#halfway i decided its meant to kinda look like a game but i got bored with it

[meldailyarts]

04/24/2024 perspective practice

i had no fucking clue what to do for the bg or cieling so i just slapped some random shit together and called it a day

[yarbz]

cowardly game of rival — n.jaemin ( f )

synopsis!

 ━ as the girl’s football team captain, you were used to the endless derogatory taunts, the wolf-whistling, the attempts at romance being boys telling you what they thought of barcelona’s starting XII. na jaemin fell into all those catergories, a detestable flea in your hair. as sworn enemies, there was not even an inkling of romance, and you were convinced that your attraction to him was ONLY physical. weren’t you?

pairing ━ na jaemin x female!reader

word count ━ 6k

genres ━ fluff, rival!au, football!au, comedy, romance, very little of the football game is described in detail.

warnings ━ profanity, football terms, dirty jokes, y/n and jaemin are literally just cowards

( author's note! )

this one came to mind when i thought of how i love female footballers and decided that jaemin would be the idiot in question to chicken out of confessing to their crush by being an ass instead. i really hope you like it !! other notes are sissoko is the name of like three different players and a cracker is slang for a really good goal.

Football.

A sport of creatively insane wits, fancy footwork and incoherent celebrations. Those were all the things you loved about it, along with the ridiculously cute uniform.

It provided you an escape from the man's world, a chance to carve out your own story, free from the shackles of stereotypes. At least, that's what you'd initially thought.

Unfortunately, the boy's football team made it their sole objective in life to demean you. As captain, you took on the strenuous task of refusing to resort to physical violence when a stupid comment about your short length was made or when boys assumed you couldn't tell your Sissoko's apart (you could, quite well actually).

You had taken it as a sign of war, and refused to comment on their pathetic sneers. You did, however, feel as if Na Jaemin made a blood pact or something to be a parasite towards you.

He stood at the cusp of six foot, towering over you like an evergreen beanstalk, cheshire-cat like smile taunting you. Chocolate colour tresses fell over his eyes in straight lines, shielding his forehead.

It's not like you paid attention to his visage, but even you had to admit in your spite that he was attractive. And horribly so.

Today started like every other, going to your locker before heading to your homeroom. Luckily, you'd managed to get there before the freshmen started to pile in. Being a senior had its positives along with its various faults, one of them being the early access you got to the school.

You jammed your key in the lock, flinging open the locker door, making quick work of exchanging your books. In your fast-paced stupor, you didn't notice the figure leaning behind the door. You slammed the door shut, nail catching an patch of skin, scraping it.

"If you wanted me to leave, you could've been less catty." The voice wheedled, throwing a withering glare in your direction. You rolled your eyes, annoyed, arms crossed across your chest.

"Jaemin." You sighed, rubbing your temples. "Why are you hiding behind my locker? Are you looking for a death wish?"

He sat up slowly, soothing his reddening nose, suddenly regaining his smile as he leaned closer towards your face. "If I was looking for a death wish, I'd eat whatever food you just stuffed in there."

"Fuck off. Don't see you making any gourmet meals."

"I'm the gourmet meal." He slithered, breath fanning your nose. From this distance, you could see the wonder swimming within his eyes, breath caught in your throat.

Damn, he was too fine.

You tore your gaze from his eyes, "And yet, I don't feel inclined to taste it." He jumped back in surprise, eyes widening, giving you an opening to dash. Chuffed that you left him speechless, you walked towards your next class, resisting the urge to turn back to revel in his awe-struck face.

Jaemin's eyebrow quirked in curiosity, crooked smirk hanging from his lips. He watched you stalk away, cursing underneath his breath softly. You carried a fiery aura around you, burning him with every snarky remark — even though it beat him bruised ghastly lavenders, he could bear to play with fire if it meant you would pay him attention.

You see, Jaemin did not hate you as per say. The 'hate' which you believed in was merely his inability to profess his affections towards you. For lack of a better word, he was a coward.

A dashingly handsome one, but a fragile, chicken-legged coward all the same.

You'd made it to class in record time, ego bared boldly on your shoulders, attracting the curious eyes of your best friends Yangyang and Donghyuck. Both were terrorists in their own right, but you couldn't help loving them all the same. Sure, they came as a dreadful pair, but love had decided to shackle your heart to them.

"What's got you so happy? Jaemin finally drop dead?" Yangyang joked, shifting to make space for you. Headband strapped to the pinnacle of his forehead, he grinned at you from beneath the base of stretchy ebony material.

"No..not yet." You hummed, sad lilt to your tone.

"Awh, didn't kill him yet?" Donghyuck teased, nudging Yangyang in their laughter. "I think it must be love stopping you from committing the crime yourself." You shoved both, peals of laughter tickling your throat at their whines of pain.

"If you don't shut up, I'll be killing you two instead, never mind Jaemin." You snapped. "Love is what I feel when I score a cracker from the halfway line. Seeing Jaemin makes me want to jump out of the nearest window."

"Are you sure it's not just unresolved sexual tension? I, too get antsy when I haven't jacked off—"

"Finish that sentence and you'll have no arms."

"I'm flexible enough to suck myself off." Yangyang mused, "You'll never stop my libido."

"You're disgusting." You and Donghyuck said in sync, swatting his grabby hands from flying at your shoulders. Quite frankly, you didn't want to hear about his freakishly boneless limbs, or his untameable sex drive, nor hear anything about his genitals at all.

"Does that count as self—"

"Yes, it does. Please don't be telling people that I'm your friend, or that you can do that. It's not a little icebreaker."

Friendship with these two had crossed all sorts of personal boundaries you didn't know existed, and it was starting to decompose you, like a rotting piece of cabbage infested by slugs, yet still hanging on for the glimpse of sunlight to regenerate.

Okay, so you were being dramatic. But, that didn't explain their dire need to over share certain aspects of their lives with you.

"Doesn't change the topic at hand —Did you get my pun?" He asked, looking for Donghyuck's reaction.

"I did. Not going to comment on it before she breaks my arms. Just know I enjoyed it very much."

"If I wanted to mess around with Jaemin, I'd put my hand in a beehive. It'd sting less." You snarled, slamming down your books. They winced comically, faces alert as the teacher walked into the class.

Apart from football, you enjoyed learning — how to make things, break things, self defense, people skills, and education fell not too far from that. Classes like biology interested you greatly, which is why you found yourself fully immersed in the process of respiration.

Your mind drifted for a second, thinking back to what he'd said. Was it actually sexual tension? Did you actually bare an emotion other than loathing towards him? Then, you thought of that face and how you'd want to do nothing more than break his pretty little nose—

Yeah. There it was. You were normal after all.

School had come to her daily dreadful end, and you were happily striding into the ladies' changing rooms for football training. Nobody had gotten here yet, luckily.

You glanced over into the full body mirror, tugging at your shorts until they fell just above the bump of your knee, pulling your sock midway at your calf. Lean abs shone underneath the dim light, and you proudly paraded around the room, happy to be alone.

A knock on the door came, and you swung the door open with a feverish excitement. "Who is it?"

"Didn't take me as a bra kinda girl. Was thinking more spandex or a binder." Jaemin seethed, hands on hips, azure jersey hanging off his lithe frame.

"You're insufferable. Why are you here?" You groaned, choosing to ignore his taunt at your breast size. His eyes crinkled into upside down crescents, wandering lower to the dip of your frilly black bra.

"To see my favourite girl, of course." He whistled, eyes still glued to your unmarked expanse of skin. "I think those need a new owner." He pointed towards your chest.

"Preferably one whose face I can stand to look at."

"I'm roaring with laughter." You snarked, voice dripping with sarcasm, making no attempt to cover yourself up. Jaemin was still staring, face flushed a flaming cerise. "You gonna keep staring or are you gonna leave me alone?"

"I'm not staring. Why are you staring at me?" He shot defensively. Your eyes narrowed at him, watching his cheeks darken with every lingering stare.

"You're in the girl's changing room, drooling over two lumps of fat on the body of a girl that you hate. The real inquisition here is your lack of sensibility to stop thirsting after anything with a vagina."

Jaemin stayed silent, eyes boring holes into your full lips, tongue instinctively darting out to wet his own nimble, chapped ones. Rolling your eyes, you lead him to the door, hand clasped against the door handle.

Then, you heard loud footsteps approaching the room, incoherent rambling increasing in clarity. You began to conjure up a plan, wondering how on Earth you'd be able to kick Jaemin out without the girls knowing.

With the shouts of the team gradually getting closer, you panicked, chucking Jaemin into a locker.

"Fine, I'll leave! Lemme out!" He squirmed, trying to come out of the metal confines.

"You can't leave now, they're literally outside. Do you want to be stomped to death by Nike Mercurials?" You hissed, closing the door over, much to his protests.

"Don't wanna die with the last image being your breasts."

"If you survive this, I'll gladly provide you a new image."

He shut up at that, and you straightened, reaching for your jersey in a false calmness. The girls burst in, squeals of various greetings being thrown across the room.

You smiled gently at them, encouraging them to get changed, joining in to laugh at their jokes. The topic kept shifting from manicures to new boots before finally settling on Na Jaemin.

"Cap'n, what's going on with you and Jaemin?" One of the girls asked, batting her eyelashes softly. "A boy on the football team told me that you guys are dating."

Dating..that devil? A sin punishable by death! You repelled all instinct to shudder in disgust, instead choosing to maintain a neutral expression.

"I am absolutely not dating Na Jaemin. He's a despicable little mongrel and I'd rather eat my shoe—"

"Mon bébé chérie, why do you curse me like this?" Jaemin squeezed from the locker, voice like a wounded puppy.

"Did you hear that? I think it was—"

"No! It's my Jaemin impression. Isn't it so good?" You spluttered, voice rising in volume. You were sure that your face was a painful beetroot, breathing crazily as you over-exerted yourself.

"Cap'n, it was so good I almost thought Jaemin was in here with us!" She gushed, hands clasped. "You guys would be so cute together. Even if you don't like him, I think he most definitely has feelings for you."

The rest of the girls joined in at this, shouts of 'you should take a chance!' resounding in the hollow room. You'd already ruled out that as a possibility, chalking it down to his uncontrollable thirst for being a pest. Na Jaemin was your rival, the utter bane of your existence, a rodent that fed on robbing your spirits dry of any positivity.

"He'll get a chance when pigs fly." You muttered, noticing their eyes staring at you inquisitively, as if they knew something you didn't. Awkwardly, you smiled at the girls, ushering them towards the door, scanning the hallway after the last one had skipped out.

Jaemin untangled himself from the locker, straightening his limbs, pulling at his calves in a stretch. You peered over your shoulder, frown deepening at him.

"Did you mean what you said?" Jaemin breathed, walking into your personal bubble. He was way too close. His breath tickled your forehead, eyes dark with something you couldn't decipher.

He felt his heart pound against his chest, resisting the urge to pick the stray hair in your eye to the side. You were looking at him with a confused expression, nose scrunched, eyebrows furrowed. You were going to be the death of him. Devastated, he broke eye contact, feeling all forms of fight seep from his bones.

"You don't like me." You whispered, wincing at the wobble in your voice. "Everyone's just saying that....right?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"No. I want you to say no."

"I can't do that."

"Well, you have to say no. I don't want to hear the rest of your sentence — keep us as just this." You softly yelled, pointing between the pair of you. "Don't change anything."

"Okay. I'll leave, but only because you want me to. But, before I go..you've gotta start being more observant." He sighed, ruffling your hair before making his way out.

"I’m plenty observant. Wouldn’t be a good player if I wasn’t.”

"I’ll see it when I believe it. Oh, and the thing you said about pigs flying..”

“What about it?”

“Renjun’s working on it.”

You laughed heartily, locking the door behind you. So, Jaemin did in fact think of you as his Aphrodite — all those nicknames were genuinely created out of affections. 'Mon bébé chérie' held a lot more emotional weight than it did twenty minutes ago, and you had to breathe before your eyes prickled with saltine tears.

Fresh air hit you like a loaded delivery truck, Mother Nature delicately wiping the tears from your eyes, shaking you with a cold flourish, roaring your cheeks to life. The team had already started their warm-up drills, as opposed to the boys' football team who were cooling down from their jog.

You ran over, tightening your ponytail, shifting into 'Captain' mode. The coach pushed you into the circle, encouraging you to take the reins. "Team, we've been doing nothing but straight work. Let's make this session count before the match tomorrow." You shouted, feeling that familiar rush of adrenaline.

The team chanted back, settling into their positions for the first drill — a penalty shoot out. You stepped to the ball, striding back to gain a better angle, socks hugging your knees.

Giving yourself a five second countdown, you charged at the ball, foot pointed, kicking it with a passion that rivalled Lionel Messi. It rolled in the back of the net, flying past Hyejoo, who could barely even process it.

"Still got those fire feet, I see, Cap'n!"

"Lady Luck gave them to me for a reason." You boasted, smugness slapped all over your face.

From the corner of your eye, Jaemin snickered, winking at you when you turned to make eye contact. At least he had the audacity to keep up appearances in front of everyone, even if you had probably made everything awkward.

"My granny could kick better than that, babes!" He boomed from across the pitch, teasing smirk on his lips.

"Your granny lives in a retirement home and still calls on you 'Nana Banana'..it's not very nice to lie." You retorted, eyes narrowed, nearing his hunched form.

"Doesn't mean she can't kick your ass. Granny was a little Aguero back in the day."

"She can't if I'm the Manè, can she?"

"But I'm a Modric. I'll beat your ass, any day, any time." He grinned, leaning in to you. "In any way you want."

You heard blood pumping in your ears, your cheeks filling with immense heat. He grabbed your cheeks softly, grinning even wider when you flushed even warmer, a human sauna. Pushing a lock out of your eyes, he searched your eyes for any sense of rage, face softening at your lack of that emotion.

"Any..way..I want?" You mouthed silently, innuendo catching your attention again as you mulled over the words. "Na Jaemin, you're a dirty boy."

"I think you're the dirty girl." He hummed, saying the next sentence in an octave that made your head spin, quietly enough that only the two of you could hear. "Sauntering around in your little Victoria's Secret bra, cozying up to me without even batting an eyelash or covering up."

"These boobs are mine. I'm allowed to show them to anyone I want."

"So you admit to showing them to me? You admit that you were trying to put on a show for me?" He pressed, purposely craning his neck over you.

"I was trying to change. If you didn't come into the room like a little pervert, you'd never have gotten a visual of these."

"And yet I know how they look now. There's nothing that can erase that image."

"Fuck you, Na Jaemin."

"I think you meant to say fuck me, but I'll allow the slip-up just because I'm so nice." You squirmed under his predatory gaze, heat in your cheeks akin to a fever. "Better get back to training, Cap. Your team's got a match tomorrow."

You hissed at him weakly, choosing to walk away from his provocation, going back to the team, who were all smiling at you with a glint in their eye. By the looks on their faces, they'd definitely taken that exchange as a form of flirting.

Not that you were disputing it, of course.

The coach rounded the girls up, calling them to grab bibs. You relaxed, running over to take the last bib once you'd calmed down. Na Jaemin was a little toe-sucking, filthy mongrel who only knew how to charm his way out of everything — totally not your ideal type or anything.

His penance for being blunt coupled with that honeyed voice was what was throwing you off. Not your physical attraction to him. At least, you hoped so.

The shrill shriek of the whistle behind you shook you out of your mind, bringing your attention back to the practice game. With every shot at the goal, you could see Jaemin taunting you, making kissy faces.

