#guess Mae died off camera

[seanoridraws]

Fingon in Valinor

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Superheroes with Secrets: Mutual Torture, Mutual Love [Part 2] (Fic Part 156. Set in 2001)

Around 2000 Words. 18+ in places. Please inform me if you want to be tagged/untagged from posts.

Tags: @tantamount-treason @piratewithvigor

Reference Posts: 'Giantess'/'Blacklight Bandit' Kirby Roussimoff x Shane 'Hurricane' Helms (Circa 2001)

“Hey guys, you got your princess back, Shane?”

“Shannon, first and only warning, get ya feet off my nice, clean, coffee table, please.”

He practically squeaks sheepishly as he pulls them off, “Sorry, Kirby.”

“It’s okay, just like having that table clean and unbroken, it’s not everyday that the Undertaker buys a nice gothic coffee table for his friends as a wedding present.” Kirby explains.

“That’s true. And it is really nice.”

“He seems to up my amount of gothic home décor every year, each Christmas he sends me a mug or glass, on my birthday he sends me something different every year, it’s one of the perks of being part of the BSK I guess.”

“That and the cool tattoo.”

“Yeah, mine’s on my back, which usually means only Shane gets to see it.” Kirby smirks.

“Only Shane?” He asks, a little nervous, “Kirby, about this morning, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know you wanted to be there too. I should have known or asked or something and shouldn’t have assumed and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, just next time you two are alone and horny, ask me before you fuck each others brains out.”

“Absolutely. I’ll be like a nun.”

“Beth mae hynny’n ei olygu yn union?”

“Translation?”

“Oh, uh, beth mae hynny’n ei olygu yn union? Means what does that mean exactly… sorry, I forget that I’m the only person who speaks Welsh and lives in America.”

“Well, the only person in this room.”

“Yeah, but what does being like a nun mean?” Kirby asks gently, sitting next to Shannon.

“Well, they’re like… really nonsexual. Chaste, you might say.”

“Oh, I get it now… I’m such a doofus.”

“You’re not.”

“I am a doofus.” Kirby repeats, more of a statement of fact than a self-deprecating joke.”

“You’re not.” Helms repeats with utmost seriousness.

“Why can’t I call myself a doofus, baby daddy?”

“Because you’re being mean to my baby mama and I need to put an end to it.”

“I’m gonna sit on your lap in a minute, boy.” Kirby teases.

“I have no complaint.”

Kirby smirks as she gets up, going over to Helms and sitting on his lap with her legs over the armrest of the chair and her boobs under his face, “hi handsome, like what you see?” She teases.

“Absolutely love it.”

“I love you, mon mari … Shane, is that your phone or your dick poking me in the ass?”

“Depends on whether or not you’re still in a dick-kicking mood”

“I’m not in a dick-kicking mood anymore, fy ngwr, I promise.”

“Then it’s my dick.”

“Is it really that easy to turn you on, Shaney baby, one look at my tits when I’m sitting on your lap and the Eiffel Tower in your pants goes up?” Kirby teases.

“Can you blame me? Got such a perfect ass.”

“You wanna put your hand down my pants and feel that perfect ass of mine?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, it’s more of a put your hand up my dress and then in my pants situation, but this dress does have a slit up the side.”

“Makes for easy access.”

“You gonna take advantage of the easy access?” Kirby teases as she kisses his temple.

Outside the house, Matt and Jeff are fumbling with the gate before remembering the passcode and getting in without setting it off. Matt’s recording everything he can, he even has spare batteries in his bag in case the camera dies.

“And this,” Matt announces, “is the Helms’ home. They don’t know we’re here yet, but Jeff’s gonna knock on the door and see if they’re in.”

Jeff cautiously approaches the door, playing up for the camera and knocking rapidly before rushing to hide behind Matt.

Helms looks from his wife to the door, “Expecting anyone?”

“Uhm, Lita would have texted me if that’s them, do you want me to go check?”

“Only cause you’re on top.”

“But Shannon can check, he’s free.” Kirby protests before sighing and getting up.

“No, no, you’re right, he can get up.”

“Well, I’m up now so I might as well go check.” Kirby murmurs.

“Just don’t let anyone in who you don’t know.”

“I’m not five years old, Shane,” Kirby sighs as she puts her hoodie on and goes to the front door, opening it and seeing Matt with the camera pointed at her, “Hi Matt, hey Jeff, see you got your new camera.”

Matt grins at Kirby before he starts talking to the camera, “and that is Mrs Kirby Helms, wife of the Hurricane and future mother of a baby superhero. Hey Kirby, you doing okay, you look… paler than usual.”

“Mat, don’t roast my wife.” Helms calls from the living room.

“I’m not roasting your wife, Shane, just saying Kirby looks slightly paler than usual.” Matt explains as he walks into the house, filming everything that’s going on.

“Excuse me for a moment.” Kirby whispers before running to the nearest toilet to throw up.

“Just leave her be for a little bit.” Helms murmurs.

“So, are you boys ready to go check out that new shopping mall in Richmond county?” Matt asks as he films Shannon and Shane.

“Hell yeah, got lots of baby stuff to find.”

Kirby walks back in, sitting between Helms and Moore and chugging a bottle of water.

“Feel better Kirby?” Shannon asks gently.

She nods in response before going back to chugging the bottle of water.

“You gonna be okay today?” Helms asks, rubbing her back.

She nods again, snuggling into Helms’ side.

“Good girl.”

“Don’t.” Kirby murmurs, slapping Helms’ arm.

“Sorry. Good strong, independent woman who don’t need no man.”

“I only need one man, and that’s you, mon mari. Also don’t make me get hot under the collar in front of a camera or I’ll drag you off to ‘shower’.” Kirby murmurs, messing with Helms’ hair.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You do know you're allowed to swear, also I reckon if we head out now we can beat traffic.” Matt murmurs.

“Wait, give me ten minutes, I wanna make my husband look like the Vampire king he truly is.”

“Gotta get dolled up for my audience.” He grins.

“Your audience is me, ya cheeky fucker.” Kirby giggles.

“Exactly. And the elf that Lives in Matt’s camera and sees all.”

“Let’s be honest here, the elf that lives in that camera has probably seen Matt and Lita fucking like rabbits.”

“Absolutely.”

“I hate having a visual imagination.” Kirby murmurs as she leads Helms to their bedroom so she can dress him and do his makeup.

“Make me pretty, babe.”

“Pretty and green.” Kirby nods, bending over to grab some clothes from the set of drawers.

“I wanna be your arm candy today.”

“You sure, fy ngwr?” Kirby asks gently as she pulls out the black and green casual suit she bought him a couple weeks back.

“I’m sure. I feel like I need to re-prove myself worthy of you.”

“You put this on, I’ll do your makeup and fix your hair with some gel or something, and I don’t think I’ll be out of your grasp unless I need the bathroom, okay, Shaney baby.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“I’m gonna do my makeup and fix my hair a little.” Kirby murmurs, pulling Helms into a gentle hug and kissing his forehead.

“Don’t think I’ve gone all vampire and Gothic since going green.”

“Good thing I bought you a green and black suit, it might match your hair.”

“I think it should. Planning on looking sharp as hell.”

“Shane, would you like to know why I like you calling me princess?”

“If you wanna share.”

“I like you calling me princess because you’re the first person since André passed to make me feel like a princess.”

“Do I really?”

Kirby nods, blushing a deep red.

“That’s what I always want. Just want you to feel like you’re on top of the world.”

“I love you so much, and I thought for years that I’d never meet someone like you, but you’re real, and you love me, and… Gregory Shane Helms, I love you more than I can ever express with words.”

“I love you too. I love you so damn much.”

“I’m gonna let you get dressed before I just start kissing you all over.”

“Works for me.” He grins

“Don’t tempt me, Shane.” Kirby murmurs.

“Why not? I like tempting.”

“Shane, I said don’t, also stop touching my ass, cause you're just tempting me more.”

“Okay, okay, I promise I’ll stop looking so good.”

“Just get dressed and stop grabbing my ass for five minutes, I can feel your wedding ring when you squeeze my ass.”

“I promise I’ll be good.”

