#he thinks he and March are homies for ever in my brain—

[lazywriter-artist]

Random oc dump today yayaya!!!!

Sometimes a good inquisitor just needs a cherub or two! Just my excuse to draw and make hcs for cherubs Ngl- they’re so cute I love them-

Silly billy here is inquisitor Maxxium!!! Inquisitions most chipper little man- mostly-

Malak & Uriel, him cherub babies!!! Precious little babies— cherubs are weird fucked up little human shaped cat bird things to me 🥰

Malak is more of the attention seeker- Uriel is a quiet little fella (even if one doesn’t think so he can be a biter- so watch out-)

they do mimic human noises tho— so uh watch out when ya hear a baby crying in an ecclesiarchy building especially- they like to cause mischief- or it’s a really upset cherub and they’re hard to calm-

He and his boys are not amused—

They’re very clingy to max— he can’t go too far lest they cry for him. Of course, cherubs are known to neurologically link to those they are gifted to and getting too far strains such a link so this adds to their strain and distress. No problem for pahyne however! His babies already go everywhere with him 🥰 now he has a reason to give the fools who think his little angels can’t come with him!

[cinnaminsvga]

Hug-o-gram Preview | Yoongi

→ summary:

“This is probably the dumbest idea you’ve ever had,” Yoongi hisses, but it’s kind of hard for Seokjin to take him seriously when he’s wearing a cardboard sign around his neck that says ‘Huggie Wuggie Machine!’ in bubble font. 

“Like, even worse than when we DIY’d your car into a convertible by sawing the top off?” Seokjin asks, genuinely curious. 

“Worse,” Yoongi admits, trying his best to stay out of your line of sight. His cheeks redden, matching the gaudy pink kitten ears he was forced into wearing.

{or alternatively: Seokjin is a terrible wingman. He also runs a profitable business by sending “hugs” to people’s crushes for a fee. Mix them together and you have a recipe for Min Yoongi’s worst nightmare.}

→ genre: college!au, hugging booth!au, fluff, humor → warnings: yoongi is so smitten that he’s a walking disaster, so much shy!yoongi to the point where you’ll want to *o*e him, seokjin just tryna get his homie some y/n love coochie bro ;o; → words: anticipated 10-12K  → a/n: who the fuck am i... why am i writing so much??? let’s all thank miss kwaranteen for that, my friends. but what’s with the fluff, you ask? thank miss @jincherie​ for that because her weak heart can’t handle angst so i have to use my limited fluff muscles to write this for her... anyway idk when this is coming out but its probs soon,, enjoy this lil snippet i guess LMAO 

“Yoongi, it’s time for me to head to work. You want to come with me today?” Seokjin asks, though he knows what answer he’s going to get. You see, Seokjin’s new booming business is another one of his fantastic ideas, but it is a little... inventive. Sure, Yoongi had scoffed when he had originally suggested the idea, but Seokjin knew that it was going to be a money-maker. Sure, it had taken a few years for the business to really take off, but once it finally did…

Enter Kim Seokjin’s Hug-o-gram Service! Students from his university are able to send anonymous payments directly to him, with little notes attached for their crushes. Each love letter delivery comes with a hug from Seokjin himself, delivered straight to the person without them ever knowing who the hug came from. It was ingenious! It was lucrative! But most of all…

It allowed Seokjin to cause drama and have an excuse for it! Nothing could have been more perfect for a man like him.

“No thanks,” Yoongi snorts, rolling over to face him. He watches from the floor as Seokjin changes into a butter-less shirt, which also happens to have his own face printed on the front and back. His trusty cardboard sign that reads “I’m Gonna Glomp Ya!” also joins his attire for the afternoon, a long piece of string tied to its edges so that he can wear it around his neck. Throwing on a pair of white sneakers with the tags still attached, Seokjin is ready to tackle today’s list of would-be hug-ees.

“How do I look?” Seokjin asks, combing his hair with his fingers. It leaves an oily sheen, which he somehow makes it work.

“Ugly,” Yoongi says, like a liar.

“It’s okay, I understand. I can speak tsundere, so you don’t need to explain,” Seokjin snickers, nearly getting hit with a TV remote by Yoongi. He opens his phone again, swiping to his e-mail to see his list of hug deliveries for the day.

Seokjin gets around 10 requests a day, with around half of them coming from regular clients. He’s especially fond of this boy who has been sending hugs to his TA named Namjoon for almost a month now. He has no idea why this kid has so much disposable income, though seeing the blush on Namjoon’s face everyday makes Seokjin think that he would spend every last penny for him too. Namjoon had begged Seokjin for his secret admirer’s identity, but snitchin’ isn’t a part of his service, unfortunately.

As much as Seokjin wants to know who is crushing on who, his little business wouldn’t work as well as it did if anonymity wasn’t included in his package deal. It allows people to thirst in public without facing the repercussions, like getting a knee to the groin or a slap to the face. Not that Seokjin has ever been at the receiving end of that; everyone loves him! Like, have you seen him? He must have saved a civilization in the past with how devastatingly beautiful his forehead is.

“Why am I suddenly filled with the relentless urge to deck you right now?” Yoongi says, getting up to change into clean clothes as well. His black t-shirt unfortunately does not have Seokjin’s face on it, but that can quickly be amended if the elder of the two decides to follow his every intrusive whim.

Seokjin laughs, completely unaware of the murderous capabilities of his friend. Due to his smaller body size, his percentage of evil is unusually concentrated. “Maybe it’s because you know that I’m into pain pla–” but Seokjin’s retort suddenly grinds to a halt. He chokes mid-sentence, coughing wildly as he pounds his chest with a balled-up fist. When Yoongi looks up at him, he finds his hyung staring slack-jawed at his phone, seemingly flabbergasted by what he finds on his screen.

“What’s the matter? Accidentally sent a dick pic to your prof again?” Yoongi snorts.

“That was one time! And no, it’s…” Seokjin trails off, uncharacteristically hesitant. He shifts his gaze from his phone to Yoongi, a drop of sweat quickly forming on the back of his neck. Yoongi raises a brow, silently urging him to continue.

Instead of replying, Seokjin hands him his phone. Yoongi finds a copy of one of Seokjin’s newest hug requests, only having just received it five minutes ago. As he scrolls down, he finds that this secret admirer is a new client, but that isn’t what made Seokjin stop in his tracks. Instead, it’s the recipient of the hug that catches his attention–

“Y/N has a secret admirer?” Yoongi says, voice cracking at the end. He clears his throat, trying his best to school his face into something less… jealous. He swivels away from Seokjin, forcing himself to breathe slowly through his nose. He convinces himself that he is the very epitome of calmness.

“You okay there, Yoongi? You look like you’re about to vomit,” Seokjin says, immediately breaking his inner peace. Yoongi groans loudly, shucking the phone over his shoulder, uncaring of where it lands. Seokjin, with his superhuman and God-given reflexes… doesn’t catch it. But he did dive to the floor like a seasoned Olympian, and his ass cushioned his phone so he supposes that’s a win.

Back to the matter at hand––

“I am fine,” Yoongi says, as he continues to not be fine.

From the floor, Seokjin shoots him a disbelieving look. He lies down more comfortably, propping his head on his elbow. Screw his hug-o-gram appointments for now; nothing brings him more joy than seeing Yoongi absolutely losing it. “Really? So you wouldn’t mind if I marched up to Y/N right now and give her the warmest, coziest, most tender hug of her fucking life?”

“Y… Yes,” Yoongi squeaks, neck glowing a furious red. He has his fists clenched (adorably) by his sides, head bowed as he faces the wall of their apartment. Seokjin’s brain makes the unhelpful comparison of Yoongi with that cat meme who says “no talk me angy” in Impact font.

Seokjin grins, his wickedness from within coiling and yearning to burst from his seams. This is it! Maybe if he pushes a little more, then maybe Yoongi will stop pining like a pathetic loser! Also, it didn’t hurt that he got to push Yoongi’s buttons while he’s at it, but hey! Not all heroes go to heaven or whatever.

He grabs his phone from his ass, scrolling back to the e-mail. “So… You wouldn’t mind if I walk up to Y/N right now and tell her ‘Hey! I’ve had an embarrassingly long crush on you and when I heard about this hugging service… I couldn’t miss the chance to shoot my shot! If you’re single and ready to #mingle, then please meet me at the Corner Cafe at 2 PM tomorrow.’” Seokjin sing-songs, snickering loudly when he sees the absolute pain etched onto Yoongi’s face.

There is a pause, and Seokjin waits as Yoongi uses his tiny kitty brain to think of what to do. He can only imagine what’s going inside his head, but he has a guess. Yoongi could either: 1) finally admit his feelings for you and come clean before Seokjin has to deliver your hug, or 2) do something stupid and counterproductive.

It comes as no surprise when Yoongi goes with option number––

[stardust-walker]

High Hopes: Chapter 6

Previous Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

word count: 5078

If anyone wants to be added to my taglist, feel free to reach out!

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Glenn couldn’t be gone there was no way. There was no time to really process what happened before Daryl’s attention immediately turned back to the boy. Dove lunged forward and tried to grab Daryl’s arm, but was only able to grasp his shoulder tightly as he swung at the boy. She dug her heels into the ground as she heard Rick and T-Dog approach. “Stop it,” Rick shouted.

Dove nodded quickly and stepped aside as Rick grabbed Daryl. The two of them pushed back further into the alley. T-Dog looked confused as ever but Dove just pointed. “Grab him!” She motioned towards the boy who looked ready to make a break for it.

“I’m gonna kick your nuts up in your throat,” she heard Daryl shout as she marched over and grabbed the boy by the wrist. Her head was pounding.

“Let me go!” The boy shouted.

T-Dog shoved him back against the wall, “Chill out!”

“They took Glenn! That little bastard and his little bastard homie friends,” Daryl yelled as he paced like an animal. Rick looked back quickly before he turned his attention back to Daryl.

“He’s not making it up,” Dove called over to Rick, “His friends took Glenn…and tried to get the guns.”

Daryl pointed over Rick’s shoulder. “I’m gonna stomp your ass, kid.”

Dove felt her anxiety rising as the chaos ensued around her. Then she heard Rick yell for them to move and the boy was pulled from her grip by T-Dog. “C’mon! Let’s go!” She followed as fast as she could. Part of her still wanted to raise absolute hell and just run down the street to try to get Glenn back, but that just sounded like more of a death wish than anything had in the past few weeks.

She realized once they were inside that her hands were empty. “Shit!” She stopped in the middle of the hallway. T-Dog shoved the boy against the wall again as he turned to scrutinize her.

“Why’d you stop,” he hissed back down the hall.

Dove threw her hands up in the air before she rested them on the back of her head, “The crowbar! I promised Jim I was gonna…” She trailed off as Rick and Daryl rounded the corner. The weapon was shoved roughly back into her hands as the two of them walked past her. More stomped in Daryl’s case.

“C’mon. I meant what I said. No one’s savin your ass. Better not drop that shit again, girl,” Daryl called over his shoulder after her. Dove sucked in a deep breath as she wrapped her fingers tightly around her weapon again.

