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#having money is great wish i wouldnt need to work for them
yudol-skorbi · 2 years
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did this between my deadlines really felt it
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eldesperadont · 1 year
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now with Jay White having left njpw ….. im mourning all the interesting development for his character that they didnt do. It makes me so tired of njpws „longterm booking“ and how it doesnt really work with their big name gaijins cause nobody stays long enough like an Okada or Naito.
since he joined Bullet Club it’s basically been the same plotpoint on repeat with some characters around him getting changed and replaced, and everytime sth happened that had me hoping for bigger development it just .. was the same again.
And i know im not alone with having wanted more out of Jays character, just look at the fan reaction to his WK loss to Ibushi, how that match and the promo afterwards got people to genuinely care for this pathetic asshole, cause of Jamies amazing performance as a broken insecure fucked up dude. Wishing for a faceturn or literally anything that wasnt the same “oh actually im great and im gonna ignore my issues”-thing again.
Over the last 5 years ive seen so many interesting ideas and speculations fans had about what we were shown on screen, but barely any of it actually led anywhere. (the amount of times they could have done an interesting betrayal with interesting fallout is driving me insane, instead they dragged this storyline forward like a corpse till Jay left)
I know that they needed Jay in that role with BC cause it makes them money, but as someone who enjoys wrestling the most cause of the stories: they are not getting me to pay for their product when i constantly have to hold back my excitement over sth cause the chance of it actually leading somewhere satisfying has been so damn low in the last 2-3 years.
from the top of my head: the last njpw storybeats that stayed with me and had me go „god this is why i watch wrestling“ were
Ibushi vs Despe cause of how perfect it was with their history (and that was on accident!! If hiromu wouldnt have been injured we wouldn’t even have gotten that)
the ELP/Robbie single matches saga
pretty much all of Jays big matches, BUT *read the above paragraphs again*
Hiromu and Desperados first BOSJ Final match cause of everything leading up to it and everything in the match - after that they kinda hit the repeating storybeat problem too
double champ Naito.
But also way too many that led nowhere/had immersion breaking ridiculous outcomes (I’ll never be over how dirty they did Kenta with that stupid US title).
Theres small stuff inbetween that i enjoyed, and theres definitely stuff i missed that i might have loved if i would have seen it, which i didnt cause all my issues with their product led me to stop watching 🙃
anyways: i have a toxic love hate relationship with NJPW and all their characters that i like are my ocs now, i took the kids in the divorce
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thealmightyemprex · 1 year
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Disney Requests REview : The Aristocats
Requested by @goodanswerfoxmonster ,Im gonna talk about the Aristocats .This one is actually a childhood favorite of both of us ,and he wanted to know what I think of the movie as an adult .It is true this was a favorite of mine as a youngster,its definately the 70's Disney film I latched onto the most .As I got older I have found it has people who dismiss it or straight up dont like it ,however.....I still like it,despite completely getting why people wouldnt latch onto it
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This 1970 film follows Duchess (Eva Gabor ) a mother cat with three kittens ,all set to inherit a large fortune from their owner the former opera singer  Madame Adelaide Bonfamille (Hermoine Baddley ),when they are kidnapped and abandoned in the French country side by the butler Edgar (Roddy Maude-Roxby ) ,who seeks the fortune himself ,so the cats gain the help of a street wise alley cat Thomas O'Malley (Phil Harris ) who guides them on their way back to Paris
So lets start with what doesnt work,I feel for Edgar too much .See EDgar is a good loyal butler,and only turns on the cats cause he is afraid they will outlive him.Its not like he hates the cats or wants to kill them ,he is just a desperate guy ,and while I love our heroes ,I'm sorry but I get Edgars motive.SEe if the will said he'd have to take care of the cats to get the money and he didnt want to ,that would be one thing but no ,the cats are inheriting FIRST and he only gets the money after they die .I think what they needed to do was make him MORE resentful or MORE greedy .I ve seen some of the early stuff about Edgar which emphisize him as a manipulator and a greedy monster ,and wish they went that direction (Also originally he was going to be played by Boris Karloff and Elsa Lanchester was going to play a maid with a crush on him ,wouldnt that have been fun ,have a Frankenstein reunion ) .I also just think as an antagonist hes just bad ,hes got his funny momrnt but there is just no menace
Also be warned one of the characters is a Chinese sterotype
That said I like the rest of the movie .This film is low stakes so it is a pretty light and fun watch ,got a chill vibe to it . I like the wacky side characters especially a energetic yet very elderly lawyer George (Played by legendary character actor Charles Lane ) and the drunkengoose Uncle Waldo (Played by Disney veteren Bill Thompson in his final role ) .There are two funny chase sequences involving Edgar and two dogs voiced by Pat Butram and George Lindsey ,that are highlights of the film .My absolute favorite scene however is when we meet Scat Cat voiced by the legendary Scatman Crothers who treats us to the ver underrated "Everybody Wants To Be A Cat ",its a hell of a fun show stopper and best part of the film
I also really adore our two leads ,Eva Gabor and Phil Harris deliver good performances ,O'Malley in particular has a swagger about him I like(With a great intro song ) and I legit think they have one of the most belivables and swettest romances in Disney
Question time
1. What do you think of the character animation? I always felt that the kittens didn’t move like kittens—don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with the designs, but at best they move like adult cats. Oliver from Oliver and Company is how kittens move.
I like the animation on Duchess and O Malley ,but I agree about the kittens
2. …Duchess is like pretty hot, right?
This movie definately awoke some furries
Overall I enjoyed revisiting this movie,its flawed but I still love it
@ariel-seagull-wings @themousefromfantasyland @princesssarisa @filmcityworld1 @the-blue-fairie @angelixgutz @amalthea9
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reaperkiller · 7 months
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shooting star, comet, milky way, see no evil
also your description is cute
OHEHheheegrghgd ok im gonna do this for andrew my new favourite squeaky toy
🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?
ohrhfddghj great start!! great start. he used to be the head of the special programs branch at arasaka [: basically, overseeing projects that primarily experimented on people in one way or another, and lead to SO many deaths and a whole lot of misery for anyone who didn't get outright killed by the experiments. he started working at arasaka when he was barely even 20, and became the head of the branch not long after - which is a LOT of power to give to a guy who's basically a kid in the corporate world, and has never had anyone tell him no before. and arasaka didnt do that either, they actively encouraged him to do whatever he wanted, as long as it would push their technology forward and get them more money. and he absolutely let that get to his head. who wouldnt in that situation!! he also just so Desperately wanted his family to be proud of him, to be better than his siblings, better than his cousins by any means necessary. he did a Lot of things that he's not proud of. he used to be an absolute asshole. self-centered self-absorbed corpo bastard man who was only in it for himself. and he doesnt want people to see him like that ever again. if they do, thats fair. he cant change that. he knows what he's done. it's far too late to apologise for it. but if he can present himself in literally any other way, a more positive light - a man who is actively trying to change, he would much rather people see that side of him. and not the monster he was once. So badly.
🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?
another fun one!! there wasn't really any inspiration really??? i just needed a guy for part of seb's story - the reason he almost died and got thrown out of arasaka. and up until very VERY recently thats all he was, asshole who beat seb within an inch of his life for no clear reason - which lead to the countless problems seb has had since, and the reason why he has a cyber jaw and prosthetic leg. but over like. the past week or so?? he has been through a lot of developments so ^ that incident is a lot more grey now rather than just good and bad. don't even worry about it.
🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?
above all else he just wants to be happy. but would also feel like wishing for that would be 'too selfish'. so, he would much rather wish to undo all the damage and death and pain he caused when he worked at arasaka. wish to have never worked there in the first place, to have never listened to his family, leave them behind, do his own thing, pursue a career he's actually interested in. learn what it's like to no longer be a sheltered rich kid who buys whatever he wants with his father's credit card.
☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?
it depends on the time frame, because back at arasaka, the assumptions about him being a cold heartless asshole would kind of be right??? like. 80% right. he has very much let all of that consume him, but somewhere under all of that, it's just a sad pathetic guy who's trying his best to prove himself to anyone who will listen. he's weak. he's letting people walk all over him. without the money and status, he's powerless. he doesn't want to be there - the horrible personality is a front to not let people close to him. the mask will slip occasionally, and people will get to see him for how he really is.
after that, people really would just assume he's a depressed alcoholic who may or may not be barely clinging onto sanity and onto life at any given moment. at that point they'd be right. unfortunately he is unlucky enough for death to avoid him at every possible turn, so he has to live with the consequences of his actions. what he does with that though?? hehe. well. [: dont worry about it.
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myrnadalgleish · 2 years
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my thoughts on downton abbey: a new era in somewhat chronological order, includes spoilers!!!!
kill me but i liked it! it was surprisingly good, though very boring at times but what's new. mixed feelings overall. here's everything i loved and hated!
where's tom's family in that wedding???
good to see mr murray
thomas butlering around, being good at his job ❤
FOOTMAN ALBERT, him and daisy bickering about who gets to serve myrna. they're besties!
also daisy makes the best faces
okay so thomas looks sad in his office, mrs hughes checks up on him, the valet ellis is getting married......i teared up a little while i've been aware of this for two weeks. pros: elsie calling thomas brave, being a mother to him, thomas actually opening up. cons: the typical Life Is So Hard For You Thomas, and unfortunately i love mr ellis
just me or does robert look like roger moore
guy had ONE look at thomas and thought that's my man, appreciate it!
myrna dalgleish: [laughs like an actress]
i love myrna and i need to rewatch singin in the rain
dominic west is good looking what are you all talking about
all the kids are so grown up 😭😭 wish there was more of them though
disappointed to find out daisy is married. andy does nothing in this movie but neither does bates so. husband syndrome i guess
bertie's and edith's son PETER
not to be that person but if mary had married charles blake he wouldnt have chosen cars over her. honestly im just imagining she's single at this point, who cares about henry
love that edith's writing again <3
been looking at lucy's personality and still haven't found it. the moral of the story was that these days you need more than a pretty face to succeed in a movie and yet!
speaking of tom branson....where is he and who is the man that has replaced him
love how they act like sybbie will be practically left in a poorhouse unless she inherits a mansion lmao
like they just took the house and apparently the widow has no right to be angry they're losing it? the son just wants to have a brother. i understand they want the best for sybbie but it's not like she won't have money. she's nine she doesn't need a house!
yeah and why was maud bagshaw here again
"dont call me sir" 😳😳
just barrow! <3
thomas laughing and being out of breath god i have missed you
mr mason and denker!
carson just suffered through the whole thing i dont think he expressed a single positive emotion
".....what?" thomas returns with his iconic line
french man almost calling robert a brother and hearing cora is ill within half an hour. rough times. liked the ugly crying
i loved the singer at the party and bertie dancing though
"it's good that you changed it" or whatever the line was, i love him so much!
