#he's an author and i fully have inside my head he's got these unrealistic expectations of the reality of things because of it

[selfsabotaqe]

*       ♡     ◞      open starter      ╱    open to all.

bitter taste of vodka burned in their throat, perfect match to his current mood. maybe it was spiteful but having been particularly unlucky in the realm of love, he despised the sight of his best friend’s recent instagram post. including their partner’s lips connected to their cheek as a huge rock shimmered on their ring finger.   “ it’s all such bullshit. there’s no way i haven’t yet run out of karma. what’s supposedly so bad about dating me? ”   nose scrunched almost instinctively as he mulled over the answer to his own question, quickly turning towards his companion,   “ don’t actually answer that. ”   he was quite sure they would gladly reiterate their long list of reasons to loathe him, and he did not care to hear it in this rare moment of vulnerability.

[nightbts]

through the night | jjk | 07

pairing: jeon jungkook + stylist! reader

word count: 6.5k

genre: fluff, angst + idol! au

parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

author’s note: and that’s the end everyone, thank you so much for everyone who has loved and supported this fic; it was definitely rough at times but I’m glad I was able to finish it! I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it :’)

listen to this playlist while reading! 

best of friends. that’s what you and jungkook were. as their stylist for several years now, you and jungkook got along like no other and over time developed a friendship that was special to the two of you. but what happens when an IU collaboration deal, a jealous childhood-best friend and secret feelings get intertwined with the simple life you thought you were living?

Humming one of their recent tracks mindlessly, Jungkook slipped his phone back into his pocket after sending Jimin a quick reply, telling him that he’d be there in the studio in just a couple minutes.

As he walked down the hallway, his eyes momentarily fell upon the staff room, knowing if you were to be found anywhere at this time, it would be there or your office.

But after already taking the long way to walk by your empty office, he knew there would be a good chance of you inside those doors. A slight hesitation in his step, he groaned inwardly as his feet automatically walked towards the staff room. Damn, his weakness.

He didn’t even know what he would say to you if you were there. Hello? How are you? Even the thought of it sounded ridiculous to him.

You had been the one to avoid Jungkook, no explanation given, yet he couldn’t help but feel guilty when he gave you the same treatment. He didn’t like it, not a single bit. Not when it pained him every second to see the distraught look on your face, when he just wanted to have you in his arms and tell you to tell him everything, that’d he be there no matter what.

Finding himself reaching for the doorknob, his grip faltered when he glanced up. Jungkook felt his stomach instantly drop as he looked through the small rectangular glass window on the door, his eyes falling on you and Jiho with your lips connected, as you stood there, pressed against the countertop.

Hands trembling, Jungkook looked down at the floor. He knew he had no right to feel hurt, or jealous, yet there he was feeling those emotions in the worst way possible, his heart twisting uneasily in his chest. Before he could fully comprehend the situation, the door had swung open, causing him to back up several steps. There you stood, face flushed with a flustered look painting your soft features. Yet, the second your eyes landed on him, he watched as all the color drained from your face, your eyes widening in fear.  

“Jungkook.”

“Y/N, I—” Jiho’s voice echoed from behind you, his words trailing when his eyes fell on the figure standing in front of you. Frozen, you watched as Jungkook’s gaze slowly moved behind you, instantly hardening as he let out a small scoff. Just when you were about to say something, Jungkook excused himself, twisting around and walking away.

“Jungkook, wait!”

Jungkook heard your voice yet he didn’t stop, only getting more determined to walk faster. “Jungkook—”, you pleaded when he felt your hand grab his wrist, tugging at his arm, causing him to turn around.  

You looked a mess. A panic-stricken expression clouded your face, eyes wide and ears red. Yet as Jungkook’s eyes trailed down to your slightly swollen red lips, it was like another punch right to his gut.

“Please, hear me out.” you started, “Whatever you saw, that wasn’t what—”

“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Y/N.” Jungkook answered without looking at you, “It’s none of my business.”

“No, no, please. You’ve got it all wrong.” Grabbing both of his hands, you made him face you. Despite the usual feeling Jungkook got whenever you touched him, this time he only felt anger bubbling inside of him. “I- I know the last couple weeks have been all kinds of messed up, but please just listen to me—!”

“Y/N”, Jungkook cut you off, this time letting his gaze meet yours, “I already said, you don’t need to explain yourself. Why do you? It’s not like we’re in a relationship or something, right?” he laughed bitterly, yet the words felt harsh even on his own tongue.

Your face falls at that as you slowly drop your hands to your sides; there wasn’t a single lie in the words he said, yet you couldn’t help but wince as they cut through you like knives.

“R-right. I just...I don’t want you to get the wrong idea—” you started when you heard him scoff under his breath, “The wrong idea? You sure didn’t seem to have a problem with that for the last couple weeks.”

You took a step back as you watched him squeeze his eyes shut, his fists clenching together at his sides. Jungkook had tried remaining calm, civil at best, despite what he had stumbled upon. But the more you spoke, he couldn’t.

“You gave me no explanation, no warning, no signs, nothing.” he spat with clenched teeth, as the image of Jiho’s lips on yours appeared once again in his mind, “So don’t act like you’re saving me from getting the ‘wrong idea’ right now when that’s what you’ve been giving me for weeks.”

“Jungkook, you don’t know what you’re talking about—” your voice trembled, despite the hint of warning laced within your words.

However, Jungkook barely took notice of it as your words only caused him to chuckle humorlessly, “I don’t know what I’m talking about? What a joke.”

Moving closer to you, he narrowed his eyes at you before spitting, “I had you go from talking to me every day to now barely even sparing me a glance. And guess what’s worse? You only acted that way with me, not with any of the other members or staff. Did you think I wouldn’t notice that and even when I did, that I’d be oka—?!”

“Well, what did you expect?!”

As the question slipped past your lips, Jungkook saw the way your once pleading eyes quickly hardened as you stared down at the ground, biting down on your lip. Staring at you in slight surprise at your sudden outburst, Jungkook’s brows furrowed. But before he could say anything, you spoke again.

“It must be easy for you to forget Jungkook, but it isn’t the same for me,” you spoke harshly. Watching as confusion clouded his features, you chuckled bitterly, “Of course you wouldn’t know what I’m talking about.”

Your heart started to feel heavy in your chest; simply standing in the presence of Jungkook for this long was enough to make you want to cry and yell at the same time. How were you supposed to make him understand, when the things you wanted to tell him were a secret you had held so dearly for years now?

From the second you knew you had fallen for Jungkook, you had a feeling a day like this would come. You weren’t going to be unrealistic, there was no easy way confessing to your world-wide famous best-friend, that you also worked with, that you were in love with them. But you were still foolish; you told yourself you’d find someone else, or that over time reality would strike you again and you’d magically lose feelings, but you should’ve known none of that would ever happen when you had loved the boy standing in front of you with every ounce of your body.

