#he messaged me on instagram apologizing for his behavior in the past etc. and asked me if i wanted to go to this music fest with him

[pop-punklouis]

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[wenellyb]

hey! every now and then i've seen random posts about sebastian's comment/s on colin kap kneeling among other things, but i've never seen any source material or hard facts. do you have any posts about this or deconstruction of your own? i'd be very interested, ty!

Hey yourself😉!

So I've found the screenshot of the post (at the bottom) and just so you know he also posted an apolology but that one I couldn't find a screenshot of.

There are plenty of posts talking about this but I think most of them are old so it would take some time for me to find them.

If you want my opinion. The whole thing was f*cked up and I remember being extremely surprised and unfollowing him after that post.

And he did apologize, which is good and I do think he understands that that post was not great, but it wasn't my main issue.

When the whole story with Kaepernick happened it was a real eye opener and exposed a lot of racists even among celebrities. I'm looking at you Christopher Meloni. But not only him.

So Colin Kaepernick was to kneeling to protest against police violence and racism.

And a lot of people reacted like a lot of White people react when the topic of racism arise: deny everything and get defensive "How dare he protest blablabala" "He's so rich and he's saying White people are priviledged..." "How dare he say there is racism in this country". You know the usual.

But the thing is to me, the way he protested was the most respectful, and most peaceful way to protest and also so impactful. And some people had still a problem with it...I don't understand how ANYBODY could have a problem with it ... unless they were racist in one way or the other. That was the bar for me... I could not have respect ANYBODY who had a problem with him kneeling, because their message was clear “just sh*t up and play football”.

To me, anybody who had a problem with Colin Kaepernick taking a knee... was automatically problematic and the worst.

For other forms of protests there can always be arguments against it, lousy arguments, but arguements nevertheless: "They're blocking the streets" "There was violence during the protest",... etc... But what is your argument with having a man kneel during the National Anthem, to call out something as serious as police brutality.

To me it was clear that they just wanted Black Americans to shut up, and stay in their lane. "Sports have nothing to do with politics blablabla"

And unfortunately history proved Colin Kaepernick right, and I don't think anybody could voice bad opinions about him today, but at the time, a lot of people were criticizing him, calling him names, insulting him, and even some celebrities were talking about how disrespectful he was.

They cared more about the way he was voicing his protest, than the fact that racism was a real issue.

And because of the protests last year, I think a lot of people tend to forget about that time, but Kaepernick faced A LOT of backlash, A LOT and for what....??? Absolutely no justification. With the way some people reacted you would have thought he burned the American flag on a daily basis, or used it as toilet paper.

So having that in mind, it was really disheartening to see an actor you respect take part in that...

And just to be clear, this is my personal opinion, but I don't think Sebastian had any bad intention with that post (not like other celebrities who were outright criticizing Kaepernick, for some reason I only remember Chris Meloni lol). But the timing, and the content, even as a joke, even as a promotion tool for his movie was extremely bad. You also have to understand the context, and how there were a lot of people rooting against Kap.

Worst case scenerio Seb’s post was racist and best case scenario it was tone deaf.

I can only assume Sebastian watches the news in the US, so he must have known what the caption "take a knee" meant and still decided to post it... So maybe he wasn't ill-intentioned, but to him the topic was light enough that he could post it on his social media...

My main problem isn't even with Seb's post, it was a weird way to promote his movie, or a joke I don’t know. Artists do problematic stuff all the time, and it's up to the fans who support them to decide if they keep doing supporting him or not.

My main problem was and still is the reaction of the fandom, where White Seb stans think they know and understand racism better than anyone else. And honestly this is not me saying that Seb is racist, this is me saying that we should be allowed to voiced our opinions without being silenced or accused of trying to villainize him or cancel him blablabla .

But the Seb stans don't understand that and prefer to turn a blind eye.

I make difference between stans and fans. The Seb fans are the ones who are willing to listen, understand why some people might be offended and admit that their fav f*cked up. The stans are the annoying ones who yould rather keep their head in the sand.

