#he got made to go along with swiss cheese fish LOL

[spadefish]

A collection of fish from this month and last month... all of these but one are real!

Cod, Fairy shrimp, Glass Octopus, Frilled Shark, Tully Monster, and String Cheese Fish. :)

[zaffrenotes]

[TRR x ES] Viewing Party

Book: The Royal Romance & Endless Summer Pairings: Liam x MC (Katrina Bailey), Drake x OC (Alyssa Devereaux), Jake x MC (Laurel) Rating/Warnings: G; mild innuendo Author’s Note: * All main characters belong to Pixelberry, I’m just borrowing them * Katrina Bailey & Laurel are the MCs I use when writing fanfic for TRR and ES, respectively; Alyssa Devereaux belongs to birthday girl @burnsoslow​ * This is my submission for @wackydrabbles​​ Prompt 80: Stop looking at me like that. * Author’s Note 2: * This is a birthday gift for my cheesy, potato loving homegirl Burnsie, who requested her very first Endless Summer/Jake fic, despite having never read any ES fic until now 🙈 for the sole reason being that she and Jake McKenzie are almost birthday twins, and my favorite pilot turns 30 this year. If you’re unfamiliar with canon ES trivia, Jake can hold his breath for 9 minutes, and Estela can hold her breath for an astonishing 14. This isn’t entirely what I had in mind when I set out to write an ES/Jake birthday fic, but I wasn’t about to miss your day because I’ve hit a whole ass writer’s wall, Burnsie! I hope you have an AMAZING day and I’m sending you so many hugs! You’re one of the sweetest ladies here, and I am so very thankful that I can call you a friend 🥰 also my real, real gift to you is coming at a later date, as I still have to work on it 😬 * and yes, that’s DDT in the moodboard - just for Burnsie, again - since I use Barnes as Drake’s FC in my TRR fics, lol * Word Count: 2000 on the dot!

It was nearly 10:00 PM on Friday evening, when Burns arranged things around the comfiest chair in her living room. The rest of her family already retired for the evening, after a small but wonderful birthday celebration in her honor at home. Within easy reach, she’d arranged drinks and snacks next to her laptop - a glass of water, a hot mug of tea, a slice of homemade birthday cake to take care of any sugar cravings, and a small platter of cheese and crackers for something more savory. She grinned softly at the newest addition to her mug collection, watching the steam rise from the contents within. 

The lavender mug arrived in the mail earlier that day from one of her friends, emblazoned with a quote from David Rose. Burns took a sip of the warm beverage before setting it down on the small side table and situated herself in the chair. She flipped open the laptop and pulled up a browser window, smiling at a gift from another friend - there was a sticker next to the trackpad with a drawing of a wedge of Swiss, quoting another memorable line from Schitt’s Creek, reminding her to “fold in the cheese.” Burns glanced to the time on the screen and logged in to her Netflix account, clicking until she arrived at the viewing party, and began typing to join the group chat. 

She was greeted with jubilant messages from Donna, Ella, Brandy, Anitah, and half a dozen other friends, wishing her a happy birthday before the show started. They’d formed an ever-growing viewing party for a new series titled Stranded in the Orchard, which was an odd amalgamation of Survivor and Gilligan’s Island. Taking a cue from reality tv competitions, there were hidden cameras all over the island to monitor everyone and reduce production crew intervention, and in a nod to Hunger Games, there was an omnipresent host that would drop messages to signal when challenges were about to take place. After four episodes, the ladies in the watching party started picking their favorites from the two teams. 

Team Ruby consisted of a group that appeared to have been shipwrecked onto the island. Leo was dubbed The Rogue; his brother Liam was The CEO; Katrina was The Attorney; Alyssa was The Teacher; Drake was The Cowboy; Olivia was The Weapons Expert; Bertrand was The Grump; Madeleine was The Whiner; Maxwell was Bertrand’s brother and The Jester; Hana was The Jill of All Trades. Bertrand and Madeleine had already been voted off when Ruby lost two events. 

Team Catalyst consisted of a group of mostly college students. Jake was The Pilot; Laurel was The Mystery Girl; Sean was The Coach; Michelle was The Doctor, even though she was only pre-med; Craig was The Muscle; Zahra was The Engineer; Aleister was The Slick One; Grace was The Brain; Diego was The Entertainer; Estela was The Huntress. Catalyst lost the last two events, which sent Aleister and Grace packing. 

Everyone settled in to watch the opening credits as they recapped last week’s episode, where Ruby won the immunity challenge and fishing gear by building a makeshift stretcher to rescue and carry Katrina from a jungle crash site to a first aid station on the beach; Catalyst voted Grace out. Burns popped a cheese cube into her mouth as she and her friends watched the two groups deal with day-to-day chores in their respective camps on Day 14 of the show. They chatted about the team members and how much Burns wanted to see Drake take off his shirt to go in the water, despite the knowledge that there were clips of him cuddling with Alyssa; Donna, Ella, and Anitah would keysmash in the group chat any time Liam appeared on the screen, even though he and Katrina were clearly sweet on each other, while Brandy and Alyssa Lauren would ask what was happening or who someone was from the Catalyst team.