It was hard to keep up with a fast moving group when your head was pounding. Dove entered the room and her gaze fell on the boy seated in a chair. “I ain’t telling you nothing,” was the response he gave to whatever they had asked him. This was going great.

T-Dog looked away from the boy, back at Daryl. “What the hell happened back there, man?” He had a right to ask. There hadn’t been much time to explain.

“I told you! This little turd and his douchebag friends came out of nowhere and jumped me! Damn near knocked bird out tryin to beat the shit out of me too,” Daryl glared at the boy as he paced.

Dove narrowed her eyes as the boy replied, “You’re the one who jumped me, puto. Screamin bout trying to find his brother like it’s my damn fault.”

“Yeah? And your guys ganged up on him with weapons. On top of that, it was two on one. He tried to ask you a question, you didn’t answer. So I think it’s best you start answerin,” Dove pointed to crowbar in the boy’s direction. A warning look from Rick only caused her to shake her head and set the weapon down. Eyes not leaving the boy, she leaned up against the side of the desk as she chewed on the inside of her cheek.

“They took Glenn. Could’ve taken Merle too,” Daryl attempted to reason with the others. On one hand, she could see how it made sense. On the other, it definitely seemed like he was reaching for any possibility that his brother could be alive and not bleeding out in the street somewhere.

“Merle? What kind of hick name is that,” the boy snickered, “I wouldn’t name my dog Merle.” Dove pursed her lips and shared a worried yet amused look with T-Dog for a moment before Daryl lashed out. This time, he aimed a kick right for the boy’s head. The brunette really had to admire the sheriff’s reflexes, especially when it came to keeping the angry redneck from beating someone.

Instead of staying back, Daryl marched right past Rick and began digging in Glenn’s backpack. Dove straightened up and tilted her head to the side as she observed what was happening. “Want to see what happened to the last guy that pissed me off,” Daryl said. His tone was eerily calm as he turned to the side so they could see what he was holding. It was the do-rag he had borrowed from T-Dog.

“Oh Jesus Christ,” Dove whispered as she brought a hand up to cover her mouth. She fought back a laugh as Daryl threw the severed hand right into the boy’s lap. She couldn’t understand why she found it funny, but if she had to venture a guess it would probably be the stress.

The boy screamed as he threw himself out of the chair and onto the floor. “Start with the feet this time,” Daryl still sounded amazingly calm as he gripped the boy up by the collar. Rick took advantage of the situation, he was really good at playing good cop.

“We just want to talk to your friends,” he said calmly as he got down to the boy’s level,” See if we can work something out.”

Daryl leaned over to pick up the hand off the ground as Dove spoke up again from behind the desk. “We don’t wanna have to let him cut your feet off, but if you don’t talk to us or tell us anything,” she shrugged her shoulders, “We just might not be able to stop him.” She smiled at the boy. The boy’s eyes flickered nervously between all of the others in the room.

He gulped and nodded his head slowly. “Alright. Just keep that crazy puto away from me!” It was almost sad to see the way the boy almost plead with Rick, but it was worth it. They were going to get their answers.

~

A little while later, Dove was seated alongside a brick wall; dark eyes locked on the boy as he sat away from the rest of them. She found herself feeling bad for the boy. Odds were he had no idea what was going on when Daryl started yelling about Merle and yet he found himself in this insanity with them. Dove’s attention shifted to Rick as he spoke up. “You ready?” He stared at her for a moment before she nodded.

The brunette nodded her head as she looked down at the gun that had been placed in her hand. It made her nervous as hell just holding the thing.

Daryl narrowed his eyes at the boy again as he threatened to put an arrow in his ass. T-Dog shook his head as the kid retaliated with, “G’s gonna take that arrow out of my ass and shove it up yours. Just so you know.”

“G?” Rick questioned as he finally turned his attention back to their hostage.

“Guillermo. He’s the man here.”

Dove rolled her eyes as she rested her back against the wall. “Some man he is. Sendin a kid out to do his dirty work and shit.”

Rick hummed in agreement before loading his gun. “Let’s go see Guillermo.”

Dove stood as she watched Daryl disappear through the window.

There was a moment of silence before either one of the lookouts spoke. “We don’t tell Carol about what a shit show this was or I’ll be the next one handcuffed except this time to a fucking car. Deal?” She turned her head, a serious expression on her face.

T-Dog pinched the bridge of his nose as he shook his head. “Christ. Deal. Only because Dale doesn’t need to be putting us all on lockdown either.”

Dove smirked as she followed quietly after T-Dog. “Knew you’d see it my way.”

Once they were in their positions, Dove peeked over the edge of the building. “Holy shit that’s a lot of people,” she mumbled as she looked through the scope of her gun.

“If this goes south, I say we book it,” T-Dog whispered. The only response he got was a gentle slap on the back of the head.

Finally, the other man looked in their direction as he followed Rick’s gaze.

“Make the trade. Please,” T-Dog practically prayed.

There was a shout from down below and she saw Rick’s gaze go up toward the roof of the building. Dove’s attention snapped in the same direction and her stomach dropped. She gripped the handle of the gun tighter as she bit down on her tongue hard to keep from shouting. Glenn was alive at least for now.

“Fuckin bastards,” Dove’s hands began to shake and her ears rang. She couldn’t even pay attention to what was happening with Rick right now. In fact, a shoot out could be happening right under her nose and her only thought might still be about getting Glenn down off that roof safe and alive. T-Dog nudged her arm, finally bringing her attention back to reality.

“Let’s go, cmon.” He didn’t seem happy at all and they were walking away without Glenn.

~

Dove paced the room as Rick slammed the bag of guns onto the table. She chewed on her already bitten thumbnail as she tried to keep herself calm.

“Those guns are worth more than gold. Gold won’t protect your family or put food on the table,” Daryl said. Was he actually trying to reason with someone? “You willing to give that up for that kid?”

That triggered something in Dove’s brain and she stomped over, a finger pointed right in Daryl’s face. “You best take that back, Dixon!”

“What? It’s the truth! You willing to give away something that could keep you or your sister from dyin to save some kid who wanted to put himself on death’s door,” Daryl didn’t back down. She had counted on that.

“You’re damn right I am! I would die for Glenn if I had to! You were about to put both of our asses in the grave when you decided to fight Miguel in that alleyway when you thought he might have Merle. So don’t you dare try to preach to anyone about what we gotta give up for anyone else in the group. You got me,” Dove’s hazel eyes could have burned holes right through Daryl if T-Dog hadn’t stepped in between them. A hand pressed against each of their shoulders as he pushed them away from each other.

“Listen. If I knew he would hold up his end of the deal and give Glenn back, I might agree to it. But you think that Vato across the way is just gonna hand him over?” T-Dog looked right into Rick’s eyes as he said this.

“You calling G a liar,” Miguel piped up from the floor.

“Are you a part of this,” Daryl snapped at him just before he slapped him on the side of the head. Dove gripped the edge of the desk tightly as she struggled to regain her composure. “You want to hold onto your teeth, kid?”

“Question is, do you trust that man’s word,” T-Dog spoke up again.

“No. The real question is, what are you willing to bet on it,” Daryl cut him off before he could say anything else. “Could be more than guns. Could be your life.” Dove glanced over her shoulder and caught Daryl’s eye for a second before he looked away.

“What life I have I owe to him,” Rick stated. “I was nobody to Glenn. Just some idiot stuck in a tank.” Dove stood up straighter, arms crossed in front of her chest. “He could’ve walked away but he didn’t. Neither will I.”

“So you’re gonna hand the guns over,” Daryl was surprisingly calm. Dove felt even more embarrassed about losing her cool as she listened to him actually talk reasonably to others in the group.

“I didn’t say that. There’s nothing keeping you three here. You should get out, head back to camp while it’s still light out,” Rick tried to explain to the others in the room.

“And what do we tell your family,” T-Dog sighed as he closed his eyes.

“We leave you here alone and we go back without you, without guns, without Glenn. Hell, without Merle? What was the point,” Dove shrugged her shoulders as she shifted her gaze to Rick.

The four of them looked around at each other for a moments before Daryl nodded his head. Dove reached over onto the table and grabbed the gun closest to her. She paused a moment before she shoved the crowbar back into the bag in its place. “You know how to shoot that?” Rick questioned as the other men examined their guns.

Dove pursed her lips and looked the gun over for a moment. With a shake of her head, Dove flashed Rick a surprisingly confident smile. “Nope, but I’m countin on your diplomatic talkin to make sure that I don’t have to.”

Rick frowned before he nodded at her. He held his hand out for the gun and she handed it over to him slowly. Dove’s eyes studied his hands as he loaded the gun for her. “Now listen. If it comes down to it, the safety is right here, alright?” Rick showed her and Dove nodded her head. “You remove the safety, place the butt of the rifle against your shoulder, right here. Then you look through the crosshairs to get your target. Then you pull the trigger and pray the kickback doesn’t get you.”

Dove nodded her head as she took the gun from Rick. “Thanks, Sheriff.”

~

Dove followed closely behind Rick as they moved through the courtyard of the building where the Vatos were holed up. She was still praying that they wouldn’t have to actually use their guns, but the way that Daryl shoved the boy through the door didn’t look promising for any of them.

Dove raised her rifle slightly as she followed Rick into the building. She could feel eyes on her as she walked through the doorway and she tried her best not to shiver.

“I see my guns, but they’re not all in the bag,” the leader that Dove recognized from before smirked slightly as he addressed them

“That’s because they’re not yours. I thought I mentioned that,” Rick retorted as he raised his rifle slightly.

“Let’s just shoot these fools right now, ese,” a bald headed man spoke up from next to Guillermo. Dove clenched her jaw as she felt her hands begin to shake. “Unload on their asses, ese.”

“I don’t think you fully appreciate the gravity of the situation,” Guillermo eyed Rick suspiciously. Dove felt some ounce of gratitude for the man. It seemed like he had some sense still, unlike the man that had just threatened to unload on them all.

Rick shook his head at the shorter man, “No, I’m pretty clear.” Rick nodded at Dove. The brunette lowered her gun and took the pocket knife from Rick with a shaking hand. She cut through the tape around Miguel’s arm as quickly as she could before Daryl shoved the boy forward. “You have your man. I want mine.”

For a second, she thought it was over. “I’m gonna chop up your boy. Gonna feed him to my dogs.” Dove felt a hand on her shoulder and a slight shove backwards. She caught Daryl’s gaze out of the corner of her eye as he raised his gun again. She followed suit as she took in a deep breath through her nose. Nothing could ever be easy anymore. “They’re the evilest, nasiest, man-easting bitches you ever saw. I picked em up from Satan at a yard sale.” Dove quirked an eyebrow at the man. He was really trying to put on a show for a guy who seemed so ready to kill them. “I told you how it has to be, are you woefully deaf?” Yes.

“My hearing’s fine. You said come locked and loaded.” Rick raised his rifle again. Daryl and T-Dog were right behind him, gun’s locked and loaded. Dove’s hands froze in place. Her brain knew what to do but her body wouldn’t listen. She didn’t want to have to shoot someone but she sure as hell wasn’t expecting what happened next.