And nobody is even asking to stop supporting Seb... If I cancel an actor, I will stop consuming his content, supporting him, paying to see his movies etc... But I'm not forcing anybody else to do it... But I would like to be free to voice my dislikes especially if that actor was being problematic... without the stans complaining about how "I don't know their fave"

I haven't cancelled Seb btw, I just don't feel like finding him excuses and glossing over the words and if I think that something he did was racist, I will say that it was racist, not "problematic" or "tactless" or "clumsy"...

I think that a lot of people are confused about what racism is, and think it is only White Supremacists who want to harm all non White people.

But it's not only that and in my opinion, there are many layers to racism. If you have "nothing against Blacl people" but there is a part of you that believes you or White people are better than Black people, well you are racist... If not hiw would you describe it? I have already told this story, but I have a friend who swore she wasn't racist and we even had a big debate about racism, and a few weeks later, her boyfriend told me that during a family dinner, she had talked about a common Black friend of theirs saying "She is pretty for a Black girl"... But if you ask my friend, she will say she isn't racist.

If you try to silence people calling out racism, you are contributing to it instead of fighting it.

Another example, I received a lot of "problematic" comments at work from coworkers on my hair, my origins etc, but when I talked about it to my friends and said those comments were racists.. they said that I was "overeacting" that those comments were harmless or just my colleagues being "ignorant". But one time, I was done with it and I wrote to HR about it losting all the comments I had received and the HR director called me and told me that those comments were racist full stop, he didn't try to minimize it or act like I was exagerrating.

And that's how I see the reactions of Seb stans whenever something from him re-sufaces, like my friends who just act like it is nothing.

Just so you know you are not helping when you do that.

They act as if we're suppoosed to accept that because "it's not that big of a deal". Who told you that? How do you determine what is a big deal or not? Especially when you have never dealt with racism?

Fandom behaves as if people who were hurt or offended by that post were overracting. "It was a joke" "It was a long time ago" "He would never do somthing racist"

How hard is it to say " I can see that my fave did something problematic, or that what he did was racist, and I would still like to support him but I understand that people were hirt"??? How hard is it to continue to stan your fave WITHOUT trying to silence people who call out the behavior.

And also the way they refuse to use the words is annoying... it's always "I'm sorry if anybody was offended", never "What I did/wrote was racist and I know better now". If no one wants to admit it when they do racist stuff... nobody will never get anywhere... Like my friend who is convinced that she isn't racist but goes around thinking that White Women are more beautiful than Black Women, and even says it when surrounded by her family. 

And people act like the people who were hurt have no reason to be hurt because he apologized, but I hope those people realize that it doesn’t work that way. An apology is great of course, but it doesn’t take out the hurt, or the feeling that if he was comfortable enough sharing this on social media, what is he comfortable doing in the safety of his close circle?, or remove the idea that maybe an actor you adored, and respected doesn’t view Black people struggles as a serious matter.

I personally don't hate Seb, far from it. And the reason why I have so many posts about him, calling him out or not, is that he is one of the very few White actors I'm interested in. I don't know him personally, but I enjoy his interviews with Anthony and enjoy his movies. But I'm not about to act like he is perfect like some of his stan do and also I have absolutely no issue with people who have "cancelled" him because of his past behavior, because I understand them and it's their choice, it's what works best for them... I don't want to force them to root for someone who maybe wouldn't root for us.

Last point, that I won't elaborate because I have already written way to much. There's a difference between people actively trying to be racist, and people who are racist and maybe don't realize it, or people who have prejudice but are working on it...

I hate it when White people act like the worst thing in the world is being accused of racism when the actual worst thing in the world is being racist. Because it shifts the conversation from... "Oh how can I improve myself and stop this racist thing I'm doing, or how can I work on this prejudice I have?" to "How dare you call me racist!!! I would never" all the while they continue doing the racist thing they do.

