#he might be aloof as a defense but he clearly doesn’t keep the facade up for very long

[strxngerbxtches]

tiktok and twitter let eddie be soft challenge

[shihalyfie]

Yamato, Adventure’s most dramatically emotional cast member

The “edgy cool bishounen rival” has been such a staple of shounen anime for years that the moment you look at Yamato and his position next to Taichi, it’s easy to go “ah, yep, there it is.” But just like how Taichi’s actually very different from the shounen hero stereotype, Yamato, despite what his first impression and character design might suggest, is in fact the complete opposite!

Actually, I’ll start this off with an interesting story from Yamato’s own voice actor, Kazama Yuuto:

Yeah. When my agent asked me which role I wanted to try out, I thought I couldn’t do a pretty boy character like him, so I was really astonished when I was chosen for the role. Afterwards, when I asked Kakudou-san [the director] about it, he said that he’d decided on me the instant I’d come in... I’d heard that Yamato was a cool character, which I thought was a part of him that didn’t agree with me. So there was that factor in the beginning. But I learned that he was actually quite similar to me, and a surprisingly passionate guy.

I don’t generally have a huge tendency to include voice actor comments in analysis about writing, but I do think it says a lot that even his own voice actor walked in expecting the typical “pretty boy rival” character to the extent that he felt he’d have difficulty doing the role at all, only for the actual nature of Yamato’s character to catch him off guard! Because, yeah, that really is the case: Yamato’s first impression really is very deceptive, and his actual personality is, indeed, full of open passion and emotion in nearly every way.

Yamato in Adventure

...No, really, it really does not take long for it to be very clear that Yamato’s immediately not like the stereotype his character archetype would suggest, considering that even as early as Adventure episode 2, he was depicted as very obviously being open about his opinions, even if that made him quick to criticize.

When you talk about “rival” characters, usually, the reason such characters seem cold and standoffish is that there’s a certain degree of pride to them, or, in other words, they want to keep up a facade of being “cool” and rational and thus aren’t quick to show their emotions. But Yamato isn’t like that at all! From the very beginning, he speaks often, is very open and honest about his thoughts, and doesn’t seem to even really care what others think at all.

The Adventure novels do, in fact, make clear that he was more closed-in prior to arriving in the Digital World, and these bursts of emotion were actually unusual behavior for him at the time -- but it’s not because he’s prideful or anything! Firstly, it wasn’t necessarily that he deliberately cut himself off from others -- rather, he was still willing to engage in some degree of friendly interaction:

It wasn’t because he was lonely. In fact, many of his classmates would greet him with a friendly “Yo!” or “Hi~!” when they came across him and, naturally, Yamato would respond back with a smile.

And, in fact, said novel indicates that there’s a lot going on deeper than him merely suppressing his emotions for the sake of it:

The people around Yamato may have thought that he was a cold, aloof person, but that was only because he didn’t show what he thought to other people. When had he become like that? He hadn’t been like that when he was younger. But after his parents decided to divorce and his mom took Takeru by the hand and left home… Don’t go! Please don’t go! Don’t leave me! The truth was, he had wanted to plead with her and cry — but he couldn’t. Part of it had to do with his father standing by his side. Maybe his mother had secretly wished for Yamato to say that to her. But at that moment, Yamato had thought that he would never show weakness in front of his mom, even if he died from it. It was his own decision to follow his dad. Ever since coming to the Digital World, even Yamato was surprised by how much emotion he expressed. All of the emotion that he’d held back while at home, at school, had come bursting out without pause.

It’s also important to understand the reasons why he blows up so easily at Taichi in Adventure episodes 3 and 6 and whatnot -- he does it because he’s constantly looking out for the others and worried about their welfare. Pretty much all of the arguments he has with Taichi for the majority of the series involve him objecting to his perception of Taichi as insensitive, because Taichi has a tendency to tease others or bid for everyone to keep pushing forward into dangerous situations or when they’re tired. So, really, Yamato gets angered and emotional and picks his fights with Taichi because he cares too much, not because he’s deliberately trying to cultivate an image of being detached. Once they were outside the range of his family and their classmates and stranded in another world, Yamato’s bleeding heart instantly won out, and he started advocating for the welfare of everyone else.

This is why Yamato’s the one who gets the Crest of Friendship, because even though he starts off by putting up a defensive wall between himself and the others and seems very difficult to deal with, even when he gets angry and upset, he’s constantly upset on other people’s behalf. Even from the very beginning of the series, he’s actually one of the most caring people in the cast!

Really, the entire first few introductory episodes with Yamato can be pretty succinctly described as Yamato coping really badly with all those years of emotional suppression and letting it out in some pretty severe outbursts, especially when it comes to Takeru, whom he’d never been able to properly take care of as an older brother due to their parents’ divorce. (And while he’s definitely a little better at managing it, Takeru himself is actually also doing a pretty bad job with that whole emotional suppression and lack of catharsis thing.) Standoffish and cold? Nah -- not when Yamato has the single highest count of openly breaking down and crying out of the whole cast in Adventure.

And, for all it’s worth, remember that stereotypical “cold rival” characters in this kind of shounen series would normally be very ashamed at others seeing them so emotional, but Yamato...doesn’t really seem to care about the others seeing him do some really embarrassingly reckless stuff during his episodes of exploding over Takeru’s welfare. Once it’s past him, he doesn’t really dwell on it and moves on. Again: Yamato isn’t the kind of person who actually cares that much about what other people think of him.

