#high school glow ups: claire

[firecaptainphoenix]

WHERE: Retirement Home WHO: Claire (@ambercast)

Phoenix waved to Jay as she walked off with Knightley and Mo, a small smile on his face at how much better she'd been doing lately. He'd gotten better about the general anxiety over her doing her physical therapy without him, usually spending his time with Dodger or trying to stay busy. Shoving his hands in his pocket he'd been about to head out when he spotted Claire also on her way out. Walking over he waved, "Hey there, heading home already?" cocking his head he frowned, "Tell me you got another coat around here, cardigans are nice but too damn cold for just them."

[deathbecomesthem]

Robin Buckley x Fem!Reader blurb

This takes place in @jo-harrington's Store Manager Verse, one of my favorite AUs out there.

For my @dr-aculaaa, I hope you like it.

It’s stupid. January in Hawkins is too cold for this, and your intestines are not capable of tolerating the amount of dairy you’ve been consuming. And yet, here you are again, walking under the fluorescent lights guided by something you don’t fully understand. Butter pecan with whipped cream and a cherry on top - you’re sweating at the thought of choking down yet another sundae.

You walk past the entrance, shiny white tile bright in the already glowing fluorescent atmosphere amongst the shops lining the long hallway. Waldenbooks calls to you, so you pass the open door without looking inside to see the real reason you’re spending another afternoon in the mall instead of at that little cafe just outside of town. Your anxiety is relieved immediately when the smell of paper freshly printed with ink invades your senses. 

“Hello.” The man behind the counter, his angular features casting shadows on his face, extends his perfunctory greeting, and you nod before making your way to the end of the fiction section - A thought D. You have no real reason to be here, and not enough cash to spend while also being able to afford that sundae that will make you nauseous for the rest of the night. You pick up a copy of Seeds of Yesterday. The combination of the smell of the paper and the feel of the pages flipping under your thumb immediately relaxes you. 

Deep breathes, you ninny, you think to yourself. You have no grand plan, you never do. You come here because…. because of a reason you have not been able to fully accept in your own mind. You come here because of the way your belly flutters, like the wings of a hummingbird beating inside your skin when you see those red lips curve up into a smile.

You put the book back on the shelf and walk along the back of the store, each firm step of your boots a grounding movement. You run a finger along the spines of the thrillers while you make your way back to the front of the store, waving at the man that is still standing stock still at the cash register. You shiver a little, his icy blue eyes follow you as you turn left and head back to the ice cream shop. You pass a group of middle school girls, huddled together and giggling. You look inside Claire’s and see a younger girl sitting in the high stool at the front of the shop, a woman with glasses and hair pulled into a ponytail held by a black velvet scrunchie holding the piercing gun to a small earlobe. You see the music shop just past your ultimate destination and think you’ll stop by on your way out, maybe pick up a cassette of Hunky Dory so you can listen to it in the car. It’s your favorite, and the new car has a tape deck. 

On que, just like every other time you’ve entered the shop, you hear his voice from behind the counter say, “Ahoy! Would you like to set sail on this ocean of flavor with me?” Steve Harrington doesn’t remember you. He never does. His smile is always the same, a small smirk climbing up on the left. His full lips are glossy, and you’ve started to wonder if he’s wearing mascara. This is not the same boy that sat next to you in Mrs. Click’s history class last year. 

“Uh, hi.” You never know what to say to him, so you look past him, “can I get-”

You’re cut off by a voice coming from the other side of the swinging door behind Steve, his co-worker finishes your request while setting down a container of maraschino cherries in front of him, “- a small butter pecan sundae, extra whipped cream and a cherry on top.”

Robin Buckley. Your heart skips a beat, and your ears hear the whoosh of blood rushing. She’s looking for the ice cream scoop, so you steal your glances. You can deny it all you want, but not while you’re standing in front of her. Sweet freckles kiss every corner of her face, and you wonder, yet again, if you’ll ever have the opportunity to count them. When you close your eyes at night, you desperately try to conjure a true image of her face. You run your fingers along her skin, numbering every brown fleck and kissing each one in turn.

Steve’s voice breaks your reverie, “oh, yeah. I’m sorry, I don’t know how I could have forgotten the order of such a lovely lady.” Robin scoffs, and she looks at you from behind the plastic without lifting her head. A quick glance. You think maybe you see a little pink coming through on her cheeks.

“I got it, Casanova. Why don’t you go unload the shipment, hm? I won’t count this one against you.” Robin nods to a whiteboard leaning against the wall. It has tally marks under the heading “You Suck”, and you snicker at the sight.

Steve puts his hands up, a feigned expression of hurt across his features, “I don’t need this abuse. I’ll go put the shipment away.” You and Robin look at each other again, both of you biting back grins, while Steve pushes his way back through the swinging door.

“What’s it like working with Steve?” You whisper low, leaning over the counter a little. You’re watching Robin’s clever hands scoop ice cream into a paper cup.

“You know, it’s not like I thought it would be. He’s not so bad. If he’d only stop flirting with every pretty girl that comes through the door.” Robin flicks her eyes up to you. They’re wide, as if she’s shocked by her own words, the faint pink on her cheeks turning crimson before your eyes.

“Oh, yeah. Well, as long as you two get along,” you pretend to not notice the tremble in her hand. Her nervousness is a crack. It’s a door standing barely ajar, and you decide to reach out and place your hand on the wood. See if you can ease it open more before it’s slammed shut. 

Robin sets the ice cream up on the counter next to the cash register, and you reach into your back pocket for your wallet. The chain jingles slightly as you fiddle in the billfold for a 5. You push back the nauseated feeling when you think about the ice cream you need to eat to keep this game going and a surge of confidence runs through you. No more bloating. No more stomach aches. 

“What time are you done? I’m heading to Tape World after this, you should come with me.” Your hand is steady, money extended to the girl you’ve been pining after since last year. You watched her watch Tammy Thompson watch Steve Harrington. That’s always how these go, though. Everyone watching, no one seeing.

Robin looks at you, eyes darting back and forth between your own. She smiles, punches buttons on the machine in front of her, and fiddles for your change. “I’m actually clocking out in 15 minutes, if you don’t mind waiting for me?”

“15 minutes? Sure, I can wait.” You take your ice cream, and can feel her eyes watch you as you make your way to a booth in the corner. You watch a couple enter, and Robin’s eyes are drawn away from you. It’s the woman that was holding the piercing gun to the little girl’s ear a few minutes ago, and Eddie Munson. They’re smiling at each other shyly. You look back down to your ice cream, sigh, and take a bite. Maybe, some day, Robin would look at you the way Eddie’s looking at the girl by his side, and you’ll never have to eat another ice cream sundae again.

[chefkids]

In your opinion, how could they have made Claire a better love interest? I’m a huge romantic, and even though I was suspicious of something between Syd and Carmy, I wasn’t really convinced until I saw the clear contrast with him and Claire. So as a pure hypothetical, how could Claire be made into a better love interest?

I mean I think there are two sides to this question: One is how could they have made Claire a better love interest who will actually end up with Carmy? The other is how could they have made Claire a better love interest who won't end up with Carmy but who most people would still enjoy watching as a character?

Dropping Claire out of the blue in Season 2 without even a mention of her before is just a very clear indication that she was never meant to stick around. If they wanted Claire to be someone serious for Carmy, either for endgame or at least believable for a season or two, they should have introduced her in the first season. The fact that she knew he was back in town for months, she was communicating with the Fak's and with Tiff, yet she never even approached him or tried to reconnect after his brother died or even just to pop by The Beef to say hi, just frames her as someone who was only interested in Carmy as a love interest for herself too. She saw him at the grocery store, thought he looked cute and had a glow up from high school, knew he was some big shot famous Chef and suddenly decided she wanted him in her life again.

There was no indication that Carmy was someone who she truly cared a lot about even if he didn't want to date her. Adding her in Season 2 felt like an afterthought and it made her seem like she was not actually as close and emotionally invested in him as she and everyone around her tried to make her seem. What makes Sydney more appealing as a love interest than Claire is that we actually see her care for him and his family and everything he's gone through even when she had no connection to him and when she had no real intent of pursuing a romantic relationship with him. Sydney cared about Carmy beyond just him being a potential boyfriend for her. If Claire had been shown to have an interest in Carmy outside of romance and we saw her be a part of his life, people could still have liked her even if they were meant to break up.

I'm sure in Season 3 we'll learn more about what happened after Fishes and what Claire saw and how/why they left things off when he went to New York and didn't talk for years. Claire and Carmy would have likely been in New York at the same, and yet again she didn't seem to make any effort to connect with him while he was there, and neither did he. Sydney found Carmy in New York and formed a connection, albeit one sided, by discovering his food and made an effort to pursue him, even just platonically. If they wanted to make Claire an actual serious love interest and the true long term love of his life since childhood, they needed to show that Carmy and/or Claire actually tried to reach out to each other during their time apart and actually missed each other.

They needed to build upon that invisible string that Syd and Carmy have. Carmy and Claire knew each other because they happened to be at the same place at the same time, they happened to have grown up together, they happened to have run into each other at a grocery store. Which is fine for the start of a relationship, just how Syd happened to try Carmy's food. But there was no push from either Carmy or Claire to have a connection other than the fact that they both happened to exist around each other. They have seemingly no similar interests beyond being raised in the same town. There was nothing to base their connection on in the show other than she is pretty and nice and he had crush on her. Adult relationships need more than physical attraction and kindness, there was no spark between them. There was nothing to indicate that Claire understood Carmy better than anyone else and vice versa.

Claire took it upon herself to try and push Carmy out of his shyness and took him to a party. She knew he didn't drink, she knew he grew up around alcoholics, she heard him say he wanted to leave as soon as they got there. Not everything about everyone needs to be fixed, and it's okay for Carmy to not be the type of person who enjoys parties or being around heavy drinking, even if he didn't have childhood trauma. Claire tried to change his interest, but Sydney never tries to change Carmy's actual personality traits, she just tells him when he needs to adjust his behavior when he's acting out. Claire used to be nerdy and not as pretty in school, then she changed and found herself to be a social party girl which she likes. She wanted to do the same to Carmy. What makes the audience like Carmy is the fact that he's not perfect, he's kinda awkward and weird at times, and that's okay. Having Claire try to fundamentally change the main characters personality and force interests onto him that he never previously cared about and even actively disliked just placed her in a bad light.

