#he’s dumb enough to fall for a pyramid scheme for sure

[the-real-list-of-ominous-threats]

I will make your shitty ex who groomed you and who you thought you blocked randomly text you asking if you want to call at 8 O CLOCK IN THE MORNING

[budugaapologist]

okay dokay so like. havent ranted about him in a while and i was thinking about all the iconic shit edward's done while i was dying today so anywho, here's some things he's done that made me cackle while my organs plotted my death:

so obviously him making it his life's purpose to torment a frail old man just because his first paycheck sucked is iconic

scaling a building in broad daylight because he and stede couldnt find a bar

picking a fight with the first englishman that tried to talk to him in havana

glaring death rays at woodes rogers when he called him ugly

by immediately stalking roberts, believing he'd help him get rich quick after completing a series of tasks for the man, edward proved he would fall for a pyramid scheme

the way his ai is kinda fucked up and without fail every time ive done the mission he peeks around the corner in front of adéwalé in full view of a guard

like judging by mydickssoft's track record you'd think they'd morph into a freakish being but nah, boundary boxes force these tootie frooties to spoon

do you think he knows what jagabat means? i dont think he does

*names a ship after a bird*

"speaking of dark creatures, you are black!"

grabs a sword by the blade multiple times dude what in the fuck

"i want my key!" dont you have like. four guns. shoot off the locks king, opening things properly has never been your go to why change now

kicking locks off BARE FOOTED bro i KNOW that hurts so bad you gotta be bleeding how the fuck are your feet so smooth you abuse the shit outta them

you tellin me you paid another man to give you nipple tattoos? okay

you tellin me you paid another man to draw tentacles on your cleavage? okay

thats a lot of back tattoos there kenway. who are they for kenway. you cant see the player who are those for kenway. are you expecting someone to be behind you admiring them kenway

picture youre just chilling in your cool half-underwater base admiring your treasure. all of a sudden a dummy thicc, unarmed, barefoot, and shirtless man pops out of the water and starts punching and kicking you to death

"you mad sap!" bro they are oysters and you have a whole crab and two knives. eat vane

surely going toward the man, who just left me to die in a cave, while i currently bleed out wont be a mistake!

why you dreaming about crawling on your hands and knees toward roberts kenway. why did you dream that roberts would be sitting on stede kenway.

him staring out into the void in that one dream sequence. "sorry bristol is too hard to render :P"

"so anne my wife is dead" "yeah" "would you like to-" "no" "aight fair enough"

he spent almost all of the game simping for a man named bartholomew

*bullies child daughter for not knowing difference between boat and ship*

why did he take his giant brig through a swamp. i think in that very moment adé became the captain, like the crew didnt say anything because this was for thatch but also they all silently were like "kenway dumb af"

"and would you be the devil" dude just call yourself a slur

put a lotta trust in the jackdaw crew to stay put while he went swimming for a couple hours every now and then

*******killed a man with piss*******

"eyo look at that massive ship in the distance. lets go fight it"

pets dog pets cow pets cat pets bird pets goat pets dog pets cow pets bird pets cat pets goat pets do

him continuously taking off the assassin robes to put on those god awful saggy pants. king your ass is amazing what did you do with your first outfit

never corrects adé when during battle and storms adé calls him and the crew sluts. eyo release directors cut of whats happening off screen boobsaresoft i wanna see whats goin on

why do you only fuck in beds why do you sleep everywhere that isnt made for sleeping

hes got like forty kids right

bonus adéwalé speed round:

*goes to brothel full of beautiful scantily dressed women that find him extremely attractive, just goes to bed*

"you look like a bowl of plum duff"

"i feel nothing but a hot wind on my ears"

what does edward have that makes you stay with him for so long (we know what he has we dont need to say it)

"this is where the jackdaw was sunk august" "cowabummer"

edward was definitely just a spoiled little figurehead captain for adéwalé right

"kicking chests is so two decade ago, i am going to brutally stomp down on them and shatter the hinges :)"

password is a song? okay i will sing it uwu [yes he is a better singer than edward]

"stop touching my boobs ma'am"

"i have a son? YOU NAMED HIM WHAT?"

bro one of his finishing moves looks like he smothers somebody out with his armpit. in reality, he breaks their neck with his bicep

"create a distraction? okay" *throws men*

[inkmemes]

futurama  (  1999  -  2013  )  sentence  starters  ↪  taken  from  the  animated  science  fiction  show.  alter  as  you  see  fit  ♡

“let's get the hell out of here already! screw history!”

“when you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.”

“you have to use a light touch, like a safecracker or a pickpocket.”

 "stop! the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised."

"she's stuck in an infinite loop and he's an idiot. that's love for you."

"all i know is my gut says maybe."

“i've never seen a super nova blow up. but if it's anything like my old chevy nova, it'll light up the night sky!”

"every christmas my mom would get a fresh goose, for goose-burgers, and my dad would whip up special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes."

"what do i look like, a guy who's not lazy?"

“is heaven missing an angel, cuz you've got nice cans!”

“help! a guinea pig tricked me!"

"[name], if i said you said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little."

"drugs are for weirdos and hypnosis is for weirdos with big eyebrows." 

"[name], it would never work between us. you're a man, and i'm a woman. we're just too different."

“screw you, ill have my own contest. with black jack ... and hookers. forget the contest.”

“ah, she's built like a steakhouse but she handles like a bistro.”

"spare me your space age techno babble, [name].”

"it's sort of a two person pyramid scheme."

"i don't want to live on this planet anymore."

"you were doing well, until everyone died."

“if we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. checkmate.”

“i am the man with no name. [muse name], at your service.”

“in the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.”

"this is the worst kind of discrimination, the kind against me."

"you watched it... you can't unwatch it."

“valentine’s day is coming? aw crap! i forgot to get a girlfriend again!”

 "hold on to your dookie, it’s about to get spooky!"

"i'm tired of this room and everyone in it."

"i'm so embarrassed. i wish everyone else was dead."

"you can't just have your characters announce how they feel! that makes me feel angry!"

"i don't have emotions, and sometimes that makes me very sad."

"if, for any reason you're not satisfied, i hate you."

"that young man fills me with hope. plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing." 

"i've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. what did you want to tell me?" 

"what do you think the meaning of life was anyway?"

“you're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything!”

“life and death are a seamless continuum.”

“if anyone wants me, i'll be in the angry dome.”

“and the worst part is, i had to have the breakup sex by myself!”

“they said i was dumb, but i proved them.”

“what's the point of living if i can't say ass?”

“i'll be stuffing coal so far down your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!”

“we're all pawns in his diabolical game of checkers.”

"wait, i'm having one of those things, a headache, with pictures!"

“sorry, i didn't realize i was already here.”

"guess what you're an accessory to!"

"why does ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other friends?"

“there's no scientific consensus that life is important.”

"we cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! now we're bored!"

“i'm just as important as him. it's just that, the kind of importance i have ... it doesn't matter if i don't do it.”

“oh what a foolish squid i’ve been.”

“my instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.”

"that was bad, and you should feel bad!"

"technically correct - the best kind of correct!"

"and here is where i keep my assorted lengths of wire!"

"oh wait, you are serious! let me laugh even harder!"

"i gotta practice my stabbing!"

"that's the saltiest thing i've ever tasted! and i once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!"

“i apologize for nothing!”

 "die young and leave a beautiful corpse! that's what i always say."

"here's to another lousy millennium."

“but i am already in my pajamas.”

“windmills do not work that way. goodnight.”

"you win again gravity."

"when push comes to shove, you got to do what you love, even if it's not a good idea.”

“but existing's basically all i do!”

“when will the killing end?"

"i'll be whatever i want to do."

"the use of words expressing something other than their literal intention. now that. is. irony."

"could you ask a little more sexfully?"

"hooray! i'm useful!"

"awesome. awesome to the max."

"some breaking occurred, the dolly was involved, that's about all we know."

“you want me to do two things?”

i love stealin', i love takin' things!

“i believe that qualifies as ill. at least from a technical standpoint.”

"that was the old me. he's dead now."

"jail ain't so bad; you can make sangria in the toilet. ‘course, it's shank or be shanked."

"one word. thundercougarfalconbird."

"of all my friends, you're the first."

“girls like swarms of lizards, right?”

“i lost it. in a volcano.”

"i'm gonna get you so many lizards!"

"who needs courage when you have a gun?"

“let's go! i've got jelly in my underpants!”

"interesting if true."

