#he saw how much love there was on the internet for this middle aged immortal queer couple and he was like

[tryingonametaphor]

favourite headcanon right now is that 20 year old mike wheeler wrote a good omens fanfic in 1991 using one of his university computers after he read the book for the first time, and then 48 year old mike wheeler watched the tv adaptation with his partner of 29 years and finally posted that fic on ao3

[duhragonball]

Battle Tendency Liveblog: JJBA Ch. 65-66

This is the start of the “Ultimate Warriors from Ancient Times” arc, but I want to focus on these two chapters because they feature Mark.   I’ve got a lot to say about Mark under the cut, but the short version is that he’s a lousy Nazi and he deserves everything that happens to him.

A large chunk of Chapter 65 is just Caesar hanging out in Joseph and Speedwagon’s hotel room.   They try to play cards, but they’re both cheats.  This wouldn’t bother me at all until Speedwagon points out that he’s been here for eight hours, and never bothered to explain why.   You’d think Joseph would have demanded an answer a long time ago, since he’s not known for patience.  

As it turns out, Caesar’s been waiting for Mark, a buddy of his in the German Army.   Stroheim was in the German Army too, and he told Joseph that the Nazis had discovered three other Pillar Men in Rome.   That’s why he and Speedwagon came here, after all.    Well, Caesar’s an Italian, and Italy and Germany are allies, so Caesar managed to persuade the Germans (through Mark) to let him take a look at the Pillar Men.    So in this chapter, Mark rolls up in a car and drives them over to the site. 

But we already know what happened at the site in Chapter 64.   The Pillar Men have already reawakened, and all the Nazi soldiers stationed there have been slaughtered.   When Mark leads our heroes into the catacombs, they find the remains of the Germans, while Mark bumps into the Pillar Men themselves.  (Note: the above image is not to scale).

The thing is, bumping into the Pillar Men is hazardous to your health.    We saw that vampire grab Santana and large chunks of his body were completely absorbed.   The same thing happens to Mark, only faster, because Wamuu doesn’t even slow down as he walks past him.    He just walks right through Mark and half of his body is gone.  

So when I first watched the JoJo anime, it was right after I watched the Hellsing Ultimate anime, and I got a kick out of seeing two completely different anime takes on vampire lore.   Let’s face it, the Pillar Men are presented as something beyond mere vampires, but they’re basically just super-vampires, not so different from Alucard in Hellsing.    And both make use of the Nazis, except in Hellsing, the Nazis are the villains, while in Battle Tendency, they’re kinda sorta allies.  Stroheim is clearly a bad guy, because he killed his prisoners and tormented Speedwagon, but Mark is presented as a completely sympathetic person.   He’s got a sweetheart back home, Caesar’s the one who introduced them, and he’s planning to get married the next time he goes back to Germany.   And for his very brief appearance in JJBA, he’s completely friendly and helpful to the heroes.   We’re supposed to feel very sorry for him when he gets killed here.  

Part 2 is my favorite, but I think this stands out as it’s biggest flaw.   I get the idea.    Hellsing was dealing with a lot of dark themes, and the protagonists were horrifying in their own right.   So Kouta Hirano used the Nazis as villains to humanize his vampire characters.    By contrast, Hirohiko Araki seems to be using the Nazis to dehumanize the Pillar Men.   They’re so evil that even the Nazis look halfway decent by comparison.   At least the Nazis are human, with human loves and fears and honor.    The Pillar Men kill Mark without even noticing him, and Speedwagon likens this to a human stepping on an ant.     I get what Araki is trying to do here, but it rings hollow.    Fuck Mark, and fuck his Nazi fiance.  The first time we see him, we get a close up of his Iron Cross medal, with the damn swastika in the middle of it.    We’re supposed to buy into the idea that he’s “one of the good Germans”, and it’s 1938, so World War II hasn’t officially started yet, so somehow Mark is supposed to be cool.   But no, I don’t buy it.

Let me go off on a little sidebar and try to explain how we got here.   Battle Tendency was published in 1988.   Back then, Hitler had been dead for decades, and Germany had been partitioned into two countries, East and West Germany.   The Nazis seemed to have been consigned to the dustbin of history, and as time passed, pop culture grew more comfortable using the Nazis as historical villains in stories like this one.    There was a sense that yeah, the Nazis were really bad, but they were gone now, and they would never come back.   I think there was a similar mentality surrounding the Soviet Union after the U.S.S.R. dissolved.    By the 2000′s there were all sorts of internet memes about Nazi stuff and Soviet stuff and it was rationalized as harmless envelope-pushing. 

The problem is, it doesn’t seem so harmless in 2021, when Russia is a autocracy that meddles in U.S. elections, emboldening white nationalists in the process.   The “alt-right” fanatics who marched in Charlottesville in 2017?   The rioters who stormed the Capitol building this past January?   Those assholes probably wouldn’t call themselves Nazis, but neither did the Nazis.   They called themselves “National Socialists”, because they were trying to make their ugly policies sound more legitimate.   The same holds true for “alt-right”, “economic nationalist”, “Qanon”, “truther”, and so on.   They’re just new labels for the same old horseshit.  

I don’t want to judge Battle Tendency too harshly, because it’s the product of a different time, an era when people could at least pretend that Nazism was one of the few problems that we didn’t have to worry about any more.   The same mentality can be found in Hellsing.   The Nazis in Hellsing are definitely villains, but the conceit is that they’re all immortal vampires or werewolves, because that’s the only way the Nazi menace could possibly exist in 1999.    Otherwise, they’d all be dead of old age.   Battle Tendency is set in 1938, so it takes the liberty of presenting sympathetic Nazis, because we already know they’ll be defeated in the end, right?   We might as well see what makes them tick.  

Araki may have thought that using Nazis in a story set in the 1930s would be no different than using Napoleonic French soldiers in a story set in the 1800s.  And in the long run, that might be true, but I don’t think we’re there yet.   In the here and now, it’s aged rather poorly.  

Of course, just because Caesar and Joseph feel bad for Mark doesn’t mean I have to.   And Araki may have been more self-aware than I’m giving him credit for.    Nazi Germany wanted to set itself up as the Master Race, and in this fictional world, the Pillar Men have come to do the same thing, only they’re much, much further ahead of the game.   I think part of the point of Stroheim and Mark was to contrast the Nazis’ supreamcist attitudes with Kars’ ambitions.   For all of Stroheim’s boasting, he’s helpless against Kars’ might.   But at the same time, for all of Kars’ power and brilliance, he’s ultimately chasing the same pipe dream as Hilter and his followers.  

Let’s get back on track.    While the good guys react in horror at what happened to Mark, the Pillar Men just stand around nearby and discuss their situation.   They completely ignore our heroes, just like they ignored Mark.   Kars wants to locate the Red Stone of Aja, because it’s the secret ingredient to the mask he designed that will make them immune to sunlight.   Esidisi doesn’t understand how the stone helps their plan, but he’s totally on board.    But as they head out, Wamuu suddenly attacks Kars, because Kars stepped in his shadow, and apparently Wamuu just lashes out at anyone who does this, friend or foe.   

Wamuu is deeply sorry for this, and begs to be punished, but Kars apologizes instead, because he knows about Wamuu’s whole shadow thing and he feels that he’s the one who made the mistake here.  I really love this exchange, because it defines the Pillar Men so well.    As indifferent as they are to human lives, they respect one another a great deal.   Kars is the leader, but he still treats the other two guys like close associates.    He needs Wamuu’s sharp senses and keen warrior instincts.   Meanwhile, Wamuu and Eisidisi practically worship Kars like a god.   They’ve literally followed him around the world and across thousands of years in pursuit of his vision. 

So yeah, if the goal here was to use Mark’s suffering to make me hate the Pillar Men, it doesn’t work.  The Pillar Men are evil, sure, but they’re pretty cool bad guys.   On the other hand, Mark looks ridiculous here, with Caesar holding and talking to half of his body.   This looks like something out of a Tex Avery cartoon.   

I mean, let’s set aside the whole Nazi thing for a moment.   Why should I feel sorry for Mark?  Because he’s in pain?   He got cut in half!   He should have died instantly!    Because he was going to get married?   We only met this guy one chapter ago!   Because he’s Caesar’s friend?  Well Caesar’s kind of a jerk too.  

Anyway, Mark begs Caesar to kill him and end his suffering, so Caesar uses the Ripple to stop his heart.    Or the half of it that’s still there, I guess.   

Okay, so the whole point of Mark’s death is to really get the good guys fired up to battle the Pillar Men, right?    Okay, Caesar tries to take them on, and he opens with the Bubble Launcher, the same move he talked about earlier.   It didn’t beat Joseph, but Caesar’s Hamon power does hurt Wamuu’s skin, which is more than Joseph managed to do against Santana.  

The Bubble Launcher is supposed to surround the opponent with dozens of soap bubbles charged with Hamon energy.  Wamuu can’t escape without touching them and getting hurt.   But Wamuu just sprouts all these long braids from his head and clothes, and swings them around with superhuman precision to know the bubbles away without hurting himself.  

As it turns out, these Pillar Men are familiar with Hamon.   Santana was surprised to encounter Joseph Joestar’s powers, but Wamuu and the others have fought Ripple users in the past.    And Wamuu’s more intrigued than worried...

Oh, as one final aside, on the car ride to the catacombs, Speedwagon asked Caesar if he tried to use the Ripple to destroy the Pillar Men before they woke up, and Caesar explains that it didn’t work while they were in their dormant state.   Remember, at the very start of this story, Speedwagon called Straizo because he wanted someone to use the Ripple to destroy Santana before he could wake up.   Now we see that even if Straizo had agreed to his request, it wouldn’t have done any good.   Sunlight doesn’t seem to kill the Pillar Men so much as it makes them turn to stone, and the Ripple only hurts them while they’re flesh and blood.   So the only way to kill them seems to be by using Hamon in a direct confrontation, and that’s a tall order...

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Witcher Of The Night (Chapter 3)

THIS IS MODERN ERA READER WHO WOKE UP IN THE DIMENSION OF THE WITCHER.

CHAPTER 2

Characters: Geralt of Rivia x small!Naive!Reader

Summary: Y/N seem to have woken up with a panic attack and with questions inside her head about on how she would come back to her world. Geralt may have said a solution to it, but it was rather difficult to achieve. Furthermore, it seems as if there was another thing difficult to attain as well which leaves him upset and frustrated with everything. No matter how you were out of place in Geralt's family, you couldn't help but still feel that peculiar warmth you wanted to feel forever.

Warnings: No modern references in this one except for fried chicken. Story title insertion! *wink wink nudge nudge* A lot of Jaskier, Geralt and Ciri banters and a soft but kinda rough Geralt in this one because of certain circumstances. THERE'S TENSION IF Y'ALL BE FEELING IT. AHONHONHON. Mention of Yennefer of Vengerberg in this one. Also explanation of portals and mention of potions used in the game. A lot of talking, less action. You’ll get your action and ANGST on the next chapterSSSSS! 

Words: 6,570+ (LONGGGGGGG AF! I WAS SHOOKTH!)

A/N: Reader is between 5'1 or 5'. You can imagine a 4'11 one if you want to! I JUST REALIZED...HOW...SHE'LL....THEY'LL....ALRIGHT, GET WRECKED, READER! 😅🤣🤣 

TAGLIST IS STILL OPEN FOR THIS ONE! Heehee! Don’t forget to REBLOG, COMMENT OR GIVE FEEDBACK IF YOU DID LOVE THIS CHAPTER! IT’LL MAKE ME SMILE!

Taglist: @alyxkbrl​ @himarisolace​ @barkingbullfrog​ @ayamenimthiriel​ @hellodevilslittlesister​ @vania-marie​ @spookypeachx​ @grungelovebug​ @fangirl-inthe-us​ @nympeth​ @missjenniferb  (I couldn’t tag you bud! A different blog was popping out of the recommendation and it wasn’t your blog. Though, I’ll try again on the next update! Don’t worry!) @amirahiddleston​ @gabethelobster​ @dreaming-about-starfleet​ @uncoolcloudyhead @melaninstylezz​ 

Disclaimer: PNG's used in edits are not mine even the GIF's too. However, the edits and oneshots are definitely from moi. Characters, places and said monsters aren't from moi as well. I’ve taken it from the games.

