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insanely-creative-things · 5 years

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Big Hero 7: The Series

www.fanfiction.net

Big Hero 7

Steamer’s Revenge and Oceanic secrets

*The action seven news starts playing as it shows Bluff Dunder giving his report.*

Dunder: Crime in San Fransokyo at an all-time low according to a new study released today by the Department of news studies.

*Behind him, the screen shot of Big Hero 7 appears.*

Dunder: Thank you Big Hero 7, since there's nothing else going on, today we begin the twelve part series on 'Foods I don't care for'. Part one: Yams.

*The screen shows itself at Hiro's garage with Baymax watching it. Hiro and Cora are currently studying over the connections of Obake.*

Baymax: The yam has a high amount of vitamin B5, C, and nutritional fiber.

*Cora studies over the pictures along with Hiro as Baymax turns around to face the two teens.*

Baymax: Hiro? Cora?

*On the bulletin board, Hiro and Cora have pinned various pictures of what they had connected to Obake, ranging from Lenore Shimamoto to Noodle Burger Boy and Globby's involvement. *

Baymax: Hiro, Cora.

*When Hiro and Cora didn't respond, Baymax raised his volume.*

Baymax: Hiro. Cora.

Hiro and Cora: Ahh!

Baymax: Has your hearing become impaired?

*Hiro rushes in while Cora covers her ears.*

Cora: It will be soon if you don't lower the volume!

*Hiro lowers the volume quickly and soon Baymax returns to his regular voice.*

Baymax: Can you two hear me now?

Hiro: Uh sorry Baymax, we were just distracted.

*Baymax waddles towards the bulletin board.*

Cora: This is what we've got so far...

Hiro: And we know this is all connected. *Points to a photo of the painting 'City Rising' that is on the bulletin board* Like this painting I-I bet Globby stole it for Obake but-but why?

Cora: Whatever it is, it must be for something big he's planning. But what it is, why he even needs the painting and how all of this fits together... That's the million-dollar mystery.

Hiro: A mystery that we've gotta figure out before it's too late. Nothing's more important.

*Hiro and Cora walk over to the screen computer where they are soon greeted by Fred.*

Fred: Hiro! Cora! There's nothing more important than what I'm about to tell you two! *Suddenly spots the bulletin board behind them*...Wait is that a conspiracy wall? Nice...

*Hiro and Cora sigh before they focus on him.*

Hiro: Fred, what is it?

Fred: Oh! Wasabi's birthday is in three days as you can see on my birthday wall*Shows them a bulletin board of his own with Wasabi's picture on it along with various birthday-themed pictures and ideas*.

Cora: Oh cool! A little much, but cool!

*The gang all arrive at Fred's mansion to discuss about Wasabi's upcoming birthday with Honey Lemon writing ideas on a dry-erase board.*

Honey Lemon: So what should we get Wasabi for his birthday?

Fred: I say we get him a custom-made dandy boy costume!

Gogo: Dandy boy?

Fred: Duh! Captain Fancy's number two, he's like my second favorite sidekick! *To Mini-Max* Don't worry Mini-Max, you'll always be my first favorite.

Mini-Max: I was not worried.

Fred: Sure you weren't.

Mini-Max: It is true! The defense of the principles of goodness consumes my thoughts at all times!

Fred: Mm-hmm yeah again, sure you weren't

*Honey Lemon goes back to the board.*

Honey Lemon: Ooh I got it! What if we got Wasabi a puppy!

*But Baymax shuts it down.*

Baymax: Wasabi is allergic to all species of canine.

Honey Lemon: Aww...

Cora: It's okay Honey Lemon. It was a good idea.

Honey Lemon: I guess Pablo the puppy could live with me and Gogo. Right Gogo?

Gogo: Oh boy... you named it..

Honey Lemon: Pablo!

Cora: *Whispers to Hiro* Do you think Honey Lemon and Gogo should just kiss and get it over with?

*Hiro simply shrugs and nods in response as he's busy looking up something on his phone.*

Gogo: We should just give Wasabi cash in a paper bag. He can do what he wants with it no questions asked.

*But Honey Lemon, being the bright bubbly sunshine that she is, isn't happy with giving Wasabi something so mundane.*

Gogo: Why aren't you writing that down?

Hiro: Guys!

*That's when Hiro speaks up and shows them a photo of himself, Tadashi, Cora, Baymax and the rest of the gang hanging around Wasabi's old car.*

Hiro: You know how Wasabi's car is still stuck in the bay? What if we got it out and fixed it up for him?

Honey Lemon: That's also a great idea!

Gogo: I'm in.

Cora: *Kisses Hiro on the cheek* Perfect gift idea babe! Wasabi's gonna love it!

Fred: Someone should distract Wasabi while you guys fix the car.

Hiro: Good call Fred.

*Just as Fred and Mini-Max are alone in the room, the news turns on.*

Dunder: We interrupt 'Foods I don't care for' for some actual news. Boss Awesome, beloved San Fransokyo superhero is now larger than life thanks to this beautiful brand-new Mega Monument in the bay. The Super Statue was a gift from...*Whispers to crewmen as he leaves for a moment* Who is it a gift from?

Fred: That's my dad! Boss Awesome! They're always making statues of him...usually not this big though..

Mini-Max: According to the Heropedia, Boss Awesome is considered the greatest superhero of all time!

Fred: Yeah, he's made the cover of Super People magazine like ten times.

Mini-Max: It would be extremely difficult for his offspring to measure up to such a remarkable legacy!

Fred: Yeah it would...

Dunder: *Coming back while still whispering to the crewman* Well find out! I look like a super idiot out here without a story!

Fred: *Now realizing what Mini-Max just said* Wait! I'M his offspring! Oh boy...never thought about that..

Dunder: *Suddenly getting another big story to report* Oh! This is also just in! Lately there have been a number of recent disappearances off the coast of San Fransokyo Bay! All citizens, fishermen or wealthy citizens that had left from the docks had soon vanished completely without a trace as soon as they headed out to open sea and there has been no word from any of them since! What's even more baffling is that no one, not even local authorities, seem to have any idea as to what is causing it! Just what has happened to our sailing sailors?! All citizens are advise to stay away from San Fransokyo Bay until this issue has been resolved and the missing citizens have been found. However, if anyone has any information on what might be causing these disappearances, you are advise to contact local authorities at once! But for now, all we can do is hope and pray that the missing citizens are all still alive and well.

*Fred turns around to see a list of people and their boats listed under missing..and all last seen around the same bay where they crashed Wasabi's car.*

Fred:...We gotta tell the others about this...

*Back at the garage, Hiro, Cora and Baymax arrive.*

Hiro: If we're gonna fish Wasabi's car out of the bay, we're gonna need some new underwater gear.

Cora: And since you have yours truly as your resident Marine Bio student, I'm more than happy to lend a hand.*Winks at them*

*Hiro fist-bumps Baymax and Cora and soon set to work on their underwater gear. Hiro designs the gear while Cora adds in features that would help them better navigate the bay. Soon after they are ready, all dressed in swimwear that's color-coded in black, red, and blue.*

Hiro: Suit warmer on.

*Hiro and Cora walk towards the end of the dock.*

Cora: Let's dive!

*Soon Hiro and Cora dive off the dock and into the water gracefully.*

Baymax: I cannot dive.