“Felipe,” an older woman called as she entered the room. Dove’s eyes widened in shock as T turned and pointed his gun in the direction of the new voice.

“Abuela, go back with the others,” the bald man called back at her.

“Dude what the hell is your grandmother doing,” Dove couldn’t help but hiss through gritted teeth at the man. What the fuck was going on. 

“Get that old lady outta the line of fire,” Daryl snapped, though he didn’t lower his gun.

Guillermo just sighed and seemed to roll his eyes before he turned his attention away from them. “Abuela! Listen to your mijo, okay? This is not the place for you right now.” Dove’s head was spinning. He genuinely seemed concerned about the older woman as she continued to walk closer to them despite the many protests.

“Mr. Gilbert is having trouble breathing,” the old lady pleaded with Felipe. “He needs his asthma stuff! Carlito didn’t find it.”

Despite what everyone else seemed to be doing, Dove lowered her gun. Her right hand held rightly to the butt of the rifle as she raised her left hand to cover her mouth. Then it all clicked in her head. There was a reason they didn’t just kill them all in the alleyway. They could have easily killed her, Daryl, and Glenn and made it out with the guns with no issue. But they didn’t want to. They were more like them than Rick or any of them had realized.

“Felipe!” Guillermo shouted and it broke Dove from her train of thought. “Go take care of it! And take your grandmother with you!”

She noticed the change in the bald man’s demeanor almost instantly too as he turned to his abuela. He tried to pull her away, but the old lady wasn’t leaving that easy. “Who are those men? And that girl?” The woman squinted at them and began to walk closer. Felipe tried to plead with her in Spanish again but she didn’t listen. “Don’t you take him. Felipe’s a good boy. He have his trouble but he pull himself together. We need him here.” Dove felt herself choke up a little bit at the old woman’s pleas. She turned her head and locked eyes with T, who looked just as torn as she felt.

“Ma’am. I’m not here to arrest your grandson.” Rick tried to reason with the older woman.

“Then what do you want him for,” she questioned Rick. The sheriff struggled for a moment before Dove spoke up.

“He’s…”

“Well, you see, ma’am,” she stopped for a moment. The brunette woman turned to Rick, who just nodded his head. “Our friend went missing. We think your grandson might be able to help us find him. His name is Glenn…”

“The Asian boy,” the old woman perked up slightly. “He’s with Mr. Gilbert! Come. I show you.” She reached out her hand to Rick and he paused for a moment before taking the old woman’s wrinkled hand in his. Dove could only look on in shock as the two of them started to walk away.

Guillermo closed his eyes, clearly a little frustrated before he waved his hand. “Let em pass.” Dove didn’t wait for the others as she immediately pushed past Felipe and followed as close behind Rick as she could.

She fell back a few steps as they rounded the corner into another courtyard. “Whoa…” Dove caught the eye of Felipe as he walked past her except this time, he smiled a little and nodded his head at her. “This place is amazing.” She whispered to Daryl as she fell into step next to him.

“Better than a quarry for sure,” was the only response she got. They walked up the steps and into another building in silence. Dove peered into the first room they passed as they walked inside just as Rick was taking his hat off. Another old woman was sat on a chair in the room and she turned just as Dove peeked into the doorway. A small smile appeared on the old woman’s face as she waved a hand feebly. Dove waved back slowly as she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was T; with a slight nod, he motioned for her to keep walking.

She couldn’t help but look in every room as they passed. Her heart jumped in her chest as they finally arrived in what had to have been a cafeteria of sorts. There was a little stage in front with a group of people crowded around the front of it and in that group was “Glenn!” Dove shouted. She couldn’t hold in the excitement at seeing him alive for a second longer as she ran forward.

Glenn turned his head just in time for Dove to wrap her arms around his shoulders. “Oh my god, you’re alright!” She whispered as she tried to fight back tears. Glenn chuckled a little bit as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Yeah, I’m more worried about Mr. Gilbert right now. I’m fine,” he assured her.

Dove released Glenn from her grasp, only to place a hand on his shoulders before emotion took over her once again. She leaned forward and placed a kiss on both of his cheeks as Rick and the others approached. “I’m chaining your ass to that god damn RV when we get back, Rhee! I swear it.”

“What the hell is this,” Rick hissed.

“An asthma attack,” Glenn explained. Dove finally turned her attention to the scene in front of her. Her hands slipped into her back pockets as she observed Felipe administering the inhaler. These weren’t bad people at all.

“I though you were being eaten by dogs, man!” T-Dog snapped.

Glenn turned suddenly and all of their gazes followed his until they landed on three little dogs in a bed on the floor.

“Are those…” Daryl raised an eyebrow.

“Chihuahuas?”  Dove cut him off. She was quiet for another moment before a hysterical laugh escaped her lips. “Oh Jesus Christ,” she shook her head as she covered her mouth to try to stifle another laugh.

Rick was clearly not as amused as Dove heard him speak to Guillermo, “Can I have a word with you? You’re the dumbest son of a bitch I ever met.”

Dove turned her attention back to Glenn as she pointed a finger at him. “You’re lucky we like you or I would be totally kicking your ass right now.”

Daryl shook his head in amazement as T-Dog let out a deep sigh. Rick interrupted anything either of them had to say as he called out to them from the doorway before he motioned for them to follow him.

“C’mon, Karate Kid. Say goodbye to your little friends, you’re grounded,” Dove said as she grabbed Glenn by the arm and pulled him after her. She thought she heard Daryl let out a snort of laughter.

When the six of them finally reached a more isolated room, Rick questioned Guillermo. “What about the rest of your crew?”

 “The rest of the Vatos trickled in. They came in to check on their parents or grandparents, they saw how things are here. Most decided to stay,” Guillermo explained. “It’s a good thing too. We need the muscle. The people we’ve encountered since this all started? The worst kind. Plunderers. They like to take things by force.” Dove leaned back against a wall as she listened to him

“That’s not who we are.”

“How was I to know? My people got attacked and you show up with Miguel hostage. Appearances,” Guillermo shrugged.

“I guess the world changed,” T-Dog piped up from his spot on the floor.

“No, it’s the same as it ever was. The weak get taken so we do what we can here.” Guillermo shook his head.

Dove bit her lip as she shook her head. They really were more alike than Dove thought they could ever be when she first met them in the alley way.

“These people here? They all look at me now. I don’t even know why,” Guillermo said.

Dove thought for a moment before speaking. “They probably see that you’re smart. Capable. Plus, there’s no one telling them that they can’t,” she shrugged her shoulders as she ran a hand through her long hair.

Once Rick finished splitting up the guns, they were led to the door. An immense sent of relief rushed through Dove as she realized they were going back to the group. With a final goodbye, the five of them set off in silence towards the box car. It had been a long day and, surprising no one, it was Glenn who broke the silence.

“Admit it. You only came back to Atlanta for the hat,” Glenn teased Rick as Dove let out a snort of laughter.

“And you probably only wanted to come back to steal another car,” she elbowed Glenn in the side gently as she walked alongside him.

“You gave away half our guns and ammo,” Daryl growled from alongside Rick.

“Not nearly half,” Rick corrected him calmly.

“For what,” Daryl snapped back, “A bunch of old farts? How long you think they got left anyway?” Sometimes Dove just really just wanted to grab him by the hair and slam him against a car for being so ignorant.

“How long do any of us have,” Rick retorted.

“Son of a bitch.” Dove shouted as her gaze locked on where the box car should have been.

“Where the hell’s our van,” Daryl sounded dumbfounded.

 “Who the hell would take it,” Glenn stared at the empty spot.

“Merle,” Rick snarled.

Dove clenched her jaw and shook her head. “If I ever see that bastard,” but she trailed off as a horrible thought entered her head at the same time Daryl spoke.

“He’s gonna be taking some vengeance back to camp,” Daryl actually sounded worried.

“Then we best get fucking walking because he’s not going to take some revenge on my sister,” Dove frowned as she began to move forward.

Rick nodded his head. “Right. Glenn?”

Glenn rubbed his face before releasing an annoyed grunt. “We can probably make it back by nightfall.”

“Let’s go!” Dove shouted as she slipped through the hole they’d cut in the gate. The only thing on her mind now was getting back to her sister before things got bad.

~

Dove ran behind Glenn as the thought of getting back to Carol was the only thing that kept her moving. Her legs were tired and her lungs were burning, but for the first time all day since Glenn had went missing she thought of her family. A million emotions and thoughts ran through her head as she ran. Guilt, fear, and regret were among the many. While she was happy that they were all able to return safely, she was worried about what had happened while they were gone. What if Ed had done something while she was gone? She was really going to kill him when they got back.

“We’re getting close,” Glenn spoke up as they slowed down.

Dove drew in a deep breath but any reply was lost as gun shots rang through the air. Panic shook her to the core and before anyone could stop her she screamed, “Carol!” Dove was off like a shot in the dark. Her feet carried her faster than she could ever remember running as the screams and gun shots got closer with every second. The metal from the crowbar in her hand dug into her palm as she gripped it tight.

A scream left her throat as she broke through the tree line and brought the claw end of the crowbar right down into a walker’s face. She had never killed one before but there was no time to think. The screaming kept continuing and the gun shots from Rick, Glenn, T-Dog, and Daryl rang out around her. Dove’s brain only seemed to focus on Sophia. She was screaming from somewhere up by the RV. As she looked around, she caught sight of Daryl as he slammed the butt of his gun into a walker’s head over and over.

“Carol,” Dove shouted over the chaos. “Sophia?” She shouted even louder as she saw Carl run forward and hug Rick. Finally she saw them. Carol was crouched next to her, arms protectively around Sophia. A sob escaped her as she stumbled forward towards them. It seemed like it took forever, but she collapsed next to them on her knees and wrapped her arms around both of them. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.” The words spilled out through choked sobs as Sophia cried and wrapped both of her arms around her aunt’s waist.

Carol smoothed Dove’s hair out of her face as she stifled a sob. “We’re okay…we’re okay.” Then anything she said was cut off by Andrea’s screaming. It chilled her to the bone as Carol grabbed Dove by the arm and helped her to her feet, Sophia still clung to her waist as the three of them continued to choke back sobs.

“I remember my dream now,” Jim spoke suddenly. Dove turned her gaze from her sister to the older man. “Why I dug the holes.” Then he said nothing else. He didn’t have to because as she finally took in her surroundings, Dove could only see bodies littering the ground around them.

_____

@crossbowking​

[dabblescrawl]

Once Bitten, Twice Shy - Part One

Request by @ratatata-ah While Oscar is incarcerated, the reader took care of Cesar and when Oscar gets out he and the reader (Monse’s cousin) meet for the first time.  Oscar quickly becomes infatuated with the reader and invites her to his “welcome home” party to get to know her more.  The reader is shy and Oscar is very flirtatious trying to get her to open up more.  Long story short, the series could be about Oscar falling in love with the reader 

Monse and her crew had been friends since birth it seemed.  In truth, I suppose it was grade school when they were all kinders and the rag-tag group had formed.  Monse, always her style, had been the outspoken one who took quickly to learning.  Cesar had kept up with her academically and they had often found themselves in the same groups assigned by their teachers.  The pair’s quick wit and blunt personalities had matched right away.  Cesar was also a protector.  Even as small children Ruby and Jamal had been in need of that.  And so the small group of wildly different perspectives had formed.  

