#gotta colour them a lil but thats all

[verflares]

good morning everypony...... thank you for all the new follows lately i appreciate it so much ^_^ all i really want to do is draw loz and occasionally fall into deep bouts of madness over fictional gay elves. and also get better at drawing a little bit. thank you for your patience and understanding

[baekuras]

sometimes you return to your wip and just think

what the fuck have i taken upon myself

[lemon-natalia]

Harrow the Ninth Reaction - Chapter 49

ORTUS NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO GIVE AN IMPROMPTU POETRY RECITAL 

and Harrow’s started reciting the Noniad despite the fact that she hates it! aww, goes to show Ortus does mean a lot to her, especially after their little bonding session a couple chapters ago

oooh and Abigail’s coming in clutch with some kind of spell 

they summoned the ghost of fucking Matthias Nonius!!!! guess it really is the time to give an impromptu poetry recital 

‘why am i speaking in meter’ omfg thats hilarious,  i didn’t even notice

imagine meeting the long-dead guy you wrote an epic fanfic about, Ortus might die again from sheer joy

‘Gideon [...] might have better appreciated the anonymous monster [...] she was a prodigious fighter’ i think its very cool that Harrow’s here watching the non-necromancy dream combat sequence, while Gideon’s off dealing with all the ancient necromancers and their weird dynamics. they’re both very out of their depth

i don’t have a lot to say about this combat other than go the Ninth!, Matthias Nonius is a sick fighter. guess i did get to find out more about him after all. now i want to know how the fuck Matthias Nonius originally died, it better have been old age because i don’t want to meet what/whoever could have taken this guy out

‘she had been, once again, so slow’ oh me fucking too, i just accepted that all of this just might as well happen. but there is a kind of weird dream logic to it all, where the rules are those of the mind 

‘plastered themselves in red whorls’ listen to me, book, listen, you gotta be less ambiguous and tell me if the hair is red from blood or its natural colour, because that is very much going to colour my perception of whats going on 👀 and if the Sleeper is the woman on the portrait that happened to look a lot like Gideon …

‘but i still don’t know why i’m talking in meter’ someone free this man

i kinda ship Ortus and Matthias ngl

and the Sleeper has a metal tag, kinda like a name tag but it says the word ‘awake’, like some kind of message to Harrow to wake up?

nooo Abby i don’t want to say bye to all of you ghosty guys again

and the whole ghost gang is gonna go help Gideon the First fight the RB! thats a fight i wish i could actually see on page. speaking of, poor Gid, he’s the only Lyctor apparently doing his actual job at the moment. he’s gonna be so fucking confused when a bunch of stabby ghost cavaliers show up to help him

Harrow is finally getting some therapy. from ghosts, but it'll have to do

oh no but now Harrow has a terrible choice to make. and like i know that accepting Gideon’s death is technically the right thing to do (and probably better for Harrow’s mental health) i also really really don’t want Gideon to die again

‘Jeannemary said to tell Gideon hi’ awww Jeannemary’s lil crush on Gideon is still alive and well, unlike either of them

‘actually i’ve got something to tell you’ ohhh some brand new and shiny information is apparently coming Harrow’s way. would love to know what it is without the dramatic cliffhanger 

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

WHATISUPEVERYBODY you know it wasn’t my intention to watch literally one episode every two weeks but here we are i guess ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER KNOX REACTS TODAY ITS MONKIE KID SEASON 5 EPISODE 4 LESGET IIIIIT

The ssssstorm within, alright, alright, something to do with Mk and blowing up maybe? who knows, perhaps we shall find out MWAHAHA! Well, i mean obviously we’ll find out we’re watching the episode—listen i just woke up i can’t be held responsible for my incoherent ramblings LETS MOVE ON

Face in hands bro i miss flying Bark. BRUTAL DUDE (gotta say it at least once every episode sorry bois :pensive_emoji:)

Sniffs, just plow straight through the underbrush its fine—

Monkey King and Mei face down… okay…. this is…. a very fun frame i will admit…. who wants matching icons—/j/jj/

PREGUFFINGLKJA;DSF WE’RE REALLY RIDING THOSE MCGUFFIN JOKESLKGMSDF

sniffs

scratches head. okay so we’re just using sandy yelling as a gag now… cool cool cool okay sure sure, not like Sandy never raising his voice made the emotional beat of him yelling when contention happened devastating and startling. I guess the whole overwhelming Mk with WE GOT THIS!! talk would be an inevitable one, it always worked before. I mean, except for during the season 2 special. And… any other time hype up hasn’t really… worked… Listen I’m just overanalyzing probably but some of the choices in this season with the characters just feels off to me. Ngl with every episode I watch, the less it feels like monkie kid to me. The last one wasn’t so bad, and hey, we’re only a minute 25 into this one so that might change but that’s my gut reaction right now. Makes me a bit sad! I’ve been watching Dragons Rising (ninjago) with my buddy and been having the time of my life, the animation is gorgeous and it feels like the new peeps really understand the characters and its honestly so much fun, and then I’m kinda sitting here with monkie kid and puzzle pieces that don’t really fit and I’m not sure what to do with it! I know like, it’s the same writers but it just does not feel like it to me. Could be how rushed they always are, they’re doing their best, like—oNCE AGAIN TO BE CLEAR, when I criticize anything or say it feels off, this is NOT me saying bad writers bad people bad bad bad, I’m just saying how it feels to me! It feels almost like they’re trying to bring the comedic lightness of season 1 back but like… it feels kinda plastic and wrong! WORDS FAIL ME, PLS DON’T QOUTE ME I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT LETS MOVE ON

the kneeling down is kinda cute good for them

Sandy hype man!

…..

Is he just trying to get them all out of there so Mk can have some breathing roomGML;SMADF Cause otherwise splitting up is a terrible idea

Special Sandy training!!!

Mk smashing rocks together, okay that was cute h;LGKAJWOEF

Sandy so excited about meditation

sniffs

I FEEL LIKE MK COMPLAINS A LOT MORE THAN USUAL. Why is he so whiny?? Was he this whiny before? Am i losing my mind???? I’ve never wanted Mk to talk less before what is going on

Mystic Monkey meditatiNGN;LAKSDF WHY IS HIS FAKE BEARD ORANGELKMGSDF oh he’s impersonating sandy. SANDY AND WUKONG HAVE SIMILAR COLOURED HAIR I THOUGHT HE WAS USING MONKEY KINGS HAIR COLOUR DON’T LOOK AT ME HGLKAJSDF

The crackity cracks are backity back

“I see you” WELL THATS METAL DOPE

I WILLL ADMIT, THIS IS GREAT, BRO REALLY NEEDS THIS BIG ITME

….me fr pretend to meditate so true==

Storm within that’s funny

SANDY’S A GREAT PERSON TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS

LIL SNEK

I GOT SOMEONE TO FIGHT TAT’S NOT JUST MY THOUGHTSLKMGOWIEFMSDF

MK PLS

ooop next—SECRET TUNNELLLL SECRET TUNNEELLLLL THROUGH THE MOUNTAINNNNNNNNNNN

Just got led to it np that’s funny

Mk’s opening secret access swishy gold thing is fun

Bro’s really assaulting a rock

Owaaaa big ol turtle…. with cracks!