MY WORKS ARE NOT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOT TO BE POSTED ON ANY OTHER WEBSITES. My official username in Wattpad is “TATATHEPOTATO” and that’s the only other site I have for writing aside from Tumblr. Thank you, Tater tots!

The sun's rays cascaded on your face. Smell of burned out Oak wood whiffed through the air and filled your senses as faded voices suddenly become apparent for no reason, or probably a reason for you to wake up from your uncomfortable sleeping position.

Was it the TV? You thought to yourself, scrunching your nose from the sun that hit your face and merely from the dust that was flying all over the place. As much as you've remembered, cleaning has been your habit at home and having a dirty apartment was unfamiliar.

The rays of the sun was suddenly hidden from a body who had to lean down to take a good look at your face. You've hardly squinted your eye to blur out the television in the background, shifting your head around and leaning fully on your forehead instead to avoid your cat named Jafar from sniffing your face.

"Princess Cirilla," Geralt deeply groused, his grim seeming to be felt by how brooding he had to put up; inches away from Jaskier and Cirilla who were close to you and around the table, watching you sleep like a baby.

The light blonde princess who had bright ocean blue eyes demanded with a soft kick to the ground, "But, Geralt!" she bellowed with a huff, "I wanna be her friend! You lads aren't fun to be with!"

"She won't stay long, Cirilla. She isn't from our world," Geralt droned and felt the enervation of not having his sleep last night. You were weeping like a toddler all night and his heightened senses weren't helping himself when he could hear those snuffles echoing as he shifted and turned all over on his side of the bed.

It was beyond terrible and utmost irksome.

His initial thought was to help a screaming lady sprinting in the middle of the woods and shoo her off when he's done killing the creature hunting her down. He didn't expect for her to live with them after he did so' just like how Ciri eventually landed on his hands for him to take care of. Amazingly, the adoption he had consist of an explanation, a royal offer from the kingdom of Cintra that involves the Law Of Surprise unlike with you; there was none. Not even a justification as to why you were there with them.

Saving Y/N didn't mean another adoption was up to claim and for him to protect with all his life.

Jaskier sat on the wooden chair in front of you as he deliberated and tried to understand your situation in his own creative wits, "You mean a Teleporter?"

Geralt shook his head, eyes narrowing as he looked at you from the side; assessing your whole ordeal and trying to get a gist of magic in your veins, "No, Jaskier." Howbeit, he'd felt none and it was frustrating the Witcher, "---She doesn't possess magic, I can sense it."

The bard shrugged and disregarded his opinions, giving Geralt a once over before focusing on your hair; momentarily plucking out a small leaf out of your hair which erupted a cock of Geralt's head as he watched Jaskier having no fraught from touching you.

"You know that senses of yours aren't exactly a hundred percent accurate when you've got kicked by a Kikimore and bitten by Ghouls,"

His expression was stoic, glowering before them both and especially from Jaskier's comment. Cirilla had her delicate fingers clasp together and over the side of her face as she admired your sleeping face, "She's so adorable while she sleeps!" she continued to cajole, "---Even a little shorter than me! Maybe she's my age and we can play!"

"She isn't," Geralt ceased her admiration and shook his head, beautiful gold eyes staring at your face that shifted and was now face front as to where he stood from afar, "How certain are you about that? You've only met her last night!"

Jaskier had his fist on his chin, deliberately looking at Geralt with that knowing look.

The Witcher lowly hummed in ponder. Focal point on your sleeping face with a stoic expression, trying to distinguish your length of life from the moment you were born, "Y/N must be in between the age of twenty to twenty-five,"

Cirilla had her eyebrows in a twist as she moved around to take a closer look at you again, a frown from the information that has been said, "But, she looks younger than her age!"

"Not at least in between ninety? or exactly a hundred? Like you, Geralt?" Jaskier added to the dispute. His query making Geralt sigh because he has been repeating the idea like a slow idiot.

"She doesn't possess some sorts of magic nor is she mutated, Bard."

"Maybe she possesses the power of immortality!"

He glared at the bard who gave him a shrug, Jaskier's face still dead beat from how his nap has been ruined prior to the night, but he had more sleep than Geralt did considering he wasn't a Witcher and had senses that not any normal human may possess.

"So her name is Y/N?! Why didn't you wake me up to welcome our visitor?!" The girl in a mint green Kirtle exclaimed, their voices finally coming to your senses and realizing that it wasn't your television nor was it your cat's breath on your face. You whimpered in an attempt to wake yourself up; yawning in the process and languidly bringing your head up for it to be bent at an angle with your arm on the table and fist on your temple.

"You were sleeping," Geralt began, resolving her dismay at the situation at hand, "--and there was a beast, Princess. It was hunting her down,"

"Oh, poor Y/N," Cirilla frowned a tighter one, eyeing you down and peeking from under your arm as she noticed the bruises on your face. She took a second before straightening her back, the braid she'd fixed never turning higgley-piggledy because of how tight and proper it was. A look of interest sent to the Witcher by the princess of Cintra herself and now the future queen ahead, "But, did you kill it, Geralt?"

Their voices seem to be recognizable, the two men of some sort and the kid's voice completely unfamiliar for you. Repetitive blinks full of fatigue before having the energy to sleepily place your chin on your fist, a blurry image of a youthful, lean body and a pretty face of a man sitting in front you coming clearer as you blinked again.

"Isn't it such a sight to wake up to your bruising face early in the morning, small rat."

Your face turned into a tight frown at the image sitting before you. The pillow of your lip jutting out in a pout when you've scanned the whole place and saw Geralt standing with a stern expression on his face, behind a kid who looked taller than you and extremely pretty.

The house even looked more old and primitive in the morning like you're currently living in history which made you groan to yourself because you haven't teleported back to your home as Jaskier said last night.

Great. Just great. You thought in the back of your mind before grumbling, "Can you...stab me with your sword right now?"

The question was sent to the Witcher despite of staring fully on the table. You didn't hear an answer from him as per usual and felt your anxiety rising through your head in agitation like a lighter sparking the gas. It's travelling too fast that you haven't realized the panic shooting wildly.

"I'm still here," you bawled, "I'm still here," and repeated over and over like a dinosaur jumping on rocks whenever google doesn't have internet. The panic was beginning to boil, making your fingers tremble in apprehension as you've struggled to keep in place on your seat, your feet on the ground shaking from the worry. Both hands gripping on your roots as you began to bawl out because you couldn't scream out all your frustrations because that's not how you roll, "I've already slept, I thought I'll be waking up in my apartment already,"

Cirilla took a step back when you've started crying, looking over at Geralt to ask what was happening. Both men together were contemplating as to what was happening as the Bard reluctantly and very slowly stood up as his gaze was fixated on you who kept on mumbling in whispers. He ran behind Geralt like you were a possessed woman and actually thinking you were casting a spell because of how fast you were mumbling your feelings out loud, sounding incomprehensible to the ears of everyone except for Geralt.

Jaskier stood behind Geralt like a kitten shielding behind his mother, "Geralt! I told you! She's a sorceress! One like Yennefer! This is probably why you're fond of her!"

Cirilla examined your state and tried understanding what was happening, her nerves also unsettling about the fact that maybe you were possessed by black magic. Though, she doubt it because you should've attacked everyone already.

Hence, there you were in your own seat. Bawling your eyes out like a toddler who had been left by her parents.

"Geralt? Is she okay?" the pretty child questioned Geralt who stood behind her with a distant look on his face.

His eyes narrowed on you, continuing his perusal. He was trying to fathom what was running inside those mind of yours and when a tear fell and another sniff coming from your side of the cavern, he knew it. A slight turn of his head and his silent thoughts of understanding as he had seen you freaking out and crying like last night; he knew what was happening.

"She's...panicking. Utterly harmless, Jaskier. Just like how humans do unless you aren't actually one," Geralt nonchalantly informed the bard who was hiding behind his towering form. He watched you roughly wipe your tears with the back of your clothed hand; his sweater that was awfully big for you and continued to rant while he narrowed his eyes as your focus was now on the knife set on an empty soiled plate that Jaskier has left.

"I just wanna go home!"

His forehead creased to the extent of trying to figure you out. Shoulders slumping as he breathed out a ragged curse beneath his breath to further his dissatisfaction of your next move.

"Y/N!"

You were fast enough to grab onto the sharpened knife, aiming it to the sensitive portion of your neck. However, not fast enough for the Witcher to even let it happen.

The knife in your hand wasn't even lifted halfway for Geralt to know what you were going to do. He'd seen a lot of bloodshed and known enough people who wanted for their blood to drop out of their hands. It only took two steps for him to construct his onslaught before you've even tried to slit your throat before them.

Your choice of weapon has been sheathed away from you. The tall, brooding, brawny Witcher slightly bending you on the table as he pulled the knife away from your neck with just a grip that didn't even earned him a sweat. It was like taking candy from a baby. Yet, you were pretty much struggling a lot from his strength as you tried wrenching your wrist off his hold with Geralt hunching down before you and never letting go.

Those gold eyes were a charm against the rays of the sun cascading his face. Your faces close from each other and you can see the chagrin and fury swirling in his eyes rather than those plain, apathetic glimmer set in his eyes with a warmth you couldn't express. With that only being seen and stared at, you knew he was furious.

The scary witcher was losing his temper.

"Let me go, Geralt." you firmly stated, voice wavering and sounding small like you were being hunted by a cheetah. Geralt held his scowl better than he had to when he has seen you the first time and it wasn't faltering.

You tried wrenching your wrist away from the Witcher, but he pulled it back with no remorse. Keeping you in place as he seethed; Aurum eyes momentarily taking a glimpse of your dry, chapped lips that were inches apart before settling those peepers on yours again and he wanted to groan out loud for the unsettling emotion he was having, "I would like to see you try, Midget."

Geralt held your wrist tighter around his fingers because you were moving, though; the simple action was enough for you to stop and never even think about doing it again. The strength that he was using was not enough to inflict pain. "I don't need another person's blood on my hands,"

Some of his dirt-ivory colored hair fell on his face as he continued to fume. Expression thoroughly livid as he said those words like it was burnt till dust, a history that should've been left forgotten but was now relived because of your forsaken act.

His warm breath hit your face and you couldn't move at all, like you were powerless and utter putty in his hands. You've heard a grumble vibrated out of his chest before snatching the knife off your fingers and quickly retreating from his position with a frustrated hum, leaving you exhaling out a breath you didn't know you were holding since he has grabbed onto you.

"Wha-what if dying is the only way to bring me back," you've tried to keep yourself in tact despite of the fast beating of your heart and the anomalous heat travelling all over your body. You shook the feeling off with a shake of your head as you continued; looking at Jaskier and Cirilla, avoiding the presence of the man who has been playing with your mind and human heart, "---I've slept, tried everything and still woke up in your house,"

The declaration sounded weak; completely despairing as you've seen Geralt saunter back to where he has been standing before you even tried to slit yourself alive. A tight moue that twisted his features from the act that has happened; filling utter disappointment as the rough crease of his wrinkles wanted to say.

But, he chose to stay silent rather than let out those emotions he was battling with.

You were completely an unorthodox to him. A picture he couldn't see and never wanted to even touch but hoped to imagine.

"I can feel you, I can touch everyone, I can feel sadness, despair, happiness, pain and a lot more," he felt your eyes on him as the first word has been said before reluctantly sharing gazes at the other two who were breathing when you've continued your articulation.

Nevertheless, the act that has happened made Jaskier and Cirilla's breaths hitch because they couldn't believe that it just happened in front of them like it was nothing.

It looked like Geralt has handled the situation well and you were suddenly okay. Just like that. A peculiarity of an event that they couldn't understand.

You've straightened your back and held your hopes high, dubiously taking a trek till you were in front of the people who were nice enough to give you shelter despite of not knowing you from the start; with a goodwill to even save you from an Alghoul that appeared out of nowhere when you should've died already when Geralt wouldn't have jumped into the picture.

But, no. You were still alive and you didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing as the protection came with a fair trade to be living in the world that they were in. A world where you still believed was in earth because of how human they appeared and felt. The only fragment that could keep you in doubt was the monsters that emerges out of nowhere and the magic that these people have been saying. A magic that can't be seen with the naked eye because you haven't seen a supernatural phenomenon yet.

Geralt gave a gravelly hum once you've settled your short self before him, the height differences apparent to the perspective of people. Geralt had his Herculean body in an assertive stance, broad-shoulders poised as you peered up at him with forlorn, the upset frown etched upon your face and he couldn't help but breath through his nose to compose himself.

