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chubbyooo · 4 years

Text

Blurred Lines: Cursed Past Chapter 81 - Dubrillion

we're finally back with the main fic :D

Ash and Guss arrive at Dubrillion andinvestigate the scientists inventions

Ash sat looking out at the hyperspace trails they had to go the long way round to Dubrillion as to not arouse suspicion so that had left her with rather a lot of time with the Mon Cal to her right and he wasn’t exactly quiet.

Guss continued to question her “so you and Gacen were quite close then?” Ash rolled her eyes how long was he gonna ask this sort of thing

Ash shrugged “I mean I guess we lived together for two years and I helped him escape prison” Guss nodded frantically as he sat in the co-pilot's seat

Guss asked “well it’s not like you talked about personal issues it was just a living arrangement” Ash frowned why had she been paired off with him

Ash answered “well yeah I mean he was pretty depressed so we got pretty real by all accounts” Guss seemed to stifle a question “look Guss if you’re worried I’m stealing your best friend spot I doubt that’s true Gacen may be my best friend but I doubt I’m his, he’s good at talking to people but believe me I don’t care about being his best friend” Guss seemed to relax a little

He nodded “right right right of course my bad sorry it’s just your so cool and well I’m me” Ash frowned looking to him he wasn’t wrong but still

Ash asked him “so why did you stay with Risha after Gacen was captured” Guss looked away Ash assumed he was embarrassed but it was hard to read his face

Guss hesitated “well to be honest it was the only place where I didn’t feel like a screw up, the rest of the crew had places to go back to but I couldn’t exactly go back to the Jedi Order” Ash’s eyes widened

Ash was surprised “the Jedi order? What do you mean” of all the people to be part of the jedi order or at least formerly Guss was at the bottom of her list

Guss held his neck “I was formerly part of the Jedi order but I never really took to it so my force affinity only ever stayed this way” Ash was bewildered as Guss lifted a small trinket a few feet in the air

Ash had seen much more powerful jedi in her time but still was surprised to see it “so you had potential to become a jedi?” Guss nodded as the trinket fell out of the air suddenly

He stood it back up “well yes but I wasn’t ever any good at ‘controlling my emotions’ so I gave up” Ash nodded she could see that it seemed like a rather intense training system

Ash was still curious about something “you said something about Force affinity what’s that” Guss was seeming more comfortable as they continued to chat

Guss answered “well there’s two types, types like me where if trained right we could be Jedi but otherwise have an innate ability to perform a few powers for me it’s the force levitation of small objects and minor healing. And the other is when someone just has the innate ability of a force power regardless of training, like natural persuasion or some kind of ability to see through illusions that sorta thing” Ash had never heard of this she wondered if anyone she knew or had known had possessed such a power. Guss continued “once i suggested Gacen had innate charming power but he thought it was an insult to suggest that was anything but himself being charming” Guss chuckled and Ash couldn’t help but smile that did sound accurate

Ash had to admit maybe Guss wasn’t so bad “I never knew you had a force affinity maybe you will come in handy” Guss seemed to not know whether to take that as a compliment or not

Guss brushed it off “so where are you from Ash if you don’t mind me asking” Ash frowned no one ever really asked her that

Ash sighed “I don’t really know I’ve been a soldier all my life, I never knew my parents” Guss seemed to shuffle back seemingly worried he’d crossed a line

Guss apologized “sorry I didn’t want to bring up bad memories” Ash shook her head waving it off

Ash groaned “oh please don’t it’s ok I don’t long to meet them or anything if they were cruel enough to leave me in a republic camp then I don’t think I ever want to meet them, and they certainly won’t have any bearing on my life” Guss nodded his smile returning

His tone was softer “well you know what they say you find your real family in your friends” Ash sighed great pity he may have a point there but it still felt like pity

Ash responded tersely “yeah I guess so but don’t worry I’m not grasping for some form of companionship I’m doing just fine, it won't suddenly make me ‘happier’ or anything” Guss nodded at her not pressing it any further as great as a family sounded she doubted it’d fulfil her desire to help people so what was the point

They sat in silence for the rest of the trip until the sound of the ship coming out hyperspace began and they watched the planet of Dubrillion come into view and vibrant planet of reds and greens with large expansive oceans with many white fluffy clouds populating the sky although in some areas those clouds seemed to take on more of a smoggy quality. But then she noticed the large capital ship hovering over the system, she’d read up on it apparently the turret on the bottom could isolate an area and send a barrage of concentrated laser blasts to it, such a weapon made her shudder.

Nonetheless Ash could see why Risha loved her home it was stunning she began piloting down away from the larger cities she could see to the coordinates Risha had given her of Armande’s workshop as they breached the surface Ash turned on the stealth landing in a field not too far away

She put a beacon down to remember where they parked “ok Guss get the personal stealth fields” Guss nodded heading off to get them as Ash planned a route to the workshop apparently his inventions were dangerous and not what he ever intended to make so they’d have to be careful, Ash could only imagine what error had lead to the turrets creation

She walked out to where Guss was waiting at the edge of the tall grass with the stealth equipment “alright just follow my lead and catalogue all we see” he nodded and they snuck through the grass which was providing ample cover

Soon they arrived at the ridge where a very manmade looking rock jutted out, Ash rolled her eyes this guy was not subtle, she got out the slicer gear and identified the console hidden behind some rocks.