*Baymax simply walks off the dock and enters the water with a splash. Once they open their eyes, Cora playfully swims around Hiro, smiling at him warmly as she swiftly swims through the water, causing Hiro to smile back until Baymax soon joins them. Once Baymax arrives, Hiro and Cora set to work on finding Wasabi's car, using a tracker to find it. The glow that radiated from their suits was to light their way through the dark water, swimming past the coral and fish along the way. While Cora wanted nothing more than to swim around and study the fish, she reminds herself to focus on Wasabi's car first and than study them later. And it was already nice that Hiro is swimming with her as of now. Just then from out of now where, an eel circles around all three of them.*

Hiro: *Startled by the eel's sudden appearance and drops the tracker* Ah!

Baymax: *Holds out a hand to the eel as it swims around them* Hello.

Cora: *Giggles as the eel swims around them* Hi there!

*The eel then swims past them. Cora then grabs the tracker and places it back into Hiro's hands.*

Cora: Don't worry, she's non-electrical, and they're harmless.

Hiro: Thanks *Checks the tracker* I think I got it!

*The three swim forward to see Wasbi's car, overgrown with seaweed and barnacles. Hiro and Cora push aside the seaweed when they both catch a glimpse of a shark inside the car. Hiro's face goes pale with fear while Cora remains calm as the shark swims out and passed them.*

Cora: It's okay Hiro, great whites don't normally attack people unless they're provoked, and we don't look like seals.

*But then Cora hears something..a sort of..melody that's seems to be singing from the far distance

Cora: *Narrows her eyes as she mutters confusingly while listening to the strange, distant melody* What?...

Hiro: Cora watch out!

*Cora is then brought out of her musings as she's pushed down as the great white suddenly lunges towards her without warning. Hiro then grabs Cora's hand and swims fast towards Baymax.*

Hiro: Baymax! Sonic Blaster!

Cora: Wait! Don't-

*But Baymax obeys Hiro's command while reassuring Cora.*

Baymax: It is alright. This will not hurt the shark.

*When the sonic rays are fired, it sends the shark flying across the water and out of sight. Cora looks at Hiro and Baymax in confusion.*

Cora: I don't understand. Judging from the movement earlier, that great white wouldn't had seen us a threat...heck we're even glowing the pattern that shows the fish and such that we're completely harmless AND that we're not to eat!

Hiro: It's okay Cora. I don't know what ticked him off but we're safe now. *To Baymax* Thanks Baymax.

Baymax: You are welcome.

*Soon Hiro and Cora set to work on bringing up Wasabi's car and hooked it up to Baymax. Cora notices a small crab on the ocean floor to which Cora picks it up and gently boops its head.*

Cora: *Smile playfully at the crab* Boop.

*Cora than places the crab back down on the ocean floor before catching up to Hiro and Baymax. Soon the three of them swim up to the surface when Cora hears something strange in the distance again.*

Cora: Hey, do you hear that?

Hiro: Hear what?

*The three remain silent for a moment as the strange sound is revealed to be some sort of voice that seemed to be singing somewhere out in the distance.*

Hiro: Is someone...singing?

Cora: That's impossible, the water would mute any sound above the surface and it would have the tell..tale..sign... uhh...so.. sleepy...

*That's when Hiro notices Cora slowly drifting as her eyes start to close.*

Hiro: *Starts to shake Cora by her shoulders trying to wake her up before he also starts drifting off too* H-hey! Cora! What's going on with you?! Now's not the time to...sleep..we...ugh... get... home...

Baymax: Hiro, Cora. Is something the matter?

*Whatever happened next, happened almost in an instant and in flashes. Images of Baymax trying to push away something, Hiro and Cora seemingly fast asleep and sinking to the bottom of the Bay, a mechanical drill emerging from the sand, the crab Cora had picked up before was sent flying through the water, figures swimming gracefully as they grabs the sleeping teens and swim off with them, then darkness. The next thing that happened, was Baymax lying on the shore on a bright and sunny day(not remembering how he got there), dressed in his water suit, with Wasabi's car, but without Hiro and Cora anywhere in sight.*

Baymax: *Sitting up as he looks around and doesn't see or sense either Hiro or Cora anywhere and realizes that they're missing* Oh no.

*As of while, Fred is heading straight to his limo where Wasabi is waiting for him.*

Fred: Okay Birthday Boy! Where do you feel like going on your special day? The arcade? The zoo? The arcade?

Wasabi: Actually, I was thinking of going Buck Wild! Let's hit my favorite store, The Organized Gentlemen!

Fred: Oh... that sounds... fun..?

*Honey Lemon and Gogo are at the garage waiting for Hiro, Cora, and Baymax to show up with the car.*

Honey Lemon: I wonder what's taking them so long? They said they would have it at the garage already.

Gogo: Maybe they hit the traffic.

*As of while, Baymax is slowly walking towards the garage alone, carefully making his way back home with the barnacle-infected and seaweed-covered car tied behind him. Later on that night, Wasabi is with his friends, even though it was odd to see Hiro, Cora, and Baymax not here with them. But none-the-less, Honey Lemon, Gogo, Fred, Kaguya, Mizuchi, and Aunt Cass are there to celebrate Wasabi's birthday.*

Everyone else: Happy Birthday dear Wasabi! Happy Birthday to you!~

Fred: Haha! Alright!

Wasabi: It's my sock drawer! And it's a cake!

Cass: Oh and don't worry none of the frostings are touching!

Wasabi: It's perfect!..except you got the plaid and the argyle mixed up, but still it's good!

Gogo: Wasabi, just blow out your candles.

Baymax: *Just now arriving* Birthday cakes have a significant increase in bacteria on the surface after candles are extinguished.

*Just then, they all see the large figure of Baymax in his swim gear in front of the entrance way of the cafe.*

Honey Lemon: Baymax!

Gogo: There you are.

Wasabi: Baymax! Where were you all?!

*But when they walk towards the robotic nurse, they noticed something, or rather, 'two someones' were missing.*

Gogo: Hey, where're Hiro and Cora?

Fred: *Whispers* and where's the car?

*The gang then look behind Baymax to see the car...still covered in seawater and barnacles..to which Wasabi is stuck between shock and disgust at his car.*

Wasabi: Wait, is that my car? Wha- how? When did you get it?

Baymax: I can show you the data I have collected when we went out in the bay. But first I must remove the swim gear.

Honey Lemon: We'll help you Baymax.

*That's when the gang turn to Aunt Cass, Mizuchi, and Kaguya with raised eyebrows.*

Honey Lemon: *Tries to cover up what's going on with a smile and an excuse* It's okay! Hiro and Cora are just out getting a last minute birthday present for Wasabi!

Fred: *Playing along to try and be convincing* Yeah! And while they're doing that, we're just gonna go to the garage and remove the clown suit from Baymax!

Cass: *Raises an eyebrow in confusion* Never seen a clown suit like that before.

Fred: It's modern!

*Once the gang get to the garage and remove the swim gear from Baymax, he pulls up the screen on his belly where it shows Hiro and Cora swimming across the Bay...then just around where they hook up the car is where the next scenes are blurred and ultimately ends in static.*

Honey Lemon: *Covers her mouth with her hands in shock at what she saw**Gasp*!

Gogo: *Narrows her eyes at the footage* Baymax. What the heck happened last night?

Baymax: I am not sure. My memory bank of last night's events afterwards are sadly damaged. The last thing I do remember after that was finding myself on the beach. But I do not remember how I got there. When I saw that Hiro and Cora were not with me. I realized they were missing. So I made my way back here to inform you all of what has happened.

