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shujilovedive · 1 year

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'Under The Bleachers'

Shuji Hanma x College Cheerleader Reader

part I / part II

description: After years of bullying and harrasment at the hands of Shuji Hanma, he finally get's what he's wanted out of you all a long. Just don't fight back too much and maybe it'll be enjoyable.

cw: sexual assault (not Hanma) , cumplay, creampie, unprotected sex, Hanma's toxic and twisted, trauma, reader is treated shitty, blood, murder.

notes: inspired by Gwi-nam from all of us are dead.

Twelve Years Ago

“Stop! Get it away from me!” Tears spurted from your eyes as you backed up, tripping over the grass and your pretty afternoon dress that your mother had warned you not to play in.

“Oh, come on! It’s not gonna hurt you!” Hanma laughed, advancing towards you, hands clasped over something you could only imagine was some kind of disgusting bug. Even at nine years old, Hanma was still tall for his age, standing a good four to five inches above you. You wanted to call out for your mom or dad, but you knew Hanma would just laugh at you even more.

“Hanma! Stop!”. Some adult should have heard your cries. Some adult should have stopped Hanma Shuji, either back then when he was just a little kid or now. But they didn’t and they won’t.

Hanma opened his hands and made a tossing motion at you, watching as you screamed and fell onto the ground, shaking your limbs and crying out of fear. Tears blurred your vision as you shook your dress and tried to find whatever he had thrown at you.

“Hay- It was just a joke…Calm down.” Hanma stared down at your shaking form, opening his hands. “I didn’t even have anything.” He looked amused by your state of fear, looking down at you as if you were inferior to him.

Your cries softened as he spoke, body still trembling, heart attempting to slow down inside of your chest. “I hate you! Leave me alone!”

Suddenly he knelt down, rolling his eyes in amusement as he watched you shake in fear. “You’re such a big baby. Stop cryin’ come here.” He opened up his arm’s to invite you into a hug with a sheepish grin.

You stared at him with teary, blurred eyes, not completely trusting of him. Crawling forward, you hugged the young boy, crying into his shoulder.

“Don’t do that ever again!”

:readmore:

Present

“Shit, baby…”, Hanma groaned, thrusting his cock up into your warm cunt, leaning his head back in response to the way your walls sucked him in. You leaned forward, using the handlebars of his motorbike to steady yourself, head hanging low as you panted, condensation causing your breath to be visible in the harsh cold air. Yet your body was still hot, due to your prior cheerleading performance and the way Hanma was working your pretty body.

Hanma just couldn’t help himself, seeing you bounce around in your cute skirt with that adorable, pride filled smile that he loved so much. He hated football, so he deserved a reward for coming to these dumb games anyway. And he took that reward in form of fucking you behind the stadium on his motorcycle bike, dim sky obscuring the two of you from sight.

He had pulled the side of your under shorts and panties to the side without problem, allowing you to melt on his cock like usual. He leaned down, his torso leaning over yours as he began to kiss the back of your neck, nudging your soft skin with his nose. “Shh…you don’t wanna attract attention do you? I’m starting to think you like the idea of getting caught.” He taunted you as you moaned, still pressing his lips against your neck. You might have hated Hanma Shuji, but you couldn’t lie, he knew just how to work your body. You had been told sex wasn’t all it was made out to be by others, but you had a hard time agreeing when Hanma was so fucking good at it.

“Hanma…”, You moaned under your breathe, closing your eyes as an orgasm rolled over your body, filling you with serotonin. Hanma continued to fuck in and out of you, rhythm becoming messy and disgruntled as he reached his own orgasm, cumming inside of you. Everytime he did this, it made you anxious, fear of pregnancy haunting you for the next few days. But Hanma assured you it was okay because of your birth control, and after morning pills. Even then though, your boyfriend would go to the store and buy pills, a pregnancy test and whatever else you wanted to make you feel better.

“Why, Hanma…”,You sounded stressed and scared as you rested your head on the handle bars of his motorcycle. “Shhh…it’ll be okay, baby.” He kissed your neck over and over, letting go of your panties and shorts, allowing his cum to seep out of you into your panties. “I’ll go to the store tomorrow morning, don’t worry your pretty little head.” He squeezed your waist, kissing the skin of your neck one more time before slowly climbing off his motorcycle. “Let’s go home, okay?” you knew he didn’t actually mean your own home but you felt gross and longed to take a long warm shower.

Things had changed. You told yourself that they had changed for the better. They had to have changed for the better. No longer were you and your friends harassed or stalked, no longer were you forced into compromising positions against your will….well, kind of. You had traded years of torture and misery at the tattooed hands of Shuji Hanma away, in exchange for some sorry toxic excuse of a relationship.

Your friends were of course shocked when you told them you were dating your own tormenter. They didn’t understand and you continued to brush off their questions, trying to pretend it was your decision.

You wrapped your arms tight around his waist, pressing your cold cheek to his back as he lit the engine up on his motorcycle and drifted onto the road.You had become used to being a passenger on Hanma’s motorcycle, even though at first you had practically begged him not to make you ride it. Not only did you not trust motorcycles, but you didn’t trust Hanma. Yet, here you were now, face flushed against his jacket as your hair waved around wildly in the wind and the fabric of your clothes caught the breeze. Hanma had pointed out your habit of squeezing him as tight as you could as if he was going to fly away and that was true, even now your arms were locked around him in a death grip.

