#guy who sees ghosts vs. twelve year old

[ame-in-the-rain]

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 92 Rundown

Stone Ocean: Jolyene’s continuing prison life stuff and we do your basic Orange is the New Black stuff about how you have to be a hardass in prison (at least I assume that’s what it’s about idk) so Jolyene poisons a bunch of people with quarter dust crushed by her new Stand which is admittedly pretty badass and she gives another girl down on her luck advice about standing up for herself even though she doesn’t have a punching ghost to back it up and will probably get the shit kicked out of her as soon as she doesn’t have the advantage. Anyway we continue the weird oscillation of badass Jolyene to confused doe-eyed Jolyene when weird Stand shit starts happening with a baseball kid and a blind sniper with a name that’s weird and long and I won’t remember it. Jotaro finally goes to see his daughter and tells her about Stands and shit and then Jolyene gets shot and a card dies and the blind sniper has a weird Metal Gear Solid power and Jolyene protects herself on instinct with her Stand but Jotaro can’t despite his ability literally being stopping time and being unreasonably strong and precise. Stone Ocean (the Stand, not the show) seems to be oddly defensive and works automatically to protect Jolyene more often than other Stands, I’m not sure if it’s because she’s new to Stands and isn’t actively commanding it as much or if it’s a quirk of the Stand itself or if it’s just Araki’s weird writing idk. Anyway a guard is dead and Jotaro and Jolyene are stuck in a room with bullet holes in each of them and a blind sniper using a plastic bag in the wind to hunt them down… yeah this is Jojo alright.

Inuyasha:  Still on the Filler train here like we will be for the forseeable future but I always found this one to be kind of interesting. The Fake Sacred Jewel mini-arc has boring generic villains that are legit reskins of past villains but also brings the series back to the reflections on the nature of the jewel and the human heart that we got back at Sango’s village and I always thought that was a neat thing to double back on. We also get Izumo who stands out in the feudal era by actually having a brain and talking like an emo poet, it’s neat to see him try to break down science and shit despite being in the complete wrong era to even begin to understand it, also he likes birds so I guess he’s a relative of Android 16. This one’s actually a two parter and we end off with a bull demon that has a club full of fake jewels and a lot of bullshit powers but it’s weird because he sounds like dumb muscle but starts waxing poetic about the nature of the jewel and the soul and it’s honestly kind of fucking hilarious.

Yu Yu Hakusho: It’s time for the Yusuke vs Jin fight!! This is probably the one I remember the most form the Dark Tournament since when I was little I kind of only half-watched the Toguro fight since it’s hard to tell people you have to schedule things around a tv show when you’re twelve years old. But yeah this one’s kind of straightforward, not a huge amount to say on it, Jin’s just a supremely likeable guy, dumb irish accent and all, Yusuke’s struggling with the fact he can deflect ranged attacks with wind and can out-maneuver him with flight for melee. His last trick is shooting directly into one of his vortex fists to blow them both up but Jin catches on and so they only both get blown a little up. Jin’s response to this is “What’s worse than one Whirlwind Fist? TWO WHIRLWIND FISTS!” and so Yusuke has to use his ultimate technique: The Spirit Wave… problem being he never actually learned it. It’s one of those deals of “I’ve seen the diagram and practiced all the steps but I’ve never DONE it before” as anyone who works retail can attest, that always happens at the worst time.

Fate Zero: It’s Finale time again and we basically know where this is going, Saber Getsuga Tensho’s the Grail and Gilgamesh and Kirei get drowned in Grail Cummies and become zombies or some shit so they can stick around for the real series. Kiritsugu apparently gets Plot Cancer from the Grail Cummies although that’s never actually stated it just kinda happens, Saber gets trapped in her own personal hell thinking she’s awful while Lancelot gets a voiceover saying she’s great, so glad we got that character arc done, like net zero character development, all those discussions about if Saber was this fantastic leader everyone loved or if she was a foolish child too worried about being an idol to actually let people stand on their own two feet are basically waved off with a shrug. Kiritsugu finds Shirou and is so fucking relieved he only murdered 11,999,999 people today instead of 12,000,000 that Shirou decides to dedicate his entire life to pursuing that high. Rin has a fucked up life and it makes me just wish the story was about her anyway because even her story wasn’t really about her. Also apparently her mom isn’t dead and Kariya just choked her enough to drive her crazy and make her paraplegic which idk the medical info about that but it doesn’t sound right. I think she’s dead by UBW anyway so idk what it matters aside from putting more shit on Baby Rin’s shoulders. Also she gets the thing that makes Dolphin Sex so Shirou can do Unlimited Blade Works which it’s never really explained all that well but it hurts and it sucks so of course they gotta give it to Rin. Also Kiritsugu gets yeeted out of the Einzberns because he fucked up so his daughter’s just gonna live in the castle for a few years until she can summon the hulk and die anticlimactically. Waver’s the only person with a full arc in this story so he decides to go travel the world and become a better person and shit so that’s nice. Kiritsugu’s still like ‘It was a calculated risk but man am I bad at math” and passes his terrible ideas onto Shirou so we can repeat this again with slightly fewer people dying next time so that’s the good end I guess. This immediately kills Kiritsugu and Shirou is just like “I’mma take that as a sign that I should keep doing what I’m doing” after watching this vague misguided poorly thought out attempt to wave a wand and fix everything choke the life out of this man he’s just like “Yeah let’s try it again but with less murder” and there we have it, one full route of Fate done between this and UBW, considering Heaven’s Feel essentially doesn’t exist because it’s not streamed anywhere and Fate has CGI dragons that everyone tells me are terrible, guess I’m onto the side stories next, haven’t decided between Extra and Apocrypha yet I’ll figure that out later this week, hopefully one of these series’ won’t leave me scratching my head at the end.

Bakemonogatari: This episode is really weirdly paced, it’s another one of those “Hitagi and Araragi circletalk for 50-75% of the episode” deals. I mean their circle talk is fun and all but it doesn’t help that everything goes so fast I feel like I’m watching Gilmore Girls in a different language. Basically Araragi fought with his little sisters on mother’s day because his mom likes them better and now he’s pouting about it and Hitagi comes to cheer him up by saying she owes him a favor in the most sexual tension inducing way possible. But yeah they dance around this for a long time but the general gist is Aragagi doesn’t want anything from her because that’s weird and she can’t do things normally anyway. Meanwhile while talking about his problems with gradeschool girls there comes another gradeschool girl with a giant backpack that looks like Birdomon from Digimon got run over by a truck. This is Mayoi and she’s basically like any grade school kid in a show about teenagers ever which means she’s a stubborn brat and Araragi trying to help her ends up accidentally beating the shit out of her which Hitagi hilariously walks in on and gives him this weird scum of the earth look for the rest of the episode. Anyway not much happening plot-wise but they’re gonna go help Maiyo get to where she wants to go for some reason because I guess Araragi just has to put himself into other peoples’ business because he’s that kind of guy and also something about Snails or something.

Sailor Moon Crystal: We continue the season climax from last time and my god does this show drag these out, I much prefer the early-season character development stuff to this thing where they drag out the planet about to be destroyed for three episodes. Dimande’s about to destroy the world by crossing the streams so Sailor Pluto ZA WARUDO’s him but also it kills her because you’re not supposed to do that so why did they give her the power to do it idk. Anyway they get the crystals back from Dimande and Pluto’s death turns Black Lady back into Chibi-Usa because the lesbian feelings of a 900 year old 12 year old are complicated. It also makes her transform into a Sailor Guardian which I kinda forgot she hadn’t done before just because of how common it is to see Sailor Mini Moon in her outfit in art and stuff. But yeah, there’s still a Planet about to Majora’s Mask the whole place and Sailor Moon tries to stop him with her moon beams and then Dimande tries to stop them with his eye beams and then Dimande gets fried and then we’re back to Moon Beams again and Death Phantom turns into Andross from Star Fox 64 and we’re inside the planet talking to a floating head which is pretty final bossy I guess. I just feel like it’d be more interesting to have the villain be a dude, guess we don’t want Sailor Moon just murdering a dude though so it’s better to have her murder amorphous blobs of darkness. There’s even a line where Sailor Moon’s like “I won’t let that shapeless ball of evil do whatever he wants with the Earth!” and I’m like that’s it, that’s the whole show summed up.

Durararax2: We pick up where we last left off with Celty getting decapitated which is kind of funny because apparently the Russian Assassins that were hired to off her so they could abduct the girl she was hired to find and protect didn’t do ANY research into hr aside from being a magical motorcyclist since they see some of her tricks on video but have no idea the other name people call he is “Headless Rider” instead of just Black Rider, like half the people of Ikebukuro could’ve told you decapitating her wouldn’t work. Anyway I like these Russian psychos, one’s basically a dude that’s just shouting questions you type into Google at random and the other’s a stoic walking Wikipedia article so she can answer all of his questions. The girl at the center of all this ironically, a Yakuza heiress with some sort of connection to a disappearing talent agency president maybe, is ironically already at Celty’s place being taken care of by Shinra after she tried and failed hilariously badly to assassination Shizuo. Mikado still has Masaomi’s ominous yet vague warning on the brain but agrees to take Aoba out again since if he doesn’t, Aoba’ll get alone time with Anri and this is still a high school story on some level after all. Celty goes on about how she’s leaving her ordinary life behind and jumping into the extraordinary and I’m just like girl you are a literal dullahan who’s best friends with a possessed sword, a dude that breaks all his bones to be able to throw cars around and several gang leaders, I think we left ordinary behind a while ago. Anyway turns out the Dollars have been supposedly picking fights in another territory and it has the Tiger gang worried so Mikado’s looking into it and also Anri’s about to get home invasion’d again, this is like what the third time?

[anistarrose]

Stan and Ford Vs. The Future - Chapter 4

Summary: The elder twins struggle to set aside their differences as they battle their younger selves in gladiatorial combat.

Warnings: none

AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/17353937/chapters/40832153

Aaaaand here’s the final chapter! This was a ton of fun to write, but I’m not going to lie, I’m also really glad that I can finally live without this unfinished WIP haunting me like a ghost seeking vengeance on the one who abandoned it.

For @stanuary Week 4: Fight.

***

TIME CHALLENGE 1

OBJECTIVE: Venture into the mirror maze and shoot the Time Target with a Time Laser Gun! There are two lasers to be found, but only one target, so whoever hits it first wins!

Both pairs of twins stand facing entrances on opposite sides of the formidable looking maze, and make a mad dash inside as soon as the buzzer sounds.

“We’ll find what we’re looking for faster if we split up. Why are you following me?” the old Ford shouts.

“I’m not following you! You’re just looking at your own reflection!” the old Stan yells back.

“Wait, really?” Ford turns around, squinting suspiciously, only for Stan to trip him and rush ahead.

“Of course not! Now move aside, slowpoke!”

“Fuck you!” Ford leaps to his feet and gives chase.

“Aha!” Stan stumbles across a pedestal with a massive metallic laser gun plugged into it. “Now, where’s that target —”

“Hand that thing over right now, you knucklehead!” Ford orders. “You’ve never shot a laser gun in your life — I have!”

Stan ignores him and adjusts his grip on the gun, only for Ford to tackle him and knock them both onto the ground as a stray laser blast shoots into the sky.

“I got here first, asshole!”

“Only because you tripped me!”

“Well, then maybe you shouldn’t have been so gullible!”

“Call me gullible one more time, and I swear —” Ford tries to wind up for a punch, but he’s hopelessly tangled in the laser gun’s power cord, along with Stanley. “Shit!”

The two older twins watch helplessly as Ford’s younger self darts by, pausing every few feet to adjust the angle of an individual mirrored panel in the wall.

“Wait, you can move those?” the older Ford gasps. “I didn’t even realize —”

“Yeah, of course you didn’t, Mister Gotta Be the Big Hero Who Shoots the Cool Gun and Saves —”

“Alright, Stan!” young Ford hollers, cupping both hands to his mouth. “Fire away!”

A red laser beam whizzes over the older twins’ heads, ricocheting off mirror after mirror. A fraction of a second after it zooms out of view, a fiery explosion erupts from near the middle of the maze, and the cannons atop the walls launch neon streamers and confetti into the air.

“We did it!” young Ford cheers, rushing off into the maze again to reunite with his brother.

“Great job, poindexter,” Stan mutters. “Ya think they’ll cut us out of these power cords for the next challenge, or are we just gonna be at a handicap for that one?”

Ford groans. “As if we’re not already at a handicap with your pathetic excuse for teamwork!”

“Says the guy who hit me with a flying tackle that almost made me shoot my eye out!”

TIME CHALLENGE 1 COMPLETE

YOUNG: 1, OLD: 0

*

TIME CHALLENGE 2

OBJECTIVE: Navigate the obstacle course while trapped in a bubble with your teammate!

Each pair of brothers is enclosed in their own translucent sphere, which robots then roll onto a downwards slope dotted with obstacles ranging from bowling pins to Cosmic Sand pits.

“What even is this? Some kinda hamster ball?” the older Stan pants, running in place inside the bubble so he doesn’t fall. “Wish I had Mabel on my team instead — then we might actually be winning some of these games.”

Ford body-slams him and their sphere veers off course, rolling straight into a grid of lasers that shred it to bits. As the laser beams momentarily flicker, Stan and Ford dive to safety — just in time to get run over by their young opponents, who are cheering and practically bouncing off the walls like they’re having the time of their twelve-year-old lives as their sphere rolls between the two flags that mark the end of the course.

YOUNG: 2, OLD: 0

*

*

TIME CHALLENGE 5

OBJECTIVE: Cross the finish line first on your team’s Time Bike!

“Stanley, this isn’t working.”

“I dunno, what makes you say that?” Stan shoots back, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “No shit it’s not working, Ford!”

“I’m serious! We need to start putting aside our differences and working together, lest those kids wish their own personal fountain of youth into existence —”

“So you’ll be a better teammate? Cool, cool, I’m up for that.” Stan gestures to the neon motorcycle at his side. “You can start by riding in the back and letting me steer.”

“Are you kidding? You’re the one who needs a major attitude adjustment —” Ford cuts off, interrupted by the roar of an engine behind him.

“Hurry up, you old geezers! We’re already on our victory lap!”

The young Stan drives his team’s motorcycle right between the old twins, sticking his tounge out at the older Stan. Young Ford is standing atop the handlebars, smiling smugly and flipping the bird with two fingers on each hand.

“I always wanted to do this, and as long as I’m here, there’s no way Mom will ever find out and ground me for it!”

YOUNG: 5, OLD: 0

*

*

TIME CHALLENGE 7

OBJECTIVE: Cross the pit of deadly Time Traps to simultaneously press the buttons on each side!

All four contestants are unceremoniously dumped onto a floating clock platform, nearly tripping on the spinning minute hand. Other circular clocks of various sizes float next to their central platform, forming two distinct paths that each lead to a glowing red button — one on each side of a giant pit, lined with spikes and infested with hissing snakes that coil in the shapes of infinity symbols.

“You go left, I’ll go right!” the old Stan shouts, and for once, his brother listens, vaulting over the slowly rotating hour hand and onto the next platform with ease. Stan heads in the opposite direction, followed by the young Ford — but Stan keeps a solid lead thanks to his height advantage, while young Ford quickly gives up on jumping over the clock hands and starts just ducking under them instead.

“You ready, Sixer?” the old Stan calls, his hand hovering just a few inches above the button. “In three, two — oh, come on! What are you doing?”

The old Ford stands at the edge of a platform close — but not directly adjacent — to the goal, and he leans precariously over the edge. Stan is seconds away from cursing his brother out when he sees who Ford’s holding onto for dear life — the young Stan, hanging off the edge with his feet dangling just inches away from the fangs of three massive, uncoiled snakes.

“Look out!” the old Stan shouts as the minute hand whirls around towards his brother and younger self. Just in the nick of time, Ford heaves the young Stan out of danger and lets the two of them tumble backwards onto the platform, landing on their backs and barely fitting into the space underneath the minute hand as it whirls by.

“Well,” the old Ford says quietly, “that’s going to hurt tomorrow.”

“Why did you save me?” the young Stan whispers. “I thought — I thought you hated me…”

“What? I — you’re my brother! I don’t hate you…”

“But you will.” Stan turns over on his side, facing away from Ford to instead stare at his older self on the other side of the pit. The old Stan immediately looks away. “You hate him.”

Ford takes a full revolution of the clock to reply. “I’m angry with him. I hate what happened to my life, because of things that you — things that he did. But… I don’t hate him.”

“Then prove it.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Start acting like you don’t hate him. Give me a reason to believe you.”

Stan gets to his feet, jumping to the final platform and then to solid ground before Ford can even stand up. He swings his fist towards the button — but a second before pressing it, he hesitates, and glances to the young Ford, who nods.

“You guys deserved this win,” he tells the elder twins, backing away from the button. Across the pit, the young Ford does the same. “But we’re not showing mercy again, got it?”

The old twins press the buttons in sync, and the clock platforms plummet into the pit, shattering into neon-colored shards on the spikes.

“THAT CHALLENGE USUALLY HAS MORE CASUALTIES!” Time Baby pouts. “AT LEAST THE NEXT LEVEL WILL MAKE UP FOR IT!”

YOUNG: 6, OLD: 1

*

TIME CHALLENGE 8

OBJECTIVE: Cross the Time Bridge without falling into the tank of hungry Time Sharks!

