt. Only I wasn’t sure what flavor she’d want, so she got both peach and blueberry fruit on the bottom.

OUTLET SHOPPING. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve been able to just leisurely wander around a mall and shop? Like without having a place to be at a time and/or a list of exactly what I did and didn’t need to buy?

Sam’s Lunch! ((which was then a total bust when they only had like two samples out))

“So hindsight, the Ulta looks further from here than it did from the highway.” “Yeah, you think so?”

The decision to ramen for lunch, which was then overridden when Tokyo Bowl was only one dollar sign on google and the ramen place was two.

Which was totally OK because the food was both fantastic and inexpensive

The part of the car ride where I caught up with my best friend since I was literally a year old.

High Street being just a little bit too fitting in Denver

The candy factory tour!! I’m a sucker for both free tourism and demonstrations. Especially when there’s free samples involved.

Fun fact: the flavored part of the fancy candy canes is NOT the striped part. It’s the inside layer.

Also that little kid in the group with us. “Do they send candy to Idaho? I am from Idaho.” “Do they help the elves make the candy?”

“Should I buy a whole pound of marshmallow scraps?” “It’s only five dollars.” “Right, but then I’ll eat the whole pound of marshmallows and we both know that.”

BRO-dway!

Me forgetting the theatre sharpie in the hotel room and making you circle back to get it, even if it was only two blocks

Our high-quality karaoke sessions in the car. What we lack in training, we more than make up for in enthusiasm.

Just the amount of screaming when we drove by the tour bus

Circling the block twice before we could get into the parking garage

We stopped at a fun little art exhibition thing between the parking garage and the theatre, literally just because the sign said “Under Study.” Then I looked at Rach and said “well, we always say understudies need more appreciation.”

I panicked as we crossed the train tracks NOT in the crosswalk, then again when we crossed the next set in the lines but I could distantly hear a train coming

((side note: Katie is NOT cut out for mass transit))

Tour bus photos are hard, but we made it work and they’re awesome!

I’m now the proud owner of my very own DEH cast hoodie, which I “conveniently forgot” to take home this weekend so mom can commandeer it until Christmas

Backstory: Katie is both afraid of heights and suffering altitude sickness, which results in lightheadedness and shortness of breath in … oh, I dunno, mile-high elevation

We had an extra ticket and decided to RAK it to someone who was sitting in an upper balcony so they could join us closer to the stage.

Which was/is a great idea, except that it required going to the upper balcony. Via the stairs. So by the time we got up there, the altitude sickness meant I couldn’t breathe. Leading me to step out to the little patio thing for some fresh air – usually slightly easier for me to breathe – while Rach scouted around for people.

Lack of forethought: BALCONIES ARE HEIGHTS.

So the first time I meet our new friend, it’s me zipping up behind Rachel and saying something about how I sure really would like to go back down in the elevator and get back to ground level.

Which we did, because Rach knows I’m like this and she’s wonderful and amazing

That made things … a lot better, and I was able to enjoy having a new theatre friend.

Which was wonderful, and she’s wonderful and that was such a neat thing to be able to do.

The Show

So we’ll start this one from taking our seats TEN ROWS FROM THE STAGE.

We’re gushing about how close we are to the stage and how great the view is and everything when I see someone coming up the back aisle who looks kinda familiar.

“Hey … is that Pasek and/or Paul?” “Nah, I don’t think so. Wait … YES IT IS!”

Cue us freaking out and shoving Rachel to the front of the group because I’m incapable of approaching people.

Long story short, we got autographs from Pasek and Paul, pics with Paul and Alex Lacamoire, and at intermission we got signatures from Michael Grief.

People kept asking us like “who those guys were” and we just went “they created the show!!”

Now this is where things are gonna get incoherent, because I spent 15 minutes gushing out thoughts as soon as the show ended and I got home, and I’m just going to type them out here.

Ben Levi Ross’s Evan and I do the same lil hands on face/neck/ears thing when we’re anxious.

Merrick’s Connor did the same little finger gesture thing I do at work when I give people directions to the elevator in my hotel during Sincerely, Me and I basically just DIED.

BLR’s Evan seemed so much less worldly than OBC, but Zoe was grown up AF

Larry was STUNNING and AMAZING

Tbh I got hella Leslie Knope vibes from Cynthia

Larry’s arms around Cynthia and his hand on her shoulder when they talked to Heidi and literally just Larry

Marrick’s rubbing and then sudden/intense nipple twist in Sincerely, Me

Everyone was SO GRATEFUL we were there to see the show

BLR hit the stage door in this amazing vintage pinstriped blazer. I told him I loved his jacket and I don’t know which one of us was more excited about that moment.

Rachel and I crushing each other’s hands the entire show ((it’s been five days as of this writing and the bruises are just now mostly healed))

Marrick missed a cue and the poor bab looked terrified

One word BLR said gave me like alarmingly intense vibes from the cast album, and it’s something I noticed right away, but now I can’t remember what word it was. But it sounded JUST LIKE Platt, in a very shooketh way

BLR tied the tie perfectly onstage and I’m shook. When I wear my tie to work, I have to get up 15 minutes earlier to have time to get it tied the right length

Jared’s Jared was 20/10. Amazing delivery and fantastic comedic relief

There were all these little costume changes from Broadway, since so many things had been thrifted

IT TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG TO NOTICE but Connor is wearing Evan’s hoodie, not the other way around, and I can prove it.

It’s on Evan’s bed during Anybody Have a Map?

I heard a voice behind me during Act Two, and my first thought was my usual “what kind if imbecile …” But then I realized it was Michael Grief, and like it’s his show, so he can do what he wants.

Same thing when Justin Paul used his phone as a light source so he could take notes on the show.

We mentioned to Arron at the stage door that we skipped two days of school and drove nine hours to see the show and he goes “It’s your life. You gotta live it.”

BLR finished the stage door line before Christiane did, so he passed behind her on his way back into the theatre and 10000 percent patted her ass football-style.

In For Forever I totally thought the original lyric was “life will be alright for forever,” not “LIKE WE’LL be alright for forever” and that hit me harder than it should have tbh

Dude, Larry hit me so hard at the beginning, like he recites part of the letter and it took me until now to realize how many times he must have read it over before that moment

Zoe’s wardrobe was so classy

Evan straight up hugging into Connor’s chest at the end of Sincerely, Me

At the stage door, Phoebe almost fell off her heels and said “that’s what I get for wearing stilts. But I’m out here with all these dudes, like I’ve gotta assert my dominance.

It was a Moment, especially when I replied “I don’t even need stilts to fall down. It just happens sometimes.”

FREE OPENING NIGHT HATS. I’m not a hat-wearer, but this hat might just make me into one.

We made friends with an eighth grader at the stage door, and she was so wonderful honestly.

The three of us referred to ourselves as “trash” and her mother looked so concerned

Post-Show/Wednesday

Rachel and I parted ways as soon as she dropped me off back at the hotel, so you’ll have to hit her up for her Wednesday stories.

But we were at the stagedoor when @crazygoblinfreakoutnoise just texted me like KATHERINE *lastname* so I replied like “can I call you and scream?” because that felt safer than texting her in mass caps while we walked alone in the dark in an unfamiliar city.

Then I woke up Wednesday at 4:30 a.m. ((kinda, I had so much post-show rush that I didn’t actually sleep much at all)) and ate my leftovers from Tokyo Bowl before I called an Uber.

Chattiest Uber driver EVER. It was a 45-minute ride and by the end of it, I knew about his divorce, how long his family has had season sports tickets, why he doesn’t go to the games, all the major highways in Denver, everywhere he’s ever traveled … the list goes on. But he did get me there safe

I’d left hella early because the TSA said Denver was super busy and had lots of delays at security. So I’m to the airport a full 150 minutes before my scheduled flight, full of excitement about being enough of an adult to manage my own road trip travels.

Then security took maybe half an hour. Not even that, but I’ll be generous.

Point is, I had lots and lots of time to explore.

And then they delayed my flight 40 minutes.

So I dropped seven bucks on a cup of coffee, trying to combat the two non-consecutive hours of sleep I was running on.

I did get to see the sun rise over the mountains with airplanes in the background though, and that view was incredible.

By the time I got to board, I really needed to pee, but I didn’t have time, and then both of my row-mates fell asleep before we even took off.

Also we sat on the tarmac for almost an hour. So by the time we landed I REALLY had to pee.

Finally got to a bathroom, and made it out to meet my dad, for a ride back to Rachel’s place to pick up my car.

We went for lunch before we did that, and longtime followers might remember the fries that changed my life back in April. I had more of those, and they’re still amazing.

I had to use two of my last four percent cell battery ((look, it’d been a really long day)) to re-reschedule a test. The plan had been to take it when I got back to campus, but then delays happened.

Happy ending: took the test the next day, set the curve with a 94 percent.