"I need to go back, I gotta go back. Aren't you a witcher? Can't you cast a spell and help me?"

Jaskier and Cirilla had their forehead creased as they stared at the two. The beautiful child completely unaware of where you originated. She was deep in thought, thinking you came from any of the kingdom or if you were mutated as well just like Geralt because as been said by the witcher, you didn't belong in their world.

The man with glowing Aurum eyes sighed, "Witchers..don't work that way," he claimed with a slant of his head, eyeing you with gall and a slight pacified demeanor after losing his patience a while ago, "---I slaughter beasts, not brew the Fillet of a fenny snake with an eye of a newt nor cast a spell while mixing tons of shit in a cauldron like you thought I was,"

His disclosure was enough to make your heart fail from having faith again. It seems like every darn time he opens those luscious damn lips of him leaves you in a crestfallen shape or he just seems like the type to not give you hope with positive things like this which is why he was failing no matter if he wanted to give comfort.

You've washed your face with your hands in frustration, the fear rising for the second time this day and felt Geralt's heated stare on you, eyes shining in baffling fascination no matter how phlegmatic he wanted to appear. You can just see it in his eyes and it was odd because you've remembered how you couldn't read him like a book the night before, yet here you were; understanding how he tries to interact with you.  

"Then, who can help me? Is there a portal or some sort?"

His eyes looked away for a moment; deeply dwelling a thought inside his head. "Sorcerers create portals of natural phenomena and places that actually exist," the Witcher began roughly, voice utmost in the lowest timbre he could ever do and it almost made your body vibrate from his pitch, "---However, most sorcerers can only link portals to the world they're familiar with and that occurs in having the same witchcraft that a certain world creates," Geralt landed his bright eyes on you as he continued to ponder. An inevitable glower stamping his face as he went on with more information and a tight grimace, "---we aren't exactly certain about your world. But, the contingencies of casting a portal that should've been left untouched can cause upheaval or chaos not just to both worlds, but to the natural habitat and the future as well,"

Your frown was cut short, changing into an ample amount of confusion because of his explanation. Simply to say, the chances of creating a portal will jeopardize not just their world, but also earth as well. If you'll be wanting to cast a portal, there was a great amount of risk ahead.

Geralt continued his vouch, still engrossed at looking you in the eye like he wanted you to melt into a puddle. Your traitor of a heart skipping a beat as you've avoided his eyes and looked elsewhere, "---Which definitely leaves insignificance as to why you're lost in our world when there was no witchery encompassing that earth you call your kingdom,"

"So, there's no hope then?" you pointed out, sapless.

"It takes risks, Midget." Geralt lowly enunciated, the gravel in his voice seeming coherent as he mentioned the nickname he calls you. He looked to the ground, mind wandering off Wonderland as a scowl began to form again, like the next thing he wanted to say should've been kept and not mentioned ever again, "---And a very powerful sorcerer,"

Jaskier's ears perked at that, speculating and trying to involve himself with the topic at hand, his tongue waiting to be moved and for words to be told for reiteration, "Or sorceress," the bard boasted with a tone that made the witcher hiss back at him with contempt.

"Yennefer of Vengerberg could do the job well or some of her associates," the bard jested with a soft push of his elbow to Geralt's ribs, though it didn't even made him flinch. His nose flared back at him, giving him the stink eye before cussing him beneath his breath.

"Fuck off, Bard."

Cirilla ignored their laser eyes and tried to join in the conversation, "Who is Yennefer? I've been asking this since the last two last years!" she pondered, hesitantly raising her hand as if asking the teacher if it was time for her to spit out questions.

"Someone you shouldn't know, Cirilla,"

So, there was really hope. Even only a fourty-five percent of that aspiration you needed for your heart to be filled with faith. You nodded to yourself in understanding, leaving those other questions inside your head and asked straight to the point, "Who is Yennefer?"

Jaskier stepped a foot close, officially involving himself in the conversation with a smug grin on his face. His hands on his hips as he revealed with no shame, "Geralt's long lost love,"

Geralt had to close his eyes to calm himself down from the bard who kept on interjecting in the talk with you.

The princess of Cintra huffed, stomping a foot on the ground as she fixated her gaze at the huge trunk of a man who seemed to be having a moment of meditation, "You didn't tell me you had a lover!"

"Not anymore," Geralt grumbled more so to himself as the crowd asked questions after questions and served their opinions on a buffet plate; open for everyone to hear.

You innocently cast a look to his face. He could also feel your eyes on him and when he'd fluttered them open; it was completely pure for his irksome heart to fall in tranquil, "She's the one of the most powerful sorceress I know," he subtly breathed in your scent, masking himself with it as he tries to remember it in the back of his mind. Becoming familiar to the strong scent that makes his thoughts go in a haywire. A sharp, palpable and fresh scent that he ought and needed to ingurgitate straightaway. Lemon with a hint of peony; definitely different from the scent that Yennefer had, Lilac and Gooseberries. "---Maybe the only one who could create an enigma of a portal," the witcher more so than grumbled, face twisting in a way that made you look up at him in question because he seemed to be in pain, "Then? What are we waiting for? We should find her!"

The mere mention of a person who could help you leave their world quickly placed a warm beam lifting your lips, a sight that Geralt has been struggling to forget since last night. His eyes wandered off elsewhere, missing the catch of your bright filled ones as his nose scrunched from how overwhelming it was to be close to you.

"That's the problem," he gurgled before taking a step back, hissing beneath his breath because of how he was starting to become frustrated again, "---she's nowhere to be found," before turning his back away from you with a grumble.

You watched him walk away from you, embracing all his negativity and feeling your heart plummet because he was acting far from the welcoming man last night. It was like it has never been him that was offering to cover your wounds as he knelt in front of you, all the more; giving you a small smile despite of it not being his forte in doing so.

He was unconventional to you. A book you've definitely wanted to read, yet difficult to understand because the words were such a complex for the naked eye. Geralt was rare and a kind you've never encountered. Literally.

Nonetheless, his presence was intriguing and definitely inveigling.

"I have no hope then," you've thought to yourself, hearing Cirilla and Jaskier banter over something about the sorceress that ignited Geralt's change of heart.

"I'm hungry," Cirilla stressed towards the Bard who was now holding his Lute and plucking with the strings like he was forming another one of his epics inside his head. The bard ignored her and gave Geralt a once over who was on the other end of the cavern, opening wooden cabinets which had all different kinds of concoctions that certainly a normal human cannot take because of how toxic it was and how it was only forbidden and restricted for Witchers.

Cirilla threw a hissy fit, blowing out a breath of agitation and hunger because she was famished. You studied the child and noticed she was a little taller than you no matter how she should've been small. As you've tried to eye-ball her height, she seems to be in between five foot four or five foot three. "What's your name, kid?"

She narrowed her eyes on Jaskier who began to tread to where the Witcher is, "Cirilla," the princess honestly voiced out, palm on her stomach as it grumbled a sound that says she was starving so much.

Cirilla turned her heel to look at you, better than having Geralt stand before you because he was giving you stiff neck from being a tall, brooding man. She eyed you in question and you gave her a sincere smile, waggling your brows at the princess, "I can make food if you want?"

Princess Cirilla jumped on her feet like a child being given candy, clapping her hands in excitement, "Great! A mother figure other than a pair of boys! Geralt and Jaskier make the nastiest food they can ever cook," she jeered with a puff of her breath. Her eyes twinkled in felicity.

She gave you a big wide grin when you've pondered in thought as to what was easy to make in  medieval age; questions numbered inside your head and asking no one in particular if their world had chicken? flour? or bread flour, if they didn't have one? Condiments or any kind of spices for taste. Their time had to have chickens and so, you wanted a modern kind of dish to help yourself as well despite of living like in the past, "I can make you fried chicken, if you want? That is, if you can get me chicken,"

"What is a fried chicken?" she'll definitely love it, you thought because she was a child. Seeing her smile go bright just from hearing it made you heart coo; or it was simply a new image rather than those scowls you have been seeing since the morning has started so the kid had a soft spot in your heart. "An unhealthy dish, but definitely scrumptious,"

You turned your head towards the men who were a little bit far from where you both stood, they were talking in silence and that was completely pristine than the banters you've heard non-stop last night, "---And also a healthy viand for these boys you have,"

Jaskier continued plucking on his Lute, strumming random notes as he hummed inside his head, he gave you and Cirilla a glimpse as the bard watched you both interact with each other like you were both long lost friends, like a natural bond slowly being created, "Maybe this cuckoo of a maiden isn't actually bad to have around," he decreed with a look of sympathy. Turning his head to look at Geralt who seemed to have a furious staring contest with his potions.

"---You should help her, Geralt."

The Witcher languidly blinked, partially shutting the wooden cabinet closed and noting that he was deficient of Cat elixir, a concoction to help him grant sight in total darkness, some Black Blood and Fiend concoction that helps him increases the amount of weight that he can carry without being overburdened. Geralt sighed at Jaskier's confession.

"Do I have a choice?" he gurgled back at the bard.

"Won't a djinn help?"

Geralt gave Jaskier a once over before taking a glimpse of you and Ciri who were now sitting on the table, chatting about certain things that can entertain the princess. Jaskier finally had the tune he wanted, a simple catchy tune but different from his song about Witchers. It just had the same style, "I've already took it down into consideration," the bard hummed, completely intrigued and gave him a look, "We can take risks,"

Jaskier ceased himself from humming, the voices of women giggling in the background coming along in their conversation. The ambiance changing into a lighter tone from the moment you came into their cavern. A thorough spin of the world like it was changing in the different kind of path; it was like seeing a new color for the rainbow that has been added to complete the beauty of it all.

You just had that specific effect that could create allurement to the world wherever you're in. Hence, that was probably your magic.

"But, are you willing to take it, Witcher?"

He was taken aback by the question, a question even asked as a question inside his head. Was he really willing to take the risk in helping this midget? another person on his hand to protect and help? Will it not slip apart due to unfortunate circumstances? Geralt calmly breathed through his nose, his facial features slackening when he'd seen Cirilla's eyes twinkling again despite of what she has been through. "I've been through hell and maybe even deeper than that. Probably already met the devil with it,"

Geralt slanted his head in a way to adore the image right in front of him; though with a face that seemed to be lackadaisical, "---This woman hasn't experienced what I have, not even the slightest and I don't want her to," he suddenly admitted, "---I have no thought as to what curse has this woman been cast upon,"

Jaskier nodded in comprehension and ruth for you; pretty blue eyes admiring the sight before him and Geralt, "Seems quite an unfortunate path,"

"Evil is evil," The Witcher added as a matter of fact, "---Lesser, greater or even stronger," a subtle pause to catch his breath as he eyed you beaming back at what Cirilla has said before he continued, "---She hasn't shielded herself from it, nor does she have an amulet with her; like she was sent here for a reason. She's bound for ill-fate because we're in a world full of animosity and mayhem," Geralt trailed off when you've rummaged for the things in the pocket of your short that was neatly folded on the side of the table.

You've shown Cirilla a small beautiful transparent ball that had rainbow color stars inside. It was a lucky charm for you and it has been given as a gift from your mother back in earth.  

"Do you know Jacks and Stones, Cirilla?"

Cirilla's ears perk at that, a perplexed expression written on her face. "The game doesn't ring a bell, Y/N."

Once Cirilla has seen you grabbed onto the small stones on the space below their window and tried to play on your own, her forehead creasing seemed to relax and a look of elation and familiarity run through her face, "I think I actually know it! Isn't it Knucklebones?"

You've caught the ball and the small stone in one hand with no sweat. She eyed the ball and the stones scattered around the table, her eyes gleaming a lot more than she ever did. "I think so! But, here's the catch! Loser gets a slap on the forehead with a finger and the Winner gets two drumsticks of my special fried chicken,"

"---Oh, you're on, Y/N! I'm great at Knucklebones!" she challenged as she abruptly stood on the table, looking right back at Geralt and Jaskier who were already looking in fascination.

Cirilla demanded in blithe. A big, bright smile shining her face, "Geralt, we need chicken! Catch us one!"

At the mention of that, Geralt couldn't help but repeatedly blink at the wishes from the princess; catching him off-guard. Jaskier couldn't help but send a shit-eating grin to the Witcher who had his brows in another kind of twist, his face wanting to wince but he ceased to.