Adventure episode 18 is an often-overlooked episode when it comes to Yamato, but it’s significant because it makes it clear that he doesn’t really have a problem being conversational and friendly with others (especially since, remember, any emotional suppression had more to do with the trauma and sensitive feelings surrounding his parents’ divorce and a desire to not show weakness) -- he starts a very lighthearted, friendly chat with Koushirou over why they’re looking for their Crests, and even admits that the reason he wants his own Crest is that he’s self-conscious about the idea of everyone else changing and improving as people while he gets left behind. That’s a really personal thing to admit, and arguably something very sensitive! It’s something you wouldn’t even blame him for potentially being self-conscious about! But he’s perfectly humble in admitting that this is something he wants to improve in, and carries on this entire conversation in a light-hearted, cheerful manner.

This episode takes place during a time where everything seems to be “safe” (they’re within Piccolomon’s barrier and finally have a proper place to sleep), and are on the verge of finding their own Crests in a situation that does not ostensibly involve running for their lives, so this is when you get to see Yamato in a relaxed situation. And, really, he’s very friendly and open, with no restraint about it. He really isn’t the kind of person to be condescending or cold by nature!

It’s even more incorrect to pin Yamato as someone who tries to act more on rationality (again, like the “cold rival” stereotype would suggest) because, in fact, he’s the kind of person who gets completely carried away by his own caring for others to the extent of irrationality. For instance, in Adventure episode 23 when his conflicting loyalties to Takeru versus wanting to help Jou in his situation get all mixed up, and he tries to buy into PicoDevimon's trick to turn Jou against him as a solution to taking sides before Jou clearly indicates this is the case, and Yamato doesn't hesitate to feel really bad about it. Openly so. Condescension? Nah.

No, really, I could just keep taking screenshots from Adventure all day if you want evidence of “Yamato is openly and passionately emotional to explosive degrees because he cares too much about others, and makes no real pretense of hiding it.” If you’re still not convinced, I don’t know what to tell you.

When Yamato infamously succumbs to Jureimon’s bait in Adventure episode 44 and ends up picking a fight with Taichi -- possibly his most self-centered action in the entire series -- it’s interesting to see that Jureimon does use the word “rival”, the same word used in anime trope lingo to describe “the person you’re constantly fighting with and competing with in order to improve yourself”. The reason why this is fascinating is that Adventure is making a point here that this kind of “stereotypical anime rival” relationship would be extremely unhealthy for these characters.

No, really: at least as far as Yamato’s concerned, and what defines the kind of “friendship” these particular kids need, what these kids need is mutual emotional support, not engineered conflict that can be passed off as “they fight but it’s a sign of how much they know each other!” Remembering that Adventure is, in many ways, a series that prioritizes wanting to focus on portraying the intimate nature of human behavior, it’s not surprising that it goes out of its way to make clear that centering your relationship with a friend around needing to “outdo” them is a really bad thing. (Observe how 02′s Daisuke and Ken also don’t fit the “rivals” archetype at all and are merely a straightforward relationship of best friends in little to no conflict, despite occupying the stereotypical position.)

But Jureimon successfully digs into all of Yamato’s insecurities about his perceived lack of self-improvement and his tendency to compare himself to the polar-opposite Taichi in terms of Taichi’s charisma and way of (ostensibly) playing better to Takeru’s dislike of being coddled. And so, the engineered conflict happens, and, of course, it traumatizes everyone around them. When Yamato finally manages to get over himself after some timely intervention from “the one who seeks stability” (Homeostasis) in Adventure episode 45, everyone in the group is miserable from the ordeal.

Adventure episode 51 basically lays down the two major issues Yamato had been facing up until that point, and ties it into a neat bow: the reason Yamato had become so obsessed with self-improvement was because he wanted to prove he was "independent" and "not weak", but in the end, he still sees himself as an inferior person compared to everyone else -- culminating in him eventually seeing Taichi as a better person than him. Gabumon reaches out to Yamato by clarifying Yamato’s right to not compete, but be unique; it’s not about competing or being a “better” or “worse” version of others, it’s finding his important niche in the group or in the world with the things only he’s good at. Yamato says it in explicit words in Two-and-a-Half Year Break:

Dad doesn’t remember. On the day when we had to decide whether Takeru or I would go with him… Neither Dad or Mom could decide, so I did. I thought, this way, Takeru would be able to stay with Mom. I chose for myself. And after that, I always chose for myself. Or that’s what I’d planned to. Even though I was called a Chosen Child, it was me who was going to choose what to do. No way was I going to be used for other people’s convenience. Maybe that’s why I went so far to keep myself from making friends. But in the end, I acknowledged that what I was doing was unreasonable. After all, I’m not living in this world by myself. If I hadn’t met Gabumon, I never would have realized that. The person I am right now, is not alone.

As long as Yamato only ever sees himself as a replaceable piece meant to fill in the same niches as everyone else, he’ll continue to be horribly critical of himself for not being a perfect person and ultimately being “useless” or “not necessary”. But it’s not about being perfect or a better or worse replacement, it’s about embracing himself and what he can do in his own way, and, indeed, at the end of the episode, Yamato’s arrival on the scene makes it clear that the group ultimately needs both of them, not just one.

It’s also interesting in that, whereas most of the kids (especially in the Adventure finale) are very open about their own feelings to their own partners, Yamato and Gabumon are capable of “communicating” in some sense just by Yamato playing the harmonica. But it’s perhaps because Yamato is normally so open and passionate about his own feelings that such a tacit method is something they can do -- they’ve already bared themselves to each other so many times already, that in the end, all they need to do is just enjoy the abstract things together.

Yamato in 02 and after

So by the time we get to 02, any trace of coldness or detachment from Yamato has completely vanished.

I cannot emphasize this enough: completely vanished. Even in the middle of being a heartthrob for the teenagers in school thanks to his good looks and work with his band, he’s open and lacking in condescension whatsoever, and it’s basically like seeing the openly friendly Yamato from Adventure episode 18 for a whole series. Actually, it already says a lot that he’s in a band, considering it feels like shifting his music activities to a full-on band is there to make a deliberate statement that Yamato is now much better at socializing and working in organized groups now -- it’s a far cry from having to work solo or independently, and it’s significant that “the person who wanted to be able to do everything by himself” is now interested in doing something a bit more cooperative. (And to lend further to the idea he’s sentimental and constantly thinks of others, his band, the TEEN-AGE WOLVES, is all but confirmed to be named in indirect tribute to Gabumon.)