DR CLARKSON!!!!!!
daisy's and myrna's moment.
all the ladies look so good in the costumes! curly haired thomas!
thomas' face when myrna touches him lmaoooo
not a huge fan of mr mason and mrs patmore but i liked their little moment
molesley's new career was completely unnecessary. i liked his scene with mary and barber, but he already has a job! and is about to get married! not everyone needs to become rich??
i almost screamed when he proposed!!! phyllis being in that lovely outfit, making him kneel down! as she deserves! 💞
"may i kiss you?" "no"
i love guy dexter, he's funny and charming. they'll be a great couple, but i don't think i necessarily ship them. i liked the open ending
most importantly: thomas is free! he has broken the curse!!! he is finally leaving!!!!!
in my head he would've gone to like york but i'll accept this. grudgingly but i'll accept it. thomas has learned something in his life and i liked that he considered his options instead of jumping right in. i don't think he's blinded by the glamour and is aware of the realities
i always preferred thomas not to run off with a rich guy (Guy) (let's pretend i don't ship crowbarrow here for a moment, it's different) and especially not to work for him. but. Guy is being quite vague about it, it can mean as little as thomas wants to. and it's hollywood, not a dusty country house, i'd expect the working relationship for them to be quite different from if guy was a baron living in sussex or something. like i'm not a huge fan of it, but it's not a huge red flag for me either. thomas isn't a child.
let's admit it, i was very worried and pessimistic about thomas' ending at first (thought this was only through some vague spoilers and before we had any idea what guy dexter is like). i was worried like a mother is worried about her firstborn child, Oh how will he do in the big world all alone (just before the crash!), but after recovering from my first shock ive changed my mind about that. i have faith! i believe in thomas barrow and so should you! he will do AMAZING im sure of it!!!
like im still worried but like many people have pointed out, da3 is quite unlikely atm, so why should we expect the worst when we can expect the best? ANYTHING could happen and i like that, even if this wasn't the ending i had in mind for thomas.
"alright alright let's get back to work!" 💕💖💞💘💕💖 favourite line
myrna kissing albert was one of my favourite moments
if i ever rewatch (i will, thomas is so good in this) this i'll skip all the france parts, soooooo boring, the violet plot lasted way too long
mary honey why would andy become the butler are you out of your mind
bawled my eyes out when violet died, almost as bad as sybil....and the parallel of clarkson checking the pulse.....
isobel alone in that chair outside broke my heart :(
funeral scene was very nice however WHY was it the last thomas scene? we deserved a proper goodbye! even just 15 second long of him walking out of the abbey with a smile on his face!
i hope this is the last film, i know i said this the last time but i think now it's really all tied up and a good place to end the story
final thoughts: mediocore film but i love my son
aaaand about thomas/richard, gotta whine a little
richard is imo a perfect man for thomas in every way, and it was so well established that this is finally a relationship that could last. i dont get it why would you throw that away. i just dont get it, julian!
im a very au person (i mean i ship thomas with edward for heaven's sake) and i can imagine a world where they never see again, a world where this never happens, a world where they get back together again, a world where they meet in 1921 etc etc......some people cant do this and i feel rather sorry for them
and i already have so many scenarios about them, both canon compliant and not. so i'll be fine but i'm still bitter of what we could have had
also i looooove bittersweet, it could have happened kind of romance (sam and diane anyone?)
this certainly changes the way ive viewed richard, not for better or worse necessarily, but it's very interesting, i have many, many thoughts
that about sums it up! im off to write fanfic about this, bye
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ventingbaybe · 4 months
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1/16/24
I did end up moving out after that last post, two or so years ago.
Im on my second year break from school, the whole point of the gap year was to save money for school. I got kicked out though, so there went that.
My parents dont like when i word it that i got kicked out, I was “heavily implied that I should move out so that I can thrive away from my family because they didnt sign up to start taking care of me again because I couldnt go back to school” but not kicked out.
I got a second job, worked 80 hour weeks for a while, quit one, work the other. Moved from one apartment to another and then another. I dont have any roommates, just me. I cant get an animal because it would be irresponsible when im planning on going back to school and wouldnt be able to bring them with me.
Every month I pay $1000 in rent, $500 in my loan repayment, and whatever other shit i get roped into.
I have a boyfriend. I had a crush on him at the beginning of last summer, we met at work. I ended up getting over him at one point. But sometime in October I got drunk and flirted with him, we went on a couple dates and made it official. Its awkward. We dont have anything to talk about and dont have anything in common. I feel bad that I cant be the partner that he deserves, but we just arent fit for one another. We need to break up but we havent had any free time to see eachother and actually have a talk about anything. Hes a great guy, but romantically we just arent compatible at all.
Were having a winter storm in my state and just my washing machine pipe froze, so last night at 2am I got to spend hours cleaning up my overflowed washing machine and hand wringing out and emptying the machine. I feel constantly overwhelmed and like Im drowning, but I dont have a solid enough support system to feel helped. This isnt to diss my friends or anything, I just need professional help at this point and cant keep burdening my friends with this kind of constant badgering of venting.
I need to make some more friends, like actual friends I hang out with who are on a similar level of being grown up as me. I need other people who are moved out that I can find some relation and comfort in. I just dont feel like I have anyone solid in my corner that I can turn to at this moment. Its my own fault which is even more frustrating.
I wish i could just go home and curl up on the couch and be comforted. Im a grown person whose fully moved out, supported completely by myself, but I just want my mom. I wish her and I were close. But neither of us are willing to let down our egos enough to ever talk without fighting. One time my mom told me she likes me better when Im drunk, because Im quiet and sweet. So everytime i go over, I have a drink and pretend it affects me more than it does.
I was a functioning alcoholic for most of my senior year of highschool. I’d drink nearly half a bottle of vodka every night. It hurts to see people compliment how I act when im drunk more than when Im sober. I wish I was a likable person. I dont know why I lash out, why I cant not have the last word, but I also wish i didnt have to fight everyone at any given moment.
I dont know why i fight but I dont know why everyone around me loves to rile me up.
My family has always known I had anger issues, and nothing made them laugh harder than seeing me lose my temper, if i got mad i was laughed at. If i got sad I was laughed at. If i stayed sat at that dining room table and went quiet then i was laughed at. If i excused myself to go to my room or hide in the bathroom, I was laughed at. There was no way to get away from the ridicule besides being an asshole back, and then someone else was always allowed to storm off. No one else was laughed at when they left. The table would go silent until everyone else excused themselves and it was just me.
Theres nothing quite like being left alone while everyone else comforts eachother. Why wasnt I included. Was it my own fault? Was I that repulsive of a kid? A teen? What about me was so fundamentally wrong that I couldnt be included.
I remember being young, maybe 9 at this memory. My brother had said something, I said something back, he stormed off and told my mom. I remember feeling excited when my mom came to my door. I remember thinking maybe it was my turn to be comforted. To be held and rocked the way she would to my brothers. I remember standing there while she screamed at me, hearing my brothers doors squeak open so they could tune in to the show. Being ridiculed for being such a horrible daughter, a horrible sister, just a base level horrible person to be around. How much my brothers would complain to my parents about how much they hated me.
Watching my mother stand there with this blank face as I would stand there, tears welled up in my eyes being told that if it wasnt for being family, I would be unloved.
She would hug me after, let my tears soak into the shoulder of her shirt, and say nothing as Id choke out apologies for being how I was. She’d stand there and hold me, telling me that all I could do was change.
So I tried. I tried so hard. I distanced myself from my family so they wouldnt have to deal with me. I got criticized for hiding away and hating them.
Now that I dont live there its easier. I dont see any of them often and they seem happy. My older brother is also moved out but he was still over there constantly, having dinner with the family most nights. I would tell my mom I would swing by later and come over to an empty house. Id wait for an hour, thinking maybe they were all just out, but they wouldnt be back. Id put away whatever Id brought over and leave, a silent drive back home to throw myself into an empty apartment and sit there. Not even a text to acknowledge whatever Id brought. Who knows if they even noticed.
I know my parents care about me, at least on some level. My dad comes over to help me set up my wifi, he drove me to work during this snow storm. I can see that on a base level he cares. But I hate that ill never know how much. Some people you can just sense it when you meet their parents, how they interact, how their parents look at them so fondly.
I feel embarrassed when my friends meet my family, not because Im embarrassed of my family, but because I know that the way I talk about my family isnt reciprocated. That no matter how many stories of my family I can share to my friends, how fondly I talk about them and their achievements, how every eyelash I wish on is spent wishing for my family to receive only the best, I know that when my friends look at my family and I, they dont see that fond look that their parents give them.
No matter how funny I can be around my friends, it will never translate over with my family. How I get quiet and move to the background around family.
I wish I was something and someone that could be talked about.
I wish I was worth bringing up in conversation when Im not around.
I wish just once in my life I felt like I was worth putting up with.
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wurmeatworld · 10 months
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As an artist, I think ai art is a very complex issue. Yes it can be used as a tool to advance creativity, but capitalism ultimately twists it so that it is not used ethically.
I like some ai generated memes. Its really funny to watch Joe Biden banter with Leon S Kennedy, or watch deepfakes of Preminger singing Lady Gaga. But I feel like the same humor could be achieved without the use of ai. You could splice together lines ala ytp or animate Preminger singing. It just requires more time and skill, and thats really the draw of ai. Ai helps a greater pool of people do things they normally couldnt do because it cuts out the work.
The capability to expand what people can do and create is good! I once followed a disabled person on tumblr who made ai art for personal use because his disability meant he couldn't draw. Ive also used ai art generators in the past, back when the results were super uncanny and whacky, to generate funny images or interesting eldritch horror-y art. If ai art wasn't built upon so much stolen art, that'd be a completely beautiful thing. Id love to donate my art to an ai program that only trains on explicitly donated work. I think thatd be really cool. But most people Ive seen making ai art and ai art generators are tech bros who only care about end results and money instead of appreciating the intent, technique, and artistry that artists pour into their work. And of course, not giving two shits about us getting paid.
