#got a ton of ot/pt as a kid

[friendlycursedspaceotter]

honestly, dyspraxia would explain a lot. why i randomly fall and trip when there is literally nothing to fall or trip on. time blindness (that could just be the adhd, but you never know). why i hate driving with a burning passion and only do it because america is stupid about public transit. and also why autocorrect must save me and why i don't type with my thumbs and probably why my handwriting looks the way it does. and i can't catch things except when all the physics aligns and-- wait, did i have difficulty learning how to ride a bike? does this explain my dance issues?

was i just masking YET ANOTHER DISABILITY? HOW MANY DISABILITIES IN A TRENCH COAT AM I? AND HOW DID I NOT PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER UNTIL LITERALLY THIS WEEK?

and just so you don't beat me to it:

[foster-the-world]

Notes to self

Note to self - Don't get to excited about services being provided to your child until the services are provided. They aren't having any luck finding an additional in school OT 30 minute, 2x speech and 7 hours of a SEIT. Blah. Did the PT eval last night and assume he will get assigned another 2xPT. The administrator said PT is the easiest to find so maybe he'll get that? His teachers need the break/support and I need a special ed expert.

He was acting up for his PT eval - and his baseline is amped up so acting up is something to see. I would have expected an evaluator to be used to kids like him but even he seemed shook. Maybe PT evaluators are more used to kids who don't move as much because they are developmentally behind??? Not sure. He kept saying "wow, wow, he's a lot, he has a lot of energy, he doesn't stop, etc, etc." with awe in his voice. In the end he said he can do all of the skills but due to his extra energy will be assigned PT for "safety issues." It was easy stuff - jumping, standing on one foot, walking up stairs, running. The thing he has trouble with is catching a ball because he can't stand still. He was also impressed with how fast he can run. He's very speedy for a kid who bumps into the wall and falls down constantly. Safety issues make sense because I got another call from the school nurse today. Skinned knee. At least weekly calls of this nature. Which is somewhat normal for a 3yo but also extra....

Finally had his parent teacher conference today. She said she loves him, he's very intelligent, often the first one to answer questions, remembers everything, has a ton of potential, on and on. Very good to hear. She said she can tell I worry and told me not to. She's a very sweet women. Big props to teachers and love and appreciate all kids - even the ones who require extra work. At some point it came up how the school put two additional assistants in the class with the purpose of taking him and one other kid out when they get too antsy. The recent trend to wrestle with the kid who also has too much energy is not great. I'm glad they have an assistant that can take him out but also feel bad he's taking up the schools resources. If he had a SEIT then they wouldn't have to.

Yesterday he told me he had a big secret for me - it was how seeds are used to make trees. It was so damn cute. She said he got really excited when he found a seed in his orange after the tree growing lesson.

[captaingondolin]

those are too many wips. 

here’s a list with brief summaries, and then you can tell me what to finish first because i am suffering from big time choice paralysis. anon is on. ask away.

ace Obi-Wan vague idea: what it says on the tin. it was going to involve teen Obi-Wan, friendship with Quinlan and Luminara. in which Obi-Wan is interested in sex... in theory. academically. he’s his suave, charming self, and will experiment for the hell of it. (i was slightly uncomfortable with the premise of, basically, a fic about an asexual character all about... well, sex. but i wanted to work some shit out and what better way than overprojecting over fictional characters?)

Anakin in lingerie: just polishing up an old tumblr post. modern AU.

Anakin in makeup obianidala: again from an old post with subskywalker. but i wanted to give it a structure

Ani5dala FIX IT: OH MAN I WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. i have tons of notes and no energy to proceed. in which Fox has a plan to keep Fives alive, Fives has a plan to keep the Republic alive - but Anakin is being a butt and Fives needs Pamé’s help. (probably Anakin and Fives were together before? + anidala open relationship, i was thinking, but idk yet)

AWOL Cody: oh boy, i started plotting this for my pod-together 2018 project with litra. in which Obi-Wan is declared KIA, but there is NO BODY and also suspicious footage/Ahsoka saw something and Cody is NOT having it so he goes on a solo mission to save him. codywan.

Darkness is but a passing thing: same as above, it was supposed to be written in 2018, good grief. post rots, sort of time-travellish, i’m not saying more bc most of the plot was litra’s and idk if she wants to share.

Detonate: translation into english of my italian obikin smut, which i promised ages ago.

enemies to colleagues to lovers codywan: this, but with a proper outline this is now being Properly Plotted. there are mindmaps. and a Scrivener file.

Jedi OC: from a prompt from last year’s rarepair exchange: Male Jedi Who Accidentally Keeps Causing Property Damage/Male Owner of Said Property (words written: 0, but the idea was funny)

Laurea traduzione: eng translation of my italian modern au obikin

Leia using the Force: a messy messy file with more than one idea in, actually. i wasn’t sure wether to go with child or teen Leia (post Princess of Alderaan plot) but then i got distracted with making Leia and Kaeden meet. Ahsoka/Kaeden.

million: from a fic exchange request in which someone said they’d read “a million words” of Bly and Aayla being disgustingly in love. just that. with a side of codywan (the irony of Bly being all like “ugh, THOSE TWO” fuelled the first few hundred words).

obianidala with nb Anakin: wait, isn’t this kinda related to the Anakin in makeup one? my plotbunnies are a mess. maybe from this or this post.

ObiBail Empire Era AND OR others: frankly. a disaster mess probably inspired by the beginning of Til the casket drops and Wild Space.