Mustering up the strength you had left, you asked him the question you had been dying to know the answer to since that night, “Did the night at the studio mean nothing to you?”

Jungkook took in a sharp breath.

After a long time, Jungkook looked straight at you. You watched his gaze soften, shifting into something that appeared to be a dangerous mix of sadness and warmth.

“Of course it didn’t Y/N. That night meant everything to me.”

His words should’ve comforted you. His words should’ve had your heart racing in your chest, had your palms sweating like crazy by your side while you would’ve fought the urge to break out into a heartwarming smile.

Instead, all that left your lips was a bitter chuckle.

“Everything to you?” you repeated dryly, “Is that why you went on the show and serenaded and flirted with IU like your life depended on it?”

Pulling harshly at the loose strands of your worn-out sweater, you spoke, voice shaking with every word, “Listen Jungkook. I never asked you for anything. You chose to be my friend. You chose to get close to me. And you chose to act the way you did that night. So, you have no right to be upset when you did all that. You gave me hope, made me feel things I never felt before and then just—” you hiccuped as a lump formed in your throat, “just acted like none of it mattered to you.”

As silence filled the space around you, the tension became so thick one would need a knife to cut through it. What you had said was enough for even a child to understand; you didn’t have to say it directly for Jungkook to know how just how you felt towards him.

Feeling the emotional exhaustion bear down on you, tears pricking the corners of your eyes you finally spoke, your voice much calmer, dangerously still, “I’m leaving. I can’t do this anymore right now.”

Your words seemed to finally jolt Jungkook back into reality. Still in shock from the things you had said, his mind unable to fully comprehend the meaning behind them, you watched as he shot you a frantic look, “No, Y/N, wait—”

You stared at his feet, your throat dry, “No Jungkook. I’m sorry, I’m leaving.”

“Y/N,” he sighs but you raised your hand up to shut him up, as you slowly backed away. Turning around, you came face to face with another person that only caused your head to ache even more. You watched as he gazed at you worriedly, his hands reaching out towards you when you gently pushed him off, “No Jiho, not today. I need to be alone.”

You turn away from both of them, as you walked away, leaving them behind as they stared at your retreating figure. Your hair did a good job of covering your face as you let the tears roll down your cheeks, hoping to lessen the pain and confusion that overwhelmed you.

“It’s okay to cry, Y/N. Just let it all out.” the soft voice comforted you through the laptop speakers. Whimpering, you pulled your knees up to your chest as you cried harder. Several minutes passed before your sobs began to quiet down.

“God, I hate my fucking life.” you cried, as you wiped the tears that had claimed permanent residency on your face during the last couple days, “I knew from the moment I felt something towards him, nothing good was going to happen.”

Sighing, Chungah shifted so that she propped her chin up on her palm, her face bobbing up and down before finally settling in front of the camera. Frowning slightly at the sight of her sister, she said, “Y/N. You know it’s not your fault. It was inevitable.”

“What about Jiho?! That was never supposed to happen!” you groaned in frustration, falling back against the pillow as you stared up at the ceiling.  

Pursing her lips together, she nodded slowly, “While that did come as a surprise to me, it kinda makes sense too. After all, he was your friend for a long time and had stuck through a lot of your shit.”

Narrowing your bloodshot eyes at her, you replied sarcastically, “Thanks. It’s not like I asked for confirmation on how horrible my life was.”

Moaning for the nth time that day, you sniffled, “I just...I thought Jungkook felt the same way you know? Especially since he almost kissed me that one night—”  

“Well, maybe he does.”

You snap your head up to look at your sister, “What?”

She shrugs. “Have you ever consider hearing him out? It’s not like you walked in on him making out with IU, it was a variety show. Doesn’t a shit ton of editing and directing happen to create something that’s desirable for viewers?”

You opened your mouth to retort, however as you let Chungah’s words sink in, you found yourself having nothing to say. Still, the bitterness you felt inside you would take a lot more than some common sense from your sister to leave.

“But then why didn’t he tell me that? Didn’t he think that would hurt me?”

“Y/N. Did you ever think maybe he didn’t know you liked him either? What makes you think he knows to begin with? You aren’t exactly an open book.”

“Are you on his side or mine?” you scowled defensively.

“I’m not on anyone’s side.” She laughs lightly. “I’m just saying, you were the one to ignore him first and he didn’t even know why. And then, he was the one who saw you and Jiho kissing. Now, if Jungkook really did like you, imagine how much he’s hurting.”

Pursing your lips together, you hung your head low as you let out a soft sigh. You knew she was right. Looking back on it, you knew this all along. Yet somewhere in you, the fear of being wrong about Jungkook was far more frightening to you.

“Y/N.” your sister calls you. You look up and meet her eyes through the laptop screen as she gave you a small smile, “I know everything is confusing right now, and things are hard because these are two people who mean a lot to you. But, you are causing yourself and them more pain by ignoring them. Just, try having a normal conversation. Hear each other out. I promise, it’ll clear things up and have you feeling a lot better in the end.”

That night, you had trouble falling asleep. You let yourself scroll through all your social media accounts mindlessly, however without fail you’d see something BTS-related and there he would be, staring at you with his heart-fluttering smile through your iPhone screen. Groaning, you twisted around in your bed, moving towards your nightstand to put your phone away when you heard your phone vibrate.

[12:47] jungkookie: hey, r u awake?

You stared at the notification banner with wide eyes. Contemplating whether to answer him or not, your sister’s advice came into mind; with hesitation, you clicked on it and started typing your response.

[12:47] you: yea can’t sleep for some reason

[12:47] jungkookie: same, me too

Biting down on your lip, you finally sighed before locking your phone, unsure of how to respond. However, before you could put it away, your screen lit up again.

[12:48] jungkookie: can we talk?

[12:48] you: it’s pretty late jungkook... don’t you have a recording tmrw?

[12:48] jungkookie: i'll be okay can i call?

[12:48] you: i don’t think now’s a good time, jungkook

You knew what Chungah said was right, but everything was still fresh for you. You were afraid, that whatever Jungkook might say to you that night—anything really—you’d be too emotional to handle it properly.

You needed time.

[12:48] jungkookie: maybe tomorrow then?  

[12:49] you: i have a lot of meetings tmrw maybe some other time

You watched as the grey typing bubble appeared and disappeared for several minutes after you had sent your last text message. You sat in fear, hoping he would drop it but also couldn’t help but anticipate what he had to say.

[12:50] jungkookie: that’s okay, some other time it is goodnight Y/N

You stared at the text for a while before pressing the lock button, shoving the phone underneath your pillow. Sleep, you needed to sleep.

“One second!”

Holding the iPad closer to your chest, you took in a deep breath as the studio door swung open. Dressed in simple sweats, yet managing to still look effortlessly handsome, you watched as Jungkook pulled his headphones back, so that it was only covering one ear. Gaze resting on you, his eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“Y/N?”