TL:DR: His Instagram post was f*cked up, and he apologized. And it's up to each person to decide if they still want to support him or not, but it would be great if thise who still support him stopped pretending that those whose don't are overreacting or had no reason of being offended.

[tellmeoflegends]

Glory Hammered

Alright, so as some of you in the Gloryhammer fandom know, the band has issued a statement today that the 2017 racist, bigoted, and sexist private chat between Chris Bowes, Jim Cartwright, and Mike Barber is, indeed, real.

Bowes has also issued his own statement, apologizing for what he said in the chat. And he actually sounds pretty sincere that he is sorry for what he’s done and that he needs to do and be better. So far, Barber and Cartwright have remained silent, as have the rest of the band, which is probably on the advice of legal counsel, I’m guessing.

I’m still reeling about this. I stand by my earlier statement that that kind of talk is consistent from what I’ve seen and heard about with both Bowes’ and Cartwright’s behavior, but I’m really shocked that Barber is in the same gutter as them. I’ve gotten to message him on several occasions on Instagram in the last year or so and always got the impression that he was a very nice, gracious guy.

I still haven’t decided if I’m going to continue to support Gloryhammer in any upcoming projects, if, indeed, the band actually survives this. I’m honestly shocked Napalm Records hasn’t dropped them like a hot potato after that chat leak. But, let’s be honest, pretty much all of Bowes’ bands have been pretty darn lucrative, and I’m sure the record execs do enjoy seeing their profits rise, regardless of how their musicians have behaved.

Here’s my conundrum with how to proceed as their fan:

On one hand, their words and actions are disgusting and inexcusable. (I’m not saying unforgivable, please take note.) As a woman, I’m appalled to hear how they speak of women as nothing more than a notch on their bedposts, ignoring the fact that these are actual people they’re referencing.  And then there’s the racism... Folks, I’m white. I cannot and will not even try to say that I can understand or relate to the atrocities of racism against people of color. However, I can say that to hear grown men commenting on how people in North Africa “have teeth coming out the front of their face and eyes on the side of their heads.” (That would be Mike Barber’s comment) is shocking and nauseating. Or Chris Bowes’ dropping the n-word. Or Jim chiming in how people with big lips are good at giving blowjobs.

Seriously, guys?

Here’s the other hand:

I’ve made quite a few friends in the fandom. I’ve spent money, devoted time and creativity writing fic, and I do enjoy their music. They’re good. They’re really great, actually. It makes me sad to listen to them now knowing that the original lineup will never play together again, I’ll never get to see that group play together, and adding in the confirmation of that chat, it definitely sours my enjoyment knowing what these people are really like. I’ve enjoyed getting to talk to several of the bandmembers and appreciate that some of them will interact with fans, especially after the disparaging things Jim and Chris have said about fans. And I’m not a perfect person either. I’ve said some pretty awful things in my past, too, and I’ve had to ask forgiveness also. Granted, I’ve never said anything even near that level of horrible, but still, my past isn’t squeaky clean. And yes, I can separate the artist from the art (JK Rowling is a homophobe, but I'm a proud Hufflepuff), but it's not always easy to do.

And I feel petty and hypocritical to even be having this debate with myself! I feel like a horrible person because it should just be cut-and-dry, shouldn’t it? People do and say bad, gross things, I should distance myself posthaste and not look back.

But the music means something to me, almost like an old friend. And it’s hard to turn your back on a friend.

I’ve seen comments on the band’s posts on both sides. “They were just joking around” “it’s not that big a deal” “Lads will be lads” “They were just trying to shock each other by talking big”...etc, etc... And then “Gloryhammer is dead” “I refuse to support you because of this” “You guys are losers” and so on.

And I see both sides of this. It’s not a clean cut, it’s not black and white. And I’m angry, and hurt, and saddened, and disgusted, and confused. 

I wish I knew what I was going to do. I wish I felt better about either step I plan to take, because either way, it’s going to hurt. And I’m sure I’ll tick people off no matter what I do because the fandom is very very much a divided battlefield right now.

