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havin-fun-imagining-twd · 5 days

Text

Penance + (knock-off) Ambrosia

still alive, slowpokes :P

When -- during the meal at the Greene's Farm as seen in S02 Chupacabra. After Shame on a plate.

What -- Carol wanted to cook a communal dinner for the Greenes in thanks for all they've done to help your group. Under the weight of Otis' death as well as possibly having to vacate to God-knows-where, the shared meal is tense. Meanwhile, Daryl's busy beating himself up alone in his room and won't eat.

Relationships -- slow burn Daryl x You

Perspective -- You 2nd, Daryl 3rd

Pronouns -- neutral

TWs -- some language, and a non-descriptive allusion to Shane's actions in Stuck in a damn bed.

Masterlist -- Official one here and Chronological one here

feedback is nice to get :D

Jimmy’s note to you reads: “What’s a pirate’s faverite letter?”

Easy, you know this one!

After double-taking at the typo, you scribble back “aRRRR!” and pass it to where he sits beside you, a smug grin tucked in your face. Only rule is: don’t laugh.

Yo, this table is fun, you’re not even embarrassed about being in your mid-twenties and sitting at the kiddie table. It’s too bad Carl tired himself out earlier, he’d be in stitches!

Oh, come to think of it, that wouldn’t be good, his actual stitches are still healing. So are yours, for that matter…

Anyway, it started off as a silly thing: Not 5 minutes into the meal, Beth had tiptoed to get her drawing pad from the den and wrote “please pass white gravy + pepper?” instead of whispering it, because supper had/has been that darn quiet.

This immediately (and somehow wordlessly) turned into the no-laugh competition you’ve all got going.

Granted, laughing out loud might would make the dinner a little less stiff, but you aren’t certain.

The big table seems rough. They’re barely making eye contact, not really talking, eesh.

Before dinner began, Patricia, Lori, and Carol were chatting as they finished up the cooking, and at the same time there was light discussion as you were helping wash the dishes and set the table with your friends. Even Lori exiting Carl’s room after plainly having been crying didn’t alter the good jibing any, things were chill.

But when everyone came in, sat down together? It got uneasy. When Mr. Greene said the blessing it almost felt too loud.

Now the room is limited to clinking, scraping noises, murmured niceties, and hushed requests to pass things.

You did almost lose the no-laugh game first when Glenn quietly mimicked the way Gollum said “what’s taters, precious?” because you whispered at him to “pass the mashed taters, please?” instead of ‘potatoes.’ Don’t fret, you’d obviously murmured back the only correct response of “po-tay-toes?” as well as the cooking instructions Sam says in the movie.

You almost lost it again when Glenn next decided to break the silence by asking the entire room if anybody knew how to play the guitar. The crickets that followed, hilarious!

Except, Patricia spoke up that her husband had known, and Mr. Greene agreed about how skilled Otis had been.

Boy, did the tension spike.

You’d peeked around to see if Shane was okay. He wasn’t. His expression had taken on that 1000 yard stare sort of deal he’s been slipping into. Scared, lost. Then hard and almost mean.

Something got broke in him real bad that night Otis got killed. It’s scary, especially considering how he snapped at you yesterday and even…never mind, you don’t want to get into it.

At any rate, he made a very serious apology to you earlier today, very serious.

So, yeah, the room turned way more tense after that innocent guitar question, certainly sobered you up right quick. And the strange sensation you’d had after Amy got killed, the one where it felt as if her blood was back on it, it started to come back pretty strong. Granted, it had come back after what happened with Shane the other day, but the sensation revved up. The Otis reminder didn’t help, and at least to you, it made the unspoken understanding of Sophia twist harder, too.

When poor Jimmy got teary when his dad was brought up, you traced a blessing on his forehead and set to scribbling the next dumb joke you could think of on another scrap of paper for him and reminded yourself your hand was clean and that Otis and Sophia’s fates weren’t on you.

As for poor Glenn, once the exchange was over, he looked like he wanted to transform into a chair.

Silver lining was that Maggie helped him feel better; she slipped him a note that must’ve been a really good joke because Glenn seemed giddy as a schoolboy as he wrote down the punchline or whatever.

‘Schoolboy’ is definitely the best term — Mr. Greene and Dale happened to see Glenn sneaking back his response and were staring at the folded paper in his hand.

It’s kinda silly, right? Not only were you, Margaret, and Glenn sat at the kid table, but you were also acting like kids, what with the note-passing. Caught by the principal lol.

In the moment, you’d figured might as well, and so scribbled in big letters on the back of the notepad itself: “Too quiet, so we pass notes!”

When you held it up to the two of them, Dale read the words, swallowed a smile, then mouthed "troublemaker" to you.

As for Mr. Greene, his expression was, per usual, unreadable.

That was, what, all of 10 minutes ago? And it’s still a quiet, tense meal.

Maggie didn’t taken the note from Glenn out her pocket to share it. A part of you hopes it’s something sweet, therefore private.

Right now, you’re staring at your plate and thinking on how you’ve already got helping #2 on your plate. It makes you wonder if the quiet in the room, tense as it feels, might could be related to the food?

’Cause yo, it’s been so long since a hot meal this good!

Even the heartbreak about Sophia isn’t enough to stop the cravings from going into overdrive (not true, actually, but the meal is great, is what you mean)—and Carol orchestrated the dinner, anyway. She’s in a place where even she can eat, so…

Wiping your hand on your napkin again (and again), you take another sip of water, and fidget with your fork and knife.

God save you, you want to go hog wild on the food and shove it all into your mouth in one fell swoop, so, maybe everyone else is also extra quiet to focus on eating politely and not stuffing it all in their face like half-starved hamsters, too.

