#he just needed someone to lecture OP so fuck making the story make sense or like letting OP get to say anything in defense

[lord-squiggletits]

One of my favorite parts of phase 2 (and indeed one of the few moments I resonated with IDW Prowl) was when the neutrals were coming back to Cybertron and Prowl said that he refused to let Autobots be pushed aside and overruled after they were the ones who fought for freedom for 4 million years (the exact wording escapes me atm).

And I mean, that resentment still holds true even once the colonists come on bc like. As much as it's true that Cybertron's culture is fucked up, and as funny as it can be to paint Cybertronians as a bunch of weirdos who consider trying to kill someone as a common greeting not important enough to hold a grudge over.... The colonists POV kind of pissed me off a lot of times, as did the narrative tone/implications that Cybertronians are forever warlike and doomed to die by their own hands bc it just strikes me as an extremely judgemental and unsympathetic way to deal with a huge group of people with massive war PTSD and political/social tensions that were rampant even before the war?

Like, imagine living in a society rife with bigotry and discrimination where you get locked into certain occupations and social strata based on how you were born. The political tension is so bad there's a string of assassinations of politicians and leaders. The whole planet erupts into an outright war that leads (even unintentionally) to famine and chemical/biological warfare that destroys your planet. Both sides of the war are so entrenched in their pre-war sides and resentment for each other that this war lasts 4 million years and you don't even have a home planet any more. Then your home planet gets restored and a bunch of sheltered fucks come home and go "ewww why are you so violent?? You're a bunch of freaks just go live in the wilderness so that our home can belong to The Pure People Who Weren't Stupid And Evil Enough To Be Trapped In War" and then a bunch of colonists from places that know nothing about your history go "lol you people are so weird?? 🤣🤣 I don't get why y'all are fighting can't you just like, stop??? Oh okay you people are just fucked up and evil and stupid then" ((their planets are based on colonialism where their Primes wiped out the native populations btw whereas the Autobots and OP in particular fought to save organics. But that never gets brought up as a point in their favor)) as if the damage of a lifetime of war and a society that was broken even before the war can just magically go away now that the war is over.

Prowl fucking sucks but he was basically the only person that pointed out the injustice of that.

And then from then on out most of the characters from other colonies like Caminus and wherever else are going "i fucking hate you and your conflicts" w/ people like literal-nobody Slide and various Camiens getting to just sit there lecturing Optimus about how Cybertronians are too violent for their own good and how their conflicts are stupid, with only brief sympathetic moments where the Cybertronians get to be recognized as their own ppl who deserve sympathy before going right back to being lambasted.

Like I literally struggled to enjoy the story at multiple points because there was only so much I could take of the characters I knew and loved being raked over coals constantly while barely getting to defend themselves or be defended by the narrative so like. It was just fucking depressing and a little infuriating to read exRID/OP

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 06 (first part)

(Masterpost)(Episode 05)

Warning: This contains spoilers for All 50 Episodes

Bad Boys Bad Boys What You Gonna Do

Nie Huasang’s brought his nuts, and someone’s brought wine, so the boys are drinking in Wei Wuxian’s guest house. Finally he gets to drink some of the Emperor’s Smile wine that he’s been doing all those product placements for.

Boys, get a bowl or something for your shells, were you raised in a barn?

Wei Wuxian hits on waxes poetic about the wine, and Jiang Cheng tells him to shut up. 

Wang Zhuocheng’s raw-fish-eating face may have failed him, but his drunk faces do not disappoint.

Wei Wuxian teases Jiang Cheng about his list of standards for a chick: She should have natural beauty, be virtuous and caring, from a good family, not too talkative, with a gentle voice, and not too capable. Also she should not spend too much money. Drunken running ensues.

Cue Maple Leaf Rag by Scott Joplin

(more behind the cut)

Much of the fandom has decided this list is a good fit for Nie Huaisang himself, and it sorta is. But he is both talkative and unvirtuous, what with all the current sneakiness, and all the eventual murders. 

This also definitely doesn't fit Wen Qing because she's capable as hell.  

This list is, however, a 100% a match for Jiang Yanli. Not in a weird, Jin Guangyao way--a lot of men want to marry a woman like their sister.  In a gender-divided and generation-divided society, a man’s sister might be the only woman he’s ever known well. Jiang Cheng adores Yanli and she’s his ideal model of a woman, as opposed to his mother, who...isnt.  

All these robes and talismans over the door do nothing to stop Lan Wangji from strolling in.  

Okay so - Lan Wangji is the senior disciple of the Lan Clan, yea? There is no way that patrolling the guest area is in any way his job. He is just walking around here at night specifically to see what Wei Wuxian is doing.

I already did a gifpost of the boys and their totally nonsexual horseplay, over here. I’ll just add, for sad factor, that Jiang Cheng is play-choking Wei Wuxian when they’re all on the bed, and later in the running-and-crying episode he is gonna for-real choke him. Foreshadowing! or maybe just coincidence!

One fun thread running through the young-cultivators episodes is that Nie Huaisang is legit terrified of Lan Wangji while also having a major aesthetic crush on him. Look at how flustered he is here, trying to act sober while also checking him out. 

Lan Wangji is shocked and visibly upset - what are you guys doing? This is not his busting face, this is, for a moment, his vulnerable and disillusioned face. He is super not used to what normal people are like. 

Wei Wuxian doesn't lie or otherwise try to get off the hook, which has got to have Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang grinding their teeth in frustration. He invites Lan Wangji to join them for a drink. LWJ cites a the “no drinking on campus” rule and WWX tries to convince him to chill. 

Then we have this lovely coordinated faint by the boys, to get out of going to get punished. Nie Huaisang has been practicing fainting in front of a mirror just in case he ever needs a skill like that in the future. 

Wei Wuxian keeps trying to turn this into a date. Eventually Lan Wangji is so upset he admits he can’t take all three of them by himself. 

Then the boys run away fake-barfing and Wei Wuxian hits Lan Wangji with a talisman. 

Steal His Agency That’s What You’re Gonna Do

What Wei Wuxian does to Lan Wanji here is definitely wrong. But it's not entirely a disaster.  It allows some crucial information to be shared between them, and it results in Wei Wuxian getting the utter shit beat out of him and never doing this again. I mean, he continues to mind-control his enemies and their eventual corpses, but he doesn't intentionally violate a friend or ally's autonomy in the future. Uhh not counting that whole golden core surgery-without-consent situation. And probably some other situations I’ve forgotten. He improves slightly, okay? 

It’s important to note, incidentally, that the Lan rules about drinking and other “vices” should not be viewed through a Christian lens. The Lans are neither puritans nor ascetics (look at their clothes, furniture, and jewelry, for starters). Being drunk is forbidden probably because it’s a loss of self-control. 

Speaking of self-control, mad props to Wang Yibo for being able to have zero physical reaction to fingers snapping in his face.

Drunk Lan Wangji

Under duress, Lan Wangji knocks back a cup of wine and promptly passes most of the way out. 

Wei Wuxian puts Lan Wangji into bed not unkindly, but pretty much like a sack of potatoes. Compare this to how tenderly he handles Lan Wangji the next time he’s drunk. 

WWX tells LWJ to call him Wei Gege, and giggles. Is this a term of endearment in this context? So far the various boys are calling each other -xiong, not -ge or gege.  In Western media, men calling each other “bro” is basically saying “no homo,” but brotherhood and sisterhood in C-Drama is often a way of indicating stronger love than friendship, without saying whether it's sexual or not. 

They finally start to have a conversation, and when Lan Wangji explains that no-one can touch his headband except, etc etc, Wei Wuxian stops trying to touch it. So at least he's not a handsy bastard in addition to all his other faults. 

Wei Wuxian tells Lan Wangji that his clan is boring and women won't want to marry him. Lan Wangji says that's fine. On one level this is the show acknowledging that he's gay, but I think he's responding in a gender-neutral way; he doesn't want to marry anyone. Marriage, from his perspective, is the literal worst. 

We don't know how he felt about his father, but he definitely loved his mother deeply, and she had a profoundly unhappy marriage, in which her husband did not provide companionship and her children were taken from her.

A note about all that: The dynamics of heterosexual marriages in The Untamed are not based on contemporary companionate marriage. Sex and reproduction is a wife's job in this world, and giving a gentry woman the option to choose her husband is radical. Wei Wuxian is the only one who dares say that Jiang Yanli should have a choice when Jin Guangshan casually tries to give her to his son in front of everyone.  

OP made this today but will totally reuse it when episode 23 rolls around

So Lan Wangji’s parents' marriage was extremely problematic but not necessarily for the reasons it would be in contemporary terms. Having signed on to marry Lan Dad, Mom would have expected to live together and get laid regularly (important for health, in some traditional views, regardless of love/no love) and to have the company of her children. Instead, she was isolated. Lan Dad wanted to have it both ways and so even though he loved her and apparently hooked up with her sometimes, he didn't do his duty by her. She didn't love him but she did her duty. 

Wei Wuxian continues to not get it, calling Lan Wangji dull and babbling about Lan Wangji’s parents until he realizes that LWJ is an orphan like him. 

A nice shift happens here. Once the penny drops, Wei Wuxian doesn't ask a single additional question - he just sees - by reading Lan Wangji’s face - what the deal is, and shares his own story to show he understands. 

This is the first time Wei Wuxian mentions being chased by dogs, which is kind of a big deal, because why was he left all alone when his parents died? 

Why didn't anyone take him in before Jiang Fengmian found him? How isolated are independent cultivators in this world? 

Tea Time

Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen are having tea, and the Lan Clan is so uptight they don't touch each other's teacups. I don't know what this thing is called so I'm going to call it a tea speculum. 

Lan Qiren is back from the cultivation conference and says the red crack plague is happening over in Qinghe where the Nie clan lives.  Lan Xichen fills him in on the water demon, specifically saying Wei Wuxian figured out the connection to the red crack dudes, and explaining who WWX is, as if Lan QIren hadn't already thrown stuff at him and threatened to eventually kill him. 

Fun fact that I just noticed this week so didn't make it into earlier posts: In Episode 46, when Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are in the Jiang ancestral hall, WWX says he was often punished to kneel there, and LWJ said that they heard about this in Gusu.  

So when WWX came to Gusu he already had a reputation as a troublemaker, and the Lan brothers were aware of it.   

Busted and Beaten

A Lan snitch comes in to say that Wei Wuxian has successfully corrupted Lan Wangji, which really shouldn’t cause as much surprise as it does.

“Wei Wuxian got drunk”

“Lan Wangji got drunk”

Lan Xichen takes a moment to consider carefully whether Wei Wuxian is a good friend for his little brother and whether perhaps he was too hasty in throwing them together. Ha ha ha no he doesn’t. 

On the punishment porch, Lan Xichen tries to lecture Lan Wangji in a calm way, but Lan Qiren wants to beat him and Lan Wangji wants to get beat. Wei Wuxian can’t understand why Lan Wangji doesn’t let him take the blame for the drinking. 

Lan Qiren goes way the fuck overboard with this punishment because he's angry--losing control and losing his sense of proportion--and Lan Xichen is shocked. The drone camera watching from above is also shocked.  

