#grieving two of his friends

[ruporas]

chapter 90 vash

[sherrymagic]

not P'Jojo saying he had to beg Neo and Mark to stop while shooting their first sex scene on Neo's very first day on set 'cause they are competitive little shits and they just kept going after he called for the cut 😭😭😭

[deiaiko]

#20.5 Care

"Agni…" Grace shook him awake.

Agni stirred on the bed, a little displeased. Grace was being a little rough today. Ever since they started living together in this new timeline, Agni usually woke up to Grace kissing his cheek, not an urgent grip on his shoulder. It would have raised his awareness, but for some reason, his body was refusing to do so.

"Please, wake up." Grace begged, voice a little wet.

Agni forced himself to open his eyes, squinting at the blinding light that made his head ache. Once his vision adjusted to the room, he saw that Grace was close to tears. He visibly deflated once Agni managed to lock gazes with him and finally let the dam break free. "Oh thank goodness. I've been trying to wake you a few times but you didn't respond so I thought–" Grace wiped his tears off and tried to regain himself.

"Wh-" Agni coughed weakly, his throat was so dry. What happened?

Grace began explaining anyway. "When I woke up I noticed that you had a fever. So I tried to check on you, but you were more sluggish than your normal sick days. So I was afraid that you were–"

Grace stopped mid-ramble as Agni found and squeezed Grace's hand, trying to stop him from panicking. Waiting for Grace to recollect himself, Agni pushed himself up to sit to make himself more awake. The world spun and a wave of nausea hit him full force. Agni pushed himself off the bed and stumbled a little when his knee tingled uncomfortably. Realizing this, Grace swooped him off his feet and carried him down to the bathroom.

Soon Agni found himself sitting down on the floor next to the toilet bowl. Grace draped a blanket over him before Agni realized he was shivering. Agni noticed that his breath was hot and his shirt clung to his skin from cold sweat. 

Because their bedroom and the bathroom were quite a hassle to go back and forth from, Grace prepared the water bed in the bathroom for them to use later, and Agni was thankful for his thoughtfulness. Grace then sat next to him and mindlessly rubbed on Agni's hunched back, up and down along his spine comfortingly.

As Agni emptied his stomach in the toilet, he hazily recalled taking a little more sleeping pills than he should have last night, plus drinking a few cups of wine beforehand. Though given the circumstances, he didn't know whether he could've stopped himself from doing so. In that case, he must've had a hangover, on top of the chills that he usually got after using his ice shinsu, which often developed into fever.

The room was quiet after the wave of nausea passed, and the silence was nice against his foggy mind. His breath was still slow and uneven, and his throat felt arid and sore. Grace didn't look like he was faring any better, with his eyes red and swollen, movement sluggish as if he was working on autopilot. Still, Grace tended to him patiently until Agni felt okay enough to lay back down on the bed.

However, Grace didn't join him as Agni thought he would, and instead made his way to the door. "I will get you some medicine."

"Do you know which to get?" Agni rasped out. When Grace didn't answer right away, Agni typed the answer in his pocket. "There, sent." Only then did Agni notice the time, so he added, "You should get breakfast as well, if you have not."

"Maybe. I won't leave for long." And Grace closed the door after saying that.

Agni was just hoping that Grace could have a breather from being cooped up to take care of him, but deep down he was relieved with that promise. After all, the thought of being left alone when his body felt like it was chained to the ground spiked his anxiety. His stomach churned as bad memories replayed in his mind from the reminder. He dragged his heavy feet and kneeled beside the toilet bowl for the second time, already missing the comfort of the bed. He retched to try getting rid of the awful feeling, but it wasn't effective when he had nothing else to empty.

As the sleep medication wore off, his thoughts also returned louder, and Agni was reminded again of why he decided to take another dose last night. It wasn't like him to do something so impulsive, but after Grace fell asleep crying, everything seemed too much to bear alone. He needed something to help him quiet all the guilt that he had piled up.

All the events leading up to that tragedy replayed vividly over and over. Each time he tried to think of ways it could've ended differently, but only a few seemed to have played in their favor. But of course, what good would it do him anyway? Because he couldn't change what had happened, even if he went back to the past. And the fact that they were gone was the reality he had to live with from now on.

Grace returned quicker than he had anticipated, with the food tray and all. But his complexion did look much better than before he left, so Agni felt somewhat relieved.

"Bam is outside," was what Grace said as a greeting. And yeah, it did explain a lot for his better mood.

"You should spend time with him." Because Grace needed someone to cheer him up, and who else knew how to do it better than himself? "Don't worry about me."

"How could I not?" Grace sat next to him, putting the food tray on the floor, completely ignoring Agni's former suggestion. Grace brushed his palm on Agni's forehead, the clear temperature difference made his eyebrows knit together in concern. "Your fever rose."

"It's not usually this stubborn." Agni exhaled some of his frustration, and began coughing as his body reminded him of how dry his throat was. He took a careful sip of the water that Grace offered and waited for it to settle before taking the medicine, swallowing it dry out of habit. 