—

“Pillows and blankets are nice, but what we could really use is food,” Maxwell said, drawing an octopus in the sand with a piece of driftwood. “I don’t know how much longer I can last on coconuts and rice.” 

“Liam and Drake took the raft out this morning to try fishing with the gear, maybe they’ll get lucky,” Katrina suggested, stirring the pot of rice in the fire. She set the lid on top and stood up from her kimchi squat position, dusting some errant sand off her leg. They both looked out towards the water, as dawn stretched out across the ocean, making out shadowy forms of their friends as they bobbed in the water, just before one of them went under the surface. Behind them, the rest of their friends began to stir awake from the scent of rice cooking. 

Back at the Catalyst camp, Jake sat by the campfire with Estela; they were working on making their own fishing gear from bamboo and camp supplies after losing the previous challenge. Jake fed a length of twine through a handmade fishing pole while Estela sharpened tips on one end of a pile of branches she’d gathered. “Whatcha whittlin’, Katniss?” 

Estela glanced at Jake sideways. “Stakes. Hand over some of that twine, I need it to bind these to make spears.” With a begrudging huff, Jake unfurled the twine and ran it against the edge of the makeshift bench he was sitting on to cut it, before tossing the rest at Estela. 

“How fast can you tie those off? We’re losin’ daylight for a morning catch, if you wanna ride on the raft with me.” 

“Five minutes,” she answered, already working nimbly around a branch to secure the whittled spikes. 

The screen cut back to Ruby’s camp, where Liam and Drake stepped ashore, smiles brighter than the sunrise as Drake held up a fish trap with small rays flapping against one another. 

—

“kjsdhfksjhfksjhfks,” Burns smashed into her keyboard. “Look at my man! With the sea bounty!” 

“mevmnbvmnxb,” Ella smashed back.

“How do you know Drake did all the work? Liam’s just as wet, hahaha,” Donna chortled in response.

—

After killing their catch as humanely as possible - with Alyssa turning her face to Drake’s chest to avoid witnessing it - Leo and Olivia gutted and cleaned the rays before setting them on top of their makeshift grill to cook. Liam and Drake regaled the group with their morning under the water, as they took turns fishing. 

While Team Ruby enjoyed some protein with their rice that morning, members of the Catalyst team glumly spooned rice into their mouths as they sat around the campfire while Jake and Estela dried off; their morning fishing trip had been unsuccessful. 

Later that day, both teams received messages from the host to gather for a reward challenge. Each team made their way to a small lagoon, where they saw a structure floating in the water. A booming voice overhead instructed them to swim out to the structure and await further instructions. Once everyone from both teams had done so, a blue holographic image of the host appeared in the center to explain the rules. “The challenge is simple,” she narrated. “We want to see who can hold their breath the longest. There’s a bar you can use to keep yourself from floating up if you need it. Last one standing earns the prize for the whole team — an overnight trip at the Celestial Hotel, where our rotating film crew goes to rest. You’ll be treated to clean sheets and towels, hot showers, along with a decadent dinner and breakfast menu the next morning, before having to return to your camp.” 

Everyone’s eyes lit up at the incentive of a night away from sleeping on the beach, away from mosquitos, rodents, and the threat of being waterlogged by passing storms. Stomachs gurgled at the thought of hot meals that didn’t consist of rice, and the possibility of cocktails or wine. “Oh, we got this,” Jake murmured quietly to Laurel. “Bet I can hold my breath longer’n any of those Ruby kids.” 

“Is that so?” Leo taunted, overhearing Jake’s comment.

“Just call me Poseidon,” Jake smirked. 

“We’ll see about that,” Leo replied. “You know most of us are from an island, right? We’re basically merpeople.” 

—

“Bets! Bets on who wins this!” Brandy typed into the chat window.

“Sticking with Drake,” Burns typed. “Maybe Hana. She could have another random talent up her sleeve.” 

“My money’s on Liam. Look how broad his chest is,” Anya replied. “He’s got to have massive lungs to match.”

“That makes no sense,” Ella typed, adding a laughing emoji. “But I’m Team Liam anyway.”

“Don’t hate me,” Donna began. “Something tells me Jake isn’t boasting right now.” 

From her screen at home, Alyssa Lauren used Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe to choose Zahra. The rest of the group picked their favorites as the castaways donned goggles and got into the water. 

—

“Ready? Set! Go!” 