Lan Qiren has a few (very few) redeeming qualities, but his extreme rigidity and chronic resentment of anyone he perceives as bad are serious problems. His nephews are both struggling with complex moral quandaries as they get older, and he is absolutely no help to them in resolving their conflicts.

This is definitely...a style of parenting & teaching, but you can see how poorly it works, with Lan Wangji straight up saying “fuck it” after many years of conformity.  Lan Xichen is devoted to the middle path and tries to be obedient. But he is actually not walking anywhere near the middle path, as he gets pulled into colluding with a murderer at the same time as getting dragged onto his brother’s carnival ride. These men need parenting that isn’t so, uh, fucking stupid. (Yes, grown adults still need good parenting; watch Go Ahead if you doubt me) 

Wei Wuxian initially yells and falls down when he gets hit, but then he sees Lan Wangji is taking the beating without any reaction and he tries to do the same. 

Aftermath

Jiang Yanli gently lectures the boys, blaming Jiang Cheng for Wei Wuxian's drinking.  Jesus Christ, he's the younger sibling, could you just NOT, Yanli?  

Both boys ask Yanli not to tell their parents. The boys bicker about who's at fault and then Wei Wuxian shifts to baby voice and starts whining to Yanli about the pain. 

Yanli tells him to suck it up, and says after school she'll -- ok and I know this will be a surprise for everyone -- make soup for them. The boys immediately get back on the same team, which is team Please Put Meat In the Soup.

There's a nice character building moment for Wei Wuxian here. When he sees Lan Xichen he initially turns away to avoid running into him, but then he adults-up and goes to face him and greet him, giving him a half of a bow because of the pain, the pain. Rather than complaining about his punishment he meekly asks if he's broken another rule. 

Lan Xichen tells him that he did wrong but that Lan Qiren’s punishment was too harsh, and then in what is one of my favorite Lan Xichen moments, invites Wei Wuxian to use the cold spring to heal, but doesn't invite Jiang Cheng to go with him even though Jiang Cheng also was beaten. Lan Xichen, Matchmaker Auntie Extraordinaire. 

Then he answers Wei Wuxian’s question about his mom by saying she was just like Wei Wuxian and drove Lan Qiran up the wall. Jiang Cheng's reaction to that is really sweet. He does enjoy Wei Wuxian at the same time as being constantly irritated by him. 

Lan Xichen does his patented “breaking off in the middle of saying something and leaving out a chunk of the story” maneuver, although this time he doesn't include a flute solo. 

OP is mildly obsessed with Xuan Lu’s shoulders in this outfit. Also Yanli has an interesting sword, that's got some wood carving similar to Subian, but without the organic look, which OP only noticed because of screen capping Xuan Lu’s shoulders.  

Club Ruohan

Wen Qing continues to be pretty and slightly evil at this stage, sending magic fire notes to her boss using this talisman that is definitely floating in the air and not just hanging from a string. 

Wen Ruohan is in the mosh pit with his zombie groupies while he reads Wen Qing’s extremely vague status update and says "it all makes sense." 

Reach out and touch faith

Soundtrack

Maple Leaf Rag by Scott Joplin Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode

Writing Prompt

How did Wei Wuxian’s parents die?

Admin Notes

I’m going to start spacing out my “first part” and “second part” posts by a few days.  I’ll update this post to link up the second part once I post it, and my masterpost is always up to date. 

Also: if you want more of my original content but don’t want to follow my whole blog (not following is fine!), I keep a pinboard of fun stuff at the top of my blog. I try to post original content at least once a week.

Continued in the second part later this week!

[seoafin]

oo yeah, the stark differences in eng fics on ao3 and those that i’ve read in websites like pixiv/ weibo/ lofter/ typesetters is a high-context asian subtle/implicit intimacy vs low-context western loud/explicit intimacy (1)

tho ,, i think the setting (character + environment + time) and the prompt (au? canon? romance? slice of life? epic?) play into it. i think the differences that exist between portrayals of intimacy by east asian authors and by western authors largely stem from cultural philosophy, which could make some things jarring to those unfamiliar with either

tbh i'm the type of person who, when reading lit abt supposedly asian characters, would appreciate the story more if it was also true to the characters' culture, and so i'd also like to see them experience and understand love the same way asians experience and understand love. but that's just me (i know there are diaspora who like to see other things), and that's also for a concept that's more for peaceful romance/character-centric settings. it’d be a different case if the story is plot-driven, or historical, or apocalyptic

i personally prefer the nuance of intimacy in pieces by east asians bc that's what i like to see and what i'm familiar with. but either way, i don't mind the differences exist. it just means that there's a variety to all of our experiences. as long as it's written into the narrative in an organic manner, it will still feel like a love i can appreciate, whether romantic or platonic or anything in between.

the whiplash was intense when i opened a fic bc i was curious or bored (or both rly) and then boom, untagged daddy kink. SHSHS it makes me giggle sumtimes, since he’s a jpnese character, when it comes to gojou, bc personally i just can't imagine him calling anyone any kind of petname unless it means to fuck with them,,, like, for eg, in stsg fic i just can't vibe with gojou calling suguru anything but his name, but that's just me and largely the way i interpret their characters, and it's just nice to know that all the authors of jp/cn/kr fic i've read before feel the same way more or less ,, but that's it HSJJSJS if someone else decides they want gojou calling suguru this or that, then that's like, alright. that's what they want to write and see, yk, and there's nothing wrong with that, i'll just swerve respectfully lmao

also for pdas,, i think it definitely depends on the age of the couple and the setting

like, if they're a campus couple, pda is pretty common. handholding, picking each other up from class, study dates in the library/courtyard/cafe, going to drinking parties together, that sort of thing.

the most common petname i've heard cn campus couples use is "baobao/baobei" (寶寶/寶貝), which means precious/baby/darling. for jp couples, tbrh i've never heard anything ,, my friends and cousins don't use petnames either

honestly,,, if u're cn/jp and u're dating someone ur age or younger, u'd probs call them by their given name or a nickname with an affectionate prefix/suffix (小，阿，兒 etc or the norm ちゃん, くん, さん, 先輩/ 輩先 suffix) and ig u could call that a petname. if u're dating someone older than u, then u'd call them (insert name)-san or senpai/jie/ge if u and they want, and that would show how close u are. some ppl date and call each other by their full names, too, and even with honourifics. and some ppl use just their partner's given names.

for kr,, idk much but i think it’s usually 이,야,아 etc and noona/oppa/unni/hyung ????

for older couples, like married couples or people who are working, pda tends to lean towards petnames. "sweetheart", "honey", "wife/husband", that sort of thing. if they're parents, they'd probably call each other "dad", "mum" (I NEVER HEARD MY OWN PARENTS NAME LEAVING THEIR LIPS WHEN THEY ADDRESS THE OTHER)

but if its pda like,, making out in public, i don't think it's very common. i've never seen it shhsjsjs (arm holding can be rewarded with a stink eye from the conservatives elderly (mostly), from where i came from)

in fic, it's abt the same, which means it would depend on the age/setting/couple's preference with the addition of the author's preference which just,,, uh shows , ig

but then again,, pls cmiiw if anyone else knows more

altho i’m a “respect is earned” type of person ,, when it comes to (conservative) elders, it will just fly out of the window,,, the repercussions....just no 🥰 some of them are so fucking petty and are hellbent to teach u a lesson, its actually embarassing

back when the yo mama jokes were still popular and 24/7 circulating in the internet,, me and some friends were 😃😃 like yall can say this and get away with it? when daylight arrive after i crack this kind of joke in front of my relatives, my mom is done scheduling for my cremation date

even if i dont intend it to mean disrespect in some convos,, the damage is done and my parents would straight up be like : “wtf did u just say? try repeating it once more and lets see if u can still sleep under a roof today.” either that or they’ll smack me before saying it ,, whichever could come first depending on their mood 🥴

my relatives wont ever missed if i ever forgot to address them when we meet or during a phonecall by a simple “uncle/ aunt/ grandfather/ grandmother” (usually my grandfather is the one so uptight abt it 💀) and it will end up into a short lecture abt “young kids these days..../ u havent forgot to eat yet u forgot what respect is?/ ur parents are fine ppl but what happen to u”

cue my mother glaring at me or giving the stink eye like @/&/&2@22 most of the times i’m distracted by sth and just spaced out while organising it in my head b4 it could get out of hand ,,, that and the titles i’ve used for each relative is different and i’m afraid to mixed it up bc again...stink eye ,,, like my father’s younger/ older brother and younger/ older sister and cousins + its another different handful of titles when it comes to my mother’s family 😔 - 🐱 (2)

yes!!!! there’s a lot of reasons why i enjoy stsg fics and it’s because gojo and geto are always treated like people in stsg fics.....i’ve found that in a lot of reader insert fics you could replace gojo and geto with the male lead of those mafia boss stories on wattpad and it wouldn’t make a difference LMAO gojo and geto are often caricatures of themselves and it’s just something i’m personally not interested in.

also....i feel like there’s so much intimacy in how someone calls/says your name that just using pet names 24/7 gives it this superficial sense that i’m not really a fan of but then again, in fwb stories i totally understand.

another thing, I really feel like culture DOES play into it. obviously as asian people ourselves who come from a collectivist culture, our idea of love is different from the western concept of love. i feel like this especially comes into play when we see reader insert stories where the MC is super op and strong just so they can “match” gojo and gojo doesn’t need to worry about them even though it’s not even needed!! in asian cultures it’s not a burden to take care of people. it’s love. and i feel like western people don’t quite grasp that bc it’s such an individualist culture (this is a not nuanced at all / a generalization but u get the point)

yeah full on pda in fics always gets me because in japan???? lmao no honey!!! although gojo would definitely do it, not every character would LOL

gojo would pet names as a joke aka ironically, but i just don’t see him doing it seriously unless it's dear or smt

my mom is so big on respect. she always gets into fights abt with my brother and it’s a generational difference tbh but i digress, it’s not like it’s bad to be polite to your elders, but I do think koreans can take it too far to the point where it’s detrimental!!

[captainjimothycarter]

Prompt: Peggy’s deaged and Tony finds out (: 🙏

Oh, poor Tony, being one of the last to know. Listen, OP I am SOFT for this and started tearing up. This is so pure and beautiful with them. Maybe not what you wanted and maybe 100% a ramble but their relationship is important to me.

--

“Why am I just being told?” Before Fury or even Coulson could be bothered to answer, Tony was speaking again. “Why am I just being told that Auntie Peggy is alive?! She’s been alive – deaged for how long now?”

“Three weeks,” murmured Coulson, only causing Tony’s eyes to snap to him. “We told her immediate family first, we-”

“I’m part of her immediate family.” The reply came in a sharp snap, cutting them off. “I’m part of her family as much as Steve and Sharon are and I get to learn last. No, not even last, I get to learn weeks after she’s released from the hospital and doing God-knows-what? From passing information?!”

“It wasn’t us who told Steve – Romanoff did. Then Hill told Sharon. If I had it my way, none of ya’ll know until we had more information on her condition. We didn’t know how she would survive.” Fury was at least trying to soothe the situation and it was not helping.

