#grew up around dirtbikes ;D

[yumethefrostypanda]

Farah Karim appreciation post

[onakomiyaki]

HEY, THAT WAS NOT A BAD IDEA! | op81 x reader

summary : you and oscar trying to sneak up to daniel's farm after he invited both of you to his house in perth. and something happen when you least expected.

pairing : reader x oscar piastri

a/n : this is originally mick schumacher x reader fanfic, but i figure oscar made more sense since he is from australia so yeah :D. also, my first oscar fic i ever made!

"Y/N this is a bad idea! C'mon lets go back before someone find us." Oscar said while hoisting your feet as you climb over the fence with a grunt.

"Hold up–we'll be fine! I'll open the gate once I jump over this stupid gate."

"Y/N it is locked from the inside for a reason!"

"Boo, you such a chicken." you said as you finally sat on top of the gate.

You jumped down with a small yelp, thankfully still in once piece before walking towards the gate door. Oscar watch in silence as he scan the parameter, afraid that someone will find you here.

You open the gate with ease, thankful that the gate is not locked by lock. Oscar carefully follow you, not forgetting to lock the door back.

"I know we should've steal Daniel's dirtbike as well." you said, determined to explore the area.

"We definitely should NOT do this or that." Oscar said, walking ahead of you before turning his body to face you.

"Why not?"

"Because–Y/N, because we are a guest. Guest should just stay put." Oscar said, stopping you by holding both of your shoulder. He tried to be the voice of reason.

You rolled your eyes at the Oscar, patting his chest before walk pass him. He let out a exaggerated sigh then harshly wipe his face before turning his body as he follow you.

You let out your phone as you took few pictures of Daniel's massive farm, smiling as you trail the path happily. While Oscar turn into grumpy father, following you and watching over you so that you didn't do anything more reckless than this.

"Daniel will notice us missing from his house by now" he said, taking his phone out as well.

"Ah, he won't. You see how busy that man is with his new wine development and his new merch release." you answer, dismissing the Aussie.

Well what you said its true, the older man is quite busy even in his break. While he had invited you both to his house for a dinner, he apologize for leaving you both behind to finish his meeting with his team.

"You guys can look around the house!" He said.

And you being a good friend, went and did that. Well, technically you and Oscar are looking around his farm which is also part of his house, right?

"Y/N the sun is almost down, we really should get back now." Oscar look at his phone with concern while you happily skip away.

"C'mon what could possibly went wrong– AHHH!"

You let out a scream as you fall ungracefully to the ground. Oscar had call your name before running to you, immediately kneeling beside you.

"Y/N are you okay?" he said as he sat you down.

You wince as you sat down, one of your leg is clearly trapped in a small hole. And when Oscar help you out by pulling your leg, you scream in agony making the poor boy drop your leg immediately.

"I think I sprained my ankle." You said, tears starting to collect in your eyes.

Oscar calmly stand up and search around for something to help elevate your leg. He found a small log and he prop your hurting ankle on top of it carefully.

You let out a sigh as you put both of your hands on your side to support your body, silently watching as Oscar untying your shoes.

"See, I knew this would happen." Oscar grumbled as he manage to take off your shoes. You let out a laugh.

"I didn't see the small burrow. I feel bad for whatever animal made that burrow, I just destroy their house." you pout.

Oscar finally look up to your face, mouth open in disbelief. He then shake his head as he sat beside you.

"You're hurt and you still care about animals. I really want to know what's going on inside your little head." Oscar said.

"I can't help it! I just love animals, okay? Blame Steve Irwin for that, I grew up watching him. Rest in peace king." you answer as you send the sky a kiss and a peace sign.

Oscar let out a scoff as he lay down on his back, using both his arms as a pillow. He close his eyes, facing the sky. He hear a rustling, before feeling your arm touch his elbow. Oscar cracked an eye to watch you mirroring him.

"Now what?" He asked, voice dejected.

"We call Daniel." You simply answer as if its not a big deal.

"You call him then!" He nudge your elbow with his.

"Fine..." you said as you let out your phone from your pocket.

Oscar once again close his eyes, enjoying the breeze while you fumble with your phone. But the peace doesn't last long. He heard you tapping your phone aggressively before let out trains of cursed words in Italian.

"How is it?" Oscar asked.

"Stupid phone got no signal. Try yours." you grumble as you put the phone down.

Oscar sigh as he fished out his phone from his pocket. He quickly type Daniel on his contact and press the green button. After a few minutes the call didn't even connect and he just shake his head.

"Oh okay, we're just gonna die in here then." you said.

"Told ya' it was a bad idea." Oscar said.

"Okay, shut up Osc."