“i did do the nasty in the pasty!”

"something tells me i could easily beat those trained professionals."

"the two of you are good friends? but i thought we would be good friends!"

"it's like a party in my mouth, except everyone's throwing up."

“i'm shocked. shocked! well, not that shocked.”

“it's me! no one else look in this mirror!"

“you ever think you only like girls cause you're supposed to?”

"we don't gotta put up with this! we got poli sci degrees."

“sorry, i suffer from a very sexy learning disorder.”

“did somebody say something about a free hot meal?”

“you gotta do what you gotta do.”

"too many bones? not enough cash?"

“hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?”

"i don't know how you did that."

"the butter in my pocket is melting!"

"well ... first i got up and had a piece of toast ..."

“i can't wait til i'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.”

“interesting! no ... wait ... the other thing. tedious.”

"i knew you come crawling back, like a bird on its belly!"

“we both know you won't make it halfway before the craving sets in! then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet sweet candy. bam!"

“indeed so, most indeededly.”

"and by metaphorically, i mean get your coat."

“[vehicle]'s ready except for this cup holder, and i should have that done in 12 hours."

"stop. stop! i will destroy you." [ bonus if the receiver is doing something mundane to sender ]

“just make a simple cake. and this time, if someone's going to jump out of it, make sure to put them in after you cook it.”

“lies, lies and slander!”

“you raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir!”

“but going through a divorce together, you can't pretend that didn't bring us closer together.”

“when you say the human body is the most efficient thing to use as a battery, wouldn't anything make a better battery? like a potato? or a battery?”

“i'll have you know that i bejazzle my own underpants!”

“i'm sorry you had to see that, [name], usually i let my sadness fester quietly inside as a mental illness.”

“i'm not drunk, i'm mentally ill! but i agree with what, what you said.”

“this is a cool way to die!”

[quinngefail]

HEY WOULD BRETT THE MAN JOHNATHAN BUY AN NFT???? IDK IVE HAD THIS QUESTION FOR A COUPLE DAYS NOW AND I WASNT SURE WHETHER TO ASK IT OR NOT

AHFHFGDGFHG NO OKAY WHEN I UNLEASHED THE MAN ON DISCORD THAT WAS LIKE ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS SOMEONE ASKED ABOUT HIM SO

And I think like. NFTs and all that are too big brained for him like he's just dumb all around and wouldn't know what the hell's going on there 😩

He may work at a company where computer + technology usage is pretty critical. And he may know jack shit about computers and technology

Still gets that employee of the month though!!

The thought of him being a crypto bro though,,,,, Jamie's in for a wild 'getting his ear talked off' this time AHGHGHG

I mean he would be dumb enough to see stuff about it and be like OH THIS IS COOL AND GREAT. Like god maybe this man falls for like pyramid schemes and shit all the time and will enthusiastically tell Jamie about it and try to get him roped into this too and Jamie is kind enough to point out (but still in a brash way lmao) that he's being scammed but BRETT "THE MAN" NEVER SEEMS TO LEARN 🤦‍♂️

THANKA FOR THE ASK TOOOO

[thenixkat]

Voltron notes 1 (edited?)

Ep 1

No spoiler opening theme

Those are some skinny ass space suits. Shouldn’t they have like tethers and shit to keep them from accidently floating off?

Harvesting ice cores on Pluto or Kerberos or whatever

They wanna meet aliens

No one notices the ship until its right on top of them. Shiro just assumes its a hostile ship

Bullshit and lazy. Fuckin aliens speaking and understanding English

Also Shiro looks so much better with the darker skin. Like, bring back this look.

This ship is very green and that’s unusual compared to later lighting schemes 

Lance is a dick to his friend

Also, you’d think an air and space program would weed out the folks with motion sickness

Lance is overestimating the abilities of himself, the crew, and the ship

Welp, Hunk fucked up the electronics with the barf. Pidge fell from not using her seatbelt. 

Mutanious comments.  

Lance got the team killed

Iverson called them jackasses

I know I shouldn’t be mentioning stuff that hasent happened yet but like? How the fuck does Iverson not recognise Pidge? She looks just like her brother but tiny and that didn’t raise any alarms? She didn’t even dye her hair or anything? Also is her mom ok with this? Is she skipping out on her classes that she should be having as Katie?

Vomit is not an approved lubricant. Heh 

One of those chicks has green hair

Military exploration school

Pidge doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut

Lance is a fuckin bro

Why is Iverson chewin out Lance for something Pidge said?

Poor Lance

Lights out by five? And it's already getting dark?

Ok but Lance and Hunk in civilian clothes makes them stand out so much while they’re trying to sneak around. WHy not carry backpacks with their regular clothes in them while they wear the uniforms until they find a safe place to change. 

Lance is that friend who gets everyone into trouble

Have I mentioned that I hate fat jokes?

Also these kids are shit at sneaking. They didn’t even wait a minute to make sure the patrol dude couldn’t just turn his head and see them. They also made a shit ton of noise.

Pidge is bad at sneaking too, didn’t make sure she wasn’t followed and didn’t keep an eye out for anyone who might spot her on the roof.

Hunk is scared of heights

Pidge is bad at lying

Hunk is nosey af

Lance is trying to be a good team leader

Pidge is trying to uncover a government conspiracy and picked up alien radio chatter. 

If a teenager with little funds and homemade equipment can pick up alien radio chatter than the people who listen to the stars for a living sure as shit picked this shit up.

Lance doesn’t believe in aliens.

Hunk is scared of aliens

School is on lock down

Holy crow. Lance is a potty mouth

Hunk didn’t believe in aliens either

Pidge and Lance jump at the chance to go check out a crashed alien ship. Hunk doesn’t like this.

How the fuck did Pidge remotely hack a camera feed?

Ok but like it makes total sense for them to quarantine Shiro. He might have space pox.

Also Shiro’s skintone changes between 2 dif frames

Hunk neither knows nor cares who Shiro is. And is trying to be the voice of reason

I’m taking that as a fat joke. So fuck you show.

Where’d Keith get the hover car?

Where does Keith get all the explosives? Does he make them?

Lance spotted his eternal rival and doesn’t want to be beat in rescuing the hero. Hunk knows who Keith is

Pidge doesn’t know who Keith is

Why’d they choose that ugly ass tone for Shiro there? He looks kinda grey

Lance was not important enough for Keith to remember him

They’re making Keith take them along for the ride. Also that is not a vehicle designed to carry so many people.

Keith’s got snark.

Pidge yer not doing anything else the least you can do is be useful and keep Shiro from falling off the bike.

Hunk can identify every teacher chasing them

Keith is having fun driving while everyone else screams in terror

So Shiro’s just wearing Keith’s dad’s clothes

Convenient amnesia

Also Shiro’s got a generic ass masculine face

Keith can sense energy

So, those markings and paintings had to have been made by some Native Americans. Which group? What’s the timeframe? Those paintings are showing Blue do stuff so how long was her pilot still around and kicking for? Did she have other pilots before going into lockdown and just chose to stay on Earth? How’d she get to Earth in the first place if fish dude probably died in battle with Galra forces?

Lance hesitates b4 shaking the mystery alien cyborg hand

Hunk is nervous that there might be an alien invasion soon.

Hunk is nosey as hell and a bit of a dick

If I point out everything that is or probably is a fat joke I’ll be here forever

Hunk is smart as hell

Matching a wavelength of an element to a terrain carved by erosion? What? That’s not how anything works

Wait, if Keith has pics of the murals why didn’t they start looking there?

Yeah no those kids are hurt, possibly dead from that fall

The Voltron

The eyes have no pupils and the head isn’t moving, how can you tell the eyes are following you?

So did all of the lions pick these kids and college student from seeing them through Blue’s perspective? How does the lion choosing thing work?

Hunk states the obvious

How is Lance supposed to read the screen when the text is constantly changing. That’s not how computer.

Lance takes Blue on a joy ride and even Keith is not having fun

Also Blue is just fucking up the poor desert

Hunk is a little bitch who thinks giving people what they want will stop them

Holy crow. Hunk has a potty mouth.

So there’s just like a Galra ship right at Earth. The Galra know where Earth is and probably invade it. We just gonna forget about that? Like yes that ship is chasing the lion but nothing is stopping more galra going to Earth.

Shiro is the senior officer so Lance defers to him

So the lions can open wormholes on their own.

Hunk vomits inside Blue

Lance why?

