#got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam

[moeblob]

I am really tired of a situation rn.

[papermoonloveslucy]

TALKING SHOP

June 25, 1967

ON CAMERA, LUCILLE BALL is the funniest female in America. They gave her a second Emmy early this month to attest to the fact. 

With the cameras turned off, she is an interesting combination of several people - hard-headed business woman, mother concerned and even outraged at some of the things being done to today's children, and talented actress who, happily, does not feel a need to keep reminding everyone around her she is a talented actress. 

The last is an attribute rare among Hollywood's distaff division. 

It was in Hollywood this writer met Miss Ball recently and talked with her at Desilu Productions, formerly the old RKO movie studios. Lucille once worked for RKO for $50 a week; now she is president of Desilu and in the process of selling it - for 17 million dollars. 

I let a tape recorder run while we talked. So, take the stand, Miss Ball. 

Q. You've sold Desilu to Gulf & Western Industries for all those millions. Have you turned over control yet? 

A. No, not yet. We haven't signed, or had the stockholders meeting, but it's coming up, and to all intents and purposes the deal is going thru. 

Q. What are you going to do then? What about next year will there be a Lucy Show on television in 1968-69? [The coming 1967-68 season is the sixth for the program, never out of the Top Ten.] 

A. I don't know. I never know about a next year until it comes. They [CBS-TV officials] always start asking me in December, and I tell them in March, April, or May. 

Q. Then you don't know whether you'll do another year of Lucy Shows after 1967-68, or some other series, or what? 

A. O, I wouldn't do any other series, ever. I may do the Lucy Show again, and I may not. I may just do movies. I really have no idea, not now. 

Q. Don't you ever reach a point where you'd like to put your feet up and not do anything, just loaf, with all that money? 

A. Sure I have a wish to put my feet up, but only because I've earned it and have something to go back to. To put them up forever wouldn't interest me. I can enjoy a vacation because it has an end. 

Q. What is there to stories about you being peeved because CBS is planning to build a show around Doris Day next year? There were reports in gossip columns. 

A. They didn't come from Doris Day or from me, and both of us are embarrassed. The story is true they have asked her to do something, and there apparently was an assumption by someone they were asking her to be available in case I stop. 

Q. But the story is you were angry because they were planning to put so much money into this Doris Day thing, to make it so big? 

A. Those are just lines people put in. I haven't any reason to be peeved, no reason to be anything but embarrassed. It doesn't matter to me, one way or the other, what they do. 

Q. In your biography, provided by your publicity agent, it says that when you were a 15-year-old you enrolled in the John Murray Anderson dramatic school in New York City, and that the first lines you read caused the instructor to "close his eyes in disbelief." Did that happen, and what were the lines? 

A. [Laughing] Something about water and horses, and I said "warter" and "horrrses," and he imitated me and then kind of gave up in disgust. 

Q. After that, you were a chorus girl on Broadway? 

A. [More laughter] Nope, never got in a chorus. I had several jobs, but always got fired before a show opened. 

Q. Why? 

A. I just didn't measure up. I was tall enough and young enough to be a show girl, but I guess I just didn't make any impression. 

A switch in the interview came about here. Lucille asked a question - How far from Chicago is Northwestern University? 

"My daughter Lucie [15 years old] is interested in the drama school there," she explained. "A lot of great people have come from it, so it evidently has a fine way of teaching. I suggested it to Lucie, in fact, so she could be thinking about it, because she is interested in acting." 

WHAT, we wanted to know, did Miss Ball think of the practice of "aiming" shows at the younger generation, of trying to capture such viewers thru sensationalism and sex. 

She had thoughts on the subject, angry ones. Yes, it's being done, she said, and deliberately, in TV. 

"But they are doing it in movies even more, and in books even more, more, more," she said. "I see motion pictures my children have seen, and I tell them, You went to THAT movie - They let you in THAT theater - I don't believe it.'