“Thank you mon mari.” Kirby whispers as she kisses him gently, pulling away to do her makeup and fix her hair.

“Just hope I’ll be able to keep you from having your hands all over me.”

“Depends on if you want me to show my affection for you or not.”

“I always want you to show affection.”

“Then I’m never gonna stop holding you close or snuggling into your side, mon amour.”

“No complaints here.”

“Shane, do I look like your gothic princess, mon mari?” Kirby asks as she puts on her skull earrings and walks to the bathroom door.

“More like a Gothic angel.”

“I’m debating if I should just put my black metal jewellery in for the rest of my piercings or my other skulls… which do you prefer, my vampire king?”

“I do like the skulls.”

“Then I’ll go with the skulls, my love.”

“They really do suit you.”

“You want me to do your makeup yet, fy ngwr?”

“Think I’m all ready for it.”

“Sit down and I can do your eyeliner, and maybe a little contouring, make your cheekbones look as sharp as daggers.” Kirby murmurs.

“Anything you wanna do to me.”

“Anything? Like black lipstick and dark green grungy eyeshadow?”

“Sounds good to me, as long as you don’t mind black lipstick marks on our neck.”

“Shane, have I ever minded you marking my skin?”

“Suppose not.”

“I view any marks you leave as signs of love, also if I do your lips black it means I can carry around some black lipstick for both of us and a … oh, what’s the word for the thing… the uhm, tiny mirror thing?”

“A compact mirror?”

“Yes! That thing!” Kirby squeaks, blushing a deep red from embarrassment.

“I sometimes used one when doing house shows when I was starting out as The Hurricane to touch up my eye makeup.”

“In Welsh, a compact mirror is called a drych cryno, so sometimes my brain gets confused because the word for it in English doesn’t start the way my brain thinks it should.”

“That’s fair.” He shrugs.

“Credaf, os caniatewch imi siarad Cymraeg trwy’r dydd, y byddaf yn drysu pawb.” Kirby whispers to herself.

“What’s that mean?”

“Fuck, sorry Hon, I said, I reckon if you let me speak Welsh all day I’ll confuse everyone.”

“Well, you’ll confuse me, at least.”

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to, I just forget that you don't know as much Welsh as me."

"French, I can understand. Welsh, not so much."

"Can I speak French all day then?"

"If you want."

"Merci, mon amour, maintenant, puis-je te maquiller et te faire ressembler au plus beau roi vampire qu'on ait jamais vu?"

"Oui, ma chère."

Kirby's eyes light up with excitement as she does Helms' makeup, grungy but sexy. Afterwards she makes sure she has everything she needs for the day and takes his hand in hers, leading Helms to the bathroom so he can see what he looks like. In his black and green suit, he truly looks like a vampire king. Sleek and edgy and strong. Kirby holds him close to her, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck and kissing him softly before pulling away.

"You make me so much prettier than I am."

"tais toi belle bête, j'essaye seulement d'améliorer la perfection."

[isthatbloodonhisshirt]

If you could change ten things about Teen Wolf what would you change??

OMG BUCKLE DOWN BECAUSE IT’S GONNA BE A LONG ONE! Do asks have a word limit? Guess we gonna find out! (Sometimes I wish I could speak these replies, they sound much funnier when I am speaking out loud to myself and then they are just weird and flat typed up but I DIGRESS! I do that a lot, have you noticed? Doesn’t matter.)

(Also, I did put a “Keep Reading” but for some reason it’s not working. Or it’s not showing as working on my end. But it’s right under this paragraph I swear so if it’s not working, that isn’t on me....)

1) SO! Trauma. People be dealing with their traumas. That’d be a thing I’d like, thank you. Like, I’m sorry, but there is a fuckton of trauma in this show and everyone like, goes to bed at night and wakes up cured. Like MAGIC! I mean, yes, I get that magic is a thing in the show (is it? I mean kind of? Idk, I never saw past season 4, they alluded to magic and then SNATCHED THAT AWAY so, side-note, that’s coming up later!) But yes, I would’ve very much liked for people to, you know, deal with their traumas in a realistic fashion. Let’s get some therapy going, or like, idk, some actual negative reactions to thing! They kind of had that with Stiles every now and then, but he seemed to be up and down episode to episode so like, it’d be like they wrote an episode where he reacts to what happened to him and then four episodes have gone by where he’s fine and the writers were like “OH YEAH SHIT HE JUST MURDERED LIKE A WHOLE HOSPITAL, make him have a panic attack randomly over dropping milk, that balances out, excellent, we’re so smart.” So yes. DEAL. WITH. THE. TRAUMA! Thanks.

2) LESS CHARACTERS, MORE DEVELOPMENT! I mentioned this in another recent ask about relationships but like, they just kept shoving characters in there. Like one of those clown cars. So we got like, 30% character development on the core group and then the rest was like “wait, who are you again?” Like, legit, I have a bad memory, you put too many people in front of me, I ain’t gonna remember them unless they have a good personality or a reason to be there. And like, develop their relationships! Not even romantically, but like, Scott’s mom loves Scott, that is sweet and lovely, but like, we never really… see… that… developed? Idk man, like again, I have a bad memory, but when you really develop relationships WELL (ex: Brooklyn-nine-nine), that shit sticks with you and you CARE about people. The friendships are important, and the familial relationships are important and just developing all the dynamics is important! They spent more time showcasing how much everyone hated each other and lied to each other and stuff and that just got really tiring. Yes, you’re allowed to get mad at your friends, but if you’re a Werewolf, and your human friend is calling you when there is a fucking monster running around killing people, can you maybe stop making out with your girlfriend and answer your phone so your friend isn’t treading water with a 200+ pound Werewolf for 2 hours? Like, JUST SAYING! (Spoiler alert: Me and Scott would not be close friends. Like, I think we’d be friends, but not so much that I’d trust him with my life. If I wanted to grab pizza and a movie, maybe play some video games, he sounds like a treat, but if my life was in danger, thanks I be callin’ someone who answers their phone).

3) Actual consequences for their actions! Okay like, I am also guilty of this in fanfic, but at the same time, my writing is free, I don’t get paid for it, and I write what I want because that’s how it works, so I can do whatever I please (If I wanna make the Hales royalty for the millionth time, ain’t nobody gonna stop me!). But like, when you are a legit paid screenwriter who is writing a show? Consequences! Just because it’s a show about Werewolves doesn’t mean there can’t be any consequences! Like, the best scene, and I feel like we can agree, because fuck it like, hurt my soul and my heart and I was just so like ;~; was when the sheriff got fired (fired? suspended? TEMPORARILY UNEMPLOYED!) because Stiles stole a police van when they locked Jackson up in it. Like, that shit was REAL LIFE CONSEQUENCES for actions, and that shit was intense and it HURT and omg I loved it! Give me more of that! Like, I’m sorry, but you gonna tell me Nogistune!Stiles walked through the hospital murdering a bazillion people and not one camera was working the whole time? Not one? Nobody saw that? Nobody went “hey, isn’t that the sheriff’s kid?” Like, CAN. YOU. IMAGINE?! That would’ve been so amazing, a bunch of episodes of the pack scrambling to keep the Supernatural a secret while also trying to stop Stiles from GETTING ARRESTED because saying “Sorry ma’am, I was possessed by a demon fox who likes chaos and thought murdering a bunch of people would be fun” ain’t gonna fly in court and the FBI sure isn’t gonna believe that but like, UGH! Again, bad memory, but was the fact that Dark!Stiles wandered through the hospital killing people EVER brought up again???? CONSEQUENCES. Woulda really liked that.

4) STOP with unnecessary romances. Like, yeah, I get it, the allos like their romances, but shockingly, you can still have a good show without focussing on the romance. Like, it can be there, I’m not saying don’t put it in, I’m saying DON’T MAKE IT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! Like, the entirety of season one was Scott chasing Allison and Stiles chasing Lydia. This… this does not make an interesting show? Like, is that just me? And then as the season progressed, EVERYONE had to be in a relationship? WHY? Again, haven’t seen past season four, but I mean, I know Scott and Kira were a thing, and then Stiles and Malia, and Liam and some… person? Idk. And Ethan and Danny (congrats Jeff, you get to tick your “I had representation in my show!” box, well done, gold star, or whatever). And Isaac and Allison, and Melissa and Chris (apparently?). And then Stydia was alluded as being canon, and Scott ended up with Malia somehow?? And Derek slept with half the town and all of Mexico, idek. Like, stop it. Stop. Shows work without everything being about everyone banging each other. (See again: Brooklyn-nine-nine, or Avatar the Last Airbender, or The Good Place, or even fucking Supernatural!) You can have a good, interesting story without everyone banging each other. It ain’t necessary.