How did none of them notice the castle. Like that is a massive ass castle

They just didn’t check to see if the air was human breathable

Pidge, why the fuck would the steps be bigger if the control seat of the lion was human sized?

Alien tech speaks english

Why do they reuse Cree’s voice for so much

Why do aliens from 10000 yrs ago fucking speak english

Also fucking elves

Also fucking Europeans

Rude. Allura’s first response to meeting an alien is insulting his species looks

Quiznak. Coran has a potty mouth

Also how the fuck do you know anything about this alien’s biology? Why the fuck would a sleeper hold fucking work?

SO why didn’t Alfor use the ‘strongest weapon in the universe’ to fight Zarkon? What, did Black not want any other paladin than Zarkon?

Alfor lies to children.

So how did they send away the other 4 lions? Alfor probably got caught and killed but like from that flashback ep the other three og paladins weren’t in their armor nor shown near the lions or anything. Did the lions hide themselves? Did they have other paladins that piloted them away?

King of the Galra? Bitch he was an emperor well before his fall you should know this.

Convenient amnesia.

How long is the average Galra lifespan?

Could Haggar not? Sense the Blue lion on Earth? How?

Also Haggar really went and got herself a whole ass monster husband

Zarkon calls in the squad. Sends Sendak to fuck shit up

Lance is not good with numbers

Sigh

How do yall even know the food in the castle is safe for humans?

Coran how the fuck u know yall the last Alteans left? Did ya fuckin look?

How the fuck did some nasty ass mice get into the fucking cryopod? How did they survive in a cryopod calibrated for an altean? Why are the mice necessary to the story?

How do the alteans recognize a galra battleship after 10000 yrs?

Lance starts a fight with Keith for no reason. Shiro breaks up the fight.

Did I mention that I hate body functions humor? 

Why and how did Alfor connect the lions to Allura’s life force?

Coran just straight up called Pidge a slightly less stupid than average primitive. Racist as fuck.

Lion’s choose their paladin so Allura just fucking assigns lions to aliens she’s known for less than an hour.

How does she know anything about these aliens? Its been less than 5 mins since she met them.

How the fuck does Allura know here all the lions are but the red one?

How do we know Voltron is the most powerful in the universe? They ain’t seen the entire universe

How do the Alteans know how long an earth hour is?

So an altean brought Green to this planet?

What the fuck kinda dumb ass rabbits come out of hiding when they know strange creatures are near?

To be fair, peaceful might mean something else in Altean. They are fucking space Brits

Hunk asks good questions when he’s not stating the obvious

Also that is a barren ass planet. But it was formerly inhabited.

Hunk rewires alien machinery while under heavy fire

Why does it take so long for yellow’s murals to start glowing? Was Yellow thinking about whether or not she wanted Hunk as her Paladin? Yellow really said if you want me you gotta put in effort.

The Galra were this close to getting Yellow too.

Pidge asks questions.

Who built that pyramid for Green and why did they let it get overgrown?

Pidge somehow didn’t break a leg from that jump

So I’m gonna assume that Blue told Yellow what was up

How well can Yellow move through rock?

Green really wanted Pidge. Like she was lighting shit up immediately.

So Blue actually got pretty damaged from regular ship fire and hiding the ground wrong

Hunk would apparently have let Lance die

Pidge and Shiro are some lyin ass bitches

Lord of the Known Universe. Most of the Galra empire is empty space

It took 600 yrs between a grandfather and grandson altean?

Lance and Hunk vote run

Pidge votes stay and fight

Um. Why would the Galra fuck up Arus when yall are the top priority? Like, sure they can come back for it but the lions are a bigger deal and thus they would chase yall over take Arus

Hunk is making very good points

Also Keith, while Sendak could destroy Arus and then come after yall. It’d be a waste of time and resources. 

Keith votes stay and fight

Shiro chooses not to vote

Alfor’s hologram admits he fucked up with sending the lions away

Allura votes stay and fight and I guess Coran isn’t voting like Shiro

Fuck you show. Why did we need eighteen thousand fuckin fat jokes?

Coran is an asshole

Ok but like that doesn’t look like a good chest plate? Like it looks like if they bent over they’d get poked/stabbed by it? And what’s up with the high sides of the belts?

What the fuck Pidge?! That coulda killed Lance or taken him out for a good while?

Wait, if the ship has a thing that can like just fucking make suits? Why can't they just make more bayards? Why wouldn’t Alfor design something to make more bayards?

Why doesn’t the galra ship have rear view cameras?

Wait! How the fuck do you cut a hole in a space ship and that not fuck with pressurization or set off any safety allarms?! The fuck kinda bullshit is that?

Sendak? Why do you expect aliens to know what that beam was for if you didn’t tell them?

~False surrender is a fucking war crime b/c it removed the option of surrendering for real if the need arrives so it leads to more fucking people dying~

No they didn’t Shiro. Battleships are things that get mass produced. If this is the exact same ship u got put in after the green one then that is bullshit on a cosmic scale.

Shiro is ok with letting prisoners die. Pidge is not, granted it's probably b/c she thinks her family might be on there.

Poor Mrs. Holt. She just got fuckin forgotten by everyone.

So Pidge has an outburst and fucking disobeys the mission leader. Shiro decides to help her just b/c he might know one or two of the people he was willing to let die. And they leave Keith with no fucking backup.

Keith would have legit died if the guards remembered that they have fucking guns and can shoot him when he dropped his shield. Which means Keith would have died if not for plot bullshit b/c his teammates don’t particularly care about his health and safety. Pidge and Shiro care more about the male Holts than Keith and all of the other prisoners that might be on the ship.

Wow.

How does Keith not hold this against them?

No the mice were not necessary, not if either of these dunces whent and opened the control panel from the other side.

That sounds like bullshit. 

Ya know I didn’t have any problems with Hunk the engineer being able to operate an alien elevator or drill by hotwiring shit. But I do call bullshit on Pidge reprogramming a sentry pod thing by changing the connection of one wire.

I still call bullshit on aliens speaking english and all atmospheres being 100% agreeable to humans. B/c that is bullshit

And why the fuck would the color of Rover’s lights fucking change?

… they only checked one fucking room for prisoners but that’s  it I guess? The fuck

Why did the Red lion let the Galra take her? Did she consider that one of the galra on the ship might make a good paladin for her?

Keith gets caught b/c his dumb ass starts shouting on a stealth mission

Keith, they already have the lion. Yer the one trying to take it

Like I said previously the guards forget they have guns and thus Keith lives.

So… how did Keith impress the Red lion? He fought people, lost and blew out the airlock. Which is still a loss if the lion didn’t feel like saving him.

Vore

Guards continue to forget they have fucking guns for plot reasons.

Hunk and the gang leave without destroying the enemy ship or making sure that its irreparably damaged

Coran, Lance, and Hunk have foul mouths

And this is why you fucking confirm yer kill

Why isn’t there a combine button?

Heh, Yellow’s face after slamming Red. Also Red looks so offended about being rammed. 

What the cheese

Hunk’s gone into panic mode and Keith has accepted death.

Shiro gives a speech and they form Voltron

Why are the bad guys giving them the time to form voltron?

Why doesn’t Voltron have a tail? Where does Black’s tail go? Voltron should have a tail.

Any other prisoners on that ship are dead as fuck

How did I watch this show  the first time? It's not good. It’s pretty but it is not good.

[jimlingss]

Jungle Park [16]

Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17

➜ Words: 5.4k

➜ Genres: Fluff, Light Humour (?), Slice of Life, Workplace Romance!AU

➜ Summary: The equation is simple. Hoseok needs to hire someone. You need a job. Except like any actual equation, it’s not fucking simple at all! Not when you have to add the fact that he was forced to hire someone he doesn’t want in his office, he has little respect for your job in general, and oh yeah...once upon a time you might have—*CENSORED*.