"Further, I can't believe kids can walk up to a rack in a store and buy the books they can buy today. I just can't believe it, but there the books and magazines are, in any stand all over the country." 

Lucille Ball has been "Lucy" on television for 11 years now, from 1951 to 1957 in the I Love Lucy series, and since 1962 in the Lucy Show. 

Who is Lucy and what is she like? We asked because characters on the home screens seem to develop real personalities of their own. Lucille Ball recognized this in her answer; she talked as tho of a living person, not an image on celluloid. 

"Lucy is very much like I am, I've found, in her sincerity and her enthusiasm, almost childish enthusiasm, and in her exaggerations and disappointments," Lucille said. "And these are the things we play on in the show. 

"We've found thru the years people love Lucy because she gets into predicaments they can understand. And we've found out something else that any man or woman playing opposite Lucy must be careful never to show what looks like real anger towards Lucy, because that will bring the audience down upon them. 

"They must be long suffering in enduring the troubles Lucy causes. If they seem really impatient with our gal, viewers will say - in hundreds of letters - 'My gosh, don't you know Lucy didn't really mean to do that to you?" 

Maybe it's just that Lucille, herself, attracts such sympathy from audiences. Because, back when she was playing the wife on radio's My Favorite Husband, the husband [Richard Denning] also had to be careful not to sound really angry at her on the air. 

"If he did," she giggled, "letters poured in. The ones to him would say, 'How can you treat her that way?' And those to me would announce, 'You should have a more understanding husband.' Poor Richard, he couldn't win." 

It seems possible. We felt mighty friendly, ourself, towards this Lucy, just from talking with her for an hour. 

#   #   #

FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

The sale of Desilu went through as anticipated at the end of 1968. Lucy chose to re-invent “The Lucy Show” as “Here’s Lucy” renting space from Paramount and creating her own production company, Lucille Ball Productions.  

The photo included with the article is from “Lucy the Stunt Man” (TLS S4;E5) aired on October 18, 1965.

CBS created a sitcom for Doris Day titled “The Doris Day Show”.  Like Lucy Carmichael and Lucy Carter, Day played a widow with two children living in California.  Like Ball, Day used her own first name for her character, Doris Martin. After one season on Tuesday nights, “The Doris Day Show” moved to Monday’s at 9:30pm, right after “Here’s Lucy” where ratings instantly improved. 

Both shows had a very recognizable cast member in common - Nelson, the sheep dog. Other cast connected to “Lucy” were Kaye Ballard, Jackie Joseph (Ken Berry’s wife), Strother Martin, and Van Johnson. Other actors recognizable to Lucy fans were Mary Wickes, Barbara Pepper, Charles Lane, Jerry Hausner, Ross Elliott, Bobby Jellison, Lou Krugman, Shirley Mitchell, Parley Baer, Madge Blake, and many, many others. 

[sashatrr]

Breathe with me. Chapter 18

I know it`s been a long time and i apologize for a long pause between chapters. Special thanks to my reader who motivated me to finish this chapter. Appereantly i really needed it.

I was struggling with this chapter because i realize that my English is far from perfect and no matter how hard i try, i just  hate how bad it comes out. 

I tried my best to edit it but well... that`s what came out.

Let me know, please, if you would like to be removed from a taglist ( or added)

I will try to post chapters more regulary now.

Chapter 17 here

-Every girl dreams to  grow up and turn from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan.  To lose a glass slipper and not fall asleep on a pea, and most importantly, to meet that prince on a white horse, on Mercedes or a yacht. To fall in love at first sight, to live her happily ever after. And then… he buys her a penthouse and makes her his mistress. 

Lina already regretted her decision to invite Nicci today. Her sarcasm wasn't helping, especially today, the day when Liam left and Lina had no idea when and if he will return. But she didn't want to turn into whiney creature whose life is rotating around a man. Her life was here, in New York, thousands of kilometers away from him and she had to get it back on tracks. 