ObiBail obianidala Breha super poly dinner: this post, but in fic form

ObiBailRex: this one is funny. i found the first few sentences handwritten in a notebook and i have no memory of where i wanted to go from there, but damn, i liked those. Obi-Wan forces Cody to take some leave, and Cody forces Rex to play babysitter to his General and his Senator friend. shenanigans ensue.

storms: ahahah, another fic pending since..... uuuh...... the clone wars exchange from, again, 2018? (how much shit did i sign up for that summer? i was in the midst of moving!! why am i like this). sorry perspicacia, if you’re even still around. preparing for that fic was how i got in to obi/rex tho? and it still doesn’t have a plot.

unhinged Obi-Wan vs Grievous: this, but with a plot. if i can find the plot. why is plotting so hard? no plotting, only cool scenes. (sith/fallen!obi getting the 212th to follow him and go rogue?? maybe?) see “enemies to colleagues to lovers” above

when the numbers get to zero: a Rex/Padmé i love a lot but that, as usual with ALL my damn fic, has no structure. inspired by the blue shadow virus eps. (i posted a snippet ages ago - oh wait, here’s another one)

now onto the folders!

keep verse

untitled about other Clones finding out, and the consequences. “It’s Bly who finds out first through the GAR grapevine. Cody was supposed to be dead - and suddenly he wasn’t.”

Pilots (ot era)

Oblivious Pilots - The entire Rogue Squadron is made of oblivious disasters. They share one braincell, and Nawara is the only one who’s actually using it. 

Dark Imperial AU - Luke is raised by Vader. but when he meets Wedge and Tycho...

Skystrike Academy AU - Luke is raised by Owen, Beru... and Obi-Wan. And he signs up to train as TIE pilot as part of a Resistance plan

WedgeTycho - the tiniest spark of an idea. Alderanian philosophy, Tycho being pretentious, sad, grieving, and in need of a hug.

SitS - A Light from the Shadows

SitS stands for “the Sith in the Senate”, the working title for this epic I’ve been plotting since 2018 that might never see the light because I went “I want a well-adjusted, non traumatised Obi-Wan!”, build a whole new canon around that ......and then got bored of it, obviously, since I love to see Obes suffer. but there were tons of things I liked and maybe I should rework it somehow? (it was supposed to be obikin. then obianidala. then i think i got distracted and got Cody to flirt with Obi-Wan. who knows at this point. what if I throw in Jango)

soft now verse

parts 2.1 and 2.2 are there and almost ready and filled with clones feels (yes, this was a fix it obianidala fluff, but CLONES)

Space Dads Extraordinaire

Hope in Unexpected Places pt 2 and maybe 3 or maybe that’s a separate story? I have feelings about smol Boba interacting with Obi-Wan and learning to trust him, but don’t know how to handle them. There should also be the bit where they find Jango’s pet strill, which I promised to Lulu like a year ago.

the life and opinions

this is a cursed title, i started a fic with a similar title in another fandom almost 15 years ago and never finished it. it was supposed to be a biography of Rex and his rise through the ranks and into an AU where the vode have their own governing body. a shitton of Rex and Cody brotherly feels but maybe also ship? why can’t i pick a dynamic

Thrawn

browser history - Thranto moments told through Eli’s holonet searches

your silence is my favourite word - Emperor Eli angsty smut

new rules - Emperor Eli AU, but make it reasonably happy

see me like this - Emperor Eli AU, angst cranked up to the max

bb Thrawn - Thranto AU in which Thrawn is a weird child, the Chiss have some more contact with humans and Eli & Thrawn meet as kids

forgotten words - Thrawn growing up in the Empire, raised by Palpatine. 

[raeseddon]

Why Being The Parent of a Disabled Child isn’t an Identity: A Discussion

( Trigger warning for mention of abusive relationships )

A note to all the parents of disabled or neurodivergent kids, from an Adult disabled child.

For the sake of you, your child, and your relationship with that child: Having a disabled child is not an identity.

[[readmore]]

I know it can feel like it, because it's all media and society focuses on when they see you out and about with your child. Pretty much all protrayals of parents in media who find out they have a disabled child cease to be people-- they are henceforth Parents of a Child With [Insert Disability/Neurodivergence Here.] And it's deceptive because at first, finding supoprt communities of other parents with the same problems feels like Mana From Heaven. But please, watch how other parents in your support communities change as their children grow, especially when the disability/neurodivergence is managed to a point where the child can join "normal" society. If you see a parent panicking, or freaking out in a way that seems over the top, (especially when reports of how the kid is doing are positive) be careful. You might be watching the beginning spiral of a parent who no longer knows how to be anything but a caregiver. And that parent needs help.

Also, if you start to feel the urge to panic, or worry, or start inventing senarios were you are back to being a carer after your Adult disabled child leaves the proverbial roost, find someone, preferably a professional, to speak to. Because the alternative is that you become someone who infantilzes your Adult disabled child in order to hold on to a piece of your identity that--in a perfect world-- would never have rooted itself in you the way it has.

I should say something about my own experiences just so you don't think I'm talking out of my ass-- at six or eight months old my parents noticed I was only reaching for things with one arm. They took me to a neurologist who diagnosed me right-hemipsheratic cerebral palsy. As soon as I was old enough, I was in physical therapy. At five years old, I had my first ever seizure, at which point I was diagnosed with epilepsy, which has a high co-morbidity rate with CP. I came from a pretty traditional middle class (back when there really was a middle class) family where my father worked full time and my mom worked seasonally as a tax-preparer. My mom was the one who took up the bulk of the responsibility as carer, making sure I got to OT/PT, speech therapy, the works. I had no idea how much of her personal identity she put into her role as carer until the marriage disolved and her various issues lead to me spending more and more time with dad, intitially as a survival strategy (emotionally/mentally speaking) and then because I enjoyed his company, even if it meant getting to know him as a person at an age where most kids rely on dads for driving lessons and other... dad stuff. It wasn't always easy, but again, it was a survival strategy first and foremost.

