#happy holidays and here’s to a less shitty 2018!

[andythane]

M A R C H   4 T H 

i. 2009. 

He’s pretty sure it’s three in the morning. It’s not entirely clear -- Well, nothing really is right now -- and honestly, he doesn’t care much. Andy had gone on this Vegas trip with Rowan in the name of attending a medical conference with her, and the second it was over, they were on the strip. What comes next is to be expected, the two of them stumbling out of bars, clubs, casinos all night long, throwing back drinks without question. What happens in Vegas, right? He’s not sure where they are when they come across a neon-lit wedding chapel, open twenty-four hours and happy to marry whatever couple comes in. Andy’s too drunk to remember the full details of their conversation, but it went well enough for him and Rowan stumble in hand in hand, asking for the first Elvis they had available. This isn’t exactly spur of the moment — They’ve been engaged over a year by this point, just trying to wait until the time is right and they can plan the perfect ceremony. He’s sure if his Ma knew what was happening, she’d have a heart attack. They’re married in a quick ceremony, with Andy wearing an oversized suit coat and Rowan having a yellowing veil clipped to her hair. 

The next morning comes with an impressive hangover. They somehow made it back to their suite after their stop at the chapel -- Andy’s got a pounding headache and Rowan’s lipstick smeared across his cheek, half naked with his head leaning off the side of the bed. It takes a moment for him to realize he’s not at home in his bed, blinking until his eyes focus and he’s reminded of the night before. He remembers the conference, drinks at the hotel bar after, wandering the strip most of the night… Then the lights of the chapel come to mind, his eyes glancing down to his left hand, realizing their a plastic ring on his finger. For most, there’d be a wave of regret that comes with the new found discovery, panic following just as close — But for him… it makes sense. It’s unorthodox, sure, but the thought of being married to Rowan just feels right. Whether it’s a big ceremony or a shitty drive thru chapel. The panic doesn’t come, no regret or concern. Instead, he moves (slowly, mind the hangover) to lay next to her, pulling her in close to enjoy their first morning as a married couple.

ii. 2015.

They’re going to have a baby. They are going to have a baby. The words keep replaying in Andy’s head, but they still sound so strange and far away he can’t quite wrap his head around it. He and Rowan had been trying for so long, having spent so many years trying and trying and trying again -- Only to be met with disappointment and heartache each time around. Having a family was never a question. The conversation about children has always been on the table, both on the same page about wanting a big family. /We want four,/ they would tell anyone who would listen. It’s been a difficult journey, with the emotional struggle of infertility becoming the forefront of their lives with the stress of Rowan’s residency and the club coming right up behind it. There struggle has gone on for years, many doctors visits ending with Andy holding Rowan close while she cried, stroking her hair as he reminded her that things will work out. 

Years and roughly six positive pregnancy tests later -- Everything begins to come together. Their family of two is going to have a new member in less than nine months now. She’s in her second trimester when their sixth wedding anniversary comes along, the two opting for a quiet night in to celebrate. Though he’s over the moon about what’s to come in the next few months -- Andy’s trying to remain realistic. This hasn’t been an easy road, and he feels a bit like they’re walking on eggshells through this journey. He knows the feeling is mutual, that this is something of a miracle baby, and they’re both terrified they’ll fuck it up. Admittedly, he can be a bit overly cautious -- Rowan’s not made of glass, but he can’t help but act like it sometimes, quick to swoop in, even if she’s doing something as simple as swap a load of laundry. So he opts for a night in, snuggled up on the couch together, Andy dressed in old sweats and Rowan clad in one of his old Primordial MC shirts. Their night is spent with scary movies and popcorn, with his wife curled up between his legs and Andy’s hand resting softly on her bump. His fingertips make small shapes against the fabric of her shirt, silently hoping he’ll feel a kick. Rowan’s fast asleep by now, head resting against his chest as Andy struggles to keep his eyes open too. He’s sure, despite his half-awake self, that nothing can ruin this for them -- Not his father, not Tyson, nothing. 

iii. 2016.

Up until now, he’s spent most of his life surrounded by people in one way or another. Whether it’s his family, other club members, Rowan -- He’s never been by himself long. It’s not something Andy’s ever really thought over, naively assuming that he’d always have some sort of constant in his life. And admittedly, he assumed that constant would always been Rowan. After the last seven years, he had no reason to believe anything else. She is his family, his person -- Every cliche and title in the book. They’ve spent every holiday, every birthday, every day together in some way since he was a teenager. It’s not until he’s laying in his prison cell, staring at the underside of an empty top bunk that he realizes how truly and utterly alone he is right now. 

It’s terrifying, suffocating. He’s been locked up for three months now, and his roommate was released earlier this morning -- So he’s by himself for the night, until a CO shows up at breakfast with some new kid. He’s been by himself before, lived on his own briefly before Rowan moved in -- Andy doesn’t mind being by himself, he never has. He’s always been a glaring introvert, preferring the company of himself, his wife, or their dogs, ideally. He’s never felt lonely from it, never had an issue -- Until he finds himself here, orange jumpsuit and all, struggling to steady his breathing. It doesn’t hit him until the lights have gone out and he’s supposed to be asleep, but the absence of someone else in the room with him is unnerving enough to keep him awake. He’d done as well as one can in prison thus far, kept his head down and nose clean, but once he’s by himself, it hits like a freight train. Everything he’s bottled up, all the things he’s told himself not to feel . Especially tonight.  Regardless of his best efforts, the date and the silence around him make for a terrible combination. The sinking feeling only persisting as the clock moves -- March 4th.

He wonders what Rowan’s doing right now, if she’s left with the same feeling swimming through him. Andy wants to believe she’s sleeping peacefully, with a baby monitor on her night stand and Scout curled up close; He wants to believe that she’s not feeling like him, that she’s not watching the ceiling fan in their room spin and wondering if he’s awake too. Part of Andy doesn’t want to ever know -- Because he’s the one responsible for her spending her nights alone, the reason she’s celebrating their seventh wedding anniversary by herself. At least, until visiting hours began and they can be together, separated by a glass window and a shitty phone, with their nine month old daughter in her arms. He always thought they’re anniversary would be a celebration, that he’d never think of it as a time of regret or longing -- Only now, it won’t leave him. He replays the night he confronted Tyson in his head, the arrest, the trial. He tries not to think of the look on Rowan’s face, the tears silently rolling down her cheeks when he hugged her goodbye. He does’t want to spend their anniversary going over all o his past mistakes, but he doesn’t seem to have any other choice now. The rational part of him tells himself that this will be over eventually, he’s only got to make it through this two more times and then they'll be back together -- Soon, they’ll be able to celebrate like they have before, only now they’ll have Maddie along with them. A family of three, celebrating together without a concern for prison cells or memories keeping them up at night. Only them against the world. He tries to remind himself of that. Somehow he doesn’t believe that day will come. 

iv. 2018. 

Three years pass, and now he’s finally able to lay in his own bed with Rowan tucked into his side and Maddie fast asleep against his chest. He hasn’t been home that long, now pushing three months, but in a short amount of time they’ve found their happy medium. The initial return from prison hadn’t been easy -- He’s been gone for three years, Rowan’s been essentially a single mother (despite his best efforts) for that time, and now they have to relearn this life together, with a three year old in the mix with them. There’s an adjustment period for them, with ups and downs -- Maddie tells him all about the things around town and introduces him to Scout and Noodles, but he and Rowan find themselves butting heads on how to raise their daughter. They figure it out -- They’re /still/ figuring it out, with the aid of a therapist and their family. He’s just grateful he’s there at all, able to begin this part of their lives together finally. There’s a certain guilt that follows him, over the fact that he left Rowan on her own for three years, something he’d never forgive himself for. He can’t change it, but he can do better now, they truly can start their lives together, free of any threat. Tyson, his father -- Both are six feet under, far far away from wreaking any sort of havoc on their happily ever after.

There had been a pretty big storm that night, prompting their daughter to come running into their room before leaping into the bed with him and Rowan. Maddie is a Daddy’s girl, no question -- In the short time he’d been home, the two bonded easily. Whether he’s at her tea party with a tiara on his head, or she’s holding his hand and pulling him around town to show off all of her favorite spots -- They’ve become two peas in a pod. It was their anniversary, and all he wanted was to spend a night together with his girls. So they dress up, taking Maddie along with them, and go out to dinner (Nothing fancy, given that Maddie is only three -- They make do with a Chilis off the highway.). It’s a simple night, but one he’s sure he’ll always remember, the thought of Rowan tucked under his arm and Maddie in her booster seat, explaining everything she learns in daycare to them. Andy finds himself caught up in the simplicity of it -- The fact that the three of them can just be together, even in some shitty restaurant. There’s nothing keeping them apart, no CO making sure his reactions aren’t ‘startling’, nor the underlying reality of him being away. This is his life now, the one he dreamt of and built with his wife, now finally within his grasp. 

There’s a silence that settles over the three of them, once both of his girls fall asleep and Andy’s listening to the steady sound of the rain. It used to frighten him, storms and having to hear them -- Now he finds it oddly soothing, feeling himself relax. His hand cards through her wife’s hair, eyes watching the ceiling fan go in circles. Even though there’s a balance and order restored to his life, he’s wide awake. Only now, it’s not from his own self destruction -- Rowan’s pregnant. It’s a bit of a miracle, but one he’s cautiously optimistic about. They’ve always wanted a big family, and they know what to do now -- They can make this work, go about it in the best way possible, rather than strict on hope and a gut feeling. Considering their reunion, it’s not all that shocking, though. After three years apart, they spent plenty of time relearning the other, welcoming the other back home again. He’s content, rather than plagued by the worst case scenarios he makes up his own head. This is how their life should be, he tells himself. No prison cell or court room, no CO or Visitor’s Room. Just Rowan and Andy, and the family they’ve created. .

v. 2020. 

It’s odd to think they’ve been married for eleven years now. It seems like only yesterday that they were stumbling around Las Vegas before wandering into some Elvis themed chapel. But at the same time -- It all feels miles and miles away. Their wedding, Tyson, his time in prison. They’re settled into this life they’ve created, with their two children and the home they’ve built along the way. The storms they’re forced to weather are far and few between now, without someone threatening them and their home in some way. Most consistently had been his own father, creating a war zone with any room he walked into; Then Tyson putting a new kind of fear within both of them; And his Parole Officer, threatening to send him back to prison for something as simple as a parking ticket. It’s refreshing to be away from it all, able to embrace a life that’s sickeningly domestic and calm. They’re a team and a force, having gone to hell and back together. 

The celebration is a simple one, given that it’s a school night and they have more elaborate plans for later on, thanks to him winning Rowan at the Bachelorette auction. So for tonight, they put on their best and leave the kids with a sitter, heading out to a nice dinner at Calliope before returning home long after bed time. It’s simple enough, they laugh together and reflect on the last eleven years while sharing a bottle of wine, simply enjoying the company and the reason to go out. It feels simple, right to the point -- The obvious answer for them, really. Their wedding anniversary serves as a reminder each year of the choice they made, of how much he loves Rowan. He tells her every cliche in the book, always happy to take an opportunity to be corny with her. She’s the love of his life, and whether they celebrate with a nice night out or spend the night struggling their way through bath time -- He’s just grateful for another year together.

[yodawgiherd]

New Year's Eve

Rating : T

>>>Read on AO3<<<

2018 was fun, so let's hope that 2019 will be even better ( and maybe some happiness in the manga amongst all the angst? please? ) I do hope that y'all enjoyed the celebrations and holiday! And thank you for sticking this long with me. ;)

Enjoy!

As it is with most of the good things in life, even this time of peace they enjoyed together had to end.

“I know I said that you can most likely take the week off,”, Erwin was saying, a hint of an apology in his voice, “but we are really shorthanded, and we need everyone able. So, can I count on you?”

Eren’s eyes flew over to meet Mikasa’s grays, and he offered her a shrug. Judging from the pout that formed on her lips, she knew almost instantly what he was implying. He sighed.

“Of course, sir. I’ll be there right away.”

He hung up, coming to the couch, where Mikasa was sitting, the movie they were watching on pause in front of it.

“I’m sorry.”, he said, “but..”

“It’s fine.”, she shook her head, giving him a smile, “This is important, I know. Just go.”

After leaning in to get his goodbye kiss, Eren pushed himself away and shrugged on his jacket, only pausing in the door to call the classic “I love you!”, before leaving. Sure, relaxing was nice and all, but when the hospital needed him, he would answer. Always.

Arriving at his destination after a drive through the city, which was admittedly less clogged than he expected, Eren was greeted in the break room by no one else but Ymir, bleary eyed and obviously tired.

“Not resting?”, he asked, watching her empty her coffee in a single gulp.

She shook her head.

“Krista was needed in the archives, so I just said to myself, fuck it, what am I going to do home alone.”, Ymir let out a long exhale, “Best decision of my life. Really.”

“Well, don’t worry, I am here to save you now, fair maiden.”

“Oh, there is more than enough work for both of us, brave knight.”, she stood, throwing away the plastic cup and stretching, “Get changed, we have a lot of shit to do.”

Eren saluted.

“Yes ma’am.”

It turned out that Ymir was right, as usual, and basically as soon as he reported in, there was a patient waiting.

“Firework accident.”, the nurse was reading from the card in a monotone voice. “Hand injury, removal of fingers.”

Seems like some people were starting early with the new year celebrations, as it was still a few days away. Eren clicked his tongue, leaning in to inspect the wound up close. Luckily, the patient was sedated, asleep, so he could do his work in peace. Nurse already cleaned most of the blood away, so he could clearly see that the damage was bad, but not as bad as he feared. Two of his fingers, index and middle ones, had to go, that was for sure, there was no way to save them. But with a bit of luck and some stitching Eren was confident that he could save the patient’s thumb. Nodding to the nurse, he got to work.

Few hours later, he was already working on someone else, picking out lead balls from the intestines of an unfortunate thief who picked the wrong house to break in, and got greeted with a shotgun to the gut. He didn’t even notice that the day outside turned into evening and was slowly but surely progressing to the night.

Working at the archives wasn’t bad, and most of the time Krista enjoyed it. Some people could surely find it boring, just sitting in a small office next to the records, endlessly solving problems over e-mails or answering requests for specific files to be picked out. But she liked it. She could work at her own pace, do stuff her own way, as long as she did everything that was asked of her. So far, there wasn’t a single complaint recorded about her work. It was fair to say that Krista did miss human interaction, from time to time, as most of her shift she talked to a computer. Modern age had its perils.

Checking the clock on the wall, she could see that her shift coming to an end, and with basically all her work done for today, she had some time to sit back and relax, a luxury that Ymir just a few rooms away surely couldn’t afford. Krista reclined back in her chair, closing her eyes, and allowed her mind to wander, just for a few minutes, she promised herself. No more dozing off, damn it. The stream of her memories carried her back to the Christmas eve, and the night that followed, an event she thought about a lot, lately. They were both a bit tipsy, and Ymir still probably had the need to prove that she really did love her after that gift. Honestly, Krista wasn’t lying when she said that she loved the sweater. It was funny, and something that would always remind her of Ymir, any time she looked at it. But her girlfriend thought otherwise, and it translated into an amazing night, one that Krista blushed about when she recalled it. Ymir was so rough with her back then, pinning her down to the mattress, whispering all those dirty things to her ear while holding her down, it was ….. intoxicating. In her office, Krista bit her bottom lip, sliding a hand into her hair, remembering all those spicy details. In short, she loved it, and would go for it again, but Ymir usually wasn’t like that. Most of the time she was gentle, despite her brash nature, and careful. Maybe, Krista thought, maybe I should speak to her about it. Tell her to lose up a bit, to roughen up. Maybe…

She shook her head, straightening in the chair, forcing the pleasant feeling down before it overcomes her. Krista really had no intention of being caught with her hand in her pants, that would be beyond awkward. But the decision to say something to Ymir when they are home again remained. After all, what was there to lose? Satisfied with her own thinking, she moved her attention back to work, finishing up the little details. There was no rush, was there?