In stark contrast with the rest of the arena’s sleek futuristic look, the two parallel bridges look ancient and decaying. The young twins immediately dash across theirs, paying no mind to the rickety planks or fraying rope, and the old Stan hesitantly puts his first foot forward onto his team’s bridge. It sways, but seems to hold.

“This is unfair!” the old Ford complains. “The kids only made it across because they weigh a mere fraction of what we do!”

“Finally, something comes out of your mouth that I can agree with,” Stan mutters as the sharks below take notice of his struggle and start swimming towards him. “Oh, come on! I’m sure I taste terrible!”

“Be careful, Stanley! You need to take lighter footsteps —” Ford shouts as Stan breaks into a run, but Stan ignores him — and sure enough, one of his feet punches straight through a rotten plank. He manages to grab the rope again and lift himself barely out of range of the sharks, even as they jump out of the water and try to chomp down on his legs, but the bridge is swaying too much for him to get much further up.

“I didn’t save your treacherous twelve year old self from snakes just for you to get eaten by sharks, you knucklehead!” Ford yells as he races onto the bridge. “Hang on, I’m coming —”

“Wait! Ford, it can’t support us both —”

This time, it’s Ford who heeds his brother’s warning too late as the ropes finally snap and he plummets into the water. Blinking salt out of his eyes as he resurfaces, he spots a ladder out of the tank just a few meters away and starts paddling towards it as fast as he can, even as he spots a dorsal fin peeking out of the water as it effortlessly glides towards him —

“Not so fast, Jaws!” Stan falls from the sky like a descending meteor, body-slamming the shark from above and no doubt catching it completely off guard. Ford takes the opportunity to scramble onto the ladder, kicking an approaching hammerhead in the nose as it tries to lunge after him, and then extends a hand to Stan, who accepts it and follows him up to safety.

“Thank you,” Ford gasps as he catches his breath. “I… I probably didn’t deserve that…”

Stan ignores him at first, concentrating on wringing out his suit, but finally speaks up.

“Well, to quote a pretty intelligent guy I know… I didn’t save your ungrateful ass from an interdimensional portal powered by radioactive waste just for you to get eaten by sharks, Brainiac.”

Ford can’t help but smile. “Alright, that’s fair enough.”

YOUNG: 7, OLD: 1

*

TIME CHALLENGE 9

OBJECTIVE: Defeat the killer Time Robot in a Time Basketball match!

“You know, Stanford,” the old Ford tells his younger self, “the world has made a lot of scientific progress since 1963! Would you like to hear about the sixteen new elements synthesized since then, or perhaps all the strides we’ve made in space travel?”

“Would I ever!” The young Ford’s eyes light up, and he drops the basketball he was holding. “Has anyone landed on the moon yet? Have scientists discovered an island of stability among heavier nuclei? How’s the theory of relativity holding up?”

“Don’t fall for it, Ford!” The young Stan grabs his brother’s arm. “He’s just trying to distract you while — aw, dang it!”

With his brass knuckles, the old Stan reflects the killer robot’s laser back into its eyes, then uses the opportunity to dunk his basketball directly through its flaming hoop, deactivating it.

“Nice one!” the old Ford shouts, and Stan shoots him a thumbs up.

“BZZT. YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY DUNKED ON ME,” the robot buzzes. “NOW YOU MAY MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ROUND.”

“Does the next round have a football robot?” the old Stan asks.

“NEGATIVE. NOW COME ON AND SLAM, AND WELCOME TO AN UNFORGIVING GLASS PRISON YOU WILL EITHER ESCAPE FROM, OR SUFFOCATE WHILE TRYING.”

YOUNG: 7, OLD: 2

*

TIME CHALLENGE 10

OBJECTIVE: Find the Time Key to escape the Time Hourglass!

As the young twins frantically sift through the sand in their hourglass, the old Ford whispers something to his brother, who gets down on his knees and grunts as he lifts Ford up. Ford unlocks the lock with a skeleton key, removing the mesh that covers the neck of the hourglass and scrambling up and out, pulling Stan after him.

“Where did you even get that skeleton key?” Stan asks, eyeing it curiously.

“A necromancer in another dimension enchanted it for me, actually!” Ford tucks it away before any Globnar officials can notice it. “As you can see, it’s made from actual bone and changes shape to fit any lock!”

“You know any necromancers in this dimension? Asking for a friend.”

“As I’m sure banks everywhere will be relieved to know, I do not.”

YOUNG: 7, OLD: 3

*

TIME CHALLENGE 11

OBJECTIVE: Scale the pendulums of the Time Clock!

All four competitors cling to the circular bottoms of identical brass pendulums, holding on for dear life as they swing in uncoordinated rhythms.

“Why does everything have the word ‘time’ in front of it in the future?” young Ford complains. “What else would an hourglass or a grandfather clock measure? It’s so redundant!”

The old Ford, while not disagreeing, focuses on unraveling a spool of rope from his utility belt and throwing the weighted end to the old Stan. He catches it, and quickly wraps it around his own pendulum.

“Now pull it taut!” Ford calls out, and Stan does as commanded. The swinging of their adjacent pendulums slows to an almost unnoticeable wobble, and the older twins make the climb with ease.

“You know, I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Ford admitted as he reached the top, “but I’m having fun.”

Stan tossed the rope back to him. “You know, I can’t believe you’re saying it either, but I’m glad.”

YOUNG: 7, OLD: 4

*

TIME CHALLENGE 12

OBJECTIVE: Be the first team to complete the Three-Legged Time Race!

Each pair of twins have their legs cuffed together, and the old team takes an early lead even as obstacles rise out of the racetrack in front of them — that is, until a spike bursts out directly in front of them and Ford dodges right as Stan dives to the left. Their cuff catches on the obstacle and they tumble to the ground, too stunned to get to their feet until long after the younger twins have overtaken them.

“Nice going, team!” Ford groans, but there’s no real malice in his voice.

“That was just a cheap shot,” Stan grumbles as he gets to his feet, offering a hand to Ford. He starts walking to the right, only for Ford to step to the left, and they can’t help but laugh as they accidentally headbutt each other.

“How did we mess that up twice? In two entirely opposite ways?”

“It’s rigged against us, I’m telling you!”

YOUNG: 8, OLD: 4

*

TIME CHALLENGE 13

OBJECTIVE: Embark on an Epic Time Quest using your Time Character Sheets and 38-Sided Time Dice to defeat the Evil Time Lich Overlord!

The young twins’ miniature fantasy avatars advance across the table, approaching a skeleton cloaked in translucent gray robes, but with a flick of its hand, it pulverizes Stan’s sword and Ford’s wand. They turn to dust that scatters in the cold, howling wind, and the young twins turn tail and run.

“You’ll have to do better than that to scare a veteran DD&MD player like myself!” the old Ford boasts, and in an overdramatic character voice, he adds: “Time Lich! Your reign of terror ends now!”

The skeleton readies another disarming blast, but Ford summons an antimagic field to surround his avatar, and he approaches the lich without fear as every one of its attacks bounce off the barrier.

“You underestimate me? I am the most powerful wizard in the land!” Ford bloviates. “It is my destiny to free this world for your tyrannical rule, and I have been training towards that goal for the entirety of the three hours I’ve been playing in this campaign!”

The lich’s eyes light up yellow with fury, but it remains oblivious to the old Stan’s avatar sneaking up behind it with a massive sword, carved from light blue crystal and imbued with divine might.

“Go ahead, fire more death bolts at me!” Ford taunts. “See how much good that does you!”

The lich plunges a bone-carved staff into the ground, and cracks begin to extend towards Ford. Yellow smoke with a rotten, sulfur-y smell pours out of the newly formed chasm at the lich’s feet, and the groans of the undead echo from deep inside the earth —

But they all go silent as Stan slices the skeleton cleanly in two with his enchanted sword. “Never turn your back on a rogue, sucker!”

The digital tabletop blinks, replacing the crumbling mountaintop setting with a congratulatory message: CAMPAIGN OVER. YOU WIN!

“That was pretty fun!” the real older Stan says, a smug smile still on his face as he retrieves the die he’d used to strike the game-ending critical hit. “You say there’s a version of this game that exists in our time?”

Ford notices the gum on the bottom of the D38, but decides not to bring it up. “There sure is! We’ll have to play again when we get back to our time!”

“I bet Dipper and Mabel would love to join — they’re nerdy and creative enough to have a ton of fun with it!”

“Wait, when does the game come out?” young Ford asks, grabbing his older self by the arm. “Where will I be able to buy it?”

“And who are Dipper and Mabel?” asks young Stan. “Are they friends of yours?”

The old Ford smiles. “What happened to you two not wanting to know what the future held?”

The young Ford is at a loss for words, but the young Stan looks at him in the eyes and smiles back.

“You gave me a reason to believe what you said before.”

YOUNG: 8, OLD: 5

*

*

TIME CHALLENGE 18

OBJECTIVE: Knock out the mighty Timeclops!

The young twins scatter out of the way of the Timeclops’s fire breath, watching in awe as the older Stan jumps on its back and socks it in its clock-shaped eye. It roars and shakes, but Stan keeps a tight hold on.

“You want me off, you’re gonna have to try harder than that!” he taunts.

The Timeclops bucks backwards, mismatched arms flailing, and Stan jumps off just in time for the old Ford to taze the monster in its exposed soft underbelly. It collapses to the ground, unconscious, and the victory bell rings.

Stan raises his hand for a high-six without thinking, and Ford very nearly completes it without thinking, barely stopping himself and dropping the taser in time. He starts to apologize, but Stan laughs it off and throws an arm over his brother’s shoulder.

“You know, Stan,” the younger Ford whispers, “I’m starting to think that growing up and becoming those guys might not actually be so bad.”

“Yeah…” Stan agrees. “But we’re still gonna kick their asses and win that Time Wish anyway, right? Just to prove that we can?”

Ford nods. “Oh, absolutely.”

YOUNG: 10, OLD: 8

*

*

TIME CHALLENGE 34

OBJECTIVE: Win the Time Arm Wrestling Match!

“Oh, this’ll be a breeze,” the old Stan boasts, flexing his muscles, but then narrows his eyes as he sees the young twins exchange identical knowing smiles.

“Not so fast!” the young Ford tells him, pulling a small marble Time Baby statue out of his pocket. “Back while you two were fighting the Timeclops, we found this hidden Time Idol, and now we’re gonna use it to turn the tables!”

He presses the hourglass emblem on the statue’s head, and its eyes light up green.

“FOR ONE ROUND ONLY, YOUR AGES WILL BE REVERSED!” a robotic voice announces, and the elder twins watch helplessly as they shrink back to the size and stature of twelve-year-olds, while the younger twins age decades in a matter of seconds.

“No!” the previously-older Stan wails. “My beefy arms! How could you steal them from me?!”

The previously-younger Ford rolls back his sleeves, examining his muscles. “Hey, I’m not a weak nerd anymore! …Not sure how I feel about these tattoos, though.”

The previously-younger Stan makes a fist, punching the palm of his other hand. “So, who’s ready to arm wrestle?”

“We forfeit!” the old Ford in a young body shouts, and his brother frantically nods in agreement. “You can take the point! Just put us back at our normal ages again!”

YOUNG: 17, OLD: 17

ONTO THE FINAL ROUND!

*

TIME CHALLENGE 45 — WINNER TAKE ALL TIEBREAKER

OBJECTIVE: Claim the Time Wish from the Time Serpent!

The four twins sit on a dock, watching as the arena slowly floods in preparation for the final battle.

“Cool!” young Ford exclaims. “Just like in Ancient Rome!”

“The more things change, the more things stay the same,” the old Ford adds. He awkwardly shifts in place, looking between his smiling younger self and his two equally content brothers. “Hey, kids? There’s no way to say this that’ll end up making much sense, but… thank you.”

The old Stan turns away from the others, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. No, don’t cry, not now and not here in front of thousands of people…

“Stan, are you all right?” the old Ford asks. “I think we’re starting in just a few moments…”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.” Stan collects himself, turning back to face his brother. “I’m ready for —”

He blinks, and his voice cuts off. Bobbing on each side of the dock are identical boats, equipped with massive harpoon guns but otherwise not at all unlike the Stan O’ War back home.

The old Ford seems equally stunned. “Oh, right. They flooded the arena, so we’ll be sailing. Of course. Should have expected that…”

The young twins gleefully hop aboard their vessel, lacking any context that might make boats emotionally confusing, and get right to work raising the sails and loading the harpoon gun. The older twins procede onboard much more slowly and carefully, like they’re floating just above an underwater mine that could explode at any moment.

I have to bring it up to him now, Stan thinks. This is the least pissed he’s been at me since we were in high school, and we’re already right here on a boat, so it’s relevant…

But before he can summon the courage, Ford beats him to it and asks: “Stan, when we get back home… would you like to go sailing with me after the end of the summer?”

“More than anything else in the world, Sixer,” Stan finally manages after a long stunned silence.

The buzzer sounds, the boats raise their anchors, and a dark shadow uncoils beneath the waves, but most importantly of all, Stan feels alive in a way he hasn’t in years.

“Glad to hear it —” Ford tells him, interrupted as a wave from the serpent’s tail strikes the boat, but he laughs loudly and heartily even as he staggers backwards to regain his balance. “Now turn starboard, quick!”

Stan heaves the rudder to the side as the serpent’s glistening green-scaled head bursts out of the water. It opens a mouth lined with fangs and breathes a spray of brine directly into Stan’s face, blurring his vision, but with commands shouted by Ford every few seconds, their ship still navigates the waves with ease, dodging blow after blow from the serpent.

The other ship trails from a distance, unable to breach the unpredictable patterns of waves, and the young twins watch with wide eyes as the old Ford aims the harpoon gun and fires from point-blank range. The harpoon doesn’t pierce any scales, but its sheer force causes the serpent to reel backwards and gag, coughing up a glowing yellow orb that sails through the air and lands neatly on the deck of the old Stan and Ford’s ship.

Ford is poised to pick it up, but he pauses at the last moment, and waits for Stan to join him. Then they both throw their arms over each other’s shoulders and reach for it in unison.

The rotating hourglass symbol inside spins faster and faster, glowing brighter and brighter until the blinding golden light that emanates from it envelops the whole colosseum. When it subsides, the serpent dives back beneath the waves, and the older team’s score shoots up to the maximum.

YOUNG: 17, OLD: 999

TEAM 2012 WINS THE TIME WISH!

*

“YOU HAVE CLAIMED THE MIRACULOUS POWER TO ALTER TIME PARADOX-FREE!” Time Baby congratulates the older twins. “NOW WHAT WISH SHALL YOU MAKE, AND WHAT FATE WILL YOU CHOOSE FOR THE LOSERS?”

The old Stan and Ford look at each other, and then at their younger selves.

“We’re not going to wipe your memories, that’s for sure,” the old Ford assures them. “But I’m not too keen on letting you stay eternally young, either.”

The young Stan sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, it was kind of a bad idea anyway…”

“If my Ford and I had kept being stubborn assholes, I almost wouldn’t have blamed ya,” the old Stan admits, “but I think we’re done with that whole grudge thing, right, Ford?”

“It’s about time we did,” Ford agrees, before turning to address Time Baby. “Is it within your power to create two separate, coexisting timelines?”

“OF COURSE IT IS — I’M TIME BABY! I DROP MY PACIFIER, AND A NEW TIMELINE SPAWNS INTO EXISTENCE!”

“Well, then —” Ford places his hand on the Time Wish floating at his side. “We wish for our younger selves to be returned to 1963, but in a new timeline where they aren’t required to follow our path, while my Stan and I go back to our timeline in 2012. Is that alright with you, Stanley?”

“Almost. Just gotta do one last thing.” Stan points at his younger self. “Hey, you — be careful around your brother’s science experiments, don’t listen to Dad when he says you’ll never make a fortune, and invest in cryptid-based tourism as soon as you can. Should do pretty well for yourself as long as you remember all that.”

“Oh, that’s wise,” Ford says. “Stanford, you should absolutely visit the town of Gravity Falls, Oregon because it’s full of incredible anomalies previously unknown to science, but you should absolutely never read anything you find inscribed on the walls of the caves there. Also, just to be safe, be extremely wary around snappily dressed triangles or anyone with slit yellow eyes. Don’t build any interdimensional portals no matter who tells you it’s a good idea! Cryptozoology is more than enough to make you famous — not that you even need fame to prove yourself as a scientist. You’ll also do perfectly well for yourself as long as you’re careful around the supernatural, and stick by Stanley’s side.”

A glowing golden portal appears behind the younger twins, and they both nod.

“Thanks, guys,” the young Ford tells them. “See you — well, I guess we won’t be seeing or becoming you now that we’re not the same people anymore…”

The old Stan shrugs. “Look, I’m no scientist, but being parallel timeline versions of each other sounds close enough to being the same. At the very least, we’ll always be thinking of you guys, and you’ll always be thinking of us.”

The old Ford nods. “That’s a drastic oversimplification of the workings of the multiverse, but not necessarily a misleading one.”

“Goodbye, grumpy old us.” The young Stan gives them one last wave, and he and Ford step through the portal. “Have fun sailing around the world.”

***

The old Ford and Stan awaken on the porch of the Mystery Shack, the night still just as young as it had been when they’d first been arrested.