After the first half, you weren't sure if it was real or if you were hallucinating — almost like a mirage, he was wearing that stupid little smirk and there was nothing more you wanted than to slap those lips clean off his face.

Soon enough, you clocked that it wasn't just an illusion, as he'd shifted to the opposite end of the pitch, the other boys from the football team watching from the stands.

They'd started jeering at every pass, exaggerating their reactions, commentary toeing the border of sexual harassment. You volleyed the ball on your foot, battering it into the stands, grinning widely as it hit one of the boys in the face, leaving his nose lopsided.

"If you're gonna be a sexist piece of shit, just fuck off. My team doesn't deserve to hear your brain-dead commentary, nor see your fuck face." You smiled, bite in your voice. "Kindly take the opinion that nobody asked for and shove it up your ass."

Jaemin's eyes twinkled with respect, breath caught in his throat at the dark look in your eyes. He felt his chest warm in adoration, heart doubling in size. "You heard the lady."

"Includes you too, Jaemin. Better get home before Granny Na starts missing her little boy."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Fuck off." You said playfully, recovering the ball. He waved you bye, lugging his bag over his shoulder, fixing the collar of his jersey. A beam touched your lips, face lighting up.

Jaemin smirked back at you, taking his leave. He dragged the remnants away with him, leaving the girl's football team alone in the cooling dwindle of Autumn light.

"Nice shorts." A tug.

"Oh? Na Jaemin complimenting me?" You mused in surprise, arms folded across your chest.

"You didn't let me finish." Jaemin whispered, standing on the sidelines of the pitch, pulling at the hem of your shorts. "Ooh, I can see your stubble. Better bring out the razor."

Your jaw tightened, feeling that rush of annoyance fill your veins again. The nerve.

"More stubble than you'll ever grow on that chin."

"At least I'm not a human Sasquatch."

"I've got hair in the right places—" You started, catching the innuendo, glaring at Jaemin's raised eyebrows. "—I know what I meant. Don't be such a dirty boy."

"Say it again. Love the way it rolls off your tongue."

You gaped at him, whole body blowing a fuse, skin reddening at his tone. Sweltering heat danced atop each fingertip, each muscle, making you jolt. His gaze was still glued to your face, relishing the quickly dilating pupils in your eyes.

"I—"

"—Would rather have you speechless after our first time, not for your championship final. When you win, I'll buy you fucking adorable ice cream with the little star sprinkles that you like."

"Going to ignore you on that first statement, but the second one sounds like a motive."

"Win the match, and I'll ask you out. Properly."

You saw his eyes flash with something passionate, flakes of gooey molasses swirling behind the irises. Before you opened your mouth to reply to him, he pleaded silently for you to just take it as it was. "Gimme a chance. Who knows you better than your enemy? Nobody."

"I mean..."

"Only you know that my grandma calls me those corny names or that I see her all the time."

"Or that you lose every game that's not football because you're too lazy to pay attention." You added.

"And I know that you broke a guy's jaw because he was bothering Yangyang." He continued. "And I also know that you know one thing I've never told anyone."

"Ooh, what's that?"

"That I like you."

You looked away from him sheepishly, goosebumps popping up on your skin, and whether it was from the cold or from his words, you didn't know. He was looking down at you tenderly, ruffling your bed of hair, pressing a small, wet kiss to your forehead as the whistle blew.

"Don't play with fire, Na."

"You're more like a carpet burn."

You sighed, defeated. "Fine. I'll give you an answer when we win. If you're playing me, I'll break your arms."

"Okay. Go get 'em, Lady Luck." He smiled, waving you off as you scurried onto the pitch, face glowing under the fluorescent lights. Jaemin felt his chest tighten with pride, jaw aching from all the strenuous smiling.

With that absurdly contented face, you reminded him of a cross between a kid at a carnival and a man about to kill another. Your hair gathered wildly atop your head, a wicked glare painting your face.

This was you at peace, he deduced. Even with the gruesome of expressions, you looked calm. The pitch was truly your home away from home.

Two minutes into the second half saw you being carried off on a stretcher with a torn hamstring. You'd fallen to the grass, no sounds coming from your limp body. Jaemin swore he felt his heart plunge into his ass, and with a frantic flourish, he was coddling your head into his chest.

"Luck, don't die on me. I'm supposed to take you out for ice cream after this, and I stole Renjun's Baskin Robbins loyalty card to cut costs so if we don't go, I'll be getting beat up without having kissed your stupid face." He babbled, slapping your cheeks, scared that you'd genuinely lost your life.

You groaned, rolling slowly in the elastic. "Stop touching my face, I'll get acne." Mildly concussed, you soothed your throbbing headache, registering Jaemin's face looming over you. "Jaemin?"

"Oh, thank God. Thought I'd never see that unruly sparkle in your eyes again."

"Fuck off. My hamstring feels like a fried chicken mukbang and you're talking about my eyes."

"I can't cry before our first date. You'll think I'm a wimp."

"Already think that."

He hit your arm lightly, beaming at your focus on his face, meeting your eyes. You were glaring at him with a kissable pout on your lips, eyebrows furrowed — he wanted to pepper your face in balmy kisses.

The paramedic pushed him away, leading you to the ambulance. You flipped him off, yelling loudly as they wheeled you in, "Make sure you win! Won't forgive you if you don't."

The girl's football team had gathered around the door, all tight-lipped smiles and crumpled faces. They visibly brightened at your declaration, huddling together to recalibrate — the ref blew her whistle to call them back, summoning them back into position.

Yangyang and Donghyuck left the stands, rushing into the ambulance alongside you, closing the door behind them. Jaemin could faintly hear your loud curses, and sighed in relief, knowing that you'd be fine.

With two goals up, the team were at optimum working speed, playing loyally for your honour. Jaemin stood at the sidelines, holding your jacket in his hands as he recorded the match on his phone, wanting to send it to you later.

At 90 minutes, the girl's team had become the winner of the Division One Seoul Inter-district championship, and Jaemin was content. Not because it meant you'd go on that date with him, but because he could feel how much it meant to them.

Everyone around him was cheering madly, chanting and spraying assorted drinks in each other's faces, an infectious joy lingering in his veins. Amongst all the commotion, he'd somehow been pushed into the middle of the team, feeling their gazes boring into his frame.

"You like Cap'n, right?" The brunette said, eyes bright.

"No. I don't like her. She's my rival." Jaemin lied pathetically, trying to escape their judgement.

"Why were you in the locker room then?"

"Damn. How do you know that?"

"Cap'n is horrible at lying, so she's always upfront. She also cannot do an impression so she never attempts it."

"Wow, you guys sure know your stuff. Bet she's glad to have a team like you. I know I'm feeling a little jealous."

"Cut the smooth talk. If you like Cap'n, just be straightforward. She's more innocent than she seems, and can get her heart broken easily."

"Got it." He nodded, "Well...ladies, I have to thank you for the advice."

"No problem, but if you break her heart.." They chorused, "We'll break that pretty little nose." Fifteen studded feet swung at his face, narrowly skimming the bridge of his nose.

He flinched, caught off guard, grin bared. "Now, I definitely got that message. I'll be going to check up on her, what do you want me to say?"

"We've already called her and shown her the trophy, so we have nothing left to say, you, however...take all the time you need."

"Since I have your blessing, am I allowed to—"

"Don't finish that sentence. Keep in your lane."

Jaemin promptly closed his mouth, and bid them a goodbye, dashing into his car towards the hospital, stopping at Baskin Robbins to buy the ice cream he promised. He hoped you’d at least be able to eat the sprinkles (the ones you liked were expensive, and if you didn’t eat them, he’d just wasted an extra 2,500 won.)

In the hospital, you were now dressed in a medical gown, surrounded by the two idiots. It smelt like an experiment lab, and the spotless shades of ivory splashed on the walls made you feel a tad bit overwhelmed.

Your leg had already undergone the MRSI scan, and the nurses had told you that you’d definitely tore your hamstring, but surgery would fix it right up along with natural healing.

Of course, all those details lacked in comparison to your team finally winning the trophy you���d worked so hard towards — that excitement numbed the pain considerably.

“We thought you’d somehow died.” Yangyang confessed, grasping your hands in his clammy ones.

“You did.” Donghyuck sneered, pointing at him, continuing when he saw your face change in confusion. “Yang was convinced that you were invincible like Superman or something. He started blubbering about how you could definitely defeat the grim reaper in close contact and that should be enough to steal back your soul or whatever—”

“I’m just never going to ask questions again.”

“Jaemin was on the verge of a breakdown when he saw you fall. Never have I ever seen him run so fast towards a girl.” Donghyuck said, hand on chin in mock thought.

You blushed, remembering your promise about the ice cream and falling back into the bed in distress.

“What’s going on with you? I saw you two all friendly at the sidelines.” Yangyang murmured, eyes squinting in judgement. “Don’t tell me...you guys fucked before the game?”

Suddenly it was too hot in the room. You fanned yourself to cool down, slapping your own cheeks before pulling Yangyang’s ears. “Yeah, because I have the guts to just have my first time in a school setting.” You deadpanned.

“Naughty girl.” Both boys swooned, unable to note your sarcasm.

“Just because my leg is gone doesn’t mean I can’t harm you anymore. I’ll break your kneecaps.”

In the midst of your fight with your best friends, you spotted Jaemin opening the door, wearing that greasy smirk that made butterflies tickle your throat.

“I see a broken leg isn’t enough to stop you, is it?” Jaemin drawled from the door, hands behind his back. “Still threatening people?”

“It’s not threatening if they deserve it.” You mumbled, suddenly shy. Jaemin maintained his distance from you, arm outstretched, ice cream tub in hand. He was looking away from you, faint blush tinting his cheeks, lips squeezed in a puffy ‘o’.

“Not that I remembered or anything, but you did say something about liking these sprinkles.” He said, eyes darting around to focus on anything but you.

“I do...like these sprinkles..how did you know?”

“Everyone calls you star, and you’re cute. It’s your personality in an edible sugar shape.”

You rolled your eyes at his words, forgetting both Donghyuck and Yangyang were seated in the room. It felt like the two of you were just stuck in your own world, glaring at each other like a pair of lovers.

Unfortunately, that moment was cut short by your ungracious best friends, cooing annoyingly. They were squealing like little girls, incomprehensible screams of ‘our girl’s grown up!’ scraping your eardrums.

“Leave me alone!” You whined, face scrunched in discomfort, making futile attempts to push them away. “Jaemin...please get these two off me.”

“Asking your boyfriend to get rid of us? Already?” Yangyang hollered, one of Jaemin’s arms stopping him from jumping on you again.

“He’s not my boyfriend. As of now, he’s the only sensible one who isn’t mauling the girl with a broken leg, and that’s why I’m asking him for help.”

“Should I throw them out?”

“Yes —actually, do whatever. Let them go terrorise someone that isn’t me.”

“Your wish is my command.”

On that, Jaemin escorted both boys outside, shutting the door on them, cutting off the beginning to their long-winded rant with a smile. That left the two of you alone.

Oddly enough, the silence wasn’t stifling but rather a conversation of the mind — you were able to see what he wanted to say by looking into those mocha coloured eyes. You threw the ice cream tub in the bin, reaching for Jaemin’s hands shyly.

He’d sat down beside you on the bed, just staring at you like you were an abstract painting, a mosaic of a splendid array, unable to take his eyes off you. He took your hand warmly, running his fingers over your calloused knuckles, sharing his heat with you.

“Jaemin.” You yawned, head falling onto his shoulder. “I’m saying yes to your date. If I didn’t get injured, you could’ve taken me out today, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry. Being with you is enough for me, even if I do want to comment on your horrible tackles during the match.” Jaemin teased, grabbing your hand a little tighter.

“Haha...I’m dying of laughter.”

“Hey! None of that here.”

“Sorry. I’m just happy. My team won our first championship, which we’ve been trying to do for three years, and I feel on top of the world. All those years of boys being absolute dickheads to us about our abilities, trying to put us down have amounted to this moment. I’m at peace right now.”

“Don’t apologise. I should be sorry instead. It was easier to talk to you if I pretended I hated you. I shouldn’t have been like that.”

“I accept your apology. But..I think it was cute you couldn’t tell me you liked me! That’s so endearing.”

“Fuck off.”

“That’s my line! Well, you were always attractive to me, even when you were being a dickhead. Now that I think about it, you’re at your hottest when you’re being mean.”

“Is that so?” Jaemin mused, rolling onto his hands, dangling over you, lips eerily close to your own. “Do you want me to treat you mean, keep you keen?”

“Firstly, don’t ever say that again.” You stopped him, hand placed on his chest to push him away lightly. “Secondly, I’ve never had a boyfriend or my first kiss. That means no experience.” You slurred that last part, rushing the words so he wouldn’t be able to hear.

“Cap’n, you’re telling me that I’ll be your first?”

“Not if you don’t ask me out.”

Jaemin sat back beside you, looking up to the ceiling. This was the moment. He took a deep breath, standing up before you, hands rubbing his stomach softly to calm down.

“I wanted to do a real dramatic confession, but I rushed over here in fear that you wouldn’t be able to hit me again, so I’ll have to stick with my speech.” He cheesed, trying to ease himself of his nerves. You laughed, hissing in mock anger when he wore that stupid grin. “I like you. Like a lot. Sometimes, I come to school with a dirty scowl on my face, but then I see your face and start smiling like a love struck fool. You’re someone that I wouldn’t want to lose.”

“Jaemin, you little mongrel. Come here.” You waved him over, arms outstretched in a hug. “Even though I know your ego won’t let you ask me out properly, I would love to be your girlfriend. However, if my heart is broken..I’ll be stoning your car.”

“Thought you were gonna say that you’d break my face.”

“That too.”

He snuggled closer into you, peering up at you with shining eyes, not wanting to move too much to keep you comfortable. You grinned back at him, placing a soft kiss on his head, running a hand through his hair.

That familiar silence returned, and that’s how you fell asleep with Na Jaemin enveloped in your chest. Although you’d broken a leg, Lady Luck seemed to have twiddled her fingers to send you a ‘get well soon’ present, the ever cunning Na Jaemin.

Five months later had you no longer hobbling around on crutches like a hobbit, but walking proud and tall. Jaemin drove you to school (using the excuse of carpooling) and helped you take your books to first period everyday — the alpha male in him winced seeing you attempt any ‘heavy lifting’, and he’d made it a routine.

“Can you fuck off? I can carry this.” You complained, pinching his side. “Just because I see a physio biweekly doesn’t mean I’m about as able-bodied as a monkey.”

“Got the hair to be a monkey.” He snorted.

“Look who’s talking, Mr.Sasquatch. Bigger feet than his prints, you little scoundrel.”

“Big feet means big—”

“Don’t finish that if you wanna keep the body part in question.”

“—heart. Dirty girl.”

You felt the honey pooling in your stomach, kissing his cheek in haste to escape his relentless teasing. He shut up at that, pulling you back to kiss you properly, attracting the attention of everyone in the hallway.

“Get to class.” He announced as he parted from you, enjoying your petulant face. You hit him softly, flipping him off from behind you, blowing him a kiss.

Ah, Na Jaemin. You still hated him. Just a little less this time.

[365days365movies]

March 7, 2021: Onward (2020) (Part One)

Finding Nemo.

