#got these at a cracker barrel in illinois!

[gatorsnot]

nobody talk to me imma be doing shots tonight

[crowcaws]

Inspired by a twitter thread i saw, I, Australian and certified dumb of ass, will now list every main American state and what I associate it with/what I think it's about/famous for WITHOUT GOOGLING. These thoughts will be stated as fact regardless of whether or not they are true.

Alabama - Banjos. Reese Witherspoon lives here. Shares a border with Florida for some reason. Fifteen people live here. I'm glad i'm not allowed to google because i feel like i'd find things i don't want to know.

Alaska - Mountains. Balto. State flower is a tree of some kind. The roads are just the tyre tracks in the snow of the vehicles that came before whispering "trust me". Kodiak is here, where Pitbull famously said 'keep fucking around, we'll be on the moon next.' I think this is where Mulder and Scully got fucked up by a brain worm.

Arizona - Desert but not the Las Vegas kind. The granyon canyon. State flower is a cactus. State bird also a cactus. Bella Swan got fucked up in a dance studio here. It seems very scenic.

Arkansas - The name of this state makes me think of rusty old utes and that's it, that's all I've got. "Pickup trucks" or whatever. Grow up.

California - The great Lucille Bluth once said, "I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona" but personally I think i'm with Michael on this one. California has Hollywood and an ok tourist beach. Green Day are from here. San Francisco seems cool though, I like how it looks like a city designed specifically to kill skateboarders and cyclists. State flower is a grand theft auto PS2 disc. Population: more than Australia.

Colorado - Mountains. Elks and Deer and Eagles and Giraffes on ski slopes. Much domestic tourism, have never once heard of anyone from outside the US specifically visiting Colorado though idk. Verdict: America's New Zealand.

Connecticut - The dry weetbix of states. I think of monopoly but I can't remember why. State flower is a dandelion that has been stepped on. Biggest export is men's office attire, specifically brown two piece suits and those short sleeve button ups. I only found out today that there's a C in the middle of Connecticut I always thought it was 'Conneticut'.

Delaware - Delawhere the fuck is this state I have no idea. Probably still cooler than Connecticut. Famous for combination fast food chains and buildings that clearly used to be a pizza hut (you can tell by the roof). Idrk what Cracker Barrel is but I can tell you the employees spawn here.

Florida - Biscayne bay. Manatees. Shaped like a sock, or something else. Famous for hotels, motels, and holiday inns. Would be a fun state if not for the fact that every politician in charge of it is fucking it up so so bad. One of the few places in the USA where you can see the Southern Cross constellation. Miami Dale forever RIP Logan Horseman.

Georgia - peaches. atlantis. brisket. no other thoughts detected, moving on

Hawaii - Famous for killing James cunt Cook which is honestly a deserved and certified W for Hawaiians. Plagued (and I do mean plagued) by tourists, including Australian Prime Ministers ignoring national emergencies.

Idaho - Sleepy. Things don't happen here but when they do they happen so much because nothing happens here. National flower is probably like a daisy or something so so normal.

Illinois - Chicago bean. It's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. WatchDogs the game. Famous for girlbosses who kill their husbands. Population 11 millions.

Indiana - Rainy probably. Honestly I only remember this state exists because of Stranger Things, which I understand this is like someone saying they only remember Australia exists because of Crocodile Dundee but look. Population: At least 10.

Iowa - This is such a place to be from if you're moving to the big city because all the other waitresses at the diner back home said you got a voice worth payin for and you finally stopped letting your papa tell you what to do. Famous for crop duster planes. State flower is long grass.

Kansas - Famous for scarecrows, wheat and the like. Probably fun at Halloween actually. Great place to fake an alien sighting. I just remembered Dorothy is from here. Population: Yes.

Kentucky - Fried chicken. NASCAR. Speedway. Derby. State flower is a blown out tyre on the side of the road.

Louisiana - Very wet but in a pretty way. Birthplace of the Saxophone. New Orleans is officially the strongest reason I would ever be tempted to set foot in this country. New York wishes she was this beautiful. Famous for the Vampire Diaries spinoff The Originals.

Maine - Next to Kentucky. Lobsters are from here which means there's water, but don't ask me where. Famous for The Vampire Diaries. State flower is a rose, beautiful but generic, like a YA protagonist.

Maryland - Rural but in a manageable way. I think of letterboxes with the family last name on it. Grandmas love it here. Hairspray the musical.

Massachusetts - Ohhhh Legally Blonde. Boston. Harvarb Law. The colour brown. When pronounced it's a very nice name for a state actually.

Michigan - I reference 'can't have shit in Detroit' almost daily but I know almost nothing else about Michigan.

Minnesota - Mini Soda. Also a good state name. No idea what's here, deer or elk or beavers. There's no way to know for sure.

Mississippi - I like this state name less but only because it's hell on the lisp i battle to mask. It's named after a river. It's on the coast. Next to Pennsylvania.

Missouri - A lot of M states happening here. This place is famous for nothing. I don't know what the capital city is but it's definitely a place you move to for your job instead of like. On purpose. Population: 3 million. It's in the middle somewhere.

Montana - This state's main export is horse girls, very Saddle Club coded. It's on the Canadian border, but it shouldn't be like that. It should be in the middle. Hannah Montana's dad was all Nashville but he's basically from Toronto. Fucked up if you ask me.

Nebraska - When I think of Nebraska I think of those depressing Walmart carparks where there's nothing for miles except for the Walmart and one lady pushing a flatscreen in a trolley to the dodge ram she parked 600m away from the entrance so it won't get dinged by other car doors, because god forbid her utility vehicle show signs of wear.

Nevada - viva rock vegas (the flintstones). There's a salt lake here but NOT a salt lake city. That's somewhere else. I think there's motorsport here. NO WAIT THERE IS because i saw charles leclerc on the sphere on tv and he was so wide and i laughed so hard i choked on my own spit.

New Hampshire - What the fuck is New Hampshire that's not real. I thought it was like some beach suburb in New York state. What the fuck. Regardless. I bet you could pull up to the side of the road in New Hapshite and buy an avocado no questions asked. Probably like the USA's Byron Bay.

New Jersey - Everyone from here says it's bad. It makes me think of t shirts with a longer sleeve t shirt underneath and 2000s pop punk music. Gerard Way.

New Mexico - High School Musical is set in Albuquerque. High School Musical is also the only reason I can pronounce Albuquerque. This state is famous for High School Musical.

New York - She's talking over the rest of you and for what? Wall Street? Ugh. Kinda like the Melbourne of the USA.

North Carolina - I feel like cowbutch lesbians do numbers here for some reason. You could disappear into the hills with a woman in a tank top and assless chaps here if you were brave enough. Men do live here but they're treated like a new cast member on the fifth season of a sitcom, this one's for the girls.

North Dakota - Dakota is Carolina's femme girlfriend and they're in love.

Ohio - This is like that town in Cars that lightning mcqueen gets stuck in and the tourist cars are like oh we're only here because of a wrong turn. Yeah. You might find fireflies here though. Also Ohio is for Lovers or something.

Oklahoma - Swear word for Christians. Absolutely nothing happens here and if it does i feel like it involves chasing livestock.

Oregon - Prairies. This is where the Prairies are. Famous for the people who died while trying to be Not In Oregon.

Pennsylvania - Famous for The Office. And Dracula jokes. That's all i've got.