Looking away, you mumbled softly, “I was assigned to discuss styling plans for your upcoming interview regarding the collaboration.”

Eyes glancing back at the digital clock that rested on his desk, he [said], “Right! I forgot about that. Come inside...”

Reaching out, Jungkook held the door back as you quickly slid yourself past him, moving to the opposite side of the room. Closing the door behind you, he turned around to face you.

“We can sit on the couch if you want.” he offered.

Nodding slowly, you made your way over to the navy blue couch which sat  across from his recording equipment. Following you, he sat beside you while still remaining a significant distance away.

You didn’t know whether to feel hurt or relieved.

“So—” you started, clearing your throat as you forced yourself to push your emotions aside and act more professional, “IU’s stylist sent me over what she’s planning on wearing and he suggested that we try to color-coordinate.”

Unlocking your iPad, you opened up your dropbox which was filled with different sketches and samples of outfits you had pre-planned for him. You clicked on the file IU’s stylist had sent you, “This is what she’ll be wearing.”

Jungkook moved in slightly closer to you, as he peered over your hands to see the image you pulled up. Sketches of a pale satin blue sundress appeared on the screen, followed by an image of IU wearing the dress itself.

“Wow, she looks amazing.” he whispered in awe when he suddenly looked up at you, a flustered look spreading across his face, “I-I mean, so would anyone else—”

Ignoring him, despite the pang of jealousy that came with his side comment, your lips pursed into a thin line as you continued to scroll down the files. Jungkook gulped beside you, scolding himself mentally for being an idiot who couldn’t control his thoughts.

“Pants or Jeans?” Jungkook murmured softly, causing you to look at him in surprise.

“Huh?”

Pointing towards the notes you had scribbled in the bottom corner of the page, he said, “You wrote, pants or jeans here. Personally, I think black slacks would work well with this outfit.”

“Ah, that.” you replied, quickly nodding, “I think you’re right too. Here, let me show you some of the sets I had paired.”

Within minutes, the discomfort you had initially felt had worn off as you and Jungkook continued to discuss more about his outfit choices and all the specific technicalities that followed with choosing certain brands than others.

“Honestly, you know I’m not too picky. These aren’t really my style, but I’ll wear what I need to for the interview.” he said to which you laughed slightly, “Jungkook, if we let you dress up in your style, you’d just wear all black.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with that?!” he grinned, flashing you a cheeky smile.

You had missed moments like this. Moments where he would crack jokes with you, give you a playful wink when he made a cheeky statement or smile at you when you could lend him words of encouragement. Moments you had decided you couldn’t handle anymore because of your growing feelings.

But maybe you could return to normalcy; maybe if you tried hard enough, things could be the same.

Shaking your head in amusement, you gave him a knowing look before bringing your attention back to your notes. Circling the option the both of you agreed on, and adding some final notes for alterations, you pressed the lock button.

Looking back up at him, you noticed he was already staring at you, a soft smile resting on his face. Upon being caught, he quickly lowered his gaze, staring down at his hands that were clasped together tightly in his lap.

“I-I should get going now,” you said softly, the tension slowly starting to build up to what it was when you first got here.

“Y-Yea...”  

Giving him a small goodbye, you got up from the couch and made your way towards the door. Watching you from behind, Jungkook had to hold himself from reaching out and grabbing your arm to stop you from leaving him. He should’ve asked you more questions, more details about his outfit, more about the interview itself even though you wouldn’t know the answers to them, just to keep you with him here longer. Instead, he watched as you walked away.

Reaching the door handle, your sister’s words rung through your head, causing you to hesitate. Sighing under your breath, you contemplated turning around or simply leaving. But before you could come to a decision, a voice pulled you out your thoughts.

“Y/N, w-wait...”

Fingertips barely grazing the top of the handle, you stiffened as you heard the couch creak, followed by footsteps moving towards your direction.

“Can we talk?” you heard him ask softly.

Shutting your eyes tightly, you let out a shaky breath before turning around halfway. Jungkook was looking down at your feet, his brows furrowed tightly together as he shifted from one foot to another.

“I just—” he started with a sigh, running his hands through his hair, “The way I said things the other day were really harsh, and I regretted them the moment I said them. I just feel like, there are a lot of things unspoken between us and I just wanna talk—”

“Okay.”

Stopping mid-sentence, Jungkook looked at you in slight surprise, “O-Okay?”

Nodding, you completely turned around so that you were facing him, “Yea, let’s talk. Chungah said I needed to hear you out...” you trailed off, ending with a soft mumble, “Or something like that.”

At that, the corner of Jungkook’s mouth twitched, “Chungah said that? Guess I owe your sister, huh?”

Laughing lightly, silence quickly filled the room soon after, neither of you knowing what to say, or where to even start. Finally, as the tension grew enough to suffocate you, you let out a huge breath, lifting your eyes to meet his, “Jungkook—”

“Wait, before you talk, can I say something first?” he quickly intercepts, his eyes pleading as you gave him a silent nod.

“The things you said the other day had me thinking a lot,” he started, “When you mentioned the night at the dance studio, and then the show with IU, I started thinking about what you were trying to say because in that moment, I was filled with so much pent-up frustration that I didn’t even try to understand. But after I was much calmer, I thought about it and...I think I get it now.” Scratching the back of his neck, you saw what you thought was him blushing as his face flushed a deep shade of red, “A-and, I wanted you to know that I feel the same way too.”

Blinking at him, you stared at him for what seemed like too long before he gave you a flustered look, “I just—I thought about how I felt that night in the dance studio with you and then I thought about all of the other times you made me feel the same way, whether it was when you were by my side during the tour or when you were always supportive of everything I did, everything started to make sense.”

You knew exactly what he was saying, yet you couldn’t believe your own ears. Your hands shook at your sides, as you quickly clutched the material of your skirt in attempts to hide your nervousness from Jungkook.

“W-what made sense?” you asked in a soft whisper. Meeting your gaze, he saw the way you looked at him earnestly, anticipation dripping from your gaze. Chuckling softly, Jungkook stepped closer to you. His hands slowly reached down to yours, removing them from your skirt and enclosing them within his own.

“It made sense that all this time Y/N, I was in love with you.”

You blinked furiously at him, his words causing your heart to beat so loud, you could feel it drumming in your ear. Yet as you stood there staring at him, his eyes suddenly making your knees weaken, the only words you could muster up  were, “W-was?”

Lips parting, Jungkook stared at you before stifling a laugh. The look on his face was enough to break you out of your initial shock; frowning slightly, you gave his shoulder a gentle shove.

“I’m being serious...” you murmured, feeling embarrassed as you looked away.  

Jungkook smiled, almost shyly, before lowering his head and crouching down to match your level, forcing you to meet his gaze yet again.

“Am.” he whispered softly, his brown orbs staring lovingly into yours, “I am in love with you. So damn much.”