It became apparent very quickly that not only did mom think I was "picking sides" but that she was furious with me because I didn't understand all of her (very real and unfortunatelt necessary) personal sacrifices so that I had the physical quality of life that I did. I was too young and hormonal at the time to realize that she A) should have never have had to make those sacrifices, and B) the blow they dealt to her personal identity would leave lasting and horrific scars on both of us.

Because when society looks at a parent of a child with disabilities, and a disabled child, they don't see two distinct people: they see a Walking Disability, and a Selfless Marytr, who willingly gave up every part of themselves to give that Walking Disability a "chance" at a "normal life."

I've known and talked to a ton of disabled adults and their parents over the years, and there are a few things that run like a universal thread throughout:

Just because a truly loving parent would choose a million times to give their entire life and identity up to care for the child, doesn't mean they want to, or should have to. If I could go back in time and provide my mother with a way to take some of the burden off of herself so that she could continue to grow along with me as a person, I would. Whether it would mean making it so that dad didn't have to work as much so that they could actually split the emotional and physical load, or some other way, I'd do it in a heartbeat. We, as a society need to stop looking at parents who are forced to subvert everything about themselves: their interests, their hobbies, their education, and their growth as a person, so that their disabled children have a fair shot, as aspirational. Parents are people, and they deserve the social support to continue being people, despite also having disabled children.

The inability of parents and carers to divorce themselves from their roles as carers damages the child's self esteem and overall ability to imagine a future of even limited independence. Speaking from both personal experience and having a disabled and neurodivergent friend group who have all admited to similar experiences. I was able to move away from living with my mom at nineteen, almost right after I graduated high school, to living with dad who was much more willing to encourage any form of independence he could. The encouragement wasn't always realistic in some ways, but when it worked, it worked, and I clung to that independence literally as long as a physically could.

If a marriage was rocky or straight up unhealthy before the birth of the disabled child 'staying together for the kid(s)' always makes things worse. There are the one in a few billion times when having the child actually forced the parents to work their shit out, but most of the time, it's a recipie for decades of misery and emotional (and physical) trauma for everyone involved. This is especially true if a degree of independence is acheived by the child that means they can live away from home. Once the child is gone, everything about the marriage/relationship that didn't work comes rushing back--and unfortunately, by then, the parents are so used to being miserable together, that being miserable apart is even more terrifying. As someone who came to realize as an adult that long before my parents divorced, the cracks were there and there were "near misses" it makes me wish they'd divorced when I was much younger. Of course, the reality is that parents who have disabled children are more likely to stay in unhappy at least or absusive at worst relationships because without shared income, caring for the disabled child would be impossible. It's a no-win situation.

Finally, circling back to my first point: Even when abuse isn't present and the marriage is healthy, the most well meaning parent may find themselves infantilizing their Adult child because once that child is gone, they will have lost a major pillar of their identity. There are times this comes close to feeling like a universal experience, it's so common. "Cutting the apron strings" can be scary even when both parents know its for the best, but the problems usually start with making harmless comments about how they'll "always be there" for the child, and if left unchecked the comments could become passive aggressive, and finally downright attempts to guilt the Adult child into staying.

This is why it's so, so important to observe your own behavior, as well as the behavior of other parents in support communities, and keep an eye on the ones who try to inject anxiety into the experiences and milestones that edge your Adult child towards the best degree of independence they can acheive. A lot of the time it'll lead with "Well aren't you worried that [insert bad experience here] will happen?" Which is why it's vital to be able to tell when an anxiety is your own or when it's someone elses. A good way to do this is to just have regular, open communication with your kid. Express your worries, talk them out, and allow your kid to make assurances, even if it's in the form of "I have a friend group/support network that I can go to before I will need to go back to you with a problem." Make it clear in the support communities that these communications are happening with your kid, and if people still try to drag you into worrying that whatever reassurances that have been given "won't be enough"... flag that person as someone who is probably having a problem with the idea of their kid acheiving independence. Every parent starts at a different place when it comes to the idea of a disabled or neurodivergent kid acheiving some form of independence, but there are ways to avoid almost all of the major issues that end up poisoning the relationships between parents and their adult disabled kids.

[greencardback]

From Galaxy of Adventures to Jedi: Fallen Order Star Wars has had a banner year by the standards of any franchise – and that’s before we get to The Rise of Skywalker.

But that’s not to say that the last 12 months haven’t been a rollercoaster. With 2020 now just hours away let’s take a few minutes to reflect on how the year has gone for our favourite galaxy far, far away.

This is Star Wars: 2019 in Review.

January

Following the first December in four years with no new Star Wars film meant that January was a little quieter than we’ve gotten used to. Yet excitement for the franchise came in the form of Galaxy of Adventures, the new animated series on the Star Wars Kids YouTube channel.

These hyper-stylised short animations re-interpret key scenes from the Star Wars saga. They work perfectly as bite-sized chunks of the franchise and as trailers for an as-yet-unmade cartoon show and are suitable for kids of all ages.

If you haven’t seen it yet it’s well worth your time – here’s a sample to whet your appetite:

Read More: Galaxy of Adventures: Star Wars Reboot in Waiting? >>

February

The mid-February weekend is hands-down one of my favourite times of the year – and that’s all thanks to the New York Toy Fair.

This year Hasbro caused a splash with a host of new Vintage Collection reveals including (among many other awesome things) the Jabba’s Palace Adventure Set. Collectors have been asking Hasbro for play set environments for years, so this was a great announcement. I very much look forward to showing you what it’s like when I get mine from In Demand Toys next month.