“Seriously, what’s eating you?”

Levi looked up from the bills, watching Hange take a seat across the table.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been acting strange for some time now. Come on, tell me!”

“You’re just imagining things.”, he waved his hand, hoping that she’ll take it as a cue to leave, “I was always like this.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”, she made no move to leave. Not like he expected her to give up that easily, but man can hope. “There’s something…”

She couldn’t know, there was just no way. Still, under her piercing gaze, Levi had to fight the urge to pocket his phone that was lying innocently next to him on the table. He was pretty sure that if he would unlock it, Petra’s number would still be ready to dial, but the green button never pressed. He forced himself to calm down. She’s just guessing. Easy. Just keep your cool.

“You probably injected yourself with some virus over at that shitty lab of yours.”, he said in his usual bored voice, looking back to the paperwork, “If you die, I expect some part of your things as heritage.”

Still scanning him, Hange stood up, making her way towards the exit.

“And where are you going?”, Levi frowned. She just came here, didn’t she?

“Just going to make some changes to my last will and testament, nothing serious.”, and with a mysterious smile, she was gone.

No, there was no way she could find out about his dilemma. None. With a feeling of uneasiness, he just couldn’t chase away, Levi did his best to focus back on the bills, letting the rows of numbers devour him. At least the new year party was just few days away. He can unwind there.

Sasha wheeled herself into the room, slamming the door closed behind her. On the other side, Connie let out a long groan, and she could hear the chair scraping as he sat down at the table. She pressed her forehead against the cool wood, mentally cursing herself. Their fights were getting worse, and it was entirely her fault. She was more and more angry, at herself really, but she kept letting her rage out on Connie, who was completely innocent. But what was she supposed to say?

“Hey, you remember the girl who shattered my spine? Well, we started talking and she randomly came to my house, and robbed my wallet, whoopsie. Want some cake?”

Yea, right, that’s not going to work. She was so stupid, it was astonishing. Sasha, why don’t we trust the obviously homeless thief and invite her in? Oh, but what a splendid idea Sasha’s brain, lets get right on it! Most of the time, she just wished she could forget about it all, and move on. But some part of her kept clinging to the memories. The look in Gabi’s eyes, the way she apologized to her… Of course, she was most likely just acting, and Sasha was eating it all up. The dumbass she was.

And now she was poisoning her relationship with her amazing boyfriend, who was nothing but supportive, and was now blaming himself because he thought that she was angry about the fact that he had to leave on Christmas. To meet a man they needed for the bar, which was her idea in the first place. Taking a deep breath, she opened her laptop, and opened a supplier list, hoping to get lost in the work for a time. Whatever the new year would bring, Sasha hoped that it would be better than this one.

“I think I want to talk to her.”, Armin said, mentally dreading the answer from his therapist.

Hitch was silent, and the only thing he could hear was her tapping the notebook with her pencil.

“And what do you expect from it?”, she asked, most likely trying to decipher the motive behind his sudden decision.

“Closure, I guess.”

“The silence from her part could be considered closure. Perhaps she doesn’t want to see you again. I’m not saying that’s the case,”, Hitch shifted in her chair, “but are you prepared if it is?”

“I think so, yes.”, Armin’s eyes traced the ceiling he knew so well, after so many sessions, “Even if she really doesn’t want to see me anymore, as long as I’ll hear her say it, I’ll understand.”

“Well, it’s been over two months, if you really think you are ready, I won’t discourage you. It is an important decision however, so I’d advice that you sleep on it a few times and see how it goes. Maybe after the new year?”

“All right.”, he chuckled, “Sounds like a great start to a new one.”

Maybe It would be his last conversation with Annie in his life, but for some reason, he was looking forward to it, whatever the outcome.

Thinking back, Eren was sure that he didn’t expect to spend the last day of the year at work. But here he was, sitting across the table from Ymir, having a silent staring contest. They had the day shift, from morning all the way to evening, so just a few hours back he had to wake up, untangle himself from Mikasa’s warm embrace, and drive through the city to relieve Onya, who worked the night.

“At least we’ll get to the party.”, he said, trying to lighten Ymir’s mood.

She snorted.

“We’ve been here most of the last week, we deserve it.”

She was correct. The last few days Eren felt that the only thing he did was work, drive home, fall asleep, and repeat the circle.

“And we’ll be late anyway.”, Ymir pointed out, adding insult to injury.

“We’ll be there for midnight, that’s the most important part.”

“Right, whatever.”, she cracked her knuckles, looking left and right, before leaning closer. “I need to ask you something. Have you talked to Krista lately?”

“Uhm, can’t say I have. Why?”

“She’s been acting… strange.”

“Strange how?”

“Fuck, I don’t know. Strange!”, Ymir sat back, crossing her arms, “Giving me weird looks and shit.”

“Maybe she just finally noticed how ugly you are.”, Eren stroked his chin, thoughtful, “And is figuring out the way to leave you.”

“Very funny Yeager.”, she stood up, throwing him a very ugly look, “Go fuck yourself.”

“Hey, I was just joking, you know that, right? Ymir?”

But she already stormed out of the door. What the hell was wrong with her? Well, maybe Eren could decipher it at the party, it was just a few hours away anyway.

It was going pretty great, all things considered. From her perch at the bar, Mikasa could see that there was tension written in the bodies of her friends, especially Connie and Sasha, but they put up a friendly face for the guests. Levi also looked like he was in serious need of relaxation, and Krista and Armin seemed to be thinking about something, only paying half a mind to their surroundings. Other than that, it was amazing. Onya arrived, and once again became the heart of the party, with Hitch and Jean for support. Carla seemed to having fun, talking with Hange, who for once wasn’t writing in her notebook. Miracle, really. As the night progressed, Eren and Ymir finally appeared, and she made sure to kiss her boyfriend in a place where Levi could see them, just to enjoy his disgusted grunt. It was the little things that made her happy.

“Eren?”

With a start, he woke up from his micro sleep, realizing that he was sitting at the bar with Armin next to him. Fuck, he was tired. The shift drained him more than he expected, and all he wanted now was just to go home and fall asleep in his bed. Nah, he wouldn’t ruin the party like this. Right, Armin asked him something.

“Yes?”

Nailed it.

“I wanted to talk to you.”, his blond friend said, the smile on his face suggesting that he very much knew about Eren’s battle against his tiredness.

“What about?”

“I’m going to Annie’s house tomorrow, to speak to her.”

“Oh.”, well that was sudden, “Want me to come with you?”

But Armin was already shaking his head.

“Nah, I have to do this on my own. There’s something else though. I wanted to ask…”, he fell silent for a time, probably looking for the right words, “When you and Mikasa broke up, how did you come back together?”

“Oh man, I don’t know what to tell you.”, Eren scratched the back of his head, “There’s really nothing to say.”

“Is it that personal?”

“No, not personal, but there just isn’t any secret. We just…. reunited, that’s it. The moment I saw her again, I knew I don’t want to live without her. It was just too painful.”

“Just like that huh.”

“Yea.”, Eren shrugged, “Just like that.”

“All right well, I think I’ll let you sleep in peace now. Thanks for the advice.”, with that, Armin stood up, leaving Eren with only his heavy lids as companions.

Alone again, Eren decided that he can’t win this duel, and made his way over to where Mikasa was sitting, taking a break from the socializing. She smiled when she saw him approach, his little sun. Fuck, he loved her so much.

“I’m tired.”, he blurted out, falling on his ass next to her.

With a grin, Mikasa patted her lap, and he took the invitation immediately, laying his head down on her thighs. This was just perfect, there was no other way to describe it. Her fingers started combing through his hair, playing with the strands, and Eren was slowly but surely falling asleep, completely obvious to the music or the party around them.

“Miki?”, he murmured, already half gone.

“Hmmm?”

“Why do we…fit?”

“What do you mean?”, there was a slight confusion in her question.

“Armin asked me how we got back together after our… break. And I told him that I have no idea, that it just happened.”

“Well, you are right,”, she giggled, “it did just happen.”

“But that’s just the thing. The time without you was just so painful, both physically and mentally, that when there was only the slightest chance that I can have you back, I jumped right on it.”, he yawned, “Isn’t it weird?”

For a while, she just stroked his hair, and Eren thought that he’s going to fall asleep before she spoke again.

“I like it.”, she finally said, tugging the strands away from his face, “It’s like a deeper, more intimate love. Maybe we really are soulmates.”, she blushed a bit, praying that he was too tired to notice, “The…things we do together, I can’t even imagine doing them with someone else. I wouldn’t want to.”

Cheesy. But he liked it. He liked her. Closing his eyes, he let himself drift off, hoping that Mikasa will wake him for the midnight drink. That was way too important to miss.

A hand on her shoulder woke Ymir up, blinking into the lights. Where was she again? Oh right, the bar. Drinks and exhaustion really didn’t mix well together. Looking left and right, she could see that it was no one else but Krista who woke her, and she allowed herself to smile.

“Hey baby, having fun?”

“I’d be having more fun if my girlfriend wasn’t sleeping.”, she sighed, “But other than that, its great. Eren fell asleep on Mikasa’s legs, so now when I talk to her she keeps stroking his hair, like a Bond villain stokes his cat. It’s funny.”

“Oh really.”, Ymir fought back a yawn, “Sounds great.”

Krista slid on the bench next to her, leaning so close that their foreheads were almost touching. At first Ymir thought that she’s going to kiss her, but then she realized that she was whispering to her.

“I wanna talk.”

“Okay..”, tiredness can wait, Krista wants to talk. Work, brain. “Shoot.”

“Do you remember Christmas?”, seeing Ymir nod, she continued, “And the night after?”

Confused, Ymir nodded again. Krista was blushing furiously, but pressed on, really wanting to get this off her chest. She took a deep breath.

“Ijustwannasaythatilikeditandwouldliketodoitagain.”

“Ehm… Slower please?”

“I liked it, when you were…rough. I’d like to do it again. If its okay with you. Of course.”, she wasn’t looking at her, probably too embarrassed, and her eyes remained focused on the table, “I want to try things, things I never done with anyone. Because I trust you. So, what do you say?”

“What do I say?”, Ymir grinned, wrapping an arm around her shy lover’s shoulders, “I say that if I wasn’t so god damn tired, I’d take you home right now and show you just how rough I can be.”

“Its okay.”, Krista did look up, reaching out and running her fingers over Ymir’s cheek, “We have all the new year to experiment.”

The kiss was soft, almost in contradiction to her previous statement, but Ymir wouldn’t complain, that was for sure. She loved it either way.

Despite his best efforts, Levi was having a pretty good time. That was, until he ran into a very familiar red-haired girl.

“Hey Levi, long time no see.”

Petra. What the hell was she doing here? Levi could feel all his motor functions freezing, with his having no idea what to do. How did she know? Did she come because of him? Was it a coincidence? No fucking way. He had to get out of this conversation, solve this problem. Now.

“Hi, Petra. Having a good time? That’s great, but I gotta run, talk to you later.”

With that, he turned on his heel, all but running away from her. Hange. It had to be her doing. Angry, really fucking pissed, he found her, gripped her arm and dragged her away from the surprised Carla, finding a corner with no one else in it.

“What the fuck did you do?”, he spat out, pressing her against the wall. For all his aggression, Hange was still completely calm, watching him over the rim of her glasses.

“What did I do?”

“Petra!”, he had to fight the urge to shake her, to do anything to get any reaction out of her. “You invited her here, didn’t you?”

“I did.”

“Why!? You had no fucking right.”

“Excuse me?”, she twisted her arm free of his hand, still completely unmoved, “I have no right to invite a nice young lady I met to a party?”

“That’s not what I mean.”, Levi took a step back, rubbing his forehead. His anger was dying down, replaced by confusion.

“Levi.”, Hange put a hand on his shoulder, “I’ve been watching you stare into that phone of yours for hours in the last weeks. So yes, I took some steps to help you.”

“Help me?”, he laughed, “How does this help me?”

“Well, if you manned up for a change, you could go and talk to the girl. Or you can just keep your head in the sand. I gave you the option, if you take it is entirely up to you.”

Hange squeezed past him, returning to Carla, and Levi was alone. Screw it, he needed to calm his nerves. Slipping out of the door, he lit up a cigarette, exhaling the smoke against the dark sky. This party just took a turn for the worse, that was for sure. The door creaked, and a figure came to stand next to him, watching the stars. Levi didn’t even need to look to know who it was.

“I’m sorry.”, Petra said, breaking the silence.

“For what?”

“I shouldn’t have come. You obviously don’t want me here.”, she hugged herself, maybe against the cold, “I’ll leave.”

“No, don’t.”, fuck that sounded rushed. “I mean, don’t leave if you don’t want, you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m just acting like an asshole.”

He could hear her chuckle next to him.

“No change from college then.”

“Yea.”, he took a drag from the cigarette, “Still the same.”

Silence. Stretching.

“You… uhm… Why did you act like you didn’t know me? Back at the photoshoot.”

“I guess for the same reason you did.”, Petra shrugged, “I didn’t even know if you remembered me, it was some years. So, I waited, but you didn’t say anything, so I just rolled along with it.”

Great, so they were both acting stupid.

“Levi,”, she began, “why did you leave like that, back in college. One day you just stopped showing up for classes, cut all contact, moved away from the dorm. You even changed your phone number. Why?”

“I guess I wanted to leave that life behind. I had to start working, full-time, there were…. circumstances I couldn’t predict. It forced me to change the way I lived.”

“Always so secretive,”, there was a ghost of smile on Petra’s lips, “will you tell me about those circumstances?”

“Sure, but not today. How about we meet tomorrow?”

She wouldn’t look at him, and he wouldn’t look at her, but together, watching the sky, they felt an understanding between them, one they both wanted so much.

“Sounds great.”

There were fireworks outside, and those who wanted to see went out of the bar, the lights illuminating their faces. Midnight was just passing, according to Eren’s phone, and he made sure that he shared this year’s first kiss with the only woman he loved, ignoring Armin’s pained groaning. Mikasa’s lips molded into his perfectly, and it did remind him of the first times they kissed. Frankly, they both sucked at it, since it was their first time, but together, they got better. With her, everything was better, really. Ymir followed his example, as did some other couples, but not Sasha. She looked at the lights, a new goal forming in her mind. She would find Gabi, she would make her talk. Whatever the cost, she’s going to get to the bottom of this. That was her New Year’s resolution. Wherever you are hiding, Gabi, she swore, I’ll get to understand you.

[madinagorgeous]

7/04/19

wow... here we go again tumblr.

my life hasn’t changed much since the last time i was crying on here.

i mean, it change quite dramatically but not in a good way. i’m not gonna go into detail here but Madina knows what had happened... she’ll never forget.