Carmy in his own way was trying to change her too, just less externally like her and more just in his head. He created an idea of what she would like based on what Sydney liked. Carmy would have actually had to put in an effort to know what Claire liked for us to know her and feel like she was a real character and person and not just a blank slate for Carmy to do whatever he wanted with.

There was also zero conflict between him and Claire for the most part. She was always available, never stressed, seemingly had no real problems aside from needing to move boxes for her mom and comfort crying Kelly. And it's not that she needs to be some traumatized or miserable person to be likable or to empathize with her, but even golden retriever nice guy Pete faces conflict in the show. The fact that Pete is not universally beloved and accepted as perfect and that he has conflict with other characters and even little bickerings with Nat like when he let Carmy use their freezer, just makes him a dimensional well rounded character even when he is a seemingly very normal level headed guy like Claire.

The fundamental problem with Claire is that she is tied to Carmy's past, and he does not like his past. He might have liked her in high school or had fond memories of her, but it is very clear he did not like himself in the past and everything he does with her reminds him of it. Claire would have to be written to have something new and different that makes Carmy want to connect with her and want to actually know her for her, if the show wanted any chance of Carmy breaking the connection he has of her with his past and making her a serious and believable relationship for him. There is nothing about who she is present day that has shown that Carmy really cares about her personality, and even she does not seem that invested into Carmy's personality without trying to change it to fit her own lifestyle.

If Claire had a discernible personality, a connection we actually saw with him beyond the romance, conflict with Carmy and other characters, she would have had an actual chance of being more appealing to viewers as a stand alone character, regardless of if they ended up together permanently or not.

[jungle-angel]

Night Lights (Rhett Abbott x Reader)

Summary: Rhett gets a chance to help Amy at her school's Christmas festival and you're absolutely melting at the sight

Tagging: @floydsmuse @nobody7102

Notes: If you wanna get a good feel for what inspired this fic, this is it (lol).

It was absolutely freezing as you and Rhett made your way into the assembly hall at Amy's school, the skies already having grown dark and the snow beginning to fall. The both of you were relieved that the Amelia County Steiner School had decided to do their St. Lucia festival on a Friday, leaving you and Rhett the next two weeks to yourselves. You saw at least half of your fifth grade class getting ready for the evening while you and Rhett were busy taking pictures with Amy.

"Alright Doodlebug," Rhett said to her. "Look at me."

"Amy, look at Daddy and smile," you told her.

Amy smiled her usual big, toothy grin as Rhett snapped the pictures on his phone. She looked so pretty with her wavy curls down, her long white dress immaculate and tied at the waist with a red sash. Most of the other little girls in her kindergarten class wore the same, but Amy had looked the prettiest in your eyes. Ever since you and Rhett had adopted her as a baby, she was your little princess and tonight, she really looked the part.

"There's my two favorite people!" declared an excited voice.

You nearly screeched when you saw Amy's teacher, Claire Magnusson approaching, hugging both you and Rhett. "Rhett thank you for doing this," Claire said. "I know it's last minute but Amy was all excited when she found out the class would be participating."

"Not a problem at all Claire," Rhett told her. "Hey, Dad wanted to know if Erik got the backhoe fixed last week, by the way."

"Yes, we did get the part that we needed but he might need a little help installing it," Claire explained.

"Alright, we'll be by before Christmas to help," Rhett told her.

""Perfect, now c'mon, they're about to start," Claire said, motioning for him to follow her and Amy.

"I'll see you after?" you asked.

"Yep, right after and then were goin straight home darlin," he said.

You kissed each other before Rhett followed Amy and Claire to where they needed to go.

You sat up in the bleachers with your in-laws, Hannah and the boys all snug in their little carrier carseats. The lights in the hall dimmed so that the whole room darkened. You gasped a little when you heard the high school choir begin to sing, recognizing the music right away as the main theme from "Frozen", one of Amy's favorite movies. It was so beautiful, perfectly fitting for the festival.

You and Cecelia both took videos of the kids walking out with one of their parents while Royal snapped as many pictures as he possibly could. You saw Rhett and Amy walking out first, leading the others behind them as they walked through a little spiraling trail of pine branches to the table on the other side of the hall where they would stick the candles.

"Go slow Doodlebug," Rhett whispered. "Try and keep it away from your hair."

God he was nervous, knowing that the little candles in the wreath around Amy's head were real, but Amy walked as slow as she could beside Rhett. He didn't once take his eyes off her as they walked together, making sure she was safe the whole way there.

On the way back, Rhett looked up at you in the bleachers, your faces illuminated by the dim glow of the flickering flames, your smiles only noticeable to the both of you.

[unlikelyjapan]

s2e6 rewatch notes - part 2

OK, jumping back in from the point where Stevie says "Carm, this is a good thing."

Richie passing Tiff the Sprite (inside the bedroom that is totally just the walls of Donna's brain - the Carmela Soprano-esque mom tchotchke's mixed with predatory animal statues and black accents - maybe a bit too on the nose....) and saying "Carmy made this for you - he's a god damn pop machine, this guy. He's a weird little dude!"

Both Richie and Tiff mistake Carmy's kindness for weakness, just like everyone else from his past. It explains why Tiff would gravitate towards someone like Richie - she hates his brashness (see when she wanders into the kitchen scene after throwing up and he's just revving everyone up) but accepts it so long as it's countered with tenderness because that fits with her idea of masculinity and normalcy.

"We're trying to....um....you know, hook him up with Claire Bear -loosen him up a little bit."

Tiff - "With Claire? Why would you do that? She's so nice."

Nice people (shorthand for normal people) deserve archetypical masculine guys who can be romantic - not people who are neurodivergent and kind. Trauma doesn't factor into any of their considerations in setting people up, because they don't reckon with their own.

The subject changes to Richie and Tiff's relationship and future plans/housing - after just discussing how to "turn Carmy into a MAN man" we watch Richie quietly flounder because we know damn well The Beef won't afford the kind of life Tiff envisions for their new family. Tiff shares her dream about the all-green clothes for them/red for the baby (the baby breaking their mold/image) and they wonder aloud if they're going to be good parents and if Eva is going to like them.

It's true that they'll be better - they're present, they don't want to start from a bad place. But when we look at how they were razzing Carmy, it's indicative of the fact that they're not about to shed the baggage of their histories - they are playing roles that were established for them through their pasts, so they're doomed to failure after the glow of new family wares off and life gets in the way. It'll just look a little different, a little better.

Richie utters "I don't want to be at The Beef every day" to Cicero as Mikey is ranting about the Bill Murray story in the background. Richie was exhausted by the patterns in his life 5 whole years ago, and it wasn't just about providing for his family. It's so obvious that he fully regressed during the pandemic/things not working out in his new life the way he hoped. He also knew at that time that "I'm good with people, but I've never really had an outlet for that" and he never gets to prove what he intuits until "Forks" - by the grace of Carmy, no less.

*lights a candle for Natalie Berzatto* All of Natalie's abuse is so straight-forward and targeted. I'm glad they explored her character this season, but she's still too neatly-tied for the type of abuse she endured. Some of that is a celebration of her core female essence/strength, but I feel like some of the veneer still has to crack in future seasons - if they have her reeling from postpartum depression in S3 on top of her initial worries about Donna/motherhood, it's truly going to break my heart.

Taking a moment just to appreciate John Mulaney belittling the Faks, as it's the only scene where I found their presence enjoyable.

Carm grabbing the saltines and asking Mikey about them working together - Mikey saying The Beef is a nightmare is self-explanatory, but the fact that Carmy follows it up with "I don't want you talking to Claire if you don't give a fuck" and Mikey assuring him that he does, convinces Carmy that Mikey loves him through his meddling with Claire. Out of the two things Carmy has yearned for (at this stage in his life) since high school, Mikey only wants him to have one of those things - the one Mikey and co. decide will be good for him.

Mikey saying "I give, like, the biggest fuck" and Carmen looking pacified/accepting of that statement, means that his father brother is telling him that Claire is the most important thing for him to pursue in his life, and he's just asserting his love for his brother by trying to set him up with her. So much damn pressure....

Discussing The Bear drawing outside the pantry

"It's beautiful....",

"Yeah....we could do this"

"Yeah.....let it rip."

I'm pretty sure this is the last one-on-one conversation Mikey and Carmy ever had, matching the suicide note - this scene is a living goodbye, and John Berenthal plays it like he knows it. Expert-level shit, expert-level acting all around.

All hail Sarah Paulson's hot mess of a character (you can take the dysfunctional girl out of the midwest, but you can't take the midwest out of the dysfunctional girl), even if she was just around to narratively offer Carmy a flashing exit sign (knowing that he's talented and cognitively different from the rest of the lot) and dole out the story about how bears grieve.

I think one thing that Richie, the Fak's and other "related by friendship" hangers-on have in common is that they recognize that Mikey and Carmy's familial suffering has made them dynamic in ways that their own suffering has not. Both have their own unique gravitas that separates them from all the other men in their crummy suburban life - these other men are trying to absorb power by proxy.

"Can you just go and get Dad's gun out of my drawer and I think I'm just going to blow my fucking brains out and then you guys can make dinner because I don't think anyone would fucking miss me" - many thanks to @loudlightobservation for pointing out in the part one comments that Donna probably has untreated Borderline and Narcissistic PD. I initially thought this scene was over-the-top, but I burned an hour reading about how severe the reactions to perceived abandonment can be in these cases.

As per my comments about Natalie and her veneer, at least she can do things like ask Stevie "can you hug me?" and select men like Pete who will always be ready to do so. Unlike the boys, she learned how to identify needs and self-soothe early, probably because she was the most neglected of the three.

Didn't know where to put this: Cicero's relationship/flirtation with Donna when she's in the kitchen "do you know how fucking hot you are when you're slurring your words?", Lee's hatred of Cicero, and Lee trying to make inroads with Donna (again) through a work collaboration - the building in Wilmette likely being the property that Cicero mentioned having to offload. Carol (revealed to be Cicero's wife by name in s1e4) yelling at Lee as he enters for his first scene of the show. Again, I didn't know where to put these interconnected notes, but WHAT. THE. FUCK. HAPPENED. HERE.

