#he rly liked sodom and gomorrah

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Gabriel: For the crime of betraying heaven and dating a demon...

Aziraphale: Uh. I'm not dating Crowley

Gabriel: Lying is only going to make the situation worse. We have evidence!

Sandalphom: *shows photos of Crowley and Aziraphale lunch dates and holding hands at the park*

Aziraphale: That's just things we do as friends.

Micael: Mayhaps, but aren't you two a queerplatonic couple?

Aziraphale: A what?

Gabriel: *trying to not show he also has no idea what a queerplatonic couple is* hahahaha you're telling the truth.

Aziraphale: Why is this funny?

Micael: Let me get this right. You followed every single dating procedure to the point is punishable. Not only that but you betrayed us for your demon's sake-

Aziraphale: It was also for Earth's sake. I mean of course a part of it was for Crowley and our friendship but also stopping Earth for ending being the endgoal shows that saving the plane and it's inhabitants was a major player on my decision. Clearly?

Micael: *ignoring him* You did all that... and you're not even dating the demon?

Aziraphale:.. yes

Gabriel: *still laughting* Only you, sunshine, only you. Failing to date the demon you're getting punished for dating.

Micael: You know what I think we should send you back... see if you at least suceeds at dating the demon and them we punish you.

Sandalphom: *that really wanted to see a punishement happenig* What? Gabriel say something.

Gabriel: That's... genial, Micael.

Aziraphale: *confused but hey is a free pass* Is it? I mean it is!

Sandalphom: Why? Isn't it better that he didn't date the demon?

Gabriel: It's embarassing. What type of angel fails at a simple task like that? He likes the demon, the demon likes him at least say it to each other for heaven's sake! We trained him better.

Micael: Yeah. That's too much of a loser behavior, I don't want to make an example out of a loser. I'm here to punish a traitor.

Gabriel: You heard the lady, Aziraphale, chop chop, go date your demon so we can punish you for dating the demon.

[back at the shop]

Crowley: Angel! You're back! I was very worried. Had a cool plan to infiltrate upstairs and all.

Aziraphale: *shaking his head foundly* Of course you did, dear boy.

Crowley: Pray tell, how did you escape the archangels?

Aziraphale: *red as a tomato* I don't wanna talk about it.

-//-

[[Bônus ]]

Aziraphale: *reading about queerplatonic relationships* Crowley! Crowley! Look at that, my dear, I think we have one of those.

Crowley: *reads the page Azi is showing him* Yeah. It checks out.

*nothing about their relationship changes at all*

[[[At heaven]]]

Sandalphom: Micael, Micael, we finally can punish Aziraphale.

Micael: Are you sure? They have exactally the same dinamic they did and they weren't dating then.

Sandalphom: I think I heard they say they had a queerplatonic relationship to that wich girl once.

Micael: Did you check with Gabriel?

Sandaphom: He is watching The Sound of Music.

Micael: Oh Lord! You think it will last ten years again?

Sandalphom: I hope not. I still have Do-Re-Mi flasbacks.

[equalseleventhirds]

aziraphale sensing that crowley’s plants are terrified and trying to be nice to them to make them feel better: good, sweet, nice, what a cute, an absolute angel

aziraphale being totally oblivious to the plants being terrified and just assuming crowley’s really good at gardening or something, may compliment crowley’s green thumb while the plants tremble in the background: fucking Hilarious and Believable from this dumbass angel who once implied that people must love living in london even tho he didn't feel love there

aziraphale being totally aware of crowley’s horrifying plant growing methods and deciding to ignore it bcos that’s crowley’s home and crowley’s plants and crowley’s business and he may thwart wiles but generally when human souls are at stake not in crowley’s own home, and also it works doesn’t it, and perhaps he is quietly impressed bcos it’s not like heaven doesn’t do the exact same shit to humans but crowley has at least figured out how to make it effective: he's a BASTARD this is ON BRAND