-So what are you going to do now? - Nicci asked. - Enjoy doing nothing? 

Lina shook her head and pointed at laptop she was using before Nicci came. 

-I was just checking vacancies. I will start sending resumes tomorrow morning. 

-Why tomorrow? Do it now and tomorrow you can join me for a day in spa. You need to relax before to break into business world. Who knows what might happen. Oh my gosh! What if your boss will be a hottie and what's more important, single? You know, opposite of what you have now?Like a guy who is actually worth spending your time on. You know, like Thom whom you dumped for that married sleaze?

-Nicci!-Lina frowned visibly annoyed with her speech. - Liam is not a sleaze! He is just… - Lina was struggling to find words and to defend her relationships. Anything she would say will sound as a poor excuse for an ugly reality. 

-Yeah, I know. He is a great guy who just happened to get married one day and to fuck you a very next day. I bet he has a girl like you in every country, damn, maybe even in every city he ever visited. To bad he can't have harem, it would solve all his problems. - Nicci giggled. 

-Enough! - Lina raised her voice but was interrupted by a buzz of her phone. She glanced on the screen and answered with with a cheery voice. 

-Aunty! I am so glad you called. Sorry I was absent for awhile but I missed you. 

After exchanging pleasantries she flew out of her seat with somewhat panicked expression. 

-Uhm, no I am not at home but I will be there in thirty minutes. Off course I'll be happy to see you. OK, see you then. 

Nicci shook her head disapprovingly. 

-Now what? Are you going to lie to a woman who raised you? 

Lina blushed, she knew that she was in the wrong here but how could she explain everything that happened to her aunt? Seeing a married man, living in the place he got for them, quitting her job? No, that wasn't an option.   

-Not like I have a choice - she snapped at Nicci. - Could you, please, be more supportive? 

-I am being supportive, just not in the way you want me to be. - Nicci replied without any sarcasm which was really a rare exception. - I am trying to support you by not letting you to drown in the ocean of lies that you are forming now. Remember that truth always comes out. The more you will lie now the worse consequences you will face when it happens, Lina. Your aunt will know everything sooner or later so you might as well tell her everything now and to avoid breaking her heart in the future. 

After Nicci left, Lina was thinking about what she said and before to leave for meeting her aunt, she decided that Nicci was right. She didn't want to turn her life into web of lies, it was already complicated as it is. She wasn't going to hide what's happening to her from her closest ones. 

***

A week flew by very fast for Liam, filled with work and meetings. He was calling Lina almost every day and every time after finishing a call he felt that she is being distant. He didn't want to think that she is reconsidering their  relationships so he brushed that feeling off every time. He had enough on his plate and his insecurities won't do him any good he thought. 

Must be my tiredness. Off course it is. Talking on the phone is different than actually talking to each other, I am imagining things. 

He didn't see Madeleine much, only over a dinner. 

It was a night before they had to leave for Switzerland. After a dinner him, Regina and Madeleine were slowly sipping their drinks in blue salon. Regina broke the silence. 

-We have two matters to discuss, Liam. 

Liam nodded waiting for her to continue. 

-First is, now once you are back from your honeymoon, it's time for me to move into the small palace as tradition requires. Secondly, when are you planning Madeleine's coronation? 

Regina's voice was dry with a shadow of sadness in it. After many happy years in the palace it was her time to leave the memories behind and pass her role to the new Queen. Even tho Madeleine was her niece, it still was difficult for Regina. This would mean that the happiest chapter of her life was really over and it's a time to turn over a page. Regina wouldn't miss being a Queen, she had her time to enjoy the power and greatness, but she will miss living in the place where every corner was reminding her of Constantine. 

-Take your time, Regina. You don't have to rush it. I will make sure that the other palace is ready. 

Liam was avoiding any talks about Madeleine's coronation but it had to be done sooner or later. 