HELPGLKAM;WOEF

Classic

Ah yes meditation, who could have seen this coming

gGKASDF BRAVADO KILLED

I know he’s complaining as a deflection but :T man Mk whining so much is getting old really fast. Like its for the gag and you could say its for the deflection but MAN. Every four seconds he’s got his whiny voice on, bro?? I’m hoping they get all the humour they want out of that gag in this episode :(

I SWEAR I’M NOT TRYING TO BE NEGATIVE THIS IS JUST DOING A NUMBER ON ME OUGH

HEY GET OFF MY SANDY OI

RELEASE MY MAN

COME ON TURTLE

Bro literally has to face his trauma to save his friend what the heck turtle that’s so rude—

OKAY WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO WATCH THIS? I’ve tried two separate types of headphones (one stolen from my brother) a friend’s tv and just my computer’s speakers and the audio volume difference in the voices vs the music is STILL jarring. Like???? I have it turned up so much just to HEAR the voices and TRY to understand them and then the music kicks in and its bLARING and AGGRESSIVE and NOT IN A CINEMATIC WAY. dear gods its like they made monkie kid as unfriendly to watch as possible for me what is going on I’M TRYING TO ENJOY MY MONKIE SHOW STOP JARRING ME OUT OF IT [SHAKES LEGO UNTIL THEY FALL TO PIECES] I’M TRYING TO ENJOY MK HAVING TO FACE HIS TRAUMA SOMETHING I’VE HIGH KEY WANTED TO WATCH SINCE SEASON 1 WAILS

Acknowledging the “okay, i want to push that away, but i’m not going to” is really neat i like that

Hello disembodied voice

Okay, i may not be vibin with the audio, the animation, or the jokes in this ep, but my GODS does Ashe know how to write brutal dialogue. The reason Mk being so afraid of his monkey powers is because he likes it?? Oh yeah, I’m down with that i am SO down for that, I have been clawing at that concept for AGES, I am SO DOWN

So who’s going to be trying to control mk this season? Snake guy?? Newbie?? The choosing yourself and making your own path is really heavy handed so far hL;GJKASDF

Sandy’s advice?? GOD TIER. We love that. I love actual good advice in cartoons thank you

Conversations with self!!! OHHH OHH I LIKE THE EXHALE

TAT WAS NICE

OKAY SO THE HWOLE MIND SEQUENCE I’M A HUGE FAN OF

TERES MY BOY

Sandy’s trigger word is Worthy huh he dont’ like thatLKGMA;OWEFWHEEZE

nah we are so glad Mk has Sandy here actually that is so good I’VE BEEN WANTING SANDY MOMENTS FOR SO LONG AND WE GOTTEM THANK YOUUUUUUUUUU like, the rest of what i said still stands but the emotional beats still hit really nicely and I’m very grateful we still have that!

Yeah that car is gonna get smashed by mei or pigsy and tang yeah yup there we go

oH WOW-oh nvm there it goes

well ! Wonder what mei found! That felt like a little bit of a clunky ending bit for some reason i can’t explain but! Big fan of the Sandy and Mk content I love them, totally deserved, been wanting Sandy talk like that for AAAAGES BLESS

Okayokay, always ending on positive note so lets go over one more time: Mk’s talk with himself? BANGER. Once he got talking, I really liked the dialogue and I really liked the vibe of the whole thing, Loved his exhale, loved the admittance of that all being part of him and that he chooses to work on other parts of him that is AWESOME and super cool to see depicted the way it was all cinematic and cool we love that. Love diving into a little bit of the complexities of our man Sandy! Love him opening up a bit to Mk so he can see he’s not alone in his struggles! That Sandy’s got something like that too and he’s still one of the most wonderful kind people Mk knows! The people who Mk has surrounding him are all exactly what he needs and that’s really cool!!! Ough okay welp, maybe I will be thinking about Sandy and Mk’s dyname for the rest of all time RAAAAAAA I REALLY enjoyed how they wrote them there.

Thanks for reading! Sorry I’m still a bit all over the place with my reactions, i feel like I keep repeating the same things but by GOSH the audio is THROWING ME. But yeah that was a nice way of addressing some of Mk’s trauma, even if it was only for like three minutes, its well done and I enjoyed it! very excited to see they can still nail those emotional bits. HOPE Y’ALL HAVE A SPECTACULAR DAY AND GOOD VIBES HUNT YOU DOWN RELENTLESSLY. KNOX OUT

[princemick]

hey, how did you get that texture for the pictures of lewis in your recent lewis graphic? idk if this question makes sense, but it looks so fucking cool and i always struggle with getting a similar result

it's basically all filter gallery! I've played around a lot with what works for me and I change it a lil bit w every graphic foe what works best BUT I'll give you a little explanation how I got from this to this which is the same effects I used for the lewis graphic!

so first, get a picture thats high quality the lower quality the less detail you will get in the texture! I'm gonna be using this.

I always add a layer smart filter on my picture to sharpen it even more. this is the settings I used for this one.

then I rasterize the layer and go to 'properties' and click on the remove background button

this is photoshop removing the background for you, this is almost never perfect so you gotta still go around and remove the last lil bits by hand. PLEASE always remember to have the white box next to your picture selected while you're deleting stuff.

now this is what my layers and picture look like

then, I turn this picture into a smart object. and now the fun part starts! you gotta make sure your palette is right so the contrast is high enough and that the darkest shadow colour is on TOP like this.

then you go to filer -> filter gallery. this is what your workspace should look like but then probably without all the options on the bottom right, its probably mostly empty.

BUT that, that lil box is where the magic happens, every layer is a different effect, you can add more layers by clicking the plus and adding another one!

I highly reccomend playing around with these filters and seeing what you like and what works for your graphic, I change my effects with every graphic I make BUT for the lewis edit I used

Grain, Torn Edges and Texturizer and here are my settings for them

then this is what your graphic should look like now

now if this was a main picture in my graphic I'd personally up the contrast on some of these effects and copy the graphic and delete parts so it's a mix of contrast like this!

then the last thing I do is add a grain filter and boom I'm done!

do w it what you want add layers and filters colours gradient overlays, play around and see what you can do w it! have fun!!

[shady-shrub]

ive decided to commit.

let's look at ALL. the words. every section. here we go!

(the top row looks like it has more words above but i can't tell what they say?)

Our SWEAT

Their TEARS

-(clivesdale hate, love to see it. or this is reference to the jocks vs. the nerds)-

1 2

JÄGER'S

COMING FOR YOU

-(a lil rhyme? at least they're warning the newbies. also anyone notice his name has silly a? what goofy murderousguy!)-

HATCHET FIELD

-(simple. yes.)-

NIGHT

🪽HAWK🪽

PRIDE

🪶

-(YEAHHH LETSGO NIGHTHAWKS!!! NORMAL HEALTHY TEAM SPIRIT. wait spirt. LIKE GHSOTS LIKE RICHIE AND RUTH-)-

NIGHTHAWKS!!