That’s a nice thing to imagine, rather than it being gonna-get-kicked-off-the-property-and-we’re-very-sorry-Otis-is-dead-and-are-we-allowed-to-enjoy-things-when-Sophia-is-probably-dead? tenseness.

Because the food really is so yummy! And there are potatoes! Carol was so thrilled to find out they have potatoes! And there’s dairy! Therefore butter and cream and milk — hallelujah!— oh, you did a happy dance the second a forkful of the mashed taters touched your lips!

Back to the present, as you set to crafting an unnaturally large bite featuring a taste of everything from your plate, Jimmy is reading your response to his pirate joke while — grinning wide and shaking his head?

Then, you see as he scratches with the pen again on the note in his lap and hands it back to you.

Is not a pirate’s favorite letter R? What other letter could it…

You keep chewing your enormous mouthful while you open the folded note.

It reads, “aRRRR? Nay, ‘tis the C!”

…

OH MY GOSH—

___________________________

Him

___________________________

A familiar laugh belted out from down the hallway where they was all doing dinner. This was followed by couple seconds of silence even more dead than the dinner already sounded.

But after that? It was as if a dam had burst and carried in pack of hyenas who quickly overtook the dining room. He next thought he heard the word “pirate,” but that made no sense. A few minutes later, the hyenas seem to have left, judging by how shit got all quiet again.

That is until another noise, this time suspiciously moan-like, called out from the dining room. Within a second or two, he heard the food’s praises sung, T-Dog leading the charge, and, well, the din stayed put after that.

One, big, happy family.

Minus one missing little girl.

Daryl hadn’t touched his plate yet, hadn’t moved from his spot on the bed. Didn’t feel like eating.

How those dickbags was having a dinner was beyond him at that point.

The search today was a bust, yet again. The neighborhood T-Dog’s group went to check was mostly burned down, and the highway spot set up for Sophia was still untouched.

Carol’s words to him wouldn’t shut up, neither — and why in the hell she gave him a kiss on his head?!

“You did more for my little girl that day than her own daddy ever did in his whole life,” she’d told him.

Can you believe that shit? “You did more for my little girl that day than her own daddy ever did in his whole life.” If failing and getting benched for a week was the best that little girl ever got, she had a piss poor life, and that fact whipped Daryl on the back harder than his own old man ever had.

Speaking of, when Carol brought him his tray, she hadn’t knocked. Meaning, Daryl hadn’t had time to pull the sheet over his shoulder before she walked in. His shirt had been off.

Daryl’s hope was that it’d been dark enough in the room that she wouldn’t see the scarring, just the tattoos. He felt like a goddamn lazy idiot — he hadn’t felt like putting his shirt back on after Patricia checked his stitches, and house got warm from the cooking, besides. And because he didn’t care to slump out of bed and wrench open the window more, he stayed shirtless and decided to simply kick off his blankets.

Joke’s on him.

He could just about hear Merle tell him, “quit wallowin’ like you’re on your period, Darylina.”

Well, Merle wasn’t really there, so Daryl would wallow all he wanted, and think on Carol telling him that he was also “every bit as good as them.”

As Rick, as Shane, as T-Dog, as Glenn, as — who cares, it didn’t matter. Because Daryl was not.

Carol wasn’t the best judge of character, just look at the turd she’d married.

“You did more for my little girl that day than her own daddy ever did in his whole li—”

—A steady knocking sounded at the door, breaking up the echoes of Carol’s words and setting Daryl on edge.

Yup, it was Y/N’s knocking, no mistaking it.

“Just open it!” was the loudest he’d spoken all day. He just didn’t want to be around people, was that such a big ask?

There was a pause before he heard the door open a crack.

“Would you prefer to be left alone awhile longer?” his friend asked softly.

The annoyance Daryl had felt eased and drained off.His whisper was hopefully loud enough for Y/N to hear. “What is it?”

After another pause, whatever they said in response was real quiet and blocked by the door. All Daryl heard was “Red furseh?”

“Y/N, y’can just come in,” he relented. He even bothered to turn toward the door for them, except, his friend hadn’t opened it up yet.

“A-Are you decent?”

Am I…what, did they think he had his hand down his pants? “Yes.”

He watched as the door opened and Y/N (nervously?) looked at him, eyes flitting down along the bedsheet.

Goddamn, his friend really did just worry he had his hand down his pants, didn’t they?

“Are you ready for seconds?” Y/N repeated, relaxing.

Got it, that’s what they’d been asking from the doorway.

Daryl responded by way of a gruff, soft, “Nah.”

Another pause.“Do you feel sick? Or are you,” they tilted their head and frowned again, “‘wallowing’ ain’t the right word — are you beatin’ yourself up, Daryl?”

Yes, somebody has to. “What do you want?” If Y/N could not hit the nail on the head right now, that would be great. He had a bandage on it, after all…

“I’m-I’m asking ’cause the symptoms are usually the same, I mean,” his friend started walking toward the bed as if they was hesitant to do it, “you ain’t even touched your plate, your voice is — for real, sugar, d’you feel sick, depressed, or both?” Saying this, they laid their wrist against his forehead.

“Careful, I got a bandage!” was stupid of Daryl to grunt, because it was coming off tomorrow morning and because Y/N was careful, but he grunted it anyway. Why’d they need to use that pet name??

“There were a whole lot of ways you could have contracted yourself an infection, and, well, y-your shirt is off. Ain’t never seen you do that, um…” They inhaled, then exhaled slowly, and pulled their wrist away. “You are kinda warm, but it is warm in here. Really warm, actually, um, d’you want the window open more?”

