#hcc Xisuma

[askthehcc]

has xisuma ever just said "it is pride momth, baristas. you know what that means." to any of you? how did you respond?

[Interviewer's note: The following texts have been taken from The Hermit Coffee Co. group chat from June 2023]

The Hermit Coffee Co. 3 June 2023 8:58am

Xisuma: It's pride month baristas, you all know what that means. Tango: what Tango: what does it mean Tango: x what does it mean? Tango: do you want us to serve gay coffee or? CleoZo: Tango, why dont you go ahead and tell me what a gay coffee looks like to you? CleoZo: just describe it for me if youd be so kind CubFan: it means we must exchange tender eye contact with all customers and perhaps CubFan: just perhaps CubFan: fall in love with a stranger for just a moment CubFan: the love will be transient but will never the less remain with us into our twilight years CubFan: to be reflected on fondly in moments of strife and loneliness CubFan: and to be remembered when we feel the aching sorrow of lost love and the shortness of life CubFan: because for one moment we felt the explosive love that can only be truly felt when the object of our affections is unknown to us CubFan: Schrodinger's love some might say. Me? CubFan: i call it being human Tango: whoa Tango: that was kinda deep cub Tango: i was just gonna say like Tango: whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles CubFan: that works too Tango: you good though? CubFan: yeah man Tango: alrighty then

Xisuma: Yeah, I'm not quite sure what i was thinking when i said that.

Xisuma: I think I'd had about 3 hours sleep the night before and my fifth coffee had got me a bit hysterical.

Xisuma: I did shed a little tear at Cub's response though. No idea where that came from.

Xisuma: Seriously, where did he pull that from?

---

Cub: Oh, I'm a barista by occupation, but an internet shit poster by passion.

[galaxygermdraws]

Helsians round 2, this time featuring two non Hermit counterparts :D Now I’ll do as I did last time, give you the names and who they’re counterparts of then make a read more

Top: Helskizz(Hels Skizzleman), Sminor5991(Hels Smajor), Sidasa212(Hels Bdubs)

Bottom: Axis(Helsuma/Apathetic X), DreadMonster(Helstress), Putrid/FallenAngel Cleo(Hels Cleo)

(Reblogs with tags/comments are appreciated. Thankyu. More info under the read more)

Okay where do I begin with these? Uh, I should say the designs for Helskizz and Sidas are not what they appear like in present day. I won’t say more but. But yeah. Also me and Della may have become way too infatuated with Helskizz oh my gosh we love him so much but oh he’s oh so terrible of a person. Yet again I am not putting everything here, Sminor and Dread aren’t going to get sections because I have no ideas for them at the moment, although Sminor does manage HCC(Hels!MCC)

HelSkizz: A hunter by his teenage years, Helskizz is one of the more screwed up people in Hels. He was suave, arrogant, and extremely abusive. He acts like he doesn’t need anybody… but he’d be lying to himself. When he was younger, he plucked a confused and scared Indulge from his home - The End of All Things - and hunted him for sport. He recorded everything, and it got insanely popular among Helsians. The reactions of the show, Stalked and Scared, were so raw that Helskizz was endorsed by the Stalkers… 

Sidasa212:  Sidas is the former mascot of the NLO, and the brother of one of the biggest debtors of the group. When going about his life before Lonecraft, Sidas was primarily keeping his brother, Mephitic(Meph) from getting himself killed taking risks. It wasn’t until said brother got into trouble with the NLO that Sidas had to actively do something, and thus he became the runt of the group. Eventually he was caught trying to escape, and ended up being punished. Thus, Sidas had his mouth stitched into a smile. He wasn’t allowed to speak his mind for so long, the only thing he could talk to was the trees and mushrooms of the warped jungle, and eventually he fell asleep there, and the NLO lost their control over him. Without those stitches, Sidas would be very blunt and aggressive with everything he says, never faking positivity or optimism. His body is covered in little mushrooms and vines from the warped jungle, and he has powers related to them. 

Axis/Helsuma: Helsuma and Apathetic Xisuma are one in the same, a being known solely as Axis, he is the two faced admin over the Helsmits. While not physically the strongest of the Helsmits, he knows how to work his way into one’s mind until he can shatter them devastatingly. He can act like he’s a good person, and he could do so in a way where you would think he’s his Hermit counterpart, but just as you think he’s trustworthy he can stab you in the back. His main priority is wanting the server to run smoothly, and he doesn’t care who he hurts to make sure that happens. He has a nasty burn scar on the left side of his face, as well as on his left arm. He is also half blind, and covering all the nastiness of his missing eye with his hair. 