Sitting in the Diaz house now watching them argue about the rules for Clue, I rolled my eyes.  Their little group seemed to conflict more than they agreed, and yet the soon to be high schoolers seemed tight as ever.  Often when you were watching them spend time together like this you were slightly jealous of their tight bond.  Despite any bickering or arguments, the group always had each other’s backs.  They protected and supported one another.  The world be damned and destroyed if it tried to hold down any one of the four.

Many times I’d wished my friendships were like that.  Of course they weren’t.  Sure I had friends but I am a continuous giver without much reciprocation.  I am a part of several friend groups due to my kind spirit and personality, but none of those groups ever felt like my own, not the way the Core 4 belonged to each other.  It probably was related to my hesitant and unsure nature when it came to sharing myself with others.  It was easier to be a yes woman and do what was asked of me than build any personal connections.

Shaking away the thoughts of self pity and jealousy, because those never resulted in anything good, I elected to see what was still in the fridge from my last shopping trip.  Opening the door I saw a few things but nothing of substance left.  I nodded to myself, grabbing the keys off the countertop and heading towards the door.

“I’m going to the store,” I announced, my words unheard over the game, “Ay!” I shouted over their voices to try again.  Four sets of eyes trained on me.  “Cesar and Monse, any requests from the store for food this week?” Both preteens shook their heads negative.  “Ok, well I’m going now then, and then when I get back…”

“Everybody better get their asses outside to help carry it in.” They answered.

I nodded, “And then everybody is going home,”  which was answered by 4 sets of eye rolls.  “Eh, eh, it’s a school night,” four more nods.  “Last call on requests because…”

“I’m only going once” they echoed again, cutting me off.

“Awww,” I replied sweetly tugging at Monse’s check who was closest to me, “I have trained you so well.” I giggled and headed out the door as the bickering started again.

The mothering thing had come naturally to me, but I guess that was to be expected, I had raised myself from a young age.  When Uncle Monty first started long hauls he was only gone overnight and I’d gone to stay with Monse.  But the money was better and I was free anyways so nights turned to weekends, and weekends, turned to weeks, and those weeks were sometimes continuous.  I’d lived there through most of high school and simply stayed after I graduated three years ago.  I’d always been able to go out on a limb for either Monse or Cesar and be more assertive, but when it came to myself that was a skill I lacked.

After Cesar’s brother had gotten locked up, he’d been a mess.  How was a 10 year old kid supposed to take care of himself?  And the truth was, he wasn’t.  In fact, it was by some miracle at all that he’d been overlooked and allowed to continue to live outside of the foster system himself.  And I intended to keep him that way.  Sure, he was alone a lot, but the Core 4 and myself also tried to have him around as much as possible.  So really, he wasn’t alone all that much more than you or Monse.  The thought of foster care just did too much to disrupt his life so you’d made it your mission to make sure it didn’t happen to either of them.

Pulling the coffee off the pot and pouring it into the cup I slid my phone out of my pocket and speed dialed 2.  “Hello” came the groggy voice on the other end.  

“Morning, sleepy head” he smiled into the phone, “Have you taken a shower yet?”  The voice mumbled an affirmative.  “What’d you have for breakfast?” The voice slurped into the phone as if to answer the question.

Mouth clearly full, the answer was garbled, “Cereal”.

I nodded to myself, “Brushed your teeth?”

“YES MOM” was answered from the frustrated half yell.

“Listen here friend,” I started, “it’s a call or a visit, you want your mornings to yourself you just answer.” 

“I know” Cesar conceded, “I have to get dressed so I’ll be ready when everybody gets here.  

“Have a great day, learn something new, and…be good” we finished in unison.  “Bye, companero”

“Bye”

I hung up and took the first deep gulp of piping hot coffee.  Ok, one down, one to go.  I marched off towards Monse’s room where I completed almost the same routine with much more resistance from Monse than Cesar had given me.  The teen years were going to be fun.

With everyone off to school you hurried around to tidy up the house, finish getting ready for work, and barely made it out the door on time.

Monse had just left for writing camp for the summer.  For the first time in a long time, there wasn’t a kid in the house for you to take care of.  You’d picked up extra shifts, carefully scheduling them when Cesar should be asleep or with friends so that he wouldn’t be alone all the time.  

As seemed to be my norm, I had done some favors for my friends this morning and was completely behind when I had wanted to leave.  I texted Cesar apologizing and letting him know I would make a late lunch, instead of noon as we had planned.  No response yet, I hoped he hadn’t decided to eat without me. 

I hurried to finish getting ready and chose to leave the house with soaking wet hair.  I mean Cesar has seen me before, no need to waste anymore time getting prepped, we were just having lunch.

I pulled into the drive and noticed quite a few more cholos in the yard.  I frowned, that’s weird, sometimes different homies come around to check on Cesar, but never this many.  Something had to be going on.

I stepped out of the car and headed for the house.  Opening the door I yelled for Cesar, “Hey, Cesar, just me.  I’ll get lunch started!” I made my way into the kitchen without really taking a look around, “Also, what’s going on, there’s like a bunch of people outside.”  I pulled the ingredients for lunch from the cabinets and the fridge with ease, after all it’s not my first time cooking here.

“Uh, Y/N” Cesar said, seemingly hesitant near the fridge.

“What’s up dude” I smiled and continued about my business.

“And who do you think you are?” a deep, booming, voice came from behind where Cesar stood. 

I turned and my jaw dropped to see Cesar’s older brother Spooky behind him.  Blinking a few times, I gathered myself.

“Uh, hi, Spooky” I started, then gained a little more confident and raised my voice above a whisper, “You probably don’t know me, I am Monse’s cousin, Y/N.” You paused as the information didn’t seem to answer his question, his face hard and betrayed no emotion.  “Um, I have been watching out for Cesar since you’ve been gone.” I finished.  

“Yeah, Oscar, she’s been awesome.  She checks on me every day, and does the grocery shopping, and well most of the cooking too.” Cesar started his words tumbling out in a rush.

“Monse’s cousin?” he asks.

I nod, “Yeah, my mom is Uncle Monty’s, that’s Monse’s dad, sister.  I didn’t move to Freeridge full time until she died” I shrugged, it was old news. 

He nodded as if taking in this new information.  “Well thanks for taking care of my mano'' he said, placing his hand on Cesar’s shoulder.

“Now I get why everyone is outside” I answered, turning back to the food, “well” I said clicking my teeth and surveying the contents of the fridge.  “I don’t think I have what we need to serve everybody. But I can do lunch for the three of us.”  I said turning back to the Diaz brothers and waving my pointer finger in a circle at each of us and each nodded in turn.

“Give me like” I made a calculating face waving my hands in that little up down motion for about “20 minutes and it’ll be on the table.  Give or take.” I amended my previous statement.  

When I finished lunch, I laid it out on the table and mostly listened to Cesar detail to Spooky everything that had gone on since he’d been locked up.  There was a lot to catch up on in Cesar’s life, and that of the block.  Mostly I was quiet but every now and then Cesar would turn to me for a detail or I’d prod him about a subject that he’d forgotten to include.  Spooky would look at me intently each time I did speak and I couldn’t figure out the look he was wearing when he did.  

After lunch I cleaned up and was headed for home.  “Ay, Y/N” Spooky stopped me before I left for the afternoon.  “We’re having a party tomorrow night.  Beers on me, thanks for taking such good care of Cesar.”

Standing in your room you weren’t quite sure what you should wear.  Parties weren’t really your thing after all.  The concept was always appealing but the practice was always less than desirable.  At the time that you had accepted it had sounded like a fine idea and now you weren’t really looking forward to it at all.  You weren’t even sure you’d know anyone there at all except Spooky.  Well and possibly Cesar, but, the idea of drinking with a nearly 14 year old made your motherly, legal, brain uncomfortable.  You laughed at yourself, because a Santos party was the place to be concerned about legality. 

Sighing and looking back at your bed you decided to play eeny meeny miney mo with yourself.  If you didn’t choose soon you’d chicken out entirely.  I wanted to try to be a little more adventurous and also I had told Spooky I would be there, if I don’t go it’s like backing out on a promise.  In the end you ended up with a pair of black ripped skinny jeans and a strappy but flowy tank.  My hair isn’t usually as unruly as Monse’s, but today I had no such luck.  I threw it in a couple of tight braids and hurried to put on some make up.  I looked at myself in the mirror on my door as I tied my converse.  Close enough, I thought.

When I got to the Diaz house I was grateful for 3 things, my outfit allowed me to stay relatively cool and comfortable even in the California summer evening, I had chosen to walk because the curb was packed with cars, and Cesar was right out front.  If it hadn’t been for his catching my eye, I probably would have turned around before ever stepping foot into the party.  There were a lot of people here, like A LOT of people.

Cesar had taken me to the backyard as he’s been instructed by Spooky and cracked open my choice of beers.  I was both afraid to drink too much and too socially awkward not to get a little liquor courage in my veins.  “Next, stop, Spooky” Cesar announced.

“What?” I asked eyebrows furrowed.

“He said he wanted to know when you got here, he was by the DJ last time I saw him” Cesar turned and began snaking through the people in the yard and a beat or two later I was following him.

Read Part Two Here

[mum-for-da-sons]

Very messy Delta review

Hey gang, i sat & typed & spiraled while listening to delta for the first time just now, so if that interests you to read barely legible thoughts, it’ll be under the read more thing. dang i’m sad!! BUt spoiler alert: GOOOD ALBUM! I’m SAD!! (do note I don’t find the album or many tracks all-around too sad, I’m just a depressed bih)

Delta thoughts: okay i’m not gonna really edit what i wrote but for everyone’s sanity i’ll bold the song titles, okay?

42: BINCH! See a sign, I need some guiding light,,, eff ME UP OKAY?? This is such a strong start i’m already getting teary-eyed, huh. Ugh, it’s so satisfying… well effing done lads,, well done

Guiding Light: Hot dang the whispered beginning?? I really need to fix my computer speakers because this sounds heavenly in my over-ear headphones,, gosh dang. Discover some new TRUTH! Gosh dang this is not a comprehensive review in the slightest but i don’t care!! Binch!! I can’t even say anything good… when beloved or darkness visible makes me cry, i guess beloved is fourth? So if it does it’ll be first, anyway, when i start crying maybe i have something cooler to say. Not crazy about the “dubstep build” on this, after the bridge, just because i don’t believe it, like it’s not long enough, and resolves unconvincingly. But, anyway.