Ash scoffed “I’ve broken into systems with triple layer encryption and this guy has a stack of rocks hiding his let’s just say I’m less than impressed” it was more embarrassing that this guy had captured her and Gacen but then again that was due to his bounty hunter friend

Guss responded “I suppose this must mean the inventions are all the more dangerous for him to have not been fired” Guss may have a point there but she wasn’t sure, nearby she noticed as two large rocks slid apart and she gestured Guss to follow. She sliced into the cameras as they walked in disabling them while they were inside as well as any alarm they would set off.

Soon they were inside and found an array of inventions on display she began to catalogue them down as did Guss, they ranged from all sorts of things, a renewable battery that actually was used as a bomb, an advanced shovel with a razor sharp edge and a conveyor belt that worked better as a garbage disposal.

Ash chuckled this was the definition of failing upwards, Guss called her over “hey Ash look at this mining vessel” Ash walked over to see the vessel which seemed more like spaceship to her

She looked close and saw it had been renamed submersible she looked at it “well it’s certainly not going to do any mining it would come apart against any hard metal, I doubt it’s amazing as a submersible either” what it did look like though was a quick escape vessel if they were caught out

Guss nodded “I suppose I could test that theory underwater would be less taxing for me than you” he joked “unless you have secret gills” Ash gave him an unamused look and led him away they continued to catalogue the bad inventions until they came to a seperate room

In it they saw a microscope on the farside of the room, Guss went over to it and read “Microscope capable of scanning what it’s looking at simultaneously to showing it” he bent down to the inevitable actual use “High power concentrated laser barrage” Ash’s eyes widened that was like the turret

She walked over and took a look the resemblance was definitely there “this is what that capital ship turret is based of we have to get this thing on record” Guss’ eyes widened putting two and two together

Guss smiled “well we should take it then so he can’t make anymore” Ash nodded that was a good idea but they should make sure it was safe, before she could however Guss had picked it up and a force field appeared around them “wooops” it flickered but seemed to work like a normal force field

Ash stared daggers through him “I was going to say wait it may be trapped” Guss shrunk down his lack of clumsiness was bound to run out at some point

A holo of Armande flickered to life weirdly not facing towards them “well well well trying to steal my prized possession I don’t think so I’ll be back very soon to see who has dared to enter my lab” Ash watched as amalgamated droids appeared from hatches around the room, well getting out of here wasn’t part of the plan but she could adapt...

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ghostbustermelanieking · 6 years

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the managing of patient 309: crack!fic written by my friend who hates the x files

pretty much exactly what it says on the tin: this is a fic based off of a dream had by my friend who hates the x files. said dream was likely brought on by the four episodes i’ve made her watch around a year ago (squeeze, irresistible, pusher, and detour) and me never actually being able to shut up about the damn x files. yes, she really hates the show after seeing the badass fucking episodes listed above; however, this friend of mine is a saint, not only for listening to me talk about the x files even though she doesn’t give a shit, but also for drawing me hilarious fanart (she’s the artist of “go-fuck-yourself/well-should-we”) and for writing me this hilarious fic. it’s kind of amazing how well she gets the show after only four episodes. it’s probably because i never fucking shut up. i have a problem. anyway, go read this hilarity because it’s kinda epic. you can feel the bitterness.

The Managing of Patient 309

I found myself in a tacky nurse´s outfit. That´s the only way I can really start this situation off. It seemed like the exact replica of what Elle Driver wore in the hospital scene of Kill Bill (a great movie if you haven’t watched it already). Anyways, I was walking down a dimly lit hospital hallway with a tray of prescription pills. As I walked down the deathly quiet hallway my footsteps echoed, ¨clack, clack, clack.¨

I stopped in front of a door labelled 309. I knocked once and entered without hearing a response. Inside there lay a curtain veiled bed with a nightstand and an IV drip. I pulled the curtain to reveal the patient sleeping in the bed. There… (you like that suspense? I bet you can guess who it is) lay a typically beat up Mulder. I set the tray down on the nightstand and gently shake him awake.

¨Scully…?¨ He mutters.

¨Nope. Just your nurse.¨

¨Where am I? Why do I feel like I got attacked by a Werebuffalo?¨

¨I don´t know anything about a Werebuffalo but I do know that you’re here because of blunt force trauma. Left you looking real nasty mister.¨

Mulder looks around the bleak hospital room in bewilderment. I make myself busy and prepare his dosage of pills.

¨Okay Mr. Looney Tunes, time to take your medicine. Would you like a glass of water?” I ask.