We also saw the amazing anniversary card backs for The Phantom Menace Black Series Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Maul, but the real headliner was something that we’ve all seen before…

The Retro Collection is literally repackaged reproductions of vintage Star Wars figures. Crazy, huh? Maybe so, but they’re also incredible sellers. Just goes to show that collectors know what they like.

Read More: Star Wars at New York Toy Fair 2019 >>

March

The big news for March was the update to Battlefront II and the introduction of the brand new multiplayer mode, Capital Supremacy.

Taking place in the Clone Wars, this update allows players to fight as either Republic or CIS armies across a selection of Prequel-inspired locations, with the aim of capturing all the bases on the map before taking the fight to the enemy cruiser. It can be fast and furious or long and entrenched, depending on how equally matched the teams are; I’ve even had matches last over an hour.

It was one of a number of fun additions to Battlefront II’s multiplayer selection this year. The new version of Ewok hunt is probably my favourite though. Yub nub!

April

Star Wars Celebration in Chicago was the big news of April, and there was nothing bigger than the drop of the first trailer for The Rise of Skywalker – which in turn revealed the return of Emperor Palpatine.

There were a few choice toy reveals as well, including the Vintage Collection Luke Skywalker Jedi Destiny set. This fantastic three-pack, which I’ll be reviewing in 2020, shows just how good the modern Vintage Collection can be.

Read more about The Rise of Skywalker trailer drop here and read more about the Star Wars Celebration toy reveals here.

May

May started sadly with the passing of Chewbacca actor Peter Mayhew. I met him once at a convention when I was a kid, and although I can’t remember too much of the encounter I’ve always recalled him as a friendly man in person. He may have passed the Wookiee mantle on to Joonas Suotamo in recent years but he’ll always be Chewie to me.

Beyond this sad news, May was dominated by the US 20th anniversary of Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace.

Seeing stills from the movie all around the internet and Darth Maul everywhere gave me a great nostalgic buzz, and I thoroughly enjoyed watching the film again to celebrate.

June

The midpoint of the year marked the start of the promotional push for the new EA/Respawn game Jedi: Fallen Order.

As well as the cinematic trailer Lucasfilm also dropped a game play trailer, a ton of concept art and a brand new limited comic series exploring key characters from the era before the game.

This barrage of reveals did an excellent job of hyping the fan base.

July

The big news for July was Hasbro’s turnout at San Diego Comic Con.

While the number of reveals was down on NYTF and Celebration there was the headline grabbing launch of the Galaxy of Adventures toy line. These stylized, articulated 5” figures use the same branding as the Galaxy of Adventures YouTube animated shorts and launched with a lineup that spanned the OT and ST eras.

The big collector-friendly news was the release of the SDCC exclusive Black Series Sith Trooper, which became the first toy from The Rise of Skywalker to hit shelves.

August

2019 saw the return of Disney’s bi-annual D23 expo, and with it the return of a name we’d not heard for a long time… Ewan McGregor! The Prequel Trilogy veteran joined the stage to tell us all about the upcoming Obi-Wan Kenobi series for Disney+.

McGregor returning to the Kenobi role for some adventures between the PT and OT is something that fans have been asking for ever since Disney announced new Star Wars content – and if the actors’ admission that he’d had to keep his involvement a secret for years is anything to go by, it was clearly in the works behind the scenes for just as long.

Beyond the exciting Kenobi news, we also got the first trailer for The Mandalorian, the debut Disney+ Star Wars live action show.

And if that wasn’t enough, we also got a “D23 Special Look” at The Rise of Skywalker, featuring a glimpse of dark side Rey…

September

After a flurry of activity over the summer September marked a brief period of respite for Lucasfilm’s busy marketers – well, at least until the end of the month…

Lucasfilm put together a worldwide online streaming launch presentation for October’s Triple Force Friday, with actors from across the franchise coming together to unveil a load of new action figures and Lego sets.

Was the presentation cheesy and a little bit awkward? Oh yes. But if this kind of free-for-all event is the future of audience engagement then I’m all for it.

October

As well as Triple Force Friday (which yielded more Vintage Collection figures than first revealed) October also gave us the last big conventions of the year with New York Comic Con, Lucca in Italy and MCM in London.

Read More: Star Wars Black Series at NYCC 2019 >>

These shows also gave us a few more Black Series figures from across the saga, including a 6” scale Wedge Antilles. Good to see more heroes of the Rebellion getting their due!

October also saw the release of the then-Final Trailer for The Rise of Skywalker. It may have looked epic but it still wasn’t giving anything away…

November

November started off big with the release of Jedi: Fallen Order and didn’t look back.

An excellent addition to the saga, Jedi: Fallen Order gives us an engaging Imperial-era story with fluid and fun game play. I’ve almost completely beaten the game; as soon as I do you can expect to see a lot more about it up here.

Read More: Jedi Fallen Order on Green Card Back >>

Now, Jedi: Fallen Order is a big deal. Yet we were truly spoiled for choice in November with the launch of (almost) the biggest Star Wars event of the year – The Mandalorian.

Available in the US and a few other territories from November 12th, The Mandalorian is the first live action Star Wars TV show and it proved an instant smash hit. The space Western vibes, man-with-no-name lead character and a certain zeitgeist-grabbing child made it a popular addition to the Star Wars franchise.

December

November was a helluva lot to top. Good job Lucasfilm had the ninth and final film instalment of the Star Wars saga locked and ready to go!