He’s open, conversational, makes a lot of silly faces throughout the series, and basically the only thing he has left that remotely resembles the “pretty boy rival” stereotype is that he’s deep in the aesthetic. But even then, you get the impression that he just does that because he genuinely likes it, not because he’s trying to be “cooler than you” or anything. And it’s easy to see why: Yamato, quite simply, got over himself. He stopped restraining himself all the time in his attempts to become a perfect person, and simply let himself loose to express himself how he wanted, and ultimately became a perfectly sociable and friendly person who’s now even popular at school!

Yamato’s punch on Taichi in 02 episode 10 is often taken as evidence that Taichi and Yamato embody the “rivals who constantly get in fights but are somehow still friends” trope, but this tends to avoid the actual context of the rest of the scene -- in fact, Daisuke himself rightfully points out that if Yamato had done this out of any actual anger or condescension, this would have been a really cruel thing to do to Taichi when he’s already going through so much. But Yamato’s not doing this out of resentment or condescension, he’s doing this for Taichi’s own sake to help him get out of his stupor, and the important part here is that he immediately holds out a hand to him afterwards. Or, in other words, this isn’t something they’re doing out of conflict, but out of communication, and it’s now at the point where Taichi understands Yamato’s intent, and Yamato knows that what he wanted to do would be conveyed to Taichi, without words.

That is why Taichi and Yamato are finally so close now: they understand each other’s feelings. They’re not competing with each other. They’re not resenting each other. They’re sympathetic and forgiving of each other, and they communicate, verbally or otherwise.

It’s followed by a scene in 02 episode 11 that’s also often construed as Taichi and Yamato advocating fighting as part of a healthy friendship, but, again, this omits context: they talk about their fighting in past tense! They’re referring as fighting having been part of the things they had to do to understand each other now, when they clearly aren’t in that kind of conflict anymore. The idea they’re espousing is that Daisuke and Takeru need to let out their feelings and have some catharsis if they want to truly understand each other (which is, indeed, how Taichi and Yamato eventually settled their differences) and hopefully get to a position of mutual understanding, instead of the others forcing them to have peace for the sake of peace and not letting their feelings get out on the table. (And, ultimately, Daisuke spends the rest of the episode thinking about Takeru’s position, and none of the 02 kids ever end up in this bad of a brawl for the rest of the series, yet manage to build a friendship in spite of that -- so, yes, the important part was that they had their feelings out in the open and got catharsis, not fighting in itself.)

Yamato also has an interesting role in the 02 drama CDs, including one entirely devoted to him (Letter). Said drama CD has quite a few things to note:

Gabumon says that Yamato being rather silent and not speaking up about what he’s thinking is unusual behavior for him.

As much as Yamato’s managed to do a better job opening up in general, he’s still suffering from extreme self-worth issues, considering himself as worthless if he’s not able to do anything for a girl in the hospital, even though it’s of course completely reasonable he can’t do much. Despite that, he continues to emotionally fixate on her welfare and basically self-flagellate and do a lot of pretty emotionally occupied things in the process.

Speaking of getting emotionally occupied, as much as he ends up snapping a bit at the people on the beach who keep annoying the hell out of him, he eventually feels so bad for the shaved ice seller that he forces himself to eat it just for him. (Even though it’s freezing.)

Yamato’s a really poetic person. Almost sappily so.

On top of that, Armor Evolution to the Unknown gives us an ever-so-slight glimpse of his dating life with Sora -- which, while he hadn’t been super-flagrant about, he also hadn’t been hiding either (he’s clearly willing to engage in a bit of PDA as per 02 episode 43), and, if the admittedly-kind-of-crack drama CD is to believed, he’s actually very emotionally passionate about his relationship to her, and very dedicated! Beyond just the (very sudden) passionate declaration of love to her in the middle of tap dancing, when Sora is found to have been worrying about him being cold lately, he immediately goes out of his way to try and make things right and prove his love...

Yamato’s initial appearance in Kizuna pretty much defines in a nutshell what his and Taichi’s relationship eventually turned out to be: they’re willing to banter because they’re comfortable with each other, but when it all comes down to it, they appreciate and trust each other deeply. Again, the point is that Yamato and Taichi are emotionally there for each other, considering that (even if he ribs Taichi a bit for it) Yamato’s willing to come all the way down to meet Taichi for late-night beer and talk to him through his emotional troubles.

And, yes, Yamato’s still there to be a concerned minder for Taichi and to make sure he doesn’t get too inconsiderate of what he’s doing -- but there’s no conflict over it, just the two of them balancing their necessary roles as part of the group and keeping each other in check. Again, as was made clear back in Adventure, it’s not about one person being more necessary than the other, it’s them both working together to fulfill their own roles.

As one of the central characters in the movie, Yamato’s also having an existential crisis of adulthood, and in his case, it’s that he’s playing everything too much by ear but isn’t really sure what he wants to commit to. He’s still enjoying music as a hobby, but it’s apparent he doesn’t want to commit to it as a career (which is, well, quite the common thing for those who have hobbies in middle school) -- and moreover, the novel indicates that it’s not bringing him happiness the way it used to. (The movie goes out of its way to depict Yamato feeling isolated with both a harmonica and a band, referencing that neither Adventure nor 02′s ways are doing it for him anymore.)

Beyond the motorcycle we see Yamato driving a few times in the movie, the official website profile makes it clear that this is one of his major new interests, and it’s presumably why he’s also attending an engineering school -- he can’t decide on a long-term goal, so he’ll at least experiment with the thing he likes. Yamato’s always been someone who thinks with emotions and feelings, so it fits him.