-(two exclamation points!!)-

go

Nighthawks

-(this one is blue!!)-

🦅CLAWS

OUT🦅

-(i couldn't find a talon emoji. interesting choice of words. ITS LIKE A GRABBING MOTION. LIKE MAX GRABBING RICHIE-)-

3 4

BETTER

LOCK

YOUR

DOOR

-(YES MOR RHYMING!!! this is a threat tho?? did max write these cause. this is worrisome.)-

🟧

Jägerman

is

our

KING

-(WHY IS THERE AN ORANGE THING?? yeah no clue anywho. we are really seeing the god complex come through. however, not only max wrote these? guys just commit treason)-

HIGH

HATCHETS

-(there's another word above i can't read :/ so this doesn't make much sense UNLESS. REFERENCE TO hatchet town song where they're talking about HATCHET HANDLES?? raising their weapons??)-

CREMATE THE

COMPETITION

-(yeah DIE CLIVESDALE YOU WIENERS. wait. CREMATE?? LIKE WHEN PEOPLE DIE LIKE R-)-

MONSTER

-(omg like the song!!)-

OUR

QUATER

BACK

KILLS

-(hahaha. what.)-

5 6

GRAB YOUR

CRUCIFIX

-(woahhh reference to bathroom scene 32:34 when max is wearing a cross necklace!)-

RIP

THEM

APART

-(IS THIS STILL HEALTHY?? MAN THEY REALLY HATE CLIVESDALE. HOPEFULLY THIS ISNT SIGNIFICANT TO THE PLOT. 1:35:08)-

🪽FLY🪽

-(ya know what else flies? GHOSTS. GUYS THIS IS A REFEREN-)-

N-I-G-H-T AH AKKS

-(love this song eheheh this part is always. the ahs are actually scREAMS GUYS THEYRE SCREAMIN-)-

clear eyes

sharp claws

can't lose

-(oh??? clear eyes?? LIKE WHEN YOU DIE AND NO PUPILS AND- sharp claws again, with talons out hrrrrnnn sounds important. like mayhaps how max is A MONSTER OUT TO GET EVERYONE?? and of course. they do lose.)-

7 8

NEVER

GRADUATE

-(YEAH SOME OF THEM ACTUALLY DONT. PLEASE DONT JOKE ABOUT THIS COME ON NOOOOOOOO)-

Like a

🐥

(NIGHT)

HAWK

-(aw look at them OH SHOOT OH GOSH THEY FOUND THE WEED AAAAAAAAA. actually tho. what like. night hawk? kill people?? max saw the timeline of perky's buds and decided thats what he wanted)-

INTO

THEIR

HEADS

-(uhhhh? what into their heads?? honeslty no clue what this could mean LIKE MAKING THEM BELIEVE THEYRE NOT GOOD?? (calling people nerds and prudes when they're not) if ya know what i mean)-

J

A

G R

E U

R L

M E

A S

N

-(orange!! also another point for max having his ego inflated like a hot air balloon)-

all hail

JÄGERMAN

-(dang. bro really is a king TEACHERS WHERE ARE YOU. STOP THIS.)

SLASH THE

COMPETiTiON

-(SLASH. i know this is just competitive language BUT THE WORD CHOICES. HUH.)

JAGERMAN's

on the hunt

-(what a monster. A LITTERAL MONSTER GUYS ITS- and blue!!)

SNAP

CRACK

WATCH

YOUR

BACK

-(YEAH AND WATCH YOUR DOORS AND HIDE. this man is too powerful?? snap AND crack? i know rhyming but. petes arm when max breaks it eheheh)-

9 10

HE'S THE JÄGERMAN

-(AMAZING RHYME guys you gotta get out of here he's insane)-

🐦 you're

next

-(RUTH RUN PLEASE NOOOOOOO)-

Hatchetfield

PRIDE

-(this is more than pride. this is a vicious cycle you must stop.)

🐦‍⬛

N

I

G

H

T

H

A

W

K

S

-(CAW CAW actually tho. what silly high birds.)-

come see

barbecue

monologues

A RIB ROARING

GOOD TIME

-(i dunno if roaring is the right word? tried to look at it many angles but couldn't come up with much look at that marketing tho!! go you theater team!)-

blue

&

gray

-(there's something under the bleachers but once again i am unable to decipher. prolly something about school colours or another silly birdie tho)-

ANY THOUGHTS??? SHARE THEM!??!??

[phoenix-before-the-flame]

Im sorry im sot sure how to word this right but, how do you manage to change the characters race while still making them look like well, them? I've tried but it never comes out right.... they allways look like a new character when i try.... again im sorry to ask....

Tis not a problem at all dear comrade! I'm always happy to try and answer art questions, but just a heads up i might get a lil bit rambly in some spots so i do apologize beforehand.

First off, change that negative tone!

I understand how you feel and its easy to feel down when the piece isnt turning out how you picture it but that's ok. You're setting foot into new artistic territory, something you havent tried before thats still a fairly big unknown. Instead of seeing it as a failure see it instead as a step in your artistic growth. No one starts off god tier right? Changing your framing of how you see your 'bad' drawings can really help you see em in a more positive light (and help with motivation when you attempt something new another time!)

Ok but onto what you actually asked about. How do you change a character but still keep them the same? Well in my eyes to do this, you have to

Break down thedesign

Let's take in the character we wanna redesign. We gotta really look at their original design and identify all their relevant features and shapes that make them easily recognizable as them.

Lemme grab my assistant Gajeel to illustrate my point.

So we have our Gajeel, yea we know what he looks like but! What exactly are we looking for here? Well we're looking for the key features to his design, features important enough where if he had a completely different hairstyle and colour palette ( and perhaps even body type) would make you go 'yea that's gajeel'.

So in breaking it down we note that he has:

Triangular shaped eyes with a bit of a dark outline

Small eyes with slit pupils

Prominent cheekbones

Jacked up hairline

And of course the most noticable feature, the multiple piercings

These- to me- are the most important parts of his design so i leave them generally unchanged when i go about drawing him. Which means everything else is on the table to change!

Though for me when I got about my redesigns i focus on changing 3 things mostly- nose, lips and hair. These really push a race change design, specifically in this case, makin em black

Now of course with this you are going to change skin tone that's obvious but relying solely on colour palette change makes for a somewhat weak redesign. If you turn off the colour and you can't tell if the character is nonwhite then it needs some work.

Noses and Lips

Now there are a great many ways to draw wider noses and it can be a bit difficult figuring out to interpret em without em lookin janky but i find that less is more!

I only ever really show the base of the nose where the tip part is and the nostrils, the bridge of the nose is only ever shown in my style when the head is a bit turned.

The same goes with lips, you only really need about 2 or 3 lines at minimum to emphasizs thick lips- one for the actual lip line, one for the top lip and one for the lower lip. Some people choose to leave out the line for the bottom lip and thats fine. Just don't do this-

If you do that im putting you in the ground myself.

Hair

Hair is a bit of a 50/50 for me to change most times because i really enjoy drawing that spiky anime hair lol. But I think that the important thing to keep note of changing the hairstyle to a more natural one is to keep the overall silhouette of the hair recognizable.

The silhouette being y'know, the shape and all that. If you're a pokemon fan then you already know how much a silhouette builds recognition. So as an example, Juvia's first hairstyle was that straightened looke with the tight curls at the end. The shape of that hairstyle was mimicked by using braids with puffs at the ends to help with maintaining that silhouette.

Gajeel has very big, spiky and wild hair so I tried to mimick that with dreads

(Also to note with the Gajeel redesign is that his face is slightly wider with the features a bit lower but thats more of a liberty I took than anything hard and fast so dont even worry about that)

Again, if i am changing the hair then i try to follow the shape of the original design as closely as possible. Even with a design such as my Black Gray design with a vastly different hairstyle i still sketched out the shape of his og hair to maintain the overall spiky shape (with a few liberties lol)

So uh, yea! I think that's the most basic breakdown of how to go about doing a black redesign. Identifying the key design traits i think really is the most important step to do as it really helps to cement what's necessary to keep and what can or cant be changed.

But some other stuff to be mindful of when redesigning:

Refs naturally are your friend. If you have difficulty with interpreting irl refs then theres no shame in using someone elses art as a reference to help you to learn and understand (just no tracing!)

Please for the love of god use saturated browns for the skin tone. I cannot tell you how often i see designs with a gray-brown skin tone. It makes the character look ashy. Please don't make them ashy.