The Rise of Skywalker has dominated the fandom for the last fortnight. It’s still playing in cinemas now so whether you’ve seen it one time or ten, you’ve still got time to add to your tally – get down to your local multiplex to get stuck in!

Read More: 5 Thoughts on The Rise of Skywalker >>

***

That’s 2019 in Star Wars, then. What are your highlights? Let us know in the comments below – and MTFBWY for the new year!

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It's finished just in time! This is #StarWars: 2019 in Review >> From Galaxy of Adventures to Jedi: Fallen Order Star Wars has had a banner year by the standards of any franchise - and that’s before we get to…

[lucidlucy]

First of all - love your work. So well written and so engaging. You've probably been asked this many times but I don't have the energy to scroll down and find the answer, how did you get into fanfic and the ST universe in general?

Actually I haven’t been asked ;p or, rather, not directly! So thank you 😘

I got into the SW game late, tbh. We had a video game as kids from the PT (so much pod racing on N64), but we didn’t… actually watch the movies?? Lol. I didn’t get to see SW until I moved in with my boyfriend and so when I watched it I thought of it as that nice thing people are into, but because I didn’t grow up really being invested in SW (PT or OT) and didn’t get to see the OT until I was 19 it was sort of just… on the fringes of my awareness.

… fast forward to Late March after TFA and boy did it hit me hard. I kind of fell in love immediately and started looking for fanfic (bahahahaha of course I did) because the first thing I got were the Reylo feels. Which led me to @kylorenvevo / Thea’s work, which hit me like a ton of bricks in how beautiful it was. So… I tried my first piece of fanfic, which I dedicated to her.

Prior to I’d tried writing for HP but I’m ESL so I always was afraid that I’d suck and language would be a barrier. I’d get about 200 words into a story and give up ;p but TFA just sort of lit a fire under my ass and it’s now been a year, 550k written words later, and here I am. I’m glad people like it because I’m still learning, and have a lot of room to grow, but it’s good to know my crazy stories are well received. Ty, lovely!

[i-aim-to-overanalyze]

Fanfic writers meme: 3, 4, 6, 7, 10, 13, 14, 17, 19, 20, 27, 39, 40, 42, 45, 46, and 50 (my question for #50 is: Your favourite character from any of your fandoms (pick one or several characters you like) is writing a fanfic STARRING YOU AS A CHARACTER. Regarding this fact, what kind of fanfic do you think he/she/they are writing about and how would you feel about you literally being in it?)

Thank you so much for sending in an ask! :D

3. Name three favorite writers.

Ahh, this is a toughie! I’m going to list three writers from different fandoms that I admire a lot.

A. Anappleofdiscord from fanfiction.net I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a tumblr and even tho it’s been forever since I spoken with her personally, she is an awesome person and an awesome writer. She writes for the Hetalia fandom, focusing on gen stuff centering around England and America. If you know anything about the Hetalia fandom, it’s ridiculously rare to find platonic fics about these two and her fics are like the cream of the crop. Her characterizations are on point, her fics are educational and hilarious (and also a rollarcoaster of emotions) plus she pulls off OCs superbly. If you ever check out her fics, tell her that Listenerofshadows sent you ;)

B. Glimare from fanfiction.net I don’t know her personally, but I love her work in the DC fandom. Sadly, she’s since mostly moved on to other fandoms (which is great for her, if the feeling’s not there, don’t push yourself to write fanfic for certain fandoms) but she has a TON of content and it’s all so good. Her most-well known work is a collection of one-shots known as “Daddy, Not Bats”. It’s an AU where Bruce encounters the bat-kids at a younger age and decides to retire to raise them all. It’s sweet, fluffy and angsty all rolled into one.

C. @elfpen from AO3, Fanfiction.net and Tumblr.  I stumbled across her fanfic Reprise when looking for a good star wars time-travel fanfic to satisfy my needs and boy, DOES SHE DELIVER. Most time-travel fics center around the OT era or Obiwan and/or Anakin traveling to TPM, but hers focus on OT!Obiwan traveling back to the era BEFORE TPM. It’s a great fic, I love the characterizations and her OCs are on-point. Not to mention, she also has a lot of other awesome SW and HTTYD content. 

Putting everything else under the cut because this is gonna get long quick!

4. Name three authors that were influential to your work and why.

A. Anappleofdiscord, again. Because she has actually beta’d my work before and given me great writing advice. I haven’t finished Neverlast, nor barely touched on it, but I’m thankful for her influence she’s played on it.

B. It’s hard to pinpoint my inspiration for my writing, because it’s kinda an intuitive thing? Like, I’ll be writing and a phrase comes up and I’m like “I know I stole that phrase from some fanfic lol” but i don’t know which one??? But basically all the fanfic writers I love are legions above me and I admire them all. But I have to say, I’ve started writing more third-person present tense because of a few good fanfics (but I can’t pinpoint which ones) which it’s a rare tense for a novel to pursue but I love the rhythm of it.

6. How did writing change you?

I’ve been writing before I could even write. Basically as a little four-year-old, I’d make pictures and then dictate to my older sister/mom what the pictures were about, essentially creating a storybook out of it. Since writing has been part of my life for so long, it’s so innate to me like breathing air. I know there’s a lot I could improve on writing, but it’s just a freeing way for me to express myself in a clear and concise manner. In real life, I can be awkward in how I word things and I have a tendency to trip over words or don’t fully pronounce my th-s and s-es. Fanfiction is great because I can explore my favorite concepts of a fanfic in a medium that people can enjoy reading in :)

7. Early influences of your writing

Once I discovered reading was fun (I didn’t learn to read until 2nd grade but that’s okay, because once I did I was reading several grades above my level) I devoured books. Some of my favorite books as a child are: PJO, Chronicles of Narnia, Boxcar Children and Black Beauty. I also did some RPG’ing at a young age, which greatly improved my writing as the constant writing at a rapid pace forced my writing to improve exponentially. There were roleplayers that I admired greatly that I imitated because I wanted my writing to be as good as theirs.