5) More actual storytelling (again, this woulda worked better without the unnecessary romances taking up 49 of the 50 minutes of air-time). Like, yes, I get it, pilot’s gotta have some pizzaz! Gotta be spicy and sparkly to make people interested (and like, fucking hell, all I can remember of the pilot is sobbing Allison soaking wet–LIKE, WAS THAT NECESSARY???–about the dog she hit and oh noes is it dead well thank God the lead character works for a vet! And somehow has keys and access to the whole clinic like nbd at all hours? Whatever. I wasn’t even allowed inside my blockbuster as a shift lead if it was off-hours but apparently a high school student doing paperwork at a vet clinic is different, I’m not a vet so what do I know? I HAD A BAD DAY OKAY, I GOT FEELINGS ABOUT THIS RN!) I went off-topic, what was I saying? Oh yes, storytelling. You know what woulda been nice? Werewolves! It happens, we find out about Laura, we find out about Werewolves, Scott gets bitten, all that jazz. And then like… ease in the Hunters? Like, why was there Laura/Derek, Peter, AND the Hunters all crammed into the pilot? Yes, I get it, you need the SUSPENSE and the DRAMA, but you can do that without the Hunters right off the bat. Just, how CONVENIENT~ that the same day Derek and Laura come back, Hunters move to town? That’s just lazy, and again, I can be guilty of laziness, I admit to it, but I literally get paid in—like, do hearts count? I get paid in hearts and pats on the back for my fics, I can write whatever I want. If you’re getting paid to write something, try a bit harder, yes? Yes???

What number am I on? Oh good Lord, I got things to say, okay.

6) MAGIC! Can you like—I feel like this one is self-explanatory. Stiles did the whole mountain ash thing in season one, and it was SO PROMISING, and then that just died. It died like Maes Hughes getting shot in a phonebooth (spoiler, but really, you haven’t seen that yet, that’s a you problem). Why even bother introducing magic if you weren’t gonna use it? Like, was it because people like Stiles more than Scott and the showrunner was like “nonono. If we make him magic, he’s TOO cool, and then Scott is unimportant.” I mean, you coulda worked that in your favour, but no. You just murdered the fuck out of it, like straight up took it out back and shot it. Like, yeah, Derek went kiddo again and Jennifer was apparently all magic beauty spell or whatever, but like?? That’s it??? You had a show about Werewolves and you didn’t even try to make it more interesting by making some of the characters magic? Lydia’s basically the closest and they didn’t even explain her powers that well. Magic would’ve been dope and they totally shoved that to the side. That was dumb. Shoulda done something with that.

7) Explain things more? Don’t mention them once and then do nothing? Like, we got some brief stuff about anchors, and emissaries (which are super duper secret according to Deaton but then like, EVERYONE KNOWS HE IS EMISSARY SO WHICH IS IT DEATON? YOU TELL ME!) Like, they had so much opportunity to talk about so many things and again, maybe that comes out more in the later seasons, idk, but they likely coulda done with more explanations and they didn’t and this angers me GREATLY. They mention something once and then it never comes up again. That’s some Lost bullshit right there. Don’t start something if you’re not gonna commit. You tell me the beginning of the story, I wanna fucking know the end, don’t forget halfway through and wander away, that ain’t right, I NEED ANSWERS JEFF! And like, as above, never really got Lydia’s powers. I know what a Banshee is, but her powers did NOT make sense to me. Idk, could just be that I’m dumb, but similarly, don’t write something so convoluted that it confuses people, that is also dumb. As dumb as I am so like, well done there. And also do we get more on Parrish? I know he’s a Hellhound, but how does one get born a Hellhound and not know until you are conveniently lit on fire by someone trying to kill you for money? (Also, you bean, you absolute treasure, “I’m worth five dollars?” You’re so cute. Silly child.) I feel like being a Hellhound is something that woulda come up before getting barbecued in his cruiser. Like, he works a stressful job, you gonna tell me not ONCE while getting shot at he didn’t have a massive heart attack over a close call and like, burst into flames? No? Is that just a me thing? I feel like the slightest annoyance and I’d be fully on fire, not gonna lie. (I’d be on fire a LOT… CLEARLY I AM AN ANGRY PERSON! No, that’s not true. No yes it is, I am angry, but more angry lately because I’m sleep-deprived and work is dumb ANYWAY back to this)

8) EMBRACE THE SIDE CHARACTERS! Okay, so MAYBE Scott is meant to be the golden child. The Dick Grayson of the show, if you will. The original Robin, the creme de la creme. That’s all fine and dandy if he is, no judgement (little judgement), but you know what you don’t do when your side characters are getting a lot of attention and love? What you DO NOT do is give them less screen time. Because then you’re being petty and, shockingly, you get more positive results when you give the fans what they want. I’m not talking about pairings, because everyone is different, and you can’t cater to everyone, but like, the more people moved away from liking Scott, the harder the showrunners pushed him into our faces. And like, that isn’t how this works. If I like side character 87 a lot, and the lead’s getting annoying, you know what’s gonna make me NOT watch the show? Cutting out side character 87 (hey, for shits and gigs, let’s call him DANNY, just, not coincidentally at all) and then just shoving the lead into my face. That is what makes someone go “Well, four seasons is enough, I can happily live knowing I didn’t waste my life watching two more of them.” Like??? I’m not saying cut out Scott, because the show is ABOUT Scott, but the more everyone tried to showcase how amazing and wonderful and pure and perfect he was, the more annoying it got? Like, Scott has flaws. THEY ALL HAVE FLAWS! If you don’t admit that they all have flaws, it gets boring, and you hate the characters. I know that Scott turned into a douche later (apparently, again, haven’t seen it), but even in the early seasons by trying to make him this pure True Alpha golden angel child who spreads love and hope and trusts everyone, it just got boring. He was vanilla, and also a bad friend, because he was too “perfect” to be around someone “imperfect” like Stiles, and even like, the rest of the pack overall. He was always put on a pedestal and it made the show really… irksome? Idk, I just feel like yes, SCOTT is the Teen Wolf, but you added all these damn side characters, maybe use them a bit more? At least Stiles was interesting, and Lydia was fucking badass, and fucking hell, if you’d done right by Boyd and Erica, the actors wouldn’t have left for better shows so like, come on man, you coulda done better. We coulda had such a dope show, why you gotta crush my dreams like that Jeff? What did I ever do to you?

I know this is only eight, but this is long enough, if I go two more, this is gonna be IN.SANE. And also it’s late and I haven’t finished my fic for the day (I mean, I’m almost done, but I’m not done yet!) So like, I’ma stop here. But yes, hopefully this answered your question. Sorry I got REALLY PASSIONATE about it but it’s been a day.

Also, I feel this needs to be said, but obviously these are my own personal opinions, and as opinions, you are not obligated to agree with them. But you are also not allowed to tell me my opinion is wrong. You can disagree with it, but this is an opinion, not a law, so there is no right and wrong. Don’t @ me, my day’s been bad enough kthx!

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, BE BACK IN LIKE TWENTY(?) MINUTES!

[seven-homosexual-dinosaurs]

Reunions

Alright, so I couldn’t recover the first copy, so this is my attempt to recreate the original. Once again, constructive criticism is highly appreciated, tell me how I did!

Summary: After three agonizing months, the kids manage to track their parents down.

Mary: 15 y/o

Lizzie:7 y/o

Eddie:1 and a half y/o

Mae:6 m/o

Mary hesitated at the door. In hindsight, planning for this occasion probably would’ve been a good idea. Oh well. Not much she could do at this point. 