Madeleine kept quiet while Liam and Regina were discussing Regina's plans about moving. She had only one shot at this and after how honeymoon ended, she didn't intend to annoy Liam. She would rather to pretend that she took his warning, rather violent and rude one. 

I need to find his weakness, I have to find a leverage to make him give me what's rightfully mine now. I won't press a matter of coronation right now, he will have to arrange it sooner or later  but he must do it because of Regina and all country are expecting it, not because I pressed it. I should pick my fights from now on, better not to annoy him until I have a weapon. 

Noticing how quite Madeleine was during a dinner and that she didn't participate in conversation at all, Regina tried to involve Madeleine into conversation about coronation and Liam left two women to it, pleased with Madeleine's behavior so far. It looked to him like she heard his warning and won't give him any troubles. 

I could live with this Madeleine. It's like she is not even here and she better keeps it this way. Now if she gives me a heir  or two soon enough, we won't have to see each other at all. 

Liam didn't even notice how fast his thoughts changed. If once he was dreaming about having his own family and kids, now he didn't call a child anything else but a heir even in his mind. 

Next morning, upon landing in EuroAirport Basel Mulhouse Freiburg, Liam and Madeleine quickly arrived to the clinic that was closed for weekend but was bursting with activity inside as a few staff members, who knew about royal couple appointment, greeted them and followed a royal couple into doctors room. 

Due to patients importance, beside the leading specialist of the clinic, a chief was also present in the room. After exchanging greetings and a few smiles, Dr. Zimmermann got to the point of appointment and looked at Madeleine expectantly . He thought that it will be a regular health check before conceiving a baby but he couldn't imagine why they had to come all the way to Switzerland for it. Surely the royal family had their own doctors for it. 

Not waiting for Madeleine to say anything, Liam took a matter into his own hands to a great surprise of both, doctor and a chief. 

-Dr. Zimmermann, first of all I want to thank you for agreeing to meet with us on such a short notice and during a weekend. - Liam gave doctor a grateful nod that doctor accepted with a smile. - I am counting on you and your wonderful staff to keep this appointment and future ones in secret. - Liam addressed those words to chief. 

-I am assuring you that there won't be any leaks on our side-chief replied. - Beside me and doctor Zimmermann there are only two nurses here right now and both can be trusted. I promise you that everything will stay within those walls. 

-Due to the reasons I would like to remain unsaid, me and her Majesty picked your clinic for In vitro fertilization.-Liam finished. 

Doctor did not expect that but quickly brushed off a thousand question on his mind as why would newlyweds  require such procedure. 

-Off course, Sir. We can make all necessary tests this weekend and if everything is fine with both of you, we can perform a procedure next Saturday. 

*

Monday afternoon Lina just went through her first job interview in a long time. It went well, or at least Lina hoped so. The entire experience felt different from her previous failures. In the past, the more rejections she went through, the more desperate she became. Maybe that's why she gave up and stuck with waitress gig. This time she had a safety net and she felt much more confident. She wasn't the only candidate for this position and she really wanted to get this job but during the interview she was calm and collected. 

Liam hasn't called her for a few days and it worried her a bit but she didn't want to call or text him. What if his wife would be near him and see her name on display? Or anyone else. No, she didn't want to land him in troubles. It was just top of the iceberg, one of many minuses of being with married man, so she thought. She needed this job for her future and even more importantly, it would maybe revive her self respect that suffered significant damage. 

From the corner of her eye Lina noticed Mara, who always was not far, and winced. She still couldn't understand why did she have to put up with this woman's presence in her life. 

This needs to change, I can't have her following me if I am going to keep living my life. She can't follow me to my workplace, if i'll ever get this job. No, Lina, think positively. Not if but when. 

She waved Mara to come closer and smiled friendly. Whatever she liked Mara's presence in her life or not, it wasn't Maria's fault so Lina decided to remain friendly and polite with her. 