The bright neon lights of the city were something you weren’t very accustomed to, being more of a country girl. But ever since you had begun to date Hanma, he often brought you into the different districts of Tokyo. Filled with people, vendors, traffic and shops, you could never run out of things to do there. And maybe you could have found some enjoyment in it, if the person you were with wasn’t Shuji Hanma, who lived in the crappiest part of the city.

He drifted between cars, making you close your eyes in an effort to not see just how close you got to the passing vehicles, fingering gripping tightly into the front of Hanma’s jacket.

Hanma loved taking you out on motorcycle rides and this was one of the main reasons, you had no choice but to put all your trust in him. The feeling of your body pressed flush against him, squirming and adjusting yourself when he stopped at a stop light. He liked to turn his head to look back at you, seeing the uncertain and doe-like look you would give him. Your eyebrows would furrow up at him, arms loosening until the switch of the light to green, uncomfortable with the stickiness between your legs, then your arms would once again tighten around his waist.

Of course, Hanma has always loved motorcycle rides, but you made it all the more enjoyable.

He turned down a now familiar, grungie alleyway, coming to a stop behind the huge trash bin and kicking the lock into place. You waited for him to get off , arms falling away from his waist before following, lifting your leg over the seat and onto the ground. Hanma chained the bike up quietly,leaning it against the concrete wall before sticking his hands in his pockets and leading the way farther down the alley.

The two of you approached a rickety looking door and Hanma pulled a dull key out of his pocket, clicking open the door and pushing it forward. You could barely call the place an apartment since the man who owned it was supposedly dead. When Hanma told you that, you had chosen not to ask anymore questions. But now the place was Hanma’s, decorated with posters and records, an ashtray or two, some empty cans of beer and energy drinks. The first time Hanma had brought you here, you remember being uncomfortable, fearful of the shady area it was in. Hanma had almost been the only source of comfort you had at that time and unlike how you were quick to avoid his advances, that night you were grateful for the way he wrapped his arm around you, settling you into his side. But you learned quickly that when you were with Hanma, no one who knew him would mess with you, or even speak to you. And the few poor guys who had, didn’t leave without permanent injury.

You dropped your bag in the corner like usual, kicking your shoes off and eyeing a pair of your panties that were hanging over his sofa chair. It probably needed a wash…and maybe some holy water at this point. Hanma went straight to the bathroom and you pulled off the jacket he had put on you, slinging it over the jacket hanger before crawling onto his bed. The bed was a double, comfy enough for a convict with fluffy enough sheets. You had brought one or two of your own blankets to remind you of home when you slept over but they smelt of him now.

“I’m going to run the shower for us.” Hanma’s head poked out from the bathroom, landing on your huddled form on the bed. You couldn’t help the soft sigh under your breathe, having hoped you’d get a bit of alone time without Shuji hovering over you. “Sounds good.”

But Hanma knew you better and he stepped out of the bathroom and leaned against the door frame, eyeing you. “Would you rather wash up by yourself? With the leftover cold water that I leave for you? Go ahead. You can stay out here and wait for me to finish. Listen to the neighbors fuck each other shitless through those paper thin walls. And the stray’s scratchin’ at the door.”

If Hanma was good at anything, it was forcing you to do things you didn’t want, either by manipulation or threats. You didn’t want to shower in cold water, obviously. And you definitely didn’t wanna sit alone in his dingy apartment, paranoid and uncomfortable. As much as you disliked your ‘boyfriend’, he made you feel secure. And you hated it.

“No, I don’t want that. I’m just tired, that's all- I wanna shower with you.” You insisted, climbing off the bed and grabbing at the bottom of your cheer top and pulling it up.

Hanma pretended to ponder, tapping on the frame of the doorway before nodding. “Thought so.” Then he disappeared back into the bathroom and the sound of rushing water echoed into the apartment.

You repeated your soft sigh before stripping your skirt off and tossing them on his bed. Being naked in front of Hanma was always hard, sometimes you had no reaction, he had seen you like this many times. Then other times, your mind would fill with the memories of him forcing your clothes off before and after you started dating. And you found yourself freezing up like you had done so long ago. Hanma had become a bit more accepting of these moments, he knew he had probably broken you a bit. So he tried to be patient, soothing you the best he could with hushed encouragement and praise. But if you needed it, he had helped you out of your clothes before.

Cum filled panties and your bra came off next and soon you were stark naked and walking towards the bathroom. One thing you always felt ashamed about was the way you had begun to ogle Hanma. His muscular form, his long hands, his sharp jawline. You hated him, but there was no denying that he was a sight for sore eyes. You watched as he lifted his shirt off and his back muscles flexed, the way he rolled his shoulders had you breathless for a moment. Thankfully, he was too busy undoing his pants to notice your stares and you shook yourself out of it before slipping past him, visible in the mirror to him, to get in the shower.

The water was always too hot when you showered with Hanma, he would turn the temperature almost to the max and treated it like it was a cool stream of water. Meanwhile, you cowered to the side of the shower, water splashing on you and burning your skin. Luckily, Hanma’s tall form slipped into the shower and the water began to bounce off of his back as he sheltered you from the burning spray of the shower.