Also speaking of skin tones, be mindful of being accidentally colourist, where all your darker skinned characters villains or angry, loud, violent, sexual, etc. Not saying you can't redesign characters who have those traits to be dark skinned. But if all the characters you redesign to be dark skinned have those traits while others with more positive traits are lighter shades you may want to step back and do some reflection.

Don't be let down if you don't get a redesign on the first try! You don't see behind the scenes for other artists, it definitely takes a few tries to get it right so dont get hung up on it!

These are not hard and fast rules, just really what works for me and how I do things. If you need anything clarified better or wanna ask anything else feel free to! Happy redesigning comrade!

[gaymerasmus]

OMG UR REQS R OPEN!

Can I request a tf2 matchup pls?

I apologise in advance, this is a long one.

Physical appearance:

- I’m not tall [*cough*like5’1*cough*] | I’m a bloody stick, some average meat but I’m still a lanky lil shit.

- Short undercut brunette hair with [somewhat emo] right-sweeping bangs, they naturally sweep left but look fluffier when swept right.

- I am in fact, whiter than sour-cream with very-very light freckles on my face, you gotta be CLOSE to see them.

- I have weird, blue-ish/green-ish/grey eyes. I swear I’ll never know their real colour because they pull a one-two-switcheroo depending on lighting.

- I wear big, thick-lensed, thin black-frame glasses and due to my rapidly declining eyesight I am practically blind without them.

- My right eyebrow has a slit cause I got bored, but I like it and it’s staying (and a piercing bc I can)

- I have size 10[?] gauges [/stretchers, whatever you call the things that stretch your earring holes], I plan to go bigger.

- I tend to wear a lot of black clothing and I have a very punk/alt/emo/grunge style. That, or I’ll look like a dad in cargo shorts and an over shirt thats given up.

About me:

- Trans guy | He/Him pronouns | Preferred name is Corvinn | Gay

- Aussie, very prominent accent, have been mistaken for a Brit because of ‘how I speak’ [I cuss more than a sailor]?

- Diagnosed with A.D.H.D., anxiety, depression and high functioning A.S.D. [that’s the main shit, the combination also causes insomnia lol] | Excess stimulation causes overloads and makes me temporarily non-verbal | My brain gets overly bored if there’s a lack of stimulation | I don‘t know SL because I started having non-verbal episodes in 8th grade. I’ll communicate using my phones notes app, tts or a very confusing game of charades | Stims include; flappy hands when emotionally overwhelmed, rapid leg bouncing when I’m anxious/focusing/listening to music, playing with my/the ear lobes of a person I trust for comfort | I twitch on occasion, I don’t think it’s serious; just painful-ish head/neck/shoulder jerks and non-painful leg/arm jerks accompanied by a grunt/verbal tic [I mainly squeak]/strained face | I have a bad habit of apologising/excusing myself after I twitch | Mental health is poor but I’m trying to get better and I think I’m heading in the right direction.

- Extremely self-conscious of my voice [think it’s too high] and height:(

- Self-taught aspiring artist of 8/9 years now | I do both digital and physical art | Tend to be more digital | When I do physical art it’s mostly sketching and watercolours | Plan to become a body artist in future.

- I’m easily excitable, but I’m told it’s annoying so I try not to but then that kind of leads to me not showing any outward emotion which also upsets people.

- I can sew and I own a sewing machine | Fun fact, I wanted to be a cosplayer when I was younger. Settling for a show-off in my textiles class [friend of mine’s a model/influencer and I’m gonna turn them into dress-up doll lmao].

- I was raised on shit like Korn, SlipKnot and LimpBizkit- I gotta fight to stay awake when metal is playing in the car.

- Favourite colour is all of them.

- I wanna get more piercings; left lower-lip, septum, and venoms.

- My Dad doesn’t think I can sing but a bunch of people have said otherwise. I’m currently at the point where I have no stage but I must sing.

Interests:

- I’m interested in textile practices.

- The Walten Files

- Marble Hornets

- Creepypasta

- Slasher films

- Hazbin Hotel/Heluva Boss

- DSMP

- Horror and paranormal shit

- ARG’s [I suck, but I enjoy watching others]

- FNAF [here since 2016, will cause physical altercations if opposed]

- All of animation YouTube

- Video essays on weird and obscure shit.

- Beloved YouTube blorbos include; CJ the X, Grayson projects, HarleyTBS, Izzzyzzz, Quinton Reviews, Chad Chad, LS Mark, Danny Gonzalez, Drew Goodeen, Mama Max, Nexpo, Manlybadasshero, Markiplier, Jacksepticeye, Neytirix, Noah Finnce, The Click, Sagan Hawkes, Pagan Valley, Wendigoon, Strange æons, Super Eyepatch Wolf, TFIL, Game Theory, TomSka, Pyrocynical, and many more.

- True crime

- Current main hyperfixation; MCR.

- According to 2021’s Spotify wrapped, my top genres were; #1 - Emo | #2 - Otacore | #3 - Metalcore | #4 DreamSMP[???] | #5 - Indie Pop | I think my music taste currently lies in punk/punk rock, modern rock, metal, emo, ska, and a lil bit of vocaloid.

- I love animals. I used to have a pure black cat, he ded now tho:(

- Video games.

Dislikes:

- Seafood

- Rumours

- Twitter drama [unless someone like TRO is feeding it to me in form of a video essay], if I have to hear about one more person being cancelled by a random group of 13 year old white girls over literally nothing I am going to flip my shit😀

- Country/opera/classical music [to be fair, I’ll listen to classical but it just sends me to sleep, it’s too slow for me, sorry]

- Trolls [I’m fine when it’s harmless and all in good fun but when it gets toxic is where I draw the line]

- And a lot of fandoms I refuse to name because they are really toxic and will stop at nothing to find me🚪🏃‍♂️💨🧍‍♂️

Sorry this is so long, hope it’s okay. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, no pressure! Anyway, it’s super la- early. I’m going to bed. Have a nice [insert time here]. Also, thanks and remember to take care of yourself!

Hullo hullo welcome and thank you!! You are paired with...

Demoman!!

Honestly this one was a really close call, but when I really thought about it I couldn't get Mr. Explodey Man out of my head. He sees you as super passionate and well rounded, both qualities he can appreciate! This man comes from a very straightforward and strict upbringing, so having your radiant personality and look nearby is honestly pretty refreshing for him.

I can see your dynamic including a lot of hurt/comfort influences, as well as some partners in crime and like a little friends to lovers vibe. He's very much an optimist and loves keeping your spirits up! He understands a lot of what you're going through (*coughs*t4t*coughs*) so expect a lot of advice and validating comments. Definitely tries to get you into some mischievous activities when bored, trouble is this guy's middle name (it's actually Finnegan). That's not to say he doesn't mind lounging about the house, learning about one of your interests through videos you watch or just listening to you ramble. He might fall asleep on you if you're not careful tho.

Demoman is also a very adaptable man. He's been around and seen a lot in his time, so he comes perfectly prepared for nearly everything you may need from him. It does surprise him at first when exposed to your stims and tics, but only for a moment! He finds stims that show your trust endearing, and certainly doesn't mind getting anything you need if you're having a bad day. He definitely seems like the type to catch on to what the different stims mean pretty quick. If he notices you're getting anxious he may subtly rest a hand on your leg, or lead you away from an area until you're no longer overstimulated. Once he learns about your non-verbal bouts he always keeps a pen and notepad nearby. Just very subtle and gentle things that shows he cares because he really really does.

He also adores your music taste!! Very chaotic instrumentals and throaty singing gets him all kinds of hyped. He tries to pass that hype on to you and it works about 99% of the time. When you're both bouncing with energy he'll gladly take you out somewhere to burn energy (and cause trouble). The best thing about Tavish is that this man can make anything fun. Simple things like taking out the trash, running errands, even going on a quiet walk end up becoming your most cherished memories with him. He always hums a tune from songs you like when he picks up on you smiling more.

