#having introjects of 1 or both of these are enabling me.

[nv4dll]

I'm unleashing my evil

[gynarchyboi]



An old missive From Ms Lane

You should fear what this might do to you.

MsReneeLane 48F Dom

For a long time I have thought that women needed a physical place where we could push the envelope of Domme Fem and the limits of male consent. Think about an actual OWK but let's make it a Queendom. Also, this time, let it truly be run by women. It has all been fantasy but lately I've been involved in a project that might fund it.

My rumination of the Queendom led me to think about institutionalization. This is something that people who work in mental health and prisons worry about. And, they should. However when I read about it and thought about our slaves in the Queendom I got all slippery..............

"Institutionalization is an often-deliberate process whereby a person entering the institution is reprogrammed to accept and conform to strict controls that enables the institution to manage a large number of people with a minimum of necessary staff.

(1) Depersonalize from the beginning. The process of denying the person their old identity starts when the inmate enters the door, including weighing, photographing, fingerprinting, searching, bathing, disinfecting, removal of personal possessions and dressing in undifferentiated clothing.

(2). Force a break with the outer world. Separate the person from the external world. Deny them visitors. Force them to face into the institution rather than hanker after external contact. Allow visitors only as a reward for acceptance of institutional rules. After a visit, watch how they behave carefully and only allow subsequent visits if they show no signs of rejecting the institution.

(3) Force obedience Unquestioning obedience is forced by harsh punishment, both psychological and physical. The person may be required to 'willingly' engage in humiliating acts. There may be deliberate 'will-breaking' activities, typically as a part of the 'welcoming' initiation rites.

(4) Destroy the self....................Forcing obedience acts to destroy self-determination. This may be continued to the point where the inmate does not even know who he or she is. Attacking them with verbal abuse continues to erode their sense of an integrated self. Giving them menial tasks show them as inferior.

(5) A simple and powerful method is to deny them even their name, reducing them to a number. Everything that they possess, even bedding, may be regularly changed, so they cannot even form attachments to inanimate objects.

(6) Physically assault them Physical handling, defacing them with tattoos, shock therapy and more teaches them that not even their bodies are sacred and are under the control of the institution.

(7) Control every aspect of their lives Controlling every element of their lives takes away their ability to decide. When they speak, how they eat, how and when they use the toilet, may all be controlled. What they do, including the repetition of futile and useless work is dictated to them.

(8) Normalize. The model of outer and inner worlds mirrors the individual's outer and inner world. The institution needs to create inner models where the institution is introjected as accepted normality and the outside the institution is projected as a bad object. The process of institutionalization is complete when the inmate fears and rejects the outside world, feeling at home only within the institution. Of course this brings another problem when the inmate leaves, but this may not be the concern of the institution, although it may have a period before release in which it seeks to de-institutionalize the inmate."

Jeepers. It's like someone wrote me the playbook. I'm know I'm bad. You don't have to tell me. I am worried about the power corrupting the women of the my Queendom. The fear is not without merit. I don't want to scare anyone from engaging in FLR but I want you to remember that we are playing with very dangerous forces. One can release something in your guard. Check out this site about how power invades the soul.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stanford_Prison_Experiment_(film)

Of course you shouldn't worry about the women. Imagine what this regime might be do to you.

Date Apr 19, 2021

[jupiteronic]

MOTIVATION! pt 1

in this series i will first talk about how to motivate yourself, both in terms of general tips + according to your chart in my 🧅 (ik a lot of us are struggling with this rn so that’s why i finally finished this 😈). pt 1 does not cover the astrological side. disclaimer: not an expert

motivation can be defined as the process that enables you to carry out tasks or implement behaviours; it initiates, guides and maintains goal-oriented behaviours. (x) the first step to motivating yourself is either figuring out your locus of control (worth reading but basically whether you generally attribute your successes and failures to your own efforts - internal locus of control - or outside forces like luck/fate - external locus of control. neither is inherently good or bad despite popular misconception even in the psychology community, although obviously people with internal locuses of control are more likely to do well in capitalist societies and individualist cultures 🤢), or on a similar note, what type of motivations empower you more. in motivation psychology, they are usually split into two different types: extrinsic motivations and intrinsic motivations. there are other types suggested though.

extrinsic motivations: motivations “that arise from outside of the individual and often involve rewards such as trophies, money, social recognition, or praise.” 

intrinsic motivations: motivations “that arise from within the individual, such as doing a complicated crossword puzzle purely for the personal gratification of solving a problem.”

ideally, we would be purely motivated by intrinsic motivations (depending on culture), but that is not always the case and is very difficult for many people, so shaming people for being motivated by extrinsic motivations is not helpful either. however, we should strive to be motivated for intrinsic reasons for at least some of the time. this is not to say individualistic cultures are superior (strongly disagree lmao) but one healthy idea to adopt is motivating and uplifting yourself where possible by doing things out of personal whim or desire.

