#he stays clean just to be with cuddy and he stays alive just to be with wilson. oh my god

[rabarbarzcukrem]

Okay I've been meaning to write this post for a while because. Those last few episodes have fucking layers mannnn

So let me start by saying that House and Cuddy's relationship was, sadly, doomed from the very beginning. That's not to say that it didn't have any chance of working out, ever, because they clearly had chemistry and cared about each other. But the circumstances of them getting together, the fact that it was the reason House decided to stay clean makes for an absolutely awful start. It fucks up the dynamic of your relationship - it demands one person to stay for the sake of ensuring the other doesn't relapse, and no one should ever be put under this kind of pressure. Secondly, it was always conditional - which is actually not as bad as it sounds. House is a person who loves pushing boundaries, and Cuddy is a woman who knows her own worth. She, Stacy and even Dominika aren't pushovers - with them, there are lines that House knows he can't cross. Lines that, once crossed, will make them decide it's not worth it and leave him.

And here's where Wilson comes in, because he's exactly this kind of pushover. During one of the therapy sessions House straight up admits that's why he's still his friend - because he can say anything to him and he won't leave. Wilson's affection for him is truly unconditional, and as unhealthy it may be, it's the only kind of relationship that really works for House.

See, he is fundamentally a selfish person. I am not saying that he doesn't have his moments of kindness, but on the most basic level he prioritizes his own needs above everyone else's. He's right when he says he doesn't sacrifice himself. In fact he's incapable of, or perhaps too stubborn to, sacrifice even the smallest amount of his own comfort for the other person, or to simply make the situation easier - a quality that's crucial for, y'know. Existing within society, not to mention maintaining a romantic relationship. He follows his own curiosities with no regard for anything, he will intentionally make his own life harder just to get what he wants, to end up being right. Even in his affection and care for other people he's always centering himself - when Cuddy is hospitalized, he panics. But his fear doesn't motivate him to support her in this trying time, it consumes him to the point he can't even bring himself to visit her. It doesn't matter that she's the one who's sick, or even that her tumor is benign. The only thing that matters is that he is scared.

Someone might say: "well, yeah, but underneath all of this he's actually full of self-hate". And I agree! Except that fact only contributes to his selfishness. You know how anxiety disorders make you worry about what other people think of you to the point you're not actually focusing on them, but only on yourself and your worst qualities? That's exactly what's happening here. In fact, his overall cynicism and pessimism require that of him. If he believes himself a horrible person, and one incapable of change at that, and also believes in the inherent cruelty of the universe and ultimate egoism of all people, of course he ends up unable to connect with anyone. Like when he ends up pushing Stacy away, because he decides it's not even worth it to give them a chance at happiness - making it all about himself again. He thinks he's unlovable, so he acts like a dick. Because he acts like a dick, no one wants to deal with him. This confirms his assumption that he's unlovable, and the cycle continues.

And the reason these last episodes are so gut-wrenching is because all of that gets completely turned on its head. You see, Wilson and his friendship is House's point of reference, the one stable thing in his life, one thing he can be sure of. He's very cautious about depending on anything and anyone else, and yet in Wilson he puts complete trust. During his time in prison, he admits to one of the men there that he's "peepless", because nobody has ever visited him. Yet once he comes back, he's fully ready to fall into the same routine with Wilson, almost as if the possibility of their friendship ending has never crossed his mind. Because he can do unimaginably stupid and cruel things, he can make everyone hate him, but no matter what he does he will not lose Wilson.

Except that when Wilson gets cancer, he has to face the reality that no matter what he does...he will lose him. And the rug is pulled from under his feet.

Once again, we see House repeat the usual pattern of being so scared of losing people that he panics and abandons them at the time they need him the most. He's so terrified of having to not only witness Wilson's death, but keep on living without him, that he gives in to his most self-destructive tendencies. He takes the cowardly way out, because the alternative would require him to get over himself, to get over his fear and insecurities, to endure it for the sake of being there for someone else. He can't bring himself to, he decides it's just not worth the pain.

