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seijorhi · 3 years

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asks :))

what i have learned today is that y’all wanna get fucked by some monsters...

What does nostos mean? What language is it in? 🤔 also I of course loved it, mind blown as usual queen

it’s ancient greek! it means homecoming, the idea of a triumphant return home for the hero after a long journey. i found it through looking at the root of nostalgia. in this fic of course it’s kind of a grim tongue in cheek play on it. the reader’s coming back to the mountains, but she’s running away after a bad breakup, and the welcome she gets is... shall we say less than ideal haha

Just read nostos-

First of all as a person who reads monster shit- hell ya. Mhm. That’s some good shit right there. That was DELICIOUS horror. It actually had me a bit nervous and afraid to read what was gonna happen next 😳

Secondly- omg I wanna know what happened next (at the end) 👀 know what I mean??? 😼

ANYWAY AS ALWAYS you never disappoint and your writing is fantastic (if/when you write horror yandere stuff again I’ll be there- frothing at the mouth. A+++++ work ILY💖)

you want me to write the monster porn, just say it bby ghfjdkshgfjkd but ty

Omfg that fic was so good!

Did the readers mom know about monster kuroo?? Or was she just worried because of the previous murder? And did Kuroo somehow manipulate reader into coming back to the forest or was it just a big coincidence? (👁👄👁 there's no such thing as a coincidence)

Looking forward to your future work <3

ty nonnie!! i didn’t have the right space for it, but after kohsuke was ripped apart and eaten kuroo stayed by the reader’s side until late in the night, only disappearing when he heard the reader’s parents/search party approaching. they found her lying in pools of blood (and scattered half eaten body parts), shaking and unresponsive – they knew no animal could’ve done something like that. so they knew something lurked in those woods, but considering the reader had repressed the memories, her mom couldn’t just come out and say it <33

You are an AMAZING horror writer!!!

The uneasiness I got from the conversations with the mom is just *chefs kiss*

A+++++

ahh thank you!! horror is such a hard genre to write because i’m never sure if the suspense and everything’s gonna hit right haha

I read Nostos before going to sleep last night and at the time I was like “sure hope this doesn’t give me nightmares” and thankfully it didn’t lol. But I think I’m willing to take that chance again because it’s so GOOD and I think I’m just going to have to relive it – @ohno-otome

fhdjgbfhjkdfn i’m glad it didn’t give you nightmares bby!! but i also appreciate that haha, i’m an absolute wimp with scary movies and stuff but i just can’t stop watching them haha

I just wanna say that I was listening to "You're a psychotic villain playlist" on youtube while reading Kuroo's oneshot and I can't explain the emotions I felt, but I'd let Kuroo do things to me asdfghjkl – @itishebihime-samaforyou

ooh nice! sometimes the right playlist makes things doubly as fun haha

OH MY GOD!?!?! Nostos was soooo GOOD?!?!? Like it was so creepy (but in a good way), and scary and suspenseful!! And the ending!?!? Omggg honestly one my fav fics from you!! You did my mans Kuroo justice 🥺💖💕

TYYYYYYY i was genuinely concerned i was gonna scare everybody off haha

Ah! The new fic! Chiefs kiss! Magnificent! Bravo!🧚‍♀️✨🧞‍♀️🦖🦭🌹💫

tysm nonnie!!! <33

i’m pretty sure i’m in the same/similar timezone as you? and i do be staying up late to be one of the first to read your fics (i usually stay up late anyways). so imagine my surprise when i see you post in the afternoon. in conclusion, whether you post to align with your european and american readers’ timezone, my gmt+10 arse will still be one of the first to read your fics. also nostos sjdufigyyjf i have to admit, i recently just found out about monster fucking and nostos scratched the itch😫 i feel bad for kohsuke though

bby i always post at like 2-4 in the morning please get some sleep!! the fics will be there in the morning lmao. i kinda low key forget about my aussie/gmt+10 followers because i think there’s like... 3 of you haha

Honestly if i could give u a dollar everytime i got off to your fics, you'd probably be rich by now

lmao the idea that people find my fics hot enough to get off to still blows my mind lol

your newest kuroo fic was so SO good!! its totally okay if you dont want to answer this so you can keep things ambiguous but is monster kuroo planning on killing the reader after he's...done with them

thank you, bby!! but no, monster kuroo isn’t gonna eat her – he’s had plenty of chances to do that if that’s what he wanted, but he has other plans for the poor reader

RHI, I WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM OKAY WITH MORE MONSTER FUCKING IN THE FUTURE. i also want to say im not a monster fucker, but that just feels like a lie at this point. okay, now that that's off my chest, i love it. the mystery, the connections of kuroo to a cat. kuroo's probably gonna go and batter around his prey once they're under his grip like my cat does. hopefully the reader will come out somewhat unscathed, if they are ever allowed to leave 😌 love this, love how different it is, the way kuroo just tries to weasel in. very monster and yandere vibes, very you. have i said i love this yet?? id willingly let him get me drunk on his cock, maybe never leave the peace of the mountains again

‘i want to say that i’m not a monster fucker’ bby the denial will get you nowhere haha. just lean in and embrace it hgfjkdlkfgjnkdl ahh but thank you this is such a sweet ask ILY!!!

Omg omg the monster thing kuroo was in ur latest fic is so familiar to me abdhdmfnjfjf. I remember being told abt a monster with VERY SIMILAR characteristics to it (aka the not being able to go inside a house unless invited and using fire to lure ppl out) AND JFC IT TERRIFIED ME. Esp how when i told ppl around me and they didnt recognize what it was, but it was somehow known to the kid that told me abt it.

(Some ppl thought it was familiar but still didnt know what it was)

Do u know what im talking abt? Hopefully u do

-🥚

GHFJDK so the monster in this is kind of based off the nekomata spirit in japanese folklore - they can appear like people, torment victims by reanimating the corpses of their loved ones, they’ve been blamed for forest fires, so it was just fun to use that as a basis and then go buck wild haha. anyway thanks for the ask bby!

Rest In Peace Kohsuke, you would’ve loved Haikyuu season 5😔✊– @joyvstheworld

poor kohsuke deserved better, i’m just mean to the oc’s i throw into fics haha

Monsterfucking ❤❤❤❤❤❤ a little annoyed you're making me simp for yan Kuroo though (a vibe tho tbh). You're so extremely talented!!!! &

This is probably a stupid question, but how did Kageyama react when he couldn't find y/n? How is life with yan Suga? I imagine probably awful BUT yknow maybe the stockholm syndrome set in fast lmao. Sorry, I'm going on a binge reading your stuff. - @oracleofdin

i will not apologise for making you simp for kuroo he deserves it the man’s a snacc. and as far as your second question, suga’s a very caring, very smothering kinda yandere, so i guess in some ways it’s better than what the reader had with kageyama but... pick your poison haha

That was so good. I’m so shook rn I can’t comprehend anything but how good that was and how good a writer you are

TYSM NONNIE!!! <33

Ok, so, I just read Final Girl and the lil' ticket addition to it and just---

Well, ok I've been playing Dead by Daylight a lot lately? And I'm just picturing Tetsu as the newest killer "The Trickster" and I'm positively RANDY.

Your writing is ALREADY thirst inducing and just as satisfying, but this has SENT ME- If you're not familiar, please...

https://youtu.be/iowkiPobYYQ

Understand my thirst. (I'd also like to clarify, I use a different skin for him that gives him black hair and he looks like Kuroo with an undercut.)

~ @the-casual-hedonist 🌸

i love how feral y’all got for final girl kuroo. like bo and akaashi had his fans, but i put a spiked bat in kuroo’s hands and y’all lost your goddamn minds and i love to see it. fghdjkvhfjdkls thanks for the ask bby

idk why but I love preggo reader as long as I don't pretend it's me 😢✋ I hate babies n pregnancy anywhere else other than horny haikyuu fics

i think that’s a valid thing for a lot of fans. the idea of breeding is sexy, the actual getting pregnant and having a kid thing... not so much. but especially with non-con scenario’s, it’s more about the aspect on control than the actual desire to have kids. but yeah, i feel you

Sorry to bother but uh was just wondering in fracture did Osamu kill his wife or was it actually an “unfortunate event” ? Love your work btw!!

he most certainly did :))

LMFAO RHI i totally get not liking cheating/infidelity fics (towards reader) bc IT HIRTS ME SO BAD I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE.

id be reading fics those fics like: tf you mean my yandere aimt gonna baby me and only want me??🤨🤨🤨⁉️‼️

EXACTLY! listen i get that it’s a fucked up fantasy, but in my fucked up fantasy you damn well better have the decency to be loyal smh

Finders keepers is the most beautiful thing I've read by you: I read it twice like I normally do and here's what I figured out the second time (that's when I analyze it and find the little tidbits of things that are much darker than they appear (: )

To start I LOVE THE DETAILS OF THEM NEVER TEACHING READER ANYTHING- at first I assumed "oh they might see her as a little sister or child or something" but realized thAT WAS THE ISSUE!! they infantilize her and isolate her from everyone but her group. the small details like that are what make the story amazing 😎💅

ahh thank you so much, nonnie!! pls this is making me soft 🥺

I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your writing and I hope you're doing well!!! Drink plenty of water and keep up the amazing work :) but seriously you're one of the best fanfic writers I've seen on tumblr! I read your "Imitation" piece about kuroo and i keep coming back to it, it's so good! I did want to ask if you think it'd be possible for the reader to ever escape with the baby (or at least attempt to). Or if Kenma would "help" at all just to put an end to kuroo's antics lmao

kenma would in no way help the reader, and tbh by that point if kuroo did get her pregnant, she’d be far too emotionally dependant on him to actually even want to leave, but thanks for the ask!

You know who I think would be a perfect Yandere in the JJK world? Choso.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

After being locked in a glass jar for however long he was, and all that happened with his brothers, I feel like he would absolutely never let his darling out of his sight. He would be possessive. Obsessive. And Oh So delusional. Sure he’d be your anything - he truly is a softy - but to what end?🤤

choso would make an excellent yandere, ngl 😌

what au/troupe of your fav character(s) that you have written do you like the most?

(rlly hope this makes sense🙏)

i am always a slut for soulmate au’s :))

#ask #anon #rhi answers #ohh so many asks #i love you guys <33 #fic q's

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #400

“it’s an age-old story: the first will be last, and the last will be kings / the small will be great, and the great will be weak”

Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? My mom; I thank her every time she cooks for me/us, and I really do mean it. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? Somewhere around a month. What was the last thing to really surprise you? My brother has a fiancee and is having another son! :') Have you ever found out that you have been sleep walking? No. Have you ever tried making something from one of those short cooking videos? How did it turn out? No. Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No. What was the last thing you had the urge to do? Idk about anything notable. Is there anyone you feel that takes you for granted? No. What is the last thing you had a craving for? A donut. Do you ever read the comments on social media posts? Sometimes. What was the last thing you felt like you wasted money on? It's so rare that I buy things with my own cash that I really don't know. What was the last thing you wanted to buy, but couldn’t afford? Venus' terrarium on my own. Mom has to help me with buying it. What is a recipe you’d like to try to make for yourself? I don’t cook, so. What goes through your mind when you look back at old photographs of yourself? More than anything, I get sad over how much weight I've gained. I was so healthy once upon a time. It also just makes me miss my childhood. What was the subject matter of the last email you sent? I believe it was about setting up an appointment with my therapist. How do you get your news? Facebook articles, really. What do you think about lizards? I love them! I was that kid that always tried to catch them when I saw 'em. Now I just observe because I don't want to terrify them by trying to pick them up. Have you ever done consumer testing (testing products before they come out on the market)? If not, would you ever want to? No, but sure, I'd do it. Have you ever received anesthesia or morphine? Both. The time I received morphine, it did jack-all for me. If you had to choose which video game to be in, which would it be? Hmmm... I would say Azeroth from World of Warcraft, but too much shit goes down, ha ha. Perhaps the top of the temple in Shadow of the Colossus? So long as I could have someone I love with me, I'd be in Heaven. Although... I doubt there's WiFi there, so I might drop that answer, lmfao. I really don't know. Between the two, would you rather live in a place where it’s only night or where it’s only day? Day. I need the natural light of day sometimes, and if I wanted to sleep, I could just find shade. If you had to be an actor/actress in a movie, what genre of the movie would you be best at? Fantasy. Out of fire, earth, water, wind, light, and dark, which element appeals the most to you? Dark. What’s one thing that you wish was real? Friendly dragons, haha. Is there anything (show, comedian, etc.) that you constantly quote or make references to? No. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have absolutely no idea. I don't even remember almost any of them. What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? Yes. Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Yeah, sometimes. I genuinely don't mind her. Do you still make Christmas lists? Yeah, because I'm asked to. Do you watch the show Dexter? Never seen it. Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? I'm torn between the violin, harp, and piano. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom, by a year. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? A lot, actually. Is there any food in your bedroom? What? I have these tictacs I keep in my purse in case of a dry mouth. Medication makes me have that severely, and my psychiatrist recommended me to always have a hard candy available to suck on since it forces salivation. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? My younger sister, badly. How far away do your grandparents live from you? They're all dead, but they lived in far away states. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? None. It's a bad idea to keep chips in this house, haha. Do you have your mom's or dad's hair? Well, I was born with dirty blonde hair like my dad, but my hair is thick and more similar in color now to my mom's before the cancer completely drained the color. If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear? OH MY GOD LA;KSDJFAKLWJE I DON'T KNOW I LOOK AWFUL IN EVERYTHING. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Teared up, yes, multiple times. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I might swear under my breath, but that's the extent of it. If you were adopted, would you want to know? At this point in my life, I don't really know. I kinda find myself leaning towards no. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman sure does. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? I want to say that was the night before I was getting my tattoo redone. Do you own any flip-flops? Yeah, considering they're like... all I wear, ever. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) It was the only lucid dream I've ever had and I'm not complaining about it lmao. Have you ever had a dream that upset you or made you cry? Oh I'm sure. Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Not to my recollection, no, and I don't believe you should ever adopt that mentality and say that to someone. Do you own a laser? No. Is there anything you like to put on a sandwich, that some might find odd? Nah. I do enjoy a layer of potato chips on some sandwiches, like ham and cheese, but I know that's like an actual thing some people just like. What colour are the shoes you wear most often? They're black flip-flops. When was the last time you were required to put on a mask? In the morning when I go to the TMS office. And what colour was the last mask you wore? It's one of those normal blue and white medical ones. The last time you were in a queue, what were you waiting for? To see the woman who would give me my APAP mask. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes, Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? None for the first shot, but my second shot bruised badly and I felt seriously shitty the following day. I was perfectly fine afterwards, though. Can any of your friends sing well? Which one has the nicest singing voice? Sara has an AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING voice. When was the last time you wore make-up, if ever? What shades/colours? I don't even remember, but I'm sure it would've been black. What is something that seems popular, but doesn't interest you personally? Fashion, various TV shows, etc... Are you clumsy or graceful? I am STUPID clumsy. Like it's just ridiculous. Do you like gloves? I like fingerless gloves. Does your sibling(s) have braces? My older sister did as a kid. Do you ever say "OMG" in person? No; it's a random pet peeve of mine, "Internet talk" irl. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Dad, no idea. Mom, uhhhh. Not "mad," but "annoyed" probably better fits how she felt about me leaving the heating pad I use for my cramps on the floor. Do your pets have favorites? I'm definitely Roman's favorite seeing as he is my literal shadow, and I'd assume Venus trusts me more than anyone else, but realistically, she's in contact with almost no one else, so. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? The first guy to have the title of "boyfriend" was Aaron, and I broke up with him 'cuz I just wasn't as romantically into him as I thought I might be. It was puppy-dog love, and I feel I knew that. My first *real* boyfriend was Jason, who broke up with me because my mental illnesses began to affect his wellbeing. Which I now accept is fine, but he seriously coulda gone about things differently... When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Late into my teenage years; idk the exact age and don't feel like doing the math. Teddy kept peeing on the bed to where it was just unrecoverable and needed to be thrown away. My current bed is comfy enough. What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? My absolute favorite was digging tunnels in the sandbox, pretending to be a meerkat. The only trend I ever created, haha, seeing as my classmates got into it with me, allowing us to make huge tunnel systems. It was really cool. I also liked playing 4 Square (which I now don't even remember the details of) on the basketball court. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driver's ed instructor and the guy who was on the same route as me. What’s your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? N/A Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any as pets? I'm picky with dogs. I like interacting with any dog, but I don't plan on ever owning another. I don't like how hyper they can be, and I prefer more independent pets, like cats. Basically, I'll be hyped to meet a random dog on the street and give it some loving, but I don't want to take it home to be my own. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? No. I cannot stand elitists. Is just being fond of something enough, or does it take more than that to be a ‘real fan’? And I hate gatekeeping in fandoms even more. There are varying intensities of "being a fan," but regardless, if you like something, congratulations, you're a valid, "real" fan. What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? I don't pay attention to this, honestly. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? I'll wear either, but without is way more comfortable. If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? God no. What length do you like your shorts to be? I don’t wear shorts. What was the last disappointing movie you saw? Warcraft, but not because it was bad. I've talked before how in the theater, the orcs' voices were just so fucking baritone that I couldn't understand almost ANYTHING they said. Kinda ruined the experience for me. What was the last disappointing book you read? Don't recall. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Very rarely. If I do, they're mostly of animals being silly. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Probably Dory, but idk. There's WAY too many options to fish through.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''this is the kingdom'' by skillet

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 5 years

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Non-Sequential [Ch. 14]

Pairing: Pre-Serum Steve Rogers/Steve Rogers x Reader

One night, Steve Rogers met a beautiful dame named Y/N. He hadn’t intended on letting her get away. But fate had other ideas. Y/N appeared and disappeared in his life so hauntingly that Steve started to wonder if she was an angel meant to watch over him.