A part of the teenager was eager for what was to come; after all, it’s not everyday you reunite with your mother, who by the way, you haven’t seen in around thirty? Five hundred? Fifteen? Whatever, point is, she hadn’t seen her in a while. Just the idea of being in her mother’s safe embrace once again was enough to bring her a sense of happiness and contentment.

But then again, what if the queens and her mother were upset at the atrocities she’d committed in her first life? Mary sure as hell was no saint, and she’d be the first person to tell you this. But perhaps the joy of being reunited with their children would outweigh whatever resentment the queens held towards her. She sure hoped so.

She shifted Ed in her arms, rather accustomed to the familiar warmth he emitted. Upon reincarnation, the kids had found that both Mary and Ed had higher body temperatures, most likely due to the fact that both of them had died of illness in their first lives. None of the children seemed to have any issue with this, on the contrary, they often flocked to Mary during cold nights, something Mary found both endearing and incredibly annoying when she’d go use the bathroom in the middle of the night only to find herself met with two whiny children, furious their blanket had the audacity to leave them cold at night, if only for a couple minutes at most. 

She absently wondered if her mother would be the same, as they both died of illness.

A tug on her dress jolted her from her train of thought, and she turned downwards to be met with Lizzie, a pained look on her face.

“Mary, how much longer? Mae’s heavy and I’m tired,”

Sure enough, upon closer inspection, Liz was panting slightly, her face tinted a bright red. Mary felt a jolt of guilt at this realization, offering Liz a sheepish smile and a pat on her head. Seeing as two of the siblings weren’t able to walk yet, they’d had to settle for carrying their younger siblings. At first, Mary had been rather reluctant to let a seven year old carry a baby, but with no other alternative options, Mary had settled for carefully handing Mae over, explaining how to carry her to ensure she wouldn’t fall and making Liz promise not to drop her.

Inhaling shakily, Mary turned back towards the door. She raised her hand to knock before changing her mind and settling for the doorbell. Better chance of someone answering.

After a couple seconds where Mary began to worry no one would answer, a series of rapid footsteps and a hurried “Coming!” alerted her to someone coming. She waited awkwardly for a couple more seconds before the door swung open to reveal a tall woman, clad in a red hoodie with the words “QUEEN OF THE CASTLE” written out on the front in gold. 

Taking a moment to compose herself, Mary spoke up.

“Um... is this the home of Catherine of Aragon?”

Christ, she was a queen, why on earth did she have to sound like an awkward teenager?!

The woman’s expression immediately became guarded. “Why do you ask?”

Really, Mary should’ve thought about how this must look. Four shifty children show up at your door asking for your housemate. Hmmm, yes, not suspicious at all.

Mary drew herself to her full height, hoping to appear more confident than she felt. “I am Mary Tudor of Aragon. Here with Elizabeth Tudor Boleyn, (Liz waved shyly from behind her) Edward Tudor Seymour, (Ed yawned and snuggled into the crook of her neck, fast asleep) and Mary Seymour Parr (Mae looked up at the sound of her name). We’re here looking for our mothers,”

A stunned silence followed her declaration. Mary awkwardly shifted her weight like the awkward teenager she now realized she was. Was she too forwards? No, that couldn’t be it, she was simply stating the facts. Perhaps sensing the tension, Liz spoke up:

“I want my mummy!”

Liz’s words seemed to jolt the woman from whatever trance Mary had put her in. She stood up straight, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly.

“Right. So. Um. Whatever I expected, that definitely wasn’t it. Uuuuuuh.... I don’t suppose you recognize me?”

Mary face scrunched up in concentration. Whilst this woman did strike her as incredibly familiar, she couldn’t quite place her. Giving a defeated sigh, she shook her head. The woman offered a sympathetic smile.

“That’s fine. I’m Anne of Cleves, Anna of Cleves Anna von Cleves, whatever’s easiest. Y’know, your mom’s fellow divorcee buddy,”

Mary nodded. Now that she thought about it, she should’ve guessed this was Cleves. Always wearing red, a chill, relaxed energy that could disappear the moment she thought you posed a threat to her family, plus that calm, mellow voice that Mary’d become so accustomed to in her first life. Really, Mary was surprised it took her this long to recognize her. Cleves continued:

“Alright so, you can just wait here in the entrance- don’t touch anything. Children or not, Jane will show no mercy to anyone who breaks that vase, yeah, they were gifts from the ladies. You guys wait right there, I’ll go get Lina,”

 And with that, Cleves took off up the stairs, murmuring something that Mary didn’t quite catch, although she did make out a “Holy fucking shitballs holy fuck fuck fuckfuckfuck,” Before a loud “LINA HOLY SHHHHhhoooooot,”. That last statement was accompanied by an apologetic look sent in the kid’s direction and a questioning look on Liz’s face. Yep, definitely Cleves. 

Mary hesitantly entered the home, waiting for Liz to walk in with Mae before closing the door behind her. Looking around the entrance, she saw the vase that Cleves was referring to. It was a light blue flower vase, decorated with various musical instruments. Looking around some more, Mary’s eyes landed on a coat rack, six variously colored coats on the hooks. Mary immediately decided she liked the yellow-gold coat most.

As her eyes travelled around the room, a collection of pictures hung up on the wall caught her attention. A woman with dark hair held up in two buns flipping the camera off with one hand, the other slung around a laughing girl with bright pink hair held up in a high ponytail. A blond haired woman giving an exasperated smile to the camera as three women played some sort of board game in the background. The woman with the buns was yelling at Cleves, who by the looks of it was having the time of her life as the pink haired girl facepalmed from her position between them.

Before she could investigate any more, a set of voices caught her attention. The first one, she recognized as Cleves. The second, she-

Holy shit.

She’d know that voice anywhere.

Oh fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckFUCK.

She was not ready.

But still, time waits for no one, and Mary could only wait for the inevitable.

The two came into view, Cleves holding her hands over Aragon’s eyes while Aragon’s lips turned up into an amused smile and holy shit she missed that smile.

“Anna, I swear to god if this is another prank-”

“Relax, I get the feeling you’re really gonna like this,”

“Somehow I don’t trust that,”

Cleves shot Mary an ear splitting grin as Mary swallowed the lump in her throat. Now or never.

Grinning, Cleves ripped her hands away from Aragon’s eyes. “SURPRISE!”

Time seemed to freeze as the Spaniards made eye contact. Mary became acutely aware of how quiet the room had become and for the first time, Mary felt she could properly use the expression “You could hear a pin drop,”. Forcing the unease she felt down, Mary forced herself to speak up. 

“Mum-”

All attempts of speaking were silenced as Mary was suddenly wrapped in a bone crushing hug. Tears sprang to her eyes as holy fuck she was in her mum’s arms again and she’d forgotten how safe and strong her arms were and all she could smell was mum and she just felt so safe.

“Mami” Mary choked out, wrapping her free arm around her mother, tears running down her face like water dripping down a window during a storm.

“Mija” Aragon answered, digging her face into Mary’s hair, both women clutching each other as if the other might disappear if they let go, and with everything that had happened in the past few months, Mary wasn’t quite sure that wouldn’t happen. However, this moment, as all good things do, came to an end. Ed it appeared, didn’t quite like waking up squished in the middle of a hug, and promptly burst into tears.

Aragon blinked, seemingly surprised by the sudden outburst. She then looked behind Mary, and it just then seemed to dawn on her what was happening.

“Is that-”

“Yep!” Liz shouted, popping the “p”. Pointing an accusatory finger at Mary, she continued.

“You got to see your momma, I want mine!”

Aragon detached herself from Mary to her disappointment and crouched down to look Liz in the eyes.

“Well little one, I think that’s an excellent idea,” turning to Cleves, she began,

“Can you-”

“Already on it,”

And with that, Cleves took off up the stairs once more.

Aragon turned back to Liz, observing the way she shifted and struggled under Mae’s weight. “She seems a bit heavy for you love. Would you like me to carry her?”

Liz turned to Mary for confirmation, and upon receiving an affirmative nod, turned back to Aragon and nodded. Aragon carefully took a curious Mae from Liz, who sighed in relief at the absent of the sixteen pounds she’d been carrying earlier. Mae simply stared at Aragon before looking down and trying to fit her fist in her mouth.