"I'm a Witcher, not a farmer," he deeply mumbled with a sigh. Cirilla blew a breath, her hands on her hips as she sassed, "Aren't you a butcher of Blaviken? Or do they just call you that?"

The Witcher's forehead creased at the mention of one of his monikers. He didn't want anymore retorts because the princess would drop down more comments for the argument that will last for hours till end just for her demands to be taken into account. Thus, which is why; Geralt was shrewd enough to end her pleading with submission.

"Fine,"

He thought that would be the end of everybody's demand when you've suddenly stood up on your seat and waved a hand to get his attention. Geralt gave you a look of query and with a little bit of tenderness in his eyes that you could undeniably feel no matter how stoic his expressions were. You cleared your throat, grinning back at him like a Cheshire cat.

"Can I come with you? Please?"

"No, midget." He strained, the lackadaisical tone lacing at the end of his tongue. His answer was fast and prudent, entirely against the idea.

You just wanted to be familiar with their world when you'll be staying in it for days, maybe even months or badly for years because of how you didn't know the portal they were saying. All you knew on how to transport was cars, airplanes, boats, bikes and even walking would do the job. But, not with magic and scientific luck.

You pouted back at The Witcher, heart falling from the rejection. Sending him the most pitiful look in your eyes and hoping you weren't looking like a waggling goose before them, "Pleaseee, Geralt? I wanna wander in the woods! Be familiar with the place especially that I've probably going to take time before I go back home," pause. "After Cirilla and I play and know who wins and loses,"

Geralt huffed to himself, an incoherent one as he deeply sighed. Jaskier could hear him from where he stood as he adjusted the leather hoop of his Loot across his shoulder, his witcher of a friend's jaw clenching like he was thinking about it deeply. Before granting permission in the end because of how you were giving him those Hirikka eyes; as said by his inner thoughts out in the back.

"Fine,"

The bard wanted anything but to cough out loud from that submission. Jaskier gave him a double-take. An evident look of surprise in his eyes as he turned his soles to point a finger at the Witcher. Geralt was quick enough to shake his head and slap his finger away with the back of his hand.

"Don't...even start, Bard."

"It's been a day and this small rat already has you wrapped around her finger!" he whisper-yelled at his friend, excitement and jest sparking his nerves which got him grinning like the devil.

Geralt glared at the mischievous bard grinning back at him with the knowing look that they can only both understand, "When will you bloody shut up?"

"When I don't have the voice to poetically sing my wonderful epics," Jaskier scoffed, crossing his arms on top of his Lute with that mocking glint in his eyes. The Witcher smirked back at Jaskier, spitting out a particular jest that could get him back-paddling, "Guess I'll need a travel companion in finding another Djinn,” 

Jaskier blinked in surprise, taking a step back as he shook his head and had a hand on his hip while the other was wiggling in the air to express his negations, "Oh no no no, Witcher! Keep me out of your heroic attempts of gathering some kind of genie! I am done!" the bard ridiculed as he took hesitant steps back, slowly and slyly taking off before Geralt carries him on his shoulders to purposefully tag him along in finding another Djinn, "I figured playing this jacks and stones with Cirilla and Y/N will be much better instead,"

Jaskier halted from his silent, sneaky egress. Giving both women a glimpse who were playing behind him, "A BARD WISHES TO JOIN YOUR WONDERFUL ADVENTURE, LASSIES!"

He snapped his head back at Geralt who simple wore a crooked smile and a look of mockery filling his perfectly chiseled face, "Off you go, Witcher of the night," the rascal waved him off, a gloaty banter being thrown back to the smug witcher, "I have also yet to create another knightly epic for an intriguing love story that is bound to unfold in the far north of Kaedwan,"

Thusly, Geralt's crooked smile was rapid to fall. His face masking in condemnation when Jaskier began to strum his lute and with a tune that would probably haunt his friend as he tried to sleep through the night.

"Doeful eyes like a dear~ Seems like a Witcher who couldn't bear~,"

Jaskier's singing has made history through different places in the continent and he was never wrong with the epics he'd been orally singing out around which is why this new song he was forming to create would either be a complete disaster, a mere tell-tale or a myth that was bound to end up in the vast veracity of the epic told.

IT’S ALL FUN AND HAPPY NOW. BUT, Y’ALL WILL SEE THE WRATH OF ANGST WHEN THE CHAPTER GOES FURTHER!

[straykidsupdate]

Stray Kids Members on GO LIVE and Making the Music They Want to Make

There's bedlam in the kitchen, as K-pop disruptors Stray Kids wreak delicious havoc on a sterile commercial space. They dance around wildly, waving stainless steel pots and pans in the air and tossing freshly pressed napkins and imaginary ingredients with relish and abandon. In the forefront, fiery rapper Changbin serves up his own potent sauce with a pummeling verse, while dancer Lee Know attempts to stir fry a handful of what appear to be rose petals behind him. A marching band, their plumes high and faces unbothered, carries on amidst the mess — a visual manifestation of the heavy bass ostinato that immediately invades the senses. It sounds disorienting, maybe even slightly dangerous. It looks like chaos.

Welcome to "God's Menu" ("神메뉴").

The Korean boy group's latest single boasts a big, brassy hook laced with trap beats and an addicting refrain ("this is our tang, tang, tang, tang," they shout), a recipe that has become their signature dish. A sonic successor to last fall's explosive "Double Knot," the track teems with a tireless energy and their hallmark bravado. The video imagines the eight members as chefs who confidently concoct their own art from scratch. "Taste so good, everyone loves it," Han raps, in a mix of Korean and English. "All our dishes taste so strong."

The culinary metaphor is laid on thick, bolstered by a charismatic performance that includes Korean formalities like "네, 손님" (which translates to "yes, sir and ma'am" in English) and TikTok-certified choreography that incorporates mixing, frying, seasoning, and, most notably, chopping. But for a group that's been cooking up homemade beats and flavorful lyrics in their bedrooms long before their 2018 debut, it's a savory declaration that feels more than earned. "We just keep on making new things," leader Bang Chan sings, cleansing the palate with a sweet melody. "Because we're one of a kind."

They bring that same level of confidence and clarity to their first full-length album Go生, a title that combines the English word "go" with the Chinese character for "life" and showcases the group's penchant for clever wordplay. Pronounced go-saeng in Korean, it translates to "hardship." The English title, GO LIVE, reflects their desire to move forward without any lingering inhibition. Consider the 14-track LP a reintroduction to Stray Kids.

"We tried to not think too much," Bang Chan tells Teen Vogue from Seoul, South Korea, where he's currently huddled in a room with members Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N. It's late June, and they're in the middle of their first week of promotions for the album, which means early mornings, long nights, and a whirlwind of music show performances, interviews, radio shows, and virtual fan engagements. And yet, even as it nears midnight, the members, ranging in ages from 19 to 22, are still easily excitable. Australia-raised Bang Chan acts as the group's tireless translator, and despite recent concerns, his accent sounds as prominent as ever as he explains how Stray Kids adopted a fresh mindset in preparation for Go生. "Of course, we thought a lot about what to put in the album and how we wanted to make it, but we went with the flow," he says. "We wanted everything to feel a bit more raw."

Stray Kids made their official debut under JYP Entertainment with the riotous and self-produced "District 9," an angsty blend of hip-hop and EDM that would ultimately define the group's characteristic intensity, both musically and lyrically. It laid the foundation for 2018's I Am… trilogy of EPs, which focused heavily on the theme of identity as they charged away from systems that sought to control them. The Clé series followed in 2019, which threw Stray Kids head-first into the thorny, often exhausting labyrinth of adulthood. Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han, who comprise the group's in-house production trio, known as 3RACHA, write about their own experiences, etching their personal dreams and worries into a diverse discography that spans six EPs, multiple mixtape singles, and special releases. But with Go生, they've emerged with newfound perspective.

For years, their music was fixated on the idea of bulldozing through obstacles that stood in their way. They wanted to outrun their problems. Now, it's clear: Growing up isn't about overcoming anxieties and struggles. Instead, it's learning to live in spite of them — to run freely alongside them.

As a result, Go生 is a release bursting with color and vitality, a celebration of life's mercurial nature. There's a song for every craving, and a tracklist that demonstrates the members' prismatic talents as rappers and vocalists. "Easy" delivers boundless swagger over a trap beat (and it's already been immortalized on stan Twitter); "Airplane" is Stray Kids at their most relaxed, a chill summertime vibe that's also a tremendous showcase for singer Seungmin; main rapper and all-rounder Han lets his voice soar on "Phobia," an electronic-synth track that examines the paranoia of losing someone (it was also the final song added to the album); "TA" is all high energy and thunderous chaos, perfect for a future encore set; and "Blueprint" shines with its funky bass line, bright verses, and fierce optimism ("I'll proudly achieve my dream," Felix sings in Korean, as translated to English).

"We wanted to show what Stray Kids is really about," Bang Chan says. And in doing so, Felix adds, they "experimented with a variety of genres." The fellow Aussie, who Bang Chan affectionately calls his little brother and who fans (known as Stay) refer to as their "sunshine," speaks with a warm timbre. His flow is even deeper and more distinct, and it's been a solid entry point for Stay and locals alike. Felix is a commanding presence on "God's Menu," a testament to his growth as a rapper and performer. When asked about his five-star performance, he gets shy. "I think everyone put their all into this song and into the album," he says. "Sit down, be humble," Bang Chan jokingly sings beside him, a reference to Kendrick Lamar's 2017 manifesto "Humble" and a demonstration of the leader's persistent playfulness.

"We've all improved a lot in terms of our performance," dance captain Lee Know says, much to the surprise of his members. It's not that they don't agree, it's just that his eager contribution to the conversation catches them off guard. He's not always so talkative during press interviews. And there's an audible cheer among the group as he continues. "Our dancing has gotten stronger. Our vocals have gotten stronger as well. But we're still honing those skills. And we'll continue to grow."

Hyunjin, whose own development as a rapper, dancer, and vocalist with a mellifluous falsetto is well-documented on the internet, agrees. "As we get older, we want to show Stay more sides to us," he says. The lithe performer's strength is his versatility. He's highly adaptable, so it's not surprising that he's been working on writing and composing his own music under Bang Chan's watchful guidance. "I want to show [Stay] something different," he adds. (And that's a promise he intends to keep.)

Youngest member I.N thinks they're maturing in other ways too. "We've all gotten a lot more good-looking," the lively vocalist says, very matter-of-factly. Laughter erupts in the room, and Changbin's cackle is unmistakable. Undeterred, I.N carries on. "When it comes to performance, I've personally gotten a lot faster at recording and memorizing choreography," he says. Lee Know is quick to jump in. "I.N's performance in 'TOP' really surprised me," the elder says. "He's in the center position for the hook, and watching him I saw just how much he's improved. He's more confident now."

I.N is happy he gave off such an aura. "When we were preparing for this album there were times when I didn't feel so confident," he says. So he turned to his members, who listened to his concerns and offered him feedback. He feels much lighter now. "One thing I realized after watching our 'God's Menu' stages is that we all look like we're enjoying ourselves more. We feel more free on stage. And it just feels easier."

The album's most surprising and reflective moment comes at the halfway point, courtesy of Han. Written by the teen multihyphenate, "Another Day" is soft and simple, but no less introspective than his previous cuts ("19" and "Sunshine"). It depicts a feeling of restlessness caused by burnout and the inability to "rest without worrying."

Han's inspiration for the song was largely himself. "It's been a tough year, and I knew it wasn't just me who felt that way," he says. "So I wanted to put those emotions into the song."

In front of the camera, Han exudes relentless charisma. He's quick-witted and wickedly funny. Off stage, he's one of the group's two MBTI-approved introverts (the other being Hyunjin), and he prefers to relax in a controlled environment: his room. In fact, if he doesn't have a schedule or a song to work on, he'd prefer not to leave his bed at all, choosing instead to watch YouTube and anime on his phone. As someone who's deeply inspired by visual mediums, it's in these calmer moments where creativity often strikes.

"Everyone goes through times where things don't work out the way you want them to," he says. "But I think it's important to remember that while you're going through a difficult time, you need to take a breath. Go do something for yourself … Break out of that negative mindset and open yourself up to new possibilities."

