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alien-tech · 4 years

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i rewatched frozen 2 the other day so it’s time to talk about just how badly anna is treated in the movies

before this i would like to clarify i'm not anti-elsa at all, but disney really did a number on anna

obvious frozen 1 and 2 spoilers ahead

first of all, let’s start with the fact that both movies are centered around elsa's growth. yes, anna is in the movies as well but ultimately when you consider the plotlines a lot of it place elsa at the center of attention. elsa ran away and is struggling so anna needs to go after her as well as fix the winter issue that elsa inadvertently started. elsa has a whole song about her struggle when essentially she ran up the north mountain (which was a whole lot easier for her than anna since she does have powers) and made a castle where she was living blissfully ignorant to what her kingdom was going through. disney tries so hard to pass this off as elsa’s struggle but considering that it takes anna most of the whole movie to even get up there in the first place, i’d say elsa overnight trip wasn’t really much of a struggle right?

and on that note, elsa and anna are supposed to be the main characters right? they're both supposed to be the main characters, but both movies feel so much more centered on elsa and elsa's arc. it's about elsa's struggle with her power, elsa's mission to the enchanted forest, elsa's the gift, elsa's the spirit, elsa’s etc etc. again, yes anna is there too but the way disney focuses on how elsa grows and glosses over anna's growth is very underwhelming and disappointing.

everything that happens in the movies is perpetrated by elsa. elsa starts the winter and then runs away and in the end it’s anna who fixes the problem. elsa triggers the spirits and wants to run away yet again, this time to the enchanted forest and in the end she goes too far and dies and it’s anna who again, fixes the problem; which she figures out how to do on her own without any powers. disney portrays anna as a side character, focusing on elsa's arc so much more instead of anna's.

this is kind of a different point but still relevant, here's this post about elsa's oufits in the second and first movies. anna has at most 6 outfits. elsa has at least 8. it’s obvious that disney intended to market elsa as a main character and put her before anna in every way possible, even putting less effort into giving anna varied clothing design. disney will try to pass off frozen as a movie about sisters but it doesn’t even do that well. elsa undermines anna at every possibility. she lies to anna about hearing the voice, she remains distant from her throughout movie two (even though her growth in movie one was supposed to be about opening up herself again and trusting in her powers), elsa blames anna for trying to save her from the fire, she continues to promise anna that they will do it together, and then essentially tells anna she's not powerful enough to come along with her ("no anna, i have my power to protect me. you don't" to which anna replies "excuse me i climbed the north mountain, survived a frozen heart, and saved you from my ex boyfriend without any powers"). elsa still pushes anna away in movie two, even though it was a lesson she supposedly learned in movie one. anna then says "you promised me we would do this together" and elsa says agree and then turns around and COMPLETELY BREAKS THAT PROMISE RIGHT IN FRONT OF OLAF AND IMMEDIATELY AFTER SAYING THAT TO HER SISTER.

without anna, elsa died and even though anna did die (because of elsa but that was largely an accident) and everyone is talking about how strong elsa is for surviving becoming frozen but that EXACT thing happened to anna and while that was happening she managed to survive it, save her kingdom, and save her sister AND she didn't have any powers! going by this point, anna is the stronger sister.

movie one is arguably, all about elsa which would be alright if they made movie two about anna. despite the fact that in movie one, anna climbed the north mountain, tried to save elsa in order to save her kingdom only to be shoved out again, shot in the heart with magic, froze to death, and still managed to save elsa from hans and play a part in stopping the winter; the movie still ends on the note that elsa has learned to control her powers. it's about elsa learning to stop fearing herself and elsa learning to let people in right? and yet, if that movie is about elsa and elsa’s growth (even though again, anna did everything) then movie two should definitely be centered about anna right? but it's not about her and if the growth for elsa in movie one was learning to trust in herself and her sister then why in movie two does elsa continually shut anna out? it's like she made no growth at all.

anna is such a strong character and it’s so disappointing how much disney glosses over her. when anna was FIFTEEN she lost her parents. she went to their funeral ALONE and then she stood outside her sister's room, BEGGING for her to come out and comfort her. she BEGGED elsa to come out, to be there so they could grieve together and elsa didn't. nevermind the fact that elsa “couldn’t”. that’s her SISTER. even if she couldn’t open the door to hug her, she could at least talk to her through the door. but she ignored her and essentially insinuated to anna once again that she hated her and that she wasn’t worth talking to. disney focuses so much on how hard it was for elsa when she was young but to say nothing of the hardships anna faced when they were younger. she lost her BEST FRIEND and older sister in one day and she blamed HERSELF. elsa never telling her why they weren’t allowed to play with together anymore. her parents never telling her why her sister suddenly didn't want to play with her anymore. nobody telling her why her sister suddenly didn't love her anymore. i get that you could argue that it would be dangerous for anna to know, but is the better option really not telling her anything and having anna blame herself?

i get elsa had a hard time with her powers and all, but anna had it so much worse. can you imagine the sort of things that would have gone through anna’s head after losing elsa? her sister is the eldest and maybe has royal lessons (because as you know eldestborn children receive ruling lessons but youngest children do not). maybe anna figured “i’m not important enough for her anymore”

and do you think anna had her parents? the only person anna could play with was elsa because their parents are the king and queen and have royal duties. most princes and princesses are raised by nannies and nursemaids. anna didn’t have her parents and elsa was GONE and she thought it was because of her. anna's parents were the king and queen, they were busy with their duties and the rest of their time was spent with elsa trying to help her control her powers. anna had no one. no one.

back to movie two though, elsa defied anna over and over again and anna still said "i believe in you elsa, more than anyone or anything" and as SOON AS ANNA SAID THAT elsa said they would do it together and then sent her away. on a fucking ice boat. and you know what happened then? ELSA DIED WITHOUT ANNA AND ANNA YET AGAIN THOUGHT IT WAS HER FAULT. after olaf said “i think she [elsa] went too far” anna’s face fucking FALLS because she thinks “if i was there for her..” nevermind the fact that anna WANTED to go with her and was turned down because elsa implied that anna wasn’t strong enough to go with her.

as said by their grandfather "magic makes people feel too powerful, too entitled" now in the case of the northuldra, they weren’t entitled nor did the magic make them feel such. but with elsa? she definitely has an entitled attitude that is only exemplified as the movie goes on. the parents clearly favored elsa so much and i would say elsa's entitlement comes about 40% from her parents treatment

the movies focus so much on elsa and what elsa is doing, it's not fair to anna. nevermind that anna is literally the hero of the first movie AND of the second movie. elsa was dead and anna knew that, as well as the fact that anna just lost her childhood best friend and still she got up climbed out of that mountain, woke the giants, destroyed the bridge, and ALL OF THAT while ALONE AND AGAIN WITH NO POWERS but oh my god, elsa is the HERO because she stopped the flood. again, i would like to clarify i'm not anti-elsa i'm just anti-anna underappreciation.

that was most of it for my rant but @mamadragon404 brought up a good point when we were talking about this yesterday. does anyone bring into question the fact that anna is supposed to be queen with no training? any child born after the first are never trained to rule. only firstborns receive ruling lessons and secondborns are supposed to be married off for political gain. this actually explains so much about why anna tries to find a true love at the party, and attaches onto hans so quickly because at home in arendelle, she has no one. her parents are gone, elsa has continually shut her out again and again, and her whole duty as a princess is to marry off for a union. she thinks that's what she's supposed to do and it's the only thing she can do because she feels so alone at home there's nothing there for her in arendelle, so her best hope at happiness is to run off with a prince, hopefully the man of her dreams because with a duty like “marrying off” the best thing she can hope for is that she’s stuck with someone who loves her. she's so quick to trust hans because she has to convince herself it's what she wants, she has to because it's supposed to be her duty and at least it's not her parents choosing which country's prince she has to marry she's trying to choose for herself, because subconsciously she knows she doesn't actually really have a choice.

so yeah the movies should've been nicer to anna and i am sorry but they did not do justice to anna at all, she deserved so much fucking more appreciation than she was given.

#frozen #frozen 1 #frozen 2 #frozen spoilers #anna #elsa #anna frozen #elsa frozen #frozen anna #frozen elsa #disney

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thefigureinthecorner · 5 years

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tama-rrow will be kinder- an am archives playlist

at least 3 months and 31 songs later and this monster of a playlist finally has a cover hell yeah

the pun title is....... literally the only fun thing about this playlist, actually.

song notes, and also spoilers, under the cut

a lot of these songs are mood songs; the lyrics don’t have a whole lot of relevance. most of them do have at least some lyrical relevance, though, provided that the song has any lyrics at all. it’s p much just the songs that helped me draw all that Good Good Angst

also important to note: I started making it after episode 9, so it’s mostly relevant to the back half of the show, and especially to the last couple of episodes.

again, this is 31 songs and over 2 hours long, so the notes are........ kind of long

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light/'Cause oh that gave me such a fright/But I will hold as long as you like/Just promise me we'll be alright

Desert Song - My Chemical Romance

this is one of those songs that’s there primarily for mood reasons; i added it right after episode 9 came out and it was on loop pretty much the whole time i was drawing stuff for that episode. the lyrics are kinda relevant, but not enough for me to pull out any specific lines.

The World Is Ugly - My Chemical Romance

this was added for mood reasons after 9, but then it became relevant.

I just wanted you to know/That the world is ugly/But you're beautiful to me/Are you thinking of me/Like I'm thinking of you/I would say I'm sorry, though/Though I really need to go

The Light Behind Your Eyes - My Chemical Romance

yes, there are three mcr songs in a row, and no, i’m not gonna apologize for that. the am archives slam dunked me right back into my emo phase. also, this song just straight-up hurts. like, the whole thing.

If I could be with you tonight/I would sing you to sleep/Never let them take the light behind your eyes/I failed and lost this fight/Never fade in the dark/Just remember you will always burn as bright

In Case You Don't Live Forever - Ben Platt

my one note for this song is: ow.

I've waited way too long to say/Everything you mean to me/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now/I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth/I'm everything that I am because of you

Spanish Sahara - Foals

this one’s another mood song, but it does have some lines that work; the forget the horror here sections are the biggest reason this song ended up on the playlist, actually, mood aside.

Hot Gates - Mumford & Sons

mood mostly, but also:

And I can't be for you all of the things you want me to/But I will love you constantly/There's precious little else to me/And though we cry, we must stay alive

Iridescent - Linkin Park

When you were standing in the wake of devastation When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now You were there impossibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation You build up hope but failure's all you've known Remember all the sadness and frustration And let it go, let it go

Gone Away - SafetySuit

again: ow.

i just... go look at the lyrics. do it. it hurts.

POWERLESS - Linkin Park

it’s mostly here for mood, but the lyrics feel relevant in a way that i can’t pinpoint but it’s a way that hurts.

Daylight - Boyce Avenue

i have other connections to this specific cover of this song that make it Extra Painful but like Daylight started playing literally right after Crazy while i was at CVS and i was like hey hi excuse me i just wanted to get some Arizona w h y

anyway.