“-more information on her condition.’ You had enough if you let Romanoff slip between your fingers to tell Auntie’s soulmate that she was alive! You had enough to know she was going to be okay! And what more information did you need beyond seeing it was working? Because she’s alive!”

He didn’t want to hear it, Tony did not want to hear some bullshit, bureaucrat excuse that means nothing to him beyond utter betrayal. Not that he’s trusted Fury or Coulson to begin with, it was the point of the matter. His Auntie was alive and no one thought to inform him?

That cut deep, worst than they would ever consider.

On paper, no he wasn’t Peggy’s family. He was unfortunately Howard Stark’s son, but anyone with enough sense would connect two together, see the photos Auntie had in her retirement home, see the photos he had, the stories, and connect two and two.

Maybe Shield just didn’t have enough sense as he thought it did.

“Where is she? And so help me, Nick if you say it’s classified, I’ll…”

The threat trailed off when Fury’s eyebrow rose, folded hands raised to his chin level as if to challenge him to continue. When Tony didn’t, he leaned back and folded one leg over the other at the knee.

“We don’t know.”

“How the fuck do you not know where your walking human experiment went?” Tony snarled.

“Anthony Edward Stark – I am much more than a walking human experiment.”

The hard voice lecturing him made Tony’s hair stand on end and caused him to shiver. He suddenly felt like he was eight again and being scolded for eating sugar straight out of her jar. He could feel his cheeks warming as he turned around to see his Auntie standing in the doorway.

It took his breath away how healthy she looked. No wrinkles, no fading eyesight, not even a gray hair in sight. Her eyes were sharp as ever and right now trying to decide who she should be glaring at. She walked with a limb and he guessed that was her getting used to maneuvering again. Steve was somewhere in the waiting room, he knew. They weren’t far from each other, he guessed. It was sickening how they migrated towards one another like the sun and the moon.

“Director Carter,” Coulson breathed, standing up a smidge bit straighter and fixing his tie. “You shouldn’t be here.”

Tony wanted to snort – underneath the bash, white-collar bullshit that was Shield, Coulson was a fanboy at heart for his idols. He turned to look at his Auntie again because he knew her and she did not like to be told where she could and couldn’t be.

“If I remember correctly where we’re currently standing was once the storage room for our failed experiments,” Peggy mused, tapping the silver cane she was forced to use on the floor. It echoed through the entire room. “And I know I’m technically a 90-something year old here, but my memory is sharp as ever and I know for a fact that I am one of the reasons we’re all standing here. So, I think I have clearance over your agent-level coded bullshit, Agent Coulson. Now -“

Her eyes were set on Fury again, knuckles turning white on the cane. Tony found himself shifting closer, but not touching. He didn’t know if he wanted to touch. If he did, this illusion of his Auntie being young, healthy, and quick-witted as ever would shatter into pieces. “Auntie…”

“Not now, Anthony,” she didn’t even look at him. “Director Fury, what is this business on not letting my godson know that I was alive instead of 6 feet under? I think if I remember correctly my paperwork reflected that Anthony was just as much as my family as Sharon was. Steve isn’t family – not yet at least and he was told.” When Fury’s mouth opened to defend himself, Peggy’s head shook her curls. “Forget it, whatever excuse that will come out of your mouth will never do the fact justice that you neglected to tell my godson. For Christ's sake, I’ve changed his diapers. I think he’s family.”

“Auntie!” Tony looked mortified and he could see Coulson’s ever so slight smirk. Oh, he was not letting that go. His ears turned a bright shade of red. “I think they knew that you didn’t have to say it.”

“Anthony, never assume what these agents do or do not know. Shield isn’t what it used to be.” Peggy silently held her arm out to him, leading Tony out the exit and the doors to the Director’s office closing behind them at once.

As expected, Steve graduated towards Peggy, hovering just inches behind her. His hand slipped into hers and he looked down at Tony with a sheepish smile and shrug of his shoulders.

“I hate not knowing,” Tony sighed, rubbing at his temples. “You were in the hospital here for two weeks…”

“Then moved to SHIELD in California for another few weeks to continue to monitor my health. The doctors thought the sun would do me some good when they forget I absolutely despite being so hot. We only just came back last night. Anthony…” She let go of Steve’s hand with a soft squeeze and cupped his cheek, giving a fond smile. Her fingertips stroked over the gray peppered through his beard. “I am absolutely so sorry that you did not know. I asked about you several times. Steve even tried to contact you but Pepper said you were out of the country on some business.”

“Unavoidable, lost all communications when the suit was destroyed.” Maybe he shouldn’t have said that given Peggy’s furrowed brow. “But still even before that…I shouldn’t have to come home and find out through Barton of all people that you’re alive. But I don’t blame you or Steve or-or any of our friends, I blame those bastards in there. What would they think I would’ve done to you if I had known right off? Experiment on you? I’m not my father.”

Peggy’s arms wrapped around Tony tightly and crushed him to her, the cane clattering to the floor. Tony melted against her and suddenly he was five again. Scared, sniffling, not wanting to let go of her hand and go to school. He’s been to school, he’s had tutors come in, he’s done it online, but going into a classroom with other kids who were dumber than him and loud and annoying and he liked how quiet his auntie’s office was and she listened to him.

His legs buckled and he was only supported by Peggy and eventually as her still recovering body gave out, Steve too who lowered them both to the floor. He hadn’t even realized he was crying until Peggy was making calming, soothing noises and stroking his hair away from his face.

“I’m sorry I didn’t visit as often as I had liked,” he whimpered, refusing to pull his face from her shoulder. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry that I blamed you. I’m so sorry, Auntie.”

“Shh, shh, darling,” Peggy whispered, rubbing his spine. “Shh. I do not blame you, not for one bit. Your gifts to keep me afloat, to keep my programs running in mine and your mother’s name was more than enough for me. Seeing your face weekly was enough. I am not upset. You…” She pulled back to cup his face and press their foreheads together. “You were hurting and raw and had to blame someone after Howard’s death. I was there and I was your balm, as I have always had been. I blamed myself too, it’s okay.”

“No, it-it’s not okay. It’s not. You didn’t deserve that! You had too much on your shoulders already instead of me being a brat.” The painful sob ripped from him and Tony just wanted to melt into the floor.

“Anthony, please listen to me I do not blame you, not one bit. You needed someone at that time. Rhodey was away for basic and I was there for you.” She used the end of her sleeves to clean his face off and peck a small kiss to his nose. “It’s okay now. This…”

“It’s a second chance.”

It was Steve who spoke, causing both of them to look up. Tony had forgotten he was even there, watching him have the breakdown of a lifetime. All the while sitting back, looking somehow small in his large form. If he had been younger…he would’ve been excited to see Captain America but after working with Steve for years, he could see why Peggy worked so hard to honor him. Steve got on his nerves, under his skin with his bullshit morals, but sometimes he did have a point.

And then other times, he saw why Peggy had complained about how infuriating frustrating the Captain was.

“Yeah,” Tony breathed, nodding his head as he looked back at his Auntie. “A-a second chance. At least this time you don’t have to change my diapers.”

Peggy snorted and rolled her eyes, ruffling her godson’s hair. Untangling their limbs and with Steve’s help, the pair were pulled to their feet, her cane back in hand. Peggy grasped him, leaving Steve to run ahead to get the car as they walked down the hallway.

“What did the doctors say? Any reason you keep using that cane?”

“Because they’re idiots,” she sighed, making Tony smile. “The serum was successful for the most part, but given how…ill I was and the state of my body and numerous injuries, some things are slower to heal than others. I’m healing at a faster rate, but it’ll take time before I’m a full hundred percent again. They warned me to get plenty of rest and take it slow.”

“Do they even know you?” Tony snorted, letting the elevator take them down to ground level. He leads her out a side entrance and towards a covered awning, the snow piling up around them. “The last you’ll ever do is take it slow.”

“Obviously not and they clearly don’t know Steve either. One nurse tried to shoo him from the room because he wasn’t considered ‘family’. I told them if I wasn’t still considered legally dead until they get a jump on the paperwork, then Steve wouldn’t be  considered family.” She rolled her eyes as she slipped inside the jeep, staying in the backseat with Tony pressed against her side. Steve just smiled at them through the mirror.

“Where to, Miss Carter?” He teased, closing the doors for them and pulling out to the main street. “You’re officially cleared from Shield Hospital. The world is your oyster – why…does that saying exist?”

It was Tony’s turn to roll his eyes. “Not this again, Steve. Stop thinking about it. Why are you even driving? I could’ve called Pepper to set a plane up for us.”

“Some people like to drive, Tones. It’s calming for me, I never got to drive much beforehand and this…” He gripped the wheel lightly and ran his fingertips over the expensive leather. “Is one reminder I’m grateful for what I have.”

Around Peggy, Tony noted, Steve was a different person. More whimsical, almost calmer, more…himself than he’s seen Steve been in the years he’s known him. “You didn’t know how to drive,” he grumbled under his breath, noting Steve was turning onto the highway. “You crashed your first bike into a tree.”

“Peggy!” Steve’s eyes flashed to hers through the mirror, where she was finding the cars around them suddenly interesting. “You told him about that? I didn’t crash it. It slipped out from underneath me because Jones didn’t…”

“Excuses, excuses,” Peggy laughed. “And no, he didn’t. I had to teach him after…he recklessly and bravely rescued the 107th. We didn’t have much time in between the serum and us being shipped off on two different routes and his smaller self couldn’t even see half the time, so risking him being behind the wheel was not something I was going to do.”

“She’s told me many stories about you, Stevie-buddy. Like the time you and the Howlies went up against a moose and geese.”

Steve’s face flushed the brightest shade of pink as he went around a slower car, his fingertips drumming on the wheel. “We do not speak of those demons – ever.”

Tony laughed and for the first time in a while, it felt good to laugh. A real laugh. A hint at a life he could’ve had if Steve hadn’t died. A hint at a life together where he knew his Uncle and Auntie as two people and not a Captain and Director. This was a second chance and he was going to take every moment that he could while avoiding their sickening love.

Peggy’s hand squeezed his own and he found himself sinking into her shoulder and eventually in her lap in his exhaustion. Four days up straight did that to you. He could hear Steve’s rumbling voice, paying no attention and Peggy’s soft response as she played with his hair.

“I want to go home, Steve,” she told him with a small smile. “Brooklyn. Our real home, I think I’m tired of DC for now and I remember a promise I made a long time ago to this one…” Her fingers stopped stroking Tony’s hair, looking down at his relaxed face. He looked so much like his mother. “We’ll need to stop by the humane society – I promised Anthony that I would get him another cat.”

If Steve was surprised, he said nothing. “Okay, but we’re not naming him Mr. Sprinkles.”

[angrylizardjacket]

self-same mettle

Summary: "I love my sister more than anything in this life; I will choose her happiness over mine every time."

A/N: BIG WARNING; August Reid, who you may remember from the main story, child groom tw, though nothing comes of it he's still creepy and predatory. Okay so I just wanted to write a little something from Oscar's perspective in the High School AU. Let me know what you think!!