-Mara, you can go home or… well, do whatever you like. I… - Lina stopped herself before she would start  explaining herself to Mara. 

No, not going to happen. Nope. Na-ah. I am not reporting to her where I am going or who am I spending my time with. If Liam needs to spy on someone, he has a wife for it. He can spy on her for all I care, Mara's talents are wasted on me. 

-But madam… - Mara began but Lina didn't let her finish. 

-No buts, Mara. I've never been to Cordonia and I have no idea how does it work there but here, in America, if the person tells you that she doesn't want to be followed, you leave them alone. Stalking is illegal in this country.- Lina was feeling like rebellious child for some reason but the longer she spent without Liam, the more she realized that everything was over the top and he will have to compromise. It was an absurd situation. She might have agreed to it after spending such a long period of time with Liam, influenced by atmosphere of wealth and luxury that followed him everywhere but now it seemed ridiculous. 

Mara didn't really have a good reply to it and after a short goodbye disappeared from the view. 

Pleased with herself, Lina made a phone call that she was postponing for a long time. She dialed a number and almost right away he picked up the phone. 

-Hello, Thomas… 

***

Monday night Liam was finishing getting dressed for a Masquerade, first event of social season. He still had a time before he would have to head to the ballroom. Guests were still arriving and Royal couple had to enter once all the guests would gather. 

He picked up his phone intending to call Lina. He couldn't stop thinking about her for entire weekend that him and Madeleine spent in Switzerland, but he didn't call her then. What if she asked where he was or what was he doing? He wouldn't know how to explain her WHAT exactly he was doing in Switzerland. Liam knew that he shouldn't think like that, he shouldn't think that he owes her anything, any explanation or report about his real life, but it felt wrong. He had no idea how she will accept the news about Madeleine's future pregnancy but Lina had to know that their relationships are separated from his "real" life, as he called his life outside of their relationships. 

Before he could dial the number, he heard knock on the door and put the phone away. He walked to the living room and called to come in to whoever was behind the damn door. 

Drake and Maxwell entered his living room. 

He greeted both his friends and three of them sat comfortably in the chairs. 

-Just came for drinks before this damned ball. - Drake rubbed his neck clearly feeling irritated with something. - You are always hiding the best whiskey here. 

Liam filled three glasses and handed drinks to Maxwell and Drake. 

-I didn't think that you would be here tonight. - Liam addressed Drake. - Is your heart warming up to the court? 

Drake rolled his eyes and took a sip of his whiskey, savoring the taste before to reply. 

-Not in this life, Liam, maybe in next one tho. I am here because I hoped that we could talk. I haven't seen you at all after  honeymoon . So confess, on the scale from one to ten, how awful was it? 

- I would say a… - Liam paused dramatically, looking from Drake to Maxwell and back. - ten. - he finished and took a sip of his own drink. 

-I said from one to ten, Liam, not to thousand.-  Drake smirked ironically. 

- I heard you but I stand by my words. - Liam smirked back. 

-Impossible, unless you spent a month in alcoholic coma. I can't imagine any other way to tolerate your dear wife for so long… one to one… isolated on the island. - Drake's body jerked exaggeratedly, demonstrating the deepness of his "love" to Madeleine. 

- You are right, Drake - Liam smiled happily. - I didn't feel like sacrisfating my health for it. Surely so much alcohol would make my life significantly shorter than I expect to live. That's why I wasn't on that island. 

Silence hang in the room as two pairs of shocked eyes stared at Liam. 

-Well, are you going to tell  us? - Maxwell broke the silence. - You are the master of dramatic pauses, Liam, i swear. You must teach me your ways sometime. I never look so mysterious like you do right now. 

-Well there might be New York, Europe and Maldives being involved. - Liam replied looking at Drake and Maxwell expectantly. He was wondering if they will figure it out now. 