Ive seen people make ai to intentionally copy the works of particular artists. It's almost indistinguishable from their art style, and to me, that feels insulting. These artists put so much work into their art, only for someone to churn out much more art in their style, and faster. Copying art you like has always been a thing among artists, to pay homage to creators and to learn new things by studying, but these ai art pieces that explicity train on an artists work and replicate their style feel... really hollow. Wheras among most artists, their replication comes from a place of respect and admiration, and requires truly learning and following the techniques an artist used, ai art just pulls from already existing assets with no real direction to guide it except a simple prompt. Theres no respect for the artist here, just someone who wants more of an artists work but doesnt actually care about the artist themself.
The amount of labor you need to create ai art vs regular art, and how ai art steals work from artists, is a discussion all on its own. This doesnt really have an easy black and white solution because of capitalism. In a world where we wouldnt need money to survive, it wouldnt really matter that ai art takes less effort to make because it wouldnt infringe on artists livlihoods. But as it is, and especially in our "quantity and familiarity over quality" consumerist culture, the attention it takes from artists can cause loss of revenue, and people offering ai art commissions only hurt artists more. The most popular areas of the internet already arent great platforms for artists, even though were forced to use them. Our culture doesnt really value our work, and most artists offer their work for ridiculously low prices just to sell anything at all. My pixel art commissions are $9. $9 for hours of sitting at my computer, working and shaping and reworking the pixels until theyre just right. Color, position, everything has a lot of time, care, and skill put into it. I wish I could charge double what I pay, but I have an extremely small platform, so Im forced to charge barely anything at all. If we did not need money to survive, it wouldnt be that big of a deal. But we do. So it is.
And as things stand, even disregarding the problem of capitalism, theres just too many harmful ways ai can be exploited because theres barely any regulation. The deepfaked nudes, the easy misinformation, etc. I personally dont think regulation will be enough bc the base problem is caused by capitalism, and tbh I think media literacy plays a huge part, but there still needs to be. Its just an incredibly dangerous technology as it stands right now.
Also worth noting, is how algorithms can easily lead to radicalization. A study came out showing that new tiktok users who watch certain "gateway" content will gradually be shown more and more extremist stuff. (Source: x *) Especially on social media sites, which are designed to promote controversial posts because theres more engagement, this can lead to someone potentially becoming part of a hate group. I bet theres ways algorithms could be written to prevent this, but everyone wants money, so its probably not gonna change anytime soon. Consumerism is a bitch.
Also, algorithms promote the most commonly accepted ideas, which causes bias and can cause social and scientific progress to become stagnant at best, and actively harmful at worst.
Basically, ai needs to be better regulated, capitalism sucks, and ai art is a whole can of worms. I feel like humanity needs to keep ai art on the highest shelf until we can work out the ethical dilemmas we already have.
(This was originally a comment I left on this video, but I put a lot of thought into it so I thought I'd repost it here. Please watch the video, it brings up more ideas on ai and is just a fun watch)
*Its a youtube video and the info is compressed and presented quickly, but sources are all linked.
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zukotheartist · 1 year
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Hiii :) i need a bit of help
(Ik i said i wouldnt do rant posts here but this one is also advice seeking? So we'll let it slide this time)
It's about uni and mental health and jobs, etc and just overall oversharing lmao. Feel free to skip ofc lol but if anyone has some advice/opinions to share, im all ears.
Basically, i just really don't know what to do with my life💀. I even took a gap year in between hs and uni to decide and ig it still didnt work😭.
I'm in uni studying languages (mandarin, portuguese and japanese) and the language part is going well so far, I guess? (And I do like it!). I even like a few of the other subjects (some of them i only have them for 1 semester so theyre not major subjects) but i really just cant handle it???
I wasn't happy with my choice in the sense that I think my job prospects after uni won't be great but I knew I wouldn't be able to handle anything else (im terrible at stem and most high-paying jobs require it lol + i have depressive episodes 24/7💀 and im pretty sure i have adhd*). But even picking smth i like and am not terrible at (not great at either but at least it's not math lol) im not able to handle it???
I was trying really hard at first, i didn't want to fuck this up, but the rhythm needed is just... way too much for someone who stuggled all throughout hs and has shit mental health.
I managed to work hard for a bit (studying everyday after class, doing 8hr study sessions during the weekend, revising quickly while waiting in line, etc) but then i let loose (or even went full days/weeks with minimal amount of studying) bc it was so overwhelming and now im cramming like 2/3 months worth of 3 different subjects and my exams are in Jan/Feb (the first available dates on the 10th) and ill be lucky to pass a single one of them with the speed im going at.
Even on days i get up early to study and barely even look at my phone, it's just too much stuff and im not fast enough + i lack a lot of things bc of my slacking off in hs.
I go to uni in Italy and if you fall behind u have to pay more but ig it's better than putting all this effort and most of all money to then just drop out and be left degreeless?
But I feel so freaking terrible bc i literally dont even work part-time or anything and i still live with my parents and theyre the ones paying for all of my stuff basically? So to add a higher cost bc i couldnt keep up with uni🥲 but then, if i take a part-time job, ill be making some money but uni will be going even worst and itll still be a waste of money???
I've talked to multiple therapists/psychiatrists, asking them even for LIGHT anxiety meds and *all* of them have refused (I also made it clear that I would still go to therapy even if I got meds but nothing).
Studying calms me down a bit but even tho ive started doing it daily again and for hours on end, im still akskdkdkrkr
Ill talk to my family and my therapist but i honestly dont know wtf to do with my life. Ik the whole "dont cry over spilled milk" thing but i really wish i could re-do hs to not be in this fucking mess.
It doesn't really help that my only goal in life is to make a lot of money bc i think ill be alone (both romantically and platonically) forever but with the way it's going, ill be lucky to get a minimum wage one (im not saying it as a diss, those are respectable jobs too but like i said, my only goal is to make money so i can live comfortably and distract myself from my depression lmao).
This is all very specific and i doubt anyone responds (let alone reads) but if anyone does read, tysm for reading this sad long rant🫂🫂🫂. I pretty much wont be able to see my therapist until just a bit before my exams so this was also my way to let out some frustration.
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*Ive tried to get an official diagnosis, and it's fine if im wrong ofc, but i was immediately denied and told that couldnt be it... bc of my age lmao💀
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inkstainedwanderer · 2 years
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Me yesterday: I am finally getting life back on track. I got the paycheck owed to me two weeks ago and I'm about to be caught up with rent! Back to 38 hours a week, so maybe I can finally get food in my fridge and still have money to do something fun! This is great. I like this. Oh? My friend is spending $500 a month on gas and cant find an apartment in my area? It feels good to have a spare room to offer temporarily until he can find one! And if he says yes I can save even more money. Oh yeah. Good things are happening!
Grandma last night: It's happening. Your uncle is dying. They have him on so much morphine that he's just checked out. I'm coming up there tomorrow. Can you come out and visit?
Me: /at work, already tearing up/ Oh.... um... I mean.... I can try, but I just started my work week today.
Grandma: Also, we were hoping you could take Cujo tomorrow. He isnt getting any attention. Your uncle doesnt even know he's there.
Me: Well... I mean... I just started my work week, so i wouldnt be able to be home to see if he adjusts or make sure he and my cat are okay. I work eight to ten hour days most of the time so I couldnt even be there to let him out... I could try this weekend? I'm at work now, but I can see about things tomorrow.
Grandma: /clearly frustrated/ Well, you know Bandit cant live without Cujo. We were hoping you would take them both.
Me: /lives in an apartment and already said I couldnt take two dogs before/ I-... If I could, i would, but I cant.
Grandma: well, Bandit is going to get put down then.
Me: /quietly crying and distressed, avoiding eye contact with coworkers/ If i could... I just cant. I havent even really got to talk to my building manager about Cujo.
Grandma: I'm just letting you know. But I'll be up there, your other uncle is going to pick me up tomorrow. Oh! And he's not going to last long either. He's dying too.
Me: Oh....
Grandma: I'm sorry if this is upsetting, especially with you being at work. How about I call you back tomorrow?
Manager: /asks what happened because I'm failing to not be a crying mess/ Do you need to leave? If you gotta go, go. We'll be okay.
Me: I cant do anything. I dont want to abandon you guys. /spends the rest of the night crying in a cycle of mourning my uncles, stressing over the dogs, and feeling guilty about how I wish I didnt have my family anymore because I'm so tired of being put in these situations by them.
Yep... just as I was getting back up... gotta get kicked back down again. It just feels like the way of things now. And people say I just need to be positive and not focus on the negatives, but I was being positive when things were going good. Reality is that things are not good. No amount of focusing on the positive changes how shit this whole thing is. They've literally told me i'm losing two family members and then dropped the weight of two other living creatures deaths in my lap at the same time. There is no positive. One third of my family sells drugs and weapons, one third of my family betrayed me when my dad was dying, and one third seems to lack any empathy for the fact I am not the person who needs to be saddled with all of the emotional burdens 24/7 for the past 16 years. She's already carrying a ton of bags, let's just give her some more! Yep. Yep. I am fine. This is fine. I'll just look at the positives. It isnt raining today so i can ride my new bike to work and stay dry. That makes me feel so much better.
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obsessive-ego · 3 years
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Love me, love me, say that you love me
Musical beetlejuice x fem reader
Beej hits you with a love potion to get you to confess you love him, it goes wrong
Dubious consent, nsft, nothing serious happens, you know me
"Satisfaction guaranteed..." the ghoul mumble to himself as he read the label of the bottle he was holding.
Beetlejuice, you're undead demonic, freeloader of a roommate, had just come back from a quick trip to the netherworld, and unlike his other trips, it wasnt for business, but pleasure, a quick shopping trip while you were out of the house.
"For the chunk of change you cost, it better" the ghoul smiled, pink streaks creeping into his hair.
In his hands was a pink bottle shaped like a human heart, a perfume type atomizer spray bottle.
Beetlejuice KNEW you liked him, but he also knew you were a coward about it, yes your shyness was cute, and the way you danced around this fact did have its charms, but the time has come for you to spit it out, you had to make the first move, not him.
Yes the demon could charm you, but you wouldnt take him seriously, he knew that, beetlejuice knew his flirting towards you and his advances towards you were seen as a joke, and why wouldnt it, he knew he couldnt be taken seriously, he took every chance he had to make a crude joke, why would anyone take him seriously, so he played it up to get you to smile, or even to get you embarrassed was also nice.
