#hand… holding.. wowowow…

[zevlors-tail]

Re-entering my Spencer Reid era. Re-watching Criminal Minds. ATP this blog is about to be multifandom 😐

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

@teddybeartoji @staryukis @dollsuguru @venusiansilk

soulmates

[avenging-fandoms]

Hit Me - Joel Miller

Summary: requested by anonymous- wowowow your Joel Miller angst is CHEFS KISS!!! if you don’t mind, i would love to request even more angst.. specifically the moment he’s about to die (you know the whole abby situation 💔). when ellie and the reader come to save him, abby realizes how much the reader means to joel and thinks it would hurt joel more to harm the reader than to kill him. pls tell me you get the vision! it ends with the reader surviving, and joel too of course — i am such a sucker for protective joel and i need him YEARNING to save reader from abby 🙏

Content warning: torture, violence, very hard before it gets soft. this is a happy ending, VERY different from the game/show

gif divider credit: @enchanthings-a

a/n: this is entirely different from the story line of TLOU but i yearn for happy ending Joel and Ellie so pls let me live. ps: i just finished writing and im so fuckin proud of this one

please reblog and like!

Snow crunches under hooves as you and Ellie ride your horse Ginger and Dina on Japan, hurrying to get back to the burning place you've called home the past 5 years.

"Y/N! Wait!" Ellie grabs your jacket and you halt, seeing what her eyes were trained on. More horse tracks in the snow and you get a sinking feeling in your stomach as your eyes follow the tracks up to a cabin. You glance at Ellie and you two didn't have to speak, you just hit the strap against your girl's neck and she was off with Dina following.

Your stomach was right. Joel and Jesse's horses were outside of the eery seeming cabin and Ellie squeezes your jacket before you both hop off. You swing your rifle around your shoulder, taking off the safety and checking that the chamber was full and nodding to the two girls.

Something wasn't right. The air was too cold, eating the nerves off the tip of your nose and making it impossible to breathe. The three of you step inside quietly and take a breath and hold it when you hear a gunshot. Ellie goes to run, but you hear Joel scream.

You turn to Dina and dig into your bag, pulling out matches and smoke bombs. "Holy shit, where'd you get those?" Ellie whispers.

"I made them. Dina, I want you to wait outside the door. If you hear things start to go very badly, light these fuckers up and throw them in, we'll find you." Her teary eyes stare at you and you hold her face. "You're brave, Dina, you can do it."

You look at Ellie and grip your gun again, finger loose on the trigger as you all walk closer to the girl yelling and Joel yelping and screaming in pain. You and Ellie hide on either side of the door, Dina behind Ellie.

She nods at you and you kick open the door. Jesse lays peacefully on the floor in a pool of blood made the anger spread to your hand and pulling the trigger, hitting two people before you and Ellie are wrestled to the floor. A gun nozzle digs in your skulls and they kick your guns away from you.

"Don't!" Joel yells and a girl with a braid looks at you and Ellie, then to her men.

"Not just yet," she mutters quietly. Your eyes widen and breath quickens when you see Joel's leg that’s pouring blood from a bullet wound in his thigh. "Well, now we have a crowd. And who are you?" Her black boots are inches from your face as she crouches down, brushing a piece of hair out of your eyes and smiling at you. You narrow your eyes and twist your legs, but she grabs a fistful of your hair and pulls your head up.

You hiss as she rips hair from your scalp, making you look at Joel. You grab her ankle but the man puts away his gun and sits on your legs, holding your hands behind your back.

"No, no! Leave her alone!" Joel's voice breaks, trying to scoot towards you but he falls over from the pain of his leg, the both of you laying on the ground. "My sweet girl, I'm so sorry," he cries and you give him a smile, a tear falling down your nose.

The girl looks at Joel with a smirk and her tongue against her molar, turning back to you and gripping your hair tighter as she pulls you higher, face inches from yours. "Did you know your boyfriend murdered a whole hospital?" Her voice shakes and Joel bows his head, his shoulders shaking and locking his eyes with yours again.

"Yes," you choke out, watching Joel get himself up again and he tries to move closer, but the cock of a gun stops him.

"Do you care?" Her voice shakes more and the anger in it fuels, more tears falling down your face as you glance at Ellie then lock your eyes with Joel's.

"No."

The room went silent before she threw your head on the floor, your skull bouncing off the wood. "No!" Abby pushes the guy off of you, forcefully rolling you on your back and straddling your stomach, your lip trembling in fear.

"Were you with him when he shot the doctor?" Her fists ball by her sides and you nod slowly, the girl letting out a breathy sob. "Did you try to stop him?"

You blink at her and a tear falls down your temple. "He was going to kill my girl." Your ear rings as she throws a punch to your right cheek. Left. Right. Left. Your head flops with every hit she lands on your face and you taste metal in your mouth when she splits your lip open.

"Stop! Stop! Hit me, Abby, fucking hit me instead! I shot him, hit me! Kill me!" Joel screams, banging his fists on the floor but Abby just hits harder.

Abby stops her hits and huffs her chest, gritting her teeth when she looks at Joel with her bloody fist held in front of her. "I am killing you, Joel," your head painfully flops to look at him and Joel wails. Your face was covered with so much blood he could barely make out all of the bruising in your face. "I'm making you watch me kill her."

Joel's eyes meet yours again and he reaches his hand out to you and your hand shakily goes to reach his, but Abby's heavy boot slams down on your fingers and you scream in pain, which makes you scream more because of the pain in your face. The man kicks your ribs repeatedly, your lungs quickly losing air.

You feel 3 bounces of something on the floor before the room explodes in a white smoke that made it impossible to see. Abby and the guy get away from you but you can't move. Your ears are ringing and your vision is getting blurry as guns go off around you.

A large thud moves your body as Abby lands right next to you, her eyes wide with a bullet hole between her eyebrows. You don't move, you can't. You don't close your eyes, but stare at her and blink. You take in her features, the wispy hair falling out of her braid and her brown eyes slowly dimming life.

"Y/N? Y/N?" Ellie crawls next to you and hovers her hands over your face, tears rolling down her cheeks and she takes a shaky breath. "We have to go, we have to get her help!"

"Where do we go? Jackson is burning!"

"We fucking find Tommy or something, I don't care, we have to save her," Ellie sobs and Joel grunts and whimpers as Dina helps him to his feet. She rummages through her bag and leans him against the wall, tightly wrapping the wound and he hits his fist against the wall.

He nods at Dina and stands, limping as he walks over to you and kneels on his good leg, brushing your hair out of your face. "You're okay, sweet girl, we've gotta get you home. We're going to help you up, okay?"

Joel, Ellie and Dina help you stand and you're light on your feet, falling over and crashing into Joel. He falls with his back against the wall and he cradles you in his arms, his whole body shaking with sobs into your hair.

"I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry," he cries and Ellie lets more tears fall, wrapping her arms around you and Joel. You flutter your eyes open and faintly put your hand on Ellie's waist before it falls back to your side, consciousness almost gone. "Help me with her, please. I can't carry her on my own," Joel sniffles and Ellie wraps one of your arms over her shoulder, interlocking her fingers with yours and Dina doing the same thing with your other arm.

Joel picks up your feet and they carry you out of the cabin, Joel hopping on his horse and pulling you up and putting you in front of him, arms under yours to lock your hips in place and ankles crossed over yours.

"Jesse.." Joel starts and Dina turns away, heading behind a tree and Ellie look at the man.

"I know. You go and find Tommy, we'll get Jesse. I promise we'll be there soon," Ellie looks past Joel and sees smoke but no flames coming from Jacking. "Looks like it's okay, you can try to take her back home.

Joel looks at Ellie and to Jackson, then back at Ellie. "You'll be right behind me, nothing else, hear me?" He points at her and she nods and checks on Dina, no fussing or fighting when he points at and directs her.

Joel hits the strap against his Beardy and he's off in a flash. You have no energy, the world dimming and the wind pushes you into Joel's chest. He wraps his left arm around your waist to make sure you don't fall off and rubs his thumb on your side, studying the bruises on your face and crying to himself.

Clickers burn all around the wall, houses and buildings burning with scattered gun fire going off inside. The horse stops when Joel tugs and sees his brother standing in the midst of the ending chaos.

"Tommy! Help me!" He screams, getting the attention of a few people who rush to help but Tommy beats them easily. He looks at Joel who moves your hair, showing your beaten and bloody face.

"Jesus Christ, Joel, what the fuck happened?" Tommy carefully cradles you in his arms and Joel hops down, falling to the ground when he forgets about his wound.

Maria, Seth and a few others help Joel up and follow Tommy who rushes you to the closest building that wasn't on fire, the doctor following suit. Joel swipes everything off the table and Tommy holds your head as he lays you down, tears welling in his eyes.

"Fuck, Y/N," Joel cries and Seth lets him go, Joel's head falling on your thighs and holding you as he sobs.

Someone comes bursting in the door shortly after the doctor starts to assess you, informing Tommy and Maria that Ellie and Dina have arrived back with Jesse wrapped up. They leave the room to help and Seth and the other men pat Joel on the back before leaving themselves.

It was just you, Joel, and the doctor. He grabs a bowl of water and a cloth, handing to Joel to clean you off. "She's not going to die, Joel, but she is hurt. Her jaw is fractured and when she wakes we must monitor her, we don't know if her brain was effected in any way."

Joel nods with quiet tears falling as he wrings out the cloth, the doctor apologizing and patting his back before leaving you and Joel alone. His shaky hand ever so softly wipes the blood from your cheeks, watching your chest rise and fall.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'll spend the rest of my life making this up to you," he sobs, kissing your arm and shoulder, sniffling and wiping under your nose with the cloth.

⁂

"Joel?"

It had been a month since you last opened your eyes, since Joel heard your voice, since Ellie felt your fingers brushing through her hair. Joel beat himself up every night and day, barely leaving one of the new hospital rooms.

Ellie and Dina would force him home for dinner and his bed, and he barely spoke. Because of his actions, the woman he loves was laying in a bed in a coma, no one knowing and no way of telling when she would wake up, if she ever did.

Joel cried himself to sleep, so loud Ellie would have to come in some nights to calm him down and make sure he was catching his breath. Ellie would cry too, sleeping in one of your shirts, begging and screaming into her pillow for you to wake up.

Ellie was with Dina and Tommy helping rebuild some stores and Joel was cleaning up your hospital room, trying to make himself busy so he wouldn't cry looking at you.

Then he heard you.

It was hoarse, it was strained, but it was you. He spins a 180 and rushes to your side, your eyes still closed but calling his name.

"Hey, hey sweet girl," Joel lets out a breathy chuckle, sniffling and holding your almost healed face. "I'm here, I'm right here."

Your eyes peel open and he was smiling you, beaming like the sun you've missed. "Joel," you breathe, weakly smiling and lifting your hand to hold the overgrown, nearly-grey beard below his tired eyes. "I'm okay," you laugh quietly, Joel laughing with you and kissing your forehead.

He sits next to you on the bed and brushes the hair out of your face, rubbing his thumb over your cheek.

"Do you remember what happened?" He asks quietly and your lips fall together in a line. You didn't have to open your mouth, the tears pouring as soon as his sentences stops speaks for you. "It's all my fault. If I didn't shoot the doctor-"

You grab his hand and place it on your chest. "If you didn't do what you did, we wouldn't have our girl," you choke and Joel wipes your tears. "I was there next to you. I did it too, Joel."

He didn't have anything to say, he didn't have an argument. You argued to go in there with him when he begged you to stay in the stairwell and he'd find you after, but you told him you'd fight with him. Joel was overprotective, but at that moment, his words didn't matter and you wanted to help save Ellie.

"I've missed you so much," Joel smiles and falls into your chest, resting his hand on your recovered ribs. You both take in each other, feeling every goosebump on arms and tracing new features.

"Holy shit!" You sit up in the bed and blink a few times before opening your arms. Ellie sits next to you on the bed and falls into your arms with a sob. Your hands hold the back of her head, tucking her face into your neck while you softly stroke her hair. "I'm so glad you're not dead," Ellie pulls away and you laugh and Joel shakes his head.