PutridCleo: Also known as FallenAngelCleo, Putrid works under Zedeath after he kept her from permanently dying. She doesn't work as a reaper like Grim, but rather she keeps track of Vessels. If they're alive or dead, if they're viable or not. She is the one who informed Zedeath of Wormman's existence on Hermitcraft. She used to be AngelCleo, but dying and becoming a worker under Zedeath ruined that for her. She doesn't mind, though. She enjoys her job, and working under a Death Spirit gets her powers being a simple angel could never get her.

[askthehcc]

Has the coffee shop ever been robbed?

Xisuma: Not successfully. A couple guys tried to bust in one night a year or so ago, but nah, no robberies, otherwise!

[askthehcc]

xisuma: are there any pairings of workers that you can't put together due to chaos/what pairings work best

Xisuma: Oh boy.

Xisuma: Well, see the thing is a lot of the time I have an opening, I'll ask the existing baristas if they have any recommendations.

Xisuma: So, of course I end up hiring a lot of friends of the staff and sometimes that can work out great.

Xisuma: I mean look at Cleo and Joe. I've never seen a ship run as smoothly as when those two are left at the helm.

Xisuma: Same with Impulse and Mumbo.

Xisuma: ...

Xisuma: Tango and Zedaph, however...

Xisuma: Let's just say, I'm thankful Tango doesn't often work weekends.

Xisuma: Great fella, really hard worker, really well meaning bloke. A little bit distractible and could do with some more disciplined time keeping, but I couldn't fault him, otherwise.

Xisuma: ...

Xisuma: Just as long as those two remain separate.

Xisuma: Very separate.

Xisuma: Far... far away from each other.

Xisuma: ...

Xisuma: And any kind of fire starting tools or devices.

[askthehcc]

okay, Xisuma, if that even is your real name. if you haven't a favorite Hermit, do you have a favorite friend of a Hermit?

Xisuma: ...

Skizz: ...

Xisuma: ...

Skizz: ...

Xisuma: [Sighs]

Xisuma: Wel, I suppose Skizz is–

Skizz: WOOH CUSTOMER OF THE YEAR, BABY.

[askthehcc]

X do you have insurance?

Xisuma: well legally all hospitality businesses have to have insurance.

Xisuma: Not all businesses take out extended premium insurance, of course, but you know.

Xisuma: You can never be too prepared.

Xisuma: ...

Xisuma: I mean, you've spoken to my staff, right?

Xisuma: So.

Xisuma: You understand my precautions.

[askthehcc]

What are the staff members favorite drinks?

Impulse: I like a nice chai latte.

Zedaph: Oh, it's gotta be a London Fog for me.

Tango: something we don't actually serve here, of course.

Bdubs: Oh, yeah, Zed made that for me once a couple weekends ago. It was pretty good, actually.

Bdubs: I was a sceptic at first and I'll hold my hands up to that, but I've totally been converted.

Scar: What the heck is a London Dog?

Bdubs: It's a London Fog, Scar, not a London Dog!

Bdubs: That's Paddington you're thinking of, stupid.

Impulse: Wait what? Isn't paddington a–

Zedaph: It's an earl grey tea with some vanilla syrup and just a splash of hot milk on top. Very delicious, if I do say so myself.

Scar: Huh. So it's, like, a British thing?

Tango: I guess?

Scar: fascinating.

Tango: What's your favourite drink, Scar?

Scar: Oh, hot chocolate, of course! Nothing better!

Zedaph: Ah, yes, the young man's coffee.

Impulse: Tango, what about you?

Tango: Oh, long black with three shots of espresso. First thing I do when I get in is make myself one.

Tango: Keeps the gears in the ol' thinker thinkificating, if you know what I mean?

Impulse: ...Tango, how many of those do you have a day?

Tango: ...

Tango: What are you, a cop?

---

Cleo: If I get more than five minutes after a rush, I like a flat white.

Cleo: What can I say? I like it basic. Not everything has to have a big fanfare about it.

False: Oh, yeah, give me a cup of strong black tea and I'll be happy.