The invitation came by email.   Your first thought was to refuse and you had even begun typing up an apology. But before you could write the second line, someone else had sent you a message. It was like she had a sixth sense and maybe she did because she asked if you were going to come. Then she guilt tripped you that it’s been so long, tried to convince you that it would be fun, do everything in her power to persuade you otherwise, as if she was part of a pyramid scheme and was trying to get you to join.   Hani has always been fearfully persuasive and that’s how you find yourself dragging your feet towards Hoseok’s office.   You knock three times and there’s a muffled— “What.”   “It’s me.” The door cracks open and at the sound of your voice, Hoseok puts down his pen and looks up at you.   The corner of his lips pull into a smile, scowl disappearing. “Oh, Y/N.”   “Are you busy? I can come back…”   “No, it’s fine.” His smile widens while you step into his office. “What do you need?”   “No, um, it’s just, I know we’re supposed to come in this weekend.”   “Oh, that doesn’t really apply to you.” Hoseok’s hands are clasped and you begin to break a sweat by how he gives you his full attention and his stare is more intense than usual. “You don’t need to come in.”   “Oh...okay…”   “Why? What was the matter?”   “No...” It’s excruciating how much you’re beating around the bush, but you don’t really want to spill what’s going on. Still, you decide to say it rather than making it sound more suspicious. “There’s this stupid reunion thing I was invited to. It’s on the weekend and I was thinking of going.”   “A reunion?”   “Yeah, to celebrate eleven years.” Your head lolls to your shoulder and you ramble on, not making a big deal out of it. “Apparently, they were supposed to have one for ten years, but it got delayed. It’s kind of dumb but…”   “I don’t think I received an invitation,” Hoseok suddenly comments, quirking his head to one side as well. His brows knit together and he inhales a sharp breath. “We went to the same university for our undergraduate, right?”   “Yeah, uh, everyone sort of lost contact with you after you left for law school. No one knows how to contact you even if they wanted to…” Like you, many of the others had no clue that he opened up his own firm.    “Huh.” He nods and then resumes his work, typing on his computer and casting you a mere glance when you’re still standing there. “Well, have fun and make sure you’re back on Monday.”   “Sounds good.” Your feet linger for a moment, body not listening to your brain. But eventually, you get a grip on yourself and step out of his office.   A school reunion trip would be expensive — luckily, your efforts of driving the taxi for twenty nights in a month was paying off….literally. You had quite a bit of savings, enough to pack your bags for a weekend trip. In all honesty, as nervous as you were to be seeing old faces again, you were also excited. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen Taeyeon, Hani, and the others. They would argue it’s been too long.   Everyone has gone their separate ways, abroad for work or busy in their families and with their children. You were especially distant from them after you moved all those years ago. But it would be nice to see them again, to mend back old friendships and remind yourself that you aren’t alone.   And it turns out that it only takes two buses and one train ride, a total of six hours and twenty minutes, to reconnect with old friends. It’s not as difficult as you thought it would be. You’re out of the city in the blink of an eye, at the one next door, waiting at the station for your ride.   As you check your phone for the fifth time, you’re startled when there’s a loud honk. Someone’s pulling in with their maroon car and you immediately recognize the girl in the driver seat. She rolls down the window and tugs her sunglasses to the bridge of her nose, peering above the frames at you.   “Hey, loser! Get in! We’re going shopping!”   You grin at her reference, dragging your luggage over and throwing it in the backseat. “Some things never change, do they?”   “Get over here.” Before you can even fully situate yourself in the passenger seat, she’s already leaning over the console to hug you, making laughter bubble from your chest. She really hasn’t changed one bit, from being extroverted and charming. Her long black hair is unchanging, features that seem sharper than they did years ago, cat-like eyes that are intimidating and cute when she smiles. She’s in shorts and a simple tee-shirt, summer-like attire in the chilly weather. “Ugh, I missed your ass so much.”   You squeeze her back, savouring the hug that reminds you too much of another embrace that felt like eons ago. “Missed you too.”   “Taeyeon’s staying with us in the hotel.” Hani shifts the gear and pulls away from the curb. “She’s there, still freaking out about leaving the kids with her husband.”   You smile at the thought and look at her. “How are you?”   “Good. Same old, pretty much. Work is tiring, but I really like it. I’ve been working on a project for the later half of this year and it’s almost finished, so I got that going for me. How are you?”   “Things are good for me too.”   “Where have you been working?”   “Oh, I’m an HR rep for a law firm,” you explain in a boring tone, not wanting to discuss it too much. “I like it a lot.”   “Oh my god! That’s so great, Y/N!” There’s a red light and Hani glances at you with a beaming smile, remembering you telling her that you were having trouble finding a job a few months ago. “I’m so glad you found a good place.”   “Thanks.”   “Have you been seeing anyone?”   “No, not really. Just...haven’t found the time.” You move on, changing the subject. “How’s Daehwi?”   A long sigh leaves from her pink lips. “An idiot as usual, but what’s new?”   Your cheeks ache from your grin. “Has he popped the question yet?”   “He said he was going to do it before my birthday, so I guess we’ll see what happens.”   “That’s amazing.” And you really mean it. Rather than feeling envious, you feel happy and proud for your friends. Most of them have their lives together and it’s nice to see them progress, even when you feel like you’ve been stagnant, stuck at a standstill for so long. “You guys are great together.”   “Yeah...I really do love that idiot.” A soft smile appears on her visage as she admits it. “If we get married, we’ll probably have kids soon after. We already talked about it and my eggs are dying, you know? And my nieces are just too cute. They always give me baby fever. But Daehwi wants it more than I do.” She laughs and you notice how her skin is practically glowing in bliss. “He wants five kids and a set of twins or something and I told him there was no way I was going to give birth to an entire football team for him.”   Another laugh streams from your chest. “Sounds like Daehwi.”   Hani hums and nods. “But things have been okay for you?”   “Yeah. I’m pretty happy these days and I really enjoy my work.”   Hani takes a glance at you. “I’m glad, Y/N.”   Once you arrive at the hotel room, you can already hear Taeyeon face-timing her husband. She gives you the biggest bear hug imaginable and you say hello to her toddler and five-year old, making you a bit sad when they don’t remember you at all. But it’s good to be back and even better to meet up with friends that make you feel as if time created no distance at all.   “Do you know who else is coming?”   “I think most people are.” Hani momentary pauses scrolling through her phone and shrugs. “I checked the facebook page and a lot of them said yes. Probably because the university’s paying for a lot of the expenses.”   Daehwi, who’s cuddling your best friend, smiles. “Our alumni is so nice.”   Taeyeon scoffs. “More like we’re their backdrop so they can take a thousand photos and post them to their website and promote their institution. They’ve been pushing to reel in younger, naive kids and rob them of their money before giving them a piece of paper that says good job.”   You grin as another thought flickers in your mind. “Is Changsub coming?”   “He’s coming tomorrow morning.” The strawberry blonde female falls down onto the soft sofa, lounging on it. “He booked it last minute. I think he’s still on the plane right now.”   “I can’t remember the last time we all met up,” Daehwi notes, looking out the glass window towards the city and feeling sentimental about the moment. “We’re only missing one person now.” Hani shoulder checks him and the male lets out a painful, “Ow! What! Can I not talk about Hoseok?”   “It’s fine, you guys,” you placate both Hani and Taeyeon when they look at you in concern. “It’s not a big deal...I actually….talked to him recently.”   Hani blinks with her wide eyes. “You did?!”   “You did?!” Taeyeon repeats after her like a parrot, both of friends stunned.   “Yeah...it’s...uh..complicated, but we’re good.” There’s a long silence, all three people staring at you, and you divert your eyes out the window. “So, what time is the official reunion tomorrow?”   //   The rest of the day is spent eating and catching up. Taeyeon talks about her kids, what giving birth is like and simultaneously putting the fear into Hani and Daehwi as they listen and you laugh at their expressions. The pair of them also talk about their traveling adventures, what countries they’ve visited recently and are planning to visit in the future. There’s not much that’s changed for you, so you only discuss your job and what you kind of do day to day.   All four of you play uno like back then, gossiping about acquaintances while having a few drinks in the hotel room but nothing to get wasted on, only slightly tipsy. You can’t remember the last time you had such a good time. By morning, everybody wakes up a bit later in the day, grabbing brunch before getting ready to go. You pick out a dark blue modest dress to wear, sharing the bathroom alongside Hani who worries about her makeup and Taeyeon who does her hair. It reminds you of years ago when you used to dress up to go clubbing or out to the bar. It’s nostalgic and you feel young again, even when you’re sure age has made its mark on you.   “You know, it would’ve made a lot more sense to have our reunion on campus and not at a hotel conference hall,” Hani points out while sipping on a glass of champagne, looking around at the place lit by chandeliers.   You smile. “Now that I think about it, you’re right.”   Taeyeon shakes her head, staring at the intricate patterns of the velvet carpet. “I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be at a fancy hotel than a shitty gymnasium on our shitty campus.”   “Okay, touché.”   “They have an after-party there,” Daehwi pipes up. “It’s pretty close. We should go.”   “I don’t understand why there’s an after-party for the reunion.”   “Different backgrounds create different pictures to put on their website,” Taeyeon tells Hani while she rolls her eyes in disapproval.   You quip to the both of them while lingering at the back of the hall, “That’s a crazy conspiracy.”   “Oh my god. Jiyong! Jiyong!” Daehwi puts down his drink, running off towards another man who yells out his name as well without looking back. They fist bump each other before going on a talking barrage to catch up and Hani appears even more exhausted than before, letting out a huge sigh.   “Dear lord, if I have to talk to all of his frat members, I’m going to need another five hundred drinks.”   The blonde beside her laughs. “Well, you should get ready because I think I see Seungri.”   “Taeyeon.” Another female has stopped in front of you three. She’s staring straight at your friend, ogling at her from head to toe. “Is that you?!”   “Oh my gosh. Minzy?” Taeyeon hands her glass of champagne to you, walking off. “It’s been forever!”   “I know!” she shrieks in excitement.   In the giant hall, you recognize many and once in a while, they stop to make small talk with you. It’s easy to get whiplash at all the familiar faces. You’re brought back to a decade ago, and an odd feeling begins to plague you. It’s as if all the regrets you had in the past fix themselves into place again, that the people you had forgotten about and that were so far away, are now in your reach.   Eventually, you become overwhelmed and fade into the background. You hang around in the back, taking in all the decorations, the old photos, the surrounding people. Hani tells you that she’s going to the washroom and you nod, keeping an eye on her drink while sipping on yours. It awakens your memories of house parties where you were more of a wallflower than the life of the party, where you spent your time observing behaviour and actions, where it was much quieter.   “Man...how do I not recognize anyone?”   You nearly spit out your drink, but you end up choking instead. You’re hacking your lungs out unattractively, coughing and beating your chest like a wild gorilla. Maybe you’re so delusional that you’re beginning to hear and see things because you swear to god…..Jung Hoseok is standing right beside you.   His head is tipped to one side, black hair left natural and unstyled, full bangs covering his forehead. He’s wearing sneakers, black jeans and a grey hoodie, too casual for an event like this. More importantly, he’s staring at you in amusement. It’s probably your imagination. You just miss him and your mind is coping….   But then he opens his mouth and talks.   “Y/N?”   “What are you doing here?!” Your mouth falls open comically, words spilling out in the harshest manner and you’re suddenly very, very worried. There are a million things that can go wrong in your life, but this situation was definitely in your current top ten. The corner of his mouth pulls and the lawyer rolls his shoulders. “Well, turns out you don’t need to be directly invited by someone. I checked the website and sure enough, I just had to sign up with my old student identification number to come.”   “Wh-wh...but why?”   Hoseok’s smile stays on his lips, but his brows furrow in confusion. “What do you mean why? I can’t come to my own school reunion?”   “Th-th-that’s not what I mean.” Your head shakes and your eyes do a quick sweep of your surroundings before settling on him again.   “You told me I lost contact with everyone when I went to law school, so I figured this would be a good time to reconnect with people. I didn’t expect to run into you so soon, though.” Jung Hoseok flashes the brightest of beaming grins, looking like the epitome of sunshine or someone from pleasantville. You begin envisioning throwing yourself against the wall hard enough where you could pass out and perhaps the ambulance would be called and you could escape this insanity.   You might be a little over-dramatic at the moment…..but the logical part of your brain disagrees.   This is perfectly rational.   “I—”   “Oh my god.” The interruption comes from your former best friend, Hani. Alongside her is Taeyeon who almost spills her new drink when she abruptly halts and her eyes grow wide at the sight beside you.   Your worst nightmare is beginning to unfold right in front of your eyes.   “Jung Hoseok?!”   The lawyer frowns, staring at both women and he takes a long second before recognition begins to settle in. “Uh...Heeyeon and...Kim Taeyeon...right?” He glances at you for approval, and you don’t say anything nor do you even cast a single glance of approval.   Taeyeon marches over and in five strides, she’s giving him a humongous hug. “Where have you been, bastard? I never thought I’d see you again.” In the meanwhile, Hani is boring her eyes into you as if asking if you’re okay, and you give a slight nod.   “I’ve been busy.” Hoseok’s memory starts to jog again. He only has a handful of memories, all of them vague and blurry like they’re from an old tape he’s watching back, but he feels at ease for at least remembering them….even if he doesn’t have a single memory of you.   “You didn’t even think to call, bitch?”   His lips tug into a slight heart shape, eyes crinkling. “...Sorry?”   Hani offers a more reserved and meek smile. She stands at a distance away, beside you. Her arms are crossed defensively, and she doesn’t spare any embraces or even a handshake. “It’s good to see you again, Jung.”   “Thanks, Heeyeon.”   Hani’s brow raises, wondering why he’s calling her by her legal name and not the nickname she goes by, but she brushes it off. “I see you’ve become acquainted with Y/N here. Maybe a bit too comfortable?”   “Well, I’m sure this is fine.” His smile becomes lopsided as he peeks at you. “It’s not during working hours.”   The female doesn’t quite understand, but she never once backs down. “Working hours or not, I think you should back off a bit. Have some human decency, Jung.”   “Hani!” You’re cringing to death, ready to be lowered into your grave with your toes curling. Your mind races, though you’re rendered too speechless to know what to say or know how to address the situation. If you wished you were invisible enough, maybe it’ll actually work.   “Is there a problem?” Hoseok is genuinely bewildered and baffled by her bizarre attitude, deciding to challenge the rude woman. “Or are you her boss too?”   Taeyeon repeats him, equally confused. “Too?”   “You didn’t tell them?” Hoseok shifts to you, trying to be caught up to speed. His head is already swirling with old memories slowly coming back to life. He wonders if you didn’t say you worked for him because it was somehow embarrassing to be working for someone you went to school with. But he knows you’re not the type to be shameful about such a trivial thing, especially when you loved your job so much.   “Tell us what?” Taeyeon asks, spinning around to soak in your exchange of expressions. Then, her eyes almost fall out from their sockets and her jaw drops to the carpet. “Wait. Don’t tell me. Holy shit. Oh my god. You’re back together?!”   “NO!” You shout, startling other folks and people turn around to shoot dirty looks. But you pay no mind, too preoccupied with nipping the crazy thought in the bud. “I work for Hoseok! At his firm!”   “You…” Hani gives you a skeptical look. “...you’re working for him?”   “Holy shit! Are my eyes seeing what they’re really seeing, right now? Or am I high?” From the noise, Daehwi had pulled away from the crowd of frat guys to see what the commotion was. Of course, now he was running towards you again, eyes pinned on Hoseok. “Dude! How’s it going?!”   Their handshake morphs into a fist bump. “Why are you talking like you’re a nineteen year old dumbass again?” Hani rolls her eyes, but doesn’t dwell when she’s more upset at the current situation. She informs her partner of the news, “Y/N’s working for Hoseok at his firm.”   “Wait. Really?”   “Why is that so surprising?” Hoseok inquires, still perplexed at all their reactions. “There’s nothing wrong with Y/N working for me. That doesn’t make her job any less important. She actually runs her own department as HR manager. And she’s exceptionally good at her job.”   “No, that’s not the issue. I’m just surprised, because—”   “Hoseok doesn’t remember!”   The shout echoes, straining your vocal cords, shocking your old friends. Everyone turns, necks craning over slowly like their bones are made from old mechanical rods. “What?”   The situation is getting out of control. You’re losing your grasp on what you want Hoseok to know. The mess is beginning to unravel and you’re doing everything in your power to spool it back together, keep it hidden, in the dark, where only you know, where you can feign ignorance and live your little happy life without having to confront the past.   Daehwi frowns. “What do you mean?”   Your heart cracks for the hundredth time.   And it’s because of Hoseok. Again.   “He just….doesn't remember.”   “Is there something going on here?” He asks right when Taeyeon was about to speak the same question, wholly puzzled at the circumstances. Their gazes are too intense for you to hold up by yourself. You’re barely holding it together and you’re too afraid you’ll begin to crack from the outside as well, let them see what you really feel, how damaged you are on the inside.   “Hoseok has memory problems,” you calmly say, spilling secrets even when it’s not your place to, “he was in a car accident.”   All three shift, waiting for his confirmation. He gives a single nod.   “Oh shit.” Daehwi’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “That’s horrible.”   The blonde female steps closer to him. “What happened?”   “Hit a lamppost. Like seven years ago. But I don’t have any ‘memory issues’.” Hoseok quotes you before laying his eyes on your visage. He cocks an eyebrow before looking at everyone else. “Just have some spots where I can’t quite remember. Am I missing something here?”   “Nope.” You force a smile, talking past the lump in your throat. The urge to distance yourself from this is too overwhelming and you’re suddenly reminded of why you avoided reuniting yourself with old friends. It’s too painful, too messy to remember. Once again, you wish you were in Hoseok’s position where you didn’t know a thing. “The past is the past. Best to leave it behind. Anyways, you should probably get a drink. I can get you one.”   “I can get it myself.”   “No.” Your hands fly out, wanting him to stay where he is, wanting to get yourself away. At any moment now, you were going to break. “I insist, I insist.”   “Let me come with you,” Hani asserts and you decide having a good friend beside you would be the least of your troubles, so you let out an ‘alright’.   The two of you march through the crowd. The dark-haired female stares at your profile, her mouth opening, ready to fire out her many questions. But when you give a glance, she sighs and decides not to press on or pry. Hani doesn’t say anything, granting you mercy for the time being.   In the meanwhile, Daehwi and Hoseok catch up with one another. As time goes by and more small talk is made, the latter’s memory jogs, though it seems as if your existence has been deleted from his recollection completely. But he doesn’t dwell when his focus is on socializing.   “So, you’re a hot shot lawyer now?” The brunette grins. “Your sister always said that.”   “I don’t think I’m a hot shot or anything, far from it, but yeah, I run my own firm. It’s kind of small and it’s nothing much yet. Still a work in progress.”   “Damn, still, you’re probably filthy rich, dude. I’m jealous. Do you have a yacht?”   “No.” Hoseok laughs. “I don’t have a yacht.”   Taeyeon has an indignant expression. “Hoseok’s afraid of the ocean, remember?”   “Rightttt.”   The lawyer in question sulks slightly, not enjoying how his fears are being broadcasted aloud. “I’m only afraid when I can’t see the bottom.”   “So he’s afraid of the entire ocean then,” Taeyeon reiterates with a laugh.   “Guess so.” Daehwi teases the man and smiles with his teeth. He pats his friend on the shoulder. “It’s good to have you back, Hope. Now we’re just waiting for one more person before we have the whole gang back together.”   “Speaking of the devil…” Taeyeon motions with her chin and both males whirl around.   “Yeon! Dae!” Changsub is walking towards them, dragging his feet over as he exhales in exhaustion. “God, my plane got delayed and I literally just got here and threw my luggage upstairs. I’m so tired! My sleeping schedule is going to be so fucked. It’s supposed to be midnight right now. I swear—….”   “Hey.”   Hoseok gives a polite wave, smiling, and the guy has his eyes plastered all over him, starstruck, like he’s looking at a celebrity. Changsub blinks hard, appearing comical as he does so. “Jung fucking Hoseok?!”   Daehwi chuckles. “Trust me, I didn’t believe it either.”   “Dude!” Changsub gives him the most gripping hug, arms cradling his entire frame. “What the fucking hell are you actually doing here?! What the fuck.”   “I’m here for the reunion,” he quips. “You?”   “Same. God.” His hand runs into his hair, shock firing into his body. Changsub quickly looks around. “Does Y/N know you’re here?”   Once more, Hoseok’s confusion returns. “Yes…?”   At the reminder, Taeyeon glances around the premise, standing on the tips of her toes. She inhales a sharp breath, humming a note. “Let me go get Hani and Y/N. They’ve been gone for a while. We should get a picture together before things get more hectic around here.” The female dismisses herself, going into the crowd of people to grab you both, disappearing from sight.   Changsub shakes his head, still staring at Hoseok and unable to trust his eyes even when he blinks hard. “Dude, man, it’s been so goddamn long.”   “I know.”   “How have you been? What have you been up to?”   “I’m good. Just working as a lawyer these days at a divorce firm. You?”   “Awesome. God, wow. Yeah, I’ve been travelling for work.” Changsub is at a loss for words. “You look great.”   “Thanks.” Hoseok grins at him. “You too.”   The male shakes his head, mouth drawing open. “And Y/N knows you’re here and shit?”   “Yeah.” He wonders why he’s being mentioned with you so much, why people are so confused that he’s made a reappearance. It can’t be that weird. “Why?”   Daehwi pipes up, interrupting the conversation, “They actually work together.”   “No shit! Really?” Changsub is noisy, nosy, and a tad obnoxious. He’s slow to pick on things and a bit hyperactive, gathering attention from the surrounding people, but he’s still good natured and warm hearted enough not to cause real trouble. Yet. “So, you came with Y/N today?”   “....uh...kind of? Not really.”   “Are you guys back together?”   “No.”   Daehwi’s smile at once becomes stiff. He looks around as if searching for help, but when no one comes to the rescue, he pokes him and mumbles, “uh...Changsub...you might want to cool it.”   He doesn’t hear him. “Yeah, I didn't think so. When it’s that bad of a split, it’s usually not good to get back together. I know I tried to get back with Sooyoung and it turned out even worse. She took the kids and all and that fucking sucked ass.”   “Oh.” Hoseok quirks his head to the side, frowning. The lawyer is both perceptive and smart enough to catch on. Everyone knew something — what it was Hoseok was unsure of. But while they decided not to divulge any information and continue to speak in code, Changsub was his opportunity, the person to spill whatever was going on. “Was it a bad split? I mean, we only had two dates…..?”   “What are you talking about? Two dates?!” A bark of laughter comes from the pits of his stomach, streaming out from his mouth in disbelief.   Daehwi’s teeth grit. “Chang...shut up..”   “You guys dated for like four years.”   There’s silence. Hoseok stares at him. His smile immediately falls.   “....Excuse me…..what?”   Daehwi sighs his entire lungs out. He shuts his eyes tight and pinches the bridge of his nose. At this rate, his head was going to be shaved bald by his precious girlfriend, just because this dumbass was straight out ignoring him. Despite not being aware of what your relationship is with Hoseok, Daehwi’s sure he won’t be able to look at you in the eye after this. Guilt would eat him alive since you were obviously keeping Hoseok in the dark for a reason. “Chang...dude…”   “You guys even got engaged.”   Hoseok is lost. “....What?”   Without you even knowing, your entire world collapses.   It’s ironic that your feigned ignorance of history turned to real ignorance of the present situation. You can’t even mourn for your loss when you don’t even know that it occurred.   “Changsub!” Daehwi steps on his foot and the male cries out in pain.   “Ow! What the hell, dude?! I’m trying to talk to Hope!”   “Yeah, well you need to fucking stop. Shut up. Seriously.”   The man rolls his eyes. “I get that no one wants to talk about bad breakups, but it was like, what, eight years ago? It’s not that big of a deal. The past is the past. We can’t just keep beating around the bush or skirting around the issue and pretend it never happened.”   Daehwi groans like it physically pains him to interact with his old friend. “You...are the biggest dumbass I have ever met.”   “Hani! Y/N!” When the pair of you come into sight, Changsub grins and walks over like nothing had just happened. In a way, nothing really did happen. He was just talking about old memories, things that have no meaning anymore...or at least that’s what he thought.   “Hey, Chang. Oh, I got your drink.” You pass it to Hoseok and he takes it lifelessly. His expression is strangely blank, glossed over, neither bright and energetic or serious and stern.   Jung Hoseok is unreadable.   “Did something happen?” Taeyeon asks with pouty lips, glancing at the three male individuals.   “No…” Daehwi sighs and glances at Hoseok. “Not really.”   Changsub shrugs. “My flight got delayed and I rushed over here from the airport, threw my luggage in the room upstairs and ran here. Barely made it too. Also, I’m super tired and my whole body is delayed like twelve hours. So, I might be a bit slower. Anyways, I’m glad you’re finally here, Y/N.”   “Happy to be here,” you answer with a smile.   “Took you long enough,” he playfully quips back and it’s true. You were avoiding them since they brought back memories you didn’t want to remember. But now that you were standing here with all your friends again, it wasn’t so bad…..   “Yeah.” You give another smile.   “We need a picture of this.” Hani digs into the small purse slung across her body. “I don’t know the next time we’re going to be all together again.”   The small crowd gathers to take the photo. Hani has her arm around you, Taeyeon right in front with Daehwi and Changsub huddling on Hoseok’s side. You and Hoseok stand beside each other in the center, posing with cracking smiles as the camera snaps the shot, capturing the moment in time forever.   There’s more meaningless small talk, more catching up. When the music plays, the official reunion begins and everyone finds their seats as the speaker takes the center stage and the slideshow at the back begins.   You steal a glimpse of Hoseok when you feel the pressure of his eyes on you. “Hey...are you okay?”   His gaze softens, eyes full of confusion. You don’t know what’s going on. And your fixation on denial blinds you silly, never once giving you an inkling at the potential possibilities.   His turmoil is a tsunami, crashing down inside his chest, rushing into his stomach and drowning the butterflies that have migrated there, making him uncomfortable and sick. He is conflicted. Confused. Angry. Petrified. Sad. He doesn’t know why you would hide it from him. He doesn’t know what happened. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know who you are.   Hoseok gives you the most honest answer he can muster—   “I don’t know.”