[chickenfetus]

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these 

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse??  i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just  heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao  

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

[gracefulweather]

Tagged

I think I did some version of this last year on my other blog but well let’s see how much they’ve changed? or how much more depressing my answers are now

Tagged by @c-cygnus​ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

THE LAST: 1. drink: water 2. phone call: my mom 3. text message: “oh yeah the memes that were in there” (referring to my vmin coffee shop fic LMAO) 4. song you listened to: Love You - KNK 5. time you cried: yesterday? wait maybe two days ago lmao i think there’s an issue with my tear ducts :’) 6. dated someone twice: nah what is even dating 7. kissed someone and regretted it: nope 8. been cheated on: don’t think so and would sure hope not OTL 9. lost someone special: sure 10. been depressed: ahahah... yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nah

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 12-14. pink, purple, and blue generally (but more specifically, rose gold hehe)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: i guess???? 16. fallen out of love: tell me how does one fall out of love with bts ))): 17. laughed until you cried: not really? i have like two moods... when i can’t laugh at anything, and when i laugh at e v e r y t h i n g 18. found out someone was talking about you: would rather not tbh regardless of if it’s good or bad attention 19. met someone who changed you: don’t think so? i sometimes feel like i’m inertia--resistant af to change (or still so stupidly naive) 20. found out who your friends are: well 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: yeah

GENERAL: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: pretty much all of them 23. do you have any pets: dogoooo 24. do you want to change your name: eh I did before but don’t really care anymore bc wHY WORRY ABOUT THIS UR CONSTANTLY GOING THROUGH EXISTENTIAL CRISES 25. what did you do for your last birthday: bowling, korean food, and free bubble with the squad hehe and also posted the Thing (which... i should... probs update soon?) 26. what time did you wake up: 1:30pm don’t you love getting 10 hours of sleep 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: editing chapter 2 of the Thing? oh wait... i think i might’ve been writing that crack fic actually oops 28. name something you can’t wait for: what is there to look forward to when the great void of death is something that is constantly just there, looming over our heads as if it may happen at any moment  ummm i literally don’t know. getting paid at work? drinking my next iced capp? something like that 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: half an hour ago 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: hmm probably to stop this social anxiety and not be afraid of actively going out and looking for opportunities  31. what are you listening to right now: Will You Go Out With Me - DIA (it’s so good yo, brings back 2010/2011 girl group vibes <3) 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: my neighbour?? 33. something that is getting on your nerves: the desire for real human connection in a world where it’s quickly diminishing how i keep promising fics for people but then either i don’t have the inspiration to write them, or i’m not satisfied with the way they turn out 34. most visited website: twitter, tumblr, google 35. mole/s: a couple on my arms and legs 36. mark/s: got this fairly big birth mark on my arm? that i lowkey want tattooed over but like it’s too revealing so nah 37. childhood dream: being a doctor or vet, i think and then being rich and living in a big house when i achieve my big dreams amirite 38. hair colour: black 39. long or short hair: mid-length? past my shoulders 40. do you have a crush on someone: nah (p a r k j i m i n) 41. what do you like about yourself: ?????? who (how about we rename this question “what do you hate about yourself” bc that can be a full tag thing on its own) 42. piercings: 7 ear piercings 43. blood type: AB so no i won’t ever be anyone’s type ):  44. nickname: uhh graceful weather 45. relationship status: married to park jimin in my mind but i mean we’re all fixated on things we can’t have 46. zodiac: cancer 47. pronouns: she/her 48. favourite tv show: i don’t really watch tv bc too much commitment... but i’d say anything with a suspenseful plot? i used to watch criminal minds, ghost whisperer, medium, flash point, csi, etc 49. tattoos: not yet! but that was the birthday plan this year (which probably will not be fulfilled) 50. right or left handed: right handed 51. surgery: wisdom teeth removal 52. piercing: earsss 53. sport: figure skating? don’t really do sports ahhh 55. vacation: ideal vacation would be to some place sunny and warm, but fave one so far i guess would be LA/San Fran/Vegas 56. pair of trainers: hmm my classic converse i guess

MORE GENERAL 57. eating: watermelon 58. drinking: water 59. i’m about to: s t u d y ): 61. waiting for: getting paid at work 62. want: to figure out what i want to do in the future 63. get married: eh how about you start with simple things like dating first lmao i’m fine with marriage but like y’know...only if that opportunity arises 64. career: actually have no idea... pretty sure i said writer or producer last year, and that still stands. maybe editing. maybe programming. maybe criminal profiler but apparently they don’t hire ): 65. hugs or kisses: hugs (◕‿◕✿) 66. lips or eyes: eyes 67. shorter or taller: taller 68. older or younger: either one lmao though i think i get along better with people younger than me? bc i feel like i have...the mental age of a 15 year old still + if you’re older uh you might intimidate me a bit OTL 70. nice arms or nice stomach: let me quote “w€ on£¥ care about p€r$ona£it¥” LMAOO jk jk ok but in all seriousness, personality wins and i don’t care much for looks  71. sensitive or loud: is this asking about me or my ideal type???? bc sensitive for both 72. hook up or relationship: ao3 tag “friends to lovers” yes thank you 73. troublemaker or hesitant: is this still referring to ideal type or what OTL but uh hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: no 75. drank hard liquor: yep AHAH adventures with vodka in first year were really something :’) 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: nope but one time my glasses lens popped out and that was hella scary??? 77. turned someone down: not...straight up. but yes dropped hints? i’m not really a direct confrontation kinda person 78. sex on the first date: nope 79. broken someone’s heart: probs not... i mean i wouldn’t really know. wait... 80. had your heart broken: every day when people don’t reply to my messages uhh yes sure you could say that 81. been arrested: nope 82. cried when someone died: only in private ahah 83. fallen for a friend: wOULD NOT RECOMMEND (yes)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: lmao??????????? 85. miracles: not really 86. love at first sight: no but do i even believe in love in the first place ahaha 87. santa claus: maybe once upon a time but like i was one of those kids that would try to find loopholes in everything, and hence searched the house and found where my parents hid the presents (づ￣ ³￣)づ 88. kiss on the first date: sure why not if there’s nice chemistry and both parties are fully able to give consent 89. angels: hmm nah

OTHER: 90. current best friend’s name: pls refer to the post where bts are my only friends and they’re not even my friends :’))))) 91. eye colour: dark brown 92. favourite movie: i can never pick faves but today i’ll say nerve (yes i still have to write that au omg)

Tagging: anyone who wants to do it

[empresspilaf-blog]

Tagged by: No one, but I saw this and I am SO BORED. Plus I get a strange rush from filling things out *twitch twitch*

Name: Robyn Elizabeth O’Neill

Nicknames: Robbi, Bird, Beebo, (REO) Speedwagon (get it, ‘cause my initials)

Gender: Been a girl my whole life (not that I’m too good at it lol)

Height: 5′ 8 1/2″ (174 cm)

Sexual orientation: Bisexual(?) With Borderline Personality Disorder, sexuality can fluctuate. I would definitely say I’m bi, but it sorta goes between “I want all the ladies” to “Ehh boobs are cool”.

Favourite colours: Dark purple and emerald green.

Time right now: 8:26 am

Average hours of sleep: ~DOES NOT COMPUTE~

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well I haven’t slept yet tonight (even though night is over). Sometimes I don’t sleep, sometimes I sleep for 24 hours. It depends.

Last googled: "More cowbell SNL”

Number of blankets you sleep with: One, Star Wars comforter :D

Favourite fictional character: Winnie the Pooh! I have a tattoo I drew of him (in the classic E. H. Shepard style) on my side. Also, Jonathan Joestar (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure), Piccolo and Yamcha (DBZ), and right now I’m in love with Serizawa Katsuya from Mob Psycho 100.

Favourite famous people: Uhmm celebities? Ginger Rogers :D Working on a line art of her to get as a tattoo. Also Bettie Page, Conrad Veidt, Eddie Van Halen.

Favourite films: Metropolis (1927), Top Hat (1935), My Favorite Wife (1940), the ORIGINAL Star Wars Trilogy (I’m sorry but I hate the prequels, and I wasn’t a huge fan of the new stuff), Haxan (1922), The Man Who Laughs (1928), Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977), Back to the Future Trilogy (1985-1990), A Clockwork Orange (1971), Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf? (1966) The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920), Scarface (1983), Dirty Harry movies (1971-1988) my favorite is the second, Magnum Force. There’s a bunch more but I think that should be good hahahahaha. Go watch these though, really!

What are you wearing: A neon green Toyota shirt I borrowed from a friend, grey leggings, purple underwear (because I’m thorough), one navy blue sock with white sailboats on it, and a red sock with white whales.