Word Count: 2,600

A/N: Hey. Remember when I said I was on a break. LMFAO. I guess when inspiration hits, it hits.

Chapter 13

Everything hurt. Her body. Her mind. Her heart.

Even the distant, muddled beeping was giving her a migraine.

Why couldn’t it just end?

Y/N was done fighting. She was in too much pain. She just wanted it all to be over. Surely Steve would forgive her. Surely he’d understand. She wasn’t strong like him. She wished she were, but that wasn’t her reality.

“You coming back to the living, kid?” A voice muttered.

Why did they sound like they were underwater?

Y/N urged her eyes to open and even that hurt. The white room was blinding – even with all the lights dimmed or turned off.

After a minute of wincing and blinking, her eyes finally managed to adjust to the room.

She looked over to see Tony sitting in a chair next to her bed.

“Where – Where am I?” Y/N asked, trying to look around the room for clues. It felt familiar but also new at the same time.

“You’re in the medical wing of the compound,” he answered promptly.

She relaxed at that.

“You showed up in the middle of Heathrow Airport a couple of days ago. Caused quite a scene actually. Soon as I got word, I flew you back here.”

What really happened was Tony had a fit at the Royal London Hospital. They tried to tell him that he couldn’t take Y/N. That an investigation needed to be made for the mysterious, naked girl who showed up out of nowhere, in one of the biggest airports in the world. The words ‘terrorist’ and ‘national security’ had even been thrown around. But Tony wasn’t having it. When he saw how beat up Y/N was… he couldn’t trust just any doctors to help her.

It didn’t help that the Avengers had been disbanded just days before. That his entire life and family had just been broken. He couldn’t lose any more people. So Tony caused a scene and regretted none of it.

Y/N eyed Tony then, finally taking him in. That was when she saw the bruises and cuts on his face. He’d been in a fight, that was obvious.

Her exhausted and recovering mind slowly processed everything.

“Tony,” Y/N said slowly and carefully, “where is Steve?”

Tony covered his mouth and his eyes looked heartbroken as they watched her. But he didn’t say anything

“Tony,” she repeated more firmly. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know,” he finally answered.

“What’s happened? What did I miss?” Now she had a million questions.

“Battle lines were drawn and sides were chosen…” Tony hesitated. “And Cap…Well, Cap didn’t pick me.”

Y/N was breathing heavily as she realized what he meant.

“The Accords,” she muttered.

“I always knew that war buddy of his meant a lot to him. That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt when he chose him over me.” He shook his head.

“Can’t you find him, Tony?” Her voice shook as tears began to form. “Please, I…I need him. Please, Tony.”

Tony squirmed in his seat, already knowing he couldn’t give her what she wanted, what she needed, what she was begging for.

“He walks into this building and they won’t let him leave.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“He’s a criminal now, Y/N. He refused to sign, broke the law, and then busted our – his friends – out of the most secure prison in the world.”

Tears were sliding down her cheeks now.

“He’s left me. Now he’s left you.” Tony added bitterly.

Y/N wanted to say he was wrong. But Tony’s anguish was taking over her as well.

“Who’s still here?” She whispered.

But really what she was asking was, ‘Who sided with Steve?’

Tony shrugged and crossed his arms, pretending like he didn’t hate the answer to her question.

“Vision. Rhodey.”

Y/N tried not to gape at him. That was it? That’s all that was left of them?

Tony then leaned forward, balancing his forearms on his knees. “Wanna tell me what happened to you, kid? Who did this to you?”

Y/N didn’t like the sudden attention being shifted onto her. She turned away from him and leaned back into her bed, refusing to meet his gaze now.

“You’re not gonna tell me?” Tony challenged.

She didn’t speak.

“Do you want me to list all the injuries on your patient chart? The docs said you’re lucky to be alive. You were a breath away from death when they found you at the airport.” He sighed and leaned back in his chair as he rubbed his face. “I’m not gonna let that go.”

But Y/N couldn’t talk about it. It was all in the past, literally. There was nothing anyone could do to make it better. It happened and there was no justice that could be served. That was the thing about the past, it just kept haunting you and you could never go back to fight it off.

Y/N didn’t want to talk about the torture. She didn’t even want to think about it.

She just wanted it to go away.

“Y/N…” He tried to urge.

“Please, just leave me alone,” she snapped before he could say anything more.

Tony eyed her with concern. But she didn’t see because she refused to look at him. So he did what she asked and he left her alone.

————————

“She is your…?” This time, T’Challa wanted to know her rightful title.

Steve squinted at the question because no word felt right to him. Y/N was more than his girlfriend. Lover felt cheesy. The idea of soulmate felt right, but that word felt hokey and too misused to be correct.

“She’s my…everything.” Steve finally muttered hesitantly.

Steve had left Wakanda to rescue his friends from the Raft. During that time, T’Challa had become king, defended his throne, and drove his country out of a civil war.

Steve had returned when T’Challa informed him of Bucky’s recovery, all thanks to his little sister Shuri.

Steve had expected it to take months to cure Bucky’s brainwashing. But Shuri managed to do it in a week. “I would’ve fixed your white boy within days if it hadn’t been for Killmonger,” Shuri had told Steve with exasperation.

T’Challa nodded slowly. “I see.”

He watched the captain closely. T’Challa was wise and observant. He could tell how broken Steve was, how hard he was trying to keep his emotions down.

Knowing that Y/N was hurt was destroying Steve.

“You cannot go to her?” T’Challa asked carefully.

“They’ll get to me before I get to her. What good would I do her in jail?”

T’Challa nodded slowly and then cleared his throat. “So, we bring her here.”

Steve’s eyes widened. “What?”

“We will retrieve her and bring her to Wakanda.”

“Your Highness, you’ve done more than enough for me. I can’t ask that of you.”

“You did not ask, Captain. I am offering.” He gave him a small smirk. “Wakanda has revealed itself to the world because I want to help those who need it.” Then his face dropped slightly. “She will not receive better medical care anywhere else.”

“She’s…enhanced.” He finally confessed.

“How so?”

Steve rubbed his face. “She travels through time. But she can’t control it. She thinks it’s like a disease. It controls her instead of her controlling it.”

T’Challa doesn’t seemed phases by it. “Perhaps we can help her.”

Steve sighed. “You will be breaking into the Avenger’s compound.”

“Or I will be welcomed,” T’Challa offered with the tilt of his head.

But when he watched Steve’s reaction, there wasn’t the level of excitement or relief he was expecting.

“What is it?” He asked.

Steve shook his head. “I can’t stay here with her. My team…they’re being forced on the run because of me. I can’t just abandon them. The world still needs saving. With or without the Avengers, I can’t sit back and watch bad things happen.”

T’Challa understood his reasoning. He reached forward and gripped Steve’s shoulder. “Then Wakanda will watch over her while you do what you must.”

“T’Challa… I don’t know how I will ever repay you.”

The king smiled. “Captain Rogers, not ever good deed is a debt that needs to be repaid.”

——————

Y/N had been in a complete haze for over a week now. They put her on strong pain killers. So strong that she was barely coherent. But she didn’t care. She was glad something finally made the pain stop.

Except now she knew something was off. She wasn’t groggy anymore. She was fully alert. It just felt like she’d woken up from a very, very long nap.

But she quickly realized she wasn’t at the compound anymore.

“By now, you’d think your western medicine would’ve figured out a way to make painkillers without all the drowsiness.”

Y/N stared at her wide-eyed. A part of her wanted to panic. She wasn’t in a familiar place anymore. This woman – no – this teenage girl was a stranger.

Y/N’s eyes started looking around the room, trying to find something she could use as a weapon. Instead, she realized she was in a place that felt like it was straight out of a sci-fi movie. And that was saying something with all the time she spent around Tony Stark. The tech looked both foreign and ahead of anything she’d seen at the Avengers’ compound.

“Who the hell are you?” She finally asked in a monotone voice, as her eyes still took in the room.

“Oh! Right!” The girl had stopped tapping away on a holographic screen and practically bounced to Y/N’s bedside.

“I am Shuri. You’re in Wakanda.”

Y/N blinked rapidly. “What? Wa-Wakanda?”

Shuri smirked confidently. “Not what you imagined, right?”

“H-How did I even get here?”

Shuri winced a little at the question. “We may have… Well, we stole you.”

The Wakandan princess then proceeded to explain everything that happened while Y/N had been in the past and recovering. She went into much greater than detail than Tony had, giving a third party perspective instead of being so close to it.

“So…” Y/N began, after remaining quiet and listening for half an hour or so, “Steve had you bring me here. But he’s not actually here.”

She didn’t bother hiding her bitterness or irritation. And despite Shuri not knowing her well, she heard it loud and clear.

The princess dipped her head and held a somber look. “It is very clear that he loves you very much. I know he wishes for nothing more than to be here. But he had to help your friends.”

Y/N clenched her jaw. It was obvious that Shuri’s words did nothing to dissipate her anger.

Shuri decided it was best to change the subject. “Would you mind telling me how you sustained these injuries?”

“Yes, I would mind,” Y/N snapped back.

Shuri seemed to have anticipated such a reaction and just nodded slowly.

“Well, I am fully confident that, with Wakandan medicine, we will have you fully recovered in the next couple of weeks.”

Y/N blinked at her. A couple of weeks? The doctors at the compound were throwing months around when they discussed her long recovery.

“I’ll have someone bring you food soon. You must be starving!” Despite Y/N’s foul mood, Shuri didn’t let it hinder her own optimism and upbeat attitude.

Then Y/N caught a glance of a few guards standing just outside her room.

“Are those for you or for me?” Y/N asked.

“You, of course.” Shuri giggled.

Y/N eyed her. “Am I in some sort of danger here?”

“Of course not. However, my brother promised Captain Rogers that he’d protect you. And my brother is a man of his word.”

—————

The sun was nearing the horizon as Shuri approached the hut.

It was never hard to find Bucky. He didn’t venture very far from him his home. He took care of his farm and his animals, never even considered going into the city or visiting his new friends in the palace. They always had to come to him.

It was clear that Bucky liked the isolation.

No matter how many times Shuri promised she’d completely cured him of his brainwashing, it was evident that Bucky still didn’t quite trust himself.

She knew he sensed her coming. Once an assassin, always an assassin.

He continued working, pretending he wasn’t aware of a visitor the moment she was 50 yards away - even with her being obscured by a forest of trees and bushes.

Shuri leaned against the fence that kept in all the goats. Bucky was feeding them.

“What brings you all the way out here?” He asked without taking his eyes off his task.

“She’s awake.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped to hers. “How is she?”

“Physically? She will make a full recovery.” Then she frowned a bit. “If we left her in America, who knows what they would have butchered.”

Bucky looked at her with sadness. “And beyond physically?”

Shuri played with the chipped wood of the fence. “I do not know. We can help her with that, as well. But she has to want it.”

Bucky nodded slowly and looked around. “Why’d you come all the way down here to tell me? You could’ve easily sent me a message.”

Shuri’s brow furrowed. “I do not know what happened to her. She will not say. According to her chart, she was the same with the medical team at the Avengers’ compound.” Then she sighed. “But I have a feeling you might be able to help her better than any Wakandan medicine or doctor ever could.”

Bucky put his hands on his hips and looked at the ground. “I don’t think I agree with that.”

Shuri wasn’t completely surprised by his indifference. “You knew her once, did you not? Not like Steve, I understand. But you are not a complete stranger to her. I thought, at one point in time, you had even considered her a friend.”

“I’m not that man anymore. That was a different time.”

Shuri became very serious then. “Bucky, do you…” she breathed, “do you know what happened to her?”

He winced. Like him trying to think about it had given him a flash migraine.

“I might,” Bucky admitted. But it was obvious he was very unsure of himself.

“Then why are you so sure that you cannot help her?” Shuri argued.

“Because I haven’t learned how to deal with it either.”

Shuri’s heart broke at how anguished her new friend appeared. She knew not to push it any harder.

“Goodnight, Bucky. I know you enjoy your space out here, but I could always use some company in the lab.”

“Goodnight, Shuri.” He answered back with utter politeness.

As the princess started to make her way back to the palace, Okoye was waiting for her at the top of the hill just beyond Bucky’s hut.

“You sure he is the right choice for helping the girl?” Okoye asked, tone a little cold. Her even gaze stayed on Bucky in the distance. “He is a broken man, as well. He struggles helping himself. What can he do for her?”

Shuri sighed and turned back for one last glance at Bucky.

“It’s not just about what he can do for her. It’s about what they can do for one another.”

Okoye gave a solemn nod. “And the Captain… does he know of this plan?”

“It is his lover and his best friend. I do not see why he would ever disagree with it.”

-----------------------

Chapter 15

I feel like ya gotta tell me how ya feel after I just surprised you with this chapter. (Honestly, it probably surprised me just as much lol.)

#non-sequential #non-sequential series #non-sequential chapter 14 #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers reader insert #marvel reader insert #steve rogers x you #captain america x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes reader insert #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers fic #steve rogers series #marvel fanfic #pre-serum!steve rogers #pre-serum!steve rogers x reader #pre-serum steve rogers x reader

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i-write-shakespeare-not-disney · 4 years

Text

Director’s Commentary- Lovesick Side Effects, Julio visits Lance to apologize

My comments are in bold italics!