We also learn that he’s surprisingly studious, and is picking up some things that run contrary to his image (the glasses!), including the fact he seems to like school enough that he wants to do more school while he figures out what he wants to do. This is something that happens in real life for a certain kind of person in a career-based existential crisis -- as many people as there are who play very badly with educational structures, there are also people who rely very heavily on the structure of college or grad school basically handing you tasks to do on a plate, and find the job market to be scarier than staying within that bubble. It’s not too unreasonable to imagine that Yamato, who in certain ways has never really been the kind of person to assertively have an idea of “this is what I want to do!” and generally works by immediate feelings instead of long-term goals, would end up becoming that kind of person. As he says, it’s really just him trying to postpone the inevitable decision and get a grace period.

Since “shutting out one’s own partner (and therefore one’s own inner self)” is key to the cause of partner dissolution, Yamato’s way of it isn’t as direct as Taichi or Sora (who end up actively shutting out their partners in a bid to become an adult), but is most certainly there -- especially when he’s the one who drops a mocking line about the idea of bringing Gabumon to his school. (It’s not about whether it’s actually doable or not; it’s the fact that he laughs and scoffs at how stupid this is.) The fact he treats friends drifting apart as an “inevitable” thing, and eventually is shown very obviously to be keeping Gabumon out of the phone conversations (in stark contrast to the 02 quartet going out of their way to keep them involved on the other end) ultimately boils down to: neglect. Yamato’s coasting by on everything he likes, but it also means he’s just letting everything happen, instead of consciously pursuing things and passionately following things with gusto, the way he used to.

But we do see Yamato’s single-minded and passionate side come out again -- while Taichi shuts down and ruminates on what to do about his impending loss of Agumon, Yamato’s the one who desperately runs around trying to figure something out, recruiting the 02 quartet into it, losing sleep over it, and eventually having a passionate confrontation with Taichi as the climax approaches. (Note that this, again, is not a real conflict in nearly the same way the two of them would be spitting insults at each other all the way back in Adventure; it’s just the two baring their own feelings, and Yamato quickly accepts Taichi’s answer very easily because he, too, feels the same. Again: they’ve become very good at communicating.)

Yamato does eventually let Gabumon back into his periphery instead of neglecting him so much, and their final scene together in the movie involves them resuming their old method of tacit communication that they’d once shared together, with Yamato playing the harmonica. It’s a sign of Yamato finally embracing those things in the past that used to make him happy rather than cultivating an uncomfortable relationship with it just because he’d kicked it out of his career prospects, and ultimately coming to terms with what he likes and what makes him happy.

And speaking of career prospects...

The question of “why did Yamato become an astronaut?” is one that’s infamously weirded out people all over the globe because of how much it clashes with his image, and how much of a kind of “out-there” thing it is that had virtually no precedent whatsoever in Yamato’s prior hobbies. (Although, if you really think about it, space travel isn’t that huge of a hurdle as it sounds for a world like this where Digital Gates exist to bend space-time; you just send a probe with a Digital Gate link up there...) The original meta reason was, simply, that it was a holdover from one of the original ideas for the third Adventure series, in which they would be investigating forces that were obstructing evolution from space. (The original logical progression was that Adventure would have a threat from the Digital World, 02 a threat from the real world, so the theoretical third series would be space...) When you think about which of the original Tokyo Chosen Children would be the most likely to actively pursue this route, it actually is likely to be Yamato, given that Taichi is more of a person who’s an overall leader and coordinator, whereas Yamato, who’s much more up-front aggressive and openly passionate, would be more likely to want to tackle the situation with his own hands.

Kizuna -- or, more specifically, its novel -- offers another (and not mutually exclusive!) explanation:

While studying at graduate school, Yamato came up with a dream he had for his future. He wanted to study cosmology, and become an astronaut. The way there would not be easy. There was a whole mountain of things he’d have to do to get there. But Yamato had a certain ambition in mind. Someday, he was going to go to space with Gabumon. Whenever he thought of that future, Yamato was willing to do anything to get there.

Remembering that Yamato was at an engineering school (presumably originally from the motorcycles connection), it seems that he eventually “ran into” the career option by chance and happenstance, and thought about it and decided he wanted to follow it for the sake of going with Gabumon. It’s a very “romantic” and sappy kind of “out-there” dream, and, actually, that’s the point -- Yamato is a ridiculous romanticist, the kind of person who waxed about barbecue back in Adventure episode 6, and compared his relationship with Takeru to Hikoboshi and Orihime back in 02 episode 17, and spouted a bunch of poetic words at the sea during Letter. And, remember, he’s always been openly shameless and passionate about everything he’s felt and liked, and has never cared what other people would think.

And in the context of Kizuna, where Yamato was slowly losing touch with himself and his passions and eventually lost Gabumon as a result, it’s a very important sign that everything’s on its way back to healing, and that he’ll be able to achieve that future where they meet again.

[silverdaddyrdj]

Imagine: Veteran lawyer Hank Palmer wants to spoil you rotten but you’re unsure about the idea. But, he’s persistent and can put up a very good argument. 

Rating: Explicit/18+ (you shouldn’t be on this blog if you’re below 18, anyway)

Request your imagine headcanons and we will write a little something for you. And you get a bonus silver daddy picture to go with it. :)

"Anything you want, sweetheart. And I mean anything."

His voice is silky, playful, and he knows you're caught, like prey, in the carefully spun webs of his charm.

