#i bully azi a lot because i kin him

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Gabriel: For the crime of betraying heaven and dating a demon...

Aziraphale: Uh. I'm not dating Crowley

Gabriel: Lying is only going to make the situation worse. We have evidence!

Sandalphom: *shows photos of Crowley and Aziraphale lunch dates and holding hands at the park*

Aziraphale: That's just things we do as friends.

Micael: Mayhaps, but aren't you two a queerplatonic couple?

Aziraphale: A what?

Gabriel: *trying to not show he also has no idea what a queerplatonic couple is* hahahaha you're telling the truth.

Aziraphale: Why is this funny?

Micael: Let me get this right. You followed every single dating procedure to the point is punishable. Not only that but you betrayed us for your demon's sake-

Aziraphale: It was also for Earth's sake. I mean of course a part of it was for Crowley and our friendship but also stopping Earth for ending being the endgoal shows that saving the plane and it's inhabitants was a major player on my decision. Clearly?

Micael: *ignoring him* You did all that... and you're not even dating the demon?

Aziraphale:.. yes

Gabriel: *still laughting* Only you, sunshine, only you. Failing to date the demon you're getting punished for dating.

Micael: You know what I think we should send you back... see if you at least suceeds at dating the demon and them we punish you.

Sandalphom: *that really wanted to see a punishement happenig* What? Gabriel say something.

Gabriel: That's... genial, Micael.

Aziraphale: *confused but hey is a free pass* Is it? I mean it is!

Sandalphom: Why? Isn't it better that he didn't date the demon?

Gabriel: It's embarassing. What type of angel fails at a simple task like that? He likes the demon, the demon likes him at least say it to each other for heaven's sake! We trained him better.

Micael: Yeah. That's too much of a loser behavior, I don't want to make an example out of a loser. I'm here to punish a traitor.

Gabriel: You heard the lady, Aziraphale, chop chop, go date your demon so we can punish you for dating the demon.

[back at the shop]

Crowley: Angel! You're back! I was very worried. Had a cool plan to infiltrate upstairs and all.

Aziraphale: *shaking his head foundly* Of course you did, dear boy.

Crowley: Pray tell, how did you escape the archangels?

Aziraphale: *red as a tomato* I don't wanna talk about it.

-//-

[[Bônus ]]

Aziraphale: *reading about queerplatonic relationships* Crowley! Crowley! Look at that, my dear, I think we have one of those.

Crowley: *reads the page Azi is showing him* Yeah. It checks out.

*nothing about their relationship changes at all*

[[[At heaven]]]

Sandalphom: Micael, Micael, we finally can punish Aziraphale.

Micael: Are you sure? They have exactally the same dinamic they did and they weren't dating then.

Sandalphom: I think I heard they say they had a queerplatonic relationship to that wich girl once.

Micael: Did you check with Gabriel?

Sandaphom: He is watching The Sound of Music.

Micael: Oh Lord! You think it will last ten years again?

Sandalphom: I hope not. I still have Do-Re-Mi flasbacks.

[sorrens]

okay so...heaven’s kinda toxic, right?

I saw a post (and then promptly lost track of it) about how Gabriel’s comments about Aziraphale’s weight might have caused him some insecurity. I’ve been thinking a lot about how the dynamics of heaven are portrayed but when I framed it in terms of eating pathology, well, it’s giving me a great big heart breaking feeling .

And yes, Angels don’t need to eat etc. But if a certain demon can develop PTSD after his fall then let’s just say psychiatry can apply to supernatural entities if their environment is sufficiently f-cked up.

Let’s say for the sake of the exercise that Heaven and the angels are Aziraphale’s “family” or kin or whatever term you want to use. It’s such a toxic environment. There’s gaslighting, bullying, people aren’t allowed to ask questions (/cough/ Crowley’s fate), rampant miscommunication, unrealistic expectations and no social supports (have we ever seen Azi have a decent convo with an angel who wasn’t intimidating him? Answer’s no). What’s more Azi is questioning his allegiances and maybe even his sexuality or lack thereof. Every one of these on their own is enough to precipitate disordered eating and all together it’s a clusterfuck.

Throw in Gabriel’s comments about his weight, right when the apocalypse seems certain, he’s lost his support system (just broke up with Crowley at the bandstand) and things are out of Azi’s control. Without the control and guidance from heaven and given his perfectionism, it’s not unrealistic to hypothesise that an eating disorder is a surefire coping strategy for bringing order to a confused and chaotic existence.

I know that EDs tend to be a gradual thing, lord I know. But just looking at the angel’s situation and comparing it to every accepted model of developing disordered eating… there is nothing that doesn’t fit in to the formula.

My poor heart.

I’d fic this. I may fic this in the future but I’ve just got off a 12 hour shift so I can’t English at the moment. I’ll probably come back and read this in the morning like “wtf” but I had to put it out there on the inter webs because my brain gave me pain and now I share.