Sixteen heads dipped under the water’s surface, with contestants pinching their noses and puffing out their cheeks as an underwater camera filmed them. A handful of them - Olivia, Alyssa, Maxwell, Diego, and Michelle - tapped out under a minute. As the sand settled, thirty seconds passed before Katrina, Laurel, Sean, and Drake headed to the surface. Just after the two minute mark, Hana, Craig, and Zahra gave up, leaving Jake, Liam, Estela, and Leo under the water. 

Jake looked positively peaceful, sandy brown hair swaying with ease in the water. Estela tapped her fingers lightly across the bamboo rod, counting each second as it passed. Liam glanced over to his brother, who’d begun to turn pink. Half a minute later, Leo popped up to the surface, muttering to himself out of frustration. 

Three minutes in, Liam surfaced, gasping for air, leaving Jake and Estela to battle it out between themselves. Even though the hologram host blasted a horn to signal the end of the challenge, neither Catalyst member surfaced. Liam ducked down to check on them, and Jake and Estela both signaled that they were fine. Everyone continued to wait as the pair spent minute after minute under the water.

—

“Seriously? They’re on the same team!” Anitah typed. “They won already!” 

“They’ve been underwater for a scary length of time,” Brandy added. “What are they, Navy SEALs or something?” 

“I think Jake mentioned he was actually in the Navy before,” Alyssa Lauren replied. 

—

A digital clock appeared in the corner of the screen as the two Catalyst members continued to hold their breath underwater. With each passing minute, members from both groups began to worry. After eight minutes passed, the host’s voice rang out, advising them to pull Jake and Estela up from the water to end the challenge. Laurel and Craig ducked down, eventually pulling their teammates up. “Congratulations to The Catalysts!” the host exclaimed. “A boat will be waiting at your camp to take you to the hotel.” 

Laurel swatted Jake’s arm as they made their way to the shore. “What’s wrong with you!? You were underwater for nearly ten minutes! Who does that!?” 

Jake looked over his shoulder to her with a grin, mischievous sparkle in his bright blue eyes. “Ten would be a new record, my best is nine.” He leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Imagine nine uninterrupted minutes of me holding my breath, Princess. My birthday is tomorrow, and I know exactly how I wanna celebrate,” he winked.  

Laurel’s cheeks flushed at the suggestion. “Stop looking at me like that, Top Gun.”

—

That evening at the hotel, after a sumptuous feast of lobster, crab, and an endless supply of beer and wine, the Catalyst members eventually went to bed. Much later into the night, Jake was seen sneaking into Laurel’s room. 

—

“I KNEW IT!” Burns typed. She laughed as her friends typed in responses full of lemon, fire, pepper, and eggplant emojis. She popped another cheese cube into her mouth and smiled, watching the rest of the episode play out.

[firethatgrewsolow]

Swiss Time - Chapter Three

**Sorry this took so long!  Had to wrangle with it for a while.  Thank you @lovedyouwild for taking a look and making sure I wasn’t going completely off the rails lol. <3  The slow burn continues - baby steps. :-)  Here are links to chapter one and chapter two for those interested.  Thanks for reading!**

The walk to the restaurant might as well have been a march to the gallows pole, and she wished she could disappear.  The sight of the restroom in the antechamber of the lounge shone like a beacon of light, and Natalie slipped inside, savoring the solitude of the chamber.  She leaned over the sink and twisted the tap, cupping her hands underneath the icy stream.  It felt like heaven on her burning cheeks, but regret was soon to follow as blurry, black splotches littered the basin.  She winced as she peered into the mirror.  Her makeup was smeared.  Badly.  All the painstaking work her aunt had put into it was, quite literally, going down the drain.  Sighing at the dismal reflection, she plucked a towel from the elegantly folded stack to her left.  She patted the skin around her eyes in an attempt to correct the damage, to no avail.  Accepting defeat, she scrubbed it off, tossing the stained cloth in the large gold basket under the vanity.  With the last bleak peek into the glass, she bounded for the door.  All she really wanted to do was go to bed.  Surely Susan would let her leave.  She yanked it open, pondering which book would put her to sleep, only to stop in her tracks.  He was lying in wait, draped against the wall, smoking a cigarette with not a care in the world.  She willed her legs to move as the door bumped her from behind.

“You took off your makeup.”  

“You mean all that stuff on my face?  So I did.”  She stomped by, not giving him a second glance.

Robert pushed off, trailing after her.  ”Hey!  It’s nice.  I mean, you look better without it.”

He sounded conciliatory, almost contrite, and Nat whirled around.  “Thank you, I guess?”  They stared at one another, both silent.  “Is there something you want from me?”

He took a step closer.  “I’m, uh, sorry about teasing you back there.  Just having a little fun.”

“Whatever, it’s okay.  Look, I need to tell my aunt that I’m going back to the suite, so … goodbye.”