"You should eat something." Grace pulled the tray so it was within Agni's reach. "Or drink some water, you're dehydrated."

Agni groaned, though he knew he needed to get something in his system to make his body focus on recovering. He nibbled on the crackers and drank the water little by little, deciding to take his time rather than risk it. Grace looked very satisfied when Agni managed to get everything down, which in turn also made Agni feel somewhat accomplished.

Not long afterward, Agni yawned, tired after being kept awake by the nausea and his loud thoughts. Grace had pulled Agni to sit on his lap, body facing each other to share as much warmth while keeping Agni upright, or else he might have an upset stomach later.

The way Grace's breath brushed past his neck grounded him, as it was an easy thing to focus on. Time passed slowly, and it would've lulled him to sleep if Grace didn't let the silence linger. There was a tenseness in Grace's shoulders, and the way Grace hugged him a little tighter than usual was enough to tell him not to leave his wave controller alone drowning in his thoughts. The moment Grace's breathing started to get uneven, Agni knew that Grace was crying. Absentmindedly, he began rubbing and patting Grace's back, earning him some sniffles. It was pathetic that this was the only thing Agni could offer to support Grace, but he couldn't think of anything better that he was able to give as of the moment.

Agni didn't cry, though he wished he could, so his chest could relieve some of the pressure and stop aching. To think that they were willing to save him without thinking of the consequences, was something Agni still had a hard time believing. That he was able to hold Grace like this was all thanks to them. He could've died that day if Rak didn't protect him, or he could've lost his mind by living in that damned place if Isu and Hatz didn't come for him. He missed his old team, both dead and alive, and all that he left behind in that war time. He never admitted it out loud, but god he missed them.

Eventually, Grace pulled away. His eyes were red and puffy, but his movements were no longer on autopilot. He tucked Agni back to bed after checking his temperature, saying that it had gone lower, and evidently it ceased some of his worry.

Agni snuggled closer to Grace, finding comfort at the thought of him. Alive, real and close by. "Thank you, for being here." 

The corner of Grace's lips pulled upwards in a gentle smile, "You too." His free hand ran through Agni's hair and massaged his scalp. "Get better soon."

Agni started to drift off to sleep then, comfortably tucked up under a blanket and safe in Grace's embrace. He remembered the way Grace placed a lingering kiss on his forehead before Agni was out completely.

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[deepfriedpaddymayne]

girls when they remember that wilfred owen was killed in action A WEEK before the armistice was signed

[laotwormz]

party ended 2 hours ago but he’s still here

[pinkestpurple]

Today i watch dead poets society and please tell me is gay on purpose. Like the way Neil literary has his"oh" moment when Todd is on the front of the class creating a poem, the way Todd bluescreens when Neil gets to close to him. The way Todd is completely in love watching Neil act, and then Keating notices it!!!

Please tell me the creator/director made all this nods on purpose but didn't show them kissing because is from the eighties.

[the--highlanders]

it is 1:16am and I am once again thinking about my extreme saltiness over big finish randomly deciding that jamie and kirsty got married vs my immense enjoyment of that fact bc of all the malicious compliance character building it lets me do. literally drives me nuts.

[arolesbianism]

While I may not be allowing myself to post spiraling upwards spoilers, I see no issue with posting art of a bunch of folks who are dead before the story starts and one Conetalon who isn't

[theodore-lasso]

So like certified bad day. My grandma died this morning and now I'm sick???? Bro come on

[lastnightonthecyclone]

Another fucking wip on fnaf because inconsistency is my skill

[southernvampire]

just got to act 3 and I'm not ok. that conversation in the pistis sofia... after going through everything, losing a lot of people, your time running short and getting sicker by the moment, the option for V to trust Johnny almost completely is there.

the realization (for my V in particular) is that yeah, he would take a bullet for Johnny. yeah, he does want corps to burn, no matter how impossible that actually is. yeah, he will let Johnny take over to talk to Rogue and trust him with his body, because at this point, what else does he have to lose? Johnny needs his body to survive just as much as V does. and when Johnny tells him that he'll help V and be ok with being wiped out, V believes him. no matter if Johnny is actually trying to trick him or what everyone has told V about Johnny, he chooses to trust him.

in the moment, he doesn't worry about the reasoning behind it, if his mind is slowly turning into Johnny's or if he's just being stockholmed by Johnny, because he's seen the look on his face when a relic malfunction happens, heard the hitch of concern in his voice each time. and yeah, that concern is for himself, but also for V. he can almost feel Johnny's emotions in those times.

after that conversation, he realizes that he loves Johnny in a way that he can't quite put his finger on. like not being able to help but love a part of yourself simply because it's you, except Johnny isn't V. not yet, if Hellman was right about how this was all going to go down. but it's more than that. he also loves Johnny like a childhood friend you've always had feelings for, but know nothing will ever happen of it so you choose to be by their side through the years to be close to them and care for them in a way they will accept. except they've barely had time to properly know each other, yet they know each other more than anyone else has ever had.