The sky slowly turn into an orange hue, and you start to get restless. You picked up some grass beneath you and play with it. Oscar had just left, looking for some help while you wait patiently.

You look around the farm, trying to find some animal to keep you entertain. But there are not even a single animal on sight, adding more disappointment in your short-lived adventure.

"Okay there's only bad news." Oscar said as he run towards you and you sigh again.

"Oh c'mon! What is it?"

"We are actually far from the track."

"What?"

"Okay, we are lost. I can't find the path back to the gate."

And you almost faint at that information. You ruffle your own hair in frustration as you let out a silent scream, this day could be worse. Oscar sat beside you once again, this time clicking his tongue. He knew Daniel own a big-ass farm but he didn't expect Daniel's farm to be this big.

"This place is basically a sanctuary." he said.

"Yeah, now I regret not listening to you."

"See Y/N, you should listen to me. I am the good angel on your shoulder." Oscar said with proud tone.

"Oh shut up Piastri." you response, looking away from him.

And then there is a silence between the two of you as you both watching the sun slowly disappear behind the horizon. Despite of the mess, this is actually nice place to watch the sunset. Hey, maybe this adventure was not bad after all.

Oscar clear his throat, making you turn your gaze to him. You raised an eyebrow at him, looking at him with confused expression.

"What's up Osc?" you asked.

"Since we're certainly will die here, I would just say this. Brace yourself okay?" he answer with serious expression.

"Okay...?"

He nervously inhaling a deep breath before softly letting the air out from his mouth. Then he stare directly at your eyes and you smile at him.

"Go on." you encourage him.

"Okay. Y/N, I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time. Ever since Daniel introduce you to me back in January 2023, when I lay my eyes on you."

"Alright." you smile at him, head titled.

"I–I like you. Like a lot. And although you drive me crazy sometimes, I still like you. Yes, you are the most stupid and reckless girl I ever met but somehow that makes me like you even more." he confess, and you wait for him to finish.

"I like the way you always ramble about how you want to be an adventurer or how cute baby meerkats are. And what I like the most about you is how stupidly brave you are."

"I like the way your eyes lit up every time you saw a wild cat and the way you stop everything you do just to give them a pat. That is adorable, I can't lie."

"Point is, I like you a lot. And you don't have to like me back, that's okay. But I feel like I have to tell this okay because I can't–"

Before he continue his rambling, you lean forward and kiss him. His eyes widened in surprise as his brain short-circuited, but after that he closed his eyes and kiss you back. He cupped your face as he deepen the kiss, tilting you head and sitting closer to you.

After a minute or so, you break the kiss staring at him silently. You can see how his cheeks turn pink under the orangey sky, and you shot him a smile.

"Took you long enough." you whisper.

"Sorry that it took us stranded in Daniel's big-ass farm to say that to you." he chuckled, and you followed.

"KIDDOS ARE YOU THERE?!" both you and Oscar perks up at the familiar voice.

He immediately stand up and shouted back. "OVER HERE DANIEL!"

Daniel and one of his friend let out a relief breath as he saw you and Oscar still in one piece. He run towards you with frown.

"Guys I told you to look around the house, not the farm!" He sternly said, standing with both hands on his hips.

"Blame her, I tried to stop her." Oscar said.

"Hey! I thought you won't snitch on me!" you protest.

"I already snitch on you after you climbed the gate. I texted Daniel but I guess he just read my message just now." He simply said and you let out a gasp.

"Traitor."

Daniel kneel down in front of you, examining your ankle. He touch your ankle slowly and you let out a sharp hiss.

"Well, I hope you learn your lesson Y/N. And also your ankle is twisted but its not that bad, we can compress it with ice pack and put some ointment to subdue the pain," Daniel said as he rose. "Now lets get you outta here. Oscar you carry her, I'm gonna help and prepare some ice for her."

"What? Why me?" Oscar whine.

"Because you are my boyfriend now, Osc. So suck it up and carry me." you said, smirking at him.

Oscar let out a groan but then carry your body bridal style. You let out a yelp as you hold onto him.

"Oscar I mean piggy back! Not this!" you said, face turning red.

"Nah this is easier, beside you are not heavy at all. So stop complaining and just sit still." he deadpanned.

Daniel grab your left shoe as he follows you and Oscar behind as his friend lead them out of the farm. He watch at how you and Oscar basically bite each other ears, but still manage to look fall in love with each other. He shake his head at the young lovers and smile.

"These kids I swear."

-fin

[burntoutsoto-blog]

Cai, the bastard goblin, back with my second! Somehow this got so damn long rip ONce again, my d*cord is cai#8975!