That’s my favorite Pixar film. Real talk, no arguments, and today’s movie? NOT dethroning it. This movie is so hard-wired into my brain, that the second I typed the words of the title, the theme song ran through my head, where it lives rent-free. It will be a cold day when I don’t find an excuse to shout “NEMOOOO!!!! I HAVE TO FIND MY SON!!” at any opportune moment. I will never stop swimming. Whenever I catch a Chinchou or Lanturn in a Pokémon game, I name it “Goodfeeling’sgone”.

SHARK BAIT OOH HA HA

YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE DEPTHS OF MY LOVE FOR THIS MOVIE.

...Ahem. So, yeah, I love FInding Nemo. For the record, the sequel ain’t bad. And also for the record, there’s only one Pixar movie that I consider to be bad, and it’s the one you’d think. You know, the one about ageism. The one where somebody dies by torture? The bad spy movie?

...the second one about cars?

Which means, YES. I DON’T THINK The Good Dinosaur IS THAT BAD! Not exactly good, but its gorgeous, and just kinda boring, not outright terrible. That Styracosaurus, though...that dude is great.

Anyway, off of Pixar for a sec, huh? What about fantasy? I’m a big tabletop RPG nerd, and I’m currently the GM for a Pathfinder campaign, a Pokémon RPG, and a Mutants and Masterminds game, while also playing in a Pathfinder game as well. Yeah, I’m a busy dewd. But what I’m saying is, this movie should be preaching to the choir for me. I’m a Pixar lover who plays RPGs. I’m ready for this. I’m ready for CGI Bright. Which is another way of saying, I’m ready for a version of Bright that doesn’t suck.

So, why haven’t I seen it until now? I mean...COVID-19. This film got FUCKED. But, no matter! It’s on Disney Plus, I’ve got Disney Plus, so let’s get this baby STARTED! Let’s get updated on some Pixar! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

OK, immediately digging the soundtrack over the Disney logo as we jump in here! Very ethereal, very fantasy, very LotR, I LIKE it, I LIKE it! And then...long ago, the world was full of wonder!

We get a view of the world of olde, with magic and many mystical, mythical creatures living together and adventuring. However, as magic wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to use, it eventually gave way to technology, fading away in a world now very similar to ours.

Basically, it’s about the same as our world, except for a few different races, and the fact that dragons are basically dogs, and unicorns are basically raccoons, which is fuckin’ fantastic.

We enter the home of teenage elf Ian Lightfoot (Tom Holland) and introverted now-16-year-old who lives with his mother, Laurel (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and his older brother Barley (Chris Pratt). Barley’s a tabletop RPG nerd who’s also a fan of the magical past. Said obsessions cause a strain on his relationship with Ian, and with that of his mother’s boyfriend, centaur policeman Colt Bronco (Mel Rodriguez).

After a discussion about Barley’s recent attempt to protect an old magical monument from destruction, he accidentally damages the sweatshirt that Ian is wearing, which was owned by their late father, Wilder. Ian rushes out, flustered, despite Barley’s attempts to bond with him. Well, looks like we have a sense of the plot for this one.

On his way to school, Barley stops to get some food when he meets Gaxton (Wilmer Valderrama), an old college friend of his father’s. From Gaxton, he learns things about his father that he never knew, like that he was bold and standout. From there, Barely pledges to try and be more self-confident, like his father.

Whiiiiiiich, doesn’t exactly work once he gets to school. He fails to stand-up to a jerky guy at school, he fails in his driving class, and he fails to ask other high school kids to his birthday party. But to be fair, Barley helps a bit with that last one when he shows up with Guinevere, his busted-ass van with a unicorn painted on the side. Which is supposed to be uncool...but I kinda dig it, not gonna lie.

After that, Ian completely flubs the invitation bit, confusing the people he was talking to, and disappointing himself in the process. He gets a ride home with Barley, and goes home to talk to a tape recording of his dad. Which is...beautifully sad, and somehow very easy to identify with. So, yeah, it’s gonna be that kind of Pixar movie.

Ian talks to his mom about his father at his age, asking if he was ever unsure. She says yes, but couples this with a surprise: a gift from his late father, who died of a terminal illness shortly after Ian’s birth. The gift is for both Ian and Barley, and was meant to be opened when they were both over 16.

She gets it from the attic, and they unwrap it, where it’s revealed to be a wizard’s staff. Which is weird, because Wilder was an accountant. In a pocket of the wrapping cloth, there’s a letter written by Wilder with the narration from the beginning of the film (that “Long ago” bit).

Also included is a spell, written by Wilder so that he could see who his sons grew up to be. This “Visitation Spell” would appear to be a way to bring Wilder back for 24 hours. Barley, being the magic-lover that he is, tries multiple times to cast the spell with the staff, but fails to do so, much to his and Ian’s great disappointment.

However, when Ian tries to read the spell out of curiosity later, the staff begins to react, and the spell begins to work. Barley comes in as this is happening, and the spell works...halfway. It starts to fail, and Barley offers to help, but Ian pulls the staff away, and the spell stops as the Phoenix crystal inside it shatters.

Looks like another bust, but it’s not a complete failure. And if you’ve seen literally any trailer for this movie, you know what happens.

Although it’s just his legs and feet, it’s still Wilden Lightfoot (Kyle Bornheimer...technically). The boys decide to try and complete the spell, but need another Phoenix Gem to do so. According to Barley’s “historically accurate” TTRPG, Quests of Lore, they will be able to find one by accepting a quest from the place where all quests start: the Manticore’s Tavern. And so, the quest begins!

The brothers and their half-dad board Guinevere and drive to the Manticore’s Tavern. On the way, Barley convinces Ian to practice some spells from the games rulebook, but they don’t work because Ian’s not invoking his passion (or his “heart’s fire”, as Barley calls it). Meanwhile, Laurel figures out where they’re headed, but doesn’t know exactly why...yet.

After the journey, they make it to the Manticore’s Tavern, which is now essentially a themed Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant, owned and managed by Corey (Octavia Spencer), a very overworked manticore. Which is pretty great, not gonna lie.

They try to get the actual map to the Phoenix’s Gem from her in order to conjure their Dad, but she no longer sends adventurers on dangerous quests, mostly because she doesn’t want to get sued by any injured adventurers. When Ian argues with her about this, she IMMEDIATELY DIVES INTO AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS/MID LIFE CRISIS!

It’s, uh...it’s kind of amazing. Having completely lost it at this point, she basically tears down the entire building with her bare hands and fire-breath. Unfortunately, the map to the Phoenix Gem is burnt in the process of Corey’s literal meltdown. However, as Wilden’s about to be crushed by a couple of falling beams, Ian taps into his heart’s fire.

Nice. They get out of there, and head out for the Gem, using a child’s placemat replica of the real map to make their way to a place called Raven’s Point. However, rather than just follow the goddamn map, Barley decides to go on much more dangerous road known as the “Path of Peril”, once again following the “call of adventure” and his gut.

Which...yeah, Barley’s not really considering the reality of this whole situation, which fits his personality. He’s a dreamer, despite the rational and reasonable solution in front of him. And, in case you weren’t sure, I’m pretty sure that isn’t a good thing.

Ian points out the correct point that what actually matters is that they send enough time with their father, and they do indeed take the straightforward path. Good! Barley listened to Ian’s suggestion after all. However, they hit another snag when the car breaks down, completely out of gas. Problem.

Meanwhile, Laurel makes her way to the Manticore’s place, only to find it on fire! She meets Corey, who tells her that she’s met her boys, and told them about everything...except the curse. Also, there’s a curse. Laurel, who is the best movie Mom ever, tricks a policeman interviewing Corey to diverting his attention away from her, and smuggles her into her car to help find (and maybe rescue) her sons. 

Stuck off the freeway without gas, a desperate Ian asks Barley if there are any spells that can get them more gas. They concoct a plan involving a shrinking and growing spell, but that immediately goes wrong as Barley tries to instruct Ian, only frustrating him further, and causing him to fumble the spell and hit Barley with it, making him tiny. 

They decide to head to a gas station, where a group of pixie bikers has just arrived. This backfires when Barley, lacking basically any common sense, ends up insulting the biker leader, Dewdrop (Grey Griffin) and her ancestors. Nice one, Barley. As they escape from the pissed off pixies, the tiny Barley is unable to drive, forcing the driver’s anxiety-riddled Ian to drive, overcoming his fears from earlier by force, being chased by the pixies all the way. It’s a pretty good sequence, to be honest.

Well, they escape the Pixies...but not the cops. And I think that’ll be a good place to pick up in the next part! See you there!

[spinelwritings]

Spinel with a Spinel!S/O who's still super trusting. They were playing a game with the Crystal Gems (maybe hide and seek to make the next part easier) until a strong thunderstorm came. Spinel forgot to tell her S/O to go inside and she stays in the rain until Spinel remembers.

Oof, that kind of hurts man. But I didn’t go too bad with it, I tried making it more cute. Enjoy!

------------------------------------

It looked like it was going to be quite a beautiful summer day. The sun was shining bright and hot on the small town of Beach City. Most people were spending their time inside, away from the heat, but that still left most of the gems out and about, enjoying the day.

The crystal gems were all having a picnic in the surrounding hills, lounging lazily as they all talked together. You were with them, of course, happily snuggled into Spinel’s side, feeling kind of sleepy and, for once, being rather quiet. It was rare for you, but at the moment you had nothing to say, nothing to add to the conversation. You were perfectly happy just sitting there, mind wandering.

 Then, seemingly out of nowhere, you jumped up, surprising a few of the gem’s nearest you but not Spinel. She never did seem surprised by anything you did, no matter how random it was. That was something you loved about her. 

“I have an idea!”

“What’ve you got for us, tiny?” Bismuth asked and suddenly everyone’s attention was on you. It always made you nervous when everyone looked at you like that, so you focused on Spinel instead. She was smiling at you and gave a little nod of encouragement.

“We should play a game of hide and seek! We could all go hide in town and then when we’re found we’ll meet up at Steven’s house.”

You thought it was a good idea, but it ended up taking a bit of encouragement to convince everyone else. Still, everyone agreed to play with you and that was enough. They set a deadline, though. You all had to head back to the house around sunset and whoever made it till then would win. Amethyst ended up being picked as it and everyone scattered to find their hiding spots.

You and Spinel ran off together, giggling like crazy. You were Spinel’s after all. You were made to play games.

“Do you wanna hid together?” You asked, looking to her with the biggest smile on your face. She thought for a few moments, then shook her head.

“It’ll be too easy ta find us. We should split up.”

You nodded, running off and waving behind you.

“See you later, Spins!”

You didn’t wait to see if she waved back. You were too eager to find your hiding spot. It would need to be good, somewhere no one would find you, somewhere that would last you till sunset. You ended up picking a spot in the neighborhood, hiding in some bush by one of the houses. It was perfect. It didn’t stand out at all and kept you completely covered. It helped that you could fir into some pretty tiny places. You giggled as you settled into place, confident you could easily last the day there.

You got comfortable and waited. 

Time ticked by and, one by one, the crystal gems got found. Pearl was found first. She wasn’t really that good at games, anyways, and was more than happy to go home. Then Peridot and Lapis were found and sent home, then Bismuth.

It was a couple of hours later when things started getting a bit more difficult. A bunch of scary clouds started rolling in, blocking out the bright sunlight, and things started getting colder. Amethyst managed to find Steven and Connie before it started raining. It started off as a sprinkle at first, but quickly grew into a downpour. It was then that Amethyst went home, trying to avoid getting too drenched. 

When Spinel got there, everyone else had already gotten back. There was some commotion with Amethyst shaking the water off and getting everyone around her soaked too. Everyone was talking about the game, how most of them managed to avoid the rain, lucky them. Garnet didn’t even play, she just went to the house and waited for them there. 

“Ya coulda warned us about the rain,” Amethyst whined. Garnet just smirked and Spinel chuckled. She decided to see how much water she could get in her corner, just watching the other gems mess around.

Then she frowned. Something wasn’t quite right with this scene. Something was missing. Even if she couldn’t quite get her mind working enough to put a name to the feeling, she could feel the guilt. 

Then it hit her. She had been so busy trying to get out of the rain she had forgotten about Y/N! She wasn’t here! Which meant …

There was a bright flash from outside, then a loud roar of thunder moments later.

“Man, it’s really coming down hard.” Steven said.

“Yep … I gotta head back out.” 

Steven looked at Spinel, confused.

“What? Why?”

“Y/N’s still out there. I need to go find her.”

“She is?! Well, she should be fine till -”

But Spinel was already out the door. Steven sighed and let her go. They were gems, it wasn’t like they were going to get sick or something. The worst thing that could happen is that they would get wet. He went back to the other gems. 

Spinel didn’t stop moving for a moment, running the best hiding options through her mind. You were the best at hide and seek but if anyone had the chance of finding you it was Spinel. She knew how you thought.

She ran to the houses, and started looking through all the bushes and trees. It took quite some time, but finally, after almost an hour, she found you hiding in your bush. When she got close enough, you popped out.

“Surprise!”

Spinel yelped in shock, falling back on her but with a SPLAT. You giggled uncontrollaby, helping the gem to her feet, just so you could wrap her up in your arms.

“You found me, you found me!” You cheered happily, kissing her cheek. “Did I win?”

And you looked at Spinel with the happiest smile, eyes big and sparkling even as the rain ran down her face and soaked her clothes, her hair limp and dripping. The guilt hit her so hard, tears mixing with the rain, but you didn’t notice, only saw the sweet smile on her face as she hugged you back, placing a kiss on your forehead. 

“Of course, Doll! Now, let’s get out of this rain.”

And you were just so happy as the two of you walked back to Steven’s house, talking almost nonstop about how good your hiding spot was and how you loved hide and seek, but it wasn’t your favorite game ‘cause that was tag ‘cause you liked all the running and chasing and you guys should really play tag next time ‘cause you didn’t want to sit for so long again ‘cause you kinda got bored but that’s okay ‘cause you won and now you got to brag to everyone else that you’re the best at hide and seek. Somehow, Spinel managed to catch every word, nodding along and giggling at your excitement. 

When the two of you got to the house you were met with a chorus of greetings, Steven rushing over to the two of you with some towels like he was just waiting for you to get back. The two of you dried off, Spinel helping with your hair. You never could get it to dry all the way, but Spinel could. You sighed happily, closing your eyes and smiling as she worked, enjoying her touch. Once she got your hair dry she fixed it up for you till she deemed it perfect. When she finally finished she kissed your cheek ever so sweetly and you hummed in response.

The storm didn’t last too much longer. You sat by the window, watching the clouds drift away, painted pink and orange by the sunset. With the rain gone, the others started heading out, waving and saying their goodbyes. You weren’t quite ready to go yet and stayed where you were. You only moved when Spinel sat next to you, and then only to lean on her shoulder with a happy little sigh. She slung an arm over your shoulders, kissing the side of your hair. You stayed like that for a moment.

But something didn’t feel quite right. You looked into the other gem’s face curiously, noticing the lines on her brow and her sad eyes.

“Spins? Are you okay?”

She was quick to wipe the sad look off her face, giving you one of her amazing smiles.

“Of course! I’m doing just fine.”

You huffed, giving her a stern look and shrugging her hand off your shoulder.

“Aw, come off it. I know when you’re lying to me. Just tell me what’s going on.”

She sighed in defeat.

“Fiiiiine!”

You stared at her intently, waiting for her to speak up, your face slowly getting closer to her until she had to shove you away with a giggle.

“Alright, alright, give me a second!”

You huffed again but sat back and waited.

“Well, ya see… I guess I’m just feeling kinda guilty …”

You started to laugh, but stopped yourself halfway through, letting out an odd strangled kind of sound.