But today was different, today beetlejuice was gonna get you to say "I love you" albeit with force, but that was something he could live/die with.
The ghoul, now buzzing electric pink and green ready's himself at the door, waiting for his sweet breather to come in him trap.
You were on your way back from the post office to pick up a package that you or beej werent home to sign for, it was just some clothes, nothing too exciting, but a nice excuse to get out of the house for a nice walk, as much as you loved spending time with your undead friend, who you may or may not have a crush on, it was nice to have some alone time.
You walk into you apartment complex and slowly make it back to your flat, you fumble with your keys as you unlock the door, the soft jingle and muffled cursing was a great single to beetlejuice that you were home, the ghoul takes a deep breath, not that he needed too, and gets into position, readying the bottle's nozzle to the level of your face.
"I'm home-" was all you got out before receiving a face full of god knows what, you prayed it was water, wiping your face and rubbing your eyes, you didnt need to see who the culprit was for this shitty joke, pulling your hands from your face, you saw the demon standing infront of you, arms stretched out in a pre hug position, eyes closed, lips puckered, slightly leaning towards you.
Your anger quickly faded, but was replaced with confusion, you say nothing but only stare at the ghoul.
Seconds pass, beetlejuice opens on eye to see what the hold up was, was there a delay with the potion? Does it take a minute to kick in? Or was it a peice of junk?
Beetlejuice drops his awkward position, and smooths back his hair, trying to hide to spots the purple trying to emerge.
"So y/n, welcome home" he starts off shaky "you feel okay? Maybe a little warmer? Heart beating a little faster? Maybe even a little eager to jump someone or tell them something deep?" Subtle
"What are you talking about? Beetlejuice what the hell was that about?!" You huff
The ghoul is taken back by your tone, he was expecting you to be more soft, after a spray of that crap, he scowls glancing down to the bottle in his hands, waste of money, unless, he drops his scowl and focuses back to you, a sly smile plastered across his face.
"Just some netherworld perfume, very popular stuff, thought I'd surprise my favorite breather with it"
"Suprise is right" you grumble walking passed him, heading to the living room you place your things on the table, beetlejuice was quick to follow.
"How bout another try babes? I promise I wont get ya in the face, though I prefer to squirt ya in the face~"
"I dont know bee, I'm not that really into perfume" you shurg
Beetlejuice frowns and huffs out his nose, for what he paid for this peice of shit he wasnt gonna give up after one shot.
"Come on babes, do it for your good pal~" he pleads
You frown in response
"Okay sugar, you know regardless of what you say I'm gonna get what I want, so just play ball"
"Fine" you grumble, you can always take a shower later, hell you were going to anyway, your face felt gross after being hit by that stuff earlier.
The demon's face lights up at your answer, you held out your wrist as an indicator that you wanted to be sprayed their and were ready for it, though that wish was completely ignored, as the ghoul quickly leans forward and sprays you in the face again.
The ghoul stares at you praying to whatever and whoever for this to work, you turn away from the demon, curse under your breath and rub at your face.
As you rub your face beetlejuice goes back into position, arms stretched out, lips puckered, ready to receive your love, and hoping you wont banish him if this didnt work.
Moving your hands from your face you let out sigh, you jolt feeling a familiar twinge in your lower reigns, a desperate pulse for attention, you could feel your heart racing, your head was swimming, turning to face the ghoul, the second you laid your eyes on him the pulsing inbetween your legs intensifies, give let out a soft "bee" before leaping into his arms, slamming your lips into his, and wrapping your legs around his waist. The demon's eyes shoot open at this, his hands were quick to grab onto your rear, a mix of holding you up and feeling you up, his hair bloomed from green to pink in a flash, hell he was so excited his stripes went from black to pink.
"Oh Lawrence" you breathed between kisses, beetlejuice only hummed in response, too lost in this bliss to think.
"Couch?" You whine as you wiggle your hips against his semi.
"Holy crap" he groans, this was really happening, he quickly brought you to the couch, flopping down on his back, having you sit pretty on top of him.
You continue to kiss him, shoving your tongue in his mouth, the ghoul loved you taking charge, he dreamed of it often, he didnt put up a fight and gave you the dominance to explore his mouth, pulling away to breath, a nice line of spit connected the two of you. You move your attention on to the demon's neck, peppering it with kisses and giving the occasional nip at his cold flesh.
Beetlejuice was over the moon with this change in demeanor, who knew his y/n would have it in them, the ghoul purs feeling your hands roam his body, his hands plant firmly on your rear, giving it a small pinch every once and again, everytime you would respond with a whine.
He was in heaven, or as close as an undead demon was gonna get.
You give his tie a tug, as if to ask for permission to continue, beetlejuice moans encouraging you to keep going.
You give the demon a quick kiss on the lips, moving to his jawline, to his neck, as you untie his tie, you toss the garment aside as you start to work on his shirt's buttons, kissing every inch of skin that is slowly revealed.
You move down his body, the demons chest and stomach fully exposed, and kissed, beetlejuice was in a complete daze from your love, but quickly snaps out of it when he feels you palm the tent in his pants.
"Whoa babes-"
"Is this for me?~" you coo "it looks so big~" you sigh giving the tent a light squeeze "it's really hard"
Beetlejuice quickly sits up, stifling a moan.
"Babes, y/n, just hold it-"
"Oh, would you rather be on top?" You ask softly crawling towards him "or would you rather I not use my hands? I can give it a kiss if you want" You crawl back into the demon's arms leaning in for another kiss, you stumble forward as beetlejuice quickly vanished, reappearing a few feet away from you, the demon pulling his shirt together, as if trying to hide himself.
"Let's just take a second here, likes put a pin in this, and ah, just relax" god slash satan this wasnt fair, and maybe 100 percent his fault, here you were drugged out of your mind begging him to have sex with you, jesus all he needed from you was a simple "I love you" not this, but he'll sure be thinking about this later.
"Why dont ya cool down babes, and we can talk about this"
"How can I cool down, when I'm so hot for you" you moan as you  unbutton your shirt, fully exposing your lacy black bra, the demon swallows hard, you slowly stand up letting your shirt fall, your hands traveling behind your back as you unhooked your bra, letting it fall to the floor.
"Oh fuck"  beetlejuice whines in a higher pitch,
You slowly make your way over to him, gently grabbing one of his hands and bringing it to your exposed chest "your hands are so nice and cold, maybe you could help me cool down?"
God slash satan did he wanted to give your boob a nice squeeze, but you're not you right now, he pulls his hand away, then places both of his hands on your shoulders, your skin was hot to the touch. Averting your gaze he clears his throat
"Maybe a cold shower would be help ya out"
"Maybe if you join me" you sigh leaning into the demon's chest, your hands resting on his hips.
"Y/n-"
"Are you sure you dont want help with your 'little friend'?"
Any other time he'd be delighted to have you help, but now was not that time.
"Let's just take a second here babes, we'll fool around later okay, I mean do you have condoms? I dont have any on me, we need protection"  beetlejuice knew he couldnt get you sick or pregnant since he was a dead demon, but you didnt know that. "And besides, no means no, you know that y/n" BJ didnt exactly blame you, you werent in your right mind, you were horny as hell thanks to that stupid potion, of course you couldnt think straight.
You pull away from him, mortified at your pushy behavior "I'm sorry" you breath out "I just, I couldn't help myself Lawrence, you're just, I mean, i just love you so much, my body needed you" you began to cry "you're always saying how much you want me, and how you're "ready to go" all the time, I just thought-" you babbled, tears rolling down your cheeks
I love you
Those 3 little words he ached to hear, not how he wanted to hear them, but this whole thing was a mess.
"Babes, it's okay, I was enjoying it, believe me, it's just that I'm not ready to go all the way with you, let's just give it some time" which wasnt true, if you were willing so was he, willing as in not drugged. "And yeah, I talk a big game, but believe me doll, i want our first time to be special, so Hows bought you go put a top on, and we can put this little mess behind us?" It was an odd day when this harbinger of chaos had to be a voice of reason.
You nodded as you slip away to collect your bra and shirt that were tossed aside, beetlejuice frowns at this situation and wanders off to the item that started it, retrieving the bottle he squints at the label to read the rest of the instructions he didnt bother reading, and their it was, in the fine print 'warning, do not use on the living, results may vary and are not limited to  nausea, drowsiness, intense sexual desires-' he groans then curses.
"Beetlejuice?"
The ghoul turns his attention to you, fully dressed.
"No hard feelings, aside from your, you know"
The demon gives you a soft laugh "no hard feelings babes"
"Could I have a hug? I promise to behave" it's not that the pulsing in your loins stopped, in fact the intensity was stronger now, you just wanted to be close the ghoul before dealing with these feelings alone, there was no harm in that
Beetlejuice pauses for a second, before smiling "alright sugar, bring it in" there was no harm in a hug, sure his dick was still kinda hard, but that's fine.
You walk into the ghoul's arms, slowly circling your own around him, beetlejuice gently pats your back. You nuzzle into his neck, and whisper "I love you Lawrence" before planting a soft kiss on his cheek.
Pulling away from the ghoul, his scent, and touch fresh in your mind you make your way to the bathroom to shower, amongst other things.
If you were to turn back you would have seen a glowing pink Beej who's legs are about to give out
"ARRGHHH! That's worse... They're killing me again!" 
The should of the shower rings through the ghoul's ears, he grumbles as he puts his suit back together, grabbing the bottle that started it all he snaps his fingers and vanishes, off to give the schmuck who sold this to him a peice if his mind.
...
A few hours later beetlejuice reappears into your living room, grumbling to himself as he tucks the bottle into his jacket, no sense tossing it, maybe when the two of you are knocking boots, he could use it as an aphrodisiac, with your consent of course.
"Bee? Is that you?" Your voice rings through your flat, it was late, beetlejuice was hoping youd be asleep when he came back.
The ghoul makes his way to your room.
"Yeah, I had to take care of something"
"I was just about to go to bed" you were sitting on your bed wearing an over sized shirt that just covered your bum, the ghoul's eyes glance about, stopping at your vibrator that was now laying on the floor, he could smell the sex in the air, another time this would have been delightful.