*  ♡ ˙ ˖    / manny montana + cisgender male + he/him. — did you know soto’s real name is carlos cabrera soto? oh yeah, they are a thirty-five year old mechanic known as the burnout that has been in town for five months. this bisexual aries can be dedicated + selfless, as well as cynical + impulsive. i hear their soulmark is a spring of lavender on the back of their neck, and their two soulmates look like any fc & ben barnes. engine grease smeared on a rag in a back pocket, bent paperback classics, and a cold mug of black coffee. 

tw: fire, burns, depression, ptsd.

Soto was born in Texas, on the outskirts of Austin, in one of those rural neighborhoods where there’s more empty lots than houses and stray dogs are running around everywhere. 

It was a freaking wonderland for a rambunctious little kid, he had a new dog following him every week and plenty of space to dig dirt forts. He grew up as the youngest of four, always trying to get attention.

For his fifth birthday he got his first dirtbike, a little toy 50cc. It was his first love in his life, far more important than any soulmark on his hip. (His brothers made fun of the little lavender sprig but his sister loved it) He spent every waking moment making ramps and racetracks, following his older brothers.

His attention seeking nature made him take bigger and bigger jumps, going faster and faster, and he eventually got into the junior racing circuit cause his parents knew he would likely do well. 

Hill climbs, track racing, hare scrambles, speedway, motocross, you name it, he was in it. He eventually dropped out of school at 16 because he just felt like it wasn’t as important as racing to him.

Soto was a rising star in the racing world, getting contracts and sponsorships left and right. Eventually, he got into the supersport racetrack, and participated in the AMA Supersport Championship twice.

After his second Championship, he met a woman named Christy, who worked as an interviewer. It was only suppose to be a one night stand, Christy had a different soulmark, and Soto wanted to concentrate on his racing.

However, of course, it doesn’t work like that. Christy became pregnant and Max was born, and Soto became a father at 28. They stuck it out for a while, but ultimately, Christy left, because she wanted her soulmate, rather than a man who was distracted and distant from her.

It was his third Championship, when Max was three, when the worst happened. Halfway through the race, his bike wobbled and then crashed, exploding into a fireball that engulfed Soto. Rescue rushed in, spraying him with extinguishers and smothering the fire with blankets, but the damage was done. 

Soto had extensive burns across his torso, and doctors weren’t certain he would survive. The accident was attributed to mechanical failure, but Soto knew he would never go back on a track again. His soulmark had disappeared under the burns, reappearing on his neck, now unable to be hidden. It felt exposed, and changed his regard for the soulmark.

Recovery was a long road, and Christy wavered in her level of support, as she had to protect Max. Soto took great strides forward, but fell back just as violently. Depression, ptsd, skin grafts, reconstructive surgeries, repeated upper respiratory infections, he traveled in and out of in patient and ERs on an endless loop. Each event took it out of him, and affected his son even more.

Christy moved to Jericho, as her soulmate had arrived in the little town and she felt that pull. Soto thought about letting her go, letting their son go to not scare him anymore with his father’s struggles. But Christy called him every night, telling him to move to the town because his son still missed him terribly.

Soto moved, finding the small town to be a good change of pace. He was surprised to find himself happy for Christy and her new husband, felt the most at peace he had in quite a while. He even set his hands on a motorcycle again, as he knew how to repair motorcycles with the best of them.

Now he works as a mechanic, and tries to provide as stable as a presence as he can to his boy, Max, who is now seven. He’s just concentrating on his personal life right now, trying to come to terms with everything that’s happened to him, and heal.

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2018, Part I

I’ll associate my moviegoing this year with two things: subscription models and superhero films. Realizing that I was the target audience, I signed up for Moviepass in March, then canceled just before they started extorting people in July. (I’ll remember you all semi-fondly, conniving alarmists in the Moviepass Reddit thread.) Thanks to Moviepass, I took full advantage of my free time over the summer, and I found some nice surprises that I wouldn’t have checked out otherwise. From there I joined AMC A-List, which is the rare corporate service that I cannot complain about in any way. Moviepass always felt like some kind of drug deal, whereas A-List is as easy and inviting an experience as possible. I get to seek out Dolby, IMAX, or 3-D showings instead of getting locked out of them, and the electronic ticketing helps with my last-minute availability. (I’ve mastered the art of lovingly putting my daughter to bed, only to desert her and my wife five minutes later. “You know, there’s an 8:10 showing of The Predator, which means 8:30 after previews...”) My overall viewing was up 11% this year, which I have to attribute to these subscriptions. Perhaps I saw too much though. After a self-righteous five-year ban on superhero movies, I caught up in 2019 like the madman completist that I am. On the plus side, I enjoyed Wonder Woman and Guardians of the Galaxy, and I vaguely feel more connected with the culture-at-large. But I could have been more selective. The diligence required to watch X-Men: Apocalypse late on a Thursday night took away from, say, my Orson Welles project or...reading books. To get some of the business out of the way, I haven’t seen Burning, Shoplifters, Destroyer, Cold War, The Sisters Brothers, Tomb Raider, The Wife, or The House That Jack Built. Not all of us get screeners or care about seeing The Wife.  Mostly for argument purposes, I list everything I saw and divide the movies into the categories of Garbage, Admirable Failures, Endearing Curiosities with Big Flaws, Pretty Good Movies, Good Movies, Great Movies, and Instant Classics. Hey, speaking of superheroes:  GARBAGE