Each of the members has their own way of dealing with feelings of stress and anxiety. Changbin works on music. "It's my healing," he says. And he hopes it can be healing for Stay too; he teaches fans the basics of rap during semi-regular streams on V Live. Lee Know prefers to do nothing at all. This is why the members often say the self-assured performer is like water — whatever is bothering him just washes away by morning. But I.N needs time away from the older members. ("Leave me alone!" oldest member Bang Chan whines, mimicking the moody teen.) Hyunjin finds comfort in sentimental music and Korean dramas, and he's especially adept at communicating with fans on Instagram and V Live, where he addresses their worries and offers support in both Korean and English. "That heals my heart," he adds softly. Felix has taken up cooking and baking, even going so far as to buy an oven for their shared apartment's kitchen. His brownies are already beloved by the members and JYP staff. "Making something for someone and getting to share what I make… even a small compliment will make me feel relaxed and good about myself," he says.

Meanwhile, Bang Chan has a bad habit of "brainwashing myself into thinking that I'm not restless when I actually am." So he relies on the members, or "the kids" as he calls them, to help keep him in check. "Our first week of promotions was really tiring, but when I look on stage and see them — see Hyunjin, Changbin, Lee Know, see them all — it gives me a lot of strength. They make me feel at home." (The kids coo in jest beside him. "That's right!" Han shouts.)

Seungmin doesn't often feel anxious, but when he does there's nothing that a long walk and a good playlist can't fix. Lately, he's been listening to "Another Day." "Han surprised me [with this song]," the dynamic vocalist says. "I listen to it often, and it has inspired me a lot." Han, never one to pass up a compliment, replies, "Thanks, man."

While 3RACHA are largely responsible for crafting Stray Kids' music, the members are all integral to the process. "It's not 3RACHA's music, it's Stray Kids' music," Changbin says in English. "So the members' feedback is very important. I feel the best when they like it."

Case in point: "God's Menu." The group had originally recorded a different lead single, and they were in the throes of comeback preparations when Changbin played a demo of "God's Menu" for some of the members. According to Bang Chan, this happens a lot: "We go home, we play a demo, and we party to it." It's as simple as that. But then something unusual happened: Upon hearing "God's Menu," Hyunjin immediately knew he wanted to perform it. This was Stray Kids. The other members felt it too. "The lyrics expressed our music and confidence best," Changbin says in English, as his members cheer him on. ("Go, Changbin!" Bang Chan encourages.) "It's a song only Stray Kids could perform.”

And it was a theme that personally resonated with Bang Chan. "Back in the day, when we were releasing songs as 3RACHA, I always liked to relate my producing process with cooking and science," he adds. "It's just a really fun concept." (Astute fans might recall the 2017 3RACHA deep cut "Alchemistry," in which the industrious leader declares himself a "mad scientist.")

So 3RACHA went straight to the top — to the company's founder J. Y. Park — and asked if they could change the single to "God's Menu." They didn't expect much; the single had already been locked. To their surprise, however, JYP agreed with their judgement. And so have Stay: "God's Menu" is the group's fastest music video to reach 60 million views, and Go生 broke their previous first-week sales record.

"It's a really funny and very warm feeling knowing that he believes in what we do," Bang Chan says of JYP's support. "And it makes us want to try out even more of our various ideas."

Producer Mike Daley (Baekhyun's "Candy") experienced 3RACHA's creative process and various ideas first-hand in Los Angeles last May when Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han spent a day with him in the studio following the U.S. leg of the group's Unveil tour. They worked on two tracks, one of which would eventually become "Easy." Daley played an unfinished demo for the trio, and the reaction was immediate. "A few of the guys just started rapping," he tells Teen Vogue. Bang Chan workshopped the hook and melodies with a few of Daley's friends and collaborators, while Changbin and Han wrote the verses. "Spear [Changbin] and Han were in their own zone on their phones, writing," he recalls. According to Daley, Spear — a reference to Changbin's 3RACHA moniker SpearB — laid down the first verse, and the atmosphere was electric. "He was going crazy in the booth," he says. "It had a ton of energy. And that got everyone amped up to make the hook have as much energy as the verses were bringing."

Daley, a veteran of K-pop songwriting camps, was surprised by just how involved 3RACHA were in the studio. "They knew how to produce really well, so we were all arranging it together," he says. He also observed their teamwork. "It seemed like they each had their role and worked together well," he adds. "Spear and Han were focused on the verses, but when they heard a melody they liked, they'd look at Chris [Bang Chan]. They knew how to get the song done."

And that sense of creative autonomy isn't just exclusive to 3RACHA. Through self-produced digital projects like "SKZ-PLAYER," all of the members are encouraged to express themselves through their art. "It's a really good platform for us to showcase what we want to show Stay, something that they haven't seen before," Bang Chan says. In May, he surprised fans with "인정하기 싫어," which translates to "Don't Want To Admit," a vulnerable piano ballad that laid bare his heartache. Last year, Lee Know released "Dawn," a slinky dance performance he choreographed himself. Seungmin covered his favorite band, and fellow JYP artists, DAY6. "I am very grateful that we are able to sincerely connect with Stay through music," the floppy-haired vocalist notes. As for Changbin, he recently dropped "Streetlight," a solo track in which he wrestles with feelings of loneliness. And Hyunjin released his own video — a contemporary dance he produced and choreographed to Billie Eilish's "When The Party's Over." He titled it "Empty."

"I wanted to express a different feeling, one that I couldn't show through our own performances," the perceptive dancer says. He choreographed the piece to convey his longing to perform. That loneliness that comes at the end of a party, he says, is the same emptiness he feels when he leaves the stage. "That void I feel sometimes, I wanted to express that through choreography."

Han's "Close" was inspired by the 2004 film Closer, specifically its opening scene, in which a young woman locks eyes with a handsome stranger across the street. The idea of human connection, of seeing someone and wanting to know everything about that person, struck Han, especially at a time when people feel farther apart than ever. But it was too raw to share. "I didn't originally want to release 'Close.' I wanted to keep it to myself," he says. "But after showing it to the members, they encouraged me, and that motivated me to share it."

And they continue to share their artistry with Stay. Fans are getting an intimate look at the members' songwriting and melody-making prowess in "Two Kids Song," a web series that splits them into pairs and challenges each team to write, produce, and record an original song. For Stray Kids, the desire to keep learning and pushing themselves — as songwriters, as performers, and as young adults navigating the world around them — both inside and outside of the practice room, comes naturally. "We're artists," Bang Chan says. "It's right for us to express whatever we want through our creative process."

However, with unfiltered access also comes moments of real humility, a reminder that the relationship between idols and the community they foster isn't defined in scenes of uncritical loyalty and fan service, but rather in instances where they hold one another accountable. In a June livestream, Bang Chan reminded fans, "I don't want you guys to spread negative energy around. Stays, you guys are better than that." That sentiment was recently reciprocated when the group participated in a July variety show segment that many Black fans deemed racially insensitive. Stray Kids apologized in a personal statement posted to the members' shared Instagram account, in which they rejected all types of discrimination with a promise to do better by their fans everywhere around the world. "We are still lacking in many things and we are trying our hardest to become better," they wrote in Korean and English. "We would like to apologize to anyone if we have stepped on a rake. It was never our intention but due to our lack of understanding."

It's this honesty that resonates most with their fans. It's woven into heartfelt lyrics, tearful ending ments, social media posts, virtual hugs, home-cooked meals, and earnest reminders to deal with — not run away from — things that are difficult. It is the lens through which Stray Kids see themselves: never perfect, but always sincere. Mainly, it's how they expel their innermost thoughts and feelings, the joy and the agony of everyday life. Whether that's by working on music, or choreography, or refining a new dish, or bettering themselves, that's ultimately up for them to decide. It always has been. Their appetites are insatiable, after all. "The fact that we have the chance to make the music we want to make and talk about the things we want to talk about is really special," Changbin says. "It makes me more excited for what's next."

A day after talking to Teen Vogue, Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han set the KCON:TACT stage ablaze with an opening performance that showed the world just how hungry they are. “They always say the same excuses, while they’re complaining we’re producing," Bang Chan sings, the Auto-Tune heavy. "The passion I give it, nobody can kill." It's a bold statement for any group to make, especially one as young as Stray Kids. And yet, it's that measure of determination that's defined their careers since they were teens trapped on a hellevator with nowhere to go but up. One day they'll reach the penthouse. For now, they're learning to savor the ride and embrace the mess.

"We're going to enjoy this freedom," Bang Chan says, "and eventually we'll fly high."

[jemej3m]

rubies and pearls

 from that silly indie quote about the sun loving the moon so much that it dies every night to let her shine, i present to you this: 

a sort of post-modern philosphical shitshow where neil panicking about the relevance of his existence in our universe is my constant state

this is also p similar to (but obviously not as good as the 180,525 words of) ‘The First Breath’ which is a good (amazing) fic i defs recommend 

Neil is a kinda generic term for what he is, but essentially, in the most simplistic, genial terms, he is Neil. Neil Josten, in all his glory. 

It’s strange how all the benevolent figures of this particular earthly plane have opped for such simple names. Like Matt, for example. Here he was, providing optimism and celebration to human kind, but he went ahead and named himself Matthew Boyd. 

And his love, Danielle Wilds. She was the embodiment of valour. And she insisted to go by Dan. 

Renee, Wymack, Allison, Seth, Aaron, Jean, Kevin, Jeremy, Nicky, Abby, Betsy, hell, even Riko. Though he supposed that it was ironic that the Japanese name meant truth, and he was consistently anything but. 

There were others, perhaps more unsavory, of whom Neil never tended to mention, and wholistically avoided when he could. They, too, had elicited for general names. Lola, Nathan, Mary. Seriously. Mary. 

They were practically what the humans called gods, the lot of them. But like: Also not like gods. Without them, the thing they represented would be obsolete, and humankind would no longer be capable of experiencing it. Some things such as fear (Nathan) and pain (Lola) would be rather beneficial to eradicate, but they fought tooth and nail, not only to exist, but to try and remove those who negated their particular characteristic.

Such as Neil. Neil was the embodiment of eternity, or immortality. Perhaps humans weren’t immortal, but he and his fellow benevolent beings were. He also immortalised memory, and how they (humans) could translate it into permanent forms. Books, scripts, art. More recently, the internet. 

So, being that Nathan and Lola drew satisfaction from the cruel shortening of human life, and Neil represented the extension of life, they did not get along. 

He clashed with paranoia (Mary) and sadism (Riko): Sometimes he and connection (Jeremy) fell upon disagreements, in that Neil was unable to immortalise humankind and Jeremy watched the relations he inadvertently formed crumble through the permanent separation of death. It wasn’t that Neil had anything against Jeremy. He was just awfully cheery. 

Then again, Matt often displayed similar qualities. Neil assumed he was more tolerable, due to the idea of perseverance that accompanied optimism. Neil could respect that. 

He respected forgiveness (Wymack) and transformation (Renee). He appreciated valour (Dan) and stubbornness (Allison), and whilst their personalities grated upon Neil, both regret (Seth) and doubt (Aaron) were necessary, too. Both healers, of mind and body (Betsy and Abby), were much needed too, but their disposition to smother Neil with affections was not appreciated. 

Neil rarely saw those he enjoyed the company of. His symbol was the moon, and thus night was his territory. It was also the territory of things most evil and threatening, and whilst Neil technically didn’t have to maintain his waking hours in the night (he just simply needed to exist), he tended to anyway. 

Perched upon the branch of a pine, he gazed upon the moon and the stars: His moon, and the trillions of stars that represented the other dimensions. He wondered how many of those had a Neil Josten, and if they were gazing upon him in similar fashion. 

“Neil,” Called a gentle voice, at the bottom of his tree. 

Neil sighed, slipping between the Unreal to appear beside Jean. 

It tended to spook those that weren’t used to his disappearing act. As the embodiment of immortality, and thus, basically the reason that all the other representatives existed, he could slip into the Unreal. It was essentially a strange goo that kept all dimensions together. You were not allowed to cross dimensions, or speak to the embodiments of eternity from other dimensions, but it wasn’t illegal to see one another from time to time. 

Jean was one of the few who he truly tolerated, and who truly tolerated him. Loneliness and eternity went pretty much hand in hand. Immortality was an isolating experience. 

“You have been quite absent for a while.” Jean offered as they walked. It was a trail in the Victorian Alps, at the base of Mount Hotham, in Australia. Australia was not as frequently visited by his fellow beings, in that there were less people in a large space. He frequented Mongolia, Russia and Canada for the same reasons. 