-A New York you say… - Drake said with suspicion in his voice. He put his glass away and laughed loudly. - Don't tell me that you ditched blonde iceberg and spent your honeymoon with Lina because I won't believe you. - Drake said once he was able to stop laughing. - That's to good to be true. 

When Liam didn't answer and only smiled happily again, Drake busted into laughter. 

-Wait, what? Were you with Lina all this time? - Maxwell asked and his mouth opened in shock. - Like with my Linny? 

-I believe that she is my Linny now. - Liam smiled softly. 

Their conversation was interrupted with knock on the door. After Liam called for them to come in, the door opened and Madeleine entered a room. All three men stood up from the chairs. Despite how each of them felt about Madeleine, nobody canceled an etiquette and protocol and external decency were honored. 

-Good evening, Madeleine.-Liam greeted her while both Drake and Maxwell bowed slightly to the Queen . 

-Your Majesty - both man said in unison. 

-Good evening - Madeleine acknowledged Drake and Maxwell's presence with a slight nod. - It's time, Liam. All guests have arrived. 

-With your permission- Maxwell headed to the door but Drake couldn't help himself and smirked at Madeleine on his way to the door. 

A few hours later, when the ball was in a full swing, Liam finally managed to extract himself from conversation and, before he would have to dance with Madeleine again, pretending to enjoy her company as expected of him, headed to the terrace. 

-Make sure that nobody follows me. - he said to one of his guards who shut the terrace door behind Liam and stood outside making sure that Liam will have his privacy. 

Finally Liam dialed Lina's number but was directed straight to voicemail. He tried again with the same result. He frowned and dialed Mara's number this time. 

-Mara. - he said shortly after she answered the call. - I can't reach Lina for some reason. Could you go to her and ask to turn her phone on please? 

-No, Sire. - he heard reply. - She is… we aren't in the same building, Sire. 

-And where is she? Why aren't you with her? - Liam in disapproval pressed his lips together. 

-I can't tell that, Sire. 

-Pardon me? - Liam wasn't sure if he heard her right. 

-You gave me an order not to spy on her, Sire, and not to report to you about Miss whereabouts. - Mara replied embarrassed .

-Right. - Liam said angrily.- Thanks and have a good night… day I mean. 

Liam slammed his hand on marble railing and returned to the ballroom. 

Suddenly the evening lost its charm for Liam. Yes, yes, yes, he never was a possessive type, he knew that he shouldn't get jealous or pissed whenever Lina left her New York penthouse, that she had her life and all that but he didn't give a damn for one second about what he wasn't supposed to feel right now. He was irrational but he didn't care. 

Way to go. I am becoming a caveman. I can't lock her in that place, can I? Too damn bad we aren't living in medieval times. I bet that Louis Fourteen didn't have to deal with such nonsense. Wait, he didn't live in Medieval. 

But before Liam could master a plan of how to revive traditions of blessed Louis Era and ensure that women will have to obey men once again, at least one particular woman, he was approached by Drake, Maxwell and Rashad with yet another stunning woman hanging on his arm who was introduced to Liam as Yvette. 

A company of friends spent a few minutes in a pleasant conversation until Maxwell invited Yvette for a round of waltz. 

-Did you find a factory that produces beauties, Rashad? - Drake asked suspiciously. 

-Almost. - Rashad snorted violating an etiquette. - I am receiving a monthly copy of a Pink Book.- he exclaimed like it was explaining everything but his words were met with confused looks of both, Drake and Liam. - Don't tell me that you two don't receive it. 

-Where do I subscribe? - Drake asked. - Don't tell me that you are fishing for women in the library. 

Even Liam looked intrigued. 

-God, no. Some model agencies, not the famous ones off course, have Pink Books. A book of their models who would gladly spend a night with a man that has access to this service. Off course not everyone receive a copy. It's a closely guarded secret that everyone know about. - Rashad explained with a smirk. 

-Does that mean that she… - Drake nodded in direction of the dance floor but was interrupted. 