When writing this, I imagined that Julio passed Keith as Keith went downstairs with Kosmo, then sort of paced at Lance’s door until Keith came back. The whole time trying to decide if he had the guts to do it, whether Lance would want to listen to him. By the time Keith came back up, Julio manages to put two and two together when Keith is able to open the door, and Keith can figure it out too. And I mean of course Keith asks who are you do you need something but I mean it’s all super awkward. His dad stood at the door looking uncomfortable as he glanced from Keith to Lance. Keith's expression had turned somewhat stoic, only the slight curl of his lip showing his simmering anger. Keith’s go to when he’s uncomfortable or in new territory is to turn stoic. But here, he can’t even fully reign in the anger because he knows how this man made Lance feel.

"Kosmo, down," Keith snapped as Kosmo sniffed the work boots and barked for attention. Kosmo retreated with a whine and a huff. This was supposed to be a little nod at the fact that Julio was a good man. Kosmo wanted to play with him, he wasn’t growling or defensive.

"What are you doing here?" Lance asked cautiously, moving closer to Keith to shield him. From y’know disdained or disgusted looks.

His dad cleared his throat and scratched his head nervously. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh, now?" Lance asked bitterly. Papá sighed and glanced back at Keith, furrowing his eyebrows. A silent slew of questions. “Who is this, is this the boy, why is he here, are you living together, sleeping together, can we talk in private, but also how do i ask that without sounding rude or more homophobic than you think I am?” Lance scoffed and turned away to look at Keith, ignoring the way his heart pounded, hating the way he was curious enough to give his dad the satisfaction of listening to him. "Take my car and go get some snacks for our movie night, okay? I'll text-"

"No," Keith said firmly. Here, Keith has already gotten ahead of himself. He’s thinking of Roland and how his father left him. He’s terrified of it happening to Lance if he leaves them alone.

"Keith, I just need to talk-"

"No. I'm not leaving."

Lance sighed and shut his eyes trying to talk over him. "This is between-"

"I don't care-"

"Keith, baby, please. I need to be alone with him."

"He could hurt you," Keith said with a wavering voice. Lance opened his eyes in surprise, unexpected tears filling up Keith's eyes without spilling over.

"He's not going to."

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do, Ke-"

"You think Roland thought his dad would hurt him the way he did?" Keith snapped. Lance snapped his mouth shut. Keith's faze fell behind Lance onto his dad. "I'm not leaving."

Lance sighed and touched his face softly. He nodded and pressed his forehead to Keith's. "Okay. Okay, just go to my room then." In my head, this whole time Julio is watching their interaction. Watching how protective Keith has gotten but also just how close and touchy they are. How all of that intimacy isn’t second-guessed, it’s all very natural to them both. He’s seeing the urgency in Keith’s expression and well of course their actions just show their overall bond as a couple. Julio had no idea what to expect of a same-sex relationship, and this is the first time he’s seeing that it’s... well not different from the one he himself has with his wife. (Obviously not quite to that extent at this point, but you guys get what I mean)

Keith didn't seem to like that, but it was a decent compromise. He nodded and headed to the hallway, snapping his fingers for Kosmo to follow him.

Lance took a deep breath, sent a quick mini-prayer to whatever god might hear him and take pity, this was kind of a nod at Lance’s lack of/wavering faith at this point in time then turned to look at his dad.

"Es él? Andas con un chino? Wasn’t expecting that,” he said with a nervous smile. this was supposed to be a joke. He was trying to lighten the mood and be like heh see I’m making jokes, it’s okay. But it’s not. He also just has no idea how to ask IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND????

Lance rolled his eyes. "Coreano, Apá. What do you want?"

His dad continued in Spanish, keeping the conversation private to an extent. If I wrote it all in Spanish I’d lose a lot of comprehension from a lot of readers tbh asdjfkdjfak "I wanted to apologize. I didn’t know how to react, and I didn’t know what to say when you told me. I was angry that your mom already knew. And later, when I talked to her, I was angry that your brothers and sister knew before us. I just…. I needed time to think about what it meant-” oh hey i mentioned this before. I love when I’m still on the same page as me from a long time ago lmfao

“What do you mean what it meant? It means I’m seeing a boy, that’s all it means.” again, in an ideal world it would be that simple.

“No, Lance. No it’s not. It meant that I had to reevaluate everything I knew. That maybe I don’t know you as well as I thought I did, I think as a parent, it would always hurt when you realize you don’t know everything about your kids for whatever reason. Especially in this case where Lance is so open and wears his heart on his sleeve, it’s like... how could a parent not know? that I did something as a father to make you feel like you couldn’t let me know you. Back to what Caridad was feeling too. Feeling like he messed up as a parent and tbh he did, he just had no idea he did. Okay, yes, I came up with reasons this would happen now, i.e. he’s getting over allura’s death, he’s lonely, it’s a trend and then I talked to you mom and then I had to think again, Mama mcclain told him to get his head out of his ass and realize this was real and then I have Veronica yelling at me in one ear. she’s defensive of her little brother!!!! I figured once you left it would calm down and I could figure it out and talk to you, then I get Marco screaming at me, telling me I won’t see my grandkids until I…. And Luis hasn’t even talked to me. Your grandmother called me. To yell at me.” I recognize that to a lot of readers this felt like he was just whining and playing the victim. But I wanted it to show why he was so overwhelmed. He wanted space and time to think and figure out how to react properly but everyone else who already knew, had already gotten used to it, everyone was shitting on him also assuming he was just immediately against it. And not only are they yelling at him, they’re adding other pressures. It wasn’t to get sympathy, and he’s not apologizing as a way to just fix things with everyone else, he’s just trying to explain that he’s been juggling these other things and if he hadn’t been he might’ve gone to see Lance earlier.

Lance gulped and stared at the floor. “What, you want me to feel sorry for you? Which, it’s Lance. He does feel bad. But he also has a right not to pity him and to stay angry and to feel like a lot of readers felt when reading Julio’s response. You’re not the one who gets ostracized for who you are by your own family, Dad. God, I wasn’t expecting you to throw me a party or congratulate me! I just wanted you to talk to me and understand, but you didn’t even do that!”

“I know. And I’m sorry,” he said, slumping as he walked toward Lance. Lance took a few steps back. SYMBOLISM! DISTANCE! This time it’s Lance pulling back. Also kind of... he doesn’t want to be close because he might be more privy to accommodating to his dad instead of standing up for himself. “Can you really be this angry with me for reacting differently than your mother? We’re different people-” who react differently and think differently and require different things. For Caridad, it was the silence and space she got while making coffee. For Julio it was stepping away to think and figure out what to say. Julio’s just wasn’t compatible with Lance and also let’s all be real- the machismo that causes lack of communication fucked it up too. If Julio had just said, “Give me some space to think, I’ll be back and I’ll tell you when we can pick this back up” instead of storming off (note: Keith storms off in his first argument with Lance. The second time, he communicates he needs space! Still not compatible with what Lance needed at the time, but it avoided a lot of issues), things would be a lot different.

“You’re both my parents. That should have been enough.”

“In a perfect world yes.” I love when I do this. haha

Lance felt his throat constrict. He felt like he was about to puke. Lance felt this as a personal attack. Like HE was imperfect and that’s what stopped Julio from immediately being okay with everything. But of course, that’s not how it was meant to come across. He wanted to scream and cry and punch something, and that scared him because he was not a violent person. “Get out.”

“Lance-”

“What do you want me to say!” Lance shouted. “You want me to say it’s okay? Because it’s not! The way you reacted isn’t okay. Which is what we’re all thinking!!! We need a change!!! I get it, I surprised you, the relationship I have with my boyfriend is weird to you, it’s confusing because of Allura, yes. But you- you acted like I don’t exist! Bad coping. Bad communication. So I acknowledge this shitty apology, but no it’s not okay. And frankly? I don’t really care what else you want me to say because you didn’t care about what I had to say when I wanted to talk to you.” Lance walked toward the door to open, but his father grabbed him by the arm to stop him.

There was a moment of panic. A moment of sheer, heartbreaking fear where Lance wondered if his father was capable of it. Hitting him, I mean. But the idea is so unfathomable that Lance can’t even think the word, you know?His dad saw it too, and he immediately let go. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said. “I just want to fix this. I didn’t mean you were imperfect, I meant the world-” He shut his eyes and rubbed his face. “The world teaches people to think a certain way. I got used to it, I couldn’t even see that it was bad. And then you come and tell me… that you’re in a new relationship… with a boy. And even if I don’t know you as well as I thought, I know most of you.” He stepped closer, slower this time as he grabbed Lance by the shoulders. “I know that you are good. That nothing about the way you show love could ever be bad, so how could everyone in my life before have been so wrong? So this whole part, I was alluding to the way the world condemns homosexuality by sexualizing it. People hear gay or see a same sex couple and respond with disgust because it’s correlated to sexual things, sexual acts they can’t fathom. Julio had to turn that stereotype/stigma over and recognize that’s not what it was. It’s what he means when he says Lance is good. He’s recognizing that gay isn’t a synonym to bad or sinful the way a lot of Catholic people assume. I didn’t get it, and I still don’t. I don’t understand how you could feel this way about a boy, but I believe that you do, (he doesn’t doubt it/think Lance is confused anymore) and even just now….” His dad let out a shaky breath. “You look at each other the way your mom and I would when we were young. I love this line, and I think someone (Kay, I think?) mentioned how big that was. That Julio saw a reflection of his own relationship with the person he married in this boy and his son.ahhhh It’s real, whether I understand it or not.”

Lance felt the anger that had been ravaging his body suddenly die, releasing itself through hot tears that fell down his cheeks in streams. “I hate this. I hate that I still want your approval. That I still want you to be proud of me,” he cried. In my head, at this part, this is a double whammy. Because Lance is crying and being sentimental, which isn’t what guys “should” do. So he’s upset about wanting approval and being scared to let him down WHILE feeling like he’s continuously letting him down. I also based this off of my feelings about coming out to my mom. I still haven’t, but the fear is there because of this. And no matter how much I don’t want to care what she thinks, I do. even when she hurts me, even though I have so many people I can turn to, it still feels like she’s the one whose opinion matters. And I put that fear and hurt into Lance. “That even though everyone else was happy for me or tried to be, you not talking to me hurt more. I don’t want to keep disappointing you-”

“You don’t!” Lance sucked his teeth and walked away from his father. “Why would you think that?”

“Are you serious?” Lance said, letting out a humorless laugh. “I know it. I’m the runt of the litter for you. Too emotional, too sentimental. I’m wasting my time getting a writing degree that I might not even use because I can’t pick up a pen anymore. And now this. I just keep letting you down and…. And I’m done apologizing for it. I’m done apologizing for being… me. I wanted this to be the point where Lance grows solidly into that idea of being unapologetically himself. Even through that fear and hurt, he’s not going to apologize because he’s happy. Because that’s who I am, Dad, I’m the boy who likes love stories and poetry and loves writing but might not be able to do it again, the boy who cries because his dad won’t talk to him, the boy who wants to fall in love with another boy. And I like being this way.”

The words left him spent, left his father speechless for a long time. He turned away and sat down on the couch while Lance sniffed and cried into his sleeve. heart on your sleeve, tears on your sleeve, same thing, right? After a while his dad patted the seat next to him. “Come sit,” he said. Lance hesitated for a second before indulging him. “I’ve been a horrible father if I’ve made you feel like you were a disappointment. RECOGNITION. I love the idea of parents who can recognize and properly apologize for their mistakes. And I like the idea that even someone as proud as Julio can put that aside for the sake of their child because he just loves them that much. That it’s worth the discomfort of digging into his own feelings an admitting he was wrong if it meant Lance never felt this way again. That was never my intention. You make me proud, Lance. You make me so proud in so many ways. You made it farther than the rest of us. You found something you love to do and you’ve worked on it your whole life. You inspired your sister to go to college. You’re unafraid to be who you are, to demand change, and you teach me every day….”

Lance tried to swallow and wiped his face again. The words were somehow managing to soften him up while feeling hollow. Because it’s everything he wanted to hear, everything he needed to hear, but he doesn’t know if he believes it because he spent so long feeling the opposite. He had nothing to say to that.

“His name is Efrain,” his father said suddenly. Lance furrowed his eyebrows and looked at his father in confusion. “My co-worker. I asked him last week…. If he even liked his nickname. He said he was used to it, but I thought about what you said, and I asked, ‘Do you like it though?’ And… he said no. But that he knew it’s what people would always call him. So I asked him his real name, and I’ve been calling him that. I told him about what you said to me, and he said you had balls to say something.” OKAY so this whole bit I had planned since I planned the Christmas scene. I planned out that slip and confrontation and I knew I wanted to go back to it. Because again, pride. What Lance said on Christmas stuck with Julio, he was just too proud to admit he should listen. But once Lance came out, Julio realized that what he said that night upset Lance because LANCE felt offended by it. That there had probably been so many times Julio carelessly and accidentally hurt Lance and didn’t know it and it was time he learned and changed that. The first step was talking to his coworker like Lance told him he should. And I also felt that the fact that this happened without anyone knowing until now shows the sincerity everyone doubted was there before. It’s a way to say, “I took this step because you told me to, not because anyone else did. Because this mattered to you. And I learned from it, and I want to keep learning.”

“Oh.” Lance stared at the floor as he thought back to Christmas. “You… remembered that?”

“Of course. I’d thought about asking him the next time I saw him at work, but I figured it didn’t matter. That it was just how we talked, how we did things. Then you told me about this boy and I realized… that I was hurting you. And if I was hurting you by calling someone else that, then how badly was I hurting Efrain? So I asked.”

Lance had to smile at the fact that his dad wasn’t even saying the nickname anymore. “I’m glad you did that,” he said softly, this time in English. “It means a lot.”

His dad wiped his eyes and sighed tiredly. He scratched his head and patted Lance on the back before gripping his shoulder. “I know I shouldn’t have walked out on you,” he said, keeping it in Spanish. “I just needed time to think about everything before I could listen to you talk, and I know that wasn’t fair to you. But I want to try to be better. And I’ll do anything to fix what I did.” He ruffled Lance hair before pulling his hand back and crossing his arms. Men. Men and their fear of emotions. Granted, he’s capping out on his limit of emotional vulnerability.

Lance chuckled softly and wiped his eyes. “Yeah. Actually Keith does that too. If we argue he has to distance himself for a while. Except he doesn’t ignore me for weeks.” I really didn’t mean to make so many parallels between Lance’s parents and his relationship with Keith but it just happened and honestly, it works.

“I know, I know! I just didn’t know where to start. And everyone else was getting mad at me and I didn’t know if you’d even let me talk to you. I didn’t even know if I’d actually knock on your door, but that-” He waved a hand in the direction of the hallway. “Keith saw me. I saw him on the stairs when he was leaving, but I didn’t know he was…. Boyfriend, right?” Still a little funny for him to say.

Lance smiled and nodded. “Yeah.”

He nodded too and scratched his head. “It’ll take me time. I wish I could say it wouldn’t, but I need to get used to it.” Lance pursed his lips and sighed in resignation. For now, this was what he would get. “Am I… allowed to ask questions? Are there ones I shouldn’t ask?”

Lance groaned, half laughing through it. “Yeah. Yeah, Papá, you can ask questions. But not today. Podemos hablar después, okay?”

“Okay. Pero me perdonas?”

Lance hesitated and stood back up. “Yeah. I forgive you. But you have to be on your best behavior when I take Keith to meet Mami. You have to be there, and you have to be nice, and you have to try.”

“Claro, mijo. I’ll be there.” He cleared his throat and looked at the time. “I should get back. I didn’t tell your mami I was coming out here.” Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “I was thinking about talking to you, and the next thing I knew I’d taken the freeway to come here instead of the exit home.” Hopefully more proof that he did this because he wanted to, not to get back into good graces with everyone else. He walked to the door with Lance following after him. His dad turned to look at him and tousled his hair again. “Dile gracias a tu novio.”