The two of you were silent for a while, Hanma’s hair flattening against his head as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the steamy water running down his skin. You just watched him, leaning against the wall of the shower, slowly getting used to the heat and the steam that swam around the room. After a little bit, Hanma opened his eyes, sharp golden orbs lowering down to your wet form, watching how quick you were to cover your chest. He could only snort, already used to the way you hid yourself from him, no matter how many times he would strip you naked and fuck you until the only word you could say, was ‘Hanma’. He knew he should feel bad for continuously forcing you to expose yourself to him, even if you didn’t want to, either by manipulation or force. But to him, the way you seemed to forget how much you despised him and clung onto him during and after sex, was worth it to him.

But he didn’t know just how insecure you were when he did this to you, like a reminder of the other times he had traumatized you, humiliating you in front of his friends. It might have not been the same situation, but you experienced that same emotion from those memories every time he pressured you.

“Come here.” He motioned towards himself before taking a step forward, knowing you weren’t going to listen. You remained tense with your lower arms crossed over your chest as your boyfriend grabbed onto your upper arms and pulled you closer to him, under the steaming water. He grabbed a rag and began to clean up between your legs, your own arms holding onto him for balance as he leaned over to do so. He then stood up and one hand began to repeat a circular rubbing motion on your skin as the other grabbed a bottle of shampoo from the shower rack.

You rubbed a new soapy rag into his bicep, eyes glancing up between his arm and the way he was watching you with warm eyes, obviously pleased with your show of ‘affection’. Meanwhile he continued to rub shampoo into your scalp, watching how your eyes became hazy.

“Tomorrow you are gonna come out with me, I got a few things to do and we are going to spend some time downtown.” You hated the idea, knowing how dangerous downtown was, even if you were with Hanma. You wanted to go home and pretend he didn’t exist for a while. But what Hanma said, usually went, so you just agreed with him.

“Okay..”, You mumbled, rubbing the soap across his chest now, lightly ogling him again. He rolled his shoulders slightly, watching the way your eyes trailed along his body. He had a few scars here and there from fights, but he was absolutely toned, all his defined muscles flexed every time he moved and he knew you had a slight staring problem. “You’re my girlfriend, ya know. You can touch me if you want.” He leaned down, voice resembling a purr as he bent slightly over you. You pulled the rag away and cowered away from his form slightly, “No! Stop teasing me.” You snapped, feeling ashamed as he cackled above you.

Hanma washed your hair out then his own before insisting on scrubbing you down. Once you were both finished, the two of you climbed out of the showers, drying yourself off and preparing for bed. The football game had drained you, you hadn’t been getting enough practice lately which made the routines even harder and the ‘routine’ you had to perform for Hanma after left you exhausted.

You collapsed into Hanma’s bed after pulling one of his shirts on, the smell of him engulfing your every sense as you began to fix his blanket on top of you. Hanma himself pulled on a pair of sweatpants before climbing into bed behind you, his arms immediately pulling you flush into him. The two of your sleeping habits had become entwined, the usual spooning routine would take place every night. You had always cuddled with your stuffed animals, imagining you had someone to cuddle with and even if it was Hanma…you couldn’t make yourself hate it. He was warm and would usually rest his knee between your legs and bury his face in the back of your neck.

You were absolutely beat at this point and had begun to let drift off in his muscular arms, when suddenly Hanma squeezed your waist, “I have a question.”

You didn’t bother opening your eyes, instead making a small humming sound to indicate you were listening. Hoping it would be a simple question that you could answer, then he would leave you alone and let you sleep.

“Would you care if I cheated on you?” You could practically hear the way he was grinning, lips brushing against your ear. Your eyes opened up in reaction to the question, furrowing your eyebrows, hand still resting over his.“Well..ya? Cheating is wrong, I’d be pissed.” you murmured, staring off at the wall near your side of the bed.

“But you hate me, don’t you? So why would you care?”

Your eyes furrowed even deeper, realizing what he was saying. “Because! It would….are you thinking about cheating on me?”

He chuckled softly in your ear, “Of course not, I was just wondering…Would you cheat on me?”

“No.” Was your immediate answer and this pleased Hanma who kissed the side of your neck softly, squeezing you close

“What would you do if I cheated on you?” You said after a while, even though you knew you probably wouldn’t be fond of how he answered.

Hanma hummed softly, thinking. “I’d probably kill the guy.”

“Hanma!”

“What? You wanted to know. I don’t care who he is, if he’s my friend or even my best friend.” He laughed, “Hell, even if it’s Kisaki.” Hanma had talked about Kisaki before and you had realized just how highly he thought of him. If he wasn’t with you, forcing you to follow him around and stick by his side, he was with Kisaki.

“I’d rip him limb from limb.”

You didn’t doubt Hanma would kill someone for you, you knew enough about your boyfriend to know that violence was commonplace for him and he treated all the dangerous activities he partook in like an afternoon picnic. You were just hoping you’d never have to be involved in any of Hanma’s gang related affairs, you’d rather stay slightly oblivious to it. Though it was hard to ignore the blood that would stain his clothes on occasion.

“..Can we sleep now?” Your voice sounded slightly aggravated and Hanma grinned, kissing the back of your head. He took pride in how easily it was for him to annoy you, poking all your buttons. It was just too easy for him. Especially when you acted like you had no feelings for him, when he knew you did.

“Ya, Ya. Goodnight, doll.”