Favourite bands/artists:OH HO HO. This is gonna be like a six page essay so buckle up (even though no one is even gonna read this haha). Alright. Van Halen, Def Leppard, Led Zeppelin, Aphex Twin, Kraftwerk, Iggy Azalea, MIKA, the Andrews Sisters, The Misfits, Green Day, blink-182, Ella Fitzgerald, Foo Fighters, Cab Calloway, Yes, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rush, Ratt, Jean-Jaques Perrey, Kendrick Lamar, Benny Goodman, Chance the Rapper, Dixie Chicks, Pink Floyd, the Beatles, Wings, Paul McCartney in general, PISTOL WHIP (my boyfriend has a band lol), Genesis, MGMT, Beastie Boys, U2, Florence + the Machine, The Ramones, Frank Zappa, Dio, No Doubt, My Chemical Romance, Katy Perry, Fall Out Boy (Folie a Deux and before), Squidward Tentacles, REO Speedwagon, Black Sabbath, Donnie Iris, Triumph, Heart, Cake, Jamiroquai, Fred Astaire, Nicki Minaj, Elton John, Cream, Kansas, Miley Cyrus, Nirvana, Helen Kane, Boston, Martha Tilton..... Okay I should probably stop. I’m pretty sure I just names most of the characters/ stands in JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, too :D

When did you create this blog: Uhhh July 2015? According to my archives, that’s when my first post was. I had a Tumblr back in 9th- 11th grade, but that was literally a cesspool of self-harm and depressing things. Like back in the days before they banned tags that had to do with that stuff. I shut it down because it somehow linked to my Facebook and my family saw pictures of the seventeen slits i put up and down my arms one day (abusive father, you know how that can be). So I freaked out and deleted the whole thing and didn’t touch the site for like 3 or 4 years.

How many followers do you have: I think 43? Haha and I’m pretty sure most of them are porn bots >_>

What do you post about: Anime and shippy things lol. Also music, LOTS of art (I’m an art history major), science things, vintage junk, movies i like, whatever looks fancy

Do you have any other blogs: not that I know of?? I’m pretty sure that old one is gone?? It was something like @halenmarie ... nothing came up so we’re good haha

Why did you choose your url: Because I adore Dragon Ball (it’s better than DBZ, suck it haters), and Emperor Pilaf is pretty rad. I wanted something Dragon Ball related and I thought being an empress would be fun :D it was @themrsskywalker up until like August or September of this year.

(my Snapchat username is mrsskywalker, be my friend!)

I just realized there’s a terrible lack of vintage muscle cars on my blog, eek!

[small-seo-tools]

The Best SEO Tools to Spot an SEO Scam And See Why Your Rank Tracker Results Are Different from Google

SEO agencies are often referred to as “Nah, this is some kind of pyramid” “They are all frauds” “They only seek to pump out all of your money”. The reason why SEO agencies have got such an unpleasantly sounding record is that people are still afraid of the Internet or they might as well had some negative experience in the past.

While the majority of business owners in different fields may be quite familiar with the internet and even have a website, some would still prefer traditional marketing rather than internet marketing and SEO services. According to GoDaddy’s research, 22% of small business owners have no online presence at all.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter

You can’t help but agree with the Mark Twain quote about age. This issue can be seen a lot of aspects of our lives and the Internet is not an exception.

According to Experian, the average age of a small-business owner is 50.3 years old.

No way we are here to promote ageism, for sure. As you get older, you are simply being more risk-averse and are weighing the potential wins and losses, according to NCBI. The problem is that some business owners think that they can’t afford a website (20%), it’s too difficult to manage it (21%), or they didn’t think it’s going to help their business (24%).

When business owners create a website they usually pursue several goals, such as

Establishing a brand identity;

Generating more conversions;

Expanding the market and sphere of influence;

Diversifying the income streams, etc.

Sometimes, they truly believe that any website will work. And by any I mean something like this.

So, often as an SEO expert, you may face old, SEO-unfriendly, creepy-looking websites which you’ve been assigned to deal with.

If you’re an SEO or digital marketing expert, it’s up to you to create a safe and trustful environment for your client. It appears that clients will usually come to you having strong prejudices about your services, business and reputation even if those are good.

Just like the fights between the religious and non-religious, vegetarians and meat-eaters, SEOs and clients are not very much different.

Digital marketing and SEO agencies provide services and more exactly internet services that cannot be touched, smelled or tasted. The biggest problem is that a client can see the results of the provided services only weeks or months later. Usually, when it comes to our money, we are the most impatient creatures on the planet, and we want to see the results right now.

When clients do not see the expected results, they may very quickly claim SEO agencies frauds, scammers and other “pleasant-to-hear” words. While there is a really high rate of fraudulent activities on the web in digital marketing with 35% programmatically bought desktop ad impressions, according to Pixalate, not every digital marketing agency is a scammer.

Unfortunately, the fraudulent digital marketing and SEO agencies are killing the reputation of other really trustworthy and honest agencies which may find it difficult to cooperate with clients who usually come with strong negative biases.

The first time an SEO expert may confront an outraging client is when the client finds different results in SERPs and in the reports that an SEO expert provides, especially for rankings.

How to quickly check an SEO agency’s report data using our SEO software

If you’re a website owner and you’ve signed a contract with an SEO or digital marketing agency, and you want to see yourself how your website is performing you can find our tools really helpful.

So, how do you know where you’re ranking? For this purpose, Rank Tracker will help you a lot.

In order to start tracking the keywords you need to add them to Rank Tracker first, and then you’ll see how well they are performing. You can add keywords in Keyword Finder -> Related Keywords every week to keep up with the updates of your website and track rankings.

Then if you want to make sure that you’re really ranking number one, number two, three or one billion you can click on the URL checker and find out.

This is only a small part of what our platform is capable of. You can check the optimal plan here and find if it works for you. If you’re unhappy with the price, you can always try a 14 days trial and see if it’s worth it. Needless to say that with our platform you can never be scammed (99%) by any SEO agency because you can always check the results yourself.

Rank Tracker vs Google Why Do Results Differ?

When you’re checking your positions with Rank Tracker, you may find that the rankings for a particular keyword in SERPs are different from what you see using a tool.

For this example, we will be using supporthunt.com website to check their positions for one keyword to see if the results are different or not. In the picture above you can see that for “live chat operator service” keyword the website is ranking #8 as for today.

So, let’s go and google this query to either confirm or bust a myth about different rankings.

“Aha, I told ya, scam again!”, your first guess may be. Well, no. There is no scam. We have used a VPN to google that and so our location appeared to be Kentucky as you can see it highlighted in the picture.

And what our Rank Tracker shows are the so-called general results which are bound to a country, not a state. You can check it yourself by opening an incognito window in Google and typing in “live chat operator service”. You can check this incognito pdf file to see the exact SERPs yourself.

The main difference is that our search results are connected to a country by default when you create a new project and do not take into account a state or city if you do not specify them manually. In the picture below you can see that the position of supporthunt.com is #8 as shown in our Rank Tracker.

Why do we choose to provide customizable search results? Because it eliminates the confusion. The results that we show avoid google’s personalization and present a clearer and more stable picture.

Is Google personalized content causing the confusion?

For logged-in users, Google is collecting all the browsing history of a user which you can easily see at Google My Activity. Google literally knows every single query you have typed in the search, every video you’ve watched, and it can probably estimate when you wake up and when you go to bed because most people start their day with reaching for a smartphone and end the day with putting the smartphone away.

You can find the full list of what Google knows about you at . To summarize the main points here is what Google has learned about you:

Your complete browsing history;

Your location history;

News preferences;

Calls history;

Data that you’ve downloaded, uploaded, exchanged;

Your interests and subscriptions, etc.

Speaking, about non-logged-in users Google collects cookies and also uses them to improve the search experience. All these cookies, browser histories, preferences, cross-session behavior, etc., can be united into one phrase – Google tracks your internet behavior and knows your digital trace very well.

A simple trap that business-owners may fall into

Answering the question why your rank tracker results different from Google we can say that is because of Google personalization. Your search results may be different from your neighbor’s and this is completely fine because you already know why.

Sometimes the content that is served is individual for each person and is based on many factors and behaviors, such as previous searches, preferences, geolocation, etc.

What confuses clients the most when they sign a contract with an SEO agency is that they constantly click on their website to see the rankings. They know what keywords they want to be ranking for and they google these keywords non-stop. Google remembers their search queries and moves the site up for the client because Google thinks that this content fits the client best. Meanwhile, a client may think that their positions have grown up when they actually haven’t.

For example, an SEO agency presents the report, and the client sees their position for a particular keyword is 20. Client says “Ok. Fine”. After checking this keyword and manually smashing it in search before seeing the report they have already personalized this query for themselves. So, when they look at the report, a couple of hours later they google this keyword themselves again and see that they are shown at the 5th position.

A client will definitely fly into a rage because they think that the SEO agency continuously steals their money and fakes the reports or something.

Another case is that a client may receive a report from an SEO agency where they see that they are ranking #8 in Google. A client from UK, London, may want to assure themselves and check if the position is true. A client asks a friend from UK, Sheffield, to check the position. What happens next?

The world of SEO and digital marketing is a shaky, vague island of high expectations and harsh realities. It’s not easy to get a website ranked number one or, at least, establish a good online presence.

It’s even more difficult to explain to your client that they are not being scammed or tricked out of their money. However, it requires some certain skills from your team or you directly to find the balance between a client’s expectations and your company’s capabilities and also be an informative consultant during the long ranking process.

Source

https://rankactive.com/blog/the-best-seo-tools-to-spot-an-seo-scam-and-see-why-your-rank-tracker-results-are-different-from-google

[dragons-in-bowties-blog]

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

I haven't always had major anxiety. In fact, it's a (relatively) new development in my life. After surviving a severe reaction to medication, I was left riddled with panic attacks, anxiety, and borderline agoraphobia for years to come. It's something I've accepted as my new normal, and I've had to relearn how to function as a semi-healthy adult. Anxiety changes things in your life. It nearly destroyed my relationship, successfully ended friendships, and left me feeling like a shell of my former self. Instead of being the adventurous and outgoing ENFJ that I knew myself to be, I was terrified to even step outside my front door.