"Do you want to join me? Sleeping? Like you normally do?" You sounded a tad too eager "I mean if you feel comfortable"
Beetlejuice gives you smile "sure" he snaps away his suit, leaving a pair of boxers, seeing your eyes light up was something he had to burn in his brain forever.
You scramble under the covers waiting for the demon to join you, which he promptly did.
"Is it okay if I snuggle with you?" You ask softly
"Anything you want babes" he purred, you quickly snuggle up to him, using his soft chest as a pillow, your hand petting the hair on his stomach.
"If you change your mind, I'm not wearing any panties" you whisper in the demons ear.
This was gonna be a long night
...
Bonus
The next morning beetlejuice woke up to an empty bed, confused he made his way to the living room, and there you were, sitting on the couch with your face in your hands.
"Morning?" He greets you
No response
"Babes?"
Nothing, beetlejuice makes his way to you, sitting down next to you, he places a hand on your shoulder, you flinch.
"Wake up and smell the coffee babycakes-"
"I am so sorry for yesterday, I- i don't know what came over me, i- beetlejuice, I so sorry for putting you into that type of situation, I-" you sobbed
The ghoul's hair quickly bloomed purple, you're blaming yourself for what he did to you "dont worry your pretty little head sweetheart, it was that perfume, how was I supposed to know it messed with breathers, believe me I gave that guy who sold it to me a peice of my mind, my poor little y/n warped and twisted into someone hornier then me" it wasnt all true, but beetlejuice couldnt have you beating yourself up over this, nor did he want to tell you the full truth.
"Really?" You sniffle
"Really"
You lean into the demon and he pulls you into a soft embrace, patting your back.
"How's bout we order some take out and I put a smile on that sweet face of yours?"
You pull away from beetlejuice and rub away your tears "I'd like that"
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tastyykpop · 3 years
Text
𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛
•pairings: enemy, barista and student!jaemin x student and barista!reader
♡𝑠𝑚𝑢𝑡♡
<next>
•warnings: dom!jaemin, brat!reader, brat taming, crying kink, hair pulling, choking, small praising, small size kink, degradation (slut, whore), dumbification (sexual and non sexual use) nanas kinda mean :( but gets a lil nicer :), jaemin refers to himself as nana a lot mostly when they do the dirty, bulging kink, pet names (princess, baby, baby girl, little girl, pretty girl), unprotected sex (please be safe), slight face slapping (he slaps her once), rough sex clearly, some sexual tension, I hope i got everything
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You were fuming!
The boy in front of you not even batting an eyelash, just laughing at the mess dripping down your face.
You smelt like an iced americano.
People around you held their hands to their mouths in shock and others tried to hold back their laughter. Some even pointed at you or gave sympathetic looks.
It wasnt like people were surprised anymore. Jaemin always had something up his sleeve for you. But he never went as far as pouring his coffee on you.
"Aw poor baby. Do you need a napkin?" He faked sympathy with a pout and his friends began laughing. You just got up and walk by them, making sure to bump into jaemins shoulder on your way through.
It was almost everyday that Jaemin would do something so uncalled for. It was like he was made to push your buttons. Even as you're walking out of the college building, you can still hear the boy laughing at you. Or maybe it was the other students. Either way, you wanted to kill him.
As you trudged towards your car, a sense of relief washed over you. A great happiness that only comes when you finished your classes and could go home. Only this happiness stayed for a good 2 hours until you have to go to your part time job at the cafe with your favorite person of course. But its not like you can quit. You need the money so you can live and get the education you need, no matter how hard it is being with him.
It was then when you sat in your car and the squishing in the seat made your face curl into a scowl, only made you think of ways to get away with murder. It was gross really. The seats were sticky, plus your hair and clothes were sticking to you like lip gloss. A shower would be perfect right about now.
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"Hi y- oh..." Your roommate, jimin, stared at your messy state. Giving you a good up and down before shrugging his shoulders, "jaemin?"
You sighed, walking over to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, "Who else? Its always him."
Jimin gave you a small smile and came closer as if ready to hug you but didn't because he didn't want to get sticky. "You know, maybe you should quit that job."
"No."
He groaned and snatched the water that you were about to sip, "Why? You'd only see jaemin in school. And you wouldnt have to stick with his bickering in work." He huffed, shaking his head, "Girls are so difficult sometimes."
You tried leaping up to grab the bottle from jimin, but all he did was hold it above his head. You stomped on his foot in return. Jimin huddled over and you snatched the bottle, smirking with victory as you put it to your lips.
"You fucking snake." Jimin hissed in pain.
A laugh fell from your lips as you walked by him, completely ignoring his words and his pain, "Im gonna take a shower."
Once you got to your room, the first thing you did was grab your work clothes, a towel, and underwear and got ready for the warm shower.
After you switched on the water and let it heat up, you stepped in and immediately felt at peace as the water cascaded over your body, cleaning off the almost dried coffee. Your hair felt lighter, like a feather and your fingers could now slip through the strands easily without an issue. The scent of your body wash overpowered the coffee smell and you felt much better. Water, soap, and coffee were beginning to fill the drain as you finished washing up. You rolled your eyes at the sight of the murky water. What a bastard.
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For once you were actually happy to wear your work clothes after what had happened earlier. The clothes actually felt comfortable and jimin was becoming more and more confused as to why you were hugging yourself with a huge smile on the couch.
"No one should be that happy after a shower." He started flipping through channels on the t.v.
"Dont tell me how to feel, I dont smell like jaemins coffee anymore." You gushed overdramtically. Jimin could only role his eyes.
"Please...you act like he's a demon of some sort."
You squinted your eyes at jimin and flared your nostrils, "he is. Hes a nasty, dumb, annoying, self centered-"
"Okay okay I get it! You hate jaemin! The funny thing is you can never get his name out of your mouth." Everything stopped and your head snapped in jimins directions.
"What are you saying?" A frown found itself on your face, jimin leaned closer.
"Im saying that maybe you might like him."
You shrieked in disgust, blocking your ears with your hands. Jimin laughed at your reaction. Almost falling off the couch in the process. "Ew! Gross! Why would you even think that!"
"Like I said, you can never get his name out of your mouth. I think its pretty obvious you like him." He was still giggling at you except your face was anything but happy, more grossed out at how he thought you could like such a person
"I can't stand you. I'm leaving for work." You stood up and jimin did nothing to stop you from going. Even though you still had about 15 minutes until you normally leave. "Ill be back at 9." The door slammed behind you, leaving jimin alone with another laughing fit.
You got in the car and drove off to your work, still trying to come up with a reason as to why jimin is saying all this. Sure maybe you talk about jaemin a little lot but that doesn't mean you like him. Its very much the opposite and jimin should know that. It only frustrates you the more you think about it. Liking someone like jaemin? Please. That would be your nightmare.
As you pulled up to the cafe, there were only a few other cars parked. Few were from other workers but the majority were most like customers or people just trying to get a free parking space. Lucky for you, there were many open spaces, unlike when you come later and they're filled. Maybe leaving earlier wasnt such a bad idea. It saved you the 3 minute walk.
"Y/n! You're just on time!" One of your coworkers, irene, called out as you stepped inside the shop. "We need help back here!" You had no time to even begin to say your shift hasn't started yet when irene took you by the hand and dragged you to where the coffee was being made. "We have a bunch of online orders coming in so can you please help us with the coffee and food?" She tossed you a brown apron for you to put on and you nodded, trying to get your brain to speed up with everything in the world.
It was so quiet when you walked in that you never even realized that the back was busy. Coffee cups were filled and put into trays for orders, food was being heated or baked. It was a chaotic place right now and all you could do was help. So as fast as you could, you began with the first order on the screen. A large mocha with extra extra sugar, whipped cream, and chocolate curls. Easy enough you thought as you reached for a cup but a hand beat you to it.
Your eyes looked up at the person in front of you and just when you thought everything was going fine, it wasn't, "What are you doing here so early?" You asked bitterly.
"I always come in early. What are you doing here so early?" Jaemin asked whilst holding a death grip on the cup.
"Just felt like coming early." You muttered, watching as jaemin turned away with a scoff, quickly cutting the conversation short. "Bastard."
Jaemin was busy making what you were originally going to do, so you looked for another order to get ready. It was just two cake pops and a small strawberry banana smoothie. Something you've been craving recently from the lack of sweetness and fruit in your day to day life.
The cake pops and smoothie were quick to make and were soon sent off to the customer. You happily beamed and wished them good day once they left.
After then there was a familiar face with a friend right next to him, he was quite handsome you must say. He was indeed so handsome that he just looked unreal. "Hey jimin. Whose this?" You nodded towards the bright black haired man.
"This is taemin! He wanted some coffee so I brought him- hey stop staring at him!" Jimin snapped you out of your trance and taemin chuckled.
"Its okay shes cute." He eye smiled, showing off his perfectly white teeth. He's definitely not real.
Jimin tsk'd, "Until you get to know her."
"Yeah yeah... whatever." You smiled at him, completely oblivious to what he just said.
They both ordered and took a seat next to the window. You were still staring at taemin with your head in your hand until someone tapped your shoulder, "Who are they?" Jaemins voice rang in your ears, making you stand up straight.
"Thats my roommate, jimin, and his friend taemin." You glanced back at the boys, mainly at taemin and just stared like he was your first crush.
"Quit staring your gonna scare him away." Jaemin said earning himself a chuckle from you.
You stuck your tongue out, "He called me cute."
The boy smirked from ear to ear and leaned in close to your face, "He was lying." You grumbled and pushed him away from you, getting annoyed by his presence very quickly.
"Jaemin and y/n, get back to work we have orders to do!" Irene called out. Both of you quickly returning to your stations and getting things ready.
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"Look at him. Hes basically waiting for me to come over to him." Seulgi, another person in this school you dispise, said as she looked at jaemin in the back of the room. She wasn't very quiet either considering you were only a few seats away from him. So it only meant that jaemin could hear her, but chose to ignore it. Typical boy.
"Honestly. He looks so good today too." Sana, her best friend, commented.
"Oh and did you hear what he was planning on doing today to y/n? Apparently he's gonna-"
"Class get back in your seats, we have much to discuss." The professor stood in the front of the class. Everyone shifted and moved to their appropriate places and waited for the teacher to begin. Unlike you, who was wondering what seulgi was going to say next. If its something worse than coffee being poured on your head, you may just have to bury yourself six feet under after this.