Here I am staring at your perfection/In my arms, so beautiful/The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out/Somebody slow it down/This is way too hard/'Cause I know, when the sun comes up/I will leave, this is my last glance/That will soon be memory

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

ah. the Quintessential Sad Medical Drama Song. not that tama is a medical drama but like it kinda gave me those vibes at times?? anyway. it’s here for mood more than anything but there are some lyrics in it that hurt

The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

not even abba is safe from tama angst.

no seriously though i got this song stuck in my head and had an aw fuck come on seriously???? ABBA?????? you’re making ABBA hurt???????? moment

re: joan and owen

The gods may throw a dice/Their minds as cold as ice/And someone way down here/Loses someone dear/The winner takes it all/The loser has to fall/It's simple and it's plain/Why should I complain

and re: joan and wadsworth

I don't want to talk/If it makes you feel sad/And I understand/You've come to shake my hand/I apologize/If it makes you feel bad/Seeing me so tense/No self-confidence/But you see/The winner takes it all

I Of The Storm - Of Monsters and Men

Are you really gonna love me when I'm gone?/I fear you won't/I fear you don't/And it echoes when I breathe/Until all you see is my ghost/Empty vessel, crooked teeth/Wish you could see/And they call me under/And I'm shaking like a leaf/And they call me under/And I wither underneath

Hail To Whatever You Found In The Sunlight That Surrounds You - Rilo Kiley

this one is 100% a mood song. i’ve debated taking it off the playlist but it just... gets me in the right headspace for drawing tama art, i guess?? something about the sadness/anxiety in the song or something i think

Fear - Sleeping At Last

it’s instrumental, so yeah, mood song

For Good - Wicked

i’ve made art based on this song, but i didn’t even use the lyrics that actually hurt the most?

And just to clear the air/I ask forgiveness/For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know/There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Empty Chairs At Empty Tables - Les Miserables

yeah so realizing how well this song fit kind of felt like what i would imagine getting hit by a train feels like

the whole song fits. just trust me on this.

All Gone (No Escape) - Gustavo Santaolalla

another instrumental one that’s mood-only, but i was rewatching a last of us playthrough as a reference for a thing and this song popped up towards the end and i was like “ah, that hurts, i need it”

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face

y’know what? the song’s pretty short. have all the lyrics, and i’m sorry.

All is well now Pay no mind All is well now I'm just fine I'm just fine It's only blood; I have plenty left It's only blood; I just need to rest I said I'd fix this That I'd set things straight You begged me not to But I couldn't stay Couldn't wait They cut me up, but I did them worse And I'll be fine, I just need to rest All is well now All is well now All is well now All is well now

......yeah.

when i heard it, i swear to god it replicated that exact sinking feeling i felt in the pit of my stomach when i first listened to episode 15. it fits way too well, and i have too many feelings about this song, and hhhhhhh

After the Storm - Mumford & Sons

And I won't die alone and be left there Well I guess I'll just go home, Oh God knows where Because death is just so full and man so small Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before

The Trapeze Swinger - Iron & Wine

someone in the tag mentioned this song and i’ve been crying over it ever since

it’s just. 9 minutes of jesus christ, ow, what the fuck

Winter Song - The Head and the Heart

this one’s mostly here for mood, but some of the lyrics do fit and they hurt, like “we’re just praying that we’re doing this right/but that’s not the way it seems”; joan realizing that she’s been going about the tier 5 clear out the wrong way and the costly mistakes that come with that.

Touch - Sleeping At Last

i think this one’s mostly for the mood, but there’s something in the lyrics that make me think of joan in the finale; that kind of numb, “none of this feels real” denial of everything that’s happened both to her and to the people she loves.

Silhouette - Owl City

this song hurts especially in the context of the “i need you to be happy” line, i think; the line changing between “will i ever feel again//will i ever smile again//will i ever love again” is just, like, a trifecta of pain

The fire I began, is burning me alive But I know better than to leave and let it die I'm a silhouette asking every now and then Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again? I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own But the more I try to move on the more I feel alone So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

All Is Well (Goodbye, Goodbye) - Radical Face

fun fact! all is well (it’s only blood) has a companion song!! because you know what’s better than one angst? two angst!!

And I have lost your face It slips between my fingers now And all the world is gray As though you took the colors with you When you went and passed away

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday - Jason Mraz

this one’s on my joan/owen playlist too, but it hurt too much to not put it here.

And if we get to see tomorrow I hope it's worth all the wait It's hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories To be my sunshine after the rain It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

Cradle and All - Audra McDonald

i’m just sitting here, innocently listening to joan’s playlist, when this song pops up and i’m like aw fuck aw shit no goddammit

It's not like he didn't love, no, that I couldn’t conceive There are many ways a man can stay And many ways that he can leave

Oh hush, oh hush, don't be scared I know that you tried, I know cared Let's put it behind us, that noise in the hall

We All Go the Same - Radical Face

i’ve made art for this song, too! it hurts. it’s sad. it’s about death. it’s got sad piano. what more explanation do you want

Light In The Hallway - Pentatonix

it’s.... comforting in a sad way, idk. it felt like it fit, especially towards the end of this playlist.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder - The Secret Sisters this song is kind of like... sad and optimistic at the same time. i wanted to end this playlist on at least kind of a lighter note, and i think this song does that. it works with the finale; sad, not quite recovered, but still looking towards the future and knowing things can still be better despite every terrible thing that’s happened.

also, it’s where the pun title comes from.

Sorrow weighs my shoulders down And trouble haunts my mind But I know the present will not last And tomorrow will be kinder

Tomorrow will be kinder It's true, I've seen it before A brighter day is coming my way Yes, tomorrow will be kinder

Today I've cried a many tear And pain is in my heart Around me lies a somber scene I don't know where to start

#the bright sessions #the am archives #am archives spoilers #joan bright #agent green #sam barnes #helen #ellie wadsworth

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95liners3rdmember · 5 years

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Worth It

Chapter Three: Monday Morning

Word Count: 4052

Chapter Two: Saying Thank You

Today’s been a day already and I haven’t even made it into work yet…

I woke up to my grandmother calling bright and early at 5 am. My heart and soul needed to talk to her as she calmed me of my nerves about today. She reassured me that all of my hard work wasn’t going to go to waste. I may have shed a few tears after ending our call but I was wide awake and energized.

Then as I was getting ready to leave my apartment, my sisters call me as they left school. Nat and Nikole were dropping hints about how they wanted to come and visit me while they were on break. Which isn’t a bad idea but I’ll have to figure out a good time so they aren’t just sitting around my apartment. But there’s no way I can take a week off just a month after starting. It will most likely be during the holidays so I can spend a little time with them.

But I think the thing that threw me off the most was Namjoon waiting for me in the lobby with a hot coffee in hand. He had a cocky smile on his lips as he took in my wardrobe choice. Thankfully yesterday I went by the company to drop off a bag full of spare clothes because there’s no way I can dance in my current outfit. As he handed me my cup, the other’s pass us sluggishly to the waiting vans.

“Can I ride in with you?” Namjoon gave me his signature smile and the next thing I know we are in my car sitting in morning traffic.

My fingers tap anxiously against the steering wheel, I really can’t be late on my first day. Namjoon chuckles before turning down the radio.

“Calm down, you have almost 45 minutes before you’re supposed to be in the office. Worst case just call in and tell them that we’re stuck in traffic.”

He’s surprisingly calm and I feel somewhat better but I just want to get into the office already. Yesterday I was supposed to relax and take an off day but I was too full of energy and I was already given approval to come in, so I went and organized my office. I also went through a few run throughs of each song that way I wasn’t rusty before teaching the group. The last thing I wanted was to look unprofessional in front of them.

“Looks like the traffic is letting up here, after that we should have no problem getting there.”

Namjoon scrolls through the map on his phone and my body relaxes in the seat as we pass by the backed up exit. Just as he said, the road clears out and we’re at the company sooner than I thought. Smiling at him, I pull in and park. My stomach feels like it’s doing back flips and spins as I look at the large building. This is it. It’s finally my first official day as a BigHit employee.

“I guess I’ll see you in an hour. Hoseok has the disk with the detailed moves on it.”

“See you then! Have fun.”

We both exited the car, my bag tucked tightly under my arm as I read through a last minute email and sip my coffee. Looks like the schedule changed just a little, scanning our badges we enter the lobby and both go our separate ways.

My heart starts to pound in my chest as I stand in front of the large frosted glass door. Taking in a deep breath, I pull the handle back and I’m greeted by a room full of staff. Bowing politely I take a seat in the vacant chair. There’s a large packet in front of everyone and I can’t help but quirk an eyebrow as I sit and read through it.

It’s going to take me a little longer to get through this, yes I’ve been studying for years but I’m still slow on reading Korean. Reaching into my beg I pull out a small notebook and a pen so I can start making notes.

“Good morning everyone. Today we will be going over the details of the next tour and upcoming award shows. Also, I want everyone to welcome Ms. y/l/n. She will be taking over the dance and choreography department.”

There’s a small, quick round of applause which makes my heart flutter.

“Thank you everyone. I can’t wait to get started!”

As each of the directors goes over their roles and the upcoming events my head starts to spin. There’s so much I need to get done in such a short amount of time. The tour is starting after the new year and the award shows want the group to perform and I need to make a few new opening moves for each. It shouldn’t be too hard but it’s going to require a few all nighters.

Under the table I feel my phone vibrate in my bag, it’s not too loud since all of the stylists are talking about who to partner with and what the concept will be for the tour. I look around and notice that everyone else has their phones on the table so I guess it will be okay for me to have mine. Bending down I fish out my phone and see that it’s the group chat Taehyung added me to.

J-Hope: Jungkookie and V are getting impatient for you to get here.

Kookie: Hurry up Noona! I wanna dance.

Locking my phone, I smile and look back up at the presentation board where tour locations and stage options are being shown. From what it looks like the next tour is going to be amazing.

“Ms. y/l/n would you mind sharing what you’ve made so far?” Nodding, I make my way up to the front with a copy of the disk I made. Passing it over, I feel my palms start to get sweating and my throat feels tight.

“These are the main songs that will be performed and recorded for music videos. I didn’t get to make these with the members so there will have to be some changes made. Also, I’m going to let them decide the style for their solos.”

Around the room other staff nod as their eyes are glued to the screen. Nervously I fiddle with the ring on my finger as the videos come to an end. I let them keep the copy since I have the original saved on my laptop and another copy.

I’ve never been one for giving presentations or public speaking. Dancing has always been my way of expression. So as of right now I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. I can’t gauge everyone’s reactions as the videos end. They probably wish that the old choreographer was still here.

As the videos end I’m waiting for the room to stay completely silent.

But once again I’m proven wrong.

The stylists are all smiling and whispering energetically about how this is going to be one of the best sets ever. Or how well I’ve incorporated their style.

Smiling I walk back to my seat with a little more pep in my step. Today just might turn out to be a better day than I thought.

For the millionth time,it feels like, I tighten the band of my ponytail that sticks through the ball cap. I silently scold myself as I suck in a deep breath as a sigh over takes my body, I shouldn’t have stayed so late at the studio last night touching up the dances. During the meeting I didn’t feel too stiff or sore but now that I rushed to change and get to the practice room on time I feel each and every muscle tense up.

Walking through the doorway of the large practice room I see the boys all goofing around with their previous dances. All laughing and having a good time relaxing. It makes me want to go slightly easier on them but I know that’s not why I was hired. Sucking in another deep breath I clear my throat to make my presence known.

“You guys ready?” I ask loudly as I make my over to them. As I scan over them I feel slightly underdressed and overdressed at the same time. They each have their own style even in the practice room.