So here we go... i’m now a year older and a several years older mentally. 2018 has been hard. it’s been a year of discovery of a new layer of shittiness of life.

now i have a lot less friends than ever before. one of them is gone forever... and i miss him.

i hit my all time low... the rock bottom.

i have no will to do things that made me happy before.

i haven’t sang in a long time, haven’t taken cute pics of myself to share on insta, haven’t organized a get together for all my “friends”, haven’t had a will to go to the gym, take vitamins, to be active, to look forward to holidays and birthdays. basically, i guess i’m deeply and severely depressed.

i’m not gonna lie, i’ve been depressed for a few years now but this year takes the biggest and the fattest cake.

can’t share this shit with anyone. don’t wanna seem needy or weak. also, people have their own shit going on. my parents have problems a lot more serious than me being a bitch and they also don’t believe in depression. i’m done crying on my friend’s N’s shoulder. she also has her own problems... and i honestly feel like she’s started thinking that i have nothing else to do with my life and that i’m just bored. and i’m honestly not. i wish i could go back to the days full of excitement and happiness.

i’ve been having dreams about J for the past few weeks every night. i miss him... still can’t believe he’s gone. not a single day passed without a thought of him.

i had a dream that they cured him and we were all back together again.

anyways, just checking in. letting a future Madina know of how deeply sad she was at some point of her life in hope that she’s genuinely happy now and has no regrets... has people that she loves and they love her all around her...

love you,

M

[tharroswrites]

Tiny Brilliant Suns

Kacchako Week 2018! Day Zero: Rainy Days (Posting a smidge early because I’ll be too busy tomorrow)

Read on AO3

“What the fuck are you doing?”

The words slipped out of him the way they always did around her—easy, unintentional, and infuriating as hell because it made him look like he cared.

It was Sunday and he was making his way back to the dorms from a solo training session in Gym Gamma, umbrella cocked above his head and blocking the worst of the heavy summer rain. She, on the other hand, had no umbrella, and stood in the downpour like she was egging it on—face turned upward and padded fingers splayed at the sky. Pools of rainwater hung suspended in the air above her, and she continually added to them, drops splashing against pink pads and sliding off, but upwards as her Quirk took effect. Her hair was plastered to her rosy cheeks and her shorts and tank top clung to her and made Bakugou warm all over in a way that had nothing to do with the humid heat of May.

She grinned when she saw him, like she was actually happy that he was there, and waved him closer.

And in spite of himself, Bakugou took a few more steps in her direction.

Magnetic.

It was really the only way to describe her. She was likeable, sure, and bubbly in the way that Ashido and the invisible girl (whose name, even after a year and a half, escaped him) were—’here-comes-the-sun,’ Kirishima called it. But with Uraraka, there was more. A polar opposite ferocity that shook him and thrilled him and always left him wanting more.

If Bakugou believed in things like fairness, he would say that this was not. He didn’t have a positive side, and he would never be the whole that she deserved to attract.

Without invitation, Uraraka ducked under his umbrella, her body almost pressing against his in the small space. She pushed her wet hair out of her eyes, still grinning as she looked out and up at her work.

“Practicing,” she said brightly, in answer to his original question. “It’s a good way to gradually raise the weight I’m lifting. This is better suited for upping my weight limit than going all out all at once, you know?”

“Sucks that it only works in shitty weather.”

Uraraka shrugged, unfazed by his negativity. “Nah. It just makes bad days a little brighter.”

He gave her his signature, derisive ‘tch’ and shook his head, leaving her there and making his way back to the dorms.

She deserved a whole, and she’d already found it in shitty Deku. They’d been dating for more than a month, and the whole class was over the godsdamned moon about it.

So Bakugou returned to his room and pretended not to think about Uraraka Ochako.

—

The next time it rained he watched her from the window. She was glowing and in her element and grinning like All Might as she struggled to lift just a bit more.

And Bakugou, secretly, allowed himself a smile, too.

—

The time after that he made an excuse to be outside—a trip to the supermarket that wasn’t entirely necessary as there were only two days left before summer holiday.

She was puking in a bush when he approached, her inevitable limit reached. He had shopping bags in one hand and his umbrella once more hanging lazily above his head as he slowed his walk just a tick in the hope that she’d be up by the time he reached her (because if he stopped while she was puking, it would make it look like he cared, and he was still working rather pathetically to convince himself that he did not).

She did straighten, pushing wet hair from her face and draining the water bottle in her hand. She wiped her mouth on the back of her wrist and turned, shaking herself and preparing to try again as clear drops ran down her face and trickled from her chin.

Heroes always try again.

It was something All Might liked to tell them when they failed.

And Bakugou, because he was an idiot, fished an apple out of one of the bags.

“Oy, Uraraka,” he called, getting her attention and tossing the fruit to her. “Working on an empty stomach won’t get you anywhere.”

Her eyes widened a bit and the corners of her mouth, which had been pulled down in concentration, tilted upward as she caught it. And, perhaps, she knew him a bit too well, because she didn’t thank him, didn’t comment on the novelty of the gesture. Instead, she bounced over and peered into his other bags as she took a big, crunchy bite from the apple.

“Are you cooking tonight, Bakugou?” she asked thickly; chewing and swallowing were an afterthought in the wake of her question.

“Haven’t decided yet. Does it matter? I don’t share.”

Uraraka quirked an eyebrow and took a second, pointed, bite from the apple.

“Tch. You know what I mean.”

She had a challenging glint in her eyes that made Bakugou’s mouth go dry.

“What would it take?” she asked, prodding him in the shoulder in a way that sent crackling electricity through him from the point of contact. “To get you to cook for me?”

He should have told her to fuck off. He should’ve said that there was nothing she could do, that there wasn’t a chance in hell.

But he was out in the rain because she was, and he didn’t think he could really deny her anything.

“Stop enough rain that I can walk from here to the dorm without getting wet. When you can do that, I’ll consider it.”

Uraraka looked from him to the building several meters away. “Who’s to say I can’t do that right now?”

“Can you?”

“No…”

“Then get to work.”

—

He didn’t see her during summer holiday, though when it rained, his thoughts drifted to pink cheeks and bright eyes and a strength that could move mountains.

—

Word through the grapevine was, or Tsuyu-told-Yaoyorozu-told-Jiro-told-Kaminari-told-Kirishima (no grapeface involved), that Uraraka and Deku had split.

The way Kirishima brought it up, showing up randomly at the Bakugou house under the pretense of wanting a training partner, made Bakugou wonder just how observant the spiky fucker was.

“You think I care, shit-for-brains?” Bakugou had grunted.

Face and arms visibly hardening, Kirishima smiled. “I think it wouldn’t be a bad thing if you did.”

—

When they started the second semester, her spark hadn’t dimmed. If anything, she threw herself into training with more wild intensity than she had before. Sometimes, during practical lessons, he could hear her muttering things like, “Be dedicated like Deku!”

That didn’t sit particularly well in his stomach.

But she kept trying, kept pushing herself, kept holding back the rain.

And Bakugou kept finding reasons to watch.

—

In December of their second year, Deku noticed.

Noticed the way Bakugou always seemed to ‘have plans’ when the sky turned grey. Noticed that Bakugou, who notoriously hated the rain, found reasons to go out during storms.

This noticing culminated, as it often did between them, in a messy, all out fight-slash-screaming-match that leveled more than half of Ground Beta and earned them both a bed in Recovery Girl’s office and a week of cleaning duty and suspension.

But the truth of all of it was, Deku hadn’t been trying to stop him.

“You’re better than me, Kacchan!” Blood and tears ran down his face even as he aimed a roundhouse kick at Bakugou’s head. “You’re better than me but you’re too much of a coward to admit how you feel about her. If you can’t do that, you’ll never deserve her!”

Bakugou dodged the kick, barely, and pivoted with a right hook at the ready. “The fuck do you know about how I feel?”

Deku, infuriatingly, let himself be hit. He staggered, doubled over, looked up at Bakugou. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?”

“You just think I want whatever you have and you’re fucking wrong—”

“No.” His voice was hoarse, a ragged croak filled with more emotion than Bakugou was willing to acknowledge. “I saw so much in her because of you. The rest of us, even me, sometimes wrote her off, but you never did. You never let her kindness or her size fool you. You...you see her like the hero that she is, and it helped me see that in her too. It didn’t work between us because I think I somehow made her feel...less. I think with me she felt like she was always in my shadow. But you...you can share the spotlight with her and neither of you are dimmed because of it.”

“I don’t share—”

“Not with most people, no. But her...a true equal...you just build each other up and I’m sorry I ever got in the way of that.”

—

When the rain lashed at the windows of classroom 2-A, Bakugou sometimes thought he could feel her eyes on his neck as he watched it fall.

—

It was a month into their third year when she did it.

The rain started as a languid, icy mist that seeped from the February sky like a dying breath. It quickened, thickened, cold fog condensing into a freezing tempest.

Only two students were crazy enough to brave it. One, training. The other, pretending to do the same (“You should practice in your weakest environments,” he’d growled at Kirishima with less conviction than he would’ve liked).

Bakugou watched her from across the yard as he shivered and tried, at least, to sweat.

Uraraka danced through the downpour like some sort of ninja/ballerina hybrid, her hands moving above her head so fast he couldn’t follow them. And the rain parted around her, floated upward as soon as it reached her outstretched padded fingers.

“Bakugou!”

He tore his eyes from the graceful curve of her spine, along the thin, wired muscle of her arms—arms that, despite their size, contained an infinite sort of strength. The past two years at U.A. had melted away her baby fat, leaving her slim and chiseled and full of sharp edges where there used to be roundness, but her voice had never lost its easy warmth. It was a tone that he’d used to hate, until he’d learned how quickly it could become a wicked, challenging battlecry.

His eyes continued upward, passed the rough pads of her fingers (he remembered the feel of them from a few sporadic Quirk combination lessons and the uncanny way she had of touching him at random moments—a hand on his arm to get his attention, both hands on his cheeks as she squished them together in stupid attempts to get him to smile, her fingers woven through his when she thought he was knocked out on a bed in Recovery Girl’s office after she’d managed to drop a building on him during an in-class spar).

His eyes, moving upward still, found what she’d been trying to show him.

There, suspended in the air a few meters above her head, was a massive, cohesive bubble of rainwater, and he saw the path to the dorms was sheltered by it.

It was an effort, fighting the grin that threatened to spread across his face.

“The real trick,” Uraraka said, smiling triumphantly even as her teeth chattered against each other and she wobbled a bit with the stress of holding up so much. “Was figuring out how to get the new rain falling into the bubble to absorb in a way that keeps my Quirk active on both the new and the old, rather than the new stuff falling straight through.”

“It’s badass, Uraraka.” And it was.

Her eyes, somehow, lit up more than they had already, the stormy sky splashing them in silver.

“Come on then, let’s get out of this godsdamned cold before my fingers fall off and I can’t hold up my end of the deal.”

“You’re cooking tonight?” She raised her eyebrows as she wrapped her arms around herself and fell into step beside him. They walked under her anti-gravity umbrella, soft light refracting through it and making the space seem a bit surreal.

In spite of the cold, Bakugou’s face heated. He tried to play it off, shrugging and shoving his hands in his pockets. “I knew you’d do it eventually, so I’ve been buying extra.”

“Really?” She nudged him with her elbow, her whole face beaming like inside her lived a tiny, brilliant star. ‘Here-comes-the-sun,’ indeed.

“Why would I lie about dumb shit like that?”

“You wouldn’t,” she said, still grinning as she pulled open the door to the dorm building. “Your confidence surprised me, though.”

“Your regular routine is to practice until you puke and then keep going, dumbass. I’m not going to doubt a work ethic like that.”

He wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment or the sudden temperature increase upon entering the dorms that caused Uraraka’s cheeks to go from pink to red, but either way it made the corner of his traitorous mouth twitch up into a half smile.

She was staring at him, her brown eyes slightly wider than normal as she continued to grin. When she realized this, she shook herself a bit, blushing deeper.

“Uh...I’m going to go find some dry clothes.”

“Good idea.” His voice was rougher than he intended, and he cleared his throat, nodding toward the giant water bubble outside. “You putting that down?”

“Oh! Right!” she went to the window and pressed the tips of her fingers together. “Release!”

The water crashed to the ground, splashing up against the door to the dorm and forming a small crater-like lake on the grounds. Uraraka winced.

“Oops.”

Bakugou shrugged. “Good thing you’re not interested in becoming a landscaper.”

She laughed. At a stupid joke he’d made. If Kirishima were here he’d probably pinch Bakugou to prove it wasn’t a dream. Uraraka bounced off to the girls’ staircase and he, hands still in his pockets, trudged up the boys’, feeling a warmth burning inside him that could make him sweat in spite of the icy damp of his clothes.

He returned to the kitchen first, his sweatpants and tank top warm and dry against his clammy skin. Uraraka appeared a few moments later as he was digging out a large pot from the back of one of the cabinets. She wore leggings and a sweatshirt—grey with Ryukyu’s blue-winged emblem emblazoned across it—and had her hair pulled up in messy twin top knots that came undone a bit as she hoisted herself up to sit on the counter and watch.

There were a few other people throughout the common area—Tsuyu, Deku, and Iida glanced in their direction briefly, sharing secret smiles that would’ve pissed him off on a different day. They soon gathered up their things and went up the boys’ staircase. Yaoyorozu and Jiro were on one of the couches, much too involved in each other to notice what was going on in the kitchen, and Todoroki sat reading a book in the far corner. It was almost like being alone.

“Whatcha making?” Uraraka asked, her eyes following him as he put the pot on the stove and went to the refrigerator.

He shot her a look. “Not telling.”

“What if it’s something I don’t like?”

Blankly, hoping it sounded like a simple, everyday observation, he said, “You like all food.”

She smiled, a hint of wickedness in it that caused his heart to stutter.

Before she could say anything, Kirishima came down the stairs, whistling, with Kaminari and Sero in tow. The latter two were arguing,

“Bastion took out White Wolf with his signature Ion Doubletake,” Kaminari was saying. “Not the Electron Wave. He debuted that move a year later in his fight with—”

He was cut off as Kirishima, without the faintest hint of subtly, slapped a hand across Kaminari’s mouth, jerked his head in Bakugou and Uraraka’s direction, and began trying to drag both of them back up the stairs. Sero caught on first, and helped Kirishima carry a confused Kaminari out of sight.

“What was that about?” Uraraka asked, though her cheeks had gone a bit pinker. “Uh...Bakugou? Did the cutting board insult your mom or something?”

He looked down, starting a bit as he realized he was digging the tip of his knife into the aforementioned object. “Idiots,” he said, because they were. And not just because they were getting heroes mixed up, but he could pretend that was all that irritated him. “Top Gun beat White Wolf. Bastion’s suit is modeled after the one Top Gun was wearing in that fight, but Bastion was still in school when White Wolf went down.”

A chuckle, a low rumble that rolled out of her like thunder, and then she was laughing, laughing as if all of his knife-wielding hostility was nothing but a gentle patter of rain in the face of her obliterating sunlight.

“What’s funny?” he asked, not able to look her full in the face for the brightness, and settled instead on her hands, which clutched her knees in her mirth, as he began chopping carrots.

“I just forget sometimes how much of a dork you are.”

“Oy!”

“Not in a bad way!” She pulled her hands from her knees to wave them in front of her face, grinning. “Besides, Kaminari was just wrong on all counts, Bastion debuted the Electron Wave first. He’s had more success using the Ion Doubletake, so people think he’s always used it, but he actually used the Electron Wave in his very first public fight as a sidekick versus—”

“Whiplash,” Bakugou finished with her, focusing intensely on his carrots and swallowing the sudden urge to kiss her or fight her or both. “And you call me a dork.”

She laughed again, lightly, and the corners of Bakugou’s mouth ached from fighting a smile. He dared a glance at her face as he pushed aside the carrots and started on potatoes, and found a soft smile there as she watched him. Her eyes darted away when he met them, her cheeks red again, but the smile remained.