Tears pricking the corner of your eyes, you shook your head in disbelief as you felt every neuron in your body explode, a million fireworks going off as you stood there staring at the boy who you loved so much, admit that he loved you back.

Before you could regret anything, you threw your arms around him and pulled him into a hug, your head resting on his chest as you could hear the way his heart thrummed against it.

“Jungkook, I love you so much too.” you finally whispered, laughing lightly through the tears that escaped your eyes.

Wrapping his arms around your waist, he pulled you closer to him as he held you tighter, his head resting perfectly into the crook of your neck, “I never thought I would hear you say that.”

Pulling away, you gave him a silly look, sniffling, “You’re an idiot. Who wouldn’t love you?”

Laughing softly, Jungkook said with a fond look, “I didn’t care about anyone else, except you Y/N. You were all that mattered to me.”

Feeling a new wave of tears come about, you were about to ask him when he had learned to get all gushy like that when a certain someone came to mind. Noticing the smile on your face had faded, your brows furrowing together, Jungkook looked at you in concern.

“What’s wrong?”

Pressing your lips together, you looked up at him, “I need to explain myself too, Jungkook. That day when you saw me with Jiho—”

“Y/N, it’s alright—.”

“No, it’s not! You deserve to know—”

Pressing a finger to your lips, you closed your mouth as you looked at him with wide eyes. Laughing at the expression on your face, he finally said, “We talked about it. Jiho and I. He told me everything, so don’t worry. You don’t have to explain.”

At that, you blinked at him in surprise, “You and Jiho talked? When?”

“The same day. When you had left us both standing there, I kinda got upset at him but in the end we talked it all out and he told me everything.” Jungkook replied. He remembered the way he had turned to face Jiho as soon as you had left his sight, his gaze blazing with anger at the older man when he suddenly saw Jiho with his head hung low, defeat evident in his eyes. Both of them had sat down in the staff room, the room where just minutes ago Jiho had kissed you, a moment he knew he would regret for his entire life. There, he had told Jungkook everything. From how he knew Jungkook had liked you, how Jiho had loved you for so long and how he didn’t think Jungkook deserved you. But eventually, Jiho had admitted that it was his own selfishness and insecurities which were stopping him from accepting Jungkook.

“Ah, really?” you mumbled. Your eyes fluttered close as a soft sigh evaded your lips. During the time you spent avoiding Jungkook, you had ignored Jiho’s texts and calls too. You felt like the world’s biggest hypocrite.

You felt a hand brush against your cheek, pulling your attention back to the boy who stood before you.

“I know what you’re thinking, and I can’t even imagine how much he’s hurting. But, this isn’t your fault, okay? Just remember that.” Jungkook told you in hopes of reassuring you.

A moment passed before you finally spoke, “I-I just...I wish I had known before. I wish he had told me so I could’ve told him that all my life, he’s always been the older brother figure in my life. The timing of all this is just horrible, you know?”

Pulling you back into your arms, Jungkook rubbed your back softly as you took comfort in his touch. One on hand, the guilt gnawed at you but on the other, you knew this was what your heart had been waiting for all your life.

“Y/N, don’t feel guilty about being happy. We’ll figure this out together, step by step, alright?” Jungkook whispered into your ear. Hearing his words, you felt your heart fill with warmth, the word together causing you to break into a smile as you nodded.

“Yea, together.”

“Jungkook! Where are we going!”

Flailing you arms about, trying to grasp onto something to make sense of where you were, you felt a warm hand slip into yours before Jungkook scolded you in a hushed whisper, “Could you be any louder!? I snuck away from late night practice for this. Hoseok hyung will kill me if he finds out!”

Attempting to roll your eyes underneath the blindfold Jungkook had haphazardly tied across your eyes, you instead chose to pout, whining softly, “Hey, you’re the one who kidnapped me. I just wanna know where we’re going~”

Suddenly, you felt your cheeks squish together, the motion causing you to go still as you felt Jungkook’s hot breath dangerously close to your face. Lips puckered like a fish, you stammered, “J-Jungkook—”

“Stop acting cute or I’ll kiss you, dumbass,” he mumbled softly, his words causing your cheeks to heat up.

Releasing your cheeks, Jungkook grabbed your hand again as you bit down on your lip to prevent yourself from saying anything else. You let Jungkook lead you up a staircase, when you heard the sound of a door creaking open, a sudden gust of wind welcoming you.

“Are we—” you started when you felt Jungkook move behind you, untying the blindfold as the cloth fell from your eyes. Blinking, you let out a soft gasp as you took in the sight in front of you.

“What is all this?” you whispered out loud, as you looked around in awe. You were standing in the rooftop of the BigHit building as the area looked completely different to how it usually does; blankets were spread around with pillows of all sizes everywhere, some even resembling a fort. Beside that laid a mini grilling set, meat and veggies resting on the side as a pack of beer cans sat beside it. String lights were hung from across the area, the soft yellow lights twinkling like stars as the brought a gentle warmth despite the darkness that enveloped the night sky above you.

"D-do you like it?”

Glancing up at Jungkook, you stared at him as he peered down at you nervously, rolling his lips between his teeth. Shaking your head in disbelief, you threw yourself onto Jungkook, your arms wrapping around his neck as you grinned, “Do I like it? This is amazing Jungkook, I absolutely love it!”

You watched as he sighed in immediate relief, his shoulders relaxing as you turned back around to look at the set-up one more time, “Jungkook, why did you do all this, I’m—”

Wrapping his arms from behind you, he rested his head in the crook of your neck as you turned to look at him, his face just mere millimeters away from yours, “I wanted to do something special for you. A surprise first date.”

You raised a brow, before musing, “A date? I didn’t realize we were dating, Jungkook.”

Jungkook suddenly looked flustered, his eyes widening as he broke out into a fit of coughs, nervous laughter spilling past his lips, “I-I, uh, um—”

Stifling a laugh, your hand grasped the collar of his jacket before pulling him down to your level, kissing him right on the cheek. Pulling back, you gave him a playful wink before grinning, “I’m kidding, dumbass.”

Blinking, he watched as you pulled away from his grasp and made your way to the area he had set-up for your date. His fingers slowly grazed the spot on his cheek where you had kissed him, the feeling of your soft lips still stuck in his memory.

“Jungkook, are you coming or not?” he heard you call, as you tried your best not to laugh at the flushed look on his face, despite having your own heart race as your lips tingled.

//

After you and Jungkook had eaten every last ounce of meat, even playing an endless round of rock-paper-scissors to see who would get the last piece, (Jungkook won, but still ended up feeding it to you. “It’s called true love,” he grinned cheekily.) the both of you were finally full and were now resting against the mountain of soft pillows around you as you overlooked the bustling nightlife beneath you. 

Cracking open a beer can, Jungkook handed it to you as you gave him a small thank you, before taking a sip, the cold liquid rushing down your throat.