Joe: For me, it's got to be something a little bit sweet, but not too sweet. I'll usually make myself a white americano with just a smidge of caramel syrup to counteract the bitterness.

Cleo: What about you, X?

Xisuma: Same as Cleo, but with oat milk. I just like it a little creamier.

---

Grian: Huh? Oh. I don't know. I don't really care. Whatever.

Scar: That's not true...

Grian: ...

Grian: Caramel hot chocolate.

Scar: There you go!

Grian: Yeah, yeah, shut up... menace.

---

Mumbo: Uh, just like... A latte, I guess?

Mumbo: It's not exciting, but–

Wels: Americano sunrise.

Mumbo: ...Isn't that–?

Wels: Yep.

Mumbo: ...

Mumbo: Alright then.

Mumbo: Are we, uh... done here?

[askthehcc]

tango and zedaph: have you ever pulled pranks at work? and if so, what's the best prank you've ever pulled?

Zed: Us?

Zed: Pranks?

Tango: We would never.

Zed: Nah, that's not us.

Tango: Besides X refuses to let us work together these days.

Zed: Yep.

Zed: It might be because of the time we flipped everything upside down on the Saturday after close for Bdubs' Sunday open.

Tango: Yeah, that was probably a factor.

Tango: He wasn't not best pleased about that one.

Zed: I think he saw the funny side of things eventually …

Tango: [snorts]

Tango: Yeah, once he was done looking at wrong side of everything.

Zed: hehehe.

---

Xisuma: [pinching the bridge of his nose]

Xisuma: He yelled about them to me for an hour.

---

Bdubs: Oh, I hate those guys. I'm gonna get them back one day, you'll see. You'll see. They won't see it coming, but I will.

---

Zed: Yeah, I think all's good and forgiven by now.

Tango: Totally.

[askthehcc]

Xisuma, who's your favorite employee? 👀

Xisuma: Oh, I can't answer something like that, Anon!

Xisuma: Besides, I genuinely like, well, all of my staff, to be honest.

Xisuma: Sure, some of them have... certain oddities, or, you know, ways of seeing the world that don't quite align with the way I see it, but that's okay.

Xisuma: We were all put on this earth to do our own thing and I appreciate that about the guys, I really do.

Xisuma: So, I don't really have a favourite. Everyone is good at something important.

Xisuma: Take Tango, for example: Not great at turning up on time, but absolutely fantastic with kids and their parents.

Xisuma: Bdubs, on the other hand, can be a little rough around the edges when it comes to customer service, but makes the most beautiful latte art. Seriously, this guy's a real artist.

Xisuma: I think Grian has yet to really show us his true strengths, but I understand that he's still new to the work and from the little context Mumbo's given me, he's still working through some particularly challenging stuff in his personal life.

Xisuma: And for me, that's okay, you know?

Xisuma: As long as you show up when you're meant to, do the work to the best of your abilities, and be respectful to customers and colleagues, it doesn't matter too much to me, if it takes you some time to get things bang on.

Xisuma: I think I might have derailed from the original question a little bit, but hopefully you get my point.

Xisuma: They're a cracking bunch and I couldn't wish for a better group of people, if I tried. No favourites here.

[askthehcc]

Xisuma how do you stay sane (or as close to it as possible) while dealing with everybody's antics?

Xisuma: if it's early or late enough in the year, I like to take an early morning jog and watch the sunrise.

Xisuma: in the summer I tend to swim in the mornings.

Xisuma: the rhythm of exercise helps me keep perspective.

Impulse: ... and?

Xisuma: and it's also handy to have a heinous amount of coffee on tap and plenty of paracetamol in the office.

[askthehcc]

Just want to ask, Xisuma, do you know what the JC is?

Xisuma: Oh, both Skizz and Tango have tried to explain it to me before, but it kind of devolved into something very odd indeed.

Xisuma: Scar told me it was a "proof of concept of coolness." I'm not quite sure what that means to be honest.

Xisuma: Zed denied any knowledge of it, which was quite in character for him.

Xisuma: Mumbo didn't want to talk about it, but Impulse managed to clear it up for me, at least a little bit.

Xisuma: From what I understand it's mostly just the name Skizz and Tango gave their friendship group in college?

Xisuma: I don't know, whatever keeps them happy, I suppose. As long as it doesn't disrupt the shop, I'm chill with whatever.