-No, it doesn't. I don't pay women for that, Drake. It's just a business deal that benefits both sides. I have a fabulous escort that won't demand me to take any obligations and they receive good money and a chance to raise their fame attending exclusive events like this one. But yes, would you want it, I believe that certain arrangement can be reached. - Rashad finished with a smirk. 

Liam didn't show much interest in the topic. For him it was just a curious information. He was back to his thoughts again and was nodding automatically to Rashad without paying attention at what's being said anymore. 

-I could include you to the list of patrons if you wish, Liam. 

A nod.

-Off course I will be delivering a book directly to you so don't worry about anonymity. 

Rashad's words were met with another nod and to everyone's pleasure men parted ways. 

Hana was standing behind the column listening closely to their conversation. 

So he wants that book. I knew it. Madeleine doesn't satisfy him, he is already looking elsewhere. Hmmm, I can use it. I don't know how yet but I am feeling that this is my chance. To foggy but I'll figure something out.

Next chapter

@indiacater​ @drakesensworld​ @annekebbphotography​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @jared2612​ @dcbbw​

[rezilient-m3]

Omg. A lot has happened since that first weekend... like A LOT. So, firstly I should tell you how court went. It was on June 26th, this past Friday, and it didn't go as I would have liked. Judge's decision was we get joint custody, I get every 2nd weekends (that were supposed to start July 3rd) and were to consult with each other on decisions, BUT he gets the final say. Like, wtf was that dumb ass judge on? I was pissed. But I thought that was how it was to be forever, like, we were officially done done. I was devastated. I cried. I was mad. Then, Alex reminded me of how James' stupid and will eventually fuck up and I will get my girls back. Blah, blah, blah. It kind of helped. We didn't know it would be 3 days later and how badly he would fuck it up.

Little back story of my weekend. Alex quit his job to go to his real job that started today. So, he was home for the weekend getting ready. I went to my sister R's for a graduation bbq for my nephew on Saturday and picked up my twin brother to come back with me. He was going to watch the dogs and my house while my son and I went to my parents house for the week. So, they were here when I got calls from James, early Sunday morning.

I wasn't answering right away, cuz I knew he was drunk. Only time he EVER calls me. So, I get out of bed, go outside and finally answer. Starts talking about how he's happy court's over (gloating), and how I can't do anything without his permission. Like a total asshole, "if you want to dye their hair, and I say no, you can't. Or if you want to cut their hair, and I say no, you can't. And if you try to take them North and I say no, you can't." Fuck whatever. But I kept my mouth shut, cuz our daughter T was still up with him, listening to us. So, fucken disrespectful, the way he chooses to speak to me in front of them. He doesn't give a shit. Anyways, I ask him what's the point in calling, about to hang up. Then, he suggests me taking them for the week, since "he gets final say", so he figured he can bend the rules to fit him. Whatever tho, I wasn't going to say no to a visit with my girls. Since I was going to get them on Friday, he says instead, to take them until Wednesday and then come back for them on Friday. Whatever again. I was on my way.

Now, it gets worse. It's like and hour and some minutes drive. I was calling and msging but no response again since I went put in gas. I was getting frustrated because my thoughts were what if I was going for nothing. I was msging Alex too, and he told me to just keep going and to report it if anything was wrong. So, I did. I called again from fb and my daughter answered. So glad someone picked up. She said her dad went pass out in K's bed (our youngest) and only her and S were up alone. So, I said I was still coming and to wake up her sister and get ready cuz I was only half hr away. I said I'd call her back when I was in the next town over and for her to keep her dad's phone. I did. We stayed on facetime until I got closer, they seen me pull up and were waving, and I told her to go wake up K and to say I was outside and we had to go. She goes downstairs, into the room, and flips out. She ran away crying and said to me, "Daddy's doing something to her!!" I immediately started shaking, yelling at her, asking her what. She and S come running all the way out and she was scared, I asked her again what she seen and what she meant, but she said she didn't wanna tell means to just go get her. Like wtf? I was choked. I go into that house, down the stairs, preparing myself and scared of what I was going to see. But I go to that room, she's laying there, James with his pants down to his ankles, but seemed to be asleep. I wave to K to come, she came and I whispered what he did to her. All she says is "Idk, I was sleeping." I just want to get out of there, fast. Before you're thinking, like, why didn't I do anything to him? I was fucken shook. I was afraid if he got up, he wouldn't let me take them, or something would have went really wrong. So, I told them to grab their shit and let's get the fuck going. (Not what I said, but basically).