Yes, please. “M’fine.” He shifted back onto his side and resumed staring into space.

“Let me do somethin’ for you before I go,” Y/N gently insisted. “Please.” They put a soothing-type tone on. Normally, a tone like that would cause him to feel belittled or pitied, but…he didn’t know, maybe after this week he was used to it. And, he didn’t know, maybe pity wasn’t such a bad thing.

“First, would you like a shirt, or are you good?” his friend asked.

‘Would he like a shirt,’ hell yes, he would like a shirt.

The tugging sensation in his chest came back for a sec. Y/N had a knack for hitting the nail on the head with him. And while the offer was both innocent and loaded, he started to feel as if his soul had been stripped bare-naked in front of them again.

The fact that he’d even let them see his back had been a lapse, a huge lapse. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking.

But, if right now he didn’t act like it was the worst thing, he hated hated hated people seeing, nobody was supposed to see, weren’t nobody’s damn business! a big deal, it wouldn’t be, right?

Which is why Daryl decided to make no effort to cover up more at that moment, so that nothing would seem off. It made his skin crawl to not, it made him feel cornered, but he left the sheet where it was and decided to kick them out.

Yet, strangely, instead of hoarsely grunting at them to 'leave him be' like he thought he was about to, he softly admitted, “Yeah.”

Y/N grabbed the clean, folded shirt and pants that Lori had brought and placed it beside him.“Here’s your pants, too, make it easier in the morning when you get discharged. Miss Patricia will come in and you’ll be all ready!” A nod at his untouched meal. “Want the plate to stay, or go?”

“Take it.”

“Positive? Carol, Lori, and Patricia went ham cookin’ the food. Literally, they cooked some salt ham, but there’s also a little of the fish left that Andy caught for me, if you’d prefer?” They tried to entice him more. “The green beans are fresh, the veggie casserole is creamy, and the mashed taters got fresh butter in ’em? There’s whiteand brown gravy…”

The thought of eating was tempting as hell, he’d give it that. He was hungry and it smelled amazing. Still, he shook his head. The thought of putting a bite in his mouth made him feel sick.

Y/N looked a little disappointed, but accepted his decision with a tiny, forced smile. After a beat, their smile turned real. “You’ll get awarded MVP for not touchin’ your plate tonight,” they teased. “It’ll get shared well. I don’t reckon there’ll be crumbs left at the rate we’re hoovering it all down, I-I accidentally already had thirds. But, um,” they added, biting their lip. “Dare, in a little while, please might can I bring you a bowl of dessert, in the least? You must be terrible hungry by now and you need to eat if you’re gonna heal, hon.”

He just sorta stared back, didn’t know what to answer yet. Them using a pet-name again wasn’t helping none.

This was no problem for Y/N, who seemed to have begun nervous-jabbering. “When I told Jimmy there was dessert, his eyes got all big. I’m not gonna lie, it was so darn cute. But I didn’t ruin the surprise and tell him what it is, I just winked and let him imagine. Do you wanna know what it is?”

His cheeks warmed. “What is it,” Daryl dutifully responded.

“It’s a surprise!” was the completely expected answer. Y/N looked very pleased. “But it involves hand-whipped cream,” they sing-songed.

___________________________

You

___________________________

You haven’t seen anyone’s mood here drop as low as Daryl’s has in the past few days, not since Andrea’s did after Amy died. Not even Shane after what happened to Otis, he’s handling the pain differently.

But just now when you enticed Daryl with the notion of whipped cream, he almost smiled, you saw it!

Victory!

And, before you went to Daryl’s room to see if he wanted more, you’d walked over to the big table and whispered in Shane’s ear that when dessert was served, he should wake Carl to give him a bowl and get “cool uncle points,” and he smiled, too!

Victory!

Why do you feel like you are personally responsible for holding everyone’s shit together?

Like, even at the dinner, after you’d burst out laughing, it felt so good to have eased the tension in the room, even if by accident. Then, when you heard the laughter dying down and the room going quiet again, you felt as if you’d just failed. So, you had to fix it.

Cue you to shove a big bite into your mouth and loudly moan about how good it was in the hopes that saying so would keep the momentum going. And prompt Hershel to accept your people, change his mind, keep your family safe, and keep everyone together because what if you aren’t trying hard enough or doing it the right way and things fall apart? Who’s fault will it be? Why does your stupid hand feel like Amy’s blood is on it again? Dale already explained how it’s ‘self-reproach because of survivor’s guilt,’ so why can’t you shake it off?

Okay, chill out, it’s not all on you. You’re not responsible, you cannot control and fix it all, it’s not all on you.

Surrender it up, and trust.

Offer it up and trust…

Thankfully, Theodore had joined in with your noise of appreciation, declaring, “I second that, mmm-mm!”

Good Moses, you could’ve legit knelt down and pledged him your fealty (or whatever it is squires did for knights in shining armor).

Heck, you were tempted to ignore the age difference and propose marriage to him instead, you were that relieved that he’d gone with it, because it prompted those at the big table to join.

Shane was right there for you, too. “This meal is hittin’ all the marks,” he quietly praised, “ain’t had grub this good in a while.”

Then there was a toast (thank you, Ricky and T-Dog), and things stayed fairly light after that. Light and comfortable.

And only during your last bite, when you noticed everyone else had seconds (…or thirds…), was it that you scrambled off, mid-chew, to Daryl’s room to see what he wanted for seconds and maybe convince him to join everyone.