“Okay, Dr. Science, do you know why my watch hasn’t move forward even though I still feel exhausted?” Stan asks.

Ford sighs. “Just Time Baby having one last laugh, I assume.”

Stan gets to his feet and opens the door. “I’m gonna go crash in the living room. Not sure these old tired legs can make it upstairs.”

Ford follows him. “Glad I’m not the only one whose adrenaline has thoroughly worn off. I’m not sure I could make it downstairs.” He pauses. “Stan, in a day or two from now, after we’ve gotten some rest and maybe played some tabletop RPGs with the kids, how would you feel about exploring an alien spaceship with me?”

Stan collapses onto his chair in the living room. “Ask me again when my back isn’t killing me, but the answer then will definitely be a ‘hell yes.’”

Ford sits down in a chair at the table, pulling off his trench coat and folding it into a makeshift pillow. “Good night, Stanley.”

“Goodnight, Sixer.”

***

End notes:

In the prime timeline, Stan and Ford succeed in getting the alien adhesive from the spaceship, and use it to seal up the rift permanently — and then, just for good measure, study the Zodiac and use it to permanently banish Bill from the dimension. They spend the next few years sailing around the world, and meet up with the kids every summer for DD&MD sessions and other family bonding activities.

I think that the Ford from the new timeline doesn’t get into West Coast Tech, but does get a full scholarship to a school much nicer than Backupsmore. Stan is careful around Ford’s experiments, including the many inventions inspired by things Ford saw in the future — but Filbrick is still an asshole, so he kicks Stan out the day after he turns eighteen. Luckily, this coincides with Ford moving into his college dorm, so Stan semi-legally lives with Ford in his dorm room for a few months until Ford convinces him to apply to the college’s art program, and Stan’s comics about time travel start to garner a lot of attention. Somewhere along the line, they meet Fidds, and many fun Mystery Trio adventures are had in Gravity Falls without any Bill involvement whatsoever.

[aftermathdb]

DEATH BATTLE Review: Obi-Wan vs. Kakashi

This episode is released to Youtube on May 4th. So, may the Fourth be with you.

Obi-Wan′s Preview.

So, before going into this, just be warned: Boomstick has a bunch of Obi-Wan Liners. Let’s get started.

We open up on Tatooine, and our first Obi-Wan Liner, because old Ben was actually Obi-Wan Kenobi. Now that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time.

And of course, the classic “Hello there.”

They go over his brief story of training under Liam Neeson, and his rise through the rankings of Jedi Knights. And for the record, yes. I’ll be referring to them as “knights” as opposed to Boomstick’s “Samurai Space Wizards.”

Anyways, they also go over Kenobi’s relation to The Force. The energy that’s all around the universe and allows Obi-Wan to do incredible things.

It also leads us into our first Wiz/Boomstick segment!

Aside from the Force, they also go over some of Obi-Wan’s techniques and other parts of his arsenal.

And they also go over several novels that help give Obi-Wan an edge up as well.

And the Force is no joke. There’s a reason why I’m capitalizing it all the time.

And it wouldn’t be a true Obi-Wan rundown if they didn’t mention his ultimate weapon:

The High Ground.

A powerful technique that he copied from Darth Maul. It gives him all sorts of advantages.

Kenobi also scales to other Force-Users, like Anakin. Which is brought up when pre-Vader did a Force feat that puts the ability to move massive dreadnaughts at massively relativistic speeds.

And to pull that off, it would need over 21 Megatons of TNT. And that was when Anakin was a newbie.

Of course, they do go over some of Obi-Wan’s weaknesses, like his dedication to the Jedi Order, trying to trick Luke into killing his father, and that time when he uh… Dropped the ball when it came to Anakin.

But even at his worst, Obi-Wan is a protector of the innocent, the universe, and the next generation. Sacrificing himself in service of a New Hope…

And then Boomstick ruins the moment by then declaring that Old Ben then became a ghost!

Yeah, let’s be real… This was the only way they could have ended it.

Kakashi′s Preview.

So, apparently it’s not just the kids who had dead parents, it’s the adults too!

The hosts go over the accomplishments that Kakashi had over the years, and how his dad was disgraced for saving his friends rather than prioritizing a mission… And how his dad committed Seppuku. Dick move Ninja Village.

Regardless, the hosts go over his accomplishments. Becoming a Genin at age five, a Chunin at age six, and a Jonin at age twelve. And yes, I copy-pasted that from the wiki because screw actually writing that out.

To be honest, the most “memey” thing about Kakashi’s preview is the “One Thousand Years of Death” technique he has. And while I can understand that Kakashi’s preview isn’t supposed to be “memey”, It’s a tad jarring when Obi-Wan’s was full of memes.

Anyways, the hosts note that Kakashi is most familiar with Lightning. And specifically, that he made a jutsu called the Chidori that got its nickname when it was used to cut a bolt of lightning.

Now, when Kakashi invented it, he ran into a problem… Literally.

He can’t really see that well when using it. So, once he starts moving, he can’t stop.

Until a friend of his gave him a Sharingan.

With this, the hosts note that Kakashi has stolen over a thousand techniques. But, they also note that since he’s not an Uchiha… he can’t really turn it off.

And then his friends all died! Which leads us to our next animated segment.

(I can never spell “Mangekyo” right… This is what I get for being a Transformers fan as opposed to a Naruto fan).

We get a list of feats, and a quick scaling test by way of Jiraiya. Remember him?- He’s the old pervert who carved up a mountain.

Anyways, this comes out to about 18 Megatons of TNT.

And after all the trauma that Kakashi endured, he finally found out that the ways of old were not the way that should be taught. And he lives on, knowing that he trained the next generation to do better than his could.

… Like I said: not a Naruto fan, so I have no idea what significance that this has.

The Battle Itself.

Doovan Hohdan, Daitomodachi, and Devil Artemis are back for an SFM animation. Obi-Wan will be voiced by Steven Kelly and Kakashi will be voiced by Nicholas Andrew Louie. Force and Lightning by Therewolf, and audio led by Chris Kokkinos.

So, after crashing into Konohagakure, Obi-Wan “celebrates” his landing, and opens up the only way Obi-Wan could:

Now, credit where it’s due: Obi-Wan tries to resolve this without violence. Looks like we know where Luke got it from. If all Star Wars DEATH BATTLE combatants start by them trying to diffuse the situation, I’d say that these guys know what they’re doing when it comes to portraying them as normal… Y’know, minus the removed morals.

Obviously, Obi-Wan not going to let Kakashi just outright kill him, so he starts defending.

Now, it takes a while for Kakashi to take the fight seriously. He keeps readinng his book while fighting and it takes some heavy blows to get him to put it down.

Obi-Wan declares that he has the high ground, and unfortunately, that’s too much power to be contained in one screenshot. But, Kakashi manages to counter Obi-Wan’s almighty High Ground technique.

But, Obi-Wan has the force on his side, so being buried isn’t going to stop him.

Now, the fight rages on, and it’s pretty clear that any physical blows are kinda-sorta leaning in Obi-Wan’s favor a bit. Kakashi puts in more effort when countering than Obi-Wan does. Maybe that’s just Kenobi’s calm demeanor, or Kakashi’s hotheadedness though.

Regardless, Kakashi opts to put Obi-Wan into an illusion for a  striking blow.

So, with the illusion dispelled (Seriously. First Hiei, now Kenobi. Will any illusion-character be able to land that move?), Obi-Wan counters.

And he counters HARD.

Kakashi doesn’t break easily though, so he starts using lightning.

The two get ready for a charging blow, so finishing move in

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Another Sasuke vs. Hiei parallel: it takes a moment for Kakashi to actually die.

Also, has anyone noticed that all the Naruto mentors die at the end of their respective battles? (Yeah, I’m kinda cheating with Might-Might, but still.)

Verdict + Explanation.

So, right off the bat, Kakashi has the edge in versatility. Hands down.

For starters, Obi-Wan isn’t going to be running out of fuel anytime soon. Chakra is internal, and the Force is external. And since it’s not a Chakra technique, Kakashi couldn’t copy it.

And the mountain feat is about on par with the dreadnaught feat, so they looked to be pretty even on power… At first glance.

Remember, Anakin gained power over the course of the series. By the time that the two fought, Anakin was much more powerful. So it stands to reason that Obi-Wan, who matched him, would also be on a similar level of power.

Obi-Wan could also tear apart General Grevious’ armor, which could tank blasts from star destroyers. And while it’s a little unreasonable to say that he could do this with his bare hands, the Force definitely can.

In terms of speed, Obi-Wan could react many times faster than Kakashi, meaning that Kakashi wouldn’t have a whole lot of opportunities to actually land a blow. Combined with the precognitive powers that the Force gives Kenobi, this means that it would be hard for Kakashi to get in close at all.

The elephant in the room is dismissed, as when Kakashi had the Perfect Susanoo, he was being possessed by the spirit of his friend.

But, even if he did, Obi-Wan is still stronger.

Kyp could move a black hole. And Obi-Wan was directly compared to him. Taking this literally, this comes out to just short of 14 Petatons of TNT.

And as we all know, a Petaton is a whole lot bigger than a Gigaton, that’s for sure.

And this isn’t even counting the fact that Obi-Wan could just crush his organs using the Force.

Damn! Thank god for the Jedi Code. These guys could literally conquer the entire universe if they wanted. Good thing they adopted the Spider-Man ways of taking great responsibility with that power and using it for good. Screw the Sith for going the Green Goblin route.

Overall impression.

So, has anyone noticed that we’ve been getting lessons in these past few battles lately? Cable vs. Booster Gold came with the moral of “the level of seriousness between characters only really matters for their own universes, not in a DEATH BATTLE”, the one before that had the (somewhat humorous) “We’re all beautiful just the way you are, no matter how many arms or whose wife you stole”, and now we have “With Great Power, comes Great Responsibility” delivered through the fact that we have now seen that power, and we’re thankful for the Jedi for holding back.

Aside from that, the fight is really well-choreographed. While it’s hard to discern that Obi-Wann had the speed advantage, it’s pretty clear that he had everything else. It was clear that he was the more level-headed of the two, and that gave him an immediate edge as it showed that he was more or less, holding back. And the ones who hold back the most tend to be the one who has the most power.

And the Obi-One liners are a delight. If there was anything really awesome that came out of the Prequels, it was the Obi-One liners. Ad to think! This airs on May 4 on Youtube… Yeah, cue angry Naruto fans claiming that “Obi only won because May 4.” Ugh… Freaking DEATH BATTLE Curse, amirite?

8.8/10

Next Time…

Oh. Speaking of Spider-Man…

If this isn’t hand-drawn, there will be riots.

Is there a fight that you want me to review? - Send an ask/request, and I’ll look into it!

Do you want to read my fanfic based around DEATH BATTLE itself? click here!

Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next time for…

Spider-Copycat Combat.

[thegreatwhiteferret]

87 Random Questions

I was tagged by @edwardtheloser because JJ just wants the world to burn. 💖💖💖

1. Where do you live? I currently live in Delaware...yeah, the tiny ass state everyone forgets about.

2. One cool item you own? I’m trying to think of something really deep and meaningful...I have a Texas charm with golden star on it that I wear with a cross on a chain around my neck and never take off. 

3. Moon or stars? The stars (High key one of the things I miss most about Texas)!

4. Places you’d like to travel to? Either to London or to Disney...both are related to Peter Pan for reasons.

5. Favorite song? I cannot possibly pick just one song...music is everything. Praying by Kesha has me all sorts of in the feels right now.

6. Do you have any fears? I am afraid of so many things. I am afraid of the dark, germs, going into anaphylaxis, letting people down, not being good enough...I should stop now, right?

7. Do you feel different than you did last year? I mean I guess. The past year has been really bad for me, but I’ve just recently started feeling really hopeful about the future.

8. What is your race? I am white as white can be. I’m 75% Canadian (25-British, 25-Irish, and 25-French with a bit of Native American mixed in) and then 25% mystery that is most likely German or Dutch. 

9. Pet peeves? People being assholes when they disagree with something and people smacking when they eat. (These two just stuck out, there are more, I’m petty as hell)

10. Any siblings? I have 3 sisters.

11. Are you a gamer? Only if The Sims and Dream Daddy count. Hand eye coordination is not there.

12. Sexual orientation? Pansexual Princess 

13. Does a broken mirror mean bad luck? I don’t know, but I will steer the fuck clear!

14. What do you feel is your mental age? Depends on the day. Sometimes I feel like I’m sixteen some days I feel like I’m forty. There is no consistency. 

15. How old were you when you started dating? My family was super strict, so no dating officially until after I went to college.

16. Where do you do most of your online shopping? Forever21 and Amazon.

17. Favorite animal? Bears

18. What’s one film from the 2000s that you like? Psssssh, so many. School of Rock and Mean Girls were my shit though.

19. What’s your favorite scary movie? IT. I am a scaredy cat, so the fact that I love this movie so much is amazing.

20. Fun fact about yourself? I convinced my 5th grade teacher that I had elaborately schemed to get rid of my baby sister when I was only three years old to avoid actually having to write a serious paper. I won a damn award for my story too.

21. Shoe size? 9.5 or a 10 in Women's. 

22. Which fictional character(s) do you relate to the most? Junie B. Jones. She’s a real hero of mine. (JK, Stanley Uris and I are one in the same).

23. Where do you see yourself living in ten years? Philly, Boston, or Chicago. I need some excitement in my life.

24. Ever wore clothes that were just wayyy too tight? I mean I wore a corset around just for the hell of it the either night so....

25. What’s on your mind? How many stories I have in my queue to write and the fact that I am not doing that right now...whoops.

26. Are you religious? I’d still identify as Christian, but I have a lot of questions. I also don’t believe in pushing your religion on people, that’s an asshole move.

27. How tall are you? 5’8″

28. Favorite band? HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PICK ONE??? Jesus, I’m going to see AJR in a few weeks so let me give them a shoutout.

29. Do you remember 2009? Yes. It sucked.

30. Cats or dogs? DOGS! You can fight me on this one @edwardtheloser they are freaking flawless and amazing.

31. Fruit or vegetables? Por que no los dos??

32. Do you want to get married? Yes. That would be nice.

33. Do you want children? I DO. So so bad. It’s a problem.

34. Flamingos or peacocks? Meh. Birds. (Only difference between me and Stan tbh)

35. What superpower do you wish you had? Telekinesis or Shapeshifting.

36. Are you a germ freak? Yes. I have severe food allergies and I break out when I touch the allergens, so I kind of have to be. Also, people are gross.

37. Did swearing baby, ghost car, or ghost caught on tape scare you as a kid? I don’t know what any of these are...

38. Do you prefer sweet or salty? Por que no los dos?

39. Tea or coffee? Give me all of the non carbonated caffeine.

40. Are you superstitious? Yes. I knock on wood. I won’t walk under ladders or on cracks in the sidewalk. I do counting things as coping mechanisms. I’m so bad.

41. Do you like stripes? Sure, but plaid is better.

42. Favorite shows as a kid? The Big Comfy Couch, Rugrats, The Wiggles, Doug, Arthur, Zoom...I liked TV a lot.

43. Favorite shows growing up? Lizzie McGuire, Boy Meets World, That’s So Raven, Sabrina the Teenage Witch...again, I liked TV a lot.

44. Favorite musical? I LOVE MUSICALS. Hamilton, Hairspray, High School Musical, Rocky Horror, Annie. All of them. RENT is my absolute favorite though, I bawled my eyes out when I saw it live.

45. Favorite movie? Inglorious Basterds, IT, and Goonies.

46. Birthday? October 1st.

47. Are you a grammar Nazi? Yes. It kills me not to correct people.

48. Ever gotten drunk? Hahahahaha. Yes.

49. Do you have a carrier bag? I switch between a small backpack, a big satchel bag and a small hot pink cross body purse. As long as my epi pen and wipes fit, I’m good.

50. What would you do if you were the opposite gender for a day? Some very NSFW things...I’m not sorry.

51. If you were the opposite gender what would you change your name to? Oliver, Ollie for short.

52. What song is stuck in your head? The Kids Aren’t Alright by The Offspring

53. Celebrity crush? Hilary Knight, Taron Egerton, Chris Evans, Hayley Williams, Joe Keery...so many. I love all the people.

54. If you could live in a non-English speaking country, where would it be? Sweden

55. Are you a good dancer? I try...

56. Have any allergies? Gluten and Dairy. Deathly allergic and people think it’s just a diet fad smh...

57. Any bad habits? Procrastinating and shoving my feelings down.

58. Ever broke a bone? Yes. My mom broke my leg when I was three, we fell down the stairs and if she hadn’t pushed me behind her and landed on my leg I would have gone head first into a brick wall. My mommy saved my life. 💖

59. Are you a city or country person? Both. I like the feel of the country with the convenience of the city.

60. Do you like your home country? United States of Go Fuck Yourself

61. Sunflowers or daisies? Sunflowers 

62. Tulips or roses? Tulips, they remind me of living in the Netherlands as a kid.

63. Oak or maple? Maple. I’m Canadian, eh.

64. Disney or Nickelodeon? BOTH! I WILL NOT CHOOSE!

65. WYR be obese or anorexic? I’m in recovery for both anorexia and bulimia and have been since I was twelve years old, body dysmorphia since I was seven because I’ve been overweight my entire life, and this question can go fuck itself. Jesus fucking Christ. Those are serious issues not choices. Fuck.