As you were taking notes something flung towards your head and hit you on the side, looking over was jaemin with a smirk was he held his fingers in a sling shot shape. A rubber band was laying on your lap. Then another one. One even hit your cheek creating a small smack sound as you winced in pain. Oh you desperately wanted to get out of this seat and punch the boy in the face.
"Excuse me sir!" You called out, raising your head. The whole class looked at you and your cheeks began to heat up. "May i go to the restroom?" The professor nodded and you headed out. Not until you stopped in your tracks from a loud smack to your butt, causing the whole class to turn around again.
Jaemin was enjoying this, the way you stared at him with wide eyes and open mouth, made him just want to do it again. He never thought this reaction from you would be so entertaining and he tried his best not show it, with only a small smirk covering his face.
You rushed out of the room, faster than ever and leaned against the nearest surface you could find. Not only were you questioning reality, but also why jaemin just did that.
"That little bitch." You said to yourself as you paced back and forth in the hallway, staring at the ground.
"Excuse me?" Jaemin voice rang in your ears as you looked up with a angry red face. Steam was even coming out of your ears and nose. "Did you just call nana a bitch?" He put his hands to his chest and pouted, "Little girl you need to learn some manners." Jaemin tilted his head to the side and began walking forward.
"Shut up." You had nothing else to say as you grit your teeth, looking at the ground.
Jaemin didnt like that and grabbed the back of your neck to make you look at him, "What? Did your stupid head stop thinking? Your normally so chatty for nana what happened?"
"Jaemin i-" you cut yourself off as you felt jaemin grip the back of your neck tighter causing you to moan in pain.
"Stupid girl." Jaemin whispered, forcefully pushing you away. It was not strong enough to make you fall but at least stumble.
You glowered, earning yourself a chuckle from him. "What will it take for you to leave me alone!?"
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"Bring this to table 15 please! Thanks!" Irene smiled as she handed you a small cup of iced coffee and you took it, taking it to its designated place. What you didn't except was to see taemin again, gleaming up at you.
"Hi y/n." He smiled and you tried to remain calm.
God how is someone so beautiful?
"Hey, I didnt except you to come back." You returned the warm smile and started to play with the apron around your waist.
Taemin giggled, "I actually quite like this place, its cozy." He began to take a sip from the straw, eyes still trained on you. If only you weren't so awkward with him, you wouldve found something to say other than staring at him and indulging in the beauty before you. But lucky for you someone behind the counter called for you, quickly averting your attention back to work.
The next order was a shake, so you grabbed the correct ingredients and began using the blendor, when someone came next to you, doing the same thing "You seem like your having fun flirting around." The unwanted conversation with jaemin began, "makes nana kind of jealous."
"Hm funny." You ignored him and continued blending the ice cream.
Jaemin casually rolled his eyes and glanced down at your nonchalant face before returning back to the blender, "you know you really do piss me off."
You sneered and snickered to yourself, "what are you gonna do about it?"
"I was thinking of fucking you dumb or until you know your place but maybe thats a bit too rewarding."
The cup was removed and set aside from the blender with your hands placed on your hips, "Im sorry what?"
"Did I stutter?" Jaemin raised an eyebrow and also put the cup down. You went silent, not knowing whether or not to just laugh it off or quickly run away. "And I'm still waiting on my apology."
"One, I am not going to apologize to your bitchy ass. Two, even if I did let you, you could never 'fuck me dumb', it just wouldn't happen. Now stop trying to get in my pants."
Jaemin opened then closed his mouth about to say something, but didn't and just put on a sweet smile, "Go take these to table 7 for nana." He said like he was testing yoj.
"Why? You made them."
"Nana told you to do something little girl, now do it." Jaemins sweet smile was still plastered on his face yet it intimidated you enough to do as he said.
Taemin was long gone when you walked out and you were kind of sad as you weren't able to say goodbye before he left. You placed the shake down on the table and was ready to walk away when you heard your name being called.
"Y/n? You work here?" Seulgis voice spoke as you turned around. Both her and sana were looking at you with shit eating grins.
"Doesn't jaemin also work here seulgi?" Sana asked the girl in front of her and seulgi looked as if she got the brightest idea.
"Oh yeah! Y/n can you get jaemin over here? Pretty please?" She asked sweetly yet with a hint of sourness and you listened, not feeling like ignoring her at the moment.
You told jaemin that seulgi and sana were out front looking for him and he nonchalantly went out without question. Leaving you to do some of the work alone, which you didn't mind considering its jaemin, the annoying bastard who won't leave you alone, but he does help you whenever you need it. And right now, it was a bit busy, and you needed it.
After doing 4 more online orders and sending them off through the driveway, jaemin finally came back with a scowl on his face looking ready to beat someone up. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" He raised his voice only loud enough for you to hear. But you were quite confused on what was happening.
"What are you talking about?" You asked, tilting your head to the side like a puppy.
Jaemin groaned, "I knew you were fucking dumb but come on y/n! Why is seulgi covered in the shake i gave you?"
You paused for a moment, unable to answer that. Is he assuming you spilt her shake on her? Why would you even do that in the first place. Yeah you don't like her, but you're not going to stoop to her or his level. "I dont know."
He slammed his hand on the wall near your head, startling you a bit, "You dont know huh?" You shook your head slowly. "Seulgi and sana both said you purposefully spilt the shake on seulgi. Now answer me honestly. Is that true?" You shook your head again, feeling really small and helpless under his strong gaze.
"I-i didnt spill t-the skake." You muttered quietly.
He inhaled sharply, "Then who did huh? Or maybe you don't know because you're so dumb."
"S-stop..." you frowned, looking down at floor, but jaemin had other plans and made you look up at him. A single tear slide down your cheek and you swear you saw a small grin appear on his face.
"Tell nana what happened." His voice became softer as he swiped away the stray tear on your face.
You huffed, still afraid that he'd do something to you although you knew he wouldnt purposely cause you pain. "W-well she asked me to go get you, which I did, a-and her shake was perfectly fine when I left."
"Are you saying she purposely spilt the shake on herself to make me angry at you?"
"Y-yes."
"Ill believe my little girl for now, but if I find out you are lying, you will be in big trouble got that?" Jaemin lifted his hand off the wall and proceeded to walk back out of the room. Leaving you shocked at his words and still frightened by an angry jaemin.
You went to the cash register once jaemin left to get ready to count the bills until you heard jaemin and seulgi arguing. Lucky for them, no one but you and him were working right now. Irene went home earlier and the normal crew always leave around 6:30, leaving just you and jaemin.
"It was only a prank nana. No need to get so worked up. And besides you didn't even prank her today, be glad I did for you." Seulgi said smiling at the boy in front of her.
Jaemin physically cringed when he heard his nickname roll off her tongue, "you didn't have to do that."
You stood there watching, astonished how jaemin was standing up for you. Hes supposed to hate you. Jaemin didn't even bother going with the girls when they offered him a ride, instead he stayed with you and even helped close. Something he normally doesn't do because he leaves before you and gives you all the hard things to do.
"Hurry up and finish." Jaemin spoke. A little bit of anger still laced in his voice.
"Whats your rush?"
He sighed, "I wanna go home. Plus I can't stand this place right now. I'm pissed."
You finished wiping down that last table and walked over to him, "Just go home then."
"Not without you."
You gave him a dirty look, "im not going home with you."
Jaemin leaned down, his face only inches from yours and whispered, "Remember what I said earlier hm? I wanna fuck you dumb." He then grabbed your waist bringing you closer to him, if that was possible, "Can I do that pretty girl? Can nana fuck you so hard you won't even remember anything but my cock?" You were so lost in your mind that everything became a blur. Jaemins words sounded so sweet but were so lewd. And you were so close to kissing him until he put his finger on your lips, "But you have to wait." You frowned and were only getting more angry by the second. You went from not wanting anything to do with jaemin to just about ready to beg him to kiss you. Was it that easy for him to get in your head? Or were you so sex deprived that now jaemin seemed somewhat interesting?
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You laid on jaemins bed getting bored with the constant teasing. He never did anything but that. Jaemin would get close to your lips and back away as you chased him. Hed chuckle and coo at you for being so desperate. But that wasn't the point of all the teasing. He really just wanted you to beg him to kiss you. No words will come out of his mouth telling you to beg, he just excepted it to happen sooner or later. But youre too stubborn to do so, so you grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down to kiss him, catching him by surprise.
Jaemins hands gripped your wrists and pulled them off his face, pinning them to the bed, "You didnt even ask to kiss me." Jaemin pulled away, raising his eyebrow high, "Dont you think thats a bit mean."
"So was teasing me, but I let you continue." You huffed, trying to free your wrists from his death grip but it was no use.
"You dont have a say on whether i continue or not. I'm in charge here and you take what I give you, understand?" You rolled your eyes. It was your intention to make jaemin angry. You wanted to push his buttons.
What you didnt know was that not answering jaemin correctly would earn you a slap to the face. And jaemin was not even fazed by it.
"Dont roll your eyes and answer nana." Jaemin smiled. "Can you say 'yes nana'?"
"Y-yes nana."
"Good girl." Jaemin muttered and began slowly kissing your jawline down to your neck, sucking here and there creating shades of purple and red marks. Oh how he loved the marks he was leaving.
You so desperately wanted to grip onto jaemins hair and pull it but he never budged his hands, only tightening his grasps. As he continued attacking your neck, you began to lift your hips up to get some sort friction. Jaemin noticed and shifted so that his thigh was in between your legs and rubbing against your clothed core. A spew of quiet moans left your lips but you wanted more. Jaemin was going to soft and slow for your liking.
"I thought you were going to fuck me dumb?" You said and jaemin lifted his head to give you a quick kiss on the lips.
"Patience baby. You aren't ready yet." He let go of your wrists and took your shirt off. The cold air made you shiver and jaemin chuckled. "I wanna make you cum at least 2 times before I fuck you."
"Then stop talking and do it." You replied, pushing your hips up to rub against his thigh, but they were pushed back down on the bed.
"Didnt I say to take what I give you?" Your head slowly moved up and down and jaemin smiled, "so why arent you happy with what nana gives you?"
"I want more..." you sighed as he started to slide your pants and panties off, discarding them somewhere in the room. His mouth slowly started kissing your inner thighs and you could feel your heat dripping with anticipation. You whined for more but only got a slap to the thigh telling you to be quiet. Needless to say you didn't listen and continued to try to get him closer to where you needed him most but pulling his hair.