“Goodnight Hanma.”

When you awoke, Hanma wasn’t in bed anymore, his keys, phone and usual choice of jacket gone from their usual spots. You rolled over to his side of the bed, sighing and grabbing his pillow, holding it to your chest. Maybe you did despise Hanma Shuji as a human being, but your fight and passion had dwindled, leaving a dormant spot inside of you waiting to be filled up. He was all you had left, wasn’t he? Your family rarely spoke to you, you had been missing practices after practice because of your boyfriend. He had consumed your life. So was it that crazy that when he was gone, it felt wrong? You buried your face in his pillow, sighing softly. You hated when he left you alone in this dirty ‘apartment’.

The doorknob clicked after a few minutes and Hanma stepped back inside, his hair now dry and styled into his normal look, plastic shopping bags in his hands. He shut the door behind him and looked at you as you let go of his pillow, sitting up to meet his gaze. “Cuddling with my pillow?” He teased, setting the bags on his bed before pulling his jacket off and tossing it on a nearby chair.

Ignoring his teasing, you crawled towards the bags and began to sift through them, grabbing the box of morning after pills and prying them open. Hanma began to sift through the bags as well as you climbed off the bed and over to his tiny little kitchen area, pouring yourself a cup of water and downing one of the pills.

Hanma grinned as he stepped behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing one hand flush to your stomach. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you accidentally got pregnant, I’d kill to see you all pretty and round with my kid.”

‘You’re the worst, stop it.” You snapped, pushing his hand away and moving away from him back to the bed, the idea of getting pregnant with Hanma’s kid making you feel ill.

“You feelin’ sick? You don’t look too good. You know what that’s a symptom of.”

“Hanma, stop!” You suddenly snapped at him, anger clear in your eyes as you crawled back into the bed. “I hate when you cum in me, it’s scary!” You shouted.

Hanma stared at you for a moment, seeming to consider what you were saying, remaining calm like he always seemed to when you got upset. After a second, he walked over to the bed and sat down, looking at you with a bit of a mocking look. “I’ll stop doin’ it if it upsets you that much.”

“It does.”

“Then I won’t do it anymore.” He tossed his hands up a bit before crawling towards you and pulling you close to him, ignoring the way you huffed and tried to wiggle out of his grasp. “I won’t do it anymore, okay? I’ll pull out, I’ll use protection, if it’ll make you feel better. Shit.”

“It would..’ You stopped fighting him, muttering your words as you laid on your side, his arms around your waist.

“Then that settles it, come on. Don’t be so crabby, I just like teasing you.” The two of you remained quiet after this exchange, Hanma holding you in his arms as you slowly felt your irritation and anxiety begin to fade, placing your hands over his and laying your head on the bed. “You promise?”

You don’t know why you asked this since Hanma had never broken a promise to you before, when he said he was going to do something, he always did it. It was one of his only redeeming qualities.

“Ya, I promise.” He murmured, kissing the top of your head before sitting up a bit and leaning over you to grab one of the plastic bags. “I bought something for you that I thought you could wear today.”

You watched him lift up the shirt, still laying slightly under him as he leaned over you. It was a cropped t-shirt that showed a bit of cleavage, bright pink with a pretty y2k like gemstone design on the front. Hanma had a certain taste that you had come to realize over time, always a bit slutty, always a bit cute. He liked showing you off, knowing no one else could have you. You can’t say it was your favorite design ever but you nodded, considering he had bought it for you. “Sure.”

He grinned and dropped the shirt, running his fingers through your hair for a moment.

“Let’s get ready.”

You walked hand in hand with your convict boyfriend down the grubby streets of downtown. You stuck out like a sore thumb with that pretty skirt of yours and the crop top that Hanma had picked out for you. Hanma’s hands were sizeable compared to yours, hiding your hands inside of his. The stares you received from passing men made you uncomfortable but Hanma barely seemed to react as he led you along. You almost prayed for their sake that they didn’t try anything, knowing Hanma would beat them shitless and be in a shitty mood for the next few hours.

“Let’s go in here.” Hanma spoke after a while of walking, stopping at what looked like a small convenience store with glowing red bead lights and a flashing open sign.

The two of you had been out for awhile now and it was starting to get slightly dark outside, stopping at little shops and even taking a moment for Hanma to socialize with a friend or two. He held the door open and allowed you to walk in before following, hand still clasped in yours. The store was full of the normal types of snacks you’d find around Tokyo, but there were also a few other things from different countries around the world.

“I’m gonna look around.” You said, looking at your tall boyfriend who nodded, letting go of your hand. “Go ahead.”

The store only had two isles and was relatively small, so Hanma didn’t mind allowing you to wander off. He approached the cash register and began to motion towards the cigarettes he wanted at the cashier as he fished into his pockets. You walked along the small aisle, looking at all the small snacks and drinks from different cultures. You were pretty hesitant to try anything, not being able to read some of the titles or ingredients inside of them.

“Grab whatever you want.” Hanma spoke without looking at you, pulling yen out of his wallet and beginning to sort through it. You bit your lip and made your last minute decision, walking back to the cash register and setting down some kind of Taiwanese jelly cup onto the table. Hanma looked down at it before nodding, “Grab me one too.”