Instead, you were met with an untouched plate and a man who’s voice could barely raise above a gruff whisper. So, you had to try and fix it, obviously, even if the only thing that would actually fix it is finding the little girl who everyone’s hearts have already mourned.

“Wha’ was so funny earlier?” Daryl just surprised you by asking.

You snort. “We were tryin’ to see who’d break first and laugh — this is at the kiddie table, by the way.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“Psht,” you play-grumble. “But yeah, I lost the game big time.I’d just taken a very impolite sized-bite of food, too. Ain’t never swallowed a bite that big in my entire life, but I didn’t want to snarf in front of everyone!” Way to overshare, weirdo. “Oh, right, you’ll probably want to know the joke,” you remember. You can get scatterbrained when you’re carrying on. “What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?”

“A pirate’s what?”

“Favorite letter.”

“A pirate’s favorite…” Daryl makes a low, soft hum as he exhales. “Didn’t, uh, wasn’t most pirates illiterate?”

“Bro.”

“I dunno, um, the…P,” is the gem he comes up with.

Bless his heart, has Daryl never heard the ‘arrr’ joke before?

“Why a P?” you’ve simply gotta know.

“P…P for pirate, and peg-leg and um, eye-patch, and, the uh, they got parrots. That’s a lotta Ps.”

The immediate gut reaction you have is the strong desire to gasp with delight and smooch him square on the lips WHAT THE, why did his answer turn you on? Oopsy lol, yeah, gross, no way. You meant to say, um, ah,…?!?

Anyway, you unfortunately end up squealing, “Oh Lord, that was hot.”

It’s fine, you slip in a ‘dude’ right after. “C’mon, dude, what do pirates say? Like the, the sound they make in movies and books?”

“I don’t, uh…Yo-ho…ho?”

That’s now you, belly-laughing, even as it makes your stitches pinch more. “No, the noise they make, like, when they’re mad or tryin’ act all scary.”

Hold the darn phone, is he — good Moses in heaven with the angels and saints, Daryl Dixon is blushing.

He’s gone from plain to red splotches on his cheeks, it’s visible even in the low lighting. The inconvenient butterflies start fluttering around in your stomach again, but this is such an unexpected treat, who cares? Ha!

“No way you’re turnin’ red, nerd,” you whisper.

“Stop,” he grunts in his way, and his eyes are crinkled and his mouth is threatening to grin.

A pleasing shiver travels down when you scrunch your pointer finger into a hook. “Arrr,” you enunciate with spot-on cartoonish flair, if you say so yourself.

His eyes shut when the punchline hits him. “Sonofa—it’s R, then?”

Hot damn, is this joke satisfying. “R? Nay nay, boy, ’tis the C!”

___________________________

Him

___________________________

That he’d gone from wishing he were left for dead in a ditch to laughing out loud in the few minutes his friend was in the room with him…Y/N was something else.

A weirdo, too.

The dessert was ambrosia, by the way, Y/N eventually came back into the room with two bowls of it. “Ambrosia” was a loose term; it didn’t have none of the usual stuff but for the pecans and cream dressing.

“It’s peach, raspberry, wild blueberry and pecan ambrosia with hand-whipped cream — Glenn won’t even know to miss the marshmallows!” Y/N had chirped.

Him telling them it was “knockoff ambrosia” (as a joke) only lead to them pursing their lips, snorting, then immediately going back to happily twittering on how: “Lori hand-whipped it to make it extra special, and Carol added a mite bit of buttermilk to get the tang it needs. Can’t wait to taste how it came out…”

Their little food dance as they took the first bite was cute.

And shiiit, the little moan they made as they shut their eyes and tilted their head back shouldn’t have been enough to turn his thoughts sexual, but yeahhh did it. The cabin fever was apparently messing with his dick, too, great. But why did they say something he did was “hot?” Was it slang for something else, other than what he knew it meant?

“Dare, what do you think?” Another moaned hum. When Y/N opened their eyes, they saw that he hadn’t tasted any. “Oh, Daryl, c’mon and try some? It’s heavenly. I think I’m dyin’, it’s so yummy.”

Nah. As good as Y/N was making it seem, he couldn’t, and so, shook his head.

But then his friend said something that, weird as it was, for some reason hit the nail on the head for him once more. It was as if there Y/N was, seeing his soul bare-naked again.

“If I were your confessor,” they began so casual-like, “other than explaining how accidental injury ain’t sinful, I’d tell you your penance was to eat what’s in front of you.”

Y/N almost took another bite as if in example, but hesitated before the spoon reached their lips. The light expression they wore dimmed and turned serious. “All you’ve gone through this week isn’t divine justice, that ain’t how God operates. It was an accident. Just like Sophia. It, it wasn’t no test or punishment what happened to her. It was just a… a bad thing,” they hushed, eyes fixed on their bowl, spoon. With an empty half-laugh, they mumbled, “Suddenly can’t stand the thought of food, now, neither.”

With that, Y/N put the bowl to the side and didn’t seem to know what to do next other than maybe cry, by the look of them.

Daryl would’ve missed it if he’d gone back to spacing out and wallowing, but from the corner of his eye he noticed them wipe their palm on their knee a few times as if to dry it off.

He recognized what was going on, or was pretty sure, anyway.

After Amy got killed, Y/N had this messed up thing go on with the hand, the one they’d used to try and stop her from bleeding out with. For a few days, it felt to them as if Amy’s blood was still on it and wouldn’t clean off.

Back when Sophia first went missing, he noticed their hand thing came back a little that first afternoon.

“Y/N.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s clean.”

“What is?”

“Yer hand.”

They took an extra beat to respond. “I-I know. It’s dumb.”