The silence between them was easy, if a bit charged with a host of emotions that Bakugou knew he was feeling, though he couldn’t speak for her.

Part of his brain echoed back to him the words he thought the first time he’d seen her practicing in the rain—you’re not a whole. She deserves better.

The voice in his head that sounded like Deku countered with Coward.

“What’s with the face?” she asked, her voice a bit softer now as Bakugou dumped all the vegetables into the pot, adding broth, herbs, and chunks of beef for the spicy stew he hoped would chase away the wretched cold that still pounded against the windows—more ice than rain now that the sun was setting.

“Face? I always look like this,” he said, rearranging his features into his usual scowl as he placed the lid on the pot and went to stand beside her, his back leaning against the counter on which she sat, her knee just grazing the elbow of one of his crossed arms.

“Nuh-uh,” she argued, poking him in the shoulder. Finger pad on bare skin sent a shiver through him, though if she noticed, she ignored it. She didn’t press the matter, thankfully, and sniffled a bit as she said, “On a scale of one to Bakugou, how spicy is this going to be?”

“I’d call it a solid Uraraka,” he said automatically, feeling his face heat up again.

She beamed.

“That’s ah—”

“What?” he asked as she stopped mid sentence, a weird, scrunched up look on her face.

“It’s ah—ah—ah CHOO!”

The force of it must have activated her Quirk because it sent her to the ceiling, top knots flying out of their ties as she spun wildly heels-over-head-over-heels.

And Bakugou couldn’t hold back.

He was laughing. Cackling, howling. The doubled over, hands-on-your-knees-just-to-keep-you-upright kind of laughter that he rarely indulged in.

And soon, she was laughing too.

“Get down, dumbass,” he said a few moments later, though there was no bite in it at all as his breath was short and his voice didn’t sound quite right. “You don’t need to be getting sick.”

“It’ll be my own stupid fault,” she said, still chuckling a bit as she released her Quirk and dropped back down to the floor beside him. He pushed her toward the now-empty couches, and she allowed it, plopping down cross legged and grabbing the blanket he shoved at her.

When he returned to the kitchen to check the stew, she watched him over the back of the couch, her chin resting atop the cushion.

“I’m not gonna spit in it, you know.”

“Well I wasn’t even considering that until now,” she teased, and Bakugou could hear the smile in her voice even as he was turned toward the stove. “But this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! I don’t want to waste it.”

He didn’t respond to that, wondering if he should tell her that he didn’t want it to be the only time they did this. He could come up with some excuse, some higher bar she could meet to make this happen again, but he thought she might see through it.

A few more minutes past, and Bakugou deemed dinner ready, spooning the thick stew into two bowls and bringing them to the couch. He sat beside her, mirroring her cross-legged posture, and she un-cocooned herself from the blanket just enough to stick her arms out and take the offered food.

It was quiet, save for the rain on the windows, and dark, save for the light still spilling from the kitchen and the single lamp Jiro and Yaoyorozu had forgotten to turn off when they left. Bakugou worried, a bit, if she could hear the way his heart thundered in his chest as he realized that Todoroki had left too, and they were utterly alone together.

“This smells amazing, Bakugou,” Uraraka gushed, taking her spoon and blowing on the first bite. Her lips, pursed and a little chapped, drew Bakugou’s gaze, and he was thankful she was too focused on dinner to notice. She popped the spoon into her mouth. “Mmm,” she said, her mouth full. “So good.”

“Swallow, Uraraka.”

She shot him a playful look, but did as he said, smacking her lips a few times as she tested the aftertaste. “‘Uraraka Spice Level’ is perfect. Enough of a kick without ruining the other flavors. How did you know?”

“You’re one of the only other people who uses the hot sauce at the condiment bar in Lunch Rush,” he said. The truth. “I’ve seen how much you use.”

Her knee brushed his and she hid another smile behind her spoon.

The rain turned to snow, falling thick and fast beyond the window. Uraraka watched it, lost in thought, and Bakugou, for the hundredth time, wondered exactly what had led them to this—which events along the way added up to this uncertainty. Because he knew what he wanted, but he also knew why he didn’t deserve it (and that was saying something, as Bakugou had been raised believing that he deserved just about anything he wanted). And Uraraka...was she just being her usual nice self? With the smiles and the laughs and the—fuck all he hated not understanding something. He hated not knowing what to do.

He hated that he didn’t hate her for making such a mess of him.

“Weird to think this is our last year, huh?” Uraraka said this quietly, eyes suddenly downcast, the manifestation of whatever it was she’d been thinking as she looked out the window.

“Shit, it’s not like anyone’s dying.”

“No...but I mean it’s not like we’ll all see each other everyday anymore. It’s not like we’ll all be living together.”

“Eh, it’ll be fine.” This, with more confidence than he felt. He knew she’d be fine, at least. And he would too. He’d be Number Fucking One. He just hoped that alone would make him happy.

“Mostly...mostly I worry that you won’t stay in touch.”

His heart faltered at that and he tried to keep it from showing on his face. “Me?”

“Yeah. It’s not like you really like any of us. Why would you want to spend time with us if you weren’t being forced to?” She was looking into the bowl in her lap, one knee bouncing nervously as she chewed on her bottom lip.

He watched her, a wry smile cracking across his mouth as he waited for her to glance back up. When she did, he took a slow, pointed bite from his stew. “You proved me wrong about sharing. I’m proving you wrong about liking some of you dipshits.”

She smiled, but was quiet for a long moment, and Bakugou continued. “Besides, you shouldn’t worry about me. There are plenty of better people here you’d be happier hanging out with, even if most of them are shitty extras.”

It was her turn to take a pointed bite, using her eyes to gesture to the limited space between them. Her voice was little more than a breath as she said, “I’m here, aren’t I?”

Their eyes locked, and such a fire burned in hers that Bakugou wondered if it had been there all along. If he’d missed it by spending so much time avoiding her face for fear of the sun that resided in it. A small, hesitant half-smile tilted at the side of her mouth as she took a shaky breath.

He was blazing, scorching as he had the first time he’d ever fought her, his nerves vibrating and his blood singing at the steel and nerve and challenge that shone from her eyes like a searchlight.

And the uncertainty inside him snapped. 

He grabbed the bowl from her hand, slamming both hers and his onto the coffee table with enough force that he heard one of them crack, but he didn’t care because his hands were on her face, pulling it to his. Rough, calloused fingers grazing across pink cheeks. His lips found hers, and a hungry sort of growl ripped out of her throat as she twisted her hands into the front of his tank top, pulling him closer still as she came up on her knees to tower over him. The moan, low and satisfied, that came from his own throat surprised him, and he slipped his hands from her face into her hair, rolling forward onto his own knees as her mouth opened up to him. He pulled her bottom lip between his teeth, sucking on it and caressing it with his tongue, and Uraraka’s resulting gasp brought a grin to his lips.

Her hands moved from the front of his shirt to his shoulders, nails digging into the muscle and holding him in place. He finished with her bottom lip, and she immediately imitated him, slipping his between her small teeth and running her tongue along it.

“Gods, Uraraka,” he groaned against her mouth, and she smiled, biting down a little harder as she did so. Her hands, like they wanted to be everywhere at once, slid into his hair, twisting it between her fingers like she was clutching a lifeline.

They pulled apart enough to breathe, hard and shallow, foreheads still pressed together, and her hands moved to his face, index fingers behind his ears and padded thumbs moving across his cheekbones.

“Don’t…” Bakugou started, wanting to say it and not wanting to at the same time as his own hands gripped her wrists, keeping her close. “Don’t kiss me just because you’re afraid of losing me.”

Uraraka’s eyes, which had been closed, fluttered open, still burning as they searched his. It surprised him, then, when she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him at every possible point. Her hand on the back of his head guided his face into her shoulder, and he didn’t resist.

Her own face was in his neck as she said, “I wouldn’t do that to you. Honestly...I—I’ve kind of wanted to kiss you since first year.”

“What?” He pulled back, his hands on both shoulders, holding her in front of him so he could search her brilliantly red face. “What about Deku?”

She shook her head, bit her lip, smiled like a single ray of sunlight through thunder clouds. “It just felt like that was what I was...I don’t know. What I was supposed to do, maybe? And it didn’t feel wrong, really, liking him. But there was always this sort of nagging at the back of mind...that maybe ...maybe it should’ve been you. But of course I talked myself out of that because what would you ever see in me?”

“What—”

“But then you did see something in me,” she said, cutting him off and bringing her eyes back to his. Her hands twisted back into his shirt, both as a means of comfort and as a symbol of her resolve in what she was saying. “You always took me seriously and treated me like an actual rival and that...it inspired me and it made me want to be better, to prove you right. You made me better, because you always believed I had the capacity to be better. And that was just such a...a positive influence for me. It meant more than anything anyone else ever did to help me grow.”

There were bright tears in her eyes as she smiled, and Bakugou crushed her back into his chest, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face back in her shoulder because he, for once, was at a complete loss for words. In a few simple statements, she’d destroyed the one argument he’d been having with himself all along. In a few words, she made him whole.

“Ah—ah—ah CHOO!”

Like a shift in the axis, the room was suddenly tilted and spinning end over end as Uraraka inadvertently sent them both to the ceiling with her second sneeze. Bakugou used a small pop of his Quirk to stop their whirling, his arm around her waist and her fingers in his shirt as they stopped upside down in the air.

He would’ve laughed, but her lips sealed themselves over his again, clearing his mind like a slate. And it didn’t really matter that they were floating upside down in the common area as he wrapped his other arm around her and brushed his tongue across her mouth. It didn’t matter that if he wasn’t sick already, he probably would be now as she tilted her head back and parted her lips, her own tongue dancing out to war with his.

And, annoyingly, it was like Deku had said. Bakugou and Uraraka weren’t dimmed at all by sharing a spotlight. Instead, the sun inside her seemed to multiply in his presence.

And they fucking glowed.

[karenninaaa]

2018 year in review

Rules: Answer questions about 2018 and tag some people! Tagged by @wizzardhowl thank you! You made my tumblr experience more fun with your tagging games all throughout this year! 

Top 5 films you watched in 2018

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Infinity War

Ocean’s Eight.

Venom

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Top 5 TV shows in 2018

I dont watch tv really, so there’s nothing much to write here.

Top 5 songs of 2018

Superheroes by The Script

Cheap Thrills by Sia

Blue Sky by Hale

Shooting Stars by Hale

Youngblood by 5SOS

Top 5 books you read in 2018

Everlasting Nora by Marie Miranda Cruz

Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot

Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery (I just reread this book but I reread this every year, never gets old)

The last two were the books that I never got the chance to finish because of the lack of time but I will definitely finish reading them soon. (honestly i have a lot of books I havent finished reading but these two are on my priority list)

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

Catcher in the Rye by J.D Salinger

Five good/positive things that happened to you in 2018

I wasnt as depressed as before, like last year. It was still there but my anxiety wasnt that bad anymore

I got a job! yey!

I got to reconnect with my friends that I havent been in contact last year because I went into hibernation :D

Im writing a lot w/c means I’m doing more of what I love and enjoy

More positivity! I was born with a lot of pessimism so it’s already saying something that I’m battling those bad thoughts with positivity. Especially with what *happened* to me this month. I feel like I came out stronger than I was before. I just hope that I can keep it up.

At first i was reluctant to respond to this tagging game because it’s really hard to think of postive things in life especially if a lot of shitty things happened to me. But I guess, this is a way to appreciate every single postive thing I’ve recieved this year, no matter how simple it was or no matter how much I was drowning with my own misery. Let’s keep the positivity alive!

I won’t be tagging anyone, because I would like, if possible, that every single of my followers, or just anyone who got a whiff of this post to participate in this tagging game. I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO JOIN, PLS DON’T BE SHY. Let’s have a moment, to rewind our life backwards and look for every single moments that made us smile or laugh and made our hearts flutter in a good way (Like a puppy you’ve seen on the street or a meme that you’ve seen here on tumblr, just anything). And I hope with this, you will be able to look forward to 2019 with less fear that it’s going to be another bad year. Consider everyone tagged by me.

Happy Holidays! 

[acupofmatt-blog1]

keep your hands on me, don’t take them off

Tagging→ @acupofmatt @reaglane

Location→ ACup

Date→ December 31, 2018/January 1, 2019

Summary→ Reagan and Matt have a thing. A strictly sexual thing. But, damn it, they can’t keep their hands off each other and lines are blurring. 

MATT

New Year’s was the only holiday Matt could tolerate because it wasn’t as family-oriented as Christmas or Thanksgiving. There was drinking, sex, partying, dancing, and getting a “fresh start” the next day with a killer hangover. Plus, Matt could outdo everyone by being the best dressed one.

Matt had cashed in her threesome coupon with Reggie and Harper a little earlier tonight before deciding last minute to stop by ACup for the New Year’s Eve party to get drunk and do some flirting. Because, Matt staying in and not outdoing these hoes? Out of character. And NOT seizing an opportunity to dress up? A tragedy no one will have to deal with, fortunately enough.

Stepping inside ACup, Matt looked around and greeted some people she made eye contact with before walking deeper inside the familiar coffee shop. That’s when she noticed Reagan sitting by the bar. Matt tilted her head and smirked. She liked flirting with Reagan. If Matt was honest, it made her feel like she still functioned as Matt. After the whole Lara ordeal, for a second, Matt thought she wouldn’t be the same—that she wouldn’t be able to be around women the same way she use to be before Lara. But here she was, flirting away with Reagan and doing exceptionally well at it, too. It weirdly reminded Matt that she was still functional and perfectly capable of moving on, despite what her heart would lament.

Matt ignored her thoughts as she walked over to Reagan and took a seat next to Reagan. “Figured you’d be getting down and dirty with the flowers.” Matt spoke up as she looked at Reagan and smirked. “Hey.”

REAGAN

Holidays were never a big deal for Reagan. She spent Thanksgiving with friends most years, and Christmas at the store or by herself without a problem. She’d usually much rather have family to spend holidays with, of course, but she was just as fine by herself. New Years, however, definitely held that connotation that you needed to go out and do something— and the Acup New Year’s Eve party was the best bet. She knew pretty much everything that would go there, it was close to her apartment, and the fact that it would be full of many attractive women who also would be interested in women, was just the icing on the cake.

She’d gotten there earlier in the evening, making small talk and easy chatter with as many people as she could, and drinking, (also as much as she could) but not enough to make her act like she was an idiot. She’d had enough years of experience to realize that it wasn’t fun not remembering anything, and she wasn’t really much for liquor shots in the first place.

Still, breaks were important. Constant people and crowds weren’t her favorite idea of a good time, and a breather at the bar was just what she wanted. Nursing her drink, she raised her head as some cold air made its way inside, signaling someone else came in. When it was Matt.. Reagan couldn’t but help sit up a little straighter, fix her hair, adjust the straps of her dress. She just wanted to please people. And Matt totally wasn’t a difference. At all. She gave her a smile, she sat down next to her at the bar. “Thought about it.” She chuckled, shaking her head. “Flowers don’t buy me drinks, though. And I can’t buy them any. What do you want?” She asked, calling over a bartender with a wave of her hand. “How was your threesome?” She said, the last word a little quieter.