Honey Lemon: *Now getting very worried for the young teens* So does this mean that Hiro and Cora are lost somewhere out in the ocean now?! Oh no! We've gotta find them!

Wasabi: *Confused by the whole situation* Wait a minute... Baymax, why were you, Hiro and Cora out in the ocean in the middle of the night to begin with?

*Before Baymax can answer, Gogo facepalms before she answers for him.*

Gogo: Hiro, Cora, and Baymax went out last night to fish out your car and repair it for your birthday today.

Wasabi: *Surprised and touched* Really!? Oh you guys! That is so sweet!...*And than goes back to being confused* But then, why aren't they here now? Just what could have happened to them?

Fred: *Nervously rubs his neck as he remembers the news report he saw that he was suppose to tell them about earlier* Uh.. guys? There's something you should know...

*Fred pulls out his phone to show the recent news about the ocean.*

Gogo: *Reads the news report but does not understand nor is impressed* Okay... So a new statue of Boss Awesome is up in the Bay..what do that have to do with what happened to Hiro and Cora?

Fred: What?*Looks at his phone and sees that it's showing the wrong news story* Whoops! Sorry, wrong news story! Hold on a sec!

*Fred lowers the screen on his phone to show the news article about the recent disappearances of people who had gone out on the Bay.*

Fred: Aw! Here it is! This is what I meant to show you guys!

*The rest of the gang gather round to properly read the news report about the disappearances that have been happening around the Bay as of late and already they're starting to have suspicions as to what could have happened to the young teens*

Honey Lemon: What?

Wasabi: So, you think that whatever's been causing these mysterious disappearances might have something to do with Hiro and Cora going missing too?

Fred: Oh I don't think, I know! The news reports all say that everyone who has gone out from the bay have completely vanished without a trace and haven't been heard from since! And I think whatever is causing it, got Hiro and Cora last night too!

Gogo: Hmm. Well whatever it is, it's not gonna stop us from finding them... but first...

*The gang turn to Wasabi's car. Gogo let's out a dangerous smile as she pulls out her gear.*

Gogo: We're gonna have to upgrade your car Wasabi.

*Somewhere at the bottom of the bay, the little crab is walking along the ocean floor until it comes across an entrance nearby and is quickly sucked inside where it is soon revealed to be another lab where Obake is. As it turns out, the little crab is actually a robotic spy for the man as it scurries up his shoulder as he observes some of the liquid in a vial. The robotic crab soon lowers down onto the keyboard to show the data it has collected last night. When the crab finishes uploading the files, it shows the video where it first shows Cora booping the little robot, to which Obake chuckles, then to the three of them swimming up to the surface.*

Obake: They like to keep busy...Well so do I..

*But no sooner as he says that, the lab starts to shake with tremors. This causes Obake to put the vial he was observing back with the others and than push a few buttons to show on the computer screen what is going on outside via security cameras, which reveals a large drill tunneling up through the ocean floor. Obake touches the image of the drill of the cam footage which shows who is behind it along with a complete profile.

Obake: Baron Von Steamer?... *Swipes away the profile with distaste* Stupid name...

*Soon his attention returns to the data collected by his little robotic crab when he sees that the following footage shows static and cut pictures along with muffled voices. Obake frowns at this and searches through the corrupted video footage, where he did find one clue on what might have happened. Which just so happens to be Baron Von Steamer's drill.*

Obake: *Narrows his eyes at this* Hmm... So this old Steamer fool was around while those two were down here and when the data started malfunctioning... Somehow, I doubt he could be responsible for this. This requires more looking in to...

*Back at the garage, Gogo manages to fix up Wasabi's car in no time, along with some added features to improve the car and soon they are off to the San Fransokyo Dock Control. Though it is rather difficult due to the fact that there is traffic up ahead. While they drive there, they attempt to do small talk to pass the time as they look at the statue of Boss Awesome standing in the Bay in the distance.*

Gogo: Your Dad's statue looks cool.

Wasabi: Huh... It's a lot bigger in person.

Fred: Okay fine, I get it. I'll never measure up to my Dad, who is so awesome it's actually in his name!

Gogo: Whatever, you don't have to be him.

Honey Lemon: You be you Freddy!

*That's when Fred's phone rings.*

Fred: Heathcliff my man! What do you want?

Heathcliff: Master Frederick, an urgent message from Baron Von Steamer.

Fred: On the phone?

Heathcliff: No...

*Fred looks at the others before they decided.*

Gogo: *Taking charge* Okay, Here's what we're gonna do. First, we drop you, Baymax, and Honey Lemon off at your place, then Wasabi and I will head to the docks and talk to the patrol officers about the disappearances. Send us any info you get from Steamer's message, we'll let you know if we hear anything about Hiro and Cora. Got it?

Fred: Got it!

Honey Lemon: Agreed!

Wasabi: Sound's like a plan!

*Soon the car takes a sharp U turn towards Fred's mansion where Fred, Baymax and Honey are dropped off and they head on in. Once in Fred's room, Heathcliff rolls out a film reel to display Baron Von Steamer's message.*

Heathcliff: The Baron's message sir.

Fred: Oh. Hit the lights Mini-Max.

Mini-Max: I thrive on being useful!

*Once the lights turn off, Baymax looks down at his belly along with Fred and Honey Lemon as the image projects itself.*

Steamer: Greetings Boss Awesome, it is I! Baron Von Steamer, your arch nemesis.

Fred: He really could have just phoned...

Steamer: Meet me in Night Market Square by tomorrow at noon for an epic showdown! Otherwise I'll dramatic pause destroy the city!... W-w-wait I-I didn't mean to read 'dramatic pause' but in fact...pause dramatically well you get the gist! *Laughs evilly*

*The video ends and it leaves Honey Lemon, Fred, and Baymax confused until Baymax recollects something in his memory bank.*

Baymax: I have seen Baron Von Steamer last night.

Honey Lemon: What?! Are you sure?

*Baymax pulls up his own video file where the same images display until Honey Lemon sees a familiar drill emerge from the ocean floor.*

Honey Lemon: That's him! He was there!

Fred: Which also means he kidnapped Hiro and Cora! And is holding them hostage!

*Unbeknownst to them however, they are being spied on by Obake and Noodle Burger Boy.*

N.B.B: Gee mister, that old-timey guy sure is gonna mess with your plans.

Obake: Big Hero 7 lives for this sort of thing... Though I wonder how they'll do without Hiro and Cora by their side this time. It'd be rather disappointing if they were to fail miserably without their leader and second-in-command to guild them.

*Honey Lemon, Fred, and Baymax are now in Fred III's secret lair to contact him and ask him for help but he is currently busy, along with Wasabi and Gogo over on screen chat to catch up on the news.*

Frederickson the III: I wish I could help son but-

Fred: I know.. I know you're halfway across the world at the family rainforest preserve saving the sloths.

Frederickson the III: *Showing a baby sloth on his arm* She thinks I'm her Mommy.

Honey Lemon: You'd probably would't make it in time anyway.

Frederickson the III: Steamer has pulled this same stunt a dozen times.

Baymax: Which is to threaten to destroy an entire city unless he has an epic showdown with you.

Frederickson the III: Bingo!

Honey Lemon: But how did you beat him?

Mini-Max: Yes! I am confused. According to Heropedia, you we're repeatedly captured!

Frederickson the III: While he gloated about his plans, I bust out and save the day.

Fred: Of course! It's Villainy 101! The villains always monologue when they capture the hero, which allows said hero to escape and save the day!