I guess Zargothrax finally got his way and set the universe on fire.

[blizziedoodles]

I firstly want to apologize for only ever typing long blocks of text to bitch about things. Whenever something happens and it hurts or upsets me, it sticks with me for a long time until I finally vent it out and let it go. Happy things I keep close to me because I don’t want to forget them, and I don’t type them out. Happy things DO HAPPEN, I promise. But I’m just not sure how to share them, or if they’re even “special enough” to share. That’s why I don’t have instagram. |D

Anyway, story under the cut, if you’re curious enough to read. 

I’ve had 2 boyfriends in my entire life. They were both online. The first was when I was 14, the second I was 17. Looking back on it now, I accepted the idea of a boyfriend both times for two reasons. 1) I wanted to fit in. Everyone was supposed to have a boyfriend at those ages so I wanted one too. 2) I had just gone through a traumatic experience and needed a shoulder to cry on because my parents kinda suck. The first time my parents had separated, the second time my grandfather had passed away. Regardless, it wasn’t until later that I realized I didn’t really love these guys. I just loved the idea of having a soul mate and having someone else love me. *shrug* The first boyfriend is irrelevant to this rant, I just wanted to share. 

So my second boyfriend, I’ll call him...T, just to keep him anonymous. T asked me out, and I hesitantly agreed because I figured, I like this guy as a friend but maybe I can grow into the love part. IDK It never happened, I was just going through the motions or whatever and I felt super guilty the whole time because he was all mushy and lovey and it made me uncomfortable and I just wanted him to be happy, but I couldn’t bring myself to actually love him like that. 

Then he started in on the fantasy ideas of moving into a cabin in the woods with no running water, electricity, or internet, growing our own food, etc. Like...You had me at cabin, you lost me at no running water. He didn’t want to get married because he didn’t want the government involved, which I get because anti-authority and paranoia and stuff. Then he mentioned putting our brains in robotic fursuits, which was weird but I assumed he was kidding. He was dead serious. There were other things that were just odd, but nothing that screamed danger out loud? I mean, I just thought he was a weird guy, there’s nothing inherently wrong about that. 

Then he got into his fetishes and I was MASSIVELY uncomfortable. Babyfurs and voyeurism. He wanted me to draw his 6 year old character spying on my 6 year old character using the bathroom and I was NOT OKAY WITH THAT. I get the whole art vs real life thing, but I’m still not comfortable with it. After that I tried very hard to be gentle and let him down easy. Tell him that I’m sorry but we weren’t working out as a couple, that I’d tried to care for him in a romantic way, but I couldn’t. That he was more like a brother to me than anything and I didn’t think that was gonna change. I apologized way more than was necessary. 

He tried to beg me and guilt trip me into staying with him. He said he’d kill himself or start taking drugs “like his mother” if I left him. It got to the point where I told him I could not have this conversation anymore and my decision wasn’t going anywhere and honestly, him guilt tripping me made me feel worse about him than before. He begged me some more so I had my sister step in and talk to him because he just would not listen to me and I’m such a bleeding heart that I couldn’t bear the thought of cutting him off and him actually acting on his threats. 

I don’t know exactly how, but he did eventually leave me alone, but I was terrified for a couple years after because he knew my home address. At one point he had said he’d come talk to me face to face so I was just mortified that one day he could just show up at my front door. 

I don’t remember specifically when it happened, but I went on DeviantArt one day and saw a journal from my friend. My friend was promoting his friend’s journal, and normally when he did this it was a commission journal so I checked it out. And it was a journal talking about T. This person who was writing the journal was, I believe, in her late teens at the time. And she was saying all the same things that had happened in my relationship with T. Except apparently he had a temper and threatened some more advanced stuff. I don’t remember the journal, and I don’t want to go through it right now. BUT. One of my biggest issues at the time was that.. T was the same age as me, off by maybe a year. And that meant he was around 22, give or take? And this girl was maybe 17-18? And had been in a relationship with T for a while. You see where this is going. 