"I would've missed you guys so much." You look between Joel and Ellie and lay back on the bed, Joel and Ellie squishing in and laying their heads on your shoulders. You grab each of their hands and cross them over your chest, a tear falling down your temple when you kiss the top of Ellie's head, grateful and happy to be alive with your family.

[lovexdeepspace]

“life without you.”

summary; months after breaking up with them, they come for reconciliation.

warnings; heartbreak, break-ups

note; wowowow the first part to this blew up and i am so beyond thankful for all the love! after this comes more requests :D

!! divider by @cafekitsune !!

first part | angst ending

“we should probably see other people.”

༊*·˚. xavier

it had been a couple of months since you broke things off with xavier and the way his face had contorted into one of subtle shock made you feel, well, better about things. although it had pained you to say the words, knowing that he was instantly hit with something — be it guilt, regret, sadness, whatever — made you feel better knowing it meant he still cared enough about you.

though the months of silence that followed had you second guessing that notion, no matter how many times you tried to tell yourself it was normal for this to happen and that you should take advantage of this time. you would never admit to anyone the many nights you would spend on your couch, waiting around late at night hoping that knock would come on your door and your sleepy hunter would be on the other side.

perhaps you ended up manifesting it one too many times, however, because now you stand pj-clad in your doorway with one hand on your hip and a raised brow as xavier held out a round, marshmallow-looking stuffed bunny to you.

“what’s this?” you deadpanned, knowing exactly what he was doing — you just wanted to hear him say it.

xavier’s lips pressed into a tight line as he avoided your eyes and muttered, “i really screwed up. i didn’t realize how good things were with you until i lost you.”

you stayed silent, motioning for him to continue when he glanced your way.

“i don’t deserve to ask you for forgiveness, let alone should i expect you to take me back,” he said, holding your gaze, “but i’d be even more of a fool not to try. i’m so, so sorry i put you in such a shitty situation.”

xavier pushed the bunny a little closer to you, brightening a bit as you took it into your arms. it was soft and downright adorable, a stuffed reflection of the man in front of you(though, again, something else on the list of things that wouldn’t be admitted by you).

“i don’t expect you to answer me any time soon,” he added quickly, filling the silence, “so i’ll just —“

“xavier.”

the blonde immediately shut his mouth, giving you his rapt attention. with a sigh you look from the bunny to him before extending a hand to him, albeit hesitantly.

“i was in the middle of watching a movie,” you said, earning a confused look. “do you want to finish it with me?”

if your heart wasn’t racing by that point, the way xavier’s face broke out in a grin before he grabbed your hand excitedly and pulled you into your own apartment had it pounding against your rib cage like a drum.

༊*·˚. rafayel

you recieved a torrent of snarky, snappy texts following your brief break-up with rafayel. he switched between gaslighting you that nothing was happening and that you were overreacting to him acting nonchalant about the whole thing; it was so bad that you had to block his number before you even got back to your apartment, which was a few blocks away.

it was weird to not have your phone blowing up all day long but, at the same time, the silence was a sort of reprieve while you dealt with the emotional repercussions of the whole situation. it allowed you some peace of mind and gave you the space needed to cope and, with the months that followed, grow more comfortable with not being in a relationship anymore.

you had finally found yourself at peace once again, keeping yourself busy with things to do like trying out the new restaurant downtown. as you were getting ready to head out, a knock came from your front door.

“just a minute!” you called, adjusting the collar of your blouse in the mirror before heading to the door and opening it. “oh.”

standing in front of you was rafayel and thomas, the latter giving you a sweet smile and a wave.

“nice to see you!” he chirped before giving rafayel a shove on the shoulder and gesturing to you. “i’ll be in the car.”

“good seeing you, too, thomas,” you called as he walked off, then turned to rafayel. “so. it took your manager forcing you for you to come see me?”

rafayel pouted at you and crossed his arms over his chest. “last i checked, you’re the one who blocked my number.”

you barked out a laugh, unsure as to why you’d be surprised about the audacity of this man. “well, maybe it’s because you tried to downplay my feelings!”

“well i’m sorry, okay?” rafayel retorted, matching your raised volume. “there, happy?”

“happy?” you echoed, running a hand down your face. “rafayel, if you really think —”

“you’re right.”

you froze, biting back the rest of your statement and raising a brow. “i’m right?”

rafayel nodded, dropping his arms to his sides. “i fucked up. like truly, undoubtedly fucked up. and here i am, thinking i can just say sorry and fix it all but that’s not how it works. i’ve got this whole front to keep up to protect my stupid ego but. . .” he sniffles and you realize there are tears in his eyes but he continues before you can speak up.

“fuck my ego,” he spat, clearly more angry at himself with every word he spoke. “my life has been complete and utter shit without you in it. i thought i knew what i was doing but i was wrong and i can’t even begin to express how sorry i am. i don’t deserve forgiveness or anything from you but gods you deserved an apology and i hope this is at least somewhat sufficient.”

rafayel sniffled again, the tip of his nose reddening as he wiped at his eyes. you were shocked to say the least, rooted to the spot as you watched the man you always thought to be so invulnerable breaking down in front of you.

slowly you reached out and your hands pulled his away from his face. he looked at you with wide, teary eyes as your hands cupped his face, your thumbs brushing the few remaining tears away. he whispered your name and you sighed, feeling all the hardened feelings towards the artist and your breakup softening to mush.

“i’ve missed you,” he whispered, leaning into your touch, and everything gets thrown out the window as you press a quick kiss to his forehead, then his cheeks, then the corner of his lips.

“i missed you too,” you said quietly. “come inside — i’ll tell thomas that i’ll drive you home later.”

༊*·˚. zayne

his coldness towards you was to be expected but still stung more than you could’ve expected. what made the break-up even worse was that you had to do it at the hospital and she was present for it all. you had tripped over your words and felt like a fool but knew, deep down, it needed to be done to prevent you from spending another sleepless night.

you had accounted for the way you’d feel when you’d find his clothes in your laundry; you’d accounted for the way your heart would surge whenever the rare occurrence came that you’d see him out and about in linkon city; everything was thought out and prepared for to avoid feeling too harshly.

what you had failed to account for, however, was how you’d feel when you came home one day to find zayne sitting on your couch with at least ten different bouquets of flowers surrounding him.

first it was shock — you quite literally dropped all your belongings. zayne raised an eyebrow at your reaction as if it wasn’t incredibly surprising to see him sitting in your apartment after having months of no contact.

second it was realization — you hadn’t taken your spare key back. as soon as it hit you your shock wore off and you groaned, running a hand down your face. after a long day at work this was the last thing you were expecting and needed.

last came the indifference. you gestured to him, then to the door. zayne stood slowly and walked around the bouquets, heading for the door. you were surprised up until he shut the door and headed back to his original spot on the couch.

“zayne,” you deadpanned. “that was a sign for you to leave.”

“do you really want me to leave?” the doctor asked, his steely gaze sending shivers down your spine.

no. “why are you even here?” you asked, defeated, purposely avoiding the question. “months of not talking and you suddenly appear in my apartment? what gives?”

“i need to apologize,” zayne replied bluntly, gesturing to the plethora of flowers surrounding him. “did the flowers not make that obvious? are they not enough? should i have gotten more?”

he looked somewhat distraught as he looked around him and you shook your head with a sigh to cover up the way the corners of your mouth twitched. you’d hardly seen zayne so stressed let alone stressed over flowers and if they were enough for you.

“zayne, the flowers are lovely,” you assured him. “more than i know what to do with, though.”

zayne nodded slowly, a bit more at ease. he stood once more and walked over to you, stopping right in front of you. he took a deep breath and looked you square in the eye, though you noted the way his eyes flitted down to your lips for a split second.

“what i did, how i treated you, all of it was unacceptable,” he said softly and you couldn’t help but already feel him worming his way through your walls. “i don’t know what i was thinking — or if i was even thinking at all. you are the most caring, respectful, and loving partner anyone could ever ask for. i was so lucky to have you by my side and i foolishly messed everything up.”

you wanted to reach out and wrap your arms around him, truly, but he still looked as if he had more to say so you held yourself back for a moment longer.

“you are everything to me,” he said, “and i will do whatever i need to do to regain your trust, your love, everything. however long it takes — days, months, years, nothing else matters to me more than you.”

you were in awe of the man standing before you, so moved by his words and actions that you couldn’t help but wind your arms around him and pull him close to you. you could feel him relax in your embrace, something that nobody else could do no matter what. with your cheek pressed to his chest, you smiled to yourself as you felt him press a kiss to the crown of your head and his arms wrap tightly around you.

“since i went a little overboard with the flowers,” he mumbled, “do you think we should take them down to the hospital and give them out to the patients?”

there he was. your zayne. sweet, compassionate, loving zayne.

taglist; @chim-i @reialbert @circusclownsam @yegrnn @kreishin @xmikanx @frobin4ever @keitthen <3 & all the anons that requested this!

[sukunasweetheart]

👀👉🏾👈🏾 Sukuna x Reader ex's to lovers?

wowowow i cant believe im doing like another celebrity au again but here goes nothing ahaha...

i love this trope, i ended up writing a WHOLE, lengthy ass, detailed plotline on it i hope u dont mind <3 (A WHOLE WHOPPING 6K WORDS YALL)

prepare for hella angst, OOC sukuna, insecure fem!reader, ghosting, messy break up, conflicting and complicated feelings + sexual tension and then intense smut @ the end (make up sex)

imagine sukuna being like, an amateur model-turned-actor, with you being his highschool sweetheart, who was there to support him since day one

a very happy, fulfilling relationship for the most part-- until he starts gaining huge amounts of popularity.

youve always known that he was meant and born to reach sky-high levels of success, and you were certain he was going to make it one day

but things get rockier by the second, and insecurity is such an ugly, ugly thing

seeing him model with other beautiful celebrities, acting in roles where he had a love interest to kiss and fondle, reading those gossip scandal articles involving him and another party every few months or so-

it all got too much for you.

all you needed was some reassurance... but young and vivacious sukuna, drunk on this fame and attention, failed to recognise that and left you feeling neglected.

not on purpose tho, he's never engaged in infidelity, he's never gazed upon someone else with lust or love on his mind - he was using everyone around him as a stepping stone towards his own career

sukuna's known you since forever, and he was confident that you knew his affection for you was unwavering... so he failed to understand where you were coming from whenever you brought these things up

arguments after arguments after arguments

the worst part of it was that he wanted to keep his relationship with you a secret. saying something about how having a significant other would slow his progress in his career down... the decision was urged on by the entertainment company that he was in a contract with

it hurt so damn much when he was being interviewed on tv about his romantic life, only for him to tell the world he was single.

it leads to more arguing.

of course, as a rising celebrity, he was quite awfully busy with many business trips and attending a lot of parties and galas

another terrible fight occurred right before he had to leave for a flight overseas but by then, youd pretty much already decided that you were going to leave him

you basically ghosted him, packing all your belongings overnight, blocking his number and all his social media accounts, making sure even all yours and his mutual friends didn't know of your whereabouts. you're going to start fresh. and give him no closure.

it was petty revenge, and maybe immature of you, but you were just as young as he was, and you wanted him to hurt as badly as you were hurting back then.

sukuna's still overseas, having just come back from another fancy gathering and is fresh out of the shower, in his hotel room... he decides he's gonna try and give you a call, but ofc you don't pick up

he sighs and convinces himself that he'll sort things out with you later when he gets back, not knowing that there won't be a 'later'.

meanwhile you're dragging a suitcase out of the apartment, taking a taxi somewhere else far away, crying as you pass by giant billboards that have pictures of sukuna plastered all over

he feels like such a faraway person now. no longer someone who you used to cuddle closely in bed, or hold hands with. you're not even sure of who you are without him anymore.

you could imagine his reaction when he came home, only to find your entire existence missing. seriously, it was like you were never there. you left nothing of yours behind, and the place was cleaned spick and span, not a hair of yours to be found.

when was the last time sukuna felt so panicked?? this dull ache in his chest, as he spams you calls and texts that never reach you

he contacts mutual friends in rotation but everyone is absolutely clueless... he considers filing a missing persons case but then a trusted friend of yours tells him to not look for you... and that you wanted them to relay a message to him, just a simple goodbye.

