#he's having a sort of delayed adolescence where he suddenly and angstily realizes that my parents are flawed and do not always have his
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being a 25yo single mother is so hard 😔
#heehee#no but really#i know there are tons of stupid overly cliché tweets out there about how hard it is to be the oldest sibling blah blah blah#but honestly something has to be said for how i truly have NO FUCKING IDEA what i am doing with my life and yet#i somehow have these two young boys looking up to me for guidance#i witnessed my 21 yo brother cry yesterday for the first time in my life and it fucked me up so bad#it's like#i get all of the maternal feelings and none of the agency#i want to help SO MUCH and i care so much and so deeply that it's a constant ache and worry inside of me#but i do not have the time or money or wisdom needed#and it sucks!!!!#i cant protect this sweet innocent baby from Life! he has to learn his own lessons! but god i wish the world treated him kinder#he has to learn how to fight his own battles too#he's having a sort of delayed adolescence where he suddenly and angstily realizes that my parents are flawed and do not always have his#best interests at heart#and i'm so MAD on his behalf#i'm so fucking angry#but these aren't my fights to pick and he needs to find his own way and his own balance between#living his own authentic life and also pleasing his family#anyways it's really bad he's been a wreck#tw: death#our cousin died a few weeks ago and he hasn't been the same honestly#and then he has issues with psychosis and some of that has flared up recently#his friends have abandoned him due to some of the uglier symptoms of mental health that we dont like to talk about#the paranoia and the hallucinations and the unhealthy coping mechanisms mostly#my parents are running him around the bend with some of the ridiculoous and unreasonable requests they constantly demand from him#he's running himself into the ground and all i can do is watch#it feels FUCKING horrible#and it's not like watching a friend undergo shit#it's so much worse
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