“Mm, that’s good stuff,” you hummed in appreciation, quickly taking another sip as the bittersweet taste fills your mouth. 

“Slow down there, I don’t want you getting drunk that fast.”

“Why, you planning on doing something?” you teased boldly, not knowing where this surge of confidence within you came from. Rolling his eyes in amusement, Jungkook simply moved closer to you before wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to his side, allowing you to naturally rest your head on his chest, his own resting atop your head.

Snuggling closer into his touch, you let out a sigh of content before you finally said, “You know? This reminds me of the time you called me to drink with you on the rooftop of your old dormitory.”

“Hmm, really?” 

“I remember saying some really dangerous things back then when I was drunk,” you chuckled softly, “I’m pretty sure I asked you back then if you liked me.”

Taking another sip, Jungkook’s brows quirked, the corner of his lips twitching in amusement, “You did? Wow, what did I say?”

“You didn’t hear me,” you replied with a snort looking back on the memory, “And then I caught myself, so I quickly changed the question to ask you whether you had ever liked someone.”

Shaking his head, Jungkook laughed, “Of course you did that. Imagine if you had actually answered me Y/N, you could’ve saved us several years.”

At that, the smile on your lips fell. Removing yourself from him, you turned to stare at him with wide eyes, “W-what?”

His brows knitted together in confusion as he took in your shocked appearance, “What? What happened?”

“What do you mean by I could’ve saved us several years?” you repeated slowly, your gaze unwavering while Jungkook blinked, before you saw his lips curve upwards into a smile.

“Y/N,” he started, his eyes softening. The way he looked at you reminded you of when he had told you he loved you, your heart fluttering at the memory. Jungkook gently tucked the stray strands that fell out of your ponytail back behind your ear, before he whispered softly, “Did you think I only started loving you recently?”

You blinked once. Twice. Until his words seeped into your brain. 

“W-hat?” you stammered. The bold character you played so confidently seemed to fall apart as you stared at the boy in front of you, his gentle gaze making you feel something almost indescribable. 

Jungkook’s hand was now cupping your cheeks, as his fingers gently brushed against your cheekbone, “I didn’t know it at first. I always thought we were just really close, nothing more than best-friends. But later I realized—” he chuckled softly, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe it himself, “—I realized that, all this time, what I felt towards you had always been love. I’ve loved you since the beginning Y/N...” 

“Jungkook.” you whispered with a soft smile, tears shimmering in your eyes.

As his name left your lips, Jungkook’s heart skipped a beat as his eyes flickered down to your lips before meeting your gaze once again, your cheeks flaring up in response. Just as he started moving closer, your eyes began to flutter close when you felt his hands graze yours, before he carefully removed the beer can from your hand, setting it aside. Glancing at it in slight confusion, you blinked curiously at Jungkook when suddenly you felt a pair of gentle, warm lips meet your own. 

Lingering for only a little while, it was enough to have you chasing as you immediately pulled Jungkook’s neck back towards you so that you could kiss him again, your chest bursting with a feeling you had never knew existed. The softness of his lips enveloped yours as they gently, lovingly glided across your own, his hands trailing down to your waist as he pulled you flush against him.

Losing your balance, before you knew it you had fallen against Jungkook, pushing him back as the both of you fell against the pillows around you. Pulling away with a soft chuckle, your foreheads were touching as you felt completely breathless, a shaky breath escaping his own lips as his eyes fluttered open to meet yours, sparkling like the stars above. 

Leaning back in, he pressed a soft kiss to your nose, and then your forehead, his touch sending flutters down your spine. Finally, Jungkook pulled you into a hug, and you basked in the warmth of his body as you hummed in content. You thought you could probably stay like this forever, and if time decided to stop at this exact moment, you’d be fine to be in this exact position, under the stars with the boy you had loved so much. It was crazy to think how long you had dreamed of this, to be able to hold him, kiss him and call him yours. Yet, before you knew it there you were, living it all. 

“I don’t wanna leave. Can we just stay here?” Jungkook murmurs, arms tightening, “like, all night?” 

Chuckling, you leaned back and rested your arms on his chest, “You know we can’t, Hoseok would kill you.”

Even though he knew you were right, instead Jungkook chose to purse his lips together into a pout. Laughing, you brought your hands up to his cheeks and pinched them lovingly, cooing as he simply batted your hands away, whining softly. The both of you burst into soft giggles as you gently brought his face back to yours, hoping to continue where you left off. 

Bang!

Freezing in the position you were in, Jungkook and you turned around abruptly as you saw the rooftop door swing open, slamming the wall behind it, the sound echoing in your eyes. Your eyes widened as they fell upon a figure standing at the entrance,

"Shit.” Jungkook murmured, while you ducked your head back into Jungkook’s chest, your face flushing in embarrassment. 

Hoseok crossed his arms across his chest disapprovingly, despite the hint of amusement that played across his lips. 

“Jeon Jungkook!” 

[alegacyofmikalsons]

The Act of Living Chp.1: Back in the Crescent City

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! I’ve been lurking on my main Tumblr @adrianadmirer in the Originals and Legacies tags for several months now since I got into these shows (I finally got Netflix and was able to watch) and I’ve been working on this story for a while as well. I’ve had a version of this first chapter on Wattpad for months and now it’s finally at a place where I’m happy with it enough to share on here as well. Please feel free to leave comments, I want to know what you think as the story progresses and if there are things I can improve on. This is my first time writing for anything TVD/Originals/Legacies and I'm relatively new to these shows so, any feedback will be much appreciated!

Rating: PG-13

Series summary: Klaus and Elijah were supposed to die, but fate in the form of new friends Serafina Hewitt and her sister Stevie intervened. A year later Stevie is dead and Sera returns to New Orleans to see her friends and investigate her suspicions about what happened. When it's confirmed that a powerful hunter group is responsible, she realizes a much bigger threat is coming, one that threatens all of New Orleans. As they race to stop it, she gets more than she bargained for, finding the truth about who she is and a growing attachment towards a certain Mikalson.  Most importantly, they all get answers to the biggest riddle of all: what the act of living really means.

Visiting New Orleans should be a good thing, the place I'm from and still consider home despite having to leave it at sixteen. It's a lively place with the warmest people where even death is celebrated with a party. But currently, it reminds me of everything I've lost. Walking through the familiar streets, I find myself consumed with guilt and sorrow from the latest person to be taken from me. 

My sister. Not by blood since our parents chose to adopt me five years before Stevie was born. But, that little detail didn't matter. It still feels lonely, a part of me gone forever.

The moment I found out, only several hours ago replays in my mind for the hundredth time.

"You need to come down here," Rebekah Mikalson exclaimed.

Stevie and I met her and the rest of her family a few years ago when I helped my sister move back there and we slowly became closer friends through the handful of trips I've made since including the last one barely a year ago where a vision of mine and my blood kept them together.