“For what?”

“For showing up at the door before I could talk myself out of this.”

“Ah. Gotcha.” Lance nodded and shifted on his feet. “Well. Thanks for coming out here. I’ll call Mami and see when she wants to get coffee.”

Papá nodded and opened the door, but before he could actually step out, he turned around and wrapped his arms around Lance tightly. Lance’s love language is physical touch, and he needed this. Julio knows that to an extent, but it still took a second for it to click that maybe his son needed tangible confirmation of his affection. It was rare for Lance’s dad to hug him this way, and the last time he got one like this had been after getting home from Allura’s funeral. That’s like. 2 years guys.

Even rarer were the sniffles Lance could hear in his ear, the way his shoulder shook in a way that told Lance he was trying to hide it. Lance decided not to comment on it and simply hugged him back just as tightly. JULIO IS CRYING AND ITS AWKWARD FOR HIM AND LANCE KNOWS THAT. Idk. I like letting men cry. And even though he’s hiding it here, it’s still a huge step. For Julio.

“Sabes que te quiero, verdad?” his papi asked gruffly. “And I get prouder of you every single day. I love you for who you are, mijo. Siempre.” We need. More. Parents. Saying. They’re. Proud. The She-Ra Screeches discord groups knows how I get about “I’m proud of you” it’s... my weakness. As well as Good Dads.

Lance could only nod, unable to speak past the knot in his throat. I remember writing this and having a knot in my own throat. Because I write in the head of the character so I was experiencing this as Lance but also because... it’s still such a good outcome in comparison to a lot of Latine kids can go through and it just... idk. Makes me emotional for myself. I kind of hate the idea of ahaha look I cry in my own writing, but just. Some of these things are idealized things I would want or just have enough of my family or dynamics in them that I’ll empathize too much. And I hope that came across for others. I swear I’m not patting myself on the back, I just. I have vivid memories of what parts gave me my own emotional struggle when writing. He stayed that way for a while, enjoying this one moment with his father. It would be a struggle to get his parents comfortable with who Lance shared his life with, but they were both willing to try. Lance let him go when he felt the arms loosen around him.

Without another word, his dad left the apartment and Lance locked the door.

I was really excited about this scene because I felt that it shows growth for Julio and it shows how it’s also only the start of how much growth he’ll go through. I tried to make it to where each time you see Julio again, he’s growing a little more. And I was really worried about it not coming off sincere especially with how long it took him to talk or look at Lance again, but this was also one of the scenes I had vaguely planned for early on.

#director's commentary

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thecreelhouse · 4 years

Text

Kill the Lights // Chapter 2

Read chapter one here!

Steve Harrington x Original Female Character

Summary: After Violet- formally 003, a telekinetic, electrokenetic, and clairvoyant 19 year old- loses her first family, her first love, nothing is the same. She finds herself taken in by Hopper and El, struggling to find her footing and meaning to keep fighting. The Party, especially Steve Harrington, try to show her where her strengths have been hiding all along, and that no one has to fight their battles alone. Sometimes you don’t need to be rescued, but someone’s love and support while you rescue yourself sure doesn’t hurt.

Word count: 3,861 because I don’t know how to shut the fuck up

Content warnings: PTSD, self harm, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt (sorry y’all this chapter is heavy as hell, Violet has been through a LOT. but nothing terribly descriptive), angst angst and more angst, grieving, cursing, depression

Author’s note: okay so honestly, I was nooooot expecting anyone to read this at all, and when I saw a few people have read chapter one, it made my heart hella soft. This is something I’ve been writing in my head for over a year now, and once season 3 came out I wrapped it around that to pass the time at work or while on long drives. So thank you to anyone who’s read and liked this, y’all are the bomb dot com. Does anyone say that anymore? Nah? Okay.

Btw, sorry if sentences/paragraphs post out of order. Tumblr thought it was a grand idea to eat half of this post when I was copying it over from pages lmfao. Okay. Onto chapter 2! Enjoy!!!

———

Chapter 2: Slip The Noose

Amy was Violet’s first for a lot of things.

First friend. First person she could trust outside of the lab.

Taught her to drive for the first time. Helped her find her first job (a shitty diner waitressing job, but a job, nonetheless). Gave Violet her first home. Her first real home. Not a cold, sterile lab with sickening fluorescent lighting.

Amy was Violet‘s first crush. Violet‘s first kiss. Her first love.

That was something Violet assumed was normal. That anyone could fall in love with anyone else. She wasn’t raised among society, so she was blissfully unaware of how society treated anyone who was different. Amy told her, only for their safety. But Amy continued to love Violet, and Violet continued to love her right back.

What was a simple, mundane life shared among “friends” to most, was really paradise to Violet. Anything could be better than the life she was forced into at the lab. That was her personal hell.

Here, she could exist, without judgement. Learn what basic life skills Amy already knew for years, without being mocked or ridiculed. Violet, in return, showed Amy a sliver of a world she never knew existed. Not until she saw Violet use her abilities the first time. She admired Violet‘s courage to unapologetically own the brighter parts of herself. She also comforted Violet as the darkest parts of her past emerged.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was home.

Violet felt foolish for letting herself grow too comfortable in her new life. She thought the worst was finally over, the hardest battle already won. She never suspected someone still lurking within the shadows and among the people of Hawkins.

It was a year. That’s all she had with Amy. That’s all she had in this new life before it was torn so violently from her hands. One moment they were enjoying their corner of the world, their safety net. The next, Amy was taken from this life so suddenly. Violet still felt like she never caught her breath, even months later.

To the average person, it just looked like a tragic overdose of an addict once clean. To Violet, it was a rotten, multi layered lie. Amy never once touched any toxic substances... besides the occasional shitty beer, of course.

It was a sign. A threat, sent by someone from the lab. A big “fuck you” to Violet for escaping, and rebuilding her life. She was certain it was Brenner, even long after Hopper tried to tell her that he was dead for awhile now. She refused to believe that, even for a second. This wasn’t the dirty work of one of his colleagues. This had his name written all over it.

Hopper only offered to take Violet in once she revealed her number tattoo. She just had no idea that would lead her to where she was in hiding now- a cabin in the middle of the woods, on the edge of Hawkins, living with Hopper and his adopted daughter, Violet‘s sister, El. Another girl just like her. With abilities and a nightmarish past, just like her. She wouldn’t have trusted Hopper so easily if it weren’t for El and her story.

As for Amy’s body, she was buried in a simple gravesite, not too far from the cabin. Violet didn’t have the funds for a funeral, and Amy didn’t have a family outside of her partner after coming out to them.

It was a basic headstone that laid in the very back of the cemetery, among the others who couldn’t afford elegant resting places either. On the days she found it easier to leave her bed, she took flowers to her grave. Violets. Amy’s favorite, and the meaning for Violet‘s name, along with her new infatuation for the color purple.

Entering this new world, Violet loved how all the colors around her burst to life. Without Amy, though, everything had faded to dull, muted shades.

Some days, she wanted to find the strength within her to color her life back in. Others, she just really didn’t want to exist anymore. Not in a world where Amy wasn’t present.

Tonight, was one of those nights where she felt the latter.

The start of May; it had been a few weeks since she met Steve, and he’d been around a few times more since then, to pick El up or drop her back off. Usually for D&D nights and low key plans at someone’s house; Hopper was still wary about where she went and who she went with. He was especially more wary once Violet told him her suspicions that Brenner was still out there somewhere.

It was somewhere around 11 pm, when Violet heard muffled voices outside the door, talking about her again. She knew they meant well, but she was tired of everyone walking on eggshells around her, tired of everyone acting like she couldn’t hear their concerns. She heard them, loud and clear, just couldn’t muster up the strength to really start to heal.

When she felt like healing was useless, she went off on late night rides. Sometimes to visit Amy’s grave, sometimes to sit at their spot high on the cliff of the quarry, to stargaze. It felt empty to search the night skies alone, though. Other times, it was really just her driving around for hours, trying to clear her head.

Thoughts of guilt often floated around her mind; she felt the burden of being the reason of Amy’s cruel death on her heart every day. Being out and away was one of the few things that helped her cope with those thoughts.

Hopper didn’t like her going out alone, but she always brushed it off, saying she was hidden in the dark. Really, it was just that in these moments, when she needed release, she would self harm. Sometimes with sharp objects, sometimes with her own powers weaponized against her.

Violet wasn’t new to self destructive behaviors. It was her way of escaping mentally while physically stuck in the lab, too. It was the only thing she had control over, the only actions she called the shots on.

Brenner had to have noticed the scars over time, but why would he care? He wasn’t Violet’s real father, her real family of any kind. All he cared about was what he could gain by using her, and even that proved useless to him when he found out she could heal.

What good is a weapon of destruction if it can fix the very damage it causes?

Violet felt worthless for as long as she could remember. It was getting better with Amy by her side, but she’d be lying if she said their relationship made her pain go away completely. Amy knew of the self destructive behaviors, too. But after countless times of trying to intervene, she realised she could only do so much for Violet without Violet helping herself first.

So here she was, her skin crawled as she could hear hushed voices on the other side of the door, discussing if anyone’s seen Violet eat lately. If she’s had any water, if she’s slept at all recently and for how long. Her skin crawled with shame and disappointment, and her heartbeat was ready to bust open her chest.

Violet rolled out of bed, sliding her boots on, not bothering to change out of her shorts and tank top; it was another humid, sticky spring night in Hawkins. She shrugged her denim jacket on, and threw the bedroom door open. The conversation stopped, Hopper, El and Steve all looked over in her direction, and she felt her face grow hot.

“I need air.” She mumbled before quickly stomping out the front door. She slammed the screen door behind her before anyone could question her, and jumped on the bike. The engine revved to life, and she took a quick last glance in the side mirror, towards the porch. She saw El slam the door open and run out, watching with concern as she sped off.

———

Time didn’t exist when Violet was suffering. Time didn’t mean a goddamn thing when the pain weighed so heavy on her soul. She wasn’t sure how long or short she was driving around for, but like her body was on autopilot, she ended up at the quarry cliff.

The sky was clear, stars freckling among the deep navy void. The moon was a crescent, but still shone bright, acting as her nightlight.

Violet was sitting on the edge of the cliff, kicking rocks off the side and watching them fall, fall, fall fast down below, into the murky water. This was one of those times where she didn’t want to keep existing, and existing in this moment felt like a chore. More than that. A punishment. Was this what she got for getting away? Maybe the lab wasn’t as bad as she felt. Maybe she deserves the guilt, the pain. Maybe she wouldn’t feel this heartache if she just stayed quiet and complied to what Brenner wanted.

“No. No, no, no. That’s exactly what he wants me to believe. He wasn’t family. That lab was never, ever home.” She thought to herself. This wasn’t the first time she wrestled with these thoughts, wondering if she brought it upon herself, escaping her abusers.

But that’s exactly what they were, abusers. Nothing better than that. So why did she feel like she betrayed her past?

“Get it the fuck together, Vi.” She mumbled to herself, her fingers subconsciously fidgeting with her small knife in the pocket of her jacket.

A few minutes of more mental wrestling and struggling, and she rolled her shorts up, whipped her knife out without a second thought, flicked the blade out, and immediately began to race it across the skin of her thighs. High enough to stay hidden, even with shorts on. Not like hiding it mattered much, not when she had the abilities to heal herself.

Violet let the wounds sting for a bit, her skin burned with pain. She never let the blood flow get too chaotic, just enough to feel it, before she would begin to heal. Even if she was an expert at treating and removing blood stains, it was still a bitch to worry about. So, the less mess, the better.

Violet outstretched her palm, letting it hover just slightly above the fresh wounds. A warm glow, followed by a soothing heat radiated from her palm, and into the skin below. It was almost instantaneous relief. The wounds began to heal and close up, as if watching a wound heal on a time lapse capture. All that was left behind on her skin were completely healed scars. Fresh scars, red and purple in spots, but still completely healed nonetheless.

“Stupid,” she mumbled to herself. She didn’t realize she began crying until hot tears fell down her cheeks. The crying that came with this seemed to hurt more than the self inflicted wounds. Violet was numb, so numb and so gone from the world. She felt herself emotionally float away as the stinging of her damaged skin still burned slightly. It was blissful, and she wished she wasn’t so goddamn addicted to the way it felt.

“What’s the fucking point if I can’t heal my heart? What’s the point if I’ll never heal enough to move on, to feel free? I want a life, I want a future, but how can I hope when it’s nowhere near in sight?” She thought to herself, crying harder now.

In the height of these moments was when she was the most destructive. She’s tried before, she’d try again, and continue to try to take her life when it felt this bad.

But, her attempts were always unsuccessful. It had to be the healing abilities, saving herself every goddamn time from the brink of death.

Some force so much stronger than her death wishes would yank her back to safety. Sometimes, she’d jump. Sometimes, she’d swallow pills. Sometimes, she’d try shocking herself.

The list went on. Nothing worked, though.

It made her even more depressed that she couldn’t leave this world when she wanted.

In the height of this moment, Violet pushed herself to her feet, took a few steps back, then a running start off the cliff. Her stomach flipped and her breath became short as she watched the rocks of the cliff whizz past her. The water was right there, she was so, so fucking close. She could practically touch the surface if she stretched her hand out a bit more.

And then it happened. Again.

Violet’s body was plucked against the force of gravity by an even stronger force. It launched her high into the air, high above the cliff, before gliding her back down quickly and onto her back on the cliff again. The wind was knocked out of her, and she coughed as she caught her breath, sprawled out on the ground.

“God-fucking-dammit!” She cried out while the tears started up again.

Eyes open but still swimming in her tears, she looked up at the stars. A blurry nighttime view above her, shining so beautifully, and yet here she is, wishing it would all go dark.

Funny, how her abusers thought her healing abilities were worthless, when they wouldn’t let her die. Not by her own hand, at least. Some would say that could be worth something.

To Violet, it was nothing. Absolutely worth nothing.

“Violet!”

Her head felt fuzzy; did someone call her name? Maybe this was just one too many times she’s ended up with a concussion after an attempt. She could be imagining it.

“Are you okay?!”

Her head lulled to the side, cheek touching the dirt and pebbles. Exhaustion began to blanket her; she could definitely sleep here if her eyes shut long enough.

“Violet, can you hear me?!”

Vision still blurry, her eyes began to close, until the strong force pulled her back up. It wasn’t until she blinked tears away that she saw it wasn’t a force, but rather, a person. Mind still fuzzy, she couldn’t make out who it was, just that it was a familiar male voice.

“We’re gonna get you home, okay? You’re gonna be okay, I promise.”

That was the last she heard before exhaustion took hold again, this time, for good.

———

“El, honey, give her some space.” A woman’s voice drifted into Violet’s ears. She didn’t recognize who it was. She heard small footsteps shuffle away. “How long has she been out for?”

“Just since the ride over. I really hope it’s just her being exhausted... I didn’t see any noticeable injuries.” The voice from earlier. She still couldn’t place it, but she knew that one.

“Okay, why don’t you grab the first aid kit from the bathroom, just in case. And some warm wet washcloths.” The woman said to the younger man, and more footsteps led away from them.

Violet’s eyelids felt so heavy. She wanted to open them, to see where she was, but she was just so, so tired. So drained.

In another room over, she heard a door open and slam shut, followed by the woman shushing the noisy individual.

“Sorry, I’m just... is she... ? Is she gonna-“

“She’s fine, Hop. Physically. I think she’s just extremely wiped out.” The woman cut off Hopper, who must have just came in. A sigh of relief left his lips, and guilt fell heavy on Violet once again. She felt terrible for always worrying him, as if he didn’t worry enough with keeping El safe and sound.