[1000-directions]

Hello! You both give good advice and write Winterhawk, so I was wondering if you'd mind giving a few tips since I might want to start writing Winterhawk? Like, is one of them a raging disaster and the other mostly has themselves together? How do you see them? Which of them would break a (dumb) law and who would keep their dumb friend from getting arrested? I haven't read fics either so if you know of any that really nail their characters, I would also love that. Thank you!!

oh boy do i have a lot to say on this subject!!!

the thing about winterhawk is that they are both dumb beautiful oblivious idiots, but they are also both highly skilled and competent strategists and agents. there are certainly differences between the two characters, but i think what makes them so compelling is their similarities. they’ve both been brainwashed and forced to do horrible things that they would never do otherwise. clint was kept under loki’s thrall for three or so days and was indirectly responsible for hundreds of deaths (and directly responsible for maybe a few dozen). bucky was kept captive by hydra for seventy years and was involved in dozens of extremely sophisticated assassinations, including jfk. they’re both going to spend the rest of their lives trying to make up for things they did that they could not control that they still take responsibility for. they both have ptsd and nightmares. they are both still good, soft, loving people in spite of the terrible things that have been done to them. although they’re probably both down for a revenge spree to make sure the bad guys never get to hurt anyone else.

(they’re also both snipers. clint uses a bow and arrow, and bucky uses a gun. who is the better shot? it’s impossible to guess, they should definitely have a shooting contest to find out!! they should definitely bet on the results!! the loser should definitely have to take the winner out on a date!!)

they are also both canonically disabled. bucky lost his left arm and uses a prosthetic. clint is hard of hearing and wears cool purple behind-the-ear hearing aids (i realize that using the term ‘disabled’ for hearing loss can be fraught, but to my knowledge clint does not identify with the capital-D Deaf community, and his hearing loss is acquired after trauma and not congenital).

they also have their unique traits. clint has depression, and his life outside of work is always kind of falling apart because of it. clint is our good disaster boy who is trying his best, and his heart is always in the right place, and he is loyal and good and protective, but his life is a dumpster fire.

clint is 6′3 (tall!!!) and bucky is 5′9 (small!!!!!) and this is Very Important. clint has broad shoulders and really muscular arms and back because of archery, and bucky has real good thicc thighs Because We Say So.

clint has a one-eyed dog named lucky who he rescued after some assholes pushed him into oncoming traffic. bucky (sometimes) has a white cat named alpine, although he only started appearing in comics like eight months ago so not everyone is on board with this headcanon yet. 

uhhh also bucky is like over a hundred years old, and clint is like, i don’t know? in his thirties? i usually imagine him being in his thirties. but definitely not a hundred.

(in his defense, bucky looks extremely good for his age, but being cryogenically frozen by terrorists for long stretches of time will do that to you.)

“wait,” you may be saying. “i watched some avengers movies, and this does not sound like clint at all?” and, you know, fair point. the problem is that the first avengers movie came out in april of 2012. then, in august of 2012 matt fraction started writing the hawkeye comic book series which is extremely beloved and really deft and emotional and powerful and really changed how a lot of people saw the character, but it was really Too Late for any of that to carry over into the MCU. when people ship winterhawk, they sometimes mean movie bucky and sometimes mean comics bucky, but they almost always mean comics clint.

i realize this is confusing.

this is why you have to Read The Fic and Learn From The Masters.

here at Winterhawk 101, our reading list is pretty simple, and it is: the complete and unabridged works of @captn-sara-holmes, which can be found here. it is impossible to overstate how much sara is directly or indirectly responsible for pretty much every single one of us being here. like, we all go here, but she built here. i would posit that every single winterhawk writer joined fandom either because they read one of sara’s stories and fell in love, or because a friend of theirs read one of sara’s stories and they got yanked along for the ride (see below: winterhawk is a pyramid scheme).

i always suggest starting with clint barton’s super secret snipers’ club, which i think is a very accessible way into this fandom and basically a masterclass in what makes this pairing fascinating and compelling and tender and perfect. where you go after that is up to you. there’s time travel, kidapping, kidfic, this one amazing fic based on the martian that’s so good i don’t even know how to describe it, and plenty more.

study sara’s work. learn her ways. realistically, i think like 80% of us are just writing our stories based on her stories anyway.

but also! there are so many other people in this fandom creating amazing fics and fanarts, and it’s a fun and thriving and creative community full of people who are excited about making stuff and excited about people joining the community. there are always fandom events going on.

here is a link to the mcu bad decision buddies discord (18+ only, please), which is not officially a winterhawk server but…it is a winterhawk server. it moves fast sometimes, and some people can be a little feral, but it’s a great place to do writing sprints and to promo your work and to meet new people and ask questions.

the winterhawk reverse big bang wrapped up pretty recently, and there are lots of new stories and artworks available for you to put into your eyes!

@winterhawkbingo is going strong!

@mandatoryfunday is an amazing account that posts a new prompt every monday, and people spend the week creating arts and fics based on the prompt, to be posted on friday (or like…on saturday or sunday if you are me lol)

the winterhawk tumblr tag is always popping, and lots of fans track it or check it regularly. if you post a story there or if you ask a question about fandom, someone will find it, even if you have no winterhawk followers.

in conclusion

winterhawk is a pyramid scheme

it is, though. because the people who love this pairing love it so, so much, and it’s something you want to share with your friends. you get sucked into it, even if maybe you didn’t want to and you’d been actively resisting it because you were so sure you weren’t going to like it (am i talking about me? who can say?). and once you’re into it and your mind is blown, you start thinking of people you know who would also enjoy the unique kind of hurt/comfort, angst, recovery, catharsis, etc. that this pairing excels at providing. you’re gonna bring a friend along. you’re probably gonna bring a few friends along. and you’re all going to create cool stuff, and the fandom will keep growing and changing, and so there is new fan content being created constantly. it’s a very rewarding fandom experience. it really, really is.

anyway, both those idiots would break the law if it was dumb enough. clint’s the one who ends up in jail, but by the time bucky shows up to bail him out, clint’s already slipped his cuffs and charmed the secretary and escaped out the window in the bathroom. but he probably took three steps of freedom before tripping over his shoelaces and faceplanting on the pavement, and that’s where bucky finds him, passed out in the alley.

[drunkenudder]

Banal Dreams, Beneficent Communications: . . . Or Don’t Delete Your Day Residue: An Essay on Dream Image Work

It, the real function of the arts is to permeate as I see

schmuck aus pferdehaar wordpress the environment of the world with a metaphysical.

reality so that man is not alone utilizing the ego.

–Cecil Collins

(Or “woman,” I might add, in case of this story . . . )

So often we wake from a dream thinking, Oh i simply dreamt that because that’s what I did yesterday–what a dumb dream! And it is forgot by us in a moment. But even those banal dreams may have messages that are beneficent. Messages that sometimes may make a difference in a decision or choice our conscious mind is considering. Consider this essay as a example that is significant.

Twenty-two years ago, on the eve of what astrologers were calling “The Harmonic Convergence,” five other women and I drove out to Cynthia’s mom’s household on Little Sebago Lake in Maine to hold out and relax over the weekend. It was a gorgeous day and we hurried into our bathing suits and climbed into these wonderful lake lounges, our books in dry, protective pockets inside the waterproof chaises. Then we paddled our way out to the dock that is free-floating. Climbing out, we set ourselves up with towels and drinks and talked quietly or read our books beneath the warmth that is perfect of August sun. There were the usual disturbances of other boats and voices calling from the shore, but the scene was primarily peaceful.