what the fuck are you talking about?

oh, here comes a severe headache.

his mind is whirring with overlapping memories, thoughts, regrets, thinking about any clues that might give away where you couldve gone, but theres simply nothing

the shock moves into sorrow, then denial, and then it turns to anger. does he mean nothing to you? so much so that youd abandon him without saying a word?

its like he was going through the five stages of grief, but for someone who he knew was still alive..

eventually, he finds a rebound out of spite. if youve left him, then it's means he's free and single, right? he gets himself piss-drunk, and beds another, only to wake up feeling absolutely disgusted. it feels like... it feels like he's cheated on you. even though you're already gone. he's just a mess of conflicting emotions, and it lasts for so long.

the reason why he doesnt hire someone or use some other underhanded method to actually look for you is because of a weird mixture of both his pride and feelings of insecurity, thinking that maybe, just maybe, you do deserve someone better, someone who understands you more... (and he's also fearful that someone like you, might've already found love somewhere else, and he's definitely not confident that he'll be able to act maturely if he sees its true)

eventually, acceptance does come... but does it really?

i like to think he went through many failed relationships, his partners always leaving him upon witnessing him getting intoxicated and calling for none other than your name in his state. someone who no one around him knows anymore.

years pass, and time really does allow you to forget. for both you and sukuna alike. in your mid thirties, both of you are single at this time.

you've been busy with your new job at some company (dont ask me, i was too lazy to decide what kind, so u guys can make this one up bye), and he made sure to keep himself busy as well. no time for fleeting romance.

of course, until fate does that weird thing where it pushes people together again... a new project lands in your lap, where it involves some kind of collaboration with THE celebrity, ryomen sukuna. of fucking course.

you really did desperately try to get it off and pass this off to some other colleague but they insisted your involvement was necessary. what are you supposed to do? you almost decide to quit... but this job means a lot to you... you can't just throw everything away because of an ex... right?

and, oh my god, when the first meeting does happen, involving the celebrity himself, you and a couple other coworkers to discuss the project, sukuna sees you and his brain short circuits for a moment.

he starts doubting his own vision, and then he reminisces, in the middle of whatever the fuck everyone else was talking about during the meeting.

"... Mr. Ryomen?" one of the other participants ask.

he clears his throat, regains his composure and regathers his focus. he's an actor for god's sake. and he starts speaking, with thoughts of you in the back of his mind. about how much youve changed, but also remained exactly the same...

during introductions, you shake his hand and act professionally. his eye twitches. will you continue to pretend not to know him even afterwards? should he talk to you separately after this? no... doing that would mean he's the desperate one...

when you saw sukuna hesitating, part of you felt relieved. so you're not the only one getting freaked out. you don't expect him to acknowledge you anymore, though.

after the meeting, he walks out feeling confident that he's going to ignore you back, if this was the kind of game you're going to play with him. you mean nothing to him, just as he means nothing to you.

but he remembers the shock that went down his spine at the feeling of the warmth in your hand. he watches you take an elevator by yourself, and tries to make a split second decision on whether he wants to let you go, or if he wants to chase you down.

he probably shouldn't bother.

but he impulsively speed walks down towards you, anyway.

youre startled when the elevator doors are blocked from closing just at the last second, with someone's arm coming through between. your heart skips a beat seeing that it's none other than sukuna.

what is this sensation? this mix of fear and... excitement. you should be unperturbed. you're over him. he's someone from the past. you're buzzing with these feelings, but there also comes a creeping resentment that finds its way to you again, as you try to remember why you left him in the first place.

he unclicks whatever level you were heading to, and clicks on the highest level instead. he's gonna take you to the rooftop of the building, where he can confront you peacefully.

"Mr. Ryomen? Is there something wrong?" you ask him. still feigning ignorance. like salt to a wound. you know its another petty move from your part, but you can't help yourself.

"Don't call me that. You know damn well why I'm here," Sukuna drawls, sounding more sad than angry. they've really become strangers.

you grow silent, being hit with a pang of guilt. deep down, you knew you shouldve handled it more maturely than that. he deserved closure, and you needed it too. but isn't it too late for all that now?

the conversation flows tense, but unravels slowly. there's still a lot of questions being withheld though. he wants to ask you how youve been. were you able to sleep peacefully after you left him? why did you have to leave in the worst way possible?

a familiar headache creeps up.

simultaneously, the anger finds its way in his heart all over again. he knows he didn't do much good towards the end of their relationship either but ghosting him was plain disrespectful and childish.

you surprise him when you give a sudden heartfelt apology.

you tell him that you know apologising now after all these years is frankly almost meaningless but still, he didnt deserve to be left behind in that kind of way. you admit that you should've communicated with him properly that you were breaking up with him.

he's left kinda speechless, bc he was so ready to be all snarky to you after everything.. he's still mad, but he can't really say shit anymore without sounding like too much of an asshole.

truth be told, if you did stay around to tell him that you were breaking up with him beforehand, he probably wouldn't have let you go... where would you guys be now, if you never separated?

"i've always wanted to apologise. it's been weighing on me ever since i left."

...and yet, you didn't ever think to call or text him even once afterwards? he never changed his number in hopes for that, and he hates himself for it.

"i understand that you hate me now, but let's try to get through the collaboration without trouble. and then we can part ways again."

that one pierces his heart, like a bullet. you haven't said anything technically wrong. he should hate you. or at least, he should feel indifferent by now. and yet... the way that you automatically assume so irks him badly.

"do you really believe that i hate you? aren't you the one that hates me?"

it's a stupid fucking question. what the fuck is he even saying? he wants to kick the elevator door.

"...i left because i thought you hated me, that you didn't need me anymore. and i tried to convince myself that i hated you too. but that couldn't be further from the truth. even now, i don't ha-"

before you can say any more, the elevator doors open, and a small group of employees are standing outside them, looking curiously in at you and sukuna. then, they realise who he is. they come flocking in, asking for autographs and pictures.

you quietly slip out of the crowd, and after giving one quick glance at sukuna, who visibly wants to pursue you again, you walk away to avoid gathering attention on yourself. wait-! dammit- he thinks.

he can't chase after you. he can't call out for you to stop. he can't push all of these people away. if he did, it will cause rumours and unfavourable articles to fly out. let's try to get through the collaboration without trouble. his own fame becomes another obstacle between you and him.

back then, you were his whole world, yet somewhere along the path, he started to fail in making you feel like it.

he watches you take the fire exit towards the emergency stairs, while he's surrounded by overbearing fans who beg for his attention. you're going to have to walk down in your heels, all because of him. as he catches the final glimpse of you, as he's reluctantly dealing with his fans, he begins to understand, a little bit. he didn't want to understand why you decided to leave him. but he does now. a little.

a couple of stairwells down, you eventually pause for a moment and sit down on the last step to take a breather. you wipe your sweaty palms against your skirt. the familiar tug at your heart, in which your insecurities come flowing back to you, seeing him surrounded. you need to build higher, stronger walls around you from now.

when sukuna is done on his end, and sends them off down the elevator, he goes off to check down the stairs you went, but you've already booked it. slipped right through his fingers. you were about to say something important. with unresolved feelings, sukuna also takes the stairs down, with a heavy heart. each step down brings him another old, nostalgic memory of you to him.

from then on, the more he interacts with you during work-related matters, the more apparent it becomes that he still harbors feelings for you. he tries to ignore it, push it back down, but it only returns twice as overwhelming.

your voice. the way you smile. the scent of your perfume. exactly the same as back then. yet, he also observes the changes that have occurred in you; how you act, speak and the kinds of words you use, as well as seeing you in such a professional setting rather than personal - everything is coming together to allure him more, and he's in a state where he's unable to resist this attraction, but also unable to act on it, because he's not sure how you'd react to it.

he knows it's not just him getting drunk on nostalgia.

the next time he catches you alone, he makes sure to tell you that he doesn't hate you like you believe he does. you'd never admit it, but that gave you butterflies in your stomach.

in fact, everything sukuna does, even just locking eyes with you for a few seconds, is enough to make your heart rate increase, intensifying when he looks at you almost like... almost like he wants you. you must be imagining things.

he finds himself doing uncharacteristic deeds, like sending coffee for all the staff members. his manager passes them out to everybody, including you. he doesn't know if you still like your coffee the same way as he remembers, but he makes sure that yours is a little different, a little more specific than everyone else's, in hopes that you'll notice these small gestures of his.

over the course of the project, he inches closer to you, ever so slowly. but you don't seem to budge. even worse, you seem to be avoiding him as much as you possibly can. you avert your gaze from his. stagger away when he gets close.

he brings it up on one occasion, when he's able to approach you at the back of the building, where there's no one around, and no watchful eyes of a nosy audience. it's definitely frustrating and unpleasant- when he wants to speak with you, he has to keep distance in case another scandal rises. he doesn't want to drag you into the spotlight, without knowing if you're okay with it first.

sukuna only really talks to you when there's nobody around. maybe he's being considerate of you, but it gives you the impression that he doesn't want to be seen hanging around with you. it makes you remember things you don't want to. it makes you remember that being with him now requires a courage that you're not sure that you have. at the very least, you know you definitely didn't have it back then.

you keep conversations short with him, and try to leave. but he keeps at it persistently. what is he trying to do? is he toying with you?

"you're acting like you want us to get back together. don't do things that'll make me misunderstand," you tell him. you were trying to provoke him. expecting him to deny it harshly and back away, because you knew he was prideful- he'd never be caught being hung up over an ex.

"...and? what if i told you that i do want that? would you stop avoiding me then?" he takes one step forward, and you take one back, proving his point.

why is he pushing aside his ego for you? where did all his arrogance go off to? this isn't how the sukuna in his twenties would've responded. his answer makes you waver, and you don't appreciate that. you try not to show it.

"no. i'd only begin to avoid you even more. so don't start."

"i'm not," you deny, but your voice betrays you. he clings onto that.

"why? ...afraid that you'd cave in to me?"

like the way he's already pretty much caved in for you?

"you don't sound very convincing."

"...would you want someone who'd choose their career over you?"

that stops him in his tracks. he has nothing to say to that. because he did make that mistake. where he prioritised his job over your feelings.

"i don't hate or blame you for that anymore, sukuna. but you have to understand... i don't want to go through that pain ever again. i don't want to hold you back. we both deserve more compatible partners."

your own words sting yourself, and you try to go again right after saying that, because it's getting too much for you. his hand flies out to grab yours out of instinct, to stop you from leaving. leaving him again.

it's really not like him to be the clingy ex, pathetically begging to be taken back, but he's willing to throw such pride away if it means you'll be appeased. if you'll let him back into your life again.

"don't say that. you never held me back-- you were my home and my everything, and i was the one that started to take you for granted," he says gently, his low voice laced with sorrow, so uncharacteristically. you've only ever heard this kind of tone from him once before, and it was when his grandfather, who was like a parent to him, had passed away. his thumb brushes over your hand.

"give me another chance. this time i'll let the whole world know about us. about how much you mean to me."

he gets in close ever so slowly, and you let him, for only a moment, before gently pushing him away, with a hand on his chest.

sukuna hitches in a breath, heart sinking to his stomach. he wants to embrace you so, so, so bad. he needs your warmth. always has been. always will. but he sees that you're unrelenting, which breaks him.