“We watched it over a few times and followed along for the most part.” Nodding at Hoseok’s statement, I can see that Jin and Namjoon are a little apprehensive about it. I knew that it would be harder for them, that’s why I’m going to spend more time with them individually throughout the week. I have no doubt that Hoseok will help me as well.

“I’m going to line you up and then go through the first few moves. Sound good?”

Time seems to go by quicker than I thought and before I know it their managers and other staff are carrying in bags full of food for lunch. Some of the boys have dropped onto the ground and are working on catching their breathing. I can’t say I didn’t work them hard, we were able to make it through one full run through before calling it a day. Sure it wasn’t perfect by any means, that’s going to take some time, but at least they are memorizing the choreo.

“Food…” Jin groans out as he makes his way over to the table and throws himself into the rolling chair. It spins slightly which causes him to bump and shake the whole table. Some of the staff check to see if he hurt himself while Jungkook tries not to laugh at his accident.

“You all did great today. I have no doubt that you’ll have this one down quick.” I huff out between breaths. My legs are killing me from doing so many one on one run throughs of parts. I forgot how sore I was after making these routines, I may just have to soak in an ice bath later.

I get a few smiles and a few nods in agreement as they move over to join Jin at the table, but there’s one person missing. Jimin rewinds the video and rewatches from the beginning. He stands in place and tries to go along step by step. I can see a glint in his eyes that I know all too well...snatching my hat off I move over to him with a slight frown.

“Jimin, you need to eat. We can worry about polishing the moves up the rest of the week.” His eyes cut over to me and I can see the annoyance. He doesn’t want me to interrupt his personal time, honestly I’m the same exact way when there’s a new choreo to make or a new routine to learn. But right now he needs to take care of himself.

“I’m fine.” There’s a slight edge to his voice and I don’t want to push him too far. Sighing, I turn my head towards the others who are trying to watch secretly but failing terribly. Namjoon just nods his head in a way that tells me it’s not worth arguing about.

“If you want to work on it tonight we can but right now you really do need to sit down and take a break. You’ll run yourself down if you keep this up everyday.”

That strike a nerve as his body stops moving completely. Whatever determined glint that was in his eyes is completely gone as he turns towards me. I would never take Jimin as the intimidating type, but I can’t help gulping under his gaze.

“I know my body better than you do y/n. I’ve been dancing just as long as you have. And I can learn it on my own.” His tone is completely different than anything I’ve heard so far. And the way he makes it seems like he could learn it faster without me strike my own nerve. He moves past me and mutters something inaudible which makes my annoyance rise. Turning on my heels swiftly I shove my ball cap back on my head and head towards the door, snatching up my bag that’s sitting by the threshold. Not caring that it slams shut behind me.

I retreat to my office and shut the door, softer than the practice room so I don’t draw any more attention to me. Tossing my bag on one of the small chairs, I round the side of my desk and sit down to look through the emails. But for the first time since I arrived in Korea, there's no emails waiting for me. So there’s nothing else for me to do except to look through the packet from this morning about the upcoming tour. I guess I can start there.

But my mind can’t think of anything except for what just happened in the practice room. I thought Jimin and I were getting along well enough but I guess I was wrong. My sister was right about getting close with them. I should’ve rejected all of the offers from everyone except Namjoon since I’ve known him for so long and I already have an established friendship with him. Once again my little sister proved that she’s wiser than I am.

Ugh, I can’t just sit here and mope around I’ve got work to do.

Jumping up, I grab my bag and make my way to an empty practice room. The only way I’m going to clear my mind is if I dance for a little bit and listen to the song over a few times to get some inspiration.

Thankfully I end up at the practice room furthest away from where the members are. Setting up my camera on the tripod and getting a playlist, my phone beeps with a text message alert.

Namjoon: Where did you go?

Ignoring the text, my cap gets tossed to the side and I retie my hair up into a large messy bun. Sucking in a deep breath I close my eyes and roll my head to relax my shoulders, trying to relieve the tightness building in my neck. Slowly opening my eyes I bend down to tighten my shoe laces and once I pop back up I press play on my phone.

The first couple of songs are just warm ups, things I’ve done before. In reality they are a warm up for what’s about to happen. My body moves with each beat as I let everything escape my mind except the music and the choreo. It’s nice to get back to the basics, to reset my mind. If I want to do my best for BigHit and BTS then I need to mentally check out for a few minutes and recollect myself.

When Fire starts playing, my lips quirk up as the beat quickens. My breathing gets heavier as the song goes on, my muscles burn and sweat drips down my forehead. But it ignites a spur of energy I didn’t think I had. Smirking once the song is done, I peel off the sweatshirt I was wearing and go down to just my sports bra and leggings. Normally I try to keep some decency when I’m at work, even when it’s unbearably hot, but since I won’t see anyone else the rest of the day I’m in the clear.

Once the first beat of Fake Love starts playing, I take Taehyung’s place. I’m going to run through this song seven times. Each time I will be taking the different spot of a member. It may be overkill but at this point I don’t care.

My muscles scream at me but I couldn’t be happier. After running the choreo a few times inspiration struck me. I abandoned the dance floor and fell into the floor with my notebook. Scribbling my ideas down, my lungs gasp for breath while sweat drips onto the paper as I sketch out a box like contraption. It may not be ready in time but I could always have this in my back pocket.

A few more ideas are jotted down but I jump in place when I hear the door rattle. Good thing I locked it but it’s useless when the door has a window down the center of it. Moving quickly I tug on my sweatshirt and turn off the camera. Going to the door I suck in deeps breaths to try and calm my racing heart. There’s no one in the hallway, but I have a strange feeling someone was watching. Moving back into the room I pack everything up and check the time, it’s almost 5. I really didn’t get much done but at this point I just want a shower.

The hallways are quiet as I move sluggishly to the safety of my office. Maybe after I shower I can swing by Namjoon’s studio and check out what he’s been working on. But then there’s a chance I’ll run into Jimin and that’s the last thing I want right now. I should just let it go but it seemed like he doubted me. And that the last thing I need on my first day.

Emerging from the female locker room, I feel lighter and my mind is clearer. At least I brought plenty of backup clothes because knowing me I’m going to be staying overnight or really late for the next few weeks. Rolling up the sleeves on my light blue button up I walk back to my office just to drop everything off. Before going to the shower I texted Namjoon and asked me if I could come by his studio, luckily he instantly replied giving me the green light.

Since it’s so late in the day most of the other staff have left the building for the day like normal people. Us workaholics will be here until we physically can’t take anymore. Namjoon is bad about it but he’s told me horror stories about Yoongi staying here for days on end without leaving. The most I’ve ever stayed is about two days before I was dragged back home by Nat.

Knocking on the door of his studio, I wait out in the hall and tap the toe of my shoe on the tile. My stomach feels uneasy, probably since I haven’t had any real food to eat, but also because I’m nervous to run into Jimin.

A loud click snaps me from my thoughts as the door opens just enough so I can grab the handle and let myself in. Namjoon’s hunched up at his desk editing away, the monitor above him showing me every small movement and adjustment he does. Watching him in his element is fascinating.

“You sure left in a hurry after practice.”

“Well hello to you to too Namjoon.” Rolling my eyes I drop down into the vacant chair next to him. My forehead falls to the desktop and my hair fans out everywhere creating a curtain to hide from him.

“Y/n, you did an amazing job today. I heard from Bang PD that he really like what you’ve created and can’t wait to see it in person.” That statement makes my stomach twist in knots and flip a dozen times. I haven’t even had the chance to meet him in person yet, everything has been through computer or through an assistant.

“But Jimin...he’s hard on himself and very critical of everything. I warned you about it before you took the job.” Namjoon’s tone isn’t harsh, actually it’s softer than I’d imagine. A deep sigh leaves my lips as I turn my head sideways and remove the curtain of hair to look at him. There’s no use trying to hide my feelings about it considering we’ve known each other for so long.

“I know I took it too personally, but I can’t help it. I spent so much time on all of these dances Joon...I guess...I feel like he doesn’t trust me or have faith in my abilities.” My eyes sting a little as I let out my pent up frustration. Mentally I’m smacking myself for being so emotional. The last time Namjoon saw me like this it wasn’t good...

“BigHit wouldn’t waste their time or resources for anyone that’s not up to their standard. Jimin knows this as well as the rest of us. You just have to let him come to terms and build a relationship with you on his own.” Namjoon stopped moving the mouse and turned his attention away from the screen to look at me. His eyes are soft as he pats my back gently.

“We had a talk with him though. Jimin’s tone was too harsh and we let him know that. After you wouldn’t answer my text we all went looking for you.”

Crap. So they did see me practice.

“How many times did you end up running through it?” There’s a guilt in his voice that I’ve never heard before, a tone that makes my heart tighten and feel heavy.

“Four or five before I stopped to write down some ideas. How much did you all see?” That’s a loaded question but it needs to be answered. Because if they saw me when I was topless then I need to make sure to wear lighter shirts from now on.

“Most of us stayed up until the second time around. Although Hobi and Jimin stayed until you finished.” Namjoon scratches his neck nervously before continuing to work on the song in front of him.

“Fantastic, looks like I can die of embarrassment now. Let my family know I love them.” Being dramatic I gently tap my forehead against the desk top before letting out a groan of defeat.

“Drama queen. It’s not bad though. I think it showed Jimin that you take everything you do seriously and that you aren’t playing around.”

Neither one of us talks for a few minutes, the only sound in the room is the clicking of his mouse and blips of music. My eyes feel heavy as my muscles start to relax after being abused for so long. Then my stomach growls and the room goes completely silent. Crap.

“I’m guessing you didn’t eat since you left practice. Go home and rest. Since you were hidden all day I’m going to assume you didn’t see the schedule for tomorrow.” Looking at him I wait for him to continue filling me in on everything I missed.

“We have a photoshoot tomorrow so you have a free day to work on ideas and concepts.”

My body reacts by sitting straight up and looking at Namjoon with wide eyes. A wide smile breaks out across my lips. So I can spend an entire day uninterrupted working. Perfect. Might as well get an early start.

“I’ll leave you be Namjoon. See you Wednesday I guess, be ready to dance your feet off.” Giggling I wave goodbye and run out of his studio with my new burst of energy. There’s a spring in my step as I pass by Yoongi and Hoseok’s studios. Both booming with music, but in Hoseok’s I can hear multiple voices talking. They probably are meeting up to talk over the tracks.

Going straight to the breakroom I start to make myself some coffee and pull out my phone to try and order take out. Once I get some food in my system I’ll be set and ready to go. Placing my order and paying, I leave instructions that I will meet them outside once they arrive.

“Thanks for making more. I’m going to need it.” I jumped at the sudden voice and turn to see Yoongi walking in the room with an empty cup. Shuffling to the side with my cup, I get ready to leave the room but his voice stops me again.

“Don’t stay too late y/n. You worked hard today.”

“No promises Yoongi. Have a good night.” I bow slightly as I go to exit the room but before I get out of earshot I hear him mumble something that made me smirk.

“You are just like us.”