I used to love traveling solo. I've been on countless trips by myself over the years, and I even moved abroad with nothing but two suitcases and a heck of a lot of courage. People would ask me if I was scared and I'd laugh it off. Adventure was a huge part of my personal identity, and - as a result - I became a champion of solo travel. We've all heard about how wonderful the experience can be. And it's something I firmly believe everyone should try in their 20s (or later) if able, because traveling solo can teach you a lot about yourself.

Personally, I learned how to be self-sufficient and independent after years as the quiet, bookish kid who rarely spoke up in school. I became fearless and passionate in the pursuit of whatever the hell I wanted. I explored Istanbul by myself, spent two days on a ferry in the Adriatic Sea from Greece to Italy, and fell in love with Venice all on my own.

But anxiety stole that feeling from me.

Instead of being the girl who would try almost anything once, I became the girl who could barely go outside. My worst panic attack lasted almost a full day, and my anxiety impacted everything - my relationships, my career, my health. I spent years trying every remedy I could think of - medication, therapy, yoga, diet changes, mindfulness - because I was desperate to return to the person I once was. Eventually, I found a weird mix of things that sort of worked, but I still felt like a mere shadow of the adventurous girl I once was.

PhotoAlto/Frederic Cirou/Getty Images

I still wanted to travel even though it scared the shit out of me. I still wanted to be bold, adventurous, and exciting because I felt like I needed to be those things. I wanted to be fearless in the face of my anxiety. I wanted to tell it, “Ha! You don't own me.”

Because it should never own me.  I spent years letting anxiety define my identity before I realized that I could still be that adventurous girl…with a little more caution. It didn't have to be a bad thing (in fact, it was probably a good thing considering that, while traveling abroad, I got into an unmarked vehicle with strangers once. Okay, twice.)

Instead of wishing it would go away, I learned that I needed to accept my anxiety as part of me.

It took a lot of practice and a heck of a lot of stress. As my agoraphobic tendencies reared their ugly head, it took coaching, hand holding, and time. I would spend four hours preparing myself to leave the house to get groceries only to sit in my car for 45 minutes, sobbing, because I was too afraid to leave. But I did it. Eventually.

And, eventually, I was able to go on my first solo trip again so I could attend a conference in Toronto.

Emma Kim/Getty Images

It terrified me. I spent a lot of time going back and forth on whether or not I should even go on the trip, but I was determined. While the trip didn't go exactly as planned (I maybe chickened out and flew home a full day early), I still learned a few valuable lessons on how to travel alone with anxiety. Plus, those lessons have helped me better manage anxiety in my daily life as well. Perhaps they can help you, too, if you're dealing with similar issues.

I need to do my research.

If I'm brutally honest, I'm a Hermione Granger-type character. I'm a know-it-all, I find solace in books and research, and I like being in control. Traveling solo with anxiety, I knew I needed to give in to this tendency - at least to a certain extent. Nothing ever goes as planned, but if I wanted to convince myself to get on an airplane (aka, a rattling death trap in my mind), then I needed to know that everything was taken care of.

I'm not just talking about lodging. I spent time poring over Google Maps so I was familiar with the area between my hotel and the conference. I took screenshots of information on my phone in case I didn't have cell service, and I kept a charger with me pretty much 24/7. Even more? I read every single review of my Airbnb, and I picked a female host who had hosted other single female travelers - even though it wasn't the cheapest or the nicest accommodation available.

I looked up transportation, restaurants, things to do, and even contacted other conference attendees about potentially meeting up during off-hours. I don't like having an itinerary while traveling, but I needed to give myself options. I needed to feel prepared.

I made friends whenever I could.

I was lucky enough to be attending a conference that had a social media presence. I followed people on Twitter who said they'd be attending months before the event, and struck up tentative social media friendships. Making friends when you have anxiety can be incredibly hard, but doing this before my trip made it easier. I knew I wouldn't have to talk to people if I didn't want to, but I also wouldn't have to feel incredibly alone in a brand new city.

If you can't make friends, try to put yourself in situations where you can be friendly(ish) without extra effort. Staying in an Airbnb is a great way to do this with minimal effort: my host chatted with me and gave me recommendations on things to do in the city. This made me relax a bit; I knew I had a real person I could connect with if I felt incredibly unsafe - but it was also nice knowing that spending time with this person was optional. In fact, I spent most of my time outside the Airbnb, knowing that another person was aware of my existence helped me conquer the anxiety I felt as someone who was totally alone in a new city.

Zen Rial/Getty Images

I didn't pressure myself.

Look, traveling solo is hard enough even when you don't have anxiety. If you're not ready to step outside your comfort zone for your entire trip, then don't do it. Focus on doing what makes you happy above all else. I spent one night in my Airbnb reading while eating red velvet cake from the grocery store across the street. Was it super glamorous or adventurous? No. Did it help me keep my sanity in check? Hell yes.

There's joy in the unknown and going off the beaten path. You should definitely try new things - but it's important to know your limits.

But I learned how to challenge myself.

Know your limits, yes, but test them whenever possible. If I only did things that made me feel safe, I would literally never leave my house. I like to set bribes for myself when it comes to my anxiety. “If I do [blank], then I can go home and get in bed.”

I spent one night bar hopping in Toronto with a bunch of people I'd never met, and I honestly had the best time imaginable. It was way outside of my comfort zone, but I told myself that I needed to try it. So I did, and guess what? I left early, went back to my Airbnb, and cuddled up with my book. I found balance in pushing past my limits and ended up enjoying myself more than I would normally would have. However, that doesn't mean I ignored my anxiety completely.

I've learned the art of compromise.

Theerawat Kaiphanlert/Getty Images

In the end, I don't know if I'll ever be the girl I once was, but that's okay too. I've learned to accept myself - and my anxiety - because it's easier to work with it than against it. I've learned that I don't have to let my anxiety stop me from enjoying life. It takes effort and, okay, a lot of crying. But it's totally worth it, especially because traveling solo actually helped me conquer my anxiety in the long run.

Because that's the thing about anxiety. It might not get easier with time, but I get better at dealing with it.

The post How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[fuckyeahslightlyamusing-blog]

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

I haven't always had major anxiety. In fact, it's a (relatively) new development in my life. After surviving a severe reaction to medication, I was left riddled with panic attacks, anxiety, and borderline agoraphobia for years to come. It's something I've accepted as my new normal, and I've had to relearn how to function as a semi-healthy adult. Anxiety changes things in your life. It nearly destroyed my relationship, successfully ended friendships, and left me feeling like a shell of my former self. Instead of being the adventurous and outgoing ENFJ that I knew myself to be, I was terrified to even step outside my front door.

I used to love traveling solo. I've been on countless trips by myself over the years, and I even moved abroad with nothing but two suitcases and a heck of a lot of courage. People would ask me if I was scared and I'd laugh it off. Adventure was a huge part of my personal identity, and - as a result - I became a champion of solo travel. We've all heard about how wonderful the experience can be. And it's something I firmly believe everyone should try in their 20s (or later) if able, because traveling solo can teach you a lot about yourself.

Personally, I learned how to be self-sufficient and independent after years as the quiet, bookish kid who rarely spoke up in school. I became fearless and passionate in the pursuit of whatever the hell I wanted. I explored Istanbul by myself, spent two days on a ferry in the Adriatic Sea from Greece to Italy, and fell in love with Venice all on my own.

But anxiety stole that feeling from me.

Instead of being the girl who would try almost anything once, I became the girl who could barely go outside. My worst panic attack lasted almost a full day, and my anxiety impacted everything - my relationships, my career, my health. I spent years trying every remedy I could think of - medication, therapy, yoga, diet changes, mindfulness - because I was desperate to return to the person I once was. Eventually, I found a weird mix of things that sort of worked, but I still felt like a mere shadow of the adventurous girl I once was.

PhotoAlto/Frederic Cirou/Getty Images

I still wanted to travel even though it scared the shit out of me. I still wanted to be bold, adventurous, and exciting because I felt like I needed to be those things. I wanted to be fearless in the face of my anxiety. I wanted to tell it, “Ha! You don't own me.”

Because it should never own me.  I spent years letting anxiety define my identity before I realized that I could still be that adventurous girl…with a little more caution. It didn't have to be a bad thing (in fact, it was probably a good thing considering that, while traveling abroad, I got into an unmarked vehicle with strangers once. Okay, twice.)

Instead of wishing it would go away, I learned that I needed to accept my anxiety as part of me.

It took a lot of practice and a heck of a lot of stress. As my agoraphobic tendencies reared their ugly head, it took coaching, hand holding, and time. I would spend four hours preparing myself to leave the house to get groceries only to sit in my car for 45 minutes, sobbing, because I was too afraid to leave. But I did it. Eventually.

And, eventually, I was able to go on my first solo trip again so I could attend a conference in Toronto.