Woman: literally FRICK i thought if i say was next this start is cool and very Winston. Oh vibes?? Oh worm?? Woman?? I’m like 15 seconds in and this is… yes. Can you ever really know? No. is ths song even about anything lol i don’t think i care?? Issa vibe, gang. Chorus?? Eff me up. He said frosty… wendy’s come collect. Oh that was the pre-chorus?? This is f*cking me up… VIBES. i ‘ve been waiting for them to try this in a song of theirs and not like a cover.. I knew they were capable…. The range they’re displaying rn? I love it. I love them wtf!!  Oooh man i wanna see this live? There’s this drumstick noise, like rimshots? That sounds so satisfying. Yes, clackety clack. This is nice. Nice song. Don’t really know what they’re singing, bt this is warm. I like it. Mumford & sons finally said it’s 2018, huh. I just got a youtube notification of me commenting on their radio appearance and i literally said “the range they’re showing? Fantastic” and yanno what,, same

Beloved: this song started like right away huh. He said darling… dang he did that. He’s fitting a lot of words in on this one. Ohh the lord has a plan? It is hard to understand… i love these lyrics.. Big brain meme. Are you afraid? The attack.. Hand come through the mirror?? That visual!!! O f*ck me up. Before you leave :(( yeah it’s getting to me aHAHA.ohh this breakdown? Yes. these drums are especially nice. Ugh i really missed these guys wtf :(. AND AS YOU LEAVE, YOU MUST KNOW YOU ARE BELOVED> yes. Yes. as you LEeeeEEeaaveee. See my children playing at your feet?? BOI.. i’m so soft wtf.. They’re really putting it all out… i wanna hug them i’m so… this is so sweet aw. Oh no the song is fading, no don’t do that song

What song is this the piano can f*ck me up: ben man, you’re doin that huh. No literally did we have to jump to this painful… frick. This violin? Is nice. WE SAW BIRTH AND DEATH. Oh frick. They’re just going for it this is a lot i’m soft. Lemme actually see what song this is lol.. It’s The Wild. i have like chills & i can’t tell if it’s because i’m cold or not. Do not be afraid :(. OH they stripped it back!!! THIS IS NICE! Binch! Puts the fear of God in me :( this is so nice .. it’s hard to pick what to focus on. What’s that i see binch? I think it’s the wild… marcus is really do THAT with these vocals, huh. There was like a breath and.. The atmosphere during this part?? Nat Geo who??? Ohhh i like this so much.. It’s like a soundtrack.. The sampling of noise?? The background?? It’s cool, doesn’t specifically sound like them at all, but, aw these drums :( now it’s like a war movie.. This is so interesting. Those drums remind me of the drums in winter winds that i can sometimes here & it’s very drill-like and marching band-esqe and i love it. Aw birds??? You know what this reminds me of…. I won’t say

Next song: marcus is playing no games with these vocals, jesus. October Skies.. Isn’t this his favorite one… ooh ted I hear that bass,, eff it up.OooooOOOoooHH. The range… i love these guys. I’m blinded by the light of october skies… the movie with Jake Gylenhaal, and in the valley I am free :( where’d the silehute go? OOOooooOOOOooooHH YOUr’e esesjfsfshesal!! The fear of what’s to come.. CRIPlin’ me :( binch. Is this synth lowkey?? Brand it on my mind is such a great visual, like the “press my nose up to the glass around your heart” line.. Who wrote it. Oh is the sonG_ OOOOOOoooooOOOOOOoooooHHHH. Maggie rogers is that you? Hot dang

An upbeater!! Wipe those tears baby! Is this the just smoke of this album. This is.. Slip Away. “stoic smile” i see you… haha. Ooh this chorus is nice COME AND SUFFER HERE, LADIES! Mood!! Holding my breathe for you? F! In this violence of a mind’s eye… i like everything except maybe---- ohh this falsetto?? I’m.. i’m tearing.. Oooh we just found a song to cry to in the middle of the night, huh. It’s misleading with the beat vs. the lyrics.. I wouldn’t have it any other way!! Gosh i’m so depressed! Lol!! There’s a pulsing beat of some kind that’s nice.. Also some nice guitar work on here, some clackety things… go gently… be still…. Go gently….now… be still… Go Gentlyyyyy nowwwww, be stiiiilllll. Ugh they.. They’re doing this… i’m so proud of them wtf. Is this winston?? Who is singing.. Marcus?? I can’t.. Tell? No i think its marcus but we’ve truly never heard that high-end from him for that long

Okay: next song is pretty interesting- ooh! Right off the bat! This has to be the one they said sounded like ngalma? However you spell it… clap clap clap clap clap, this is a drum-machiner one for sure. I will be yours & you will be mine, ever our lives will be entwined binch! This noise after “my rose of sharon” is a mood. Ugh this is so cute.. Imagine being happy w/ someone else, what a concept ! eeeeeee yuh! That’s what they’re singing in the back.. My rose of sharon, my rose of sharon, BRR BRR BRN NER! Did the song-- what’s up with these abrupt endings

That being said, Picture You sounds v vibey right off the bat. Okay lads! I thought it best you didn’t knowww. I’m so proud of Marcus for flaunting these vocals, i stg, I’ve spoken on this before but... like he can do that!! I’m so glad he’s,, doing it! Ooh the “away” is v nice. I love full-stops in music, where the sound gets sucked out like here or just stops entirely… yes boys. Okay.. not crazy about this kind of.. Breakdown but it’s still cool. Just not in-rand as much as some other things. I mean, this sound is V different of course but they’re workin’ it. Okay i kind of stopped paying attention for a sec… there’s sampling… ohhh oh no it’s getting dark… hohoho no guys.. I’m excited but the anxiety is jumping out… holy smokes this is cool tho. It’s pretty. Hope that never comes, that comes to all.. Torture without end… yet from the great flames no light,,, but rather.. .DARKNESS VISIBLE. I’m gonna check if it didn’t seamlessly bleed into darkness visible…

Oh it did!! Their minds!! God, i already know i love darkness visible,, it was my pre-album listen fave on details about it alone,, we’re depressed sweeties let’s pop off… it’s so nice >:(. And just like that it ended!!!! BINCH!!! Ooh they’re like not even vocally in that one… i like that ish!! Not the “them not being in it” in that way but OOH! That was effing cool

If I Say: is still v v nice,, sounds effing expansive and beautiful with good headphones, i’m picking up all the lil details and prettiness.. The synth line after “if i say i love you, well then i love you” is sooo satisfying too. Ugh this orchestra,,, it’s building.. Truly their minds were so big on this album, huh. I’ll tell you what It doesn’t mean that i feel better! It doesn’t mean that I feel better! I’m, haha i still kinda hate this chorus but their so passionate i can’t hate it all the way,, like they love this ish and are into it & i love them so it’s allll good homies. I dig. I’ll be fake and wild out when they play it live, don’t worry. But peace you never find :( the guitar tone is crispyyyy,, the instrumentation… ugh it’s so nice. Violins can murder me or someat and I’d accept it. AND IF I SAY I LOVE YOU, THEN I LOVE YOUUUU. Ugh,, so so nice man

What’s NEXT: ooh some seamlessness in that transition.. .is this ghost of tom joad i’m hearing lol, mortal once again!! Oh this is a mood, freak.. Sigh no more marcus really jumped out on this one. This shuffling maraca thing is so nice. I’ll hold you by the jaw!! Hoo hoo bihhh. “It took a wild heart to tame mIIiine” this is so nice wtf!! Ugh this is so nice. I wouldn’t have you any other way,, awwwwwWWW!! Who want a love that makes sense anyway? I’ll effing say! Ugh this is very nice. These lyrics are so interesting… this is a good one guys, quiet & sweet but there’s some pretty cool things also going on, like it’s simple but its… this is it, ya know? This piano is sweet too. This whole thing is sweet, maybe that’s a dumb word to use but. This is so sweeeeet ugh!!! The vocal riffs on “mine” … ugh!! I kind of like the echoey vocals too.. Soft rain patter for two seconds at the end??

Reverse noises w/ a big breath from Marcus: let’s effing go w/ this album, gang!! What song is this reminding me of… whispers in the dark? He did some late-babel, early wilder mind voice thing.. Wait it’s forever isn’t it. I heard this one i think, like 3 yrs ago.. Yup, Dare I Say Forever.. I still don’t like do it for the girl” cos it’s too straightfoward, ,”i’ve known pious women” LOL where is this going. Only mumford & sons can really put that word in a song and just, keep singing. We stan tho, we stan. Think of london,,, we love. The DAAaaYS you defend will turn to gold,, this could easily be the last song on the album, this is like a last-call at the bar song,, in a good way, i’ve linked arms with my buddies & we’re all yelling this song like goons,, yes. Lighters a-waving,, are we too sentimental to not look back atnd!! WOW he realy did that with stare!! I couldnt finish typing that.. Is this part auto-tuned?? Dare I say.. Why? I’m choosing to hear it as a vocoder and many harmonies so i don’t hate that but uhaha they.. Hm they tried that i guess. Other than that the vi- oh why did the violin exit like that

The song is bouncing in my ears weird!! It’s giving me monster vibes atm. There’s a definite thread of messages goin thru this album & oof i love being sad,, the children come & go as you weep? Lol i love being sad. I am a waste?? My words are empty [as the bed we made]. Wilder mind is comin out on this, the album, huh!! The optimism on this album is-- I”LL MEET YOU OUT THE DELTAAA< WHERE THE RIVER”S RUINNING TO THE SEA,, GOD i love it. Ooh these drums, cool cool, it’s.. This is cool. Also sampling marcus’s children is sure way to eff everyone up, but that’s for another post,, ooooh i’m soft!! When it feels like nothing else matters :((((( lets go with this build!!! I wanna go for a run and have a cry.. Ooh man i took a moment there… this is so nice :( i’v missed them!!! Whats goin on with his vocals here,, the recording is like too close,, on purpose?? Hm. dust to dust!! I see you!! Marcus is truly giving his all here,, ugh I”m so proud of all of them, they put their LIVES on this, didn’t they!!! This song is such a feeling,, i can’t describe it i’m sad, but awwwW! I don’t kno wtf these kids are saying but wow that was cute as all heck!!! I”m so soft!! The album is over!! They did it!! Frick i don’t know how to feel!! Good really, but wow!!! Trying to not let my own sadness affect this review haha but !! what a nice body of work they produced!! In all the best ways, mostly!! I love them!!  I wanna have another listen!! Aw!!!! Frick guys. Frick. Can’t imagine anyone wants to slog thru this and have a read but,, anyway thanks if you did i guess, special thanks to Mumford & Sons for being my favorite band and always :( always being there when I need it. I needed this. wow. wow. Wowww!!!  Oof, haha i’m sad

Okay wait also he should’ve repeated the “I’ll meet you at the delta part” at least one more time but eff my criticism that song captures all stages of life and i truly wanna cry, so there’s that. Theses guys put it all out there & I really love them for that.

[lilyswrittenworks]

Opposite Attract| Guzma Love Story

II| Meeting Him

    She presented the Firium Z to the female trial worker allowing her access to the gates. Bethany walked inside Dividing Peak Tunnel, and when she neared the exit she encounters the odd-looking people from Seaward Cave, Phyco, and Soliera. The things they were discussing with her were all too confusing, except the part about the Z-crystals and learning all of the Z-moves, then they left. Her head was literally spinning after that and even Popplio was confused.