A twinge of disappointment coiled through his chest.  “Wait, why are you going back?  Don’t you need to eat something?”

“I’m alright.”  As if on cue, her stomach rumbled.  Dammit.  Even her own body was betraying her.  

“Come on, just have a bite,” he prodded, taking another step.

Something in his smile told her that he was used to getting what he wanted, and a stubborn part of her hesitated.  She was a bit hungry, though, and could probably use a little something.  At the second rumble, she acquiesced.  As they plodded into the dining room, Natalie spotted their table immediately. It was hard to miss with the cackles from some of the characters ensconced around it.  They took the two empty seats next to her aunt and Christian, who were busy chatting away with what appeared to be a giant near the end of the table.  To his right, sat a thin, pale man with hair as black as hers.  He seemed oddly out of place, sort of ethereal, like he’d stepped from one of the paintings in her art history books.  As their eyes met, his lips turned up, a move so slight it nearly wasn’t there, and chills ran down her spine.  Uproarious laughter broke the moment, and her gaze darted to the source of it.  Two bearded men were talking over each other, exchanging stories, and not exactly dinner conversation.  The handsome man next to them shook his head, offering her an apology in the form of a bashful half grin.  

“Don’t pay them any mind.  Attention only makes it worse.  You must be Susan’s niece.  I’m John Paul.”

Natalie nodded, immediately comforted by his even tone and polite demeanor, such a contrast to his bawdy neighbors.  “Yes, I’m Natalie … Natalie Grace.  It’s nice to meet you.”

“Grace?” Robert chirped, crushing out his cigarette.  “Is that your last name or your middle?”

The pleasant air she’d summoned for John Paul vanished.  “Middle.”

“Ahh, Natalie Grace,” the singer hummed, drumming his fingers on the menu.  “That has a nice ring to it.”  He opened the thick, leather bound book, errantly flipping through the pages.  “So, what’s good here?”

It was the first time she’d heard him say her name, and much to her surprise, she didn’t loathe way it sounded.  “I wouldn’t know.  I’ve never eaten here.  I’m not even supposed to be here.  I’m only …” she trailed off as a warm, braided roll arrived, the heavenly smell of it trumping conversation.  She scooped up her knife and went to work, slathering the lovely brown shell with salted butter.

“You’re only what?  Allowed to eat on Tuesdays?”

Natalie rolled her eyes at his attempt at a pun, taking the largest bite she could manage.  “Fifteen.  I’m only fifteen,” she mumbled, her mouth full of what tasted like ambrosia of the gods.  “Well, fourteen, technically.”  She’d barely swallowed before returning for round two.  “I’ll be fifteen at the end of the month.”

Christ.  Robert had assumed she was young, but not quite that young.  Although he’d seen younger … and doing a lot more than just … he vanquished the image.  “Well, happy birthday, then.”  

“Thank you.”  It sounded more like ‘fank you’ as her cheeks ballooned, an absolute horrendous display of manners, but she didn’t feel the slightest bit self-conscious.

“Would you like mine, as well?” the singer asked, holding out his plate.  

Natalie snorted, finally coaxing the morsel down her throat.  “I’m okay.”

“Feeling better?”

“A little.”  She took a sip of water as waiters surrounded them, delivering bowls filled with bubbling cheese and cubes of crusty bread.  She reached toward the platter of long forks, bound for the one with the cobalt tip, and her hand collided with his.  “Hey, I wanted this one.”

“I got here first,” Robert crooned, gently tugging it from her grasp.

“But blue’s my favorite color,” she grumbled, tugging back. 

“Mine, too.”  There was a standoff of sorts, neither relinquishing their grip.  He was contemplating giving in when she snatched the fork away.

“Hope you like red!” Natalie crowed triumphantly, spearing a healthy chunk.  She submerged it in the cheese, swirling for as long as she possibly could.  It was a drippy, delicious mess as she pulled it from the pot, twirling madly.  She nipped it off and sat back with a groan, delighting in the creamy, fragrant explosion.

“Red’ll do,” Robert murmured, chuckling at the display.  “Good, huh?”

“Better than good!”  She licked her lips, drowning another cube.  “Have you ever had fondue?”

“Yeah, but I’m nowhere near the connoisseur that you apparently are.”

“Make sure to scrape the bottom when it gets low.  That’s the best part.”  She wiped her chin with the back of her hand, noting Susan’s disapproving glare.  She sheepishly picked up her napkin before fetching her prize from the pot.  “Oh, and whatever you do, don’t lose your bread.”

“Why?  What happens then?”

Natalie tried to answer, but her mouth was too full.  Grinning wryly, her aunt did it for her, “If you’re a man, you have to buy everyone a drink.”

“And if you’re a woman?”

“You have to kiss your neighbors,” she replied devilishly, swirling the wine in her glass.