whatever feeling it is, it is intimate and selfless and bordering on being completely, unapologetically unconditional. and though he doesn't have proof, V thinks that Johnny might be feeling the same, or similar, feeling toward V, whether or not it's solely based on his own need for survival.

he realizes that he doesn't exactly want Johnny to go away, not completely, and he's not sure if he could deal with the loneliness in his mind afterward, or the guilt if anything happened to Johnny's construct. he needs Johnny, cares about him, partly because they're slowly melding together into one, but also because he doesn't have anyone else he's ever been this vulnerable with, and he senses the same might be true for Johnny. he doesn't want to let go of Johnny, but deep down he's also not ready to die, his self-loathing be damned.

the pistis sofia is a great place to die, but not today, so he'll keep trying to find a solution. but the odds aren't looking good, and if it comes down to it, he doesn't know if he'll be able to choose himself over Johnny.

[impossible-rat-babies]

🧍‍♂️🚶‍♂️anyway

[moe-broey]

Therapy notes

[op15-moonwaltz]

even MORE Jack Frost headcanons because I have a lot of thoughts and none of them are cohesive. (some of these feel more AU-ish and I dunno what to do about that, if I feel tempted I might actually write out a before movie events story with jack and saint nick because he deserves some happiness and I love my little oinglydoobles)

The Santa he was close with he called 'Saint Nick.' He was already fairly old when he became Santa (around 60 years-old to early 70s), but Jack Adored him. He was very open to Jack having some presence in the holiday season besides making things cold.

Saint Nick was actually a grandfather when he became Santa! His kids and grandkids were very frequent visitors of the North Pole. Jack was ecstatic when one of Nick's grandkids said their favorite holiday movie was Rankin Bass' 'Jack Frost.'

The Council of Legendary Figures wasn't particularly. . overjoyed that Jack had taken part of the holiday décor from the traditional Christmas decorations, but Saint Nick shut that talk down FAST.

"Just because he isn't a holiday doesn't mean he can't have some say in the decorations around this time! Without him, there'd be no holiday spirit at all! He needs some credit here, fellas. A 'Thank you' maybe, too."

Jack never told anyone he had been outside the meeting room door during that. He had previously been there to crash the meeting, as he usually did, but after hearing that he'd tossed that plan out entirely and popped over to his condo and had a 4-hour long existential crisis.

time to get SAD (tw for a LOT of grieving)

When Jack popped over for the meeting after Scott became Santa, he could already feel something incredibly off as soon as he touched the handle to the door and his rising anxiety was confirmed when he went to sit in his usual seat next to Claus' chair and tried to keep a smile up despite feeling absolutely sick to his stomach.

He finally cracked when Scott had made a passing comment on how Saint Nick had slid off his roof and Jack Lost It. An hour long shouting match between him and the other Legendary Figures, with comments from Scott, before they actually noticed the tears that sat in Jack's eyes. (Frustration? Grief?)

"So NO ONE thought to tell me he died? No one at all? After we'd both been planning the holidays together for the last 40 years?!"

"It's not personal, Jack- T-Things are just different now-" Scott's first mistake upon meeting Jack.

EVERYTHING Saint Nick had helped Jack work toward had been undone within the span of a few weeks, and a lot of the days of December were icy and bitterly cold.

He fucking missed Saint Nick so bad. He felt both pissed that Scott had replaced him so fast, and absolutely shattered that Nick's grandkids had lost their grandfather.

Jack had become a constant in Nick's family's lives, so he'd pop over a lot more frequently to check up on them. He never told anyone he did that, the Legendary Figures were very keen on keeping holiday secrets just that. Secrets. But he couldn't just leave the family in the dark like that, they couldn't even have a proper funeral for him.

For Christmas that year, Jack practically Begged Bernard to do one thing for him. Find something of Nick's that he could give to his family for closure. Bernard and Jack never got along well most of the time, but the genuine broken look in his eyes was enough to make Bernard comply.

Jack turned up at Nick's Family's home Christmas Day, little giftbox in tow. He stayed for awhile, watching the grandkids play with their new toys, then he snuck away with the parents and presented the box.

Bernard had gotten Nick's snow globe for Jack to give the family.

Jack stuck around to watch them place it on the center of the fireplace mantel. He felt a bit more at peace knowing the family had something.

When Jack returned to his condo that night, there was a single gift wrapped in blue and silver paper on his coffee table. Bernard had gotten one more thing for him.

It was a framed photo of Jack and Saint Nick's first collaborative Christmas, Jack had wrapped Nick in silver and blue tinsel before the photo was taken and Nick had gotten a pair of antlers onto Jack's head. They were both ecstatic and covered in glitter.

Jack passed out the rest of the night on his couch with the picture on his chest.

[potatoesandsunshine]

my thing is i actually do like alistair more once he hates you. like he becomes more compelling to me once he’s decided he’s done with the warden completely

[bunathebunny]

while i love the whole "hm what if Xiao doesn't know he was loved very much by his colleagues-slash-friends" i also love the idea that they also were very insecure about how important they are to Xiao :DDD