123. Venom (Ruben Fleischer)- Venom was first announced as an R-rated film until it was neutered into PG-13 at some point in the development road. That was the right choice because this is a movie, in all of its broad, careless storytelling, for children. "So he's going to get married to her but then he looks at her email and then he interviews the guy and he gets fired so then she leaves him and he drinks now?" This is a dummy's version of what a journalist is or what a scientist is, and it never shades into more subtlety than exactly what is on the expected surface. I guess that Tom Hardy gets to jump into a lobster tank if that floats your boat, but the story is stuck on fast-forward for the whole movie, never relenting to develop character or do anything other than communicate information that we don't really need.

Venom is almost--almost--interesting as a new branch in the superhero economy. Why shouldn't Tom Hardy and National Treasure Michelle Williams trade the equity they've built for caring about their work into this trash? I don't begrudge them that for a second. I hope they make more money for the sloppy sequels. 122. The Equalizer 2 (Antoine Fuqua)- The first Equalizer was flat and pointlessly long with pedantic dialogue too, but at least it had the Home Depot sequence. This one makes very basic stuff incoherent and dawdles all the way to the end. Your boy is now an expert hacker too? I guess it's too late for Fuqua to start caring about scripts.

121. Mandy (Panos Cosmatos)- I need somebody to explain to me why, dramatically, this is good without something like, "It's so metal! What a midnight movie! Chainsaw fight lol!" If you want to talk about the visuals that are stylized within an inch of reality, then I'll listen. But there's nothing to hold onto dramatically. I think I've developed an overall irritation with revenge films, but this filthy dirge of a movie felt empty and endless by any standard. 120. Fifty Shades Freed (James Foley)- Its intentions are too guileless to upset me, but Fifty Shades Freed uses up the goodwill I sort of had for the first two by tugging the viewer relentlessly through conflict that always seems temporary. Part of the fun has always been how bizarre basic human interactions seem in this universe. (Has anyone ever returned from a vacation to be surprise-promoted?) But this entry expects way too much from its viewer's loyalty. 119. On Chesil Beach (Dominic Cooke)- There's supposed to be a disconnect to the behavior of the couple in On Chesil Beach, a movie that asks us to harken back to a time when newlyweds were so sexually innocent that they had trouble figuring out how to consummate a marriage. Their fumbling seems foreign to us, which is the point. But what's the excuse for none of the behavior in the movie ringing true to any human experience?

I'm talking about Florence refusing to tell her string quartet that she's engaged because she thinks they'll assume that her marriage will break up the group even though she's sure that it won't. I'm talking about her father, who feels the need to humiliate his son-in-law in tennis because that would prove that he's dominant over the boy in some way that being his employer does not already prove. I'm talking about a plot that literally would not exist if the characters had just engaged in one conversation that it seems like they would have had in the flashbacks, which frame them as a kind of open, reasonably affectionate, easy-going couple. But by all means, McEwan, change that whenever it suits you. 118. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (J.A. Bayona)- I reject the whole premise of this deliberate lowering of stakes that never rises above obligation. To paraphrase a Griffin Newman joke, it makes Jurassic Park 4 look like Jurassic Park 1.

While we're here though: Can I have a movie about the guy who compiled the guest list for the dino auction? I want to see a guy looking at a spreadsheet--or is it an Access file?--and getting to, like, Mark Cuban and weighing the options: "He probably has the $27 million to spare on weaponized recombinant DNA. He would definitely appreciate the wow factor of having his own Indoraptor. But is he more of a neutral evil or a chaotic evil? I guess I'll reserve a seat for him and send the invitation. If he says no, then he says no. Okay, we're still in the C's..."

117. Tag (Jeff Tomsic)- Tag is going to show up on a lot of "worst movies to ever win an Oscar" lists when Jeremy Renner wins an Oscar for it. 116. A-X-L (Oliver Daly)- This is a melodramatic movie about a weaponized robotic dog and the dirtbike kid who befriends it. Nothing wrong with that; a ten-year-old boy might like it, and there aren't enough movies specifically for that audience. But what's weird is how nonchalant the main character is about the whole thing. He immediately starts training this one-of-a-kind "war dog" android and imprints it with his DNA like this is a regular Tuesday. It's one of many things that is just kind of off in this picture.