Jaemin groaned grabbing your wrist again and pushed it away roughly. His patience was wearing out. You were more stubborn than he thought, but that doesn't mean he can't still break you. "Next time you do that, I'll flip you over and beat your ass till its purple." Your breath hitched and as much as you were tempted, you wanted to be able to sit for a few days so you stayed put and kept your hands to yourself.
But the desperation was getting to you and you wanted relief which jaemin wasnt giving you until you felt his two fingers circling around your clit. "P-please jaemin." You moaned as he flicked your clit with his middle finger. Then soon enough he stuck two fingers inside you. Your pussy automatically clenching around his digits as he moved at a steady in and out pace.
It felt so good. His fingers felt so good. They made your body twist in pleasure as more moans left your mouth. Jaemin was watching your face closely as it contorted with pleasure. He loved seeing your eyebrows bunched together, so focused on the way his fingers worked inside you.
"My pretty slut. Taking nanas fingers so well." He gushed, still watching your face. Jaemin could feel himself get even more painfully hard but he didn't want to fuck you just yet. He meant it when he said he wanted you to cum 2 times. So he picked up the speed with his fingers, your hands landing on his forearm that was resting on near your hip. "Are you gonna cum for nana princess?"
You frantically nodded your head as a wave of pleasure washed over you. You could feel your cum leak out of you as jaemin leaned down and began eating away at your cunt.
"J-jaemin! So...go-good!" Your head flew back as his tongue sucked on your clit and a loud moan filled the room.
Jaemin smirked against your heat, "I haven't even fucked you yet and your already sounding like a dumb whore. Its so easy to break you princess."
"N-no its j-ju-...." you whimpered as your brain wasnt even trying to help you function right. His tongue was extraordinary. "Mmmm."
"Aw my dumb little princess is so cute." He muttered diving back into lapping at your soaked cunt. It was almost as if on cue and without warning, you were cumming again. Jaemins hasty tongue took it all. Groaning at the taste of you in his mouth.
He sat up over you, grabbing your neck, pulling you into a deep kiss. You tasted yourself on his tongue. Deepening the kiss by grabbing the back of his hair, jaemin couldnt help but moan a bit as his cock brushed against your thigh. He felt big. Bigger than the few guys you've been with and you were ecstatic.
You tugged on jaemins pants and shirt as a way to tell him to take them off and he did after getting off of you and sitting on the edge of the bed. His abs were more defined than you thought and when his cock sprung free, your mouth started watering. Jaemins smirk only grew watching you stare. He was starting to get cocky
"What? You wanna suck my cock?" Jaemin asked sweetly.
"Yes please." You reached over to try and touch him but he didn't allow you. And smacked your hand away. It was a way for him to tease you and you hated it.
"So kind for nana now. Ealier you were so cock hungry that you decided to be a brat. Did nana finally break you?" Jaemin whispered as he moved a piece of hair out of your face, looking at you with fill admiration.
"No you didn't break me. But I wanna suck you off." You whined as jaemin picked you up and sat you just above his cock, the tip teasing at your entrance.
"Too bad. Now I want you to sit." Jaemin said looking into your eyes. You obeyed with a little hesitation. His cock was surely going to hurt you so you took it slowly and started lowering your hips. "Fuck...thats a good girl." Jaemin praised, watching his cock dissappear between your legs and your tummy get full with his cock. "My baby's so tiny you can see my cock in your belly." He said, pushing down on the area where he was imprinted in you.
Slowly you started moving, lifting your hips up and down. You were wet enough that he could easily slide in and out with no problem.
Jaemins head fell back as he sighed with relief, grunting as you picked up the pace, "So tight for nana." He whispered and you moaned back loudly. His cock stretched every inch of you to the point where it felt like you'd split.
"More more more." You whined against jaemins neck, gripping his shoulders tightly. Carefully jaemin flipped you both over so he was on top and continued pounding into your destroyed cunt. He kept a hand around your neck squeezing it every so often as a choked out moan left your throat.
His cock was so deep and fast that you couldn't think straight. You kept blabbering about his cock. Only thing on your mind was how nice he felt inside you. Jaemin bit his lip as he smirked at you, grabbing your hair and bringing your face close to his, "Now will you admit that I fucked you dumb and say your nanas dumb slut?"
"Y-yes, I'm na-nanas dumb sl-slut." You cried, tears falling down your face from how good he felt inside and if you thought jaemin couldn't go any faster, he did. His thrusts were hard and rough, sure enough to hurt your thighs tomorrow as he pounded relentlessly. "So close." Your voice came out choked as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You held on to jaemins hand that was on your neck as he helped you with your orgasm.
Jaemin wasnt far behind you with his and groaned loudly, "fuck, where do you want it princess?"
"I-inside." You moaned as the feeling of hot cum was shot inside you. Jaemins hips kept moving him through his orgasm until he slowly came to a stop. Both of you panted loudly, there were even a few tears falling down your cheek here and there.
Jaemin slowly pulled out, making sure not to hurt you, and he laid beside you. "You did so well." He kissed your forehead. "Cmon ill carry you to bathroom so we can take a bath." He said picking up your worn out naked figure with so much care. Making you forget he was your enemy.
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sakura-83 · 3 years
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Things from Anne with an e that I feel like writing down
Season 2 Episode 1: Youth Is The Season of Hope
1. Anne looking over her collection of treasures
2. Her walk through the forests and fields, talking to trees and watching butterflies and being free from worldly concerns such as dirtying her clothes or going home before dark
3. The general way that Anne loves nature
4. Anne falling into a creek. I’ve done that so many times
5. Anne coming hone covered in twigs and mud and Matthew just smiling
6. It does make me sad how Mr. Dunlop is genuinely happy at Green Gables but the plan still crumbles. He was a bad person but I still wish he could’ve had his house, a calm life, maybe then he could’ve changed forever.
7. The fact that when school isn’t in session, there’s no paper to be had for students
8. Anne critiquing the way Nate prays
9. “And bless those who are here, and those who are in our hearts” CUTTING INTO A SHOT OF THE BOAT GILBERT IS ON
10. Gilbert singing while he works
11. Bash being exasperated with Gilbert
12. Gilbert could’ve had a comfortable steady life but willingly chose to work in the name of adventure and experience
13. Nate trying to convince Anne of all people that geology is boring
14. Nate frequently says things that will trigger a flashback in Anne and yet she still continues to spring back up enthusiastically
15. The whole flirting thing between Nate and Marilla never fails to make me very uncomfortable
16. Yknow. It’s probably the money they stole from Jerry that’s paying the rent
17. Jerry having a mini heart attack when Anne is in the barn
18. Jerry knowing there’s something off about Nate but being unable to place it
19. Anne’s fond talk of reading seeking very surface level while the scene is interrupted by flashbacks of how it was the only hope, the only shred of happiness she was able to keep in her youth
20. “Reading can save your life.”
21. Anne finding Jane eyre when she had to hold the books as punishment
22. “Look at this sentence, isn’t it glorious!” “Sometimes you’re not very nice.” “What do you mean? Why are you- Jerry!” “No school for me, remember?” “I can teach you to read!”
23. Jerry telling her not to bother and her proceeding to relay the entire alphabet anyways
24. They don’t have any paper so Anne has to teach him by writing in the hay and dirt on the ground
25. Nate just starting to scream and throw things so people thing he’s having a breakdown
26. Stupid mr Barry falling for it
27. The cuthberts singing the same song as Gilbert while they work
28. Bash explaining to Gilbert that he’s a young white boy and he can do whatever he wants in life, but bash is stuck with his lot in life and needs to keep his job
29. Bash telling him he’s also bad at singing
30. “I’m so glad I get to live in a world where there are Octobers, aren’t you?”
31. Anne being baffled that they haven’t been to the beach since they were children
32. Anne going to the beach for the first time
33. The way she absolutely has to stand on the cliff edge over the ocean
34. Matthew waving back to her
35. Anne impulsively stripping down and jumping into the ocean during a Canadian October
36. Matthew doing the same
37. Anne can’t swim
38. Anne laughing at her near death experience
39. Matthew teaching her to swim
40. Anne asking to buy back Birdie with the harvest money
41. Even Marilla coming to enjoy the beach
42. Anne looking off into the sea from land and Gilbert looking out to the horizon from the ship deck
43. Only Anne would realize how well loved the gold chapter is
44. Anne’s impulsive and nosy nature is what ultimately revealed Nate’s lie
45. Nate manipulating a child and taking advantage of their trust
46. “How about a dashing hero, named Albert, Herbert, Rupert, Pilbert-“ “Pilbert!? That’s ridiculous! I would never write a story about a boy named Pilbert!” “It’s not like we can’t tell-“ “Well YOU always murder everyone because you can’t figure out what to do with your characters-“
47. Aunt Josephine wanting to read their stories
48. Anne using an entire framed embroidery piece to teach Jerry to read
49. Jerry trying to refuse learning to read but being convinced by the way Anne talks about it so fondly
50. “Reading can save your life.” “Alright, I’ll try it.” “YES!”
51. “Let’s kill the cat.” The cat being Anne. I wouldn’t put actually killing her past Nate
52. Them decorating a pie
53. Jerry carving the alphabet into the barn wall
54. Poor Jerry, not only did Nate beat him terrible but the comments about “a little French pig” are also. Ouch.
55. Anne coming out of a flashback and still acting brave, plus her starting to catch on to Nate based on his outbursts and Jerry’s behavior
56. Not Nate half stripping in front of Marilla >:(
57. Yayyyyy more marriage drama from the Barry household
58. “I just want to do something that matters for once.”
59. Mr Dunlop really isn’t so bad to me? A crook, sure, but one with basic empathy and way less full of malice towards children
60. Anne making him an apron
61. One specific tell of the lie being the specific repeated use of the phrase “moral quandary”. Most people in a genuinely situation wouldnt repeatedly use that phrase and Nate’s liberal use of it makes him feel scripted which is perfect because he’s a liar using a script
62. Marilla giving Jerry an entire BASKET of pastries for his family
63. Never tell Rachel Lynde a secret
64. $150 PER GOLD TEST????