#BTS jimin #park jimin #jimin x reader #bts smut #bts fanfic #park jimin fanfic

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greyvvardenfell · 5 years

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Eight People I’d Like To Know Better

Thank you for the tag, @madamsnark! ❤️❤️❤️

Name/Alias: Rebecca! On here and AO3 I’m greyvvardenfell, although if I had my way I’d claim the URL moonmoth

Birthday: May 23, 1994

Zodiac Sign: Gemini sun, Scorpio moon, Leo rising

Height: 5′ 5″ (165 cm for you non-Americans)

Hobbies: Writing, vidya games, drawing, Contemplating™

Favorite Color: Silver

Favorite Book: Joanne Harris’s “blueeyedboy”, Caroline B Cooney’s “Goddess of Yesterday”, Monica Furlong’s “Wise Child”, Kate Fox’s “Watching the English”

Last Song I Heard: The Clash’s “Rock the Casbah” because it came up on shuffle, and as soon as I hear the first three notes of that song I *must* listen to the whole thing or else it’ll be stuck in my head for the next 800 years

Last Film I Watched: uhhhhhh......... probably rewatching Thor: Ragnarok

Inspiration for my muse(s): lmaoooooo Reyja (both iterations, Arcana and Dragon Age) is just me. No fuckin around. No bonuses. No other influences. Just me with a lover and friends in a fantasy setting. :)))

Dream Job: At this point I wish I didn’t have to work at all. I have enough interests that I’d like to pursue without bowing to the pressures of capitalism. If I do have to Live In A Society, though, I’d like to be a mental health counselor.

Meaning Behind the URL: Grey Wardens from Dragon Age + Vvardenfell from Morrowind. Smash them together and you get greyvvardenfell!

If you want to share about yourself, tag me!

#tag games get to me and Stop #lol #:)#but pls keep tagging me i love doing them #rey says words

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beautifulglider · 5 years

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Tagged by @basada-en-la-esperanza! I know I’ve basically stopped using this website, but I love doing these, and the first thing I saw after logging on for the first time in weeks was that N had just tagged me, so you bet I’m gonna do this one.

You can call me: Emily, or Em if you want

I’d describe myself as: caring; responsible; cautious; a weird combination of quiet and talkative.

Fictional character(s) that I identify with or am fond of: I think I’ve written before that I don’t tend to identify with fictional characters. I’m very fond of Steve Rogers (and refuse to see endg*me because character assassination). Also Rey and Finn. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Elizabeth Bennet. Evelyn Carnahan.

Three random facts about me:

1) I love spooky things but am very easily spooked. This leads to such contradictory behavior as choosing to watch ghost shows after dark and then making my siblings come downstairs with me because I’m too scared to go by myself.

2) I have mast cell activation syndrome and have to follow a low-histamine diet, in addition to dealing with other food intolerances.

3) My favorite Elton John album is Tumbleweed Connection, and I still can’t believe no one’s turned it into a musical yet. Anyone who wants to take on the project should come talk to me, because I’ve got Ideas.

Something little about my appearance that I kind of like: the color of my eyes.

An outfit that makes me feel powerful: jeans, flannel shirt, and boots.

An object that is special to me: I probably couldn’t function without my phone.

A compliment (or two, or three) about me that made me feel warm inside: Usually they’re food-related. Last week I made gluten-free/vegan donuts for my sister’s first grade Halloween party and one of her teachers was super grateful. Yesterday I made garlic knots and my mom couldn’t stop saying how good they were.

Something I’d love to buy for someone else: I wish I could get my little sister some more cozy leggings/sweatpants. She’s got enough to get by, but it would be nice to have a few extra pairs and be less worried about running out before laundry day.

Something I’d love to buy for myself: I would love a pair of taller winter boots for colder, snowier days. Also warmer mittens. Also warmer slippers. Are you sensing a theme here?

Three things that make me happy right now:

1) My mom was gifted an electric blanket for her birthday, but she already has one, so she re-gifted it to me. Now I turn it on while I’m getting ready for bed, and it feels like a whole herd of cats has been laying on the foot of my bed when I get into it, and it’s lovely.

2) I recently learned that one can drink plain hot water and it’s surprisingly pleasant. Sometimes I’ll add a small spoonful of honey as well, and it almost makes up for the fact that I can’t drink tea like I used to.

3) I’m taking my sibling to an appointment tomorrow and the office just called to switch from the location that’s 30 minutes away to the location that’s only 10 minutes away, which makes my day a lot easier.

Something I’m looking forward to: I just gave in to temptation and ordered myself three bags of smashmallows—pumpkin pie, hot cocoa, and candy cane—and I can’t wait to try them all (though I think I’m most excited about the candy cane flavor).

Something I enjoyed recently: A few days before Halloween, my siblings and I went on a local ghost tour, and the guide was super friendly and an amazing storyteller, and the stories were awesomely creepy, and it was an all-around blast. 10/10 would recommend.

Song(s) stuck in my head recently: She Lit A Fire by Lord Huron.

I watched this, maybe you’d like it too: In all honesty, Wishbone is the last thing I watched and enjoyed the heck out of. Oh, and Leverage! Can’t forget the Leverage rewatch.

Something adorable I came across recently: I carved my Halloween pumpkin this year to look like the spooky space kook from Scooby Doo, and in my research I found this video of this guy’s realistic (and amazing) costume, and the family photo at the end featuring all their themed costumes is super cute imo.

If you wanted to know me better, you should check out these things: Hmm. Well, I have a very long list of favorite things, including but definitely not limited to Pride and Prejudice, Sherlock Holmes (ACD’s version), The Mummy, The Force Awakens, Captain America, The X-Files, Leverage, Tamora Pierce’s books, Hozier’s music, Bastille’s music. If you were to interact with any of these things and then come discuss it with me, that might be one way to get to know me better.

Something I can/will do to take care of myself or make things more positive for me in the coming days: For physical and emotional health, regular baths will be occurring over the next week or so. ‘

If you want to answer some questions too, consider yourself tagged. :)

#in which Emily blogs about herself

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natsumiheart · 6 years

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I was tagged in an ask game by @brightstarblogs! Thank you! it looked fun so Imma try to do it!

Rules: Tag 20 people and ask 20 questions

Nicknames: Ahhh I have a lot in my years living in the internet but here are my favorites

Nat, Natty, Nataru (my friend who would probably stay anon calls me that XD), Natsy (Dillas senpai calls me that!), Summer (my previous online name), Cheshire (a friend calls me that because im “a cat that appears out of nowhere”), Raging ice queen (my friend Kin used to call me that for a long while 😂), Sinnamon roll (because of an inside joke between me and the KHA leadership that I feed users poisoned cinnamon rolls-), Mystery girl (a lot of people call me that and I dun blame them XD), Irl Chiaki (a user and several friends used to call me that sometimes because I sleep or play when I’m not online), and Lenny queen (I made a lenny union once as a joke and now I’m known as the lenny queen in kingdom hearts amino 😂😂😂 someone even made me a lenny queen edit-)

Bonus: Friend (there’s this user on KHA that always calls me that instead of nat or something, it’s literally a nickname I have now. Just “Friend” 😂)

Zodiac: Libra, not much to say here. I’m part of the indecisive libras squad with Rei sama 😂

Height: I'm 18 but I'm 4'11"... Rip

Last movie I saw: the first Jumanji movie was on TV yesterday so I rewatched it cause I loved it as a kid!

Last thing I googled: "hand around torso" it was for a drawing reference leave me alone- the hand still turned out awful

Song stuck in my head: currently it's Hatsune Miku's "Romeo and Cinderella" because I was working on something for it, but normally it's Utada Hikaru's "Let me face my fears"

Favorite musician: I can't just choose- so um Utada Hikaru, Brendon Urie, Natewantstobattle, Soraru, Eve and Kagamine Rin and Len

Other blogs: I only have @natreblogs to reblog stuff (mostly saiouma)

Do I get asks: yes! somehow. And they always make me happy (Ｔ▽Ｔ) I try to answer as soon as possible and it doesn't always work out, but I always answer sooner or later~

Following: 391, sometimes I unfollow just because of one post I don't like being on my feed (sorry for those people 😂)

Amount of sleep: I honestly don't know- I either get no sleep for two days or I sleep the whole day. Do 12 hour naps count-

Lucky number: 2, uh- not sure how to explain, I guess 2 and I just had a weird connection all my life. Such as the fact I'm always second place ahhaha *sobs*

What I'm wearing: .........my comfy blue pjs.... Soft... Warmm

Dream job: I wish I could just get money for playing games

Dream trip: please lemme go to disney land one day, please I need to meet the king in person- I wanna hug Ariel- I WANNA HUG DONAAALD

Favorite food: icecreamicecreamicecreamicecreamicecreamicecreamicecreamicecreamicecreamicecream

and I guess mcdonalds’ french fries

Play any instruments: No bro I have no talent, but I used to practice the piano hhhhhh

Languages: English and very bad French

Favorite songs: AHHHHH UM

Still playing house - Soraru, Simple and clean/Hikari - Utada Hikaru and the remix, Sanctuary/ Passion - Utada Hikaru, Oath/ Chikai - Utada Hikaru, Beneath the mask and Last surprise from Persona 5, Yesterday from 1bitheart, Suki Kirai (SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE A SAIOUMA VERSION) and Electric angel sang by Rin and Len, Zedd's Clarity and Stay the night, Madeon's pay no mind, P!AD The Ballad of Mona Lisa, Natwantstobattle's Stop Rewind, Owl City’s When can I see you again, Sonic unleashed's Endless possibilities, Sonic 06's Dreams of an absolution, there's a lot man- Most of them are video game osts but you can my current favs in my website playlist!

hopefullyallthelinksarecorrectimtoolazytocheck

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: ahhaa how do I even do that- I guess I’m the aesthetic of everything in weekender girl, it shows with my tumblr theme too. Just stars, colourful neons against the night sky, music, games, cats, the internet, things like that XD

Tagging: TAG YOU’RE IT @souda-nouda @xs-xs @my-own-special-atmosphere @reichiroll @iimojin @ashdoodle-s @lunnaie

I'm just kidding you dun have to but y'know 👀

#uh what do i tag this-#rant #?#more about me? 😂😂😂😂#amigos #oh god imma be posting this while everyone is asleep PPFPFPF

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annakie · 6 years

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I made it, and now there's no turning back

Hey, so, this is about to be a very long, spammy post about Critical Role season 1. This is mostly for my own memory, so in the future when I want to revisit watching the show, I'll have my own log, of sorts. It's really long. And a lot of it is my chatlogs about the show with @janiemcpants , posted with her permission. So if you hate reading other people's chatlogs, this may not be the post for you.

But if you wanna read a lot of words about a show where some nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons and Dragons, this may be the post for you.

Also, for unknown reasons, I’ve had Jimmy Eat World’s song “Cut” stuck in my head the last couple of days, and it’s basically all I’ve listened to today. The words don’t really fit my emotions, but the overall feeling the song gives me does. So that’s where my head is.

I said some of this an a post I made a few weeks ago, but I’m saying it again now. Ever since I heard of it, I was pretty sure I’d love Critical Role if I could get into it. And so for two years I meant to catch up.

I’ve played Dungeons and Dragons since the late 90′s, second edition, and have been in epic campaigns of my own before where I fell in love with not only my character but our entire party. I love this party just as much as I’ve loved Annotea, Sekhar, Ike, Ta’Rik, Annwyl, Krivken, Liek, Colin, E’a and Rhyz.