Also, is Lee a former partner in The Beef (after he presumably replaced the Berzatto patriarch for a stay) and that's part of the resentment towards Mikey - along with sharing Donna for a time? Or is it something else? I've had a hard time piecing together these narratives beyond the obvious psychosexual connection to Donna.

Ugh, the all-hands crucifixion of St. Pete - I morphed from "who is this cuck?" in season 1 to wanting to storm onto the set and carry him out myself like a baby - not unlike how I felt the first time I saw Carmy slapping the donut out of Marcus' hands. Cringe but ultimately minor transgressions in a charged environment wind up being the greater sin than full-on emotional abuse with the Berzattos.

I'm finding there's less to dissect in the second half of the episode - everything is more overt. Cicero is generous. (re: shielding Richie). Natalie and Carmy are emotionally spent from their Donna-duty.

The whole final Donna/Carmy kitchen scene brings up a lot of existential questions I ask myself as a cook about food being a mechanism of control. I love to gather and cook for people - but I also know I'm an anxious person who needs to control the narrative, and sometimes I want people to be somewhat beholden to me through the care I extend to them through food and entertaining. In doing this, I sometimes feel pushy, and know there is always a level of avoidance in hosting/caring for people.

But with Donna, and through that conduit, Carmy - food IS control. Food IS enmeshment. Food IS the forcing function for unruly togetherness (through the restaurant and grand celebrations in the Italian tradition).

I hope that Carmy, through his collaboration with Syd, carves out a healthier narrative of what caring for people through cooking and service means. I don't think he hates cooking, as others have postulated - I think he hates the enmeshment, I think he hates himself for feeling he needs to control people through food. I think he hates feeling forced to do it, because he can't function that highly outside of it. The sooner he can extricate himself from his past, the sooner I think he'll love creating food and sharing it again.

The Lee and Mikey jousting bit is essential to the dinner unravelling, but while it's immaculately acted, it's not really interesting to me since it's such an overt conflict. Poking the bear, fighting to be the patriarchal figure of the house, blah blah blah. It makes for great visuals, but it doesn't reveal any new depth beyond "men=fucked."

And the "cousin, you're scaring the normals" comment - I see no evidence that anyone who would willingly wander into this abattoir fits that description. The best part of the scene is when Lee says "throw another fork at me and you're going to get fucking rocked" and then there's just the pregnant pause, immaculately shot, with the old clock ticking in the background.

Lee's "You're nothing. You're nothing. You're nothing" harkens back to "You're bad at this. You are bullshit. You should be dead" - all of the Berzatto men are capable of being ground to a pulp by other men they perceive to be authorities in some form or another, and I think we're only just beginning to see in this season how women factor into the equation (those in charge and those who are seemingly powerless) after a lifetime ruled by Donna.

Donna, who enters the scene, and everything defers to the power she holds over everyone with her tempestuous illness.

Ha, I missed the line in Stevie's grace where he says "We're healthy, I think? No ones si....no ones physically very sick."

"Natalie Rose Berzatto...." God. If I had turned off subtitles, JLC's delivery in this scene would make anyone hear "Do you know how much I fucking hate you" - because that's what she meant. And God bless Michelle.

It seems like, the moment Carmy looks at the car and the cannoli, it's finally cemented in his mind that Mikey and Donna are intrinsically the same person (but the selective trauma memories he maintains after Mikey's death wipe out the bad, hence his surprise about him using etc). Ending with Natalie's A+ horror film face and the lyrics "Could you ever know how much I care?" was absolutely the right editorial tone to end the episode.

I'm going to be honest....I thought I'd find a lot more in this hour than I actually did.

I'm really looking forward to Bolognese onwards, mostly because I really miss Syd now - the show without her energy (mostly because Natalie still has inadequate development, through no fault of her own) is just male trauma from a male perspective....

[elizabethemerald]

I wish you would write a fic where the ultimate portal caused Claire to become a half-ghost like in Danny Phantom

Claire focused, past the pain in her hands, on the staff in her hands. She could feel her body splintering and breaking, cracks spreading up her hands and arms and out from her eyes. This was going to kill her, but as long as she could get the remainder of Trollmarket out, as long as she could save her friends, save Jim, she would be ok with her fate. 

She felt Jim join her with a hand on the staff, she heard him shout as he did so. The unbearable, excruciating pain of the portal ripping through her reduced a little as first Jim, then Toby, then Aaarrrgghh and Blinky and finally her little brother. It wasn’t enough, she knew even with them trying to take on some of the load, that this would still be her death. 

The swirling purple cloud swept out from the staff, encircling all of the trolls in the Gyre Station and for just a moment the dark purple was replaced with glowing green. Then they vanished from the station to reappear hours later. 

“What’s this?” An older, wise sounding male voice said. 

“Another? Just like me?” Said a younger male voice. 

“You are mine, body and soul.” Hissed a woman’s voice that would come to haunt her nightmares in the weeks to come. 

Claire put her hand to her head. Ever since the portal she had been feeling off. She wasn’t sleeping, could barely keep food down, and she was constantly shivering. Her dreams had been strange and terrifying but she never remembered them other than a sense of horror when she awoke. 

She shook her head and reached for one of her textbooks in an attempt to distract herself. She watched in annoyance as the book fell and slammed into her bedroom floor, driving a spike of pain between her eyes. She huffed in annoyance and crouched down to pick it up… and her hand went right through the book like it wasn’t there. 

Claire could feel her hand tingling even as she was able to it through the book and through the floor beneath it. She was panicking, but rather than feeling her breathing pick up and her heart race, she couldn’t feel either. Her feet slipped through the floor and she started sinking as her panic grew even worse. 

“Hey, Big-Eyes! I- whoa!” NotEnrique galloped into the room to grab her shoulders and tried to pull her back into her bedroom. “Come on, Sis! The ‘rents are home! Can’t have you falling into the living room!” 

She took a deep breath, her first in who even knew how long and she pulled herself the rest of the way out of the floor. There was something glowing on her chest, but she ignored it as she forced herself to be solid, and breathe and for her heart to beat like it was supposed to. 

“Don’t tell anyone about this ok?” Claire asked her brother, even as she tried to still her shaking hands. 

There was a new guy in Arcadia Oaks. He didn’t stand out that much from any of the other high school students she had seen, but something about him seemed to pull her focus. She could feel the shadows around her swirling around her ankles as she narrowed her eyes at him. She watched him breathe out a small cloud of fog, look around in confusion, then zero in on her. 

She glared at him and gripped her collapsed staff tightly in one hand and a gaggletack in the other. He hurried over to her, a friendly smile on his face, but she didn’t trust that any more than she trusted his human appearance. 

“Hi! My name’s Danny!” The stranger said. He held out a hand for her to shake. 

“I’m Claire, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind holding this for me would you?” She thrust the gaggletack toward him. 

Danny looked at her in confusion before he took the horseshoe out of her hand. He twirled it on his finger for a moment before it slipped off and hit him in the head. As he scrambled to pick up the fallen horseshoe Claire could see strange, green glowing marks on one of his hands. They didn’t look too different from the black marks she could feel on her own hands. 

“Do you want your horseshoe back?” Danny asked as he rubbed the side of his head and offered her back the gaggletack. Claire took it, but kept her eyes narrowed at him. 

“Claire!” She startled as Jim called out to her. Only a moment later her boyfriend had his arm around her shoulders as he glared at Danny. 

“Well, I’m going to head out, Claire, you and I should talk soon. I might be able to help you out a little. I know what it’s like to go through all this by yourself.” Danny handed over his phone number and waved goodbye, giving Jim a wary look as he left. 

Jim had been suspicious and paranoid about Danny, but Claire finally convinced him to keep his distance while she met with the strange guy. There was just something about him that sang to her, <Same, Same, Same> his presence seemed to say. Whatever was happening to her since the Ultimate Portal, he seemed to know and maybe could help her. 

She had all but ordered him to wait for her signal rather than escort her to the meeting. He and Toby were around the block, if she texted or if they heard anything disturbing they would intervene immediately. She rolled her eyes, as long as she had the shadow staff she would be fine, and for some reason she didn’t think Danny would threaten her. 

Danny had shown her the Litchenberg figures that crawled up his arm and told a very brief version of his accident with a portal to another world. Claire just as hesitantly showed him the black cracks that now marred her arms, she could hide them when she wanted to, but anytime she didn't focus on them they reappeared. 

Apparently they were the same. Halfas. Half alive, half dead. An exclusive club of five now. The information just about knocked the breath out of her chest and she almost fell through the floor, except Danny was able to grab her and turn her solid again. 

“By the way would you like me to get rid of your passenger?” Danny asked, glancing at her eyes, seemingly to look into her soul. Was that something Halfas could do? Claire looked at him in confusion and he explained. “Looks like you might be partially overshadowed. Er, I suppose humans call it possessed.”

“I’m possessed? Yes! If you can get rid of it, do it!”  Claire hissed, terrified of what she might have brought back with her from the portal. 

Danny reached into her chest and pulled out a glowing golden orb before tossing it aside. Claire could feel more than hear the being scream as it left and she felt like a great weight she had been carrying since the portal was suddenly gone. 

“What was that?” Claire all but shrieked, desperately keeping her voice down so Jim and Toby didn’t storm the area.  

“I don’t know, but she was powerful. I don’t think you’ve seen the last of her.” Danny looked wary, his eyes tracking something Claire couldn’t see or sense before his face brightened. “But maybe you got to keep some of her powers, my girlfriend back home was possessed by an angry plant ghost and sense then has been able to influence plants around her. We think with enough practice she might be able to fully control them too.” 

Danny didn’t stay in Arcadia for long. After he showed her how to transform into her half ghost form, and wasn’t that a trip and a half, he left. He had his own responsibilities in a city called Amity Park in Illinois. However he promised to come if she called. 

She added him, Toby and Jim to a group chat where they could all vent and share memes about the supernatural problems they dealt with. Danny added his two best friends and apparent partners, Tucker and Sam. Claire was absolutely not taking notes on what it was like to have a polyamorous triad, even if she did send lots of questions about it to Sam. 