Rhode Island - Famous for winning Miss United States with the flaming batons routine in Miss Congeniality starring Sandra Bullock. Very small state. Possibly the smallest one but who's to say.

South Carolina - If north is for the lesbians, south is for the gays.

South Dakota - As above.

Tennessee - Country music and whiskey and line dancing, which is actually kinda hot when goth girls do it. Overall, Tennessee is the USA's answer to Gympie, which is a question that nobody asked. Overall i just think of the colour brown. Famous for Hayden Penterre. Penetentiary. Pendulum.

Texas - A South Australian would say Texas is famous for it's adorably small cattle farms. Lucky for me, i am not South Australian. This is the state that other states call redneck and racist to hide the fact that they are also redneck and racist, perhaps more so. Contains two of the main cities to name boys after. Dave Strider lives here. (Sorry for the Homestuck jump scare so late in the game.)

Utah - Salt Lake City. That bass pro shop monolith was here. In general i think of the colour orange. Home of the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Vermont - Vermont is a state in the same way the spleen is an organ. Population: Zero.

Virginia - Is this not the same thing as Vermont?

Washington - Famous for Bella where the hell you been loca. Twin Peaks is probably set here idk i forgot all parts of the show that were not log lady. White House. Effervescent.

West Virginia - From the lyrics "Mountain mama. Take me home. Country road" we can determine that West Virginia has Mountains, Milfs, Homes, and Roads. I know nothing else about West Virginia.

Wisconsin - Wiscaaaansin. Whis-cahn-sin. There are definitely elks here. That 70's Show is set somewhere beneath the surface of this place. Population: grandparents and elk. I feel like you could get fucked up by a creature here if you're not careful. It's got trees and lakes and shit creatures love those. I think Yellowstone is somewhere around here.

Wyoming - Great lakes? Great lakes. This state is actually all lake. Idk. I like the name though, the verbiage of it all. Wyoming my way downtown. State flower is an empty wrapper blowing by down the street. Population: 800,000. Definitely a place you could go missing and never be seen again.

[spellucci]

Mississippi River

Sunday, April 7, 2024

Dora and Tim have a great time playing in the wet morning grass outside the Paducah Cracker Barrel. There are smells beneath every shrub. Then we load up and head out toward Missouri.

As we get closer to the Mississippi River we see more levees, including this bridge that looked like the steel overhead could be lowered to protect the town.

We drove through Cairo (pronounced Karo like the syrup) at the confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers. It is the only town protected by levees on all four sides.

It was depressing to see what the change to overland trucking has wrought to what used to be a prosperous river city. The town was full of disintegrating abandoned homes, factories, and businesses.

We cross the Ohio River into Illinois and parallel the Mississippi through very rural roads. Much more interesting than the interstates.

We finally cross the Mississippi River into Missouri at Cape Girardeau ("jir-AR-doh"). Beautiful bridge into a much larger city than Jeanne expected. According to the city website, they had 15,000 visitors for the 2017 eclipse and are expecting 20,000 this year.

Compared to the two other eclipses we have seen, they don’t seem prepared. There are no signs for places to camp or park.

To our horror, we have no cell service. It must be all the visitors saturating the cell towers. We can’t look up information or addresses with any reliability. Phone calls don’t go through. Text messages are hit or miss.

We stop at the local sports field where there are a number of youth games on the multiple fields. We look for an official to ask where RV parking is. Two friendly Parks & Rec men say they don’t know, we can’t stay here and here’s the name of a good BBQ place.

After they leave, a Black woman named Bertha comes over and tells us that we can camp at a vacant lot near her house, and that we should also try the casino. The casino was on our list of places to try, so we thanked her and went there.

Did I mention that it was raining again? This is so depressing for eclipse watching. It’s less than 24 hours to totality and the weather is miserable.

To our surprise, the casino was not charging for overnight parking. They were very gracious and friendly. We had a Zoom call at 3:30, so we went into the casino to mooch wifi.

The casino had a spot set up to take selfies, so we took advantage. The manager helpfully took it for us. Notice the raincoats.

The casino had a display of a DeLorean sports car. To our surprise, someone got in and drove it out the revolving door. It barely fit, so they were very careful.

We went back to the casino every couple hours to check the weather. Not good. We make plans to leave in the morning, but where?

Tim’s brother Andy arrives and parks next to us in the parking lot. Andy says he has been ODing on cloud coverage sites. Us, too. If you ever want a list, we have a half-dozen bookmarked, and Andy even has more.

We have dinner together on in our RV and make more plans. Bertha stopped by to make sure we were ok. Amazingly considerate.

The Mississippi is close so we take Dora for a long walk on and around the levees. This is the same bridge from the shore.

We watch barges and their tugboats.

We speculate on the sign on the bridge and then zoom in to see that it marks the clearance under the bridge.

The sky is stormy-looking, but not actively raining. We decide to check the forecasts in the casino in the morning (still no cell service) and decide then.

[victorian-mlm]

what do you have against nebraska? lmao

okay, first, thank you for asking, second, i don't have anything against nebraska it just doesn't exist.

have you ever been to nebraska? do you know anyone who has? do you know anyone who was born there? what is there to do in nebraska? has anyone notable come out of nebraska?

most people can answer "no" or "i don't know" to every single one of these questions.

why?

because nebraska doesn't exist! it feels surreal! it feels wrong! it's bizarre and unexplainable. we drove through nebraska on our way from chicago to oregon, and i've been to a lot of states, a lot of bizarre states. nothing compares to nebraska.

not a single bug hit our windshield while i was watching, when an average of 8 or 9 hit us normally. i couldn't sleep. i always sleep in the car, no matter the ride, i love sleeping in cars— but i just couldn't. i never saw a "welcome to nebraska" or "you're in nebraska" sign. never. i was watching. even idaho has a sign. there's nothing special about the geography, it feels like illinois but strangely like florida. we talked to guy who didn't blink the entire time we were present. i'm not kidding. we went to cracker barrel, and someone accidentally bumped the glass thing on the lamp, and it fell. it didn't shatter like any glass i've ever seen, maybe it was treated; the manager came out to clean it up, but no one entered the area he'd come from to let him know there was broken glass, we could see the doorway. no one entered. no one exited but him. while he was looking for glass shards, my friend and i moved to give him space, but a man at the table next to us said, "there's a piece under his chair."

his chair. my chair. i have NEVER been correctly gendered in public before. i look very feminine, people don't even second guess when they assume i'm a girl. my friend, however, is gay and cis, and everyone thinks she's trans or just a twink— the people in this restaurant assumed she was a girl and i was a boy, which is correct, but it had never happened before this moment and hasn't happened since.

our hotel room tv had only a few channels that worked, and it was all shows we liked. that never happens. we all have very different tastes, but it played american ninja warrior and bohemian rhapsody. on our way out, my brother grabbed a "visit nebraska" brochure from the lobby— we promptly lost the brochure as soon as we got into the car and still haven't found it.

conclusion: nebraska is an illusion, tailored to whoever travels inside

[beingallelite]

On Saturday, August 31, 2019, All Elite Wrestling presented the historic ALL OUT pay-per-view event from the sold out Sears Centre Arena in Chicago, Illinois. The play-by-play broadcast team for the main card was Jim Ross, Excalibur, and Goldenboy.