"no, stop... i'm sorry, i can't."

you're still scared. you keep thinking about how lonely you felt when you were with him, at least right before the break up. seeing him laughing through the tv screen. alone in the living room. and all the arguments.

your hand slips out of his, and he lets you go. he feels empty when you walk away. hollow. the similar feeling he felt when you first left him, but less anguish and more despair. when he gets home, he tries to drink those feelings away. something he rarely does. old regrets and heartaches return, and he drinks until he passes out.

while he drinks, you weep. crying into your pillow, wondering if you're doing the right thing. wondering if this is how it's supposed to be. terrified of being with him again, but also terrified of losing him, like a hypocrite.

from then on, sukuna keeps a respectful distance from you... no longer trying to make approaches in secret, no longer pursuing you every chance he gets. but he still sends out coffee. even provides snacks to the crew. little do they know, they're the kinds of snacks that he knows you loved. hopefully, you still do. he'll keep his distance because it's what you want, but he wishes to keep doing these little things for you. subtly.

and you notice it, too. you have vivid memories of telling him about your favourites and preferences back then, and you recognise what he's trying to do. you drink the coffee. and you always grab a handful of the snacks. you do appreciate it. it makes you happy that he remembers. on a few occasions, you turn to look at him, only to witness him looking away at the last second.

it's not too long before the project is successfully finalised, and all their efforts have been rewarded. a celebration is due, and your boss throws a party at a fancy hotel for everyone to enjoy themselves at. sukuna had stopped going to so many gatherings and parties quite a while ago, but he attends knowing that you'll be there as well. he'll see you for the final time before he'll lose any excuses to be around you ever again. it'll be the final night.

you exchange a few words with him at the venue, but the two of you leave each other to mingle with other groups reluctantly, to avoid suspicion. both of you are quite tense all throughout the night, sipping on some wine to ease it, but it still doesn't relax the tension you feel, no matter how far away sukuna stands from you.

a few hours in, and you decide to excuse yourself early to head up into your designated hotel room. your boss covered the expenses for a night, and it would've been a waste to decline it, so you decided to stay. sukuna isn't around anywhere at the venue anymore, so you assume he's already left. you thought about saying farewell, but it didn't seem appropriate after you flat out rejected him. you still have doubts about the decision. because you miss him. but what's done is done, and you can't take back what you've already said.

however, getting to the hotel elevator, you notice he's standing there, with miraculous timing. you awkwardly "hey" him, and he says it back, hands in his pockets.

the two of you step inside when it arrives, and the thick tension remains.

"i'm surprised. i thought you'd be staying around longer for the party," you tell him.

he can't tell you that he found it unbearable, to see you hanging around other people, but being unable to get closer to you himself.

"i just got a bit tired," he lies. "did you have a lot to drink?"

"not at all. i had a few glasses, but i'm still sober."

"same here."

as the lift gets closer to your level, you get antsy, thinking about what to say before you leave, but your thoughts get interrupted when he asks you something abruptly.

"...can i walk you to your room? for the last time."

you swallow thickly on nothing, and feel how your chest aches at the words. last time.

"alright. sure," you say.

he wasn't expecting you to say yes, but he's glad you're letting him stay beside you a little longer. you're staring at the elevator doors, but he's looking at your face from the side. if only the lift would malfunction and stop, right here.

but it doesn't, and soon, he's really walking beside you as you get to your hotel room door, in silence. you unlock it using your key, and then that's it.

"thanks for walking me here," you say rather sheepishly. the thought of him wanting to spend even a few more seconds with you... your hold on the door knob is tight as you stand, face turned around to look at him. it's taking everything in you to stand your ground. last minute guilt and regrets are bombarding your thoughts, and...

"i'll say this now because i probably won't get another chance again," sukuna starts, looking directly into your eyes. his eyes are mellow, and he looks wistful.

"i'm sorry. i realised i never apologised, even though that's the first thing you did for me," he starts. he knows there's a mountain of reasons he is apologising for, but he decides he'll keep this short for your sake.

".. i can't lie to you and say that i wish for your happiness with someone else. 'm not that nice." you know it the best. and you understand, because you don't think you'd be able to withstand seeing him happy with someone else, either.

"find your happiness elsewhere, thanks," he grunts humorously. for god's sake. he's never been good at things like this. being heartfelt. at least it made you chuckle a bit. his expression of indignation melts away into a melancholic one again.

"i still love you." (always have, always will.)

you fight back sudden tears, and your throat begins to ache. sukuna unclenches his fist, and tries to relax himself more.

"and...i'll miss you," he breathes the phrase out. says it so quietly, like it hurts for him to say. (i don't want to let you go.)

something snaps within you and everything starts to scream at you to take everything back, and stop him from going away. don't go- don't go- don't go-

"...goodnight."

he notices your wet eyes, and he has to fight back against the urge to reach out and wipe it away. to rescind his farewell, and pull you into his arms again - forcefully, if he has to. he needs to leave, before he loses control.

you're panicking, and your vision is swimming, and you don't think you'll ever be happy again if you let him go like this-- you're gonna be heartbroken in the worst way imaginable. you want him back, and you know you're being unreasonable after turning him down like that, but you don't care anymore. you want to go against your fears. you want to try being with him again.

before you can stop yourself, your hand catches onto the hem of sukuna's sleeve, seconds before he takes another step away from you.

his eyes widen, and he looks at your grip on his sleeve, like he's checking to see if it's real, and he's not making this shit up in his mind. his heart beats impossibly fast. his hopes skyrocket. the world decided to have mercy on him.

"...you're being unfair, grabbing onto me like this. after i went through hell just now, trying to say goodbye." he's being awfully patient right now.

you don't respond, only silently weeping.

he waits to see if you'll let go, whether this was just an act out of a temporary fickle in your heart, but your grip remains tight, and you're now just looking up at him with tears rolling down, eyes glossy and desperate, pulling at his heart strings. you only let go when he comes back to you, not hesitant to brush his thumbs across your face now, wiping the wetness away.

"what do you want me to do? tell me, and i'll do it. leave? stay?" sukuna coos at you, like he's always done before, waiting patiently until you've calmed down enough to respond properly.

"i shouldn't... i shouldn't let you in. not after how much i'd pushed you away," you whisper. today was supposed to mark the end of it all.

he doesn't even give a fuck about that anymore. what matters is now.

"...but do you want to let me in?"

"...yes," you hic.

he takes a couple of steps forward, making you step back with him, his hand on your waist to make sure you don't trip on the way. he goes past the doorway and into your hotel room slowly. one- two- three- steps. he closes the door behind him quietly.

"and..? what next?" he asks in a low voice, standing close to you, one hand still remaining on your waist, and the other on your upperarm.

"i... i don't know. i just need you," you mumble, looking up at him, eyes red from crying and half-closed. your hands inch up along his back, grabbing handfuls of his suit jacket. sukuna hitches in a breath and something dark flashes across his eyes. they reflect his desire, his almost carnal desperation for you-

"forgive me. i don't think i can hold myself back, anymore."

he captures your lips in his, and groans shamelessly into you. you grip onto him tighter, heart beating so rambunctiously that you fear he can hear it too. it feels too good. the moment he reached you, it felt like the final piece of a puzzle clicking in to complete a full picture.

you part your mouth, and he wastes no time in slipping his tongue inside, kissing you in the way he knows you love, in the way it makes your lips tingle, and, oh god, even after all these years, he still knows how to get you going like no other.

sukuna tastes the traces of wine on your tongue, and even better, he tastes you, the one he'd been missing and craving all this time, the warmth of your skin and touch, your scent, just everything about you, you, you.

he backs you towards the bed, without breaking this breathless, hungry kiss, where he softly lays you down, with him being above you, chest to chest, arms supporting his weight. he momentarily pulls away from you simply just to breathe, and the two of you gaze at each other for a hot second, full of love and lust, breaths overlapping one another. he attempts to ask you "do you still wanna continue?" just in case, but before he gets to say a word, you grab him by his tie and pull his lips to yours again, beginning to loosen it and take it off.

he understands that you want it, now. you successfully manage to untie it, somehow, with just willpower alone, and you start aiming for his buttons next, undoing them one by one. your actions send sparks down to all of his limbs, and he feels so fulfilled by your desire of him, being as intense as how he obsesses over you.

soon after you're done with it, he takes them off and chucks his own clothes away, rendering him half-naked. your hole clenches around nothing at the sight once he pulls away again, his firm muscles and the same old tattoos that you vividly remembered the patterns of. you greedily run your palms across his pecs, eyes turning to hearts. he smirks at you.

it's his turn now, and he doesn't hesitate to start undressing you as well. sukuna gets dizzy at the thought of being able to feast his eyes on your body. he dives in to keep kissing you, and then begins to unbutton you with such speed, it almost startles you.

it's off. your breasts are out in the open now, and sukuna has his fill with massaging them with his large hand, having missed them so much. his palm feels so hot, and your nipples pebble up at his touch, making you gasp into his mouth.

his kiss moves over to the side of your face, it glides down your neck, shoulders, and eventually reaches the swell of your chest. your fingers brush through the pink of his hair as he does so, and you purse your lips together, basking in the feeling of his warm kisses littering your skin. he leaves you hickeys-- the same shape and size and same locations as he used to even during your days in highschool, and you chuckle to yourself at the thought.

it's not long before he's loosening your skirt and slipping your undergarments down, getting rid of your slick-stained panties, much to his satisfaction. sukuna rubs a thumb over your aroused clit, and you whimper, having missed the touch of a man- his touch specifically.

"fuck... you're so wet.... all for me?" he asks, proceeding to slip two fingers into your weeping hole. you arch your back at the feeling, how his thick digits scissor inside of you and press up against a particularly lovely spot. he watches your every response as he does so, watching how you moan because of his touch, and how you're grabbing at his wrist because it's getting too intense. his cock prods uncomfortably against his pants. you're producing so much slick, and his fingers are getting absolutely drenched.

when he takes them out, you whine a little in disappointment.

"i know, i know. i'll give you something better," he whispers, kissing your cheek.

he unbuckles himself, and lowers his boxers to reveal his aching dick, tip wet with precum, veins bulging out the sides. looks the same as you remember. he pumps it a couple of times with his hand that's still covered with your slick, and he twitches. this isn't a dream, is it?

"oh god, please, i need it-" you plead, your hole feeling eager and empty.

"it's all yours," he mumbles. your begging makes him lightheaded as he lines himself up at your weeping cunt.

"i'm all yours."

when he sinks in deep to the hilt, you cry out at the fullness, as his tip pushes the spot inside you that had been feeling so lonely for years. your hands finds themselves against his back, feeling for his tight muscles.

"shit- 'm gonna lose my mind," sukuna groans as he gives a few shallow thrusts into you, cock so hard and throbbing wildly as your plush walls clamp on him and coats him with your arousal. he grabs one of your hands from his back and interlocks his fingers with yours against the mattress, before leaning down to bring his lips against the side of your neck.

"oh, thank god... thank god, you changed your mind. i love you. i would've been so fucking miserable without you, doll. for the rest of my life," he croons, breath fanning so close to your ear. you shudder at the tone of his voice, tearing up again, mixed with pleasure and relief, and you grab his hand tighter.

you turn your head a little more to the side, making it easier for sukuna to bite and suck on the sensitive skin of your neck, as his thrusts increase in speed, nudging your g-spot with every movement.

soon enough, he's bringing his attention back to your tongue, which he caresses with his own, nibbling on your lower lip, maintaining this same perfect pace in his thrusts that brings you closer to your orgasm.

"sukuna- i'm- i'm gonna-" you say breathlessly.

but he merely kisses you again, swallowing up any words you could say or moans you could let out, not minding the gasps and whimpers that you make.

sweat beads on his perfect body, and he makes out with you through your high, groaning back when he feels your walls flutter around him. he's close. even once you've finished cumming, he begins to pound into you quicker, wanting to get to his own orgasm. you claw at his back, crying out in pleasure, as sukuna's tongue lathers your jawline.

he wants to breed you so fucking bad. but no, that'll have to wait. he can't do something to jeopardize your trust in him. he'd rather die than endure another second of being distanced from you again.

right before he's pushed off the edge, sukuna pulls out and desperately jerks himself off above your stomach, panting as his cock throbs in his hand with every spurt that coats you, feeling so hot against your tummy.

you feel a twinge of disappointment, because you also wanted to feel that in your womb...

his dick twitches weakly after being spent, and he breathes heavily, liking the sight of you being covered in his seed for another time. (and many more from now.)

" 'kuna... it's a safe day for me today," you suggest to him without thinking. "i want it inside me..."

the phrase is enough to get heat pooling in his abdomen, and he feels himself get hard all over again.

"you sure, doll? if it's what you want, i'll..." he begins to say, almost flustered by your suggestion. you know you shouldn't say this next line, but it's so easy to get carried away with this man... get caught up in the heat of the moment.

"i want your babies so bad."

you've hit his switch. sukuna growls and puts you into a mating press instantaneously, making you squeak.