The two of you exited the shop and you began to peel open the lid of your jelly cup, while Hanma wrapped an arm around your waist since he couldn’t hold your hand. You had noticed this about Hanma, he seemed fond of always having a hand on you at all times. It was very uncomfortable in the beginning of the relationship, the way his hand would linger on your thigh or back, but you had gotten used to it over time. You unwrapped the spoon you had grabbed from the store, dipping it inside the cup and bringing it to your lips, while Hanma watched you out of the corner of his eye. It tasted sweet, with that hint of coconut you had expected. After you swallowed the first two bites, you noticed the way Hanma was watching you. “What..?” You looked confused before sticking your spoon into the cup and bringing a bite of jelly up to his face.

He looked amused, laughing and giving you a gentle squeeze. “I was just admirin’ my girl.” That didn’t stop him from taking the bite of jelly off the spoon, not wanting to let such an opportunity go to waste. “You should feed me more often, it’s cute. Unless you want me to feed you.”

“No.” You replied quickly, stuffing your spoon back inside your jelly cup and looking down as the two of you approached a crosswalk. “Whatever.” He shrugged, rolling his eyes as the two of you waited for your turn to cross the road. “You did it pretty naturally though, so you don’t have to act like you didn’t want to.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, stabbing at your jelly a bit.

The light turned green and Hanma led you across the street towards a bar that he frequented, one that you had shown a dislike to more than once. Everytime you had gone inside, you could smell the alcohol in the air and felt the eyes of the grubby men watching you inside of the cramped space. You especially didn’t want to have to go in today considering what you were wearing. One hand holding your jelly cup with the spoon in it, you grabbed Hanma’s arm, stopping him in his place. He looked back at you, seemingly annoyed, knowing you were gonna complain about going inside.

“I don’t want to go in, it makes me uncomfortable.” You pleaded, fingers gripping around the fabric of his jacket. He sighed, eyes rolling into the back of his head again as he looked down at his beloved girlfriend. “You kiddin’ me? Never once has anything happened to you in there, I’ve kept you safe every time. I just want some lunch and a drink, why do you have to be such a big baby about this every time.” He insulted, looking down at you with what seemed like disdain. It hurt. It shouldn’t have since you expected this kind of treatment from Hanma, but he usually wasn’t this sour with you.

“I know..but it still makes me really uncomfortable, they all stare at me.” You murmured, glancing into the dim window where tables and tables of men, drinking and laughing sat in a very tight space. “Damnit…”, Hanma rolled his shoulders slightly, jaw clenching as he pulled his arm away from your waist, grabbing your wrist.

“Please just let me wait outside!”, You pleaded, feeling the way he began to drag you towards the door. He glanced back at you, looking at the way your eyes began to water. It wasn’t him making you cry either, it was your fear of the men inside. That annoyed him even more. “Fine, don’t move an inch. Got it? I’ll be back in a minute.” He let go of your wrist, tossing his hand lazily into the air before pushing open the door and going inside. And just like that, an afternoon out with Hanma that had seemed to be going okay, was ruined.

You stood outside the door, watching his shadowy figure through the window disappear into the clumps of people. You felt an anxiety similar to being a little kid, your mother leaving you in the waiting room at the dentist for the first time, or getting lost in the store away from your parents. A sinking dread that you fought, knowing it would escalate into panic if you didn’t control it. You gripped your jelly cup in your hand, watching your breathe in the cold air and wishing Hanma had left you his jacket.

Men and women passed in front of you down the sidewalk, some glancing your way while others ignored you completely. What was really two minutes felt like an eternity and you kept glancing inside, hoping you’d see the tall figure of Hanma approaching the door.

“Hay, look at you.” A voice came from your right and you turned your head to look at a group of three men exiting the sketchy alleyway next to the store. They looked sufficiently drunk, cigarettes in their dirty hands, eyes glued to your figure. “What a pretty face, you out here by yourself, sweetheart?” The man who had first spoken stepped closer to you, scruff lining his jaw, seemingly uncut and unwashed for what looked like awhile. Behind him stood a skinnier guy with down turned eyes while the third wore a beanie pulled over his head. Your heart began racing in your chest, this being exactly what you had feared would happen if you came down town.

They all wore the same jackets that looked to be some kind of gang apparel, script written down the sides. A blatant sign of danger, that would tell the normal person to avoid someone like these men at all times. “No- my boyfriends inside. I’m sorry.” You lifted your hands, backing up towards the door and getting ready to grab the handle when the man who spoke to you first, grabbed your wrist and tugged you away from it.

“That’s stupid of him, leaving a pretty thing like you out here. But lucky for us, huh?” The scent of whiskey filled your nostrils and you quickly began trying to pull away, shrieks escaping your parted lips. “Shut up.” His hand clasped over your lips and with the help of his friends, he began to drag you away from the bar and down the alleyway.

The man with the stubble shoved you against the dirty brick walk of the back of the store, having dragged you a fair good way away from the entrance to the building. “Isn’t very often we get a cute girl like you wandering around here, easy to snatch off the streets. Your boyfriend must be real fuckin’ stupid.” He pressed your cheek hard against the wall, dragging your skin against the hard brick. You cried out loudly, too filled with fear and shock to even think of calling out for help. “Shut up, bitch.” One of the men from behind you slapped your rear hard before grabbing the fabric of your skirt and tearing it down your legs. You felt sick, the familiar feeling of your first time with Hanma and all the times he had taken advantage of you before coming back, but seemingly ten times worse. Cries of pain left your lips, another hand slapped over your mouth, muffling your voice from echoing down the alleyway.