Other beings could not slip in and out of space, but time was still a loose thing. Jean could have walked for five minutes and crossed the pacific ocean that lay between California and Melbourne. He also, if he’d wanted to, have taken two hours. It was all relative. Neil wasn’t in charge of it, so he didn’t really care. When you’re immortal, time isn’t really a thing at all. 

“I have been busy.” Neil said, like he always said. “A cult attempting necromantics here, wars stealing young lives there, a general disregard for the rules of existence everywhere. I’m always busy, Jean. What is it that you want?”

“Irritable.” Jean decided. “Maybe you need to breathe, for a moment?”

Neil was pent-up, but he was always pent-up. Mary always tried to catch up with him, warning of prophecies and visions and happenings and things that would probably never happen. She wasn’t hard to shake off short-term, but she was impossible to get rid of entirely. Having paranoia chase after him like that wasn’t doing his seemingly eternal headache any favours. 

“Maybe you need to get your head out of your ass, and your ass out of California?” Neil offered. “Jeremy’s influencing you more than I thought he would.”

Jean only laughed softly. “You’re insufferable, Neil Josten.”

They walked further in comfortable silence. 

“Have you met with your sun yet?” 

Neil grimaced. He hated it when the sun was referred to as his. Just because they were complementary to one another did not result in Neil’s ownership of the being that symbolised the sun, or visa versa. Neil had never approached the man - or even asked for his name. He couldn’t imagine what the person that was supposed to oppose every aspect of Neil’s being would be like. Most likely, intolerable. He had heard enough about the man from whispers. 

“I do think that it would be beneficial to you.” 

“Is that Jeremy, speaking out of your mouth?” Neil grabbed Jean’s chin to pry it open. “Jeremy, are you there? What are you doing here?”

“Neil, stop it.” Jean was amused, but it slid back into his characteristic seriousness. “You cannot isolate yourself like this for much longer.”

“Says the embodiment of loneliness.”

“Yeah, which is why I know there’s an ache within you.” He frowned. “I thought you agreed that Jeremy and I made a logical pair.”

“Yes,” Neil admitted. “But that does not mean I will feel the same about my other half.”

“You’d be surprised.” Jean offered, the vagueness of his tone making Neil irritated. “You’re more alike than not.”

“Fuck off.” He said, decided. 

Jean simply smiled, his small, knowing smile. “You’ll see.”

Neil watched as he walked in the opposite direction when they approached a fork in the trail. He merely sighed, and retreated to the sanctity of the tallest tree branch. 

The first time Neil sees the man who represents the sun - protection and strength - it is by mistake. He is ambling along a crooked brick path in a small Chinese city by the name of Shijiazhuang as the night began to fade away, with hands in his pockets. He loves the smell of bing and liangmian and the anonymity of the hustle and bustle. He doesn’t have to present himself to humankind if he wishes not to, and in China, it is safer that way. His red curls would draw excessive attention, as would the scars and blue eyes. 

It’s why he likes America: He blends in regardless. If only there were less of his kind there. 

When he sees the man, he’s standing at the top of the city’s history museum, a grand building with a newly refurbished half. Ironic, really, when considering the age of the artifacts inside. 

Neil stands in the middle of the square, surrounded by pigeons as he watches the man. Smoke curls from his fingers, and his hair is illuminated like a halo in the rising sun. Behind him, the moon is sinking into irrelevance, and the stretch of sky between the two spheres is an incredible palette of rich purples and blues, and golden oranges and pinks. 

Distantly, Neil knows his moon is nothing compared to the sun. The sun is glorious. The moon is simply - eery. 

Neil knows he’s been seen by him by the curious tilt of his head. He vanishes. 

The second time is no accident: It is pure frustration. 

In the northernmost lands, sometimes there is no night. Neil sees how the humans grow exhausted, how the sun circulates endlessly without fail. Sometimes he thinks it’s selfish.

He tries to bring rest where he can, in the shadows of small homes dark enough to impersonate the night. When it does grow dark, he rewards their endurance with brilliant light shows in the sky.  

One evening, he has only an hour before the sun returns. Perhaps his irritation was palpable, because the man is at his side instantly. 

He, himself, seems slightly perturbed at his sudden appearance. Neil doesn’t usually summon fellow beings unless it is an urgent matter. He’s the only one who can. 

The man simply looks at him. He’s shorter than Neil, with eyelashes blonde like his hair. Snow rests gently upon the curves of his cheeks. It’s ethereal. 

“I cannot change the globe’s axis.” Was all he said. “Your frustration is leaking everywhere unnecessarily.”

Then he went to light a cigarette, and Neil stood beside him as they watched the sun rise once more.  

The third time was no accident, nor was it by chance: Riko was salivating where he stood towering over him, snarling with anger like a rabid dog. He was the embodiment of sadism and liked to watch mankind suffer, but he didn’t limit himself to just the humans. How he’d found Neil was a mystery, but he’d taken his chance.

Neil thought of Kevin (hubris) and his shattered hand. Kevin said Riko laughed as he’d cowered, and enjoyed snapping each of Kevin’s fingers. He knows what this man is capable of, even if much of his motivation is unprecedented and petty. 

“Give Kevin back to me,” Riko demanded. “You have unlawfully taken him from me. Give him back.”

“He is not yours, or mine, to own.” Neil corrected him. He kept himself just beyond arm’s reach, a trick he had learned when he once often interacted with Nathan. “He’s his own being.”

“You fucking prick.” It’s a blur of action, but Neil found himself pinned to a hard concrete surface, his vision spotting with the force that Riko’d smacked his head to the ground. 

He couldn’t risk jumping to the Unreal: If he did, his physical contact with Riko might bring him there. That’d be a really bad idea. 

So he tried to resist instead, but he was always more inclined to flight rather than fight. He was trapped. 

Until;

Riko was suddenly torn from where he was pressing Neil’s body to the ground, restricting all movement and chance to escape. He vanished as soon as he realised he was no longer alone - the coward that he was - and Neil scrambled to his feet in anticipation. 

“You’re useless.” The man decided. “All he had to do was poke you and you were practically incapacitated.”

“You took your time.” Neil huffed, brushing himself off. He would rather not admit he’d asked for the man’s assistance - he was meant to represent protection, after all - but he couldn’t have risked it. 

“Useless.” He reiterated. 

“At least you had warning.” Neil proposed. “You didn’t have to come.”

“If you’re dead, we’re all dead.” He reminded Neil. “Besides, I know you’ve convinced Kevin to stay away from that sadistic fuck. I need someone to help him keep his head above the water.”

“Well.” Neil said awkwardly. He looked out: They were stood in the middle of a lonely Welsh field. There were sheep a few metres away, and it was hard to tell whether or not it was sunset or sunrise. The constant mask of clouds made it impossible to really know. “Thanks?”

The man merely grunted. “Just don’t be stupid next time.”

“Stupid, how?”

From beneath sheaths in the bands on his arms, he withdrew a knife. He chucked it at Neil, who caught it handle first. On one side of the hilt was an engraved sun, and the other a crescent moon. It had to be really old. “If I can’t be there, don’t get yourself killed.”

“So this will be a regular occurance?” Neil teased. “You saving my ass?” 

“Make me a deal.”  His eyes were like molten gold. “I protect you. You keep Kevin - and the rest of us - alive.”

“You know who I am.” Neil challenged. “You really think you can go against each and all of them who want me under their thumb?”

“I am protection and strength.” He sounded bored.  “Of course I can. Besides, it’s not your problem to worry about. You just need to not get on my nerves, because no one’s saving your ass then.”

“I don’t even know your name.” Neil confessed. “How am I supposed to just trust you?”

“ ‘Just as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west,’” He quoted. “I don’t break my promises.”

Neil offered his hand. “Neil.”

The man looked at it momentarily, before clasping it. The agreement was settled. “Andrew.” 

Neil wanted to know where the fuck Andrew had found this knife. It bore the craftsmanship of eons ago, the gentle casted ornate carvings, the inset of rubies for the sun and pearls for the moon. Stunning, really. Why he’d give it to Neil was another perplexing question. 

He was not fond of the idea of using it. He remembered Nathan’s extended torment, drawing fear from Neil’s every pore in an attempt to control him. The man loved his knives. Over the centuries, weaponry and torture methods had adapted and changed, but knives had always remained. 

He was sitting upon the concrete wall that fronted St Ives’ Tate Modern gallery, looking out at the churning ocean. It was dark, and the moon was hidden by the building behind him. The lighthouse upon a cliff to his right shone light out into the endless ocean.

This place would be stunning on a clear summer’s day.

When Jean walked around the corner, he was hurried. He approached Neil by running up the stairs, looking up at Neil where he sat on the concrete wall. 

“You’d best allow Andrew to find you.” He suggested. “He’s very irritable, because Kevin is useless and won’t tell him where you are.”

Not many could find him: Another perk of his. He could toggle it on and off. His most recent Riko attack was because he had stayed too long in one place. But if he allowed a certain being to find him, it could be at any time. 

Kevin, Jean, Matt and Wymack. Sometimes Dan, Allison, Nicky and Renee. Not often: Jeremy, Alvarez (ignorance) and Laila (innocence). 

He rubbed his hands together in the cold, burying them between his knees. “Sure.”

Jean shook his head, and jogged away. 

Neil could tell when Andrew arrived, because fingers wound themselves into his hair so that his head could be tugged back. Andrew was straddling the wall, one hand pressed with fingers splayed next to Neil’s thigh, the other holding his head up. 

“How the fuck am I meant to protect you if I can’t even find you?” He growled. 

“I forgot.” Neil shrugged. 

With angered muttering under his breath, he turned to face the ocean. 

“Is it prettier in the summer sun?” He asked, curious. 

“What business do I have in caring about aesthetics?” He took a drag from his cigarette.

Neil supposed that was fair enough. A moment of tense silence passed. “You don’t need to keep me company.” 

“Good.” He hopped off the wall and strode away. 

Neil sighed and kept his gaze upon the horizon.

“You have managed to consistently rile up Andrew.” Kevin remarked. “That’s commendable.”

Neil simply arched an eyebrow. 

“He doesn’t - can’t - care about anything enough to be angry. Usually.”

“He does not care about me.” Neil corrected him. “He simply is fulfilling his promises.”

Kevin still didn’t get it. “I mean, he’s consistently followed you around for weeks. But as soon as I try to get him more invested in what he’s doing, and his capabilities as, you know, the embodiment of the fucking sun, he ignores me!” He shook his head, bringing a mug to his lips. 

Most of his fellow beings made habits of sleeping and eating and drinking, because they too could dream and taste. Neil didn’t see the need to bother. 

“Maybe I have his best interests in mind.” He said. 

“Oh, yeah?” Kevin shook his head. “Like what?”

Neil wasn’t actually sure. He simply took Kevin’s coffee and sipped on the strange smelling liquid. It tasted worse than it smelled. He made a face and put it back onto the table. 

Kevin put his head in his hands. “The day anyone gets through to Andrew is the day the sun collides with the planet.”

“We might still be here, depending on how quickly the humans run themselves into the ground.”

“Wouldn’t count on it.” Kevin muttered, sullenly slurping from his drink. 

Neil ignored his moping friend and stared out the diner’s shuttered window instead, watching raindrops slide down the glass pane. 

Did Andrew really not care?

When Neil asked him that, he scoffed. “Of course not.”

Neil just looked at him, waiting for an expansion. 

“You, of all the others, should know how pointless this all is.” He gestured around himself. Neil liked the angle of his fingers as they held the cigarette: With nonchalance, but also, with fearlessness. “We’re one of trillions. What difference does it make?”

“Scientifically, you’re the most vital aspect to this whole conundrum of living things.” Neil said, quietly. “I don’t understand how the individual on which the weight of the entire world rests couldn’t care less about it. What, is it too much to deal with?”

Andrew looked at him pointedly. 

Neil looked back. “I shouldn’t be the one responsible for eternity. The sun is protection, and strength, and gives life. The moon is just some floating rock, reflecting the light you give. It’s practically nothing.” He felt himself curl inwards.  “I am nothing. Time, life, purpose. None of it can mean anything to me. I’m just nothing.”

His hand rested on the back of Neil’s next, forcing his head to his knees. He hadn’t even registered the quickening of breath, the lightheadedness. Overwhelmed was not something he could risk. He was being chased after by those who wanted chaos and destruction. He was being yearned after for those who wanted to use him selfishly. 

“Now you know why I don’t care about any of it.” He said lowly. 

“because I can’t afford to” went unsaid.