66. WYR be over 6 feet or under 5 feet? Under 5 feet, I hate being tall.

67. Rubies or sapphires? Sapphires

68. Are you stubborn? I am so stubborn that it hurts.

69. Have you been in scouts/Girl Scouts? Yes! And I loved it.

70. What type of music do you listen to? Everything. I love music.

71. Favorite vine? Uhmmmm...I was never into vines...sorry.

72. Beaches or castles? Castles. Real life Disney Princess y’all!

73. Pick the closest book to you, and write the line you opened to:

"I mean, a superhero. My heart almost squeezes to a stop. Blue loves superheroes.” -Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda

74. Anyone in the same room as you right now? Yup. My mama and the dogs. Pip is sleeping on my lap.

75. Which is worse; throwing up or diarrhea? I mean I don’t love either...

76. Butterflies or lady bugs? I don’t like bugs...butterflies qualify as well. 

77. Do you say “K” when you’re not mad? I never do this, because I am so cautious of how others will feel from it. You can’t take back hurt feelings.

78. How do you react when purposely scare you? I usually have some form of anxiety attack. My sister has made me cry and panic just from making me watch a YouTube video...I’m easy to scare guys.

79. Most overrated celebrity? Every Kardashian except for Khloe, I love her.

80. Do you have a globe in your room? No, I have a print of the world, but that would be so cool!

81. Do you have a dream catcher in your room? No, this would also be cool.

82. What do you see when you look out your window? Well it’s nighttime now so darkness.

83. Have you been on an airplane? Yes, I’ve been flying since I was a month old.

84. Do you believe in aliens? Yes. It’s stupid to think that we are alone in the universe.

85. Do you believe in ghosts? Absolutely. I don’t fuck with spirits, all respect.

86. Do you believe in God? I believe in a higher power, and I do still have faith in the Christian God, but I do have so many questions.

87. Do you believe in yourself? I’m working on it, y’all. That’s all I can say.

I am tagging randomly because I don’t know who has done this yet... @billbenbev @its-reddie-bitch @not-reddie @theriodiaries @demianhill @dannybriereisaliferuiner @thebroadstreetdarling @milagric and whoever else would like to do this, consider yourselves tagged! 💖💖💖💖💖

[rvbficwars]

Fluff Week Masterlist

Submissions listed under the cut!

Art Submissions:

@adobewanphotobi​

Caboose and the Reds: Caboose chilling with the Reds and a familial sense. 

@agent-murica

Birthday: Blue Team celebrates Wash’s birthday

Convention: Simmons ropes Grif into going to a convention

Fancy Club: Tuckington going out to the club

Gardening: Docnut gardening

King of the Cats: Wash with cats

Tiny Hat: Caboose with Mini-Freckles

@artsyorangeykay

Before the First Date: Tucker and Wash get that first date after all

Blanket: Wash wrapped in a big fluffy blanket

Chocolate Cake: Tucker and Wash make it home

Ice Cream Raid: Mermaid AU, Wash and Junior get ice cream

Talking about Junior: Tucker telling Wash about Junior

Tuckington Proposal: Wash proposes to Tucker

Retirement Cuddles: Tuckinglina cuddles

@captainkonot

Donut’s Photo Album: Donut takes pictures of everyone

Failed Confession: Tucker tries to get Simmons to confess to Grif

Survivor Hugs: Carolina and Wash hug it out

@cerealmonster15

The Cool Brother: Palomo being an older brother to Junior

@churchwash

Let Them Rest: Church and Wash cuddling

Bonding Moment: Wash and Maine bonding moment during Project Freelancer

@cobaltqueen

Air Conditioning: Sarge has the only air conditioner in Red Base

@cosmicstupidity

Hawaii: Grif and Simmons go back to Hawaii

Surprise Party: Happy Caboose.

@cptgrif

Stargazing: Grif, Donut, and Simmons stargaze together

@creatrixanimi

Hair Dye: The Grif siblings dye their hair

Surfing: Grif and Kai surf together

@fandomescapades

After the War: The mercs hug it out

Caboose Hugging Freckles: Caboose hugging Freckles the big friendly dog. 

Team Dads: Ambush the Dads to show affection. They clearly love it

@freelancercarolina

Don’t Fall Asleep Without Me: South and Carolina have insomnia

@gaveremy

Painting Nails: Blue Team paints their nails

@gdipalomo

Thank You: Tuckington, reunion with Junior

Baking Time: Caboose in the Kitchen

@grimmmons

Childhood Colors: Grif teaches Kai about colors

Chillin with the Grifs: Grif and Kai show Carolina how to be the best at being lazy.

Computer Problems: Simmons fixes Grif’s computer

Date Night: Kimball and Carolina are going out

Hit Me Baby One More Time: Red Team dance game

Movie Night: Red vs Blue Movie Nights

@hazk

Surprise Hugs: The Dakota twins hug Carolina

Ulterior Motive: Donut’s grimmons wine and cheese hour

@ivorytrenchcoat

Sleepover: Red Team sleepover

@kaikainagrifofficial

Sprawl: Sharkalina cuddles

You’re Perfect: Kimball and Carolina go dancing

@leonardloserchurch

Don’t Talk to Me or My AI Fragments: AI family reunion

Human AI’s: The AI as humans

@mercuryblacksleg

Father’s Day: Red Team gets Sarge something for Father’s Day

Red Team Movie Night: Movie Night at Red Base

@orangeycookiekay

Pastry Train: Donut and Caboose cuddling

@peteor

Churchnut Kisses: Donut gives Church a kiss

@piratelynlyn

Dancing: Grimmons and the gang at the club dancing

Moby: After Simmons pulls Moby out of the rubble and gets him to a vet, he ends up keeping him. Grif gives him hell because Simmons said he wasn’t going to keep him, but he kept checking on the little guy and fell in love with him.

@quetzalcactus

Red vs Ocean: Locus’s first time participating in zany red-team hijinks, red team is very proud.

@sabishiita

BBQ: Sarge BBQs for Red Team

Catching Up: Carolina and 479er catch up on old times

Light Trick: Dwarven Grif and Elven Simmons cuddle and make magic

Renfaire: Simmons makes a gift for Grif at the renfaire

@sxpaiscia

Battlestar Galactica: Grimmons watch BSG together

Maintenance: Grif helps Simmons with cyborg repairs

Robot Army: Wash and Sarge build robots together

@telekinetic-pony

Baking: Red Team baking

Childhood Friends: Temple and Bif as kids

Reunion: Tucker and Junior reunite

@veni-vidi-acdc

Big Damn Kiss: Grimmons reunion

Hugs: Tuckington hug

Stargazing: Docnut Stargazing

How Do Cats Work: Caboose is covered in cats

Nightmares: Tucker had a nightmare and Wash wants to help  

Color of the Sky: Lopez relaxing

Fic Submissions:

@all-made-of-stardust

Redecorating: Chorus needs a little TLC. Caboose does too.

You Do Know How to Throw a Party: The gang goes to one of Kai’s conventions for the first time

@aquatariuswrites

Building Pillow Forts Reduces Headaches Says Local Ex-Agent: Caboose wants to build a blanket fort and enlists Tucker and Wash

@arirashkae

Agent Washington, Chick Magnet: Wash accidentally adopts a flock of chickens

What Little Girls are Made of: In a different life, Locus stays with Siris rather than Felix

Quod Cattus Respice In Trahebatur:  Felix-is-a-cat AU, only now BOTH of them are cats. Maybe something where they are totally just cuddling up for warmth... Bonus points for Locus cleaning Felix (G-rated) who reluctantly sits and positively does not enjoy it of course.

@autisticblueteam

Comfort: She finds her sat in front of her locker. She doesn’t leave her there.

Double Date: When the Freelancers get some “shore leave” due to a supply stop, Maine, Wash, South and Connie go to the fair.

Noodle:  After months of only being a hologram, Alpha finally gets a new body, and he knows exactly what he’s going to do with it.

Nothing Weird About It: Wash and Carolina have a little time to themselves between commitments on Chorus.

Unexpected:  Connie isn’t quite sure what to expect when she gets assigned her new secondary field partner, Agent Washington, but it definitely wasn’t this.

@awesomenessagenda

Guess You’re My Everything Now: Tucker is not prepared to serve bagels to asshole bureaucrats commuting to the city at three in the fucking morning. So before work, he pounds back a bottle of vodka.

@bizarrebird

Leave Room for Space Jesus:  Agent Washington has faced the worst kind of enemies, but there's nothing that could make him ready for his next challenge: dancing without looking like an idiot.

Missing Him was Dark Gray: There's an empty space where Wash should be. Caboose and Tucker can't fill it alone, but they can make do.

make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely:  Diner AU: Tex and York being asshole friends who love each other

@cptgrif

Ease the Tension: Donut sees Grif is a little stressed out from Simmons’ recent departure and tries to ease the tension.

@doomedroleplayer

Where Freckles Came From:  Washington explains to Carolina and Church why there is a dog in the house.

@eclaire-de-lune

In Which York Assists Tex When She is Feeling Poorly: Tex gets a cold, refuses to tell anyone, York figures it out and tries to help her.

Lay Your Weary Head to Rest: Nork hurts Wash on accident and decide to make it up to him.

Prima et Ultima: All things must come to an end. This York and Delta understand.

Shall We Dance?: Carolina doesn’t ask for two AIs, and thus South gets the Happiness/Joy AI 

@hylian-reptile

Colonel Sportacus Champitor Crimson the Second: Sarge finds a dog.  “Admit it, Simmons. Sarge loves a twelve-year-old snorting football more than literally anyone or anything in this canyon. Except for his shotgun. And maybe killing Blues.”

@lostlegendaerie

Feral Cat: It starts like this: Chorus has A LOT of feral cats. It ends like this: Wash running Chorus's first new animal shelter and spay/release program.

@madqueenalanna

Templum Veritas: After s13, Kimball sends the Reds and Blues out to find the rest of the temples. When they find the Temple of Truth, things get… something.

You remind me of... Something:  Modern AU. York is trying desperately to be poetic, but Carolina eludes categorization.

@many-many-bubbles

Ghost Fireworks: Caboose meets Theta

@matara-barian

Orange: Locus and Sarge argue over who had to deal with a worse orange teammate while packing up Donut's stuff after he "died".

@my-nerdy-shiny-self

Very Very Important: Church searches far and wide for a birthday present for Caboose.

@primtheamazing

Braid that Bitch: Kai wants her brother to braid her hair, just like old times.

@queseraawesome

An Errand in the Night: Maine makes a proposal to a friend for help on a project of his.

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News: The course of waking up from having your tonsils taken out never did run smooth.

@riathedreamer

Embers and Stars: Grif and Simmons go stargazing.

@what-happened-to-agent-georgia

Confessions of a Freelancer Reject: OhSherry. It’s the little things in life that keep Sherry going. The little things, and a little alcohol.

How it’s Done: Grif and Simmons are on their way back to the New Republic’s base from a supply run, and Grif is beginning to regret letting Simmons drive the Warthog. Simmons is driving so slow, Grif would almost—almost—rather get out and walk.

If You Like Strawberry Yoo-Hoos: Donut tries to find Sarge a date online… and the response is not what he was expecting.

@whatevertotesyourgoat

Let’s Ask the Mirror: Simmons practices asking Grif out in the mirror and gets caught.

@whimsical-writer

5 Things Part 2:  There's things Wash would never do for his team, but one thing he'd always do. There's so many things the Blues would do for Wash, but one thing they'd never do.

@winter-okami12

Little One: Blue Team finds a baby

@wordsysayswords

Train Tracks: Wash and Grif find themselves in a bind, and Wash really doesn’t have time for this conversation.

@yami-sama

The Name Game: Grif keeps giving fake names to Simmons the barista.

Mod Submissions: 

@a-taller-tale

Play Another One: Simmons plays the banjo for Grif

@goodluckdetective​

Bedtime is Never: Junior defended a kid at school, Tucker approves

Nursery: Grimmons have trouble with a realtor

@powerfulpomegranate​

Accidental Bedsharing: Tuckington, Tucker accidentally goes to the wrong room. 

Basketball: Junior and Tucker bonding. 

@secretlystephaniebrown​

Abundance: Grif ends up accidentally playing an important role in Wash's recovery.

Out of the Box: Wash has been rescued, but there are a few things he needs to deal with now.

Plenitude: Wash is now home, and trying to recover. But healing isn't always easy, especially not when his mind is fighting against him. Luckily, he's got help.

Two Hours Later: Tex waits for a rescue

[fourteenacross]

For the fic summary, would you be able to do "The world turned upside down" with Lams?

I’m NOTICING A TREND in the choice of titles for all of these XD

OKAY, so I started writing this one at work Monday and then got distracted by boredom and life, so SORRY FOR THE WAIT, I still have two more to do after this.

ANYWAY.

PART ONEAlex and John have been friends since practically FOREVER. Or at least it feels that way. They met during college orientation and ended up dorming on the same hall freshman year and then moved into honors housing together their sophomore year and stayed there until graduation. They got an apartment right after school and lived together all through grad school, while John worked on his masters in elementary and secondary education and Alex dove into law school. They stayed together after grad school, too–Alex got a job at a firm in the city and John got a teaching job in Rockland or Westchester or something like that and it was easier to just commute on the MetroNorth than find a new place and a new roommate and all that.

Or, at least, that’s what John told everyone, because it was less embarrassing than saying, “Actually I’m hopelessly in love with my best friend like some garbage soap opera cliche and I’ll take any excuse to stay near him even though I know we’ll never have the kind of relationship I want us to have.”

Because Alex doesn’t do relationships anymore, and John has intimate knowledge of that. John watched Alex date around in college and drag a years long friends-with-benefits thing out with a girl in their friends group, the closest he would let himself come to a real relationship. In grad school, when Alex admitted that maybe it was time to settle down, John introduced him to a classmate of his, the nicest girl he’d ever met, the only person he could see himself not resenting, should she and Alex fall madly in love and get married. Except that blew up in Alex’s face, too–he was so busy with school and with life that their schedules never meshed and, in the end, it was easier for Alex to cheat on her with his old college fling than it was to build time for her into his already complicated life.

(“It’s not your fault, John,” she said after, while John, guilty for too many reasons to list and far more than he felt comfortable admitting to, gave her hugs and tissues and brought over a bottle of wine. “He needs to grow up and learn to take other people’s needs into account–there’s nothing you can do to change that. There was nothing I could do to change that. And I told him all of that.” She paused. “And then I set a box of his stuff on fire.”)

Right after law school, Alex tries one more time–this time with a guy they both knew from college, someone from history that I’d poke around and come up with, maybe John Andre–some too-suave asshole that John never liked much, but tolerated for Alex’s sake. And it was mostly fine at first, but it started to get stilted and awkward and eventually the dude ghosted him. John took him out for a consolation drink and tried not to be too pleased that it crashed and burned.

“The shitty thing,” Alex said, three vodka tonics into the night, “is that we’re not friends anymore! Like, I don’t have a ton of friends! And I liked him! I liked him, I liked…all of them. Eliza. Maria, too! When we were just hooking up, it was fine, but then I went and messed up with her and Eliza and…that’s what I need again. No more relationships–they ruin friendships. I can only date people I don’t give a shit about or like…hook up with my friends.”

“That’s…a way to go about it,” John says, and ignores the sinking feeling in his chest.

“You gotta keep me from crashing and burning like this again, man. Pinky swear.”

And he holds up his pinky and John fucking does it, even though he knows it’s the final nail in the coffin of any relationship they might have had.

So, yeah. John knows nothing’s going to happen and he knows he’s a little pathetic. He tries not to be. He dates around a little. He does his best not to be pathetic and pining. And why should he be? He and Alex are partners in everything–they live together, they make financial decisions together, they go everywhere together and do everything together. Alex sits through awkward Christmas dinners with him and his family in South Carolina, John goes with Alex to all his terrible office holiday parties and company picnics. Alex comes to fundraiser nights at the school when he can get off work, cheering John on in the kids-vs-teachers game nights and spending an embarrassing amount of money at the tricky tray.

(And it only sucks a little to say, over and over again, no, Alex is just John’s best friend, yes, John knows the school has a very strong non-discrimination policy, no, he’s not in the closet and trying to hide their relationship.)

There’s nothing more John could want except, you know, the kissing and the sex. All of the rest of it is already there, and if that’s the only thing he’s missing, then that’s okay.

This goes on for a few years, right up until John’s thirtieth birthday party. Their friends make a big fucking deal of it, Alexander leading the charge. There’s dinner out at their favorite dumb hipster restaurant with all their friends, then it’s back to their apartment for video games and cheaper drinks and cake and dancing. Everyone drinks too much–it’s like they’re all twenty-one again, except they’re too old to sustain it for long and by midnight, the living room is littered with their friends, curled up on the sofa, on pillows on the floor, leaning against the walls, but instead of being passed out from drinking too much, they’re just genuinely asleep.

John and Alex, meanwhile, are sitting in the bathtub side-by-side, fully dressed and passing a bottle of champagne back and forth.

“I can’t believe we’ve known each other for twelve years,” Alex says. “It feels like less and more at the same time. I can’t remember my life without you.” He puts his head on John’s shoulder and John’s heart sighs.

“I know what you mean,” John says. “It’s all a blur.”