It started three weeks ago at the local café, where you stood waiting for your morning coffee. You checked and rechecked your watch, and willed for the line to move faster, but it didn't budge. If looks could kill, the cashier and the four people in front of you would've died on the spot.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, you picked up your coffee and prepared to dash to your office across the street. If you timed it right, you could slide into the conference room just before the San Francisco office dialled in. You prepared to sprint, but, clearly, fate had other plans. Just as you were about to run out of the café, you bumped into a solid mass of designer suit and expensive cologne that reminded you of spotless sandy beaches and calm, clear ocean hundreds of miles away from the busy morning rush of Chicago. That's when you felt the warm dampness spreading down your front — the content of your cup was mostly on the ground, but it was also staining the beige top you wore, primed and ironed for the meeting.

"Fucking asshole," you said before you could stop yourself, and the hand holding out a silk napkin before you froze.

"I'm so sorry."

You looked up, ready to give the offender a piece of your mind for ruining your morning. But, you caught yourself in time and the words froze at the tip of your tongue. Later that night, you swore to your sister that you had seen the most beautiful pair of eyes ever known to man — and its owner, the apologetic culprit who spoilt the start of your day, wasn't all that bad. After all, he had graciously accepted your apology for the caffeine-deprived outburst and offered to pay for the dry cleaning bill.

That's how you agreed to meet him for a drink. You had gone to the pub intending to make up for your lack of manners and end the encounter on a friendly note because Chicago has an uncanny ability to appear very small sometimes. In your line of work — you’re a corporate lawyer at an investment bank — you deal with jocular finance bros all day, and almost everyone knows everyone else. And judging by the man's outward appearance — hand-cut suit, leather shoes, silver-dotted wavy hair that begged for your fingers — you had assumed he was someone important. But all of your strategic calculations went out the door that night, when, after three drinks, you tumbled into your queen-sized bed with him, your fingers in his hair, his lips on your thighs.

                                                              ***

You shift in bed, a solid mass pressing into your back. He traces a finger along the side of your ear, down the column of your neck, coming to rest on your bare chest. You're pleasantly sore and aching all over, and there are at least a handful of bruises on your skin — he's an attentive lover; last night, he broke down your defenses with methodical precision, tearing away at your sense of propriety as he left you squirming under the firm weight of his body, awash with such overwhelming pleasure that you didn't give a single fuck if your next-door neighbours heard you as you screamed, begged and urged him, your voice straining, to go harder, to push deeper, to take his pleasure from the dripping warmth between your legs. And, he obliged. 

"Well?" he nudges, resting his chin on your shoulder, his hands drawing circles around your navel. "You've gone quiet."

You try to pull away from him, but only half-heartedly, and he doesn't appear to be in a hurry to let you go. The two of you stay entangled in a heap of limbs and skin, in need of a shower and some concealer to cover up the secret you've chosen to keep from your friends.

It's complicated, you've argued, as you debated telling them the truth after he had left at the crack of dawn on your first night together. He's an influential man, you've got your own career ambitions; he's almost twice your age, never married, and avoids the topic of past dalliances. He isn't even interested in your history of failed or mismatched relationships, and yours lean more towards physical gratification. 

You've been meeting him whenever work lets you both escape for a brief time. It’s one of the upsides of having your office be less than a block from his. He takes you to lunch, you flirt with him over texts when you’re back at your desk, you both grab quick dinners from nearby restaurants. The nights end like clockwork: With him in your bed, climbing on top of you, or sometimes you’re straddling him, or he’s bending you over the chaise, pressing you into the wall, taking you against the floor-length window or by the door; he’s all over you, inside you, rocking your world, like clockwork. You enjoy the routine and he's adaptive enough that it doesn't feel monotonous. 

But you've still been wary about where this ends up — as much as the two of you connect physically, you've noticed his aloofness when he isn’t in bed trying to make love to you. Both of you roam in different social circles; he likes rock concerts, you prefer off-Broadway theatre; he plays golf on weekends, you're at Wrigley Field screaming your lungs out; he knows every Michelin star chef in town, you love Chinese takeaway from the shop three blocks from your apartment.

                                                             ***

You sigh. He's waiting for an answer. "I think it's a little weird," you say, finally, and it earns a soft-bellied chuckle from him. He looks cute when he laughs, it brings out the dimples on his cheeks. "Look," you say, gesturing around, "all this is great. The sex is definitely amazing but I can't accept gifts like this. It's too much."

"Can't a man spoil his lover?" he asks, and there's such an infuriating innocence in his tone, you can't bring yourself to call him out on the hint of cockiness in his statement.

Instead, you shake your head and this time, when he leans in for a kiss, you pull away and turn sideways so that you're both facing each other directly. You press a palm against his cheek and say, "As much as anyone in my place would be thrilled to have someone pamper them, I can't just spend your money so recklessly because you're telling me to." You hold up a hand when he looks like he's about to protest. "Let's do a trade-off. I'll let you buy me something nice like you want just this once if you let me take you out to a fancy dinner tomorrow like I’ve been wanting to. It’s only fair I get to spoil you rotten too once in a while."

He considers the proposal and smirks. "Deal."

It takes you another hour to get dressed, after both of you get carried away in the shower, where he has you pressed against the glass, your legs quivering as the pleasure drags on, setting your nerves on fire. He doesn’t stop moving when your body tenses up for the second time and it knocks the breath out of your body; you hold him like both of your lives depend on it. You clench down hard around him and he moans, his thrusts finally faltering and pushing him over the edge.  

                                                             ***

You end up spending the afternoon along the Magnificent Mile and you're impressed — for years, you've walked past the glass facades and fancy storefronts, admiring the catalogue of colourful designer bags, shoes and clothes on display, straight off the runway, sometimes, but you have always known any one of those items can do some serious damage to your bank balance. He seems to know every store attendant by name and they appear almost reverential in his presence. As the afternoon progresses, your resolve starts to crumble and every time you give in, he triumphantly, and with genuine delight, hands over his credit cards.