This being a cheap genre film, you do get treated to those L.A. locations that have been around the block. I think the nondescript complex that houses Craine Industries is also the one from Sneakers and The Lawnmower Man. You know, Craine Industries, the company that is working on a $70 million prototype for the military but, because this is a cheap genre film, seems to have two employees.

I do think there's an interesting movie to be made about motocross. The movie kind of works when it's just about an underdog father and son fixing bikes, before it gets into all of the robot stuff. ADMIRABLE FAILURES

115. The Little Stranger (Lenny Abrahamson)- Dr. Faraday: "Wanna marry me?" Caroline: "Maybe. Do you actually love me?" Dr. Faraday: "Probably not." Caroline: "Hmm, I think I would marry you only as an excuse to go to London to get away from my dying mother and this crumbling house that probably has a ghost." Dr. Faraday: "Oh. Well, glad we're discussing it now because I want to marry you specifically to give me a reason to stay in this crumbling house that probably has a ghost. I'm drawn to it for some reason." Caroline: "Is it because you grew up poor?" Dr. Faraday: "Yes. All dry, cold British stuff ultimately comes down to that.

114. Damsel (David Zellner and Nathan Zellner)- Had I done my research, I wouldn't have watched this Zellner Brothers follow-up to Kumiko the Treasure Hunter, one of my least favorite films of that year. Like that movie, Damsel is a story of two halves, punctuated by a shocking moment that happens halfway through. Unfortunately nothing interesting happens before, and nothing interesting happens after. 113. Suspiria (Luca Guadignino)- This is a movie about duality that gets extended. English, German, and just a sprinkle of French. Six parts and an epilogue. A dual role (and a bit part). Personalities that clash until one pulls ahead. There are ideas here. But, especially considering I don't like the original Suspiria, I didn't find much to hold onto as a visceral experience. It's a long, foreboding sit. Guadagnino knows how to end his movies, but he still doesn't have much to say for the long middle parts. Shout-out to Amazon; I hope that, in some circuitous way, betting on maximalist Italians helps them to sell paper towels or whatever.

112. Early Man (Nick Park)- I still love the Aardman aesthetic, but this material was thin. It's too juvenile for adults and too adult for juveniles. 111. Beirut (Brad Anderson)- The screenplay takes an hour to set up what should have taken twenty minutes. Some of that time is dedicated to developing Hamm's burnt-out alcoholic wheeler-dealer, but he's a character we've seen a hundred times before anyway. Some shorthand would have done some good. Once the plot gets going, it's serviceable, but I was bored by that point. Pike and Hamm need to fire their managers. 110. Upgrade (Leigh Whannell)- I'll admit that I owed the film more attention than I gave it since I was nodding off the whole time, but nothing in the gloomy programmer interested me enough to want to go back.

109. Red Sparrow (Francis Lawrence)- Good as a steamy blank check provocation from the director and star--not much else. I'm sure people will take down the easy target of Jen Larry's Russian accent, but they're ignoring just how much she tries in something like this. She is a gargantuan Movie Star who commands the screen, and a lot of that presence comes from the commitment of, say, learning how to ballet dance for what must have been months. She hasn't slept through a performance yet.

I didn't think this endless movie made much sense, especially near its conclusion. Perhaps it's my personal distaste for the way that spy movies introduce major plot points without so much as a music sting to guide you. As soon as anyone says the term "double agent," my brain turns off.

108. Hot Summer Nights (Elijah Bynum)- If you want to direct a music video, just direct a music video. I like all of the actors in this, but the filmmaker has nothing to say. 107. The First Purge (Gerard McMurray)- Even James DeMonaco seems to be admitting that the bloom is off the rose a bit, since he only wrote this entry in the franchise--and his direction is missed in the action scenes. Just enough of the political subtext remains, (The New Founding Fathers get funding from the NRA, and a character uses "pussy-grabbing" as an insult. Thankfully, a Black church getting shot up by men with Iron Cross flags happens off-screen.)

But there are more characters I didn't care about than characters I did care about. Since its prequel setting doesn't reveal much about the world that we didn't already know, the film needed to do a bit more with the survive-the-night scenario that we already saw in the second film.