Except..in those last moments, when he's debating with himself if he should go through with it, he ends up breaking the goddamn pattern. He goes against his self-centeredness, his stagnancy, the features that are the most central to his whole character and opens himself up to change. House! Who has long accepted that people, and especially him, will never change! He sacrifices not only his comfort, not only his core beliefs, but the very thing he lives for - the puzzle, or more specifically, medicine, just to spend these last few months with his best friend. It doesn't matter that it hurts, it doesn't matter that House has lost all hope and doesn't see the point of it all, he will bear it. Because Wilson needs him..and that's enough.

[jameswilsonsupremacy]

currently have a lot of feelings abt house’s relapse in s7,, may have to write it out at some point. he was clean two years at that point (it was either foreman or chase who gave this number). the way a lot of them reacted, they expected it—not surprised. like they expected his sobriety to fail.

yes, relapse is often a part of recovery. but it doesn’t always have to be. the fact that the most standout conversation about it was from wilson to cuddy is wild to me. i’m not a huddy hater—I feel they would’ve eventually broken up but stayed friends if it happened in earlier seasons, because cuddy does care for house. but in s7, she wanted him to be someone he wasn’t. wilson accepted him as who he was.

house literally internalizes all of his issues. he’s terrified when cuddy leaves him. especially when he keeps saying no, and asks cuddy “don't. please don't,”. (also shout out to hugh laurie for his incredible acting in that scene because I cry every time!) and then he ends up back on vicodin and tries to push everyone away again. but think about that guilt. he knew his addiction hurt the people he loved—that’s why he tried to hide it from cuddy. that’s why he begged her not to leave, that it was a one-time thing. he knows it impacts more than just him. so even if he’s back in those harmful habits? I assure you that he is being eaten alive by guilt.

two years clean. he would’ve had so many moments where he likely came close to relapsing, or, he just had intrusive thoughts about it. he pushed through. and then he relapsed, and his world collapses, and he can only blame himself. and he hates himself for it. if he felt confident in his growth for two years and then lost it all, he probably lost sight of any hope for true recovery. for real happiness. for having people by his side in support.

and, in a way, house cannot see the people who care because he’s blinded by his own emotion. wilson went to that hotel to check on him. wilson went to cuddy. wilson was angry on house’s behalf, because he knows how hard it is for house to have gotten through those two years, and to have lost it. he knows how much house likely hates himself for it, even if the guy is acting all snappish and nonchalant about it all. wilson understood.

I want to write out all of my thoughts on it but this is the very basics so rahhhhh take this for now. I dunno if any of it makes sense but <3

[bemylord]

aot boys as your boyfriend

♡ character: eren, erwin, armin, jean.

♡ warnings: fluff, gender neutral, some curse words.

♡ note: it's my vision of how aot boyzz will act if they'd fell in love with ya. i already did with levi, so i give a link to that chapter.

ᴇʀᴇɴ ʏᴇᴀɢᴇʀ

you've been stuck in his head the whole night. he has daydreamed about you almost every night.

eren isn't the weak boy who'd be scared to tell you his feelings, just he has some insecurities about it. maybe he feels something because you did awake his titan when nobody can't do that; maybe because he was listening to your voice while he was a titan.

you're dexterous and have some skills in how to kill titans. eren thought maybe your ancestors are ackerman?

but he decidedly tunes himself to ask you on a date. 'y/n, are you busy?' 'nope, eren, is something wrong?' 'yes, no, but.. would you mind to go on a date with me?' so, you had your first date under stars, gazing at the shooting star and made a wish. after that night, you entered into a relationship with a titan boy, without even knowing it.

eren'd call you love or baby. even if you both are in the public, he doesn't care what whoever will say: you're his lover and he wants to make it obvious to everyone.