“It’s clean,” he repeated, which resulted in Y/N bowing their head. “Ain’t nothing there, Y/N. Lemme see?”

His friend lifted their head back up, raised their hand for him, and shrugged. “Dale says it’s a guilt thing.”

Yeah, he could see that.

“It's not on you to fix everyone’s everything,” he needed to say. Y/N seemed like they didn’t remember that sometimes.

“Ayy, way to come at me with a hammer,” his friend answered with a dry smile. “I know I can’t fix everyone’s stuff,” they spoke carefully, their throat sounded tight. “But we’re called to help, right? After how far things have fallen, we’re called even more now to, to bring, you know, that, that light, to do what we can. And, and,” they stuttered, then took a deep breath. “I dunno. Before all this—did you ever feel like your life was stagnant? Like you was just existing?”

Did Y/N know how well they could hit the nail on the head?

Yes, Daryl felt like his was stagnant, it fucking was, he was a nobody! Didn’t do shit with his life, he’d just…rotted, and fixed up bikes in whatever direction his brother drifted. “Yeah.”

“That’s how I was was for years, too. Kinda floated one day after another, just tryin’ to make it to the next.”

Daryl stayed quiet. Yet again, they’d hit the nail on the goddamned head and he wanted Y/N to keep on talking.

And Y/N did, they kept chatting very matter-of-fact. “It got better, ev-eventually, I um, I got help, and then started forcin’ myself to do stuff, get out in the community, all that. Healed a bit.” They swirled their spoon around the bowl. “It didn’t fix everything boom, like: I still felt stagnant a lot, or like a failure, or that things were all my fault, still sometimes wanted to die,” they shared with a shrug, very chill. “But that’s why we can’t rely on feelings, right?”

The invisible string was tugging Daryl’s whole damn torso toward them at this point and he just wanted to hold them and — shit, sorry, um, he wanted to pat ’em on the back, at least.

“Really, it was when the, um,” his friend bit their lip. “This is gonna sound weird.”

“Prolly, if it’s you we’re talkin’ about,” he ribbed, completely dead-pan.

His friend liked it, and even taunted back all goofy, “sure is, betch,” before their smile fell away. After a beat, Y/N quietly, quietly told him the rest. “It was when the…outbreaks happened, that I-I didn’t have to force it anymore. There was suddenly such a, a, a clear duty, clear sense of purpose, I dunno. Just—so much to do, so much to live for, and,” a big exhale, “so much work to be done.”

That explained a lot. Y/N tended to go hard, burn the candle at both ends, if that’s the right phrase.

In fact, he flat-out said so. “Is that why you push too damn hard to be ‘useful?’”

“Again with the hammer, dude. And, no, it’s—” Y/N found their words. “When you think how w-we, we might could get killed, at any second, any one of us. And how we’ll look back on it all, all our choices, and then answer what we did ‘for the least here on earth’…”

Ah, that checked out, too.

It was something, to see someone still believe in all that stuff after the world fucking ended, he’d give it that.

He used to, too, not that he’d been any good at it.

Didn’t matter, he didn’t anymore. Not after the dead started walking.

“Now, before Teddy materializes in here to scold me, I get that ‘It’s not through our own efforts.’ And the problem I have with feelin’ worthless is a separate issue my faith helps tackle. Now, I know it ain’t about racking up works of mercy or nothin’, but, dude—there’s so much work to do! And I want to do as much as —” Y/N shook their head a few times as if shaking out of it. “Sorry, I-I’ma just quit while I’m ahead, here. Oversharing Olympics.”

“Mm.” Hey, it was. “But that’s part of the deal with friends, right?” he murmured while trying to think of a good way to razz on them. “Means you trust ’em.” Y/N tended to make light about everything, so a tease would do ’em good, right? “It, like, Sunday or somethin’, preacher?”

The tease might’ve missed the mark that time, if he was seeing it correctly.

“Friday,” was all his friend mumbled back, and looked embarrassed as shit. The forced smile they offered in return — it made Daryl’s side ache more, somehow. And the way Y/N then sat there, curling their feet in and looking as if they felt…just about as small as Daryl did?

It was as if the invisible knee to the nards was connected to the invisible tugging string on his chest, because while that knee to the nards got him good, he felt that strange string tug toward Y/N big-time.

It was next, when Y/N stood up and moved to take the dishes out, that something very forceful moved in Daryl that had him sitting himself upright (sort of upright) and reaching for his bowl and spoon (oww) before his friend could get to it.

“It’s still good without the cherries and the marshmallows?”

His friend blinked. “Th-there are some, uh, it’s technically got those mini freeze-dried ones, as an extra-surprise.” They tilted their head, squinting at him in a way not unlike how Rick squinted at shit. “The Greene’s had some hot chocolate packets in the back of the pantry, we separated the marshmallows out.”

“That’s a lot of work,” Daryl commented, scooping a spoonful. Looked real pinkish because of the raspberries.

Y/N next twisted their mouth and almost seemed shy, when they realized what he was about to do. “Eh, it was worth it.”

It made Daryl feel good, seeing them spark up like that. And their shy smile was damn cute, as always.

“Oh, here, try mine if you’re only havin’ a bite,” Y/N asked, holding out their own bowl to him.

“Nah, m’gonna do the whole thing. It being penance and all,” he grunted, then waved his spoon at them. “You, too, go on. Do your penance.”

“My penance?”

“Yeah.” Oh goddamn, the stuff was delicious. “Have a seat, eat up.”

His friend settled on the side of the bed, still looking as if he’d caught them off-guard. They watched him eat for a few moments, and, Daryl had a random, unusual worry that he was eating too sloppy. But holy shit, fresh fruit and whipped cream!