106. Vox Lux (Brady Corbet)- A movie that, up to and including the last minute, keeps promising something better than it actually is. Everyone here is making...choices… 105. Madeline’s Madeline (Josephine Decker)- I'm glad David Ehrlich liked this as much as he did. There are some intriguing ideas, most notably the suggestion that a mentally unstable person would be better suited for acting than a healthy person. What a debut for Helena Howard as well. But for it to add up to something by the end, I think I needed it to have more dramatic structure--the sort of fall of the Molly Parker character feels invented and insincere--or go all the way into experiment. 104. Shirkers (Sandi Tan)- One of those "you won't believe what happens next" documentaries that positions itself as an example of truth being stranger than fiction. But removed from a festival context, does it ever rise above its logline? Is it really even that odd?

[babaleshy]

Something I May Need to Stop Doing...

I'll be venting in this post, but this is about the desire to move out of a desperate want for change right now even though such a move is not meant to be.

On occasion, I go onto zillow's website and check out houses around Pittsburgh out of curiosity just to see what houses are going for what price in what kind of condition. I've noticed something incredibly enticing: there are some houses going for under $100,000 and are technically livable. It's just got flaking/chipping paint, may need new rugs, and other general clean-ups. The only "major" thing I wanna do to any of these houses falling under this criteria is the fact that I feel more comfortable with a tin roof.

These houses that I find are within city limits, most of these houses I've shown an interest in are close to sidewalks. This means if I were to move into one of these houses, then I'd have a chance to properly commute!

Ah, but why exactly am I making this post? What is it that I'm venting about? And what did I mean earlier when I said "not meant to be?"

Back in 2014 (autumn, specifically), my husband and I had to move out of our apartment in downtown Pittsburgh to my parents' farm in Ohio. Two reasons made us do this: one was the skyrocketing rent prices when HUD sold our building, causing rent to go from $539/mo to $720/mo. My husband worked at a casino, and was making $10/hr, so when rent prices went up like mad, we really began to struggle to survive. The other thing was bedbugs. The building manager laughed at our discomfort and said, "What do you expect me to do about it? Where would everyone go for the building to be treated?" Like, you're a shit manager if you haven't come up with those contingency plans.

Paying $720/mo for a bedbug-infested apartment (bedbugs are fucking hard to get rid of) and living in a constant state of itchy breakout made us decide it was time to move in with my parents. Because we literally could not afford to live anywhere else, and our student loan debt fucked up our credit scores, so we couldn't even get a house (and we were looking for one at the time!).

We used to think living on this farm was temporary until reality set in, that there is absolutely no possible way for us to make it on our own now. My husband has ADHD and anxiety and is still struggling to practice to get his driver's license (it's hard when my dad is a major source of my husband's stress; my dad's an asshole and gets worse by the year), and I'm Autistic, so I can't hold down a regular job, and nothing else is hiring.

In terms of getting a job for me at all, either I'd have to go to school for my special interest for the job (ecology, entomology, and/or paleontology) or I'd rather work in a library.

Welp, college is far too expensive for me to pay out of pocket, and my already existing student loan debt is barring me from getting any sort of financial aid to go back to school at all. As far as the library is concerned? Remember when I said my husband is currently struggling to practice for his license? (He doesn't get much practice because my dad is a stressful asshole that makes my husband have a horrible headache and anxiety after he drives). We have 2 vehicles, one my mom uses to get to work, and the other my dad uses to take my husband to work as well as do errands in like grocery shopping and shit like that.

I can't get a ride.

Can't ride a bicycle, either. It's definitely not safe (I live in America, if you couldn't tell). My parents' farm is deep within one of the back roads with one of the properties on this road being an oil rig. The oil workers drive like assholes, not caring what animal they hit, speeding through here. There are dirtbikes and four-wheelers that speed through here, too. There's no room for 2 vehicles to pass one another, and nothing but pure fucking hill the moment you step off the side of the road. I literally cannot bike here.

But let's pretend I got onto one of the main roads on either end of our road. It's even worse! And STILL no room for bicyclists! This goes for fucking miles until you reach a residential area! Except for a nearby little village-town that has the closest library branch. It's the village my husband grew up in, but there's a lot of sketchy turns, corners, and again, no room for bicycles. This includes main roads.

With all this in mind, I actually considered the possibility of moving to that village, because the village itself is actually safe enough to bike ride in. The problem is: I'm not guaranteed to get a job at the library at all. I tried getting a job as a library clerk at the Carnegie Library in Pittsburgh, got interviewed and everything, and didn't get the job for whatever reason. In fact, I'm not guaranteed a job at all at any library branch, regardless of the neighborhood. So moving to such an area depending on the chance of being hired there is not worth it.

Such a village is actually rather unfriendly, and that goes for a lot of communities here on this side of Ohio. You'd think this was one of the southern states from its people and what flags they fly.

So why not Pittsburgh? Why not move there if we could?

Well, I thought about it. It has all the perks I could expect such as public transportation, somewhat safer bicycling areas to commute to school and work, and more importantly: THINGS TO DO.