general motivation tips:

remember if stress is affecting your motivation that stress can literally severely impair your cognitive ability, especially repeated stress. if the main thing affecting your motivation is stress, do activities that soothe YOU and try DBT exercises if you haven’t (will talk about this more below)

practise opposite action. what is opposite action? opposite action is a DBT/ emotional regulation skill where you essentially identify negative emotions and do the opposite action of what the emotion urges you to do. this is very difficult to do when extremely demotivated, but smart small if you can. when stressed, we tend to do a lot of things in a messy, chaotic way due to the diminished cognitive capacity. so in times where you feel a sense of urgency to do something, do slow, calming activities, deep breathing exercises, etc. this will help you get your clarity back. however when anxious (as opposed to stressed) we tend to avoid the stressor or isolate. in these cases, trying to do the things that we are avoiding can help combat feelings of anxiety (deep breathing exercises also advised). practising opposite action also helps with motivation in the long run, carrying out tasks in times of stress, and just doing things we don’t want to do. more examples of opposite action here

^ apologies for the scuffed editing lmao the original wasn’t as helpful

if there’s something you’re trying to do but struggling to find the motivation to carry out, make it so you have another task that’s equally or nearly just as important but even less desirable to do. your brain will likely glitch and doing the first task becomes somehow easier (this works great for me with tasks i don’t wanna do despite being mostly demotivated)

positive self-talk can be extremely effective with performance!!! if you aren’t already, catch yourself in the middle of negative or harmful thoughts and redirect them - do not attempt to forcefully replace them unless you know that works for you - towards positive ones, EVEN if you do not believe them. eventually you will start to. affirm yourself that you *can* start this, you *can* finish this, and your results *will* be impressive - say it out loud if you’re able to, multiple times. the reason you shouldn’t attempt to forcefully replace or bully thoughts away is it can reinforce unhealthy behaviours and feelings like shame, guilt, anger at yourself, etc which is all ultimately a demotivating mindset to get trapped in.

surround yourself with optimistic and supportive people. if the people around you aren’t either of those, try reaching out to people who are, even if you do not know them. 

practise introjection. what is introjection? it is a coping mechanism where we take on personality attributes of people we think would cope with the situation better (e.g. what would ___ do?). it’s something most of us have done at some point, but in moments of stress it’s a lot harder to remember such skills. that’s why practice is extremely important. visualise what someone else would do to do what you want to be doing, whether it’s someone you have an emotional attachment to or just someone who inspires you.

finally, meditation can be very effective with building motivation for SOME, while others can find it demotivating. there are guided meditation videos on youtube and apps built for motivation (dm me if you want a list!) that will help you remain grounded, focused and driven. if your struggle with motivation is anxiety-based, there are also meditations specifically for that. good luck!

[mbti-notes]

INFJ- I read your page about manipulative behavior. A month ago, I met someone who I quickly learned is manipulative. In a unique set of circumstances, he earned basic trust from me (I understand why I was targeted), so only inconsequential topics were shared; I noticed his subtleties, then ignored him once enough pieces added up to reveal his low opinion of me. I came out mostly unscathed. I was done with him, but he wasn’t done with me (1).

[con’t: A week later, he followed me at our college (we’re both students) to throw a surprise tantrum for ignoring him, indicating complete devaluation. My mistake was introjecting his obnoxious behavior. I remained no-contact, continuing to hold my ground and ignoring him. Three weeks later, he repeated this pattern to test how much control he had over me. I maintained eye contact this time, but introjected again. He’s persistent about trying to break me down. He has friends helping him behind the scenes too. Subconsciously, I know I’m uncomfortable because he’s emotionally unavailable and everything’s entirely on his terms, so healthy communication isn’t possible. I don’t know how to deal with an oppressive brick wall. I’ve had my closure for a while, but now it’s frustrating that he insists on being a loose end. Introjecting is the closest he gets to pulling a reaction from me. How do I stop so he can’t use it as an excuse to justify targeting me?]

I’m not sure that I can offer anything useful because I don’t have any understanding of what is motivating his behavior beyond your limited perspective. There’s no way for me to assess the severity of his manipulative tendencies. It seems he is upset that you started ignoring him without any explanation, so maybe he feels hurt by your behavior and thus can’t let it go. Perhaps you have not communicated your wishes and boundaries directly, so he doesn’t understand what’s happening or that he’s crossing a line. Tell him that you don’t want a relationship, but perhaps you can pretend to make it about you rather than him so that he doesn’t take it personally and get vindictive. 