65. Fun facts from Matthew, most folks in Avonlea make about $300-$400 a year
66. Nate isn’t a great actor but mr Dunlop certainly is, mostly because he’s half genuinely
67. “You are a moral man.” :/ well
68. Anne immediately thinking of writing to Gilbert and being determined to find where he is
69. Anne almost cracking the code with the stamp and then getting distracted
70. “Does that sound romantical?” The- the manifest, not the letter to Gilbert-“
71. “Please let there be gold in Avonlea, so that there’s no more hardship for anyone. And please, please help me get my letter to Gilbert. And please be sure I don’t misspell any words! Amen.”
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madisonrooney · 2 years
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i can't believe you haven't seen barbie in the nutcracker. hopefully you can fix that very soon. you don't need any barbie knowledge to enjoy it haha
meeting one of the directors of bolt sounds amazing! glad you got to do that. definitely makes up for the first disappointing movie.
i can enjoy a villain redemption story, but instead we are getting movies that excuse a villain's bad behavior with a tragic backstory. please just let the villains make mistakes and redeem them afterwards, or give us the full villain story we deserve. it's fine if the main character isn't a good person. as long as the movie is enjoyable. it can be very fun to watch the villain doing dastardly things.
that's totally valid! for me a dream job is just something i would enjoy doing with the perk of getting paid for it. since most of my current hobbies do not pay at all haha. but yeah definitely put your own happiness over making money. jobs can take the fun out of things you enjoy because of the stress of deadlines and trying to meet certain standards.
i'm glad you got to watch so many shows and movies. i did a lot of that too and it was really nice. i miss having that kind of free time, tho do not miss the stress of being scared to go out.
it's great that you found a job you like. definitely a fun place to work too! my dream job is really just making money from my hobbies and being able to collaborate with other people more often.
i should have stuck to one question haha. thankfully i saw your answer to the second one in the tag. the daughter of dr. calico sounds really cool! i'm glad to hear you've put a lot of thought into this already. personally i think it would be fun to be alice in wonderland's kid. i can just imagine creative pursuits being encouraged and i am very curious by nature.
christmas is just around the corner. are you an ugly christmas sweater fan? and if so, what is your favorite one you own or one you would want to buy? ⛄
if premingers not in it im not interested im sorry
it was! it was chris williams but id love to also meet byron howard someday cuz he also co-directed tangled, zootopia, and encanto!
yah thats a really good point! im not really used to seeing movies where the character isnt a good person, but i guess the bigger problem is when its unclear if youre supposed to side with them or not, yknow? like i binged bojack horseman in the fall and they make it abundantly clear that hes not a good person and if you relate to him you should get help lol.
yah i totally feel the same way. if my hobbies do pay, its minimal, but if i wanna keep doing them in a self-run way without pressure from outside sources, i have to keep them hobbies and do what i said im doing and keep a job that i enjoy enough that pays the bills, which thankfully i have! i wouldnt mind some sort of editing job since ive been editing videos since i was 11 and did some for the faculty at my high school, but the application and searching process is too daunting and i dont want it THAT bad lol. but like if it were offered to me and it made sense for me at the time, id probably like it.
oh yah 100% same. i would never have wished for that to happen to the world but im glad i was able to make the most of it given the circumstances.
thank you! and i assume we arent considering wicked world canon bc frankly we shouldnt as ive said in the server before lol.
good question! i have a jolly to the core ugly sweater that i got on redbubble a few years ago. i wore it to the disneyland christmas party last week on my birthday. and my friend @tevinter-pariah recently gifted me a replica of joey's cat sweater from joy-to-a-rooney and its glorious. i dont think i could get any better than those two lol. what about you?
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springfieldblues · 4 years
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my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t
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warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would
id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO
but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)
first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.
the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.
anyway on to lisanardo da vinky its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.
i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)
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oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:
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"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"
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SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.
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this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)
alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway
it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop
we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.
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"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"
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some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known
so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.
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"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."
leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)
so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.
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"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."
that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)
and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?
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(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)
so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things. also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.
anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes) then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.
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(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)
in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:
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barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?” skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.” barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”
skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!
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(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)
nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!
so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:
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“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”
which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide
and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1
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toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.
and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.
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i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink
toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!
next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.
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this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:
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“What about our student loans?” “Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”
(god if only)
so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.
“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.” “France?” “No, he hates France.”
apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.
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“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”
and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)
we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.
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here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:
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King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:
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and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:
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not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!
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the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it
the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one
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the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.
moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!” mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!” bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”
OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him
el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh
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lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad
anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.
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“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”
so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:
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“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”
this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on
frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.
and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok
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interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking
diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON
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frida paints her feelings.
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this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.
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“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”
its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:
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rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh
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“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…” “That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”
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“B-b-but he’s a communist!” “Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”
rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.
now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:
"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."
so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.
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diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:
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this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.
right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc
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the end
ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE
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varusai · 3 years
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who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it
sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u
Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.
Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.
cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun
this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.
i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.
0/10 completely undateable
Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:
pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,
cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention
this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.
im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.
it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao
so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D
Groribas, my fav girl:
pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever
cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy
overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me
Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:
pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you
cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy
this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability
some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao
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misterbitches · 3 years
Text
i wish more than anything he could have had this. i love you man
i really fucking do
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my love for nirvana and immense respect for kurt isn't something i ever expected. after being a huge fan of jonghyun too as a musician, a person who had things to say, a human being. the people around him. i fucking hate that kurt is gone and i was like...2. i got into hole when i was like 25 really heavily and refused to listen to nirvana. didnt' care about these white boys. but there's a reason why people love this band and why they loved kurt. i get mad sometimes at his death—selfishness—and then i make jokes to deal and cope. we all do with everything. it's just that and this is from a cis person...but i know so many trans people or people on the gender spectrum who have read his journals see him as someone struggling with gender. and after years of thinking and becoming such a huge fan i think that was honestly the truth. i think at this point we're all pretty sure he was gender queer or struggling with identity.
his aversion for oppression, his stand with the marginalized, not accepting racism, homophobia, transphobia BECAUSE THAT IS THE HEART OF DIY (spurred by my black people cos ofc it is and we do everything) and i wish that he could have beeen better.
to me it seems like his pain with his crohns (or wahtever he had) lead to his intense struggle with drugs because that's pretty common when needing pain management. on top of that, his family's history of MI. on top of that, his life being hounded and not being prepared for it (this i think is the idea of white privilege at work and wasn't naive of him necessarily, but...it's just something he thought wouldnt happen to him. that's whiteness at work as who they were as a diy fucking anti pop anti capital punk band. sonic youth said 'we didnt sell out, we made them buy in') and his rship with courtney. he said without court he might be gay or bi.
i won't read his journals, it's too fucking much for me and i dont feel allowed or maybe i will when i can handle it, but i know reading about them and him and hearing the way he changed his songs and his abhorrence for bravado, for men that talk about women as disposable and sex objects, for not being able to enjoy a punk band, for the whiteness and maleness. krist novoselic was a 6'7 fucking bassist and dave grohl is a sizeable dude with hideous tattoos. back then, no one said a fucking bad thing about them. come as you are.
we know that suicide is a state we get into. when you go to a psych ward you see that it's actually calm and an ebb/flow. it is extremely fucking boring. the thing is we don't know if these feelings last forever. we can't go back and time and history cannot change. it was his decision, like jonghyun's, to end his life. but i know there could have been longer. if they got help. i try not to resent courtney especially not now with people being irresponsible and unearthing the FBI report on him. he killed himself but it was definitely emotionally sparred by her and she should have told people what happened weeks before his death.
but no one failed him per se. his suicide note is full of hope and it kills me to see. he should have been able to be whoever he wanted. been a son, been a daughter, been anything.
whenever i hear the changed lyrics or see him in a dress or hear distress i dont know. i wish we didnt lose him but i also know that no one wants to go back to that time. it wasn't necessarily great but it wasn't all bad. and i wish commodity didn't destroy legacy. i wish we werent's so obsessed with the death and gore instead of the liveliness and hilarity of this band and of kurt. and i wish we could talk about him more and the idea that maybe there's so much going on with it; i have many critiques for things they have done, things kurt has done as well.
i'm talking in circles but i genuinely just get bummed. every day he is still dead. but this dude man......i love him a lot. i'm so glad nirvana gave what they did to the world. getting to know kurt so long after the fact is fucking hard sometimes. it is frustrating. but focusing on the positives too or trying to understand another perspective has given me a lot of insight. and i always try and remember that it wasn't just one thing, that nirvana were a band, it wasn't just him, and he could have been better but it just didn't work out that way. it's not solely about his internal pain and the narrative of a tortured artist is suffocating.
he wanted to be a star, make this insane pop song, and when he got it he didnt realize it became everything he hated. he was already struggling and all this shit hit a point. i have mad respect for them still. dave grohl said billie eilish is the kurt of her gen (about 2 yrs ago) and that drives me up a wall for various reasons. antiblackness and class. fuck that. these dudes were poor as fuck trucking it through washington with other bands and the basis is blacness and black art they were trying to fight and make it and give a shit man. it didnt turn out the way they could handle but they were not PRIMIING themselvs for musical stardom. no artist who cares would do that. but if you get the recognition you want because who doesn't, it comes at a price too.
this is why i critique commodity and capital so intensely. i participate, and i will have to as an artist. i don't have a desire to be poor because i've lived a life that gave me space to see what i want to do. i have class privilege (and a lot of debt) and i am grateful. but it isnt like i dont want peopl eto know. it's just that i know that i can't give in and accept and demand nothing and then decide to hoard it to myself. taht money that goes in funnels out and is not for me to keep. there is no trickling down. dont paly yrself.
artists like kurt and in a sense like MF Doom (rapper who only came out to be seen when he wanted to) or DMX even it's like....man u came out fucking fighting to be heard you know. do your thing. make your shit. be amazing. esp black people. DMX had a fucking face for a camera. hopefully i'm gonna watch belly at my best friend's house on the 28th.
i wish everyone who deserves to stay can stay until their body releases them in the most pleasant way as possible. jessica walter's death made me sad, but she was older and i'm so happy she got to live. same with cicely tyson. at the same time, the young deaths over drugs, suicide, accidents....id on't really get it. why is kissinger alive but these people can't stay? how did this come a somber tale of death instead of just i fucking love kurt cobain lmao
he's def one of those ppl that im like u rock. him, robeson, seberg to an extent. hm who else. wong kar wai, jenkins, joe (thai filmmaker whose name i cant spell.) all those people who are running forward on their own and beating their chest. yea i like that. an award is just another award. what matters is possibility and action.
RATHER BE DEAD THAN COOL
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