¨I want to know where my partner is. I need to leave right now!¨

¨Now, now, Puppers McAlienConspiracy, calm down and just take your pills. I think that would make everyone happy in this situation. Relax. Chill for once.¨

Mulder tries to get out of the bed but winces in pain.

¨I told you to stay in bed! You wanna die more than you have before?¨ I say exasperated.

Mulder sighs but looks at me with a determined glint in his eyes.

¨I’ll only take the pills once I know Scully is okay. Better yet if she were the one giving them to me,¨ He says.

I roll my eyes, ¨Scully is not qualified to do that. I’m your nurse, not her.¨

Mulder takes a deep breath and says, ¨Scully is perfectly qualified to give me my medicine. You know how smart she is?? Super smart. Although sometimes she doesn’t believe me when I tell her about the aliens and their cryptic companions even though it´s very obvious half the time and this dynamic is the driving force of the plot in the earlier seasons; nevertheless, she’s perfectly capable!! For all I know you might be trying to give me some alien drug that turns me into a puppy because that sounds like a perfect way to set up the plot for a lot of X-Files fics out there.¨

I stare blankly at Mulder.

¨Take the fucking drugs Mulder.¨

¨I refuse. Bring detective Scully.¨

¨No. Calm your needy ass for once in your life and just cooperate.¨

Mulder turns away from me and begins to try and take out his IV. I sigh and walk to the other side of the room and push a nearby intercom.

¨We need some restraining in here ASAP,¨ I say in monotone.

Soon enough very muscular male nurses burst into the room and restrain Mulder. He begins to shout and try and resist.

¨We could have avoided this Mulder. This story might have ended up where you take your pills, you go on an acid trip and dream about marrying Scully and capture all your jolly aliens and everyone is happy in the world. You might have even dreamed about holding hands with your precious Scully and eating ice cream in Bigfoot’s backyard. But noooo, you had to complicate things (sound familiar?)¨ I say.

I pick up a syringe and prepare to inject Mulder. The muscular male nurses are doing a great job at restraining him. Maybe Mulder is even happy he is being restrained by muscular male nurses. Maybe he planned this from the beginning. Maybe he imagines Scully as a handsome, muscular, male nurse. Who´s to say?

After I inject Mulder he is soon unconscious. I thank the male nurses and then travel to the Dean’s office to report what had happened.

I knock on the Dean’s door and enter. In front of me lay a large office with a giant painting of the Dean in between Mulder and Scully. Underneath the painting it says, Your happiness is mine. So please be happy and give each other lots of cuddles. In the center of the room was the Dean’s desk and behind it their ¨Big Boss Man¨ chair.

¨I´m here to report the incident in 309, Ms. Dean.¨

¨Ah, what did he do this time?” She asks.

¨He refused to take his medicine unless it was given to him by his precious Scully.¨ I subconsciously gag.

¨Of course. He loves her so much after all. No worries though, I have a plan for a good countermeasure.¨

¨You do Ma´am?¨ I ask.

¨Yes. Bring me Ms. Suckerpunch!¨

***Wooop Time Skip Yoooooop****

Once again I am walking down the hallway to room 309. I believe the Dean´s plan was very silly but I don’t get paid enough to care. Do I even get paid?? The Aliens are stealing my money. Actually it’s more likely the Bees. They are probably after anyone they can get after being featured in that one X-Files movie. Anyways, this time I am accompanied by none other than Ms. Suckerpunch.

¨You know what to do correct?¨ I ask her.

She smiles and nods.

When soon reach the room and enter. I walk over to Mulder and wake him up.

¨WATCH OUT YOUR EX VAMPIRE ONE NIGHT STAND TEAMED UP WITH THE BEES AND THEY’RE OUT TO GET YOUUU,¨ I shout.

Mulder awakes with a start. He frantically looks around the room and then sighs after he remembers where he is.

¨Good you’re awake. I have a surprise for you,¨ I say.

¨Ẅhat is it?¨ He asks with puppy eyes in a puppy tone (you know cause he´s actually a puppy in disguise apparently).

I motion to Ms. Suckerpunch. She waves and says, ¨It’s me Mulder.¨

Mulder starts tearing up because he’s a puppy and that means he is a baby dog, so naturally he starts crying at the sight of his special person.

¨Scully!¨ He shouts happily.

I shake my head. Ms. Suckerpunch is actually a person who the Dean hired in order to dress up as Scully and get Mulder to take his medicine. Apparently anyone with red hair and a pantsuit will do.

¨Will you take your medicine now Mulder?¨ I ask.

Mulder looks to the fake Scully and she nods.

¨Yes,¨ He replies.

I give Mulder the pills and a glass of water. He takes them and at long last takes his medicine.

¨I suppose that wasn’t so bad,¨ he says.

I smirk, ¨We´ll see.¨

Mulder gives me a puzzled look and then collapses. I shake my head. In actuality Mulder was right in the beginning and I was an alien trying to give him alien drugs. Too bad no one ever listens to Mulder. Poor Mulder.

THE END…Or is it??? Who know cause this show never dies.

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