An unfamiliar voice attracted all of their attention. The pink haired girl from the pictures was descending the stairs, her attention on the hoodie clad woman behind her. 

“What do you mean they’re back? How do you-”

Her mouth opened in an “oh” at the scene before her. She stared at the children for a couple seconds before turning back to Cleves. “I take it you want me to call everyone at once?”

“Please Kitty Kat?”

Kitty Kat? Mary turned to her mother for an explanation, only to be met with a mouthed “I’ll explain later”

Kitty Kat turned back to the kids, clasping her hands together. 

“Alright! So could you cover the little one’s ears please? This could get a bit messy,”

Mary complied, covering a still sniffling Ed’s ears. Aragon covered Liz’s ears, who in turn covered Mae’s. Inhaling deeply, Kitty Kat turned to the stairs.

“ANNIE GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE OR THE COFFEE’S FUCKING GONE!”

Mary briefly wondered how that single call was supposed to summon three women before she was met with three ear-splitting shrieks.

“KATHERINE HOWARD YOU BETTER STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE COFFEE!”

“LANGUAGE!”

“KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!”

Ah, so that was Howard.

Turning to a horrified Cleves and a slightly impressed Aragon, Howard smiled sweetly. “Done,”. She then turned to address Mary and Aragon. “Yeah, you might wanna keep their ears covered for a bit more. Mary nodded carefully, slightly worried of what was to come. Three pairs of footsteps thundered down the stairs as the last two women from the pictures flew down the stairs, accompanied by a third woman.

“Katherine Howard you will stay away from the coffee or so help me,”

A woman with curly black hair wearing a light blue hoodie.

“Kitty, let’s watch the language, k love?”

The blonde from the picture, this time clad in a light grey sweatshirt.

“KAAAAAAAAAAAAT!”

The woman with the buns from the picture, wearing a bright green crop top with the words “Not today Satan” written on it in cursive.

Kat smiled and jerked her head towards the entrance. All women froze at the sight of the children. The blonde’s hands lifted to her mouth as the woman in the blue hoodie’s hands clutched at her chest. The woman with the space buns fell to her knees in shock. Liz, who had been covering Mae’s ears with the concentration of someone trying to defuse a bomb, looked up at the women who has entered the scene. Her face lit up as her eyes landed on the woman with the space buns. “Mummy!”

Liz sprinted into Boleyn’s open arms as the two Boleyns clutched each other tightly.

“Lizzie? Oh my lord Lizzie please tell me it’s you. Lizzie tell me I’m not dreaming,” 

Liz, who it appeared was trying to crush Boleyn in her hug, hummed contently. Howard gently led the two to the couch, where she sat them both down. Liz latched onto Boleyn’s neck, while Boleyn, for once in her life, seemed completely speechless. Howard, perhaps sensing her cousin wouldn’t be speaking anytime soon, took charge. Turning to Liz, she offered the girl a wide smile.

“Hi Lizzie! I’m your aunt Kitty!”

Liz returned Howard’s smile with her own toothy grin. 

“Hi aunt Kitty! Look, I found my mummy! I lost her for a while, but I found her again!”

Howard laughed heartily. “You sure did!”

Across the room, Mae began fussing. Seemingly upset at the lack of attention she was receiving, she began whining and grabbing at the nearest person, who happened to be the woman in the blue hoodie. Aragon smiled at this. “Looks like the little one wants her mummy, don’t you baby?”

So that must be Parr.

Aragon placed Mae in Parr’s arms, who held her like she was made of glass and could shatter at any second. Mae immediately relaxed in her mother’s arms, snuggling into her hoodie. Parr cleared her throat awkwardly.

“Hi Mae, it’s mummy,”

Mae blinked up at her before giving a wide yawn. Parr laughed.

“You sleepy? Well love, I think after the day we’ve had today, we’re both gonna need a long nap,”

Mae yawned once more in response, prompting another laugh from the blue queen. As she shifted the babe into a more comfortable position.

A loud cry rang throughout the room, catching everyone’s attention. Mary awkwardly rocked a sobbing Ed, her attempts proving futile. Aragon stepped closer to her. 

“I think it’s about time little Eddie got his turn, don’t you think?”

Mary nodded, turning towards the last woman, who she supposed must be Seymour. Seymour waited eagerly, a cross between anxiety and excitement. Mary placed Ed, who had since stopped crying and was staring at Seymour curiously, in her waiting arms. Seymour inhaled shakily before beginning.

“Hi baby, I’m your mummy,”

Ed stared at her blankly before reaching a grubby little hand out to grab at her face.

“Ma!”

Seymour gave a watery laugh.

“That right Eddie, I’m your mummy!” Her voice cracked nearing the end of her sentence as she let out a choked sob, clutching Ed tightly to her chest. Ed seemed rather unperturbed by this and settled for sticking fistfuls of Seymour’s hair in his mouth, who seemed just as unconcerned for the baby trying to eat her hair as Ed was for being stuck in his mother’s loving embrace. Smiling, Mary turned to look around the room.

Boleyn, who it appeared had regained her voice, was bouncing Liz on her lap as Howard told her stories of the shenanigans her mother had gotten into in her absence, Boleyn jumping in periodically to add a detail that Howard had forgotten. Parr was rocking a drowsy Mae to sleep, quietly singing a lullaby that Mary didn’t quite recognize. Cleves had joined Ed and Seymour and was entertaining Ed with funny faces and voices. Seymour seemed to have calmed down and was bouncing Ed, who seemed enthralled by Cleve’s voices and faces, on her knee. His shrieks of laughter echoed throughout the room.

Mary gave a contented sigh and pressed herself to her mother’s side, basking in her warmth. She was right, her mum was rather warm. Giving a final look around the room, she finally felt fully at peace. It had taken three months. Three agonizing months, but they’d made it. And suddenly nothing else mattered, because these children, these beaten, broken children, were whole again.

[qualquercoisa945]

My Heart’s At The Wheel Now (Part 2)- I Know In Due Time Every Right Thing Will Find Its Right Place

AO3 Link

Title Inspiration- Everything Changes from Waitress

Okay so this has been ready for a couple days now but I wanted to wait to post it because it’s incredibly Lizzie centric and today would be her birthday. So, this is, in a way, a bit of a tribute to one of the best monarchs England ever had. I hope she’s happy, wherever she is

Trigger Warnings- brief mentions of death and i think that’s it, but ask me to tag

Anne hadn’t cared much about what Cassandra wanted to tell them at first. When she’d heard she “wanted them to meet someone,” she’d assumed it was just an interviewer or something.

But then a young girl’s voice sounded through the phone, and Anne paused. It sounded oddly familiar, but she couldn’t quite place her finger on it.

And then came Cathy and Kath’s joint comment, the one that made her freeze. She turned around, suddenly very much paying attention to the conversation.

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out!” The girl’s- her girl’s, she reminded herself, a small skip of her heart when she thought those words- voice spoke again, and she found herself taking quiet steps forward, although not enough to be in the camera’s range. “But, uh, yeah. It’s me. It’s been a while, huh?”

She noticed Kath take a step back as Cathy stepped forward, all the tell tale signs of her anxiety showing as she spoke. “Lizzie, I’m so sor-”

“Don’t. I dropped whatever little anger I had over that a long time ago.” Anne just barely bit back the smirk that tried to snake its way to her face- she was right about how her daughter felt about it. She watched as Cathy’s expression turned into shock, and then just gentle fondness.

“It’s very nice to see you again, Lizzie.” She replied softly, an odd tone to hear the usually fierce queen take. There was a moment of silence, and then Lizzie spoke up.

“So, um. I guess I should tell you that, all four of us are back. Me, Mary, Eddie, and… Mae.” At those words, everyone was struck silent, watching Cathy as her eyes widened and her mouth fell slightly open. “Yeah. Do you wanna talk to her?”

Cathy seemed to pause for a moment to think, then speak up. “You’re already here, you might as well talk to your mum first.” Anne froze at that, watching as the others agreed and slipped out of the kitchen to “give them some space”. There was a moment where her and Cathy’s eyes met as the latter gave her the phone, and then Anne took it and sat at the table, waiting for the last queen to leave before setting the phone on the table and facing the camera.