He glanced over mid-scarfing to see Y/N nibbling on (no lie) half a pecan.

“Quit playing with yer food.”

This earned him a small huff and a “I’m savorin’ it.”

“White lies cost a quarter, remember.”

The amount of attitude Y/N next put into their next (and normal-sized) bite was funny. “I’b also sduffed a’ready, banjy hick,” they added with their mouth full.

Don’t smile too big, Daryl. “Penance is penance.”

“But pedaces ca be cobooted.”

Don’t smile too big! “They can be what?”

Y/N apologized, swallowed their food and their giggle, and repeated: “Penances can be commuted.”

“They can travel to work?” was his idea of a dumb joke, and this time it did the trick and he made them burst out laughing a second time.

Y/N broke into a laugh so hard they hinged forward and caused some of the cream dressing to get onto their shirt right before their spoon clattered to the floor.

“Laughing like that still hurts, you butt,” his friend wheezed, pressing their arm to their stitched-up side. They coughed a few times, still giggling, and when they thudded their chest a few times they winced. “Ow, bruise. And Lore just washed this top, too.” Another snort. “My fault for bein’ a sucker for dumb jokes, I guess. ”

“Ain’t nobody’s fault, just an accident,” he got the immediate urge to tell them.

In response, Y/N looked at him with an expression he wasn’t sure how to read, but it wasn’t a bad expression. Then, because that expression made his stomach do more flippy-floppies, Daryl gestured to their bowl again, and Y/N dutifully took another spoonful.

“Dis is so gub,” they hummed softly after taking the bite.

“Damned tasty for knockoff ambrosia,” he had to admit, joining along with another scoop of that damned tasty knockoff ambrosia.

“Do’d even deed dehbigger barshballows.”

Y/N was so fucking cute sometimes. “Or cherries.” He loved the cherries the best, after the marshmallows.

Y/N swallowed their bite.“Or the mandarins.”

“Or the pineapple.” His third favorite part.

“Oh, or the coconut,” Y/N realized, then thought out loud, “Shucks, this is a ‘knockoff.’”

“Tasty knockoff, I’d eat it again in a heartbeat,” Daryl murmured. He couldn’t believe his bowl was already empty. “Y/N, you just say ‘shucks?’”

“Shut up.” His friend play-grumbled. “Y’know, Daryl, this is prolly one of the top five penances I’ve ever gotten.”

“Top five?”

“One time I got ‘buy yourself something nice that you’ll get good use from. It’s okay if it’s a little expensive, it’s okay if it’s a little frivolous.’ Almost a direct quote, that. I’d been bein’ too, um,” they cleared their throat, “the priest thought I was a bit too hard on myself.”

Daryl knew whatever came next had to be something good, based on his friend’s playful little grin.

“That’s how I bought me the PS3. Pre-owned, so it was a solid deal, and it got real good use.” And with a wistful sounding exhale, they finished, “I miss that thing.” Y/N wiggled their bowl at him. “Please help me with this?”

Daryl’s mouth watered. The stuff tasted so good. Fresh, creamy, sweet, tangy.

Y/N raised their eyebrows at him and smiled.

“If I gotta,” he grunted back.

“Thanks for the assist. Plus, it’s penance.”

“Mm, guess I have to." Oh yeah, big scoop. "If it’s penance.”

------------------------------------------

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redcoralpot · 11 months

Text

Acula (2) - Daryl Dixon x Male Reader

Sophia’s end had hit Daryl hard.

Angry and filled with as much grief as the rest of you, he pulled himself away from the group. With Hershel’s sharp deadline looming over your head, you seeked him out, not wanting to end your acquaintance with the cold hunter.

This chapter was long overdue, and a very dialogue heavy one at that!!! An extended version will be posted soon on coralpot (AO3).

Warnings: Mentions of death, violence, brief mentions of homophobia

Tag: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 1.36K

Embers filled the sky as a small fire crackled, not too far from the farm. The flames highlighted the pinched face of the man beside you, neither speaking. No words, no shuffling; you could barely hear Daryl breathe. Not even the smoke could compete with how the events of the past day weighed down the air in your little campsite, nor the trivial feelings of something so complicated.

“You can’t stay out here forever, you know,” you sighed, pointedly looking at Daryl.

He finally speaks, ever the man of few words, “Says who?”

“Logic.”

“You ain’t my mother.”

“Don’t forget which man dragged you out of that forest,” A twinkle of humor shone in your eyes, “Dixon.”

“Pfft.”

Your posture slumped into a tree, the awkward atmosphere finally calming to a soothing, familiar lull. Bark scratched up your shirt, moss leaving smudged, green marks with it. The rotten taste of burning corpses still lingered in your mouth, and you shook your head with an ironic giggle.

“You know, this is the most I’ve gotten out of you lately.”

“Wonder why.”

His gruff tone stomped out the laughter inside, “Isolating yourself isn’t gonna help.”

“Bein’ all friendly ain’t gonna bring her back neither!”

“I understand that, but you know that she wouldn’t want you doing this.”

Silence.

“C’mon, Daryl, talk about it.”

His outburst did not deter you, only making you more concerned as you reached out to gingerly touch his shoulder. Daryl flinched and hissed under his breath, seeming to debate pulling away. You rethought your action, realizing just how weird it must have come off as. A man, touching another man, in such an intimate environment? He looked like the type that wouldn’t take such a gesture well, more like an insult to their high-regarded masculinity. You yanked your hand back, wanting to hide, run away, do anything but face the man in front of you, only for it to be forcefully stopped.