“Guilty? About what? You didn’t do anything!”

“Yeah, that’s the problem! You were sitting out there stuck in the rain and I didn’t do anything. I just forgot about ya!.”

“No you didn’t. You found me, remember? If you had forgotten about me then someone else would have found me first or I would have come back at sunset like we agreed.”

Spinel didn’t seem to agree, a frown still on her face. Now that wouldn’t do, not one bit. You thought it over for a moment, trying to decide how best to cheer her up and get rid of her bad thoughts. Then you smiled, hugging the gem tight.

“Come on, let’s go walk on the boardwalk. We can get ice cream!”

For a moment, Spinel remained stubbornly upset, but then the sadness lifted off her face slightly, a soft smile taking its place.

“Ah, alright, Doll. How can I say no to you?”

“You can’t! ‘Cause I’m just too cute!”

And Spinel laughed, loud and happy. The two of you said goodbye to Steven and went on your way. You ended up getting that ice cream. You got your favorite flavor and Spinel got strawberry.

[candlecat624]

Some Good Omens OC art + a headcanon (in the form of a story because I didn’t know how else to explain it and a story seemed like fun)

(TD;LR is at the very end, just before the art also if there's any trigger warnings I need to add please don’t be afraid to let me know!)

“Hey Charlie,” Warlock piped up suddenly in their study session, putting his pencil down as he looked up at the demon sitting next to him. “What’s it like when an angel falls?”

Charlie paused for a second in thought. She decided that he would tell the 13-year old since he had been doing such a good job at his math homework thus far. She let out a breath, recalling the small fragments of the Revolution and The Great Fall all those years ago.

“As an angel, your fall is both graceful and destructive. But just for a split second, you belong to both sides. As half of your holy connection to God herself is burnt away and replaced with demonic ambition, there’s still half of you that’s connected to Her, making you half-demon and half-angel, even if it’s just for a moment. Any questions so far rascal?”

Warlock quickly shook his head yes as he asked another question, his eyes filled with curiosity and a smile as wide as can be. Charlie chuckled at the small-in-comparison-to-her boy’s enthusiasm.

“But what about your fall Cherry? I overheard you talking to Aziraphale and Crowley and Lizard about the 50s and you just had a full-on breakdown. I uh...”

Warlock rubbed his arm in embarrassment as he looked away, feeling Charlie’s gaze go from motherly to stone cold.

“The books in his bookshop were getting kinda boring so I crept down onto the staircase and uhh... eavesdropped a little bit. Maybe even watched a little.”

“Warlock we talked about this. I thought we agreed that if we got bored that we wouldn’t do things like eavesdrop on people, ok?”

Warlock nodded in shame, emitting a small ‘mhm’ as he did so.  

“Promise me you won’t do it again?” Charlie softly smiled, her rock hard stare softening as she presented her right pinky finger out to him, waiting for him to either accept or decline the pinky promise. His smile returned as he interlocked their pinkys, the two of them shaking their interlocked pinkies in one fluid motion, sealing the promise.

“Promise”

“That’s my boy. Now, where were we?” She smiled as she unlinked their pinkies and closed his math book, chucking it over her shoulder and across the room.

“The 50s.”

“Right. I stayed an angel during the revolution and only decided to go into the whole being a demon thing in the 50s. Long story shor-”

“Don't give me the short version!” Warlock quickly jumped in. “I want to hear every detail. If video games are any sign Hell is awesome as...Hell!”

Charlie giggled as she listened to the child talk. “Alright, alright. Just be warned it’s pretty longggg~” She dragged out the g emphasis her point. He groaned playfully, knowing all too well what long meant.

“Alright, alright. Give me the medium-length version.”

“Gotcha rascal”

Charlie ‘dramatically’ cleared her throat, showing the child she was going into nanny mode. “But first, we should probably get settled. It’s getting late and this is probably going to be more of an unsettling bedtime story than a videogame character’s backstory.“

Warlock quickly got up, his chair almost falling over as he started running excitedly to his room like a small child. Charlie followed shortly behind walking...but then the temptation of acting like a child overcame her and she took off her boots and she started running after him. By the time she got to Warlock’s room, he had tucked himself in bed and had been patiently waiting for her. Charlie arrived in her old nanny outfit thanks to a quick miracle. 

“Ta ta~” She did jazz hands as Warlock smiled. 

“Just like old times, Cherry.”

“Just like old times, rascal. So who’s ready for a story!”

Warlock’s right hand shot up as he excitedly smiled, his inner child showing. “Me! I do!”

Charlie chuckled as she walked over to the side of the bed and sat down, the old chair that Crowley and she used to share still in its original place. 

“Comfy?” Warlock nodded. Charlie smiled sweetly. “Good.”

“Now when I decided to become a demon, Crowley took my down into Hell. Because I was an angel, I couldn't go by myself. I didn’t have the demonic drive needed to go, but with Crowly I was able to enter the gates easily. When I got down there, I met up with Lord Beelzebub and the Dukes Hastur and Ligur.”

“Ligur was the one I insulted, right?”

“Yep! I’m still so proud of you for that. Back to the story, I met up with the three of them and Crowley helped me arrange monthly meetings with them so I could get some special injections of liquid Hellfire and some other stuff that I can’t remember. I still have a hole from where the needles were. Wanna see?”

“That's.. that's gross but hell yeah!”

Charlie took off her lil Mary Poppins cape thingy and rolled up her left dress shirt sleeve, showing a small hole in her arm. The edges of the circular hole were corroding and black, small black veins just under the skin around the hole. Warlock ‘awed at the hole, looking at it like it was a shiny new gaming console or something really interesting for a 13-year-old. 

“Can I touch it?”

“Uhhh...probably best not too.” She gently pokes the hole. “This bad boy can fit so much liquid hellfire in it.” There was a moment of intense staring and silence until the two started laughing. It took the pair a minute to calm down.

“Back to the story my dear,” she started to tuck him back into bed in an attempt to help calm him down to the point where she knew he would concentrate. She rolled her sleeve back down and put her cape thing back on. “So I got my injections in 3 years instead of 5 because I was a boss bitch and wanted my shit earlier. Anyway, I got all the injections and a few days after my transformation I went into Hell for my coronation ceremony where Lord Beelzebub sorted me into one of the seven circles of Hell, each one representing a different deadly sin.”

“Which one did you get sorted into? I can’t picture you like any of the sins, to be honest.” Warlock tried to think of which sin she would fit as for a moment, but his mind turned up blank. He had nothing. 

“I was sorted into Lust. My missions here on Earth were originally centered around tempting people into lustful acts. Especially just tempting priests about young girls though. Eugh. I hated those ones. But then I was set up with Crowley to look after the antichrist. You know the rest.”

Charlie looked over at the clock. The time displayed was 10:48pm. She looked over at Warlock who was readjusting his pillow so he would be able to hug it.

“Would you be comfortable with a kiss on the forehead? I know you’re older now but I think it’d be a nice nostalgia thing. No pressure though.”

Warlock smiled, the memories of his childhood flooding back to him all at once. “Yes please.”

She leaned down and gently kissed his forehead as she pulled the blankets up to his chin once he got comfortable. “Good night, my little destroyer of my heart.” She left the room, turning off the lights and gently shutting the door. She smiled, closing her eyes for a few moments as she remembered all the days she’d look after the young boy with her old friend Crowley.

TL;DR

Headcanon: If you were an angel who wanted to become a demon after the revolution you had to get a series of injections across a few years and get a coronation into a circle of hell.

also a lot of fluffy moments between 13yr Warlock and his second Nanny, Nanny Cherry (my OC :D)

Charlie: It kinda feels like you’re chained to both sides when you can feel that you’re halfway down to Hell...Kinda glad you only go through it once

(Click for better quality :D)

[mcrmadness]

I was tagged by @cupcakecurl a while back (thank you!) and finally I’m on the mood for doing this myself as well!

Rules: tag 9 people you’d like to get to know better!

Top 3 current ships: I actually have just one OTP, which is Bela/Farin (aka FUB) from Die Ärzte, and then multiple smaller ones here and there. I’m finding new ships way too easily and sometimes it bugs me because I meant to enjoy a thing and boom, suddenly I have a ship there to fuck up with my brain. B/F is pretty much the only ship that I can say to actually ship, the rest are more like just for fun, I enjoy seeing stuff but I don’t really do anything about it, you know?

But now as I think of it, I think of it, I could say another band ship here: Paulchard aka Paul Landers and Richard Z. Kruspe from Rammstein, about these I have also watched videos and read some fancomics too and last summer’s tour was a wild one and I was following the events quite a lot.

And then maybe I could throw one fictional ship here too as it’s pretty much current one since I just finished watching the 5th season of Gotham last week, and that is, of course Nygmobblepot aka Penguin/The Riddler aka Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma. I’ve never in my life shipped these before, even tho I’ve been a Batman fan since 1999 (I was 8) as I saw the 60s series on TV and I can remember almost shipping Batman and Robin back then, and I was only 8 years old!, and then had been watching the movies more or less during my childhood, but this was never something I’d even think of before I started watching Gotham and things started happening in the show. But it’s an interesting one. And I have to admit that while the show was still running and I couldn’t watch it because I live in Europe (and was too lazy to look for a website to watch it :D), I was still browsing the tag on Tumblr after each episode and giving myself spoilers of what happens with them. But I think the ending was a lot different than what I thought based on the Tumblr posts, and I’m actually not sure what to think of it. Imho it was not as bad as everyone else seemed to think.

I’m putting this under a read more link as this is getting way too long and I don’t know if people are interested in reading my weird thoughts about ships and other random stuff, so here you go... 

Top 3 all-time ships:  Oh my gosh, I have had so many but only like 2 actually strong ones? And I have to say Bela/Farin here as well, the reasons are found from above and I’m just so obsessed with them and idc what it is, already the friendship is like friendhip goals, you know? But yeah, I’ve been making videos about these two idiots for like last 10 years so... :D

And the next one, okay I’m usually not so talkative about ships. I can talk about them with people in private but I don’t like to go and shout about them publicly, probably the only one I talk about this way is Bela/Farin but it’s because Tumblr is a safe place for this and there’s no hate with this ship or anything (and the other one is Paulchard, every now and then I will reblog something that crosses my dash). But mainly I like to keep ships to myself and like I said in that other tag game post, ships are more like a guilty pleasure. Maybe because of my age as it was very normal at the age of 15 but now as I’m 28? Why am I still “in love with other people’s love”? I actually don’t mind it but I think many people would find it weird, especially when I don’t read fanfictions anymore and I don’t want to imagine anything, I just like seeing cute stuff, but with many ships I don’t even want to see too much, I just like seeing them being close but with many ships even seeing them kiss would be too much.

But anyway, top 3 all-time ships... I think I need to mention here a ship that I was very much obsessed when I was 15-17, that I wrote LOTS OF fanfiction and was there to make lots of fan theories and all, and that one was Frerard aka Gerard Way/Frank Iero from My Chemical Romance. I was SO obsessed it’s insane. If you know anything about MCR and Frerard, you maybe are aware of how was the year 2007 and you can probably imagine how crazy we all went when Project Revolution stuff happened. So yeah, I need to mantion that here even tho I no longer “believe in this ship”, but I guess I’d lie if I said, that I didn’t believe that there was something there back in the day. I’ve actually recently been watching some Frerard theory videos just for fun, because there’s so many things I had forgotten and so many things I still can remember, but also lots of stuff that I kinda missed because they happened in 2010-2012, and even tho I was still very much in the fandom and I was to their second gig in Finland in 2011, I still was not that much into the Danger Days album so I was not so into digging up stuff either. And I had my own identity crisis and Die Ärzte had been my favorite band for 1-2 years at that time so I was spending lots of time watching DÄ videos, so MCR was kinda at the background. And then the whole band went quiet for some time until they quit in 2013 (and now they’re back), so all that Frerard hype kinda died after each of them started to get married to other people and the kids were born, so there just... kinda was no more room for the ship, you know? But Freard was my first actual huge slash ship, I’ve had others before it (for example, my first touch to slash fiction was Harry Potter fanfiction and of course Harry/Draco stuff, but that one also later died out), but it was the first really strong one and then Bela/Farin kinda took its place as Frerard died out but B/F has been going strong and the ship has been sailing itself since the 80s, so... :D

And as the last one I think I could again mention something fictional but at the same time something that is super weird for me as it’s not slash fiction but hetship, which is something REALLY weird for me. I usually don’t like heteroships as they’re just... boring and so cliché. But I need to mention this one that I got into when I was 15: Fox Mulder and Dana Scully from The X-Files. Yeah I know it was 2006 and the series had ended already in 2002, but I was a new fan! I had known about the series since I was a little kid as my dad was watching it back then, but I started watching it myself when the show had a rerun here in 2004-2005. And then I met my friend in 2006 when we were 15 and we found out that we both were very much into TXF and I remember how we somehow both started to ship Mulder and Scully (having no idea of how the series ended), and it was probably until the 6th season (there was 9 seasons at the time) when they stopped airing it altogether, so we were so furious about the fact because the last episode was such a cliffhanger and we NEEDED TO KNOW, so I had to buy them on dvd! So I remember how we would meet at school every day and after every episode, we went so crazy, discussing what had happened in the episode and if there was any Mulder/Scully activity, we were just so hyped :D And then, as we STILL hadn’t seen all the seasons, we went to see the second movie (”TXF: I want to believe”) in theaters in 2008 or so, and it’s set to happen after the events of the seasons, we were both so blown away by what was in the movie because we had no clue :D Fun fact: I actually finished watching the 9th season only last year. So now I understand the events of the second movie a lot better, and I’ve also seen the 10th and 11th seasons so now I’m finally aware of everything. But that really is a hetship that I accept and that is not like a typical movie romance type of ship. It has interesting dynamics.

---

Last song: Tatuoituna by Tehosekoitin

Lipstick or chapstick: Chapstick, I don’t use any make-up, but chapstick I need to use daily.

Last movie: Iron Sky. I’ve seen it before tho, but we’re gonna watch the sequel soon, so we had to watch this to remember what happened :D (And it’s made partially by Finns, so..!)

Reading: Atm I have 3 books I’m reading, all of them in Finnish:

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, which has all the short stories in one. But I think there’s some of the newer ones missing and that’s why I bought this bit newer book with more stories, and I’m gonna read those once I’m finished with this one. And I’ve been reading this now for years lol... but I’m slowly getting there, I’m already over halfway through :D

A collection of Edgar Allan Poe’s short stories, I don’t know the name for this book and it doesn’t say any name for the original. This one I also started to read a years back, only to pause if for years and then last year I borrowed it again from my dad and tried to continue from where I was left the last time.

The Heroes of Olympus: The Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan. I’ve been reading his books ever since I was a, well, teenager probably, and I have had a long pause with these books and reading overall, but now I’m back at it and trying to buy and read all of his books I still haven’t read.

I wanted to read the latter only after finishing with SH and Poe’s stories but I needed to read something and they’re bit too difficult reading at the times, and I needed something lighter but also didn’t want to start over with Harry Potter for the 5th time so I decided to go for this series instead. I really like reading SH and Poe’s stories, but like I said, they’re bit difficult at the times. You can’t just read them, you need to think and use your brains meanwhile you’re reading, and sometimes it’s just so incredibly hard to stay focused on it and I need to go back so often because I wasn’t paying attention and then had no clue what was happening and why.