10. how do you do your researches?

Google, man, Google. For example let’s say my fanfic is a historical AU. I know a lot about history, but I might look up a historical site to proofcheck my dates or phrases of the time. Fanfic is nice, because it gives you an excuse to rewatch your favorite show if you wanna make sure you nail the characterizations. I might just look at a fan wiki if it’s a minor detail like what’s Ahsoka’s smaller lightsaber called. 

13. Hardest character to write

Oohhh boy! I think everyone can agree that Yoda and Darth Vader are the two toughest SW characters to write for. It’s hard to get into the head of a 900 yr old troll and Vader is just…really hard? Palpatine is also hard not to make him the typical cookie-cutter villian (Which he is, but I’d like to try to give him some depth). I feel like I write a different take of Anakin every time I write a different AU involving him, but I think that’s because the AUs are at different points of his life and also the AU effects his reaction to things.

14. Easiest character to write.

I know it’s contradictory, but Anakin. He’s definitely chaotic good and it’s fun to write that archtype. I haven’t written much Obiwan (actually I have, but I can’t post it until I write the chapters bridging to him :/) but he’s more lawful good compared to Anakin and throwing those two into the same fic is fun to see. Padme is a fun one to write as well as Ahsoka.

17. Favorite AU to write

I have so many AUs so again, hard choice. Gotta say Impetus, since it’s the most I have written for and I love it. It deals more with the traumatizing effects that slavery/the Jedi have inflicted on Anakin plus an even more problematic Palpatine. I didn’t mean to recreate Palpatine in that fashion he’s basically a pedophile in this AU, the characters kinda just made it happen and I ran with it. It was supposed to be a humorous/fluffy what-if but like everything I touch, it’s also angsty ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

19. Favorite fandom to write for

My favorite fandom to write for naturally changes with my interests. I was obsessed with YJ for a while, then Hetalia and now SW. Star Wars is fun to write for because there’s a big audience and it’s pretty easy to find a pocket audience who love the same types of things that you do. YJ will always be my first love. I’m currently writing a fanfic for a YJ fandom event, but I’ve been kinda struggling? I’ve lost my enthusiasm writing-wise even tho I still love it to bits.

20. Favorite Character to Write.

Anakin, probably. It’s funny because I used to never like the PT, but the Clone Wars changed all that. It’s a shame that Lucas went the direction he did for Anakin in PT because TCW uncovered a problematic but likeable hero and I wish we could’ve seen that live-action (It’s not Hayden’s fault btw, the director is the one responsible for what portrayal the actor gives)

27. Best review you ever got.

Okay, so. I used to share an account on FF.Net with a friend and I wrote of a lot of YJ fanfics. One of them was a gen one-shot involving Bart and Jaime that received a good amount of attention. AND A REALLY GOOD FANFIC AUTHOR THAT I ADMIRED AND LOOKED UP TO REVIEWED MY FIC AND I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN OVER IT. I never in a million years imagined that my favorite authors potentially read my fanfics, let alone review/favorite it.

39. Do you want to be published some day?

Kinda. As a kid I’ve always wanted to get published but now I’m not so sure. I’ve never finished any fics other than one-shots and that really has gotten to me. My current goal is to finish at least one of my fanfics but I think I’ve been putting it off because I’m afraid it’s impossible to acccomplish. It’s silly, I know. I just need to do it.

40. Which one of your stories do would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Hmmm….probably my one-shot involving those two bounty hunter OCs. I could just see them trying to survive the universe with the least amount of weird space stuff happening but they seem to get pulled into it anyway. Those two are actually the easiest OCs for me to write, btw.

42. Do you plan or do you write whatever comes to mind?

I’m a weird creature. In life, I like to know things ahead of time. I like things to run exactly the way I planned. I don’t like unexpected variables. but in writing…I rarely outline. I usually write whatever is on my mind. Pure inspiration is awesome…until it runs out and feels like you’re pulling teeth to just to write a single sentence. That’s when I attempt to outline things.

45. Share the synopsis of a story you haven’t published yet

“Whatis love? To a young child slave, it is the words his mother used to caress himafter a brutal beating by their master. It is wrapped in the kisses she givesto each bruise and lullabies that lull him to sleep.” A meta on Anakin’s varying views of love a crappy summary authored by moi

46. Share a scene of a story you haven’t published yet.

Welp. Might as well share from the above fic.

Whatis love? To a young child slave, it is the words his mother used to caress himafter a brutal beating by their master. It is wrapped in the kisses she givesto each bruise and lullabies that lull him to sleep.

Hismaster can freely touch every part of him he wishes. He can say words to him—hecan do anything he like to him.

Hecan say things like, “You know I love you, boy?” and the slave obedientlyanswers, “Yes, master.”

He’sso very young, but he knows that his master’s words and touch are not love.Only his mother’s is. He doesn’t know how to describe it. But he can feel thewarmth behind them, like hovering over a fire on a cold desert night. They arelike a thick blanket made of bantha furs, soft and comforting. They melt awayhis tears and fill his lungs with laughter.

Everyday, his mother tells him “I love you Ani.” and Ani, the slave boy, freelyreplies, “I love you too, Mom!”

Hefollows by her example, smothering her with hugs and tells her silly stories tohear her laughter that rings like the bells at the market stands. Because heknows love is the best medicine to heal anyone. It makes them feel fuzzy insideand they don’t feel so sad knowing someone cares about them.