{AYDTD}

----

Oscar's always been a romantic at heart, always wanted to be the star of his own Mills and Boone novel ever since he was sixteen and found his mother's stash while hunting for Christmas presents. It had been painfully straight, right when he'd been discovering the delightful world of loving men, but he was invested enough in the romance that he didn't care.

In 2017, at the tender age of 19, he discovers the author Chuck Tingle, and despite the fact that he's technically now a literature student, this ridiculous, gay erotica makes his heart happy in ways he can't quite articulate.

The point is, he knows August Reid, because he's his dad's drinking buddy and fellow professor, but Oscar doesn't think of him much until he takes the man's class. Ash, who's fifteen and who spends weekends at the local art gallery down the road, has always been far more artistically minded, Oscar's always been more drawn to words, but he takes August's Art History class on a whim.

There's a certain draw to the whole teacher/student fantasy, and August looks kind of like an older Richard Madden, still angular and defined, but greying at the temples, the prelude to an extraordinary silver fox. So Oscar let's himself daydream, and take the follow up class, and look forward to the weekends where his dad's friends would come over to smoke cigars and play cards. August Reid was nothing if not polite, always smiling and kind and happy to see Oscar, answer his questions. Oscar knew he was married, thinks he probably has a kid, and so he was happy to keep his daydreams to himself. He thinks there's something romantic about quietly unrequited love.

However, it takes a year, once Ash has matured more, not a lot, but enough to catch August's interest, for the rose-coloured glasses to be ripped off. August takes an interest in her; when he and the rest of their father's colleagues came over, he would make a point to stop and check in with Ash, encourage her interest in Art, both physical and theoretical, and even suggest research for her, or upcoming exhibits he thought she might like. It's harmless, at first.

Talk of art turns to compliments, her taste in things, her outfits, how she wears her hair, the colour of her eyes. Ash seems to start looking forward to his visits, and something about it doesn't sit right with Oscar.

"He's just, Oz he's so cool," she was smiling, blushing a little; she had a crush, it was plain as the nose on her face, "and he said he could get us tickets to the Renaissance exhibit in Glasgow next month, how awesome is that?"

August starts calling her Miss Ashley, a joke that started since she still had a habit of calling him Mr Reid - because she's a fucking highschooler, it's how she's been taught to address teachers - Ash delights in it, straightens her posture a little when he says it. August makes a habit of petting her head fondly when she does. It makes Oscar's stomach turn just a little. August shouldn't be looking at his little sister like that, she's just a child.

Their father seems blind to it, tells Oscar 'don't be ridiculous, he's just being kind' and when he goes to mum, she just brushes him off, insisting that August is lovely, that he's so in love with his wife, and that Ash is just excited to have someone who understood her.

"A little schoolgirl crush is harmless, Oscar, dear; weren't you singing his praises not too long ago?" It's meant with a wink and a nudge, like perhaps Oscar's jealous, but his mother can be so dense; it's not the same at all. He's an adult, and Ash is a child, and yet he's not the one August is giving leering looks to when he thinks no-one's looking.

It's not that their parents don't love them, it's just that they don't particularly care. They're trapped in a loveless marriage, too self absorbed to care about those that can take care of themselves.

So Oscar takes it upon himself.

Oscar's never understood art like he's understood literature, never been able to make it make sense in the same way, but that doesn't matter. The point is, on Sundays, when his father's colleagues come over for tea and cigars and cards, Oscar's started taking Ash to art galleries across the country.

"But August is-"

"It's the impressionists, Ash," Oscar takes her hand with a grin, practically begging her, "come on they have the Water Lilies," he enthuses, and Ash's expression softens.

"I do love the Water Lilies."

Because he can't tell her what he's really doing, because she's sixteen and thinks she knows everything and the idea of telling her that August has any sort of feelings towards her, even if he explains why that's creepy and wrong, is probably the worst thing he can do to discourage her. So he distracts her, and is careful to never mention him if he can help it, or steer the conversation away if she brings him up.

She's his best friend. She's always been his best friend, but in an abstract, sibling sort of way, but it doesn't take long for the two of them to become legitimate best friends. He listens to all the drama of her highschool career, and her ideas for sculptures, and anything else she wants to talk about, and in turn he tells her about whatever he's reading that week, whatever poetry ideas he's been riffing with lately, and complains about pretty straight boys in his lectures.

Oscar may be a poet, but neither he nor Ash could hold a tune to save their lives, and so of course they sing along to Ash's Spotify playlists at the top of their lungs whenever they're driving. There's three weeks where she plays the Hamilton cast recording on repeat, and Oscar finds himself muttering it under his breath in class.

He works nights, and Saturdays, to afford all these day trips, and his family think he's so diligent, studying and working so hard, and on his day off he spends it with Ash. He keeps local for a few weeks, a few months actually, and surprises her with a trip to the West End for Christmas.

She talks about August less and less as time goes on. Though she does ask about it, in a roundabout way.

"Why're you spending so much time with me?"

They're having lunch in the park across from a gallery somewhere in Ireland. Oscar packed jam sandwiches.

"I don't understand this art shit like you do, but it's good to find inspiration from all mediums, you know?" Oscar smiles, takes a big bite of his sandwich, and watches Ash wrinkle her nose.

"You sound so pretentious," she snorted, shaking her head, "but whatever, I'm not gonna complain, you're the one paying."

"And I like spending time with you, biscuit." His voice turned overly sappy, as did his grin, "I love you." Oscar reached out and ruffled her hair, and Ash squawked, batting his hand away.

"I love you too, ya muppet, but if you wanna hang out we can just do something lowkey, or like, close to home."

She takes him at his word, which is good because he's being honest, but she seems content with their routine. Sometimes they go bowling, or to the library, sometimes they go op shopping, or to the movies, but they never miss a week.

She's his cheerleader at poetry readings, his tour guide at art galleries, and his favourite person at all times. His father's a literature professor who stopped truly engaging with her about her love of art once he stopped understanding her, and his mother was a Type A accountant who was just disappointed she wasn't interested in something employable. So Oscar was her cheerleader at art competitors, her enthusiastic student at art galleries, and ends up being her best friend and quietly, her favourite family member.

August asks about her, according to their father, but Ash's brief infatuation with him seems to have died down.

"Do you have a problem with me, Oscar?" August asks almost a month after Oscar's started spending Sundays with Ash, and maybe their father's told August what's happening, maybe he's noticed Oscar glaring at him whenever he saw the professor, but either way, he's so painfully kind when he asks that it's a dead giveaway; August knows something's wrong.

"Stay the fuck away from my sister," Oscar, kind-faced, bright eyed Oscar, snarls. He's 6'3" and never more thankful for his height as he towers over August.

"I'm simply showing an interest in her, she's an art enthusiast, I'm an art professor, don't worry-"

"I don't give a shit; look like the innocent flower but be the fucking serpent under it, right?"

"I don't understand what you mean? Does your father know you feel this way? Does Ash?" And it doesn't sound like a threat, it sounds like a very genuine question, but Oscar wants nothing more than to punch him in his stupid, angular nose.

"Does your wife know you spend weekends ogling underage girls?" Oscar fires back, and August's expression sours considerably, his mouth closed in a tight, humourless line. "Yeah, dad knows, not that he gives a shit," Oscar sneered, "but if you go near my sixteen year old sister again, you smarmy creepy -" his voice dropped very low, expression dark, his hands balling into fists by his side.

"If your father's not bothered by it I don't see why you should be, I haven't done anything wrong, but you're throwing around some serious implications here," August gives a blithe smile, "Ash is an incredible young woman I'm simply encouraging her passion."

"August Reid, I need you to know that I'm not threatening you," Oscar said calmly, "I'm promising you; I'll fucking kill you."

And maybe he doesn't believe Oscar would legitimately harm him, but he sees it's not a fight he's going to win. August leaves Ash well enough alone after that.

At the start of their Summer break, before Ash is due to start her second last year of high school, their father gets a job in England, their mother gets an excuse to leave her loveless marriage, and Ash and Oscar get a choice. Oscar knows without even having to ask that Ash will stick with him. He also knows that in two years, if she's still here, she'll end up studying under August and his father's other creepily complicit friends. Oscar's playing the long game to keep his sister safe when he announces he'll be going to England with their dad.

He lies, says he doesn't mind transferring courses and maybe retaking some classes at this new university, makes sure he's nothing but positive when he talks about the move, and Ash, add expected, joins him. It hurts to leave the life he's building himself, but he knows it's what's best for Ash.

Adjusting to a new life is difficult, and some weeks they don't end up spending Sunday together. Oscar let's himself relax, takes time for himself, and starts to build new relationships, new connections in this new situation he's found himself in.

Here, he didn't have to worry about Ash so much. She was still his best friend, but now she could just be a teenager without a creepy professor leering at her and grooming her. Though quietly, Oscar was just glad she still wanted to spend time with him; she still goes to his poetry readings, still wants to go on day trips with him, and she's starting to get to know his new friends little by little.

Meeting Freddie is like getting hit by a freight train; they're both taking a Creative Industries subject as an elective, and they get partnered together. Freddie is intense and warm in equal measure, a lover of cats judging by the pins on his bag, he's always drawing or doodling something on his notebook, and he writes songs. Oscar adores him from the moment he meets him. He's always busy, always on the move or at band practice, but he seems to like Oscar well enough, so the two of them start having lunch together a few times a week.

Freddie thinks Oscar's selfless when he learns about everything that had happened back in Scotland.

"Picking up and moving your whole life just to make sure she's safe," Freddie shakes his head, "you're a Saint, you know that?"

"She's my sister, I couldn't not do it," Oscar laughs a little self consciously, but Freddie just seemed endeared.

They're messaging almost every day. Freddie sends draft song lyrics and selfies with his cats and Oscar will send bits of poems and shitty angled selfies or photos taken by Ash. They both live busy lives, but they keep up with each other without even trying.

[I've got a cat named Oscar, you know?]

[I didn't actually. You really like me well enough to name a cat after me 😂😜]

[har har I've known the cat longer. sorry to disappoint. 😘]

He's so caught up in his new life and his new friends, and Ash seems so happy with her new school, especially their art program, that it takes Oscar a while to realise how painfully lonely Ash was. She's always been introverted, always focused more on her projects than on the people around her, but when Oscar realises that person she talks most about is her physics tutor, it hits him that she doesn't actually have any friends her own age here. She likes his friends well enough, one even got her a fake ID if she might ever need it, but she had none of her own.

"How was school?" They've been here for about three months, and finally things have maybe started to look up.

"Fine; we're starting sculpture making in art," Ash said offhandedly, rolling her eyes; she already spent time outside of school making sculptures, the idea of being graded on it now seemed trivial, "this one dumbass spent like twenty minutes negotiating with a teacher about whether he can also make a second sculpture for fun." Ash's voice was flat, unimpressed.

"Sounds like someone you'd get along with-"

"He wants to make a dick."

Dick Sculpture Guy turns to Fucking Roger, and Oscar starts to hear more about him, because Roger's always seemingly causing a scene and Ash is endlessly annoyed with him, though she once let it slip that she thinks he's rather hot, and Oscar, though he's never brought it up, will never forget it.

Until he gets a call on Friday afternoon, from Ash, in tears, asking him to come to the school.