Frederickson the III: Like clockwork.

Honey Lemon: Hmmm... Hiro and Cora don't know about this so...*Gets an idea* I think I got it! I think we should dress up Fred as Boss Awesome!

Wasabi: And wait for Steamer to reveal his plan so we can be ready to stop him!

Fred: What happened to me being me?!

Gogo: New plan: You be him.

Frederickson the III: what do you say son?

Fred: Classic!

Gogo: Alright, Wasabi and I are at the dock patrol station now. We'll let you know if we learn or hear anything about Hiro and Cora.

Honey Lemon: Good luck you guys!

*Gogo shuts off her phone as Wasabi and herself enter inside the patrol station.*

Gogo: Hey, we need to talk to the chief.

Sea dog: You're looking at him.

Gogo: I'll cut to the chase, what do you guys know about the disappearances?

Sea Dogs: I've already gone over it with the victims' families and they all said the said thing, they left the docks with nothing bad happening to them, and than as soon as they headed out to open sea, they just vanished. We even scoured through the weather patterns and found no storms that may have sunk any of the boats or ships.

Wasabi: *Whispers to Gogo* Do you think Steamer is the one responsible for all the disappearances and is just holding all the missing people hostage?

*Gogo grunts in irritation as she speaks to the man again.*

Gogo: Two of our friends have just gone out to sea and they haven't returned since last night-

*That's when they all heard the sound of a door opening to reveal the person opening the door as Kaguya. The old woman's face is riddled with fear as she overheard the conversation.*

Wasabi:...Oops...

*Soon the two college students are talking to Kaguya outside the station about (Closely as the truth) how Hiro and Cora were last seen with Baymax in the Bay.*

Kaguya: And where is Baymax? He must have had the memory files stored so he must've seen what had happened.

Wasabi: Uh M-Ma'am... I don't know how to tell you this, but we already tried looking through Baymax's memory files and there was nothing but static and some cut pictures. Who knows what happened to them?

*Kaguya shakes her head before she turns to face them sternly.*

Kaguya: If this is about how I should not be aware of Big Hero 7's work due to me only being a civilian you are sorely mistaken.

Wasabi: *Freaking out now* What?!

Gogo: *Eyes widen in surprise before narrowing at the older woman* You knew?!

Wasabi: *Still freaking out* Since when?!

Kaguya:.. *Sigh* Since the electric train incident months ago. I'm old but I'm not blind.. Now then, tell me why I should not go to Baymax to search for them.

Wasabi: *Starts to calm down from his freak out attack as he explain the whole situation to Kaguya* Well... I was telling the truth about Baymax's memory files of last night being all messed up... But the bigger reason is that there's this old guy named Steamer, he's an old enemy of Boss Awesome and we think he may be holding them and the other missing citizens hostage unless Boss Awesome agrees on battling him...

Kaguya: Hmm.. Still.. I want to see Baymax's footage. I am a grandmother and Cass and Mizuchi are already worried sick since Hiro and Cora are out there and haven't returned as of yet..which you all have clearly forgotten about. Now.. take me to Baymax.

*The next day, Fred is training at the koi fish pond trying to catch the koi with a video screen showing his father cheering him on.*

Frederickson the III: Classic!

Mini-Max: It is an honor to work with a world renowned champion of justice!

Fred: Stop man-crushing on my Dad Mini-Max, you're making it mini-maximum awkwardness for everyone. *Pushes Heathcliff who is holding Mini-Max away*

Frederickson the III: Okay son, the key to being Boss Awesome is

Fred: Say Classic a lot?

Frederikson the III: Absolutely. Hey but also, I've got signature moves!

*Fred pulls up a magazine featuring his father and starts exciting flipping through the pages.*

Fred: The Coffee Table!

*Onscreen, Fred's father pulls out his signature move exactly so. Which was a hard side kick to a tree that caused a small section of the tree to go flying while the top half of the tree miraculously fell into perfect place with the bottom half with falling over.*

Fred: The Dentist!

*The older man carves out a smile on a tree with his bare fist.*

Fred: The Twister!

*Once punch had lead the tree to have a hole going all the way in through its trunk.*

Fred: Okay okay! My turn!

*Soon cardboard cutouts of every villain they faced so far popped up for Fred to practice his father's skills on.*

Fred: The Inverted Arrow!

*But when Fred tried to perform the move, 'Globby' knocked him back down.*

Fred: Ouch..No.. that wasn't right... The Summer Wind!

*But each move he tries to perform only causes more failure on Fred's part. *

Fred: The Blender!

*But Fred knocks himself out after trying to knock out 'Yama' and 'Barb'.*

Fred: *Groaning* 90% there though!

*Then Heathcliff comes dressed in a poorly put together costume as Baron Von Steamer.*

Heathcliff: It is I... Baron Von Steamer.

Frederickson the III: Okay son, give the Five-Poke Polka Troy!

Fred: Is that the one where you do a double backflip, land on their shoulders, poke them in five pressure points causing temporarily paralysis?

Frederickson the III: That's the one!

Fred: *Deep breath* Here goes nothing...

*Fred back flips through the air and lands on Heathcliff's shoulders and pokes him in 5 places. Heathcliff drops down laughing.*

Heathcliff: *Giggles then clears throat* Oh I'm sorry sir. But I'm extremely ticklish.

Mini-Max: I see no paralysis, only delight!

*As of while, after explaining everything to the rest of the team, Fred makes a quick call to Alistair Krei to help out Kaguya and Baymax in searching for Hiro and Cora. Soon Krei, Kaguya, Baymax, and his assistant are out sailing towards the Bay.*

Krei: *Talking to Kaguya while also trying to understand in her already knowing about her granddaughter's secret of being a superhero* Okay okay, so let me get this straight. You knew about Big Hero 7 all this time, knew that two of them was your own granddaughter and her boyfriend, but didn't say anything about it? Why?

Kaguya: *Staring intently out at the open sea while answering Krei's question* I was waiting for when Cora would come clean about her superhero activities in her own time, but now that has change and I will let her know that I know once we find her and Hiro.

Krei: *Awkwardly* Aw..okay then... Second... Your son is a very helpful person... best security guard out there!...but I take it he still doesn't know about his daughter and her boyfriend being superheroes?...

Kaguya: *Looks at him sharply and replies just as sharp ans stern* Son-in-law, young man. Akemi is my daughter. And no he does not know anything about Cora and Hiro being part of Big Hero 7 *Gives him a hard and scary look as she continues* And it would do you well to not say a single word to him or anyone else about this. Understood?

Krei: *Now actually feeling scared towards the older woman* Very understood ma'am! Practically crystal clear! My lips are sealed! *Laughs nervously as Kaguya goes back to looking out at the open sea and tries to ease the uneasy awkwardness by going back to conversing with the older woman* So...you mentioned your daughter before, Cora's mother right?

*Baymax pulls up the photo of Akemi, Cora's mother for reference. Krei sees the picture and recollects when Cora coldly shot him down when he attempted to learn more about her mother.*

Krei: Ah yes...Lovely daughter you have..or rather 'had' there...I can see where Cora got her looks from. *Laughs awkwardly before clearing his throat and tries to be respectful* I am sorry for your loss though...

Kaguya: *Sighs but continues to keep looking at the sea* Cora is all Mizuchi and I have left... we have tried our hardest to keep her safe from them...

Krei:*Now a little confused*...Them? Whose' 'them'?