“It took a bit, but I found the first aid kit, and here’s the washcloths.” The younger man spoke up again.

“I can help.” El said, and gently began to remove the crusted blood around Violet’s nose. Violet scrunched her nose up.

“I’m awake,” she croaked out. “I’ve been... just hurts to move. Head hurts too...”

More sighs of relief filled the room as Violet fluttered her eyes half open. The blurry haze faded off her vision, revealing a room in a house she’d never seen before. El stood by her side, Hopper furthest away to them, with a woman she had never met before. In the distance between them and El was Steve.

“Where am I?” She whispered.

“Uh, Mrs. Byers lives closest to the quarry, so this was the safest place to get you to fastest.” Steve spoke up, looking everywhere but Violet’s eyes. She instantly felt shame, realizing he was the one who found her.

“Joyce is a good friend of mine,” Hopper said, noticing the panic on Violet’s face, “we can trust her. It’s alright.”

He stepped forward kneeling on the ground next to Violet as she laid on the couch. El sat on the edge, holding Violet’s hand gently. It amazed her how that child had experienced the worst of the worst in her short life, and still handled her surroundings with such care and grace.

“How... how’d you know?” Violet managed to ask, looking over at Steve. His eyes finally met hers. She tried reading his thoughts, but a sharp pain flashed through her skull. “Jesus Christ!” She cried out, clutching her head.

Steve gave her a sympathetic look before answering her as she relaxed again, “El told us. She was really the one who found you. She called a code red over the walkie as I was driving back home.”

“I hope it’s okay... We were just so worried, and I had a bad feeling when you left.” El chimed in. “I used my powers to find you. I’m sorry.”

“What?” Violet said, feeling awful that El felt she had to apologize. “El, please don’t apologize for this. I’m the one who messed up. You were just trying to help. You’ve just been trying to be there for me. You and Hopper both.”

“Vi,” Hopper started, “We just want you to be okay. And we know it’s going to be a long while before you will be. This isn’t something you can just simply come back from. But we don’t want you to feel like you have to fight this alone.”

El nodded along as her dad spoke, before speaking up herself. “Friends don’t lie.”

Violet knew this was the number one thing among the Party, her friends. One of the most important rules among their group. And she assumed El applied that to her, too. Violet teared up again.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you guys. It’s just so hard existing anymore. I feel guilty for moving forward in my life.”

“That’s understandable. But you shouldn’t be carrying all of that on your shoulders.” Hopper said. “We don’t want you to replace your first family. But we don’t want you to think you’re not allowed to find another while you’re still here. You’re allowed to feel what you feel, but you have so much of this life to see yet. Don’t take that from yourself. Not this early.”

Violet chuckled, rolling her eyes. “Couldn’t no matter how hard I try. Every time I do, something stops me. I can’t even kill myself correctly.” She half joked, but Hopper knew she was still serious enough. “How much of a failure am I if I can’t even die by my own hand?”

“I think that something stopping your attempts has been you all along. Just... you looking out for you.” Joyce spoke up, half smiling. “Sorry, probably not my place to butt in, just know the support extends outside of the Hopper household too.”

“She’s right, y’know.” Steve followed, “There’s a whole group of us rooting for you. No pressure either, but we’re all here for you too.” She knew he meant the Party. Violet gave him the tiniest smile as a silent thank you.

“Stay as long as you need, by the way,” Joyce said. “I don’t want you heading back home until you feel okay enough to get up.”

“Thank you,” Violet whispered, and Joyce smiled before walking out of the room. She had such a motherly presence that she never saw on anyone else before. It was soothing.

Hopper patted Violet’s shoulder gently before getting up, “if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. I’ll be in the kitchen with Joyce. If you‘re not feeling alright to drive home, we can leave your bike here till tomorrow.”

Violet’s face dropped. “Shit! I forgot all about my bike. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

“Language, kid.” Hopper warned, mostly joking, though. “I had Joyce come with me while you were still out, and drove it back here while she drove my truck back.”

Violet sighed out of relief. “Thank you so much.” If she was forced to live through her personal hell here on earth, she should at least have it with one of the few things that still brings her joy.

Hopper began to walk out of the room when El said, hiding a fit of giggles, “I can’t imagine him driving a motorcycle.”

“I heard that, kid!” He called out from the kitchen. El couldn’t hold the giggles back anymore, and they were contagious. Violet began to laugh along with her. She looked up at Steve while laughing, a blush forming across her face as he joined in on the laughter.

As the sounds died down, Steve rocked back and forth on his feet before saying “I should probably head out and give you guys space. I’m really glad you’re okay, Vi.”

Violet shot up, a little too quickly for her dizzy head’s liking, before saying, “Wait!”

Steve stopped walking to the door, looking back at Violet.

“Stay.... please.” Violet spoke out, voice shaking a bit. “You watched me try to do something incredibly stupid and helped me.... it’s only fair I learn a little bit about you too, huh?”

Steve flashed a soft, but genuine smile in Violet’s direction. There was something about the way she was so direct about her pain that made him only want to learn more, and not just about the bad. The good, too. All of it.

“Yeah, after all,” he started. “It’s kinda tradition around here... building bonds and starting friendships over trauma. I’m all ears to your story too.”

El gave Violet a knowing smirk, and Violet gave her one back. “You can hang around too, kiddo. We got lots to catch up on.”

El reached over and squeezed her into a hug.

“Just,” Violet said, “Please take it day by day with me, guys. This isn’t going to be easy. It hasn’t been, and I’m fucking terrified. But I have to keep going. I have no choice. Just, be patient with me.”

El nodded at her words, squeezing her again. Steve nodded too, slowly walking over to the other end of the couch to sit with the girls.

“We’re here for ya’, Vi.” He said. “Remember, friends don’t lie.”

#steve harrington x ofc #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x oc #stranger things x oc #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader #kill the lights

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about? I won’t even have kids...

What is your least favourite thing about your full name? it’s long, it’s polish, it’s feminine, it starts on a letter Z that is rarely used, people don’t know how to write my surname down, it reminds people of a stupid song that I hate etc.

Do you like sunglasses? it’s complicated Do you think dreams can give us insight to things? sorta, sometimes Besides your computer, what else is cluttering your desk? what isn’t...

What is your favourite glass to drink from? prefer a mug When did your family immigrate to wherever you live now? they were born in Poland where we still live What time is it in the country you get the most of your heratige from? 14.42 Would you rather live in the 1960’s or the 1910’s? 60s Is the computer your only current light source? window/sun too Do you think you look good with a hat on? I’m ugly no matter what so...

Do you have anyone you fully trust? not fully, not even myself, some I just trust more than others When did you last talk on the phone with someone? yesterday with M.

Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? kinda When did you last receive a hug and who was it from? mom, this day Was the last movie you watched a horror film? noooo Do you own a lot of tee shirts? shitload Do you handle pain well? been told Have you ever been so nervous you threw up? I never threw up out of stress, I can feel nauseous though Do you enjoy your hairstyle? not really atm but it’s not the worst How much make up do you wear on a daily basis? none, ever Do you have a leather jacket? fake

What is the worst insult someone can call you? I’ve already heard everything I suppose... Do you write on your hands a lot? not anymore Do you think hugs are awkward? often Ever play Angry Birds? flappy bird only How late did you stay up last night? till mornin’ Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? mhm Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? they would have to be really stupid to choose mine tbh Is there a place you’d rather live right now? on my own... Do you go out often? lately Is there anyone who is overly nice to you? my current partner, I don’t deserve her If you’re reading a book, what page are you currently on? I’m not reading anything Do you have a job you like? I don’t have a job How many scarves do you own, if any at all? uh oh :x

What is one way in which this year is different from last year? where should I start... Do you feel like you have too much on your plate and your life is too hard? for me it is too hard Did you do anything you regret within the last 24 hours? probably What is your favorite day to go grocery shopping? I don’t have a favorite day to go but I don’t shop on Sundays and Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays are usually the hardest to get anything Would you follow God even if it meant losing your home, your source of food, all of your friends, or even your life? jeśli byłabym 100% pewna, że Bóg tego chce i co mam robić Who’s death has affected you the most? my brother’s Have you ever grown sunflowers? they didn’t turn out well Are you scared to stand up to a police officer? no idea What is your doctor’s first name? which one?

Do you hate political posts on facebook? when there’s plenty, especially wrong How many pictures do you have stored on your computer? omg Which type of camera do you prefer: digital or Polaroid? hard to tell Have you ever had a camera that took film? we had when I was still a kid Do you ever squirt whip cream onto a plate and then eat it by itself? disgusting Have you ever had a hot flash? common Are you ok? my heart hurts badly Would you rather wear purple glasses or black glasses? black If you’re a girl, do you ever shop in the boys or mens section? absolutely If you’re a guy, do you ever shop in the girls or womens section? I’m a woman What do you think of when you hear the word “Christian”? religious person lmfao How many pullover hoodies do you own? bunch Which do you take more: videos or photos? pics What is the most embarrassing thing you can think of happening? my imagination is vivid What are two names you used to get mixed up when you were younger? for example - Ada and Adrianna What do u think of the quote “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” I disagree Do you wear earmuffs when it’s cold out? I don’t own any

If you type for awhile, do your fingers start to hurt? on my phone, not computer What do you smell right now? luckily nothing much If you were an instrument, what would you be? smth annoying? Do you hate the usual 100 questions surveys? EX: Eye color boring Does your house have a doorbell? of course Do you know someone who has dropped out of high school? my classmate If you were to get a pet turtle right now, what would you name it? mine was called Bob and I don’t want a new one What’s your most hated commercial to watch? most of them are shit What was the last thing you charged? cellphone When you were younger, did you believe you could fly? if I did I would be dead by now (jumping out of window or smth) Favorite farm animal? chicken What’s your favorite name that begins with B? I don’t like polish names starting on B letter If someone payed you $500 would you take a bath in milk? why not Do you enjoy having time to yourself? :3 Can you do a cart wheel? still but crappy Do you like Ed Sheeran? blergh Would you rather become an author or teacher? author How many people are you currently texting? just 1 This time tomorrow, what will you be doing? hopefully spend time with @jonasz-cat Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? money Have you ever been inside a recording studio? I have not Would you rather visit Mars or Neptune? Neptune Does it bother you when people keep talking to you and you want to leave? very Have you ever texted a landline phone by accident? my sister did Do you like quotes about love or life better? love is part of life What color is your garage? not applicable Do you like it when people give you compliments? they’re lying Was your hair straight today? my hair is wavy Do you ever share things on Facebook? quizzes from buzzfeed, music link from yt and selfies Do you pick out your outfits for the next day the night before or the AM? am What color was your swim suit this year? bluish Do ladders scare you? I’m cautious

1 through 10, how would you rate your day? low Any specific reason why? how I feel physically and those mirror demons mostly + some minor things

Salt or pepper? salt If you look to your right & then look down.. What do you see? bag Did you use swear words today? sigh... What did you buy today? food

If you had the choice to meet three famous people, who would you choose? dead or alive? Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? dog is domestic ;)

Do you think people under fourteen should have sex? hell no How old were you when you had your first alcoholic beverage? 20+ What is something most people think of as lame, but you don’t? my interests? Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? just my teeth, fingers or eyes Do you like gore? no thx Would you rather receive a kiss on the cheek, or on the forehead? neck :P Have you ever had a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend flirt with you? someone who seriously tried to become my friend’s bf flirted with me and her sister and that’s one of reasons I say that you can lie with both actions AND words Where is your biological mother at the moment? kitchen Do you enjoy going places with your mother, like running errands? ... Do you have any annoying siblings? she indeed annoys me How many people are in your immediate family? I count my parents and eventually my sister as immediate family Would you say you have good or bad luck? bad Do you like your laugh? uh... Do you hate it when people ask you how their survey was at the end? because they should do better, be more unique, sorry not sorry What are your plans for the rest of the day? we’ll see

Have you ever unbuttoned your ex’s pants? ... buttons? not zipper?... What does your last text say? it was the link to the article

Do you ever think about the past? I’m nostalgic and an overthinker Is math your favorite part of school? even in middle school when I was getting high grades for math I didn’t like it that much Have you held hands with anyone in the past 24 hours? yesterday You’ve taken fifteen shots of vodka, what are you doing? exactly, WHAT AM I DOING?! Do you regret any of your relationships? yasss but I guess I learned yadda yadda yadda Whats the last taste in your mouth? stomach acid :(

What are your countries staple dishes? (Italians - pizza, pasta etc) *shrug* What was the last thing you felt disappointed by? my very own self Do you play games on your phone? nothing else but Choices Do you have music on your cellphone? spotify Name three black things that you can see? necklace, cellphone, calculator Do you like your best friends parents? Could you even tell me their names? I liked my elementary school’s bestie’s mom - Mrs. Krysia she was like an aunt to me and still recognizes me on the street, I miss her Are you more of a mums kid or dads kid? dad’s Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn? Marilyn Monroe forever anything silly that annoys you? (i hate hearing nails being clipped) for example - someone scratching their plate with a fork, jak ktoś sztućcem zgrzebuje resztki jedzenia mam ochotę go zamordować >.< would you perfer to do the dishes or hang washing? dishes

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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739

Do you enjoy watching birth vlogs? OMG never. Those are a thing? I would imagine there’d be enough butthurt people flagging them enough to be taken down YouTube, but if they’re being uploaded there and are able to stay uploaded then that’s a really good thing. I’ve seen birthing photosets on Facebook but I’ve never watched an actual video. Would you rather paint on canvas or wood? I don’t paint but if given the chance I’d probably pick canvas just because it’s more common. What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? Recently it’s the daily decision to keep ignoring my thesis. UHGJGHFKD I’ll do it and have it finished in May I fucking swear, I just can’t right now. Do you miss someone? I miss all my best friends, close friends, friends, acquaintances, classmates, groupmates, and everyone I’ve ever come across in school including the cats and dogs. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? I don’t have any allergies but I wish the irritation in my eye that will occasionally annoy me like an allergy would go away forever.

