#he also probably pours champagne during the podium celebrations down other drivers' back

[raininyourblackeyes]

BSD Formula 1 AU

I know it sounds ridiculous but hear me out. THE POTENTIAL IS HUGE.

The characters are just the right amount of silly to be put in those funny cars, and the exact amount of dramatic to reflect whatever the fuck is going on in the circus (F1) in general.

First of all, this was brought to you by me watching one of the most chaotic races ever last weekend and I couldn't sleep last night which meant my brain had free time and BSD brainrot is 24/7.

Basic idea is that various organisations are different teams and all characters have different positions in the team obviously, not everyone is a driver. This will be long so the details about each team and headcanons about each driver and team member are under the cut.

ADA

ADA is a long standing team that has produced several successfull drivers. It is well known and beloved by the fans. “Everyone is a Ferrari fan!” in Seb Vettel’s words except it’s “Evereyone is an ADA fan!” in our case.

Last season was a wild ride for them, with their no.1 driver and another driver basically fighting to win the Driver’s Championship in the final race of the season and they were leading, they were winning, ready to celebrate but then an incident happened and the stewards made a completely illegal decision based on their own rules which resulted in their driver losing his title. What followed was a lot of controversy, possible lawsuit etc. Ultimately the team decided to just decimate them in the new season.

Team Principal Fukuzawa was a famous driver for the ADA team himself and is now doing his best to lead the team filled with absolute chaos to the victories through fair play and respect to integrity of the sport.

Ranpo is the team’s chief strategist whose biggest secret weapon are his deduction skills that help him figure out other teams’ strategies. Every time he’s shown on TV he’s snacking obviously. He is also lowkey Fukuzawa’s adopted son from all the way back since Fukuzawa was still racing and he met this amazing kid that started ranting why exactly was his strategy shit at first glance.

That one rich kid that was supposed to become university professor or something but at 16-17 fell in love with f1, too late to become the driver but just in time to go into mechanical engineering and become team’s first engineer - Kunikida. His goal for this season is to build a fucking rocket for the team’s first driver which, rip his nerves, requires him to spend a lot of time with the menace. Watching Dazai go another lap on dying tyres when he told him to box already: “I don’t know how long can I live like this.”

Team’s second engineer was the chief mechanic until last season - Tanizaki. This season he is going to be working mostly with the team’s new driver to develop their car. He once hacked into PM’s database to get all info on their cars. His “sister”, one of the biggest mysteries of f1 really, Naomi is the intern in charge of team’s social media and public relations. 

Yosano is the team doctor, fresh out of university but wanted something other than the hospital. She may or may not be having a thing going on with PM’s chief strategist...

I really have no idea what to do with Kyouka and Kenji since they are just 14... unless we age them up and say Kenji chief mechanic and Kyouka one of the analysts. 

Now onto the hot topics. The drivers: ADA’s 2nd driver is a rookie in f1 getting ready to start his first season. Atsushi doesn’t have a wealthy background like most drivers, and nearly gave up on it several times but in the end was scouted by ADA and admitted as their reserve driver. He comes into the team hopeful to have a good first season, and during the development everything is smooth sailing. The mechanics and engineers are very wellcoming, the first driver becomes somewhat of a mentor to him. And then the first race comes up and he and PM’s new driver fucking crash into each other on the first corner (you know who PM’s driver is lmao). Fans are having flashbacks from seven seasons ago when a driver parked his car on top of another driver’s car in the first lap on his first race (guess fucking who!!??), and are like damn not again we can’t do this drama again. Went through the most traumatic crash where everyone thought he was dead for a terrible second; “it is what it is.” Tanizaki on the radio: Don’t slow down Atshushi-kun, keep pushing, keep pushing. Atsushi: I AM!!!!

ADA’s 1st driver, the GOAT basically, the walking red flag in the paddock, the most controversial motherfucker on the grid, brilliant driver who won not only his first ever race but also won the entire championship in his first season, but above all a suicide maniac - Dazai. He got screwed over by the race control last season and is now walking around the paddock like a Bond villain. He started out as a rich kid driver whose family invested in this back-of-the-grid-team and he became a superstar overnight.  Four years ago after a fiasco that resulted in PM’s reserve driver dying in a car crash because of team orders he disappeared from the sport. Two years later he showed up as ADA’s driver and has been serving cunt ever since. Despite the sudden team switch, he is usually paired with his ex-teammate during pre-race press conferences because the tension is through the rooftop and that’s what the fans want. Like are they going to fuck? Are they going to strange each other in front of the journalists? Both? Who knows. He’s mostly a clean driver but when he does cause an incident, the red flag lasts at least half an hour. Annoying af on the team radio. 