The preshow BUY IN opened with a Casino Battle Royale, with the winner competing for the AEW Women’s title on October 2 in Washington, DC, at the Capital One Arena (being televised on on TNT). There were 21 competitors vying for a shot at that title, including: Leva Bates, Faby Apache, Nyla Rose, Shelondra, Priscilla Kelly, Penelope Ford, Shazza McKenzie, Sadie Gibbs, Dr. Britt Baker, Big Swole, Brandi Rhodes, Awesome Kong, Bea Priestly, Tenille Dashwood, Ivelisse, Allie, Nicole Savoy, Teal Piper, Jazz, ODB, and Mercedes Martinez. The final two wrestlers in the match were Nyla Rose and Dr. Britt Baker. With some interference from Bea Priestly, Rose eliminated Baker.

Your winner: Nyla Rose

Showing off the depth of the tag team division, Private Party (Marq Quen and Isiah Kassidy) faced the party crashing team of Jack Evans and Angelico. There were plenty of innovative tag team maneuverers here, with Jack Evans in particular putting on a clinic. All parties must come to an end eventually, and after their dynamic finisher, Marq Quen and Isiah Kassidy showed their opponents why no one throws a party quite like them.

Your winners: Private Party

The opener for ALL OUT saw SCU (Christopher Daniels, Scorpio Sky, and Frankie Kazarian) step back into time to face the Jurassic Express (Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus) and Marko Stunt. SoCal Uncensored have decades and decades of tag team knowledge under their belts, and despite showing lots of youthful fire, Jungle Boy got lost in the proverbial weeds once SCU hit the Best Meltzer Ever on him.

Your winners: SoCal Uncensored

Originally scheduled as Kenny Omega vs. Jon Moxley, “the Bastard” Pac would step up to Omega on short notice to replace Moxley (who was out of action with MRSA). This was a dream match for pro wrestling fans, with two of the greatest of their era, Omega and Pac stepping into the ring to face off for the first time ever. This is a match that can only be made in AEW, and it was loaded with intriguing and breathtaking physicality. Omega and Pac are perfect opponents for one another, with each being very well versed in each other’s playbooks. Tonight, Pac pulled out the victory, seemingly out of nowhere when Omega passed out after Pac locked on the Brutalizer submission.

Your winner: Pac

The Cracker Barrel Clash served up the buffet of brutality that fans might expect from a three-way match involving Joey Janela, Darby Allin and Jimmy Havoc. This match was violent and a blast to watch (but certainly quite painful for the participants, with their devil-may-care attitudes). Plunder in this match included a skateboard loaded with thumbtacks, actual barrels from Cracker Barrel, a tray of delicious Cracker Barrel biscuits, and a staple gun. These athletes were relentless, with a total disregard for their own wellbeing to earn the victory. Havoc eventually nailed a Rainmaker on Janela through a barrel, and the meal of mayhem was over.

Your winner: Jimmy Havoc

In a match with the winner receiving a first round bye in AEW Tag Team Title tournament (coming up on TNT this fall), the Dark Order (Evil Uno and Stu Grayson) battled the Best Friends (Chuck Taylor, and Sue’s favorite son, Trent). The Dark Order had their small army of minions with them, and eventually, being outnumbered would take its toll on the Best Friends. The Dark Order hit the Fatality finisher on Chuck Taylor to end the match and earn the first round bye. To help even up the odds, Orange Cassidy, the “freshly squeezed” friend of Chuckie T. and Trent, made a surprise run-in, hitting a tope suicida on the Dark Order.

Your winners: The Dark Order

Joshi enthusiasts were treated next to Riho wrestling Hikaru Shida, with the winner of this match scheduled to face Nyla Rose for the AEW Women’s Championship during AEW’s TV debut on TNT on October 2nd. Riho and Shida traded moves and counters. It was an evenly matched contest with plenty of back and forth offense,  and they had the fans in the palms of their hands. Ultimately, Riho would score the pin on Shida after applying head scissors.

Your winner: Riho

Perhaps the most personal bout on the ALL OUT card was next, with Cody (joined by MJF in his corner), taking on former friend Shawn Spears (with Tully Blanchard serving as his advisor). The Nightmare Family (Brandi Rhodes, Diamond Dallas Page, MJF, and Pharaoh the dog) accompanied Cody down the ramp, making a spectacular entrance. Cody’s gear was fashioned after the mirror universe Captain Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation, and it was apropos, because Cody showed he was the captain of this ship by the end of this turbulent voyage. With Blanchard’s aid, Spears whipped Cody with a belt. MJF got involved and tried to neutralize the legendary Tully Blanchard, but Spears got to the preoccupied MJF, leaving Cody to fend for himself. A familiar face joined the fracas, with Arn Anderson making a surprise run-in to deliver his trademarked spinebuster. With the shift in momentum, Cody hit the CrossRhodes on Spears for the victory.

Your winner: Cody

The Escalera de la Muerte ladder match for the AAA Tag Team Championship was on deck next, with Fenix and Pentagon, the Lucha Bros., facing Matt and Nick Jackson, the Young Bucks, to put an exclamation point at the end of this feud. These two brilliant tag teams have been battling all year in a storied rivalry. This match was every bit as breathtaking as you might expect from two of the all time best teams in the sport of pro wrestling. It truly defied the laws of physics, and no amount of words will be able to do justice to the daredevil antics put on display. As noted by Excalibur, this was the sixth match between these teams in 2019. If you want to see how far the art of tag team wrestling has evolved, this match is cutting edge and one that will be remembered by fans of the sport for many years to come. Really, this match could have gone either way, as the balance of who had the edge between the Bucks and the Lucha Bros. often shifted in less than a nanosecond. After executing their Zero Fear finisher, Fenix and Pentagon would pull off the victory. Post match, two masked men made their presence felt, revealing themselves as Ortiz and Santana.

Your winners: The Lucha Bros.

The main event of the night was a match between Chris Jericho and Hangman Adam Page, and the victor would be crowned the first AEW World Champion. Page made an entrance riding a horse, which was a sight to behold. Page’s family was in attendance, but Chris Jericho didn’t see anything personal about this; to him it was strictly business, and he believes the success of AEW as a business is a direct result of his involvement with the company. Jericho wanted the belt so he could get the thank you from AEW brass and EVPs that he feels he deserves. Page showed a ton of heart and fire, but Jericho seemed unstoppable on his quest. The crowd, at times, was split, a sure sign of respect for both combatants, and it added to the big fight atmosphere and energy of this historic bout. There’s no arguing with Jericho’s Judas Effect back elbow, which rocked Page out of nowhere.

Your winner and the first AEW World Champion: Chris Jericho.

Visit AEWonBRLIVE.com to order the replay!

[canaryatlaw]

Alright, it’s currently 8:53 pm Illinois time (we’re still in Indiana so my phone thinks it’s 9:53, it didn’t transition for the whole day until like now apparently and is probably supposed to have changed back by now but here we are), we’re in the car on the way home from the con and I’m starting to write now because I need to go to bed ASAP when I get home because I once again could not fall asleep FOR MY FUCKING LIFE last night and of course I had to get up early so we could road trip to the con so I got like an hour and a half of sleep??? The last time I remember looking at the clock was at 5:08 am and my alarm was set for 6:45 am, so....it wasn’t good. But yeah, today was really good despite my lack of sleep. I did wake up when my alarm went off at 6:45 am, I had a message from Jess saying to give her like 10-15 more minutes than we initially planned so I got ready and waited for her to come pick me up. We got gas and then McDonald’s, breakfast sandwich and coke if I wanted to stay awake all day lol. And so we were off to Indiana for the con. The drive there was fairly unremarkable, we stopped at a rest stop for a minute but that was about it. We made it into Indianapolis around like 11:30 their time, parked in the parking garage next to the con center and got to the con. Our drive through Indianapolis revealed that today was definitely their pride parade and with a little more research we probably could’ve done the parade and the con, but oh well, not much we can do about it now. According to the online schedule the photo op for the guy Jess had a photo with was at like 1:20, so when we arrived we had to wander through the giant con center at first and then redeem our tickets and actually get to the main hall, where we located the photo op people and asked about the schedule.