We leave. It's quiet. We're all still pretty shaken. But I question my daughter T. I pulled over after that next town, told her to come outside and stand with me and said I need to know what she seen so I can tell someone. She was hesitant, but I start asking the yes or no questions. Was daddy touching her? No. Was his pants off? Yes. Was his underwear off? Yes. Then she said she seen him trying to put K on top of him and she was crying. OMFG. I asked, Did she have her clothes off too? No... Okay. I told her I need to now phone the social worker and tell her everything.

This is where it gets stupid (on their part). I call the on call worker, since it's Sunday. Same woman I spoke to about them being found alone. She informs me that they're not the ones that have assigned him a worker and his social worker is in the city closest to me. I didn't understand that part. She told me I have to find out who his worker is and contact those workers and let them know. Now, I have to wait until the morning to report it. I wake up 730 cuz their office opens at 8. I couldn't find the exact number to call a secretary or something to help me, all I could find was direct numbers to names of people who worked in the office. Dumb. So, I phoned to 1-800 number listed for reported neglected or abused children. Spoke to this lady and she says he wouldn't have a worker there because he lives in that reserve. Wtf? But she writes down everything that happened and said she'd forward it to the reserve's office. Okay. Gotta call them back. Same woman answered. I informed her that James has no worker in the city and they said that her people should have an open file with him since he.lives in that reserve, she fricken says he doesn't because our girls aren't registered to their band. I got upset. I said, "this is all just dumb. Like, who is supposed to be protecting my kids and who is supposed to let me know that I can keep them here safely? Cuz I don't want to take them back to their dad." I was on the verge of crying, I was so mad. She agreed though. She said she'd talk to her supervisor and talk to her and figure out what we're all going to do next. Finally.

I try get through the morning, just waiting, worrying, sad for my girls, hoping they're okay, wondering if I'll know how to get them through this. What a nightmare.

I get the call back while I was in the vehicle with my brother. I pulled over. She told me I can keep my girls here, that James was to not have any contact with my daughters and I don't have to talk to him either. That made me so happy. And she also advised me to hold off on making a police report and taking them to the hospital to get checked cuz she wanted to talk to her supervisor some more and I'd need a social worker to come with me. NO FUCKEN CALL BACK YET. So, I decided to call the cops myself in my little town. They told me it was out of their jurisdiction because of where it happened, and to all that detachment. Then that detachment told me these ones can do the interviews and take the statements because we were all here. Then, again, no fucken call back Monday. But she did call this morning, but couldn't do them today. So, I take in my girls at 11 in the morning to talk about what they seen and went through. Fuck my life. I hope they'll be okay. I'm scared for them. But I can honestly say, that they seem so strong. It's fucken horrible what they went through, especially by the hands of their fucken dad- but they seem to be okay.

Idk what the next steps will be, or what exactly is going to happen, but I do know, they're safe and they have me. We will get through this. I keep thinking about counseling. Talking to someone who is a professional might be what's best. I just need to figure all of this out. I'm just trying to catch up on things they haven't done their young lives, like eye appointments, dentists, and dr check ups. Did their eyes today, they all need glasses. 😳

But this is all I know. Pray for us. I hope for better days and for them to get through all this shit. My heart hurts for them so much. But I'm trying to be the best mum they need right now.

Until next time. ✌