Her and Danny talked a lot about ghostly powers and the other halfas. She knew to be wary of Vlad Masters and that Ellie Phantom was Danny’s clone/daughter and was traveling the world. Apparently Dan Phantom was Danny’s alternate time-line future self who was on parole to see if he could be trusted in this timeline. She decided she didn’t need more information and vowed not to mess with time travel. 

Danny guessed she had a “shadow-core” and that was why shadows seemed to jump to her command when she was upset. They both went back and forth before they decided she was probably a protector spirit like Danny was. Her final thoughts before the portal had taken her life were about protecting her friends and the trolls. She was a little worried about how unhealthily codependent she was with Jim and Toby, but according to Sam that was par for the course, and that Danny would freak out if any of them were hurt while out of his sight. 

Life in Arcadia continued on in a terrifying way. Gruesomes swarmed to the city in anticipation of the battle to come. Claire was able to free Draal from Gunmar’s control with her ghost form. The Defenders of Arcadia raced to Merlin’s tomb, only to find the ancient wizard wasn’t dead. And now Jim was… Jim was… in a way him slipping out of her sight in the black potion Merlin had created felt just like her opening the portal. She didn’t think he was a halfa like she was, but in the same way, Jim’s life ended and would never be the same. 

Now Morgana was free and the Eternal Night was upon them. Morgana, who had possessed her, used her to revive Angor Rot. Morgana who was one of the most powerful sorceresses in history. She desperately hoped that Team Trollhunters would be able to defend the city and the world, but she also knew that sometimes you have to call for help. 

Danny and Team Phantom answered in a big way. Danny flew his team to California and worked to defend the citizens alongside the Trollhunters. Sam worked with the local plant life to restrain and trip the Gumm-Gumm hoard while Tucker focused on coordinating emergency services and the defense. 

Claire and Danny fought side by side while Jim fought Gunmar. The two of them were barely able to defeat Morgana, with Claire wresting full control of her shadow staff from Morgana before the two of them banished her to the Shadow Realm. 

Danny apologized profusely, he had wanted to get some help from the other ghosts but something was making them nervous and behave strangely. She wasn’t sure what that was about, but she told him he could call on her and the Trollhunters would answer. Blinky mentioned possibly creating a Gyre tunnel to Amity so they could travel back and forth easier. Toby and Tucker weren’t thrilled by that announcement.

Love this prompt. I think team Trollhunters and team Phantom would work together really well. They 've both got a self-sacrificial hero, a goth who gets possessed by a powerful enemy, and a best friend who the writers are desperate to pretend is straight. oh also an enemy who literally has two faces and unhealthy obsession with the hero's mom.

Also did you think about the fact that the by becoming a halfa, The Ultimate Portal has to kill Claire at least half way? Devastating. The parents will never forgive themselves.

I forsee team Phantom eventually retreating to Arcadia if the GIW /the Elder Fentons ever go too far. Leave the ghost hunters behind and retreat to magic and fucked up city. Also the number of people in this city who have two halves is extradinarily high. Jim, Claire, Danny, Aja, Krel, Varvatos, and all the remaining changelings.

Power levels: Baseline Danny is stronger than Morgana's possession. Danny and Claire are about even with full power Morgana, making it a tense but winnable fight. Ghost King Danny is about as strong as Merlin and Morgana working together, and about as strong as any of the Arcane Order individually, though I think the full order actually working together would be able to destroy even the Ghost King, just like the Ancients against Pariah Dark.

The events of 3:Below and Wizards would play out very differently with the help of Team Phantom and I doubt that Rise of the Titans would happen at all.

Thanks for the prompt! Feel free to send me more prompts!

[ewritesfanfics]

Jimtober 2023: Dawn

Here's what I got done for Jimtober! It's not very long, but eh.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50540605

Orange light filters in through thin satin curtains, giving the room a warm glow. Outside, Jim can hear the calls of early morning birds, the first signs of life greeting the new day.

He should still be asleep – they had a late night celebrating his birthday, having stopped over Arcadia so he could see his mom and they could all go out for drinks and a good time. They hadn’t returned home until the wee hours of the morning, those ungodly hours in the darkest part of the night when sane individuals are long asleep in their beds, when the nocturnal animals are all out to play and the world seems suspended and unreal. They had stumbled into Castle Camelot drunk on alcohol and partying alike and subsequently collapsed, though some made it further than others. He’s pretty sure Douxie’s still in the entrance hall, everyone else having been too drunk to move the sloshed wizard after he passed out, and he doubts anyone has woken and done so yet. He and Claire were part of the few who had managed to make it to their own rooms, and they were up a while later before finally falling asleep long past their bedtime. But despite that, here he is, awake. He can’t say for sure why – one moment, he was asleep, and the next, he was awake, like someone had flipped his on-switch, far different from his usual groggy stirring into consciousness.

His gaze sweeps across the still room. Clothes are strewn across the floor, mostly from last night, and half the stuff that sits atop their dresser has been knocked over – he has a vague memory of nearly wiping out by falling into it while trying to rid himself of his pants. This includes some of Claire’s nail polish – all bottles thankfully still intact and sealed as far as he can tell from his vantage point – as well as a book he’s been reading as suggested to him by Toby, one of Krel’s trinkets he made as a gift for Jim last Christmas that Jim still can’t figure out, and the big group picture they’d taken during their ‘The World Didn’t End!’ party four years ago after they defeated the Order.

It's hard to believe that happened that long ago if he’s being honest. The memories are all still so fresh and vivid. He can still feel the heat of the Fire Titan and hear Bellroc’s dual-tone voice. He can still feel the fear and that heady, intoxicating relief when they realized that it was truly and finally over and they had all miraculously made it out on the other side. He can still see the Ice Titan reforming despite their efforts and Claire’s hair turning white as she cast the spell to move the Life Titan.

There’s a soft snuffle beside him, drawing him from his thoughts.

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear – though Claire is much better, in his opinion. She’s sound asleep next to him, pressed to his side with her head tucked against his shoulder and chest, cutting off the blood flow and making his right arm feel more like static than an arm. Her white hair – with small sections of brown still remaining – spills over his arm and across the pillow, now much, much longer than it had been back in high school. Dark eyelashes flutter as she readjusts herself just ever so slightly before settling back into perfect quietness. He can’t help but marvel at how beautiful she is – the curve of her cheekbones, the gentle slant of her jaw, the shape of her nose and lips. He could happily spend forever just staring, meticulously memorizing each and every inch of her tan skin and her bright hair and her dark eyes over and over again.

He slowly works to wiggle his fingers and restore some feeling so that he can curl his arm around her bare shoulders and hold her closer.

Between the curtains, a single ray of brilliant sunlight shines through, the star finally emerging from beyond the eastern horizon.

With the way it lights up her face and lays in a warm strip across his skin, he can’t help but think back to the day he was turned human again.

There were so many emotions and so much confusion, but Claire stood before him to light up the darkness and bring him back into reality, and he knew the moment their eyes connected that he would be ok. He couldn’t say how long it might take, how long he would be disoriented, how long the fog in his mind would sit heavy, how long the exhaustion in his bones would weigh him down, but he knew he would be ok. Every day, he counts his lucky stars that he has her.

That he has everyone, really. He cannot imagine where he might be if even a single one of his friends was removed from the equation, he doesn’t want to imagine it.

He feels Claire shift a little more, and looking, he sees her brow scrunch in an obvious tell that she’s waking up.

She opens her eyes, doing her best to blink the sleep away, and a warmth bubbles up inside him at the sight of her sleepy gaze, intensified by the deep brown of her irises.

“Morning,” she greets with a hum, nuzzling further into his chest.

“Morning.”

“What time is it?” she asks.

“Far too early for either of us to be awake,” he says. Especially after last night.

“Mmm. So why are you already awake, then?” she asks.

“Beats me,” he says.

More sunlight spills into their room, and Claire’s eyes turn from dark chocolate to warm liquid caramel. She smiles sweetly at him, and his heart swells in his chest. She brings a hand up to lovingly brush a piece of hair from his face and then trails down to caress his chess and settles to cup his jaw.

He all but blurts out, “I love you,” the feeling too big to possibly contain.

“I know,” she says, her smile turning cheeky.

“Ok, Han Solo,” Jim teases.

“You and I both know I’m Princess Leia,” she says. “Now, how about we go back to sleep, hm?”

He nods, and her hand slips from his face to settle atop his chest as she nuzzles back down, closing her eyes once more with a content sigh.

His mind goes to the velvet box sitting at the bottom of one of his coat pockets, inside of which can be found a ring wrought from sterling silver and studded with a violet diamond he cut himself with the guidance of Blinky.

He thinks about late nights like last night, falling into each other’s arms. He thinks about early mornings like this one, sleepy in the newborn sunlight. He thinks about that being every night and every morning, getting to have this every day of his life.

He can’t wait.

[eddiesmile]

Ivory (The colour of the truthful) - E.M

Seeing in Colour Masterlist

Find the picnic table at the woods after school. That's all the note said, and it was all Y/N could think about throughout her classes. It kept her captivated through the day, and as she stepped towards the dirty, old picnic table in the woods near Hawkins High.

She pulled the note from her pocket, tracing over the words, letting the syllables echo into the silence around her. Y/N looked up as she spotted ring-clad fingers set down in front of her, and dragged her gaze up to meet Eddie's eyes. He looked at her, appreciating how the sunlight practically made her glow. And Y/N did the same for him, smiling at his perplexed expression.

"The Princess of Hawkins High followed my instructions," He mumbled, studying her features.

He watched as she brought her lip between her teeth, and exhaled through her nose.

"I guess we're soulmates," Y/N whispered, smoothing the note in her hands.

Eddie chuckled and nodded, his plan for this flying straight out of his mind. He began to toy with his rings, trying to find the right words to say.

"I didn't want a soulmate," Eddie whispered, looking away from Y/N.

"If you don't mind me asking, why?"

"I didn't want to know if I had one, or if I'd be stuck living like half of the world, seeing the same old shades of grey. I didn't want to have to make a decision on what to do with my life, because I don't know what I want to do. And it's scary," Eddie answered, taking his rings off.

Y/N watched as he neatly arranged them, before massaging his fingers.