It’s a good thing we checked, because he was not in fact at 1:20 anymore, he had gotten to what was first 4:45 and would then move to 5:45 in not too long. So obviously this was a bit of a curveball, since according to the earlier schedule we probably would’ve headed out a lot earlier. So now we have some time to kill. Well we wanted to see the guests anyway, and the first I wanted to see was the kid from Shazam, Asher Angel, mostly because I wanted to go on about how much positive depiction of foster children in media means to the kids out there that are constantly thought of as a problem and nothing more. He was sweet, definitely a teenage boy lol you could tell it was one of his first cons, but he was doing alright and was nice to talk to. He definitely looked bored at other points throughout the day which I can’t really blame him for, he is a teenage boy and the amount of attention the celebrities were getting at this con was definitely less than expected. Like, there were pretty much no lines for everybody....the entire con was a lot smaller than expected. So that was interesting to deal with. After that though we went and said hi to the guy Jess wanted to see from Shield and she got a selfie with him, he was really nice too. At that point we wandered the show floor for a while, Jess unsurprisingly found some kpop merch (it’s generally among the anime booths at this point) so she bought some of that which was cool. We ended up leaving the con center to get some food because con food is always trash and overpriced, and we didn’t have anything else better to do lol.

So we ended up going to steak and shake, which was a giant joke because the last time we went to a con in Indiana we got into a fight that kind of climaxed in us ending up going to steak and shake for dinner despite my request that we go literally anywhere else because my acid reflux was really bad that day, but that’s a whole other story we won’t go into, just know the fact that we ended up there was a giant fucking joke. I got a cheeseburger and a strawberry shake, and we killed some time there for a while before finishing up and walking back to the con. We returned to the main hall and ended up saying hi to John Wesley Shipp, this con was like prime for just getting to say hi to celebs because so many of them were standing around lol. He was cool, we got back to the Shield guy to get an autograph for Emily, and right next to him was Dot-Marie Jones, and I recalled that she had been at Clexacon and afterwards her wife had posted about how awful the con had been to them on Instagram and she was free so I was like if we approach this correctly we could get some quality tea about Clexacon out of this interaction lol. She had stickers that they were selling for $5, so we bought a sticker (they ended up giving us two) and were like “oh we just wanted to say hi, we wanted to see you at Clexacon but we heard it wasn’t great for you guys?” and that basically worked perfectly and launched a like, 20 minute conversation that consisted of all the terrible shit Clexacon had done to them and like, it was bad. The biggest revelation was definitely that the con wasn’t paying any of the celebrities to be there (I realize a lot of people aren’t privy to how the financial arrangements for cons work so that might not seem like a big deal but it is HIGHLY unusual and I couldn’t believe they got that many guests without paying any of them) and on top of that wanted a cut of their autograph money and shit which is just.....wild. It was a really good conversation though, not just about Clexacon but on how the voices of actual queer women should be the ones being centered, not just straight actresses that portray them but don’t live the stories (and we all know I adore my actresses, but it’s not the same) and like Clexacon had just been so shitty to her when she was one of the only actual queer women there and they could’ve had so much more but they were clearly only motivated by greed. She’s a super lovely person too and it was just overall a great conversation and it was really a pleasure to talk to her.

After that, or some time around then, the timeline might not be perfect here but I’m doing my best lol. We basically had nothing to do but I wanted some water so we walked over to their food court area and got some water bottles with the intention of just sitting at the table there for a while, which we did, but they ended up doing some like, pre-podcast launch media session with these three ladies who are launching a cold case podcast about this case from Indiana where this little girl was killed and I mean I only listened to their info about the case but I’m pretty fucking sure the abusive stepfather’s the one who did it (let’s be real, if the kid of an abusive parent dies, there is an extremely high chance the parent did it, and that chance actually goes up further by the fact that he was a stepparent, this is the reality of child abuse that I work with) so idk how much of a cold case there is to investigate there but Jess found them on twitter and they currently had like 18 followers lol so I mean maybe they’ll find their stride and build up a fan base. After their presentation and a little while of more time chilling out we ended up going back to the con area and seeing John Glover, whom we paid $20 to get a selfie with, he was again so delightfully bizarre and just absolutely hilarious to interact with and talk about Shazam with. So that was cool, and after that we chilled outside the main hall for a bit until Jess decided it was time to line up for the photo op, at which point I wandered for a bit and eventually ended up at Vanessa Marshall’s table who I kinda wanted to meet, she’s a voice actress who’s been in a ton of stuff but most relevant to me was that she did Black Canary for Young Justice and recently did an interview with the young justice podcast I listen to that was just fucking amazing about self-acceptance and that really just made me want to meet her so I paid $20 for a selfie with her and ended up having a lovely conversation with her.

After that I wandered a bit more and ended up buying a $5 “damaged” piece of Wonder Woman fan art (it was in the damaged pile but I couldn’t see anything wrong with it and it was a damn good deal) and ended up buying an adorable print of Goose the cat that was $10 and is going to go great on my Captain Marvel closet door. After that I reunited with Jess after her photo op and waited a little while longer waiting for the print while talking with a nice couple we’d previously spoken to at a con at some point lol. Once we got the photo we headed out, left Indianapolis and headed straight to the Cracker Barrel we’ve definitely been to before lol. There was a little bit of a wait but we got in in like ten minutes or so. Got our classics but they sadly we slightly less quality than we’ve previously had, but still mostly good. After dinner I raided their candy section very lightly and Jess acquired a giant stuffed goat I said I’d buy her so we paid the bill and bought that and headed out.

From there we’ve been driving, stopped once to go to the bathroom in the rain, but it mostly stopped raining so we didn’t have to deal with too much of it. The highlight of the drive home was definitely realizing Jess’ nemesis who was at the con was actually in the car behind us, and we proceeded to cut her off like three different times and it was great, I’m pretty sure she was still behind us when I started writing this and she was behind us until we hit the greater Chicago area but now we’re pulling up to our neighborhood that’s having it’s massive Nordic fest right now (“midsommarfest”) which looks pretty wild right now, but I’ll be home in a second and probably finish this off right before I go to bed, after I shower. My phone now said it’s 10:47 pm, though it should say it’s 9:47 pm Chicago time, so we’ll have to see for how much longer we’ll have to deal with that. But I’m about to get out of the car so I’ll leave this here.

Okay, it’s 10:54 pm currently, though my phone still says 11:54 pm lol. But I’m all showered and ready to go to sleep, and boy am I sleepy, so I’ll be going to bed now. Goodnight my friends. Hope you had a lovely Saturday as well.