That made me uncomfortable. Not only that, but apparently there was at least one other girl who had gone through something similar. So I decided to speak up. I don’t go on witch hunts. I honestly just wanted to share because we had similar experiences with the same guy and it was disgusting. She decided to take it further and basically make a call out to try to get him banned from DeviantArt. Thinking back on it now, I can’t come to a conclusion on if that was the wrong thing to do or not because..it’s such a personal problem for me that I can’t think on it clearly. I certainly didn’t want to deal with him and his behavior anymore, so I personally blocked and reported him. Because I felt like he was a danger to a fair sized group of people on the site. 

He ended up getting banned 4 times on 4 separate accounts. The first account he tried guilt tripping me, and by the fourth account he was sending me outright death threats. I wasn’t the only one involved, but I wasn’t paying attention to the others because TBH once I got involved I immediately wanted to back out. I was in the middle of a continuous panic attack from the moment he sent that first guilt tripping message until my sister forced me away from the computer to go take a shower. 

My relationship with T happened way back in 2009-10. The DeviantArt journal fiasco happened...probably around 6 years ago, tbh? It was before I graduated from college, so it was more than 5 years ago, at least. 

This morning I opened my iPad and saw a message from some random person on DeviantArt. I opened it, and it was someone replying to a message on that journal fiasco from over 5 years ago. Their message just said that I was wrong and the journal creator only wanted people to mass block T so he could get banned from DeviantArt. 

Let me point out that this happened OVER 5 YEARS AGO. I personally don’t think a stalking, emotionally manipulative pedophile needs to be on DeviantArt where the community he’s in is full of impressionable teenage girls. So honestly, even if it was a smear campaign to get him permabanned from DevianArt, I don’t know that I DON’T agree with it. He hurt me and at least 2 other teenage girls.  I didn’t want that to happen again. I don’t know what he told this person, but I do know that it BOTHERS ME that he’s still going around playing the victim card over 5 years later. 

I don’t want to be a mean and spiteful person. I try my best to be kind and open and generous and honest with everyone. Part of me is scared for this person because I don’t know how old they are and he could easily be manipulating them as well and I don’t want that. But I can’t argue this anymore. I don’t want to fight this fight. I want it to be buried in the past like it should be. I don’t wish this person any harm, but I truly wish they could see that, if he told them his side of the story, that’s NOT the only side. In fact, my father is so well known for re-telling a story to play the victim card, but we all know who he really is. I think that’s what’s happening here, but it just scares me to think T’s got another impressionable person in his little fantasy world. 

Ultimately I have to look out for myself. I don’t have the energy to fight all the time. I blocked the person who sent the message instead of replying, and part of me feels guilty about that. But...I just can’t. I’m tired. 

[brittanyyoungblog]

Why Recycling Your Exes is Bad for Your Environment

I’ve always been a sucker for a good “second chance” story.

I mean… who doesn’t love a good rom-com starring the lovable cad of a boyfriend who lets his awesome (and of course, perfect, gorgeous, and flawlessly thigh-gapped) girlfriend down in new appalling ways every single day; probably doesn’t have a job, goals, ambition, or the ability to stay faithful for longer than one episode of a Netflix binge; and doesn’t realize the error of his ways until said girlfriend has left him high and dry, and taken her Netflix password with her? (So basically Matthew McConaughey in every romantic comedy he’s ever been in.) We all know what happens next, right? Mr. McConaughey sees the light, chases his leading lady to the airport/train station/across the world/etc./etc., becomes a better man than he was five minutes earlier, and professes his undying love, then she takes him back, no questions asked. They kiss, we swoon, the credits roll. And, once again, Hollywood succeeds in making us forget why exes are, in fact… exes.