Do you know anyone else with your name? Yeah when I was applying for AIESEC there were two people there with the same name and even the same spelling - I had never felt so common until then lol. I know more Robins with an i. Have you felt like the main character in a book was you? No, but I know if I read more then I will probably be able to name a character for you. Which country's flag is your favorite? Nepal’s. I also found Libya’s old flag interesting since it used to be just green with no designs whatsoever. What would you be most afraid of happening if you were to visit Africa? This has some pretty awful undertones but uhhh I’d be wary of being attacked or scammed as a tourist, which is just the same thing I’d be scared of if I went to a different continent. Where are you tempted to move to sometimes? Chicago. Have you ever hiked a mountain? I’ve hiked before, but not for a mountain. Who seems like they have the perfect life? One of my acquaintances, Chesca, is reeeeeally intelligent but also incredibly rich and funny and POPULAR and pretty and trendy and an insanely talented speaker and very well-loved. I know no one has a perfect life per se but out of all the people I observe, she’s definitely the one who seems to authentically have it all. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? I only did that once. The only thing it did for me was remind me of how much I was in a shitty place then. Do you think it would be a good idea to post photos of negative moments as well as positive? ^ Clearly, no. I never wanted to take photos of shitty moments after that. What time zone are you in? I never memorized the format but it’s something with +8 in it. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. ^Why or why not? Because I find that extremely personal/private. Do you like dark blue jeggings or light blue jeggings better? Light blue even if I don’t wear jeggings, I guess. Dark blue isn’t as trendy these days. What color is the rim of your whiteboard? I don’t even own a whiteboard. Do you have trouble staying organized? For some spaces, yes. I can’t ever keep my car clean, for one. Throughout college it’s kinda served as my second home so I’ve never been able to avoid having my stuff from home pile up in there instead lmao. What was the last thing you cried about? The Philippine Bar exam results got released today and there was a video that quickly went viral of a family finding out their daughter/sister passed before she knew, and the passer only found out because they were all whooping and screaming downstairs. When she realized what they were making noise for she fell to the ground and started crying and oh my god there is a lump in my throat right now just thinking about it again. Have you ever held a newborn baby? No, I’ve never been in a delivery room nor met a baby a day or two after they were born; there’s just lots of sanitary/hygiene stuff to worry about and I’m ok with getting out of the way for a few days to ensure their health. Do you know anyone who has twins? I know sets of twins, which I guess kind of means the same because it means I am at least remotely aware of their mom lolol. Would you rather look older or younger than your age? Younger. Where do you buy calendars from? I don’t. Do you shop at the dollar store often? That’d be impossible to have here because we don’t even use dollars. But we don’t have anything equivalent to like a peso store either, so no I don’t. What does your name rhyme with? Foreign. Are you following in the career path of any family members? Yep. I have two aunts who worked as journalists; one of those aunts also worked as a radio DJ at one point; my great-uncle was a historian, author, and a professor and dean of history; and I have too many lawyer relatives to count on one hand. Have you ever met anyone who talks like a robot? Yeah, some really bad reporters in some of my past classes. Name something unique about your town. We have an authentic Swiss restaurant. That’s genuinely the most random, unique thing I’ve seen come out of any towns lmfao because any restaurant that isn’t Chinese/Japanese/Italian/American/Mexican is just not a common concept here at all, much less Swiss. I haven’t tried it yet since it’s fine dining but hopefully soon. Who does all the chores in your home? My mom. She’s super particular about chores and likes things to be done her way. Every time we’ve tried to help her we just end up getting yelled at because as much as we try to imitate her, somehow we always do the chore wrong. Do you feel you missed out on a lot as a kid? I missed out on the emotional foundation/support, for sure. I had to figure all that out on my own. What is your best kept secret (or one big secret you have right now)? This blog that to this day, only my sister knows about. Do you have anyone you can tell your secrets to? Yes. ^If so, who? You. Hahahahaha Who was that best friend you ever had? This is in past tense, so my best best friend that I’ve since lost was Sofie. I’m sad we drifted apart but we both seem a lot happier today and that’s what matters. She was an important person in a certain period in my life so I don’t regret the friendship. Do people appreciate you and accept you for who you are? I feel this from them, so I guess they do. What color is your laptop? Silver. What class would you like to repeat over again just for fun? Bio 1 because it was easy and POLSC 180 because I learned so much.

What are five careers you think you'd be good at? Corporate lawyer, any job that requires a lot of spreadsheet-y and internal work really, PR, a consultant for something I’m interested in, historian. I tried to delete this question but I brought it back at the last second because now is so not the time anymore to still dodge my future career prospects lmao. Are you thriving in your life right now? I don’t think anyone is at the moment, and that’s okay. Who do you have moral support from? My girlfriend and close friends, mostly. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? Them, and sometimes my parents. Do you have people in your family who want you dead? That’s horrible lmao I wouldn’t think so? Are the police criminals in your town? Yes. List all the antiques you have in your room. I don’t have any. What Bratz doll resembles you the most? JADE. My homegirl through and through. Do you have a walk-in closet? No. What was the last thing you ate? I had a chocolate chip cookie. What would you do to save money for your wedding? Allot some money from my salary for it, lmao. Have you ever been manipulated, lied to, abused, or controlled? Yes, of course, yes, and sure. Are you against plagiarism? Of course. That’s literally the biggest no-no in journalism.

#survey #surveys

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malarkiness · 4 years

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I have Thoughts on Frozen 2 because of course I do. Spoilers galore under the cut.

Just to recap my feelings on the first movie: I loved Elsa, thought Hans was hilarious as a villain, liked most of the songs, and enjoyed the “true love” twist at the end.

Everything else? Pretty mediocre.

But I think Frozen 2 actually improved some things about the first movie in retrospect (while also being a good movie in its own right). Some things that I wanted but didn’t get from the first movie but got from the sequel were:

No villain. Well, there technically is a villain, but Elsa and Anna’s grandfather is long dead in this movie and not an active participant in the plot. Instead, the characters (primarily Anna) are working to fix the results of the villain’s betrayal of the Northuldra. The story’s more about characters working through circumstances rather than fighting bad guys, which I like.

Less Kristoff and more Anna and Elsa interaction. This movie felt a lot more like a story about sisters than the first one did because I actually got to see their relationship in action and their personalities play off one another.

I remember being annoyed at how the “Let It Go” scene in the first movie cut away from Elsa’s face to focus on the ice palace, but her big transformation scene in the sequel showcases her expressions.

Characters of color with actual names and lines and active roles in the story. That shouldn’t really be notable in 2019 (or back in 2013, even), but here we are.

Olaf was still annoying, but also funny.

More interesting/creative/colorful imagery as opposed to lots and lots of white snowscapes. There were a couple of sequences that looked like someone handed Jennifer Lee a stack of rainbow scratch pages and just told her to go nuts.

I think I liked the soundtrack more from this movie, too:

Elsa gets two Oscar-bait songs in this movie: “Into the Unknown” (which is genuinely fantastic and gives me the same “I could fight a whole mastodon right now” feeling that Idina Menzel’s songs usually do) and “Show Yourself,” which is framed as the successor to “Let It Go.” I actually found the second one’s melody a little lackluster compared to the first when I watched the movie, but it’s really grown on me after a couple of relistens. I like how it starts off very gently and quietly, and then works its way up to a powerful reprise of Iduna’s lullaby. And it’s a good answer song to both “Into the Unknown” and “Let It Go,” as well as the movie’s overall theme about uncertainty and finding your path. The thing is, the main reason I loved “Let It Go” so much was that– taken out of context– it’s very easy to read it as a metaphor for coming out (especially with the pop version’s alternate lyrics). And I realize that that was probably purposefully baity as hell, and I fell for it like a total clown, but whatever. Anyway, you can’t really decontextualize “Show Yourself” in that way quite as easily. That’s not bad, really. Just a little disappointing for me personally. Oh, and I really want a goth metal cover of “Into the Unknown.” Someone page Evanescence or Within Temptation.

“The Next Right Thing” is incredible and a very effective song about grief (The line ”How to rise from the floor when it’s not you I’m rising for” hit me like a train.). I like how muted it was, and how simple the lyrics were. Kristen Bell’s singing voice is usually sweet and upbeat and sincere, so hearing how raw and tired she sounded in this song really left an impression.

I really liked Iduna’s lullaby (because I love a good lullaby in any musical).

Olaf’s song felt kind of jarring for the point it was at in the movie, and it has this really dopey melody that I feel like was conceived and written in the span of like twenty minutes tops, but it’s still genuinely funny. I liked the how it fit into his whole little subplot about growing older (and the movie’s overall theme).

Kristoff’s song was... a Choice. I guess if you really wanted to put a 80s pop ballad music video in this movie as a gag, "Lost in the Woods” is fine. I actually really like the song on its own, but there was just no reason for it to be as long as it was in the movie, lmao. Like I get that you have a Jonathan Groff and you want to use him, but I got the joke after we hit the chorus the first time; you don’t have to stretch it out. Just cut the song short in the movie and put the full version on the OST.

And lastly, the character arcs and overall storyline were better this time around:

I liked the movie’s theme of feeling lost and having the courage to find your footing and also yourself. “Into the Unknown” is Elsa’s song, but the rest of the movie’s soundtrack advances the themes from it. Olaf’s song is about assuming he’ll understand everything when he’s older highlights the point that there is no fixed time in your life where everything is clear and easy and you stop having to grow as a person. Anna’s “The Next Right Thing” is about picking yourself up after a harsh blow and making yourself keep going, simplifying it to just taking one step at a time. Even Kristoff’s song builds on this theme since it’s about feeling completely lost without someone, so it still fits the broader concept of being uncertain. And “Show Yourself” is about finally finding your path and feeling certain in spite of your fear.

Elsa’s character arc has a much more satisfying resolution than the one she had in Frozen. In the first movie, she accidentally reveals her powers, runs away in shame and then finds that she actually likes herself when she’s on her own and isn’t forced to hide who/what she is, is eventually brought back home against her will, and... that’s where she stays at the end of the story. In this one, she starts off safe at home, does the standard Hero Rejects the (Literal) Call to Adventure thing before finally deciding to follow it, ultimately finds the source of The Call, comes into her own, and stays with the Northuldra at the end to live out her life as the Avatar one half of the “fifth spirit” that connects humans to the elemental spirits. She still has Anna, understands who she is, and gets to stay where she’s happy and where she feels like she belongs. I kind of wish she’d just let Arendelle get destroyed, though. Not like anyone was home anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I liked Anna a lot more in the sequel. I didn’t really care for her or Kristoff in the first movie (or their relationship because it was basically just a watered-down version of Rapunzel and Eugene’s), but I think it helped that she spent most of her screentime in this movie either with Elsa, Olaf, or alone. I like that she’s not clingy exactly, but she’s clearly very anxious about Elsa’s safety at all times. She follows Elsa everywhere, asks if she’s okay like a dozen different times, and only leaves her side when Elsa physically forces her to. I liked seeing how desperate she was to keep Elsa with her after being pushed away from her for so long. I liked watching her pick herself back up after she thought she’d lost her sister for good, and I loved how willing she was to destroy her own home to make things right with the Northuldra and the forest. Anna was very flawed and admirable in this movie, and just an all-around great character. And I definitely think she’s better suited as queen than Elsa. I wish we’d gotten a scene showing Elsa telling Anna that she was going to stay in the forest. It would’ve capped both their storylines a bit better to show both of them accepting this major change to their lives and their dual roles in their world. It seems like such a natural and obvious conclusion that I’m almost convinced that a scene depicting that very thing exists and was just cut for time.

I liked the snowman’s character arc, lmao. It was a nice microcosm of the movie’s themes, and the post-credits scene was a good way to end it.

I liked Mattias. He introduces the concept of doing “the next right thing” whenever you’re at a loss of how to proceed with your life. He’s also surprisingly willing to destroy Arendelle after Anna tells him why that needs to happen. I would’ve liked more dialogue there, or to see him struggle with the decision a little, but I guess there was just no time for it.

Aside from Iduna, the Northuldra characters weren’t in the movie quite as much as I think they should’ve been. There’s the tribe’s leader, who obviously has some (mutual) distrust of Mattias and what’s left of the Arendelle guard. There’s Honeymaren, who gives some useful exposition here and there, and she also gives you an idea of just how long the conflict between the Arendellians and the Northuldra has lasted since she’s lived her whole life without seeing the sky because of it. And then there’s Ryder, who... is basically Kristoff personality-wise, lmfao. Because we really needed two of him. I think you could’ve collapsed him and Honeymaren into one character without really losing anything crucial to the plot. But anyway, maybe they all could’ve played a part in guiding the rockbiters Earth Spirits to destroy the dam the way the Arendelle guard did. I get that that was meant to be a moment of reckoning for the Arendellian characters, but the Northuldra (and not just Anna) had a right to play a part in that, too. If nothing else, it would’ve been good to see the tribe’s leader watch the dam fall since she was alive to see it built in the first place.

As for Iduna... She’s an actual character in this movie. We learn that she’s part of the Northuldra tribe and that she apparently hid her identity from her husband all her life, I guess out of fear that he may harbor the same distrust of magic as his father (and given how he tried– however well-intentionally– to suppress Elsa’s magic after she accidentally hurt Anna, Iduna probably wasn’t wrong for that). At the same time, though, it makes you wonder why she never told Elsa about her heritage or the spirits while she was alive. She knew that humans and magic could coexist harmoniously; did she really keep that a secret just so her husband wouldn’t know who she was? Did King Husband just not suspect anything when his first kid was born a waterbender? I mean, I know the real reason for all this is that the writers just hadn’t thought this backstory up yet when the first movie came out, lol, but still. It throws the king and queen’s actions in the first movie in a more interesting context, but not one that really makes sense... I dunno, I guess it needed some more fine-tuning. A little more insight into Iduna’s rationale during Elsa’s childhood would’ve helped.

So to sum up: it’s not perfect, but I definitely think it was better written than the original (which I realize isn’t saying much, lol, but still). It does everything a sequel is supposed to do: it expands on the world the story takes place in, gives more depth to the characters (not just in giving them more backstory, but also in giving them new challenges to grow from), and tells a story that’s actually new. There are obviously things I think could’ve been done better, but it’s mostly stuff that would just improve something that already has a pretty good foundation (as opposed to the first movie, which almost needed to be completely reworked from the ground up).

I liked the unified theming and how clearly it’s shown through the songs, the two leads’ character arcs, the OST, the visuals. I do wish it had followed through with some of the stakes it presented (like actually destroying Arendelle and just... letting Olaf stay dead lmfao), and that it’d developed a couple of the Northuldra characters a bit more, but yeah, overall? Not bad. Definitely an improvement from the original if nothing else.

#sometimes i watch things #will tag later #i haven't had time to gage how scary the fandom is these days lmao so i'm staying out of the main tag for now #frozen 2

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ginmo · 5 years

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The weird thing is that EVERYONE I watched E4 with (there were 15 or so of us, and only 2 book readers) immediately assumed Jaime was off to stop Cersei because he felt responsible for enabling her and his speech to Brienne was the equivalent of Arya throwing rocks at Nymeria. It’s absolutely the impression the ambiguous dialogue and NCW’s acting gave off. So when I heard D&D’s explanation I was totally nonplussed.

Yup. I did too! And like 90% of the viewers do as well because that’s what the narrative setup told us, especially from episode 2.

I always knew he’d go back to KL at some point, but I rolled my eyes at the scene because it makes ZERO sense for him to leave like that. But whatever. I shrugged and then said to my boyfriend, “at least that’s confirmation he survives” because a) I thought there’s no way in fucking hell they’d end Brienne’s journey with unresolved rejection, considering the themes and messages tied to her character and I assumed they were following the books (but later found out that Benioff literally said that themes are for eighth graders lmfao wow, so there we go) and b) Brienne literally said, “you don’t have to die with your sister” and who the fuck spoils their character’s end like that lmao

Anyway, it wasn’t until I came online and my usually very optimistic and level headed friends were freaking out, showing me interviews about what everyone was saying and I still tried defending it because no fucking way it’s THAT bad. Like, I don’t trust D&D in the slightest, but this is a whole other level of trash. Eventually, I did more research, went over old interviews and…. yeah… it’s not looking good. Sometimes D&D’s idea of subverting expectations is to seed and seed and seed and then spontaneously do a 180 or throw in something inconsistent and random.

At BEST I’m hoping for some sort of heroic moment from him before he goes down with Cersei but I’m not holding my breath.

#.#..#...#....#.....#got negativity #we'll see though #I'm not completely ruling out hope but I'm just prepared for the worst #so if it IS bad I'm already mostly moved on while the remaining part of fandom is having a meltdown

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goforwardgreenwriter-blog · 6 years

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The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 51 - 53

Sorry these have been coming out a little later than usual, I was sucked into a Nuzlocke playthrough.

Eyllwe’s coast was burning. For three days, they sailed past village after village. Some still burning, some only cinders. And at each of them, Aelin and Rowan had labored to put out those flames.

You get three guesses as to whose feelings over innocent people being burned alive are focused on. The first two don’t count.