"no takebacks," he mutters dangerously, beginning the second round.

the night is long, but heavenly, as soon after he dumps everything he has into your womb, then proceeds to eat you out, making you cry for the third time before sunrise.

when you're awake, it's already heading past midday, and you're relieved to see that yesterday's happenings were not a dream, seeing as the large man is sleeping with an iron hold around your body, as if subconsciously afraid you'd leave him before he woke up again.

he awakens from his slumber to your light, feathery touches on his face, which puts him in a good mood from the moment he opens an eye. it was the scenario he's always dreamed of. waking up next to you, smiling.

there's much to talk about. about what's to come next, future plans, worries, and things they need to do to make amends for all the lost years between each other. but you decide to take things slow.

back to bullet points again bc im lazy to write it properly now

you spend the weekend w him at the hotel and stuff, just playing eating and sleeping, catching up yk

he tells you on his own accord that he wants to let everyone know that he's with you now, but he's worried that it'll bring backlash to you but you tell him you're going to be brave and take it, bc you WANT everyone to know

anyway prepare for turbulence

but everything'll be alright bc hes with you

im thinking about how mopey he'll be when you have to separate from him bc you each have your own homes rn, hes always asking you to come over or if he can come over to your place

and he'll be begging you to move in soon, like old times (he lives in a rich man house now tho)

and also thinking about how its a fresh start, but they also go through old memories and now reminiscing isnt painful anymore bc yall are back together

sukuna also says he's stopped doing romance genres in acting bc he had felt annoyed acting in lovey dovey scenes when his own love life used to be in shambles all the time

and bc hes at a point in his career where he has more choice in choosing between scripts that are offered to him, he's going to continue to decline the ones that have love interests, it doesnt affect him that much anyway

he's just being more considerate of your feelings now... and you promised him that you'll never just disappear like that again when you're upset haha...

sometimes when you still have a few disagreements with him, he keeps subtly checking up on you (hes traumatised, leave him be)

lots of facetiming when he has to go overseas for filming purposes <3

okay, thats all, bye <3

Masterlist

[magnusbae]

The durasteel fingers that hook into Obi-Wan's mouth are firm and cold. The lingering scent of engine oil and ozone is near tangible on the tip of his tongue, it tingles, making his toes curl involuntarily.

It should be an unpleasant reminder of the war, a reminder of his failure as a Master. Instead, a shiver runs down his spine. Excitement and anticipation to see how far Anakin would push. How much he'd demand in his shameless petulance. 'But Master,' he can hear him say if he was to attempt and stop those advances. If he was to stop him.

It happens less and less often, the actual stopping. Allowing Anakin more, and more, and then more yet again. He should be embarrassed by his own willingness to indulge in this insanity. Should be, but isn't.

There should be shame over his harsh breathing, there should be regret at the heaviness in his undergarments, there should be control, there should be serenity, there should be— "Ahnakin" he exhales harsher yet, more a groan than he'd care to admit.

His former Padawan had taken a firm grip at his jaw, jerking his face to the side with the Mechno-hand. He truly, without a doubt, should be stopping Anakin from so blatantly marking him as his own, teeth and lips and tongue. He should. He doesn't.

Obi-Wan should not allow such power over himself, should not allow such possession, such greed. Should not— "Ugh-" he bites at the durasteel finger, arousal punching through his gut as Anakin nibbles at his neck. Sweet and gentle like a loth-kitten, Anakin's tongue is quick to follow with small licks. The affectionate care is devastating, Obi-Wan should stop. He should— yet he will not.

teething-puppy.png

A gift for my beloved @magnusbae ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡).

[whumpdreaming]

Hii I have a request:

Young Whumpee asking Parent Caretaker why (insert thing) happened to them + Caretaker trying not to have a breakdown

Wowowow I love this prompt thank you so much!!

Caretaker softly strokes Whumpee's forehead, holding their hand, watching their chest rise and fall weakly. They'd been crying all day, and at multiple points Caretaker had to come in and soothe them; they were already maxed out on pain meds, but if it kept on like this then Caretaker might have to consider bringing Whumpee back to the hospital just for the anesthetic. They can't stand seeing their baby like this.

At least it's better than how it was at first. Caretaker can't get that image out of their mind, the one of Whumpee struggling for life in a hospital bed, so bruised and weak that it was simply surreal.

"Shhh.. shh.. go back to sleep, Whumpee."

Caretaker hadn't forced Whumpee to talk about any of it yet, and figured they would wait until Whumpee themselves were ready. But there were parts that made them wonder, imagining just what had happened. For now, they just had the living evidence; their baby's body, covered in cigarette burns and lash marks and bruises and scars. Who the hell would do that to a person? Well, Whumper, obviously, but Caretaker intends to make sure that they get some serious help with their sick behaviors.

"Caretaker?" Whumpee mumbles.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Why me? Why.. me?"

Why.. that --- oh. Caretaker understands what they're asking, and struggles to find a decent answer, and sniffs past the tears welling up in their eyes, trying not to cry in front of Whumpee. So they just say, "Shhh. Go back to sleep," and pull Whumpee's blankets up closer and make sure they have their plushie and kiss their forehead, the type of comfort they'd never accept if all of this had never happened. Caretaker, as ironic as it sounds, would give anything for a stop, I'm too old for that, but maybe they should just be grateful that Whumpee accepts them at all.

Whumpee seems like they've gone back to sleep, so Caretaker stands up and leaves the room, telling themselves it's just to get some water, but casting a longing glance at Whumpee's sleeping form as they walk out.

It isn't very far down the hall when Caretaker bursts into tears. They try to be quiet, so as not to wake Whumpee, but Caretaker has to slump against the wall with the force of them, trying to breathe. Why me? It wasn't fair. It isn't fair. It isn't fair..

[seventeenpins]

triptych - pt ii

pairing: tommy miller x joel miller x f!reader

word count: 3.3k

summary: after a shitty day, the man you've been chatting with all evening brings you back to his place only for you to discover he lives with his brother, an old flame of yours. they both fuck you. pre-outbreak. 18+

warnings: ooof i know i'm gonna miss something but here goes! multiple orgasms, dirty talk, pussy eating, dick sucking, ass eating/ass play, anal, joel miller is an ass man, double penetration, it's literally just porn there is so little substance here it's shameful, probably not incest but maybe a little??? like the brothers aren't into each other but their balls kinda touch so i'll leave that just in case..., light spanking, creampie, light breeding?, pls tell me if i'm missing anything important

a/n: wowowow i cannot believe how fuckin lovely y'all are, i hadn't been writing for years but i certainly never received so much feedback. thanks for reading and interacting and being part of such a cool and deeply horny community 😅 my asks are always open and i'd love to take on some requests! thank u to those who've sent some so far, i'm working on them now. besides requests, upcoming fics include a follow-up to bad girl and a vampire au 💕

also, thank you for indulging in this pairing!! (grouping?) i feel like a lot of threesome fics are very pro-joel with tommy cucking, and though they're fucking excellent, i wanted to give tommy some love and an equal place at the side of his incredibly hot brother.

check out part i

when you'd first sat down at that grimy dive bar, never in a million years would you have anticipated the scene that was unfolding in front of you now.

“shit," tommy says, "she looks so nice down on her knees for us, huh joel?”

joel looks feral as he stares you down. "such a good girl for us,” he agrees, “but we gotta see if that mouth can do more than talk.”

he's holding your wrists behind your back, while tommy grips a firm hand through your hair and unbuckles his belt with the other.

"open up, baby," tommy says, and presses one finger into your mouth and then another. he gently strokes his fingers in and out of your mouth, pressing into your tongue, slowly going deeper and deeper till you're sure you can feel the digits at the back of your throat. you can feel that you've started to drool a little, and tommy lets out a little groan at the discovery.

"you think you're ready for me?" tommy asks, and you nod.

in one smooth motion, his cock is springing from his boxers and the head is pressing gently at your lips.

feeling just the tip in your mouth, you already know your jaw is gonna hurt tomorrow. you relax your jaw and open wider, and tommy makes a slightly strangled noise that you take as a great sign.

as he fucks into your mouth, your eyes begin to water and tommy notices, brushing the tears away.

"you're takin' it so good," joel lavishes his praise on you and you never want it to end, "such a good girl, aren't you? keep that throat nice and open for my brother, won't ya? i know you wanna relax into it, baby, let him see just how much you love havin his dick down your throat."

it makes you moan, his words making you almost uncomfortably wet. tommy keeps thrusting down your throat, hips occasionally stuttering.

"shit, honey-" tommy says, and chuckles at your whine when he pulls his cock out of your mouth, "you're suckin' it so good, i need a break or i'm gonna come in that pretty mouth a whole lot sooner than i mean to."

joel drops your wrists and backs up to the sofa.

"why don'tcha sit on my lap, darlin'?" he grins, and pats on his inner thigh, his cock visibly straining in his jeans, a little damp patch visible where you're sure the tip is.

"only if you take your pants off," you say, and joel's eyebrows shoot up.

joel considers. "fine, but we're gonna work you up real nice before you get to sit on anyone's cock.

once you're sat on joel's lap, his cock straining against his boxers, tommy’s kissing you with such frenzied passion you feel dizzy. the sensation is only heightened when joel runs a knuckle down your spine, dragging over each vertebrae, massaging and tantalising. then both hands are grabbing at your waist and over your hips as if mapping you out. it’s not overtly hungry, not yet, but there’s a sensuality to it you didn’t quite remember from your brief and ill-fated encounters with joel years back. you're suddenly hit with a pang of sadness that you never stayed in touch. you would've liked to see him get his first grey hairs. instead it feels like you hit fast forward and jolted ahead.

joel's close behind you and you feel his hot breath on your neck as he pulls down the neckline of your top and licks a line along the hollow of your collarbone and back up to your ear, and the drag of his tongue is delicious. he nibbles on your earlobe and the sensation draws an obscene moan from your lips. 

tommy’s close to you, too, his big hands cupping your jaw as he kisses his tongue deep into your mouth, running it along your teeth. his cock is still hanging out from his jeans, thick and hard, and you don't try to disguise the way you stare at it as you look him up and down.

"you've got far too many clothes on, sweetheart," tommy grins, and you pull off your top. before you can unhook your bra, joel's already unfastened it and is helping you pull it off.

tommy drops to his knees now, licking and sucking at your nipples, as joel unbuttons your pants, unzips them, and helps you lift your hips to yank them off of you.

the graze of tommy's teeth against the sensitive flesh of your breast makes you whimper and rut up on joel's thigh, and the brothers both laugh at your desperate noises.

"shit, she's needy, ain't she?" joel teases as he grips your waist with one hand and lets the other drag down to your panties, holding you in place while he starts to rub his fingers along your slit through the damp fabric.

he tugs at the band of your lace panties and ponders for a moment. "you partial to these?" he asks, and you shrug, "not particularly".

"good," joel says. that's all he needs to hear before he's tearing them apart and dropping the tattered fabric aside.

"well now you're just putting on a show," you tease, and he laughs but doesn't disagree. he just strokes a finger along your folds.

"i think you're a girl who likes a show," he tells you as he gathers up a little bit of your slick and slides it along your pussy. "now, what else do you like, darlin'? you want me to play with your lil clit? or just finger fuck you?"

"both," you whine, "any of it. all of it, please-"

he teases a finger into you very gently, just a little press that goes a little deeper each time he pulls it out and presses back in, till you realise he's sinking it in all the way to the hand with each thrust.

right as he adds another finger, to your surprise, tommy drops to his knees. he spreads your thighs wider and looks up for a moment, and you think you can feel joel nod behind you. that's all it takes, and tommy dives in. joel thrusts his fingers into you more urgently as laves kisses on and around your clit. he deepens it, pressing harder, flicking his tongue furiously along your swollen nerve endings and there's enough sensation that you know you won't last long.

"yes, that's it," you cry, and now it's your turn to grab tommy by the hair and press his face right where you need it the most. you're grinding up on his tongue while joel steadily continues to pump his fingers in and out of you, and you know you couldn't be quiet even if you tried.