It snapped Neil out of his strange spiral. 

“You aren’t nothing, Neil.” Andrew said. His strange apathy was oddly comforting. No objectivity could influence the statements he said. “All of this is nothing without you.”

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Neil said, weakly. 

“Don’t get used to it.” He let go, taking another drag. Neil plucked it out of his hand to take a steady inhale. He liked the way the smoke curled in the air as he breathed out. Andrew did not look impressed. 

“I won’t.” Neil leaned closer to slot the cigarette back between the angle of his fingers. 

The man scoffed. Together, they watched the sunrise over the limeston structures of Vietnam’s HaLong Bay. 

This is nice, Neil thought. He did not dare say it outloud. 

this was getting tooooo longggggggg so i thought: two parts?

although it might be nice just to leave it at that. idk. 

[x-oc-blog-x]

Inside Avas’ OCs

I got a questionnaire from mibba.com for OCs gonna do this for my favorite OCs

Jackson Canmore

Basic

1. What is your full birth name?

Jackson Michael Canmore

2. Any nicknames?

Jack

3. When were you born/how old are you?

November 2. I am 19.

4. If immortal or slow-ageing, what is your apparent age?

I’m not immortal. That’s be cool though

5. Where were you born?

London, England. I moved to the US when I was 2.

6. Who were your parents?

My mom is alive. Her name is Angel. I never knew my dad.

7. Do you have any siblings?

No

8. Where do you live now?

In the US

9. Who do you live with?

I used to live at home with mom but after oli and I finished school we moved in together.

10. Are you right or left-handed?

Right.

11. What words/phrases do you regularly use?

I like to cuss. My favorite word is ass. I don’t know why.

12. Name some habits or strange quirks you have?

Cussing is definitely a habit. I like to play with plus hair. I also like to make him blush

Appearance

13. Height: 5’ 10”

14. Weight: 130 pounds

15. Skin Tone: I’m very pale.

16. Body Shape: I’m kinda tall and skinny

17. Hair: I’m dirty blonde

18. Eyes: green.

19. Face Shape: I don’t know man. What does it look like? Tell me.

20. Everyday Dress Style:usually a white shirt with my black jean jacket. Ripped blue jeans. Converse.

21. Formal Dress Style: i don’t know. I don’t really go to formal events. But probably a casual suit? I don’t do fancy.

22. Any Jewelry? Maybe a neck here or there. I don’t really wear anything but the ring oli bought me

23. Any Scars? No

24. Tattoos? Not yet

Growing Up

25. How would you describe your childhood in general?

I was a pretty weird child actually. I ate play doh. But I was wild. I was always the tough kid. Not really. I talked tough though. And I never had attraction to girls growing up. I always knew I was gay. My mom was super supportive of that. She said she still loved me, which definitely helped make me to supportive and loving person I am. I don’t think I could have done anything without my mom.

26. What is your earliest memory?

My mom and I went out to ice cream and I saw a guy get chased by the cops. I might have been 4.

27. How much schooling have you had?

I just graduated high school.

28. Did you enjoy school?

It wasn’t bad. I wasn’t bullied. I had Oli, Misha, and Collin as friends. And they are all great.

29. Where did you learn most of your skills/abilities?

School, mom, and youtube.

30. Any role models while growing up?

The flash. My mom.

31. What did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be an astronaut. I now want to just have a job from home. I do commissions for art and photography.

32. What was your favourite thing to do?

Other than being with oli? I like to draw, take pictures, and play video games. I like to watch Netflix too.

33. Were you popular?

No. But I wasn’t an outcast either

34. Who were your friends?

Misha, oli, Collin.

35. When and who was your first kiss?

My first kiss was with a boy named Liam. I was 14.

Past Influences

36. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

Moving out with Oli

37. Who has had the most influence on you? My mom.

38. What do you consider is your greatest achievement?

Being confident. I was really insecure in middle school but I worked on my self image a lot. I’m proud of that.

39. What is your greatest regret?

Not asking oli to date me sooner

40. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

I tripped a kid once with his lunch tray in his hand. He bullied Misha.

41. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

No

42. When was the time you were the most frightened?

When I got on a plane when I was 14 to visit London with my mom. I hate heights.

43. The most embarrassing moment of your life so far?

I peed my pants in 1st grade. Also being afraid of the Ferris wheel.

44. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be and why?

I want to meet my dad. Would I be different if I knew him? Why did he leave?

45. What is your best memory?

When oli and I had our first kiss. We were sitting in a tree.

46. What is your worst memory?

Definitely watching these homophobes best oli almost to death in a bookstore because we held hands.

Beliefs and Opinions

47. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic?

I’m in the middle I guess.

48. What is your greatest fear?

Heights.

49. What are your religious views?

I don’t believe in god. I’m an atheist.

50. Political views?

I know this is gonna seem like common sense but some people don’t believe the same???

Everyone is equal. Gays, straights. Girls, boys, trans, non binary, etc. I also think people with a uterus should be allowed to have abortions. Immigrants are okay to come in the country. Black lives do matter. Guns are gross. Etc.

51. Views on Sex?

I really like sex. I even one time went to a party with oli and it was a truth or dare party. Let’s just say it was not pg13. It was R.

52. In your own opinion, what is the most evil thing someone could do?

Not accept someone for something they can’t change about themself.

53. Do you believe in Soul Mates/True love?

Kind of. There are different kinds of soul mates that people don’t talk about. There are friend soul mates. Romantic soulmates. Yeah.

54. What do you base success on?

I know this is dumb but how mainstream someone is. Like. Everyone knows we sheeran. So he is successful. Sorry.

55. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings with yourself?

I’ve always been honest with how I felt because I know that negative emotions are okay to feel.

56. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings with others?

I tend to keep how I feel to myself because I don’t want to bother others. I can handle myself.

57. Do you have any biases or prejudices?

Yes. If you don’t respect the lgbt+ community we can’t be friends. If you honesty just can’t respect someone’s existence being different than yours such as ableism and racism and the lgbt+, we can’t get along.

58. Is there anything you would absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances?

Bungi jumping. Sky diving. Nope nope nope.

59. Why would you refuse?

WHAT IF I FALL??? ID DIE.

60. Who or what, if anything, would you die for?

I’d die for my friends. And my mom.

61. What do you feel the most passionate about?

Human rights for the oppressed.

62. What one act are you most proud of?

I went to my first pride parade with my mom at 13. I was so happy that I wasn’t alone and that I was part of something.

63. What one act are you most ashamed of?

Disrespecting my mom when I was a little shit. She is the world. I love you mom.

64. Are you a leader or follower?

Leader.

Relationships

65. In general, how do you treat people you don’t know well?

I treat everyone with respect unless they give me a reason not to.

66. How do you treat people you do know? With love :)

67. Who do you respect the most and why?

My mom. She went through so much shit growing up and she didn’t deserve that. Also Oli. I’m proud of him for surging through all the bullshit he faced getting bullied for being out at school. And he survived getting kicked out by his parents. I’m proud of them both.

68. Who are your friends?

Misha, Collin, oli, Rex, Loni, Alex

69. Who is your best friend?

Oli, Misha, Collin.

70. Ever been in love?

Yes

71. Who do you consider family?

Oli, Misha, collin, and my mom.

72. How close are you to your family?

Very

73. Who do you turn to in desperate times and why?

Oli and mom because they have been there for me through so much.

74. Who do you trust to protect you and why?

I trust that all of my friends would, but I don’t expect them to.

75. Who do you despise the most and why?

That guy who almost killed Oli at the bookstore.

76. Do you tend to argue or avoid conflict?

I argue. I don’t deal with bullshit.

77. Do you care what others think of you?

I don’t in most cases, but I’m afraid to be gay in public because of those guys hurting us again.

Sex and Intimacy

78. Do you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, trans or something else?

Gayyyyyyyy

79. Do you have a significant other?

Yes. Oli.

80. Describe them:

Sweet, loving, kind, supportive, smart, and hot as hell.

81. What is the perfect romantic date?

Dinner at home. Then maybe even sexy sexy time.

82. Best sexual partner?oli

83. Worst sexual partner? Oli has been my only consenual partner. So there isn’t really a worst unless you count my sexual assault.

84. Worst thing you’ve done to someone you love?

I broke Liams heart when we dated. I broke up with him because it didn’t feel right anymore. We both changed. It didn’t work.

Likes and Dislikes

85. What is/are your favourite hobbies/pastimes? Drawing, photography, video games, cuddling.

86. What is your most prized possession?

My ring from Oli.

87. Favourite colour?

Black

88. Favourite food?

Spaghetti

89. Favourite movie?

The fault in our stars

90. Favourite TV show?

The flash.

91. What, if anything, do you like to read?

Young adult dystopian novels

92. What style of music do you like?

Pop and emo

93. What is your idea of good entertainment?

Most media like tv. Music. Any form of expression.

94. Do you smoke?

Ew. No

95. Drink?

Absolutely not.

96. Drugs?

No.

97. Typical Friday night?

Spending the night with Oli

98. What would be the perfect gift for you?

A new camera? I don’t know.

99. Rain or Sun and why?

Rain. The sun burns my skin cause I’m so pale.

100. Day or Night and why?

Night. It’s so calm at night.

101. What makes you laugh?

Jokes. Oli. My friends.

102. What shocks/offends you?

Anyone who does not support equal rights.

103. How do you deal with stress?

I usually go to my room and listen to music.

104. Are you spontaneous, or do you feel you always need a plan?

Spontaneous.

105. Any pet peeves?

I can’t stand when people chew with their mouth open.

Occupation/Study

106. Do you have a job or are you studying? I do commissions on the internet.

107. If so, what is it/what course? Photography, drawing.

108. Do you like it? Yess.

109. If studying/not working, where does your money come from? That is my only income.

110. What is your boss/teacher(s)/agent/publisher ect like? I am my own boss and I’m pretty cool if I say so myself.

111. What are your co-workers/other students like? Nah

112. Do you get along with them? I don’t have any

113. What is something you had to learn that you hated?

DRAWING HAIR. OH MY GOD IT WAS SO HARD.

114. Do you tend to save or spend your money?

Spend

Misc.

115. Describe the routine of a normal day for you: wake up, cuddle, eat, draw, photography, hang with Oli, eat, sleep.

116. What is your greatest strength?

Being a leader and being able to handle hard situations

117. Greatest weakness?

I’m not very smart and I make dumb decisions sometimes

118. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

I would want to be a better support for my friends

119. Introvert or Extrovert? Extrovert

120. Organised or messy? I’m a bit of both

121. Three things you’re good at:

- drawing

- listening

- photography

122. Three things you’re bad at:

- anything heights

- writing

- math

123. Do you like yourself?

Mostly

124. What is your life goal? To be happy

125. Where do you see yourself in five years? Hopefully married to oli and a baby

126. If you could choose, how would you want to die? Quickly. I don’t want to suffer. But I want to go in a way that doesn’t hurt everyone as bad. Natural causes.

127. Three things you would do with 24 hours left to live? - marry Oli, spend time with friends and family, and write a will.

128. What is one thing you’d like to be remembered for after your death? Being badass. Just kidding. I want people to remember me for trying my best to be there for those who needed support

129. Three words to describe your personality?

Badass, confident, kind

130. Three words others use to describe your personality?

Extroverted, goofy, and strong

[jazzviewswithcjshearn]

In Defense of Grace Kelly: Keep On Dancing-- How older jazz fans are pushing new fans away from the music

This article was originally conceived as a submission to Pitchfork magazine to beef up their jazz content, but the subject matter is probably a bit too obscure for their magazine, especially as a burgeoning writer.  It is largely a reaction to the views expressed on saxophonist Grace Kelly bringing new audiences to jazz by integrating dance and wardrobe choices commonly found in pop music on a popular internet jazz site.  She is bringing in people who aren’t necessarily jazz fans but enjoy the bounciness of the music, and that is only good because a selected few will check out the music on a deeper level.  Enjoy!