[orbemnews]

The Coronavirus Crossroads: the Vaccinated, the Stymied and the Waiting For a vast majority of Americans, a coronavirus vaccine is like sleep for a new parent: It’s all you can think about, even if you have no idea when you will get it. People are scrolling through perpetually crashing websites at 3 a.m., or driving 150 miles each way in the snow. Others are lining up at grocery stores for hours on end, hoping to snag a leftover shot, or racing to hospitals amid rumors of extra doses. Many more are tossing in bed in the dark, praying that tomorrow will be their mother’s lucky day. A small portion — about 11 percent — have received one or two shots of the vaccine, leaving the nation in a medical and cultural interregnum. Some of those with only one shot are in a precarious limbo, in states snarled over second-dose distribution. Byzantine rules setting up tiers of the eligible mean most will be holding their collective breath for months down the road, as another set moves gingerly toward the restoration of their lives on the other side of the divide. “I’ve been struck with the outpouring of grief and loss that the obstacles to getting the vaccine has generated,” said Niti Seth, 73, a psychologist and department dean at Cambridge College in Boston. She has been unable to get a vaccine appointment, despite spending all hours of the day and night online reading and clicking. “A glimpse of the possibilities of reclaiming our lives has led, paradoxically, to a more palpable sense of what we had to give up,” Ms. Seth said. Debates over masks, indoor eating, testing availability and school reopenings all now center on a single axis: the lagging rollout of the vaccine. It is the alchemy of “unrelenting waves of exhaustion, fear, hope, uncertainty and pandemic fatigue,” said Lindsey Leininger, a health policy researcher and a clinical professor at the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth in Hanover, N.H. “I stay focused on the lotus mud metaphor and think about how gosh-darned beautiful we are all going to be when we come out the other side.” Still, although cases and hospitalizations continue to decline, and as the pace of vaccinations picks up, some Americans — including those now vaccinated and ostensibly protected — are approaching the spring and summer with quite a bit of trepidation. The divide is still quite wide between the haves and the have-nots, and many fear that even a vaccinated nation and world won’t restore a sense of safety or security. Weeks into the rollout, there are stories of heroism, supreme luck and perseverance, and those of ignominy, and widespread inequality. Some post their injections and vaccination cards on social media, while their friends and neighbors contemplate a spring of double masking, a tool in the race between vaccines and the new, more contagious variants of the virus snaking their way across the nation. The Nextdoor website has become an outpost for sightings of vaccination sites, as neighbors rush to refresh their browsers. There are tales of resentment and stories of guilt. Marsha Henderson has become a bit of a shot whisperer with her friends in Washington D.C., after securing doses for herself, her husband and their 40-year-old daughter who works in health care. Many of the sites on the city’s websites turned out to not have any vaccines, so she realized she needed to only check times for grocery stores. She gamed out times to recheck. “You have to have the ability to be on a computer in the middle of the day and sit there,” said Mrs. Henderson, who is 71. She became so good at it, an ambassador’s wife called her for tips. Still, she said, her second shot on Wednesday,“won’t change my behavior.” “I am more comfortable with the Comcast man to fix my computer, and there is some rain damage I need to get fixed,” she said. “But I will be doing carry out and outdoor dining probable for another year, in part because we don’t know the variants.” In New York, Jamie Anderson emailed a nonprofit group in northern Manhattan on behalf of her father, Jimmy Mattias, who is 66. “The nonprofit called me on Tuesday to get his details,” said Ms. Anderson, who lives in the Bronx, not far from her father in Washington Heights in Manhattan. “He was called on Wednesday to confirm an appointment, and Thursday morning he had his first dose. It was so fast, I truly couldn’t believe it.” Mr. Mattias, who works as a manager at a storage center, said extra efforts had been made to vaccinate people his age, but he had no intention of making the effort on his own because he feared missing work. “She’s my daughter, and she is looking out for me,” he said. His co-workers and bosses are all younger, jealous yet thrilled for him, while friends his age are skeptical. “Some don’t think the system was designed to create a vaccine that quickly,” he said. “I tell them this is not the 1800s, things happen faster. Let’s face the facts, this is a horrible situation.” Catherine Sharp, a freelance photographer in Brooklyn, like many New Yorkers, has had less luck. Ms. Sharp, 26, relocated to Illinois recently to help her parents, a relocation that has developed into a part-time job trying to get shots for her father, 67, who has been living in Katonah, N.Y., and her mother, 65, in Morris, Ill. “It was like a sneaker drop,” she said. “You are not going to get the Off-White sneakers. It’s just impossible.” As she waited, both she and her mother contracted the virus, and her mother, a cancer survivor, was hospitalized. “This is my worst nightmare,” Ms. Sharp said. “I know some of my mom’s friends have gotten it. I just don’t understand the algorithm. A good 40 percent of my time is spent on this. I wake up, I get my coffee and say, “I gotta do this.’” For a few of those at the back of the line — largely younger, healthier people who are working from home — luck and perseverance can pay off in a split-second, sometimes with a side of guilt. Darla Rhodes lives in Pasco, Wash., is 47 and works remotely for a start-up. Even though she has diabetes, she did not think she would be getting a vaccine anytime soon. But when the assisted living center where her grandmother lives offered vaccines to residents, and some of them refused them, the vaccinators had 30 minutes to get those shots in people’s arms or supplies would perish. Her sister, who happened to be dropping off groceries for their grandmother, got the ball rolling. Ms. Rhodes likened the sudden access to flying standby. “It was utterly unexpected,” Ms. Rhodes said. “But I jumped in the car, drove 15 minutes, filled out some paperwork and got a shot.” After posting about her experience on Facebook, she said, “One person said, ‘Hey I can’t even get a shot for my grandma,’ and my response was it was either that or it goes to waste.” Doug Heye, a Republican consultant in Washington, D.C., had heard about the trick of lining up at grocery stores, in the hopes of getting any remaining doses that were not used for residents given high priority, like those ages 65 and older, or frontline and essential workers. “The more needles we get into arms, the faster we can move past this,” Mr. Heye, 48, said. “That applied to me, personally, as well.” So he recently positioned himself at his local Giant supermarket at 5:15 a.m., where he found himself second in line in the pharmacy section. “I spent nine hours in a grocery store. Lunch was beef jerky and barbecue potato chips. It is too bad they don’t have the vaccine at Whole Foods or Balducci. It was like camping out for Bryan Adams tickets back in the day, and there’s no V.I.P. line or anything like that.” At the end of a long day staring into other people’s grocery carts, he and four others drew the last doses. “Obviously, it’s a flawed process, and there can and should be better ways of doing this like letting seniors register for any extra doses first, for instance,” he said. “But that’s just not happening. I wasn’t cutting in a line, no V.I.P. concierge nonsense, didn’t call in any favors.” Mr. Heye said he was considering how to get his life back, scanning Facebook for friends who had received their two shots so that they could resume some semblance of a social life. Those with two shots — just over 2 percent of the total population as of Sunday — at this point essentially live alone on private islands. Some may be in professions like health care where many of their co-workers are also inoculated. Others are in a sort of suspended animation, more comfortable at a grocery store or hugging a grandchild, yet still waiting for the rest of the nation before they swim ashore. “I feel very fortunate to have already received both doses of the Moderna vaccine,” said Pamela Spann, 68, who lives in Daingerfield, Texas. When the only pharmacy in her county offered shots in the last week of December, she was first told that she was too young to get the first dose. But a clerk did write down her name in a notebook. “I was so surprised when I was called that evening for an appointment the next day,” Ms. Spann said. She received a second dose on Jan. 26. Having missed out on her first year of retirement travel, Ms. Spann is waiting for others in her circle to get shots. “I am most looking forward to visiting my family again,” she said. “I also look forward to visiting and playing games with friends.” Still, she and many others who have been vaccinated or developed antibodies by contracting the virus feel a sense of trepidation. “I think life will never be as carefree as life before,” Ms. Spann said. “I will be more aware of new viruses throughout the world and what they might mean to me.” Mr. Mattias, of New York, described himself as a loner who, because he worked every day, said he hadn’t felt that deprived over the past year, beyond missing a trip with his wife to a Cracker Barrel restaurant on their annual vacation in Pennsylvania. “I am looking forward to spending time with my grandkids, walking my dog and not having to cross the street so people don’t have to walk away from me first,” Mr. Mattias said. “My mother is 89 years old, I haven’t hugged in a while, so that’s another one. Really, my whole life is little things. I am counting on getting them back.” Source link Orbem News #coronavirus #Crossroads #Stymied #vaccinated #Waiting

[alicescripts]

Part 2, Chapter 9: Prey

This wasn’t in my plan. It wasn’t anything I thought I would ever do. [sighs] You won’t hear from me, not for a long time.