"fuck," your words sound more like sobs now and you really don't give a shit, "keep going, just like that, joel you can go harder, tommy yes, lick my clit like that, i'm gonna- i'm gonna come-"

"good girl," joel talks you through it, "letting us take care of you like this. you need us to fuck you stupid, don'tcha? you're gonna leave here in the mornin' all stretched open, feeling us deep inside ya for days, huh?"

his filthy words are all you need to teeter over the edge- "fuuuck!" you scream, and you're positively panting now, verging on hysterical. you know joel can feel your pussy clench around him, you're so wet you're worried you've ruined joel's jeans, and you're so overstimulated that you can't speak more than a syllable or two at a time.

"oh you come so pretty," tommy says, pulling away from you to speak. you can see the way his lips are glistening with your slick before he kisses you on your inner thighs, peppering the soft skin with attention.

then, your eyes practically roll back in your head as he dives back in.

joel hasn't stopped fingering you, either, and once tommy's mouth is back on you, joel presses his fingers back into you more deeply again.

"shit, it's too much, i don't think i can take another this quick-" you try to say, but joel shushes you.

"i can already feel it coming," joel tells you, "can feel how your thighs are trembling, how you're already clenching down on me."

you're treading dangerously close to uncomfortably overstimulated, but you're also so completely turned on, you barely care. if you're gonna die in pursuit of a nut, so be it.

"fuck, you're right-" you tell joel, and tommy moans into you letting delicious vibrations pulse through you, and that sends you over the edge again.

you thrust and writhe and rut against them both, and tommy shows you mercy this time, drawing back and letting you get a little relief from the overwhelm of sensation instead of keeping his mouth on you.

you need a moment to catch your breath, and both joel and tommy rub soothing circles into your skin, joel's hands on your hips and tommy's on your thighs, and it feels exquisite.

"that's it, sweetheart, that's it-" joel soothes, and though your breathing's evened out, you know your thighs are still shaking.

tommy's licking up the arousal from between your thighs as if cleaning you off, and he looks up at you with almost dopey, half-lidded eyes, grinning.

"you taste like heaven, honey," he says, and he looks almost as fucked out as you feel. all this from eating pussy, you wonder, and that's another point in the favor of tommy miller being a man who likes to take care of fine things.

"i think i'm gettin' jealous now," joel teases, "i might need a taste, too."

without another word, tommy kisses you deeply and you taste yourself on his tongue. joel tilts your head back to meet him, and he kisses the taste from your mouth, groaning as he does it.

the sounds they're both making are so fucking hot, you love how they emote. there's nothing as unsexy as getting fucked by someone who stays absolutely silent throughout, and hearing them as pathetic as you feel works you up even more.

"what do you need, sweetheart," joel asks, and he's running a finger along your swollen folds now, teasing and torturous.

"you want us to fuck your pussy and your mouth," he asks, and moves to stroke a finger along your cheek, "you wanna have a big cock on either end of ya?"

you shake your head and joel raises his eyebrows.

"tell us what you want, baby," tommy says, and joel drags his fingers back along your pussy before tentatively using his forefinger to circle your asshole.

"please, joel-" you realise you're begging and it draws a laugh from tommy.

"you're a naughty girl, aren't you?" tommy asks, and the way he's grinning tells you that he wouldn't want it any other way.

"wanna feel full of you, both of you-" you whine.

"you gotta tell us, else we won't know what you want," joel says. from his tone of voice, it's clear he knows exactly what you want, but you need to beg for it.

"my pussy. and my ass. wanna ride both of you, feel both of you, get fucked by both of you-"

"jesus christ," tommy moans, "i bet we can make that happen, huh, big brother?"

you turn around to look at joel and his pupils are so blown, his eyes look black.

"bedroom." joel says, and it isn't a request.

tommy scoops you up in his arms and follows joel to his bedroom.

"drop her right here," joel says to tommy, and you're deposited on the edge of the bed, joel kneeling on the floor in front of you.

"looks so pretty for us," tommy says, and he sits down in an armchair near the foot of the bed and starts stroking his aching cock.

you'd been so fucked out already, you almost forgot you'd done almost nothing to take care of them. tommy's cock looks almost red and angry, and joel's is still tucked into his boxers, but the damp spot is spreading and it looks so thick through the fabric.

"let's get you ready for us, sweetheart," joel says, and without any more warning, he hooks his hands under your knees and pulls you up, legs spread, knees hanging over his shoulders. "i'm gonna eat this cute lil asshole, baby," he says and spits on your tight hole before rubbing his thumb gently against it, spreading the saliva.

he teases you with his tongue a little, testing it before pressing it flat and licking along it. you moan, and he growls against you.

you learn very quickly that joel miller is an ass man.

he eats ass like he was made for it, growling into you, spit dripping down his chest as he keeps your legs propped up on his shoulders, your thighs held in place with one arm. you're gasping through your moans and joel is drawing circles around your hole now, popping a finger into his mouth, and tentatively pressing it into the tight ring of muscle. it's fucking animalistic and you don't think anything could possibly make this better, until you notice the moans coming from tommy and the wet sounds of him furiously fisting his cock.

you're already fucked out from your first orgasms that you're practically boneless and limp, totally relaxed in a way you didn't often get. it made the feeling of joel fucking his fingers into you more glorious, building you up in a way you're not used to.

he makes quick (but thorough) work of opening you up, till he's got three fingers in your asshole and tommy's telling you how beautiful you look through his own choked moans, and you think you might lose your mind as you pant and grind and whine and joel isn't saying anything because his mouth is far too busy.

he pulls back and takes a good look at you. with someone else you might feel uncomfortably exposed but instead, you see hunger and desire in the brothers' and you know this is affecting them at least as much as it is you.

"i think we've got ya ready," joel hums, and he turns to look at his brother, "wanna check?" he asks, and tommy stands up and walks over.

you know you feel loose and ready, but the simple act of tommy popping a finger into your mouth to get it wet and then tracing it around your asshole, examining the preparation, drives you insane.

"i think she'll take it good for us," he grins and your heart flutters, "good girl," he says to you.

"you ready for us?" joel asks, and you nod.

"fuck me," you tell them.

joel lowers you down from his shoulders and tommy lays down on the bed before beckoning you.

"giddy up, cowgirl," he says with a wink, and you roll your eyes but take your cue.

you crawl up the bed, straddling his legs and then hovering over his cock which he's holding aloft.

"you good, baby?" he asks softly, and it's incredibly sweet in a way that makes you want to eat him up alive and also get fucked within an inch of your life by him.

"fuckin great," you tell him, and you pull him into a deep kiss before relaxing yourself over his cock, letting the head press into your pussy and sinking down onto it.

"jesus christ," he chokes out, and he sounds so desperate you can't help but fucking down on him, your ass slapping as you, move, his cock pressing so fucking deep into you and then you feel joel approach you from behind his hands gently running over your asscheeks and you know he's feeling the way your flesh bounces as you get off on his brother's cock. then, his hands are off of you, you hear the squirt of a lube bottle, and suddenly joel's thick lubed tip is pressing against you.

you try to thrust backwards towards it, but almost pull off tommy's cock fully, and it's like you're trying to ride both ends of a dick seesaw.

joel notices your frustration, laughing as you writhe.

"patience," he says, and delivers a sharp smack to your ass that thrusts you deeper onto tommy's cock. then, you can feel joel pressing into you, inch by inch.

once his cock head is fully sheathed in your tight ass, you take a moment to breathe before you start to find a rhythm that'll get all of you off at the same time. it takes a moment, and a few adjustments by all three of you, but before you know it, you can feel tommy brushing against your cervix and joel fully fucking into your asshole, practically rearranging your guts. with each rough thrust, they're fucking into you as one.

you're all moaning, gasping for breath. the slapping of skin against skin is delicious, and you're certain joel's balls are smacking against tommy's and you're not sure if it's weird or the hottest thing you've ever experienced.

you feel so full, you feel so fucking full it's perfect, it's delicious, you wanna be split open like this for the rest of time, want to feel two fat cocks using your holes for their pleasure, for your pleasure, because it all just feels so fucking good.

"fuck," tommy says, and it's the first thing any of you have been able to vocalise for a minute, "i'm gonna-"

"come in me," you tell him, cutting him off and he shudders.

that's all he needed before it hits him and he lets out a deep groan and unloads deep into you. it sets off a chain reaction. you come next, clenching around tommy's cock and exploding with a sob, your entire body shaking uncontrollably, and that tips joel over the edge, too as you whine at him, "come in my ass, joel-" and then he makes a strangled noise and you feel his balls tighten and hips stutter and he's unloading in you, pulse after pulse of thick come.

you lay there, tommy beneath you and joel on top of you, their cocks still twitching inside of you. gently, you tap joel's hip and he grunts and rolls over, pulling out of you. you gingerly pull yourself off of tommy, and then immediately collapse between the two of them.

"well, shit," you say, so totally blissed out you're floating on a whole other level.

"jesus christ," tommy says, and then joel starts laughing and it's the best thing you've ever heard.

"you doin' alright, darlin?" joel asks, "we take good care o' ya?"

you nod, consumed with so much euphoria you can't use your words properly.

"good- good joel," you say, "good tommy," you pat them each on the thighs and joel snorts.

tommy pops off the bed for a moment and rummages around in the other room before coming back to ask, "need a hit?"

you nod and he places the joint between your lips and sparks it. you take a deep inhale and slow blink as you sit yourself up and look at both of them.

"let's clean ya up, darlin," joel says, and, as it turns out, tommy brought a washcloth as well as weed. and he had my priorities straight you think.

"if you want me out of your house," you tell them, "you'd better tell me now so i can call a cab. otherwise, i'm gonna pass out here in the next twelve seconds."

"i won't be here in the morning", joel tells you, "got an early shift, but as i recall, tommy's specialty is box pancakes and they sometimes turn out edible."

tommy playfully slaps at his brother, and then kisses your cheek. joel kisses your cheek, too. tommy cleans you up a little, and you fall contentedly asleep between these two beautiful men.

the last thing you think before you drift off is fuck that promotion, it's not such a bad day after all.

[theblueflower05]

dilf jake sully spitting in virgin readers mouth during seggs OMGGG

The way I would simply pass away? Wowowow.

Jake would fucking destroy you and it actually makes me dizzy to think about it because yes please Daddy Sully.

Smut beneath the cut

It would be so much in the first place. So much stimulation, so many new feelings. You’re a virgin, you’d never had anyones else’s hands on your body and now you have Jake “I like to grope” Sully all over you.

Your skin feels like it’s been lit on fire. Your nipples and pussy are raw and hot from his mouth and as he moves inside of you you can barley think from it all.

He’d be gentle with you at first. Of yourself he would. He’s not trying to hurt his baby.

But once he taught you how to take his dick? You’re getting pounded. So hard that your teeth hurt from grinding as you try to brace yourself against his snapping hips.

Jakes not a one orgasm type of guy. He wants three, bare minimum. And that was with human women back on earth. He knows Na’vi have a higher sex drive and tolerance so her makes you come, over and over again, until you don’t know your name.

Until you can’t make out the canopy of trees above you because you’re delirious and tear hazy.

“‘Pen your mouth” he’d gruff and how can he expect you to follow orders when you’re fucked out of your own head?

You just whimper, head lolling on the bark you lay in.

His fingers, big and alien, come on to your lips and force their way into your mouth. Pushing down on your wet tongue as he opens your jaw. He likes the way your pearly canines look- so fierce and dangerous. Such a contrast to your soft honey gaze- your eyes on unfocused and sweet. Completely dick drunk.

“Open” he huskily instructs and you manage to catch it and hold your mouth open, even when his fingers are done exploring your tonsils.

It’s a sight. Holy fuck. You’re better the porn, prettier and more exotic. And so so submissive.

You don’t know what’s coming.

When Jake spits a heavy glob of saliva onto your own willing to get you sob, your cunt tightening around his cock. It’s ownership. He’s inside you. His cum, his sweat, his spit. You’re branded.

You swallow it desperately and stick out that cute little pink tongue for more, whining “please”

Jake chuckles and grabs you by the chin, you think he might kiss you but he just suckles on your tongue. The suction feels devastating good, like it had on your clot earlier.