The night wore on as did bowl after bowl, along with an endless supply of spirits.  They were a merry bunch, and Natalie found herself growing more and more at ease.  Maybe even having a good time, she conceded as another ribald tale made the rounds.  She glanced to Robert as he began to laugh.  He’d tossed his head back and his curls were dusting across his shoulders.  Broad shoulders, she mused, observing him clandestinely.  Or so she’d hoped.  Catching her perusal, his mouth curved, and hot needles returned to her cheeks.  She didn’t know why.  She hardly liked him.  And certainly not in that way.  Dismissing the thought, she perched over the pot, dipping what she’d decided would be her last serving.  As she spun the bread in lazy circles, she sensed the weight of someone’s stare, and her gaze flickered across the table to the raven haired man they called Jimmy.  He wasn’t eating anything, or not much, seemingly more content with his study of her.  His soft lilt sliced through the din.

“So, tell us about yourself, Natalie.  What do you like to do for fun?”

She blinked, not certain of her response.  His smile was mesmerizing.  And knowing.

“Yeah, Nat,” Robert brayed, his dimple deepening, “what do you do?  Besides eat.”

She cut her eyes at the singer.  “Lots of things, Rob.”

“Such as?” he goaded, nibbling his lip.  “Do you ski?”

She hadn’t the faintest idea how to ski but wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.  “I’m living in Montreux.  What do you think?”

He cocked his head, charmed by the frown he was so easily able to elicit.  “You know, we’re supposed to go tomorrow.  Would you like to, uh, come along?”

Natalie opened her mouth to decline, certain that for the second time that night, he was calling her bluff.  He didn’t look so smug, though, just curious, maybe hopeful, too, a bit like the boys at school.  “I don’t know.  My aunt might have plans for me.  I’m about to start school.”

“School?” Jimmy asked, raising a brow.  “Where?”

“Not far from here.  It’s a boarding school outside of Montreux.”  She conjured up her finest French accent.  “En Lausanne.”

“Lausanne?” Jimmy repeated, matching her pronunciation with ease.  “Very nice.  Do you speak French?”

“Not … exactly,” she confessed, toying with the handle of her fork.  “But I’m learning.”

“So, you’ll live there, yeah?”  Robert snickered as she wrinkled up her nose.

“Um, that’s kind of what a boarding school is.”  She smirked, fishing the fork from the remaining pool of cheese, only to find it bare.  Damn.  She scoured the bowl, poking this way and that as she sensed Jimmy’s gaze on her again.

“Seem to have lost something?”  

Natalie stilled, nearly trailing gruyere across the table as it oozed down the tines of the utensil.  She dropped it onto her plate with a clatter, wiping her fingers with the white linen in her lap.

The guitarist cleared his throat.  “It appears our dear Natalie, here, has lost her bread.  What was the sentence for that?  I’ve forgotten.”  It was obvious he hadn’t forgotten, and Nat was sure she was crimson by the time the last set of eyes landed on her.  “Oh, yes, you’ve got to kiss your neighbors.”

“That’s right, Nattie!” Susan exclaimed, clapping her hands with glee.  “Pay the price!  Right here, sweet.”  She tapped the side of her face with a ruby red nail, and Nat dutifully delivered a kiss.  “Now, your other neighbor, darling,” she cooed, motioning to Robert.  Natalie slowly turned, expelling a long breath at the singer’s burgeoning grin.

“Wherever you want, little Natalie Grace,” he purred, scooting his chair closer.  “I’ll leave it all up to you.”

Gritting her teeth, she moved in for a swift peck on his cheek, but at the last second, he twisted his head, and her lips smashed into his.  She gasped, jumping back in her seat as the table erupted. She wasn’t crimson; she was purple.   

“Sorry, love, just having a bit of …”

“Fun.  I get it.  Evidently, you need a lot of it.”  Fuming, Natalie downed the rest of her water.  

“Aw, don’t take it like that.  Please?  I won’t tease you anymore.”

“Well, you won’t have the chance, because I’m going to bed,” she snapped, pushing away from the table.

“You can’t leave.  It’s early.”  In truth, he’d no clue what time it was, but he didn’t want to let her go just yet.  “Stay for a while.  Just a little bit.  I’ll be on my best behavior, I promise.”

“I wouldn’t count on that if I were you.”  Jimmy’s gentle warning floated across to her.  His smile was back.  Or a hint of one.  “You were talking about your school.  Do finish telling us.”

Natalie folded her napkin neatly alongside her plate as she gazed between the two men.  So different, but in some ways alike.  Arrogant … but playful, too.  “Well, I haven’t learned much about it yet.  I’ve only been there a couple of times.”

Robert traced the rim of his glass with the tip of his finger.  “I suppose it, ah, requires a uniform?”