Baymax: *Interrupts them as he points forward* There is a large fog bank up ahead.

*Kaguya looks up in the direction Baymax is pointing and sees that the fog is thick enough to cover the ocean up ahead as they leave behind the San Fransokyo Bay. Meanwhile, Obake is still in his undersea lab conducting experiments on the salt water.*

N.B.B: What'cha doing mister?

Obake: Converting H2O into D2O.

N.B.B: What'cha doing that for?

Obake: Isolating the deuterium water into fuel.

N.B.B: What's deuterium mister?

*Bothered by N.B.B's constant questions, he pulls out a remote and points it to N.B.B.*

N.B.B: Nifty remote mister! What exactl-

*The remotes shuts down Noodle Burger Boy immediately.*

Obake:... Now...where was I?

*That's when he notices that his little crab bot's video file is recording Krei's yacht, heading out towards the open ocean with Baymax and an old woman along.*

Obake: Hmmm... *Orders the crab bot* follow that yacht. There may be something interesting that is bound to happen.

*The crab bot then scurries through the water and than jumps up to latch itself on a life preserver to join them on their search party for Hiro and Cora. Meanwhile, Fred enters his father's secret lair and dons on his father's old super suit to face off against Baron Von Steamer... complete with mustache.*

Frederickson the III: Classic!

Fred: Oh boy.. Dad. I don't know if I can fill your shoes... Seriously what size are these?

Frederickson the III: It's not how big your feet are, it's how big your heart is. And you are gonna be awesome.

Fred: Thanks Dad.

*Fred gives a hug to his father, even if he is a screen.. then the sloth tries to reach out.*

Fred: Private moment sloth!

Frederickson the III: Also, you also mentioned before about how people have been disappearing off the Bay recently? You're gonna check it out after the brawl?

Fred: Yeah!

Fredercikson the III: Steamer kidnapping Hiro and Cora is something he would do, but kidnapping a group of citizens? That's unlikely. Also... do you remember that film...The Mermaiden's Tale?

Fred: Yeah?

Frederickson the III: This might be a stretch, but that film was actually based off of an idea when the director found a mermaid statue on the beach of San Fransokyo. These statues are used to show people that their have been actual mermaid sightings.

Fred: *Eyes widen large at this* Wait...you mean... Actual Mermaids? For real?!

Frederickson the III: It's a possible theory. Anyway, good luck out there son. May Big Hero 7 win this battle.

*Wasabi is driving with Gogo and Honey Lemon to drop Fred off at Night Market Square.*

Gogo: *Fist bumps with Fred* Don't worry, we got you.

*Honey Lemon reaches out and hugs Fred.*

Honey Lemon: Be careful Freddy.

Wasabi: Good luck. The mustache is working!

Fred: Thanks Guys.

*And so the team drive off leaving Fred alone. Soon he taps in on his comm.*

Fred: *Whispers* Check check, one two.

Honey Lemon: *Responding on the comm* Loud and clear.

*As soon as he's sure he has clear communication, he starts practicing speaking like his father.*

Fred: Classic. Classic! Classic~!

*Soon the ground shakes violently until a giant drill comes up to the surface and soon reveals Baron Von Steamer.*

Steamer: Well, well, well. If it isn't my mortal enemy, Boss Awesome!

Fred: *(Poorly)Impersonating Boss Awesome* Yup that's me! Boss Awesome! Classic! ... *To himself* Nailed it.

*Soon a gust of steam pushes Fred to the ground.*

Fred: Ow! Oh no! You've captured me you fiend!

Steamer: Hmmm.. You look..different. **Gets a closer look at 'Boss Awesome'*

Fred: I-I do?... Is it my loose boots because I have an explanation for that.

Steamer: No no I..I like the boots. The boots works.. some-something else.

*The old man activates his eye to take a closer look at 'Boss Awesome', but Fred remains still as does Wasabi, Honey Lemon, and Gogo.*

Steamer: You've been working out!

Everyone else: *Whew*

Fred: Oh ho ho You got me! Just joined a new gym! Yup! Gettin'-gettin' my swell on!

*Soon Steamer takes Fred hostage and takes him back to his drill and goes down the hole he made.*

Gogo: He's in.. and now we wait.

Honey Lemon: You can do this Freddy!

*Once 'Boss Awesome' is tied up and Steamer removes the bag from his head. Fred quickly looks left to right for any sign of Hiro and Cora, but sees it has minimal space...which means the teens are not here.*

Fred: *To himself* Oh no...

Steamer: I am going to make you watch the destruction of your beloved San Fransokyo before I destroy you! *Laughs evilly*

Fred: And...?

Steamer: And what?

Fred: Aren't you gonna tell me in great detail how you're going to destroy the city? Also if there's anyone else in here? Say maybe...other hostages?

Steamer: No. I'm just gonna destroy it. And you're the only person I've captured and taken hostage today.

Fred:...What?

Steamer: You see, I realized you always beat me cause I explained my plan right before I go through with it! But not this time! *Laughs evilly again*

Fred: But wouldn't it be fun to tell me?

*This does tempt the old man.*

Steamer: It would be delicious... But must resist oversharing!

Fred: Come on Steamer, no villain can resist the urge to revel in their brilliance.

Steamer: You're right! I can't resist.. a good revel! But that is why I'm taking precautions!

*Steamer pulls out duct tape and immediately tapes it over his mouth.*

Fred: Noooo!

*Steamer lets out his evil laugh, though it's muffled from the tape. And the three heard it all.*

Wasabi: Now what?

Honey Lemon: We have to figure out where the attack is going to come from.

Gogo: Yeah we do. But at least we know this much, he doesn't have Hiro and Cora.

Wasabi: Then where are they then? Oh I hope Baymax and Kaguya find them soon!

*Back at the ocean, the fog continues to grow as the captain steers the ship. Krei and his assistant are inside warming themselves while Baymax and Kaguya remain outside keeping a look out through the waters. Baymax brings a blanket and wraps it around Kaguya while also wrapping his arms around her in hug and activates his heating system to keep her warm.*

Baymax: The temperature is now 65.2 degrees Fahrenheit. It is advisable that you go inside for better chances of keeping warm.

*Kaguya does not respond and only keeps staring out at the fogged over-open sea with worry in her eyes. Baymax looks at Kaguya and scans her.*

Baymax: Your neuro transmitters are low, indicating you are scared.

Kaguya: *Sighs dejectedly as she looks down slightly* Yes Baymax, I am scared. I am a grandmother, and my grandchild and her loved one are all alone somewhere out at sea.

Baymax: Hiro is my primary patient along with Cora. Their health and well being are my responsibility. We will find them.

Kaguya:...What I worry most is that they may have found them...

Baymax: *Tilts his head* Who are 'they'?

*Kaguya takes a deep breath before she looks up to Baymax.*

Kaguya: They say family is built upon love, trust, and faith in each other. For a lot that is true... but for some not so much... My family...before I had my Akemi, do not respect others, they only serve themselves. They do not love, not even each other. All they ever do is take what they want, when they want and not care at all about who they hurt... And Mizuchi...Oh... That poor man has suffered enough..we can't loose Cora to any of them... Cora is the only family both of us have left.

*Baymax stays silent as he hears out the old woman's words, seeing her eyes grow melancholy in what is otherwise a strong and wise old woman. And the tone of voice when talking about her family is often connected to a negative home environment. Just then, Krei comes out with his assistant carrying tea.*

Krei: *Somewhat nervously* Okay, now I figured we bring you tea since it's so cold out here before we uh..talk.