“Stop your crying, I’ll give you more, pretty girl”

Hmm. I’m gonna go change my panties now thanks anon

[mykingdomforapen]

LC's Link Click fics that she holds close to her heart

So, during the SGDLR Gotcha for Gaza campaign that took place several months ago, I was so lucky to be gifted some INCREDIBLE fics. Like, INCREDIBLE. These generous writers took my silly little prompts and created masterpieces out of them and I want to shove them in the fandom's face and go LOOOK LOOOOOK they're just! So great! And I am on my hands and knees begging you to read and comment and kudos them because they deserve so much love.

Ling-jie by @bleppities

"One second, she's a sister without a brother, and the next, he's smiling at her through the lens, little fingers forming a V and reaching towards the sky." Or Qiao Ling has to make a difficult choice between the little brother forever gone, and the one left behind.

I reread this fic ENDLESSLY, especially when I need a good cry. Wowowow. This story is so moving, so tender in its raw and unflinching take on Qiao Ling's grief. This writer is so kind, so faithful, so loving of Qiao Ling and of her boys. It's so moving, and every time I think about it I get tight in the chest and throat. Oh, it is beautiful.

Porridge and Chicken Soup by kkomaism

Cheng Xiaoshi is sick. When he's sick, he's delirious, and when he's delirious, he thinks of his parents.

I am SUCH a sucker for sick fics for my blorbo, and this hit the spot so wonderfully. Cheng Xiaoshi wishing for his parents just gets me in the HEART, but I'm so so happy and touched by the way Lu Guang and Qiao Ling are at his side, showering him with tender and loving care. It's such a feel-good fic that scratches my itches, and I love it so!

hairball by Evyisevyl (00_EVY_00)

It didn't start with a hairball his cat coughed up nor did it start with his promise to buy cats. No, it started when Cheng Xiaoshi decided to get himself into an accident.

GAHHH THIS FIC IS SO GOOD!! It's such a quietly intimate portrayal of depression and post-trauma and grief as Lu Guang struggles to take care of cats while Cheng Xiaoshi is in a coma, and it is just so so gentle and tender. This fic feels like it gently picks Lu Guang and the reader up and cradles it and nuzzles it like a kitten. I want to cuddle this story.

His to Believe by @saelterlude

Lu Guang happens to visit the studio the one day Cheng Xiaoshi isn't around, thus what greeted him is Qiao Ling manning the counter. It naturally sparked a question in him.

“So where are his parents?”

Written by sael who likes to destroy me emotionally on a regular basis!!! I love this take on what was a rather vague prompt, which was simply, how did LG learn about CXS' parents, and they stayed so true to the characters and their natures. QL loves her brother so much and it exudes a deep closeness and dedication to him, which is such a moving portrayal of their relationship.

a bright sky, a place to stay by aaskew

The words ring in his mind nonstop, bringing together the need to puke. Cheng Xiaoshi’s inside curls into itself, something shy and wounded. Over the years, he’s fought trials against time and persevered amongst the most depressing circumstances ━ that moment, though? Nothing compares to how he was feeling right there.

Cheng Xiaoshi attends a party with a smile, but leaves with his heart aching.

Sometimes we gotta beat up Cheng Xiaoshi's emotions with a bat before we can shower him with love!!! This fic so firmly and intimately understands the value and strength of love and friendship, as it follows Cheng Xiaoshi navigating some deeply hurt feelings. It's so lovely and showers Cheng Xiaoshi with the love that he deserves (even if we gotta go through some heartache to get there!) and I feel like this fic is a big group hug.

swear you'll stay by Occasional Artist

Cheng Xiaoshi wants to make sure he can keep Lu Guang forever. What better way to do that than to swear brotherhood.

AUGHUGHGUHG THE DEDICATION THAT WENT INTO THIS FIC!! It delves into the culture, the history that I am so longing for, and portrays this beautiful and intimate relationship that is such a crux of ancient Chinese culture with our boys. Sworn brotherhood truly is the best way to describe CXS and LG, and this story honors that so, so much. It is earnest, it is joyful, it is so tender and sweet. AAHHHH!

[samsblades]

(Do Not get tipsy and think about sam it will ruin ur life)

Thinking about a young sam shoving a tattered motel room bible into his bag after a particularly bad case. Thinking about him running his hands over the cover to self sooth after a huge fight or after helping tend to John and Dean's wounds from a hunt. he has no reason to have faith after what he's seen, but it helps other people right? So he thinks maybe it could help him too.

thinking about a stanford sam who runs his fingers over the time-worn leather spine while he studies. A Stanford sam who tries to stay out of his old life, but who occasionally reads the news and mutters to saint hubert for dean's sake.

Thinking about show cannon sam who tells dean he "prays every day" and "has for a long time." The same sam who feels so honored to meet an angel in s4.

We see Sam say some type of prayer 10 times throughout the series (and once off screen in 8x23) the sam winchester, one true vessel for lucifer, who prays to castiel and Jack and god (who he's not even sure is out there) for help

thinking about a late seasons sam who's spent his life fighting angels, demons, devils, and gods. who helped defeat god and who's adopted son took that god's place. thinking about sam sitting at his desk and taking his old bible out of the drawer, examining the frayed yellowed pages, feeling every scuff and ridge the cover has to offer, and no longer being burdened to face its contents.

I like to think of a sam who holds it and no longer sees a symbol of doomed fate, but a symbol of all he has overcome. A sam who puts in back in the drawer and shuts it in, because with the life and family he has around him, he doesn't think he really needs it anymore

OH GOD. OH GOD OH GODDDDDDDD . making out with your brain right now.... oh god T_T this hurt. this really hurt man :,) in the best way ever actually

it was so fascinating to read this coming from a christian background/religious trauma. like my reaction was so visceral, this is a personal anecdote but i didn't want to like it because of the concept of using the bible for comfort. but wowowow i'm obsessed because UGH i can't.... the way that sam interacts with christianity is just fascinating, it comes from a place of guilt and a desperation to be clean and pure, rather than blind faith or blind belief in god/whatever it is about the way that some people interact with christianity that bothers me LOL

god... him praying to saint hubert for dean's sake is a detail that is SO IMPORTANT TO MEEEE

and the way you ended it T_T is so very perfect to me, it felt like the perfect closure actually. the bible as a symbol of everything he's overcome... goosebumps, seriously. that's everything to me. god i wish i had and intelligent response to this lmao but you said it all perfectly. i love your brain so much wowowowow <3

i feel like he has this desperation to be good, but he feels like he isn't, and that it's his fault. for him to "no longer being burdened to face its contents" or feel like he doesn't need it anymore :(( that feels so hopeful to me i guess, that he now knows, years later, that the things that made him "unclean" or "not good" weren't his fault. that he tried and that makes a difference. that cleanliness and purity and perfection are not parts of the condition of being. it matters that he's trying.

[jlheon]

PENGIE’S ROMANCE : UNTOLD REVIEW !!!!

this is me dancing to album of the year BTW.

moonstruck — IM CRAZY. OH MY HOD. GHIS IS MY DAMN SONH. im speechless its so good … PLEEK INJECT INTO MY VEINS 10/10

xo (only if you say yes) — OH MY GOD..??? hello. why did the music stop that scared me so bad. EVERYTHING IS COMING OUT OF THEIR HANDS??? chloe reveal pleek i wanna know if i want her too. THE WINGS?? peng just died BTW. JORTS !!! OMG!! ok wow super bop. WHY WAS IT SO SHORT THO !? T^T guys bring back 3 min songs i beg. 8/10 FOR NOW BECOZ NO BRIDGE N SHORT 😓

your eyes only — this is so glitter gel pen of them oh my gosh !!!! what i’m lit in love!!! WE CAN INDEED SUGAR TALK WUTTTT !!! this reminds me of twice formula of love era is this too niche?? 9/10 TEW SHORT.

hundred broken hearts — oh my god. i keep saying oh my god but OH MY GOD. THE VOCALS PLEEK SEDATE ME. i am holding my super not broken heart becuz jay said so. this is so yukika coded (dont ask why) this sounds like city pop i might be wrong tho?! 10/10 WOWOWOW

brought the heat back — IM JUMPINH AROUND N BOUNCINH OFF THE WALLS!!! OKAY FSOS !!!!!!!! wahooooooo YAS U R BRINGING THAT HEAT BACK!! JAY VOCALSSSSSS 9/10

paranormal — anna’s song!!! okay pinkpantheress ❤️ I LOVE THE BEAT HELLOOOOOOO? let me die rn! GUYS IM DANCING!!! 8.5/10 OH MY GOODNESS

royalty — this is summer happy time me at the beach (i hate the beach but id go for them) THIS IS SO HAPPY I AM SO HAPPY RN!!! this is so teenage girl montage coded!! 10 more seconds and it could have been 3 mins sobs 10/10

highway 1009 — this is me and imaginary bf song i thinks !! wow i need this at my wedding i think 🙁❤️ ME AND MY FAKE BOYFRIEND R DANCING TO THIS AS WE SPEAK 10/10 im so happy rn

xo ft jvke — THE ENGLISH LYRICS ATE WAHOOOO 10/10

highway 1009 (narr ver) — i couldnt find the track yet becoz only on cd BUT OYY PHILIPPINES!!! 😭😭❤️❤️ omg so many languages :3 this is awesome guys i hope your lang 10/10

ok guys now i need to sleep. THIS IS SO GLITTER GEL PEN GIRL GROUP CODED OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! ENHA BRINGING BACK REAL MUSIC ❤️ BRING BACK 3 MINUTE SONGS.

[saetiate]

cora don't mind me but i was thinking abt you and sae and how you find each other by chance in every life. maybe you two were the wind and the sea. the counter and the cabinet. the vines hanging above the soil. so close and yet so far in every instance.

maybe you miss each other by a hair and look over to see a fleeting hint of red, and him the faint smell of roses. maybe you meet in the slamming of a hard chest and a hot coffee spilled onto a crisp shirt. scathing looks and irritated words, and yet. your eyes hook once and stay that way until one of you pulls away first. the difference between the ones where your hands intertwine and stay that way, and the ones where you don't though. is the way you two choose to peek over walls and make your way through the tunnel together and hold on tighter when the other wants to pull away for a bit.

i think it's such a beautiful thought that the two of you carve your names into the stars with your own hands instead of the stars bestowing you your constellation themselves. secret smiles exchanged in the darkness, a light shared between the two of you in a way that no one else could even compare.

(you can totally ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable and if you don’t think it suits corae asfdjfdjffgk i was just thinking abt you and sae and wanted to tell you my thoughts :3)

hallo starry!!! WAHH such a long paragraph just for me and my lil selfshippie?? 🥺🥺 MY DEAREST you are so so sweet ohmygosh i cannot believe u would take the time and energy just to write this all for me <333 you and your love means the world to me truly i hope i can make you feel even half as happy as you make me <33

lowkey i read the first sentence and already wanted to cry omg... finding each other in every lifetime... wow that is so beautiful :'))) the kind of love that is really sought for i thinksies. i love the way you describe soulmatism like the wind and the sea... i often think about this too. whether we miss the people that we are meant to meet by a hair, or through a meet ugly. the push and pull between people, whether a meeting is meant to be etc.. aughh so stunning i love the way you described it :')))

you make my lil selfship sound much more beautiful that i had thought of it initially and i am honored truly. carving our names in the stars... wowowow you have such a way with words my friend. truly i love the prose of this and how you see the world. thank you so much for sharing this with me, i'm honored and grateful to have you <3 so so heartwarmed to hear you think about my lil selfship fr it means the world to me to have you here <3

i hope kaiser is treating you extra well (and ness!!! i am still the biggest kaiser x starry x ness fan hehe) and that he gives you lots of kisses when you go to sleep tonight <3 hehe. and i hope you have the most wonderful week ahead of you full of love and kindness <3

[skaruresonic]

No one tell those people that african tribes regularly practices slavery amongst one another, and the trans atlantic slave trade got kicked off in the first place because europeons decided to aggressively and proactively exploit the supply of slaves they were being provided from trading with african nations.

Shock of shocks, when you take people who lives hundreds of years ago in drastically different environments and hold them up to modern first world american moral standards, they end up seeming a little bit fucked up in comparison. Wowowow! What are you, 12? Did you just discover that santa claus doesn't exist or something? "People who lived in the 1300s did a bad thing once >=o " holy fucking shit, you're blowing my mind!!!