After your seventh purchase of the day, having spent at least a year's worth of rent in the city, you call it quits. He looks disappointed, like a kid who's just been told no, but at least he offers to put the bags in the car. That evening, you insist on taking him to the best pizzeria in the city. It's dirty, greasy, smelly and exactly why it's a fan-favourite. Watching him, the same man who wines and dines in the country's most elite fine-dining establishments, devour a large slice of pepperoni without a care in the world is perhaps, you think, the greatest present he could’ve ever given you. It makes you grin from ear to ear after as you walk back to the car, your hands entwined.

He looks pleased with himself. "I can't remember the last time I had this much fun," he says as you get in the car and you can see there's a tinge of regret in his eyes. Perhaps with time, you can uncover the mystery behind those brown orbs that look like they have seen the world a hundred times over — if you’re honest with yourself, you’ve fallen for them. Just a bit. You look forward to learning more about him and think, maybe, just maybe you might tell your friends the truth tomorrow. For now, you smirk and unbuckle your seatbelt, climbing over onto his lap, and the shocked look on his face is worth it. The indoor parking lot is pretty empty at this time of the evening. You think back on how he spent the entire week rocking your world, seven ways to Sunday, and, as you reach down for his zipper, you reckon it's time someone shakes up his world a little.

"If you thought that was fun, you're gonna love what I have in mind."

Fortunately for you, and maybe it's the added experience that comes with his age, he catches on quickly and the sudden smoulder in his eyes almost dares you to do your best. Never one to shrink from an honest challenge, you grin and crash your lips together.

[myriadimagines]

Iron Facade

Marvel (X-Men) One Shot

Pairing: Reader x Erik Lehnsherr

Other Characters: Alex Summers, Charles Xavier

Warnings: —

Request: “Oh sorry! Okay so, Erik x reader, reader has been in love with Erik for a long time, but she hides it well and no one knows about it. So Erik, who's also in love with her, doesn't think she likes him. Then Charles accidentally reads her mind and finds out about her feelings, and then accidentally tells Erik and he confronts reader about it. Is that enough detail? 😊” – anonymous

Word Count: 1,517

A/N: Thank you for getting back to me, I hope you like it!!

please reblog/leave comments, they’re very much appreciated!

Your name: submit What is this?

The X-Men are well aware to not be in a room with you and Erik. It’s an unspoken rule, one almost seemingly engraved into the walls and burned into permanent memory. Alex had been the victim of breaking the rule once, accidentally walking into the library with you in the midst of a conversation, and not fleeing straight away when you opened the doors to find Erik inside. The moments where he lingered before he finally excused himself were excruciating, and he found himself practically asphyxiated by the unspoken tension, the heaviness of an unaddressed conversation that so desperately needed to be heard aloud pressing against his chest.

He had brought it up you about it later, almost afraid to ask but too curious not to, and you had simply replied with a shrug, eyes darting away from his as your gaze fixated on the floor, hearting pounding so hard out of your chest you felt as if it were vibrating the entire mansion with each palpitation.

Alex, as well as everyone else, eventually made the silent decision to avoid mentioning Erik’s name in front of you, and your name in front of Erik.

However, despite their initial interpretations, your wildly beating heart and chosen silence around Erik didn’t come out of a place of hatred. The opposite, in fact — you’re in love with him, yet you hide it so well you have everyone fooled.

Erik included.

Erik avoids you, too afraid of making a fool of himself as he’s done countless times before. Botched conversations that always seem to fall flat due to their one-sided nature. Nervous stammering of what is supposed to be a compliment, but comes out as a weird remark that Erik can’t quite execute properly in the tone he intends to talk to you in. You unravel him, pulling strand by strand away from his core and leaving him in a tangled, spinning mess as he tries his best to keep a grip. Your coolness flusters him, your indifference sending him into an uncharacteristic panic, and Erik, just once, wants to be able to make you smile.

He’s seen you smile with your friends, a scene so beautiful he wish he could live in that captured moment forever. He wishes he could be the cause of that smile, wishes he could be the one to make you laugh, yet Erik feels as though he’ll never be able to break through the hardened exterior, the iron facade, that you always defensively put up around him.

You can’t help it. You wish you could. Wish you could allow yourself to soften around him, melt into the gooey puddle that you feel on the inside when you feel his eyes on you, but your fear of rejection, fear of him being unable to love you the way you love him stops you from doing so. You wish you could speak around him, yet to string together a single, cohesive sentence feels like the hardest of tasks when Erik is standing in front of you. Cotton balls fill your throat up to your cheeks and your words dry up on your tongue.

Erik’s in love with you, so utterly in love with you where his love practically rivals your own, but how can he cope with being in love when he’s only met with your reserved disposition and aloofness? And how are you to know his feelings when all he can manage to tell you are fragmented words paired with anxious eye contact?

It’s a tragedy in which the two of you are trapped in, suffering in your prolonged silence neither of you can manage to break.

—

“y/n?” Charles calls out softly to you, catching your attention from your dazed trance, staring out the window at the intricate shadows the trees outside cast on the lawn. He leans forward on his armchair, flashing an apologetic smile as his hand lingers on your doorknob. “Have you seen Erik?”

You blink at Charles, a split second before your mouth opens to respond, but the way Charles’ expression morphs stops you. His gaze bores into your as if he can see something so etched into your eyes, as if he can see through your pupils and into your brain.

He sees Erik’s smile. Erik smiling while playing chess with Charles, Erik smiling while in a conversation with Raven. He can hear Erik laughing, chuckling to himself over a joke Peter makes from across the room, Erik struggling to hold back his amused laughter as Scott and Alex have a silly, brotherly argument from their rooms across the hall from each other. 

Then, he sees Erik looking right at him. Or you, more accurately, as he feels the your overwhelming feelings for him surging through his very veins. Charles watches Erik’s tender gazes at you before he quickly looks away, the faintest tint of red creeping into his cheeks as he tries to stammer out a greeting. Charles can feel his own heart pounding in his chest, mirroring your own elevated heartbeat upon hearing Erik’s name, and Charles quickly pulls himself out of your mind as he shakes his head, appearing nonchalant despite his startling discover. He, like everyone else, had assumed you didn’t like Erik, yet what he had just seen in your mind had proved otherwise.