Bethany kept on walking exiting the tunnel and onto Route 8. Just as she was passing by an Aether Foundation trailer she abruptly stopped. Phyco and Soliera were there talking to a man with a long white lab coat and a familiar hairstyle. She has seen this hairstyle before but where?

There was a constant beeping sound coming from the man. Could he be typing something? Phyco and Soliera bid their farewells to the man and left. Right as they left the man turned around to face her and she instantly recognized him.

"You there!"

Bethany jumped from his voice which snapped her back to reality. He now stood in front of her, his left hand typing away at a screen on his right arm. The blond hair, a blue cowlick around his head, yellow eyes and glasses. This was none other than Colress.

Colress introduced himself and started discussing his research: "Bringing out the potential of Pokémon." Believing that the bond Pokémon share with their Trainers is what brings out their full potential. A smile graced her lips. Even after all these years, he hasn't changed one bit.

"And thus my attention is drawn to trainers like yourself..." he gestured his hand at her to where she held her beloved Popplio. "Trainers bound to their Pokémon through the power of the Z-Power ring!"

He hummed, placing his hand on his chin. "Now that I think of it, I never asked your name."

Bethany tilted her head to the side. "After all this time you still don't remember my name, do you?" she smiled, and then cooed out a nickname. "Cold-ress?"

His eyes grew as if his brain finally piecing together the missing pieces of the puzzle. "Can it be...? Bethany?!"

Relief washed over her. "For a second there I thought you forgot about me."

A large grin formed on his lips and laughed half-heartedly. "I can't believe it. Look at you, you've matured over the years!"

"You think? I feel like I haven't aged at all!" They exchanged a good laugh. "You haven't changed yourself - - well, except for the minor upgrades on your wardrobe." She observes him closely. "And you look a bit chubbier too."

Colress blinked in shock, he wasn't expecting this statement from her. "Wha- I have?"

Bethany was soon in a fit of uncontrollable giggles, much to his confusion. "I was only joking!"

She received a poker face from him. "You may have matured physically but your mind is still that of a child."

"Aww, you're so mean!" she acted all hurt by his comment.

His gaze softened, a smile soon forming. "It's good to see you again. After all, you were the one who changed me." A blush tinted her pale cheeks.

He chuckles. "Here, you should have this."

Colress handed over a red disk; it was a TM for the move Flame Charge. She stared at the disk then back to him, unsure of what to say. Eventually, she took it from his grasp, thanking him in return.

"No need to thank me. Considerate it as a gift from me." He held up his hand then waved it slightly. "You will need it to battle the totem Pokémon on the next trail... Lush Jungle, correct?"

"How did you-u...?" He pointed down at her island trial amulet that was hanging on her left belt loop from her faded black, frayed denim shorts.

"Oh..." she mentally facepalms herself. How could she forget?

"I should be on my way. I've kept you long enough." He announced and instantly changed the subject. He's quick. "Apparently, there is an uninhabited island for Pokémon called Poké Pelago here in Alola."

'Poké Pe-what-now?' she felt lost for a moment until it finally clicked. Remembering a man named Mohn mentioning her about Poké Pelago back when she was on Route 7.

"Alola is fascinating! I believe that I will stay in Alola for some time!" He exclaimed.

Bethany couldn't have been more joyful after hearing him say that. Alola sure is fascinating and who knows? Maybe will run into each other like in the past.

"Well then, Bethany. I hope you will excuse me. I've had quite the curious request made to me by a couple of oddly dressed strangers."

He offered his hand to her, she accepted, thinking it was just a regular handshake. Instead, Colress bows, kissing her hand. It only lasted for less than a second but it felt like forever before he took his leave. Bethany couldn't get her head straight after that and was a blushing mess.

******

Popplio barked cheerfully as they exited the Pokémon Center. Battling trainers along the way can be very unfortunate but at least she gets money as an award for her teams' effort. She crouched down to Popplio's eye level and handed her a blue patterned Poké bean. Popplio munched down on the bean in delight.

Mallow's trail was not too far ahead and there was a sign on the left that clearly said Lush Jungle on it, so it has to be here. Just the thought of doing the trial got her excited and she couldn't stop smiling like an idiot. She looked down at Popplio who in turn stared right back.

"Think you're up to the challenge?" Popplio nodded with a determined look on her face.

"Onwards!"

She only took a couple of steps forward when suddenly she heard a commotion off to the side. It sounded close too.

Bethany turned her head to the right: it was two Team Skull grunts cornering an oddly colored silverfish Pokémon. Just seeing the Pokémon being frightened out of its mind made her blood boil, this was unacceptable. In her anger, she marches down towards them and began to snap at them in her own foreign language.

" ねえ！貧しいポケモンだけを残す！/ Nē! Mazushī pokemon dake o nokosu! / Hey! Leave the poor Pokémon alone!"

The two male grunts stopped what they were doing and turned to look at her. Then they exchanged a look of confusion.

"Yo, what'd she say, homie?" Grunt A asked.

"How should I know?! I don't speak Hebrew..." Grunt B trails off while making odd and awkward motions to his partner.

Bethany huffed, walking past them while ignoring their empty threats. The odd colored Wimpod managed to run off from the Grunts and was now cowering inside a hole on the side of the rock, shaking uncontrollably. Her frown deepened, the poor thing was so scared. It broke her heart into a trillion pieces.

"Yo girl! We're talkin' to you. Yer death or somethin'?!" Grunt B stepped forward trying to make himself more intimidating but would soon regret in doing so.

She turned around to face the Grunts and she had the scariest look on her face that it made them freeze right on the spot. "Baka! Do you have any idea how scared the Pokémon is? ... Well?!"

Both grunts let out a high-pitched shriek, like little girls, hugging each other for comfort. Never had they seen the girl like this, she was livid and it scared them witless. As the saying goes, 'Watch out for the quiet ones' they said, 'It'll be fine' they said.

Neither one of the male Grunts gave an answer. She returned her attention back to the Wimpod. It was still hiding in its hole. Her anger instantly disappeared. She outstretched both her hands and began to talk to the Wimpod in a soothing tone.

"Hey, it's okay. Those mean people won't hurt you anymore." She slowly crouched down, not breaking eye contact with the Pokémon. "Can you come out, please? There's no reason to be afraid."

Slowly but surely, the Wimpod cautiously peeked its head out of its hiding place. A closer look at the Pokémon she noticed right away at how different it looked than from its original counterpart. Its main body wasn't purple like what her Pokédex entry looked like and was replaced by red, and the white plating across its back was much lighter in color. The three plates on its back that overlap and each of its single black triangles were gray. The long spoke on each side of its head that curved backward we're red, along with its two short extensions which looked like eyelashes, two flat antennae, and its long, prickly tail. The only place that didn't change was its large yellow eyes.

Wimpods eyes stared up at her, uncertainty written on its face.

She smiled warmly. "It's okay. I won't let them hurt you, little guy."

Wimpos eyes widen, giving her a look of adoration, and in one swift movement, Wimpod was now in her arms. Bethany laughed softly, caressing its head gently.

Grunt A began to sniff loudly with a pool of tears streaming down his cheeks. "That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen in my life, yo!" he said. "It hit me right in the feels man."

However, the Grunt beside him was not having any of it. He had his arms folded on his chest with an impatient look in his eyes.

Grunt B let out an audible groan. "Enough with this, yo! We came here to get that Wimpod, not have a tea party with it!" he threw his arms in the air, obviously, he was annoyed by this whole situation.

"Chill out, bro!" Grunt A tried to calm down his friend but failed miserably.

"Chill out?! I didn't come all this way to come back empty handed, nuh-uh!"

The Grunt pulled out a Great ball, threw it in the air, revealing his Golbat. "I'm done waiting. Golbat, use Swift!"

Bethany managed to jump out of the way, but Golbats attack managed to hit her right leg. She cried out in pain as she landed on her side still clutching Wimpod in her arms. The Grunt chuckled, praising his Pokémon before approaching her. She tried to get up but ended up tumbling right down. Her right ankle had a deep cut on her skin, it was a bloody mess, she whimpered.

"You have somethin' we want, girl. Hand over that Wimpod." Grunt B demanded.

Bethany held the Wimpod closer to her body and refused to hand over Wimpod to him.

Out of nowhere, Popplio ran up to her and faces the Grunt, growling at him, a warning sign to stay away from its Trainer. The Grunt only laughed at the tiny seal. Bethany sat up, wincing at the pain in her ankle. Her eyes landed on Popplio who was standing in front of her protectively.

"Popplio..."

"I'll beat ya' senseless for this!" Grunt B declared, his Golbat preparing itself for his Trainers word.

Bethany turned her head away, pulling Wimpod close to her; it let out a small whimper. Popplio prepared to protect her Trainer, glaring at the Golbat. The Grunt didn't even get to finish his sentence when a low voice interrupted him, making him freeze on the spot.

"Hurtin' an injured girl, huh? That's just low."

Both Grunts turned around to face the man. Grunt A was relieved to see him, although Grunt B looked absolutely terrified and all the color from his face drained.

A tall man with tousled white hair and a black undercut. He had grey eyes, thick black eyebrows and on top of his head, he had a pair of sunglasses with a golden frame, with one of the frames being bent and a yellow Team Skull chain. He wore a black jacket with a zigzag pattern on both sides of his jackets; with a Team Skull logo on the back and underneath he wears a white shirt. He had black pants with two white X's under his knees, a pair of white shoes, purple tattoos of the Team Skull logo, a golden watch on his left wrist and on his right he had black and white bracelets.

His grey eyes glared down at Grunt B, who was secretly trembling in place, so was his Golbat.

"B-boss..." Grunt B murmured, gulping hard. The look his leader gave him is all too familiar, it was anger.

The man approached the Grunts, eyeing them both. "You guys are done for the day, ya got that?" both Grunts nodded quickly.

He grinned. "Good. Now... SCRAM!" he watched in amusement as they bolted out of the area until they were nowhere in sight.

Popplio nudged her Trainers side. Bethany lifted her head, staring down at a concern looking Popplio before her.

She smiled. "I'm fine, Popplio. It's just a- Ah!"

Bethany winced, gritting her teeth rather tightly as she stared down at the wound. Her ankle didn't look all too pleasant and she could feel her skin pulsating. Popplio comforted her by nuzzling its nose on her thigh gently.

The shiny Wimpod shifted in her arms, its eyes landing on to the man with white hair. Wimpod gave him a pleading look with tears threatening to fall. The man let out a deep sigh as he approached the girl, crouching down in front of her. He was never good with words, to begin with, it made him feel uncomfortable. Yet, something inside him told him to give it a shot.

"Hey, girl. You doin' ok?"

She raised her head and was now staring at the man. The first thing that crossed her mind was how intimidating he looked and was that... purple eyeshadow he wore? She squeezed Wimpod protectively, a single sweatdrop traveled down her cheek.

"Yeah... I'm okay..." she trails off.

Bethany couldn't help but be mesmerized by his facial features, his strong jawline, a hawk nose, especially his eyes which resembled that of a moonstone. Getting a closer look at him she realized how attractive he looked.