People who talk about historical individuals or peoples as if they need to be judged as good or bad piss me off. Whether they're talking about the aztecs or fucking HP Lovecraft or whatever. It really just contributes nothing to the discussion and cataloging of historical facts. "Pol Pot was a very bad man >=c " that's nice sweety, we're trying to document and discuss what he did and said though, you're not really helping anymore when that's all you have to say about it.

No one tell those people that african tribes regularly practices slavery amongst one another, and the trans atlantic slave trade got kicked off in the first place because europeons decided to aggressively and proactively exploit the supply of slaves they were being provided from trading with african nations.

It's all about context and extent. The colonists arrived here and originally sent Indians as slaves to the Caribbean before they went to Africa because, at the time, we were the nearest natural resource on hand. The problem is, then, the underlying belief that regards people as a resource to be consumed. It requires the stratification of society into Resource or Person.

While this belief is definitely not unique to one culture, it was the colonists who employed it on a mass scale.

While I'm not entirely comfortable comparing the selling of our people as slaves to the transatlantic slave trade, it seems to have impacted our culture, to the point where I suspect the word for "to betray" holds the root for "to sell" for this very reason. And yes, that is because some of our own sold others of our own. That is an unfortunate fact.

Remember what I said about our struggles not being so different from others'? They also share common roots. The one drop rule contends that if you have just one drop of Black ancestry in you, you are Black. This was used, historically, to justify the slavery of generations into perpetuity.

Blood quantum is the same process but thrown in reverse: the blood of other races dilutes your own, and there will be a point where the Indian will be bred out of you and your children will no longer be considered of your people. This is still in use today for tribal enrollment requirements, and becomes an increasing problem as families grow and the chances of inbreeding increase. This was absolutely by design in order to make us disappear.

Both of these ideas may seem in opposition to each other at first glance, when really, they're intertwined: the result of white supremacy attempting to control us. They rest on the same underlying ideas of denying people the right to self-determination.

---

Shock of shocks, when you take people who lives hundreds of years ago in drastically different environments and hold them up to modern first world american moral standards, they end up seeming a little bit fucked up in comparison. Wowowow! What are you, 12? Did you just discover that santa claus doesn't exist or something? "People who lived in the 1300s did a bad thing once >=o " holy fucking shit, you're blowing my mind!!!

The thing is, people weren't always barbaric in the past. That's my entire point. It's a fallacy to assume modernity is synonymous with civility and progress.

I just get chuffed about it because they always bring up the scalpings and the human sacrifice and warring tribes and whatever else in order to paint our ancestors as morally gray. However, you need some light to balance out the darkness in order to paint a truly gray portrait. They never say anything about the Longhouse, the Great Law of Peace, the Two-Row wampum, the times our people saved colonists from starvation or slaughter, or the inter-tribal alliances we made. It's just, "they cut the tops of people's heads off omg so brutal" as if they're saying anything particularly new or revolutionary, and they leave the matter at that.

In fact, the Haudenosaunee were not the only peaceful coalition the Skarù·ręʔ were a part of---we made a smaller alliance of mutual protection with two or three other tribes down in North Carolina as well.

The omission of our merits and the constant attention to our bloodier histories just feeds into this hateful stereotype that we were always savages.

---

Also, I didn't address it in the earlier post, but OP essentially went on to imply that white supremacy isn't a real problem. Rather, they waxed lyrical on some overreductive, strawman-nihilist "Rousseau was wrong" bullshit about how war will always exist in complex societies and it isn't unique to white supremacy.

First of all, nobody was saying violence or imperialism are white-only things. To argue otherwise is to imply other people don't know their own histories. Or other countries' histories.

Second, the existence of the Haudenosaunee contradicts this narrative that humanity is so inherently belligerent that reconciliation is just a pipe dream in "complex" societies. We operated just fine in peace for literal centuries before colonial contact. Either you don't consider us a "complex" society, or you have an incomplete view of history.

Third, white supremacy is very much real, and it is a problem that impacts a large number of people, white people included.

Again, the US as it exists today largely does so because of white supremacy. It is a direct result of Manifest Destiny and the assimilation and displacement of indigenous people. Trying to divert the conversation by pretending what was said was that all violence is innate to whiteness is a strawman of the argument, as well as deliberately being obtuse in order to distract with meaningless asides. It'll only make people go, "Oh well, everyone was shitty in the past, so I guess there's no reason to try to understand the structures my ancestors put into place and how they might benefit or hurt others to this day."

Of course violence has existed in every society. Of course it will continue to exist in some fashion. But that doesn't mean we can't take steps to curb it and discourage it whenever possible.

Moreover, our ancestors having scalped someone 200 years ago doesn't mean anything when blood quantum still exists on the books in order to "breed" the Indian out of us and have us forfeit the land to the government, you know what I mean? I would think the more pressing and far-reaching problem rests on the colonist structures that are still in operation today, and it is worth examining where those structures came from in order to dismantle them.

And look, I don't particularly enjoy waxing poetic about this stuff because it's not something I like looking directly in the face for long periods of time. As a white-passing Native, I know I'm not the hardest-impacted by these things. I'll never experience the harshest brunt of the racism my darker-skinned friends, family, and neighbors do.

That doesn't mean I experience No Racism Ever, of course. But I recognize that most of the fucked-up-ness of the situation and my relative comfort comes from the fact that my incidental whiteness inoculates me from a lot of bullshit I would otherwise experience.

[sickly-qt]

Okay I just found your acc and I’m obsessed with drew! Do you think you could write something where she gets pretty drunk to the point of throwing up and she is so out of it she lets Finn see her? No pressure :)

wowowow, look at me, answering an ask for the first time in forever. I am trying my best lol. This is kind of important in terms of different characters becoming acquaintances but otherwise it's just shameless emeto. This also takes place a little while back when Drew and Finn had been dating for less than a year, presently they've been together for almost 2 :)

Enjoy! I'm sorry if i'm a bit rusty

~~~

Work events with an open bar always mystified Drew. She never really understood why an employer would encourage drinking to excess… or at the very least tempting their employees to drink to excess. These were the thoughts running through her mind as she picked up her glass and walked away from the bar, sipping on what must’ve been her third double vodka sprite of the night. She knew that she should probably slow down, the anxiety of being at one of Finn’s work banquets washing away with every glass of wine over dinner. Her head felt airy and conversation was coming easy and she was actually having a better time than she thought she would’ve, probably too good of a time if she were being honest. 

Drew was surprised when Finn had asked her to go with to be his plus one to his work event. Sure, they had been dating for around 7 months and they were basically living together, but things like this really cemented that they were serious in a weird way. He wanted to be seen with her in front of his coworkers as well as the new company that had just partnered with the company Finn helped run.

“Hey, Drew! Come and meet my new partner.” Finn called, grabbing her hand and leading her through the crowd. Everything went by her in a blur and made her dizzy, this is when it really settled in that she was undeniably drunk. They came to a stop in front of another surprisingly young couple. A tall blonde man who looked a little intense and a woman with reddish hair and brown eyes smiled at her kindly. Drew was just focused on seeming sober, and feeling like she was failing miserably. 

“This is my partner, Drew. Drew, this is one of the heads of the company we just partnered with, Remington Paxton and his partner Mila.” Finn introduced them all.

“Hi it’s very nice to meet you, and you can both just call me Remy.” the man responded, holding out his hand. He was almost alarmingly clean cut in the most crisp, and probably most expensive suit Drew had probably ever seen. Mila, on the other hand, seemed a lot more laid back in a simple blue tea length dress and beautiful silver heels, she looked like an auburn cinderella. 

“It’s nice to meet you both as well.” Drew said, shaking both of their hands and then promptly zoning out as Finn and Remy launched into a conversation about PR and advertising. She had a very loose idea of what Finn did at work in the first place and at this point Drew could barely wrap her mind around what she had to do the next day let alone how different PR tactics can be used to benefit marketing and advertising. 

“I never really know what he’s talking about once he gets going.” Mila said, taking a sip of her champagne. “I just smile and nod.”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one.” Drew smiled, not really in the mood to conversate. She was starting to feel woozy and a little nauseous. All of the anxiety from before her second glass of wine, rushing back. Suddenly, the elegant ballroom felt stuffy and her dress felt too constricting, and she was really warm. She heard Mila start to say something else but Drew couldn’t be bothered to pay attention, everything was spinning and she felt lightheaded. 

“Excuse me. I’m so sorry I need to get some air.” Drew mumbled, sitting her drink down on the nearest table and rushing away. She had intended to actually do exactly that but on her way to the door nausea hit her like a brick wall and she gagged harshly into her hand. Drew quickly detoured to the bathroom, grateful that the unisex bathroom was open and she wasn’t about to be sick in a stall. She had barely gotten the door locked behind her before vomit rocketed up her throat, spraying through her fingers and dripping down her arm. She barely had any time to throw the toilet seat up before she gagged again, her dinner coming up in violent waves.

She steadied herself on the back of the toilet, her other hand gripping her stomach and she took a couple breaths. A knock at the door caused her to jump.

“Drew, it’s me. Are you alright?” It was Finn. 

Drew swallowed and flushed the toilet, walking over to the sink to wash her hands. She was a complete mess, vomit in her hair and down the front of her dress. The sight made her gag again. What was worse was the trail of sick across the floor and on the back of the toilet. “Fuck.” She whispered before unlocking the door and letting Finn in.

“Oh fuck.” Finn mumbled, seeing the state of his girlfriend and the bathroom.

“I’m so sorry.” Drew sniffled, drunk and emotional. 

“It’s okay babe. Uhm… let’s get you cleaned up a little and then we can let an attendant know that someone got sick in the bathroom and then we can go home, okay?” Finn had grabbed some toilet paper and started cleaning the puke out of her hair.

“I’m gonna throw up again.” Drew whined, feeling sick and now embarrassed. She covered her mouth with her hand before bending over the toilet again and gagging.

“Okay, okay. Just get it out.” Finn stood behind her, holding her hair out of her face and rubbing her back as all of the wine and vodka sprites came back up in a disgusting slurry. 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry.” Drew said, out of breath. She stood up straight and closed her eyes, taking deep breaths before a burp rumbled up her chest, sending her back over the toilet although nothing came up.

“Shh, no more apologizing okay?” Finn reached around her and flushed the toilet, still rubbing her back. “Are you done for now?”

“I think so.” Drew mumbled, blowing her nose with some toilet paper. “I’m sorry you had to see that, I feel so disgusting.”

“A little vomit isn’t going to scare me away, Drew. I love you, and I still love you after seeing you be a puke geyser.” He wet some toilet paper and tried his best to clean up the front of her dress.

“Thanks… I love you too…”

“Let's get you home my love.”

[the-90s-music-colosseum]

I was a warrior and listened to Radiohead entire discography for the first time today. Here's my personal descriptions

Pablo Honey: I'm Thom Yorke and I'm really angsty and no girls like me, love love love also my voice sounds really weird in this one???

The Bends: I'm really loud and guitary and angry and so much better than Pablo Honey also love love love love love love and faaaaaade ouuuuuut agaiiiiiin

OK Computer: I'm the best one. Also screw love beep boop *nyow wowowow guitar solo* COMPUTERS!!!!!! SOCIETY!!!!!

Kid A: SOCIETY!!!!! (Part two) also beep boop beep boop beep boop funny bears also I have the best opening track to any album ever and it's not even close

Amnesiac: I'm like Kid A beep boop but also with Jazz and I'm arguably better than Kid A but you guys aren't ready for that conversation

Hail to the Thief: fuck george bush *guitar solo*

In Rainbows: *Sits you down, holds your hand and tells you everything will be okay with the most warm smile you will ever see* we live in a society 🥹♥️🫂

The King of Limbs: I'm really weird even for radiohead standards bweeeeeep bop beeeeeeeep boooooopppo beep boop booooowwweeeeep baaaashhhhhh boooop *inconsistent drum loop* *interpretive dance*

A Moon Shaped Pool: My wife died.

*Pianos*

My favourites were OK Computer, A Moon Shaped Pool, and Hail to the Thief

You're a hero for this. It's the official beginner's guide now