If you’re right about him being manipulative, never feed his desire for control and attention. If he wants a reaction from you, never give it to him. If you’ve made your wishes and boundaries clear yet he still chooses to disrespect or violate them, then he’s the one doing something wrong, not you. You have every right to end a relationship when you know it’s not good for you. Stand your ground.

You use the term introjection, but I don’t think it’s the right word to use. There’s nothing wrong with feeling influenced by people because it makes empathy possible and is necessary for forming healthy relationships; however, this sensitivity can be used against you when the relationship is unhealthy, and that’s not your fault. You can admit that this situation frightens you, destabilizes you, or that it hurts to feel your boundaries violated - it is completely reasonable to feel this way when faced with someone who might be dangerous. What you don’t want is to be gripped by negative emotions into making bad decisions. For example, it’s okay to be afraid but it’s not okay to show your fear to him because that would enable him to continue.

There are times in life when you must use defense mechanisms to safeguard your psychological and/or physical well-being. Self-defense is the correct response when your safety or survival are threatened. Manipulators are emotionally volatile and this makes them rather unpredictable until you understand what is motivating their fixation. It could be that if you ignore him long enough, he’ll lose interest and find a new target (motivation is boredom). It could be that the more you ignore him, the harder he’ll try (motivation is domination). Listen to your gut when it warns you about safety. If you think that his behavior is getting out of hand to the point of being dangerous, then perhaps you have to involve law enforcement. 

[klein-archive]

Omnipotence, survival and hope

20th July 2016

I have unearthed some very interesting material in the archive, concerning Klein’s emphasis on the child’s need for some ‘mania’ and ‘omnipotence’ as part of normal development. That is, she seems to want to stress not just the defensive need for omnipotence, and its potentially destructive consequences, but also its potentially reparative (or ‘restorative’) and developmental functions. She also makes an important link between omnipotence and hope. This nuanced and balanced view already comes out in some of Klein’s published writing but it seems to me that it is somewhat more emphasised in other, unpublished work to be found in the archive.

In her 1935 published paper ‘A Contribution to the Psychogenesis of Manic-Depressive States’, and further in ‘Mourning and its Relation to Manic Depressive States’ of 1940, before her final idea of the paranoid schizoid and depressive positions was established, Klein proposed a ‘manic position’ oscillating with the depressive position. To quote from her 1940 paper: “The fluctuations between the depressive and the manic position are an essential part of normal development. The ego is driven by depressive anxieties (anxiety lest the loved objects as well as itself should be destroyed) to build up omnipotent and violent phantasies, partly for the purpose of mastering and controlling the ‘bad’, dangerous objects, partly in order to save and restore the loved ones…omnipotence, denial and idealisation, closely bound up with ambivalence, enable the early ego to assert itself to a certain degree against its internal persecutors and against a slavish and perilous dependence upon its loved objects…” (Klein 1940, p.349).

I have so far found in the archive two examples of unpublished work in which the need for, and thus sometimes the positive value of, omnipotence is stressed even further. There is a sense of Klein worrying away at this problem, wanting to be fair to both sides, so to speak. The first fragment appears in PP/KLE/D4, and consists of three typed pages, with a heading in Klein’s own writing. It may have been intended to be part of a lecture. It is a theoretical note, which appears amongst a large collection of material (D1-D17) mostly relating to technique.

Extract from D4

Although the extract below is undated, Klein probably wrote it between 1940 and 1946, as it refers to material about the depressive and manic positions as it appeared in her 1940 paper, but not to the paranoid schizoid position, which is described only in 1946. Some of the phrasing is identical to that used in the 1940 paper, (for example ‘slavish and perilous dependence on its loved object’). The three-page fragment reads as follows:

[Title in Klein’s handwriting, and underlined]

Manic Position

[The rest is in typescript]

I want to stress the fact that the change over from the depressive to the manic position and the fluctuations forward and backwards between these positions are a condition for normal development.

As I mentioned in my paper, the manic position indicates an important advance in development. To deal with its anxieties and grief arising out of the phantastic destructions of its loved object, the ego must employ omnipotent phantasies- partly for the purpose of controlling and mastering its dangerous objects, partly in order to save and restore its loved objects. Thus, the first activities and sublimations of the infant are linked up with his omnipotent phantasies.

Another important element of the manic position I stressed is denial, which is also an indispensable condition for development. Without partial and temporary denial of his psychic reality the ego cannot bear the disaster he is confronted with when it becomes identified with the whole and loved object.