The hoarseness in her tone and the faint sniffling grabbed my attention, a cold shiver running down my spine. 

This was no ordinary phone call among long-distance friends. 

"Why? Is something wrong?"

There was a moment of silence as she struggled to compose herself. "It's Stevie. She's...she's..."

The mention of my sister sent my heart thumping hard against my chest. No, I thought. It couldn't be. As painful silence ticked by, I became irritated from impatience as a sinking, awful sensation of dread swirled inside my gut. 

"Rebekah, just say it." 

Even though I had a feeling of what was coming, I had to hear it out loud. 

"She's dead Sera!"

There they were. I had braced for them yet, they still took the air out of my lungs. 

"What?" 

"She was killed last night outside of a bar just outside the Quarter. I just found out myself."

The truth finally hit fully, shattering the numbed shock. 

Gasping, my knees gave out and I sank to the floor, letting a mix between a scream and a wail. My worst fears had come true. I thought that she'd be safe here, away from me and all the dangers and problems I carried just for merely existing. This was New Orleans, home of everything that goes bump in the night or is out of the realm of normal humanity. But, it didn't matter. The people close to me always left, one way or another. 

As the sobs subsided, I shook my head, staring out at the drizzle that constituted a typical Oregon morning. I already had a good idea of who might be responsible. The same people who took the rest of my tiny, adopted family from me. All because I had a stubborn ability to survive what others couldn't. But, I needed details to be sure. To see if they left anything behind. If my suspicions were correct, they definitely would. 

Putting the phone on speaker, I set it down on the floor next to me. "What happened? Do you know?"

"Not really," she replied. "Her body was discovered a few hours ago, just as the sun was coming up. There's some bruising from a struggle of some kind and then a f-fatal cut across her throat. They're saying it was probably a random incident but..."

"You don't think so." 

My heart lept into my throat. The description matched those of other victims I had seen both in person and in newspaper descriptions. 

"No. You know as well as I do she...she would've been able to defend herself it was. No one will believe me though, not even my siblings. They all think I'm being unrealistic, and I can't blame them."

As she continued to rant about how her brothers never took her seriously I leaned my head against the kitchen cabinet and drowned her out. I already knew they didn't. Rebekah was known for thinking with her heart and not her head. But, she was just as smart and calculating as her more well-known siblings. Something they often forgot until it came out abruptly. 

"The only thing that looks weird is this...symbol." The statement brought my attention back, picking it up with my sensitive hearing. "On the side of her neck. Maybe you know what it is?"

My breath caught. A symbol was the exact thing I was searching for. 

"Describe it to me."

"It's some circle with a...lion in the middle. And some language that I can't make out. Greek I think. Why?"

It matched the symbol of the group I had in mind perfectly. It couldn't be a coincidence. Their explicit threats against her--verbal and written, the way she was killed. They had to be responsible. And if they were in New Orleans, I doubted they would be leaving anytime soon. It was too big of a target to pass up--the biggest place they've appeared so far. If the results were anything like they've committed here, hundreds would be dead. Supernatural and regular human alike. 

"Because, it tells me exactly who killed her," I murmured.

After a moment of deliberation, I sprang to life again and rushed over to where my laptop was sitting. Suddenly, New Orleans was the place I wanted, no needed to be. I missed my old home and seeing the dysfunctional family I called friends in person. But, it was more than that. I felt a sense of obligation to protect the city. And I couldn't quite do that from a phone call or video chat. 

"Listen, I'll be on the earliest flight out I can manage," I told her, my fingers dancing on the keys. Finding one that worked, though it was a bit pricey, I became resolved in my decision to leave. Just like last time, everything screamed that this was worth it."

I heard her gasp. "You're coming here? I thought you were busy"

"I am." It was an exhaled response. "But, suddenly I have new priorities. You guys have been wanting me to visit for a while anyway. Make sure no one touches a thing on her body or tries to move it until I've had a look. I don't care what you or your siblings have to do."

"Does that mean you think I'm right?"

"Yeah, Rebekah, I do. I'll be there by late afternoon, hopefully, earlier than that." 

After an hour's drive to Portland, a cross country flight and renting an expensive taxi into the city, I've finally made it with still plenty of the day left.  Pulling out my phone, I look at the address Rebekah sent and sigh.

At least I have one thing to distract me. I briefly close my eyes and memories swirl in from the people on the street, too many for my mind to focus on one for long. Some are happy, others not so much. All contain the private thoughts and feelings I have no business experiencing. But, I can't control it, much like the other abilities I inherited from faceless people. The only thing I know about what I am comes from my blood. Closer to black than red. Able to sustain me yet kill everything else.

Demon. 

I don't know what type or how saturated it is or even what side it’s from. There are too many in the books I've read to narrow it down to one and I’ve never met my birth parents. I only know what powers it gives me and that it comes with a lot of destruction, both internal and external.

I also know that my visions--both of the past and the future--aren't normal for any kind of demon. This and other strange powers I’ve discovered mean the blood of something else flows in my veins as well. But, it's been nearly thirty years and I've yet to figure out what.

Blinking open, I resume my steps and shake my head, putting away everything I've seen. I can't forget it, or any information really but, I have ways to pretend and set them aside.

Soon, the bar I'm looking for, Rousseau's, is in front of me and I pause. I know seeing Stevie's body is going to be hard but, if I don't manage my emotions, it won't be pretty. This usually helps.

After a minute, I step around the brick building, finding Rebekah with her platinum blonde hair crouched over a covered white sheet. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I close the gap between us until she looks up. 

"You're here," she whispers, springing up to engulf me in a hug. "Thank god."

She squeezes me so tight that I struggle to catch my breath, coughing out a short reply. "I've missed you too."

Letting me go, she stands there silently, with a slightly apologetic look before her gaze drifts to the concealed figure next to us. My sister. The crying has stopped for now, but the tears are still fresh. The redness around her eyes and frown point to how she's really feeling which is anything but fine. 

I look around and quickly realize that we're alone. I expected to see at least one of her siblings with her.

"Where are...?" I ask.

"It's just me. Klaus left soon after I got here. He did chase everyone off, just like you asked."

I can't help the snicker that comes up. "I don't need to know the details about how that went."

"Actually, there was no actual blood spilled this time, just the threat of it," she comments.

I don't particularly care or judge him for his impulsive acts of violence since I've succumbed to it countless times. But, it's not the healthiest form of anger management or dealing with emotions so, I'm glad about this small piece of info. 

"So he is taking my advice then," I tell her.

She nods after a minute. "Sometimes. I doubt he could ever stop completely." Then, her smile falters, and she clears her throat. "Anyway, Elijah's been home figuring out arrangements. It looks like we’ll be able to have the funeral tonight. That is unless you want to take her back to Mirebrook. He wanted to make sure you had the final say."