Emma Kim/Getty Images

It terrified me. I spent a lot of time going back and forth on whether or not I should even go on the trip, but I was determined. While the trip didn't go exactly as planned (I maybe chickened out and flew home a full day early), I still learned a few valuable lessons on how to travel alone with anxiety. Plus, those lessons have helped me better manage anxiety in my daily life as well. Perhaps they can help you, too, if you're dealing with similar issues.

I need to do my research.

If I'm brutally honest, I'm a Hermione Granger-type character. I'm a know-it-all, I find solace in books and research, and I like being in control. Traveling solo with anxiety, I knew I needed to give in to this tendency - at least to a certain extent. Nothing ever goes as planned, but if I wanted to convince myself to get on an airplane (aka, a rattling death trap in my mind), then I needed to know that everything was taken care of.

I'm not just talking about lodging. I spent time poring over Google Maps so I was familiar with the area between my hotel and the conference. I took screenshots of information on my phone in case I didn't have cell service, and I kept a charger with me pretty much 24/7. Even more? I read every single review of my Airbnb, and I picked a female host who had hosted other single female travelers - even though it wasn't the cheapest or the nicest accommodation available.

I looked up transportation, restaurants, things to do, and even contacted other conference attendees about potentially meeting up during off-hours. I don't like having an itinerary while traveling, but I needed to give myself options. I needed to feel prepared.

I made friends whenever I could.

I was lucky enough to be attending a conference that had a social media presence. I followed people on Twitter who said they'd be attending months before the event, and struck up tentative social media friendships. Making friends when you have anxiety can be incredibly hard, but doing this before my trip made it easier. I knew I wouldn't have to talk to people if I didn't want to, but I also wouldn't have to feel incredibly alone in a brand new city.

If you can't make friends, try to put yourself in situations where you can be friendly(ish) without extra effort. Staying in an Airbnb is a great way to do this with minimal effort: my host chatted with me and gave me recommendations on things to do in the city. This made me relax a bit; I knew I had a real person I could connect with if I felt incredibly unsafe - but it was also nice knowing that spending time with this person was optional. In fact, I spent most of my time outside the Airbnb, knowing that another person was aware of my existence helped me conquer the anxiety I felt as someone who was totally alone in a new city.

Zen Rial/Getty Images

I didn't pressure myself.

Look, traveling solo is hard enough even when you don't have anxiety. If you're not ready to step outside your comfort zone for your entire trip, then don't do it. Focus on doing what makes you happy above all else. I spent one night in my Airbnb reading while eating red velvet cake from the grocery store across the street. Was it super glamorous or adventurous? No. Did it help me keep my sanity in check? Hell yes.

There's joy in the unknown and going off the beaten path. You should definitely try new things - but it's important to know your limits.

But I learned how to challenge myself.

Know your limits, yes, but test them whenever possible. If I only did things that made me feel safe, I would literally never leave my house. I like to set bribes for myself when it comes to my anxiety. “If I do [blank], then I can go home and get in bed.”

I spent one night bar hopping in Toronto with a bunch of people I'd never met, and I honestly had the best time imaginable. It was way outside of my comfort zone, but I told myself that I needed to try it. So I did, and guess what? I left early, went back to my Airbnb, and cuddled up with my book. I found balance in pushing past my limits and ended up enjoying myself more than I would normally would have. However, that doesn't mean I ignored my anxiety completely.

I've learned the art of compromise.

Theerawat Kaiphanlert/Getty Images

In the end, I don't know if I'll ever be the girl I once was, but that's okay too. I've learned to accept myself - and my anxiety - because it's easier to work with it than against it. I've learned that I don't have to let my anxiety stop me from enjoying life. It takes effort and, okay, a lot of crying. But it's totally worth it, especially because traveling solo actually helped me conquer my anxiety in the long run.

Because that's the thing about anxiety. It might not get easier with time, but I get better at dealing with it.

The post How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[typhoonprecious-blog]

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

I haven't always had major anxiety. In fact, it's a (relatively) new development in my life. After surviving a severe reaction to medication, I was left riddled with panic attacks, anxiety, and borderline agoraphobia for years to come. It's something I've accepted as my new normal, and I've had to relearn how to function as a semi-healthy adult. Anxiety changes things in your life. It nearly destroyed my relationship, successfully ended friendships, and left me feeling like a shell of my former self. Instead of being the adventurous and outgoing ENFJ that I knew myself to be, I was terrified to even step outside my front door.

I used to love traveling solo. I've been on countless trips by myself over the years, and I even moved abroad with nothing but two suitcases and a heck of a lot of courage. People would ask me if I was scared and I'd laugh it off. Adventure was a huge part of my personal identity, and - as a result - I became a champion of solo travel. We've all heard about how wonderful the experience can be. And it's something I firmly believe everyone should try in their 20s (or later) if able, because traveling solo can teach you a lot about yourself.

Personally, I learned how to be self-sufficient and independent after years as the quiet, bookish kid who rarely spoke up in school. I became fearless and passionate in the pursuit of whatever the hell I wanted. I explored Istanbul by myself, spent two days on a ferry in the Adriatic Sea from Greece to Italy, and fell in love with Venice all on my own.

But anxiety stole that feeling from me.

Instead of being the girl who would try almost anything once, I became the girl who could barely go outside. My worst panic attack lasted almost a full day, and my anxiety impacted everything - my relationships, my career, my health. I spent years trying every remedy I could think of - medication, therapy, yoga, diet changes, mindfulness - because I was desperate to return to the person I once was. Eventually, I found a weird mix of things that sort of worked, but I still felt like a mere shadow of the adventurous girl I once was.

PhotoAlto/Frederic Cirou/Getty Images

I still wanted to travel even though it scared the shit out of me. I still wanted to be bold, adventurous, and exciting because I felt like I needed to be those things. I wanted to be fearless in the face of my anxiety. I wanted to tell it, “Ha! You don't own me.”

Because it should never own me.  I spent years letting anxiety define my identity before I realized that I could still be that adventurous girl…with a little more caution. It didn't have to be a bad thing (in fact, it was probably a good thing considering that, while traveling abroad, I got into an unmarked vehicle with strangers once. Okay, twice.)

Instead of wishing it would go away, I learned that I needed to accept my anxiety as part of me.

It took a lot of practice and a heck of a lot of stress. As my agoraphobic tendencies reared their ugly head, it took coaching, hand holding, and time. I would spend four hours preparing myself to leave the house to get groceries only to sit in my car for 45 minutes, sobbing, because I was too afraid to leave. But I did it. Eventually.

And, eventually, I was able to go on my first solo trip again so I could attend a conference in Toronto.

Emma Kim/Getty Images

It terrified me. I spent a lot of time going back and forth on whether or not I should even go on the trip, but I was determined. While the trip didn't go exactly as planned (I maybe chickened out and flew home a full day early), I still learned a few valuable lessons on how to travel alone with anxiety. Plus, those lessons have helped me better manage anxiety in my daily life as well. Perhaps they can help you, too, if you're dealing with similar issues.

I need to do my research.

If I'm brutally honest, I'm a Hermione Granger-type character. I'm a know-it-all, I find solace in books and research, and I like being in control. Traveling solo with anxiety, I knew I needed to give in to this tendency - at least to a certain extent. Nothing ever goes as planned, but if I wanted to convince myself to get on an airplane (aka, a rattling death trap in my mind), then I needed to know that everything was taken care of.

I'm not just talking about lodging. I spent time poring over Google Maps so I was familiar with the area between my hotel and the conference. I took screenshots of information on my phone in case I didn't have cell service, and I kept a charger with me pretty much 24/7. Even more? I read every single review of my Airbnb, and I picked a female host who had hosted other single female travelers - even though it wasn't the cheapest or the nicest accommodation available.

I looked up transportation, restaurants, things to do, and even contacted other conference attendees about potentially meeting up during off-hours. I don't like having an itinerary while traveling, but I needed to give myself options. I needed to feel prepared.

I made friends whenever I could.

I was lucky enough to be attending a conference that had a social media presence. I followed people on Twitter who said they'd be attending months before the event, and struck up tentative social media friendships. Making friends when you have anxiety can be incredibly hard, but doing this before my trip made it easier. I knew I wouldn't have to talk to people if I didn't want to, but I also wouldn't have to feel incredibly alone in a brand new city.

If you can't make friends, try to put yourself in situations where you can be friendly(ish) without extra effort. Staying in an Airbnb is a great way to do this with minimal effort: my host chatted with me and gave me recommendations on things to do in the city. This made me relax a bit; I knew I had a real person I could connect with if I felt incredibly unsafe - but it was also nice knowing that spending time with this person was optional. In fact, I spent most of my time outside the Airbnb, knowing that another person was aware of my existence helped me conquer the anxiety I felt as someone who was totally alone in a new city.

Zen Rial/Getty Images

I didn't pressure myself.

Look, traveling solo is hard enough even when you don't have anxiety. If you're not ready to step outside your comfort zone for your entire trip, then don't do it. Focus on doing what makes you happy above all else. I spent one night in my Airbnb reading while eating red velvet cake from the grocery store across the street. Was it super glamorous or adventurous? No. Did it help me keep my sanity in check? Hell yes.

There's joy in the unknown and going off the beaten path. You should definitely try new things - but it's important to know your limits.

But I learned how to challenge myself.