In Defense of Grace Kelly, Keep On Dancing: How jazz fans are pushing new fans away from the music

I have been a jazz fan all my life pretty much, I was incredibly blessed to be raised by a mother who played me lots of records that belonged to my father that he left behind after he got up and left  us when I was 2 years old.  Among the records I loved (and still love)  growing up were classic Blue Note records by Jimmy Smith, Art Blakey, Kenny Burrell and Horace Silver, CTI albums by Stanley Turrentine, Freddie Hubbard and the CTI All Stars, several albums by Count Basie,  the obligatory Breezin' by George Benson, and some things that haven't aged all that well by Chuck Mangione and Earl Klugh, things I no longer like.  From the time I was 8-18 years old I was a serious hard bop snob, and thanks to teachers in high school who were my mentors, they got me into Pat Metheny, Michael Brecker and others. I saw Brecker when I was 7 years old along with the Chick Corea Elektric Band on the same bill.  I didn't really get hardcore into Brecker though until my late teens when I wanted more adventurous stuff.   Metheny was my gateway to free jazz, and the many treasures on ECM.  Why all the background info?  I want to show I have a wide taste in order to discuss the main topic of this article.  Jazz fans preventing new people from getting into the music because of general snobbery.  In particular a bizarre uproar over saxophonist Grace Kelly on an internet jazz forum.

For the past 15 years I've been a regular poster on the Organissimo forums. Organissimo is a Michigan based organ trio headed by keyboardist Jim Alfredson, and they've always aimed to go beyond just the typical organ combo fare that is mostly lots of blues in F, bebop, a funk tune and some standards.  In 2003, a forum section of their website was created for expatriates of the Blue Note records forum which was taken down that same year, and I had been a part of that since the late 90's.  The majority of Organissimo posters are middle and older aged men who are primarily into classic jazz, basically the bebop era of the forties extending into the modal jazz of the mid 1960's.  Hank Mobley, Lee Morgan, Bobby Hutcherson, Grant Green (all favorites of mine, too) are long time heroes there, and there are always inquiries about what is referred to as the “train wreck” session by tenor saxophonist Tyrone Washington recorded in 1968.  Mosaic Records co founder and former Blue Note reissue guru Michael Cuscuna has unequivocally stated it's never coming out, by the way.  There are a few posters who are free jazz devotees, those who love ECM and various strains of European jazz, but largely what goes on the scene today, save for players who play bebop or hard bop based jazz are ignored.  A month ago a discussion was broached about alto saxophonist Grace Kelly, and as has happened so often there in the past, all hell broke loose.

Kelly has been on the scene for more than a decade, she first caught the attention of the jazz world as a 15 year old teenager where she performed with legends like Phil Woods and Frank Morgan.  In fact, some of her tone and phrasing heavily reflect the Woods influence, so that automatically gains her credibility as a “serious” jazzer right?  Wrong.   Not to the “O” crowd as we like to call it. Many forum posters chimed in that they never liked her playing and found it to be quite weak, and suggested that she may have gotten to where she's at due to marketing.  Some of that may be true, but she has paid her dues.  Something she's doing to increase the fan base and draw more people into jazz was causing many posters to go haywire:  she dances when she plays.  You know what? She's damn good at it and it's impressive, because her playing retains a high level.  Ms. Kelly has a Youtube channel where she has a series of videos playing saxophone to choreographed dance moves, some of them find her prancing along with fellow saxophonist Leo P. while other find her in a dance studio combining fancy ballet inspired footwork, and more popular dance forms while playing a bluesy etude.  Another video has her joined by a modern dance duo in an electronic music inspired fantasia.  All these things are ultimately great for drawing in new fans, the latter video has 18,000 views!  

It's important to remember that jazz has a rich history as a dance music, beyond just the swing era.  One of my very best friends, an excellent tenor saxophonist who is a veteran of the free jazz scene reminded me of how much Grace Kelly is adding to a long standing tradition.  One of his earliest on the bandstand apprenticeships was with alto sax free jazzer Luther Thomas,  one of the biggest names in that genre.  Thomas was into dancing, wildly swinging his horn, devising choreographed little steps, all things that have roots not only in R&B, but the swing era.  Daniel Carter, another free jazz icon also moves quite expressively and let's not forget Sonny Rollins.  John Coltrane's immortal “Chasin' The Trane” from his watershed November 1961 engagement at the Village Vanguard captured on The Complete 1961 Village Vanguard Recordings (Impulse! 1998) was so named because Rudy Van Gelder, the late, great pioneering recording engineer, was following Trane as he was testifying from his horn walking to and fro .  Coltrane was a veteran of the R&B bar walking scene, and many of his performances reflect that influence. Thelonious Monk got up and danced while Charlie Rouse soloed, Charlie Parker played standing stone still as trumpeter Dizzy Gillespie (always  an entertainer, coming from the Cab Calloway school) shouted and danced.  Jimmy Smith would often lean down and rest his chin on the organ keys, holding notes for an indeterminable amount of time, in another display of showmanship.  So none of what Grace Kelly is doing is out of the ordinary in jazz's rich history, it's all a matter of perspective.  Some folks like their musicians to stand fairly motionless like  Miles Davis soloing, then walk off the stage to give the others time to shine.  Others like musicians to have a great time, like Freddie Hubbard's (1938-2008) funny odd two step while other band mates solo.

The Organissimo forum is not the majority of jazz fans, it's an esoteric niche that just seems bigger because it's on the internet, and that demographic is not the one she is targeting.  She is not necessarily bringing hardcore jazz fans to the music either, maybe people who just like what she's doing and that's only a good thing.  In percussionist, R&B smash artist and producer Mtume's famous debate with critic Stanley Crouch,  Mr. Crouch insists music from the electric period of Miles Davis is woefully dated.  Mtume's curt reply is so witty: the generations of people who gravitated towards albums like On The Corner (Columbia, 1972) and Get Up With It (Columbia, 1974) are not jazz fans, but fans of other music who got what Davis was trying to say, and it guided them to jazz.  In much the same way Ms. Kelly is achieving the similar outcome, in my estimation.  Only a few will become rabid jazz fans, but through Kelly they will explore all the greats, eras and deep history, so why would old guard folks at an internet forum be upset? It's a win win. I believe it's the simple fact the saxophonist is drawing upon things that are used to market in the pop world, and with jazz's reputation as a musty museum music for much of the general public, for jazz fans it's bringing up a skeleton.  For years the music has struggled with keeping things strictly in the tradition while embracing contemporary trends in the marketing.  For the music to survive, ultimately this is necessary to adapt to contemporary trends.

I've seen many new posters never return to that board because of negativity they experience for their tastes.  Basic album recommendation threads devolve into demonstrations of minutiae  a casual fan has no clue about.  A Dallas based tenor saxophonist made probably the most sensible point in the entire 7 page thread on Kelly when he pointed out that although he doesn't care for her music, he more than applauded her dancing while playing, and hoped more people start doing that because it would create a whole new avenue for dancers to be integrated into the music.  Robert Glasper and Kamasi Washington, names that many young music fans know, are unfairly targeted on that board as well.  Those rampant dismissals prevent new fan bases from being created.  Why is jazz dead for many?  Because of a constant regurgitation of the past with little tolerance for what's going on now. The reason I'm so passionate about the issue is because when I was 18, I was in that camp, overly clamoring for bebop and hard bop to be the ultimate styles.

At that time I missed a lot of cutting edge stuff from the likes of Jason Moran and Greg Osby. I opened my ears, grew and today I keep my ear open to the micro innovations of musicians like Glasper, Chris Dave, Mark Giuliana, and fresh hip things happening from the likes of Bobby Previte, Wadada Leo Smith, Vijay Iyer, Hiromi, Roscoe Mitchell, Ben Monder, Steve Tibetts, Krisjan Randalu, Ayumi Ishito, Steve Coleman, Linda May Han Oh, Terence Blanchard, Thana Alexa, Satoko Fujii and so many others. Grace Kelly, keep on dancing, ignore the haters-- what you do is really fresh, intriguing and brings new blood to this music.

See the original thread below: http://www.organissimo.org/forum/index.php?/topic/81704-grace-kelly/&page=1

https://youtu.be/VMYNLwlepRM

https://youtu.be/5coo3HaUA8Y

https://youtu.be/5N7ATjmywL0

[obdurare-archive-blog]

All numbers with a 2 in it!

50 oddly specific headcanons : accepting : no face nonnie

2. What is their favorite piece of technology?When it comes to either the SoSu or Courier verses, he’s pretty fond of his pipboy.  It’s clunky and heavy and makes him stand out like a sore thumb, and he knows that with the commentary he gets about it, but it’s nice having a map on hand whenever he needs it (and if it acts up or ever dies on him, he can fall back on using the night sky again, this true, but it makes things so much easier), and a radio at his leisure is also a nice thing to have.  Modern and Immortal verses, he’s pretty keen on his cellphone.  Not for the phone and texting parts (he hates those) but it certainly gives him something to do with his hands and keeps him entertained and allows him to prove someone wrong at a moment’s notice.

12. What are some warning signs that your muse is getting depressed?Depressed isn’t a thing I’d necessarily call Hector even at his worst, but he does have warning signs he’s slipping into a less than ideal state.  Because he does get stressed, and when he’s at that breaking point, there are some obvious red flags and neon lights that flash good and bright if a person knows what to look for.  His physical emoting goes through the roof, he tends to be entirely too cheery with a sharp edge to it.  His temper is hairtrigger when normally he’s as laid back as can be, because normally Hector is chill af.  But depressed?  Nah, not really.  He’s more prone to high stress.

20. Where are your muse’s ancestors from? Do they keep any of their traditions?Answered here.

21. When did your muse learn about sex?Fairly young.  He’s a poor kid from a poor family, he probably saw farm animals going at it when he was small, it’s highly likely that whatever habitation he was living in as a child wasn’t more than a couple of rooms...Like there was less of a taboo about children knowing the facts of life at a young age in the lower classes at the time, so I’d assume he was actually very young.  He probably didn’t know all the ends and outs, but he knew where babies came from.

22. What is your muse most thankful for?You’re assuming he doesn’t think he’s entitled to whatever it is.  Because he’s not really thankful for his resurrection, because it was for someone else’s gain.  He’s not thankful for the curse being broken, because he worked hard for it to be so.  About the only thing he’s ever admitted to being so for is Pintel and Ragetti keeping him from drowning himself looking for little Polly, his first pet monkey, in the wreckage of the Cobra.  “Fools they be, but I’m grateful to ‘em.”

23. What shoe size is your muse?Between a US 11 and 11.5.

24. Does your muse hate their middle name? \ What is it?He doesn’t have a middle name.  At that point in time, especially in the lower classes of Britain, people just didn’t have middle names.  So if he doesn’t have one, he can’t hate it.  

25. How many hours a day do they spend on the internet/watching TV?No more than a couple.  He just has never developed the ability to sit still long enough to do so, he’s just too active of a person.  Now, if you want to talk about how much time he’s spent reading a book, that’s another story altogether.  The immortal verse has been known to walk around doing things one-handed with his nose in one.

26. Does your muse have any trophies?Not of the normal sort, but his pistol probably counts.  He won it off a duel with a Spaniard.  Also the Pearl probably counts, too, and we all know how he came by her.

27. If your muse was given the opportunity to go sky diving, would they?Absolutely, he’s an adrenaline junkie.  I’ve actually gotten to do this with him before and he fucking loved it.  SoSu verse also sees him happily hopping out of vertibirds the rare few times he ever wears power armor (when he was still feeling out the BoS before turning on them).

28. What is the most common lie your muse tells themselves?He’s actually pretty brutally honest with himself, and he doesn’t outright lie to other people, either.  His talent lies in omission and allowing people just enough rope to hang themselves.  In truth, his being at least that brutally honest with himself is part of what keeps him alive.  If he keeps the facts straight with himself, he’s got a good idea of a situation and what he needs to do to get himself out of it.

29. Has your muse ever had a pet? If so, what type?He’s had several pets!  Once upon a  time he had a parrot named Polly that he ended up having to give away. After that came Polly the capuchin whom he dressed in little dresses and adored, and grieved when she was killed in the sinking of the Cobra.  And after that came Jack the monkey.  Modern and immortal verses see him with a cat named Asshole (formerly Archie) that he rescued from under a minivan in a CVS parking lot.  And in some Fallout verses he has a pet deathclaw named Smiley.  Dogmeat’s a friend, not a pet, but Dogmeat, who’s a German Shepherd.

32. How does your muse feel about crocs?Answered here.

42. Does your muse reply to scary chain emails/messages?Nope.  Look, he knows a real curse when he sees one, okay, and those are not real curses.  And if they are, by some strange chance, actual curses, well, the reversal can’t be nearly as bad as hunting down 882 pieces of Aztec gold that had scattered to the wind.