MATT

“Well this flower will buy you as many drinks as you want.” Matt smiled at Reagan before giving her a once over. Matt couldn’t help but chuckle when Reagan quietly uttered the word, threesome. “You can say the word ‘threesome‘ out loud, Reagan, I’m not embarrassed.” Matt teased before turning to the bartender. “Just a martini is fine.” She said with a soft smile before turning back to Reagan. “And it was great,” Matt continued. “Not my first rodeo, and it was a great way to speak into the universe how I want 2019 to go.” Matt shrugged. “Because 2018 really tried it with me.” Matt chuckled before looking at Reagan. “What about you? Having fun tonight or did it just start now that I got here?” Matt teased before checking out Reagan. “You look good tonight. Really good.” Matt licked her lips before thanking the bartender as she took a sip of her drink.

REAGAN

"Doesn't mean our bartender isn't." Reagan teased back, watching him with a smile. "Threesome." She paused. Normal voice this time. "Happy?" She laughed quietly, twirling her straw around in her drink a few times. "And here I am on my fourth whiskey and coke. You do strike me as a martini person, though." she nodded in response to Matt's comment about just how her threesome had been. It was times like this where Reagan felt just a little too sexually innocent.  She never took it as a bad thing, though; some things were just different. "You want to spend your 2019 in a threesome? More power to you." She tilted her head. "2018 was just fine for me. Boring, though. I gotta' find a way to spice things up that doesn't consist of Friday sales at the store. That was my big move of this year." She laughed, watching her for a moment, her cheeks heating up probably a little too obviously as Matt looked her over. "Thank you, glad you think so." She grinned, looking down for a moment. She really, really did want Matt to think so..especially with their new set up. "You look amazing. I kind of just want to keep staring."

MATT

“Extremely. I don’t hide my sexual adventures from the world.” Matt watched Reagan twirl her straw and smiled softly before humming. “Yeah, well, what can I say? I like being fake bougie.” Matt chuckled quietly before taking another sip of her drink. “You won’t catch me eating the fucking olives,though, they’re so gross.” Matt scrunched up her nose. Matt hummed. “Well, that’d be nice.” Matt winked. “Buuuut, I’m just hoping it’s something a lot more positive than 2018 was.” Matt mumbled as she listened to Reagan. “Are you kidding? I’d take boring over anything.” Matt paused. “I gotta spend less money for 2019. So if you’re keeping the trend of shopping during sales, make sure to bring me along. I spent more than I should’ve on this dress.” Matt pouted. “But it looks so good on me, I couldn’t say no.” Matt watched Reagan’s reaction and laughed softly at how blush-ey she got. It was cute, and Matt couldn’t help but feel an ego boost at knowing she was the cause of the blushing. Matt leaned closer as she took a sip of her drink. “Feel free to keep looking, I don’t mind it one bit.” Matt winked at Reagan. “But if you’d like to do more than look, you let me know. I’ll be here.”

REAGAN

“And we’ve already established you have a lot of sexual adventures.” Reagan smiled, taking another sip of her drink and then glancing at Matt’s. “The alcohol soaked olive is the best part. I’ll eat your olive any day, Matt.” She smiled softly. “You definitely deserve a good year. Most people do. Boring can be too boring, though. You know?” She explained. “My sugar mama idea is always open for business. Remember that.” She teased. “But really, at least your flowers will be cheap. And handled with care.” She couldn’t help but glance at the dress again, looking her body up and down with a small sigh. “It looks really good.” At the wink, Reagan took a sip of her drink. It was going to be a long night, if Matt kept this up, at the very least. “I’ll usually be up for more, anytime. It’s hard not to be. Just look at you.” She said, almost wistfully. Taking one long final sip of her drink and finishing it up, placing it back on the table, waving over the bartender and ordering another one of the same. She crossed her legs and took a sip when it was finally handed back with a thank you in his direction. “What was your best part of 2018?” She inquired. “I’m pretty sure that’s a hot topic in terms of end of the year questions. That, or your body count. Which in my case, was 3, I think? And probably doing the women’s march. That was fucking awesome.”

MATT

“Eat my olive, huh? Weird sexual reference, but I’ll take it.” Matt teased as she took out the stabbed olive and handed it to Reagan. “I think boring doesn’t have to be bad. I’d be cool with that, actually. I’d prefer if my life wasn’t a constant spiral.” Matt chuckled. “What kind of excitement do you want in your life, then?” Matt asked as she took another sip of her drink. “I support any and all business endeavors—especially the sugary kind where I benefit.” Matt chuckled again. Matt smirked as Reagan took another look at her. She knew exactly what she was doing to Reagan and Matt was relishing it. “Well look at you. I don’t think anyone could rock the dress quite like you do.” Matt said, taking another look at the way the dress hugged Reagan's body. Matt had eyes and—god damn Matt could see that Reagan was drop, dead gorgeous. Matt finished the rest of her drink before ordering another one as Reagan did, immediately handing the olive to Reagan once her drink was handed to her and hummed as she took a sip of her drink, thinking deeply about her answer. “I reconnected with my brother again after five years. And I have a niece. And this might sound cheesy, but falling in love, too. Even though it ended kinda shitty.” Matt shrugged, looking at her drink as she answered. “And body count?” Matt lifted her head as she furrowed her eyebrows, counting in her head. “Quite a few. Maybe more than 7? Something like that.” Matt chuckled. “All safe sex, of course.” Matt assured before smiling amusedly at Reagan’s answers. “That’s amazing. Were you wearing the pussy hats?” Matt teased.

REAGAN

"Definitely meant it like that," Reagan rolled her eyes softly, smiling at her when she was done. She really didn't mind Matt's constant talking about sex. At all, really.  It was refreshing, if anything-- and maybe she did get a little kick out of it at well. "I have hopes for your 2019, then. But see, there you go!  Good things outweigh the bad. Falling in love's definitely worth it. Always." She nodded, running a hand through her hair. "No idea..I don't really know. Just something more. Does that make sense?" She shrugged, biting down on her bottom lip as she thought about it, but also because, well-- Matt was staring at her again. "Oh, stop. I just kind of threw it on. It took me about an hour to get ready and that's only because I decided to wear a little more makeup. Lot's of cocktail dresses, remember?" She smirked, her cheeks warming up, again. It was practically a given, it seemed. Seemed to be lately, with Matt.  "I have faith that you're gonna find someone else. Unless you don't want to," she paused "You gotta' do you, or whatever. You know?" She smiled fondly at her. "Not too bad. All safe sex, yeah. That's important. And thankfully, you can't really get pregnant unless you pay thousands of thousands of dollars and wait for about 2 years.. But yeah, obviously. Remind me to show you a picture. I felt really bad-ass wearing it, too."

MATT

“I knew it, you’re not sneaky at all.” Matt teased, nudging Reagan with a laugh. “I notice everything.” Matt smirked before shrugging to Reagan’s words. “No, yeah, some things were good. I’ve changed. A lot. I would’ve never even admitted that I didn’t have a good year. Just fake it ‘till I make it.” Matt shrugged. “It’s always been hard for me to talk about feelings and I’ve always shut people out. Things changed, though. Good change.” Matt smiled softly. “So cheers to that.” Matt chuckled as she raised her glass and took a sip of her drink. “I figured you were the type to believe that falling in love is worth it.” Matt smiled softly. “It’s pretty badass, actually.” Matt told her. “Because falling in love is pretty risky, I think, so drink to you too.” Matt chuckled as she raised her glass and took another sip. “That makes sense, though. Something different. I understand that feeling, completely. It’s how I felt before I moved to New York.” Matt looked at Reagan. “If this is you throwing something on, I can only imagine when you really try.” Matt bit her lip before humming. “Cocktail dresses were made for you.” Matt mumbled as she nodded along to what Reagan said. “Sounds cute.”

REAGAN

If there was anything Reagan could appreciate, it was growing and changing, and everything that came with it. It was admirable. "Feelings suck, honestly. They really do. But they're worth it." She said, bringing her hands to rest in her lap as she leaned back against the bar. It's not like she had a ton of experience holding her feelings back, she was pretty open in general, but it was just the way she thought. It was always easier to be honest. She raised her glass, clinking it up to Matt's and then taking a drink. "Yeah, I guess I've always been about love, in that sense. It's kind of been my goal for a while, really." She admitted, shrugging it off a bit. She always felt a little weird talking about it. "Definitely bad-ass. I'm pretty content, actually. Not unhappy or anything. I'm at a really good place. But yeah, just something different." Reagan shook her head with a grin. "It's a shame I prefer farmers chic', isn't it?" She laughed. "Okay, enough flattery." She mused. "Unless you're planning on flattering me for the next.." she paused, glancing at her watch. "30 or so minutes of 2018."

MATT

Matt smiled when Reagan clinked her drink with hers. “My turn to buy you a drink.” Matt said as she finished her drink and waved the bartender over. “Get her...” Matt looked at Reagan. “something different.”  Matt smiled at Reagan. “Surprise us.” Matt told the bartender as he left to fetch them another drink. “I never wanted to admit it to myself, but I look for that too. Deep down.” Matt chuckled. “You’ll find love, I know it.” Matt said. “Shit, who wouldn’t want to be with someone like you?” Matt chuckled. Matt nodded. “A total shame. Kinda wish you sold flowers looking like this, I’d show up every day.” Matt teased before giggling at Reagan being bashful. “I could, if you’d like. “Matt smirked before humming. “Believe me, I could do this all day.”

REAGAN

Reagan quirked an eyebrow. “Smooth.” She said, really, really hoping it wasn’t something gross. It’s not like she wouldn’t drink it, though. “I think a lot of people do. Even those who can’t admit it. But you know, baby steps!” She smiled. “Yeah? I know I will. It’s just a matter of time. Time that’s sooner rather than later, hopefully. But not too soon!” She really, really did want the domestic life, the marriage, mostly all of it. And she definitely had some worries—she’d be 31 in February... But she didn’t really want to talk about that. “You will too.” She rested her palm in her hand, elbow on the table. “Would you? Low cut tops do all the difference for sales, don’t they?” She smirked. “I have no doubt that you’d do that for me. But since my head would probably turn an unflattering shade of red due to blushing, maybe we’ll save it for later.” She looked up as the bartender handed them their drinks. She took a long sip, just as music started to pick up. “So..wanna dance?” She asked, glancing into the dance floor, and then back to Matt.

MATT

Matt only winked in response before chuckling. Matt nodded. “I’m in no rush. I’m turning 24 this upcoming new year, so I still got time. If not, I’ll just be the cool, bougie aunt.” Matt shrugged before nodding. “Oh definitely, and I’d probably get any flower you want me to get. Even the ones that mean ‘you stupid bitch.’” Matt giggled as she took a sip of her drink and nodded. “Fair, that gives me time to come up with more compliments.” Matt smirked before taking an equal long sip with Reagan and nodding at her question. “Sure, try to keep up with me.” Matt teased, deciding to finish her drink and then getting out of her chair and fixing her dress before extending her hand to Reagan. “Come on, flower girl.” Matt gave her a lazy smile.

REAGAN

“I don’t think any flowers mean stupid bitch.” She laughed, deciding to forgo her drink as she kept it on the table, moving away from it for the rest of the night. She’d had enough to drink, and since it was almost midnight, she’d probably just go home after, anyways. She watched as Matt stood up, secretly a little relieved the girl had agreed to dance. It would be a little embarrassing if she didn’t. “Definitely.” She nodded, standing up and grabbing the girl’s hand with a smirk, following her out to the pretty lively dance floor. Matt seemed like she be a good dancer, with the way she carried herself. And while she didn’t know if she could really keep up... she’d vow to try.  The music was loud, and some people were sort of all over each other, and it was warm and pretty bright, but with the alcohol, what she imagined what she had just drank mixing with the familiar whiskey she’d had all night, at least, definitely put her into more of a dancing mood even if she wasn’t much of a dancer in general. The song wasn’t too fast, or too slow, which was the perfect pace for her to just kind of sway her hips to the music.

MATT

“Well that’s relieving, it means I’ll never get some.” Matt joked. “All right, then.” Matt nodded as she pulled Reagan further into the dance floor. The music was easy enough to get Matt swaying her hips. The music was good enough where she could still strike up flirting with Reagan, if she wanted to. Or other things. “Here,” Matt grabbed Reagan’s hips and pulled her closer to the front of her. “Let me help you.” Matt smirked. If there was anything Matt excelled at, it was teasing. And it was just so easy to get Reagan all flustered and bothered, Matt couldn’t help but move Reagan’s hips for her. Matt pulled away after a bit and hummed. “Good music, huh?” Matt asked casually, a teasing grin on her face as she kept dancing.

REAGAN

It took Reagan a few seconds to realize what Matt was doing, mostly because she didn't usually didn't spend time, or maybe she just didn't dance enough, with people who got straight to the point. Like Matt was doing. She was suddenly closer to her, with her hands on her hips..Reagan liked to think she could be flirty. The two of them specifically had been flirting for a while, so she was pretty sure it was working if it was still happening, now. But also now, she'd had things to drink, and she could practically see the outline of Matt's entire naked body with how the dress was hugging her. But still, she managed a smirk, and a little less of a blush this time, kept going, keeping her eyes pretty constant in Matt's direction. It was hard not to, with how close she was and how Matt's hands felt at her hips. She was just about to move her own hands to Matt's hips, when the other girl moved back, and Reagan  kept up her moves, but a little slower this time as she tried to keep herself from coming off a little too flustered. She just really wanted her hands on Matt, somehow, or else she was pretty sure she'd be spending the start of 2019 in a cold shower. Her cheeks always seemed to give everything away, though. "Oh, yeah. For sure." She nodded, a faster, more intense song that Reagan didn't even know the words to, filling the room.

MATT

Seeing Reagan looking a little flustered over Matt’s teasing made Matt laugh. It was kinda cute seeing Reagan’s reaction. And those cheeks... Matt was almost worried they’d stay that color if Matt kept being a little shit. “Uh huh...for sure.” Matt teased, copying the way Reagan replied to her with a laugh. Once a faster song came on, Matt quickly recognized it. “I love this song.” Matt mused before continuing to dance and keep up with the song’s intensity. Matt kept her eyes on Reagan as she pulled her closer to her again, leaning forward against Reagan’s ear. “I could sense you didn’t want this to finish as quickly as it did.” Matt bit her lip before continuing to dance.

REAGAN

Reagan’s new idea was to just let Matt do whatever she wanted, as long as Reagan wanted it, too. Which god, she did. It was clear that her and Matt were on the same page of what they wanted for the evening..so why not let Matt take the lead? She was pretty sure she liked it that way, too. Even if she definitely wasn’t as smooth with it in the first place. She could still want things! “Don’t even know what they’re saying.” She said quietly with a small smile, letting herself be pulled against Matt, not even hesitant at all. How could she be? She stayed there for a few beats, moving her hips against Matt’s even if they weren’t quite touching. She wasn’t just going to stand there, or anything. She could make it work, too. When Matt spoke, Reagan kept her composure, warm breath on her ear and neck. “No, I didn’t.” She nodded once, her voice it’s usually low gravely pitch, just a beat or so lower so she could answer quietly. Her hands moved to Matt’s arms, keeping them their so she could step a bit closer, bringing their bodies together. Her head of course, pretty much stuck by Matt’s collarbone because the girl was about a head taller than her, but Reagan wasn’t one to complain when she was almost flesh close against someone as attractive as Matt. Especially someone who she’d hooked up with. And appeared to want to do it again. It gave her more confidence to think about it like that.