“Let’s make this shit quick before someone comes, get her on the ground.” The first man instructed and the man with the beanie complied, shoving you into the concrete. You immediately felt someone climb on top of your, harsh hands grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head, not bothering to cover up your cries anymore as one of the other men got on his knees and tugged your panties down.

You began to hyperventilate as the sound of unzipping pants informed you of what was about to come, tears dripping onto the concrete as you squeezed your eyes closed, hoping it would all end quickly.

“I’ll fucking kill you.” Hanma’s familiar voice brought you back to reality, your eyes shooting open to watch your delinquent boyfriend stalk down the alleyway towards the three men, you still struggling under the first one. You had never seen him look so terrifying before, his face was dark, unspeakable anger written across it. His voice sounded unusually deep and filled with malice, yet it never sounded more comforting. You squirmed forward as the man on top of you began to stand up, seemingly rushed and panicked. You looked back in confusion, watching the faces of the gangsters contort into looks of absolute horror.

“It’s the fuckin reaper..”, The tall man spurt out, his voice cracking as he backed up. You couldn’t even begin to understand what was happening as these men who had seconds ago been so confident and brutal, were now cowering away from your boyfriend.

“Shit, dude. We didn’t know she was your girl. Fuck!” The first guy pleaded. Hanma didn’t seem to even hear them as he stepped past your trembling form towards them. He was going to kill them.

Suddenly the man in the beanie grabbed onto what seemed to be an empty beer bottle on the floor of the alley and slung it in your direction while yelling, “Run!”

Hanma spun around in an almost frantic movement as the bottle slammed on the ground next to you, shattering into pieces. Within seconds he was on the ground, kneeling in the glass next to your trembling form as the three men took off out of the alleyway, quick footsteps echoing out in the distance.

“Hanma!”, Your sobs were broken and so was your breathing, hands over your head as your arms stung, one of two pieces of glass having found your skin. “Fuckin’ stupid!”, Hanma bellowed, causing you to flinch away in fear, his arms flying down to grab your trembling form and pull you into his arms. You sobbed loudly, face halfway pressed into his chest as he struggled to pull your skirt and panties back up. “Not you, you’re not fuckin’ stupid.” He said quickly, hand bringing your face to his chest. You couldn’t properly speak, words coming out in blubbers and stammers. The only word you could clearly get out was Hanma’s name, which you took to repeating. He stroked your hair shakily as he stood up, clutching you to his body. “I’m sorry.” Was his replies to your cries, holding you tightly against him as he began to make his way out of the alleyway with your trembling form in his arms.

Your halfway empty jelly cup sat on the floor of the alleyway, nearly being stepped on by Hanma as he carried you away.

By the time the two of you arrived back at his apartment, Hanma was deadly silent. He didn’t speak a word as he used tweezers to pull the glass from your skin, ignoring your cries as he pressed alcohol into the wounds. You still couldn’t speak, now that things were semi calm, you were having a hard time registering what had happened in your mind. He grabbed some bandaids from his cabinet, holding you still as he pressed them onto your cuts, grip on your firm and unnecessarily tight.

“Hanma.” You repeated, throat clenching in emotion.

“Stop.” Hanma finally spoke, seemingly being driven crazy by you repeating his name over and over. He felt absolutely furious, at himself, at those men, and somewhat at your for not listening to him. He couldn’t take listening to you say his name over and over, to him it sounded like you were blaming him, repeating his name like he was the only one who could protect you. He was and he should have. He had failed and he didn’t know how to cope with it.

You whimpered in response, a heavy sob leaving your mouth as he scooped you up into his arms again. “Stay here, don’t move a inch. Don’t call anyone, don’t even look outside.” Hanma muttered, laying you onto his bed. That’s what he had told you before, not to move and inch, it made him all the more angry.

“But-.”

“Don’t fucking go anywhere, you just be quiet. Got it?” He snapped at you as he grabbed his motorcycle keys from their hanger, throwing open the door and slamming it behind him, locking it in place. The sound of a motorcycle revving up followed not much later.

Then you were alone. That was the last thing you wanted to be right now. Hanma had left you, again. You began to sob even harder, burying your face into the blankets of the bed and screaming into them. Fear couldn’t even describe how you felt, you were desperate. You needed Hanma, why couldn’t he understand that? You had done nothing but repeated his name for over an hour now and yet he had abandoned you inside of his crummy apartment.

Minutes turned into hours and your hope that told you Hanma would be back soon began to dwindle. It was three hours later when you finally heard the door to the apartment open and your boyfriend stepped inside.

“Hanma?...” You whispered, crawling towards the side of the bed, eyes widening in fear as the color of his clothes was revealed in the light. Hanma was covered in blood, his shirt, knuckles, and face. Everywhere. He looked tired, walking towards the bathroom for a moment and leaning on the doorway.

You went to say his name again but you instead bit your lip, not wanting to anger him again. He sauntered into the bathroom and at the same time, you slowly got off the bed and approached the open bathroom door. Hanma was leaning on the bathroom counter, blood coated his clothing and knuckles, the look on his face was disgruntled and unfocused as he stared down at the sink. You stood there quietly for a moment, waiting for him to move or give you some kind of acknowledgment. But he didn’t. And so you slowly walked behind him and pried open one of the bathroom cabinets, doing your best to sort through the unorganized products lining the shelves. You grabbed onto some bandages, a slightly used bottle of antibiotic ointment, alcohol, anything that you thought could be used.