“The future, too,” Alex says. “I can’t imagine a future where you’re not my best friend. Where you’re not there with me all the time, everywhere, you know? I can’t imagine my life without you.”

And he looks up at John and reaches up to push his hair out of his face and John forces himself not to do something really, really stupid.

“Same,” he says.

“Yeah,” Alex says, but he’s clearly not really listening any longer. He’s staring at John, like he’s a puzzle to solve. “Hey, why have we never hooked up?”

John blinks rapidly. “Um. I don’t…know.”

“Just…you’re fucking gorgeous,” Alex continues. “Like, you always have been. I can’t believe we’ve never had sex.”

“You’ve never…asked,” John says carefully.

Now Alex blinks rapidly. “You would if I asked?”

“I…think so.”

“Huh.” Alex keeps staring at him, then wraps a hand around his jaw and pulls him down for a kiss that he knows, John knows he should stop. He should push Alex away and say, I can’t do this if it means nothing to you because it means something to me.

He doesn’t.

Alex kisses him once, very sweetly, and then pulls away. “I think,” he says gravely, “we should definitely have sex. It would be fun. I mean, we do everything else together, might as well do this too, right?”

And it’s a terrible idea, because it’s crystal clear that Alex isn’t saying, I love you! Be my boyfriend! But John is drunk and it’s his fucking birthday and he only has so much self-control.

“Okay,” he says.

So they do. Alex gets up and he pulls John up out of the bathtub and they stumble first into John’s room, where Eliza and Peggy are sleeping in his bed, and then into Alex’s room where they kiss and laugh and joke while they strip each other and then have really good sex. Like. Annoyingly good sex. John is actively annoyed that sex with Alex is fucking excellent. It would be better if it was awkward enough to kill his feelings, but no, it’s great, OF COURSE IT’S GREAT, so there goes that hope.

In the morning, John is afraid things will be weird and ruined but that’s normal too–Alex kisses him when he wakes up and says, “That was awesome. We should do that more often, right?”

And John, still half-stunned by the whole affair and a smidge hungover, says, “…yeah, sure.”

And he knows it’s a terrible fucking idea, but he can’t make himself give it up. He’s not strong enough.

It becomes a thing that is simultaneously all he’s wanted and the last thing he fucking needs. Because things are totally normal! They go about their daily lives! They do everything exactly like they’ve always done it, except that sometimes, Alex will melodramatically throw himself across John’s lap on the couch and say, “I think you should kiss me” and sometimes he’ll get into the shower with John and sometimes he’ll just outright say, “Will you come to bed with me tonight?”

And sometimes he doesn’t even want to have sex! Sometimes he’ll crawl into John’s bed and they’ll spoon and just talk like they did in college, when there was five feet of floor space between their beds and John was fucking longing for it to disappear, imagining what it would be like if they were doing this instead, curled up together, skin against skin.

And if he ups his usual trips to box at the gym from twice a week to three or four times a week–well, he’s gotta get all of this misery out somehow and now that he’s a public school teacher, assault charges from bar fights are not exactly stellar additions to his resume.

Ninety percent of the time, it’s fine. Ninety percent of the time, John can pretend they’re in love and they’re dating and that’s why they live like this. But every once in a while Alex will hook up with someone else or dance with a stranger at a bar or make a throw-away comment like, “I feel like you used to date more” over dinner, and it all comes crashing down and John has to get drunk with Eliza or Martha or even, twice, Alex’s partner at the firm, this guy Aaron Burr who’s kind of a cold asshole at times, but is one of the only people who will straight up say to John, “This is the stupidest thing I have ever seen, you’re ruining your own life and happiness.”

Sometimes, that’s what John needs to hear.

PART TWOFrom Alex’s point of view! It’s been a little over a year since Alex and John started their arrangement–it’s just after Thanksgiving and yesterday they had a very nice dinner with Alex’s boss and his family and today they’re taking out their Christmas decorations because it’s tradition. John is fighting with the boxes, standing on a kitchen chair as he reaches up to the very top shelf in the closet to get them down while Alex “directs” and thinks absently about how nice it is to have traditions, how comfortable and happy he is having built this routine with someone he loves so much.

It’s a Friday, they’re both off, most of their friends are away to visit family and whatnot, so it feels quiet and comfortable and relaxing in a way Alex’s time off sometimes isn’t. There are only so many hours free in a given week and sometimes he gets overwhelmed with the need to fill them all with friends and work and things, like doing nothing and relaxing will waste them. Today, though, there’s nothing to do but be here with John and that feels…okay. His thoughts aren’t overtaken by the ticking of a clock that reminds him that he only has so many more hours left on this earth and he still hasn’t written a book or done anything Worth Something.

John is updating Alex on all the family gossip so he’ll be Prepared when they fly down to South Carolina next month, sitting crosslegged on the couch as he untangles the tree lights, monologuing about why no one likes Henry’s new girlfriend. Alex is sitting on the ground in the corner, setting up their tree, and he doesn’t even really mean to look at John–the things he’s saying are just background chatter, nothing Alex can’t read between the lines from Facebook–but he turns around and maybe it’s the lighting or the smile on John’s face or the way he still has bedhead or his too-big hoodie or…well. Alex doesn’t know what it is. All he knows is that he’s overcome with the urge to burst into tears at the sight of him. He’s suffocating in how much he loves John.

And of course he loves John–John’s been his best friend for over a decade, the most important person in his life. John is his family, his partner, his…his whole fucking world. He has been for forever. It feels like forever, at least. Of course Alex loves him, John knows Alex loves him, Alex knows that John loves him back. But it’s like he’s seeing it for the first time. It’s like…it’s not just that he loves John, like he’s in love with John. Like he’s passionately, breathlessly, hopelessly in love. Like his heart is going to explode with it, like he can’t breathe right.

Which is…it’s bad, right? Because relationships do not ever work out for Alex, relationships just ruin his friendships, they always have. He’s fucking lucky he’s been able to salvage some of them, and really, the only reason he was able to patch things up with Eliza is because she was John’s friend first. He can’t fucking lose John–if he loses John, he loses his entire fucking life.

So he’s a little panicked. John notices, eventually, and asks him if there’s something wrong and he makes a vague excuse and goes to put on another pot of coffee, where he lets himself freak out quietly for the length of time it takes to brew.

Ultimately, this realization means nothing in the scheme of things. Life will go on–he and John have it good, now, they have a life together, they have the perfect relationship, romance be damned. Hell, they even sleep together sometimes! More than sometimes, lately, if Alex is honest with himself. He hasn’t really slept with anyone but John for at least four or five months, now. There just hasn’t been any point–if he wants sex, why chance it with some rando when he knows he can have great, fun, amazing sex with his best friend without leaving the house?

They have it good, is the point, and Alex absolutely cannot ruin that by getting his fucking feelings involved. He needs to think about this objectively. He needs time.

He gathers himself together and brings coffee in for him and John and if he shivers a little when John grabs his hand and pulls him down onto the couch next to him, he came blame it on the drafty windows and cool November air.

Alex gets through the weekend by sheer force of will, by pretending nothing has changed. Monday is a different story–he’s already at work, chewing on his fingernails and trying to focus on a legal brief when Aaron Burr comes in to join him.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks. He raises one eyebrow when he says it. John can raise one eyebrow at a time and Alex has always thought it was a neat trick and pretty hot, but now that he’s seeing it in his mind’s eye, it’s turning his insides into putty.

“Nothing,” Alex croaks.

“No, seriously,” Aaron says. “Are you alright? Is John alright?”

And something must change in Alex’s face because Aaron immediately looks smug and bored. Both. Simultaneously. That shouldn’t even be possible.

“Ah,” he says. “I was wondering if you’d ever get there.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alex huffs.

“You just realized that you’re ass over teakettle for the guy you’ve essentially been married to for as long as I’ve known you,” Aaron says.

“We’re not….” Alex says awkwardly. He can feel himself blushing.

“You are,” Aaron says, sitting at his desk and booting up his computer. “He’s even worse than you. I think he’s always known, maybe as long as he’s known you. He certainly acts that way.”

“Wait, what?”

The look Aaron gives him over his computer screen is condescending as hell. “Alexander, if you hadn’t realized that your roommate is obsessively in love with you by now, you have no business being this good of a lawyer.”

Well, fuck.

“Let me give you some advice,” he continues, and Alex settles in, arms crossed, preemptively glaring. The last time Aaron gave him advice it was to keep his mouth shut and be more pleasant, the sort of neutral garbage that Aaron does best. But this time, he surprises Alex. “You overthink things and then you sabotage yourself. You do it every time. Don’t ruin this by overthinking it.”

For once in his life, he’s speechless. All he can do is nod in reply.

Alex spends all day picking this new information apart in the back of his head. John doesn’t seem in love with him. John seems the same way he’s always seemed. Of course, if what Aaron said was right, then maybe that’s because John’s always been in love with him. But he would have said something if that was true, right?

He leaves work with a headache and being around John that night shouldn’t help it, but it does. John can tell something’s wrong, so after dinner he drags Alex to the couch and makes him abandon his work to watch a dumb movie on Netflix. They cuddle under a blanket. John kisses his forehead. Alex wants to marry him and adopt a million babies with him and kiss him in front of all of their friends. It’s horrible.

Because the core issue here is that Alex is fucking terrible at relationships. He’s ruined every single one. And if John is in love with him, maybe he’s already ruined this one. Maybe years and years of not noticing have burned out John’s feelings. Maybe John has built this up to something so perfect in his head that Alex can’t compete. Because Alex isn’t perfect–far from it. Alex is going to hurt him. Alex is going to completely destroy John, just like he completely destroys everyone around him. His beautiful, sweet, obnoxious, bullheaded, asshole best friend. His favorite person in the world.

He has no idea what to do.

And because he’s just the absolute fucking worst at this shit, he has to go and make it a zillion times more complicated.

He can’t help himself. He’s always had terrible self-control. So when they stay in on Friday night drinking and playing video games and John murders him in Mario Kart and does his dumb little victory dance, Alex can’t help but grab him and kiss him. He’s so fucking cute what the hell else is he supposed to do? He grabs John and he kisses him and John laughs and kisses him back and they stumble into Alex’s bedroom, laughing, and start to undress and halfway through the whole thing, Alex just gets…completely overwhelmed.

He doesn’t mean to make it different or weird or whatever, but it turns so quickly into something new and strange, something soft and tender and deliberate. Normally, they laugh and joke all through this, they rib each other and poke fun and grin, but tonight Alex thinks he might cry. He’s careful and slow and John goes quiet and soft, a little shaky with something not unlike desperation. It’s…it’s…intimate. It’s different and perfect and he’s never felt like this, never, and he knows it’s a terrible idea, but he falls into it fully, completely, embraces it.

He says, “I love you” in the quiet moments afterwards. He’s said it while they were having sex before, but he’s never said it like this, soft and sweet and honest. John looks like he’s about to burst into tears–he just lays his head on Alex’s chest and doesn’t say anything at all. They fall asleep that way.

In the morning, things are…weird. Alex maybe starts it–he normally gets out of bed long before John on the weekends, but he feigns sleep until after John has woken up and slipped out of bed and left Alex alone in the bedroom where he spends a few minutes just breathing and re-centering himself. Once Alex does go out to the living room, John is quiet and won’t make eye contact with him and every time he does, he flushes and looks away quickly. He’s trying so hard to be normal, but Alex can see right through it. He can’t blame John, though–he can’t quite seem to find “normal” either, stumbling over his words, self-concious about everything from what he’s doing with his hands to where he’s standing and how his hair looks.

They’re like that all day. It’s awful. It’s just–it’s the opposite of what he wants. It’s the opposite of what he and John have had for fucking years. He had to go and ruin it all with his goddamn feelings, just like he always does.

So, in the end, he makes a half-hearted attempt to hit the reset button.

“I think I’m gonna go out for a drink,” he tells John after dinner. “Just, like…to the place around the corner. Do you want to come?”

John is surprised. He can tell. And maybe hurt? At the very least, he looks resigned for the brief second he glances up at Alex before turning away.

“Nah,” he says weakly. “Go on. I might. Um. I guess I’ll just…go to bed early.”

Everything in Alex wants to follow him into the bedroom, wants to hug him and hold him and explain in a rush all of these feelings.

He does not listen to that part of himself. He makes some vague noise in affirmation, grabs his coat, and heads out to the bar.

The bar is loud and full of people and getting lost in the crowd helps him relax for the first time in a week. No one here knows him, no one here has any expectations of him. He can’t disappoint any of these people. He orders a drink that he finishes too quickly, then orders another, then takes it over to the corner, where there’s a woman standing at a high-top on her own, glancing coyly in his direction.

The music is so loud he needs to speak nearly directly into her ear for her to hear him and vice versa, which might be by design. He pulls out a few of his best pick-up lines, but the delivery is off. He keeps thinking about how terrible her perfume smells and how it will probably be a hike back to wherever she lives. He can’t bring her back to his place. Maybe they can hook up in the bathroom like they’re in college. But that seems like a lot of work too, especially for some stranger. She’s pretty, sure, but…he’s having trouble mustering up the energy to do anything about that.

He’s also not been listening to her for the past five minutes, zoning out completely as he weighs the pros and cons of sleeping with this woman.

Pro: She’s pretty. He has all of this energy that he needs to expend. He’s jittery. She’s here.

Con: He can’t stop fucking thinking about John.

Will John make him move out? Or maybe John will want to move out–Alex knows it’s only been luck keeping him in the city since he started teaching. He could have a much better commute and a much larger place for the same price if he left the city. John will probably move out and get a nice little apartment and he’ll start dating again and meet some gorgeous, smart guy. They’ll invite Alex over every once in a while. It’ll be awkward as shit. Alex will be John’s best man at their wedding and then probably barely ever speak to him again.

Fuck.

The woman is still talking and Alex is nodding along and now he’s definitely gonna sleep with her, because he can’t stop thinking about John and some mystery hot guy who’s gonna make him so fucking happy, so happy he’ll leave Alex behind. Alex who’s broken, who can never do this shit right without ruining it, without sabotaging it.

And then he’s thinking about what Burr said on Monday morning. Don’t overthink it. Don’t sabotage yourself. And, weirdly, from there, he’s thinking about the night Eliza broke up with him. You need to grow up! she had shouted at him through her tears. You need to realize that other people have feelings and needs and the world doesn’t revolve around you! If you really want to love someone besides yourself someday, try thinking about someone besides you for once!

He pulls away from the girl, abruptly, and then realizes she won’t be able to hear him, so he leans back in and says, “Hey, wow, I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” and pulls back again. He can see her lips form what? and he just smiles apologetically and starts to weave in and out of strangers towards the door.

He’s about ten feet away from it when it swings open and John is there, looking red-eyed and resolved.

“John?” he says, and John meets his eyes and says something that he can’t hear. “What?” John starts to speak again and then rolls his eyes and shoves his way forward. He grabs Alex’s arm and pulls him back towards the door, into an alcove next to it.

He’s still holding both of Alex’s wrists when he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, then opens them again and stares right at Alex as he begins to talk, half-shouting to be heard. “Look, you should know–you should know I’m in love with you. And I have been for a long time and I just–need to tell you. I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t just go off and let you do this and pretend it doesn’t fucking kill me because it does. I’m in love with you, and I’m not saying that to guilt you or to…to force you to be with me. I’m saying it because it’s been going on for too long and I can’t let this be the rest of my life. And if–if you want me to leave, that’s fine. If you think this is going to make things weird, that’s fine. But I can’t sleep with you anymore, I can’t kiss you. And I can’t keep this up if you don’t know. So.”

John drops Alex’s hands and shrugs. They stand in…well, it’s not silence, because the bass is still giving Alex a headache and he still can’t hear himself think, but.

He grabs John’s hands, weaves their fingers together.

“Can we go outside?” he shouts, and John nods gratefully. Alex lets go of one of his hands, but keeps hold on the other and pulls John back out to the street.

It’s cold and windy, but Alex is filling with resolve. He’s not sure where it comes from–Aaron’s words or Eliza’s or John’s, the silence around them begging to be filled, the churning in his gut when he thought about sleeping with a rando at the bar, the way John’s hand fits perfectly in his own and always has, the fact that he’s thirty fucking years old and needs to stop being afraid of things he can’t control, the cautious, nervous look in John’s eyes.

“So,” he says, and turns to take John’s other hand again. “So. I was just coming to find you, actually.

John blinks at him. “Okay?”

“To like…basically say the same thing, I think?” Alex continues. “I just…yeah. I think I’m in love with you. And I think I probably shouldn’t try to, like…torpedo everything between us just because that’s really scary. Which it is. But also you’re my favorite person in the world, ever, and for the past week all I’ve wanted to do is like…kiss you and pick out china patterns.”

“We already have china,” John says automatically, and Alex can’t help the laugh that bursts out of him.

“Oh my god,” he says. “That’s really…you’re right. We already fucking have good china. Jesus.” He wraps his arms around John, still laughing, hugging him tightly. He practically melts when John returns the embrace just as fiercely. “I think we should probably get married or something.”

John sputters a laugh or maybe it’s something closer to a sob. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re gonna have to–like, I’m probably gonna be an asshole and panic every other day for the first few weeks, but you’re gonna have to be confident that I love you and I’m just a goddamn lunatic.”

“I already know those things,” John promises him. “I’m gonna be an asshole too, but probably not about this, just because…you know, I’m an asshole.”