Hismom gets sad a lot, so he does his best to repel the sadness away. He doesn’tget angry when she’s sad, because she isn’t angry when he’s sad.

“It’sokay to be sad,” She tells him one night as she runs her hands through hishair, “Everyone gets sad, just like how everyone gets angry or happy.”

“Mastersdon’t like it when we’re angry though.” Anakin pouted.

Shepauses; looking down at her son with a sad smile, “No matter what they say,you’re allowed to feel angry, Ani. Bundle it up, and keep it to yourself—andrelease it when they aren’t looking.”

“Areyou ever angry, mom?” He yawned as he snuggled closer.

“Yes.”His mother breathed deeply, and he could feel a bit of her anger—for aninstant.

It ishot—not warm like Love’s fire. No, it burns and consumes him for a moment. Itreminds him of all the bruises and welts that his masters have given him. Angeris selfish and doesn’t love. He doesn’t like seeing the giver of his Love feelthis way. He internally sighs in relief when her anger melts away as he told atale about a funny customer that came in that day.

Hehas never truly felt anger. He flinches from its’ touch and refuses to feel theemotion that his masters are fond of.

50. Your favourite character from any of your fandoms (pick one or several characters you like) is writing a fanfic STARRING YOU AS A CHARACTER. Regarding this fact, what kind of fanfic do you think he/she/they are writing about and how would you feel about you literally being in it?)

I feel like everyone relates when I say I don’t think my life is interesting. I’d pick Cassie from YJ because I feel like she’d be the type to write fanfic. I will say one ironic moment in my life is that I starred in a play as a shy bookworm girl who got the lead role in her school play alongside her crush, the star basketball player, incidentally they ended up together in the end. Everyone irl teased me about this but the truth is….I actually had a crush on the actor himself. We’ve known each other for years and are good friends. And the closest I ever gotten to “kissing” him was a moment in the play where our characters almost kissed before being interrupted by other students. But of course nothing real came of the play and we still remain good friends.  I always note in my head that the hollywood version is that we…would’ve hooked up in the end. I’m sure if I was a fictional character and Cassie shipped me with him and we didn’t get together in the end, she’d be writing a fix-it fic where our pairing is the true pairing in the end. If i wasn’t fictional, I’d feel really weirded out by it. I don’t like fic involving real people in it, especially if it involves ships. I’m almost 90% sure this guy doesn’t have a crush on me and just regards as friends. Which is okay, because I’m not sure if I even want a relationship at the moment.

[sini-sterility]

Y’all finally get my backstory now.

@weaponizedhorse I FINISHED FINALLY

Alright motherfuckers, you asked for it; you're gonna fucking get it. You've finally unlocked Sini's tragic backstory.

Let's begin with the childhood depression due to intense emotion abuse and manipulation, causing me to try to kill myself, not once, but twice before the age of ten. However, it seems that my body liked the idea, because within two months of turning ten, my legs began to go numb, and I would experience random pain. I told the nurse at school; she didn't believe me. Stir this mixture of reckless negligence and bitchy old-lady nurse until two years have passed, and I am now completely paralyzed in constant literal agony 24/7, to the extent of not being able to sleep, stand, sit, lounge; you name it.

I wasn't nauseus, but the pain was so horrible that I would fake getting sick every day in order to stay home and not face the ridicule the least liked person in my entire school (I am honestly not exagerrating. I got into my school's spelling bee, and was the last 6th grader standing. They called your name, you stood up, waved to the crowd, and they cheered. They got to me, and I shit you not, less than 1/5th of the 6th grade class, none of the other students, and three teachers clapped, and that was as good as I got. Maybe I was annoying or something, I don't know. I was a very, very quiet kid, so I actually don't know what their deal was; there were much uglier people there than me, too) would get from acting like they can't feel their limbs or stand up, or be constantly hunched over in pain.

So I'd stay home with my dad and watch old cowboy shows, trying to ignore the pain. I remember how we treated it was Icy-Hot and a fuck-ton of Ibuprofen.

Eventually, my bullshit quack of a doctor finally clued in that, no, I was not just suffering from a particularly bad UTI. She actually fucking told us that I had a UTI. Because UTI's are reknown for causing pain so bad you literally can't think straight.

So, one day, a week after my 12th birthday (which was the saddest shit you've ever heard of; my mom made my favorite cake and my favorite food (Flan Cake and Chicken Curry), my Godmother was there with a bunch of books, I had a few really cool presents; my sister Shirley even got me a hair straightener at Goodwill, because I'd finally learned that thick curly hair with the mind of it's own (that mind being one of a psychopath) didn't stand a chance against hot iron. They sang happy birthday to me, and I remember that after they finished, I just put my head down on the table in cried. It was the single saddest moment of my life, aside from April (which is another can of worms all together, and very few people know about it).

Anyway, a few days after my mom took me to the doctor, and at this point I had given up on trying to present any semblence of an ability to walk or feel anything at all, so I was in a wheelchair. The doctor saw how much pain I was in (fucking finally), and that I truly felt no sensation anywhere, and immediately sent me to a Neurologist in Indy.

We got there an hour later, and the Neurologist took one look and ordered an emergency MRI – that turned out to be a very traumatizing experience, as the even more amplified pain (metal + back issues of the highest caliber + loud noises + bright flashing lights = Literal torture. To this day I can't go in MRI machines without being knocked out (But I secretly love it because I get to play a little game I like to call 'Resist'. It's basically the game they have you do where you count up to or down from 100, only you ask the Anesthesiologist to push the anesthetic in as slowly as possible, and start counting. When you start to feel it kicking in, you count as fast as possible. My record is 128 bitches <3).