I have looked for a post I made like a year and a half ago asking for help figuring out how to get into Critical Role on my blog a few times but either I tagged it badly or deleted it. I don't know. I remember some people said to start at episode 19. Some people said to use it as background sound when cleaning / cooking / driving etc. I knew I didn't want to start midway through the part of the story we had, I was disappointed to learn they were already 8th level and we'd missed like two years of story before the show.

I have a post from June 2016 saying I'd made it an hour into the first episode, but I think I finished that ep, or got close, and didn't pick it back up for like, another year. I think it was like mid-summer last year when I made my second push to get into it.

I made it through like eight episodes, and I remember having episode 8 up in a web browser for weeks or a couple of months and things were just so crazy with everything happening with work at the end of the year. And I only watched it as background noise at work. I'd frequently realize I had no idea what was going on, and through like the first 30 or 40 episodes I'd find some kind of recap to read at the end of the episode to make sure I didn't miss anything important.

Here's some negativity, so skip it if you'd like: It took me a very long time to get through like episode 10 to 27 because long before I learned all the things that happened since he left, I couldn't stand Orion. I've looked into it a bit and basically for all the normal reasons people didn't like him. I respect that some people did, but being honest here, if he'd have stayed on the show, I probably would have stopped watching. Around episode 20 I learned that he'd leave soon, and dragged myself through the rest of the episodes until he was gone. And then, it was much easier to get into.

The first half of this year my job went from crazy drama to just plain boring. I really didn't have much to do, and everyone knew I was just biding time until it was time to go. So I'd watch like half the day sometimes, often while doing what work I did have to do. But often that work was like, wiping laptops or organizing keys or just... busywork. But CR made the days pass quicker, and it was enjoyable.

The Feels apparently really started on 3/09 when I sent this to JanieMcPants: Grog winning his second solo battle with the orc JUST BARELY thanks to Scanlan's sneaky inspiration is my new favorite moment in the show.

This would begin a very long chatlog of me just yelling feelings at her. After this, my current comments are italicized.

---------- 03/10/2018 janiemcpants: That whole episode is SPECTACULAR Did you finish it? I don't want to spoil anything if not!

annakie: I did, I got to the part in the next episode where Percy finally confessed a bit of what is going on with his life since they're back home and have been invited to some feast. Still pretty early on in that ep, work got crazy yesterday. :)

---------- 03/23/2018 annakie: Man, I'm on ep 26 now (I watch in bits and bursts as I have time at work, it's real slow going) and I have to say, (I deleted some negativity about Orion here). EVERYTHING ELSE IS GREAT though. I'm really enjoying everyone else and their characters. The episode with the dinner at the Briarwood's was AMAZING especially and I'm so worried about Percy. I was almost in tears as Liam was talking about him thinking about Keyleth and Vex when Vax was going unconscious and thought he was going to die. That was so, so good.

BTW did I just miss it all this time that Vax has a thing for Keyleth? Like I didn't notice it at all until that moment he was going unconscious and now it's obvious.

janiemcpants: Vax’s last thoughts about Vex and Keyleth KILLED. ME. That was also the first time I realized he was into Keyleth, and I think it was the first time any of the others realized it, judging by their faces. Liam did say later that he already was aware of it when the show started, and he dropped a few hints before he outright said it. I’m listening to the podcast right now from the beginning and there are some little things there that you can pick up if you’re looking for them, but nothing that would have given it away, I don’t think. So it was a fun surprise for everybody. (Vax and Keyleth are one of my favorite pairings on the show. I just love them.) This arc is THE BEST and so intense. So much suffering, but also so much goodness!

(We chatted more for awhile about Percy, and the cow episode (Very fun!) )

---------- 04/12/2018 annakie: OH MY GOD SO MUCH IS HAPPENING CASSANDRA IS ALIVE AND VAX IS KISSING KEYLETH. This is so good. SO GOOD.

janiemcpants: I didn't see that kiss coming AT ALL It was SUCH A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE And Percy gets one sibling back, MY HEART

---------- 05/02/2018 annakie: I've been studying a lot and haven't had a lot of time for CritRole but I watched some today like the END OF THE BRIARWOODS HECK YEAH and Cassandra is good again, and then VAX TRYING TO HOLD KEYLETH'S HAND ON THE TREE and she didn't know how to respond she's so awkward and unsure and needs time to figure it out. I was sitting there just staring at the screen instead of working for like 20 minutes during that part haha.

And I watched the winter fair episode with Trinket winning the pie eating contest and Grog losing arm wrestling to Trish the Dish and that was GREAT. I stopped like right after Matt had Tiberius leave the party for good. It was a very good day of very awesome CritRole at work. :)

janiemcpants: Keyleth and Vax just KILL ME. It's such a slow burn until suddenly STUFF HAPPENS and then it slows down again and pulls at my heartstrings the entire time.

---------- 05/17/2018 annakie: "I don't want to be alone tonight."

"I haven't wanted to be alone most nights..." And I let him in. THE SHIP HAS SAILED. YAY!! :D

annakie: Haha aww Marisha switched seats so she could be closer to Liam, that's sweet.

lol of COURSE the VERY NEXT DAY they see Kashaw again. And Will sits on the other side of Marisha... that's great.

janiemcpants Yay!!! They’re the slowest of slow burns but it’s so worth it. Liam and Marisha manage to be adorable even when they’re seated far away from each other. And yay to Kashaw coming back! I had mixed feelings about him at first, because the second Trial of the Take group had a blend of personalities that was tough to work with, and he got lost in the sea of grouchiness. But he ended up being great and every time he comes back I love him more.

(I'd grow to feel the same way about Kashaw.)

---------- 05/29/2018 annakie: Episode 44 - Oh my gosh, there was a beholder fight AND NOW VEX IS DEAD WHAT IS HAPPENING? And yeah, I think Kashaw is definitely more stand-out-y here, I'm really enjoying his character here. :)

annakie Keyleth: "Why did you do that? Kashaw: "Because I knew you wanted me to." D'awwww....

janiemcpants: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH Vex’s death there kills me extra because it comes AFTER they win the fight! Everything is supposed to be okay, and then NOPE. THANK GOODNESS Kash was there. They're so lucky he happened to be their guest that night!

I mean, they probably could have come up with another way to save her, but being able to do it right away was a relief. And it was a great character moment for him

--------- 6/15/2018 I made this post, and I was at episode 49.

----------

A lot happened, and I didn't yell about it much of anywhere. I don't know how I let 20 episodes go by without reacting much to them, especially when SO MUCH HAPPENED in there. Right about when the Chroma Conclave hit, I knew I was sucked in, completely.

But in a month and a half I made it through 14 episodes. Near the end of July, things started happening very quickly.

---------- 07/27/2018 annakie: I'm on episode 63 now and I just realized today I'm JUST BARELY over halfway through this campaign. Which makes me both happy and not, haha.

Woah Tiberius. This actually sad. :(

That was really rough and I cried a little.

janiemcpants: TIBS That was so sad All of it was, but "I encourage peace" really got me And when I rewatched it and realize that's what Percy's DM whisper was about, and you can see it on his face and then he has to sit on it for like 20 minutes AUGH

07/28/2018 annakie: Oh man I'm going to have to go back and watch that again. I was touched at how sad EVERYONE was. And yeah, the burial part and "I encourage peace" got me too. It's always sad to lose a friend, but also Tibs defending Draconia was really the perfect ending for his character.

I started ep 65 and YAY. FINALLY. KEYLETH AND VAX. FOR REALS. I have LOVED the slow-burn of the last 40 episodes but I'm glad they're moving into an actual relationship now.

I got spoiled about Vex and Percy just the other day (No one's fault, someone I follow on twitter liked a tweet, which twitter OH SO HELPFULLY put on my timeline. So, it's twitter's fault.) There have already been some hints that it's coming with Vex's titling and all, but I'm looking forward to it.

(Getting spoiled accidentally about that was my "OK TIME TO CLAMP DOWN ON SPOILERS!!" wakeup call -- especially since that Really Big Thing happened in Campaign 2 right about then and despite trying real hard to not be spoiled I know all about it.)

And Scanlan, what character growth with his speech to Pike a couple of episodes ago, apologizing for the proposal and realizing he was more in love with the idea of Pike, even though he does really love her, so proud of that boy. And the note he gave Pike awhile ago for if he dies AND SHE READ IMMEDIATELY. That was like the first real sign she's given. The only thing that's bothered me about Scanlan, (who is probably my favorite, though I love THEM ALL) is that he was nice-guying / trying to wear Pike down this whole time, albeit in a charming way, and now he gets that, so YAY!

---------- 07/28/2018 annakie Watching 65, and having Matt torture Marisha by having Kashaw ask Keyleth out the night after she finally gets together with Vax is masterful. Haha

Awww Gilmore's parents, so sweet. And then Sam "Well, they're both over 70, so who's going to kill them?" buhahahahaha

07/29/2018 annakie: Oh my God, episode 68. I'm bawling. I obviously know Percy will be back but this was really, really, really rough. Taliesin took it better than anyone. Matt seemed just as devastated as everyone else. Marisha's crying made me cry.

That ending, with everyone gathering around Ripley and each doing their own killing blow for Percy.... it was so, so, SO GOOD.

I hope the internet wasn't too hard on Matt that week.

(I really did bawl about Percy's death. That's when the show went from “I love this” to "This is masterful. This is amazing. This might be elevated to rank of "FAVORITE THINGS!"

This is also when I started watching at home -- because I had to know what was going to happen. And because I realized that this show will MAKE ME CRY and I can't cry at work. I also started watching on the weekends, basically as much as I could, every night, all Saturday and Sunday when possible.)

janiemcpants: Keyleth and Vax took a while, but I think they played out perfectly in the end :) I’m so happy the way the official couples turned out, because they’re all so different and so great in their own way. Truly something for everyone! (Vax and Keyleth are my favorites, but I don’t think I have ANY NoTPs, which is awesome.) When I first started the show, I thought I was going to HATE Scanlan, specifically because of the nice-guy thing. But then that sort of started to taper off and he won me over anyway, and I was so happy that he actually realized what was going on and apologized for it. Especially since I love their relationship, as she’s more or less the group’s moral compass, but he’s also basically the group dad--the one who keeps the to-do list and helps everyone keep their shit together (even if it’s not in the most conventional way). Thank goodness he finally realized it was more important to keep her as a friend than to keep trying for romance and probably eventually lose her by being a shithead.

68/69 are two of my favorite episodes, and two of the very hardest to watch Rough, but really emotionally and narratively satisfying

---------

7/21/2018

I made this post, My first big feelings post.

---------------

08/03/2018 annakie: I JUST FINISHED 78. SO MANY FEELINGS! VEX ANSWERING THE DOOR NAKED. THE WHOLE PLANNING. GILMORE IS WITH THEM! AND OH MY GOD KASH AND ZARAH PLS DON'T DIE BUT IF YOU DO SACRIFICING YOURSELF LIKE THIS IS AMAZING, I LOVE YOU. Also I'm now watching Talks Machina too so each episode is an hour longer!

08/05/2018 annakie: OH MY GOD SCANLAN. THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN PERCY. I DIDN'T THINK IT COULD GET WORSE I AM BAWLING AT PIKE'S POEM OH THANK GOD SHE ROLLED A NATURAL 20

Liam breaking during Pike's poem double killed me

I'm also so glad Ashley could be here for this one. I wish Sam was.