She's surrounded by the pieces of her broken major work when he arrives, and there's a tall, dark haired guy checking up on her. This is Brian, the tutor he's heard so much about. He's thankful, but comforting Ash is his first priority.

Brian leaves, and together the siblings piece together her work. The school gets locked at five, and they're there until the very last minutes. Once the bust is sitting up on one of the desks at the edge of the room, Ash sniffles only a little bit.

"I'll paint the cracks gold."

"Kintsugi," Oscar adds, nodding sagely and Ash actually beams at him, "see, I listen to you, biscuit."

He suggests they go to Freddie's gig to take her mind off of it, though it's also because she's been asking to meet Freddie for a while now, but he's always been busy. However, things don't go as planned when not only is Ash's tutor part of the band, but Fucking Roger is too. Fucking Roger who's sculpture exploding made Ash cry.

Ash is adamant she's going to kill him. Oscar doesn't stop her. She disappears around the end of the bar after Roger, while the rest of the band - Freddie, Brian, and some kid called John - hang back.

Ash decidedly doesn't kill Roger, and actually ends up enjoying her night, which Oscar's glad for. That being said, he's a little bit distracted; he's quickly discovering that Brian might be the loveliest person he'd ever met. Brian's an astrophysics student, a guitarist, a tutor, and he took the time to check up on Ash; Oscar hasn't been seriously romantically interested in anyone since high school, and he's only met Brian today, but damn if there wasn't definitely a crush forming.

They play good music, and Ash seems to have a good time, and he tells himself that that's all that matters.

Days go by, weeks go by, the siblings keep going to Queen's gig's, and Fucking Roger turns to just Roger. Oscar messages Brian and Freddie that Ash might have a crush and Freddie sends back a wheezed voice message saying that Roger probably does too, but that he's stubborn as hell and would never be the first to admit it. Something warms in Oscar's heart at that. Slowly but surely, between Roger and John, Ash is finally making friends her own age.

Ash deserves a normal-ish crush on a normal-ish boy, and Oscar will do anything to encourage that crush. So they go to gigs, and Oscar wiggles his eyebrows at her when Roger's got an arm around her between sets, and Ash turns as red as her hair. But Brian's got a hand on his thigh where they're sitting near the door, and it feels weirdly normal, and kind of the best.

To see Ash smiling and happy, everything was worth it. It's all worked out, though he knows he'll never stop worrying about her, not that he'd want to.

[c-bulletaftermidnight]

Ok I said I wouldn’t ask but your TFA answer was so awesome I’m curious - things you liked/disliked about TLJ?

Oh boy, oh boy

Liked:

_ Uuuh. Kylo becoming Supreme Leader and cementing himself as the true villain I guess since it’s interesting to work on it’s gonna the political & military landscape of the FO??

_ Kylo being shown off again as a good tactician when fucking up the Raddus.

_I’m glad Phasma’s gone. 

-Finn & Rey hugging at the end of the movie that’s it.

That’s it. 

Dislikes:

_ The worldbuilding has been fucked up just to respond to Rian’s whims when he have barely any explications about the context.

_ Fucking bad designs everywhere. 

_Boring cinematography except a few times. 

_ The fucking zooms-in and Kylo looking like he’s stuck in a washing machines when he barrels rolls around the TIE Silencer. 

_ The FO is suddendly overpowered with money and personnal. The loss of SKB has like no impact on the organization. This episode should have explored to their backstory but Rian simply didn’t care.

_ Everybody in this movie shut off their brains. 

_ Hux went from “officer didn’t had not much battle experience” to a total joke. His traumas due to his upbringing are ignored and his sufferings are reduced into supposed moments of comedy .And it’s not like Rian didn’t knows his past, he even gave him a first name. Hell he didn’ even bother explain Hux’s past to Domhnall and he discovered that his character had a first name when an interviewer asked him about it (Domnhall seemed pretty angry about it since he invest himself a lot in reserches and stuff for the characters he plays.) Knowing how Domhnall had to improvise the blaster scene, i’m sure he would have objected even more of Rian’s decisions.  His purpose half of the movie is to do Huxposition on the bridge, being totally incompetent and thrown around. It’s gonna be hard for JJ to repair this and have the audience take him seriously as a villain. 

 _ Poe, well, I never cared much about his character. I even tried to read the comics but I felt barely nothing about him. But I was hoping TLJ would help but instead they managed to makes me hate his character. The Poe/Holdo arc was badly written. There was many ways to make an arc like that make sense but also more emotionnal for these two characters. I hate how one second they makes him this macho man who keeps understimating lady officers but a second after, the female characters are “haha, I like him ;)”   Yeah sure. 

_Finn’s arc who is reduced as total coward and a joke and where war has to be explained to him (a fucking child-soldier) by a woman that constantly think about hurting him when he mentions Rey, the person he is close to the most and then is forced as a potential love-interest to him for some reasons. The DJ explanations are just bad (of course, the Resistance has to buy weapons. We knows that Rian, thx) The suicide run was also pretty stupid. Also the fact that him and Rey didn’t reuniting on the Supremacy screams so much Rian wanting them to interact as less as possible in the movie. Finn deserves better.

_ Rey’s arc. Can we even talk about an arc? Her character regressed. As if she didn’t dealt with years of abuse and survival on Jakku and as if Kylo never tortured her and hurt her closed ones. Hell she even get tortured twice in the space of two days because of Kylo. The Force-skype stuff feels so forced. Adam & Daisy only have good chemistry when their characters are set against each other. Rey talks about how she is scared of the Force within her but we see her then has no problem to deal with it and master everything in one second (rendering the existence of jedi school pretty useless like you just have to download the Force-powers of a master jedi and that’s it. The Force.exe is installed. ) The small training scene where she cut the rock looks pretty stupid, her sword fighting position is pretty bad during it. Going to the dark side has no consequences on her. She has no agency. Replace the word “Force” by the plot and you’ll see what I mean. 

_ Luke. Has someone who has to deal with depression, I think showing Luke as irritated and stuff can makes sense. I kinda relate since my temper changed a lot. I had a lot of patience & kindness but now, everything irritate me (from a member of my family intruding in my space to hearing the ringing of the phone) I’m scared to see my friends, I feel like a walking failure that I will never be satisfied about myself or will satisfy my parents, I just want to be left alone & if this lead me to die that way, then so be it. The problem is how wonky the writing leading-up to this Luke is bad. Everything is about to make us feels sad for Kylo (I don’t). Kylo’s turning against his family upon learning that he is the grandson of one of the most dangerous war criminal would makes senses. Luke blaming himself because he felt he failed to help his nephew after years of work instead of randomly popping his lightsaber would have made more sense. Luke’s grieving all his others students would make more sense. Luke attempting to reason Kylo after the massacre but still failing would make sense. Luke looking for a solution on the island and then failing to find one, thus made him feel unable to see his sister face to face would makes more sense. There’s is barely any emotionnal moments for Luke and the Final holographic showdown feels like they absolutely wanted to avoid Kylo to kill Luke directly (like c’mon, he’s been committing war crimes since the first minutes of TFA)

_ Kylo. TLJ is a bad attempt at Kylo’s pity fest.It’s interesting that his traumas are acknowledged while the other character’s are pretty ignored despite having a tragic’s past that should impact them as well. Everything is about him. Most of his actions are pretty villainous, he’s no grey character like people are trying to force us to believe because he looks sad. This is an humanized villain arc (which he didn’t need after seeing TFA), not a redemption one. At least he is now the main villain too, so there’s tha (But the “Uwu save ben solo” stuff going around spoil my liking of him as a villain. I’m not here to see whether Kylo is gonna turn LS for a third time in ep9. It would be too repetitive at this point) I just hate the “ You are truely Han solo’s son”line because it is obvious he is more like his mother. Only father figures are important to the characters in SW, it seems. Also the goddamn scar being moved on his eyes but it doesn’t impair his vision despite being cut by a freaking lightsaber. Like Rian could have gave us a legit explanation why Kylo was weakened & needed Rey to fight the preoatarians guards: Losing an eye would be an huge handicap tha het is not used to yet so he needed help to take the throne. 

_ Leïa is only here to looks sad and for Kylo’s momentarily manpain (and Marry Poppying around space). Like really, you reduce Leïa fucking Organa too that?? The woman ready to move time and space just for the sake of saving freedom? the princess of Alderaan who saw her planet being destroyed but kept up on? the woman who was mainly in charge of the strategizing of Hoth’s evacuation? The woman who was willing to stay on Bespin just for the sake of massacring stormtroopers because Vader gave Han away to Boba Fett & would have stayed if Lando didn’t pulled her off to the Falcon? The woman who had to face the galactic backlash of her being Vader’s daughter but still kept on? A woman full of anger but also sense of duty?

_ Rose, rose, rose… I was excited to meet her so imagine my disappointment upon discovering she was just here to lecture & push around Finn & being forced as another love interest that doesn’t even work. It’s like she forgot that her sister died the same day and that she should still be grieving. We don’t even get to see her use her mechanic’s skills in the whole story. The message about her character makes no sense between her last line in tlj and all the destructions she is willing to provoke (not all the ppl working at Canto bight are rich, has it show in the Canto Bight book) or let happens. KMT doesn’t deserve that. 

_ Yoda’s appearing bcos I hate this hypocrite of a gremlin and was expecting for Luke to dunk him in the sea. 

_ Chewie, the glorified cab driver.

_ The battles are a huge clusterfuck & the most badly written space battle I have ever seen. 

_The way Poe’s piloting skills feels to OP when you compare to other pilots, in particular in recently RO. 

_D’qar’s battle is a fucking tactical mess. Everyone has been conviniently dumb down. Same during the slow-mo chase. What’s even the point of bringing the whole fleet of star destroyers if they are just useless.

_ Bad infiltration scene on the Supremacy on the same level as RO’s one. I’m just tired of infiltration scenes in SW. Please stop that shit. 

_ The preotarian guard fight is a choregraphic mess that has no stakes for the characters. Everyone is just waiting for their cue and twirling around. It’s like it was shooted in one go. And there is a difference between Luke in ROTJ kicking a blaster out of the hand of a foe looking bad due to technical problems of the time. And a knife suddendly being edited out at the last minute because the mc would have die then

_ Crait. A good example on how not taking in account the worldbuilding that could be used in battle. So you’re gonna tell me that the Resistance decided to hide away in a base with no issue other than big metallic door in the front? Sounds like a good plan.

_ Leïa never taking command of the battle and strategizing and letting Poe deal with all that despite that she is the general that Poe is a demoted member of the Navy who caused a shit-ton of mess among the Resistance like 30 minutes ago

_ Hux is still depicted in a idiotic way & using bad tactics again. If this is supposed to be a movie about the characters learning about their mistakes,well it didn’t do its job.

_ What is even the use of the third cannon of the gorrilla walkers??

_ What was even the point to use these old speeders besides for being destroyed?

_ Rey shooting down 3 TIES in one shot seems to break a lot of SW physics. Her disappearing of the whole fight shows how much Rian didn’t care abt her character beyond having her interact with Kylo.