"I always had a plan of what to do, to leave Hawkins. I don't want to be stuck to this town, and I don't want to be someone who lives here their entire life," Y/N responded, gauging Eddie's reaction.

He smiled softly, and began putting his rings back on, "I don't know if I want to leave, and actually become a Rockstar or stay here, doing what I normally do,"

"Soulmate stuff aside, I'm not entirely fussed with what you decide to do. You know yourself the best Eddie. The only thing I ask you, is to let me leave Hawkins when school finishes," Y/N said, reaching out for Eddie's hand.

Eddie nodded slowly, "If I come to a decision to leave Hawkins, and we follow through with the typical soulmate stuff, would you let me leave with you?"

Y/N nodded, a grin growing on her face, "Only if you travel the world with me,"

Eddie laughed loudly, stretching out his hand. Y/N took it between hers. They shook on it, smiling at each other before pulling away.

"So Eddie, what do you do in your spare time?"

Eddie's eyebrows raised, and he lent closer to Y/N, "You haven't heard the rumours about the freak of Hawkins High?"

Y/N flicked her hand, and looked at Eddie pointedly.

"I play Dungeons and Dragons, I perform with my band and I deal an assortment of drugs, as well as do them,"

"That's quite different to what I do,"

"And what do you do Y/N?"

Y/N sat back, realising that she didn't have any hobbies, nothing that she did for her own enjoyment. "Nothing,"

"I can change that,"

Y/N's eyebrows raised, and she nodded.

"I'm putting a lot of trust in you Eddie,"

"Trust all you want, we're soulmates love, you're made for me,"

EDDIE MUNSON TAGLIST (OPEN):

@babyhoneync @eddies-bat-tattoos @strangerthanfanfiction713 @voldieshorts

SEEING IN COLOUR TAGLIST (CLOSED):

@hazydespair @bryceisalegend @totallynotpersonal @worksforthedevil @fangirling-4-ever @lillyof-thevalley @ajeff855 @ayatohoe @0-tatiana-0 @surfsupbrah @mkh00di3 @jellyfishbeansontoast @wildwarcat @samlovesthemoon @axen-gers @allexiiisss @iiirhiane-g @morganasimp26 @mooncatwritting @nightless @zucchinimalfoy @lxffy-icon @calpurnia2002 @clean-and-claire @idrkwhatthisisimsorry @luvdrewstarkey @yourthebrokengirl @large-juice @hellfire-club-things @marvelbabi @illicitghosts @mochminnie @lqveharrington @preciousbabypeter @beeeetsandskzreads @astrumark @are-y0u-sirius @theeternalersi @scarahscreaming @imkittyjustkitty @alexfms97 @yoyoanaria @wowimstillalivebiatch @withering-chariot @mess-is-my-aesthetic @stormyparker @soapbar99 @nxrdamp

[p1-f1]

Protective

Pairings: Damien Thorn x Mean Girl!Reader

Pronouns: She/Her, AFAB

Warnings: swearing, and content people may not like. (I don't like this as much)

Notes:I'm so so sorry but I can't stop imagining edgy boy strolling around with his hot pink blonde bimbo gf. This is basically for me.

Word count: 765 (short one lmao)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The thing about love is that two people, whether opposites or not, could fall for each other. That's the case for this couple.

Y/N L/N. A popular girl who people thought would date a popular guy. They were wrong. She's polite when she wants, rich as hell, pretty stereotypical.

Damien Thorn. Prince of hell, not as popular in the high school sense. People thought with the way he acted he'd never waste his time on a girl like Y/N.

That wasn't the case. In fact, they were quite happy. Y/N in her little pink outfits strolling with Damien's arm around her waist in his all black outfits.

Sometimes you'd even catch him with pink hair clips in, not that you'd bring it up. Lord knows you make Damien annoyed, one of them will deal with it. Even though he's protective of her, the feeling isn't one sided.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ.:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆*⋆.*:･ﾟ

"Nice clips, Mimi. "

"Shut the fuck up.. "

The black haired boy said, rolling his eyes with a scoff.

"Seriously, you take a trip to Claire's? "

"CLAIRE'S?"

His girlfriend screeched, walking up to the random boy.

"I do NOT shop at Claire's! Repeat that and I swear to God I'll make you into my next purse! Now shoo, you dog!"

Damien would never admit it, but be thought you were hot as hell in these moments. The way you didn't really stand up for him as much as you, how you werent afraid to stand your ground, he fucked with that 100%.

"Didn't have to do that, sweets."

"That wasn't for you. That was an insult to me. Nobody. And I mean nobody. Will say something of mine looks like it's from Claires."

There were these moments, short, sweet, and not as violent. And then there were others. Someone says something they regret, Damien gets pissed off, the person gets beaten into the ground.

Y/N hated this. Sure she was a bitch sometimes and threatened people but it was all harmless. People knew her next heels wouldn't be made of the skin and ashes of someone's grandparents.

But when Damien threatened someone, it was a warning or he meant it. She may not be able to burn and torture someone but he sure can.

So a situation like this is childs play.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ.:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆*⋆.*:･ﾟ

"Damien! Stop!"

The teen girl yelped, pulling her tall boyfriend back from the boy on the ground. His red eyes almost glowing, as he glared at them. She desperately pulled him back, and down the hallway, which luckily ended in success.

"What the hell?!"

She said to the edgy teen, watching as he looks down. The look she could give was one that even the prince of hell couldn't handle.

"Well?!"

"He was saying shit, doll.."

"Okay?! That doesn't mean you beat the guy to a pulp!"

He rolled his eyes. He'd regret that. The girl raised her eyebrows, looking up at the boy.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?!"

"Yeah."

She scoffed, letting her hands that were once pointing at him fall to her side in disappointment.

"Whatever. I'm not bailing you out of PC's office. office."

It was her turn to roll her eyes, walking away from the tall boy as he was left standing there.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ.:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆*⋆.*:･ﾟ

Later that night, Y/N was in her room, picking out an outfit for the following day when arms wrapped around her waist.

"M'sorry sweetheart.. "

The teen mumbles into her neck, as his hands rub her hips. She puts her hands on him, not phased that he had teleported into her room. It was a normal thing between the two.

"It's okay Mimi…You were standing up for yourself."

He hadn't responded, and she decided to add to the sentence.

"You want me to lay down?"

"Yeah."

He responded, lifting her up and laying her back on the soft light pink sheets. They're cotton. He could never forget because she never let him.

Their legs entangled as Damien rested his head on her chest, arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Y/Ns fingers ran through Damien's black hair, stroking his head and rubbing his back with a kiss to the head.

No matter how many disagreements they got into, it always ended fast. Even if they were both protective, and sometimes overly, they loved each other. And me and you both know this seems like a forever relationship.

[firecaptainphoenix]

WHERE: Claire's Pie Stand WHO: Claire (@ambercast)

Phoenix felt a flush on his cheeks as he walked up to Claire's stand, messing with the brim of the witch's hat Jay had put on him. "I'm only wearing this cause Jay asked me too, ok? Though I'll admit pelting my brothers with the tennis balls she made me has been pretty fun," he said a grin forming as he messed with one in his hands.

[trax2115]

A SHOW IDEA THAT I WANT TO MAKE REAL ONE DAY (really long post)

this is gonna be a HUGE little rant thing because i love talking about my ideas, future ideas, concepts. etc etc

i just realized i never said anything about this but uhh, for months ive been dreaming on wanting to make this string (I've always had in mind) come true

at first it was going to be a joke play with the huge inspiration of gumball. hes based on this joke episode i made called "Lil H". a baku inspired series (by sethical)

at the first point, he was literally gonna be called Lil h, LITERALLY. but I thought of a different name for him, and i named him "douglas dinget". it was a stupid name. the first image is the first concept idea i had for him if i actually wanted to take his design seriously . (its uhm... pretty old!). second image is the actual concept drawing when i thought of him having his own show (not a serious design take obviously LOL)

for 2nd image, he's just sonic but with a square cap hat, long gloves, basically a frickin recolor/edit LOL. it was funny when I imagined how he would look if I animated him and the background is just a realistic school. and then i thought of making his name "douglas tucker". i think him having that name is pretty cool and funny

his inspiration is a mixture of a chibi figure (like gumball) and his animations would be peanuts esque. like the way how he would walk, run, slip, etc etc. BASICALLY how peanuts characters are animated. i really loved imagining that as a test animation for this design, never really did it tho. im still learning animation

now this is where i suddenly had a new idea. i imagined "what if douglas had a girlfriend and she was a cactus? because cactuses and hedgehogs are spiky.." and this is where the design comes in

her name is KATHERINE STERLING!!!!! OMLLLL!!! (also a HALF redesign on Douglas)

this was the third character i thought of tho. second character is a "My melody" rip off LOL. (which she WILL be redesigned soon)

and also heres a joke ass image i drew a while ago LOL (it says LIL H in japanese)

you see the mario right there? yea that was literally gonna be his design until i remembered nintendo going to everyone "uhm. FUCK YOU you arent allowed to use this character named "mario" or any other mario characters anymore! make up your own design or make your own creations!" and thats what i legit did (not rlly LMAO)

heavily inspired by the chowder mario (definitely changing his design somewhere later)

stupid name for him, it was on purpose too sense uh... JOKE SHOOWWW!!! this is still gonna be a joke show, and the first episode were legit pngs (like i said, baku inspiration.) and if i all of a sudden make episode 2 a huge gumball inspiration and have these art styles like THIS? oohhhhhooo that would be a huge glow up.

anyways im cutting to the main part. heres the main cast idea

i dont really got anything to say about claire, other than being a ocho rip off LMAO

well not really a rip off but like, she could overreact a lot. she doesnt do stuff harmful or anything, like causing damage and other stuff like that. shes not THAT aggressive basically. she MIGHT become a scrapped character. (unless if a team is formed for this show and someone knows how to put a 8 bit pixel character in a high resolution show, just like ocho)

okay now i want to show you the months that went by with DT's design, i just cant type any longer to show this i geniunely wanted to say all of that just so you can get on the path before i, PROBABLY, make this show a real thing

Huge glow up a little bit, right? hopefully you think the same as me with this design

constructive criticism is allowed btw. i would LOVE to hear more ideas from you guys if youre interested.

now heres his new design in line with the main cast

now i wanna talk about the

PERSONALITIES!!!