Also I'm SO GLAD Keyleth was so amazing last episode, both the feeblemind (totally, 100% saving this fight) and spotting Kima and Allora in the ocean. Just MVP'd the hell out of that ep.

janiemcpants: OH MAN that feeblemind!!! And I’m so glad it was Keyleth who landed such a huge blow on Raishan. And spotting Kima and Allura was such a HUGE RELIEF. What an emotional rollercoaster that episode was. I’m convinced the dice themselves have a sense of drama. That’s the only way to explain some of the narratively amazing 1s and 20s we’ve gotten

annakie: Oh my God, I know. Just absolutely insane. THAT NAT 20 MERCER ROLLED FOR THE FINAL RESURRECTION ROLL OMG

I didn't stop for Talks Machina between those eps. I couldn't, I had to see what happened. I'm so glad this entire ep was so laid back after the resurrection.

This show... I'm so, so mad I wasn't into it from the beginning. On the other hand, having to wait a week between THOSE EPISODES would have been the worst.

janiemcpants: IT WAS It's so good that they generally have breather episodes once something huge is over with, because I don't think I could handle the tension otherwise

---------- 08/06/2018 annakie: WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE FUN AND HAPPY AND EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE. I had to stop watching at work

Because I started crying a little and then Percy gave his speech and I almost lost it haha That's where I am right now, raced home from lunch to watch the rest of this where I could cry

janiemcpants: Are you on episode 85? That one really hit like a slap in the face

annakie: Yep!

janiemcpants: That's the only one I think I won't be able to watch again

(I made this post.)

annakie: He's gone now, they're awake the next morning. Like I knew he was leaving but I thought it wouldn't be THIS TERRIBLE. I thought it’d be like “Hey guys I’m taking some time off, love you, bye!” but nooooo.

janiemcpants: And it really felt like it came out of nowhere!

annakie: But also props to Sam because that was such a good representation of depression.

Like I really understood where it was coming from but yeah you really didn't expect THAT.

janiemcpants: Yeah, he's definitely not afraid to take risks and let his character be imperfect, and he had some good points and some not so good points in a very realistic way But BOY was that hard to watch

annakie: Yeah exactly. Like, yelling that nobody cares about him.... that they don't love him.... I have felt that way about people who I absolutely knew loved me and that just shook me. It was just... so... real. And the way everyone reacted. Man I just wish Ashley had been there.

I already know Sam plays someone else for awhile and eventually, Scanlan comes back but man... again... so glad I don't have to wait to KNOW THAT.

janiemcpants: You're lucky you know that! I totally thought he was gone for good Are you at the end of the episode, or still going?

annakie: Still going, they're at Whitestone still the next morning deciding what to do next. Keyleth just scryed on Scanlan and Kaylee.

Grog: "I know you on a more intimiate level." Vex: "Because you saw my titties." Grog: Basically, yeah.

Real question: Can I watch the rest of this episode and maybe next without crying, so I can finish it at work, or should I not? Gotta head back in a few minutes

Oh heeey it's already Sam's new character. :)

janiemcpants You can probably finish it up Since you met Sam's new character and he's pretty good And the next one has a lot of funny stuff in it

---------- 08/07/2018 annakie Episode 88: The Kraken Fight. FIVE AND A HALF HOURS (more like five after the break BUT STILL.) I feel like I was watching this episode for a week.

janiemcpants That was intense! Them not being able to kill the kraken really added some stress to the fight Although they might not have been able to anyway

08/08/2018 annakie Yeah! That added a whole crazy layer onto it! I was pretty sure there would be more deaths than just Vax. Not that him dying wasn't bad, but you know. I think I'm becoming desensitized to the deaths because I didn't cry during his resurrection. Also, poor Ashley, it feels like every time she's there lately it's to resurrect someone.

Finished Ep 90 this afternoon, Keyleth's Aramente ceremony was really good. :)

Also Grog and Tary potion shopping, I laughed so hard at work and had to keep it quiet, I'm sure my coworkers think I'm a maniac.

Ep 91 - Vox Machina Go To Hell... sounds amazing. Just starting.

janiemcpants: Grog and Tary shopping was a total trash fire and it was so great And Vox Machina Go to Hell was such a good title! And a good episode!

---------- 08/11/2018

annakie: Ep 95! Past the time skip! The last two have been SO MUCH FUN and just what we needed after all the sadness and tension! And YAY ASHLEY IS HERE FOR AWHILE. SHE'S GETTING A STORYLINE! Also I love Tary so much now, that character growth! :D But I only have 20 episodes left noooooo

(later that night)...I should probably be doing other things with my life other than watching CR + Talks Machina but I'm already on 98. Clearly Tary is leaving soon, it's neat to meet his family and all, though. I'm gonna miss him. I thought Tary would just be like... a filler character. But he's so great. So. Great.

---------- 08/12/2018

annakie: OH GOD IT'S SCANLAN HE'S BACK I'M DYING (also I'm real sad Tary is leaving soon, the conflict of emotions!). I JUST got to the part where Vex runs up and hugs him and they go to break I'M CRYING.

annakie: EVERYTHING HURTS but Jon Heder's character is hilarious

janiemcpants: Oh no, goodbye Tary! Tary was a cross between Gilderoy Lockhart and a J Peterman catalog and I absolutely adored him, but it’s so good to have Scanlan back I wasn’t sure what to expect from Jon Heder, because I’d only seen him in Napoleon Dynamite and didn’t like it, but he was so great in this

annakie: Oh man I missed him so much. He's having to apologize SO MUCH. Poor Sam, haha. The Talks Machina with him, Ashley and Laura was great, though and Laura saying Travis was too emotional to go on the show was so.... awwww. I'm into ep 100 now Yay the new look! AND LADY BRIARWOOD IS BACK WHAT THE WHAAAT. And Poor, poor Sam having to play three characters, though, he did this to himself. :D

--------- 8/13/2018 annakie (about the first Vecna fight): That shoulda just been called "Vox Machina gets their asses kicked." Vaaaaax

Scanlan MVP'd the hell out of that fight though No time for Talks Machina, I'll do that at work tomorrow, RIGHT ON TO 103!

janiemcpants: Episode 102 was an ABSOLUTE DISASTER Thank goodness Scanlan came back when he did!

Although I did enjoy everyone guilt tripping Sam for making him leave

And then THE ENDING

annakie: GOD EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. ALL OF THIS. I NEED TO PAUSE TIME SO I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP AND CAN JUST WATCH CR STRAIGHT THROUGH FOREVER UNTIL IT'S OVER. These are disaster children and they are terrible I love them.

(I made this post.)

janiemcpants: I had to laugh at your last post because that's exactly what it's like! There's SO MUCH in each episode it's almost impossible to post about it. TOO MANY FEELINGS

And not enough time!

I think this last arc has really good flow to it You can feel the urgency, but it still gives things the time they deserve

annakie: It really is! Like you know if I had a week between episodes than it'd be way easier to sort but I can't take any time I have to watch as much as I can now. I'm at the part where they're trying to sort out why Vax is back and I WANT TO DIE.

janiemcpants: WASN'T THAT A CURVEBALL I was expecting a tense, elaborate ritual like the others got, and they were planning for it, but nope! We're skipping that part

annakie: I read something like a tweet or untagged post MONTHS ago about Scanlan not being able to save Vax. So when he got disintegrated I was like "Oh this is that that meant." and now I'm like "OH SHIT NO IT WASN'T, WAS IT?!" I'm scared.

(Oh, you sweet summer child, you have no idea what you’re in for.)

janiemcpants I just love how Vax getting disintegrated totally changed the context of everything that happens, but not in the way anyone expected Matt's mind is truly a place of wonder

annakie: Also Yay Grog just asked Scanlan to hang out with him in Vasselheim :3 Nothing like a terrifying near-death experience to spread some forgiveness.

TRAVIS + SAM IS THE BEST, WHETHER IT'S SCANLAN OR TARY.

--------- 8/14/2018 annakie Me today: OK my boss asked me to go to this important meeting and take notes I need to concentrate.

What I actually thought about : SERENRAE GAVE PIKE A SPECIAL BLESSING AND LOVES HER SO MUCH AND ALSO TOLD SCANLAN SHE HEARS HIS PRAYERS AND HE IS A TRUE BELIEVER, HE HAS A HOLY SYMBOL AND FOUND HIS WAY TO THE TOWER HIMSELF WE ARE SO BLESSED. REMEMBER SAM AND ASHLEY'S FACES THROUGH ALL OF THAT IT WAS PERFECT.

Also Scanlans face when. Grog mentioned that he was looking for Scanlan, the moment passed so fast but I cried.

(later that night) annakie: I'm so mad I have to run my own game tonight so all I'm gonna have time to watch is to the end of 104 Glad I prepped my game a week or two ago though

janiemcpants: THEIR MEETING WITH SERENRAE, I WEEP It’s just so good to see both a character who’s been so devoted but struggled with it at the same time, and a character who had to develop so much to get there, actually be seen and acknowledged by their god

annakie: I REWATCHED IT WHEN I GOT HOME

janiemcpants: What a great moment for both of them

annakie: SO amazing, I loved it so much.

janiemcpants: Also, I love how it doesn’t even matter how the group splits up, any combination of them is going to be interesting and fun (But especially Sam and Travis because of their shared delight in chaos)

annakie: I'm RIGHT NOW at the part where everyone is talking about Vex to Pelor and OH SHIT SHE AND PERCY ARE BETHROTHED THAT'S THE SECRET YES that's so true every pair is amazing

Also once again Scanlan MVPs this, with his polymorph on Vex

janiemcpants: It's truly astounding how many times Scanlan single-handedly saves their bacon

annakie: Yeah as much as I loved Tary like... they really NEEDED Scanlan.

janiemcpants: They really did I wish they could have both!

annakie: When I rewatched the Serenrae meeting I watched Ashley's face and every time Scanlan did something positive like made it to the tower or Serenrae acknowledged Scanlan as a true believer Ash's face was just amazing. She's so pleased at Scanlan :3

janiemcpants: Ashley's just so good

annakie: I KNOW, ME TOO. I peeked and saw that we don't see Tary again and I'm sad! I hope he gets an epilogue!

Also I NEED VOX MACHINA PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE HOW GREAT SCANLAN IS BEING HERE.

Last Tuesday at 11:24 PM *screaming into the void* http://blog.annakie.com/post/177011924723/critical-role-stuff-spoilers-up-to-ep

--------- 8/15/2018

janiemcpants Everything you said is SO TRUE And I still just can't believe how Sam took what was meant to be a joke* and turned him into this incredible three-dimensional person who never fails to surprise me. Will he turn into a dinosaur and destroy a building? Will he sing at the giant monster instead of fleeing like everyone else? Will he melt my heart with beautiful words about friendship? Will he devastate my emotions when he stops covering up his pain? Will he make a dick joke? We never know! And he's grown so much! *(Apologies if you already knew this, but when they were getting ready for the original one-shot home game that started all this, Sam had never played before, and Liam helped him pick out his character. Sam said he wanted to be the worst, and asked what the worst character would be, and Liam came up with gnome bard. And here we are. That was all captured on the podcast they sporadically do together and it's pretty funny.)

annakie Hilariously, I just found that out about Liam helping create Scanlan an hour ago. On the episode of Talks I was watching at work Sam kept mentioning his Reddit AMA and so I googled it and read it, literally an hour ago. So if I would have seen this earlier, it would have been new information! And YES SO MUCH I AGREE.