_ Y’know, I have Battlefront 2 and in the game there is mining tunnels on the battlefield that you can use to hide. In the movie they are not present, the whole Resistance sit dumbly in trench and just wait to be massacred. I was hoping those tunnels would re-appear in the movies & would be used to sink the walkers by bringing them down with bomb used for mining but nope. The image of walkers falling in a sinkhole, provoking a storm of red dust, coloring the outfits,armors and vehicles in red would have been pretty badass to see.

_ The ramming canon trained on like 10 kilometers instead of using the gorrilla walkers designs and adding to them the mini death-stars canons. They can’t use it all the time tho bcos it would need to cool down before shooting again. Aren’t these supposed to be artillery vehicles ffs???

_ The Resistance not even rigging their escape ships with bombs so if the FO penetrated their base, they can at least cripple them by exploding them. So much for a group that is supposed to be specialized in guerrilla warfare.

_ Talking about guerrilla warfare, i was expecting at least a pursuit and firefight in the mines. No use of the worldbuilding during battle scenarios once again. 

_ Leïa should have been the one to confront Kylo, not Luke. Showing her willing to fight her own son and dies during it for the freedom of the galaxy would have been a good way to send her off and building her as this strong, resilient, legendary leader willing to fight her own family for the good cause. It would have been a good middle finger to people who slandered her upon learning she was Vader’s daughter.

_ Rey effortlessly levitating these rocks. Showing her struggle would have made the ending scene more rewarding.

_ The news of the Battle of Crait spreading super fast despite that the Resistance official journalist, Suralinda Javos wasn’t even present during it for documenting or something.

_ Broom boy & the way it is implied that he might join the Resistance or something because of his Force-powers. A fucking child.Involved in a war. I thought Finn being a child-soldier was bad thing?

And I’ll stop there for now, because there is so many problems with this movie, i’m never gonna be finished with it. 

[shirlleycoyle]

Eric Weinstein Says He Solved the Universe’s Mysteries. Scientists Disagree

The quest to come up with a successful “theory of everything” is one of the guiding lights of modern theoretical physics, reconciling general relativity and quantum mechanics. The inventor of such a theory would no doubt be hailed among the all-time intellectual giants of science, and Eric Weinstein really wants everyone to think it’s him. 

Weinstein is primarily an investor, but also a self-styled public intellectual. He graduated with a PhD in mathematics from Harvard, and is currently a managing director of Thiel Capital, which invests in technology and life sciences. He also belongs to and coined the name for the “Intellectual Dark Web,” largely a crew of reactionaries with public profiles that includes Jordan Peterson and Ben Shapiro. He is also the inventor of what he calls “Geometric Unity,” a theory of everything that he’s been flogging since 2013. 

At that time, Weinstein―by then long out of academia and working as a consultant for a New York City hedge fund―made waves after promoting his theory by giving a lecture at the University of Oxford and scoring a write-up in The Guardian, instead of writing a scientific paper. The Guardian article was titled: “Move Over Einstein, Meet Weinstein.” Typically, researchers produce a paper containing equations that is then pored over by the wider community of scientists; this element of peer review and discussing ideas and evidence in the open is generally accepted to be a critical part of the scientific process. Weinstein’s audacious approach earned as much criticism as the theory itself, and his latest move has ignited furor all over again. 

Earlier this month, Weinstein finally posted a paper describing Geometric Unity online, uploaded the Oxford lecture to YouTube, and went on Joe Rogan’s immensely popular podcast to discuss it. There’s even a website called pullthatupjamie.com full of videos and resources on Geometric Unity that was created to make it easy for Rogan’s tech guy, Jamie Vernon, to pull up videos on the podcast. 

The appearance on Rogan’s podcast, which has been previously used as an uncritical platform, has generated both new interest in Geometric Unity and intense criticism from scientists who remain unconvinced. 

On the podcast, Weinstein said that his theory is an attempt to go “beyond Einstein” and push theoretical physics forward that could unlock amazing possibilities or terrible power.

”I was somewhat holding this back because I’m afraid of what it unlocks,” Weinstein said, “and now that I know we're willing to elect Donald Trump, not store masks, play footsie with China, be Putin's bitch, all of this stuff… to Hell with this.”

When Rogan asked what the main fear is, Weinstein recalled that “the last time we gained some serious insight into how nuclei worked,” nuclear weapons were invented. But, if the theory is correct, it might also give us the needed insight to make humanity into a multi-planet species, Weinstein said.

“One of the great dangers is, great power…. I cant tell what the power would be if the theory is correct, it might give us the ability to escape,” he said.

Rogan, for what it's worth, didn’t seem overly impressed with Weinstein's theory. In an attempt to explain his complicated theory, Weinstein handed Rogan a water wiggle (one of those cheap toys that looks like a small balloon filled with water), and explained how it symbolizes the mathematical concept of a U(1)-bundle. Rogan looks down at the toy in his hand while Weinstein speaks and gets progressively, visibly confused and angry. 

"I don't know what the fuck you just said," Rogan finally says. "How about that?"

So, what is Geometric Unity? At the moment, modern physics has two frameworks that do not nicely unify: general relativity and quantum mechanics, which describe reality at two vastly different scales. Whereas other physicists might try to square this circle by attempting a quantum version of general relativity, Weinstein's proposal was to begin with general relativity and its geometric descriptions of reality to try and discover equations describing the universe in its mathematical reality instead of our observable one. 

At its core sits the idea of a 14-dimensional "observerse" which our four dimensions (the three spatial dimensions, and time) lie within. A Guardian article at the time described the interplay between these two dimensional spaces as "something like the relationship between the people in the stands and those on the pitch at a football stadium" in that we are observers who can see and are affected by the observerse, but cannot possibly notice or detect every detail. Weinstein's theory proposes that there is a set of equations in these 14 dimensions that encompass Einstein’s equations, as well as several other famous equation sets, that altogether account for all fundamental forces and particle types. 

Timothy Nguyen, a machine learning researcher at Google AI whose phD thesis intersects with Weinstein's work, co-authored a paper based on Weinstein’s Geometric Unity lecture evaluating the idea in February. The paper identified gaps in Weinstein’s theory “both mathematical and physical in origin” that “jeopardize Geometric Unity as a well-defined theory, much less one that is a candidate for a theory of everything.”

In a blog post accompanying the paper, Nguyen wrote that the theory does not actually bring in quantum theory, relies on a poorly-defined “Ship in a bottle” (Shiab) operator of Weinstein’s own invention, and contains anomalies as well as a dubious assumption about supersymmetry in 14 dimensions. After Weinstein published his paper, Nguyen wrote on Twitter that it “addresses none of the technical gaps presented in our response,” although he did describe it as a “testament to perseverance.”

“If you’re interested in technical gaps, the gap most glaring arises from the ‘Shiab' operator. It is one of several uniquely idiosyncratic operators of Geometric Unity (it does not exist anywhere else in mathematics), unlike supersymmetry which is already a well-established and well-defined notion,” Nguyen told Motherboard in an email. “Weinstein fails to define the Shiab operator properly and so his theory does not even make mathematical sense, a more egregious problem than having desirable physical properties.”

Nguyen said that Weinstein’s initial PR splash was confusing at best, and that the resulting paper didn’t clarify the most important points. 

“Much of Weinstein’s Geometric Unity involves using obscure notation for objects that nobody else has defined and which he disingenuously expected others to understand from watching an over 2 hour long YouTube video,” Nguyen added. “Now that he has released a paper, we find that even Weinstein does not know how to construct the Shiab operator (he makes many qualifications that he no longer has the details).”

Richard Easther, a cosmologist and professor at the University of Auckland, pointed out some eyebrow-raising aspects of the idea in a 2013 blog. For one, a Guardian op-ed by Marcus du Sautoy―Weinstein’s chief academic promoters―seemed to hint at a dynamic constant in the universe, while most physicists support the idea of a constant that is, well, constant. What Weinstein eventually published didn’t impress him, he told Motherboard.

“The theory itself has had no visible impact, and what Weinstein actually delivered looked massively undercooked after the buildup it got from du Sautoy,” Easther said in an email. “A throwaway comment at the time suggested that it might predict a time-varying cosmological constant, but I haven’t seen any meaningful developments about this.”

Weinstein did not respond to Motherboard’s request for comment. 

All of this matters because despite the criticisms, Weinstein only finally released a paper this year after years promoting the theory in public forums while questioning the legitimacy of peer review, lamenting the need to provide evidence, and otherwise dismissing critics or skeptics hesitant to accept his theory with open arms. In a May 2020 interview, he said skeptics that wanted him to publish a paper on his idea for verification were simply “irritated” and “pissed off” at “themselves.” 

On Rogan’s podcast, Weinstein painted the academic field of physics as being generally untrustworthy and stifling, which is why he didn’t share his theory in full until now.

“I don’t trust these people,” Weinstein said, referring to physicists at universities. “It’s an entire system that believes in peer review, it believes in forced citations, you have to be at a university, you have to get an endorsement to use a preprint server. It’s too few resources, too many sharp elbows.”

Nguyen said he was spurred to evaluate Weinstein’s idea after this attitude set off alarm bells. At first, “It was refreshing to see a former part of my life being discussed outside the cloistered walls of academia and in the wider context of the world," Nguyen said. But after multiple conversations with Weinstein and watching how he interacted with his fans, Nguyen says he realized none of it was "consistent with my image of how a good-faith scientist engages with his audience." 

Many scientists do in fact unveil their work before peer review on popular sites such as arXiv. However, they do it in paper form (“preprints”) and with the goal of submitting their ideas to the wider community for approval or rejection. Authors do have to have an endorsement from someone in academia to post on arXiv, specifically, but in theory that shouldn’t have been an insurmountable obstacle for Weinstein; du Sautoy has posted several papers to arXiv. Besides that, papers can be posted anywhere, even a dedicated website as Weinstein has now done.

“Even if the physics isn't interesting, this story does say interesting things about the science. Einstein wrote up his ideas [and] submitted them for peer review just like everyone else―but many self-described ‘outsiders’ portray the scientific community as a closed shop,” Easther told Motherboard. “There is undoubtedly ‘sociology’ at work in the community at times, but anyone making a serious attempt to sell a new idea knows they are asking for busy people to give them a slice of their time and attention―and one of the ways you do that is by making your work as accessible as possible to the people you want to understand it.”

Releasing a paper did not silence the critics. Nor did it vindicate Weinstein’s PR-focused approach to sharing his theory. And all of this may well end up being rather pointless, because the paper ends with disclaimer that Weinstein "is not a physicist and is no longer an active academician, but is an Entertainer and host of The Portal podcast." The paper, the disclaimer ends, is merely a “work of entertainment.”

Now that Weinstein has finally published a paper describing his theory, it’s entirely possible that further analysis and investigation may show it to be more interesting than its critics have so far found. As Weinstein said on Rogan’s podcast, “I’ll find out [if] I’m wrong.”

But for now, it seems the only relevant question is: Are we entertained? 