“I already know that, too,” Alex says. “Aaron says he thinks you’ve been in love with me for forever.”

“At least since you stole that freezer full of ice pops from the dining hall freshman year and made me pinky swear not to tell the RA,” John confirms.

Alex suddenly, deeply wishes he could say the same thing. He wishes that his realization had come with some knowledge of one event, one day that he can pinpoint as the day he fell in love with John. It doesn’t, though. Maybe he’s always been in love with John or maybe it really happened just last week. It’s all a muddle of everything they’ve always been to each other. He doesn’t know when one stops and the other begins.

“I wish I had known sooner,” is what he says instead of me too. John laughs again and pulls back. He’s definitely crying. Alex is pretty sure he was crying before he came to the bar, too, and it makes him feel a little sick.

“I don’t,” John tells him flatly. “You were a fucking nightmare boyfriend in college and in grad school and even just after. Eliza’s a good person who limited herself to one box of your shit–I would have torched your whole closet.”

There’s a pause and they both crack up again and then start to stumble back towards home, still laughing, with their arms around each other, and Alex is a little scared and a little nervous and a little uncertain, but while he might doubt himself, he’s never in over twelve years doubted John for even a second, so he thinks they’ll probably be okay.

EPILOGUEBack to John for this. It’s about seven months later, the middle of the next June. John is finishing up final grades for his kids and Alex is lying on the couch typing something on his laptop. He keeps sighing theatrically and finally says, “Hey, can I run this by you?”

Without looking up, John says, “are you done with your vows, then?”

“No,” Alex says, “that’s what I’m running by you.”

John doesn’t know whether or laugh or roll his eyes or throw something at Alex. “You can’t have me workshop the eternal promises you’re going to swear to me in front of all of our friends!”

He throws his pen at Alex, just because. Alex ducks.

“No one would know better than you though, right?”

“If you don’t stop, I’m not gonna marry you at all.”

“That’s an empty threat, we’re spending a stupid amount of money on this thing.”

And they are. They almost went to the courthouse the weekend after they got their shit together. They would have if, of all people, Aaron Burr hadn’t caught wind of the plan and demanded they throw a party.

“You’ve made the rest of us suffer through this for years, the least you can do is give us cake and beer for our trouble,” he had said.

(Alex, he told John privately at their friends group’s holiday gathering a few days later, has not shut up about how smart and perfect and great John is since they first started sharing an office. Burr honestly thought they were married for the first month. He never wanted to say anything to John before because he was afraid to get his hopes up, but now that they’re two seconds from eloping, he’s happy to bitch extensively about how maudlin and affectionate Alex is all the fucking time and has been for years.)

So there’s going to be a wedding–a bigger one than either of them imagined, if only because they have a lot of friends and, somewhat surprisingly, a nice chunk of John’s family is interested in attending as well.

(“Does this mean we have to go to Henry’s wedding?” Alex asks. He is, by this point, very aware of all the reasons Henry’s girlfriend drives them all crazy.

“Unfortunately, I think so,” John admits.)

So there’s going to be a party, and it’s not like they had to spare expense. They already live together, they already have stupid adult stuff like furniture and matching bath towels and blenders and, yes, good china. No one has to move, no one is changing their name, nothing is changing, really, so they folded all those parts of a newlywed budget into an open bar and a nice venue outside the city. Almost every single fucking RSVP invitation is returned with some snarky remark scrawled on it, it’s about time or glad you stopped kidding yourselves about this. Every time he opens one and sees something like that, he throws it at Alex.

“Your fault!” he announces.

And then Alex, inevitably, says something ridiculous and cheesy and emotionally candid like, “Yeah, but I needed to work through my growing pains to really understand how much I love you” or “It is, but I would do it a hundred more times if it meant I could be as sure as I am that I’ll never want anyone else,” and John gets wibbly and lets him get away with it.

It’s so fucking annoying how sweet Alex can be sometimes. It drives him up a fucking wall.

So here they are, finishing up the last of their real life shit before the wedding. John’s got a week left of school, Alex has one more big case and some background interviews and research for one smaller case and then it’s July and they’ll be packing up to spend a long weekend in the country where they’ll get married in front of all of their friends. Married. Alexander is going to marry him.

He has to put his head down on the table.

“Are you okay?” Alex asks. “I was only joking about workshopping my vows. Well. Sort of.”

“I’m fine,” John says. “I just…can’t believe this is really happening. I can’t believe it’s real.”

Alex gently urges him to sit up and then pulls him away from the table and over to the couch. He slides his laptop under the couch and they both fall into a sprawl over it.

“I mean this, you know,” Alex tells him seriously. “I’ve never meant anything more than this. I want to marry you. I wanted to marry you six months ago.”

“No, I know,” John says. “I know you do. I trust you. I just…for a very long time, this seemed impossible.”

“I know,” Alex says. He frowns for a moment, then holds out his pinky. “But this is us now, okay? Forever and ever. Like I said, I can’t imagine my life without you and I don’t wanna, so this is me promising that we’re gonna be together for the rest of our lives. I’m not leaving you behind.”

And John links their pinkies together and they shake three times and then Alex is grinning at him brilliantly and maybe this meant more than any vows in front of a justice of the peace could possibly mean. Maybe this is all John really needs–him and Alex, alone and quiet and making this solemn promise to no one but each other.

Of course, they’re still going to have a party and a wedding–they’re still gonna sign paperwork and eat cake and dance in front of all their friends and listen to a million smartass speeches that start with, “I’ve known this day was coming for five hundred years.” But all of that will be icing on the cake of this quiet, private promise that John isn’t going to break for as long as he lives.

The end!

[thenightofcups]

On the subject of Jellal’s arc

I've seen some Jellal commentary lately that's kinda raised my eyebrows. There's several points I want to make here and to avoid a tangental rant I'm going to address the biggest three issues I have.

Redemption. What does this mean in Fairy Tail as a manga and what does it mean for Jellal specifically?

Jellal vs. Siegrain. Is this a versus or are they both pieces of the same whole?

Moving forward. Where can Jellal go from here?

REDEMPTION

One of the overlying themes of Fairy Tail as a manga is friendship and forgiveness. Depending on who you ask these things may or may not be executed well.

There's a handful of notable redemption arcs in FT. Laxus and Gajeel have perhaps the most important arcs when it comes to main and secondary characters. Less important, quaternary redemption arcs, like Minerva and my girl Brandish, stand out, as well. Then there's Jellal.

In my opinion, Jellal can be classified as secondary or tertiary, depending on the arc. His relevance usually has something to do with Erza, and he packs a mighty punch. For a character that's secondary on his very Best Day Ever, Jellal has one of the largest and most developed redemption arcs in the series. We've seen him as a charismatic child slave, an obnoxiously arrogant tool of Hades, a kind hearted amnesiac, a self loathing penitent anti-hero, and whatever he is now (I'd classify current!Jellal as on the cusp of completion).

The crimes associated with him are many and include the manipulation of a government body into firing a weapon of mass destruction. There's a lot of debate surrounding these activities and honestly it's super exhausting. Remember, though! Jellal is the only character with a redemption arc (besides perhaps Zeref) who was magically manipulated on a neurological level to commit his crimes. Laxus was abused by his asshole dad. Gajeel was an angry youth who was given an improper outlet. Minerva was also terribly abused by an ain't shit dad. None of these other kids were actual slaves nor were they violated by a magic taught to yet another victim expressly for the purpose of brainwashing (this term is also widely debated and I'll touch on that later).

What's a guy – who's agency was quite literally stripped from him for more than half his life – have to do to earn redemption? According to many in the FT fandom, nothing will ever be enough. I've seen folks say he's heinously unforgivable and can only bring Erza sadness despite canon evidence to the contrary. More than once we've seen Erza state how much she cares about and for Jellal, show appreciation for his efforts, and actual concern for his lack of care in keeping himself hidden from prying eyes.

Why is it so easy for fans to forgive Laxus and Gajeel, but not Jellal? I sure don't know the answer. He has been instrumental in assisting (and saving the life of) the protagonist [Natsu] in a plot relevant battle.

He has saved Erza's life and wreaked havoc in the wake of her injuries...

Time...

And time...

Again.

He has provided crucial assistance to the Magic Council when necessary and followed their rules.

He has been weighed and judged by Mavis and found to have a heart worthy of Fairy Tail.

He not only saves Kagura's life...

...but she later saves his!

What more do you people want? Is this not enough? He has earned the trust and approval of the characters that matter. This is redemption over the course of hundreds of chapters. This is forgiveness. He has earned both. I don't think it's been done poorly. Remember the real-time time line of FT is about two years. I don't think his story has fallen flat at all. In fact, Jellal and Erza are a really good example of love and understanding when it comes to mental illness, trauma recovery, and boundaries.

Jellal does not expect Erza to fix him. He's taken it upon himself to handle his own shit – to right his wrongs as best he can. He's not forcing her into that emotional labor. And like... wow. What a guy. Can actual men take note of this please? Because damn. Erza understands his problems and she loves him (and cares about his well being) so much she has waited for him.

I can't understand the opinion that Jerza is somehow toxic. Are we reading the same manga?

JELLAL vs. SIEGRAIN

When we first meet Jellal as Siegrain, he's an arrogant asshole. He and Ultear display the kind of casual supremacy that only a young person with position and ability – that they likely don't deserve – can pull off. He shows a weird kind of amused affection for Fairy Tail and stops the council from punishing them more harshly for the destruction they regularly cause.

Siegrain's first interaction with Erza is super creepy but foreshadows what happens later with Jellal in his corporeal form at the Tower of Heaven. It's a hint that Erza has a nasty backstory she's keeping secret and that it has something to do with Siegrain. He is very much in her personal space here and the argument can be made that even under Ultear’s control, Jellal is still drawn to Erza. The full story doesn't come until later, though.

In the flashbacks during the ToH arc we see a young Jellal. He is kind. He is friendly. He is charismatic, and in the recent past, he convinced a group of terrified child slaves that they absolutely could escape to freedom – because he genuinely believed they could. He cares deeply for his friends, especially Erza, and when she is tortured to the point of losing an eye, it is Jellal who comes for her and finds her in horrible shape. In the background of the panel below it's pretty clear what Jellal has done to get to her.

These are children approximately 10-12 in age who are living a nightmare that, even by FT's standards, is pretty damn horrible. Jellal is well liked and trusted. Erza cares enough about him to seek him out in return – only to find he's a different person. Between chapters 80-83 Jellal changes utterly. He goes from what Erza describes as her ideal –

To something... else.

While Erza is finding her claws, Jellal is tied up and tortured. He's whipped and beaten and is forced to endure the retelling of what these same guards had done to Erza.

This kind of bleak horror would drive anyone's soul to it's knees. Jellal is about 12 here. He is a child slave on a fucking rock in the middle of the ocean. He tried to rescue a friend he loves only to find her bloodied and missing an eye. For this crime of compassion, he's tortured by the very same people. He. Is. Twelve.

How could a grown person resist the sweet call of revenge by a specter who appears before them claiming to be the ghost of a god, much less a distraught child? Of course he hates the world. Why shouldn't he? I know I hate the world and for so many less valid reasons!

The anime shows the scene where Ultear possesses Jellal very differently than the manga so for the sake of continuity I'm sticking with the manga. By the time Erza finds him, the Jellal she knew has been warped.

Whatever magic Ultear used on Jellal is never explained in detail. In chapter 95, Ultear is speaking with Hades and she thanks him for teaching her a brainwashing technique. The Oxford definition of brainwashing is: “the activity of forcing somebody to accept your ideas or beliefs, for example by repeating the same thing many times or by preventing the person from thinking clearly.” I'm not sure if that meaning entirely defines what happened to Jellal. Ultear appeared to him at a time when Jellal was at his weakest. He was in pain, his heart was broken, his spirit was broken. She offered him an outlet for his rage – but she also lied.

Would Jellal have let her in if he'd been in any other circumstance? Probably not. And it wouldn't matter anyway because Ultear lied. She wasn't Zeref. Nor did she even have a grasp of who Zeref truly was. In fact, Ultear was also a tool much like Jellal – but without the brainwashing magic. She's a product of good old fashioned grooming. He could not possibly have known her true intent of manipulating him for nearly a decade, and hurting a lot of people Jellal previously cared about in the process. If given the full scope of things, would he have let her in? No.

This is basic consent. Jellal was a slave. Slaves cannot give consent. Not ever. They are property. They do not have choices. Jellal could not give Ultear – a person who was not a slave – permission to enter his body or mind and change his goals and decision making processes. For argument's sake, let's take away the slavery element. Jellal is in a random basement dungeon. Still tied up. Still thinking his friends are dead. Still tortured and hating the world. Ultear pops in, lies, and slips in his head. This is still not consent. Her intentions are not made clear to him. He lets her in under completely false pretenses. Any and all arguments that Jellal is somehow to blame for Ultear manipulating him are invalid and should be burned to the ground immediately. Salt that bullshit earth!

All that aside, Ultear is now in his head. Siegrain is born. Is Siegrain really all that different from Jellal? Mmm... not really. Jellal and Siegrain are both parts of the same whole. Siegrain is just as charismatic as Jellal. He's very good at getting what he wants from the council. He is a toxic cocktail of Ultear's desires, and qualities we know Jellal had already. Heroes and villains are shockingly alike when picked apart. Both have ambition and drive. Well written heroes have a darker side, and a well written villain has a core of humanity. Siegrain is a manipulation of Jellal. It only takes a few tweaks to turn a full bodied hero into a nasty villain. Ultear found the right spots, and squeezed.

I have no doubts that if he'd been allowed to grow up without Ultear's and Hades's intervention, Jellal would've developed the same anti-hero tendencies we see from him in the most current arcs. In chapter 416, Jellal tells Erza she'll survive because she has seen the best and worst parts of humanity and understands them. He encourages her to continue her walk in the light.

Even as he says this, he takes his place in the shadows. He knows he is needed there.

Jellal is the kind of guy who will take a bullet for the team. It's just who he is as a person and even before he was brainwashed by Ultear he was struggling to take Erza's bullets.

The line between good and evil is pretty thin. Characteristics alone don't make a person a hero or villain. When boiled down, Siegrain and Jellal are the same person. Intent doesn't always equal result, but result doesn't always have to define a person. Jellal struggles with what defines him. He's made some questionable decisions since regaining control of himself but he is well aware that he toes the line.

I've said before that Jellal is an idealist. He's romanticized his goals and ambitions on a ridiculously impractical scale. This isn't too different than a possessed Jellal. He was positively heretical and had wildly romanticized the idea of Zeref's magic. Idealism on steroids.

MOVING FORWARD

Jellal's stated goal has always been to take down Zeref. He's hellbent on it. The reason for this is pretty clear. He associates Zeref and the zealotry his followers display with everything that went wrong in his life and the lives of the people he loves. I said in a [previous post] that this aspect of Jellal's arc is a bit of a plot hole. Zeref didn't create this dark magic. He was cursed for dabbling in it. We haven't seen too much of pre-curse Zeref but the things he did aren't much different than other characters in other stories (EG: Edward and Alphonse Elric in Fullmetal Alchemist). As I said before, a well written villain has a root in humanity that is somewhat relatable to the audience. That's what makes them scary!

I digress. Crime Sorciere cannot possibly take out all dark magic practitioners any more than a single police department can take out crime in any given city. It's just not plausible. I'm repeating myself here but August addressed this in chapter 509. He scoffs at Jellal's light vs. dark conundrum.

August is right. Jellal can't save the entire world. What he can do is find redemption in love. This is Jellal's crux. He's earned forgiveness from relevant parties – but he's not really expressed whether or not he's forgiven himself. He has done more than anyone could possibly ask of him in order to atone for what was done in his name. Even Kagura has decided his life has worth!

I believe Mashima has set Jellal up to have a happy ending with Erza. When I started reading FT the Avatar arc had just ended. There's a gap between the interpretations of those who binge and those who've read serially for years. Serial consumers have time to stew and get hung up on things that are sometimes hard to let go of. I binged so I was able to consume the meatiest bits of Jellal's story all at once. I don't think it's been poorly executed. I don't think any of it has fallen flat. There is absolutely no point to Kagura saving Jellal's life on her own, without prompting, if Mashima did not intend to wrap up Jellal's arc in a positive way. We even have a canon confession of love.

He implicitly says he has finally found the light in his heart. He's found light. Inside of himself. Jellal loves Erza and has vowed to protect her – and has! Against Acnologia no less! Jellal has all the materials necessary to complete his arc. I have absolute faith this will happen.

I mean...

[jillmckenzie1]

Critic & Son – Star Wars Edition

You shouldn’t expect your kids to be into the same things you are. It certainly wasn’t the case with my father and me. Bill was a World War II veteran, a lover of big band music, and a guy with the kind of effortless charisma that made him likable to everyone he came across.* He was also a casual moviegoer. I remember him laughing himself into a mild asthma attack during The Naked Gun, and I remember us seeing both Goodfellas and The Silence of the Lambs theatrically.

However, I should emphasize he was a casual moviegoer. Did he care about the works of Altman and Kurosawa? Nope. Not even a little. Movies were strictly for entertainment, full stop. For some odd reason, I dove into movies far deeper than he ever did. Along with my desire to visit Loch Ness and my wish to make a pilgrimage to the grave of John Belushi, obsessive filmgoing was one more piece of evidence to my father that his son was defective, perhaps fatally so.