Charles stops you before you can try to answer his question. “Actually, no matter. I think I might know where he is. Thank you, y/n.”

Before you can stop him, he spins around in his armchair, gently closing the door behind him, mind rattling as he decides how to process his newfound information.

—

Erik passes by you in the hallway as he walks beside Charles, meekly raising his hand as he attempts to wave hello, but you pass by him without so much as a glance. Your name leaves his lips, yet so quietly that even Charles struggles to hear his friend. Erik turns to look over his shoulder as he watches your retreating back turn the corner, before turning to Charles and asking, “Why do you think y/n hates me?”

Charles doesn’t respond, instead avoiding eye contact as he now knows the truth. It had been weeks since he had read your mind, and he feels like he owes it to his friend to tell him, tell him that the girl he’s so in love with indeed loves him back despite her facade, yet he knows better than to spill such a huge secret of yours. Erik lets out a defeated sigh, shoulders slumping as he looks back at the corner again, a wordless plea for you to come back just so he can see you again. “She barely even looks at me.”

“How can you be so certain it’s because she hates you?” Charles asks, raising an eyebrow at Erik, trying his best to hint at your hidden affection for him, yet Erik shakes his head firmly, his impression of you solid in his mind.

“I doubt it’s anything else.” Erik replies, exasperated. “I mean, it couldn’t possibly be because-”

“She loves you, Erik.” Charles interjects quietly, unable to contain himself and watch Erik torture himself over your every move any longer. Erik scoffs, clearly in disbelief, before he registers Charles’ serious expression, and Erik has to remind himself that Charles is a telepath, after all. 

Erik’s mouth opens, stumbling over his shocked words, before he suddenly spins on his heel, sprinting in the direction you had just walked down, leaving Charles alone as he shakes his head. Erik finds you in your room, the door slightly ajar as you perch yourself on your bed, thumbing over a page of your book before your eyes flicker to the door upon hearing it creak open. You startle upright as Erik walks into the room, eyes narrowing as you ask, “Can I help you, Erik?”

“I know.” he simply says, and your heart skips a beat. Despite the vagueness of his statement, despite the infinite possibilities that could accompany it, from the way Erik looks at you, you almost can immediately tell what he is referring to. Slightly breathless, he repeats, “I… I know.”

The two of you stare at each other, almost frozen in place as your heart beats louder now, ringing in your ears like an exploding bomb with each beat. Erik can feel himself struggling with his words, and he balls his hands into fists, angry at himself for not being more eloquent around you when there are so many things he wants to tell you.

The words he finally manages to say, the words that finally manage to spill out of his lips are, “And I’ve been in love with you too, this whole time, this whole damn time, and I’m- I’m sorry I couldn’t say it earlier.”

Almost immediately, the brick wall of your expression crumbles, eyes brightening as finally, finally, Erik sees the beautiful smile that he fell in love with appear on your face. It only grows by the second, and Erik only falls more and more in love. 

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[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Eighteen: Kindness ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina, bullying ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

People are so quick to undervalue kindness. They see it as weakness, a useless act that just costs you in the end.

For a while...he was one of them. To be soft was to have vulnerabilities. People only respect you when you are strong. When you let nothing get to you. When you keep your face a blank mask and your heart a hard stone.

He’d been weak when he was young. Then he and his brother lost their parents...and Sasuke learned just how cruel the world could be. How cruel people could be. A huge portion of his life was...gone.

And for that...he was bullied. Teased. Terrorized. Empathy was nowhere to be found in those his age. Instead, they sensed weakness...and took advantage.

It was then Sasuke swore...never again would be be soft. Never again would he expose open wounds. From then on, despite his tender age, Sasuke became cold. Aloof. Closed off from everyone around him. Even his older brother - his hero, his savior, his last link to family so close - had trouble prying him open and seeing what lay hidden within.

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Itachi...but he still shied from his aunt and cousin. If he was to avoid any and all pain - any chance of being needled - he had to maintain his new facade at all costs. To all people.

He fell into cliche after cliche. Dark clothes. Loud music. Isolated, singular hobbies. His dark, edgy persona still gave him a kind of allure, and he had to warn off girl after girl that insisted they would be the light to his shadow. Convinced they were somehow a cure for all of his problems.

Tch...shallow brats that failed to grasp his reasoning...thus, he would never relent to them. If anything...they only served to push him further away.

There was only one person he regularly tolerated...and after a while, he wasn’t even sure the reasons why anymore. Naruto was loud, obnoxious, forward, and prying. He was always trying to drag the Uchiha out and get him into all kinds of hijinks and shenanigans. Most of the time, Sasuke just found him annoying.

...but maybe a small part of him appreciated the distraction. Someone who didn’t give up.

Like he already had.

By the time high school rolls around, he’s as embroiled in his persona as ever. It gets him his fair share of mockery, especially from older students. “Edgelord” he’s called. “Emo”. “Wannabe”. As if his trauma is no longer valid after so long. As if it’s him using the deaths of his parents as a weapon...and not everyone else.

Whatever…

He doesn’t particularly care about school. He does fine in his classes, hardly giving effort but still managing good grades. It drives Naruto up the wall. Part of him can’t help but be amused.

Odds are, he could have gone through their entire high school career without incident. Their school is big enough, they could have gone four years without crossing paths.

But fate has other ideas.

“Hey!”

Eyes drawn to the shout, Sasuke glances over in the hallway after the final class of the day gives out. On the floor is a rather tiny looking freshman he doesn’t know, a binder beside her having vomited papers as it fell. And in front of her is another girl, who stands toe to toe with an upperclassman nearly twice her size. She’s short, figure hard to determine in her baggy clothes. But there’s a stubborn set to her jaw as she looks up at what he assumes is the aggressor.