Eric Weinstein Says He Solved the Universe’s Mysteries. Scientists Disagree syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[riskeith]

hi babe ! its snowing so much here today i’ve been cold all day :( but i got some chai latte and made snow angels so i’m feeling a bit better,.. <3

i wish there was a way to trade objects or send them away!! ik it would spiral into hacking, scamming and would probably defeat the purpose of the game by making it much easier but still :( it would be nice to help out friends with some objects.. :(

actually the most annoying thing about mobile is the camera. it sometimes glitches especially during battle and i find myself stuck facing a mountain bc the camera. so i see why people might complain. also sadly NO :( i wish!! i have an old laptop i thought of using but idk if it can handle it. i think i wanna try it out though. do you use a laptop or pc?

that’s true. i wish we could like... unable easy mode and just chill LMAO hsjshdhdk. but combat does get more fun the more you progress, i’ve started to really enjoy it. now i get why you started to like dragonspine.... i think.... i’m still iffy about that place... 🤔 fuck the cold.

dude. they’re sooo good. i love how they just.. angrily reassure each other constantly. kageyama’s just ARGH *literally smacks sense into hinata’s head* and hinata’s just EEE *takes the compliments and spikes like a mf*

i actually didn’t know much about voltron when i first started watching. i only knew about shiro because an acquaintance had posted about his gay announcement but i never checked it out. i actually got into it in a funny way... i was on yt one day and i saw a video titled ‘are keith and lance gay?’ and i was like who the fuck are keith and lance? then because i’m such a gay person myself i decided to check it out and i saw keith and was like... wow that’s a cute boy... then i saw their dynamic and said WOAH. and well... i just started watching and got hooked and i thought everything was neat and fun so i watched up until season 3 without engaging in any fan activities so i had no idea what people were saying...,, then i did and i was greeted with the shit storm. and the rest is history. but i can imagine it must’ve been so fun... the excitement of not knowing where the story will go and getting new content and being in the fandom while it was alive despite everything.... ahhh how did you find out about the show?

dude YEAH!!! do you feel like university affects the way you handle your fandoms? we talked a bit about hobbies and stuff but what about fandoms?

(MAKES A SECOND REROLL ACCOUNT JUST FOR THIS.... 🥺 omgggg imagine how cute that would be wait omg i’m actually like ahhhh.. we could go on dates at liyue... or watch the sunset at cape oath.... or have picnics at any mountain top... 😳 YEAH PLS that would be so nice... help is anyway nice to have and you’re such a op now you’d just murder the villains in a second... 😳 oo. although i checked earlier and my server is in america for some reason? i really hope they do the cross-server thing life would be SO good. i’d ask you on a date in a heartbeat. 😳 which characters would we use on this co-op date?)

KOSMO!!! BEST PART OF VOLTRON???? kosmo... come back to us please.. please. ok maybe second best part after keith in the bom suit..... god keith in purple just sits so right <3333 sooo right <3333 I VOTE FOR KEITH BECAUSE HE’S HALF-GALRA SO I GUESS THAT MAKES HIM THE FUTURE *LOVE-SICK SMILE* yeah... hahaha fucking fools. ‘rewrite where lance was looking for keith to confess to him bc they were going back to space’ CRIESSSSSSSSSSSS... CLUNAAAA... 🥺👉🏽👈🏽 hi.. 🥺 now i’m just gonna think about this all night and clutch my heart. thank you for that. btw how would you feel about a voltron movie ?

(i love how our topics just jump from genshin to voltron to genshin to voltron again lmao)

lots of kisses from your m.a. <3333

(okay this ended up being very long bc i combined your second ask too and talked a lot so i hope it’s okay i put it under a read more fkdsjhfks)

omg snow!!! is it all pretty and fluffy 🥺🥺 also ‘chai latte’ and ‘snow angels’ in the same sentence when you said you were cold made me fhfksfjs but i’m happy you’re feeling better! muwah 🥰

yeah same!! i said that to my brother when i first started playing i was like ‘i wish you could trade characters’ and he just gave me a deadpan look and was like.. why would they allow that FHDSFKHD sigh but it would be fun!

ah yikes no! sometimes the camera fucks up even on pc so I can’t imagine what it’s like on mobile in the pivotal moments fhdkfjsd. and i use a laptop! i don’t have a pc ahaha. ahhh i hope you somehow manage to find a laptop/pc to try it out thoo

AHAHAH come on m.a. give dragonspine another shot 🤪🤪 but yeah the challenge is fun sometimes! tho i tried to do a domain like 3 times today and kept failing so... it’s also not fun. (i also tried to find some vids about how to build my characters and got overwhelemd fkhsdfks i feel like i’m going about it all in the wrong way ahhhhhhhhhhhh)

FSHDFKJSDHFKSDHJF THAT DESCRIPTION OF KAGEHINA YES 💯💯💯💯 the accuracy omg.. they’re such chaotic idiots i love them!!!!

!!! what a story that is ahah omg it’s like fate... icb you got that vid recommended to you lolol iconic... and i found out about it from my dash!! someone reblogged a screenshot and i was like “legend of korra?” FHSKFJHSKF so basically i thought it was a korra comic or something bc the art style was so similar fhskdfjd. and then i went searching and gave it a shot! and fell down the rabbit hole..

ooo wdym by handle my fandoms? i do know that last year when uni got overwhelming i locked my twitter and made a priv to vent and just. didn’t really go on social media if that’s what you meant FHSKJSDHKF but yeahhhhhhh uni fkn sucks. sucks out all the motivation i have for anything... i type so many words for lectures that i don’t have the energy to write fic :// FJKDSHKSDHFKSHF don’t meant to get so negative but yeahh lol. hbu?

(all those options got my heart going doki doki 😩 who needs real life dating when you can date in the gorgeous atmosphere that is genshin? AHAH. and oh? america??? maybe they just did that as default hm. as for which characters.... i don’t know that we have any that make up the popular ships fhdskjfj (xingqiu/chongyun, zhongli/childe, beidou/ningguang).. tho i see xiao/aether and xiao/venti on the rise so when the time comes ... AHAH you can be the venti to my xiao <3 LOL)

!!!!!!!!! okay i’ll list that down as the fic idea.. but no promises once again sdjfhksdf but i’m also very 👀👀👀 at the concept so! will def keep it in the back burner. 

hm. i honestly don’t know if i would even pay any attention to it hfksdhfjds like voltron left such a sour taste in my mouth i don’t even know that i could consume any canon content ever again. but it’ll also depend on what the plot would be? lol. would you be okay with it?

(lmaooo we be balancing many convos at once look at us 🤪)

ALSO!!! i’m watching spirited away rn and omg. i love haku sm. i love no face too!!! (at least in the beginning when he (?????) was helping sen <33) all the characters are really good as well tho and ofc the art and music!! i really wanna draw something for it now...... and it makes me very excited to watch howl’s moving castle!!

‘I saw the person my younger self had been enraptured by. I saw someone who took my breath away. And when I blinked, I saw the present you. A soul which, slowly but surely, I’d started to fall in love with.’

UMMMMMMMM CLUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! explain yourself right now.........., what is this goddamn beauty you hide ? why is that so beautiful..,,, i take it the last klance fic is a multiverse fic???? literally everything good in one????? i saw hints of royal au as well? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 you do us so good i literally love you sm just reading those small snippets just Ahhhhhh..... i love them they sound amazing i just wanna exist in them yk... 😭😭😭😭😭😭

FHDSKJFHDSFKJ IF YOU THINK THAT IS GOOD JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU READ THE LAST SECTION!!!!!!!!! but at the same time i’m surprised by myself too... me @ past me you ain’t bad! shdfkds I legit have no recollection or writing the snippet you sent but i’m glad you like it 😩😩 and thank you for being so kind always ilysm too 😭❣💓💖💫💞💘❣💖

oh and to answer your question (oops almost forgot) yes it’s a multiverse fic!! that’s why i thought it’d be good for the last one ehehe. just shoved in everything i loved and made klance in love in them!!

hope you’re treating yourself!! loveeeeeee your c.r. <3

[h-styles-babes]

No Control | Chapter One

Hey. Okay, so I’ve decided to start posting a Harry story I’ve been working on. I’ve never posted on tumblr before or anything about Harry Styles. I’ve written before but not about something that has required so much research about a real person before. So, bear with me haha. I don’t know how many people are actually gonna read this, but I’m just gonna post it anyway, see how it does.

Massive thank you to @lovingstyles87 for reading my first chapter and encouraging me to post it. She had the sweetest things to say, and, honestly, they mean a lot coming from her, because I love her writing. Honestly couldn’t believe she even messaged me haha.

*Please feel free to reblog and send me feedback! It’s much appreciated :)*

Summary: 

Micky Bennett: college student, loyal friend, aspiring nurse, One Direction fan, Harry Styles enthusiast. Her best friend, Trevor, wins tickets to a show in New Jersey with meet and greet passes. Micky expects a quick photo op with the boys and a great night at the concert with her best friend. What she gets a whole lot more than she bargained for.

*Gif is not mine.*

ONE

JUNE 2015

“Micky!” I hear my name being called from the bottom floor of the library. The voice is shushed pretty vehemently, considering it’s the last two days of finals week and people are cramming. I’m here just editing my final paper for my physiology lab, but other people have more important things to get done. 

“Oh, fuck off,” I hear Trevor spit out at someone who shushed him. “Micky Bennett!” He gets shushed again, even more viciously than last time. I can hear his footsteps below me, so I lean over the edge of the balcony that I’m sitting at and wave at him.

I met Trevor my very first day at New York University, nearly three years ago. I had only moved to New York from England three days prior, so I hadn’t had a lot of time to go out and meet anyone before classes started. We’re in the same major and we had the same general biology class at nine on Monday morning. We sat next to each other in lecture hall and joked back and forth the whole time about our professor’s awful fashion sense. We made fast friends and have been attached at the hip ever since. He came out and visited England that first summer and stayed with my family for a few weeks while I showed him around. He was a permanent fixture in my house for all the summers following, as well. We made sure to get dorms on the same floor this year and we’ve arranged for the same next year.

“Trevor,” I hiss out, trying to keep my voice as low as possible. His head snaps up to me and his eyes are wide. “Shut the fuck up and get up here.” He throws me a mock two-finger salute before heading for the closest staircase and meeting me at my spot. “What the fuck is so urgent that you felt the need to yell in the peaceful library on finals week?”

He flops down in the seat across from me and pushes his blond hair back off his forehead with a huff.

“Bitch, I just got us One Direction tickets with meet and greet passes. You bet your sweet ass that I’m going to be yelling in a library.”

It’s my turn for my eyes to widen. I shove my laptop closed and lean across the table to get closer to him. “What did you just say?”

“I got One Direction tickets!” he whisper shouts, his face shining bright with the happiest smile I’ve ever seen on him. “You know how the local radio station was giving away a few pairs of tickets for their East Rutherford show?” I nod and urge him to go on. “Well I fucking won this morning! Look.” He pulls out his phone and shows me an email from the radio station proudly announcing his win and the link to download and print the tickets. 

I open my laptop back up and search for the stadium and it’s seating chart. “Trev, those are front row tickets. They’re, like, three feet from the stage.”

“I know!” His voice is rising slightly, and someone at the table next to us throws him a pointed look. He mouths an apology before turning back to me. “The show’s on August fifth. Please say you’ll stay this summer and come with me. You know you’re more than welcome at my house.”