Against her better judgment, her lips curled up.  “Yes.  Why?”

“Oh, I don’t know.”  He shrugged, tapping the base of the goblet.  “Just … idle curiosity.”  

Nat narrowed her eyes as she registered his tone, a ribbon of something coursing through her.  She’d been wrong.  He was nothing like the other boys.  “Aren’t you a little old for school girls?”

“What?  No way!  Never too old!”  Robert winked, knocking back his wine.  “Nah, you remind me of my sister, that’s all.”

Her heart fell a tiny bit.  ”Your sister?  How come?”

“She’s a brat, too.”

A laugh bubbled up from the back of her throat as he gave her a silly grin, and for a handful of seconds, they were the only two people in the room.

[wishingfornever]

10/13/2017 – No Contact:  Everyone is a Little Racist

Current time. 11:50.  I just woke up from a series of naps.  Two, so I guess that’s a series.  But let me tell you about the dream I had.

I was living in this weird apartment complex.  It began with me walking around and visiting with neighbors and these two Chinese ladies.  One was older and one was a bit younger (a daughter).  They made it clear that they were into some shady shit.  They asked if they could use my car for this shady shit and I tell them no.  After that, I went along and eventually came back to find an older version of an old roommate’s youngest son (long story there) laying on a bed inside the apartment.  It’s important to note it was Halloween and he was upset about something.  I offered the support as best I could but eventually left.  I was very social and there was this cute girl I was hitting on.

The conversation with said cute girl ended in me remembering, I forgot something in my car.  I go to it and it’s not my silver Dodge but an old, blue station wagon.  Kind of a short one if compared to other station wagons.  Hard to explain.  Anyways, I discover the two Chinese ladies STEALING my car.  And I say, “...um… can I help you?”  They said yes and heavily implied that if I didn’t let them something bad would happen.  I was like, “Okay, I guess I’ll call the police when you’re done...”

Except I couldn’t.  They forced me into the station wagon and I sat in the back seat as they loaded stuff into the very back.  I tried not to look directly at it but it looked like drugs disguised as Chinese food.  I was hoping they’d drive by my apartment and the girl I was talking to would see I was being taken hostage, but no.  They made their way out of there almost immediately.

Anyways, the older one drove and she spoke like Maria.  Broken, barely spoken English.  The younger spoke a bit more but was still really bad.  We went through the mountains, where there was a lot of snow.  The older one became nervous like she’s never driven in the snow before. Upon coming down from a summit, she parked on the side of a road in a TURNING lane and ran across to the other side for something.  As she did, a truck lost control and almost hit her.

I don’t know what she did but when she came back I offered them both to drive for them.  Because GEEZUZ!!!  The dude who was in the truck came up wanting to trade information.  The car wasn’t touched so I told him, “Listen, not my problem.  Try to get information from her, the person you almost hit.”  He complained because we parked in the parking lane but eventually started speaking to the older lady about it.  They sorted everything out and we started driving again.

That’s all I remember.  Wasn’t that dramatic of a dream, but I think it’d be an effective comedy.  KIND OF RACIST, I know.  Especially since I’ve been talking about Asians a lot lately.  Normally, I don’t include race in my stories.  For example, my old roommate’s youngest son?  He’s half black, half Mexican.  I didn’t include that at all.  Most of my stories with blacks don’t mention their color.  One of the girls I was hitting on a while back over Facebook? She was black.  Why do I mention Asians when their race doesn’t matter?

I guess Asians sort of get overlooked.  Don’t get me wrong, they are still targets for racism because EVERYONE is a little racist (myself included).  However, they weren’t really targeted by All Lives Matters and people like that.  Why would they be?  The Asians I know tend to be on top of things.  And they’re RIDICULOUSLY talented. Like… fucking hell, that’s their racism trait.  Being good at most everything they do.  Except driving, apparently.

I’m not sure that’s true, either.  Unless they drive a Chevy.  Now that I think about it, blacks and whites were the ones involved in all the car accidents I’ve seen in person.  One case, I saw one get rear ended by this stoner dude.  The stoner was white and they were a black couple.  With the exception of that one waiter we had, I don’t really know too many Asians who have actually been in car accidents.

Doesn’t mean you’re a safe driver if you’ve never been in an accident, of course.  Still, just something I’ve noticed.  I think Mexicans are bad drivers.  I look at ALL my cousins as references.  Some of them have been in car accidents, too!  Thing is, they were in car accidents in… Mexico.  So, both sides were Mexican.  Drivers in Mexico are just… crazy.