And I sometimes I skip some of Poe’s stories because they’re so purely scientific about a topic that I cannot comprehend nor care about, e.g. this one story that was almost like a science essay about hot-air balloon flight in the form of a story, probably super interesting for someone who likes this kind of stuff and even more interesting for a writer interested in stuff like that, but I’m really not the target audience of that story :D But then there’s also lots of really interesting ones, I especially like the ones that have something to do with insanity. I guess people would call them as the horror stories, but idk, I just love that kind of mystery. For some reason all of my favorite stories are those where there is a dead woman/love interest :DD But probably my ultimate favorite is the one about writing an article to a magazine with horror stories, and how this guy become beheaded and all just to write a story about how it feels like and stays alive meanwhile, and I just LOVE IT when fictional works play with death and when something that is supposed to kill you, doesn’t, and I just love the idea of that story so much :D It’s just that you never know how a story will be like, as you start reading, is it a scientific essay or a mystery or a horror story or about insanity or what is it? And then when in the middle of reading and you realize this is bit boring or uninteresting, but still want to finish, but also want to skip, and that’s why I get stuck with that book, and I change to SH or something else. Often I also grab some of the comics (or non-fiction books) I own whenever I feel like reading but these books feel too heavy for that moment.

---

I should tag 9 people but I don’t even know that many people to tag lol. Okay I do know people, but I still don’t know who wants to be tagged and who doesn’t. Maybe I’ll be boring and tag @stufenlosregelbar again? :D And idk, maybe @annika-of-the-lost? Eh, I’m so bad at this whole tagging thing. I’m having a bad conscience if I don’t tag anyone/enough people in case they want to be tagged and I can’t read minds; and then I’m having bad conscience when I DO tag people in case they’re all somewhere facepalming and screaming “WHYYYYYY” into the void, as I still can’t read minds. So you can choose, do this tag game or ignore it and ban me from ever tagging you people again, I don’t mind :p

[scribeofmorpheus]

The Rebel Queen (viii)

Chapter Eight: Cicatrized

Pairing: Poe Dameron x (OFC) Princess Calista Ordell

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | A03

Words: 6k | Warnings: Some medical jargon... A lot of use of the word rancor!

Taglist is open

Epilogue | About Thesmora

The smell of spice and hooch filled his senses as Banden left the lower quarters of his gambling establishment. The merry laughs and slurred words of his regulars were becoming too loud for his busy mind to sift through.

Emory, his tough-skinned head of security led the way back to his offices. It wasn’t a necessity for her to be by his side, but with Maligma loosening the ties around her militia, violence between thug and lawman had increased exponentially. Emory was there as a scare tactic and because she worried too much for a ruffian. Underneath that heavily tattooed face of hers was a woman who took pride in her job, even if it entailed handling the security detail of a highly detested mobster in the eyes of the law. She saw him the same way the people saw him and they sung a different tune. They all painted him up to be an everyman kind of man. That sort of praise had its benefits –for one, it kept his business running while the civil war marched on in the background.

There was a snippet of truth to that version of him, that everyman’s man. At least he tried to keep that version of himself alive for as long as possible.

Banden’s droid, Cory, shuffled into his office unannounced once Emory made her exit. The annoying grind of its joints pestered Banden’s ears.

“What is it, Cory?”

The droid went stiff and then retrieved a data chip from one of its hidden compartments, “The intel you requested on the new CIC of the Garrison, boss.”

Banden sighed and then waved the droid over, hand outstretched expectantly.

Cory dropped the data chip and shuffled back out of the stuffy office.

When he was alone again, Banden stared at the little chip for a long while, pondering whether he should poke this particular rancor. For some reason, the tattoo on his chest began to itch but he refrained from scratching. He knew it was psychosomatic. Just a ghost letting him know he wasn’t alone, even in the seclusion of his locked office.

A beeping noise disturbed his train of thought. Thankful for the interruption, he glanced over at the transmission call signal and grinned. He accepted the transmission with enthusiasm.

“Well, well. I must say, princess, being a fugitive becomes you,” he said.

Calista huffed, lacing her hands together in an attempt to keep her wits about her. Banden had gotten under her skin before she’d had the chance to speak. This was good. This meant there was a string attached to this call.

“Murray,” she said dryly, glaring with murderous intent.

The way her eyes narrowed and her cheeks were sucked in, Banden saw a bit of Maligma in her features.

He reached for his pipe and lit it, “What can I do for you?”

Koa was shocked to consciousness by a jolt travelling from her fingers to her brain. She couldn’t move or speak or open her eyes right away, but she could hear. By the animated sounds of a debate being had in her room, she wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse just yet.

“I’m telling you, Kashmyre Düne would be able to take on Boba Fett any day of the week. I’d be willing to bet my last credit on it,” a bright voice spoke in exasperation.

Is that Zeeke? She wondered.

Faster than a pod-racer, argumentative Jawaese shot off in reply.

That’s obviously Ton-Ton.

“Sure Boba Fett wasn’t a joke but he still wasn’t anything special. Düne was a member of the Death Watch! He lived on Ankhural, that place is no paradise. Trust me, he’s the better merc.” The words were spoken with admiration, as though Düne was some sort of childhood idol.

A mocking tone was mixed in with the next Jawaese-filled sentence as the scuffling sound of card shuffles licked at Koa’s ears.

“Of course I know my Mandalorian lore. You think I don’t have facts to back up my claims?” A scoff trickled out. “Düne had one of the most frightening ships in all the galaxy! You mention Soren’s Blade in any cantina worth its spice and I guarantee you at least half the bar will know of the ship and who it belonged to. And it was rumoured that Düne killed one of the Empire’s most feared Intelligence officers before his disappearance. That’s no easy task.”

The argument went on in the background. Koa was a little annoyed at the fact she only understood one side of the conversation. It didn’t matter to her much anyway, she had more internalised issues to worry over.

Her mouth tasted like metal. It wasn’t the same alkaline taste as blood, this one was closer to cobalt or titanium perhaps. As she ran her tongue across her teeth she felt a cold, hard substance fused into a tooth. The sensation was like running her tongue over a thin metal snake. It felt odd, but not as odd as her arm.

Her left arm was heavy, heavier than normal. Her nerves felt like they were frayed, sizzling with electricity. She thought to move her hand and at the simple idea it moved, barely, but with that perfectly normal action came an incredibly unnatural pain. Her brain jolted from misfiring neurons and a migraine settled on her temple as she croaked out a gasp.

Koa thanked the gods her eyes were still closed because had she been staring up into the light that she knew was shining over her face, the migraine assaulting her senses would have hit ten times harder.

She let out a raspy sound and realised her throat was dry.

“I think she’s waking up,” Zeeke said softly.

Ton-Ton whispered something as though they hadn’t already been causing quite the disturbance a few seconds ago.

“Water,” she whispered as she tried to pull her eyelids back.

Her facial muscles were numb, moving sluggishly from the cocktail of drugs being pumped into her system through a vein. She was surprised that the drugs were strong enough to numb her body but not strong enough to ease the small shocks of lightning travelling up her arm.

With one eye halfway pried open, Koa got a better picture of her surroundings. The med bay was spacious. Its walls were whiter than the tiny planet of Hoth she had seen from the station window they had docked at after leaving Thesmora.

“Easy there,” Zeeke laughed awkwardly as he helped Koa adjust her bed upright.

He handed her a plastic cup of ice. When she tried to move her left arm to accept the cup, more lightning shot through her and this time she winced. She looked over at her arm and had the air knocked out of her lungs.

Half flesh, half metal and all wrong. The artificial prosthetic was larger than her other arm, made of a versatile carbon material that emphasised durability over aesthetics and kept sending charges through her overstimulated sensory nerve endings. In short, it was ugly and alien to her body.

The flesh which joined her two halves was scarred and had purple trauma scars that resembled Lichtenberg marks travelling up to her shoulder and further. From the throb in the back of her neck and lower half of her cranium, Koa was certain those scars reached all the way from her triceps to the lymph nodes in her neck.

She felt raw. Raw and… different.

Zeeke didn’t try to help her bring the cup to her mouth, for which she was grateful, she didn’t need or want to be babied. Once she managed to bring the cup to her chapped lips, Koa decided to suck on the cubes instead of chewing them. The metal snake on her tooth made her paranoid that if it cracked apart so would she.

“Where…” she rasped and then swallowed a large cube of ice to ease the soreness. “Where are we?”

“Resistance base. On D’Qar.” Zeeke said as he pulled the makeshift sitting area he and Ton-Ton had rigged up closer to her bed. 

A set of cards and dice littered the flat surface of the table. On the centre was a pathetic pile of credits barely enough to afford a day’s ration of food on a skeevy spaceport. By the looks of it, they had been gambling to pass the time.

How long have they been in my room?

Koa adjusted her spine until she felt more comfortable, “Calista… Is the princess—?”

Zeeke started shuffling the deck of unused cards and Ton-Ton waved his hands in the air with impatience.

“…Is she safe?” Koa finally finished.

Zeeke nodded as he dealt the cards, “Yeah, she’s with the General now, discussing terms. The scary guy who’s always with you is also alright. He’s in another room getting his shoulder and ankles examined. I think he actually asked the doc to dislocate them just so they could be set right.” He shuddered. “I watched them reset his shoulder. Didn’t flinch. He looked bored actually. Maybe tired. I can never tell what he’s thinking to be honest. Scary guy that.”

Koa failed to fully let out a laugh, it seemed whistling exhales was the best she could do right now. Her screaming must have damaged her vocal cords slightly.

Zeeke’s eyes glossed over for a moment, his presence stolen from the med bay to another place that neither Koa nor Ton-Ton could follow, “He kinda reminds me of my brother. Acting like he’s got the weight of the galaxy dangling over his head, just waiting for the rope to snap.”

There was a bleak silence in the room as Zeeke kept shuffling the cards like a robot. Ton-Ton tried to kick him with his short feet but they didn’t reach. Koa softly cleared her throat to bring Zeeke back to the present moment. It worked.

“Oh, hah, sorry. I… uh, zoned out there didn’t I?” Zeeke ducked his head away from the light so his features could be obscured.

“What are you guys playing?” Koa asked as she watched Zeeke and Ton-Ton lay out several cards.

“You’ve never played sabacc?” he asked.

Koa tried to shake her head, “No.”

“I’ll teach you,” Zeeke smiled like a kid and wiped all the progress of his current game by sweeping up all the cards and reshuffling them all over again.

Ton-Ton tried to hit him with his short arms but missed. Vexed, the little guy hopped off his chair, shouted some choice words and left the room.

Zeeke started delving into the logistics of the game and its rules. The calm enthusiasm of his voice distracted Koa from the lightning shocks in her arm and she felt thankful for the pleasant distraction.

“Manoloa,” she said gratefully in her native tongue once Zeeke had finished explaining everything.

Zeeke’s ocean coloured eyes lit up, “What does that mean?”

“I don’t think there is a word for it in Common. I suppose the closest thing would be ‘Much gratitude’.”

“Oh,” he said as he placed the deck of cards on the flat surface, ready to begin the first round. “In that case, you’re welcome.”

 After his cold and dissatisfying shower in the cramped stalls on the Somnambulist, Odhen busied himself by continuing to work over the repairs Zeeke and Ton-Ton had abandoned him with after they heard Koa was out of surgery.

The day was hot and he sweat through his newly cleaned shirt faster than a blind man in a blaster duel.

An exposed wire came in contact with his screwdriver and he hissed and kicked the electrical panel in frustration.

“Hey trashcan, pass me some conductive tape will ya?” he held out a hand at Watts.

 The droid did not take kindly to being called a trashcan, “If I had legs I know just where I’d shove them.”

“Remind me to tell Ton-Ton to inhibit your freewill functions,” Odhen bit back.

The droid slammed the tape into Odhen’s palm.

Odhen grumbled like a brooding old man, “Ow! Damn droid! Stupid Ship! Hot planet!”

Ton-Ton came waddling close to the open side panel Odhen was working under. The tiny Jawa kept complaining about how Zeeke had scrapped a game of sabacc and robbed Ton-Ton of his winning streak.

Odhen sighed and kept his head firmly stuck under the open hatch to keep the sun out of his eyes and the view of the base out of his sight. He didn’t want to be on this cursed planet let alone close enough to the damned base to see it. It held too many sour memories. Too many failures to count.

“Eh, shut it shorty, the kid’s just a better player. Don’ be a sore loser. It makes you look small,” Odhen said.

“I’m inclined to agree with the Captain, you are a terrible gambler!” Watts chimed in.

Ton-Ton grabbed a spanner for good measure in case one more person dared to say anything else he didn’t want to hear. Everyone grew silent and the Jawa huffed, feeling insulted and dismissed.

Odhen braced for the oncoming whack from Ton-Ton’s spanner, but it never came. After a beat, Ton-Ton said something that garnered his attention from the hole-riddled side panel.

“Who’s here?” he looked at Ton-Ton.

The Jawa and the droid pointed to someone in front of them.

“Captain Odhen Boro, it’s been a while,” the wet, gravelly sounds of Admiral Gial Ackbar’s voice called out from his flank.

Odhen swore low, “I’ll be the hide on a rancors backside.”

The Mon-Calamari laughed, “Is that any way to greet an old friend.”

Odhen turned and greeted him brazenly, “Admiral.”

“We’ve missed you around here. I have to admit, the Resistance feels a little emptier after your departure.”

“It felt plenty empty before I left.”

Gial sighed, looking up at the old ship and Odhen’s beat-up appearance. There was pity in his eyes when he glanced over at all the medals pinned to Odhen’s small jacket. Maybe there was guilt too, but Odhen didn’t care enough to try and decode Gial’s facial tics. He just wanted to be left alone.

Gial placed his webbed fingers on his waist, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, old pal. I should have done more.”

“It’s in the past,” Odhen’s eye twitched. “Leave it there.”

Gial took a step closer, trying to see if Odhen would retreat, when he didn’t, the Mon-Calamari closed the distance between them to put a moist hand on Odhen’s shoulder, “The past can still hurt us, Odhen.”

“I’ve done a pretty good job of forgettin’ so far. So, if you don’ mind, I’d like to get back to fixin’ my ship, Admiral.” Odhen shoved off Gial’s hand and went back to taping up the exposed wire.

“I’m sorry for not telling you in person back then.”

“Don’t,” Odhen warned.

“You need to hear this. I regret signing off on letting Hadlen go on that mission so soon after Una’s death. The boy had just lost his mother and I should have known better, but instead, I chose to let Leia send him into battle without telling her my worries. You lost a son because of me and I lost a friend in you because of that,” Gial sighed, his voice burdened by shame. “I won’t ask forgiveness, but I will ask that you forgive yourself… old pal. Come back from this… self-imposed exile. Una wouldn’t want this for you. I know I don’t.”

Odhen tried to ignore Gial’s words by putting razor-sharp focus on wrapping up the exposed wire. Ton-Ton waddled over to the towering Mon-Calamari and lifted his spanner high, intent on slamming it into Gial’s foot. Watts reacted quickly and ripped the spanner out of his master’s hands before it struck. Ton-Ton swore and kicked at his droid.

Gial was startled by the sound of a spanner knocking into the droids metallic hand and Watts covered for Ton-Ton’s foolhardy behaviour, “Terribly sorry, didn’t mean to startle you, he almost tripped.”

Gial sighed and waited for Odhen to give some sort of answer in reply –from the cold shoulder treatment, it didn’t seem likely that any more words would be exchanged.