“Hi mama.” Anne felt a lump form in her throat at that word, but she forced herself to stay calm, despite how close she felt to breaking down after finally, finally seeing her little girl again.

“Hey, ma princesse.” She finally replied, giving her daughter the softest smile she could manage.

The pair then fell into silence, silence that was relatively calm, if not slightly tense, before Lizzie spoke up again.

“Um, so you’re telling your stories, huh?” Anne gave a nod, smiling softly. “Through a musical, I assume you’ve been told.”

Lizzie nodded, giving her an amused smirk. “Odd method, but it seems to be working.” The girl paused for a moment, and if the way her arms were positioned and the incredibly soft sound she heard from the other end of the phone were any indication, Anne would guess she was fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

“I’m happy for you all.” She finally spoke up, snapping Anne out of her reverie. “That you’re reclaiming your stories, and separating them from…” She trailed off, but there was no need to actually say his name- they both knew who it was. “You guys have been done enough injustices.”

She shook her head, her expression shifting into a grin that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “But enough of that. How is everyone?” For a moment, Anne almost considered going back to the previous subject, to make sure she was alright. But maybe that’d be too much for their first conversation after so long. She understood why Lizzie wanted to keep the mood lighter for now. So she moved on.

“As well as we can be, honestly. We’re all… healing. And having the others there has helped.” She paused for a moment, thinking back to her earlier conversation with Cathy, but made herself go back to the present. “Me and Aragon don’t argue as much anymore. We never argued all that much, honestly, not big arguments anyways. I think that’s good, honestly, it would’ve made things way harder than they need to be.”

“Oh, that’s nice!” Lizzie chirped up, though her expression fell soon after. “Though, I think you’ll have more trouble with Mary. You and Kitty, she doesn’t seem to like either of you much. I’m surprised she doesn’t dislike me, honestly.”

Anne gave her a soft, hopefully comforting smile- she wished she could be there for her daughter, be able to hold her and such, because that would make comforting her much easier, but for now words would have to do. “I’m sure things will work out. It’s alright, ma princesse, don’t worry about it much.” Lizzie nodded, and so Anne continued. “Jane…” She paused when she noticed Lizzie’s lips press into a fine line. “I know, I know. I didn’t trust her in the beginning either. But she’s changed. Truly, she’s worked towards it and still is. It was very tense in the beginning, but we’ve worked past that as best we can, and although there are still some… not as good days, we’ve mostly worked past those issues. She’s changed.” “I’ll believe that when I see it.” Lizzie muttered, and Anne had to bite back a chuckle- Cathy wasn’t joking when she’d said Lizzie was a lot like her, it seemed.

“Moving on, Anna is honestly doing really well. She supports us as best she can, and it seems she doesn’t let whatever scars she has from the past hold her back much.” She left out her suspicions that Anna didn’t let the others see into those scars much- Lizzie had just come back into their lives, she wasn’t going to put that kind of thing on her.

“Good. She always seemed really cool when we met, I’m glad she’s doing well.” Lizzie replied with a kind smile, that quickly faded. “How… how’s Kitty?”

Anne sighed softly, giving her a small, slightly regretful smile. “She’s… healing. It’s tough, but she’s getting there, I’m sure of it. She’s come really far already, and I couldn’t be prouder.” She paused for a moment, debating over whether or not to keep going. “She and Jane think of each other as mother and daughter.” She held a hand up when Lizzie opened her mouth. “I know, I know. But Jane does really care for her. I trust her, and you can too.”

“Again, I’ll believe it when I see it.” Lizzie repeated, and Anne simply nodded in response.

“I can’t blame you for that. But, well, rest assured I wouldn’t be letting her around Kitty if I didn’t think she’d be happy.” When Lizzie nodded in response, Anne continued. “And Cathy…” “As withdrawn as ever, I assume?” Lizzie piped with an amused smirk, and Anne couldn’t help but laugh, nodding. This earned a confident chuckle from Lizzie. “Figures. But I do hope she’s doing well.”

“She’s trying to open up more, I think. I hope you lot coming back, her Mary-”

“Mae.” Anne paused at that, letting out an inelegant “uh?”, earning a soft, slightly nostalgic smirk from Lizzie. “She always said, if she had a girl, she’d name her Mary but call her Mae as a nickname. Figured we should honor that, especially now that she has her back, you know?”

Anne froze for a bit after that, then gave her a soft, proud smile. “That’s very right, Lizzie. ’m proud of you.” She chuckled softly at the way her daughter’s smile widened at that. “But, going back to what I was saying, I hope you lot coming back, Mae especially, will help her to open up more. It’s okay if it doesn’t, though.”

“You gotta heal at your own pace, and all that?” Lizzie piped up, nodding with a smirk when Anne agreed. “And what about you, then?”

Anne gave her a soft smile. “I’m… I’m pretty happy, honestly. I can actually speak my mind now, which is still taking a bit to adjust to, despite having had a whole new life in this time. But I’m getting there. It’s just taking some time.”

“It’s what I just said, right?”

“Indeed it is.” Anne agreed, and then once again they fell into comfortable silence for a few moments. “And you?”

Lizzie shrugged, and for a moment Anne noticed an odd sort of neutrality in her eyes that she couldn’t help but worry about. “Well, I’m 11. I like to draw, paint, I guess I’m what you’d call the artsy kid in school.” She let out an soft giggle, then fell back into that same neutral expression. “No clue who my birth parents are in this life, though. Either they died or they abandoned me. Sucky, but, what’re you gonna do about it, you know?”

Ah. “Oh, sweetness…” Anne murmured softly, her mind freezing up with shock as she tried to figure out what to say.

But then Lizzie shrugged. “It’s whatever. Can’t miss something you never had, right?” She giggled again, but this time it was much emptier, almost anxious. “Though, I’ll admit, once I figured out who I am… Well, I’d always missed you, obviously, and Cathy as well, and just about anyone I actually liked from back then, but knowing…”

“It makes it worse.” Lizzie nodded, and Anne gave her a soft, sympathetic smile. “It sucks, I know, ma princesse. It does get easier with time, though, as cliché as that sounds.”

“I know.” Lizzie replied softly, pausing for a moment before giving Anne an incredibly shaky smile and- were those tears in the corners of her eyes? “‘m glad we get this second chance. To like, be together and crap. It was really sucky that we didn’t get one the first time.”

“Agreed.” Anne murmured, and for the first time she noticed she, too, had tears in the corners of her eyes. She gave Lizzie a soft smile, then heard a knock on the other end. She fell quiet as Lizzie had a conversation with whoever it was- in all fairness, she sort of let her mind wander after the knock, tuning it out. Then Lizzie spoke again, and her tiny smile was gone.

“Eddie wants to talk to his mum. Can you go get Jane?” She kept her tone neutral, probably to try and keep the boy from noticing the dislike for his mother that she previously had no trouble voicing, but Anne didn’t mention it. Instead, she just nodded, giving her another soft smile.

“I love you, ma princesse.” After she got a soft “love you too, mama” in response that had her all but melting- seriously, how was she meant to handle these feelings?- she set the phone down, ignoring the shuffle she heard on the other end as she headed for the living room. There, she found Aragon, with Cathy cuddled up to her and what she was fairly sure were tear stains running down her cheeks, though she couldn’t blame her for it, on one end of the couch, Kitty cuddled up to Jane, who definitely had tear stains on her cheeks, and Anna, who walked over with a soft smile. “How are you feeling?”

Anne paused for a moment before she answered, giving her a lopsided, slightly awkward grin. “I’m feeling a lot of things right now.” She admitted with a laugh, before sobering up slightly as she turned to face the couch. “Jane, it’s your turn.”

[southeastasianists]

If you were stationed at the Tham Luang caves in the far north of Thailand for a week, as I was, you’d have thought the operation to rescue 12 boys and a football coach trapped underground for more than two weeks was the only thing that mattered in the world.

Inundated caves. Jagged rock. Monsoon rains. Emaciated children. Race against time. Eyes of the world. Fate of the boys. Death-defying mission. Precarious escape. Helicopter evacuation. Elon Musk. Buddhist monks. Cave boys. Manchester United. World Cup seats. Navy Seal dies. Prime minister visits. Heroes – many, many heroes, plus a new tourist attraction.