Daryl had an expression that told you to shut your mouth, sliding your palm back on his shoulder. He felt warm, but stiff under your fingers. His face was turned away from you, and no matter how you twisted, Daryl’s features were stubbornly hidden from you. Eventually, in a boat of silence you built for yourself, you gave up. Tapping your foot, you rubbed small circles into his back, hoping to relax him enough for him to return the stare.

“Whenever you’re ready, man.” The softness of your voice surprised you.

He fidgeted with the folds of his pants, “Dunno.”

“Elaborate?”

“Don’t know where to start.”

“Do you want me to help or do you want time?”

“Kinda wanted you to give me somethin’ to work with.”

“That’s fine with me.”

…

“Say, earlier,” you exhaled, “were you helping out with the fires? I didn’t see you.”

“Nah, couldn’t.”

Your eyebrows raised, and his fidgeting worsened, “Couldn’t?”

“I couldn’t see that shit.”

“Why?”

“It made me sick;” he hesitated to elaborate, “I… failed her. Couldn’t make myself see that grave they were diggin’ for her.”

You nodded, not able to do anything more. Daryl must have felt the movement on his back stop, because he mustered up the courage to look up at you. Beyond the usual sharp hues, a certain semblance of vulnerability laid, shattering the blue. In this frozen position, you absentmindedly thought about the fact that you never had this good of a glimpse into his eyes before.

“Well, are you gonna say somethin’?”

The fire must be warming your cheeks, “Uh… yeah?”

Daryl shrugged your hand off, quickly closing off. A quick pang in your heart was shoved down as you finally got a hold of yourself, your mind racing as you tried to think of a better response.

“It wasn’t your fault, Dixon.”

That certainly hadn’t been what he expected, “It was.”

“How was it your fault?”

“Coulda’ searched more, harder.”

Your hand was allowed back on his shoulder, “If anything, out of anyone, you’re the last to blame here.”

Daryl didn’t respond, facing away from you again.

“Daryl, look at me, please.”

Like a pouting toddler, his shoulders lifted and he slowly slid his body 90 degrees in your general direction. After an unimpressed glare from you, he corrected himself and stared at your nose. It was good enough.

“You were out there searching for that little girl almost every single day, even though you didn’t know her all that much personally. The only time you took a break was when you were shot, for fuck’s sake!”

“Least I coulda’ done.”

“You did more than the men encouraging you that it was a lost cause.”

“If it ain’t my fault, than who’s is it?”

“Whatever the hell’s infecting people, that’s what.”

There was a certain heaviness in his voice, “Couldn’t’ve let her die, me and Carol both were sure of it. It still happened anyways.”

You were silent as you waited for him to continue, “Seein’ the grave, seein’ the smoke, smelling what she was damned to, it set in. What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

Suddenly, how you stank from the bodies was made obvious to you. Even some of the rotten smell had gotten on Daryl, and with his recent confession, that wasn’t the best thing. Your bag was carelessly slung over your lap, forgotten in favor of comfort. It’s possible that was making the stench worse, you were sure.

As you moved the bag, planning to throw it off to the side, you got a whiff of something that was most certainly not charred, diseased flesh. Quite good, actually. Earthy. The smell took you back to the moments after Andrea shot down Daryl, and he was delivered to recover in a tent. He had been knocked out cold, and despite how Hershel insisted that there was no need to worry, you still had the unsatiable urge to help. Unknown to old Hershel, you stole herbs from his tea cabinet, hoping to make a medicinal tea. Alas, with all the drama of the barn, Sophia, and Daryl’s stubborn nature, you never had the chance to give them to him.

“I have an idea,” you spoke, pulling out the variety stashed inside.

“Huh?”

Daryl flinched towards your hand as you took it away, laying out all the different plants on your thighs, “You said the smell made you feel worse, yeah? I know I stink of it, don’t lie, so I thought these would help.”

“You scavenged these? When?”

“Nah, I stole them from Hershel. Choose your pick; don’t tell.”

He scoffed, rubbing his hands to warm them before hovering over the herbs, thinking hard about the choice. Soon enough, he selected a few stalks of rosemary, holding them gently in his palms. Your choice followed, immediately gravitating towards the lavender, and you set the rest away.

“You know what to do?”

The only response you received was a quick nod of his head, and he rubbed the stalks in between his hands harshly before rubbing them over any part of his body he could reach. Chuckling, you did the same, making sure to pay extra attention to key spots, such as anywhere you touched the corpses with. You would need to wash your clothes with Maggie come morning.

Afterwards, you both threw the mangled herbs into the deep forest, and Daryl stared after them. From this angle, you could see the burgundy scab ripping across his temple. Whether it was the sight or the late night temperature, a chill ran down your spine, and it was then that you realized just how much time you lost with him.

“What do you say about heading back to camp? It’s late.”

Daryl looked like he wanted to protest, but thought the better of it, “Fine.”

You got up from your seat, brushing dirt and grass off of your aching ass. The other man had a large stain on the back of his pants from the contents he sat on, but you supposed it wouldn’t be too evil to let him discover that on his own. Slinging your bag over your back, you reached out to him, even as he stomped out the fire.

“Ready?”

#male reader #x male reader #the walking dead #twd #daryl dixon #lgbtq #gay #transgender #male y/n #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon x male reader #the walking dead daryl #rick grimes #hershel greene #maggie rhee #negan smith

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zombiewhor3 · 1 year

Text

HER BOOK

fem reader x negan smith

WARNINGS: implications of character death, marriage, the whispers, flash backs to the saviours.

she walked down the concrete stairs and into the cell where he was sitting, he was reading a book.

his fingers flipping to the next page when he was done with his current, but the sound of shuffling was what caught his attention.