Alice, how did it get from there to here? What were the series of events? I see each moment as a knot in this link of time, and it feels like if I tried hard enough, I could unwind them. Correcting each mistake until I found my way back to where I tall started, and finally free us all.

But that is not what’s going to happen. Instead, I have been pursued. Hunted. Until I have no choice but to do this.

[sighs] Goodbye, Alice. Maybe when we’re both old women, your hand can again rest in mine. [chuckles] I’d like that. I don’t believe it, necessarily. But I’d like that.

Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink. Performed by Jasika Nicole, produced by Disparition. Part 2, chapter 9: Prey.

Kentucky in spring. White buds on the trees, yellow flowers in the fields. I haven’t seen a sign of that woman since the farmhouse, but certainly I don’t feel safe. I don’t think I’ve ever felt safe in my life, not all the way down. And now even my surface is turbulent water. Every shadow, every turn in the road.

Somewhere around Horse Cave, I noticed a car. A puke-green sedan, its passenger side door a slightly lighter puke-green. It hung behind me for a couple of hours, and I tensed myself more and more into a panic but – then I looked and it was gone.

These long distance drives, it’s not unusual to see fellow travelers for hours at a time, only to lose them at their exit. I’m reading too much into the usual rhythm of the road.

I looked up Horse Cave, by the way. I mean, great name. In this cave, there is a horse. You may ask the horse any question and it will answer truthfully. But choose wisely, as you may only ask once. There are no horses in Horse Cave. It’s an actual cave though, right in the middle of town. What is in the cave is a stream that used to provide the town’s water, until they accidentally dumped a bunch of sewage in there. The smell was so bad that folks couldn’t even walk on that side of the street. Good name, though.

Caves are a bigger thing in Kentucky than I’d realized. There are advertisements for all sorts of activities you can do in caves. Ziplining, boating… if you can do it in the outside world, in Kentucky, you can do it in a cave.

I saw the green sedan again, near Burnt Prairie, after the river between Kentucky and Illinois, marked by a railroad bridge with half of its link lost to the water. The sedan was driving erratically, switching from lane to lane but always staying behind me. I lost track of it again an hour later. Just a fellow traveler, I told myself. There is no need for concern, I lied. All is well, I laughably asserted.

Farmhouses with a perfectly tended square of lawn surrounded by massive acreage of crops. Is a farmhouse close to the highway considered worse than the farmhouses I could only see as dots in the distance? Where’s the line between privacy and convenience? Guess it depends on how often you plan to leave home. It’d be nice to have a home to leave.

The green car comes and goes. Over hours, and then days. I keep seeing it, driving as though drunk or having recently met an irate wasp. Then I see it crashed, badly, into a tree. There’s no one inside. No ambulance or police. I can’t tell how long it’s been there.

Nothing seems right about this, but what can I do but keep moving? What could I ever do?

The behavior of Bay and Creek in letting me live, and Thistle in trying to kill me, leaves me with one conclusion. That I have an important role in this war, and it must be one that only I can do, because frankly anyone could be better than me. I’m an anxious mess, and if they needed steady hands, mine aren’t.

Let’s start with this: there is a war. To understand my role in the war, I need to understand the war itself, which I don’t. 

I understand Thistle. They are monsters, plain and simple. They are hungry and they feed. Their ways are ways of wickedness. But why is the US government hiding them?

And Bay and Creek. Again in one way, the motive is easily understood. There are literal monsters on these roads. Any good person, given that situation, would want to fight back. If evil, then good somewhere will stand against it. But Bay and Creek is powerful and it is rich. Where are they getting the money and supplies to wage this war? Who is behind them? A battle of good vs. evil, fine, but I want to know who the good is. 

Alice, did you know? Or did you proceed on faith, because you knew the other side was so monstrous?

Stopped at the Love’s near Sioux City. In the bathroom, a stainless steel vending machine selling knockoff perfume. The idea was you put in your money, select your knockoff, and then the machine directly sprays you with it. [scoffs] Jesus. No thank you. 

Paid for a shower. In the stall, there was a movement in the side of my vision. I kept turning to see it, in the steam and the tiny room, but it would be gone by the time I looked.

As the steam grew, as my view of the walls faded, I became certain I was standing in the center of a vast space, and from the other side of this space, a woman in a police uniform was running at me. I kept flinching, waiting for the blow.

An older man filled a travel mug of coffee the size of a keg. The cashier gave him a refill rate. Rests are required by law, but we are a profession that depends on artificial energy. We are paid by the mile, not by the hour, so every moment you don’t move is a moment you are away from the place you call home and the people you love, for free. You can feel it, the itch letting you know that all of this time you were spending, filling the gas tank, taking that shower, that is all time you are not being compensated for. And so we drink coffee after coffee. It jitters through us, as we curse a traffic jam for lowering our hourly rate enough to mean the difference between being able to pay a bill and not pay it.

I saw a woman spill an entire cup of coffee down the front of a man’s shirt. He glared at her, but she just laughed and shrugged. “Hey, we’re truck drivers!” she said. “We’re always covered in this stuff anyway.”

After and outside, as I considered whether to burn up more time getting my filthy truck washed, I looked up. Far across the lot, a woman was moving toward me. She wasn’t moving with urgency, but her casual loping walk was aimed directly toward me. I decided I didn’t need anything else from this place, and I got in my truck and started the slow maneuvering to leave. The woman continued her steady walk toward me. As I pulled out of the lot, I saw in the mirror that she changed her trajectory to follow the turn of my truck. Hours later, on the road, I had the horrible feeling that she was still behind me somewhere. Still slowly walking, never wavering in the direction of her steps.

Alice, as long as I’m asking you questions: do you have any idea what it is they wanted me for? I hope not, because the thought that you knew that I would be involved and then hid that from me is the most painful thought of all. If it was something I could already do, then Bay and Creek would have tried to guide me to it, right? So it must be a matter of timing, or else I’m not ready yet to do it. Unless by the very nature of what I must do, I cannot be guided, I must find it on my own.

[groans] This is useless. I’m not going to be able to guess what my role in this is. And seeking out something when you don’t know what it is, is indistinguishable from random wandering. So I’m left with only one option: I must wait. But I must wait mindfully. Search the moments for that moment that I’m, without knowing, waiting to recognize. I hope, for my sake, and for your sake Alice, and for the sake of us all, that I will recognize that moment when it comes.