Living in the middle of nowhere blows when you want to, on your own without relying on someone to drive you, go and do something, such as buying fabric or art supplies for future projects, or going to the library, or anything, really! Yeah, I do want to garden, but I don't have the means to do that on a damn farm (long, frustrating story that made me stop believing my parents' promises).

Not to mention, I still have friends in Pittsburgh, If I wanna see them, they don't have to drive an hour and 45 minutes (and that's if they have a car) to visit. I got 2 friends here in the area, and they're busy with their work's demanding schedules. When we do hang out, Cards Against Humanity, Uno, and D&D can only do so much until it gets old and boring and you wanna do something else that isn't hanging out at a dead mall. There is truly nothing to do here. Pittsburgh has the museums, libraries, parks, and far more interesting establishments to lurk in.

So again: why not Pittsburgh?

Because that city has changed and is still changing compared to when I was last there. My regular watering hole (The Beehive) is no more. There are neighborhoods being gentrified (meaning I'm not guaranteed to keep my home even if I pay it off). Businesses are closing, meaning people will be losing their jobs, and some of the other places hiring (like libraries) are not guaranteed to hire me, especially when I haven't had a job since 2010.

There's also my cat to consider; she gets stressed at the sound of a lawn-mower (I don't blame her). She wouldn't be able to handle the sounds of the city. Unless we found a place not too close to downtown, such a move is a no-go.

I've daydreamed about living in Pittsburgh again. I'm homesick for Pittsburgh. I've realized only recently that that city was my home. Not this farm, not even the house I grew up in. I felt like a person who didn't have to rely on people for rides and such. It's the only place where I've truly lived on my own and enjoyed it.

I've actually considered moving out of this country and found that even more impossible. No matter which country you pick, no matter what language you learn, not only do you have to pay for your things to be shipped, for your plane ticket for a one-way trip, or whatever you need to become a citizen there, you still have to pay at least $2,000 to revoke your American citizenship or else you will be forced to pay American taxes despite never setting foot on American soil ever again.

Thanks to capitalism, America has made it fucking impossible for the average person to leave for good. If you are born here, you are financially enslaved here unless you're wealthy enough to leave.

So... What's the plan?

Well, for now: not much. The pandemic has set plans back a bit, but my parents have a lien on the house thanks to my private student loans my mom was bullied and forced into co-signing for. She... I guess?... is almost done paying them off? I don't know. My parents don't like communicating need-to-know info with me and then get mad when I don't absorb it through osmosis. Once the lien is taken off the house, mom wants to move north to be near her sister, and she said she'll try finding a farm for sale near Kent State so it'll be an easier commute (be it by bicycle or by car). My intention is to enroll there to be able to get a job as an ecologist (focus in entomology, specializing in arachnology) with a minor in paleontology.

Once I've gotten that all taken care of (as well as my husband going back to school for what he wants), we move to the pacific northwest, mainly just north of Seattle somewhere.

I hate Ohio. I hate running into people I've gone to school with that I try to avoid (more like I see them, but they don't recognize me? At least I hope not?). I hate this place so much. I hate this climate, being near people I don't want just randomly showing the fuck up. And what's the use of living near family when they don't want to bother visiting you? I hate hearing my mom tell me so-and-so that I obviously want nothing to do with told her to tell me they said hi. I'm tired of fearing I'll run into someone that abused me in the past because now they're back in the fucking area again apparently.

I've got my fingers crossed that something is gonna give and college to some level (community college?) will be free for residents or something. It'll give me a chance to go back to school for something close to what I wanna do so I can maybe get a job? Completing something at a community college would at least make it easier for me to get enrolled at a university.

My husband and I picked Seattle (or close to Seattle) for its climate. It's (usually) not blistering hot every goddamn year, and it's not horribly cold thanks to the mountain range (I'm quite cold-intolerant). We both enjoy overcast weather and rain. We'd rather take our chances with volcanoes than earthquakes or hurricanes in areas where these things are guaranteed to happen yet nobody ruling these areas wants to invest in infrastructure that helps stand a chance against them. Seattle also has a nice combination of city and wilderness side-by-side. Not much of that with Pittsburgh.

If I was forced to only move to Pittsburgh and no other city, I wouldn't mind, especially since I'm more familiar with Pittsburgh than I am with anything in my current local area (because I had to travel on foot instead of relying on a car to get to places!). Fuck, my mom wouldn't even let me do anything by myself out of the yard when we lived in the village I grew up in because she was a paranoid fuck and by the time I JUST STARTED gaining independence for having a bike and bicycling to the post office everyday, we moved to this farm.