Like I love them ALL so much but I mean... Scanlan. Fucking Scanlan. Fave. Sorry.

(Later) annakie Darin DePaul is hilarious lol I was like "Uh who is this?" when he showed up but he keeps making me laugh. I'm still in the initial fight right after they find Sprigg

janiemcpants Fun fact: Darin de Paul played D&D thirty something years ago with Matt's mom, and Sprigg is the character he played back then I think that old session ended with Sprigg disappearing or something, so this is the continuation of his story, set thirty-whatever years later He’s really terrific, though! I only knew him from Overwatch, but I get such a kick out of him here

annakie OMG, that's awesome! Thank you for that fun fact! I was wondering if he ever played before, he seemed to get it pretty quick with only a little help from Sam. He's saying goodbye now, aww, such a good end for a fun character!

annakie Oh good, Ioun told Scanlan how awesome and important he is to VM and Kaylee and in general, I feel better now. I'm a little sad that I guess Ioun is his god now I guess and not Serenrae but it also seems fitting.

8/16/2018 janiemcpants Yeah, I was surprised by that, but in the end I think I'm glad he got his own god who appreciates him, rather than being wrapped up in Pike's story Not that Serenrae didn't appreciate him, but I like that he got something of his own

annakie That is so true!! Like Serenrae gave him comfort when he needed it, and accepted him, but he prayed to her because it's what he knew because of Pike, but I think he didn't do it FOR Pike. But it turns out Scanlan wasn't destined for Serenrae.

Also I meant to mention awhile ago that I really loved Percy holding everything together after Vax died and they were in the Feywild. He really stepped up and kept everything from falling apart and I was really proud of him.

Scanlan being constantly dismissive of them talking about Tary is hilarious. "Scanlan can you scry on Tary?" "Who? Oh... you mean that fancy fellow?" haha

(Later) annakie Oh yay I'm glad they sent word to Tary that everyone is OK.

janiemcpants Yes!! I was so concerned about poor Tary. The necklace is a good idea in theory, but in reality all it does is tell him something is wrong, but he doesn't know what or how he can help What an anxiety-inducing item!

Also yes to Percy! His growth is really inspiring to me on a personal level (all of theirs are in different ways, but he's the most relatable to me personally) I love how, since they're all so different and grow in different ways, there's a good story there for everyone

--------- 8/17/2018 9:07 PM annakie Just finished the ep where they forge the trammels. Starting to close in on the endgame :o

annakie OH MY GOD... hahaha using the love potion TARY gave Vax to prank SCANLAN, this is amazing, I love it so much.

I CAN'T BREATHE

Last Saturday at 1:15 AM Hi it's 1:14am and I'm still awake because I had to finish this live episode.

--------- 8/18/2018 annakie: In the middle of 112 now, and I have to stop watching to go to my Pathfinder game.... nooo... one of the few times I'm unhappy about going to gaming. :) I think I'm going to be able to finish tomorrow if I just power through and don't stop for Talks.

---------

(And here we go, into the endgame. I woke up, turned on Critical Role, and knew I'd finish the campaign that day. In addition to the gifs and posts I made: http://blog.annakie.com/tagged/episode+114, here's the rest of that experience. I’m not going to link the individual gif posts.)

8/19/2018 12:53 AM annakie: THE STRANGLING WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

This entire episode is like the most fucked up episode lol

9:21 AM BRIARWOOD FIGHT WITH Joe Manganiello!!! I'M SO SCARED.

11:58 AM OH MY GOD KAYLEE AND CASSANDRA AND SHAUN THANK GOD THEY STOPPED AND FIXED IT OH MY GOD I'M CRYING

3:17 PM I'm liveblogging. AND DYING. ZARAH AND KASH OH THANK SERENRAE!!!

janiemcpants: I was out of town for the weekend and just got home, and I can't believe how fast you're going! Although once you hit a certain point you can't help but tumble unstoppably towards the end, because it's all going so off the rails at once I WAS SO WORRIED FOR KASH AND ZAHRA

annakie: I STILL AM

janiemcpants: And having Cassandra and Gilmore and Kaylee as death knights was a particularly cruel stroke of genius on Matt's part

annakie: Arkhan just got back though, so that's good I guess haha

SO CRUEL

janiemcpants: CAN YOU IMAGINE, if they hadn't left one alive, they might not even have taken their helmets off and they never would have known

annakie: GOD I KNOW I KNOW... That would have just been.... oh man I can't even imagine And thank God Matt let them revivify even though it could have been more than a minute

annakie: There's so much happening I can barely breathe I feel like I've been watching this episode for ten hours already All I've watched is 113 and this today.

janiemcpants: It's probably even better watching it all together like you're doing, because a whole lot of interesting things happen in a not-that-long amount of time There's so much!

annakie: Yeah... I mean TBH for the last month I've just lived this show, I haven't watched any TV shows. It's been so great to just really LIVE IN IT and there's so much of it especially after taking a year to get to this point.

annakie: Well, it was around the point of Percy dying the really sad time to get to "OK I can't stop watching", that's when I started watching at home and not just at work. And then I stopped watching at work much after Scanlan left because I was too invested to only sorta pay attention. Yeaaaaah Grog just kicked ass.

janiemcpants: Percy dying was right when I started watching live! I was trying to catch up on the old stuff before I started doing it live, but when I heard that happened I just COULDN’T stay away. What a hell of a pair of episodes those were.

annakie: OH WOW that's awesome! How many episodes did you skip to get to that point? haha OH ALSO PIKE TELLING SCANLAN HE HAS TO STAY ALIVE BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENS AFTER. MY HEART. I was a little worried because since she was back she'd hardly interacted with him, except for that butt-slap a few episodes ago and then this conversation happened and I DIED. (And then Sam joked it was Scanlan2 and I refuse to believe that it wasn't actually real Scanlan, they're dressed different, she would have known.)

(Also in the Vecna fight Real Scanlan had to use the Death Ward Pike put on him so yeah, she said it to Real Scanlan.)

Oh also I found online where Sam posted the letter Scanlan wrote to Pike and OH MAN, TEARS.

janiemcpants: RIGHT?? At the beginning I never thought I'd be invested in Scanlan and Pike's relationship, just because of the nice-guy stuff, but it got really, really good as it went on I still had about 15 episodes or so to go when I started watching it live, so I missed a little bit of context, but it was worth it That letter was so good

annakie: Oh man we just almost lost Vex and the looks on Liam, Travis AND Taliesin's faces all killed me. I can't wait to start watching live, still probably going to be a month or so.

annakie: OH NO THE JENKY TRAMEL.

annakie: PIKE BLEW SCANLAN A KISS!!

annakie: I can't believe I still have an hour to go (probably 45 minutes of game time) and Scanlan and Grog just got banished. Also I know something bad happens to Grog so I'm just waiting for that. Maybe he never comes back from banishment!??!

annakie: Hahaha Scanlan dispelled Vecna's teleport and MATT'S FACE. Oh no, he's saying sorry to Liam This is why... “I was going to save Vax.” OH MY GOD Sam is crying And Liam is crying

janiemcpants: That moment is where I cried the hardest in all of 114 Especially because they called each other Sam and Liam instead of Scanlan and Vax IT'S SO PAINFUL

annakie: THIS HURTS SO MUCH, I’M BAWLING. Most of the table doesn't even see what's going on Like they're having this private moment while the game keeps going.

annakie: Oh God that Nat20 for Scanlan to counterspell dominate person on Keyleth. Could you imagine this fight with Tary instead of Scanlan? It'd have been over in round 2

annakie: lol I watched Jocks Machina on the D&D twitch channel awhile ago so I knew Arkhan was going to betray them, that's amazing how he did it. Also, so great that Keyleth was able to finish the ritual

annakie: Oh no Sam and Liam are crying at the end this is the worst

annakie: Annnd here we go. 115.

janiemcpants: GOOD LUCK

annakie: I'm really going to miss this credit sequence, I love it so much I always watch it every episode. I've seen the new one and it's cute but I love this one.

janiemcpants I miss it too! It's so good

annakie: I get why they did a more generic "look at us playing D&D" instead of character intro credits but this one is amazing I mean especially after what happened to Taliesin's character in season 2.

annakie: Yay Kash and Zahra :D I'm so glad they got a goodbye. :) That was a great sendoff!

janiemcpants: It was so good! Even with Liam wreaking emotional havoc

annakie: vax is saying goobye and I'm bawling

even matt is crying, i can't

(I made this post.)

janiemcpants: I cried through that ENTIRE EPISODE

annakie: I'm taking a crying break to watch the fanart Glad Ashley made it just in time for that moment

Oh man this great series of fanart with the quote where Sam asking what's the worst character, and Liam saying gnome bard, and the art is all showing how Scanlan saved the party, that was amazing

annakie: Oh my God Liam isn't even at the table anymore THIS IS SO SAD

janiemcpants: That art sounds fantastic! Must try to hunt it down Oh no, I can't cope when they leave the table

annakie: "We'll fill in each other's gaps, we'll be the glue." THANKS LAURA NOW I'M CRYING AGAIN BECAUSE I LOVE VEX/PERCY SO MUCH.

That even broke Taliesin a little

There's a part of me right now that's still screaming "GO FIND GILMORE AND CASSANDRA AND KAYLEE!"

janiemcpants: I know!!! There's so much they should be doing, all at the same time! HOW IS EVERYBODY??

annakie: Percy just mentioned cassandra, maybe they'll remember lol

NOPE, off to a bar!

Yay Kima's there!

Oh ok good they're in whitestone whew

annakie: GROG NO DON'T PULL CARDS

Oh man Kaylee and Scanlan's conversation, I'm crying again.

janiemcpants: Grog pulling the card was so goddamn funny Especially in the midst of so much sadness

annakie: Oh my God he just pulled the card in whitestone

omgomgomg

AND ASHLEY'S INTERNET DROPS

Annnnnnnnnnnnd this is why they have to go rescue Grog omg omg omg

annakie: Aw, I was almost hoping they'd actually do one last adventure but that was funny.

janiemcpants: Yeah, I really wish we could have seen the rescue, but they were clearly planning on this being the last episode, and it would have thrown everything off But it was worth it

annakie: ASHLEY’S FUCKING INTERNET DIES RIGHT AS SHE'S ABOUT TO ASK SCANLAN ON A DATE I AM SCREAMING I'M SO MAD

Scanlan and Pike’s conversation was everything I always wanted THEN HER INTERNET DIES

annakie OK Scanlan's epilogue was awesome :3 “I will do literally whatever Pike wants to do.”

And YAY we get to hear about Tary!

YAY LAWRENCE!

janiemcpants: I'm so glad Lawrence wasn't dead! I was totally convinced Tary's dad had him whacked

annakie: Oh God Pike’s marriage proposal and one last grog & scanlan conversation I love it so much I'm crying again

I've known they ended up married for a long time but that was great. :3

janiemcpants: I just love that they both planned to ask each other out in their epilogues!

annakie I KNOW, so great :D

I'm really glad that Scanlan let Pike lead, that was amazing.

janiemcpants: Yes! That brought it from great to perfect

annakie: And he just wanted to follow where she went and helped out. And they have a home, and Grog with them, and are a perfect weird family! :D

They're my favorite ship, though I love all three very much.

janiemcpants: And Grog gets to stay with his gnomes forever! And he's not left alone even though he didn't end up with a romantic relationship!

annakie: YES!