Whatever. Now, what am I going to do.  Currently 12:15.  I wanted to do something before the naps but I fell asleep watching Game Grumps. Probably food.  I grabbed a dragon fruit for Adela to try but she doesn’t want to try it.  She has to open up sometime.  >:C

I didn’t do my sets yesterday or the day before.  I’ll do it today, though.  I MIGHT cook myself some eggs.  Or I might make a sandwich… an egg sandwich?  I don’t know.  I’m hungry.  I want food.  But what food? I don’t want sweet, food.  I have enough fruit for it, to be sure.  I guess I’ll make myself something with peas, actually.  That’s not a bad idea.  Then I’ll finish watching the video I fell asleep on from about where I fell asleep. And I’ll have a fruit.  Which fruit? ANY FRUIT!!!

Anyways, I’ll be on later.  Maybe.  I have an update unfortunately.  I hate updates…  Bah, it’ll be fine.  Later.

I don’t think I’m going to be a vegetarian much longer.  I’d. Fucking.  MURDER.  For a god damn burger right now.  x.x  Like… I think sometime next year I’ll get a burger from Whataburger.  Only in a few months.  I’ll try to hold out as long as possible… but no promises.  Might do what you do.  Claim to be vegetarian but still eat meat.  ;)

Kidding.  Sort of.  I MIGHT start eating fish.  Then turkey.  And eventually work my way back into beef and ham.  I just ate.  Had a peach and, as opposed to everything in the god damn HEB, it wasn’t on the verge of rotting.  Seriously, they need to work on their god damn stocking.  Like, only one avocado was edible last time I was there.  Disgusting.

Whatever. If you want them to be stocked, go early.  I’m going to have the other peach soon.  I feel SO hungry.  x.x

Eh… The food I got was kind of subpar.  I have no onions, tomatoes, or honey mustard.  Didn’t feel like cooking some eggs so I basically made a cheese sandwich with spinach.  Unfortunately, that proved to be not as good as it sounds.  The swiss cheese melted over the spinach and it SEEMED like it’d taste good.  So good.  The best even. Thing is, the spinach sort of canceled out the savory swiss.  It felt… empty.  And I grabbed a peach too.  That peach was ripe, but it was… eh.  Not as good as the other.  Just disappointing.  Filling?  Not really.  I have some spinach left but I’m saving that for an egg sandwich tomorrow.  I have ketchup and my three spices.  Seasoned salt, black pepper, and garlic powder. Put that shit in anything you cook and it’ll be grand.  Remember the mashed potatoes?  I sometimes put onions in it but you LOVED it. We should have mashed potatoes if you come out.

Ah, I just remembered.  It’s not seasoned salt I have but that pink Himalayan salt.  It’s… alright, but I have to twist the thing and that makes it harder to guesstimate the amount.  Oh, guesstimate is a word apparently.  More proof that English is fucking dumb.

Anyways, put that in the eggs, add ketchup, and I’ll have a GREAT breakfast.

You know, I got the eggs for three reasons.  Firstly, it’s not meat. Second, I saw a picture where you cooked me breakfast.  I posted it on Facebook and titled it the perfect breakfast.  It was eggs and pop tarts.  People gave me crap because it’s so simple and I said it wasn’t the food but the who.  You made that breakfast perfect. Finally, I want to try some of those egg rituals my witch friend suggested.  Turns out, the chants DON’T have to be religious to work.  So I could say, “No Pasaran” or even “I have nothing to lose but my chains” or whatever and it’d still work.  That’s some good news.

As for disposing, if it’s a protection spell, we bury it.  If it’s detecting negative energy, we pour it in a river and be on our way. I THINK Adela has a septic tank.  I’m not sure about the sewers in Houston.  So, we COULD flush it but until we know for sure, I’m not doing that with the eggs.

Apparently, you can also use potatoes for spells.  Magic is weird.  If this had happened a few months ago, then I would have been like, “Lol, magic is dumb and you’re dumb.”  However, I feel there is more to it than that now.  I’ve learned a lot from her.  Been taking notes.  I might use it for writing.  I probably won’t, unfortunately.  I have so much planned but so little time.  :c

Eh… I want a burger.  So badly.  I want to make an egg sandwich but… I won’t.  Ah, well.  Current supply in the fridge and pantry for ME to eat (Adela’s food is off limits) consists of the dragon fruit, three apples, a bottle of ketchup, almond milk, a single and final serving of spinach, half a loaf of bread, a can of peas and carrots, a can of corn, various cheeses, and 16 eggs.  We’ll go shopping sometime on the weekend.  I’ll be fine.

The rough estimate for my food is 60-80 dollars.  Per week, that would be 240-320 dollars a month.  Not including rent, I estimate my cost of living is about 800 dollars per month.  That means if I got a part time job at Starbucks, I should be fine.  Might be saving.  After this next week, I’ll apply for other jobs.  However, I’ll actually go in when Adela takes Max to the groomers.  I won’t have to try to get him in a cage or anything.  Today, I’ll call. Hopefully at about 11 and let them know what’s up.  I’ll talk to the manager and introduce myself.  Let them know that I’m interested in a job there.