Expect to meet his mother!! I have a feeling he plays it a bit old school when it comes to relationships, so he'd absolutely insist upon you meeting her. He also just really loves his mom. When you're both ready he invites you to his (fucking huge) house for tea. He's very confident you'll hit it off right away! It starts slow, but once you mention your experience with textiles she beams. Having experience herself; she happily shows you some pieces she's made for her family and for her. She asks that you update her with anything you make in the future, so I think you can safely say she likes you. It makes demoman very happy to see you getting along.

To summarize; he absolutely adores your presence in his life. He'll try his absolute best to make you happy, and loves laughing with you about anything and everything. I hope you liked it!!

[goblinrockcandy]

hey guys im BACK baby and i have some words

here are links so you can still find everything, but be wary that these links are probably gonna break any minute when i start moving everything around. lets hope i can remember to fix them and that i dont take a year to get to doing that: ARCHIVE    MY ART    OTHER ORGANIZATION TAGS

IM STILL ALIVE. i like to think that i never rlly left, but I havent posted in a damn while and part of that is because life stuff caught up with me and moreso because uhhhhhh Well im not quite satisfied with the way my blogs formatted right now, it makes posting and organizing and navigating harder than it has to be and it makes it Not Fun to post things.

SO. what we're gonna do is revamp things a lil bit. we're fucking doing this we are Making It Happen. what this'll do is itll make it easier for me to post things without having to remember every silly tag and rule i have set up here, and ill also just have a bit more of a laid-back and fun kinda art blog. i tried to do an elaborate tagging system, but MAN i am too forgetful for that.

so im just gonna keep it simple. character, fandom, content warnings, and maybe some other flavourtags. the sorts of things thatll make it easier for me to just pop up a quick drawing on even a busy day without having to go through a silly step by step process on how to tag things. because i love sharing my art and posting :)) but not so much when it is difficult </3

but hell who knows how thisll go after i reboot my bloggo. i think she was due for some maintenance for a long while. *pats the sidebar like you would soothe an agitated horse* there there girl, its gonna be alright. maybe ill even start making... casual posts? text posts? things like that??? damn Maybe.

im also gonna private some organization posts until i can properly wrangle then and sort out their kinks and oddities, and im gonna disable my blog theme for a bit. when i get a braincell on how to do an html and a css properly, THEN i can have a pretty theme. in the meantime, ill probably just set myself up with one of the tumblr defaults.

anyways. *ahem* for anyone who doesnt know me and this is their first stumble upon my blog while i move things around. feel free to click the read more if you want to subject yourself to the silliest introduction i could make for myself possible.

hi. i like to draw but lately my art skills have been a bit shakey, i think im out of practice so im probably gonna start out doing some studies. my styles and designs for characters are always changing, but lately ive been trying to cement some designs that are in my brain Onto Paper.

im goblinrockcandy but you can call me GRC if that's a mouthful (thats what i call me because i do not have time for 5 syllables). im a Knight of Heart and sometimes that gets shortened to KoH and so sometimes people call me koh. now KOH is also the chemical formula for potassium hydroxide, but no one calls me that (a real shame, it flows right off the tongue and i think its a lovely set of sounds), but potassium hydroxide also goes by another name and that is lye. so sometimes people call me lye. i don't have a name so if you want to refer to me you have to get creative or pick up my blog by the scruff of its handle like a really ugly cat and point at it and say "this motherfucker right here".

same goes for pronouns. my pronouns are none/applicable. you gotta BE CREATIVE if you want to refer to me... pronouns are a crutch. they were your training wheels and now im the final boss. you have to fight me with your other words, this is what you have been training for.......

im trans queer person of colour, painfully unfunny and addicted to bad jokes, and i love homestuck. my faves switch up every once in a blood moon but right now i really fuckin love jake english. you might have discerned that by the very subtle hints of I talk about Him all the time & dirt striber avatar.

[lil-e-sideblog]

woah. what are you doing here

hey. if youre here im cool with it! just uh. keep mention of it off my main. i'm keeping all the content i post on my main separate to what goes here, so don't worry about that i guess

prefacing this with this blog is 18+, but its not explicitly nsfw.

it definitely potentially will be at times but its not going to be EXPLICITLY so, if that makes any sense. not much nudity, but stuff will be Big. if there is nudity i'll obviously tag it as such.

this is just my sideblog for gts/giantess stuff. also with stuff like. hyper sizes and stuff of that nature yknow? theres lots here. itll make sense eventually. i gotta flesh more stuff out, but. yknow

anyways, under the readmore will be more details about my sona for this stuff. the tl;dr is that Cool 9 Foot Transgender Robot Lady who gets bigger. and a lot of it is STILL a work in progress, so stuff is subject to change and updates, as well as just generally fleshing the idea out. we're gettin there!

lotta this is ultra mega super self indulgent so like. dont worry bout it too much. and its still all being fleshed out with friends and the like

anyway!

art is by @/prime-bewbs, her stuff is fantastic so please give her a look!

unit name: LIL-E "Lillie" (she/her)

height: 9'0, variable (we'll get into it!)

she's also a lesbian. cause yknow. women

LIL-E is a robotic body that hosts an AI upload of her creator's mind, effectively acting as a brand new body. essentially, she "pilots" the robot body, but for all intents and purposes, that's just her body now. this was for numerous reasons, mostly just for the desire for a new form. (as for why she's 9 feet - well, why not?). she goes by her old name, "lillie", just for the sake of ease.

her body is made out of a, self described, "compound element fuckery" that allows it to look and feel similar to skin, yet still be quite different. most notably in the ability to rapidly change sizes - but we'll get to that! there's also some light face panel lines/lines in the arms, which can

her eyes are displays, which can change eye colours/pupils and also display various different imagery. (yes, she can run and display doom. and lots of other stuff!) the core "gem" in her chest is also something that can change colour, and is just there for visual flair.

her power source is that of a white hole reactor, effectively allowing for a infinite energy supply. white holes *create* mass, after all. it's stored in her main body area, which also allows her cleavage to be a bit of a hammerspace. thats right. cool sword pulled out of boobs, baby

this reactor helps to allow the material objects of her to grow. which, she grows by absorbing electricity/general energy! (kinda working on this, still. bear with me) by utilizing this energy, she not only grows in height, but also in curves (bust/waist/you have it). the justification she gives is that "the energy has to go somewhere, and they act as safety", but really she just thinks it's hot really cool.

this, in turn, adds to her main "job", which is protecting various people in cities and areas from monsters, big bads, or whathaveyou in general! she effectively just fights to keep people safe from various attacks and disasters, working with whatever's needed. this is also supplemented by the armor dock-ons she has, which she also calls forth when needed. (these, unfortunately, are not designed YET. we'll make a cool combat form yet...) there's a variety of them! it's all cool.

these slot onto the arms/legs/etc. to kind of create an "armored" state. these armors can be modified in how they dock to create different modes - focusing on melee combat, long range modes, or a sword mode. there's funnels mounted on these armor bits as well that can fly off for various uses (such as a shield), as well as hi-nu esque wings to allow for flight

her panel lines glow a soft green when she's in this state, and her hair's bundled up into a ponytail. lastly, she gets a sick pair of shades, and an optional mask "covering" if the fight calls for it. she can use these armors for either casual fights or serious jobs, whatever calls for it. (there's a berserk/hyper mode she can enter too, where the hair flows out freely and the inner frame turns rainbow, but that's rare/not developed JUST yet...)

also, she's got a soundboard. yes, she can play cool music during a fight. fuck yeah

she's easygoing and upbeat, but also enjoys being smug about her size, both in her 9 foot form and even bigger. smushin people (gently, of course, we're not into snuff here), looming over them, the works. she has fun with it, after all!

also she's transgender fuck you.