Iowa looks how you think Iowa would look. I don’t mean this as an insult. In a life like mine, when something turns out to be as promised, that is already a major victory. There are fields and flats, a road, a sky. It is not a complicated landscape. But aren’t I due some simplicity in my life?

I stopped for breakfast at a small restaurant in a town that was mostly the restaurant. On the bulletin board in the waiting area, a flier for a car repair place in a town called Fertile, Iowa advertised that, quote, “We speak female”. [scoffs] I take back the nice things I said about this state.

An hour later on the highway, I noticed a fellow truck. Blue as the sky, driving erratically. It sped past, and as it did I looked over and had trouble processing what I saw. Covering the entire driver side window was a series of cardboard signs, handwritten. All of them said, “I NOT BAD BOY”. I couldn’t see the driver because of the signs. It fell behind me again, but in the glare, I couldn’t see through the windshield. It passed and fell behind a few more times, and then I lost track of it.

I’m still so fascinated by the approach to sex stores in places that identify as conservative. Because they are really in your face with the sex stores. There’s a huge one right by the highway, with big signs advertising showgirls and men’s spa. How does that kind of open attitude translate with the proudly conservative culture of the rest of it? It’s a strange dynamic.

I passed a fireworks store called Sad Sam’s Fireworks, and the sign was a huge neon face of a crying clown. I’ve seen some horrifying sights on my journey, but I don’t think anything prepared me for that.

That blue truck again. This time its entire windshield plastered with the same signs. Cardboard, tattered. “I NOT BAD BOY.” What – what the fuck? Now it’s on my tail, honking every few minutes. Alice, I am.. very, very worried.

Ate lunch at the Cracker Barrel. They have a cheesecake that is 1500 calories for a single serving. I had trouble wrapping my head around that.

[breathes heavily] Oh shit! Oh shit!

[calmly] Two days later. I’ve been off the radio. Didn’t wanna talk again until I was closer to what I needed to be. I went back into the Cracker Barrel to pee, and when I came out that blue truck was there. Every inch of its windows plastered in those signs. “I NOT BAD BOY.” The doors were open, and standing on the hood of the cab was the woman in the ramshackle police uniform. Her chin was stained with blood, and when she saw me, she started howling. Not like an animal, like an alarm. She locked eyes, and with no change in her expression, started a mechanical howling, over and over. [sighs] I ran for my cab. She didn’t chase. I started the engine, started driving. She stayed on the cab, dripping blood onto the blue hood. Howling.

This wasn’t in my plan. It wasn’t anything I thought I would ever do. There is nowhere I can go in this country that she cannot follow. She can smell me, she said. And maybe she can. I’ve taken to filling my cab with heather, and the smell is making me a bit sick. But every little bit helps. I’d rather be less scared and more nauseous than the other way around.

So here’s what I’m going to do next. I’m going to leave the country. I’m ditching the truck and leaving behind a radio.

It’ll be a long time before you hear from me again. I won’t say which border. I’m leaving everything behind. I’ll leave behind my identity. I’ll, I’ll disappear into the cities where no one thinks twice about a stranger.

My role in this war will become apparent with waiting, and it is better I wait somewhere anonymous and safe than continue to play dice with the universe looking to see me dead. You won’t hear from me, not for a long time.

Alice, how did it get from there to here? What were the series of events? I have no particular plan for when I will return. Maybe it will be a few months from now but – more probably years.

Alice, I believe in what you’re doing. I don’t understand it, but if when I’m 70 years old, the call finally comes, I will return. I hope it won’t be that long, but it could be even longer.

I’ll be a different person by the time I come back. So will you. We will be different, older people. I hope those people like each other.

[sighs] OK. OK. [sighs] Goodbye for a long, long- [loud swoosh] Oof. AAAAA-

[car door opening] [footsteps approaching]

Watcher: Hey, Keisha. Why don’t we go somewhere quiet, where we can talk?

This episode also featured the voice of Roberta Colindrez.

And now, a knock-knock joke.

Knock-knock. [right speaker] Orange. [left speaker] Orange. [right] Orange who? [left] Orange. [right] Yeah uh, Orange who? [left] Orange. [right] Do you know how late it is? Who are you? [left] Orange. [right] I have a gun. I don’t have a gun, I hate guns. Going to bed! Go away and don’t come back! [right] [whispers] Orange.

[insanityfantasy]

Blog for May 21, 2019

This week in class on Tuesday, we discussed Interpersonal communication in close relationships. In my previous blogs, I discussed my troubling situations with family members, fitting in a whole different culture, and boys. I thought I would just use this blog to simply discuss the improvements I noticed with my overall relationships. One of the first things I noticed that I’m lacking with my relationships is the far proximity that I usually hold against everyone and my physical contact. I announced in one of my latest blogs that I improved on using physical contact with people, and I continued to improve it. I feel like my friendships are a lot more peaceful, intimate, and closer. I have gone out of my way quite a bit recently and held a party in my residence for 2 of my Haitian friends Saturday for Haitian flag day. All weekend, me and my friends attended to shared activities such as going to the Block Party, hosting the party, going to church on Sunday in Chicago, enjoying a nice lunch/dinner at Cracker Barrel, and finally ending the day with taking a brisk walk along the Riverwalk before it rained. I can see now that we’re quite tight nowadays, especially because I toned down my roasting behavior quite a bit. My friends are now quite often initiative and enjoy spending time around me and share a moderate attachment bond like old family members. I also even opened up the opportunity for us to vent or talk about personal things with each other, something that always happens, but I let them know why I used to always be in my room or be in a sour mood. On Friday after the Block Party, we enjoyed a nice few episodes of this amazing tv show on Netflix called The Society (I recommend!), all initiated and planned by them. Now, my adapted behavior feels like second nature, while I roast, at a minimum, with a couple of my friends that I know will take it well. Another one of my biggest insecurities with friends that reoccur from time to time but has been improved is accepting the fact that everyone has other friends. While it still comes up since I’m just so used to attaching to others and vice versa, I’ve gotten a lot less disappointed and I empathize more often with people. I’ve recognized that I spend the whole weekend with 3 main people, while occasionally talking to my other friends, so I can no longer get jealous over that. It brought a piece of mind recognizing that for me. Reflecting from the other friendships I had from back home when I was in high school, all the friends I made this year turned out to be the best friendships I’ve had in a while. I can see nearly all of them being long term no matter how many times some of us argues with each other. Nearly all of them seem to be relationship-based, especially since we’re all basically neighbors of each other and we have much easier access to each other. Another good thing about these friendships seems to be that even though some can be quite high obligation-based, most of the times, I share low maintenance friendships with people and I tend to click easily and well with others. I really feel like myself around these people, since they’re very supportive and really seems to understand me and seem to be compatible with me. I’ll be honest and say that this was one of the hardest, most complexed, and craziest school year I ever had. Transitioning from high school to college was thrown right into my hands, I had to adapt quite quickly and still worry about my grades. Even though nearly every professor I’ve had so far has been supportive and helpful with me transitioning, most of my maturity, growth, experiences, and adaptation came strictly from me and my choices. Me having the friends I do has kept me sane, happy, normal, and balanced through my heavy schedule that consists of constant studying, typing up papers, being tired, exercising, keeping up with the band, and trying to relax whenever I can. I can say easily that my friends here are my family here that looks after me while I’m 600 miles away from my blood family. For that guy I explained in one of my older posts, I did go ahead and reveal to him my feelings. However, it’s not looking too good because he admitted to being on and off with my his ex and he’s not doing his part with communicating in the friendship. He apologized and hopes that we continue to be friends. I’m very hesitant with the ex part because that’s nothing but circling feelings that count potentially put me in an awkward position. I care about the guy and I bonded with him in a few ways on a personal level as I would normally do with my female friends, which is pretty uncommon for me and a guy, so there’s definitely potential present for a good outcome. I plan on reviewing the book, making sure I manage my emotions, thoughtfully and effectively communicate with him while keeping my distance emotions wise. If everything goes well and we communicated correctly, he could be my next s.o., if feelings don’t happen, he could be my next guy best friend (something I am in need of), or if my gut is consistently telling me something is up and I should bail, then at least there was a learning opportunity.