DOUGLAS: Douglas is normal about almost everything. it would be VERY rare to see douglas scared. he is extremely calm about stuff. he is tough. he doesnt take his rage out on anyone. even if some people would try to start a fight with him. he's a strong teen and he KNOWS he would knock someone out with one punch. its rare for him to get angry because he knows how strong he is. Lets just say hes kind of the opposite of gumball. Gumball can sometimes get scared when someone is raging at him (mostly people he knows who are STRONGER than him.) hes basically a wimp LOL. douglas is the opposite of that basically. douglas just does his own without meeting any new kid unless if they want to meet him (its best for him to wait if someone wants to be friends with him first)

KATHERINE: Katherine Is a very nice and polite person. but she can overreact sometimes and get mad at douglas if he says or does something that she doesnt like at all, especially if douglas makes a joke compliment to her. she basically hits douglas multiple times on the head. usually when she does that to her friends it hurts them but douglas barely feels anything when she does it to him LMAO

HADIZA: She trys to act tough like douglas despite the fact that douglas doesnt even try to act tough at all. she basically has the personality of gumball a little bit. she trys to stand up and be a more "scarier" person, trying to scare the big character. but when the big character makes a furious noise back at her, she would bunny hop away from them fast

CLAIRE: like i said earlier, "She could overreact a lot. she doesnt do stuff harmful or anything, like causing damage and other stuff like that. shes not THAT aggressive basically."

JACKSON: Jackson Is, to put it in short, a bit of a asshole. LMAO. basically jackson is always tired and can sometimes have aggresive tones. its very common for him. douglas has gotten use to his aggressiveness because theyve being friends ever since they were in kindergarten. Jackson has been getting tired of the world throughout the years.but luckily douglas and jackson are always staying communicated everyday. they never missed a single day not communicating. they are basically BEST best friends.

THE CLASSMATES & TEACHER (W.I.P.)

dont really have that much to say about the classmates. i got 5 more designs to create till the number of students is completed. i dont have that much to say about the teacher either. but i do know its gonna be REALLY HARD figuring out how to animate her. but i REALLY want this show to be good whenever the next episode comes out. i REALLY want these guys to be animated in the style i want them to be animated in

and here are douglas parents!!!

heres some old concepts, ideas, and just some shit for fun LOL

i really love showing my stuff

welp uh. THATS BASICALLY IT! i really love ranting about my

concept ideas and stuff when i think it would be awesome if it was a real thing

if you actually read through this whole entire post THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING IT! it took me like 2 or 3 hours to make this whole entire post. hope i used good grammar and wording on this post

woohoo!!!

[elxctrics]

"here's a glow at the face of the canyon and a sound blowing 'round says you're nowhere you've ever been before. take a plunge into the colorado river where you feel yourself for the very first time, i knew you'd be a friend of mine."

(—) ★ spotted!! PRESLEY ST. JAMES on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid! many say that the 45 year old looks like MILO VENTIMIGLIA, but i don’t really see it. while the ARTIST/PHOTOGRAPHER/MUSICIAN is known for being INTUITIVE my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be BROODY i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song CLARIE AND EDDIE by KINGS OF LEON { he/him / cismale }

  ˗ˏˋ ＊ ‣ 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬    :  

connections || musings || instagram || headcanons

𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓼

name: presley st. james

age: forty five

nicknames: none

date of birth: may 13th, 1978

astrological sign: taurus

place of birth: ouray, colorado

occupation: artist / photographer / musician

voice claim: caleb followill from kings of leon

label: the brooder

positive traits: creative, artistic, deep, talented

negative traits: broody, reclusive, grumpy a perfectionist, 

characters/celebrities she’s like: caleb followill, luke danes from gilmore girls, keith scott from one tree hill, alaric saltzman from the vampire diaries, rufus humphrey from gossip girl, nick carraway from the great gatsby, noah callhoun from the notebook

𝓫𝓲𝓸𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓹𝓱𝔂

born and raised in mountain town, ouray colorado, presley was raised as the only son of claire and eddie st. james. 

claire was a singer in a local bar, the leon, and eddie was the owner of said bar and the two had a ‘love at first sight’ kind of love, however their relationship was an incredibly toxic one - filled with jealousy and booze and rage, although they did their best to shield young presley from it.

presley had always been a lone wolf, much too quiet for his own good and never had or kept many friends. he preferred being alone and could often be found painting in his school’s art room or learning instruments in his father’s bar before they opened for the evening.

while he wasn’t the best student, he excelled in the arts and for his thirteenth birthday, his parents got him his first camera and living in such a picturesque little town, he fell in love with capturing it’s beauty and went on to win many photography awards throughout high school.

he loved writing music and singing, too, but after attempting to perform at the school’s talent show and getting all choked up on stage, he realized he was far too shy for that kind of spotlight and preferred to be behind the camera.

when college came around, he got accepted into parson’s school of the arts in new york city and double majored in fine art and photography.

there, he got in with the artsy scene in new york and it wasn’t long before his paintings and photography were hanging in galleries across the city and eventually, the globe.

he was on a high, but art was fleeting, and people were always looking for the next best thing, so it wasn’t long until he had to do what most had to do and sell his soul to hollywood.

he became a world renounced photographer for the rich and famous, shooting vogue covers and the most high profile fashion campaigns and became incredibly sought after in the industry.

however, he felt like it was sucking the life out of him and he hated it, causing him to become rather grumpy and recluse and thus, he turned to drinking, just as his parents did years prior.

while in the heart of his creative slump just last year, he lost both of his parents within six months of one another and truly hit rock bottom, feeling as though life meant nothing and turned to writing to get him out of it.

after getting a little too drunk at a bar one night with his friends, he drunkly performed one of the songs he had written in the presence of all of his industry friends and after hearing his deep, raspy unique voice, they pushed him to start taking music seriously, which he did, since had nothing left to lose. 

he got a group of his buddies together and formed the band ‘kings of leon’ - named after the leon bar that his father owned in their small town.

now,  after the release of his debut album ‘only by the night’  and riding on the high of the success of his singles ‘sex on fire’ and ‘use somebody’, he’s in a better headspace and has a newfound confidence in himself that he didn’t before.

he still works on photography projects on the side, since that’s where his heart is, and still very much spends late night hours in his studio trying to paint something great again.

[starlightsailfish]

Clair and Allurous ocs LET'S GOOOOO!!! Sometimes you need to take the ocs you've had since middle school and make them genderfluid, trans, gay, autistic, and religiously traumatised😌

(CW for suicide in family, religious trauma, transphobia)

Clair (she/her xe/xeir, trans, horse girl)

The calm of the moon who glows without the sun

For most her life, she considered her existence a mistake. It was because of her that her mother reached her hope's end trying to support the two of them all by herself. Clair was always expected to bear the brunt of her mother's suffering, so when her only support took her own life, Clair internalized that as her own personal failure.

Fighting to survive was all she knew: fighting to keep any support she had, fighting to hide her weaknesses, fighting to keep herself from breaking down. She's been tough for so long, she's forgotten what it's like to have someone fight for her.

When she met Allurous in middle school, his christian family took her in and indoctrinated her into their beliefs. She was led to believe it was what she was missing all her life. For a moment, she felt purpose being a 'real man'. Her own wants and purpose were meaningless alone: now she had a god to fight for... but when would that god be satisfied? And how could she ever be happy if her existence, her identity, her wants and desire to be loved, were all a sin?

Leaving high school and finding community with those who loved her for all she truly was changed her. It hurt to leave her dearest friend, but being apart from Allurous during those years allowed Clair to find her own religion and fight for her own god: herself. She still struggles with the residual guilt of not being enough for others, but her new sense of identity pushed her forward. One by one, her chains fell off.

She was finally free, and when her and Allurous met again, she fell in love with him once more.

Allurous (he/him, trans, anime enthusiast)

The warmth of the sun that burns itself alive

Born and raised in a catholic family, Allurous believed he had life all sorted out. At the urging of the church, he shared his beliefs with all he knew and was reassured that friends leaving him was just a sign of how lost their souls were. He knew better than to complain: this life wasn't meant to be pleasant anyways. He'd be happy when he was dead.

His growing anxiety and depression were a source of conflict in his family. Prayer was supposed to fix him, so why did it make everything worse? Why was he always doubting gods goodness and worrying about his future? Why did his family's happiness feel like his responsibility?

When things were good, his mother was gentle and kind, but more often than not, her own buried anxieties and perfectionism manifested in subtle emotional abuse. Allurous did everything he could to ensure she was happy: he's pray with her, attend church and youth groups, and reject anything that didn't align with their views... even if it hurt him in ways he couldn't understand.

Clair was one of his few friends who stuck around when he spoke of religion. For a moment, he was hopeful that he could 'save her'. His parents were open to teaching her and for the longest time, she seemed to thrive. So it was all the more confusing when he left to college and never heard back from her.

When they did reunite, Clair seemed...happy. Meanwhile, he was more miserable than ever. This facade of perfectionism was breaking. His fragile world-view cracking. He wanted to be free and happy, but that meant leaving everything he knew. It meant giving up the idea of eternity. It meant losing his support, his family.

When he took that leap, when he changed his name, his body, he lost everything. But not Clair.

[rinnysega]

Speech - A Gus Birthday Drabble #7 (End)

AU: Summer Camp

“Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday Gustavo, Happy birthday to you!”

Gustavo sat on the log by the bonfire with a bashful smile on his face while Nico strummed the strings of his guitar and Joaquin, Hernando, Romy and Javi got into a battle of who could hold the last note the longest. Joaquin claimed victorious. 

A few small claps sounded around the fire from Elena and Bruno getting cozy sitting up against a log and Claire beside them rolling her eyes with a smile at Joaquin’s antics during the birthday song. Milo and Milena passed around the birthday smores while Paola shouted, “Blow out the candle!” and pointed to the bonfire. Drinks clinks and small conversations and laughter erupted as the group celebrated their last night at camp - and their friend Gustavo.

“Thanks, guys, I appreciate it.” He was still shy as Adriana took her place beside him with a plate of two smores for the both of them. 

“Speech,” Hernando hollered. 

“Speech! Speech! Speech!” the others chanted. 