MATT

There was something about the way Reagan was incredibly close to her. Granted, it was Matt who pulled her close to her—but it was making her heart pound. Not in that, “oh this is hot wow,” but more in the “RED ALERT: you’ve done this shit before and look where it got you!!!” It was as if her heart was giving her a warning with incredibly loud sirens, or something like that. Matt pulled away suddenly before composing herself. “Hey, let me take you somewhere.” Matt put on her same smirk before taking Reagan’s hand and pulling her out the dance floor and taking her to one of the backrooms of ACup. Maybe Matt and Reagan couldn’t be THAT kind of close, but they could be another kind of close. The kind Matt knew how to do well without fucking it up. Matt usually took girls to the backroom of ACup if they were too impatient to go back to Matt’s place. “I guess you could say I’m taking you to my back office.” Matt joked. “Just to talk, obviously.” Matt winked.

REAGAN

Reagan was actually enjoying herself, and she wasn’t freaking out anymore, so when Matt suddenly stopped moving against her and then pulled away completely? Reagan was definitely a little surprised. And disappointed. At her invite though, she could only quirk an eyebrow. Nothing was wrong with spending 12 AM of a new year having sex, she assumed, in the back room. And it made sense, she figured, to only do that, and not do anything else on the dance floor. With tons of other people. They had a set-up, and it made sense. She also didn’t know why she was thinking too much into it in the first place. It was 11:50, people were starting to gather around the floor, but some people were also leaving to do what she assumed was the same thing they’d be doing. “Obviously.” She nodded, because she couldn’t ever complain about having Sex with Matt. She was good, and she liked it, and it was obvious Matt liked it too. “Nothing like a casual conversation as the clock strikes midnight, no.”

MATT

Matt chuckled. “Incredibly casual conversation.” Matt nodded. “You’re cool with it, here, right? Unless you wanna go to your place? Or mine.” Matt shrugged, attempting to appear nonchalant about everything like she didn’t freak out about the closeness her and Reagan had for a moment. If Matt wanted to have a successful friends with benefits, moments like that couldn’t happen. Because they always wind up becoming more and that’s when the messiness comes in and Matt just wants ONE year where things weren’t messy. Something that wasn’t too much. Reagan was great and she was absolutely gorgeous, no doubt, but Matt couldn’t and wouldn’t let herself feel more than physical attraction. She needed to be on her own and whatever relationships she’d form would be strictly no strings attached. Matt couldn’t afford to let it be anything more. She’s not sure her heart was ready to endure more bullshit.

REAGAN

Truth be told, Reagan would much rather be somewhere else besides a tiny room in the back of a coffee shop, on most days in general but on this day especially. She was a bit of a hopeless romantic in that sense, something she definitely didn’t appreciate these days. It was more annoying than anything. She made sure the door was shut before she turned against it, her back against the door. “We’re already here.” It worried her a bit, how Matt seemed an entire different boat when it came to sex. But then again, that’s all they were, so once again, Reagan could only force her mind to stop thinking of anything besides the fact that she was about to do things with Matt Solis. It was like any other night they’d done it, really. Just in a back office. Without any sort of comfortable surface. She forced herself to not think about the time, about the hopes she had of kissing someone at midnight even though really it could still happen, just an entirely different situation. She heard someone from behind the door yell a quick “five more minutes!” And with that, Reagan ran a hand through her hair, trying to compose herself even as her heart beat rapidly in her chest like it always did before she was in a position like this. Didn’t help that it was about to be a whole new year though. “Are we going to talk or not?”

MATT

Matt watched Reagan for a few moments before nodding. “Just making sure.” Matt told her before leaning forward and kissing Reagan’s jaw gently, purposefully avoiding kissing Reagan’s lips. Matt smirked as she kissed lower down to Reagan’s neck, placing her hands back to Reagan’s hips where they had been just a few moments ago on the dance floor. But this was different. It was strictly sexual. It was okay to do this right now. “Is this an okay conversation?” Matt mumbled against Reagan’s skin, squeezing Reagan’s hips. “There’s five more minutes left if you think out there is a lot more interesting than right here with me.” Matt teased, kissing up to brush her lips against Reagan’s, but still not kissing them. God, Matt loved to tease relentlessly.

REAGAN

As soon as Reagan felt lips on her jaw, she leaned her neck back with a small bump against the door to allow Matt more room to cover. The thing about Matt was, Reagan just wanted her to touch her everywhere. Which is why the constant teasing wasn’t her favorite thing, but worth it. Obviously. “Yeah,” she breathed out once Matt was practically hovering over her, her lips in way too many places that wasn’t her own. Another thing that was unfair. “Shut up. I’m about to walk out of here if you don’t stop talking.” She muttered between breaths as Matt went for her neck; heat spreading through her insides as she Matt put her hands on her hips again. She took this time to draw herself closer, her right leg easily sliding between both of Matt’s, allowing her knee to end up just where she wanted it. Matt’s dress was sinfully short, it was easy enough. When full lips were practically over her own but still not doing what she wanted them to, she stood herself up straighter and pressed her own lips to Matt’s in an actual kiss whether Matt wanted to or not. Reagan was pretty sure she did, though.

MATT

Matt couldn’t help but grin at Reagan’s reaction, knowing she was having an effect on her with the relentless teasing. “I thought that’s what we were here for.” Matt retorted. “Just to ta— “Matt stopped when she felt Reagan’s knee in between her legs. Well shit, Reagan really got her to shut up. Matt’s breath hitched before kissing Reagan back with a bruising force, nibbling Reagan’s lower lip. After a few moments, Matt willed herself to pull away from her. “Wait.” Matt breathed out, hearing people count down the last 20 seconds of 2018. “Just wait a little bit.” Matt whispered, tracing her finger over Reagan’s lips with a soft smirk. The two listened to everyone else count down. “5…4…3…2…1…” Matt heard the loud cheering and party horns blowing. Matt moved her hands up to cup Reagan’s face before pressing her lips against Reagan’s, pulling away after a few seconds. “Happy New Year.” Matt muttered against Reagan’s lips with a soft smile.

REAGAN

Knowing Reagan had the power to get Matt to shut up was the power she needed, and she smirked to herself when it was obvious she’d affected her. Then though, Matt was kissing her, hard, and all of her thoughts went away, her eyes falling closed and her hands resting on Matt’s sides. When she pulled away, Reagan was about to complain when she heard the celebrations from back in the cafe. And when Matt kissed her a few seconds later, but much gentler then the first time, she could only smile, glancing up at her when she was finished. “Happy Year,” She smiled, her voice low, before she paused for a second, kissing her again.

[tododorkis]

Little Moments

KiriBaku Week 2018

Day 2: April 18th

Prompt: Fake Dating AU / Spring Fling / Pirates

Warnings: Mild language

Summary: Who knew that all it took to get these two love birds alone was a clueless Kaminari and a parrot. 

Story below the cut. 

Halloween. Definitely not Bakugou's favorite holiday, though he didn't put much stock in holidays anyway. St. Patrick's Day? Lame. He didn’t need an excuse to punch pinch someone. Easter? Pastels pissed him off. Valentines Day? Just no. The list could go on.

But Halloween… more often than not kids these days dressed up as their favorite heroes. And while Katsuki Bakugou definitely admired certain heroes, All Might in particular, he had no desire to dress up as them. He was going to be his own hero one day, he didn't need to waste his time parading around as someone else.

“What?" Kirishima's eyes widened. "What do you mean you've never dressed up as a hero?"

Bakugou growled. He didn't like having to explain himself. "I meant what I said. I'm not going to put on the costume of some - "

"But - " Kirishima interrupted, remembering all the times he wore that old Crimson Riot costume as a kid. Even when the occasion didn't call for a costume. Little Kiri would beg his mom to let him wear the suit on play dates, while running errands to the mall, basically every instance he could come up with.

So to have someone, someone who wanted to be a hero no less, who grew up not wearing the costumes of his favorite heroes… Kirishima just didn't understand.

"Hey, hey!" Sero beamed. "That's actually a great idea."

"Huhhh?" Kaminari mumbled around the charging chords sitting between his teeth. "What idea?"

The four of them were huddled around the couches and chairs in the dorm's living room. Bowls of ramen littered the coffee table between them, including the half-empty package of chili flakes Bakugou had insisted dumping into his own bowl. Kaminari had practically downed a whole gallon of water, watching Bakugou scarf down the undoubtedly spicy concoction. One the other hand, Sero complained how Bakugou had ruined a perfectly bowl of ramen, but was overshadowed by Kirishima's praise of Bakugou's manliness. Kirishima then proceeded to dump the remainder of the chili flakes into his own bowl. He did not finish his food; Bakugou ate it for him.  

"This is a costume contest, at UA, everyone is going to be dressed as heroes. If our team is going to win, then we have to do something different!" Sero stood from his seat, spreading his arms wide as if he had made some great announcement.

"Oh, I get it!" Kaminari jumped onto the couch, sparks dancing across his skin. "That will really make us stand out!"

Swift as ever, Bakugou grabbed Kaminari's arm and dragged him to the ground. "Don't fry my phone, idiot!"

Cowering as Bakugou stood over him, Kaminari pulled the (only slightly!) smoking phone cord from his mouth, grinning sheepishly. "Heh, my bad. But you have to admit it’s a great idea!"

Not one to be down for long, Kaminari leaped to his feet again, leaning close to Bakugou and Sero.

"Of course it is!" Bakugou smirked. "It was my idea."

Well, not exactly - Sero thought, but didn't really care enough to argue. "What should we go as then?"

Kirishima watched on as his three friends brainstormed costume ideas.

Is this really okay? Not going as heroes?

Pirates. That is what the other three had decided on. And over the next few weeks Kirishima had started to warm up to the idea. Just because it wasn't his first pick for a group costume didn't mean he couldn't enjoy it and play along. Pirates could be fun too!

He had even managed to drag Bakugou out to the mall for once so they could look for costume pieces. Bakugou refused to buy a pre-made costume, so they had to build them from scratch. In the end, Kirishima was pretty happy with the result. He had even found a stuffed parrot to perch on his shoulder. Not having the most fashion sense, even on a regular day, Kirishima's outfit was terribly mismatched with conflicting patterns and colors. He thought that made the affect more real!

They made a funny pair, standing together in their costumes. Bakugou looked almost like pirate royalty, if such a thing even existed. He wore a hat befitting of the captain of their crew, along with tall boots and a long jacket. His shirt brandished a big skull on the front, reminiscent of the flags flown by pirate ships. Though, Kirishima was pretty sure Bakugou already owned that shirt and just didn't want to wear a frilly shirt like Kaminari.

"Wow, you guys look great!" Mina had wandered over, brandishing her Wild, Wild Pussycats costume.

Kaminari and Sero gravitated towards her, showing off their costumes. Sero had developed an entire back-story for his character, claiming to be an old sailor in the navy who lost a hand and leg at war, which made him bitter, leading him to abandon his government and live a life at sea. Naturally, he brandished a peg-leg and a hook for a hand.

Everyone is really getting into this, Kirishima thought, maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea.

Remembering who was next to him, Kirishima abruptly turned back toward Bakugou, not wanting his friend to feel left out. The sudden motion jolted the parrot on his shoulder, and Kirishima reached out a hand to keep the stuffed animal from falling. Bakugou's eyes followed the movement.

"Hehe, " Letting out a nervous laugh, Kirishima raised a hand to run through his hair before remembering he was wearing a bandanna. "Could you imagine if we were pirates for real? Sailing the seas, pillaging and - "

"Get real, shitty hair. You'd be the worst pirate ever." Bakugou asserted.

"Huh?" Was his costume not great after all?

Bakugou huffed before explaining. Why he felt the need to explain, he couldn't understand, but he didn't dwell on it. All he knew was that he should say something before that idiot got the wrong idea. "Last week you couldn't even keep those sunglasses you found in the locker room."

Oh. Kirishima smiled at his friend. So this was just Bakugou being Bakugou. There was nothing wrong with his costume after all.

Bakugou stared at Kirishima's wide smile, curious as to how he was able to look so happy when just a moment ago he had seemed so disappointed.

"Actually," Kaminari slid between the pair, breaking their eye contact. "Captain Jack Sparrow was a good pirate. He refused to sell slaves for the British, so he was brandished as a pirate and his ship was set on fire - "

"Shut up, extra! No one asked you!"

"Hey! I am the Sailing Master of this ship! You should treat me with more respect!"

"What? And who do you think I am?"

The loud rancorous laughter that escaped Kirishima's lips dulled the growing sparks on Bakugou's palms, as he was reminded of Kirishima kind smile from just a minute ago. Suddenly, he wanted to get back to where they were before Kaminari interrupted them.

Gaze drifting from Kirishima's grin to his shoulder, Bakugou's brows furrowed. "Kirishima."

The laughter stopped.

"I'm fixing your costume. Come with me."

Bakugou stormed down the hallway, toward the boy's dorms. He knew Kirishima would follow. And he did.

"What just happened?" A confused Kaminari was left behind.

A hooked hand patted his shoulder. "You just don’t get it, do you?"

Mina nodded along behind them.

Admittedly, Kirishima was a bit confused as well, as he followed Bakugou up the stairs. Bakugou opened the door to his bedroom, expecting Kirishima to follow him inside. When he didn't hear the red-head's heavy footsteps, he turned to see him standing uncertainly in the doorway.

"You've never invited someone into your room."

"Huh? I've just never had a reason to invite you in here before." Growing impatient, he grabbed Kirishima's arm and pulled him into the room, guiding him to a seat on the end of the bed.

Kirishima felt his ears grow warm when he realized Bakugou had only specified inviting him into his room and no one else. No, Kirishima denied, I'm just reading too much into it.

While, Kirishima underwent his own internal debate, Bakugou focused on rifling through his drawers. He had originally wanted to return to their moment from before, but didn't know how to do that. Or how to ask Kirishima for it. So instead he focused on the task at hand.

He had originally cursed his mom for making him over pack, but now he was glad he had brought it. Bakugou grinned triumphantly as his hands lifted the plastic case from under a stack of old sweaters. Placing the case on the bed beside Kirishima, he opened the lid to reveal a sewing set.

"Your stupid parrot keeps slipping off your shoulder. It's annoying." Bakugou explained at Kirishima's questioning glance.

"Oh, thanks." Kirishima now understood. He began to slide the sleeves of this vest off this shoulders.

"No, keep it on. It'll only take a minute."

Kirishima simply nodded and readjusted his vest, perching the parrot on top just where he wanted it. The talented Bakugou is back again, Kirishima mused as he watched the fiery blond be unexpectedly gentle while threading the needle. The hands he was so used to watching burn and destroy, were now carefully piercing his vest and then the plush orange of the parrot's feet. Vest, parrot, vest then parrot - Kirishima's eyes followed the needle as he studied the fingers that moved deftly just under his chin, sometimes brushing against his cheek. It was at this moment that he felt his ears grow even hotter. They had to be noticeably red by now.

Looking around the room to distract himself, Kirishima found something he did not expect. "Hey, you sure have a lot of All Might stuff in here."

Posters, action-figures, even a pillow. It wasn't nearly as much All Might merchandise as Midoriya's room, but there was still a lot. More than Kirishima certainly expected.

"Huh?" Bakugou kept his focus on his hands, making sure not to press the needle too deep and puncture the warm skin beneath the vest. Maybe he should tell Kirishima to harden, just in case.

"I just… I thought you didn't like that hero stuff…" Kirishima trailed off, not sure how to continue.

Faltering, Bakugou recalled when they had first started making their Halloween plans. He had noticed Kirishima's hesitation that day, the insecurity hidden behind his eyes. Bakugou paused in his ministrations and raised his head. Not realizing until now just how close he had leaned into Kirishima, his hands splayed across his chest. Bakugou almost lost his train of thought.