With my son, Liam, things are different. At twelve years old, he’s already developed strong opinions of his own regarding film. In between snickers, the mother of one of his friends told me about Liam critiquing their video library. He’s said, “I love Sonic the Hedgehog, but it’s not a good movie.” He’s a perceptive kid, and like just about everybody else in this time of plague, he’s bored to tears.

For the last couple of months, I’ve gotten numerous comments from Liam that were variations of, “Can I help write a review? Please? Please?” In the interests of familial harmony and for my own physical safety, we’re going to have a recurring feature around these parts  On a semi-regular basis, Liam is going to join me in ranking the top five picks of franchises and genre flicks to you, our discerning readership.** We’ll begin with our Top Five picks for Star Wars Visual Media:

  Liam’s #5 – The Last Jedi: My reasoning for placing this here is that The Last Jedi chose to experiment with the mythos of the Star Wars universe. It made bold moves, took characters in unexpected ways, and had the coolest space fight of all time, even if it came out of nowhere. There could’ve been more brand-safe plays, and a heck of a lot of people disliked this movie for said bold moves, but this is the movie from the sequel trilogy that I re-watch the most.

Tim’s #5 – The Mandalorian: Maybe all this time Star Wars is better suited for television? As the crown jewel (and virtually only series of note) on Disney+, The Mandalorian follows the adventures of a taciturn bounty hunter tasked to take care of an alien infant that’s both Force-sensitive and cute as the dickens. It’s essentially Lone Wolf and Cub with spaceships and blasters, along with some interesting ideas about parenting and nature vs. nurture.

Liam’s #4 – Rogue One: The best way to fill a plot hole is to make a feature-length movie about it! Rogue One is a smart, witty, and brutal Star Wars movie. It introduces a cast of fun and intriguing characters and then kills them off in a variety of ways. It features cameos from C3PO, The Ghost from Rebels, and the best scene of Darth Vader ever, which really makes his next duel look sad in comparison. A solid war film, and the best prequel movie from Star Wars.

Tim’s #4 – Rogue One: For a minute there, it looked like we’d get a series of self-contained Star Wars movies that had nothing to do with the Skywalker Saga. Then Solo killed that idea stone dead.*** Before that happened, we got Rogue One, an honest-to-Tarkin war movie about a suicide mission to swipe the Death Star plans. A game cast and director Gareth Edwards’ intense sense of scale took an idea that was unnecessary and transformed it into an engaging piece of entertainment.

Liam’s #3 – Revenge of the Sith: I know I called Rogue One the best prequel, but it isn’t my favorite. Revenge of the Sith is the movie that makes the prequels feel important. It shows us Palpatine annihilating four separate Jedi Masters, we finally see Anakin become Darth Vader, and we see the decimation of the Jedi through Order 66 in what is, in my opinion, the best half an hour of Star Wars.

Tim’s #3 – The Last Jedi: If I’m being honest with you, I have to admit that I kind of hate the sequel trilogy that kicked off with The Force Awakens. Both that film and The Rise of Skywalker look gorgeous, have fun action sequences, and rely almost entirely on nostalgia to push the narrative forward. The polarizing middle chapter The Last Jedi took big chances, including a grizzled Luke Skywalker who’s given up being a hero due to a moral failing. Writer/director Rian Johnson had very little interest in catering to fans. That’s a good thing, and I prefer having my expectations subverted.

Liam’s #2 – The Mandalorian: In easily the best piece of Star Wars television, The Mandalorian shows us what it is like to be a bounty hunter after the fall of the Empire. We see a cast of colorful characters interact with the bounty hunter, we get Taika Watiti as a murder droid and, most importantly, Baby Yoda. It is breathtakingly beautiful and has some of the best writing in Star Wars.

Tim’s #2 – The Clone Wars: Hey kids! Instead of swashbuckling adventure, how about we spend time focusing on trade disputes and political skullduggery? We all know that the Prequel Trilogy, by and large, sucks. But showrunner Dave Filoni saw through the layer of anti-entertainment. It took some time to get going. Over seven seasons, The Clone Wars managed to make the fall of Anakin Skywalker tragic, managed to turn faceless clone troopers into mostly sympathetic characters, and managed to introduce Ahsoka Tano. She’s Anakin’s apprentice and her journey from an annoying sidekick to a hero with the courage to walk away from the Jedi Order is genuinely mythic.

Liam’s #1 – The Empire Strikes Back: In one of the best sequels ever made, Empire blows the original Star Wars out of the water with how smart the writing is, one of the best lightsaber fights of the series, and causing the heroes to lose by the end of the film. It made Darth Vader into one of the best villains of all time and caused all other Star Wars projects to feel meek in comparison. It’s no wonder that this movie still is one of the most impactful movies even after 40 years since its release.

Tim’s #1 – The Empire Strikes Back: We can all agree that Star Wars is one of the most important movies ever made. Its sequel, The Empire Strikes Back, does what most sequels can only dream of doing. It takes everything that works about the first film and makes it better. The action scenes are more interesting, the dialogue isn’t as clunky, and the characters have arcs that are deeper and better defined. We have a hero who makes many, many stupid mistakes, making his eventual wisdom feel more hard-won. We have a plot twist that’s astounding. We have a Harrison Ford performance that’s charming and engaged. What’s not to love?

  *The racist Border Patrol agent that he got fired? Probably not a big fan of my pops. Buy me a beer sometime and I’ll tell you the story.

**Huge credit goes to film writer Drew McWeeny, whose outstanding column Film Nerd 2.0 examined his introduction of classic movies to his boys. It’s excellent writing and I’ve wanted to try something similar myself. His work is well worth paying for and you can buy their introduction to the Star Wars movies here.

***There was talk about a riff on Seven Samurai, in which a squad of Jedi Knights had to defend a small settlement from hordes of Imperial troops. I would have loved to have seen that.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/critic-son-star-wars-edition/

[thisishowyouletgoandfindyou-blog]

How to Forgive our Parents.

Via Jean Gendreau

on Oct 24, 2014

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I hate going home for Thanksgiving.

It’s not the sugary pies, the endless football games or the high school friends who show off their babies. It’s that when Mom asks what happened to the guy I dated last year, she makes it sound like at my age, I should take what I can get. And when Dad asks about my job, he always mentions his brother’s daughter, who makes $200K a year selling real estate.

Parents are like spouses—they are intimate enemies. They often wound us in unique and terrible ways.

For most people, it’s easier to forgive everyone else than to forgive our own parents.

From my spiritual teachers, I know that my family of origin set up perfect lessons for me. From my therapist, I know that it’s okay to be angry about what happened in my childhood and to set boundaries. In meditation, I see that neither my thoughts nor my story defines who I am.

But how do I actually forgive?

~

*Dear elephant reader: if you're single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.

~

Part of me doesn’t want to. Part of me thinks that if I forgive, I’m saying that hurting people is okay.

Here are three steps to forgiving the parents who hurt us:

1. Choose to forgive.

Do I really want to forgive them? Forgiving my family means taking the blame away from them and accepting responsibility for my own life today. It’s so much easier to stay in the victim’s role. It feels good to say “poor me.”

Yet the only way ahead spiritually is complete forgiveness. Somehow I must arrive at the point where this is possible. I can be willing to try. I can be willing to move past my anger and woundedness to compassion and equanimity. I can surrender my feelings to spirit.

As I meditate, I become able to move past the thoughts that make up my version of my life story.

In the space beyond all thoughts, the divine space, the emptiness—there is room for all forgiveness and love. In that space, even Hitler can be forgiven. So maybe I can forgive my own parents.

~

Dear Elephant Reader - Do you need someone to confide in? Try a Betterhelp licensed therapist – it’s affordable.

~2. Become a wise ghost.

A wise ghost is a compassionate spirit who sees the past with mature insights. As an adult, I know how sad and confusing adult life can be. I feel compassion for the suffering I see in others.

As a wise ghost, I can float backwards in time and look at my childhood with fresh eyes. I see huge truths that I did not understand when I was younger.

I see my own radiance, beauty and innocence. I look at the other people sitting at the dinner table. As a wise ghost, I see how trapped and wounded my own parents were. I see feelings of self-hatred, depression and despair over rigid sexual and cultural roles.

In many families there are huge myths that everyone supports. For example, in many families, money means love, so that all self-worth comes from your annual income. Families are often in denial; everyone agrees to the same lies. If Mom is an alcoholic, her husband and kids may smile and say she’s having “one of her spells.” People may say Grandma is “sweet” when she’s chronically depressed because it would be shameful if Grandma were depressed. A father may punish a teen for her sexuality because he is subconsciously ashamed of his own sexuality.

I see that there is no one cause and effect pathway to any event, including the painful events in my own life. There were many causes and effects. Many family members were in pain. A wise ghost knows that the executioner is in more pain than the hanged man.

Life is huge and there is immense suffering for many. I cannot comprehend it. Thinking I know why things happen gives me a false sense of control. Instead I want to give up attachment to outcome. I don’t know why anything happens. I know compassion is real and that it eases suffering.

It’s far easier to forgive my parents when I see that each of them alone did not cause the things that happened. Instead what I see is a mother and father doing the best they could. They did not understand the beliefs and emotions that drove them.

In today’s world of one-click porn and anonymous neighbors, it’s hard to comprehend the rules from 30 or 50 years ago. When our parents and grandparents were young, sex roles were so rigid that even thinking “bad” thoughts felt terrifying.

It seems strange to us now, but parents felt they did children a favor by beating them or shaming them into “being normal.” “Good parents” routinely punished daughters for being sexual and boys for being feminine. Repression was so complete that only married people could legally purchase condoms. Much has changed. But in our families and in our psyches, we are still healing wounds that were inflicted in the far past.

My second task as a wise ghost is to look at the beliefs of communities. What was society like? How were people trapped?

A culture teaches its people how to stay safe physically and psychologically. These were useful beliefs once, but today they often cripple us. For example, if a culture executes or puts men in prison for being gay—as many cultures have done and some still do—then parents may feel it’s good to beat any such tendencies out of a little boy.

Another limiting belief is that all rich people are greedy and mean. It’s a useful attitude for getting through the day if you’re poor. But in today’s culture, someone from a poor family can become rich. If you grew up hearing that rich people are bad, your subconscious mind might sabotage your success. Or if you get rich, you might hate yourself.

What if you believe the Spanish proverb, “An ounce of blood is worth more than a pound of friendship”? If you come from a family with toxic patterns, how will you ever let yourself leave home?

Some conflicting beliefs make us crazy: “Be a success” vs. “If you win, it’ll hurt your brother” or “Follow your heart” vs. “You have to support your kids.”

And some old cultural beliefs were simply too harsh for us to tolerate today. When his father died, a 12-year-old boy was required to work twelve-hour shifts in the mines to support his family because he was a boy. As that boy “toughened up,” it’s no surprise that he became a joyless, cruel and abusive man who beat his children. And yet, as a boy, he was a good son who did what he was supposed to do.

As a wise ghost, compassion floods me. I see my family and my culture’s suffering. I am ready to forgive.

3.

Accept the apology you never got.

What I know is that, if they had known how, my parents would have done better. Most parents were doing the best they could. My parents and grandparents were wounded, just as I was. Now I can look at my family with compassion. I can be a wise ghost who watches the old dramas with equanimity.

I forgive my family because I forgive myself. I love them because I love myself. I am not perfect, but I am good and I am whole.

May each of us forgive ourselves and all others. May all beings come to this place of love.

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Editor: Cat Beekmans

Photo: Chris Marchant/Flickr, Smabs Sputzer/Flickr

[homupichu-blog]

22 Romantic Christmas Movies | hubpages

After thirty numerous many years of friendship, they will found one another over the Christmas table, and talking about life. The Actual starlet's spirit gets Sloane's Christmas ghost-guide and helps the woman's deal with the woman's romantic past, present, along with long term (just just like in Scrooge) and also to observe that the girl unethical, workaholic ways are likely to ruin the girl permanently if your woman doesn't do some thing fast. find outside in this wonderful movie that the particular current owner associated with the girl parents' house is. Sloane is a super-successful PR woman when the girl starlet client dies. so it's the girl that has sworn off stating "yes" vs. Here are a handful of great romantic movies that will are fun along with wonderful. A soldier serving throughout Afghanistan receives any Christmas card coming from a lady he has never achieved then moves to the town exactly where the lady lives to locate her. check YouTube, too! Note: the disc is available in Amazon yet examine YouTube, also. This movie is in regards to a woman that consistently feels the particular stress from your ex mother to marry. the actual man who'll do something whatsoever he could to get the woman's to say "yes." and when Aiden discovers real feelings with regard to her, what's likely to happen? Paula is overwhelmed with just about all the struggle involving paying bills and trying to create Christmas occur when your woman bumps into her previous senior substantial school boyfriend (who has become rich as well as famous) as well as begins thinking what could have been as well as wishing she'd made a different option associated with husbands. It 's a really funny movie using romance, and has a couple of twists to it. Christmas with Holly I found this movie on the Hallmark Channel. Note: available upon disc as well as on demand streaming with Amazon. Note: I does see this serialized about YouTube. Claire, the trend photographer, is trapped inside an airport within the center involving nowhere, wanting to obtain to your ex Christmas wedding within Aspen. Finding Christmas . sort associated with like a mash-up associated with Groundhog Day and also Scrooge: she gets twelve chances in order to discover how to break the cycle. They Will had been both very afraid along with nervous, not really realizing that, throughout spasms associated with self-consciousness, they have each sent pictures regarding their finest friends rather than themselves. Involving course, both men advantage from your new perspective offered by their particular new environments, and also start reassessing what they're looking for in life and also love. she desires to adopt the woman's son as well as move back again for the house she spent my youth in yet her program is actually thwarted when your woman discovers in which the woman's mothers along with fathers have got currently marketed the particular house. This specific movie has several beneficial lessons to be discovered about yourself, life, adore and also relationships. Some Thing stunning along with unexpected happens . Alternatively of experiencing to tell the girl mother, the girl finds any replacement along with hires an actor to play her fianc so your woman won't disappoint her family. they possess turn out to become able to be very good friends over that period period, yet never achieved or perhaps seen a picture of each other. Note: Examine availability in Amazon and YouTube. Lonely Lucy collects the actual fare in the subway as well as includes a crush upon a guy the lady sees daily. That takes a little while for that romance to bloom. This specific is actually a fantastic movie plus a beautiful, romantic story. Any stunning story involving how a woman provides to create a determination which will affect the others involving your ex life. Whenever Holly was a teen, she advised Santa your woman wanted a boyfriend pertaining to Christmas, and the particular man promised he'd carry the girl one. Note: I've listed these within chronological order, coming from newest in order to oldest. the optimist as well as romantic, Paige desperately needs for you to find a method back house to satisfy her fiancee's parents just before your ex wedding, but a new snowstorm prevents that via happening. Loved this movie, really entertaining. A woman--a lawyer, just lately widowed--decides the girl wants a fresh start. Seth gets a occupation having a toy company and it is sent to Boston through the Christmas season. The idea will be among my favorites. a youthful woman who was simply setup on the blind date in Christmas Eve will get twelve chances to relive exactly the particular same date until the girl finally obtain things right. They Will start to treasure every other's pictures. Anyone have got to determine what happens within the end. Note: Final I checked, this is not necessarily yet obtainable on Netflix but could always be rented or perhaps streamed on Amazon. On this list, you'll locate blockbuster in-theater films too as made-for-television romantic Christmas movies! Jennifer can become a single mother which hates Christmas. This is busty amateur milf actually a very pleasant movie filled with romance, drama and will placed you within the holiday spirit. Christmas Detour is truly a a novice hallmark romantic movies. great clean movie in order to watch. Note: Accessible upon disc from both Netflix and Amazon; streaming in Amazon. In the actual wake involving the woman's mother's death, grief causes a 6-year-old girl to avoid talking. There's the large amount of drama and also funny moments here. In this wonderful movie, it stars Mark-Paul Gosselaar as well as Amy Smart. should she try to regain the woman's ex-boyfriend, or even should she pursue this new guy, or perhaps ought to your woman go for something else entirely? https://hubpages.com/entertainment/18-Romantic-Christmas-Movies Two journalists whom both write Christmas columns pertaining to rival newspapers tend to be thrown together (and sparks fly). Inside any comical number of tragedies, the lady jumps through hoops wanting to obtain to become able to Aspen as well as meets some terrific characters within the meantime, which includes a person and his 13-year-old daughter. Discover what takes place in this delightful romantic, funny movie. While the girl should go to help a person throughout a blizzard on Christmas Eve, she doesn't realize he's the particular vice president of the woman's bank that stumbled on repossess the girl home. Pertaining To some, when I could find the complete movie with regard to online (and in a few cases regarding free), I included which information, as well. This is actually among the actual newest Christmas movies around the list: A Pair Of single men obtain fed up with the dating scenes within their towns and also choose to swap homes with the various other person to consider a new break, mix issues up, as well as nurse his or her dating wounds. Just Take a new look. A Person will must watch your movie to understand what her mystery job is. her three uncles step within to help just take good treatment of her and help the woman's heal. This kind of film follows the tale regarding this couple's journey coming from very first sight in order to "I do." After Jessie calls off your ex third marriage, the lady promises herself that she won't repeat in which error any fourth time, and also that's when perennial bachelor Aiden shows up. Therefore when they finally obtain a opportunity to meet, they get to transmit their utmost buddies for the meeting. Yet the lady receives help from the mystery person to always be able to find out how the woman's existence will be if the lady chooses possibly things. Because the tale unfolds, each and also every character will their own healing along with rediscovers the importance of family. The Lady gets to know his loved ones and winds up falling within love along along with his brother but she can't admit it with regard to fear of being unfaithful for you to a guy in the coma she's never spoken to. Any romantic movie somewhat just like Your Holiday. Note: This specific film could be available about YouTube, therefore check there as well. A widowed mother regarding 2 can be let go from her occupation just just before Christmas. This kind of can always be a story about family, tradition, history, along with love. In Your Program Of the actual holidays, the lady saves his life right after he could be mugged and also thrown in for you to the path of an oncoming train. That They had their ups and also downs. see enjoy revealed from the distinct angle within this Christmas movie. Best Romantic Comedies and Dramas Christmas can be a excellent time to watch holiday movies together using your buddies and family. she schemes for you to obtain the house back in the present owner. The Actual film does a great job involving showing how certain intense scenarios can lead as much as a new relationship. They Will tend to be visited through her Uncle Ralph (Henry Winkler), that brings a new passenger from his flight, a man who may have in absolutely no way lost his love of Christmas as well as life, and the particular man reminds all of them most what it is supposed to become about. the remaining part regarding the movie can be a surprise; you have in order to watch this. Note: available via disc or perhaps on-demand streaming in Amazon. Note: This particular can end up being acquired on disc or perhaps streaming through Amazon. Christmas in Cartwrights This movie tells the storyline associated with Nicky Talbot (Alicia Witt), a single mother, who's unemployed and is actually also attempting to earn cash to give her daughter Becky, one in the most fun Merry Christmas. Since any result, the girl six-year-old son doubts Santa Claus even exists. Just within Moment pertaining to Christmas will be Hallmark's Hall of Fame movie regarding 2015 Christmas. This specific film explores the particular extremes regarding human experience--war as well as celebration, horror as well as peace. Gina and Seth are already pen-pals for more than ten years. This is actually entertaining and extremely enjoyable for you to watch. I've included your movie trailer as well as information about exactly where it could be found. When he is forced to invest Christmas using her along with your ex children, every small thing changes. Two strangers which meet upon Christmas day plan to always be able to marry in Christmas day 2 yrs later. the injured man moves into a coma; when Lucy winds up at the hospital the girl is actually mistaken pertaining to his fiance. Watch how this guarantee created as getting a teen comes to life. When the lady finally will get engaged along with helps make promises to bring your ex fianc house to satisfy your ex entire family, he breaks up with her. Aiden offers developed a bet he can obtain a woman to say "yes" in order to marrying him by simply Christmas. Gina lives inside Boston. Almost All failed to look well in first, if the senior executive turned your ex down, nevertheless ultimately she was hired. Cartwright's department shop is hiring as well as Nicky looks for any occupation there. Any Hallmark movie which is family-oriented and in addition filled with romance. A Golden Christmas Sam and also Kat are already pals since childhood in supplement to their family members have got often expended Christmas Eve together. Twenty a extended time later, Holly features stopped wishing to find which particular guy and also believes Santa did not fulfill your ex wish. While your ex Christmas wish is actually magically granted and he or she sees what the woman's lifestyle truly might have become, your woman realizes how wonderful the woman's life really is. Note: I couldn't discover this on Netflix, however, you can have the disc upon Amazon. Since your woman looks for you to find a method home, many surprises take place. check out the actual trailer