Know your limits, yes, but test them whenever possible. If I only did things that made me feel safe, I would literally never leave my house. I like to set bribes for myself when it comes to my anxiety. “If I do [blank], then I can go home and get in bed.”

I spent one night bar hopping in Toronto with a bunch of people I'd never met, and I honestly had the best time imaginable. It was way outside of my comfort zone, but I told myself that I needed to try it. So I did, and guess what? I left early, went back to my Airbnb, and cuddled up with my book. I found balance in pushing past my limits and ended up enjoying myself more than I would normally would have. However, that doesn't mean I ignored my anxiety completely.

I've learned the art of compromise.

Theerawat Kaiphanlert/Getty Images

In the end, I don't know if I'll ever be the girl I once was, but that's okay too. I've learned to accept myself - and my anxiety - because it's easier to work with it than against it. I've learned that I don't have to let my anxiety stop me from enjoying life. It takes effort and, okay, a lot of crying. But it's totally worth it, especially because traveling solo actually helped me conquer my anxiety in the long run.

Because that's the thing about anxiety. It might not get easier with time, but I get better at dealing with it.

The post How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[inkundu1]

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

I haven't always had major anxiety. In fact, it's a (relatively) new development in my life. After surviving a severe reaction to medication, I was left riddled with panic attacks, anxiety, and borderline agoraphobia for years to come. It's something I've accepted as my new normal, and I've had to relearn how to function as a semi-healthy adult. Anxiety changes things in your life. It nearly destroyed my relationship, successfully ended friendships, and left me feeling like a shell of my former self. Instead of being the adventurous and outgoing ENFJ that I knew myself to be, I was terrified to even step outside my front door.

I used to love traveling solo. I've been on countless trips by myself over the years, and I even moved abroad with nothing but two suitcases and a heck of a lot of courage. People would ask me if I was scared and I'd laugh it off. Adventure was a huge part of my personal identity, and - as a result - I became a champion of solo travel. We've all heard about how wonderful the experience can be. And it's something I firmly believe everyone should try in their 20s (or later) if able, because traveling solo can teach you a lot about yourself.

Personally, I learned how to be self-sufficient and independent after years as the quiet, bookish kid who rarely spoke up in school. I became fearless and passionate in the pursuit of whatever the hell I wanted. I explored Istanbul by myself, spent two days on a ferry in the Adriatic Sea from Greece to Italy, and fell in love with Venice all on my own.

But anxiety stole that feeling from me.

Instead of being the girl who would try almost anything once, I became the girl who could barely go outside. My worst panic attack lasted almost a full day, and my anxiety impacted everything - my relationships, my career, my health. I spent years trying every remedy I could think of - medication, therapy, yoga, diet changes, mindfulness - because I was desperate to return to the person I once was. Eventually, I found a weird mix of things that sort of worked, but I still felt like a mere shadow of the adventurous girl I once was.

PhotoAlto/Frederic Cirou/Getty Images

I still wanted to travel even though it scared the shit out of me. I still wanted to be bold, adventurous, and exciting because I felt like I needed to be those things. I wanted to be fearless in the face of my anxiety. I wanted to tell it, “Ha! You don't own me.”

Because it should never own me.  I spent years letting anxiety define my identity before I realized that I could still be that adventurous girl…with a little more caution. It didn't have to be a bad thing (in fact, it was probably a good thing considering that, while traveling abroad, I got into an unmarked vehicle with strangers once. Okay, twice.)

Instead of wishing it would go away, I learned that I needed to accept my anxiety as part of me.

It took a lot of practice and a heck of a lot of stress. As my agoraphobic tendencies reared their ugly head, it took coaching, hand holding, and time. I would spend four hours preparing myself to leave the house to get groceries only to sit in my car for 45 minutes, sobbing, because I was too afraid to leave. But I did it. Eventually.

And, eventually, I was able to go on my first solo trip again so I could attend a conference in Toronto.

Emma Kim/Getty Images

It terrified me. I spent a lot of time going back and forth on whether or not I should even go on the trip, but I was determined. While the trip didn't go exactly as planned (I maybe chickened out and flew home a full day early), I still learned a few valuable lessons on how to travel alone with anxiety. Plus, those lessons have helped me better manage anxiety in my daily life as well. Perhaps they can help you, too, if you're dealing with similar issues.

I need to do my research.

If I'm brutally honest, I'm a Hermione Granger-type character. I'm a know-it-all, I find solace in books and research, and I like being in control. Traveling solo with anxiety, I knew I needed to give in to this tendency - at least to a certain extent. Nothing ever goes as planned, but if I wanted to convince myself to get on an airplane (aka, a rattling death trap in my mind), then I needed to know that everything was taken care of.

I'm not just talking about lodging. I spent time poring over Google Maps so I was familiar with the area between my hotel and the conference. I took screenshots of information on my phone in case I didn't have cell service, and I kept a charger with me pretty much 24/7. Even more? I read every single review of my Airbnb, and I picked a female host who had hosted other single female travelers - even though it wasn't the cheapest or the nicest accommodation available.

I looked up transportation, restaurants, things to do, and even contacted other conference attendees about potentially meeting up during off-hours. I don't like having an itinerary while traveling, but I needed to give myself options. I needed to feel prepared.

I made friends whenever I could.

I was lucky enough to be attending a conference that had a social media presence. I followed people on Twitter who said they'd be attending months before the event, and struck up tentative social media friendships. Making friends when you have anxiety can be incredibly hard, but doing this before my trip made it easier. I knew I wouldn't have to talk to people if I didn't want to, but I also wouldn't have to feel incredibly alone in a brand new city.

If you can't make friends, try to put yourself in situations where you can be friendly(ish) without extra effort. Staying in an Airbnb is a great way to do this with minimal effort: my host chatted with me and gave me recommendations on things to do in the city. This made me relax a bit; I knew I had a real person I could connect with if I felt incredibly unsafe - but it was also nice knowing that spending time with this person was optional. In fact, I spent most of my time outside the Airbnb, knowing that another person was aware of my existence helped me conquer the anxiety I felt as someone who was totally alone in a new city.

Zen Rial/Getty Images

I didn't pressure myself.

Look, traveling solo is hard enough even when you don't have anxiety. If you're not ready to step outside your comfort zone for your entire trip, then don't do it. Focus on doing what makes you happy above all else. I spent one night in my Airbnb reading while eating red velvet cake from the grocery store across the street. Was it super glamorous or adventurous? No. Did it help me keep my sanity in check? Hell yes.

There's joy in the unknown and going off the beaten path. You should definitely try new things - but it's important to know your limits.

But I learned how to challenge myself.

Know your limits, yes, but test them whenever possible. If I only did things that made me feel safe, I would literally never leave my house. I like to set bribes for myself when it comes to my anxiety. “If I do [blank], then I can go home and get in bed.”

I spent one night bar hopping in Toronto with a bunch of people I'd never met, and I honestly had the best time imaginable. It was way outside of my comfort zone, but I told myself that I needed to try it. So I did, and guess what? I left early, went back to my Airbnb, and cuddled up with my book. I found balance in pushing past my limits and ended up enjoying myself more than I would normally would have. However, that doesn't mean I ignored my anxiety completely.

I've learned the art of compromise.

Theerawat Kaiphanlert/Getty Images

In the end, I don't know if I'll ever be the girl I once was, but that's okay too. I've learned to accept myself - and my anxiety - because it's easier to work with it than against it. I've learned that I don't have to let my anxiety stop me from enjoying life. It takes effort and, okay, a lot of crying. But it's totally worth it, especially because traveling solo actually helped me conquer my anxiety in the long run.

Because that's the thing about anxiety. It might not get easier with time, but I get better at dealing with it.

The post How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[cowgirluli-blog]

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

I haven't always had major anxiety. In fact, it's a (relatively) new development in my life. After surviving a severe reaction to medication, I was left riddled with panic attacks, anxiety, and borderline agoraphobia for years to come. It's something I've accepted as my new normal, and I've had to relearn how to function as a semi-healthy adult. Anxiety changes things in your life. It nearly destroyed my relationship, successfully ended friendships, and left me feeling like a shell of my former self. Instead of being the adventurous and outgoing ENFJ that I knew myself to be, I was terrified to even step outside my front door.

I used to love traveling solo. I've been on countless trips by myself over the years, and I even moved abroad with nothing but two suitcases and a heck of a lot of courage. People would ask me if I was scared and I'd laugh it off. Adventure was a huge part of my personal identity, and - as a result - I became a champion of solo travel. We've all heard about how wonderful the experience can be. And it's something I firmly believe everyone should try in their 20s (or later) if able, because traveling solo can teach you a lot about yourself.

Personally, I learned how to be self-sufficient and independent after years as the quiet, bookish kid who rarely spoke up in school. I became fearless and passionate in the pursuit of whatever the hell I wanted. I explored Istanbul by myself, spent two days on a ferry in the Adriatic Sea from Greece to Italy, and fell in love with Venice all on my own.

But anxiety stole that feeling from me.