It was a whirlwind of well-worn words and phrases as hundreds of reporters tussled for something unique that might impress their overlords – editors sitting at desks far away.

For plenty, truth and sensitivity went out the window, casualties of the chase. Rumours almost evolved into facts, then melted back into nothingness as the next big “could be” came along.

When a helicopter buzzed over the media pit late on Day 2 of the rescue, reporters scrambled. “Fifth boy free!” they cried. Cameras fired up, presenters wiped their brows, tweeters tweeted and old-fashioned hacks, myself included, began filling in details on story templates they’d prepared.

The appearance of a helicopter on Day 1 meant a boy had been spirited to safety. So today’s helicopter meant that too, right? But what if this helicopter was on a different mission? What if a rescue diver had died?

Two days after the emaciated boys emerged, a friend messaged asking where I was. When I told him I was still in Mae Sai, he responded with typical cheek, but only half kidding: “They are all out now. You lot can go home.”

When I finally made it back to Phnom Penh, I climbed the stairs to an old haunt where I knew I’d find a familiar face – someone to ground me after a week on a story high. When I told an old friend where I’d just come from (the most important place in the world), he, too, was unimpressed.

“Oh, that. Jesus, is it over? It’s been driving me mad for weeks. Every time I turn on the television or look at a newspaper…” His words trailed off, his eyes red with World Cup all-nighters that might’ve been as much to blame for his mood as the endless saga of the Cave Boys. “They’re all out safe days ago, right? How much more detail do we need?”

I had already written a couple of stories about the ethics of staking out a hospital, of haranguing desperate families and of distracting divers as the rescue mission balanced on a knife’s edge.

But this weary friend’s dressing down took my mind to another questionable element of the coverage given to the Cave Boys: the cost. Not just the financial cost, but the opportunity-cost, as well.

How many stories had gone untold as the world’s media gathered in Mae Sai and stood side-by-side getting spoon-fed the same quotes, the same information, at the same press conferences, where they’d all capture almost identical photos and video?

Why is round-the-clock coverage of the rescue so important – especially when experts have already revealed a four-hour window when the boys are likely to emerge? And why does every outlet have to be on the story?

I can only guess that, like just about everything in our world, the answer is money.

Streaming and piracy have stolen the market for human eyes and brains seeking to be entertained by a screen, and events like the Tham Luang cave rescue give television networks a chance to win back some of their lost pie.

Building the suspense with ongoing coverage is vital to keeping the viewer – and thereby advertisers – engaged.

So TV bosses spent small fortunes to fly in production teams and their gear from around the world. They rented hotel rooms, vans, drivers, local producers, fixers, translators, security. When fatigue became an issue, they flew in a new team to rotate the first one out.

The outlay for some would run easily into the tens of thousands. But they couldn’t miss the story.

For newspapers, putting a reporter at the scene is an investment in legitimacy, allowing stories to start with the dateline – “Mae Sai, THAILAND” – which would in theory lead to more people paying to read.

And for online-only outlets, a reporter on the scene equals a live blog, which equals clicks and hits that translate directly into advertising dollars.

It’s all a bit cart before horse.

Media as a business is old news, sure. But being inside the machine reporting what might, if you subtract Trump, turn out to be the biggest news story of the year spoke to that idea like never before.

The world hung on the fate of 13 young souls for three weeks. But during that same time, how many boys drowned in the Mediterranean, were killed in Yemen or starved to death in South Sudan? Where was the wall-to-wall coverage on those stories? What made the story of the Cave Boys so special?

I suppose it all comes down to dollars. Reporters chase stories for editors who chase dollars for their bosses. Those other stories of other horrors from around the world have largely run their course for now, at least until events there strike a new level of horror. Then the world might be ready to tune back in.

Matt Blomberg is a freelance journalist based in Cambodia.

[armcd73]

Quick Movie Review: “The Circle” (2017)

You know what true irony is? The fact that “The Circle” (2017) is the epitome of unfulfilled potential, despite Mae saying that was her greatest fear.

Spoilers for “The Circle” (2017) Ahead

Just watched this movie for the first time, and this ending was very disappointing. I loved the idea though. I wish they had made a TV show instead, or a miniseries, so that 1) there was more evidence of corruption in The Circle Company, 2) there was more climactic of an ending in bringing down the company, and 3) there was a defined aftermath of the company’s collapse.

Also, I could not exactly make out a clear main theme of this movie. I thought it was going to be that complete transparency was too controlling and invasive and that privacy was a human right, but it turned out in the end to be a mixed message. It turned out to say that complete transparency can unearth corruption and prevent crime, but can also cause literal death as lack of privacy leads to feeling trapped, paranoid and invaded (i.e. Mercer drove off a bridge to avoid being caught by drones and video cameras).

So which is it? Should we be 100% transparent, or not? For me personally, just getting this tumblr account was anxiety-inducing, and the only reason I did it was because I know I’ll probably never get a following; this is more a documentation of my thoughts and memories for myself to look back on later. But imagining my entire life being broadcasted to the world… horrifying. I’d go off the grid. But I DO see the appeal of some of the aspects of the movie: SoulSearch caught a criminal, Circle Accounts could break through all of the bureaucratic red tape (though I don’t like the idea of a private company controlling that - AKA capitalism + control = corruption), and the life saving medical systems seem like a brilliant idea (also convenient since I’m tired of filling out a stupid clipboard every doctor’s visit). So some aspects of transparency are beneficial and make the world a safer place. But when they go too far (finding someone who didn’t want or NEED to be found, capitalism controlling the government, and… well honestly I can’t think of anything wrong with the medical system… that needs to happen), people’s lives could actually be in danger. But see, the movie never established a clear “is this good or bad” statement. It didn’t even say that SOME transparency is good SOMETIMES. It leaves the audience to decide, right?

Wrong. In the end, everything around the world is still being filmed. Mae is being followed by drones while she’s kayaking. Why? When I go on a hike (never been kayaking, so I guess hiking is similar in nature) I like the solace and serenity that comes from being alone. I don’t want a drone following me around! And neither did Mae until it saved her life that one time! But after her friend literally DIED from being involuntarily watched, she’s still cool with being transparent? There is no defined message here. No defined conclusion. “The Circle” simply “continued” (get it?!? My mom actually made that connection, lol) despite the ethical questions and literal DEATH that occurred. And maybe that was the point, but it was just incredibly disappointing and was the opposite of a concrete conclusion.

So, I think that this movie should have been made into a 3 hour long movie or maybe a 6 episode/6ish hour miniseries (anything over 6 might be too excessive plot-wise). This would have been necessary to establish a clear theme at the end and help the audience come to a conclusion about the pros/cons of transparency and the value of privacy. Because this movie could have been GREAT. It was an intriguing and relevant concept seeing as how I just had a conversation with my dad earlier today about how our phones listen to us to decide what content to project (Pinterest especially is nuts about listening in on you). Should we allow that to happen? I, personally, say no. But this movie, despite being a discussion on this very topic, did not answer that question. The only stance that it took was “sometimes transparency is good, mostly it’s bad, but we’re just going to do it anyway because capitalism and plot holes.”

Moral of the story here is I will probably not watch this movie again. I give it maybe a 3/10; it still tackled a great concept, but simply didn’t support it like it should have. It is supported by nothing but a good cast and familiar names (and the acting was actually disappointing for who they had casted). It could have been so much better had it served it’s purpose and ended with more of a “bang.” Turns out this movie was what Mae feared after all: unfulfilled potential.

[fantasysuiteleague]

Week 5: Swamp Ass or Stank Face?

The main plot of this week’s episode is The Battle of the Bayou starring: Taylor, the calculating analytical elitist who knows what she’s talking about most of the time but comes off as unapproachable and rude as she constantly reminds us she has her Masters; and Corinne, the obnoxious narcissist whose every statement is so ridiculously and hilariously false you can’t tell if it’s all a strategic act or if she’s actually just a dumb, spoiled psychopath. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? We once again pick up in the middle of last week’s episode where Taylor is still trying to reason with an unreasonable fame whore, and said fame whore continues to be the absolute worst. 