There are certain ex-boyfriends out there, who always come back around. No matter how long it’s been since you broke up or what remote, deserted island you moved to in order to escape him—he will find you. He will online stalk his way back into your life via a tweet or a Facebook friend request or an Instagram DM. He might even start a new account to get to you since you blocked him on all the old ones. Nope—ain’t no mountain high enough, ain’t no river wide enough to keep him from getting to you. And more than likely it will happen right at the very second that you finally get over him. It’s like a weird male antenna that receives a signal that you’re not hung up on him anymore and his fingers are suddenly drawn to his phone like a moth to a flame. “She’s not crying into her pillow every night anymore! I better call and remind her why she was crying in the first place!”

While not all exes have bad intentions, and some might actually be texting just to see how you’re doing, it’s best to avoid that danger zone like you would a coffee shop with no WiFi. Why? Because as the old adage says, “A leopard never changes its spots.” In this case—the spots being whatever reasons you had for ending the relationship in the first place.

“Things ended for a reason. Remember that reason.” That’s something my therapist likes to remind me of every time I come to her with an ex who has popped back up in my life like a game of whack-a-mole. (Or a whack-a-leopard, I guess.)

Whatever spots your particular leopard had when last you saw him, you can bet they’re still there—even if he’s cleverly hiding them behind a more mature age, smoother talk, or sudden eagerness to commit.

I once tried to date a guy when I was 20, then again when I was about 26, then again when I was 31, and I can categorically say: The third time was NOT the charm. Nope, he was sketchier and shadier every time I gave him another chance. It’s like this guy went out of his way to get in his lifetime quota of weird dating behaviors with me. But I seem to just have this soft spot for my exes.

And I can’t help but wonder… is this just me? Or is everyone more susceptible to catching feelings for someone they’ve once had feelings for? Here are the stories I tell myself to justify recycling an ex:

– He’s changed.

– Things were left unfinished between us, and this is our chance to get it right this time.

– Maybe he’s the one I’m supposed to be with, and it just took time for us both to realize it.

Here’s the thing, though: People don’t really ever change THAT much. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying people aren’t capable of change. I believe they are. I’ve changed greatly over the past few years. But I got here through intensive struggle and therapy and confronting my own junk. Most people aren’t willing or able to take the necessary steps to effect real change. Barring a miracle or a massive life overhaul, your ex is still the same guy who told you that you were the love of his life then broke up with you via text message.

As for the “unfinished business” excuse? I would argue that any ending, no matter how it comes about, is closure. It’s okay, and even healthy, to let some things end messily, and badly. You just can’t put a cherry on top of every sundae. Sometimes things just end because they’re supposed to end, and you don’t get an explanation or an apology or closure. My therapist also likes to remind me that we are responsible for our own closure. You should never leave your peace of mind or ability to move on in someone else’s hands.

And finally… real love isn’t like a movie and and it’s not supposed to be. Real love doesn’t have to chase you to the airport at the end of the movie, because real love doesn’t leave in the first place. If he was and is the one you were meant to be with, he would have stuck around. For the hard stuff, for the intense stuff, for the messy stuff. Don’t get so sucked into the idea of a perfect Hollywood ending that you mistake glitter for gold.

Exes are, by definition alone, bad news. Exile, excommunicate, exclude, extradite, exhume, exhausted… do any of these words give you a warm and fuzzy feeling? There’s a reason that “ex” comes before “boyfriend”—and it’s best to leave that relationship in the ground where it belongs and not try and recreate a moment that probably wasn’t all that great to begin with. Besides, if you’re filling up your calendar with X’s, you’re leaving no room for O’s—as in “Oh, he’s so wonderful!” So the only “ex” you should be headed for is the exit, and quickly!

At the end of the day, recycling exes might not be bad for the environment, but it’s bad for your environment. If he didn’t make it past your past, he’s certainly not worthy of your future, so quit wasting time on what might have been and look ahead to what can still be. Just because “ex” didn’t mark the spot doesn’t mean there’s not still buried treasure to be found… Most likely where you least expect it. So here’s a shovel. Start diggin’.

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