PM

PM is a relatively new team when it comes to being in the top positions on the grid. They used to be stuck at the back of the grid until the old team principal’s doctor didn’t take over all of a sudden, bringing with himself a driving prodigy. Nowadays they are one of the top 3 teams always fighting for the Constructor’s and Driver’s Titles. Last season they finished 2nd in the Constructor’s and their driver was 3rd in the Driver’s championship. 

Mori is the team principal. He wanted to race when he was younger but just wasn’t really good enough to make it, but he found a way to remain in the sport. He was quite envious of Fukuzawa’s fame when he was younger. As a team principal, he brought fresh ideas to the team even if they sometimes seemed crazy - in the end they worked. Not well liked among the fans but brutally effective in giving team orders. Calls the race director over radio at any minor inconvenience. Sighs “If only Dazai-kun was still here” at least once during every team briefing. 

Kouyou is the first strategist. Takes no one’s shit. Also brutal in the team orders (something PM team is famous for, and not in a really good light (beloved driver Oda kind of died because of them after all...)). Ambigous relationship with ADA’S team doctor hmm. Will do anything to have her drivers on top of the podium. 

Hirotsu is the chief mechanic. He is getting old but he loves his job so he’ll be damned before he goes to retirement. Is probably secretly no.1 Dazai fan even if he switched teams. 

His assistant and brilliant young mind, Gin. Apart from being a sister to the team’s 2nd driver, she is also dating Hunting Dogs’ 2nd driver, Tachihara who just this season made a transfer from being PM’s reserve driver to Teruko’s team. They are the sport’s sweethearts. 

Another strategist, kinda terrified to work under Kouyou, especially as she seems to be making all the wrong decisions regarding 2nd driver’s strategy, but hey it’s her first year too! Higuchi! Poor girl kinda thinks she’s living in a kdrama. She is doing her best!

Kajii is one of the engineers obviously. He is driving the other engineer through the roof because he is mostly focused on the next season developments as soon as a season starts, and has these crazy science ideas. Also who the fuck eats raw lemons to help them think? I’m rlly nerfing Akutagawa by putting this dude in charge of his car.

First driver’s engineer and absolute fucking legend - Albatross (I’d rather die than kill off the Flags thank you very much). Maybe once punched Dazai in the face for damaging his baby (Chuuya’s car) when they crashed (again.). Became the most popular PM team member when he once stole the mic from Mori to yell “FUCK ‘EM UP CHUUYA” at the top of his lungs when his boy was making his way to the front all the way from the back of the grid. 

Apart from him, Doc is the team physician. Other Flags are leaders of Chuuya fanclub the official race commentators. Piano Man just retired from the position of the 2nd driver (he replaced Dazai when he vanished) because of an injury or something and decided to just waltz into commentating together with Iceman and Lippmann. More about the media team later on. 

Akutagwa was scouted to the PM academy by Dazai and his goal for his first season in f1 is to beat him obviously. It goes as amazing as you can imagine. He and Atsushi crash into each other on the first corner of the first season. Stellar start. He is extremely stubborn and rarely listens to team orders which drives Higuchi insane as that gives her trouble with Kouyou and Mori. His first season is set to be one hell of a ride. “Grill the Grid” oh he’s going to grill them.

Now onto the hottest driver on the grid. Much like Dazai, he has hordes of fans following him round the world. He is always so chill and appreciative of them, very laid back person. You are as likely to meet him in an art gallery as in a night-club and fans love that about him. On the track though, he is a storm. You just know the dick is big based on his overtakes. Sometimes it feels he’s bending the laws of physics to his whims when he’s racing. Chuuya is PM’s first driver. His first race in f1 ended with his car parked on top of Dazai’s almost killing him, and this weird image of Chuuya dragging the other out of the car, checking if he was fine (he was), and then starting to yell at him at the top of his lungs. Born in Japan, he was adopted by this fancy French family whose biological son was dead set on becoming an f1 driver and Chuuya followed in his footsteps. Has three Drivers Championship titles, but finished 3rd last year.

DoA

RB Racing of this AU lmao. fia is dancing to their every whim, inventing and reinventing and bending their own rules every race because they are choking on DoA’s dick beeing paid insane amounts of money. The most controversial team on the grid, espeically after a stunt that was pulled to secure their driver’s victory last season. Fans are basically manifesting their engines dying every race. Remember the whole “Red Bull went over the cost cap because of catering” bullshit, yeah that’s this team right here. Their cars are fucking illegal and it drives Dazai so pissed because HIS car is a rocketship but this shit straight up goes at the speed of light

Team principal is Fukuchi duh. Has been fighting with Fukuzawa over the radio the entire last season. This season he banned the media team from coming any close to his team after the Flags kept spilling the tea and asking the right questions without stuttering. Accidentally claimed Dazai won last season; somewhere deep in his sub-conciousness he’s aware of the bullshit he pulled off. 