"You sure don' look like it," he said, glancing down at her bloody ankle. She chuckled softly, a blush tinting her cheeks. "I-I'm fine, really!" However, he didn't buy her lame excuse.

Without any warning, he swooped her up in his arms, bridal style, with the shiny Wimpod still in her arms. She yelped softly in surprise but said nothing as he began to walk away. Popplio followed right behind the man as he took her to a nearby Pokémon Center.

Many people inside gave the man cautious glances, that's when their eyes landed on Bethany. Their cautious looks turned to that of worry. Nurse Joy rushed over to them and told him to follow her down a hall where she would treat the girls' wounds.

Normally he would've left after dropping her off, but remained on the girls' side until he was sure that she was going to be all right. He was sitting on a chair, slouched forward with both arms on his knees, watching quietly as Nurse Joy attended to her wounds.

She was on an operating table watching as Nurse Joy disinfected the wound with her Blissey at her side. Wincing silently while Nurse Joy applied Vaseline on the wound then wrapped it neatly with a roller bandage. Wimpod snuggled close to her in her arms in a comforting way. A smile graced her lips and patted the silverfish gently.

Bethany asked Nurse Joy a favor to scan Wimpod for any injuries to which she happily agreed. Wimpod, however, was hesitant to be left alone. Bethany reassured the Pokémon that it will be over quickly. She told Wimpod that she will be right outside the hallway and watch through the glass window beside them. Wimpod nodded slowly, receiving a gentle pat on top of its head before she limped out of the room with the man.

The scan was pretty fast and thankfully Wimpod turned out to be just fine. Bethany thanked Nurse Joy and followed the man out the Pokémon Center. She couldn't help but notice the weird looks people were giving them, but she ignored them, not giving it much thought.

Bethany wasn't looking where she was going and bumped into the man. He turned around and glared down at her. "Watch it!"

She stumbled back and bowed her head. "I-I'm sorry! I should have been more careful..." she trails off, staring down at the ground. Her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

His anger quickly washed away and was replaced with guilt.

Wimpod approached her, tugging her shoe gently. She stares down at the Pokémon with a smile on her lips, and then, crouches down to its level. The moment she crouched, Wimpod threw itself on her. Bethany hugs Wimpod close receiving a happy 'chitter' from it.

"The little guy sure loves ya." He said, resting his hands on his hips.

Bethany hummed. "Yeah... I was planning on releasing it back but I'm afraid it won't leave my side!"

He chuckled. "You know... you should keep the little guy. I heard Wimpod gets stronger when it evolves."

Bethany stood up and tilted her head, a questionable smile rose on her lips. "Really? Then I may have to reconsider from my previous statement."

He simply nodded and began to walk away from her.

"W-wait! Please..." she calls out to him making him stop in his tracks.

"Th-thank you..." she stammered.

He looked over his shoulder and stared at her one more time before resuming his walk.

Bethany suddenly felt the Butterfrees' tingle down her stomach. Her thoughts were cut off by Popplio barking at her and pushing her towards Lush Jungle. As she walked towards the trial site there was only one thing running through her mind.

Who was that man?

(2,984 Words)

[mividadelicioso]

Time for Post-Weekend Mental & Emotional Dump #funtimes

What a weekend, ya’ll...like phew. Have you ever had one of those moments where you are just emotionally and mentally TAPPED OUT; like you can feel it. Suddenly, you’re feeling blah...in fact, you don’t even understand or can describe the way you’re feeling, except that you have zero motivation and zero fucks to give...actually, that’s the perfect way to describe how I felt yesterday. I had no fucks to give yesterday and nothing positive or negative to put out in the world. 

The ‘homie’ as I will so lovingly call my significant other, and I had a long, emotional weekend. To be honest, we have had many roller coasters in general, and a lot of this is due to something that occurred in the past, at least, 7 months ago at this point. In so many ways, I am shocked and surprised that we have made it this far...and at the same time, I am not. And the side of me that is not, is due to the fact that I know my own strength and resilience and also, because, Mike has put in the work as well, and acquiesced to my every request. We still have a long journey ahead of work, not only because of that situation, but just because we are both still growing in our relationship with each other and understanding each others’ needs. But we had some stressful moments this weekend and revealing moments, that made me feel better about a lot of things, but also put me in this state of perma-thought...although, I mean, how is that any different from any other day? ...Hint...it’s not. 

He’s been going through more stress than I have ever seen of him in our year and a half relationship. And it was surprising in many ways, because he always tries to have it together at all times...even though I feel like I can read him like a book. Anyways, this quarantine had affected me early on by placing me on furlough as of March 20th, but he had still been working as his place of employment was considered ‘essential’ under the transportation clause for Ohio. There were lots of things, of course, but he finally had a significant work scare and was potentially worried about big changes with his job. Geezus. Long story short, the concern that potentially had faced us, was possibly having to do long distance, which I absolutely refuse to do...ever again. I can’t do that with us.  It hit me hard and I tried to stay strong in front of him, and quickly escorted myself into a private, dark place...i.e. the closet...to get a hold of my feels and emotions. He was lucky, and because of his hard working nature, he was able to stay on in his current location. I love him so much, and my job does not mean as much to me, so of course, my immediate thought is that if he has to relocate, then I will notify my job that I need to relocate as well or quit (and more than likely, it would’ve been the latter). The shitty thing about that scenario is the office I was hired for is already short-staffed, so to up and leave, would’ve been incredibly shitty of me. The other scenario was that he would constantly travel to auctions and never been in OHIO. And then, what did I even make all these compromises for? Why did I quit my job? Why did I come to Ohio then? I would’ve been really angry, and in any case, neither scenarios occurred. As it is, he is not happy with the current situation either and I can see that it is affecting him on a strong emotional level. 

So that happened, and then a day later, I come to find out that, physically, things don’t function as they always should. I have no problem with that fact, in and of itself. The problem that I had was that I wish he had said something sooner; up until this point, overall, I was taking that blame. Wondering if I needed to be more adventurous (which I’m always down for), or if I just wasn’t attractive enough, or what was happening. It  would’ve been nice to know this fact sooner; however, I also understand, that for a man, this is probably one of the hardest things to potentially deal with, and even for me, I probably would’ve had a hard time being honest about that or forthcoming rather. As it is, I already have a hard time thinking about talking about my financials with him, which are not the worst, but at the same time, not the best either. - The following day, which is the day that I had started this post, I definitely felt a certain way about the night before, when this admission happened, that is hard to describe. I had come to the conclusion that I was just emotionally and mentally drained at that point, and really I was. This quarantine has been positive in a lot of ways for our relationship, and only negative in the sense that it has allowed an over-analyzer and over-thinker, TOO much time to do both things...which is sometimes counterproductive. I think, ultimately, we have just been through A LOT in a short period of time...well it seems short...in reality, it has now been about 7 or 8 months. Time has flown by in crazy, crazy ways; I do have to say. So to have been through that much and endured this emotional roller coaster, and than the stress of this quarantine, and work, and the economy, Sunday, was just a day that my brain just...threw its’ hands up in the air and said, “I give up.” My brain literally had no more to give. 

In any case, this particular post served no purpose other then to allow me to dump all my feelings somewhere...to someone that would not know me or judge the situation, or ask questions that I don’t want to answer. 

-FOODIEout-

[ecotone99]

[RF] God's Real Name is Lydia

I only ever heard myself just once. I thought I would try it. Everyone around me was and, at that particular time, it made sense to say something. But what I heard from myself when I tried was less words and more the excruciating sounds of struggle, like the porcine scream of climax.

My mother came rushing, as she always did, in a fit of self-importance and desperation. She said things like: “What now? What’s wrong?”

There was always something with me that wasn’t right and this was a testament to that. Even when I should have been able to make a sound like any regular human being, it was wrong. I was wrong and that seemed to transcend my body because, when they finally divorced, we were all wrong. My family was not right and that was all my fault.

She clapped her hands. “Today’s the day!”

My mother was always particularly fond of making grand gestures about how hard I had made life and how she had the power to radically transform it.

She kissed my head in a way that was intimate and distant. She set a boundary with her lips to show me she was there whilst also unconsumed.

“We’re gonna get this stuff sorted.”

She busied herself around the kitchen, sweeping crumbs into her palm and making a display with the dishcloth over the surface as though it was a performance of circus silks. I could see the way her hands were light as though magic lay at their tips. She was proud of herself. But more than that, she was excited.

“Gosh, we haven’t had a parcel like this since...gosh, I just don’t know when. I used to have parcels all the time. You wouldn’t remember. This was before I’d even had you. There would be shoes and dresses. Gosh, I had a gift for making money stretch so far. I always had something to spend it on.” She laughed to herself, the whole while her back was turned from me. “I’ve not had anything like this for, well, seventeen years now. Wow, that’s long!”

She turned and leaned back on the counter. She wore a top that had not seen the wash for years, not because it was dirty but rather because it was reserved for special occasions. It’s sat low on her chest, rimming half of her breasts and revealing the paleness of her skin. We didn’t do holidays. Or, rather, I didn’t so neither did she. Stood there in this way, she became alien to me. Her face was not the deep crater of pain it normally was. No contortions that came with black sockets and bloodshot eyes. There was powder on her face. Some of her bones glowed orange-gold. Her nails, no longer chipped, had a smooth sheen to them. Her jeans fit better than I had ever known them. In fact, I barely believed that she owned a pair.

“I suppose,” she continued, lost in thought and daydream. “That is one good thing that’s come out of all...this. Oops!” And expressive hand leapt out in front of her and hit the tea cupboard. “I’ve not been so indulgent since I’ve had you. They say minimalism is in these days.”

There was something that wanted to escape me. The memory of the first sound of my voice felt like a surfacing scar and I felt bold with it.

Fuck minimalism, I thought instead.

My mother sprang upright and for a moment I thought I might have managed to make a noise other than a squeal, but she had sensed an approaching shadow and the rap of knuckles that followed it.

“Hi.”

“Oh hi there!” My mother leaned in the doorway, almost as though she was teasing the delivery man to dare enter our quasi-hospice abode.

“Here you go.”

She grabbed the parcel from his hand like the bloodstream grabs a line of snorted cocaine.

“Why thank you! Gosh, you want to know, I’ve been waiting for this for aaaaages. Seventeen years almost!”

Through the door crease, I saw the man nod. “Ah right.”

“Yeah, you just wouldn’t believe. Do you have kids yourself?”

“Er, no.”

“Well, when you do-”

“I won’t. I can’t.” The staccato of his voice was morose. It stunk of condemnation.

“Right, well anyway...I just wanted to say, you know what? Never mind. Never mind. You have a good day and...and thanks for this. Like I said, we’ve been waiting a while.”

She closed the door and kneeled until her face was inline with my in-turned knees. “That was nice wasn’t it? Nice man. Now…” She drew her long fingers across the address label and down the cellotaped sides of the parcel with languid elegance. “Let’s have a go with this.”

*

We were meant to wait.

That would have been the first thing I said to her. We were meant to. Sally-Ann Bridges had said to wait for her. That she’d be away until Monday, but that she’d be back to help us out. She was excited for us, she was excited for me. She was trying to make me see that this device would be more than a violation of my privacy.