Rowboat and the narrative splooge over how ~angsty and tortured~ Alien feels over Eyllwe being burnt and attacked, and how much she’s doing by staying on the ship and trying to put out the flames from there. Yawn. Maybe if Alien wasn’t a shitty character, I’d care.

Also there’s a rumor that Alien herself is starting these fires??? It probably won’t be important, it’s probably just for Alien to cry over so Rowboat can comfort her.

[Rowan]’d breathed [Aelin] in, and she knew he detected an answer to the question that had caused him to flee that morning on the ship. No, she was not carrying his child.

Oh great, this is returning. SJM uses this to briefly describe a sex scene between Rowboat and Alien where Alien reveals she’s not taking anything to prevent pregnancy. I mean, well, where would she get that on a medieval ship?

And then [Aelin] had explained that if she’d inherited so much of Mab’s Fae blood, she might very well have inherited the Fae’s struggle to conceive. And even if the timing was horrible … if this was to be the one shot she had of providing Terrasen a bloodline, a future … she would not waste it.

UMMMM WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ.

It literally explains after this Alien didn’t ask Rowboat if he wanted to have kids. She is literally using him to have sex with in an attempt to have children without his consent. WHAT THE FUCK. THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS NOT CONSENSUAL OR HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, but since Alien is a woman and Rowboat is a man, it’s suddenly okay???? WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING

So aside from that extremely horrifying implication, the gang makes it to the Stone Marshes and Manon has to say goodbye to Abraxos, since he’d be too noticeable on the marshes. I cry.

Manon swallowed hard. “You saved my life. Many times. I never thanked you for it.” Abraxos let out another low whine. “You and me,” she promised him. “From now until the Darkness claims us.”

I can’t believe a bloodthirsty witch and her pet wyvern are the only two characters I care about on this entire ship besides Gav. Despite SJM trying to ruin Manon’s character, she and Abraxos still deserve better.

Manon tears up that red cloak from her half sister she killed and uses it to tie her hair back, before chucking the rest of it into the sea. SJM can’t resist the urge to then make it all about Alien’s feefees.

Aelin Galathynius said quietly, “You never stop seeing their faces.” It was only when they were rowing for the shore, spindrift soaking them, that Manon realized the queen hadn’t meant the Thirteen. And Manon wondered if Aelin, too, had watched that cloak floating out to sea and thought it looked like spilled blood.

Manon just had to cope with the idea her Thriteen might be dead and it’s all about Alien feeling upsetti some country people she’s never met died. adhjgfjah I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s all fine.

Next chapter opens up with Lorass and Elide on their journey to find Alien. Lorass says that the dark god himself Hellas is guiding him or some shit...? I don’t really care. They’re off the boat and come across a place that got fucked up by something.

Indeed, the hair on his arms had risen, every instinct on alert as he scanned the marshes, the ruins, the brambles, and thick foliage that had choked some of the islands. Even the god of death halted his nudging and ducked behind Lorcan’s shoulder.

You.. just spent several paragraphs splooging about the connection between the god of death and Lorass and how badass it is, and now you’re saying the god of death is cowering behind Lorass. SJM, you’re killing me I hope you know. You’re killing me.

“What is inside these marshes?” [Elide] asked instead. “Why is Aelin headed into them?” (...) “I don’t know,” [Lorcan] admitted. “No towns or outposts exist anywhere nearby.” Yet this was where the dark god had led him—and where that hand still pushed him to venture, even if it quaked.

I’m tired. Have a reaction image to sum up my feelings.

They travel for a couple of days across the marshes. One night, Elide hears some spoopy noises, so she asks Lorass to tell her about Maeve.

“Do you love her?” Those eyes, darker than the gaps between the stars, slid to her. “I have been in love with Maeve since I first laid eyes on her.”

Maeve treats all of you like servants, and in some cases slaves, and has no real affection for any of you. You’re her soldiers, and she’s not exactly a caring queen. Why are you all in love with her? Is it because she’s hot?

Elide’s like “uhh that doesn’t sound like love at all” and Lorass gets all pissy. Lmfao he’s just angry because she’s right.

“I think love should make you happy,” Elide said, remembering her mother and father. How often they had smiled and laughed, how they had gazed at each other. “It should make you into the best possible version of yourself.”

Funny how SJM understands this........ but writes Ratlin as posessive and abusive assholes to each other and has Alien not ask Rowboat for consent.... *thinking emoji*

tl;dr Elide kisses him and Lorass decides to make out with him. I’m not... horribly offended as I am with Ratlin, it’s just kinda a dumb ship with no chemistry, but hey, I’ll take that over the pile of dogshit that is Ratlin.

Lorass is about to slide into second base when he hears a bunch of Ilken arriving, and it’s implied they’re coming for Alien. I feel bad for how short this review is at the moment, so let’s keep going to chapter 53.

Two days into the endless labyrinth of the Stone Marshes—two, not the day and a half that gods-damned Rolfe had suggested—Aelin was inclined to burn the whole place to the ground.

Oh no, one half of a day more than his estimate... stop being such a whiny lil shit, Alien.

[Aelin] kept the [insects] away with a shield of invisible flame, revealed only by the zinging as they slammed into it. She might have felt bad, had they not tried to eat her alive the first day here.

Why would you feel bad for killing insects? They’re bugs who could possibly be carrying diseases. So Alien feels bad for killing dangerous insects, but not some of Rolfe’s people?? Lmfao you are so full of shit, SJM.

[Fenrys] could no doubt leap the gaps between the islands in wolf form, as could Gavriel. Why they bothered staying in Fae form was beyond [Aelin].

Ok, so like... why are they staying in Fae form, then? Also, that wording implies that Gav also has a wolf form, which he does not, he shifts into a lion.

Lysandra and Fenrys lowkey flirt with one another over their brands or some shit? Skipping this like my life depends on it tbh.

Dorian and Manon hauled themselves onto the bank below, dripping wet

But did they haul their asses onto the bank? This is important information the world needs to know, SJM!

Aedion, seated beside [Aelin], passed the too-light skin of wine. She swigged from it, glad for the sour slide that washed away any lingering taste of the meat.

Oh my god... they drink wine instead of water? This explains so much about these books. Corrected by @kittyinhighheels that this is actually historically correct! Thank you for correcting me on that.

Anyways, some swamp beast attacks them out of the blue, aiming for Manon, but Dorito stops it with his ice magic.

But Aelin looked back at Rowan, holding his stare. How convenient that your shield vanished right as that thing waddled up. What an excellent opportunity for a magic lesson. What if it had gone wrong? Rowan’s eyes glittered. Why do you think the hole opened up by the witch?

So Rowboat was willing to risk Manon’s life - and possibly others - in order to... shoehorn in a magic lesson for Dorito? Nope. This was an excuse for Dorito to save Manon, and you all know it.

Apparently, the amulet Alien carries is an entirely different symbol and meaning in the witches’ culture. That’s actually kinda cool, I like it. Manon tells the story of Rhiannon Crochan and how she cursed the other witches before she died. It’s pretty neat; SJM really should’ve cut out the Alien bullshit and kept the series about the witches.

Later on, the male Fae fuck off to have a private conversation.

Gavriel said, “You should take Aelin a thousand miles from here. Tonight.” A wave of [Rowan’s] magic and honed instincts told him all was safe in the immediate vicinity, calming the killing rage he’d slipped into at the thought.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus, Rowboat. I get wanting to protect your loved ones but he gets such a fucking raging anger at the thought of anyone near Alien and it’s so fucking gross.

Fenrys points out the similarities between Manon and Alien, like they’re both have different sides of heritage, both lsot queens, etc. Yeah, but you also forgot that Alien is a raging selfish asshole and Manon isn’t, so.

Fenrys breathed, “Maeve will not allow herself to lose. Already, she’s replaced you.” Rowan whirled on Gavriel. “Who.” Those lion’s eyes darkened. “Cairn.”

Why do you care? This is treated as a big reveal when A) Lorass already told us about this dude, and B) Of course Maeve would replace you after you left.

Cairn … No amount of training, both off the battlefield and on it, had ever broken the Fae warrior of his penchant for cruelty. Rowan had locked him up, flogged him, disciplined him, wielded whatever shred of compassion he could muster in himself … nothing. Cairn had been born savoring the suffering of others.

Oh, of course he’s a one dimensional evil bad guy, too. SJM doesn’t know what nuance means.

For Maeve not to have given either male a gag order through the blood oath

I had to read that, so you do too.

Apparently Maeve wants Lorass dead because he and Rowboat are the msot powerful males in the world. Hnnnnnnnngh and as if that gushing isn’t bad enough, Fenrys literally asks Rowboat to kill him if Maeve makes him kill Alien.

Alien is such a goddamn Mary Sue, literally every character loves her and kisses her ass and those who hate her are villainized to hell and back. I’m so tired.

“I’m glad, you know,” Fenrys said with unusual graveness, “that I got this time. That Maeve unintentionally gave me that. That I got to know what it was like—to be here, as a part of this.” Rowan didn’t have words, so he looked to Gavriel. But the Lion was merely nodding as he stared down at the little camp below. At his sleeping son.

F-fuck... this got to me. Gav and Fenrys deserve better and they better not die I swear to god.

#the worm talks #the worm reads: eos #anti sjm #anti tog #anti eos

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yourghastlycloseness · 4 years

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i wanna be a mascot too

ok so i’ve just finished my run and it’s 3.18am lmfao

my stamina has deteriorated. the last time i ran was on 26/6 (3 rounds, did it just fine) and 29/6 (4 rounds, abt 4km? did it pretty easily). today’s friday (more accurately, very early saturday morning) and i only managed 2 rounds lol. so a 5-day break is all i need for my stamina to start sucking balls

running at 3am is fun. i only ever do late night rounds around my estate out of safety concerns. i live at a street where condominium complexes are lined up one after the other, so there are security guards around at this hour, though they’re mostly old men who stare you up and down as you run and deliberately puff smoke in your path. interestingly, the edgy k00L street d00ds are the considerate ones and usually blow smoke away from my face if i run past them on the pavements

lately i’ve been more conscious about my physical safety. it started after getting followed home around 11pm-midnight by middle-aged men here and in tokyo. i used to think you had to be an attractive woman or dressed up in a way that suggests you’re ‘asking for it’ or walk through an unsafe neighbourhood or live in a society which does not recognize sexual violence against women as a problem or a combination of the aforementioned to be harassed, but these experiences taught me otherwise

when i run at night these days, i’ll keep my left earpiece on but my right one off, so i can hear footsteps, if any, behind me. i also run while looking over my shoulder every 50m just to make sure nobody around me looks dangerous. there have been a couple of stabbing cases lately

i forgot to talk abt last fri with H, last sun with A, mon with H, and a thurs hangout with C after work. the details are fuzzy, but all was good, so i’ll make a mental note here that i did social stuff these past few days too and that i had fun

come to think of it, even if i’m not in hiroshima or dotonbori right now, i’m still terribly busy; i’m juggling work, keeping up with friends, trying out new hobbies, exercising, etc.

so much of my life is going by — on this blog, i capture what goes in my head or the time i spend on my own, but rarely the events of a day spent with others. i also struggle to blog about my family because that’s just so personal to me

let me try to recall what were some things i talked to my friends about. it doesn’t feel right to share what they said, so i’ll be vague and brief where it concerns them:

H — she was telling me abt a meeting a kpop idol in person and how the encounter put her in a dreamlike state afterwards; i was talking about how i would read fan accounts of meeting idols, and how they could recall every detail of that day, from what they ate to fellow fangirls they would meet on the train. if an idol tucked stray strands of hair behind his ear, they would write a full paragraph to immortalize the scene.

it always made me feel happy and...a little spiteful. because look at this idol, commanding so much of your attention, and look at you, a mere creature in the crowd — i’m not sure my pride would ever let me openly worship another human being like that, though i fantasize about it

i do public speaking in my job (not by choice, someone get me out of here lol) and i’ve been recognized a few times by those in the audience. but whenever i deliver a talk to some 300-1000 people, i honestly cease to register human faces, even if i interact with individuals in the crowd

that might be what these idols see: a blurry, nondescript faces, highly likely made of flesh

i am deeply affected by the disparity between dreams and reality

on one end, a factory girl watches her favourite kpop idol on v live; on the other, idols bathe in (your hard-earned) cash

i want that sort of adoration for an idealized version of myself that i can control and strategically present to millions. it must be fun to be the subject of a schoolgirl or schoolboy’s daydreams, or to soothe lonely old singles who don’t have real people to direct this ‘love’ to, and yet, wish so much to give

my pride is probably why i’ve never actually bought merchandise for myself despite all my fangirling

we also talked about dancers in kpop and figure skaters

A — talked about inferiority complexes among the...non-elite (? not the right way to put it. i’d call these ppl the graduates of ‘the school of hard knocks’) and how we see these in colleagues, and find them exhausting to deal with. talked about taimane the ukulele goddess, her sister’s first job, activities during covid times, looked at a globe in a store and tried to make sense of routes taken by european colonizers to get to their colonies. can’t rmb what else but we had a lot of fun

C — talked about work, astro’s moonbin lmfao (C: ‘i don’t usually say this, but-’). talked about what we consider dark. apparrently, the threshold might be high for me because of an early exposure and attraction to horror. i talked about the film, hereditary, its unique framing techniques, and why i caught it on my own after midnight despite knowing that was a bad idea (my mom was asleep next to me though, yay).

talked about the spiritual realm. in short: C believes, i am on the fence, as i always am about these things. but i don’t doubt. if i did, i would be trying out all the demonic rituals in books to see if i could summon something. discussed that weird night where we nearly walked into this jungle-like path but stopped when we felt a spooky male presence

funniest part of the day was when we tried recalling dramatic lines from jane eyre (both book and film), and started inserting them into our very standard conversation between two millennial women

‘he transfixes me, quite’ (in reference to astro’s moonbin)

‘i could bend him with my finger and thumb; a mere reed he feels in my hands’ (in reference to yuzuru hanyu)

just realized i ate army stew when i hung out with all 3 of them

i need to st0p

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tangledfan · 7 years

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70 horrible questions … I’m bored and my tumblr messages won’t work

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Not at all, unfortunately.. I always wanted a healthy relationship with them. Things haven’t worked out but I’m ok about it now

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? My best friends… Rosie and Rosie ahha. One is my cat and the other is a human being haha!!

03: Do you regret anything? I have a lot of regrets, I think regret is one of the worst feelings but.. I guess I wouldn’t be exactly what I am now without those choices I made back then- good and bad.

04: Are you insecure? I have my days if I’m honest.. but I’d say I love my mind and I love my personality and there are times I question my physical beauty but that’s nothing to do with me, that’s what society tries to push as beautiful. As a whole I love myself and you should love yourself too and give yourself what you deserve..

05: What is your relationship status? Relationship?? What is that??

06: How do you want to die? Oh wow, dramatically where no one else is hurt lmfao. If I’m going to be remembered let it be from choking on a sandwich.

07: What did you last eat? Rice and a cookie🔥😂

08: Played any sports? OMG a few years back I literally played every sport under the sun, Football, netball, rounders, tennis, athletics, dance, swimming, baseball, rugby… but yknow life hit love and then I died

09: Do you bite your nails? No I don’t! When I was 13 I did kind of but I mean I don’t ever do it now

10: When was your last physical fight? I don’t do physical fights but 6 years ago lol (me and my sister were arguing over food I think)

11: Do you like someone? Ugh… I don’t even really know what it feels like to like someone.. No one sticks around long enough for me to develop emotional and mental connection (For me that’s so important)

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? Oh my gawd yes and you know what? I’m either really hyper because I’m so tired or I’m the biggest bore ever, there is no middle.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? All I’m going to say is.. this person is trash who shits on good people because they are bored with their own life. SORRY BUT I HATE BULLYING IN ANY FORM. Do I hate her? I don’t know.. do I have little respect for her? Yes.