I haven't even thought about that. Most of my family's ancestors are entombed here, including our grandparents. My parents are the only exception, instead of being buried in the little cemetery in Mirebrook. But, I've been planning on moving them down here too eventually. Even from the start, they promised me our move wasn't going to be permanent. New Orleans is where we truly belong. That's why Stevie decided to return when she was old enough. So, while I appreciate having the choice, it only takes a minute standing here to decide.

"No, this is fine. She's a Hewitt...not just in name like me but by blood. She belongs here."

She nods once more as we continue to stand there silently for a moment. We both know what I came here for. Answers. I need to be sure but at the same time, neither of us wants to see her like this. 

Eventually, I gesture to my sister on the ground, mustering up enough emotional strength. "Can I?"

She blankly looks at me before blinking with a start. "Oh...um, of course. Sorry, I'm a bit out of it right now."

I know exactly how she feels. She bends down once more and delicately grabs ahold of the white tarp before meeting my gaze. At my nod, she pulls it back to reveal Stevie's lifeless stare. It's a punch to the gut seeing her skin already a pale gray from decay and a gasp catches in my throat. 

"Stevie..." Reaching down, I touch her ever so slightly, the coldness another shock to the system. 

I bite down on my lip hard as I feel the energy within me stir and a sudden breeze tickles the back is my neck from it. Sometimes it gets agitated when my emotions run high. I hesitate and wait for everything inside to calm. 

Breathe deeply. Quiet. I'll be fine. 

The mantra is one I've memorized from when my mother's soft voice repeated it as a little kid to stop my destructive blowups. After a few minutes, I'm comfortable enough to continue. I have to know if they're responsible.  

I turn to Rebekah. "Where did you...see the symbol?"

Swallowing, she mumbles, "Right side of her neck. By her ear."

Brushing her hair back I quickly find it. A circular symbol in black ink stands out against her fair complexion, the lion's face and handwriting staring up at me. Everything seems to stop as a chill of fear and extreme anguish runs up my spine. 

"No." 

"Sera?" Rebekah asks, noticing my reaction.

I ignore her as angry tears slip down my cheeks. 

Nemean found her. In the one place I didn't want them to touch. And I know them well enough to realize they aren't leaving anytime soon. The city is a perfect location for the attacks that terrorized Mirebrook every couple of years.

"I'm sorry Stevie. This is all my fault."

They went out of their way to hunt her, just like our parents and my friends. Because they chose to raise and love me. Suddenly, the power arouses inside once more and the wind picks up around us. I'm too volatile, if I stick around, no amount of controlled breathing will matter. I grab the tarp from Rebekah and quickly covered my sister once more. 

"Sera, what's wrong?"

Standing, I simply shake my head, unable to get any words out as I fold my arms around my heaving chest. I spin around and hurry out of the alleyway. Stopping a few feet away, I close my eyes and take more deep breaths until I steady myself.

"Sera, what the hell?" Rebekah exclaims and I open my eyes to see her frowning at me.

Seeing her concerned expression, I sigh. "Sorry I just needed to get out of there."

"Does that mean you know what that symbol is?" Her brows furrow in confusion.

"You don't?" My pitch rises a couple octaves. 

Surely they would've heard of such a notorious group of hunters by now. 

But, she shakes her head adamantly. "No, I've never seen it before in my life. I did take a picture of it though. Why?"

"Because,” I reply. “It belongs to her killers. The Nemean brotherhood." 

Her eyebrows lift off her forehead. "So this was on purpose then."

"Yes, by hunters called the Nemean Brotherhood. I don't think they’re done either. In fact, I imagine they've just gotten started."

"You think something else will happen," she murmurs catching on immediately. "What exactly? More hunts?"

I hesitate, folding my arms tightly. Knowing that they could be here, maybe even watching me I can't help feeling a bit paranoid.

"Yes and no," I finally tell her. "They don't just hunt Rebekah. They massacre.” 

This only makes her more confused. “What does that even mean?” 

Sighing, I finally confess what I’ve been suspecting since the phone call this morning. “Everyone in the quarter is in danger. Maybe even the entire city."

....

[theguardianangel-fanfiction]

⭐️

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines.  

Or, send in a ⭐star⭐  to have the author select a section they’ve been dying to talk about!

Thank you so much for submitting this! There’s one section of chapter 26 (We Hope For Better Things) that had me stumped for literal months, and I wanted to kind of discuss my thoughts and concerns behind it, its canon counterpart, and the ways that I intended it to be interpreted; however, any way that you interpret it is fine.

Fun fact: Chapter 26 takes place during episode 2, A House Divided, which actually came out on my 13th birthday (March 4th, 2014).

This will contain spoilers for Once Bitten, Twice Dead chapter 26, We Hope For Better Things. 

First off, let me talk about my grief with season 2’s treatment of Christa. Now, I don’t absolutely hate that she was, presumably, killed off; I dislike the way that they, in fast succession, killed her and Omid off, never mentioning the baby except for a very brief hint in episode 4 (Clementine closes her eyes and says, “Not again…” when AJ doesn’t immediately move after he’s born). Because of the fact that Clementine is literally around Rebecca for almost the entirety of season 2, I found her lack of reaction to Rebecca’s pregnancy a bit strange.

Like I said, my dislike of the handling of Christa’s pregnancy and Clementine’s thoughts about it have a lot to do with the following paragraphs. I’m all for Clem being able to actually stop and deal with her thoughts and somewhat deal with her emotions (I mean, shit, read my other series posted on AO3 and you’ll see what I mean).

In chapter 26, we get a discussion between Rebecca and Clementine about the baby, Alvin, and the circumstances surrounding this, something that leaves Clem feeling ill, anxious, and somewhat guilty about what she knows that Alvin doesn’t. But the discussion also leaves Clem thinking of Christa, and of her thoughts about Christa’s pregnancy. She is also very prone to comparing Christa and Rebecca, as seen below:

Clementine grasped her left wrist, leaning against the railing as she spoke, watching Rebecca’s mannerisms. She looked nauseous, though Clementine found it hard to tell, as she hadn’t exactly known Rebecca very long; Christa used to get sick, something Clementine could easily remember, when she smelled Omid cooking meat of any kind over the fire. At least until she started showing. In the later stages of her pregnancy, Christa didn’t have any sickness or dizziness. But maybe Rebecca was different.

This only adds to the way that Clem adjusts to and interprets Rebecca’s pregnancy, something that I intend to tackle in another chapter (somewhat in chapter 29, and likely a lot further than that).

Crossing her arms, Clementine spoke in a low voice. “I don’t know.” She hesitated, but then sighed as she thought of herself. She was still alive. But she thought of Duck – the only other child that she spent longer than a few hours with after the beginning of the outbreak – and she thought of his end, and how Kenny couldn’t protect him.

How Kenny couldn’t protect Katjaa, either.

She thought of Christa and Omid. She thought of their child.