It was called ‘Gayze’, which was said, predictably, in the way that mean schoolboys taunted the homosexuals. Gayze. It was meant to be funny. As though machine dependency was a joke. As though you could ridicule the existence of a person based on their inability to use their own vocal chords.

For short, Sally-Ann had called it ‘The EGTD’ and she had tried a ridiculous amount of pronunciation techniques to make it sounds like a word. But, ultimately, this method was too laborious. That’s how life becomes when you have a disability; chores multiple and people have to ‘cope’. You inflict lengthiness into those who surround you. Eye Gaze Technology Device became EGTD. Multiple Sclerosis became MS. Treatment, in the form of disease modification, became DMT. ‘I love you’ became ILY on the phone or a mime in real life. I made life a way it didn’t need to be and people seemed to find it necessary to make my life more convenient.

Gayze was going to make my life easier, by exerting so much of my brain energy that I would have a one in three chance of feeling excessively tired, get more headaches than normal and develop migraines. There was a high chance I would feel faint. It was more than likely that I would become irritable and my judgement would be impaired. Easy, like she said.

“Come on!” The tablet was in mum’s hands. She was shaking it with a mild violence that would have landed her a jail sentence if she was more persistent and the object had a conscience.

“Please.”

I rolled my head away from her, which due to the curvature of the neck rest on my wheelchair, had the adverse effect of swinging it back to meet her direct eyeline. She came closer to me.

“Lydia, please.”

You might wonder how many times I had heard that phrase in my life. I didn’t. It had been at least sixty this year alone and we were only in March. It was a universal phrase and so many times had I heard it that I might have been lead to think using it was bonding. It was a phrase for the shower, for the car and for the dinner table. It was a phrase I could predict simply by the way my mother sucked the air through her teeth and pursed her lips. It was a plea and, also, a subtle prayer. God was also called Lydia.

I wanted to make that noise again and perhaps she would worry for my safety. Perhaps she would throw the whole device away and I would be left to my own thoughts.

My mother smiled and shook her head. “I knew it.”

She got off her knees and slammed the door, leaving me in the basking glow of late afternoon sunshine coming through the window pane. She had been blocking it trying to get me using the device. Now, it was mine.

*

“Steve, I told you; she won’t.”

Those words meant crisis. After the divorce, there was a niggling sense that leaving my mother with a severely disabled child was a mistake. I wasn’t under any illusions that my dad’s life had got significantly better since he got shot of us but he found it almost impossible to fully leave, in the way that cold-hearted single fathers do. Though she hated his guts, his company was welcomed by my mother. And by company, what was inferred was that he was a ear who knew a situation better than any families with normal kids would.

He could talk a lot.

“Well, screw Sally-Ann!” Mum began shouting. “I shouldn’t have to raise my child with a carer. It’s embarrassing. It’s not normal!”

I knew he would agree. It wasn’t normal and he had no idea of the half of it. But, from where I was set - in perpetual chair-bound-ness - no one was really trying to make this normal either. Most of the time, my mother’s instagram feed was an inaccurate record of my inexistence and, when the guilt got too much, I would feature - both of us snuggling. Lying down was the only way I fitted in.

“I can’t bloody well try again...But you know what will happen! She’s so stubborn...I just want, I just want…”

She began to cry and slammed the phone. She wiped my lips with a cloth and buried her head into my lap. A few moments later, she surfaced with resolve.

“Right, let’s try this again.”

She picked up the screen and held it a few feet from my face then she turned it on herself.

“Look, it’s easy.”

She winked a few times and produced a jumble of sounds. She jumped as it parroted back to her. “Ymgh,” it said.

She laughed and I smiled. “What do you think that stands for?”

YMGH. Your Mum Gets High, I thought. Your My G Homie. You’re Mad Go Home.

Of course, mum didn’t hear. She sighed. “Two can play this game, if you don’t want to speak, me neither.”

She stood up, hesitated and sat one last time. She sat in front of me, held the tablet screen in extended arms, and selected two words.

“Say. Something.”

I felt like being in one of those movies where robots use manipulation tactics to get things from you.

I didn’t do it.

This seemed funny. The silence wasn’t. Mum turned and placed the screen in my lap, breaking her vow. “Fine.”

I looked at the coloured logic of the screen. Everything was triggered from the previous. Sentences strung together through probability and an eventual understanding of the user. I blinked. I blinked five times. My mother, having walked as far as the furthest point in my peripheral vision, stopped.

“I. Know. What. You’re. Thinking.”

She ran round to me and grabbed my shoulders. Her eyes searched for something in mine.

“What did you say?”

I blinked to repeat. “I. Know. What. You’re. Thinking.”

A wetness came to her eyes. “Lydia! God!”

I blinked to repeat it one more time. She heard fully. “And what’s that?” she said.

I was silent.

“Come on, come on. Here, spell it out. Spell it.”

She came close to me holding the screen straight out. I closed my eyes. “Lydia, please. Tell me: what am I thinking?”

My eyes remained closed.

“Come on, it's a game. What am I thinking? Come on!” On the last syllable her voice went up a tone. “Lydia?”

I opened my eyes. Blink.

“You. Want. To. Know. What. I'm. Thinking.”

Her smile was so wide it became garish, with teeth spilling from her lip. “Yes. Yes that’s exactly right, darling. Tell me what it is. I want to know.”

She didn’t. She was lying. What she wanted was a daughter who would sit and help her with makeup. Whose hair she could braid and who would go for drinks with her at the Old Vincent. She wanted normal. She didn’t want my thoughts.

I blinked six times.

“I. Don't. Want. You. To. Know.”

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[markyishanthonymartinez]

3/10/17

haps haps haps.

good day yay. 

ye

okay so got up and ate a nice healthy breakfast cause growing boys need that kinda stuff ya’know. wait i take it back. not growing boy. never growing. they can't make me grow up if i’m in neverland. 

uh but yes food and got all dapper. 

Just for comparisons sake, I got up about an hour and a half before class to make sure I was completely ready to go to my interview straight after class. Bags got up about 15 minutes before class. 

Walked to class. I’d hate to say this, but paid very minimal attention in class. Just couldn't do it today. Took notes here and there, but I was pretty checked out and played pokemon on my phone lol. 

Then went to the ecc with poles, jeff, jt, bags, ya’know the usual. I printed out resumes and researched southwest gas and listened to the best of tunes. oh also i studied for our quiz in systems. 

quiz sucked.

i hate systems.

wait no i take that back. i wouldn't actually know if i hate systems because i don't really know what systems is because our teacher is a fucking jfapoiehgalkdhg;ajkr. one of those. 

but yes so v frustrating it makes me want to lay in a hole and not get out of that hole ever.

dipped tf outta there after the quiz. wanted to get on the way to carson. but poles said the last half our of class was a huge waste of time so i really didn't miss that much. 

walked to jeff’s, hopped in da whip, went to carson.

the drive was super lax, i had never made that drive before and really didn't know what to expect, but it was cakey wakey. buuuut, i could definitely imagine it being a headache if there was poopy weather, so hopefully that never happens ever when i make the drive. (it will duh)

got to carson pretty early, but that’s exactly what i was planning on. went to walmart, copped a padfolio cause i had been needing one anyways and this was the perfect excuse to finally get one. then was v hungry and i realized that i defs didn't want to tummy rumbling and grumbling during my interview so i hit up the yelp-mobile. decided on this chinese place across the street, went. it was super quiet and qt. got yummy food. probably ate too fast but i was nervous okay. sat in my car practicing interview questions and ya’know, just making sure i hadn't nervously forgotten the entire english language. 

i hadn't.

for the most part.

hit up yung linda, she let me in the front door. sat me down in the conference room and that was where i waited nervously. not that nervously tbh. the mountains looked rly prtty outside the window so i kinda just leaned back and took them in. 

then the ladies who were interviewing me came along.

(okay this is gonna sound kinda dickish, but i was immediately relieved when i found out it was two women who would be interviewing me cause idk i know i’m charming and clever and i think i’m most effective in those things with the opposite gender)

that wasn't really that dickish. just saying it gave me a bit more comfort/confidence. 

they had a lot of fucking questions

so many

sooooo many

like 12. but not like twelve little “oh hi, 1. what is ur name? 2. why are you dumb?” but like full multiple-part, open-ended, thought-inducing, questions. hellllla putting me on the spot. honestly i slipped up on when and kinda lied lmao. but other than that i was clutchhhhhh. idk they seemed to like me. i talked a lot but they seemed okay with it so why the heck not, i love talking about myself. 

LMAO NO THAT SOUNDS SO DICKISH. i mean i do, but idk. doesn't everyone love telling other people about things they’re passionate about? like that’s something i crave. not only to tell people and share my own passions, but to allow people to tell me their passions and have them shared with me. passion is a great thing. (i’m probably just saying that cause i’m 1000% the most overly passionate person on planet earth).

but yeah answered hellllla questions and did my thang. then they had me talk to another dude after them, cause i guess he wanted me to “stop by his office.” he asked me “those” questions. greatest strength. greatest weakness. why should we hire you?

those are pretty standard and i was ready for them, but, this goes back to what i was saying earlier, he was so much harder to manipulate with my language. like he wouldn't react to things i said in the way you’re supposed to.

“supposed to” lol

this totally isn't a sexist thing tbh. maybe it’s just that most guys suck at talking lol. 

like me

but yeah i thought it went really well and fingers crossed, i should know in a few weeks is what they said.

fingees crossed.

drove back, listened to a lot of angry music. i promise it wasn't me, shuffle was just feeling angry so i went with the flow. 

got back, played some video juegos, changed.

then i went to get hellllla unlimited steggs with poles. which really meant get one serving of eggs and just keep asking for more steak. 

at first we were just chilling, eating our steggs, watching that march madness action. 

but

then the boiiiiii, the one and only, the man the myth the legend, double b spots us from across the room and waves to poles.

lol not me, i swear he only waved to poles. dead serious. kinda sad

but then he came over to us and sat with us and we all started talkin’ it up, what we’ve been up to, how stuffs going, the usual.

but then that yung nevada game starts and we start talking about sports and you couldn't shut us up if you tried. i never realized brett was so into sports, but being able to have multiple conversations about different sports and different aspects of them and all encompassing ish was so clutch. he was our boy the whole night. then brian poles rolled up with his bae and one of his homies and we became the popular af table. met hella tke’s cause apparently everyone loves brett. 

nevada won, this puts them one game away from the automatic bid to the tourney and i am so hyyyyyyyyype. the comeback was too real. 

talked it up with a bunch of homies, came home, played some games with kyle, decided i was done, been sitting in my room alone typing this out for about an hour now. 

final thoughts: 

um im not trying to toot my own horn here, but sometimes i feel like my brain is hecka great. like idk how is it that i can develop well-thought ideas about math and the government and energy and sports and religion and politics and psychology and so so so so so many things that i am interested in, meanwhile there’s still people sharing obviously fake articles on facebook without reading them.

like idk yin yang i guess.

dab on em//stay beautiful

- mark gasthony martinez