Gustavo rolled his eyes as he pulled back his legs for Viv for pass by with snacks for her and Romy. Gustavo stood up and Adriana clinked her bottle for attention on him. He again tried to hide his blush as he rubbed the back of his neck - all eyes on him.

“Uh...thanks everybody for throwing this little thing together. I’m sad the summer’s ending because I’ve learned a lot about myself being with all of you.”

Javi went to open his mouth for a smart-assed comment about the sex-capades, but Oscar stopped him. This was a serious moment. 

“No but really, uh...when I came here, I didn’t know what was going to happen. My mom took a job as the chef and I figured yeah sure, I can be the soccer coach and go with her. Meeting all of you as strangers was interesting, especially seeing how you guys all coupled up.” He motioned over to Viv and Romy, Claire and Joaquin, and Elena and Bruno among the others holding hands with their partner. “I think that’s kind of cool. I think it’s cool how none of us really knew each other before coming to this place. When you’re in a confined space for a long period of time together, most people get hotheaded and fights happen, you know, high school drama, all that noise, but....it’s been nice to see how we all just....get each other.” 

Gus looked down to Adriana who glowed at him for opening up this way.

“When I say I learned a lot about myself, it’s a lot more than what you’ve all shown me in your wisdom and friendship and how you give me courage and smack me upside the head time to time when I’m being dumb. It’s watching how you guys talk to each other - how you all made these connections for the sake of having fun while we have jobs to do and kids to look after. The real world’s always going to be out there, but in here, it feels like a little piece of paradise. I’m looking forward to keeping in touch when the kids go home and and we go back to our lives. I’m happy to say also I’ve signed up to come back next year-”

“Woo!” Elena clapped and Bruno made a mental note he’d have to do the same as he looked to her with a blush. 

“-And...I don’t know what to say except I’m glad to know you crazy bunch of absolute batshit insane weirdos - looking at you Oksana” He pointed to Oksana who had her arm around Emilia and the two clinked their beers together. “-and I’m happy and blessed-”

“-there it is - take a shot for Jesus!” Javi took a swig. Diego followed while Adan did as well.  

Gustavo chuckled. “No really, I’m happy and blessed to know you guys who love me and care about me so...” He lifted his drink. “To us.” 

They all lifted their drinks in unison. 

“To us!” 

This one is a gift for the whole SPLAT discord server. They’ve been a true blessing in my life and remind me every day the good that can come from fandom. Love you guys.

OCs belong to @sionnaach @dancingmantis @thebiggestnope @ednakrabappel @justthepeelings @cheetour @seanettlles @rosellacwrites @prophetic-hijinks @redcookies-bestcookies and me~

[denimbex1986]

'“All of Us Strangers” opens with the fittingly ethereal image of its protagonist staring out the window of his high-rise apartment, the London sunset’s orange glow illuminating his reflection, his somber expression suspended above the skyline.

Adam (Andrew Scott), a gay screenwriter in his 40s living alone on the outskirts of the city, still mourns the loss of his parents in a car accident decades earlier. He’s recently begun work on a script about them when a younger man, Harry (Paul Mescal), perhaps his only neighbor in the tower block, appears at his door, in a clumsy attempt at seduction that nevertheless leads to a relationship. As he navigates this unexpected romance, Adam starts taking the train out to a neighborhood in South London, where he visits his childhood home and finds, however impossibly, that his father (Jamie Bell) and mother (Claire Foy) still live there, neither having aged a day since their death.

A metaphysical romance, an excavation of memory, and a fantasy of grief, Andrew Haigh’s critically acclaimed drama (in theaters this week) is above all else a ghost story, about the specters of loneliness that life surrounds us with and the process of making peace with pasts that still haunt us. Written and directed by Haigh, of romantic dramas “Weekend” and “45 Years,” it’s a perceptive exploration of queer identity and estrangement, and an emotionally seismic account of familial love and loss.

“We are all going to lose people; either we’ve lost them already, or we’re losing them, or we’re going to lose them,” says Haigh, speaking to RogerEbert.com on the 35th floor of the Mandarin Oriental, during this year’s New York Film Festival. “It’s the inevitability of love. And the love that you feel for that person does not fade; it never goes away.”

“All of Us Strangers” is adapted from Taichi Yamada’s 1987 novel, “Strangers,” also a ghost story about loneliness and grief. It’s not your first adaptation, but you’ve described this as your most personal film to date, so I’m curious if you can talk about that writing process.

In the novel, there’s no gay relationship. It’s a different type of story. I knew I wanted this film to be about grief: about the trauma Adam experienced through losing his parents, but also about the trauma that a certain generation of gay men went through. Really, it’s a universal experience for gay men, regardless of age; just because time has moved on, and everything’s supposed to be good, it doesn’t mean we don’t go through the same things. I wanted to dig into how we feel separate, somehow, from our families, which is an awful feeling. So many things get left unsaid.

The conversations Adam has with his parents come from a personal place. I had a hard time at school, and the story Adam tells about that is my story. I put those experiences into the script. When you grow up queer, you feel love is an impossibility. Growing up, you feel you can’t love. I grew up in the ’80s, when that was especially true. “If I am gay, am I going to die? Will I ever find love? Will I be thrown out of my family?” That’s how you think. I wanted the film to offer a grand statement that you can be in love, that things are complicated but love is cosmically important.

Adam’s drawn to the house he grew up in, where his parents appear to still be living; you filmed those scenes in your own childhood home. How long had it been since you’d been back there?

I’m 50, and I lived there until I was about six or seven years old. It had been nearly 45 years. The place you first live gets so imprinted. When I was writing the script and thinking about a childhood home, I pictured my own. I thought, “I’m going to have to film there. It makes no sense not to, because I can’t get that house out of my mind.” Even though you were a kid, you remember everything. You remember the feel of the carpet. You remember what the wood was like, what the fireplace was like.

When I went to the house, and its new owners allowed us to film there, we redecorated it to look the way it used to look when I lived there, as much as I could remember. I wanted the film to feel like a memory, and for Adam as a character to go back into some liminal space of memory. And I wanted to go through what my lead character was going through. I wanted to delve into my own past at the same time he was delving into his.

All your films explore, to some extent, emotions reflected through time, but “All of Us Strangers” directly engages with queer temporality, that idea that queer people experience time differently, in opposition to heteronormative standards, due to marginalization or historical events like the AIDS crisis, which disrupted so many queer people’s expectations for how their lives would progress.

We’re untethered from time as queer people. We don’t see ourselves in the history everyone else has. We don’t follow their traditional path. We’re all strangely stunted. We end up being teenagers for longer, because we weren’t allowed to have a traditional teenage life, to feel certain things and have certain ambitions. I wanted to throw the notion of time up in the air. I feel strongly that you can be dragged backward and forward through time so easily. Go onto the dance floor, listen to a song, and you can be back to where you were 10 years ago. You can feel what you felt 30 years ago.

There’s a time travel to feeling certain emotions, to smelling certain smells. The way memory works, and how powerfully it can take us back, was something I wanted to play with, so you lose all sense of existing in a present. It’s the same with how the film ends; there’s no sense of it being a linear progression of time. I was excited and nervous about that. All my other films have been very secure in their timescales. I wanted to go off-piste and do something else.

Tell me about capturing Adam’s movements through time and how you approached the film’s point of view, staying in the headspace of this character who’s stepping outside of reality.

I found it difficult, not just going into myself emotionally but also trying to make that structure work. I’ve also reached a state where I don’t think it matters if people understand what’s real and what’s not. Films obviously aren’t real; they’re constructs. The whole film, in the end, feels like my subconscious telling the story I want to tell. That means you can go backward and forward in time. Things that aren’t real can feel as real as dreams. I was worried it wouldn’t work, that people wouldn’t buy it, that the conceit of the parents wouldn’t work. In the end, I loved that fear. How that made me feel is exciting.

In the scenes he shares with Jamie Bell and Claire Foy, Andrew Scott’s performance is especially strong. He moves between an innocent joy at their presence and this more mature desire to have conversations with them he never had the chance to. How did you direct the three of them, and Andrew especially, to create a family dynamic that feels both strange and comforting?

Andrew does an incredible job of seeming younger, slipping back to being a child again, without being childlike. It’s all over his face. He looks younger, more innocent, more vulnerable. I didn’t want Jamie and Claire to talk to him like he was a child, but they still needed to be his parents. They judged it beautifully. Suddenly, they’re more like parents. Then, they’re treating him more like an equal. That’s what happens whenever you’re with your parents as an adult; it oscillates between you being adults, and then you needing them as a parent and them needing you as a child.

Adam’s also able to articulate the pain in those relationships. The totality of their emotions toward each other come out in these conversations. I’m thinking of the scene where Adam says that he still can’t cross his legs without remembering his father calling that behavior feminine.

For a lot of queer people, the relationship that Andrew’s character has with his father is so facund that it’s overwhelming. When I was working on it, I found it overwhelming. It’s such a powerful need that we have, for love and understanding. Jamie just completely nails that complicated balance of understanding and not understanding his son, loving his son fundamentally but also not knowing how to deal with him.

And perhaps understanding him more than he’s willing to admit. When Adam first encounters this stranger and follows him home, before we know it’s his father, you tease the idea they’re cruising each other, and Adam’s conversations about sexuality with his father are tinged with mutual regret.

I love the idea that there’s some strange sexuality to their dynamic. Everybody always expects, if you’re straight, that you might end up with someone who’s like your mother, and nobody thinks that gay men might end up with someone who’s like their father. Suddenly, people get freaked out by that, but of course that’s a possibility. Why wouldn’t that be the case?

The relationship Adam has with Harry relates to this. Harry’s of a younger generation, but navigating that age gap helps Adam reconcile himself with the younger man he might have been, under different circumstances. How did you approach writing that dynamic?

With care, basically. There’s so much going on between that relationship. There are almost ghostly elements that give it a strange magic, which is the truth of all relationships. There’s strange magic to why they exist, how they exist, how they develop over time. In the end, it was a long edit, as we were constantly trying to guide how emotions emerge. You’re drawn delicately through. It wasn’t easy. These things never are. But within the relationships, whether with the parents or with Harry, we realized love is about feeling comforted and understood. That’s what you want from a parent, in a relationship with a partner, and from your relationship with yourself.