This brings up the subject of Christa and Omid’s child, and why Clem is so uneasy about Rebecca’s pregnancy is also brought up. This leads into Rebecca asking Clementine if she wants to listen to the baby kicking. Now, in the game, I said yes, and the scene was absolutely adorable. I love the relationship between Rebecca and Clementine. But with Clem’s past with Christa, I found it to be a little bit unrealistic. Clem obviously has feelings about the baby, and because it was never explored, we as players don’t know whether or not the subject was traumatic to her.

Now, I have almost the exact same age difference with my younger sister that Clementine and AJ have. I’m 18, and my sister just turned 7, if that gives you an idea. Therefore, I remember what my mother’s pregnancy was like, and I remember the kicking and listening to her kicking – it’s a very surreal thing, and for someone like Clem, who for all we know could have witnessed the baby’s death, it can be downright triggering.

That brings me to Clem’s actual apprehension.

“She’s kicking.” Rebecca suddenly spoke, removing both hands from her stomach. She used one to push herself forward, and the other to reach out to Clementine. “Wanna listen?”

Clementine froze in her spot, still staring Rebecca in the face. Rebecca’s expression didn’t change, and she instead reached for Clementine’s hand, but Clementine’s mind was elsewhere.

Can you feel her kicking, Christa?

I don’t think she has feet yet, Clem.

Blinking, Clementine retracted her hand from Rebecca’s grasp and slowly shook her head.

“Can I… just… feel?”

Rebecca’s lowered smile was subtle, but she nodded anyway as Clementine reached out again, her fingertips barely close enough to feel the fabric of Rebecca’s shirt. Carefully, she placed her palm flat against the area that Rebecca guided her to; immediately, Clementine felt her heart racing.

The smallest thump against Clementine’s hand made her slowly pull it away again.

I believe there was a developer or writer for season 2 that claimed that Christa miscarried, but after the amount of misinformation and, might I say it, somewhat lazy writing that came from season 2 (don’t get me wrong, I love season 2), I don’t like this reason.

Why? Well, in All That Remains, Christa appears to be about 7-9 months pregnant. My own mother was about that size when she was 8 months along with my sister, though my mom is 5’2 and Christa looks to be closer to 5’10-6’0. But I digress. Anyway, since Christa was probably about 8ish months along, a miscarriage would probably have killed her. The baby would be nearly fully formed by then. But in OBTD, my idea was a little bit more realistic – not every baby survives birth, and some die before labor.

Clem’s canon reaction, as she looks at a barely conscious newborn AJ, kind of gave me an idea. Stillbirth is a much more likely reason for Christa to lose that baby, as sad as it is. Either that, or SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

Therefore:

Clementine crossed her arms, but only to hide the sudden lack of feeling in her fingers as they trembled. Slowly, she asked, “Do you think she’ll be okay?” Just as soon as she spoke them, Clementine regretted it.

And just as soon as Clementine spoke and regretted speaking, Rebecca’s eyes became wide, her eyebrows scrunched. Clementine crossed her arms tighter, her shoulders arched as she did so, and mentally scolded herself. She shouldn’t have said that. She should not have said that.

Just because what happened with… Clementine’s thoughts were cut off when Rebecca spoke in a hushed voice.

And a little bit later, we have:

“I’m… I’m not trying to be weird.” Clementine turned back to Rebecca, “I just… I don’t know.” Once again, she crossed her arms and peered over the railing. Both Sarah and Sarita had abandoned the Christmas tree. “I was just… thinking.”

“About what?”

“Christa.”

“Your friend.” Rebecca placed her hand on her bump and looked into the same direction that she had before, as if expecting Alvin to walk back into the room at any moment. “Why?”

“She was pregnant for a while.” Clementine paused, biting the inside of her mouth and her tongue. She avoided Rebecca’s face. “And I don’t like thinking about it.”

Even later than this, we get a bit more confirmation and insight into Christa’s baby:

Clementine’s gaze focused on Rebecca’s bump just as much as she focused on the words that Rebecca spoke earlier – It’s not his. As in, it wasn’t Alvin’s. Rebecca wasn’t carrying a baby that was her husband’s. If Clementine’s very limited education on the art of where babies came from was any less, then she wouldn’t have even believed Rebecca. Yet, here Rebecca was, pretending that nothing was wrong. Flirting back to her husband.

Her stomach hurt, and Clementine locked her hand onto her opposite arm as she weeded through the other possibilities. Clementine knew that Christa’s baby girl (as much as it pained her to think of that cold, dead face) was Omid’s. She had looked just like Omid, after all, with very little of Christa.

There was, I think, a 5 month difference in this update from the one before this one. Now, I suck at updating as it is, but I will fully admit that this scene stumped me for quite a while. I had a conversation with my dad, and I recall saying to him, “I need a realistic reaction to seeing a pregnant woman in the apocalypse. [Clem] is supposed to have PTSD and her last interaction with a pregnant woman resulted in the death of the baby. You got any advice?”

My dad actually did help a little bit with a reaction; he suggested avoidance, and I was like, “Holy shit, that’s true.” And that’s how I wrote Clem. I have written Clem with implied PTSD and mild anxiety before, but I felt that this was a different situation, because this is meant to be a form of establishing her character in OBTD. She’s similar to one of the ways that I played her in season 2, which is someone who only really talked a lot to certain people (like Walter or Sarah) and was silent in certain situations (like at the dinner at the lodge or after Sarita’s bitten death in episode 4 when Kenny goes off on her).

I’m doing my best to be the best writer that I can, especially while writing from the POV of an 11 year old who has experienced violence, kidnapping, emotional manipulation, and has now seen both childbirth and infant death. Part of the reason that some of more recent chapters have taken so long is this reason, and the surrounding circumstances.

Because of how long OBTD is meant to go for (trust me, we are barely even started), I have to establish both Clem’s actual, legitimate fears and her more childish fears and quirks. I’m trying to do this without her being that mature for her age; yes, she is mature for her age in OBTD and canon, but she is not an adult and I absolutely cannot stand when people write her as so.

It’s different when we’re talking about season 4, where she’s literally been raising a child on her own for quite a while, but in season 2? No, she’s still going to have some childish thoughts, fears, and quirks.Her connecting Rebecca and Christa is, in my opinion, something that realistically would happen if the events of TWDG were real and she were an actual person going through this. The establishment of her issues in not connecting a trauma and a similar act are something that I think was somewhat touched upon in season 2, but I wanted to look a more realistic angle.

In summary, I’m looking to get further into her psyche and how a child in her situation would actually react, but in a more consistent way. Stories need consequence, and I think the small changes in the way that characters feel about each other should actually impact their actions. She feels uneasy Rebecca’s pregnancy, and later what she believes is an affair, and she feels guilty from keeping this from Alvin. Hopefully, I can do this justice as time goes on.

Thank you for your ask, and thank you to anyone who made it to the end. 😊