Because I’m not insane enough to put him in a car, Nikolai is team’s cheerleader and one of the engineers. Once their crew messed up Fyodor’s pit stop so bad he had to retire early and he made them all wear clown wigs until the end of the race. You have to give it to them tho, you cannot fuck up the strategy if you forget to put wheels on a car. Unlike Bram, he plays Fyodor very specific music to piss him off during the race (Rasputin or Party Like A Russian). 

Bram is also an engineer. The most delighful part of every race weekend is his little daughter, Aya, in the DoA garage. She does sometimes escapte to bother Kunikida - the only DoA team member that ADA will tolerate. Plays absolute bangers for his drivers over the radio. The only normal person on the team. “Box Box Box Box” gets ignored. Nteflix Drive to Survive team entering the DoA garage hoping for tea; Bram: coffee is disgusting! rant

Sigma is the team’s 2nd driver (rip). He gets thrown under the buss every race and everyone is waiting, praying for him to just one day cut his mic and do his thing, not letting Fyodor through. He is an amazing driver if not a bit inexperienced, and easy to stan despite his team. Has anxiety induced by whatever the fuck is DoA doing to his strategy. There are talks he might join ADA as the reserve driver next year, let’s have our fingers crossed for him. Nikolai once taped his rear wing in the middle of a race so it wouldn’t fall off. Yeah the car is several million dollars worthy. Yeah Nikolai used actual tape so it doesn’t fall apart on track. 

Fyodor is the current champion although it is obvious he shouldn’t be. Won championship once, changed his car number to 1 immediately. Nature heals a bit more every time he flops in a race. Is he actually homophobic or is he just live slug reacting to whatever the fuck Dazai and Chuuya have going on during press (he is sitting between them). “F1 is about driving, not penalties” my brother in christ you’ve been trying to kill a man in every single race last season. Kisses an icon of a saint or something before every race.  Throws other drivers under the buss every drivers’ briefing with a smile on his face. Plays cello during red flags. New season objective: win no matter the cost. 

HUNTING DOGS

Fukuchi’s old team. They are usually a mid-field team but with talented drivers that are able to bring out the most out of their engines, they do podium!

Their team principal is Teruko, the only woman to be a team boss. She used to be a strategist and got promoted when Fukuchi moved to DoA. “IF YOU IMBECILES AREN’T ABLE TO GET PAST THAT OLD MAN I’LL GET IN THE CAR NEXT TIME” a bit childish at times, sweet little Teruko until it’s the time to race. Secretly loves her team. 

Jouno is maybe blind but he can still see through everyone’s bullshit. Chief strategist of the team and is considering running Tecchou over with his own car every time he has to talk to him over the radio. “STOP SINGING BABY SHARK WHILE I’M GIVING YOU INFO ON ROAD CONDITION”. Fukuzawa, Mori and Fukuchi arguing on the radio; Jouno cutting in out of nowhere like “Sorry to interrupt gentlemen, but there is an actual tractor on the track. My idiot almost crashed into it. Yellow flag maybe, no?” 

Jouno and Teruko’s no.1 idiot - Tecchou. Most clean-racing driver ever. Sings to annoy Jouno on the radio. That one Carlos Sainz radio that was like “De Vries behind, on an outlap” “What? DEBRIS?” yeah that’s him and Jouno. Questionable fashion choices in the paddock. “It was just dangerous driving dude” in the most chill voice when Fyodor nearly crashed into him on a turn (it was probably deliberate). He’s like gym buddies with Chuuya or something. 

Tachihara is the no.2 idiot of the team. Used to be a PM reserve driver and just signed for Teruko’s team. 5s penality for incorrect starting position; 10s penalty for serving the og penalty wrong; 15s penalty for speeding in the pit lane; DNF all in one race. Teruko on the radio: Okay what damage do you have. Tachi: TALENT. Is like besties with Chuuya. Is also dating Gin, people were afraid his team change would affect the relationship but nah. Still the cutest in the paddock. Retweets memes from fan accounts after the race. Lippman interviewing him: So how do you feel about the race? First pole position ever... Tachihara: I’m not comfortable at all, not feeling confident either. I got nothing but problems. His wheel just randomly fell off during pre-season testing. Tweeted the it ain’t much but it’s honest work meme once when he spun on the wet track and caused a Guild driver to crash into the barriers. He’s just vibing tbh.

THE GUILD

That one team whose team principal knows shit about racing. Can they even be called a racing team? Yeah they can, because their boss has the money. Treat the sport as a reality show. Honestly I have thought about them the least but here’s what I have:

Fitzgerald is the rich team principal obviously. Had absolutely no connections to f1 prior to buying the team. Supports the idea of more race weekends and sprint races even if that exhausts both the drivers and their teams because it’s more fun! It’s not. If we take out the free practice sessions the races will get more unpredictable mindset. Is most likely using f1 as a way to launder money...