Hanma still wasn’t looking at you, he was staring at the sink like before, eyes focused on what seemed to be nothing at all.

“Shuji…please sit down.” You spoke softly, aware of how your voice seemed to tremble. Who could blame you, you had been through a horrifying ideal today and Hanma was acting uncharacteristically quiet. He slowly looked up from the sink, turning his head to look at you with dark, cold eyes. “You afraid of me?”

You clutched the bottle of rubbing alcohol tightly in your hand, hands trembling at your sides. “Ya…”, You murmured, eyes drawn to red liquid drying on his clothes. His jaw clenched and he tossed his head to the side before turning towards you completely, “You should be.” He said simply before brushing past your shaking form and sitting down on the lid of the toilet, sighing and clasping his hands between his legs.You slowly turned around to look at him, feeling relieved now that he was sitting down.

You got down onto your knees, looking up at him with shaky hands. “Can I wash your hands?”

You continued to run the bloody rag through the sink before kneeling next to his quiet form again, gently brushing and dabbing the rag over his bruised and cut knuckles. Everyonce in a while he would flinch in pain, but remained quiet as he watched you with emotionless eyes. You didn’t know what to say to him. Part of you didn’t wanna know what he had done while he was gone, and part of you was now upset with him for leaving you the way he had. Then you were also scared, scared of him and how he was acting. He never acted like this with you, it was unusual and terrifying to say the least.

You chewed on your bottom lip as you started unwrapping the roll of bandages, pulling your skin from the fabric every time it got stuck. Hanma’s hands, despite the traumatizing evening, we’re completely still now. You took one in your hand and slowly began to wrap the bandage around his knuckles.

“What happened?” You broke the long lasting silence, glancing up at your boyfriend who was still looking down at you. He shrugged his tense shoulders, looking away from you as he rolled his neck. “I killed them.”

Your hands came to a stop around his, holding the end of the bandage you were wrapping around him in a shaky hand. You could have assumed that was what had happened, especially after what he had told you the night before. He seemed to be willing to do anything for you, even if you didn’t want it. And you certainly didn’t want the death of three men in your conscience, even if they were monsters.

“I recognized the gang they were in so I paid them a visit.” Hanma grabbed the last bit of bandage in your now frozen hand, finishing on his first hand treatment. “They got what they deserved.”

You wanted to disagree, to say you didn’t want him killing someone because of you, but Hanma was territorial. And men who took advantage of women like that….they probably would have done it again if not to you. So maybe they did deserve it..but hadn’t Hanma done the same to you? How was it any different? Because he had coerced you into it?

You stayed silent for a second, before speaking your mind. “You’re a hypocrite Hanma.”

You don’t know where you got the bravery to say something like that to him, especially when he had been acting so off all night. You sounded kind of like your old self, full of pride and resistance when it came to Hanma’s harassment and advances on you. But you were angry with Hanma, despite the way you were nursing his wounds and taking care of him. Not only had he left you alone when you needed him to fulfill his own selfish needs, but he was guilty of the exact thing he had killed those men for.

You didn’t wanna look up at Hanma’s face after confronting him, scared of the way he would be staring down at you with anger and disdain. But Hanma didn't react that way at all. Instead, he began to laugh. You glared up at him, watching that stone cold expression turn into one of uncontrolled amusement. His lips turned upwards in a bursting grin as he cackled, reaching out with his bandaged hand to rub your head. You pulled away, anger clear on your face. “It’s not funny! You are just as bad as them! You took advantage of me!” You shouted at him, yet it didn’t change the expression on his face.

“You think I’m not aware of that? Of course I am! But it doesn’t matter, they don’t deserve it because of what they did. They deserve it because they did it to you. And no one touches or hurts what's mine, except me.” He continued to laugh, almost mocking you as you began to tear up, disgusted and hurt by Hanma’s delusional thinking.

“You’re crazy!”You sounded unbelievably distressed as you shakely stood up, tears ready to burst from your eyes. “You don’t even care about how much distress it causes me! You don’t even care about me! You just see me as a possession! They tried to rape me and you act like some territorial dog. This is why I hate you!”. Hanma’s laughter ceased and he went deadly quiet once again. Your heart began to pace wildly as he stood up, quickly backing away from his tall form.

“You don’t know anything about how I feel for you. You think I don’t care about your distress? You're dead wrong. I only care about your distress, that’s the thing. I don’t care about anyone else's suffering, they can kill themselves for all I care. Doesn’t matter to me, gorgeous.” You tried to avoid the bandaged hand that flew towards your wrist, but you failed to move quick enough. His fingers gripped your wrist, pulling you back to him.

“You aren’t a possession to me, but you are mine. Maybe you are right, I do act like a dog and maybe I am a hypocrite. Think of me how you want, hate me if you want. But we both know you can’t survive without me at this point. You’re dependent on me and in return I’ll take care of you.”

It felt like he was just spouting words at this point. Tears burst from your eyes as you began to cry. He was right, you were dependent on him. You couldn’t stand being away from him for too long and deep inside you had begun to crave his affection and adoration. No one had ever shown you the type of romantic love he had, everyone else avoided you because of him. But you couldn't stand being alone, not anymore.. You hated him, but yet you wanted him so bad.