AGAIN A LOT OF THIS IS A WIP SO LIKE. bear with me i guess! its subject to change/getting a proper "ref" sheet made/whatever. i literally only started making her last week anyway. work it out yknow? we'll get there

thanks 4 reading love u :]

[isaacathom]

ds9 time, s2e5

A GARAK EPISODE. A GARAK EPISODE. everyone blow the horns. now my thing is im hoping that since bashir has been relatively 'less cringe' in s2 that this will also apply to a garak episode because i unfortunately had a hard time enjoying his first outing bc i have bad taste

bashir is really all in on this 'garaks a spy' thing and thats cringe but very cute. like its very... dorky. its dorky what hes doing. and clearly garak thinks its funny considering the two clearly have a rapport, so this owns. "what can i say to convince you that I'm-" "plain, simple garak?" "precisely!" now thats good dialogue baby

ah. lil gremlin boy.

oh we're going like. mach 10 into this bad boy. like 3 times in as many minutes we have hammered in this point about cardassian war orphans on bajor. bliing.

oh. ohhh this is gonna be a hell of an episode.

"they wont hurt you. theyre humans. not cardassians" dude come ON. like. you gotta have some self awareness dude.

there is something very weird going on in this episode and i cant quite put my finger on it. maybe its the way that there were two scenes, separated by not much, that had very clearly been shot at the same time, one after the other (the two were bashir and sisko talk to the bajoran man). not a problem, natch, but the. pacing? feels a little off. im 13 mins in and im sort of unclear on how this plans to resolve. the actual answer is, and will be 'ask the boy' but star trek has a dogshit record (for me) of considering the autonomy of the children in their narratives, except when those children are adults in kid bodies.

sisko, watching bashir ask dukat questions: this is fascinating, both for the questions and the fact the stations doctor has decided to just march in and do that.

"dont apologise. its been the high point of my day. . . don't do it again" sisko is so good man

kira, watching all of this from the back: if only i had popcorn

oop, resetting the "scenes since keiko and miles had an argument" back to 0. she has a point but aya.

okay so she starts by having a point, yknow, Dont be Racist to Rugal, and then goes for a cardassian dish when the one thing we know about Rugal is that he's been raised by Bajorans? for night one i feel like id play it safe with a bajoran dish, make him feel at home (for the fact that 'home', presently, has been Bajor). sweet gesture but hm? and he didnt eat it, mannnn. keikoooo.

thank god SOMEONE is advocating for Rugal's right to have a say in where he goes, THANK you obrien. a low bar we have cleared for the love of god.

i feel like this episode is trying to say something and isn't. quite getting there. that or i am too white for a story about internalised racial prejudice. i will concede that also.

GARAK WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HIS QUARTERS

"when the boy finds out his real father's alive, surely he'll change his mind. And even if he doesn't, it would be in the boy's best interests." i hate when they do this, fucking gul dukat

oop, there we go, there's a little emotional sting of Garak's complete pause at the cardassian child asking if he's there to take them home. oh there we go.

the pacing on the episode is. breakneck.

thank god for obrien continuing to advocate for Rugal's right to choose his family. oh hey i actually really like keikos outfit here, shes got a nice vest and the shirt and pant colours really compliment it. it looks great

oh this genuinely does kinda hurt because pa'dar comes in so brash and confident and now hes just desperately trying to find some way to connect to this lost son of his, ;would you like to see some pictures of you as a child?' 'no!' oh my heart. OH MY HEART. oh poor pa'dar. obrien tried to warn him. poor man. like even though there's some, for lack of word, "whack political shit" going on, pa'dar is genuinely emotional invested.

"the past is the past it has no relevance here" pretty sure it does but go off

the fact that twice in two minutes theres been an 'oh, a woman?' response, very cringe

garak looks so fucking proud of bashir being a boss ass bitch.

"ive decided to send rugal back to cardassia" DID YOU ASK HIM BENJAMIN. DID YOU ASK HIM. DID YOU GIVE HIM A PROPER OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A DECISION FOR HIMSELF. god fuck off. eugh. like... sure?? sure?? just also come oooooooon.

alright so the ep in s1 with garak didnt really give me anything but now im like ah yea no i see the vibe, the vibe of bashir/garak is coming into focus, this is great.

im. inconclusive on the episodes actual quality? i am kinda annoyed it once again ended with adults overruling the child in the situation. sure, you can make a case that rugal isn't given much choice in the matter, given his upbringing, but surely there's some middle ground that lets him experience the culture of his biological father for a time before coming to a decision? arrangements about shared custody? SOMETHING? like. augh. auuuuugh.

[crowned-ladybug]

Uhhh if I actually put my thoughts here this would go on forever, but

I’m painfully bad at keeping myself from doing things my brain finds Fun, so behold a v basic and rough concept art thingy of a Cool Boss Monster Benrey bc i just wanted to draw a Big Cool Monster i guess (ft teeny-tiny Science Team for scale)

[siiin]

i would pay an artist to draw my characters

[retelling-of-ragnarok]

in a previous rp you did, richter said ‘his face’ to gwen. whats that about if gwen and richter’s childhood friend dont look the same?

🔹 answering both of these together 😌🔹

🔹 to answer the first anon though, richter didn’t say that in terms of ‘oh your face looks like his’ but rather a ‘that face was never yours to begin with.’ basically insinuating that gwen’s whole purpose is to be a gateway for his friend to live again, and that’s one of the only reasons he puts up with them. yeah, man refuses to believe that he gets along with gwen, and only believes he gets along with the person inside gwen. stubborn mf fr 🙄 🔹

🔹 for the second anon, if you IGNORE THE FACT that i’m sleepy and did a whole bunch of copy and paste, gwen and adalfieri are really just a ‘same shape different font’ sorts deal. I’d say it’s like looking at a father & son whether than a clone of the same person— but thats just because gwen ‘failed’ to be a completely reincarnation of adalfieri 🤷 and now karl and richter are angry about it. Gwen’s really just ‘tf this gotta do w me—‘

ANYWAY! to point out some notable differences:

➝ Adalfieri’s face has a more elvish shape. Its longer, more ‘pointed,’ and he has elven ears. If I has REMEMBERED TO ADD THEM— I would have given him golden freckles. Because he has those and they look like lil stars.

➝ Adding onto that— The tips of his hands, parts of his chest and back, and cheeks are all grey/black in colour, with golden freckles on them. His father was a mixture of dark & light elves, so he inherited those traits.

➝ Adalfieri’s curls are a lot tighter than Gwen’s, so he styles his hair differently. Plus, it was longer.

➝ Gwen’s eyelashes AND eyes are two different colours. Yeah, that wasn’t some funky trick with mascara, their eyelashes were always different 😌. But for a long time they wore white mascara for them to match.

➝ Their different heights and sound differently! Adalfieri is taller, and his voice is a lot raspier than Gwen’s.

Since i’m literally RAMBLING I’ll end it here. To put it bluntly, Gwen is just a ‘new version of something from the past’ rather than a ‘rebirth of someone’s soul.’ They still share all of Adalfieri’s memories, and have reactions to his name, photos of him, etc… But they are two different people.