I’ll get a job.  Then I’ll brag about it.  It’ll be great.  Oh, and I could perhaps save money because I won’t have to eat here. Probably won’t eat out that much.  I don’t know.  If it’s like Dunkin, I’ll be fine unless they make me work mornings.  I SUCK at mornings.

When I worked nights at Dunkin (better than mornings) I usually slept when I got back.  Mornings?  I had to wake up immediately.  I had the sunrise to wake me up.  Problem is, I worked BEFORE sunrise and my alarm was unreliable.

Honestly… I loved working at Dunkin.  It had it’s moments where it sucked, but it was pretty fun.  They gave me free coffee and tea.  I hope they do that at Starbucks too.  Maybe discounted food.  Burgers. Drool

I mean… whatever.

I just realized that the money you’re using to buy pot?  You got that from selling your super prized computer.  Oof.  You sold everything for all of this.  In the end?  At least you’re a little high.

Sarcasm.  I’m suddenly more concerned.  Please tell me you’ll stop spending on such trivial bullshit.  Fucking pot is not worth the money.  :/ Whatever.  You won’t tell me that, even if you were talking to me.  You’re stubborn.  You get told to do one thing and you’ll do the opposite.  Human nature… don’t know why.  My dad used to have this small outhouse thing that was assembled by all these parts and had a mouse trap in it.  The mouse trap connected to the door.  When you opened th door to this little outhouse, it’d explode.  He LOVED it.  He put a little sign on front that said, “Don’t Open” because he understood people don’t listen to signs.  He got so many people with that fucking door. I want one.  I think I can find one on the internet.

I’ll call my dad tomorrow too, maybe.  I really should.  Anyways, I’m going to bed.  Talk to you when I wake up.  Alarm set for 10am. Going to call Starbucks at 11.  ;)

Before I go!  I asked my witch friend what the deal with brooms are. Apparently, they can clean up negative energy!  And brooms you make yourself has a connection and cleans energy better or something.  And it can determine people visiting and you put it upside down, it’ll prevent people from coming and if they do come then they’ll leave sooner.  And you can bless your vacuum to clean up negative energies. Just gotta empty it and take out the garbage IMMEDIATELY.  And apparently you can bless ROOMBA!!!  ROOMBA CAN COLLECT NEGATIVE ENERGY!!!  OMFG ROOMBA, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!!!  SAVE THIS HOUSE OF OURS!!!

Sorry.  Sleeping now.  Later.

Current time is seven in the morning… I’m so restless.  I hate it.  I think any optimism and positivity is fading.  I might return to my grumpy annoyed self, which is a shame.  Computer is mandatory restarting today.  I FUCKING hate that.  I have to save EVERYTHING. For what?  What update could I possibly need?

My dream was nice last night.  Very… arousing.  You were in it of course.  It ended with us skinny dipping.  In my dreams, you’re always so affectionate.  I miss that.  :/

Anyways… I realized that you blocking me wasn’t to start any drama.  You probably felt I was trying to show you how good everything was here. Try and convince you somehow.  I was posting a lot of pictures of Max.  Still do, mind you, but you don’t need that reminder.  You felt that I was trying to communicate with you through Facebook.  Not my intention.  Otherwise, I’d have to go back and change no contact days to limited contact.

Surprised you noticed. Alternatively, you could have just turned off my posts so you didn’t have to see them.  Idea probably didn’t occur to you.  Or maybe you wanted to send a message.  Unfortunately, that message would be open to interpretation.  If you read this, you’ll see I didn’t get the memo.  At least, probably not the one you mentioned.

I didn’t call Starbucks today.  Woke up too late.  I’ll stay up as long as possible and go to bed early.  Try and reset my schedule as best as possible.  I need to do this before Max is taken to the groomers.  I’ll get it figured out.  So tired though.

I need to message Shane.  See if he’s alright.  Might be the food he’s been eating.  :/

He’s okay.  Whatever he had passed.  I’m glad to hear.  Could have been something far worse.  However, I still believe he should go to the doctor’s but I won’t push it.  If I were inflicted with something similar and it went away, I wouldn’t want to go to the doctor’s either.  Literally, fuck American healthcare.  Nothing but bad times. -,-

So… It’s currently 6:20.  I bought a girl some food.  She’s the sort who normally says no.  I expected her to say no.  She said yes.  So, I ordered her a pizza.  She is one of the girls I’ve been flirting with.

The thought crossed my head that “What if she’s using me?” but then I came to the conclusion that, again, she’ not the type who’d say yes normally.  She’s pretty introverted.  Spends most her days working and going to class.  If I go back to visit, I’ll have to stop by and say hi to her in person.  There are some stories with her.  I’ll have to share them sometime with you.