when you inside walls, having a quiet, kinda day-off from the training and cleaning, eren calls it cuddie-day. why? nothing better to do than having you in his muscular arms, burying his face into your hair and finally rest. you both have a chat about nothing, just half-muttering 'til you both fall asleep.

it's kinda egoist but when you two outside the wall, eren'll keep an eye on you. he kills titans within twenty meters faster than you, so you could continue riding.

his palms have calluses and scars from the fight that he had in the past, but you think it's manly. you always rub his rough skin when you've got the opportunity. for eren, he'll do everything for you just so you keep rubbing his scabrous skin.

during the cuddle session, yeager will cover your face with quick but gentle kisses, holding your jawline delicate, pattering on your cheeks with his thumb.

eren tries to make you feel happy and loveable no matter what. also makes sure that you're knowing that you're safe and protected by him.

you should whisper in his ear dirty phrase, as he gets in the mood right away.

ᴇʀᴡɪɴ ꜱᴍɪᴛʜ

you're his hope and support, his sun and his moon. you mean a lot to him.

overprotective bby. before every expedition, he'll insist on you to stay inside the wall. it's not about trust, it's about he'll be focusing on you, he'll certify every second you aren't surrounded by the titans and you've enough gas.

still, he prefers you to be home, waiting for him. the thought of you biding your captain and lover, gives him the energy to come home safe.

he allows you to wash and treat his wounds after a mission. you kiss his tensed muscular, giving him a soothing back massage, running your hands on his body. 'you finally home, my love. other people and i are safe because of you and your teammates. i'm very proud of you'

after an exhausted and long trip, he asks for a few days off to spend with you.

as your captain, he needs to make sure you're strong and have knowledge of how to kill enemies.

erwin's palms are huge, so you're comparing your hand by pressing your palms in his. after years of using the vertical maneuvering equipment, he also has some calluses. the captain loves those moments when you're interlacing hands, despite his coarse skin. 'do you like hold my hands even if they're unpleasant to the touch?' you laughed, kissed his outer part of the palm. 'yes i do, captain, and i do like kissing them'

his confident way of speaking, you consider as something cute at him.

you need to obey, that erwin is dominant in the relationship.

his favorite kiss is neck or collarbone; pressing the lips against your smooth area around the neck, wrapping his arms around your waist, and mumbles some phrases - best way to kiss.

erwin calls you sweetie or honey. everyone in the survey corps knows you both are dating.

no one from organizations will dare to flirt or say something rude to you: whether it's military or scout regimen. it's quite simple, they're scared to die or be eaten alive by a titan. 'y/n, honey, i just want you to know that i love you' 'i love you too, my love' before and after mission, in the morning or before you both go to sleep, during cuddle, erwin tells you a lot of i love you's

ᴊᴇᴀɴ ᴋɪʀꜱᴄʜᴛᴇɪɴ

i guess jean is the kind of boyfriend who'd hold you by your waist all the time when you're at the public.

those tender and affectional quick kiss on your lips while holding your hands in his.

jean knows what he does whilst kissing you if you get what i mean; holding your waist or he runs his finger down your cheek, drawing patterns on them. in the beginning, jean was timid and uncertain about his movements, he hesitant about what he can do, what he can't. now, he determined the way he kisses his lover.

he likes to brag about you a lot. if someone from the corps is looking at you, he talks to them like that: 'are you jealous that they chose me, not you? get the fuck off them, bastard, or else i'll punch in the face'

he's kinda yandere if someone is staring at you.

if you were brat to him or you had been annoying him for some reason, he'd press you against the wall, holds your hands above your head, smirking at your face expression: he took off guard, you helpless and vulnerable. 'you had been a brat, y/n. do you want my kisses or something more? anyways, i'm here to give everything you've been craving for'

at those moments, jean being as cocky as he could be. he's dominant, controlling your movements, and impudent as fuck.