They were only able to get 15 minutes of an MRI with me, before the panic and pain were too much for me and I started convulsing. After that, they checked me into the hospital overnight while they went over the results.

You know that shit's bad when the next day the ICU Oncologist comes in at 7 am the next morning to tell your mom that you need emergency surgery right away, but don't tell you why.

It turned out that I had stage 4 (better known as terminal) Neuroblastoma. There were three main problematic tumors; one that was slung over my left shoulder and attached to the upper left lobe of my lung (bigass motherfucker holy shit it was enormous. They had to cut out a piece of my lung to get ride of (most) it.), one the size of a softball pressing on my brain, just above the temple (They drilled my skull open, and scooped it off my scalp like a blob of strawberry preserves, which is what it looks like anyway btw. They were nice enough to honor a request I made, and take a picture of the tumor. BUT THEY DIDN'T FUCKING SEND IT TO ME, THEY SENT IT TO MY DAD VIA TEXT, AND WE ENDED UP LOSING THE DAMN THING >:O), and then the worst one; the mac daddy of Neuroblastoma tumors.

It was a long, thick, malignant tumor that had infused itself with my spine, and was subsequently cutting off my spinal cord – thus causing all of the pain and the paralysis and numbness. It gave me a hella sweet scar though, shit looks like a zipper along my spine!

After they removed what they could of the spinal tumor (which still to this day causes me a great deal of pain. I'm on 10 mgs of Oxycodine up to 6 times a day, and more often than not I need 7 pills in one day.), they told my parents that I had maybe two months to live. That they were going to send me home with them with a car full of all the medical supplies they could spare us, and that I was going to be very dead, very soon.

Needless to say, everyone was shocked when the third month rolled around and I was still alive – and learning how to walk again. It's taken me 6 years to be able to walk up and down stairs, and depending on the treatment or how long they keep me in the hospital, I occasionally still need my walker. (Sparkly red thing with little stickers all over it. I think we gave it to my grandma, but I'm not sure?) They upped my prognosis to 6 months and then it would be all over, but by then Obamacare went into effect, and that got the ball rolling for CHIPS, and that little thing that so many Americans hate because they “don't want to pay for a stranger's abortions!” (actual reason I was given once. I know that there are real reasons, but I still am okay with paying a little bit extra each month so that another kid who's like I was six years ago today, might have a chance to beat the odds in an overwhelming way. Again, that's just me, and I'm probably over simplifying the matter.), is most likely the main reason I'm still alive.

See, because I was accepted into two (or maybe three, I'm not sure?) forms of health insurance because of the Obamacare plan, I was able to begin treatments within almost a month of diagnosis. After four months passed, they began to fit and train me to use a wheelchair at home, as it was an impossibility that I would ever walk again (or use fine motor control for that matter).

Two months after that, just six months after being told I was already dead; six months of hellish PT and OT; six months of taking chemo and painkillers and throwing up blood – and I fucking walked out of that God forsaken hospital with my walker and my family.

That was six years ago. My body is still healing, and I've had plenty of physical and psychological horrors since ( ie. Kathleen aka 'The ex that raped me last year', my mother becoming even more abusive towards me, to the point of egging me on in cutting myself, and losing most of my cats because they were outdoor and we weren't around enough for most of them to want to stay, for starters. Fortunately, the one that did stay was my kitty, Alice. She moved into my current house with my dad and I after my dad won sole custody of me during their divorce (those two NEVER should have gotten married, they hate each other so fucking much.), and she's been a driving force in my will to live and fight ever since. The week she went missing was the most miserable week of my life.) the beginning, but I've got something I never had as a child now; a will to live. A reason to live. It's honestly the reason I still believe in God, as twisted as that sounds. I had actually been begging God to just kill me and get it over with in the weeks leading up to my diagnosis, and though it seems like being told you have terminal (which, just incase some of you guys don't know this, does not actually mean that you're totally deadsies; it means that there are no approved treatments or treatments that are proven to be effective, so you have the two options of going home or staying in the hospital while they make you as comfortable as possible as you wait to die a slow, horrible death of cancer; or you subject yourself to potentially deadly, painful, and horrible experimental trials to try and find a cure for yourself and others like you. Guess which one I picked! Ahh, the stories I could tell you... I'd be willing to write another one of these if anyone is interested in my hospital horror stories.) cancer would be your answer in the affirmatory. But for some reason, that's not how I took it. I took it as a sign that I'm supposed to live, at least for as long as I'm needed to do something to make the world better. It sounds crazy; superstitious; egomaniacal to say this, but when I think about everything I've been through, the multiple attempts at killing myself yet living through each time, and the overwhelming feeling I got when I was told I was as good as dead, but I honestly feel like I'm supposed to do something big, even mildly so. I don't know what, but that thought drives me every day to quite literally be that change that I want to see in the world.

I haven't made a suicide attempt ever since diagnosis; I rarely try or succeed to hurt myself anymore, and when I get in that state, my first move is to call up my sister Lilly, or talk to @typical-atheist-scumbag, or even talk to my dad nowadays, rather than just go ahead and grab a razor blade. I'm entirely about absolution and forgiveness as long as a person is genuine, and I try to be as passive and understanding – yet not quite neutral – to other people's beliefs as I possible can be. I stretch myself thin trying to help other people, but I honestly feel all the better for it.

This lovely little “inspirational” (*eyes roll into the back of my head*) piece isn't even half of it, but it's the major stuff. I included that bit at the end to show that even though I've had a pretty bullshit lot in life, I absolutely refuse to let it kick me down.

You may laugh at how stupid and pretentious I sound now.