One scene that comes to mind is when Adam tells Harry that his parents died, but that it’s okay because it was “a long time ago,” and Harry gently reminds him that “a long time ago” doesn’t really matter when you’re talking about the worst things that have happened to you.

The moments you realize your relationship is working with someone are when they get something so profound about you that you just want to keep hidden. They pull on that thread, they don’t judge it, and they’re soft and kind with that understanding. That’s the moment when you feel you can love this person, because they have compassion for you and you have compassion for them.

In “All of Us Strangers,” emotions are expressed through music. I’m thinking of “Always on My Mind,” by the Pet Shop Boys, as Adam decorates the Christmas tree with his parents, and “The Power of Love,” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood, which is of intimate importance to Adam and functions as code, between Adam and Harry, from their first encounter at his front door. It’s the perfect song, the one Adam needs to hear, and it’s what Harry alludes to in that moment.

Because that song is about protection and comfort. I bought that LP, [“Welcome to the Pleasuredome,”] in 1984. I was 12, not realizing my sexuality fully, and I’d play that song over and over, in my bedroom. I would sing it, endlessly. It did something to me when I was 12. As I was writing the script, I knew what the song had to be. The same went for the Pet Shop Boys and other bands that had been a part of my growth. Pop songs can say the things we can’t express. There’s a reason queer people have been dancing in nightclubs and discos for all eternity, together, listening to music. It gives them hope.

Blur’s “Death of a Party” is another standout selection once Adam and Harry go out dancing and take ketamine.

In that section, when they’ve arrived at the club, I wanted all ideas of time to vanish. We realize there’s no linear time scale, and there’s that question of whether any of this is real. “What’s real? What’s not real? What’s a drug trip? What’s a memory of how he used to go out clubbing in the ’90s?” There are so many different things I wanted that scene to become.

We shot those scenes at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, a gay club in South London where I spent every Saturday night through the entirety of the late ’90s. It’s a historic monument now, so they can’t tear it down. I was revisiting that club, where I hadn’t been for 10 years. It was strange being back there. I thought, “My twenties and early thirties are still in this club. I met friends I still know in this club. I hooked up with lots of people in this club.” Those types of spaces are so important to queer people, and there’s not so many of them. We’re torn between them being euphoric and painful, which that sequence becomes. We know what it’s like; the scene can be both liberation and torture. It can be terrifying, and it can screw you up just as much as it can embolden you.

One visual element that unifies your work is reflectivity, achieved through lighting and production design, that gives characters a certain spectral quality and draws attention to the way that we exist in relation to our surroundings. Tell me about that.

I’ve always been so interested in reflectivity. So many of my films have people looking in mirrors. I feel like we’re constantly catching sight of versions of ourselves, and they feel different to who we are inside. Perhaps there’s something queer in that; our external reflection to the world is not how we feel inside. I find that conflict fascinating. You see projections of yourself—who you want to be, who you’re trying to be—and you only can find contentment when they match who you are. It’s hard to make them match.

Especially in this film, I wanted this strange sense of magic, unease, tension, and beauty. Me and Jamie [Ramsay,] the director of photography, talked a lot about how to achieve that. What I’ve done visually before is pushed forward in this film. I’ve always used zoom lenses, long fades, and shallow focus. It’s more subjective than some of my other films, and I wanted to feel loneliness in a phenomenological way, to understand that through texture, sound, and music.

That mirroring is also clear to the characters. “It’s like seeing you both at exactly the same time,” Adam’s mother says, seeing Adam and noting he resembles his father. Adam sees himself in his parents, as well.

We get pulled apart as we get older. It can be traumatic unless you try to realize, “I can deal with this, somehow.” But you have to get those building blocks, to think about where you fell apart and understand it was nobody’s fault. I wanted to make sure there were no villains in the film. These parents are complicated. They love their kid. They wish they could have been there for their kid. But life is chaotic and unfair. You lose people before you want to. There’s tragedy. How can you get through that and keep finding ways to love?

At times, Harry similarly feels like a reflection of Adam, in how much he shows Adam about this self he’s perhaps terrified he has inside—or is perhaps terrified he’s lost.

I did feel that Harry is a reflection of what Adam needs. I mean, if Adam has conjured up his parents, he’s also conjured up Harry. Or they’ve all conjured each other up. There’s two ways I always saw it: Adam has conjured up everybody, or all of them have conjured up themselves from the ether to deal with their loss. All of them want the same things, and they’re all teaching each other the same kind of compassion. I wanted it to be almost like a love letter to say, “Life’s tough for everybody, whether you’re a parent or a queer kid, but there is a way that you can get through that and soften that pain.” I wanted to be sincere about that, to be subtle but also convey what the film is about.

I understand why reviewers have described the film as emotionally devastating, but I found it more hopeful than heartbreaking, the way everything falls into place.

I also find it hopeful! It’s been weird. It’s strange to me. The importance of that ending is that, once you’ve found love, you can find it again. Love remains. I don’t find that devastating. I’m always intrigued about who does and who doesn’t, because I think it says a lot about the life they’ve had. At a certain time, queer people lost their partners very, very young. And they really did lose them, and it was horrendous. Their love was important during that time, and they have gone on to love again. That was always on my mind.

And there’s this strange thing about it. A lot of young people—and I say this from experience—should be happy being queer now. We live in a different world. But it’s still complicated, and tragedy still happens. I love the idea of “the power of queer joy,” but you have to look underneath, or it all falls apart. We have so much we’ve carried around with us, from people before us. We know what it felt like for us growing up, what it felt like for other people before us. That history is still present.'

[starlightswitch]

The Possibility of a Relationship

(for Writer's Month day 5 prompts sun and poolside)

Just like every other summer as long as she could remember, here they were sitting on the side of Claire’s pool, with their feet in the water. It was hard to remember they’d been apart for most of the year. Maybe that was a good sign, though, that they’d always be able to pick up where they left off even if Claire moved to the city after college like she said she was going to.

Although of course it helped that they’d been talking all year.

She nudged Claire. “You haven’t said anything about that guy.”

“That guy?” Claire raised her eyebrows, but she was already starting to smile.

“Did something happen with him?” That was the opposite of what Lindsey had been expecting. She’d figured nothing had happened with him. Or nothing had happened with him on purpose, because Claire had decided after all to pick the guy from high school who still liked her.

“Well… depends on what you mean by happen.”

“I would like to know what you mean by happen!”

“Well…” Claire combed her hair over her shoulder. “Maybe I could be convinced to tell you.”

“I will push you into this pool!” since Lindsey, but she didn’t even pretend she was actually going to.

Claire settled back, her hands behind her. “So we talked,” she said, “before the end of school. There was actually this end of school party thing around campus, and one of the things was a glow party.”

“You told me about that.”

“Oh. I forgot. What did I tell you about it?”

“There was a dark room, and you all got glow in the dark stars and planets and things, and you were supposed to go outside and hold them in the sun to charge them up and then go inside, and back and forth.”

“Oh. Yeah, that was how it worked. So we took our stuff outside, and we ended up going on a walk. And we ended up standing under this tree and talking, and we decided that we didn’t want to get into a relationship right before we were going to be apart for the summer, but we’ll talk about it again at the beginning of the school year.”

Lindsey hadn’t thought to think until that conversation that Claire might actually have a boyfriend, and have been waiting to surprise her with it. It was kind of a letdown to then realize that wasn’t what had happened. “So you’re… It’s like being engaged? You’re planning to start a relationship when school starts.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?” Although maybe she shouldn’t have been so surprised. Claire hadn’t said that in the teasing way she’d been talking. She’d said that thoughtfully. “Is this about Matt?”

“Maybe.” This time she said it with… Lindsey wasn’t sure what she would call it. Resignation, almost. Which made absolutely no sense.

“If you wanted to be with Matt I think you would be with him by now,” Lindsey pointed out. “You’ve had over a year to think about it. Why would you suddenly decide you want to be with him when you have another option?”

“That’s the thing. I have options.” You would probably expect that to be said in a flirty kind of tone, but Claire still sounded… how would she describe that? Stressed?

Lindsey started to point out that this other guy– his name was Steven, she wasn’t sure why she was thinking of him and talking about him as ‘the other guy’– had basically agreed to be in a relationship with her, and then it hit her that Matt would agree to the same thing if he had the chance. “How many options are you trying to collect?”

Claire giggled, then kicked her feet in the water thoughtfully. “I guess I’m just hoping I’ll find a guy that’s easy to pick. Right? I have more fun with Steven and it would be easier to be with him when we go to the same college, but we’re just really different and I don’t know how long we’d stay together. Matt makes more sense for me but I’m just not as excited about him.”

“That’s pretty obvious considering how long he’s liked you and you haven’t been with him.”

Claire kind of sighed. She looked up as the sky darkened– the sun had gone behind a cloud. “And I feel like at some point I’ll just want to be in a relationship. I mean, I want to be in one now. I think I’ll get tired of these logical things like ‘we’re too different’ or ‘I’m not excited about him specifically’ and just want to be in a relationship, so maybe I should try one before I get to that point. Do you think it’s time to put on more sunscreen?” Claire’s mom had had a skin cancer scare a couple years ago so now Claire was super serious about sunscreen, which Lindsey appreciated as a redhead who didn’t tan and probably wouldn’t look good with a tan anyway.

“I don’t know how long it’s been. I’ll check.” Lindsey got up to get her phone– a couple years ago she’d dropped one in the pool and now was super serious about not holding it when she was sitting on the edge.

“You know what I mean? About wanting a relationship eventually?”

“I’d have to have a guy like me for that,” said Lindsey. “It’s not like I have options.” She’d meant it to sound jokey but it sounded kind of bitter.

“You’ll find someone,” said Claire. “Maybe before I make up my mind.” She rolled her eyes to the sky and held up her hands in a dramatic shrug, and at the moment the sun came out from behind the cloud and lit her up like a magical prophet.

-

Writer’s Month 2020 day 5: Love, In Summary (soulmates)

Writer’s Month 2021 day 5: A Sparkly Secret (secret + Flash Fiction Friday #112 sunny delights)

Writer's Month 2022 day 5: Another Lonely Heart (heart + Flash Fiction Friday #162 the letter)