#he shouldn’t be allowed to watch zoolander

[delladuck]

donald: dewey can you smile normally for just one photo

dewey: no

hdl birthday yay!

[cami-chats]

Out Tonight

Fandom: Shadowhunters

Pairings: Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood (mentioned Raphael/Simon and Jace/Magnus)

Warnings: None (some drinking but like, they’re at a club)

Clary knew that it wasn't actually the end of her incredibly short-lived relationship with Jace that led to Izzy insisting they got out dancing that night. It was Izzy after all, and this was little more than an excuse to dress up for her. And to strong arm Clary into dressing up too, since Isabelle claimed she was hiding an absolutely gorgeous body under her 'hipster layers'. 

She didn't argue too much-- about going out, not her clothes because her clothes were fine-- because clubbing meant dancing with Izzy, and drinking with Izzy, and at the end of the night, making out with Izzy. To be honest, she was more excited about kissing Izzy tonight than she'd ever been for a previous relationship, and maybe that should have clued her in that she was lesbian years ago, instead of realizing it yesterday when she broke things off with Jace. Especially considering that she and Isabelle had been getting drunk and making out on and off for two years now. But whatever, it was better late than never (according to Raphael, Simon’s new boyfriend). 

Clary showed up at Isabelle's knowing that the only thing she'd be allowed to retain would be her boots. Sure enough, Isabelle opened the door, looked her up and down, then dragged her inside. "It's a good thing you came early." 

"I don't look that bad," she muttered. 

"You always look good Clary, but you could look great if you stopped sabotaging yourself." 

"Excuse me?" Clary asked, a little offended. 

Izzy huffed. "You're trying to attract women, and yet you're wearing a man's shirt?" 

"Uh." Clary look down at her shirt, double checking that it was the one she'd picked out earlier. Sure enough, she was still wearing the bright blue v-neck that clung to her. "It isn't?" 

"It's a man catching shirt, Clary. Some women like boobs, but it shouldn't be the focus on this outfit." Isabelle started rummaging through her closet, and she pulled something out with a triumphant shout. "Here, wear this," she said, tossing it at Clary. 

"This is a shirt." 

"On me it's a shirt. On you, it'll be a short dress." 

"I'm not that much shorter than you." 

Isabelle was too classy to snort, but her expression said it all. 

"Oh shut up," Clary said, shaking out the shirt/dress to its full length. "And turn around." 

Izzy rolled her eyes but turned. "Normally I'm willing to deal with you and your baggy sweaters with paint and charcoal stains, but we're going to Pandemonium specifically to get you laid, so you have to show some skin." 

"We're trying to get me laid? I thought we were going out dancing. Wait- did you say Pandemonium?" 

"I did." 

"Izzy, what the hell? We'll never be able to get in there, I don't think it matters how much cleavage you show the bouncer." 

"Relax, would you? It's all taken care of." There was a note to her tone that Clary didn't trust. If she didn't know better, she would swear that Isabelle was mixed up in something illegal with the number of places she could get into. 

"Isabelle..." 

"That's not relaxing. I will pull up that Zoolander song if I have to, don't think I won't." 

"When did you watch Zoolander?" 

"Simon showed me, back when he was still in love with you but thought he liked me." God, that had been an interesting time. Clary was very happy with her birth father in jail for trying to kidnap them, but the journey to get here had been so damn stressful. She never would've met Isabelle, Jace, or Alec without it, but that was a weird way of looking at the situation. 

Clary huffed, muttering something about friends conspiring against her under her breath. "Fine, I'm dressed. I hope you're planning on looking like a fucking sex goddess so that we don't look completely ridiculous trying to get in there." 

"That isn't relaxing either. I told you to relax." She looked Clary up and down, a pleased smile on her face. "See? You look totally fuckable. Give me a minute to get changed and then we can go." 

Clary didn't feel too bad about watching her change because Izzy didn't give a shit about how much skin she showed. The guilt mostly came from the fact that Isabelle thought they were friends and didn't know that Clary was harboring feelings for her. 

Izzy didn't look much different from how she normally dressed, in Clary's opinion. The difference between her street outfits and her club outfits was all in her makeup and the way she moved-- according to Isabelle, at least. Clary thought she looked totally gorgeous either way. 

*

Instead of getting in line, Izzy strode right up to the bouncer and smiled. "Lightwood, party of two." She had one of her hands in Clary's mostly so Clary couldn't run away-- which she'd tried so many times before that Isabelle didn't give her the opportunity to even think about it anymore-- and when the bouncer lifted the rope for them, she dragged Clary right through. 