“You know I’ve loved you since we were kids, right? Can you blame me for being so protective of you? I look at you, crying and terrified and I see that little girl I used to pick on. I’d rip out someone's heart if they hurt her.”

“But you hurt me! Hanma! You're twisted!”, You cried, pulling on your wrist.

He stared down at you, jaw clenching. You could tell your words were having somewhat of an effect on him. As much as he said he didn’t care about you disliking him, it truly bothered him. Ever since he was young he’d imagined you and him being together, joking around together and truly loving each other. But he had burnt that bridge, yet he refused to admit it or let it go.

“You can love me, it’ll make it easier. No one will love you the way I do. No one has ever loved you the way I do.”

Your throat tightened and you began to cry even harder, you hated fighting like this with Hanma. It took everything in you to stand up for yourself like this, it was exhausting. You had given up on arguing and pushing him away for a reason, even if it broke your spirit, it was so much easier to just let him have his way.

“Hanma..”, You sobbed, stepping forward and burying your face into his chest. He took no time in wrapping his arms around you, letting go of your wrist and cradling you close to him. Pleased with the way you had given up on fighting with him.

“I’m sorry, okay? Will that make you feel better? I feel bad for making you cry.” He muttered into your ear as wet tears slid down your cheeks, the scent of iron filling your nose due to the crusted blood on his clothes. But that didn’t stop you from clinging tightly to him.

“Why’d you leave me here alone after-,” You gasped, breathing quickening as you looked up at him, tears and snot running down your face. “I needed you, I needed you and you weren't there.”

Hanma’s face dropped completely as he looked away from you, eyes drifting up above your head. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking or if he was thinking at all. Did he care? You had a hard time imagining that, Hanma rarely showed any type of deep, genuine emotion other than affection towards you. Never had you seen him cry or ever get sad over something. Anger or disdain was his go to emotion.

One of Hanma’s hands came up to hold the back of your head, he was being very unusually gentle, fingers slowly slipping into your hair and massaging your scalp.

“Shit….” He pursed his lips, a look of regret and slight guilt washing over his face. It was a look you had never seen before, he didn’t seem to know how to react. Hanma wasn’t great at taking care of others, at least not emotionally. He was trying his best with you though, trying his best for you. But he was selfish, he had always been selfish, that’s what it had taken for him to survive his whole life. He had never considered anyone else’s feelings, he couldn’t help the way he would sometimes return to his old ways.

“I didn’t think about it…”, He muttered, slowly looking back down at your quivering bottom lip and red eyes. “I was just angry- I thought that maybe giving them what they deserved would make you feel better.” he muttered, frowning as you shook your head back and forth.

“I just wanted you to hold me-“. Your breath began to quicken and Hanma tightened his hold on you, squeezing you close. You gagged slightly against the dried blood on his fabric but he didn’t seem to notice. “I will, I’m here. Okay? I’m sorry.” he clenched his jaw as his words did nothing to calm your breathing.

“Lets just shower and get in bed, okay? We both need to clean up. Then I’ll take care of you in return for you taking care of me.”

The two of you took a quick, silent shower, and Hanma finished bandaging up his other hand while you sat on the lid of the toilet nearby, not wanting to go far from him, even if it was just the other room. Hanma helped slip you into your pajamas, grimacing at the forming bruises on your wrists, ass and knees. He didn’t regret murdering those men, he’d do it ten times over. He didn’t understand why it didn’t make you feel better.

You crawled in bed as he put on a pair of sweatpants, watching him with tired and somber eyes. You were trying not to think of what had happened to you and the way Hanma had reacted to all of it. How he had left you outside the bar and afterwards when he brought you home. It was all so wrong, he had reacted so inappropriately. Yet, that didn’t stop you from crawling into his arms as he got in bed, deciding to cuddle up to him this time instead of the usual spooning routine. You needed some kind of comfort, even if the one providing it was Hanma.

It didn’t take long for the soft cries to return as you hid yourself in his body, he stroked your hair softly in response, not knowing what else to do. He felt like he had failed slightly, in protecting you. But what if you had just listened to him in the first place, like he had told you to. Was it his fault? If you had just stayed by his side…instead of waiting outside, you wouldn’t have been grabbed by those men.

He would never let that happen ever again.

Neither of you fell asleep for the next few hours.Your cries eventually quieted down as you stayed unmoving in his warm embrace. Mind replaying what had happened to you no matter how hard you tried to fight the thoughts. They bullied their way into your mind, filling you with dread and sorrow and you began to blame yourself. T had just gone inside with Hanma like he had told you to in the first place, if you had just listened to him, you’d probably be eating some of his shitty take out with him right now in bed. He’d tease you until your face was red with anger then joke around with you till you couldn’t hold in your laughs anymore. Lips turning into a slight smile when he pointed out the way the corners of them were trembling. You’d do anything for those semi normal nights now, you felt like you had taken them for granted. Because this night was hell and sleep seemed impossible.

The only thing that kept you from falling apart completely was your hypocritical boyfriend.

Shuji Hanma. You hated him. Yet, you loved him. The saying ‘two sides of the same coin’ was beginning to sound more and more true in your mind.

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