I love Percy and Vax being so Percy and Vax in their epilogue. Kids with lots of names! Tinkering!

janiemcpants: The part about Percy making clocks made me weep BUCKETS

annakie: Percy finding redemption helping Cassandra omg

YES

"Make a clock tower, make art and never make another weapon. I'm good." :D

annakie: Aww Grog taking punishment from Vasselheim

Hahaha the potion guy being the tutor ohhhhh my God this is amazing.

This guy never even got a name did he and yet he's brought so much joy

janiemcpants: I don't think he ever did!

annakie: Marisha is making Liam cry this is so sad

janiemcpants: EVERYONE CRIES SO MUCH AND THAT MAKES ME CRY EVEN MORE

annakie: "And every day that Raven comes to visit."

I'm dead.

Oh my God Matt and Marisha get married THE NEXT WEEK!?

janiemcpants:

YEP!

annakie: Well I'm completely emotionally drained.

(We said a bit more here, but it was personal.)

11:28pm: I made this post. ) -----------------

I couldn't do much yesterday but think about this fucking show. I'm catching up on the Talks Machinas I missed from like 108 through 115, I think I'm on 111 now? I also watched Matt Colville's recap of the episode and why it's so great. I'd been looking forward to watching that since he made it, since I watch most of what he puts out it's been sitting in my suggested videos like for almost every episode I watched. That was perfect, as well.

I removed some talk about this in the chatlog Janie and I had but I'm going to take like this week off and catch up on the Specials & Oneshots I didn't watch before. I need that cooling off period. I'll probably power through season 2 after it's done and start watching live and wondering if It's Thursday Yet? within a couple of weeks from now.

I'm still sorting through feelings, too. I'll probably have more to say.

But you know how there's a lot of media you like, and some that you love but only a few make it to that "Favorite things" level, the place where it turns into something that you love wholeheartedly and will remember forever and kinda wish you could erase from your brain so you could re-experience it for the first time again?

I have a few of those. Futurama. MST3K. Parks and Recreation. Psych. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. The entire Mass Effect trilogy. Neverwinter Nights 2. The Thrilling Adventure Hour. U2's Songs of Experience album. Sugar's Copper Blue album. The Princess Bride. All of Star Wars. The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Star Trek: TNG and DS9. The Good Place will end up here once it's done.

And now Critical Role: Season One.

#critical role stuff #personal post tag thingy #critical role

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oliviakeyy · 7 years

Text

Just want to write about Jonghyun & SHINee for a bit.

Yesterday I was watching Lee Hi’s performance of Breathe and started crying. And I watched it again today several times and cried. Then I watched SHINee win artist of the year and cried again. This whole thing is going to be a mess of memories, typos, and such, but I just want to write this out for myself.

I became a SHINee fan back in 2009. I found them on accident on Youtube and it started with “Juliette.” At first, I wasn’t a fan of the song, but everyday on my way to classes in college, it would just keep replaying over and over in my head. I used to get so frustrated and ask myself “why is this song stuck in my head if I don’t like it?!” So finally, I decided to give it one more shot, because if a song gets stuck in your head, there has to be a reason. So I watched it again, actually.. several times because they were so cute. Then I finally decided, “Okay... let me give them a chance.” From there I found “Replay”, which I fell in love with upon first listen. I basically went through all the music videos they had that were accessible through Youtube (Love Like Oxygen and Amigo). Soon after, I had their album downloaded and was playing the whole thing on repeat.

Not too long after, they started dropping teasers of each member everyday for “Ring Ding Dong” and I was so hyped. It was the first time I ever experienced the infamous ‘K-pop Comeback.’ I instantly fell in love with the song and that’s when I decided that these guys were just too good to be true and I dubbed them as my favorite group.

I’ll never forget when I went home for Thanksgiving break and all I was doing was playing “Ring Dong Dong” throughout the house on full blast. I made everyone listen to the song and eventually, this became the song that also got my cousin and mom into K-pop. I remember sitting my cousin down and just forcing her to watch SHINee videos. It was my first time ever converting someone to a Shawol.

I used to have this internal struggle back then that was ‘who is my bias?’ At the start, it was Taemin. Then when Ring Ding Dong came out, Key stole my heart. My mom used to buy anything and everything that was Key shaped (actually she still does). But then, Hello Baby happened, and everything about Jonghyun caught my attention. My cousin used to be so mean and would ask me “Key or Jonghyun?” And I could never give her a answer. I felt bad betraying Key by choosing Jonghyun and vice versa. Eventually, I accepted it and decided Jonghyun was the one.

Anyways, I basically fell in love with SHINee ever since then and everyone around me thought it was just a ‘phase.’ I’ve had phases in the past that have lasted a week to a couple years, but they always seemed to have left me eventually, but I was convinced SHINee wasn’t just a ‘phase,’ and I was right. It’s now 2018 and I’m still going strong.

Without SHINee, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I’ve met so many friends and have had so many experiences because of SHINee. My first time ever in Japan back in 2010, I bought a Jonghyun pen they were selling in Yokohama in China Town. My first day of school in Osaka that I was studying abroad at, a girl in my class pointed to it and asked ‘Is that Jonghyun?’ We’ve been friends ever since. We even went to their first ever concert together back in December 2010. I mean, we spent a ton of money on those tickets, but it was totally worth it. I even cried from happiness and ran into a pole afterwards.

Because of SHINee, I started learning Korean and eventually I went to live and work in Korea for 3 years. I met another friend in line at a SHINee concert who was also living in Korea and we ended up going to all their events, pre-recordings, and concerts together. The best times there were SW2,3,4, 7th anniversary, SMTOWN Week, Taemin’s solo fanmeet, Gumi concert, and Sokcho concert.

Another funny thing that is actually true is that I started wearing contacts because of Jonghyun. I’m actually terrified of eyes and hate watching people put on eye make-up, putting it on myself (I can but it takes a while), contacts, and just touching eyes in general, but I told myself one day “If Jonghyun can wear contacts, so can I. I’m going to do this for Jonghyun.” Why? I don’t know. But I was so sick of glasses so I needed motivation. I finally did suck it up and learn to wear contacts, and eventually I got LASIK. All thanks to Jonghyun hahahaha.

I went to Jonghyun’s concert back in 2015 and each concert he would change up the setlist a bit. So a song he sang the day before, he might not have sang the next day. My top two favorite songs by/written by Jonghyun are “Love Belt” and “Gloomy Clock.” At the time, I think he had sung Gloomy Clock, but he never sang Love Belt yet at any of his concerts. So when it came time for the concert I was finally going to, I hoped he would. And he did. The moment he said Love Belt would be next, I lost it inside. He sang Gloomy Clock as well which was another bonus. It was beautiful. I went to his encore concert as well when he added extra dates and when he sang “Skeleton Flower” I teared up. I really wish I could’ve seen “Elevator” live too, but never had a chance.

After reading his note, there’s one thing I wish I did. I had the chance to meet him back when he was promoting his Base album. I had gone to his pre-recording for Crazy in the early morning around 4AM. It takes about 2 days to get into a pre-recording, so my friend and I had a lot to do to get in. We succeeded, but afterwards, we were so sleepy that we just went home when it ended. I just want to thank Briana right now for spamming my KakaoTalk with messages in order to wake me up to tell me Jonghyun was having a fan meet for people who went to the pre-recording. I literally shot out of bed and just ran out of my apartment, caught a taxi, and paid about 60,000 won (~$55) to get to the location. I was late and Jonghyun was already talking to everyone (which was embarrassing cause I saw a lot of heads watch me come late all by myself, even Jonghyun turned to look over at this lonely girl coming super late lofl....), but thankfully the SHINee staff still let me join. I’m so glad my pre-recording number didn’t smear off while I was sleeping. When it was my turn to go up and shake Jonghyun’s hand and talk to him, I was nervous. At the time, all the Korean I knew had completely left my brain and I had no idea at all what to say, all I could say was “축하합니다” before his manager or staff, whoever it was, told me I needed to move on so the next person could go. I really wish I could’ve told him “수고했어요” now. But, what’s done is done.

Basically, I just wanted to write about how much SHINee and Jonghyun mean to me. Literally, if you want to be my friend, whether you like k-pop, hate it, knew about it, didn’t know about it, you HAD to know I loved SHINee and Jonghyun. Every one who knows me, knows I love Jonghyun, that is a fact. Because I couldn’t be myself if someone didn’t know. Jonghyun was literally a part of me that made me, well, me. When everything happened back in December last year, I had people who I haven’t talked to in YEARS write me and ask me if I was doing okay. More people messaged me that week than people did to wish me a happy birthday.

I’m not a very openly emotional person when it comes to the more sorrowful emotions. I don’t cry much, especially not in front of others. When I found out about Jonghyun, I was with a friend at the time for the whole week. I don’t like to cry in front of others for sad reasons, I literally can’t do it. My body just automatically stops it and I don’t know why. It especially sucks when I want to cry and I really wish I could just let it out, but my body just won’t allow it. Because of this, I’m the type of person who prefers to cry alone, because it’s the only time I actually can. It doesn’t bother me that no one is there to comfort me, because I prefer there not to be, at least not in person. So basically, that whole entire week of Jonghyun’s death that I was with my friend, I didn’t cry. I hated it. I wanted to cry because honestly, I felt so empty and weak that whole week. And crying just makes it feel better. However, I had it stored away until I was finally home by myself the end of that week. I was finally able to cry, even it was just a single tear.

But, I think his death is starting to catch up with me now. Ever since seeing that Lee Hi Jonghyun Tribute video, I keep rewatching it and I cry before I go to bed, and when I wake up. My body is finally letting it out.

I’m so thankful SHINee came to my hometown in Chicago back in 2016. The feeling is so much different when traveling somewhere to see them vs them actually coming to where you live, especially your town or city specifically. I’m so thankful I was able to see him in their last Dome Tour in 2017 in Osaka on Key’s birthday. I’m also just thankful in general for all the different times I was able to see Jonghyun. The very first time I was ever leaving America, I wrote my number one wish on a balloon and sent it off into the sky. I wrote “I hope to see SHINee.” And a couple months later, that wish came true at SHINee World 1. At that time, I thought I would never see SHINee live again for some reason, so I cherished it. And since then, I have seen SHINee and Jonghyun many, many times, and I’m so thankful. I don’t regret anything at all. Those were the best times of my life.

I want to thank Jonghyun for all he has done, all the great songs he has written, all the people he has helped and inspired. Personally, I have never dealt with depression or anything of the sort, but I know someone who has and who is, and I know Jonghyun was a big help and inspiration to that person to keep going. I’m very sad he had to leave this world, but I hope now he can rest well. His legacy and music will live on even if he isn’t here with us physically. SHINee World will forever be by his side and I know he will always be by ours. I hope SHINee, Jonghyun’s family, friends, and all my fellow Shawols out there all take care. Thank you for all you’ve done Jonghyun. It’s been hard. You did well. I love you.

#you did well

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