Kaguya: *Takes a teacup.* What is it?

Krei: I think we should head back and go another day.

Kaguya: *Halts her actions as was about to take a sip of her tea before looking at Krei with a narrow-eyed glare*...What.

Krei: *Slightly intimidated by the older woman as he explains* Look Ma'am. I don't know if you know this, but there have been a lot of other disappearances that have taken place out here and I'm not risking us being the next 'missing' victims!

Kaguya: *Sternly raises her voice* My granddaughter and Hiro are out there somewhere in the ocean all alone!

Krei: They're smart kids, they can take care of themselves! They'll figure out how to survive!

Kaguya: But for how long?!

*That's when they hear it... a song..first going quietly... then growing louder... Soon the eyes of Krei, Lois, and the captain grow hazed in some sort of trance as they listened to the song. With Baymax being a robot he is not bothered by this. He turns to Kaguya who is not at all effected by the song like the others are, but is instead becoming pale with fear as it show in her eyes as the song continues.*

Krei: *Blissfully* Beautiful...follow the song...

Captain: *Also blissfully* Yes...Mr. Krei...

*The yacht then takes a turn, which confuses Baymax greatly but Kaguya merely holds onto her cane tightly. They both turn to look at each other as they sail into the fog, which then all of a sudden lifts up to reveal a rocky island in front of them.*

Baymax: There is an island up ahead.

*Kaguya's hands tighten on the cane even more as they approach the island. When they dock, Baymax and Kaguya look around and see a number of ships are also docked as well.*

Baymax: According to my scans, these ships are the same ships that have disappeared.

Kaguya: I know...

Krei: Must pay tribute...

*Soon Krei, Lois, and the captain grab what they could carry. Money and priceless pottery in their arms as they climb down, to which Baymax and Kaguya slowly and cautiously follow them. The walk around the rocky grounds of the island until they see a sink hole. The others slowly climb down into it as did Baymax and Kaguya, though the old woman had to push him down due to him wearing his water gear. Once they are safe on solid ground, they walk down the path going towards the center, where they soon see piles of money and priceless artifacts as the song continues. Kaguya hides behind Baymax as he observes the large amount of treasure in front of them. That's when Baymax finally notices the ones who are singing...and they were not what anyone could imagine. On the ledge are three elder woman, all fit with silver hair singing beautifully and with mermaid tails tinged with silver. Then Baymax turns his eyes to see all of the missing people that have disappeared, and all of them have the same hazy-eyed look as they rest on the treasure which is soon joined by Krei, Lois, and the captain. Baymax then looks up and connects what is happening.*

Baymax: *Addressing the three mermaids* According to my scans, your voices are emitting a form of hypnosis which causes the people to go into a deep trance, allowing you three to make them do your bidding.

Lula: ~One seems to resist...

Uma: ~Unaffected by our song...

Muya: ~Don't you love us? Adore us?

Baymax: *Tilts his head* Your singing is beautiful, but I am looking for Hiro and Cora. Have you seen them?

*Baymax's belly lights up to show a picture of Hiro and Cora.*

Lula: ~Ah yes...they were most troublesome...

Uma: ~Tried to escape and free our slaves... Until we sang a song that robbed them of their minds...

*Uma snaps her fingers and soon Hiro and Cora walk towards them, both have the hazed look in their eyes.*

Lula: ~The girl will be with us...

Uma: ~A connection to us we never thought we'd see...

*Muya then pulls out a vial with green liquid.*

Muya: ~Once the girl drinks this, she will loose all memory..

Lula: ~of the filthy land folk and her home..

Uma: ~And cast out the boy to wander the world as a fool...forever...~

*Baymax could only stand still and tilt his head as he processes what the woman are saying. They are going to wipe out Cora's memory of everyone? What do they want with her? And if they also mean to wipe of Hiro's memory, he will be lost and not remember his own family and his friends.*

Baymax: *Tilts his head again* Why do you want to have Cora and send away Hiro without his memory?

Muya: ~The boy will only cause trouble for the girl...and she is one of us...

Kaguya: *Having enough of this and makes herself known* Not if I can help it!

*The three mermaids turn to see Kaguya now in the open as she stepped out from behind Baymax and sees them.*

Uma: ~So you live...

Muya: ~Our baby sister...

Lula: ~Kaguya...

*Baymax looks back and forth between the four of them, scans them and soon enough, they all have similar DNA, making them siblings.*

Muya: It has been many years since you left us baby sister...

Kaguya: *Glares at them* So, this is what you've been doing? Hypnotizing all these people and keep them away from their families just to make them do your bidding as you please?!

Lula: It is fitting thought isn't it? After all.. This is around the same time when we learned about your little affair...with that merman... James was it?

*Kaguya's grip on her can tightens so much, her knuckles start to turn white.*

Muya: You knew very well that he was the captain of the royal guard and yet you continued seeing him.

Lula: Then we find you and James with your simpering infant! And that you had both sprouted legs like humans!

Uma: And now here we are... To think you have admired the land folk so much that you would allow your daughter to marry one and birth a half breed!

Kaguya: *Shakes her cane threateningly at them with rage in her eyes* Touch my granddaughter or her boyfriend and you will all pay!

Muya: Oh right, like you could possibly do anything to stop us? You will fail to save your granddaughter and her little boy toy... Just as you failed to save your husband!

*Soon the three diabolical mermaids began singing a war song which soon causes every human, sans Hiro and Cora, to stand up and ready to fight Baymax and Kaguya.*

Baymax: *Tilts his head once again* I do not understand. You are related to mermaids. Which means Cora is also related to mermaids. Yet you both have human legs.

Kaguya: It's a long story Baymax, one I will try to explain later, but right now we have to face an army of siren-induced hypnotized humans.

*No sooner had she said that, the people march forward to attack Kaguya and Baymax.*

Baymax: My healthcare protocol prevents me from harming a patient.

Kaguya: Then we dodge!

*And they did just that, running from the hypnotized people as they run towards Hiro and Cora, both still dazed as the three mermaids dive into the water.*

Kaguya: I was hoping it wouldn't come to this...*Sigh* Baymax, dive with me!

*Baymax watches as Kaguya throws away her cane and dives into the water, to which he soon joins via walking into the water with a splash. Once in the water, he sees something amazing...Kaguya's legs turn into a mermaid tail, an aqua green shade with tinges of silver to indicate her age, and her tied up hair now loosened as the mermaids look at her with contempt. He also notices something about all four mermaids. They have gills around their necks, explaining how they can breath underwater, fins on their forearms and on their tails. In the darkness of the water, their bodies soon glows, connecting it to bioluminescence.*

Muya: So you did keep your tail after all...

Uma: I guess that potion really did work...

Lula: Pity that you stole it from us!

*The three sisters lunge at Kaguya as she quickly swims down to avoid them along with Baymax.*

Uma: When we came to the Bay last night, we never thought we would find one of our own with the blood of a human mixed in their veins.

Lula: How could you allow your own daughter to conceive a half-breed?

Kaguya: My daughter and son-in-law loved each other very much! He proved to me that despite his family lineage, he was not what they all said he was! And she saw his worth and love him with all her heart! It was her wish to choose to start a family with him for the rest of her life!

Lula: Saw?

Muya: Was?... Oh... *Chuckles evilly* Did your precious daughter die in childbirth Little Sister?