We were talking about a phenomenon sweeping the local community that is feminist of Maine called, vaguely and innocuously enough, “The Artists’ Workshop.” This artists&rsquo that is particular Workshop was created to help “struggling feminist writers and artists.” We had just attended a meeting which had never really specified exactly what was meant by “help” or what skills had been to be actualized throughout the session. Lynn, an friend that is old of with whom I had worked at my bookstore was the woman that has initially invited me to join.

This was 1987 and at the time, I had never heard of a pyramid scheme, such as that one that recently helped bring the world economy down. Guised in New Age language, set up to make money for those who get in early enough, The Artist’s Workshop was said to be a brilliant way that is new support independent women. Those whom don’t literally do the math could be perfectly charmed by the energy and lured in by the enthusiasm of the group. They were perpetuating a losing proposition, one that would hurt others in the end, I was immediately suspicious although I didn’t really believe Lynn, or any of her friends, thought.

Usually I was a Pollyanna when it came to trust, but there is something that make sense to didn’t me. Math is not my point that is strong;s one of my right-brain challenges in fact. But I did know some logical left-brained people and consulted them. A pyramid scam essentially grows exponentially at such a rate that is quickly multiplying inevitably at some point it has to collapse. That one was to do business with an airplane metaphor.

For $1500 you could buy a seat on the plane. You then sold eight other seats and were promoted to a “co-pilot.” Those eight people gave you $1500 a piece and lo and behold, before you knew it, you had $12,000 in cash. Lynn was using this leverage to make a lengthy desired geographical move cross country. And she did move and she was served by it well. As for the ladies who gave her their money—they took a gamble but fare that is didn’t well. A few of those women were the women on the dock with me that day.

I tried to tell them the risks that are probable. But everyone in our small city was discussing this thing and in those days I could be so i&rsquo that is passionately judgmental sure my negativity was a turnoff to other people with stars (or dollar signs) in their eyes. The scheme had probably already gotten past the true point of any returns. But in entrepreneurial Maine, there were so many young holistically-minded-women trying to break out into their own practice—massage therapists, nutritionists, experts in natural flower remedies, what have you—everyone wanted to quit their day task. I had just sold my store plus the idea of chance at a secure start that is financial a new venture was very seductive.

In our small city people in their mid thirties took risks and you could “do your dream” here more easily than in a more substantial, more populated area where real estate prices were off the charts. The fact was that, at this point, those who were promoting the Artists’ Workshop show had already invested and were convinced that there were people that are enough the world that this thing could keep moving and liberate anyone from the tedium of meaningless job. We found out later it had currently been exhausted in Boston and the airplane was flying north to more places that are provincial smaller populations and people with less cash to burn.

So I had been considering doing the workshop. I was tempted and I had the cash on hand. I had even confronted Lynn with the problem that is ethical what she was promoting. “What if the ladies who give you their money with their own good will are left in the lurch when they can’t find anyone else to board the plane?” I asked. “Well, maybe that’s their karma,” she answered.

Her answer didn’t sit right with me in that it misused the spiritual belief system, almost as the Hindu caste system does when it rationalizes that the low-lying “untouchables” have been born to their lowly state as a result of karmic payback, therefore people of higher castes are justified in looking down at them. Despite any reasoning about the cause and effect of karmic balancing, I believed that someone who follows a path that is spiritual not knowingly put others at a disadvantage. Then again, we were grown-ups, and Lynn maintained that everyone knew the risks. I claimed that ultimately someone down the relative line would lose out while I would have benefited from her money. That, I maintained, might be karma that is bad. Perhaps I was overly self-righteous but I didn’t think, in good conscience I could ask someone to give me money selling her on the idea they’d back get it when I couldn’t guarantee anything of the sort.

We vehemently discussed the professionals and cons that sunny on the dock to the humming motors of outboard boats afternoon. The scene was totally peaceful until out of nowhere this whaler full of twenty-something boys came whipping by, throwing its wake like a tsunami over our sacred space. We all stood up, our books falling into the lake, drinks tipping over while towels were soaked. We scolded and hollered, cursing and shaking our fists at the boys, and to our great surprise, they looped around, came back, jumped out of their boat, swam in the water toward us, climbed onto our dock and began throwing us!

This was therefore outrageous that in between the screaming, we couldn’t help but laugh and fight back. Everyone was either climbing onto the dock or someone that is throwing off. Here we were, domestic goddesses in our thirties, and these younger boys were aggressively attacking us. One stayed in the boat of course, and we could see the empty beer cans scattered on its flooring.

At one point the dock was full of wrestling women and young men listing one way then the other. Our feet sliding, everyone was grappling and screaming, grunting and laughing as the four corners of the square dock alternately dipped beneath the surface of the lake. Then, as suddenly as they had come, the boys began to swim right back toward their ship. We held onto one of them and pummeled him with our fists as he lay on his stomach, reaching with the half that is upper of body towards the water. Finally he was thrown by us overboard. They whipped away in their whaler leaving us hysterical. It was a very strange interlude and in the quiet left behind, we turned to each other and howled like schoolgirls.

Later that night we cooked dinner outside and saluted the alignment that is planetary. I found out the day that is next after I had gone to bed, two regarding the women went skinny-dipping and that the lake had been full of revelry into the wee hours of the morning. Back home a day or therefore later on, my dream took its imagery from the crazy incident at the lake. It was one of those plebeian dreams, a playback that is literal of tape of our lake event a few days before.

But this dream was not only a warning to not dismiss the imagery of the unconscious even when it seems solely connected to “day residue;” the dream turned out to be a response to my query about “The Artist’s Workshop.” Here’s the dream:

I’m with my women buddies on the dock at the lake, Suddenly a boat full of young men comes by and sprays us. The boys get out of the boat and swim to the dock, attacking us,throwing us in the water, trying to take the dock over.We fight back and there is a huge scramble of bodies lurching and falling, pushing, pulling and piling onto one another. It seems as though there are more and more people on the dock and the atmosphere that is emotional the scene turns scary. Suddenly I notice one corner sinking completely underwater and I am struck with the thought: This Dock Will Sink. Then I awake.

I probably would have dismissed this dream as a nothing but my memory’s image of the exact events a couple of days previous had I not been a dream junky, training in dream work with a mentor that is jungian. Furthermore, I had distinctly asked my unconscious for information about the Artists’ Workshop before I went to bed that night. I must admit, as adamant as I was with Lynn and as hard as I argued against it with my other friends, I too was tempted to try it. The timing was perfect I was going next as I was “between” jobs and unsure of where.

Yet that when I thought about the dream, I was convinced I had the information I needed morning. In the future that is not-too-distant that airplane was doomed to crash and sink just like the exaggerated dock in the dream, and We, for one, decided I was not going to be on it.

Although I did tell my friends, several took the risk anyway and guess what? They lost their money. We were precisely one tier too late in the Airplane game. My girl friends, though disappointed, seemed become good natured in regards to the loss later, admitting it was a gamble but nevertheless, none of us were well off and I was relieved not to be out $1500. Naturally this only increased my faith in communing with the unconscious.

* this incident that is whole up some issues about the New Age world of business as opposed to the true workings of spiritual consciousness in the universe. Over the years I have become more suspicious as I’ve consulted with many people and taken many courses and workshops in the so-called spiritual fields of recovery and consciousness. Just what I’ve learned is that human weakness is rife and that in this field, perhaps more than others, one must be one’s own guide that is personal.

The problem of trust is just as shaky if they were gods as it is in the traditional medical field where we have looked to Doctors as. Our higher selves are our own best guides. There are guru-type charlatans in the New Age business just as there are in any other kind of business. People have unconscious shadows and when it comes to money, it’s easy to go unconscious. I knew from writing poetry and from meditation that an inner world of knowledge exists and that the practice of listening and stillness helps us arrive there.

Despite the mainstream media’s jokes about “The Moronic Convergence” I believed there had been a brand new energy available for spiritual development after that alignment that is planetary. Many prophetic writings mention the “dispensation” for the human race that was destined to come at the close of the century that is 20th. As we see our outer reality challenge us more, turning inward to our own guidance may be all there is to rely on.

Our dreams will speak to us if the effort is made by us to ask. We can incubate a dream by holding a problem in mind as I did that night. Whatever dream comes, no matter how banal, or removed it may seem from our question, we will find it is relevant if we look carefully.

References:

*quoted in

Harvey, Andrew and Mark Matousek., Dialogues with a Modern Mystic,. Wheaton, IL: Quest, 1994.