"How did you get your name on the VIP list?" 

"I know someone," she said, smile widening. 

"But-" 

"Don't worry about it!" Izzy said, having to raise her voice as they got closer to the music. "C'mon, I'll buy you a drink. What're you feeling?" 

"Something fruity!" 

Izzy nodded, clearly having expected that. Clary didn't know why she even bothered to ask when every single time, the answer was the same. Clary liked the drinks that came out with fruit, a straw, and a violently pink color. Izzy, for some reason, liked vodka mixed with a soda and she never cared which soda it was, as far as Clary could tell. 

She dragged Clary over to the bar and placed their order. Someone gave Clary a lingering look, and Isabelle raised an eyebrow pointedly, as if to say 'see? fuckable'. It was hard to be too excited about it though, when all she wanted was to get to the part of the night where Izzy's tongue was in her mouth. 

The drinks were placed in front of Izzy, and she picked them both up, handing Clary's to her and staring until Clary rolled her eyes and took a sip. "Happy?" 

Izzy put a finger on the bottom of the glass and tipped it up, meaning that she wanted to Clary to keep drinking. "You need to have fun!" 

Clary glared at her and started gulping it down, stopping when the glass was half empty. 

"Good start! Now drink the rest and let's dance!" Izzy had already finished hers and was now staring at Clary in anticipation. 

Clary sagged a bit, but this was how their nights out usually went. Izzy gave Clary however many drinks she thought she needed to loosen up, they danced, sometimes Clary would dance with other people while Isabelle had another drink, sometimes they'd get another drink together, it just depended on the night. Clary finished her drink, and Izzy pulled her out to the dance floor, where they stayed for a few songs. 

This time, Clary was the one to drag her off with a quickly shouted explanation of, "I'm tired!" 

Izzy was smiling at her, arm around her shoulder. "Okay!" 

They were off to the side-- or as much to the side that you could get in a club-- and Clary was wondering if she could get away with asking Isabelle to leave. She'd phrase it like a girl's night out instead of wanting to get away from the loud music, and Izzy would probably say yes. She opened her mouth to say it, then paused. She still didn't know how Izzy had gotten in here, and if she'd spent a lot of money to get them on the list, then it would be a waste to leave so soon. 

Izzy's grin widened as she spotted someone over on the couches, and she said, "Come on," as she started walking over to them. When they got close, she raised a hand in greeting. "Magnus!" 

One of the men lounging on the couches straightened and smiled brightly at her. He had far more style than Clary could ever have, and even though she didn't like men, she knew he was absolutely gorgeous. The way he was looking at Isabelle was only happy, nothing ulterior, but that didn't mean anything. 

Clary's heart sunk as she realized he must be the reason they'd gotten in. Izzy had friends everywhere, but if they were looking at each other like this, it probably went beyond friendship. She tried to keep her disappointment from showing on her face, but she'd never been the best actress. 

He got to his feet in one smooth motion. "Isabelle, darling," he said, walking over and kissing the air over her cheek. Somehow, when he did it, Clary didn't feel the need to roll her eyes; it felt-- dare she think it-- genuine instead of a pretentious, dickwad move. God it was no wonder Clary couldn't catch Izzy's interest for more than a single night if this was the sort of person she was competing against. It just fucking figured that Izzy's type in more permanent partners was glamorous-- what Izzy was and Clary definitely was not. She couldn't even irrationally hate Magnus because then he turned to Clary and said, "You must be the friend Isabelle always talks about. Clary?" If he'd said it like he wasn't happy to meet her, this would be so much easier. 

She nodded numbly, and he stuck out his hand. 

"Magnus. I've heard quite a few good thing about you." 

"Can't say the same," she said, more than a little out of it as she shook his hand. A second later, she realized how rude that sounded and blushed bright red as she took her hand back. "I- I mean-" 

Magnus laughed, waving her stuttered attempts at an apology off. "It's fine. If she told you anything good, it would be a lie." He winked at Izzy, and Clary blushed harder, which she hadn't thought was possible. She was pretty sure she hadn't turned this red since that time she'd come home to find Izzy riding someone on the living room floor. She really really hoped she wouldn't have to see her and Magnus do anything like that, because just thinking about it was enough of a kick in the nads. 

"Thanks for letting us in, Magnus. Clary and Jace broke up yesterday, so she needed a good night out." 

"Happy I could help. Speaking of that little golden boy..." 

Izzy laughed. "Yes, he's single now. You already have his number, you know." 

"Hardly the point when he thinks I am uninterested." 