[wavenetinfo]

June brings a slew of new TV shows and films to stream on a number of different platforms.

“Orange Is the New Black” returns to Netflix for its fifth season, while Amazon is debuting several original projects of its own.

Hulu subscribers can stream favorites including “Legally Blonde” and “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective,” as well as the season premiere of “The Carmichael Show,” which is also available on iTunes.

For the complete lists from all four services, see below.

Netflix

June 1

“1 Night”

“13 Going on 30”

“Amor.com (Love.com)”

“Arrow” Season 5

“Burlesque”

“Catfight”

“Catwoman”

“Chingo Bling: They Can’t Deport Us All”

“Days of Grace”

“Devil’s Bride”

“Full Metal Jacket”

“How the Grinch Stole Christmas“

“Intersection”: Season 2

“Kardashian: The Man Who Saved OJ Simpson”

“Little Boxes”

“Mutant Busters”: Season 2

“My Left Foot”

“Off Camera with Sam Jones”: Series 3

“Playing It Cool”

“Rounders”

“Spring” (“Primavera”)

“The 100”: Season 4

“The Ant Bully”

“The Bucket List”

“The Queen”

“The Sixth Sense”

“Vice”

“West Coast Customs”: Season 3

“Yarn”

“Young Frankenstein”

“Zodiac”

June 2

“Comedy Bang! Bang!”: Season 5, Part 2

“Flaked”: Season 2 – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“Inspector Gadget”: Season 3 – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“Los Últimos de Filipinas”

“Lucid Dream” – NETFLIX ORIGINAL FILM

“Saving Banksy“

“The Homecoming: Collection”

June 3

“Acapulco La vida va“

“Blue Gold: American Jeans”

“Headshot”

“Three”

“Tunnel”

“War on Everyone”

June 4

“TURN: Washington’s Spies”: Season 3

June 5

June 7

June 9

“My Only Love Song”: Season 1 – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“Orange Is the New Black”: Season 5 – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“Shimmer Lake” – NETFLIX ORIGINAL FILM

June 10

“Black Snow” (“Nieve Negra”)

“Daughters of the Dust”

“Havenhurst”

“Sword Master”

June 13

“Oh, Hello On Broadway” – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

June 14

June 15

“Marco Luque: Tamo Junto” – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”: Season 4

“Mr. Gaga: A True Story of Love and Dance”

June 16

“Aquarius”: Season 2

“Counterpunch” – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“El Chapo”: Season 1

“The Ranch”: Part 3 – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“World of Winx”: Season 2 – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

June 17

“Grey’s Anatomy”: Season 13

“Scandal”: Season 6

“The Stanford Prison Experiment”

June 18

June 20

“Amar Akbar & Tony”

“Moana”

“Rory Scovel Tries Stand-Up For The First Time” – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

June 21

“Baby Daddy”: Season 6

“Young & Hungry”: Season 5

June 23

“American Anarchist”

“Free Rein”: Season 1 – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“GLOW”: Season 1 – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“Nobody Speak: Trials of the Free Press” – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“You Get Me” – NETFLIX ORIGINAL FILM

June 26

June 27

“Chris D’Elia: Man on Fire” – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

June 28

“Okja” – NETFLIX ORIGINAL FILM

June 30

“Chef & My Fridge: Collection” (2014)

“Gypsy”: Season 1 – NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“It’s Only the End of the World”

“Little Witch Academia”: Season 1—NETFLIX ORIGINAL

“The Weekend”

Hulu

June 1

“The Carmichael Show”: Season 3 Premiere

“2 Days in the Valley”

“Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”

“Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls”

“Aeon Flux”

“All Over the Guy”

“Apocalypse Now”

“Apocalypse Now Redux”

“Barnyard”

“Black Rain”

“Blow Out”

“Blue Velvet”

“Bolero”

“Boogeyman”

“Boogeyman 2”

“Boogeyman 3”

“Bullwhip”

“Burnt Offerings”

“Chaos”

“Charlotte’s Web”

“Con Air”

“Dances with Wolves“

“The Deep End of the Ocean”

“De-Lovely”

“Desperado”

“Desperate Hours”

“Double Team”

“Dragon Eyes”

“Drunken Arts and Crippled Fist”

“Drunken Monkey, Floating Snake”

“El Gringo”

“The Fatal Flying Guillotine”

“Fighting of Shaolin Monks”

“Fire in the Sky”

“Fled”

“The Freshman”

“Free Willy”

“Gangs of New York”

“Ghost Rider”

“The Glass House”

“Hammett”

“The Hanoi Hilton”

“Harriet the Spy”

“Heartbreakers”

“Henry & Me”

“The Ides of March”

“Ingenious”

“The Invincible Armour”

“In the Line of Fire”

“Invincible Obsessed Fighter”

“It Could Happen to You”

“Joe Dirt”

“Kangaroo Jack”

“Last Action Hero”

“Legally Blonde”

“Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde”

“Legends of the Fall”

“Little Man Tate”

“Lost in America”

“Madeline”

“The Mechanic”

“The Medallion”

“Mo’ Money”

“Money Train”

“Moscow on the Hudson”

“Mr. Mom”

“Muppet Treasure Island”

“Muppets from Space”

“The Muppets Take Manhattan”

“Of Cooks and Kung Fu”

“On the Waterfront”

“The Out-of-Towners”

“Over the Top”

“Peggy Sue Got Married”

“The Philly Kid”

“The Prince of Tides”

“The Queen of Versailles”

“Random Hearts”

“Regarding Henry”

“See No Evil, Hear No Evil”

“Seven Years in Tibet”

“Shivers”

“Silverado”

“Starman”

“Stash House”

“Strategic Air Command”

“Stray Bullets”

“Tracker”

“Transit”

“Underworld”

“Underworld Evolution”

“World’s Greatest Dad”

“World Trade Center”

“XXX: State of the Union”

“Zoom”

June 2

“Black-ish”: Complete Season 3

June 3

“Dumb: The Story of Big Brother Magazine” (Hulu Documentary)

June 4

June 5

“Arbitrage”

“A Case of You”

“North”

June 6

“Rizzoli & Isles”: Complete Season 7

“Tyrant”: Complete Season 3

June 7

June 8

“What Happened Last Night”

June 9

“Girl Most Likely”

“Free the Nipple”

June 11

June 13

“American Ninja Warrior”: Season 9 Premiere

“Spartan: Ultimate Team Challenge”: Season 2 Premiere

June 14

“Cocaine Cowboys”

“Control Room”

June 15

“Bayou Maharajah”

“Family Mission: The TJ Labraico Story”

“The Girls in the Band”

“The Hunting of the President”

“Outatime”

June 16

“Cardinal”: Complete Season 1

“The Strain”: Complete Season 3

“Asmodexia

June 17

“Kundo”

“Star Trek: Beyond”

June 18

June 22

“Little Big Shots: Forever Young”: Series Premiere

June 23

“Hollywood Game Night”: Season 5 Premiere

“Manny”

“Song One”

“Tarzan”

June 26

June 29

“Ong Bak”

“Ong Bak 2”

“Ong Bak 3”

June 30

Amazon

Available on Prime

June 1

“2 Days in the Valley”

“Aeon Flux”

“All Over the Guy”

“Apocalypse Now”

“Apocalypse Now Redux”

“Black Rain”

“Blow Out”

“Blue Velvet”

“Bolero”

“Bowling for Columbine”

“Bruce Lee Superstar”

“Bullwhip”

“Burnt Offerings”

“Chaos”

“Chinese Hercules”

“City of Gods” (“Ciudad de Deus”)

“Commando 2: The Black Money Trail”

“De-Lovely”

“Desperate Hours”

“Dragon Eyes”

“Drunken Arts and Crippled Fist”

“Drunken Monkey, Floating Snake”

“El Gringo”

“The Fatal Flying Guillotine”

“Fighting of Shaolin Monks”

“Fire in the Sky”

“Fled”

“Gone Baby Gone”

“Hammett”

“The Hanoi Hilton”

“Heartbreakers”

“Ingenious”

“The Invincible Armour”

“Invincible Obsessed Fighter”

“Lady of Burlesque”

“The Lady Says No”

“Lady Windermere’s Fan”

“Little Man Tate”

“Madame Behave”

“Magnolia”

“The Mandarin Mystery”

“Marihuana”

“The Mechanic”

“The Medicine Man”

“The Memphis Belle”

“Merry-Go-Round”

“Million Dollar Kid”

“Mind Over Murder”

“Miss Polly”

“Mission to Glory”

“The Monster Walks”

“The Most Dangerous Game”

“Mr. Mom”

“Mrs. Scooter”

“Murder at Midnight”

“Murder with Music”

“Night at the Follies”

“Nomads of the North”

“The Old Corral”

“One Exciting Night”

“One from the Heart”

“The Out-of-Towners”

“Outlaws of Sonora”

“Over the Top”

“Palooka”

“The Patchwork Girl of Oz”

“Payoff in the Pacific”

“The Philly Kid”

“Pinto Rustlers”

“The President’s Mystery”

“Prison Break”

“Private Buckaroo”

“The Queen”

“The Racketeer”

“Reaching for the Moon”

“The Red Rope”

“Regarding Henry”

“Revolt of the Zombies”

“Rex the Devil Horse”

“Riders of Destiny”

“Riders of the Whistling Pines”

“The Road to Hollywood”

“Roarin Lead”

“Robin Hood of the Pecos”

“Romola”

“Rough Book”

“Royal Bed, The”

“Saddle Mountain Roundup”

“The Savage Wild”

“The Scarlet Letter”

“Shadows”

“Shaolin Drunk Fighter”

“Shaolin vs. Lama”

“Shivers”

“Silver Blaze”

“Silver Horde”

“Six Gun Trail”

“Slightly Honorable”

“St. Benny the Dip”

“Stash House”

“The Strange Woman”

“Strategic Air Command”

“Submarine Warfare”

“Svengali”

“Swing High, Swing Low”

“Target for Tonight”

“Tarzan and the Green Goddess”

“Tarzan of the Apes”

“The Salesman” – AMAZON ORIGINAL

“The Tank”

“The Thief of Bagdad”

“Those We Love”

“Tomake Chai”

“Tormented”

“Tracker”

“Transit”

“True Heart Susie”

“Tumbleweeds”

“Wanderers of the West”

“War Comes to America”

“Way of the West”

“West of Nevada”

“White Orchid”

“Winterset”

“Within Our Gates”

“The Woman in Green”

“The Woman of the Town”

“World Trade Center”

“Yellowstone”

“Zis Boom Bah”

June 2

“Noor

“So Far

“The Closing of Winterland

“The Grateful Dead Movie

“Truckin’ Up to Buffalo”

June 4

June 5

“20th Century Women”

“Arbitrage”

“Ocean’s Eleven”

“Ocean’s Twelve”

June 7

“Aftershock”

“Brand New Testament”

June 8

“Art of the Steal”

“I Am Not Your Negro”

“Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood: Tiger Family Trip”

June 9

“Girl Most Likely”

“An American Girl Story: Summer Camp, Friends for Life” – AMAZON ORIGINAL

“Le Mans: Racing Is Everything”: Season 1 – AMAZON ORIGINAL

June 11

June 12

June 17

June 22

“Paterson” – AMAZON ORIGINAL

June 29

“David Lynch: The Art Life”

“Arthur: D.W. & the Beastly Birthday”

June 30

“All or Nothing”: Season 2

“Danger & Eggs”: Season 1 – AMAZON ORIGINAL

Streaming on Amazon Video

June 4

“I’m Dying Up Here”: Season 1

June 6

“Beauty and the Beast”

“CHIPS”

June 17

“Turn: Washington’s Spies”

June 18

“American Gods”: Season Finale

June 23

June 25

iTunes

June 1

“The Carmichael Show” (Free Season Premiere)

“The F Word with Gordon Ramsay” (Free Series Premiere)

“MasterChef”: Season 8

“Big Star Little Star”

June 2

“Life”

“Vincent N Roxxy” (in theaters now)

June 5

“Fear the Walking Dead”: Season 3

June 6

“Beauty and the Beast”

“Tickling Giants” (iTunes exclusive)

“CHiPs”

“Land of Mine”

“Stitchers”: Season 3

June 9

“Queen of the South”: Season 2

“King of the Road”: Season 2 (Free Season Premiere)

June 10

“Wynonna Earp”: Season 2

“Dark Matter”: Season 3

June 11

“Orphan Black”: Season 5

“Idiotsitter”: Season 2

June 12

“Claws”

“American Grit”: Season 2

June 13

“Power Rangers”

“Trainspotting 2”

“Belko Experiment”

“John Wick 2”

“Three Generations”

“Superhuman”

June 16

“Wilson”

“Once Upon A Time In Venice” (same day as theaters)

June 17

“The Great British Baking Show”: Season 4

June 18

“TURN: Washington’s Spies”: Season 4

June 19

“Kevin Hart Presents: The Next Level”

“Granchester”: Season 3

June 20

“Smurfs: The Lost Village”

“Kong: Skull Island”

“The Zookeeper’s Wife”

“Table 19”

“Resident Evil: Vendetta”

June 21

“Wrecked”: Season 2

“Queen Sugar”: Season 2

“The Bold Type”(Free Series Premiere)

June 22

June 23

“The Bad Batch” (same day as theaters)

“The Night Shift”: Season 4

“The Mist”

June 24

“Playing House”: Season 3 (Complete Season)

“The Bureau”: Season 3

June 26

June 27

“The Fate of the Furious”

“Personal Shopper”

“Last Men In Aleppo” (iTunes exclusive)

June 29

“Younger”: Season 4

“Cleverman”: Season 2

“Big Brother”

June 30

“Their Finest”

“Inconceivable”

“Who Killed Tupac?”

31 May 2017 | 9:18 pm

Source : ABC News

>>>Click Here To View Original Press Release>>>

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