"Just because I don't show my admiration for heroes in the same way that you do, doesn't mean I don’t admire them. Your way isn't any less valid than mine."

The blush spread to Kirishima's cheeks. How? Bakugou wasn’t socially graceful by any means, but somehow he always knew what insecurities Kirishima was feeling. Somehow he knew just what needed to be said.

That soft gaze Kirishima directed at his friend kneeling before him nearly undid Bakugou. Somehow, Kirishima always understood just what Bakugou was trying to say.

"Well, are you going to hurry and finish? We can't win if I have a lopsided parrot." Kirishima grinned at him again. One of those openly warm smiles that almost made the corners of Bakugou's lips twitch too.

There, Bakugou smirked, he had found the moment. 

[bapofficial]

why 151115 is so important

hi, semi here! thought I’d make a post about 151115 for B.A.P fans who joined the fandom after the lawsuit. this will partly be factual, and partly my personal take on it.

B.A.P all filed a lawsuit on 27th November 2014, suing their company TS entertainment for:

not paying them properly and no transparency in the company of where their profits were actually going

overworking the members to the point where they had to go to the hospital, and were then being made to leave it (after paying the fees themselves!!) early to perform

damage to their mental and physical health

no free time or social life / time to see family

excessive number of (very expensive!!) overseas concerts to milk out international fans’ pockets (the cheapest LOE ‘14 London ticket was £89! for a 2-year-old group!! fun story: my naive 15-year-old self messaged the B.A.P Facebook page raising my concerns over this hahahahahdsdsfd they never replied lol) instead of giving B.A.P exposure in Korea apart from music show promotions (does this sound familiar?)

concerts being planned without the members even knowing etc

more detailed info here!

personally, before the lawsuit I wasn’t that involved in the fandom itself and instead followed B.A.P attentively but from afar. I remember being really surprised to see TS cancel a leg of the LOE ‘14 tour for the members’ health, thinking that TS was a good company for paying attention to that. but now that I think about it, for TSent to cancel concerts (£££) makes me think it must have been really bad. 

the lawsuit period flipping sucked. minimal updates from the members, who probably had enough shit on their plates without going on social media; honestly to think about it, we get so restless if we don’t hear from them for a few days, so imagine weeks/months. no news apart from shitty news of TS postponing courts (with my non-existent legal knowledge, I feel like they were trying to drain B.A.P of money or ??? something idk but they must have gained something from dragging it out and making everyone else so frustrated). it was just a dark time of uncertainty, and with each passing month, the possibility of B.A.P coming back to the k-pop scene together was becoming less likely. I originally cheered B.A.P on when I first read the news of the lawsuit, being proud of them for standing up for themselves against injustice, presuming they’d be able to pull a Block B and find a new company soon enough. but as time went on (Yongguk released AM 4:44 and Zelo released No Title in around April/May 2015, voicing their frustration too), I started to realise it wasn’t going to happen. “I miss bap”, “where did bap go”, “it’s so sad about bap” etc etc... 

the news of B.A.P returning to TS ent on 1st August was a strange surprise. on the one hand, a lot of us were really happy at the prospect of B.A.P being back! but on the other, how could we be sure that TS wouldn’t mistreat the members again? B.A.P insisted that they talked things over with the company and that things are now better, and though TS continues to show signs of profit-oriented use of the group (eg two world tours in two years! wtf!), and just general poor management and lack of thought/communication, B.A.P chose to go back for a reason, and I trust their reasoning. being a person who generally sees the best in things, I just sat on my bed half-stunned and blasted their most badass songs at the highest volume, finally being able to thoroughly enjoy their music again without feelings about the lawsuit nagging at me. from what I can see, there are still definite improvements to how B.A.P are treated:

more free time 

better pay, if some members having cars/scooters (lmao) and going on holiday is anything to go by

Yongguk and Daehyun being able to have their own homes, and Zelo being able to move back in with his family, and the other three moving into a better apartment. in the early days, all 6 members used to sleep in one room!!

they’re going to be releasing their third full album soon!!!

member solo activities: Daehyun acting in musicals, Youngjae being a host for The Show, Yongguk and Zelo working on their own music, etc

Yongguk given a break from all activities for a few months to focus on his mental health

so anyway, B.A.P announced that they’d be making their comeback with their 4th mini album Matrix on 16th of November 2015, but on the 15th they’d hold a comeback showcase. they made a V App channel, had a live video of them literally standing there in their matoki suits, bodies completely covered.....and it was the most wonderful feeling watching them all together again. you really don’t fully appreciate what you have until it goes. their matrix showcase was aired live on V App so everyone could watch B.A.P stand together on stage for the first time in almost a year. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was one of the most surreal and happy days of my life to see and feel what I never thought I’d experience ever again. I woke up in the middle of the night to watch them singing again, and looking so happy to be back doing what they love. after such a miserable period of time, 151115 marked a fresh page to a new history of better things. it’s the symbol of their rebirth into the B.A.P we know now.

some people these days will complain about how the lawsuit damaged B.A.P’s popularity and success etc, and they’re right: it did. disappearing for months (not years!! people exaggerate how long the hiatus was) at such a crucial time of rapid change in the k-pop industry lost them many fans, but what would the alternative have been? a popular, successful B.A.P who were being worked to death on a minimal wage, singing on stage about social justice when they had none themselves? no matter what, I’m extremely proud of B.A.P for taking action and I’m glad that they did. the journey was bumpy (and often still is), but it’s still much better than what it was before. we shouldn’t focus so much on all these ‘lost fans’ and ignore the fact that B.A.P have been active for the last two years, gaining new fans and making new music and memories.

B.A.P continues to grow: it’s clear how much they improve with each and every comeback (see: line distribution). TS still sucks, but a tiny bit less than before (seriously though if they announce another world tour in 2018 I will go over there and slap a bitch). but yeah, most importantly, B.A.P is back! and has been now for exactly 2 years! they’re back and they’re here and they’re amazing and I love them and I’m so proud to call myself their fan :’)

[nikathesiren]

My favorite drawings of 2017

Happy holidays, everyone! 🎄 I’m a bit busy now, but I want to stop by here, to congratulate this season to all my followers (whatever you celebrate this days), and also, I want to choose among all my drawings of this year, which ones are the best. I hope for next year I can keep drawing for all of you, even if I can’t do it as often as I want! 

Click to see my Top 5! 👇 You can see each full drawing clicking at its link!

🔶 #5 - First time (NSFW).

I made this as a present for my friend’s birthday. I don’t like porn at all, and drawing it even less, but my friend influencing and perverting me, plus Otayuri haters being a pain in the ass... I thought it would be a good idea to overcome my traumas and try to get out of my confort zone to draw something NSFWish, and the final result was nice enough to consider it part of this top. I still don’t like porn and it makes me a bit unconfortable, BTW, but I’ll keep trying! 💪

🔷 #4 - Fairy outside, tiger inside.

The only thing I’m gonna say about this: the headcanon about Yuri snoring should never die. Don’t let it die please 🙏

🥉 #3 - Good morning (a bit NSFW).

I don’t remember how the situation I drawn came to my mind, but in my humble opinion, this is now a masterpiece. I think this happens to Otabek more often than he would like... and not enough times for Yuri 👀 I currently have these faces as matching icon with my friend <3

🥈 #2 - It’s so huge...

It’s just a short and very simple comic about milkshakes and double meanings, but someone called me “psycho fangirl” for it, so it deserves second place, LMAO 😂

🥇 #1 - Onsen comic (1st / 2nd).

I know I have better ones, but this is the best for me. It’s very special, I love it! The story was inspired by an official artwork, and my drawings became more and more popular after I uploaded it because... yeah, we all knew about the Bekaconda ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Besides, drawing embarrassed Otabek is my kink, hahah.

🏵️ Special mention: Inktober 2017

I want to give a special mention to my Inktober. I almost had no time for it, but it turned out pretty good! Some of the drawings are shitty, even so, I’m proud of all of them!

What a beatiful year, full of Otayuri ❤️ Do you agree with this top? 

🥂 For a 2018 with Otayuri becoming canon! 🥂

[hunnyangel]

i’ve never posted on Tumblr but i feel like this is the only place i can blatantly speak my mind - outside of a notebook

i’m tired of being sad for myself and this world. i hate that people are so materialistic. i heard today that a girls’ 2 year old dog got hit by a car; so a week later she got a puppy of the same breed and named it the same name as the one who died. animals are one of the few things we have left on this planet that matter. don’t turn them into accessories. that should not be something i have to ask for or remind anyone of. i’ve been thinking more and more about what a shithole we’ve turned our lives and living spaces into; and how badly we all need help. why are we all so miserable? why does almost every person have a [life-threatening] illness? we’ve made it so difficult for ourselves. our species is obviously rejecting the way we’re forcing it to live. what happened to being direct and honest? natural? why is Veganism or Crystal Healing a trend? more and more people want this fabricated lifestyle but then they seem so miserable ... why isn’t this as obvious to everyone as it is to me? it’s rare, now, to find someone who cares about the more important things. Say, perhaps, the well-being of others, the well-being of oneself, or buying something that isn’t made in china or mass-produced. Perhaps taking care of another instead of yourself for a day, or vice-versa. Do something today that no one else would dream about in today’s society. Take that motherfucking leap that you’ve been hesitant of.

on a more specific note - consumerism and materialism is one area where i’ve really been struggling with recently. I’m extremely focused on bigger corporations that aren’t doing anything to improve the world, or vivi back in any way. i’m disgusted by things that are made cheaply and sold cheaply. probably made by children or slave labor workers, too. and definitely in China. what happened to hand-embroidery? natural dyes? using more fabric for a design because that’s what looked best; not because of how much it was using up. wouldn’t you rather have one item that was more expensive, but that was made with all of the love and care that the designer themselves put into it - over a million of shitty, cheap ones that just get thrown away and are worthless after you buy it (for more than it’s worth)?

“BUY LESS, CHOOSE WELL.” -Vivienne Westwood

i hope you spend the rest of your time Here wisely. be kind to one another. we can only reach world peace by using peace within our ‘world’ (inner circle - whatever).

thank you for listening to my first online rant. happy holidays. let’s pray and work towards a better 2018 because 2017 sure as hell was worse than 2016.

-Zoë

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 40 - NYI - Panic Button

The abbreviation NYI is awfully close to NYE. I point that out not just because I spent this game at a New Year’s Eve party like most people who weren’t there, but because there is some happenstance of time and place going on here. The Islanders and the Sabres usher in the New Year with a lot of questions on the horizon one of which being each other. The Sabres have been comfortably in a playoff spot for almost two months but it ain’t comfortable anymore. One of three, maybe four teams looking to take that spot from Buffalo is the New York Islanders. Going into this game they were four points back of the Sabres. Coming out of this game they are two points back and the Sabres now sit in a wild card spot following the Bruins Winter Classic victory over the Chicago Blackhawks. The consensus on twitter and elsewhere seemed to be to smash that panic button and I think I would be there too if it weren’t for a few things going on in my personal life. This sort of thing is put into perspective for me right now and I got to say my patience level for the best Sabres season I’ve seen since I was in High School is higher than it should be. Nonetheless this game was a point by point exhibit of why the Buffalo Sabres are where they are now going into the New Year. Let’s just say the exhibit is in the museum of natural history, not the Hall of Fame if you will. Oh yea, and Happy New Year!

The game started out the way every Sabres game since early December seems to. Buffalo comes out of the gates swinging getting a ton of early chances in and outshooting the opposition to kingdom Come. Then the opponent starts pushing back and the first period is something of a wash if no one scores. It’s worth noting Carter Hutton stood on his head in this game, particularly in the first making a handful of unreal stops. No one scored in the first. It’s also worth noting however that CJ Smith got called up from Rochester before this game. CJ has been top 3 in points on that team for a season and a half now so it was one of the most well-earned call ups in recent memory. That said there was speculation he was in for Jack Eichel who missed practice on a maintenance day according to Coach Phil Housley the day before this matchup. Jack Eichel started in this game and beat reporter Paul Hamilton reported CJ Smith was going in this game Eichel or not. Smith didn’t make a huge impact in this game and was overshadowed by what precipitated with Jack: that is, the Captain played three shifts toward the beginning of the first and did not return for the remainder of the game. Scary in its own right that news is, in spite of the ten game banger back in November the reality of this team is still that it goes as far as Jack Eichel takes it. Housley did update the situation afterward saying Eichel is out with an upper-body injury and should not be gone for long. That’s not only good on the face of it, but an upper-body injury means it’s not one of his ankles which would be a whole other level of concern. Crisis averted there.

Unfortunately the bigger crisis with this team was laid bare as the second period went on. Old pal Robin Lehner, a guy who has been making big important strides in his personal life, came into this game on a shutout streak after stoning the Leafs in the John Tavares revenge game a couple nights prior. He and his incredible season this year stood tall holding the Sabres off the score sheet for two periods in this game. Islander Nick Leddy broke the ice at 2:99 into the second when his shot outmaneuvered Hutton to put the visitors up 1-0. The Sabres then took two penalties in this period, killed them both off before looking generally listless to finish out the period. Hutton continued to need to block quite a few chances. This state of affairs continued into the third period when twitter philosopher Josh Ho-Sang got the puck to Brock Nelson who shot the puck right into Carter Hutton’s glove. Unfortunately it didn’t stay there and flew heavenwards before arching back into the goal. 2-0 Islanders and at this point my family has moved from the kitchen into the living room, we’re just shooting the shit and I’m dying for one of these comeback games from Buffalo; almost to justify how much I’ve carpet bombed my family with this team. That’s when Buffalo gets a powerplay off of Matt Barzal and Kyle Okposo ends his seemingly forever goal drought with a quick laser from the circle: a powerplay goal from the Sabres, from Kyle Okposo? You could see the relief in Kyle’s eyes. That felt like destiny because not only is he my wife’s favorite player but the Sabres never score on the powerplay!

Could it be the start of something!? The Buffalo Sabres said no. The home team more or less faded as the clock ticked away on this game and calendar year 2018 and Hutton was pulled. Not long thereafter Ryan Pulock gets the puck from Robin Lehner way back in the Islanders zone and just skies it off the boards. As Rasmus Dahlin chases the puck with all his speed it just trickles into the empty net like a middle finger to this special holiday game and this one ends 3-1 Isles. Robin Lehner gets an assist on the final goal of the game. First O’Reilly in the St. Louis game and now Lehner at home on New Year’s Eve like we just had to send off 2018 like the shitty hockey year it was. The thing about it is that the most optimistic among us, of whom I consider myself a member, could’ve pretended like things were just a drowsy .500 right now, even after the last Boston game. Now it feels like if you’re not smashing that Panic Button you’re not paying attention. It’s secondary scoring, it’s the on-ice identity, it’s the defensive schema, it’s this it’s that; I just don’t feel like going through it all if right now if I’m being honest.

The good news… or bad news is that I will go through all that. This post will hardly have its time in the spotlight before I post the New Look Sabres blog Midseason Thoughts article. That will be a longer form article looking at the bigger picture of the Sabres this season. It will have the makeup of one of my off-season pieces and quite a bit to say about the playoffs good and bad if you know what I mean. Look out for that as you like, comment and share this blog. Damn, I just looked at the standings again. This is starting to really make me sadder. Happy New Year, I’ll let the optimist in me wrap this up and say I look forward to what this 2019 has in store for us with the Buffalo Sabres. We’ll be taking a New Look at this team before you know it!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. It looks like the 2020 Winter Classic will be hosted by the Dallas Stars in the Cotton Bowl. I haven’t found a straight answer on their opponent yet but with these things it’s safe to just guess the Chicago Blackhawks because of course.