*Kaguya's eyes narrowed in a death glare.*

Baymax: According to my scans, Cora was born prematurely, roughly around seven months.

*Kaguya's mind flashes to Akemi, at first happy and smiling as she rubbed her pregnant belly, then to her daughter's dying face as Cora's tiny frame cries.*

Lula: Ha! I'm not at all surprised that Akemi died birthing a half-human abomination.

*Kaguya angrily lunges at the sisters as she throws a punch to them, but the sisters then set their own electric shock generating from their finger tips as they stun Kaguya back. Baymax is quick to catch her.*

Muya: But even still.. She does have potential.. Have you even noticed that she has already entered puberty yet? Has her singing began putting people in a trance? How she has been eating more sea food?

Baymax: Cora has indeed been eating a lot of shell fish as of late, and is swimming much faster than she normally has.

Uma: Even if she does not have a mermaid tail, her mermaid blood is indeed strong within her..

Muya: I have to admit.. It was a bit harder than it should've been to put her little boy toy under our power.. That means he is starting to build up a resistance to the siren singing of others... Except the one who sings to his heart on a regular basis... So that must mean that your little granddaughter's siren voice has developed and is slowly making that boy immune to all other siren singing but hers.

Lula: Perhaps she will be one of us...as soon as we make her forget that is.

*Soon Muya starts to softly sing which is soon followed by a splash.. Showing Cora sinking into the deep without motion.*

Kaguya: Cora!

*Baymax swims forward to catch Cora but soon the other sisters join in and sing. The next thing that happened a large shark comes forward and lunges at Baymax, biting into his armor. While they were busy, Kaguya grabs Cora and brings her up and rests her on the rock floor where Hiro is still standing in his dazed state, sighing in relief as Cora coughs up the water before returning to her own dazed state. Baymax pushes the shark away and soon his memory file of last night starts to becomes clear... He had seen the same shark lunge towards them to attack so he push them out of the way to protect them, just then Steamer's drill comes up out of the sea floor and causes the shark to become more aggressive. Hiro and Cora tried swimming up despite loosing consciousness to try and escape so they could warn the others. Then how the drill pushes Baymax back into one of the legs of the dock and than sees the three mermaids show up out of nowhere and grab Hiro and Cora before swimming away with them, then how the force of the sonic blast he fired to try and stop Steamer was sop strong that it actually shot him on to the beach with the car. Kaguya swims back down and sees Baymax use his sonic blaster to push back the mermaids and the shark.*

Kaguya: Baymax! Make the sonic blaster louder!

*Kaguya swims back up as the humans turn around and are ready to attack the old mermaid. Taking a deep breath Kaguya begins to vocalize, the old woman's haunting yet beautiful voice soon snaps all the people out of their trance and fall into a deep sleep, including Hiro and Cora. After she does this, she goes back down and sees that he has risen the volume. As the mermaids and shark swim towards them, the sisters generating electricity from their finger tips Kaguya shouts.*

Kaguya: Now Baymax!

*Baymax uses his sonic blaster which creates a large echo in the water, snapping the shark out of its trance before he swims away, and pushes the mermaid sisters far and far away from them. Kaguya takes deep breathes as she point Baymax to the surface and both climb out.*

Kaguya: *Pants from slight exhaustion*...Do you.. happen to have a towel?

*Baymax sees a towel and hands it to her, to which she uses to dab her tail which soon results in Kaguya gaining back her human legs once she was dry. She then stands up as she grabs her cane and looks at Baymax.*

Kaguya: *Sighs* I guess I should tell you about what just happened and about me...

Baymax: That would be appreciated.

Kaguya: *Sighs again* The mermaids have lived alongside humanity since the beginning of time, guiding them through the oceans and helping them fish. But then the humans started to develope a superiority complex and began deeming us a threat to their survival. We went into hiding and made sure to never allow humans to expose us by creating a law that decreed that mermaids were never to go to the surface or show themselves to humans. And thus the stories about mermaids faded into nothing more than myths and legends. As for my family... my sisters, as you have seen, are thieves. At first, they were just stealing from every other merfolk in the sea just to please themselves... I on the other hand, did not like stealing and didn't share the views as my sisters. I preferred to studied about the ocean and the land above and I learned many things about both world, but I wanted to learn more about humanity due to the storybooks and items I had collected on the ocean floor. They humiliated me for this because I did not obey them or see things as they did and often teased me harshly about my interest in humans and the land they lived on. And at the time, I thought I was the only one..until I met James. He was the captain of the royal guard and he had the same interests about humans as I did. Over time we had connected, talking about how wonderful it must be to live on land, away from my sisters and away from the laws our ancestors had set to ensure our safety, but also forbade us from ever exploring the world above the sea... So I began my research to what could possibly make us merfolk finally be able walk on land like the humans could. Around that time though, I had given birth to my daughter. Just when I had completed the potion...my sisters found us. They were furious over my relationship with the guard captain and how I planned to run away with him and our child... James had given up his life... allowing me to escape with Akemi in my arms. I finally got to land and drank the potion along with Akemi.. we had finally grown legs. But it was not easy...not a lot of humans are like the humans in the stories I read. I built a house in Muirahara woods and lived their with my daughter, becoming an herbal doctor and experimenting the same potion that had given us legs and see if it could help others... Healing the sick and injured by just ingesting it..perhaps even making them immortal...*Sigh* However, we soon learned that when water touches us, we gain back our tails, and being dry means we keep our legs. Mizuchi does know about this.. about us being mermaids.

Baymax: *Tilts his head* Does Cora also know about this...

Kaguya: *Shakes her head sadly at this*...No.. she doesn't. And it is best for now that it is kept that way.. *Looks at Baymax as she addresses him* Baymax. You follow your healthcare protocol correct?

Baymax: Yes.

Kaguya: Then you must never tell her or anyone else about all this, not even Hiro. About anything that happened here today and of what just I told you, under confidentiality. Cora must never learn of this until she is ready. Promise me Baymax!

*Baymax blinks as he stares at Kaguya's eyes.*

Baymax: Under medical confidentiality.

Kaguya: Thank you Baymax.

*Soon afterwards Hiro and Cora wake up from their deep slumber, blinking as they see other people slowly start to wake up and mutter in confusion.*

Captain: *Groaning in grogginess and confusion* Whu?

Krei: *Also groaning in grogginess and confusion* What just...happened?

Hiro: Krei?

*Soon the rest of the missing people turn their attention to Hiro, Baymax and Cora, still dressed in their water gear.*

Sea Dog: Hey! It's Alpha, Omega Danger and Aqua Girl from Big Hero 7!

Passenger: They've come to save us!

*While Hiro and Cora are mildly confused since they have absolutely no idea as to what is going on, their attention is soon turned when they see Baymax and Kaguya standing right behind them. The teens smile at them before they turn their attention to the formally missing citizens.*

Cora: Alright everyone! Let's go home!

*The three supers are driving around town as they try to figure out where Steamer's attack will happen and where the two teens are.*

Honey Lemon: It's been hours since Baymax and Ms. Kaguya left with Krei!

Wasabi: They could be anywhere out at sea by now!

*Just then, the radio turns on to the news.*

Dunder: Breaking news! Breaking news! Alpha, Omega Danger and Aqua Girl from Big Hero 7 are returning to the Bay with all of the missing ships and citizens!