Oh, this isn't a roof over my head I should be thankful for. My parents got screwed. Our water is full of iron and calcium that no filter can fix, so we constantly have plumbing problems, the post and internet connections are questionable at best, we get ant infestations from 2 species EVERY YEAR, all for a farm my mom wanted for horses she always wanted and eventually got but has little next to no energy to spend the time she wants with them and she refuses to admit her age has a lot to do with it on top of her working so she sits in the living room on THREE DIFFERENT DEVICES sucking up bandwidth to religiously watch every fucking livestream of a country singer she likes (and complains if she's missing it for any reason!), scroll through Facebook, and play a fucking shitty app game!

Our internet out here? The physical equipment is outdated (copper wires instead of fiber-optic cables) because the fucking company doesn't wanna spend the money to upgrade it.

So instead, we're stuck here, with my husband losing his sanity bit by bit by the day at his shitty retail job (every other available job offering would be worse in this area) and I sit here and hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I could start gardening soon.

I miss Pittsburgh. I really do. But despite all of its benefits it would give me and my husband if we moved back, I don't think it will happen.

In the off-chance that we don't move north, that my dad's assholery intensifies and he decides to remain here (he has to legally agree to sell this house in order for my mom to move north; dad's reasons keep fucking changing), Pittsburgh is a nice back-up plan. Pitt University actually has the major I'd want to go back to school for, as well as what my husband wants to go back to school for, and we'd already be familiar with the city and what to expect of it. However, we're aiming higher, and hoping to move to the pacific northwest, instead.

But I think to avoid losing my sanity, I should stop daydreaming about a future that may never be.

Fingers crossed!

[lifewithjessi101]

ABC Fun Facts About Me

We all can sing our ABCs by now, right? I would hope so! I thought it would be a fun idea to go through the alphabet listing off different random facts about me. I’m going to take each letter and use it for a fun fact starting with that letter. Let’s see what I came up with! 

A - Athletic Director. Becoming an athletic director is my dream job. 

B - Ballerina. My favorite style of dance is ballet. I took it very seriously growing up all the way through college. 

C - Caffeine junkie. I have to have my caffeine to function during the day. If I don’t I will nap the whole afternoon away. 

D - Disneyworld. I have never been to Disneyworld. 

E -  Essential Oils. I’m a firm believer in my diffuser and essential oils at night. 

F - Football. Football is my favorite sport. I watch almost every game during the football season. 

G - Golfer. I grew up golfing and played all four years in high school on varsity.  

H - Hawkeyes. My favorite sports team will forever be the Iowa Hawkeyes. Clemson is a very close second though. 

I - Indecisive. I can be very indecisive when shopping for clothes or other items. But I am never indecisive when choosing where to eat!

J -  Jessibell. This nickname was given to me by my dad’s side of the family growing up. One of my little cousins couldn’t say her “s” when she was learning to talk, so it turned into Jeppibell after she was born. 

K - Kids. I want many kids when I grow up, at least three! 

L - Lulabell. This is one of my nicknames growing up my dad gave me. I miss him calling me that every day. 

M - Mirrors. I will not sleep with mirrors in my room. If there are mirrors in the room I am sleeping in I cover them with a blanket or sheet, if I don’t do that I will not sleep at all. 

N - Number. My favorite number is 15. 

O - Orange. The only color that is not in my wardrobe. 

P - Peanuts. I’m deathly allergic to peanuts and any nuts for that matter. It’s so bad that I can’t even smell them. No one can eat anything with nuts in it when they are around me or even going to be around me in the next 24 hours. 

Q - Quiet. I’m very quiet at first but once I get comfortable around you, you see my true side. 

R - Racing. I actually love going to races. From dirtbikes to NASCAR, I would be so down for a race trip. 

S - Shopaholic. Enough said. 

T - Trevor Lawrence. Favorite college football player. I refer to him as my husband around anyone that knows me. (I know he is engaged…)

U - Unorganized. Something I definitely am not. I have a clean and organized room 24/7. 

V - Vampire Diaries. My all-time favorite show. I have watched it all the way through three times now. 

W - Whinny. My dad always used to say I was whinny when I wanted something. I think it has continued but not as bad. LOL!

X - X rays. I have had a total of 15 x-rays in my life so far. 

Y - Youngest. I’m the youngest of three in my family, with two older brothers. 

Z - Zebra. I used to be OBSESSED with zebra print growing up. Thank goodness that phase is gone. 

Which letter idea is your favorite? As always be sure to follow along on all my social media platforms to see into my everyday life. From daily insta story vlogs, OOTDs, thrifting trips, travel adventures, and of course baby Pumkin. I can’t wait to get to know you all more through this fun blogging adventure. Laters babes!