"Not my fault he doesn't notice you flirting." 

Clary frowned. "Are you two not together?" 

They both shook their heads. 

"Oh." 

"Aww Clary, you thought I fucked my way to the top. I'm flattered that you think so highly of my abilities, but no, this time we are solely friends." She turned back to Magnus. "How about coffee tomorrow? We can make it a double date. Sort of." 

"Nothing before eleven, and I'll be there." 

Isabelle nodded and gave him another hug. "I'll text you. See you tomorrow!" 

"Nice to meet you!" Clary said, and they walked away. Once they were far enough away, Clary asked, "Double date?" 

"You and me and Magnus and Jace, too if I can convince him to come." 

"So, you and me would be there as a date?" 

Izzy paused. "It doesn't have to be like that, that's why I said it's sort of a double date." 

"What if we uh, made it a double date? Like, officially instead of 'sort of'." 

"What?" Izzy asked, but it was a I-didn't-hear-you what, not a I-can't-believe-you-suggested-that what. 

Clary got up on her tiptoes and Izzy bent down a little so Clary could talk directly in her ear. "We should date! You and me, for real." 

Izzy didn't move for several long, heart wrenching seconds. "You sure that's what you want?" 

"Absolutely!" 

When Izzy pulled back, she had a breathless grin on her face. "Awesome!" 

"Great!" Clary said, knowing that she didn't need to, but too happy to stop herself. 

[taronfanfic]

Crossed Targets: Dare to Return

Previous chapters here

Chapter 9

With a handful of DVD’s and the hood of your onesie pulled up over your freshly washed and still damp hair you made a run for it through the cold drizzly night air across to Taron’s trailer, letting yourself inside without knocking. You left your shoes next to Taron’s and walked round the corner to join him on the small sofa. Two steaming mugs of tea were placed on the coffee table and you pushed them back to make space for your DVD choices for the night.

“Something new: Baby Driver.” You lined it up in front of Taron’s mug. “You’ve not seen it already have you?”

“No, it’s one I really want to watch though!” Taron sat forward and picked up the case to look at the back cover.

“Something animated: Monsters Inc.” You placed the second DVD down on the table and Taron smiled knowingly at you.

“I’m watching you Wazowski, always watching!” He did his best impression of Roz and it had you laughing.

“I don’t know if we’ll have time for the classic, but I brought it anyway: Zoolander.” You added the third film to the table as Taron got up to put the first one on, turning back to give you his best blue steel look. He nailed it too. “You’re too good.”

“I could definitely give Ben Stiller a run for his money.”

Everything fell quiet as the film started to play and you relaxed down into the sofa. You crossed your feet under your legs and let your knee rest gently against Taron’s thigh. A few minutes later and he moved his arm, resting it back over your knee. The shared personal space wasn’t flirty, just comfortable and relaxed. You could totally chill out with him around and spending your evenings with someone was preferable to being on your own. You’d never lived on your own, always having Katherine or Oliver and for a while both of them when you shared a house together. Having a trailer of your own was a novelty and once the excitement had worn off it felt a bit cold and lonely over there by yourself.

Taron was quietly singing along to Easy Like Sunday Morning as the film came to a close and you were both smiling at the ending.

“Such a great film!” Taron was the first to comment. “That soundtrack… just perfection.”

“I bet they had so many sing-alongs on set.” You pushed yourself away from Taron and went to switch over the DVD.

“Guaranteed! They’ll have struggled to shut Ansel up, he loves to sing more than I do and that’s saying something!”

“He can sing too? I didn’t know that!… Cute and multi-talented, do you have his number?” You raised an eyebrow at Taron as you walked back over to the sofa.

“I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving it to you!” Taron was quick to close your idea down.

“Hey! Why not?” You protested and then teased him. “I thought we were friends…”

“Well for starters he already has a girlfriend and they’ve been together for years so if that’s what you had in mind, I’m sorry, but I can’t let you go there.” Taron shook his head as you huffed in disappointment. “But more to the point, you don’t need to be the one doing the chasing. Everyone knows you’re a catch so just be patient. Someone’s probably just waiting for the right time to make a move.” You narrowed your eyes as you scrutinized everything Taron had just said.

“You sound like you know something…”

“No, I’m not saying anything.” He teased as he raised his hands defensively.

“Is it that guy… what was his name? Matt? The one who you told off for touching my arse when he put my harness on this afternoon. Were you trying to wind him up over me?”

“No, no, I was genuinely worried about where he was putting his hands… but speaking of this afternoon-”

“Don’t you dare change the subject when you clearly have important gossip!” You interrupted Taron, gently nudging the side of his thigh with your foot.