Odhen had wrapped the same wire over ten times by the time Gial had left. It was the only thing he could think to do to keep his hands from shaking. His weight crushed down on him and Odhen found himself crumbling to the floor with watery eyes, a hand reaching into his small jacket’s pocket to pull out a photograph.

Odhen was younger in the image, cleaner, healthier. His wife Una was a vision in blue. She always looked good in blue. Their son Hadlen was squished between them, a fighter pilot’s helmet covering half his face as he smiled down at the first medal he ever pinned to his jacket –the jacket Odhen had passed on to him after he joined the Resistance. The jacket Odhen was forced to reclaim and wear in memory of his son.

Ton-Ton walked over to his side and placed his small hand on Odhen’s knee. Under the safety of a friendly touch, Odhen began to weep.

The transmission room held no odour or natural light. The hologram transmission died out and Murray’s smiling face disappeared from view. If Calista hadn’t walked off a ship and onto hard ground, she would have believed she was still in space, in a cold, hard compressed room on a dead ship, floating in deep space.

The demanding expectations were beginning to crush her from the inside out. Her spine was straight and her shoulders set, but on the inside, she felt like a centipede curling in on itself to stay protected. In her mind, she was staring down through weak glass tiles, looking at the centre of a lightless spiral that tunnelled into nothingness. This was her internal spiral and there was only one column keeping her floor from caving in.

“How did you do it?” she spoke to the vast emptiness surrounding her.

An imagined mirage of her mother stood where the hologram of Murray had been, her face blank and unresponsive to Calista’s demands.

Calista looked up at her hallucination, anger squeezing at her chest.

“How?” she shouted, voice ringing out.

When she didn’t get an answer back, Calista stormed out of the room.

 The med bay was practically deserted save for a few maintenance droids sweeping up boot dust and sanitizing the floors. The smell of antiseptic pinched at her nose. As she made her way to Koa’s room, she recognised one of the medical specialists talking amongst a crowd. Curious and afraid, she walked over to the doctor and pulled him aside for an update.

“How is she... really?” Calista asked.

The doctor looked at his datapad for any updates he might have missed, “The surgery went as well as could be expected. We retrofitted her with an old model prosthetic. It’s a tricky bit of engineering. That particular model tends to put too much stress on motor nerve receptors. Your friend’s going to have a more difficult time adjusting to her new arm because of her brain physiology. Put simply, until we can get a better replacement limb, she won’t be in any fighting condition. The stress will be too much for her handle. It could risk neural overstimulation or worse. I recommend she stay out of high-stress situations or situations that require a lot of manual labour.”

“What’s the worst-case scenario?”

“If she puts too much strain on that arm… she could risk full paralysis. The neurological effects of the prosthetic could induce a stroke from overexertion. There’s no good alternative here. She should stay on bed rest until we find a better prosthetic.”

“Does she know?”

The doctor sighed, “I’ve had to tell many soldiers and fighters they can’t return to duty because of their injuries. Many don’t have family, and news like this… its best if a familiar face does it.”

Calista could feel the blood rush away from her face, that glass floor caving in slightly, dragging her closer to that spiral. It was her fault Koa was in this predicament, she was only thankful that an arm was all that was lost. 

The doctor placed a comforting hand on her elbow, “It was quick thinking cauterizing that wound when you did. You kept her from bleeding out. Now she has a second chance. If you’ll excuse me, I have to see a Mon Calamari about his tonsillitis.”

Calista nodded at the doctor and continued on her way, feet barely moving.

Koa and Zeeke were smiling behind glass doors, a stark contrast to the sight of Koa screaming and bleeding and then shivering while unconscious. Calista looked down at her hands expecting them to still be slick with blood, they weren’t, but it didn’t stop them from feeling like they were.

Zeeke pulled a card trick and Koa’s eyes went wide with intrigue.

“How’d you learn to do that?” she asked as she tried to copy the same card trick with her right hand.

Zeeke shrugged, his lips tweaking uncomfortable, “Ran with a bad crowd as a kid.”

Calista took a deep breath, it was time to be brave. She walked passed the sliding door and stopped short of the medical bed Koa was laying on. Zeeke tilted his head in greeting, a welcoming smile chasing some of the stale atmospheres away.

“You look better,” Calista smiled at her friend, assessing the extent of the modifications made to her body. The purple lighting bruises traversing through Koa’s veins shook Calista to her core. 

Koa laughed with some struggle, her robotic fingers failing to lift off the bed completely, “It’s barely a scratch.”

Zeeke’s eyebrows rose high as he tried to keep focus on his card shuffling.

“Can you give us a moment, Zeeke?” Calista asked softly.

Zeeke hummed and set the cards down, “Came by at the right time, she was about to rob me of my last credits. I should probably get back to the Somnambulist anyway, she’s in need of a hell of a patch job and I don’t want to leave Odhen and Ton-Ton hanging.”

Zeeke patted Koa’s leg and then jogged out of the room.

Calista sat at the edge of Koa’s bed, fingers too afraid to touch the metal casing of her new arm. 

“I hear you met with the General,” Koa said with interest.

“Indeed.”

“And did she agree to help us?”

“Not without some difficulty on my part, but she agreed to certain terms.”

Koa frowned, her good hand tugging at the blanket draped over her in an effort to sit up more, “What does that mean?”

Calista sighed, “It means I’m going to Telos Four with Poe and a small Resistance company.”

“Something else is bothering you, I can sense it…” Koa tried to move her robotic arm out of habit, but the sound of live electricity caused her to lock her jaw and burrow her palm into the pressure point between the flesh and whole shoulder blade and the purple and scarred frayed skin.

Anger struck hot at the back of Calista’s eyes and she had to refrain from moving or breathing in fear she’d lose the last column of sanity she had left. She could practically picture the sturdy, chipped column toppling over, allowing the glass floor of her inner mind to sink from under her feet and send her even tumbling into that dark and endless spiral.

Calista cleared her throat and looked Koa in the eye, “I spoke with your doctor…”

Koa could tell what Calista was getting at, her flesh fingers closed in a fist as she spoke out confidently, “I’m fine.”

Calista glanced down at the purple markings on Koa’s skin, “You don’t look fine.”

“It looks worse than it is.”

“I know the arm is causing you pain. The doctor recommended you stay out of strenuous situations, something to do with the sensory implants not synchronising correctly with your brain. He recommended we wait until a new prosthetic is availa—“

“The arm works fine.”

“The doctor recommended bed rest. After everything you’ve been through, there’s no shame in taking time to heal.”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to pretend for me. It’s me. I know you. I know your limits. These past few days have taken their toll. You lost an arm. The last thing you need right now is to be back in the thick of it. You need time. You need to rest.” Calista urged, her hand grabbing ahold of Koa’s closed fist in an effort to make her see reason.

Koa didn’t reciprocate, instead, her eyes narrowed, “Is that an order?”

Calista kept her voice soft, “A suggestion.”

“Then, respectfully, your highness,” Koa’s voice grew deeper, the rasp clearing slightly. “I decline the offer to stay behind.”

Calista closed her eyes for a moment before standing from the edge of the bed, “Fine, if that is your wish. We leave as soon as the repairs to the Somnambulist are complete… I should go and check on Mokk-Toh.”

Koa shifted awkwardly under the blanket until her legs were left to dangle on the edge and her body was slumped over, “My body may have changed but my duty has not. I go where you go. That’s all there is to it.”

Calista smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes, “There’s more to it than that. Truthfully, if I lost you… I don’t know what I’d do.”

“You’d know exactly what to do. This war we’re fighting is bigger than any two people. Thesmora is counting on you to liberate her and it’s my duty to ensure you succeed… No matter what.”

Koa’s words were sharp. As unpleasant as it was for Calista to hear them, they needed to be heard. Suddenly, a new column was erected beneath her. Her glass floor becoming reinforced, the spiral descending away from her. Her heart, on the other hand, grew a degree colder.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Calista whispered out in a childishly frightened voice then she made her way down the hallway until she came upon Mokk-Toh’s room. He was having his shoulder examined by a physiotherapy droid. The sound of joints popping made her shiver. Mokk-Toh was stone-faced the entire time.

“Your highness,” Mokk-Toh motioned to get up off the examining table.

Calista held up a hand, “No need for formalities. I came to see how you are doing.”

“I’ll let the expert handle this,” Mokk-Toh pointed at the droid hovering over his shoulder.

The droid finished up the examination and then answered in a mechanical voice, “His contusions have healed nicely. His cuts have cicatrized. A few of his joints have suffered severe trauma, they may never heal as they were before, but all in all, he’s in good fighting shape… for someone his age.”

The droid gathered new garments from a drawer and handed them to Mokk-Toh before going to work over a bacta tank in the background.

“I assume everything is in motion then?” Mokk-Toh asked as he pulled a white shirt over his lean frame.

“It is.”

“You don’t look too thrilled,” he was fastening his arm guards now.

“There’s not much to be thrilled about,” Calista reached for fresh bandages out of Mokk-Toh’s reach and handed them to him.

He started wrapping his ankles for extra pressure, “We’re alive and now we have allies. That’s plenty more than we had yesterday.”

“Is that all there is to it now? Making sure we aren’t worse off now than we were the day before?”

Mokk-Toh stood on crooked ankles, “We endure.”

Calista unfolded a grey cloak that was folded on the table and spread it out so Mokk-Toh could slink his arms through the sleeves, “Koa worries me. I fear her stubbornness is clouding her judgement about her health.”

After tying the robe's belt around his small waist, Mokk-Toh placed his hands on Calista’s shoulders, “Would you like me to talk to her?”

Calista looked up, thinking on his offer. “Yes.”

Mokk-Toh looked over Calista’s face as though he were trying to conjure up someone else from under her skin. There was a fondness to his touch and a warmth to his dark eyes that she’d never often seen from him. His thin lips curled ever so slightly at the edges to form a reminiscent smile.

“I see a lot of your mother’s strength in you,” he said. “You share in her fortitude as well, it’s admirable, but no one is supposed to shoulder what you’re going through alone. That was her shortcoming. She thought she could be a symbol of strength and not lose a part of herself in the process. I watched your mother distance herself from everyone that mattered when things became too much. A lot of her relationships suffered for it. Including her bond with Maligma.”

Mokk-Toh took a pensive breath before continuing, “What I’m trying to say is… don’t be afraid to take a moment to yourself. Let people in. Trust them. Share your burdens. Sometimes a moment of peace can last a lifetime. And peace is a rare commodity these days.”

Calista nodded slowly, letting Mokk-Toh’s words sink in. He seemed sad. Most of the time Calista would see him as a soldier. Always alert and always on guard. But right now, he seemed like any other person on this base and that scared her a bit. It meant that even Mokk-Toh had his limits. His concealed cracks were beginning to surface, and as a result of his candour, Calista now had a third column she could lean on. 

The spiral seemed even further away now.

Mokk-Toh found Koa riffling through compartments and discarded blood-stained clothing in search of something. Her robotic arm joined securely to her bicep was resting against a leather sling wrapped around Koa’s neck and chest area. He thought it looked incompatible.

Koa saw Mokk-Toh’s reflection through the plate glass window that overlooked an assembly line of docked ships gleaming like crystals from the intense sun rays, “I see you’re disarmed. I suppose that means both our swords got left behind on Takodana.”

Koa stopped her search and moved on to tidying up after the mess she had made. It was almost as though she was too afraid of being still.

“Unfortunately so. It does feel odd, being without my weapon,” Mokk-Toh tapped the place where his sword was usually strapped.

“Like losing a limb,” Koa said without thinking and then froze when her robotic fingers twitched, crease lines forming on her forehead as her nostrils grew larger in frustration. “She sent you to check up on me didn’t she?”

Through controlled breaths, Koa was trying to make a fist. The difficulty of such a simple task did not escape Mokk-Toh’s attention.

Koa was struggling to adjust.

Mokk-Toh folded his arms, “I offered to come and talk to you.”

Koa winced, her tongue running over the snaking line of titanium used to fuse her cracked tooth back together, “Like I keep telling everyone, I’m fine.”

“I don’t doubt that. After all, you of all people would never be so selfish as to endanger the princess’s life by going into the field with anything less than a hundred percent.”

“I’m fine,” she repeated herself like a broken record.

Mokk-Toh made sure his voice was monotonic, he didn’t want her to assume he was being condescending or argumentative, “You keep saying that.”

She side-eyed him, “Because it’s the truth.”

He looked away from her and out towards the gleaming ships, “Hmm.”

His impassiveness seemed to strike a nerve.

Koa opened up, “If the queen was still alive, can you honestly tell me you would be okay with leaving her side while her life was in danger?”

Mokk-Toh let the silence hover, he wanted her to stew in the uncertainty of whatever emotion caused her to ask that question in the first place.

He rubbed at an old scatter of irregularly spaced out scars that once held hundreds of shrapnel pieces on his thigh. With that old wound thrumming with intent, he knew just what to say, “When I was younger –about your age perhaps– I had passed up the opportunity to become the youngest admiral ever appointed to the Royal Guard because I was afraid that the greater responsibility would deter me from keeping the queen safe. As a Knight-Commander, I would always be by her side and that was all that mattered.”

Koa looked down at Mokk-Toh’s thigh where his nails were digging through his trousers, “I didn’t know this.”

Mokk-Toh’s back curved, an irregular slouch making him lose a few millimetres of height, “Not many do…” he cleared his throat. “Anyway, the promotion went to someone else, someone I trusted deeply and he was good at his job too.”

She placed her palm over the metal chassis of her arm, “But?”

“But I was stubborn and even though he was my superior, he let me keep my stubborn ways. During a diplomatic visit to an Outer-Rim planet, our convoy was ambushed. The admiral had asked me to head the scouting party responsible for spotting any potential threats ahead of time. I refused.”

The memory was so vivid in his mind that he could practically feel the rain and the stickiness of the humid air on his nape from that dreadful day. His heartbeat slow and sluggish like the intervals of the lazy thundering that had boomed across the bluish night sky. He remembered being bewildered by Lenora’s serious expression locked on the treaties laid out on her lap. The thought of her was bitter-sweet. Unconsciously, his nails unclenched from his thigh.

“In my mind, the only logical place for me to be was by Lenor- the queen’s side. The scouting party had been overcome by marauders and we lost more than half of our ground team. I would have died as well, if the admiral hadn’t sacrificed himself,” Mokk-Toh’s voice fluctuated towards the end. The flashing image of lightning striking and metal shards exploding into his skin was upsetting.

Koa took a step towards him, “You couldn’t have known—“

“I knew. I knew the man leading the scouting party wasn’t as skilled as I was. The admiral knew it too. So did Lenora. The point is… everyone knew and no one fought me on my decision. So when the next promotion came around, I took it, because there’s more to protecting the people you’ve sworn to keep safe than just being able to stand beside them,” He looked at Koa.

“This is different.”

“That may be, but if you go through with this knowing what you know now, you have to prepare yourself,” there was a dark edge to his warning.

Koa cocked her head to the side, a threat heard in his words. “For what?”

He turned his whole body to face her, “Whatever consequences may arise.”

Mokk-Toh had said all he came to say, maybe more, he was neither wanted nor needed anymore. With a stiff bow, he started on his way back to his quarters.

Koa stopped him in his tracks with an abrupt question, “What was his name?”

He half turned, “Who?”

“The admiral.”

His eye twitched on reflex, “It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s a ghost of the past. The name died with him.”

Koa walked over to stand in front of him now, she looked to be in a confronting mood, “Is the bounty hunter we faced on Takodana also another ghost of the past?”