funny-unfunny jokes; compliments a lot if you feel chagrin or downtrodden. he understood you've been through some difficult problems, and living in the world when you need literally survive every day is sick. that's why jean wants to be your sun and the person who'll protect you.

he prefers to call you heartie [because you got the key to his heart] or angel. 'in the world full of ravenous titans, i want to be the one who makes you smile, heartie. take my hand in your, and let's create our world together'

ᴀʀᴍɪɴ ᴀʀʟᴇᴛ

armin is a sweet boy, who'd treat you like a queen.

read a book before fall asleep. you lay down on his chest, listening his calm voice, falling asleep. it's his preferred to end the day.

far beyond the wall, you are acting in unison: he protected you, you protected him. while he's thinking about a strategy you're killing titans or vice versa.

his hugs are warm and cozy. he put his palms at your back, rubbing your skin through the fabric or if you had some spicy night, pattering on your back indecipherable traces;

those dialogues with a cup of tea, when you half-muttering, in the room, that illuminated by the candles, enjoying that atmosphere.

armin loves to take a bath with you. delicately washing your skin, especially if you've got wounds or injuries. once you fell asleep whilst armin was cleaning you.

i think armin would switch. he likes being a dominant one, having right as he wants to, but he also likes when you're taking the control of his body.

armin has small palms with long fingers, milky skin. his hands always warm and delectable to the touch. in addition, armin is a touchy-feely man: he enjoys hugging or interlacing fingers.

idk why but i think armin'd like to have midnight walks on small alleys in the town, dreaming to change this place. he lives here in fear of the unknown what will be next, so armin'll do everything that he could do.

you capture his spirit, make him lose his breath when you smack your lips against his one's. those spontaneous kisses, you know.

occasionally, he gets sudden bursts of tenderness lol but hear me out: you both are doing nothing or training together when suddenly armin wants to kiss or cuddle you. it's just something tantalizing feeling he got. 'you're so beautiful right now, y/n, i want to give you a kiss' 'only now?' you smiled, receiving a shy kiss. armin blushed at your words; he doesn't mean you look unattractive yesterday or something like that. 'i'm sorry, baby, i didn't mean it, i-' 'i've got you, love, don't worry. let me give my kiss' armin gave you a thousand kisses later, as a token of his infinite love for you.

//~~//

yeap i did it. soon part 3 with tsukki-tsukki.

tomorrow i'll post a request with tsukki and do the rest with aot boys.

[ocalaghan]

I finished watching House. Much to think about. Much to process.

I first saw House a couple of years ago when my mum was watching it, so I would catch episodes here and there with her, but I decided to watch it properly from the beginning a couple of months ago.

I don't even know where to start. That finale was insane. I honestly found it... a little anti-climactic? Which sounds crazy given the fact that House FAKED HIS OWN DEATH but there was just so much I would've liked to see happen that didn't.

Like... let's start with when he went into psychiatric care. He got clean. He was happier. He was definitely a better person. Still very much House but just... nicer. A little bit more thoughtful. He had a goal to be less depressed. I enjoyed that version of him a lot and then it felt like that character development was all for naught when he quit therapy and just regressed back to what he was before. When Cuddy broke up with him (for very fair reasons), it seemed like he lost sight of the fact he was getting better for himself, and not for anyone else, and just packed it in. I found that quite disappointing.

Side-note - House and Cuddy as a couple! They really played the long game on that enemies-to-lovers trope there. I guess they were never true enemies per se but... Jesus Christ. At the start I couldn't have pictured that becoming a thing at all but when the show started dropping hints it was going to, it grew on me. Hugh and Lisa played the parts so well. And tbh, the fact that they weren't endgame is kind of annoying. Like, that romance was sooooooo slow-burn. To go through ALL OF THAT and not have them unite at the end was saddening. I think it could've only worked if House's character development had improved back to immediate-post-psych-care House though. It wouldn't have been right to have them get back together after he literally crashed his car into her home. She has a kid to think about too. It just bummed me out that she was gone in season eight and never to be seen again, only mentioned fleetingly. I wanted to know she was doing well, and I definitely would've loved to see her in the finale and have she and House reconcile somehow. Not romantically, just... have House sincerely apologise to her. Something. ANYTHING. A CRUMB, PLEASE. But wherever Lisa and her daughter are, hopefully they are happy and maybe with that handsome guy she met.