14: Do you miss someone? I miss a lot of people, for different reasons. I miss my childhood best friend. I miss my all my ex’s who decided it wasn’t worth being friends with me.. do you know why? Because these people shaped me, I still think they are good people. I’d still invest time into them. I don’t just miss the memories, I miss the friendship.

15: Have any pets? A few! But only 3 that I could truly class as my pets, my best friends. Smokey my hamster (I miss you buddy, I miss carrying you on my shoulder and sharing cucumber with you while I watched Lizzie McGuire. I will always love you, you made me such a happy 10 year old, you were my first proper pet and I just loved you so much, you were my best friend and I was so weird with you) Spot my rabbit (ah you were so fluffy and cute and so bad, like you broke everyone’s things because I REFUSED to put you in a cage lol. I liked having you hop around and be a asshole to everyone but you were only ever nice to me. I love you and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you when you needed me, I regretted going to school that day, I came home and cried.. I didn’t know what death meant until then) Lastly Rosie… wow you are my child. I would protect you from everything and anything. I look at you and want to cry sometimes because your eyes are so expressive. You don’t need to talk because I feel you bro, I feel your presence and you know exactly when I need to have you around. When I can’t sleep in the night and you make sure I can hear you purring. I have spent the last 3 years revolving my life for you and everyone thinks I’m crazy mad for loving you so much because you are unfriendly- truth is, you are just friendly with me haha, I like the loyalty in you cat.. even when I don’t feed you, I’m still your mom. You came in my life just when I needed you and honestly it wasn’t a coincidence how I got you. You fixed a part in me that was slowly dying, my will to carry on.. it was nice to speak to someone who wouldn’t just tell me to “stop being silly” partly cause you couldn’t communicate with me 😉 but y'know you are my absolute best friend, I love you more than I ever have any human, no one comes close and thank you for helping my get back on the right path through my mental health and my bad habits.. knowing I had you to look after made me stop being selfish. (I had to write this shit out because I really love my animals deeply, they have been there for me when humans couldn’t.)

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? Lucky, passionate and yet somewhat disappointed.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? It was the best kiss I have ever had. Fire works. It was the kiss that mattered but didn’t last lmfao and it happened in a fucking bathroom and I’m so pressed over that 😂

18: Are you scared of spiders? I’m sorry for being scared of you spiders but I’d never hurt you

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? YES!! I want to look into history but also my own history. I want to maybe see myself from a distant.. to know what others see.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? In the middle of no where while the moon was high in the sky and your dimples were just about visible and I knew I had to kiss you then as you passionately spoke about music. You were such a puppy, man it was a good time but we are just friends now.

21: What are your plans for this weekend? Record- hopefully! Going to spend time with my best friend and her girlfriend yay! (Mom and dad TBH) Maybe if I have time I’ll do some writing and reading :)

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? It depends on my resources! I find it hard to share love out equally though and I wouldn’t want anyone I love to think I love one more than the other due to the attention I give. I’m game for however many. I have no set amount.. I kind of want a big family. I want to adopt as well! If the feelings right and mutual.

23: Do you have piercings? How many? Just ear piercings! Used to have my lips and nose done.. that being said I want my nose ring back but it’s difficult I want to work at Disneyland and I hate taking out studs and nose rings.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? Drama, music, English, Art, Maths, History and PE!

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? Practically everyone. I have at least one thought of you a day.

26: What are you craving right now? Chocolate anything😍

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? unfortunately yes.. but we are all very good friends now, in fact we are soulmates but in the platonic sense.

28: Have you ever been cheated on? Yes but it’s ok, we are soooo past that. I made terrible mistakes to begin with. Having gone through that.. I now realise how damaging cheating truly is haha! I needed it however to know what it felt like and how bad it truly was. Just because I don’t feel as deeply as the other doesn’t mean I should be irresponsible with someone’s feelings.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Good and bad tears, for all my past lovers that I hurt, I’m awful sorry, I was childish and unready to fully open up.

30: What’s irritating you right now? My eagerness to explore the past… I should leave it there and focus on the future. TRUMP. BREXIT. Dramatic fandoms.. it was fine to a certain point until y'all say horrible shit about eachother and drag down other humans who btw have feelings regardless of how many people look up to them, your comments still fucking hurt.

31: Does somebody love you? Yes someone loves me

32: What is your favourite color? I love all colours but dark purple and baby blue, pink and the shade black 😂

33: Do you have trust issues? I wish I didn’t but yes… It’s quite bad.

34: Who/what was your last dream about? Weird dream but I fell asleep reading a fan fic so it was to do with that. Gotta love the fluffy cuteness.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? Myself, I like to watch myself cry in the mirror lol (don’t ask me why, I’m a freak lol)

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? Those that know me think I do because I’m civil and don’t like to argue but nah, trust issues. I hate that about myself.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? Forgive. I forget nothing.

38: Is this year the best year of your life? No.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 6? Maybe 7? Proper kiss however was at 10!

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? Yes and it was liberating

51: Favourite food? Mmmm… that’s so hard😔😭 I love all food if I’m honest. I do love the taste of delusions tho lmfao #Camren

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Mmmm… not everything but in a way sometimes….I guess yes.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Read a book and cuddled with Rosie (my equal, my baby cattttt).❤️

54: Is cheating ever okay? No. I’ve made mistakes and it’s not worth it hurting someone like that EVER.

55: Are you mean? Honestly I’d say I’m the complete opposite of mean.

56: How many people have you fist fought? Two, I don’t promote violence lol but yeah that happened (with siblings)

57: Do you believe in true love? Yes. I absolutely believe in true love but you have to accept the idea of it and be ready for it. Both of you do.

58: Favourite weather? I like all weather rain, sun, wind… but of lately I’ve just loved walking in the rain.

59: Do you like the snow? I love the snow!!! When the snow is fresh and everything looks beautiful and new.

60: Do you wanna get married? Eventually, yes. Once I know.. it will be magical and painful but worth it.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? I don’t mind it :)

62: What makes you happy? Freedom, laughter, kindness, deep conversations, music… passion.

63: Would you change your name? Yes, yes, yes.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? No they have soft lips and we are good friends, affection is best haha!

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I’d make sure they were OK and make them see that our friendship is worth more than a relationship between us could ever be.. plus I’m 99.9% gay

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Most of them :) I have a different array of personalities depending on the person and situation, I have 1 friend however who knows everything about me and she is my soulmate in every single way. I love her just as deeply as I love my cat. I’d do almost anything for them.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? Dave who is saved as “caMEEEEELAAA” on my phone lmfao, I love when he rings me because it’s like “Camila is calling you” and I’m like “AYYYEEE SON DAMM RIGHT SHE IS”

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Lauren’s lover @goodgirlsbettergetbad (p.s thanks for the kind words.. I needed them💜) and my best friend Rosie who lives miles away😭 which by the way really freaking sucks, it's hard when we both work to get a hold of one another but I never fear for our friendship, she'll always be in my life plus we had a wonderful talk last night, voice of reason always. Also another best friend of mine @let-me-make-this-queer thank you for being there. Thank you for letting me annoyingly hug you all the time! @invisibleandmagicaalthank you for just being so kind and messaging me while I was sad and listening to me in the nights!

69: Do you believe in soulmates? Oh my goodness yes. I think you have more than 1 soulmate and I don’t always think it’s romantic btw. It’s beautiful when you click mentally and emotionally with someone it can be platonic but it’s a great feeling. Twin flames tho…. ah my heart races.

70: Is there anyone you would die for? Yes. I’d die for most, it depends on circumstance.

#personal #me #questions

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #388

“i wanna stay inside all day / i want the world to go away / i want blood, guts, and chocolate cake / i wanna be a real fake”

Name three people who you'll never forget: I doubt I'd forget Jason even if, God forbid, I had dementia. That's trauma for ya. I HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHLY doubt I could EVER forget my mom, either. In many different ways, she's literally kept me alive and has done so, so much for me. Then there's also Sara, whose friendship with me matches no one else I've been friends with. Have you ever been told you are fake? No. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy, my dog. Do you like pineapple? I do. When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with? I know this sounds seriously depressing, but that's... pretty much every day. My life is just currently such a drag that being awake bores me senseless. But it's funny, because then some nights I stay up late for like... no reason. My existence alone is confusing. Is there any specific number that has any significance to you? No. Do you remember much from high school? I remember a lot from high school. Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? Isn't there a black sand beach in Iceland or something? Take me there, man. I'd also love to go to the Bahamas, but ew humidity and also I'm afraid of the Bermuda Triangle lmfao. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? The big piece I want to get on my left upper arm; it's called "Denialism" by NukeRooster on deviantART. I got her permission forever ago to get it tattooed. Do you have any alarms set? What time and what for? Not currently. Have you ever had to work while there was a film crew at your work place? No. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No. What do you like in your omelet? Ham pieces and cheese. Have you ever boycotted something? Yes: Chick-fil-A. Homophobic, transphobic pieces of shit aren't getting my business. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you, and not returned it? Yes. Most notably a video game I LOOOOVED as a kid. I was mad salty and still am lmao. Do you vent a lot on social media? God no, not anymore after embarrassing the everliving FUCK out of myself with a suicide note. What was your first bill you started paying on your own? I don't pay any bills bc unemployed. .-. Do you watch ASMR videos? No. What is your favorite charitable cause to donate to or volunteer for? The Trevor Project. Have you ever received a misdiagnosis? Yes. A psychiatrist I had in middle school thought I had ADHD, which was ABSOLUTELY ludicrous. Most recently, my long-time bipolar 2 diagnosis has been questioned, but I do think I have it. I think. Does it bother you when others don’t share the same religious beliefs as you? No? Freedom of religion is a thing. What was your last argument about? Ummmm... I don't remember. Probably something with Mom. Have you found your first gray hairs yet? No. Somehow. You'd think all the stress would have me pure gray by now, lol. What are the names of all the pets you’ve had? Dude, I've had WAY too many for this. What’s the most you’ve ever spent on a cosmetic or skincare product? *shrug* Who was the last person that invited you to go somewhere? Did you accept? Mom invited me to come with her to Nicole's to get out of the house because at the time our A/C was still out. I didn't want to go, even though damn did I suffer, haha. What was the last food item that you toasted, other than bread? That's... a great question. I don't know if I toast anything other than bread. Have you ever named any of your pets after a cartoon character? I remember I had a cat named Taz when I was younger. What was the last thing that someone else recommended, or suggested you try? My TMS doctor is like SUPER friendly and makes the treatment go by so fast (it's exactly 22 minutes and 30 seconds; don't ask why), and recently she was fangirling to Mom and me about the show Once Upon a Time, haha. I saw very little of it with Jason, but Mom did check it out. When was the last time you wore a hat? What kind? I have zero idea. When was the last time you ate a bowl of ice-cream? What flavour? Oh wow, it's been a long time. It was probably vanilla with chocolate syrup? If you menstruate, has your cycle ever synced with anyone close to you? Yes. Tell me something positive about the town or city that you live in. ... You said "positive," right? Did your parents have high expectations for you to excel in school and go to college/university? Yes. They were pretty serious about going to college when my sisters and I were younger, but they opened up to the concept that maybe it wasn't for all of us (coughmecough). Are you a polite person? I genuinely think I am. I definitely try to be. Have you ever been in a relationship where everything with your partner felt natural and effortless? Sigh. Yeah. Have you ever been in a relationship where everything was difficult and rocky? No. That's not the kind I'd stay in very long at all. I mean yes, there are always bumps, but there comes a point where you gotta say fuck nah and find something better. When you were a teenager, did your parents set rules about dating? Other than keeping age gaps in mind, no. Have you ever committed a crime that directly harmed another person? No. Did you grow up in an urban, suburban, or rural area? My childhood home was suburban, but leaned towards rural. We were on the very edge of the town. Which disease do you personally think is the most horrible? After seeing my mother suffer from borderline stage 4 ovarian cancer, I've gotta say cancer. My mother is the strongest person I know and yet she cried so frequently from chemotherapy. It broke my fucking heart. The person I copied the survey from mentioned especially childhood cancers, and I have to agree. Like just... why. "Everything happens for a reason." Bull. Fucking. Shit. Just TRY and convince me why a young child has to deal with CANCER. Do you remember where you first drove to after getting your license? I still don't have my license, as I've said in many a survey before. What did you get into trouble for the most when you were a kid? Being on the computer too much. What is your biological sex? Female. Do you use online dating? Or do you use another method for finding dates? Nah. I'm at the point in my life where I wanna let love just find me and not actively search for it. What is the oldest gaming console you own? We MIGHT still have our old Atari? If not, it'd be a GameBoy Advance. Which accents can you emulate pretty well? Just British. Do you think you'll ever manage to do everything you want to? No. But then again, I think that sounds pretty realistic? I doubt most people check off everything on their bucket list. What do you fear most? Probably becoming truly homeless, living on the streets. Do you wear shoes around the house? No. Are you a good driver? If you can't drive yet, do you think you'll be good? I mean, I'm not the worst in the world. My mom's always pointed out though that I ride on the brakes (which I do out of fear) and I tend to speed up and slow down quite a bit. I also stop kinda abruptly sometimes. What is/was your favorite thing about school? Seeing friends. What are you most likely to spend money on? My own personal money, tattoos, lol. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? @_@ Do you hate how, when the public like a celebrity, they overpublicize them? I feel bad for them, more than anything. You breathe wrong and suddenly it's news-worthy. It's like your every inconsequential action is under heavy surveillance and judgment, and it seems so unfair. Have you ever became attracted to someone you weren’t at first because their personality made you find them physically attractive? That was Jason for me. I never thought he was ugly, but regardless, he became THE most attractive man in the world to me. Have you ever worked in retail? Yes. -_- Are you even a little bit racist? Nah man, it's 2021, baby. Were you more fond of swings, monkey bars, or seesaws as a child? I was all about the swings. Do you believe in a near-future apocalyptic event? I don't know or care, honestly. A gamma ray or whatever they're called could incinerate us all tomorrow. A black hole could swallow the earth in an hour. We don't know. Do you have a chandelier in your home? No. Do you have a bar with stools? No. Is your Christmas tree faux or real? If faux, what color? We use a fake green one. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yes; it's the first part I eat. Which body type would you say you had? Did you know whales can survive on land? :^) Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! I used to LOVE doing that with Dad as a kid when the field across our house wasn't in use (tobacco was grown there). What’s your preferred flavour of jam? I just like grape. What kind of animal did you last pet? My cat! Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: I massively admire Jeffree Star's work ethic. Do you prefer to shave or wax? Shave. I used to wax my eyebrows, but now I just don't care. Would you ever have sex in a public place? Uh, no. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Your favourite pasta dish: Just your normal spaghetti with meatballs. Strangest thing you’ve ever seen? Probably what I'm assuming was a star (but it was green???) flickering and then fizzling out of the sky kind of like some sort of backwards firework. I'd been watching it literally grow over a few nights, so when this happened, it was a big "?????? the fuck??????". It honestly scared me for some reason so I went inside after that. Aliens? I say aliens. Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Has anybody ever called you a bastard? I don't think so. Who is the last person you ignored? uhhhhhhh Would you wear feathers in your hair? So actually, for my first prom, I wanted to wear a blue jay feather I had in my hair, reason being Jason's nickname from his parents was always "J Bird." It ended up not working out because we couldn't make it look natural with what we had. When was the last time you were well and truly scared? Hm. Favourite member of your favourite band: Ozzy, obviously, haha. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''teen idle'' by marina

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