Mokk-Toh didn’t have an answer for her nor was he comfortable discussing any matters to do with Versengen, especially not to the woman who just lost her arm to his malice. He could tell she wasn’t satisfied with his silence.

She closed in on him like an interrogator trying to intimidate a thug, respect for her elders be damned. “You know him, don’t you?”

Mokk-Toh kept his answer straightforward and to the point, not wanting to play the game of a thousand questions with a woman running on a sparking fuse, “I know of him.”

Koa looked at the space around his face and then settled on the spot where a plasma bolt from a rifle had burned through his flesh less than a day ago, “No. The two of you share a bond, I sensed it. His technique is similar to yours, like you’re cut from the same cloth. You know who’s really beneath that helmet.”

Mokk-Toh turned stiff, “I don’t know who is really beneath that helmet –if there even is anything left beneath that helmet.”

She bit back a hiss as her robotic fingers moved, “What are you hiding?”

 Mokk-Toh stepped around her, “Make sure you’re ready to go when by the time the ship is fixed.”

Hiding behind the darker side of a moon orbiting D’Qar, Versengen’s black ship purred in stasis. Inside, a trail of luminescent blue liquid led away from the healing chambers to an empty training room.

Versengen stared up at his weapons locker stocked with all manner of primitive weapons. With steady hands, he picked up a long, blunt-edged staff about his height.

His footing was soft and quiet. Like a boatman rowing against rushing waves, he twirled the staff from side to side, interchanging grips and moving with grace and precision. It was a kind of sacred dance, his partner was the rush of air that whined every time his staff moved swift and sure. His muscles uncoiled and relaxed only to clench a second later, his anger turned into an afterthought as the movements of his training technique took over his body with the intimacy of muscle memory.

For now, Versengen was dormant and he would remain dormant for as long as the beacon on the Somnambulist was immobile over D’Qar soil.

But as soon as the signal moved… the hunt would resume.

 To be continued…

Tags: @carolinamalo53 @everything-intertwined

[sansy-fresh]

halp

It’s time for the Semi-Annual “Fresh is Never Leaving This Fandom!” fic idea tour! In which under the cut I’m going to talk about fics I’m currently working on and how much longer I expect them to be, as well as long fics I have ideas for and how lengthy I expect them to be in the long run. There’s gonna be probably spoilers so look away if you don’t wanna see them! Also this is really long so be prepared for that.

I’m also going to be discussing some of the mini series that people have funded recently, so there’s that lol

Anyways, ranting and rambling under the cut!! This is more or less a way to keep excited about some of my ideas and get some of you hyped as well ^^ (And also a way to assure anyone wondering “hey, fresh has been here for a while, are they ever leaving?” that the answer is no, apparently not)

Current Fics

Okay so I have around 5 long fics, 1 series, and 1 mini series I’m currently working on. They are as follows:

A Silver Chain: A fic about vampire Honey and polyruses with the other Paps being hunters. Is well on its way but needs re-done in a few places so its currently on hiatus.

Little Fangs: A fic about Dadby and older bro Papyrus with babybones and Badster. Is not even close to halfway done, depending on how far I end up going with the narrative. Might end up being one of the longest fics I write.

Moral Compass: A fic about assumed bad brothers and possible Blackcherry goodness. Is basically 3/4ths done at this point, isn’t meant to be a super long one. Was pretty much completely funded by @1readervb so shout out to them for being a super cool peep.

Hold Myself Together: A fic about Bad Bro Red and how Fell gets a better life. Just started, but based on how long the first iteration of this story was, I’d say this one will be a little longer than C&S ended up being. 

Garish: A fic about a Reader who ends up with the Swell bros as roommates. Might end up being both Reader/Swell bros and Reader/Fell bros, but I haven’t decided. Just started, might be a long one.

Bitter White Memory: A series about how Fell and Stretch get together based on an attempt to keep the Edgelord feeling safe. Only has two parts so far so nowhere near done. I’ve just been too busy to write the next part lol whoopsies

Cherries in Snow: A funded mini series about abused Red falling into Undertale, with Kustard and a little tiny helping of Cherryblossom. One chapter so far, but there should only be about five so it won’t take super long.

There’s also two more mini series that have been funded, but one I only have part of the info on and the other I have no info on, so they haven’t been started yet. (One of them is about Omega Paps in a A/B/O world so that’ll be fun ;;;))

Fics I want to Continue/Rewrite

This is a list I didn’t know I was adding until I was in the middle of making this post. There are a few fics I’ve started and then pretty much abandoned, or that I left behind because I no longer wanted to write them. They are:

The Reset Conundrum: A fic that I wrote a long time ago and never finished about Papyrus and Sans going through the Resets and various endings together, with a happy ending of course. It was a popular one, but I never finished it because I got bored with the idea. I was thinking about it recently and kind of wanted to revisit the idea. Its on this list because I might just do it.

The Ole Razzle Dazzle: A fic I started and then revamped as a fic about Razz and Slim and how they react to a pacifist Chara moving through the Underground. Kinda looking forward to this one, not going to lie.

Sparks and Wires: A fic that I started because of my love for the game D:BH and its androids. About Android Honey and his owner Fell, and how they fall in love. Basically self indulgent Spicyhoney lol

Long Fic Ideas

So just about once every other week I get a new fic idea, and if I like them enough (and can actually imagine myself writing them) I write them down in a doc. Now I’m going to talk about them all in as much detail as I have so ya’ll get comfy this is gonna be a long’n. (These are not up for adoption they are things I plan to write myself.)

The Great: A fic idea @badgertablet came up with and I helped round out. Ambassador Paps with a side of Polyruses and lots of angsty pining and hurt/comfort. Is going to be a longer fic, since there’s a lot of background stuff and quite a bit to set up. I’m really really looking forward to this one though, is going to be a gift for Badg (but shoosh no one tell them).

Family Portrait: A fic idea for Middle Bro Gaster with Paps and Sans. Basically going from Sans’ birth to Gaster falling into the Core to the kid saving everyone and Sans pulling Gaster back out of the Void. Is going to be super long, so probably won’t get to this one for a while lol

Scattered Pieces: A fic idea for a character getting bitties that helps their life out. Lots of angst and hurt/comfort, as each bitty has its own backstory of woe. One I’ve had planned for a while but haven’t been able to sit down a write.

A Concerted Effort: A fic idea where Fell and Stretch have a one night stand and Fell ends up pregnant. The two of them don’t get along super well most of the time so its not like he can tell him, right?? Another old idea I just haven’t started yet lol.

Itty Bitty Teenie Weenie: A fic idea where a different character gets some specialty bitties, ones that need a bit more help than others. In the same universe as Scattered Pieces, probably going to be written after that one.

Segregation: A fic idea that @nurse-gaster came up with that I adopted. Bledgeup in a world where Fell monsters and Tale monsters live on different sides of the fence, a literal fence in this case. Going to be a gift for Nurse when I start writing it lol.

Recovery: A fic idea where a personal character of mine fosters special needs bitties and ends up with one for himself. Is part of a two fic series. 

Caramelized Apples: A fic idea where my Caramel version of Slim ends up pregnant. I haven’t decided how yet, but its hurt/comfort and fluff, so no hard angst here!

Edgy but Smiling: A fic idea where an anxious Reader ends up with a Sansy and an Edgy who just want a good home. 

You Got Me All Fired Up: A fic idea with Sans/Dante (my UF Grillby). I don’t know I just really like Sans and Fellby together and I want to write a slowburn.

Harried and Torn: A fic idea about Spicykustardpuff with lots of angst and hurt/comfort and maybe some fluff along the way. A slowburn because I’m a masochist.

Nice To Eat’cha: A fic idea based on the Asian side of the fandom’s art of Farmer Sans/HT Sans. Won’t be farmer Sans, but it will be a slowburn of Sans and Butch learning how to not judge each other for their own sins.

Seen in Glorious Splendor: A fic idea I had earlier today actually. King Fell, with possible Edgepuff or Polyruses, I haven’t decided yet. My own take on how Fell takes over as King of the Underground from Asgore.

There are a lot of iterations of Skelebros/Reader I want to write, so I’m just throwing a blanket over them called “Eventually”. Them being namely Swap Bros/Reader, Tale Bros/Reader, a reverse harem in my style, HT Bros/Reader, and something just Papyrus/Reader (which Papyrus you ask? all.)

And my Magnum Opus, Safe House, will be the last fic I write for this fandom. So when I start posting that, you’ll know we’re nearing the end.

[neni-has-ascended]

Any thoughts on the new SU episodes from two weeks ago?

So, in general I was very pleased by how the decided to handle this storyline. In general it wasn’t quite as explosive as I would have hoped, but nevertheless very satisfying. That doesn’t mean it was flawless, of course (what ever ist? I do think there’s quite a few things that could have been executed much better) but it did avoid quite a few terribly annoying tropes while playing into a lot far more pleasant ones.

I’m taking the more detailed view of mine under the cut, to avoid spoiling latecomers!

SPOILERS START HERE

Now we’re only falling apart:

I’m glad the fantheory that Sapphire was gonna betray the CG turned out to be bullshit. It would have been terribly out of character for her to betray her friends and love over something that a person who, for all intents and purposes, is already dead did. Now, running away and crying over it? That I can get. 

What needs to be understood about Sapphire as a person is that she doesn’t just hate the Unknown; she is terrified of it. Thanks to her futurevision, there has almost never been a time in Sapphire’s life when she’s felt like she couldn’t guess the correct course of action in any given situation, or when she didn’t have an idea of what was going to happen. Even Steven’s character development throwing off her calculations wasn’t so bad as that she was completely blindsighted. The one other time this has happened before was when she hooked up with  Ruby and then she had, well, the fact that  at least it led to Ruby and her saving one another to comfort her. Here? She must feel like shes done everything right in a Visual Novel game and yet the script STILL somehow tossed her into the worst possible ending route. I’d ragequit too! 

As for the revelations regarding Pink: They were exactly what I already assumed from the moment of the twist. I knew this was probably exactly as it happened. Pink was naive to what it  meant to colonize a planet, and when she figured out she got sick in the stomach from realizing what’s going to be lost by the end of it. And of course, her sisters didn’t listen, because they’re Blue and Yellow and Blue and Yellow don’t listen to anything that doesn’t align with “the old order”(TM).That Rose Quarz as such, design and all, was Pearl’s idea, surprised me positively. I really like that detail. It shows that Pearl had so much creative potential right from her creation that was being squandered by her assigned role as a servant and only goes to show how flawed the Diamond’s hierarchy of thinking living minds of any sort could be forced into specific castes is. Pink being a little *too* excited at the prospect of fusing with Pearl (or any gems in general) was pretty cute too. She really just wanted to enjoy life. I am starting to feel like each Diamond represents one aspect of the mind; Yellow is cold logic, Blue is emotion and Pink is passion (which can lead into love). Makes me wonder what White is. 

What’s Your Problem

I’ll admit, I was faked out at first. I genuinely thought  season 1 Amethyst was suddenly back at it again, just not caring about the consequences of her actions. When I realized this was actually her slightly misguided attempts to keep Steven from destroying himself over the fiasco his mother caused, I was very positively surprised. Steven really said it best: Amethyst and Steven are the two Crystal Gems who have grown the most as people thanks to overcoming the questions regarding their places in the world. Also, Steven being so incredibly insistent about playing therapist for her kinda reminds me of how I can be with my friends as well, ahaha- Actually, my friends are often like Amethyst in this episode too.

The Question

A RUBY EPISODE YES YES YES YES-

Honestly, I hope that now that Ruby and Sapphire are married and have that to validify their bond aside from their fusion, we’ll see more episodes with them acting independently. As much as I like them as a unit in Garnet, I love them as individual characters as well, especially in how they bounce off each other, something usually only see when Garnet struggles with herself briefly. (Still wanna see them play Meat Beat Mania against one another, and see if that’d lead to the same disaster as when they played it as Garnet-) 

Ruby was adorable in this episode. Charlene Yi may not be a good singer (sorry-) but she is an amazing actress, who I always love to see in anything, no matter what, when she just nails this flaming little ball of nervous badassery whenever she’s on screen. Hope Sapphire ends up sharing her newfound love for comics. Wouldn’t it be cool to see Garnet argue with herself over ships in the background of an episode sometime?

My only complaint is that the proposal could have been an episode all on its own. I would have loved to see more of Ruby and Sapphire deal with coming to terms with the fact that their fusion can’t always be 100% stable and that’s okay and doesn’t make then any less of an amazing couple and team. Doesn’t change the fact that the proposal was cute as heck. Like, I swear, Ruby is a million times better at proposing than me. When I proposed I just ended up flipping the table over my plans halfway through and throwing the ring at him like a moron-

Made of Honor

Should have been a Two Parter. At least. Like, goddamn, this was way too important a plot point to just throw it out in a single 10 minutes segment, you guys! This just continues to show the problems with the Steven Bomb format. This thing needed to end on a climax after 5 eps, right? Not sure if that’s how it was planned, probably not, but that’s what it felt like. There should have been more of a storyline with Bismuth running of and trying to figure out stuff, kinda like Ruby. Heck, maybe those things should have overlapped somehow, I wouldn’t be able to come up with anything brilliant off the top of my head. However, Steven should have had to invest way more effort  into patching things up with Bis’. Bis’ just learned that her entire style of life was built on a lie. I would have been interesting to see her just go into a state where she randomly starts building spires, trying to fulfill her purpose again in utter defeat, until Steven snaps her out of it. That would have conveyed things a bit better. 

I have no problem with Bismuth rejoining the team. She saw that her plan of assassinating key figures in the enemy forces only lead to the entire rebel army basically being nuked.That definitely was enough to shock her out of her genocidal intentions. So yes, I do accept that explanation. In the end she was just as naive as Pink, but in a different way.

Reunited

Let me get out of the way that the first half was all kinds of amazing for one single reason:It had a marriage scene that a) Didn’t come at the tailend of the story and b)Didn’t involve pain and disaster for everyone involved! I’m so sick of marriages in media only being used either as elements of an epilogue (”Happily ever after!”) or as a source of drama. As if working relationships were boring or something. They’re so interesting, especially when written right! Totally ignoring the gay aspect of it all (which is a great thing all in of itself), this is one of the best marriages I’ve seen on TV period! No arranged marriages, no annoying love triangles, no jackass suddenly bursting in going “I OBJECT TO THIS UNION” no bride suddenly bursting into tears because everything is horrible, no “And they lived happily ever after SHOW OVER” BS. Just a proper, nice step in the development of two characters. Also, Garnet’s dress is friggin’ gorgeous

The second half is where the special loses me a bit. Not with the script, that one is pretty great. Aside from once again relegating Peridot to comic relief, that is- Seriously, she can’t even get to use a single attack drone? Tch. Cheep. She has actual skills, you guys! Don’t treat her like a Magikarp! User her assets! 

What lost me was the art direction and animation. While there was a lot of beautiful animation, especially on Blue Diamond, there was also plenty of derp, slow scenes, awkwardly choreographed battle moves... And the way Stephen using his telepathy to resolve the battle was portrayed visually was just very uninspired. It made the characters’ movements look so awkward. I wish they’d invited Horikoshi back in for this scene, because he managed similar scenes back in “Mindful Education” way better. Oh well... All in all, the art direction of that specific scenes just left me deeply underwhelmed.

All in all, however, this has been a very nice storyline so far. Can’t wait for the pay-off!