Omnipotence and denial thus enable the ego to assert itself to a certain degree against its internal persecutors and against the slavish and perilous dependence on its loved object, and thus to make further steps of development, such as ambivalence in connection with the real objects- by the ego’s splitting them into good and bad – that is to say into loved and hated ones – together with a reinforced operation of the mechanisms of projection and introjection – mechanisms all of which allow the ego to gain more trust in some objects and to carry out reparation in connection with these, that is to say to develop sublimations. Thereby anxiety and guilt become diminished and the strengthened ego is able to make further steps towards the unification of his imagos and towards facing more its psychic reality and again more up to the depressive position with the sufferings this implies.

It is clear that the outcome must be entirely different whether or not the ego fortifies its manic position in a stronger or lesser degree. If the manic position is strongly held further steps towards facing its psychical reality with all that this implies are impeded. Much depends also on the ways and directions in which the manic defence is being used. Whether omnipotence is predominantly used for destroying or for aggressive mastering and controlling the objects, or for purposes of restoration much lead to entirely different results both as regards sublimations and relations to objects. As one can easily observe, very strong feelings of omnipotence, if they serve predominantly purposes of restoration, can result in real great achievement and in a fairly good relation to objects, if the development of the ego can keep pace with the phantasies.

Then again, as regards denial: what is the chief content of the denial? Is it the extent of the subject’s greed, hate and guilt, is it the strength of his feelings of love, or is it the importance and value of his objects? And here again, of objects in general, or of some particular object? Is it the greatness of the destruction and the danger of the persecutors which is to be denied, or the ego’s incapacity to restore? And so on. All these details being the result of an interplay between omnipotence, denial and a multitude of other factors, have a strong bearing on the relation to people and to sublimations.

Considering the manic position in connection with object relations and feelings of love, I should say that it does not necessarily do away with them, but always restricts and impedes them in one way or another. Besides diminishing the strength of feelings altogether and disturbing the capacity of a good object with people in general, there are usually brought about special conditions under which positive feelings towards objects can come out. For instance, some persons can have friendly feelings towards only if they get praise or reassurance from them, or if they can master them. This mastery can be either predominantly aggressive or predominantly restorative. Or, the object which can be taught or helped in one way or another, and which the individual thereby controls, can be loved to a certain degree. An important characteristic of this position, if it is developed to any strength, seems to me to be the difficulty in understanding people as they are and appreciating their objective value, apart from the object’s attitude towards the subject. This implies that the manic attitude is lively to blur judgement and to impede a deep insight.

In her last paper, ‘On the Sense of Loneliness’ (1963), published after her death, Klein explores the relationship between omnipotence and hope. She says: With integration and a growing sense of reality, omnipotence is bound to be lessened, and this again contributes to the pain of integration, for it means a diminished capacity for hope. While there are other sources of hopefulness which derive from the strength of the ego and from trust in oneself and others, an element of omnipotence is always part of it (Klein 1963, pp.304-5).

Extract from C29

In the archive there is additional material in C29 connected with Klein’s work on the ‘Loneliness’ paper. This material was written in the late 1950s, near the end of her life. Here, in her unpublished notes and jottings, Klein goes even further in underlining the vital relation, as she sees it, between omnipotence and hope. She scribbles various notes to herself. Some of them are headed ‘For book’, and the impression is that she intended to write a whole book on loneliness. One such memo, typed on a page to itself reads:

For Book

The importance of omnipotence: without it one cannot live. Hope is impossible without omnipotence. If you have not the feeling that you can carry something through, you cannot carry through anything.

[In another note she writes (in typescript except where noted)]:

Note re Omnipotence [added in handwriting] For Book

Optimism and the feeling of being able to wait is supported by omnipotence. This need not be omnipotence to such a degree that it falls under the heading of megalomania – it can be of a much more moderate form and degree. But it is part of that feeling “never mind, I shall achieve what I want, I shall preserve my good object, etc.”

This feeling, like idealization, goes when integration is achieved.

The feeling of flatness is not only that glamour is gone, but also what glamour consists of, and that is omnipotence.

One never loses omnipotence. Any omnipotence still derives from that original source. This element persists, and links with hope. There is a stimulus towards hope derived from omnipotence.

References

Klein, M (1935) A Contribution to the Psychogenesis of Manic-Depressive States. The Writings of Melanie Klein, Vol 1 London: Hogarth Klein, M (1940) Mourning and its Relation to Manic-Depressive States. The Writings of Melanie Klein, Vol 1 London: Hogarth Klein, M (1946) Notes on Some Schizoid Mechanisms. The Writings of Melanie Klein, Vol 3 London: Hogarth Klein, M (1963) On the Sense of Loneliness. The Writings of Melanie Klein, Vol 3 London: Hogarth 

Note: I have also used some of this material from Klein’s ‘Loneliness’ archive in a discussion paper at the Melanie Klein Trust conference held on 4 June 2016, the material of which will be posted on the Melanie Klein Trust website in due course.