Lucy, poor girl, is stuck as his assistant or something because obviously a rich guy like him needs an assistant. She’s secretly rather good with the mechanics and will be recruited to an actual team (ADA) at one point by Atsushi. 

Louisa is the principal strategist obviously.

Poe is the chief engineer. Has to pay fines like every weeekend because of Karl. Goes with Ranpo to all his fave restaurants each weekend. Ranpo is also trying to get him to come work for a team with better prospects. 

Herman is the chief mechanic. He really should be retired tho. 

Mark Twain and Steinbeck are their drivers and are usually the wild cards of the track. Like a podium here and there, even a win sometimes but those races have to be the most chaotic events ever. 

I have no idea what to do with them actually. 

Media Team and Race Control (basically everyone else)

Starting with the media team. It’s kind of a reversed situation from that with the founding of the Flags in terms that Piano Man was the last one to join. Also I’m bringing Adam into this. Adam used to be the head of the media team which was a lot of work that he’s glad he’s not doing anymore. Now he’s just in charge of Grill the Grid which are basically the games they have drivers do for fun and fanservice. The games range from Driver Heights (you know who got bullied with that one) to Name Every F1 World Champion to Drivers Explain F1 and more. Iceman is the most brutally honest commentator. Calls FIA out on their bullshit at every opportunity. Used to be a mechanic for PM and he misses the thrill sometimes but he’s happy with where he is right now. The famous “THROUGH GOES HAMILTON” commentary - that’s him with Chuuya’s overtakes. On the other hand, Lippmann wasn’t even supposed to be there lmao. He is a movie star, a very popular one at that. Went to one race because that’s what rich people do you know. Got charmed by one the back-of-the-grid-team’s driver and got passionately invested (Piano Man before he signed for the PM). He’s not there every weekend because he is a famous actor after all, but when he is... Sat down to interview Dazai once this season and next thing you know Fukuchi is announcing his team will be boycotting the entire media team. Another media team member is the newly retired former PM driver, Piano Man whose career was a wild ride but he’s just had enough. The picture of him and Chuuya from the last season went viral because he just told him he’s about to announce his retirement moment before it was taken so he is smiling like a lil shit at the camera and Chuuya is visibly shook. Perfectionist really, he has not exceeded the track limits once in his career. Joined the team as the new full time commentator and is having the time of his life. 

Continuing with the Stormbringer squad, Shirase is actually a successfull Moto GP racer, but likes to hang around the F1 paddock when he can to support Chuuya (now that Dazai isn’t sharing the garage with him because fucking hell he did actually try to run him over once or twice). 

An ex-driver with several titles to his name, Verlaine. He was born to this rich French couple that let him do whatever he wanted to do, which is why he turned out the way he is. At one point when he was already in F2 his parents decided to do some “charity” and adopt a kid, Chuuya. And then they also proceeded to ignore the kid the same way they did with Verlaine and well, basically, Verlaine was like I am not just a big brother now, I am a dad. His career was also smooth sailing mostly. He got retired the season before Chuuya became the PM driver saying how he didn’t want the fans to see him get beat by that kid. A few years later and he is just casually hanging round the PM garage, offering Chuuya advice or is watching the Monaco GP from his yacht with his husband Rimbaud who has no connections to racing, idk I just can’t see him into F1. 

Now onto the most hated people - the Race Control Clowns! Chief Taneda is the race director so basically the man who makes all the final calls regarding anything really, from the rules to the penalties and disqualifications. What bullshit DoA and The Guild teams get up to enables him to make a lot of money. And finally the man who suffers the most (conducts the drivers briefing after the race) is Ango. It is the worst job ever. You put a bunch of grown men in one room and it’s an episode of gossip girl. Example of shit he has to deal with. Ango: any more complaints (praying they all stay silent). Dazai: just after my pitstop, Chuyua deliberately, DELIBERATELY, ran wide out of Turn 9... camera moves to chuuya on the other side of the room gesturing how he’ll kill the bitch the moment they’re out of the room. Another example: Fyodor looking to cause trouble: You say if we were missing Turn 2 we have to go behind the bollard, correct? Ango: Correct. Fyodor with a smile: What do you make of the situation with Tecchou and Dazai then? Ango: Well, the interesting point there was, it was very close because what the notes that I wrote said... camera zooms in to dazai’s murder face and atsushi looking scared for his life next to him. So, Ango’s lfie is the most difficult here.

Am I missing characters here? Yes, just like I have a bunch of random scenes playing in my mind, but this is already getting way too long.