[amazingmsme]

Dealing With Friends

Things were different now, that much was certain. Not all the changes were bad however; they found Will, his mom's mental state was much better than it had been, and the stress and grief he was forced to deal with were slowly subsiding. But not everything was great. His mom still had anxiety attacks and he stayed up until early hours hearing Will get up frequently to go into the bathroom, coughing up a lung. He'd then hear the water turn on, and Will returning to bed. Jonathan wasn't stupid and he knew something was up, but he was afraid to say anything for fear of disturbing the peace. He figured it would be short-lived, but he wanted it to stay as long as it could. Things at school were just as they had always been, and the winter break hadn't changed that. When school started up again, he fell back into his routine: wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, spend time with his family, go to bed, repeat. To some it seemed boring, but for him it was a comfort. It was the one stable thing in his life, the one thing he could always count on. The other kids at school were weary of him, just how he liked it. He wasn't a people person and didn't do social interaction. It was better for him to be alone. Just about everyone else was annoying and immature and he'd just rather not interact with them. Who needed friends anyway? [more] Jonathan was walking through the parking lot after school. It had been a long day, and he couldn't be more ready for the weekend. It was only Monday yet it felt as if it had already been an entire week. He was halfway to his car when he heard his name being called out. Wait, that couldn't be right. No one ever talked to him. Jonathan's a pretty common name, and he knew at least three other Jonathan's, so he only paused momentarily before continuing on his way. "Beyers!" Now Jonathan recognized the voice, and turned around to see Steve Harrington walking up to him. He didn't know what exactly to expect, so he braced himself. "Hey, can I talk to you?" "Uhh..." Jonathan trailed off, looking longingly at his car. Steve followed his gaze and reassured him, "It'll only be a few minutes." Jonathan sighed in defeat, "Sure, what is it?" Steve looked a bit sheepish, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. What I did was shitty, and I feel real bad about it. I meant to apologize earlier, but when I came to your house, all that... stuff, happened," he said, referring to the Demogorgon. Jonathan met his gaze. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have been watching you guys, and I'm sorry I kicked your ass," his lips curled at the corners as he said the last part. Steve couldn't help but smile at that, "You just caught me off guard. Though I think we fight better as a team rather than against one another," he said seriously. Jonathan's smile was less noticeable, but still there, "Yeah, we kicked some ass, didn't we?" Steve stared at him, "How are you, after all that?" Jonathan inhaled deeply. He contemplated whether he should open up, or lie, or just not answer. But he was one of the only people who experienced what he did, and he had everything bottled up for so long he was sure he would explode if he kept it in any longer. "It's been rough. But things help. I usually busy myself so that I don't think about it. Will and Mom help," he admitted. Steve looked at him with wide eyes, "Do you have... y'know... nightmares?" His face was scrunched with fear and something else that Jonathan couldn't quite read. "Nancy and I both have them. I figured you might too. What do you do to make them go away?" Jonathan shrugged, shaking his head. "I wish I knew but I'm about as clueless as you are. I usually wake up and stare at my ceiling counting as high as I can before falling back asleep," he supplied. Steve nodded, letting the information sink in, "I'll keep that in mind." Jonathan began walking off, sensing the conversation was coming to a close. "You seem like a pretty cool dude, we should hang out sometime," Steve said. Jonathan's lips pressed into a thin line and he nodded curtly before walking off. How many times has he heard that one? Way too many to count. How many ever actually hung out with him though? ~~~~ The next day at lunch, Jonathan sat alone at his usual table eating his sandwich when suddenly Steve plopped down in the seat next to him. Jonathan stared at him in shock and Steve offered a large smile, "Hope this seat's not taken. Too bad of it was, cause I'm not moving," he said, setting his lunch onto the table. Nancy came over then, sitting across the table from both of them. "Hey, what's up?" she asked as she took a bite of the school's spaghetti. Jonathan was still trying to process what was going on. People didn't just sit with him at lunch, especially people as popular as Nancy and Steve. He looked at them skeptically. "What?" Nancy asked. "I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but why are you sitting with me?" he questioned. Steve acted as though the answer was obvious, "I said we should start hanging out." Jonathan rolled his eyes. "I know that, but it's not like anyone ever actually means it," he clarified. A brief look of hurt washed over Steve's face, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared, "Well, I meant it." And he really did. He and Nancy sat with him every day at lunch. It was a bit awkward at first. None of them were sure of what to say, a somewhat tense silence lingering in the air. They knew not to bring up what happened and chose to pretend they lived an average life. They ate in silence. "If you never plan on talking you might as well not even sit here," Jonathan snarked, taking a bite of his food. "Excuse me?" "If this is your idea of "hanging out" then you must be boring as hell. I don't know how Nancy stands it." Said girl covered her mouth, snickering behind her palm. Steve was shocked, mouth agape. His mouth finally formed a large smile. "I didn't peg you as a sarcastic kinda guy." "Once you get to know me, that's like 40% of my personality." Nancy tilted her head in curiosity, "What's the other 60%?" He smiled, "You're gonna have to figure that out for yourselves." ~~~~ Steve and Nancy now sat with Jonathan regularly at lunch, though Jonathan still went straight home after school. It had been weeks, and Steve kept insisting he go out and do something with them. "There's nothing to do here," Jonathan stated when Steve suggested they do something that night. "We don't always have to go out. We can all just hang at my place," he offered. Jonathan shrugged, "Even if I wanted to I couldn't, I promised my mom I'd make dinner since she's been so busy this week." Steve narrowed his eyes playfully, pointing a finger at him, "Mark my words Beyers, you will come to my house sooner or later." Jonathan smirked. "Sounds like a threat."Steve glared at him, "You know what I mean." Nancy gave him a sympathetic look, shaking her head, "I'm afraid Jonathan's right. You sounded like someone straight out of a slasher fic." Steve gasped, looking between them, "I can't believe my own friends would say that about me!" he said with a look of betrayal. Friends. Jonathan supposed they really were all friends by now, but he still wasn't used to it. He decided early on that it wasn't so bad having them around. They were good company, and after everything that's happened to him, he was glad to know he didn't always have to be alone. ~~~~ It was a Saturday, which meant Will planned on spending the entire day at Mike's house playing games. Despite what his mom said, Jonathan still felt as though it was his fault Will had gone missing in the first place, so he promised to always walk with him to and from Mike's house. He couldn't let it happen again... Will was riding his bike while Jonathan walked beside them and they talked. When they got to the door, Mike opened it. "Come in, we're just setting up in the basement. Oh hey Jonathan," he greeted with a smile, "Wanna join?" Jonathan really didn't want to spend his day in a dimly lit basement playing a complicated board game. He honestly couldn't understand how Will could take it. He was going to politely decline when Will looked up at him, "You should play, I mean, you used to play with us." Damnit... It wasn't as agonizing as he thought, but he still hated the damn game. Watching his brother and his friends' reactions was funny as hell though. They would get all worked up and scream at each other or yell and jump in victory. But still, it wasn't Jonathan's thing, and he had been sitting in the basement for over three hours and needed to get a drink and use the restroom. And even though he wasn't the tallest guy, it was still uncomfortable to be scrunched up like a damn folding chair. He walked up the stairs and into the kitchen, filling up a glass of water. He gulped it down just as Nancy walked through the doorway. "Oh, I didn't know you were here," she said, smiling sweetly as she put the phone back on its holder. Before he could say anything, they heard shouting from downstairs. "Jonathan get your ass down here, it's your turn!" Nancy covered her mouth, trying not to laugh as Jonathan let out a groan. "Oho no, you're not going back down there. You're coming with me," she said, grabbing his wrist. "Where are we going?" he asked as she went down the stairs. She stopped halfway, looking down at the group of boys. "I'm rescuing Jonathan, we're going to Steve's," she said, dashing back up the stairs before they could protest. "I just got off the phone with him, so he knows we're coming," she explained. "How did you know I was there?" he asked. She smiled at him, "I didn't, but he'll be glad to see you. He's been dying to hang out with you outside of school, but you never wanna do anything," she finished, a slightly sad note to her voice as she glanced at him from the driver's seat. He shrugged, "I'm not really a "go out and party" kinda guy, I'm more of a "stay at home and read" kinda guy." "Wouldn't kill you to just go out and do something sometime," she pointed out. He didn't say anything else. When they arrived, Steve opened up the door and his face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Told you I'd get you in my house." Jonathan couldn't help but to smile as he joked, "Again with the serial killer vibe." Steve gasped, placing a hand over his heart, "I'm hurt Beyers." "Only your pride," he quipped, walking past him. Steve followed him, "You were right; at least 40% of you is sarcasm." Jonathan glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, "You figure out the other 60%?" Steve shook his head, "Not all of it, but I'd say I know you pretty well by now." Jonathan wasn't sure how to react to this. He had spent so long trying to distance himself from others and build up a wall, and all of a sudden Steve and Nancy enter his life and just tear it down. But maybe that was a good thing. "Do you wanna go out by the pool? Or are you guys fine in here?" Steve asked. Nancy looked over at him, "I'm fine inside." He smiled, "Perfect." They hung out and talked for a while, but eventually Steve got bored, and he didn't mind voicing his opinion. "I'm boooooored," he whined, flopping on the couch. "It's your house stupid," Nancy pointed out. "Which makes it even MORE boring for meeee," he complained again. Jonathan rolled his eyes, "Why don't we play a game?" This immediately caught his attention, "I like the way you think Beyers! So!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "Beyers, truth or dare?" And so that's how Jonathan ended up licking Steve's shoe, Nancy admitting she still sleeps with a stuffed animal, and Steve jumping off the roof. After a few more turns, Steve looked to Jonathan, "Truth or dare?" "Truth." Steve let out a groan, falling onto his back. "You've picked truth the last five turns," he whined. Jonathan raised his brows, "Do you think maybe there's a reason for that?" Steve gasped, looking him up and down. "I take offense to that." "You made me lick your shoe!" "Correction: I dared you to lick my shoe." Jonathan shrugged, "Either way I still choose truth." "Uuuuuuuugh, fine. But I'm still gonna try to make this interesting." He thought for a moment before giving a devious smile. "So, Jonathan, are you," he paused, wiggling his fingers at him and raising his eyebrows, "Ticklish?" Jonathan's face remained neutral, "No." Steve smiled, "Oh really? So you wouldn't mind if I-" "Touch me and I kick your ass," he said, cutting him off. "That sounds exactly like something someone who's ticklish would say. You're kinda incriminating yourself here," Steve's smile grew as he spoke while Jonathan remained standoffish. "I'm not a fan of being touched," he explained, though it was clear Steve didn't believe him. Nancy shot Steve a warning look, which he of course ignored. Jonathan looked unamused and sighed, "You don't believe me? Fine I'll prove it," he said and raised his arms a little, giving Steve access to his body. Steve slowly reached out, skittering his fingers lightly over his sides, getting no reaction. "See?" He turned his attention to Nancy, his back turned completely to Steve, "Truth or dare?" But Steve still wasn't convinced. Jonathan was extremely tense and guarded when he had tried to tickle him, and Steve thought that if he could catch him off guard he might be able to get a reaction. Steve slowly crept forward, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. "I dare you to... AH!" Jonathan whipped around and was met with Steve's grinning face. Steve tilted his head in a quizzical manner, "I'm sorry, what was it that you said earlier? About not being ticklish?" Jonathan's lips quirked up ever so slightly, barely even noticeable, but still there. Jonathan had never been given the chance to play or mess around with friends and now that the situation had arose, he wasn't sure how to go about it. Thankfully for him though, Steve was not new to this whatsoever. "The game's called truth or dare, Beyers. I'm pretty sure lying is against the rules, don't you agree Nancy?" She was now catching on, and the mischievous smile on her face matched Steve's. "Oh yes, it's definitely against the rules Jonathan. And there are consequences for breaking the rules." He was trapped between the two of them, unable to escape, and not sure if he really wanted to. He felt... giddy. But he made sure to not make it too obvious and started scooting away until Steve wrapped a hand around his legs and pulled him back, quickly setting to work. Jonathan had rarely ever been tickled and he never quite understood its purpose. He knew it could be used as a bonding method but not many people have ever tried tickling him, aside from his mom. Truthfully he didn't even know where he was ticklish, as it happened so few times. He didn't even think he was that ticklish. He had forced himself to built a wall around himself, shutting himself off from most physical contact. It was clear that his new friends wouldn't allow that anymore, tearing down his defenses. Steve wiggled his fingers into his side and Jonathan slapped a hand over his mouth to prevent laughter from pouring out. Steve mock pouted, " I wanna hear you laugh, see that smile!" he teased, poking between his ribs. Jonathan grunted, struggling in his efforts to keep his mirth at bay. It didn't help once Nancy joined in the teasing as well, "C'mon Jonathan, doesn't it feel good to laugh and not hold anything back?" Her voice was soft and sweet while Steve's was teasing and taunting. The contradiction just seemed to make his predicament worse. Nancy managed to gather his wrists and pin them above his head using her knees, and no matter how much he struggled, he couldn't escape. "Shihihit! Nonono," he started once Nancy walked her fingers down his arms towards his armpits. Steve was beaming, "Aww look how much you're smiling! I think this is the happiest I've seen you, Mr. Doom and Gloom," he teased, forming his hand into a claw and vibrating it against his stomach. Jonathan let out an honest to god scream before falling into hysterics, trying to buck Steve off. It didn't deter him in the slightest however, and he drilled his thumbs into his hips. Jonathan actually snorted at that and Steve had to stop because he himself was laughing so hard. "Oh my god, did you just snort? That is the cutest thing I've ever heard!" His cheeks heated up hearing this and he tried to hide his blushing face is his arm. Nancy quickly skittered her nails over his neck, making him scrunch up and giggle. "Guhuhuhuys" he whined through his laughter, not used to so much attention, and most certainly not used to this much contact. "Yeeeeees?" they both answered in unison, matching grins on their faces. "It tihihihihickles!" Steve smirked, "Well duh it tickles, we're tickling you! And you just so happen to be very ticklish. Which you lied about. Don't think I haven't forgotten about that," he said in a stern voice, using one hand to point at him while the other spidered over his ribs. "Alright Steve, better cut it out, it looks like he's about to pass out," Nancy said backing off. Steve did the same, moving off of him and letting him catch his breath. "You two," he said pointing at them and pausing for a breath, "Are evil. Why did I ever agree to be friends with you again?" he asked, though his ever present smile made it clear he meant none of it. "Because were awesome. And we make things, like, 10 times as fun. Well, I do anyways," Steve spoke, earning a shove from Nancy. "And I think I figured out the other 60%." Jonathan gave him a skeptical look, "What is it then?" "60% ticklish dork," he said, smile so wide it could split his face in two. Jonathan's blush deepened and he rolled onto his stomach, burying his face into a nearby pillow, "You're never going to let this go, are you?" "Not likely, no," Steve shook his head. "Just remember I can kick your ass in a fight," he threatened, but Steve just waved his hand. "If it's a tickle fight, I'm pretty sure I would win anyways," he smirked and Jonathan let out a strange but endearing mix of a frustrated groan, a scream, and a giggle, "Why are you so adamant about torturing me?" "Cause you got a nice laugh that I wanna hear more of," Steve admitted. "Then tell a joke! Oh wait, I forgot, you aren't funny." Steve's mouth dropped and Nancy had to cover her mouth to muffle her laughter at the sight. "Oh that's it Beyers, you're dead!" That was definitely not the last time Steve and Nancy used this particular weakness against him. In fact, it was only the beginning. And Jonathan found that he didn't really mind it all that much.