Instead of being the girl who would try almost anything once, I became the girl who could barely go outside. My worst panic attack lasted almost a full day, and my anxiety impacted everything - my relationships, my career, my health. I spent years trying every remedy I could think of - medication, therapy, yoga, diet changes, mindfulness - because I was desperate to return to the person I once was. Eventually, I found a weird mix of things that sort of worked, but I still felt like a mere shadow of the adventurous girl I once was.

PhotoAlto/Frederic Cirou/Getty Images

I still wanted to travel even though it scared the shit out of me. I still wanted to be bold, adventurous, and exciting because I felt like I needed to be those things. I wanted to be fearless in the face of my anxiety. I wanted to tell it, “Ha! You don't own me.”

Because it should never own me.  I spent years letting anxiety define my identity before I realized that I could still be that adventurous girl…with a little more caution. It didn't have to be a bad thing (in fact, it was probably a good thing considering that, while traveling abroad, I got into an unmarked vehicle with strangers once. Okay, twice.)

Instead of wishing it would go away, I learned that I needed to accept my anxiety as part of me.

It took a lot of practice and a heck of a lot of stress. As my agoraphobic tendencies reared their ugly head, it took coaching, hand holding, and time. I would spend four hours preparing myself to leave the house to get groceries only to sit in my car for 45 minutes, sobbing, because I was too afraid to leave. But I did it. Eventually.

And, eventually, I was able to go on my first solo trip again so I could attend a conference in Toronto.

Emma Kim/Getty Images

It terrified me. I spent a lot of time going back and forth on whether or not I should even go on the trip, but I was determined. While the trip didn't go exactly as planned (I maybe chickened out and flew home a full day early), I still learned a few valuable lessons on how to travel alone with anxiety. Plus, those lessons have helped me better manage anxiety in my daily life as well. Perhaps they can help you, too, if you're dealing with similar issues.

I need to do my research.

If I'm brutally honest, I'm a Hermione Granger-type character. I'm a know-it-all, I find solace in books and research, and I like being in control. Traveling solo with anxiety, I knew I needed to give in to this tendency - at least to a certain extent. Nothing ever goes as planned, but if I wanted to convince myself to get on an airplane (aka, a rattling death trap in my mind), then I needed to know that everything was taken care of.

I'm not just talking about lodging. I spent time poring over Google Maps so I was familiar with the area between my hotel and the conference. I took screenshots of information on my phone in case I didn't have cell service, and I kept a charger with me pretty much 24/7. Even more? I read every single review of my Airbnb, and I picked a female host who had hosted other single female travelers - even though it wasn't the cheapest or the nicest accommodation available.

I looked up transportation, restaurants, things to do, and even contacted other conference attendees about potentially meeting up during off-hours. I don't like having an itinerary while traveling, but I needed to give myself options. I needed to feel prepared.

I made friends whenever I could.

I was lucky enough to be attending a conference that had a social media presence. I followed people on Twitter who said they'd be attending months before the event, and struck up tentative social media friendships. Making friends when you have anxiety can be incredibly hard, but doing this before my trip made it easier. I knew I wouldn't have to talk to people if I didn't want to, but I also wouldn't have to feel incredibly alone in a brand new city.

If you can't make friends, try to put yourself in situations where you can be friendly(ish) without extra effort. Staying in an Airbnb is a great way to do this with minimal effort: my host chatted with me and gave me recommendations on things to do in the city. This made me relax a bit; I knew I had a real person I could connect with if I felt incredibly unsafe - but it was also nice knowing that spending time with this person was optional. In fact, I spent most of my time outside the Airbnb, knowing that another person was aware of my existence helped me conquer the anxiety I felt as someone who was totally alone in a new city.

Zen Rial/Getty Images

I didn't pressure myself.

Look, traveling solo is hard enough even when you don't have anxiety. If you're not ready to step outside your comfort zone for your entire trip, then don't do it. Focus on doing what makes you happy above all else. I spent one night in my Airbnb reading while eating red velvet cake from the grocery store across the street. Was it super glamorous or adventurous? No. Did it help me keep my sanity in check? Hell yes.

There's joy in the unknown and going off the beaten path. You should definitely try new things - but it's important to know your limits.

But I learned how to challenge myself.

Know your limits, yes, but test them whenever possible. If I only did things that made me feel safe, I would literally never leave my house. I like to set bribes for myself when it comes to my anxiety. “If I do [blank], then I can go home and get in bed.”

I spent one night bar hopping in Toronto with a bunch of people I'd never met, and I honestly had the best time imaginable. It was way outside of my comfort zone, but I told myself that I needed to try it. So I did, and guess what? I left early, went back to my Airbnb, and cuddled up with my book. I found balance in pushing past my limits and ended up enjoying myself more than I would normally would have. However, that doesn't mean I ignored my anxiety completely.

I've learned the art of compromise.

Theerawat Kaiphanlert/Getty Images

In the end, I don't know if I'll ever be the girl I once was, but that's okay too. I've learned to accept myself - and my anxiety - because it's easier to work with it than against it. I've learned that I don't have to let my anxiety stop me from enjoying life. It takes effort and, okay, a lot of crying. But it's totally worth it, especially because traveling solo actually helped me conquer my anxiety in the long run.

Because that's the thing about anxiety. It might not get easier with time, but I get better at dealing with it.

The post How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[ungracefulswan-blog]

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

I haven't always had major anxiety. In fact, it's a (relatively) new development in my life. After surviving a severe reaction to medication, I was left riddled with panic attacks, anxiety, and borderline agoraphobia for years to come. It's something I've accepted as my new normal, and I've had to relearn how to function as a semi-healthy adult. Anxiety changes things in your life. It nearly destroyed my relationship, successfully ended friendships, and left me feeling like a shell of my former self. Instead of being the adventurous and outgoing ENFJ that I knew myself to be, I was terrified to even step outside my front door.

I used to love traveling solo. I've been on countless trips by myself over the years, and I even moved abroad with nothing but two suitcases and a heck of a lot of courage. People would ask me if I was scared and I'd laugh it off. Adventure was a huge part of my personal identity, and - as a result - I became a champion of solo travel. We've all heard about how wonderful the experience can be. And it's something I firmly believe everyone should try in their 20s (or later) if able, because traveling solo can teach you a lot about yourself.

Personally, I learned how to be self-sufficient and independent after years as the quiet, bookish kid who rarely spoke up in school. I became fearless and passionate in the pursuit of whatever the hell I wanted. I explored Istanbul by myself, spent two days on a ferry in the Adriatic Sea from Greece to Italy, and fell in love with Venice all on my own.

But anxiety stole that feeling from me.

Instead of being the girl who would try almost anything once, I became the girl who could barely go outside. My worst panic attack lasted almost a full day, and my anxiety impacted everything - my relationships, my career, my health. I spent years trying every remedy I could think of - medication, therapy, yoga, diet changes, mindfulness - because I was desperate to return to the person I once was. Eventually, I found a weird mix of things that sort of worked, but I still felt like a mere shadow of the adventurous girl I once was.

PhotoAlto/Frederic Cirou/Getty Images

I still wanted to travel even though it scared the shit out of me. I still wanted to be bold, adventurous, and exciting because I felt like I needed to be those things. I wanted to be fearless in the face of my anxiety. I wanted to tell it, “Ha! You don't own me.”

Because it should never own me.  I spent years letting anxiety define my identity before I realized that I could still be that adventurous girl…with a little more caution. It didn't have to be a bad thing (in fact, it was probably a good thing considering that, while traveling abroad, I got into an unmarked vehicle with strangers once. Okay, twice.)

Instead of wishing it would go away, I learned that I needed to accept my anxiety as part of me.

It took a lot of practice and a heck of a lot of stress. As my agoraphobic tendencies reared their ugly head, it took coaching, hand holding, and time. I would spend four hours preparing myself to leave the house to get groceries only to sit in my car for 45 minutes, sobbing, because I was too afraid to leave. But I did it. Eventually.

And, eventually, I was able to go on my first solo trip again so I could attend a conference in Toronto.

Emma Kim/Getty Images

It terrified me. I spent a lot of time going back and forth on whether or not I should even go on the trip, but I was determined. While the trip didn't go exactly as planned (I maybe chickened out and flew home a full day early), I still learned a few valuable lessons on how to travel alone with anxiety. Plus, those lessons have helped me better manage anxiety in my daily life as well. Perhaps they can help you, too, if you're dealing with similar issues.

I need to do my research.

If I'm brutally honest, I'm a Hermione Granger-type character. I'm a know-it-all, I find solace in books and research, and I like being in control. Traveling solo with anxiety, I knew I needed to give in to this tendency - at least to a certain extent. Nothing ever goes as planned, but if I wanted to convince myself to get on an airplane (aka, a rattling death trap in my mind), then I needed to know that everything was taken care of.

I'm not just talking about lodging. I spent time poring over Google Maps so I was familiar with the area between my hotel and the conference. I took screenshots of information on my phone in case I didn't have cell service, and I kept a charger with me pretty much 24/7. Even more? I read every single review of my Airbnb, and I picked a female host who had hosted other single female travelers - even though it wasn't the cheapest or the nicest accommodation available.

I looked up transportation, restaurants, things to do, and even contacted other conference attendees about potentially meeting up during off-hours. I don't like having an itinerary while traveling, but I needed to give myself options. I needed to feel prepared.