To which he folded the page he rested at and closed the book, gently placing it in his lap he looked up to see her pulling a chair to his bars.

the chair was just a foot away from where he was left locked up, she stood in front of the bars slipping a bottle of water and some food to him.

she sat down and watched as he started to eat some of the food that was on his tray,

he took a bite of the apple first before starting his main course of steamed vegetables.

She sat back in the chair and said nothing, instead she watched him eat, she watched as he opened the bottle and began to drink.

most people would find this a boring task, having to watch a prisoner eat while taking his ever so sweet time, but she didn't mind.

down here it was silent, she couldn't hear the growling of zombies or the sound of people explaining fighting tactics against the walkers that had started to whisper in the woods

but yet again down here was like a pit, a pit with nothing but her and a criminal, a criminal that still remained her husband.

"you enjoying yourself?" He asked as he wiped his hands clean with a rag, with her disassociation she must've missed the fact he finished his meal and slid out the tray to her.

She picked up the tray and set it by the side of her chair, she hadn't said anything but remained quiet, which was somewhat unusual.

"talk" he spoke and could see as she flicked her eyes up to look at him, he was laying on his bed.

His feet crossed over one another while his head was propped up from his hands underneath it.

"we have a new issue, a new threat to handle"

she replied and could see him raise his brows a little, curious as to what or who it could be they were fighting with now.

"the walkers, they started talking, whispering"

even when she said it aloud it sounded so surreal, walkers couldn't talk, let alone they couldn't kill people apart of their group.

"I'm sorry you want me to believe those bags of flesh and shit are talking?" He chuckled at her words almost like it was to hard to believe.

and in all honesty it was, even when she heard the whispers coming from the woods herself she then had to actually believe it.

"they killed one of Hilltop's leaders, we all saw it with our own eyes" her knee started to bounce, and she tried not to replay his death in her head.

"walkers don't kill, they're fucking made of dead flesh and soupy god damn brains" Negan sat upright on the bed as he snapped back at her.

"they're wearing masks of the dead, it's another group that we're facing" she admitted and could see as the confusion faded away from his face.

He wiped over the lower half of his face, the palm of his hand running over his beard.

"Winter is gaining on us, we barely have supplies for us neither to start a war" she had flipped open her journal with every new threat or important incident she wrote in it.

she had detailed pictures with diagrams and labels, she had writings of text giving the best information that she could.

she had flipped to the page of Alpha, the drawing of a woman and the army of skins that had stood behind her.

She held her book open to show him the page, after seeing the picture she had drawn out he let out a soft sigh and looked towards his window.

"What else you keep in that book?" He asked and could see the furrow of her eyebrows as she had quickly shut the book and tucked it away.

"nothing that concerns you"

she muttered back defensively and could see his eyes widen a little, like they always did when he could tell someone was lying to him.

"tell me what's in the book and maybe I can help you with the talking dead" his deal was shitty, how was he going to help while being stuck in a jail cell in some apocalyptic basement.

But she had slid the book to him, after all he had been out more in this world than her, he had more experience with these types of threats.

so maybe some of his charming Negan wisdom could help her come up with something.

he started at the beginning, where she had been describing the dead when the first apocalypse started, but after a few pages he got bored.

He faked a yawn and skipped about to the middle of the book, his face sunk a little when he saw the descriptions of his army.

The picture of Dwight's face and the iron that was used to burn it, his baseball bat that he used to kill Glenn, and the Gutting of Spencer.

Of course there was more that he did, more that he skimmed over because he didn't want to read all the cruel things he had done in the past.

but the drawing he stopped at was the one of him lying in a hospital bed, his throat had been slashed and yet Rick decided to save him.

he was silent as he read, he must've read that page over and over because he had been stuck on it for a good 20 minutes.

Eventually y/n had just fallen asleep, she had fallen asleep in the wooden chair she had sat in front of his cell bars.

now he wasn't reading, the book was sitting on his bed next to him, his knee tapped up and down a little while his foot padded on the floor.

making small enough noises that she couldn't hear, just so he didn't wake her up,

but the sound of the journal sliding across the floor now had waken her, she looked down at her feet and back up to him.

"I'm sorry" he admitted as he watched her slip the book back away into her bag, "about what?"

"that book, the pictures of me" she could see that there was still more to his apology like he was trying to piece together the right words for her.

"you know after we got married I never thought this would happen" she chuckled softly and could see his eyes look into hers.

"I never expected to be in an apocalyptic war, and I never thought you'd be locked up here"

she spoke with a soft smile on her face.

He fiddled with the ring that he still had on, hers rested on a dog chain that she kept on her night stand right by her bed side.

She rarely wore it, but the day he had almost been killed she couldn't let it go, she had it around her neck and at her clasp.

Just until he had woken up and been placed in this hell hold of a cell, after that she placed it back away waiting for the right time.

Maybe his funeral? Or maybe whenever she had forgiven him for what he had done, but she figured his death was much closer than him being forgiven for his crimes.

"I've had time to sit with it all" he remarked and folded his arms as he sat back on the bed, his back leaning against the concrete wall.

"if you want to stop these people you need to be smart, if they don't want a deal then talk about gathering resources for a war"

his advice seemed to strike her a little, her heart seemed to want to skip a beat at the kindness he was giving but she knew she couldn't.

She couldn't let herself be so naive, so eager just to have her feelings shut down and used against her like the war had.

"I'll be back at sunrise with a new book"

He hadn't said anything else to her but instead he watched her place the chair back into the corner and make her way out of his cell.

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