Well, this ought to be interesting.

“What?”

“You did that on p-purpose!”

There’s a snicker at her stutter. “And what if I did?”

“Apologize!”

“Yeah, right. I got better things to do with my time, shorty. Outta the way, or you’ll be the next one on the floor.”

“That attitude might make you feel powerful, but in the end it will o-only dead-end you. Bullies always end up sad, alone, and regretful.”

He gives a scoff, temper clearly burning away his aloof humor. “You sure got a mouth on you for a tiny little freshie. Clearly you dunno how things work in high school. You small fries stay of my way, and I don’t have to kick your ass. Your friend didn’t heed that too well, and now she’s on the floor. And if you don’t listen, then -”

“Then what?”

Two pairs of eyes both look over, spotting a hip-cocked Sasuke, hands in his pockets. The bully gives him a once-over, and snorts. “What, you her bodyguard, asshole? Finally crawl out of Hot Topic long enough to come to school?”

“Long enough to kick your ass if you don’t leave her alone.” Sasuke gives a smirk. “Bet I won’t even chip my nail polish,” he drawls, tone dripping with sarcasm.

“You’ve gone from cheeky to plain stupid, pal.”

“I’m not your pal. And you’re not nearly as tough as you think you are. If you really get off on picking on freshmen girls and name-calling, you need to find some new hobbies.”

The upperclassman’s jaw grits. “Don’t make me beat that grin off your face.”

“Go ahead, resort to violence. Just means I get the clear to defend myself. And given I’ve got eight years of self defense training...I’m willing to bet I can have you pinned in thirty seconds flat. Or...you could shuffle your neanderthal ass down the hallway and move on with your life. Otherwise, I’ll gladly humiliate you in public if that’s what you’re into.”

Face blooming bright red with temper, he seems to weigh Sasuke’s words as if trying to decide if he’s bluffing or not. In the end, he spits on his jacket before barreling past him, a few others following close behind.

Sasuke just glares from the corner of his eyes. He needs to wash this thing, anyway.

Kneeling down, the plucky girl helps her companion gather up her papers. “I’m sorry...but at least he’s gone.”

“It’s fine…I’m used to it…”

“Well you shouldn’t have to be.”

Somber face clearly not conveying any faith in such an idea, she just hugs the binder to her chest before keeping on her way.

Left behind, the other girl watches her go, expression a mixture of disappointment and glum acceptance.

“You’ve got some nerve, demanding an apology out of someone like that.”

Pale eyes glance to him a bit coolly. “...no one should act that way. It was mean and uncalled for.”

“That’s just life,” Sasuke counters. “The big guys pick on the little guys. Questioning it usually just gets you bruised.”

“You stood up to him, didn’t you?”

“Because he was about to mop the floor with you. And because I wasn’t lying about being able to handle him. You, on the other hand, don’t look quite so capable...no offense.”

“...none taken.” She sighs. “...I just...I can’t understand an attitude like that. How can people be so...mean?”

“No idea. They just are. You either let it get to you, or you buck up and grow enough shell to ignore it.”

“There’s no third option?”

“What third option?”

“Standing up against it! I’m not about to let some jerks intimidate me into silence! No matter what anybody else does to me, or says to me...I’ll still choose kindness. I can’t let it get to me. And I’m not about to let it change me, either.”

That earns an amused snort. “Whatever you want to tell yourself.”

She looks to him openly. “...I remember you.”

“Huh?”

“You’re the one who...lost his parents. In elementary school. Sasuke…?”

Dark eyes blink in surprise. “...and?”

“...I just thought someone like you would value kindness, given what you...w-what you went through.”

“...I learned that kindness is for suckers and weaklings. I didn’t get sympathy back then. I got harassment and bullying. That’s when I learned that it’s easier to feel nothing than let people hurt you like that.”

“...if that was true...why did you step in?”

He doesn’t respond.

“If that was true, then you should have just left me to figure that out myself, right?” She loosely folds her arms, considering him. “...what you did was kind. You didn’t have to help me. You chose to. Isn’t that a bit contradictory…?”

Sasuke scowls, brow furrowing. “...tch, whatever.”

A hint of a smile lifts her lips. “...well, either way...t-thank you. Hopefully he won’t mess with her again.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

“That’s why I said ‘hopefully’. It might not be likely...but I’ll still hope.”

What a weird girl… “...I gotta get home.” He’s surprised Itachi hasn’t come looking for him yet to drive him. How long has he even been standing here? Ten minutes?

“...me too. Bye, Sasuke…”

“You’re not gonna tell me your name?”

“...you care?”

“Might as well.”

A moment to consider him. “...Hinata.”

“Right...well, try not to stick your nose into any more trouble, Hinata.”

She just smiles. “I can’t make any promises...but maybe you’ll lend me a hand again, right?”

“Don’t count on something you don’t know.”

Hands fold behind her back, still smiling. “...call it a gut feeling.” With that, she gives a nod before making her way down the now-empty hallway.

...weird. Him, kind? Yeah right...it was just a random inclination. Doesn’t mean anything. He’s not about to go soft. Especially for some girl he hardly knows.

...still...she remembered who he was. Wasn’t snide about it. That was...interesting.

Mulling it over a moment longer, he then just shrugs, heading toward his locker. Well, it’s not going to happen again. No sense wasting time thinking about it.

It’s not like he’ll see her again.

                                                         .oOo.

     It's late OTL      Not sure I like this too much, but...it's done. Wanted to do more, but today was long and busy so my writing window was pushed late / cut short, blegh.      Sasuke tries to be a tough guy. Hinata refuses to let the world make her hard. Maybe Sasuke's not as rigid as he seems...      Anyway...that's all out of me for tonight. Thanks for reading~