I made friends whenever I could.

I was lucky enough to be attending a conference that had a social media presence. I followed people on Twitter who said they'd be attending months before the event, and struck up tentative social media friendships. Making friends when you have anxiety can be incredibly hard, but doing this before my trip made it easier. I knew I wouldn't have to talk to people if I didn't want to, but I also wouldn't have to feel incredibly alone in a brand new city.

If you can't make friends, try to put yourself in situations where you can be friendly(ish) without extra effort. Staying in an Airbnb is a great way to do this with minimal effort: my host chatted with me and gave me recommendations on things to do in the city. This made me relax a bit; I knew I had a real person I could connect with if I felt incredibly unsafe - but it was also nice knowing that spending time with this person was optional. In fact, I spent most of my time outside the Airbnb, knowing that another person was aware of my existence helped me conquer the anxiety I felt as someone who was totally alone in a new city.

Zen Rial/Getty Images

I didn't pressure myself.

Look, traveling solo is hard enough even when you don't have anxiety. If you're not ready to step outside your comfort zone for your entire trip, then don't do it. Focus on doing what makes you happy above all else. I spent one night in my Airbnb reading while eating red velvet cake from the grocery store across the street. Was it super glamorous or adventurous? No. Did it help me keep my sanity in check? Hell yes.

There's joy in the unknown and going off the beaten path. You should definitely try new things - but it's important to know your limits.

But I learned how to challenge myself.

Know your limits, yes, but test them whenever possible. If I only did things that made me feel safe, I would literally never leave my house. I like to set bribes for myself when it comes to my anxiety. “If I do [blank], then I can go home and get in bed.”

I spent one night bar hopping in Toronto with a bunch of people I'd never met, and I honestly had the best time imaginable. It was way outside of my comfort zone, but I told myself that I needed to try it. So I did, and guess what? I left early, went back to my Airbnb, and cuddled up with my book. I found balance in pushing past my limits and ended up enjoying myself more than I would normally would have. However, that doesn't mean I ignored my anxiety completely.

I've learned the art of compromise.

Theerawat Kaiphanlert/Getty Images

In the end, I don't know if I'll ever be the girl I once was, but that's okay too. I've learned to accept myself - and my anxiety - because it's easier to work with it than against it. I've learned that I don't have to let my anxiety stop me from enjoying life. It takes effort and, okay, a lot of crying. But it's totally worth it, especially because traveling solo actually helped me conquer my anxiety in the long run.

Because that's the thing about anxiety. It might not get easier with time, but I get better at dealing with it.

The post How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[theinternetismylyfe-blog]

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety

I haven't always had major anxiety. In fact, it's a (relatively) new development in my life. After surviving a severe reaction to medication, I was left riddled with panic attacks, anxiety, and borderline agoraphobia for years to come. It's something I've accepted as my new normal, and I've had to relearn how to function as a semi-healthy adult. Anxiety changes things in your life. It nearly destroyed my relationship, successfully ended friendships, and left me feeling like a shell of my former self. Instead of being the adventurous and outgoing ENFJ that I knew myself to be, I was terrified to even step outside my front door.

I used to love traveling solo. I've been on countless trips by myself over the years, and I even moved abroad with nothing but two suitcases and a heck of a lot of courage. People would ask me if I was scared and I'd laugh it off. Adventure was a huge part of my personal identity, and - as a result - I became a champion of solo travel. We've all heard about how wonderful the experience can be. And it's something I firmly believe everyone should try in their 20s (or later) if able, because traveling solo can teach you a lot about yourself.

Personally, I learned how to be self-sufficient and independent after years as the quiet, bookish kid who rarely spoke up in school. I became fearless and passionate in the pursuit of whatever the hell I wanted. I explored Istanbul by myself, spent two days on a ferry in the Adriatic Sea from Greece to Italy, and fell in love with Venice all on my own.

But anxiety stole that feeling from me.

Instead of being the girl who would try almost anything once, I became the girl who could barely go outside. My worst panic attack lasted almost a full day, and my anxiety impacted everything - my relationships, my career, my health. I spent years trying every remedy I could think of - medication, therapy, yoga, diet changes, mindfulness - because I was desperate to return to the person I once was. Eventually, I found a weird mix of things that sort of worked, but I still felt like a mere shadow of the adventurous girl I once was.

PhotoAlto/Frederic Cirou/Getty Images

I still wanted to travel even though it scared the shit out of me. I still wanted to be bold, adventurous, and exciting because I felt like I needed to be those things. I wanted to be fearless in the face of my anxiety. I wanted to tell it, “Ha! You don't own me.”

Because it should never own me.  I spent years letting anxiety define my identity before I realized that I could still be that adventurous girl…with a little more caution. It didn't have to be a bad thing (in fact, it was probably a good thing considering that, while traveling abroad, I got into an unmarked vehicle with strangers once. Okay, twice.)

Instead of wishing it would go away, I learned that I needed to accept my anxiety as part of me.

It took a lot of practice and a heck of a lot of stress. As my agoraphobic tendencies reared their ugly head, it took coaching, hand holding, and time. I would spend four hours preparing myself to leave the house to get groceries only to sit in my car for 45 minutes, sobbing, because I was too afraid to leave. But I did it. Eventually.

And, eventually, I was able to go on my first solo trip again so I could attend a conference in Toronto.

Emma Kim/Getty Images

It terrified me. I spent a lot of time going back and forth on whether or not I should even go on the trip, but I was determined. While the trip didn't go exactly as planned (I maybe chickened out and flew home a full day early), I still learned a few valuable lessons on how to travel alone with anxiety. Plus, those lessons have helped me better manage anxiety in my daily life as well. Perhaps they can help you, too, if you're dealing with similar issues.

I need to do my research.

If I'm brutally honest, I'm a Hermione Granger-type character. I'm a know-it-all, I find solace in books and research, and I like being in control. Traveling solo with anxiety, I knew I needed to give in to this tendency - at least to a certain extent. Nothing ever goes as planned, but if I wanted to convince myself to get on an airplane (aka, a rattling death trap in my mind), then I needed to know that everything was taken care of.

I'm not just talking about lodging. I spent time poring over Google Maps so I was familiar with the area between my hotel and the conference. I took screenshots of information on my phone in case I didn't have cell service, and I kept a charger with me pretty much 24/7. Even more? I read every single review of my Airbnb, and I picked a female host who had hosted other single female travelers - even though it wasn't the cheapest or the nicest accommodation available.

I looked up transportation, restaurants, things to do, and even contacted other conference attendees about potentially meeting up during off-hours. I don't like having an itinerary while traveling, but I needed to give myself options. I needed to feel prepared.

I made friends whenever I could.

I was lucky enough to be attending a conference that had a social media presence. I followed people on Twitter who said they'd be attending months before the event, and struck up tentative social media friendships. Making friends when you have anxiety can be incredibly hard, but doing this before my trip made it easier. I knew I wouldn't have to talk to people if I didn't want to, but I also wouldn't have to feel incredibly alone in a brand new city.

If you can't make friends, try to put yourself in situations where you can be friendly(ish) without extra effort. Staying in an Airbnb is a great way to do this with minimal effort: my host chatted with me and gave me recommendations on things to do in the city. This made me relax a bit; I knew I had a real person I could connect with if I felt incredibly unsafe - but it was also nice knowing that spending time with this person was optional. In fact, I spent most of my time outside the Airbnb, knowing that another person was aware of my existence helped me conquer the anxiety I felt as someone who was totally alone in a new city.

Zen Rial/Getty Images

I didn't pressure myself.

Look, traveling solo is hard enough even when you don't have anxiety. If you're not ready to step outside your comfort zone for your entire trip, then don't do it. Focus on doing what makes you happy above all else. I spent one night in my Airbnb reading while eating red velvet cake from the grocery store across the street. Was it super glamorous or adventurous? No. Did it help me keep my sanity in check? Hell yes.

There's joy in the unknown and going off the beaten path. You should definitely try new things - but it's important to know your limits.

But I learned how to challenge myself.

Know your limits, yes, but test them whenever possible. If I only did things that made me feel safe, I would literally never leave my house. I like to set bribes for myself when it comes to my anxiety. “If I do [blank], then I can go home and get in bed.”

I spent one night bar hopping in Toronto with a bunch of people I'd never met, and I honestly had the best time imaginable. It was way outside of my comfort zone, but I told myself that I needed to try it. So I did, and guess what? I left early, went back to my Airbnb, and cuddled up with my book. I found balance in pushing past my limits and ended up enjoying myself more than I would normally would have. However, that doesn't mean I ignored my anxiety completely.

I've learned the art of compromise.

Theerawat Kaiphanlert/Getty Images

In the end, I don't know if I'll ever be the girl I once was, but that's okay too. I've learned to accept myself - and my anxiety - because it's easier to work with it than against it. I've learned that I don't have to let my anxiety stop me from enjoying life. It takes effort and, okay, a lot of crying. But it's totally worth it, especially because traveling solo actually helped me conquer my anxiety in the long run.

Because that's the thing about anxiety. It might not get easier with time, but I get better at dealing with it.

The post How I learned to travel alone despite my struggles with anxiety appeared first on HelloGiggles.