[theficplug]

l Next Lifetime l Erik Killmonger l

warnings: none, but the usual 18+ for the eventual smut and a possible tw for grief but i promise it gets better and its a romcom

synopsis: reader grieves Erik until she doesn’t (i’m trying not give too much away). I really want to make it a series that i actually keep up with (sorry Girls Trip readers) because I have up to part 4 written. alright thats all i hope yall vibe with it. 

erik killmonger x black reader 

Every night since Erik crossed over into the ancestral plane he has visited you in your dreams. You went through every single stage of grief before you began to accept the facts. 

At first you sat and festered in your anger for him and refused to talk to him. The audacity of him,  after you begged him not to follow through with the idiotic plan of trying to take on all of Wakanda. 

You told him that his ideas and his heart would’ve been in the right place had they not have been clouded by rage and carrying years of hurt and anguish. You understood where he was coming from but you knew and he knew that the way he was going about it was only going to leave him with one ending. 

He loved you more than anything but once his mind was made up about something there was nothing in Heaven or Earth that could change it. 

You knew that he would have to see it through even if that meant to his own demise . 

On the first night you would be lying if you said that you didn’t cuss him out for leaving you like that and going off and getting himself killed. You told him that he had done the same thing to you that “King” Azzuri had done to his father. Left you feeling alone and to deal with the loss of not having your heart with you. 

“I COULD HAVE LOVED YOU THE WAY YOU WANTED TO BE LOVED. I COULDN’T HAVE LOVED YOU MORE EACH DAY IF I TRIED. FUCK YOU E. THAT WAS SO DAMN SELFISH OF YOU. FUCK YOU. I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. AND YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO INVADE MY DREAMS LIKE THIS. YOU AREN’T EVEN REAL.” you would yell into his face and watch as his demeanor was a lot different there. 

It was as if his Earthside worries didn’t bother him as much his face seemed much more relaxed and his scars had healed over. 

You would run your fingers over his chest as the tears well in your eyes and you take in the sigh of him for a moment. 

“I know… It wouldn’t have been enough. I couldn’t contain it. It felt like something had come over me . Possessed by the idea of revenge. I needed it. I felt like my father’s memory was worth avenging until I sat down with him here. He and moms sounded a lot like you at first. They were pissed off, but they understood. The ancestors told me that “a child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth”. I wanted their warmth at first. To know what it would feel like to have what T’Challa and Shuri got to experience their whole lives. But it was something about the heat of fury that felt different. But I realized somethin’.  On this side, don’t none of that matters. None of it. The only thing I see and think of is you and how I wished I would have focused on growing old with you instead.” he explains and you fall into his arms to let out the sob that you had been holding in for a while.

You wake up in the dark room in cold sweats and gasping for air. You realized that you had been crying in your sleep and wiped your eyes before trying to shake it off and smack at your phone to get the alarm to stop. 

For weeks it would go on like this every night. You would settle into bed and fade into hues of reds and purples as you wander around finding him sitting in different sections of the flowers and creeks. He was holding a little bouquet of random tulips and wildflowers in his hand for you. 

You settle on the grass next to him and rest your head on his shoulder as he turns to kiss your head. 

“You ever wonder what life would be like if it wasn’t like this? If we could truly do anything, be anything and not have to worry about everything else.” you ask him and he takes your hand in his. 

He looks at you pondering your question for a moment before tucking a lilac into your hair.

“Nah, I can’t let myself think like that because I'll get stuck in wishing I were there. Instead of getting to enjoy these moments and building my own lil slice of heaven with you.” he says quietly thinking things over before leaning into kissing you softly. 

You wipe at the tear falling down his cheek before replacing your thumb with a kiss. 

“Take me back to being 6 years old in the cool murky ass Toll Plaza waters,feeling weightless, not caring about a damn thing.”

 “We’re reaching out for each other with our popsicle stained hands and laughing at shit that doesn't even make sense but it made sense to us. My gramps yelling at us to not go too far out so that he can get to us. We called him crab pawpaw for the rest of the day...What I wouldn't give to be sitting on my grandmother’s porch swing, trading cards with you. Our birthday is coming up soon. I’m going to miss getting charms from you.” you say to him softly as you run your fingers through his thicker beard and take in every second that you get with him. 

“I’ve been promised that I can give you something more special than a charm. You gotta just trust that everything gon’ be alright.” he reassures you and pulls you closer into his arms 

“GIRL IF YOU DON’T GET UP RIGHT NOW. YOU LEFT THE ROAST IN THE OVEN-” your best friend Tika yelled from the kitchen as she flailed around with the extinguisher and you wake up puzzled for a moment before letting out an “oh shit”. You remember that you laid down on the couch  to scroll while your roast baked and the next thing you know, you were sleeping and that that old ass oven is smoking. 

You spring up from the couch grabbing a towel and fanning the fire alarms trying to get them to stop blaring before the Super comes pounding at your door. 

“Alright. Alright, stop hollering. I was trying to surprise you with a nice dinner to thank you for being there for me over the last 9 months. I know it ain't been easy having me mope around and not be myself. I swear I sat down for 10 minutes tops and I was just flat out asleep. Them doubles at work has been kicking my ass and grad school-.” you explain and Tika shakes her head.

She puts the extinguisher down and holds up her hands. “When my dad passed junior year of college, you and your entire family were there for me and my mom. You guys made sure that we had food for weeks and were able to make rent on time and everything in between. I know what grief looks like. I couldn’t imagine losing the love of my life like that. I know that we didn’t know Erik like you knew him but the way you talk about him. You’ve convinced me that he hung the moon itself in the sky.” she reassures you and you nod while looking over at the blackened roast that's sitting in the pan, burnt to a crisp. 

“It’s only 6:30. Wong’s is still open. I'll just go get something real quick. Do you want vegetable noodles and the teriyaki chicken again?” you ask as you pull on your shoes and grab your umbrella. 

“Surprise meeee and you owe me flan for cleaning up this messss.” She sing songs as she grabs the mop.

“Leave it up to a theatre major to turn nearly burning down our apartment into a song. I got you.” you reply, laughing on your way out the door. 

You couldn’t shake what Erik had told you in your dream this time though. He had been promised that he could give you something better than a charm. What the hell did that mean though? You were sure you were probably just overly stressed and exhausted from working and classes. You were going to enjoy your birthday beach trip this weekend with your friends and try to put everything else behind you. 

Somehow as lost in your thoughts as you were you managed to make it to Wong’s and back home just in time to greet an overly dramatic Iridia at the door. 

“What the hell happened here?” she asks, sitting down her bags and surveying the burnt roast and little residues of foam still left to clean. 

“She fell asleep and almost turned our overpriced condo into dust.” Tika answers for you and you give her a small nod.

“I got you spicy egg rolls?” you offer and she hesitantly takes her order from you with a small smile.

“Got something to lift your spirits. It’s new dresses to wear this weekend cause girl I get it. I do, but grey is just not your colour sweets. You’ve got yellow undertones, you need scarlet reds, ochre. Something, not, this…” she trails off pointing at your baggy sweats and oversized sweatshirt. 

You laugh softly at her bluntness finding it kind of nice that some things have remained normal. 

“Whaaat? I thought this was hermit chic?” you retort sarcastically. 

“Thank you. That’s almost sweet of you.” you reply by taking the bags from her. You look at the red mesh dress and admit that if there’s one thing about Iridia is that her bougie self got style and you missed getting dressed up. 

 You thank the girls one final time before retiring to your room to finish some of your assignments up. You look over at the clock and notice that it’s 2 am. You crack open the fortune cookie on your nightstand and eye the quote etched across the small piece of paper 

“Pfft. If only that damn 10$ that i lost last week could circle back around to me. That’d be nice.” you thought to yourself before closing your laptop and trying to get some rest to have enough energy for this weekend. 