I'm not gonna lie, I was really hoping for a Chase/Cameron reunion in the finale. More than just them sitting next to each other at the funeral. I wanted them to be endgame. I was hoping after a couple of years apart that Cameron might be able to try again with Chase but obviously we see her with an anonymous partner and child... a little bummed but the series left it at a positive personal note for them both. Cameron had a family, Chase was no longer squandering his potential. So I will just envision them as good friends. :')

Actually kind of surprised they didn't pair Chase with Adams cos it felt like it was going that way sometimes but I am glad about that, it would've felt out of place and rushed. A shame we didn't really see much personal development for the likes of Adams, Park, and Foreman in general though. I like to think Park stays with whoever Patrick Stump's character's name was lol. Foreman was a real ass throughout the first several seasons and I just did not like him much. After he took Cuddy's job when she left, though, I did like him more. It would've been nice to see him paired off with someone but I really enjoyed his final scene, where he finds House's ID card hidden in his office. Was super fitting for House to leave Foreman a clue that he was actually still alive. Taub was someone else I didn't really like but surprisingly after he finally divorced his wife, he did grow on me. He was also occasionally quite funny, he provided some much-needed comedy relief. I liked him very much as a dad. Too funny that he got two women pregnant with daughters named Sophie and Sophia. I liked his final scene, he just looked far more content rather than the long face he wore for 90% of the show.

Thirteen, my destructive bi queen... sad we did not see much of her in the final season but I am so glad she is happy and also had her endgame relationship with a woman?! Pleasantly surprised. Disappointing we didn't really see that relationship but I suppose we rarely see much of any of their relationships, so I can't be overly bitter about that.

I can't believe they did Wilson so dirty by giving him cancer. Married three times, best relationship of his life ended because she fucking DIED IN HIS ARMS, wanted children but never got them... and they give him FIVE MONTHS TO LIVE. I love Wilson, I am so very hurt. It was weirdly fitting though, and they wrote it in such a way that I can't actually be too mad about it? He's gonna get to live out the remainder of his life doing all the things he wanted to do (bar finally settling down and having kids, I guess...) with his best friend so I can't say I'm that disappointed by it, but still. Damn.

I suppose the point of the ending is that you can envision for yourself what House goes on to do after Wilson's dead. He faked his own death so he could completely reinvent his life so however he does that is anyone's guess.

I really liked that Stacy was one of House's most prominent hallucinations in the burning building, especially when she said, "We are not the only two people who could love you," referring to herself and Cuddy. And House envisioned Dominika but quickly pushed the thought away. I don't think he could go back to Dominika now because she thinks he's dead and I doubt he would want to jeopardise her status in the country, but I like to think that "Stacy's" words mean he will find someone to fall in love with because it was so obviously something he wanted deep down.

I also just want to note I know there are people who ship House/Wilson and that there's even seemingly evidence of them caring for each other in a somewhat romantic way and honestly I vibe with it. Like I find it wild they just dropped random apparently gay hints in but it was never developed on so I'm just gonna ignore it here. I don't think House would've legit revealed feelings for Wilson in those five months but... maybe I'm wrong. He was a very broken man.

But also, if he doesn't go and visit his mother and let her know he isn't dead, I will kill him for real myself. DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR LOVELY MOM.

Don't think there's a whole lot more to say. One other thing is that I thought there was going to be a final resolution on who House's real father is, but that was never solved.

Wild show. Not my favourite medical drama by any stretch, but it was a good watch.