[selfthoughtsandreflection]

12/26/2018

Day after Christmas-

I flew back to Ann Arbor on the 22nd. This is a particularly exciting vacation because I’ve turned off my email for the week so I can’t have access to my email. Go block leave. But, this is particularly sensitive timing for my family. Grandpa tripped and is in the hospital unconscious because he has a hemorrhage. Mom is in China with Grandpa and coming back on the 29th which means I’m the lucky winner that’s taking care of my brother while mom is not here. 

In the past couple of days, family friends have been nice enough to offer us their hospitality, inviting us to their holiday parties and family gathering. I’ve been taking my brother to those because I don’t want him to feel so alone during the holidays, where everyone is spending time with family and gathering together to celebrate. 

I’m realizing how difficult this is. Today, I wanted to take the bro to a cafe because I’m going crazy from spending all day at home, it just feels so suffocating ya know? I told him that if we’re going to a cafe, he needs to bring a book to read and he absolutely refused. I threatened that I wouldn’t take him if that’s the case and he said- “OK”. I’m so annoyed because he knew that I cared too much to leave him at home alone. He hasn’t eaten breakfast or lunch so I wanted to feed him at the cafe. This was supposed to be my vacation where I can actually unplug, relax, and enjoy time with myself or friends and family. Instead, I’m actually like a second mom, taking care of a teenage kid. I never signed up for this and I can’t help but be angry at the situation. There’s nothing I can do about the situation and it’s just so unfortunate. But, when I compare my current situation with my other coworkers or friends, who have both parents to talk to, a large family to go home and celebrate with, or the monetary means to go somewhere fancy for vacation, I can’t help but feel a little less than.

My hope is that the suffering is a character building experience which in the future I will look back at and say that it was a good learning experience. I also hope this is only a short term- it’s been such a tough 2018.

On top of that, I’ve been looking for jobs and the last role that I interviewed for just turned me down. I’m honestly kind of shocked they rejected me. But, I guess it’s not a bad thing because I wasn’t so keen on it anyways. I was also brutally honest at the interview. They asked me how I feel my current job and I literally told them everything I felt that was wrong about what my current role is and what I want for the future. Maybe I was too much of a visionary because I talked about how I want to lead and they probably wanted someone who is more of a follower type role. It’s not bad, it just means that it’s not the right role. But it does hurt my ego a little bit to get rejected. There’s been so many rejections so I just don’t know when the yes will be. I just pray that God has a handle on this and he will deliver the perfect role at the perfect time for me after all of these trials.

I’ve been reading a bunch of life philosophy books and really reflecting on what I want in life recently. 

Lean In- The book by Cheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook. She talks about how we should bring up gender bias as a topic of discussion in organizations. Women are expected to “do it all” but the truth is, we don’t have to do it all, we just have to do well at what we value the most. Family, career etc. It’s important to have a supportive spouse as well as a supportive work culture in order to facilitate that success and we should expect support, not do it all alone. 

1) What really struck with me is when she talked about how it’s important to ask and to set expectations. As women, we’re sometimes expected to be grateful for what we have instead of demanding for more, for the fear that demanding can be seen as “bossy.” But, if we never ask, how can we be expected to receive? 

2) We should take risks. Cheryl took the risk of joining Google to be head of a division that hasn’t even existed when she signed the job offer. It’s important to take risks. In my opinion, as I’m reflecting on the job search, the ideal role is something strategic & finance in a developed startup where I can see myself growing with the company. The way to make it is to be promoted when the company gets acquired or grow with the company as the firm expands. I’m actually a workaholic- I don’t mind work, I actually enjoy working when I can see how much impact my input translates in terms of output so as long as I can see meaning behind what I’m doing, I’m actually really happy working. I think my personality is fit for a startup that gives me many hats to wear and I can make a big impact.

Tuesdays with Morrie’s- This book made me cry. Morrie’s has Lou Gherig’s disease, or ALS, which is a neuro degenerative disease. His old student rekindles the relationship after being a workaholic and Morrie’s gives the student lessons every Tuesday until he passes away. The important takeaway is that in life, we need to figure out when we’re dying, what will we really treasure about the life that we lived? What do we really see ourselves leaving a legacy in? For me, I think that’s having a fulfilling career and leaving an impact on people around- family, friends etc. When I think about it, I actually would really enjoy having a family and raising kids in a way that my parents couldn’t, provide for them and be there for them in ways that my parents couldn’t. I don’t blame them but I feel like there’s so many other ways I could see improvement and I want to do that. I would hire a nanny though, I want my kids to appreciate time with me and not take me for granted. I also realized I’m really easily attached and I really like having that emotional support. When I find this job and I’m in California, I should find a bae. I like spending time and emotionally connecting with someone. Friends is nice but the connection is different. 

Man’s Search for Meaning- This book is about a doctor who survived the Holocaust, he writes about the Holocaust from a psychological perspective. Psychologically what happens to people as they’re in the concentration camps and what happens after. My main takeaway from that book was that your mental belief can actually have a huge influence on your physical health. One of the patients he was overseeing in the concentration camp was struck with Syphilis. The patient said that freedom and salvation will be New Years. Sadly, NYE came around and there was no sight of freedom. The patient actually died on that night. The conclusion is that he gave us mentally because he thought that day was freedom; in a sense, that day he was granted freedom because he had passed and no longer had to suffer the physical illness. But, the story just shows that one’s mental state can really influence positively or negatively physical outcomes. I think this ties really well to the idea of “law of attraction.” Mentally, we need to think about how we can do it, we can succeed. If we don’t think so in our minds, then it’s harder to obtain what we want. We need to mentally welcome things in order for them to physically occur in life.

I find journals like these to be so therapeutic, I’m not sure if anyone reads these but the above are nuggets that I hope someday will help someone that is in a similar state of mind as I am in now. It’s important to maintain the hope and really channel the law of attraction in times of difficulty. Believe that suffering is a temporary state and the suffering is because God is building something greater for you. 

My 2019 plans are: 

1) I want to do a headstand so I think I’m going to attend yoga more, I think the yoga’s physical effects are so great- after I went to y7 I was like super sore and it was great but I also felt so clean in my mind. I really like that.

2) Find the right role with the right pay that will get me to become senior enough to make decisions, be that diversity in an organization that will be the right fit for my vision and my skillset in north Cali. Not sure if that’s where I’ll be forever but I definitely want to try it out for a couple of years.

3) Get a boyfriend. I think it’s right time for me to find someone to share emotional connections with and someone to spend the free time that I’ll have when I switch roles and do things with. I miss that aspect of the relationship.

4) Get a dog, I love dogs and I want a dog that’s fluffy that I can just hug and run around with. Probably like a medium sized dog that I can easily pick up but that’s not too small to fit in a bag. 

2018 has been a year of pretty shitty things. This is the first full year out of college. I’ve had several mental breakdowns at work and at home. This year has been a year of many challenges and many tears. I lost my Grandma, mom had surgery, and Grandpa got a hemorrhage.  It’s a good learning experience. I’m learning what I want in life, what I value, and how to deal with challenges. In the current moment, this all sucks so much but I know in the future this will allow me to achieve greater things. 

2019 will be a better year for sure. (It’s hard to make a year worse than 2018. kidding).

I’m optimistic and I look forward to what I will achieve and what the New Year will bring for me and the people around me.

[jackiedluke]

It’s Cold Outside And… Holy Crap! I Actually Review Some Samples! (Tasting Two Under-The-Radar Gems)

Look! Wine samples!!!

If it feels like forever since I’ve actually highlighted something from the wine sample pool in a feature here, that’s because in Internet terms, it more or less has actually been forever since I’ve actually highlighted something from the wine sample pool in a feature here.

This is, I like to think, a function of having so many worthy travel-related wine experiences to impart to you (as well as having to drum up at least some money in doing writing and video work for other outlets). But it’s probably more a function of devoted single-fatherhood, the holidays, and allowing myself the gift of not feeling as though I have to hustle all of the f-cking time.

But as the temperature has dipped into obscenely low levels in the Mid-Atlantic U.S. region that I call home at the tail-end of the Winter holiday season, I’ve been raiding the home sample pool in between media jaunts. Two things were bound to happen in that scenario (in order of decreasing statistical likelihood): 1) hangovers, and 2) finding at least a couple of gems to recommend to you.

And so, I’m happy to report that I did find some sample pool princesses to highlight, after kissing a fair amount of frogs…

2011 Lieb Family Cellars Reserve Blanc de Blancs Sparkling Pinot Blanc (North Fork of Long Island, $30)

So, Blanc de Blancs from (Pinot) Blanc; not exactly Earth-shattering novelty, but it hails from an area of the world that is not exactly a household name with respect to the modern sparkling wine market. Only about 900 cases of this 2011 bubbly were made, but presumably every one of them was crafted with the kind of care that should make wine lovers’ mouths water a little bit.

To wit: this is a sparkler that is clearly designed to impress: using yeast developed in Champagne’s Epernay, and seeing four years of tirage. The mousse is delicate, the nose floral (with lovely little apple and brioche action), and the palate almost downright rich (by bubbly standards) with pear, toast, and a touch of honey (the wild, local kind, and not the store-bought, overly-processed kind). Thanks to some raging acidity, your mouth will only barely register the 12 g/l of sugar (though my mind is definitely wondering if a racier, more linear version of this with a smaller dosage would taste just as elegant as this current mix does).

2015 Stéphane Aviron Chenas Vieilles Vignes (Beaujolais, $20)

How. The. HELL. I don’t understand how this wine isn’t $35 a bottle. Well, I do understand it, because it has the word Beaujolais on the label and, well, marketing and all of that. But still… Aviron has been getting Gamay grapes from the Chenas 13-some-odd acre vineyard parcel that sources this wine since the early 1990s, but the vines themselves actually qualify as old even by jaded wine nerd standards; they’re average age is 100 years, and most are pre-phylloxera. The site sits on pebbly, clay-and-quartz soil that, presumably, was deemed too shitty to grow anything other than grapes many, many years ago.

Aviron uses precisely zero carbonic maceration in the creation of this Chenas, ostensibly because this is a serious vineyard and therefore deserves a more serious approach, but I’m guessing that the true reason is that Gamay grapes with red berry and plummy fruitiness this deep and lively simply don’t require it. The wine sees a year of aging in oak aged between one and four years, and the result is spicy, peppery, brambly, herbal, and, if I may be so bold (hey, we’re talking about Gamay, here), layered. It’s a minor triumph of a wine; the kind of thing you pull out for pizza night, and then realize with rapid, holy-shit-dude! certainty that your pie is in no way worthy of what you just poured.

Cheers!

Grab The 1WineDude.com Tasting Guide and start getting more out of every glass of wine today!

Shop Wine Products at Amazon.com

Copyright © 2016. Originally at It’s Cold Outside And… Holy Crap! I Actually Review Some Samples! (Tasting Two Under-The-Radar Gems) from 1WineDude.com – for personal, non-commercial use only. Cheers! Source: http://www.1winedude.com/its-cold-outside-and-holy-crap-i-actually-review-some-samples-tasting-two-under-the-radar-gems/

source https://meself84.wordpress.com/2018/01/10/its-cold-outside-and-holy-crap-i-actually-review-some-samples-tasting-two-under-the-radar-gems/ from Sommelier Courses http://sommeliercourses.blogspot.com/2018/01/its-cold-outside-and-holy-crap-i.html

[sommeliercourses]

It’s Cold Outside And… Holy Crap! I Actually Review Some Samples! (Tasting Two Under-The-Radar Gems)

Look! Wine samples!!!

If it feels like forever since I’ve actually highlighted something from the wine sample pool in a feature here, that’s because in Internet terms, it more or less has actually been forever since I’ve actually highlighted something from the wine sample pool in a feature here.

This is, I like to think, a function of having so many worthy travel-related wine experiences to impart to you (as well as having to drum up at least some money in doing writing and video work for other outlets). But it’s probably more a function of devoted single-fatherhood, the holidays, and allowing myself the gift of not feeling as though I have to hustle all of the f-cking time.

But as the temperature has dipped into obscenely low levels in the Mid-Atlantic U.S. region that I call home at the tail-end of the Winter holiday season, I’ve been raiding the home sample pool in between media jaunts. Two things were bound to happen in that scenario (in order of decreasing statistical likelihood): 1) hangovers, and 2) finding at least a couple of gems to recommend to you.

And so, I’m happy to report that I did find some sample pool princesses to highlight, after kissing a fair amount of frogs…

2011 Lieb Family Cellars Reserve Blanc de Blancs Sparkling Pinot Blanc (North Fork of Long Island, $30)

So, Blanc de Blancs from (Pinot) Blanc; not exactly Earth-shattering novelty, but it hails from an area of the world that is not exactly a household name with respect to the modern sparkling wine market. Only about 900 cases of this 2011 bubbly were made, but presumably every one of them was crafted with the kind of care that should make wine lovers’ mouths water a little bit.

To wit: this is a sparkler that is clearly designed to impress: using yeast developed in Champagne’s Epernay, and seeing four years of tirage. The mousse is delicate, the nose floral (with lovely little apple and brioche action), and the palate almost downright rich (by bubbly standards) with pear, toast, and a touch of honey (the wild, local kind, and not the store-bought, overly-processed kind). Thanks to some raging acidity, your mouth will only barely register the 12 g/l of sugar (though my mind is definitely wondering if a racier, more linear version of this with a smaller dosage would taste just as elegant as this current mix does).

2015 Stéphane Aviron Chenas Vieilles Vignes (Beaujolais, $20)

How. The. HELL. I don’t understand how this wine isn’t $35 a bottle. Well, I do understand it, because it has the word Beaujolais on the label and, well, marketing and all of that. But still… Aviron has been getting Gamay grapes from the Chenas 13-some-odd acre vineyard parcel that sources this wine since the early 1990s, but the vines themselves actually qualify as old even by jaded wine nerd standards; they’re average age is 100 years, and most are pre-phylloxera. The site sits on pebbly, clay-and-quartz soil that, presumably, was deemed too shitty to grow anything other than grapes many, many years ago.

Aviron uses precisely zero carbonic maceration in the creation of this Chenas, ostensibly because this is a serious vineyard and therefore deserves a more serious approach, but I’m guessing that the true reason is that Gamay grapes with red berry and plummy fruitiness this deep and lively simply don’t require it. The wine sees a year of aging in oak aged between one and four years, and the result is spicy, peppery, brambly, herbal, and, if I may be so bold (hey, we’re talking about Gamay, here), layered. It’s a minor triumph of a wine; the kind of thing you pull out for pizza night, and then realize with rapid, holy-shit-dude! certainty that your pie is in no way worthy of what you just poured.

Cheers!

Grab The 1WineDude.com Tasting Guide and start getting more out of every glass of wine today!

Shop Wine Products at Amazon.com

Copyright © 2016. Originally at It’s Cold Outside And… Holy Crap! I Actually Review Some Samples! (Tasting Two Under-The-Radar Gems) from 1WineDude.com – for personal, non-commercial use only. Cheers! Source: http://www.1winedude.com/its-cold-outside-and-holy-crap-i-actually-review-some-samples-tasting-two-under-the-radar-gems/

from Linda Johnson https://meself84.wordpress.com/2018/01/10/its-cold-outside-and-holy-crap-i-actually-review-some-samples-tasting-two-under-the-radar-gems/