Interestingly enough, none of the girls actually know what they’re fighting about and no one really cares. Even Alexis, the girl who allegedly wears a sumo suit to go to CVS just for kicks, thinks the two of them need to grow up because we’re not in high school anymore. Someone aptly points out that Corinne has done nothing to Taylor, and Taylor has done nothing to Corinne, yet here we are, watching them talk in circles about nothing. After firing off a few one-liners about Taylor’s stank face, Corinne takes it a step farther and tells Nick that she’s scared of Taylor because she’s not here for the right reasons and “that hurts her...for Nick.” Once she’s finished telling Nick all about Pizzagate and Taylor’s evil ways, Corinne is convinced that Taylor is going home and that she is “hashtag winning,” because nothing is more topical than a 5 year old Charlie Sheen quote. 

And if Corinne hadn’t started this drama Taylor might have actually gone home that night because Nick has never seemed interested in her, but it’s the 2-on-1 week so Taylor lives to see another day. Great.

The Next Bachelorette

After being made to suffer through almost an entire rose ceremony before actually getting her rose, Rachel is *blessed* with this week’s 1-on-1 date which actually seems fun compared to poor Raven who was stuck hanging out at fucking Bella’s soccer game. As they pal around New Orleans eating oysters and beignets, Nick preposterously claims that of all the girls in the house he has the “most explosive chemistry” with Rachel ...

After Nick and Rachel lead a Second Line through the streets of New Orleans, Rachel tells a a story about how the last time she was in NOLA she participated in a parade but it was for a funeral, which is when she decided to live her life to the fullest and...go on the Bachelor? This story, as well as the background on her intimidating federal judge of a father and how Rachel is not used to being vulnerable despite being very emotional (or something like that), serves as the perfect set up for Rachel to be the next Bachelorette. It’s a NO BRAINER at this point, and I’m 100% confident that this is what ABC was hoping for when they “cast” Rachel to be on the show. ABC really wants a diverse star to prove they don’t have a race problem, but she has to be likable (code: not too black), smart (code: have a real job), and beautiful. Coincidentally, Rachel has all of those characteristics and Nick seems into Rachel enough for her to make it to hometowns, leaving me with the hope that, maybe, just maybe, we’re finally going to have a Blachelorette.

Do you believe in ghosts?

The group date this week presents us with a chance to identify the women who say things like “the energy in this room” by taking the girls to the Houmas House, one of the most haunted houses in America that also happens to come with a full bar and a Norman Bates caretaker who goes by the name of Boo. Boo takes the girls on a tour of the old house that is apparently haunted by a young girl name Mae who gets real pissed when you fuck with her dolls. I can’t tell if it’s the fake painting of Mae or the fervor with which Boo demands that no one touch these dolls, but I’m 99% sure that these dolls all belong to Boo, and Mae never existed. A few minutes of research reveals that the house, also known as Burnside Plantation, once housed 750 slaves and was the center of the largest slave holding in Louisiana. 

So it’s pretty safe to say that if any ghosts actually haunted this plantation they wouldn’t be of a little girl worried about her goddamn dolls, but one of the countless slaves that lived and died in captivity. Curiously, nothing about slaves or the plantation are ever mentioned as Boo continues to make a big deal the girls not touching his dolls. 

Once the girls are forced to hang out alone with Nick after Boo takes his leave to try on some of his dead mother’s clothes, they play with an Ouijia board to distract from the crushing reality that they are all wasting their time (and losing money) while looking for love on this show.  And then coincidentally, after Jasmine the vocal non-believer of ghosts touches a statue, a chandelier falls and things start getting spooky! While the girls take turns playing Ghost Hunters, Nick has empty conversations with everyone except Raven*, who accidentally lets slip that she fell in love with Nick while he was rollerskating. This is dubious for many reasons, including the fact that she’s spent maybe 6 hours in total with Nick, and also, it’s Nick. But Raven seems pretty genuine and Nick very surprised, so I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately for Raven, however, Nick and the producers already decided he needed to give the rose to the girl next door, neonatal nurse other video vixen, Danielle M., to reaffirm his intention to continue to string her along. I’m sure Boo was thrilled to see them leave so he could get back to his tea party.

Battle of the Bayou

And now, for the “main event” of the episode: the rumble in the jungle between Taylor and Corinne! In the blue corner, coming in hot with a Masters from Johns Hopkins and a “stank face on her face,” Taylor!! In the red corner, trying so desperately to make every in-camera interview into a gif, Corinne!! Throughout the episode both sides are given their chance to present their case to the Nation of Bachelor. According to Corinne, she is exactly what Nick needs and Taylor is a bitch who thinks shes better and smarter than everyone. According to Taylor, she has her Masters, is more qualified to be a wife, and Corinne is a lying manipulative clown. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Once they reach the depths of the bayou, Nick and the girls are met by the best voodoo priestess ABC could find, Rachel Dolezal 2.0. I was hoping for either an old black blind woman or an Angela Basset type, but beggars can’t be choosers in the swamp I guess. They are soon directed to Ms. Cleo, who reads Taylor’s fortune first and warns her that it’s best not to engage with the evil spirits but to take the high road and rid herself of all this negativity. Now since Taylor has her Masters, she knows that when trolls go low, you go high, but that’s only the right call 71.4% of the time, or when you aren’t living in this alternate reality where nothing is real and everything is upside down. Unfortunately for Taylor, we’re in that alternate reality and even Ms. Cleo can sense what’s coming because the cards don’t lie.

And sure enough, as soon as Corinne gets Nick alone, she starts twisting the truth and painting a false narrative of Taylor as the aggressor and Corinne as the victim. Taylor tries ineffectively to reverse the damage Corinne has done with her fake news and alternative facts, but in this alternate upside down reality, alternative facts are the facts, and we know how this story ends. Instead of picking the girl who is at least a qualified and rationale choice for a wife, he picks the obnoxious train wreck who’s only doing this for fame. Even though I’ve been a Taylor Hater since Day 1, this move is preposterous, and everyone involved knows it. Even Nick is blushing with embarrassment as he and Corinne awkwardly climb back into their boat leaving Taylor to reassess her life choices and the meaning of the world alone in the woods. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Did you notice . . .

** We don’t get to see this until the credits, but Nick’s conversation with Alexis on the group date, centering around her legitimate fear of Nicolas Cage, is amazing. WHY are they showing me clips of Danielle L. telling Nick she maybe is falling for him, or of Danielle M. barely talking at all, and putting these Alexis nuggets of gold at the end of the episode!?! The producers and editors really fucked this season up by not giving her more screen time because she is so much funnier and better in all respects than anything that comes out of Corinne’s mouth. #JUSTICEFORALEXIS 

“Realistically, I don’t see Nick and Corinne getting married at the end of this” is the understatement of the century. 

“If I see a ghost I’m gonna rebuke that thing in the name of Jesus.” 

Of course Danielle L. believes in and is afraid of ghosts. I actually LOLed when she said this date was going to be “a challenge” for her. 

“I had a great time. I did not squeal.” - Nick ....

The real loser in the Battle of the Bayou is Rachel, who is forced to spend an entire day alone in the house with Taylor and Corinne.

Nick is fucking terrible at being the Bachelor. I know I’ve gone on and on about how disingenuous he is, but it’s driving me nuts. Sure, every Bachelor has to say dumb shit like “From Bourbon Street to the Bayou, I can’t imagine a better place to fall in love.” but literally every single time he addresses the girls and in most of his 1-on-1 conversations it feels like he’s reciting Bachelor Canon because he couldn’t be bothered to think of anything real to say at any point along the way.

They say if you get close to the woods you can still hear Taylor whispering “but I have a Masters ...”

Minority Report: Interestingly enough, and despite the fact that they don’t appear to have any connection with Nick whatsoever, Jasmine and Jaimi are still around. I know this is cynical, but between Nick’s lazy approach and coziness with the producers, it feels like he agreed to make sure a few black girls stuck around long enough until the producers / Bachelor Nation could pick one they liked and move forward with the whole Blachelorette campaign. Now I know what you’re thinking: c’mon Jen, that’s racist. Well ... so is The Bachelor.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