“I’m changing it, so deal with it!” He grabbed hold of your foot and lifted it in the air so you couldn’t kick him again, instead allowing you to stretch your legs out across his lap. “What I was about to say was that I’m glad you found the funny side of it this afternoon. There was a long moment where I thought I’d be heading back to the dog house.”

“If we hadn’t been pranking each other all week I think I’d have killed you! Then again I thought you might kill me after the fake tan; you were not a happy bunny that night.”

“No, I really wasn’t.” Taron sighed. “I can see the funny side in hindsight, I’d have usually taken that and laughed with you but…” His earlier smile had been replaced with a more sombre frown. “Amy broke up with me.” He added simply. You pulled your legs back from his lap as you sat up in surprise.

“Shit, no! Why, what happened?” You replied quickly. “Sorry, lots of questions. You don’t have to tell me, or talk about it if you don’t want to-“

“No, it’s fine.” He looked up from his hands and gave you a weak smile. “She’s been seeing someone else. She said just while I’ve been away but I kind of know it’s been longer than that.”

“What makes you say longer?”

“Gut instinct.” He scrunched his nose up. “I knew she was flirting with him back when we started all the prep for this, she was getting more distant too. So that’s why I was so flirty with you – and I know I shouldn’t have been because you didn’t deserve it – but I was just trying to make her jealous. I told her I’d be working with my ex and I thought she’d get a bit more territorial over me but it just seemed to have the opposite effect… So I’ve been expecting things to end. Kind of prepared myself for it.”

“Shit.” You ran your hand through your hair as you pieced everything together and made sense of Taron’s earlier actions. “That explains a lot.”

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean for you to end up being part of it! We weren’t on great terms back then and you were so cold to start with so I didn’t think it would matter. I didn’t think about it hurting you, but as soon as you said it did it was like everything backfired, and suddenly I cared more about-” You cut him off.

“Taron, it’s ok. You’ve already apologised for all of that and I forgive you for it. It would have helped to have had the full explanation at the time, but I get why you didn’t give me all the details… Wait here.” You never gave him chance to finish his sentence as you got to your feet and ran back over to your trailer to collect the untouched chocolate bar that Taron had given you weeks ago. “Here.” You handed it back to him and he smiled gently.

“No, this is yours.” He put it down on the coffee table.

“We can share it. I promised Dalton I’d save it until after the shoot but I think we deserve a bit now.” You opened the packet and broke a chunk off, splitting it in half again and handing a piece to Taron.

“You’re being way too nice to me.”

“I’m just being a good friend.” You sat back and savoured the taste of the chocolate that had been missing from your diet for the past 6 weeks. “Chocolate is the answer to everything.”

“I thought that was tea?” Taron chuckled. “I was expecting you to say something like ‘I know how you feel’… being cheated on.”

“Well I do, but that would have been a bit harsh seeing as it was you! Can’t kick a man when he’s down.”

“It’s been pretty shit.”

“I know how you feel.” Taron laughed harder this time.

“I’m so pleased you’ve been around these past few days to distract me. You’re actually the best.” He leant in against your side and you pulled him closer as you wrapped your arms around him, finally settling down to start watching the second film despite missing the start of it. Everything fell quiet again until the film had ended, neither of you rushing to get up and retrieve the DVD this time. Taron stretched his arm out behind you as he yawned and you couldn’t help the temptation to poke him in the ribs and make him squirm. He flinched away from you instinctively and then started to stare you down, his eyes warning you against trying anything. You stared back at him holding the intensity of his gaze as he moved his whole body closer to yours. The heat between you was rising as your heartrate quickened. You couldn’t anticipate his next move, your mind flicking between the options of him suddenly tickling you or potentially trying to kiss you. This was mad. You knew Taron. You’d seen the look in his eyes when he was feeling playful and also the look of lust but right now you couldn’t tell the two apart. Anchored to the spot you could only wait. You watched his eyes as they flicked down to your lips for a split second. He knew you’d seen it but neither of you backed away. The tension held you both tightly, both barely breathing as you daren’t make a sudden move. As your eyes stayed locked with his you felt his hand rest gently against your upper thigh. His touch pulled you from your thoughts, snapping you back to reality and pulling you sharply away from his body.

“I should-”

“Yeah.” Taron didn’t need to hear the rest of your sentence as he retreated to the opposite end of the sofa, not even looking at you as you got up to leave.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You added as you bundled your feet into your shoes and made the quickest exit of your life.