As you settle in the usual hues of lavender, violet, and scarlet come into view and you are taken into the field of flowers and you giggle as the butterflies land on your shoulder and one on the tip of your finger. 

Your plan worked. You only thought about E’s favourite double chocolate cake and hoped that you’d be able to bring it into your dreams with you.

You carried it proudly as you scan the field of flowers and beautiful willow trees for him. 

“E? E ! Happy Birthday to us! E. Where you at?” you call for him and look around but he’s nowhere to be found. You sat on a large boulder by the water hoping that he was just exploring and would find you eventually. 

You didn’t get much sleep that night after waking up shivering and in tears thinking about how the only connection you two still had left was broken. 

You do eventually fall back to sleep only to dream about running across campus and being late to a final even though you were nearly done entirely with university. 

A few restless hours later and you were already dressed and enjoying your fresh brew while watching the world awaken from the kitchen window. 

“Good morning.” you startle Iridia and Tika who were trying to sneak into the kitchen with breakfast and set everything up for you. 

“Damn we can’t get anything past your insomniatic self. Buon compleanno bambina!” Tika says sliding on her little party hat. 

“You’re wearing the dress! You look so pretty and is that eyeshadow I see on you? Okay lemme find out our girl is slowly coming back to herself.” Iridia says smiling at you. 

“Thank you, do I smell pancakes?” you question and they laugh as they hand over the box to you. 

After you have all gone over plans for the little weekend trip you grab your bags and are ready to hit the road. 

It was only an hour to The Smith’s beach house for the weekend but all 3 of you were well stocked with snacks and playlists. 

“We are heerrrreeeeee” Tika announces while parking the car.  

You get settled into the lavish and snazzy beach home, courtesy of Iridia’s parents. You hadn’t been since junior year of college and was just glad to be in a different setting.

“They said that the wine bar is open to us and we can have the party here as long as it looks the same as when we found it.” Iridia says already getting ready to change into her neon bikini to compliment her rich complexion and hit the beach. 

“What, it’s summer? You never know who the winds of adventure are going to blow in-”

 “FUCK MEEEE” you both hear Tika call from the bathroom down the hall. 

“HUN?” you call back and you both laugh at the long sigh followed by “guess who Mother Nature decided to surprise 2 weeks early? I didn’t even think about it and didn’t pack any tampons.” she explains

“On it. I’ll be back in like .2 seconds in the meantime toilet paper pad it and figure out which boutiques we’re going to damage our savings with first.” you say before hearing Tika’s protests. 

“It’s your birthday. I’ll go.” Iri suggests and you shake your head. “I love y’all but it’s our first birthday that we don’t get to spend together apart from when he joined the military and I know he wasn’t perfect and he had his flaws but I really wish that I could get to hug him once more. To make him feel special even if just for a second… So please, I'll get the tampons. I could use the fresh air.” you say quickly dabbing at the tears prickling the corners of your eyes. Iri pulls you in for a hug before nodding and starting the conversation with Tika through the door about if she would prefer to go for the street festival first or the carnival games.

- - - -

You pull at the top of the sundress getting it to hit just right and not fall down as you make your way down the aisle of the market and pick up a few things that y’all might need for the weekend like the small cups for shots, fresh fruits for your ‘cure to a hangover’ smoothies, and food. 

You pick up a small double chocolate cake with ‘happy birthday’ written in cerulean letters.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry ma. I don’t mean to bother you right now but  I got a head splitting migraine right now and can’t find the Advil for nothing and was hoping maybe you’d know which aisle? That’s what I get for listening to my friends talking bout,  drink “the beast”. Niggas had me dreaming in colours and flowers. I felt like I was traveling through space or something... It’s my birthday too. Happy Birthday “ you hear the man ranting away behind you and his voice reminds you of E’s. You chuckle softly to yourself before turning away from the cakes to see the man's face. 

You let out a loud scream and drop the cake on the ground . It crumbles instantly across your sandals and everything fades to black before you faint. 

When you came to you were sitting in the break room of the market with Erik and the store managers who were opening a ginger ale for you and asking if you were okay. 

You nod slowly, coming to, and closing your eyes again to count to 5 as they leave the room. 

“This can not be happening. I know that this is not happening right now.” you say to yourself and you look up at him again to see that he’s still standing there. 

“It’s hot as fuck outside. You probably just got a lil overheated. This ginger ale is cold so you should be alright.” Erik says to you and you shakily take the ginger ale from him. 

“Who are you? I don’t know what kind of joke this is or who put you up to this, or if my girls thought that this, whatever this is would be funny but it’s not. It’s really insensitive.” you say as tears fill your eyes again. 

“I’m N’Jadaka Stevens? My parents, I’m adopted, but those are my parents regardless, own Aloha Oakland so you ain’t gotta worry about paying for this” he gives you the bags of items you collected before you fainted.

“ I just wanted to make sure you’re alright. I never come down here so I don’t really know where shit is in this place. I'm actually here with my own friends, celebrating my birthday. So, I don’t really know what’s going on. You good?” he asks again before asking you to follow his finger. 

You wrap your arms around him and break down sobbing. “Happy Birthday.” you whisper to him and he looks at you puzzled for a moment. 

“Ma, you lowkey weird but everybody needs a hug and I can’t have my birthday twin crying on her special day so come here.” he says squeezing you a little tighter. 

“If you’re here through the weekend. I’ll catch you around. Try to stay out of the heat but if you go out try to keep something cold with you to drink so you don’t pass out again.” he advises and you take him all in. 

 You slowly give him a once-over noticing that his hair was now faded and it was neatly lined up on the sides connecting with his beard. He slid off his hoodie and left the black tank top underneath, you quickly noticed that there were no scars or keloids. His jaw was unclenched and there was no vein popping from his forehead. There was a serene and relaxed look etched across his face despite him stating that he had a migraine earlier.

“But shiiit if you don’t mind. Can I get your number? Cause for some reason. I don’t know why I feel like I know you? To be honest I don’t remember much from before being adopted.” he admits 

You nod your head before putting your number into his phone and you grab your bags and quickly make your way to your car. 

You breathe in deeply through your nose before looking around. “I’m losing my fucking mind.” you say to yourself quietly. “I gotta be. This can’t- This can’t be happening right now.” you say resting your head on your steering wheel.

- - - -

“What happened to you? It’s been like an hour almost. Are you okay?” Iri questions as she eyes you and the bags. 

“I just. I fainted that’s all and they wanted to make sure I was okay before going home.” you explain and Tika thanks you for the tampons as Iridia overly dramatic self sighs and presses her hand to your forehead. 

“Poor thing, I knew I should’ve gone with you. Sit down, I’ll get you a cold glass of Stella Rose.” she says laughing at the wine part and walking to the kitchen. 

Group Text from DakaStevens84: Party @ Royal Rochelle’s Roller Rink. Yes, the roller rink cause who says you’re too old for a roller rink? Come skate fast and shake ya ass.

You laugh softly at the message knowing that this is something that he would’ve totally wanted to do but never took his eye off his plan or gave himself time to just breathe and be. 

“My fault.  It’s Daka from Aloha Oakland btw. My friend Orleans really tryna go through with this. Man a whole ass party planner and this the best he could come up with. Y’all can still come through though if you want. I wouldn’t complain if I got to see you again, and them pretty ass coffee eyes.” he texts to you and you smile softly at the butterflies fluttering in your stomach while looking at the text

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” you ask Iri as Tika joins you at the bar.

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