“You want me there for the whole summer? I mean, I have research to do, so I have to stay here anyway. But I was gonna find myself a flat or look into summer housing on campus.”

“I live thirty minutes away by subway; just stay with me. My sister moved out, so there’s an extra room. I already talked to my mom about it.”

“Trev, you’re the best. I’ll call my parents…” I trail off with a glance at the clock on my computer—it’s seven in the evening here, so it’s midnight in England, “tomorrow and let them know.”

“Great! But back to the concert tickets…”

“Of course I’ll come with you! Why the hell would I pass up an opportunity like that?”

Two months later, I’m happily spending my summer in New York with Trevor and his mum in their expensive home in Midtown. His dad was some fancy Wall Street guy, and after his parents’ divorce, he gave his mum a shit ton of money in alimony every month, so she was able to keep the house Trevor grew up in near Central Park. 

It’s just Trev, his mum and me in the house, and his mum works as a PA to some CEO of a big corporation, so she’s gone a lot. Trevor and I basically have the run of the place. Trevor and I have to be in at the university three days a week to do our research, and there’s a subway station a block and a half from his house and another two blocks from the university. His mum has offered to let us stay there for the following school year, as well, to help us save on expenses. It works out well for me, since my scholarships cover my tuition but not my housing, and now I won’t have to take out any loans.

Today’s the day of the concert, and his mum has kindly offered to get us a hotel room for the night so we don’t have to make the trip back at one or two in the morning. So, a few hours before the show is set to start, I’m in the bathroom fixing up my makeup and attempting to tame my hair. It’s getting a bit long, so my brown curls are getting a bit out of control. I’m able to pull the sides back in some bobby pins and pull a hair tie on my wrist, just in case. I keep my makeup minimal, since I’m sure it’ll just get cried or sweat off during the show. I put on some light eyeshadow just to accentuate the hazel of my eyes, coat on mascara, add a bit of blush to my cheeks, slick on some sheer lipstick and call it good.

It’s warm in New York during the summer, but it tends to get chilly during the evening, so I opt for jeans, a blush pink slip camisole, a light, olive green cropped sleeve jacket, and a pair of tan ankle boots. It’s casual but cute and I actually feel like the twenty year old that I am opposed to the slouchy teenager I’m used to dressing like. I have to be up too early to get into the lab to put any effort into my appearance, so I usually go in without any makeup on and leggings and a jumper or t-shirt.

Trevor knocks on my door as I’m slipping on the ring that my parents got me for my twentieth birthday. It’s a double banded silver ring with tiny diamonds all around that fits perfectly on the ring finger of my right hand. I call for him to come in and smile at him over my shoulder as I grab up the dainty pink butterfly necklace I plan to wear. Without a word, Trev sweeps my hair aside and does the clasp for me. I smile at him in the vanity mirror his sister so kindly left when she moved out. 

“How do I look?” Trev asks, standing beside me and looking at himself in the mirror.

“You look like a hipster Harry Potter, but gay,” I answer. He actually looks really good. He’s got on khaki pants, a white v-neck t-shirt underneath a short sleeve, button up denim shirt that’s open. He recently got new spectacles that are nearly completely round, so that and his dark hair make him look a bit like a really buff, really tall Harry Potter. Trevor is well over six foot and he takes his fitness seriously, so he looks good. I’d definitely be down if he was into women.

“Good, that’s what I was going for,” he nods once.

“What about me?” I ask, brushing some lint off of my jeans.

“Are you wearing a bra?”

“No.”

“God, you have the best pair of tits I have ever seen. How are they so perky?”

“Honestly, it’s probably because I never wear a bra.”

“Probably. But, anyway, you look amazing.”
 “Thanks, babes.”

“Alright, come on, we’ve got meet and greet to get to.”

I’m not allowed to drive in America, so Trevor drives us in the car his father got him for his last birthday. It’s only about a half hour drive to East Rutherford, New Jersey, and we spend it blasting One Direction’s albums. We drive to the hotel first to check in before hopping back in the car to drive the few block to the stadium. When we get to the venue, there’s a crowd of people waiting outside it. I’m assuming they don’t have meet and greet passes, since the time for that starts in fifteen minutes, and I’m sure they’ve already started letting those people in. 

Trev finds a parking spot and we trek the few blocks to the venue. We flash our passes and we’re escorted into the building, through winding hallways until we’re brought to the end of a queue. We start the security person that led us in and wait. Trevor and I play around on our phones while we stand there, slowly slinking our way up to a door that people are going in through. 

“Who do you want to stand with for the picture?” Trev asks as I’m scrolling through my Instagram.

“Harry, obviously,” I say without looking up. I was still in the UK when One Direction was put together on the X Factor, and I have been a Harry girl since his audition. His dimples and his curls and his beautiful eyes are my weakness. Not to mention a list of other things, but I don’t want to get into that with anyone but myself.

“I don’t know why I even asked.”

“Neither do I.” I can feel him glaring at me, so I look up and give him the cheesiest grin I can manage before looking back down at my phone. 

We queue for another half an hour or so before I can see through the doorway, which leads to a large conference-looking sort of room. I can see all four of them, looking amazing as always. Especially Harry, who’s in a plain white t-shirt, his staple black jeans that I swear he’s had since he was seventeen, and his hair pushed back on his forehead. He’s tan—god bless him—and he seems to be in a good mood, joking around with his mates and taking silly pictures with fans. I bounce on my toes as we get closer, only two groups of people in front of us now.

“You know, I’m really glad you’re not one of those girls that gets all squeal-y and breaks down in tears when they see famous people,” Trevor says, throwing his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m nearly twenty-two years old,” I argue. “Do you know how much I’d hate myself if I started behaving like a preteen just because an attractive famous man is around?”

“Probably just as much as I’d hate you.”

“Exactly. I feel like I’m at the point in my life where I look at celebrities our age and genuinely think about whether or not we’d make good friends. Which is kinda heart breaking for the teenager in me who loved fantasizing about Harry Styles being my boyfriend.”

“Same. Seventeen year old Trevor thought Zayn would make the best lover.”

“Ew. He was always too skinny for me.”

“I know. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. I’m more of a Liam guy now.”

“Babes,” I hear a deep voice calling. I look up and see Paul, their security guy nodding and waving at me. “You guys can come over, now.”

I grab onto Trevor’s arm and haul him along with me, throwing a thanks to Paul as we pass. Niall steps up to greet us first, offering me a hug with a kiss to the cheek before doing some sort of bro-hug with Trevor. Liam greets me next, asking how I am and hugging me. Louis does the same, rubbing my back softly before he releases me. Harry is last in the line, and he’s smiling brightly, his dimples on full display and making that teenage girl in me squeal internally. 

“How are you, babes?” he asks while he pulls me into him. He smells good, like expensive cologne and body wash, and his hair smells like fruity shampoo. He kisses me on the cheek while I answer.

“I’m doing great, how are you?”

He pulls back with a surprised look on his face, a corner of his mouth lifting into a smirk. “You’re English! Did you fly all the way out here for the show? We have a European leg, you know.”

I can’t help but chuckle at him. “I go to school in New York. I had to stay this summer for some research.”

“Oh, yeah? What are you studying?” He looks genuinely interested to hear what I’m going to school for, his eyebrows raised as he grins down at me. 

“Biology. Medical stuff. I want to be a nurse.”

“How long have you got left?”

“Just a year, then I’ll probably head back to the UK.”

Harry opens his mouth to speak just as we’re called to attention to get a picture taken. Harry automatically slinks his arm around my waist, and Louis, who’s on the other side of me, puts his arm around my shoulder. 

“This alright, love?” Louis asks, smiling at me. 

I nod. “Yeah, of course.” I glance over and see Trevor happily standing between Liam and Niall, chatting with Liam about something that I can’t hear.

“Your boyfriend’s nice to come with you,” Harry says as we wait for the photographer to get set up properly.

Louis makes a choking noise next to me and then clears his throat, and he’s very pointedly not looking in my direction, instead looking straight ahead at Paul, smirking. I’m not sure what his deal is, but I turn back to Harry address his statement.

“He’s not my boyfriend. You guys are more to his liking than I am,” I admit. “Unless he’s pissed; then, everyone is fair game.”
 Harry lets out a bark of a laugh next to me, one I’ve only heard a handful of times in interviews or concerts. He slaps his hand over his mouth just as a flash goes off to signify a photo had been taken.

Lou, the boys’ stylist, clicks her tongue at him. “Harry, you fucked up the photo.”

“Sorry,” he calls. “Do another.” We all smile as the photographer snaps another photo. “I have a mate like that, too,” he says to me once everyone relaxes. “Big enough flirt already, but when he’s had a few, women are suddenly an option for him again.” 

I know that he’s talking about Nick Grimshaw, the radio host that he’s been friends with since the start of his career, as far as I can tell. I’m not about to let him know that I know about Nick. I would like to maintain some semblance of normalcy, even though we’ll never see each other again.

Someone alerts the guys that our time is up, and we’re made to be herded out of the room. I thank the boys and the rest of the people in the room and grab into Trevor’s arm as we go to leave. We’re nearly to the door when I feel a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back round to face them.

“Hey, I never got your name.” Harry says, his eyes sparkling down at me. 

“Micky.”

“Micky,” he repeats, smiling. “Have fun at the show, yeah?”

I smile back at him. “I plan on it. Thanks, again.”

“My pleasure,” he assures. I expect him to let me go, but he hesitates for a moment, glances over his shoulder, and then turns back to me. He leans in quick and places a soft kiss on my cheek. When he pulls back, he’s smiling, dimples winking at me. I can do nothing more than smile and let Trevor lead me out of the room.

I don’t know how to process Harry’s lips being on my face with no prompting from me. My cheek tingles where his lips landed and my heart is racing in my chest, even as we get further and further away from the room.

“Okay, what the fuck was that?” Trev asks when we’re far enough away. 

“I have no idea,” I admit, looking up at him in a sort of daze. I never thought just a light kiss on the cheek would reduce me to this mess that I’ve become, but it’s happening. I blink hard a few times to try to clear the haze that’s settled over my brain.

“I think Harry Styles might be into you.”

That snaps me out of my stupor. I scoff at Trevor and furrow my eyebrows. “Don’t be ridiculous. He was just being nice. He was very pleased that he had a fellow Brit in the room that wasn’t his bandmates.”

He scoffs right back at me. “You didn’t see the way his eyes followed you the second you walked in the room. I mean, all the guys did, because you’re fucking attractive, but Harry was especially enamored. It was kind of hot.”

Trevor’s long legs are going way too fast for me, and I’m nearly jogging to keep up with his brisk pace. I tug on his hand to get him too slow down.

“You’re just seeing things. I mean, he’s Harry Styles, world famous superstar. He’s got better options than a uni student.”

“I’m telling you, Mick,” he urges. “We’re going to be up close and personal with that stage tonight. There’s no way he’s not gonna see you. And when he gets all google-y eyed again, I’m gonna say, ‘I told you so.’”

“You’re absolutely mad, mate.”

“Oh, don’t get all British on me, Micky.”

TWO