When it comes to my relationships between me and my family members, I’ll say it’s quite like my friends. I don’t get to call/text them nearly as much as I need to, but whenever I do call with them, we always end on a positive note, so it outweighs my minimum quantity. My grandparents that reside here in Illinois are the only family members I have issues with, regardless of the number of times either one of us communicates with each other. There is always a lot of tension in the household and between those 2, and they seem to influence me with the negativity almost every time without them knowing that they’re doing so. A couple of times they stopped and realized that they are doing it. In the past, they tried a few times to stop their use of damaging words and criticism towards me, but unfortunately, they quickly continued to do so. Our conversation orientation was open, mostly from their end, but a lot of times they don’t take into account things like my experiences, my personality, and culture that differentiates me from them. Then, they have these different expectations of the different roles they come up with.  A lot of times, some of the roles they expect can be the exact opposite of another one of their roles, therefore it doesn’t really work out in the end. They’re open-minded but at the same time very ethnocentric, especially when it comes to people of a younger age or others on the opposite side of their political beliefs.  Over the Spring break after being at their house, not having fun, and being under pressure having to worry about school for the entire time, I decided to only keep our relationship business-oriented with some hospitality if it’s needed. I think the worst part about that is that I worked hard for my Spring break, expecting myself to go to the beach or at least relax. My grandparents, for the most part, don’t know how to settle and relax since they’re used to constantly working and handling organizations. I believe that the main reason for this problem is because they’re very traditional and conformist oriented. They hold a high bar for me to take max number of classes, work, do band, and to have leisure time but to also not worry about having real fun either (grandfather admitted that). In the past, they have judged the way that I dress since I don’t dress like a girl and business-like the way they do, but the judging comments ceased when they finally got used to it ever changing fashion taste and realizing I’m at least getting music while I dress the way I do. The good thing is that the other suprasystems are a lot more supportive, more receptive to my needs, and respects me a lot more. I’ll say that the other reason this year has been so difficult is because of me being so far away from my home for so long. I’m quite tired of seeing unfamiliar people besides my friends, plus I miss the old country lifestyle and environment.

[kim26chiu]

Torn Between Two World

Downtown Covington, Indiana. Photo Credit: J. Stephen Conn, CC BY-NC 2.0

Last year I wrote about Caity Cronkhite, a Covington, Indiana native whose angry screed against her home town went viral.

Michael Philipps of the Wall Street Journal recently wrote a fantastic profile of Caity, who subsequently became disillusioned with her new hometown in the Bay Area as well, and had second thoughts about her Indiana hometown as well. Here are some excepts:

She posted the essay on the blog site Medium, she said, to spotlight the disadvantages faced by rural youth. “My academic background at a low-ranking, rural public school in a backwater town wasn’t good enough for admissions committees to take a chance on me,” she wrote of her many rejection letters.

Ms. Cronkhite didn’t think people at home would care or even notice. Her mother knew Fountain County better. After she read the post, she thought, Oh goodness. What is this going to stir up?

“How dare you blame our community for your misfortune,” one woman responded after the essay surfaced on Facebook. “How dare you belittle the people of the place I call home.”

A Covington teacher wrote: “I am going to pray for you tonight. After reading your article it seems as if you have underlying emotional issues that you have been dealing with for quite some time. It is sometimes easier to blame others for our shortcomings rather than look deep inside our own soul.”

One Covington High graduate identified himself as “a proud member of the Covington Community that got rid of a stuck-up, self-absorbed, whiny child.”

Some people empathized with Ms. Cronkhite and praised her candor. But the vitriol of her critics was hard for her to take. She called her mother, crying. “I can’t even come back to Kingman because they just don’t want me there anymore,” she said.

…

Ms. Cronkhite returned to California depressed about Kingman. She had fallen hard for the Bay Area. She felt her own politics sliding left, merging with her surroundings. She liked the racial diversity and gay pride parades.

To her disappointment, she found that the inclusiveness didn’t extend to white, small-town America. Friends at work one day called her over to ask about Cracker Barrel. “It’s just like a chain restaurant we go to treat ourselves,” Ms. Cronkhite said.

A co-worker jumped in: “It’s this really white-trash restaurant that overweight Midwesterners go to.”

Then came the invitation to join some friends at Butter. The San Francisco bar is decorated as a sendup of rural white America, complete with the front end of a Winnebago RV. The menu included such cocktails as the Whitetrash Driver, vodka and SunnyD; Bitchin’ Camaro, spiced rum and Dr Pepper; and After School Special, vodka and grape soda.

“It was, all of the sudden, in my face,” Ms. Cronkhite said. “Things at home we thought were nice or parts of our culture were treated with open scorn and disdain and like a joke.”

She sensed bigotry where she had sought tolerance and animosity where she thought she had found a welcome. The more she saw big-city small-mindedness, the more she softened on Kingman.

…

Ms. Cronkhite and her boyfriend had fun camping in Shades State Park. They went with her parents to the Moon-Glo bar across the Illinois line. They ate pork-tenderloin sandwiches.

At home, though, things got confusing. Ms. Cronkhite’s mother, worn down by hard Indiana winters, had persuaded her husband to buy a house in Alabama, not far from the Gulf of Mexico.

Would they be selling the farm? Ms. Cronkhite wanted to know. She couldn’t imagine her father ever leaving Fountain County.

Mr. Cronkhite, 69 years old, grew up nearby, as did his father and grandfather. He was drafted out of high school and served a year in Vietnam. Mr. Cronkhite returned to Indiana to care for his parents, who had made a living in the gas-station business, before becoming a long-haul trucker.

While on the road, Mr. Cronkhite was always eager to return home, where he would meet his buddies at the Marathon gas station for morning coffee. He drove by Niagara Falls dozens of times and never stopped to look at the view.

Ms. Cronkhite’s mother, Martha Cronkhite, was the one who always stopped to look. She was born in Columbus, Ind., and left as soon as she turned 18. She attended a two-year business school in Indianapolis and worked her way up the ladder at a shopping-mall company.

Mrs. Cronkhite, 66, met her future husband at a party in 1987. They were, in some ways, opposites. She rarely indulged in a chuckle. Once Gus Cronkhite got laughing, he would keep it up until he cried.

With her parents’ move now a certainty, Ms. Cronkhite and her boyfriend settled onto the back porch one night and talked about the land that stretched out before them. It turned out, she wasn’t ready to let it all go.

“If I ever have kids, they’re never going to understand this huge part of me,” she said. “I want there to be a reminder of where I come from and who I am.”

Click through to read the whole thing (subscription required, alas).

from Aaron M. Renn http://www.urbanophile.com/2018/01/08/torn-between-two-world/