*From the distance, the families and friends of the formally missing citizens soon spot the familiar ships that contain their loved ones on board arriving back at the docks safe and sound. Hiro, Cora, and Baymax are already suited up with their regular armor as they fly up through the city. As soon as the three supers hear the radio update, they immediately activate their comm-links to contact the two teens.*

Honey Lemon: Hiro?! Cora?!

Hiro: Oh! Hey Honey Lemon.

Cora: What's been going on?

Wasabi: Oh you two are safe! Oh thank god! It's SOOO good to hear both of your voices again!

Gogo: You two nearly scared us to death!

Honey Lemon: What happened to you guys? Who took you two and how did you find the missing citizens.

Cora: Well... To be honest with you guys, we don't really know. The last thing either of us remembers was that we were hooking up Wasabi's car to Baymax when all of a sudden I started feeling drowsy…than nothing.

Hiro: Same here. And the next thing we know, we find ourselves on an island with all the missing citizens!

Gogo: *Narrows her eyes at this* So you two are seriously saying that neither of you have any memory of what happened between the time you guys went missing and when you found the missing citizens?

Hiro: Weird as it may sound, yeah. That's exactly what were saying.

Honey Lemon: Hiro, Cora. Are you both sure you're up for what's going on right now?

Wasabi: Yeah. I mean, you guys did just come back after disappearing without a trace and with what sound's like a serious case of memory loss.

Cora: Relax you guys, we're fine. Baymax even gave us a look-over on the way back and said we were a-okay.

Baymax: It is true. Both Hiro and Cora are in perfect health and have not sustained any injuries from the time they were missing.

Hiro: Okay, now we've got all of that out of the way, can you guys please explain to us what's been going on while we were gone?

Honey Lemon: Okay well first, we got a message from Baron Von Steamer saying he wanted a rematch with Fred's Dad.

Gogo: But he's halfway cross the world, but we did learned from him that Steamer has a habit of blabbing about his plans before he could actually do them.

Wasabi: So Fred dressed up as Boss Awesome and was captured, but this time Steamer just kept his mouth shut! Literally! With DUCT TAPE!

Gogo: And now we don't know where Steamer's going to attack or when.

Cora: That's not good.

Hiro: Steamer could show up anywhere! He has a drill car-!

*That's when their comms are hacked and soon, the same distorted voice of their most mysterious enemy speaks.*

Obake: Welcome back Aqua Girl and Alpha. I must say I am quite relived to see you both safe and well after your...disappearance. Though for two child prodigies you slightly disappoint me.

Hiro: Obake!

Cora: What do you want?!

Obake: No need to be so hostile my sweet Cora, and isn't it obvious Hiro?

*All of the teams' eyes widen as they hear the distorted voice say Cora's and Hiro's name.*

Obake: Steamer's end game? Think bigger...

*The communication between Obake and them is immediately cut off after that.*

Wasabi: Well that was creepy!..

Hiro: *Says to himself as he thinks on it* Think bigger...

*Hiro and Cora look around until they see the giant statue of Boss Awesome in the Bay. That's when they realize what's going to happen.*

Hiro: Guys! That Boss Awesome Statue! It's a weapon!

Cora: And there are still ships carrying the rest of the missing citizens on their way to the Bay with their friends and families waiting for them at the docks!

*The people on the ships turn their attention the statue of Boss Awesome when all of sudden it transforms into a bigger and mechanical robot of Baron Von Steamer himself. As of while, Steamer tries to monologue but all that came out is muffled speak due to the duct tape still covering his mouth.*

Fred: Okay, I think you're being evil but I can't really tell?

*Baron Von Steamer finally rips off the tape.*

Steamer: Sorry. Completely forgot I gagged myself. What I said was 'Say goodbye to San Fransokyo'!

*The curtains pull back to reveal the city of San Fransokyo.*

Fred: *Realizes now what's going to happen* The statue! Of course!

Steamer: *Laughs evilly* Yes! The Boss Awesome statue was a secret weapon the whole time! Ooh! Oh it feels so good to let it out!

*Soon a tube emerges from the statue to suck in the water as the ships carrying the formally missing citizens quickly head towards the docks while the people on the ships held each other tightly as the ocean shakes and tumbles them as its being sucked up.*

Wasabi: It's sucking up the water in the Bay! So it can-

Gogo: Blast the city with it!

Cora: Not on my watch!

Hiro: I have an idea!

*Soon Hiro calls back their swim gear as they prepare to head out into the Bay once more.*

Steamer: I hope you brought your wrinkly laundry because things are about to get steamy!

Fred: Uh why would I bring my laundry? That's a ridiculous thing to say right now.

Steamer: Boss Awesome never questions my banter. He just goes with it.

Fred: Uhm! I mean- I did bring my clothesline to hang you out to dry!

Steamer: Haha! That's the Boss Awesome I know!

*While Steamer begins his preparations, Baymax along with the two teens dive into the bay again to stop his plans. They swim towards the suction drive.*

Cora: Baymax, Overdrive-Mode, underwater style.

Honey Lemon: But, Overdrive-Mode will drain Baymax's battery you guys.

Baymax: My systems cannot fully function on low battery.

Hiro: We know Baymax, but we need as much speed as we can get!

Cora: Not to mention all those missing people are finally heading home to be reunited with their families after all this time! We can't let them be put in danger again after what they've been through!

Hiro: So let's go!

Baymax: Entering Overdrive-Mode.

*Soon Baymax enters into his Overdrive-Mode in his underwater suit*

Baymax: Oh no...

*Soon, with Hiro and Cora on his back, they shoot up towards the suction. Steamer raises his robot's mechanical arm and begins to shoot towards the city.*

Hiro: Baymax sonic blaster now!

*Soon Baymax spins fast to blast them up towards the source. Both teens scream loudly and hold on to each other tightly as they shoot up in the air and destroy Steamer's tank.*

Baymax: *Drunkenly as he starts to fall back down* IdID ThE ThINg!

Hiro and Cora: *Also falling back down* AAAaHHH!

*Soon all three of them land back into the Bay, and all the robot could shoot out now is a harmless puff of steam with only a little bit of water.*

Fred: *Cheering for his team* Big Hero 7 for the win! Say whaaaaat! *Than catches himself and reverts back to acting like Boss Awesome* I mean I mean I mean- Classic!

Steamer: I wouldn't drop that annoying catchphrase so fast if I were you! You see, it also occurred to me that you win every time because I never have a plan B! Behold!

*Steamer then pulls out a book labeled 'Plan B'!

Fred: I don't even know who you are anymore!

*Once Hiro, Cora and Baymax made it back up to the surface(floated up in Baymax's case), they see the statue from afar.*

Baymax: *Still drunkenly* HelLO! I'm BalALaLA!

*The teens swim over to Baymax to make sure he's alright when their attention is drawn away when they see that the tank isn't as connected to the statue as they thought it was as the whole statue starts to fall apart, leaving only the base which than transforms into a submarine and swims away.*

Hiro: Guys...

Gogo: Don't worry you guys. We're on it!

Wasabi: We are?

Gogo: You haven't tested the coolest new features we added. Just press that button.

Wasabi: How's a self-carwash button gonna help us Gogo?

Honey Lemon: That's not a self-carwash button.

Wasabi: What is it? A button that transforms my car into an underwater car?

*The smiling looks on both girls answers his question.*

Wasabi: *Fangirlishly excited now* It's a button that transforms my car into an underwater car!

*Wasabi gleefully presses the button as they drive off the docks as the car does indeed transform into an underwater car. Soon they are zooming through the water.*

Wasabi: Best birthday ever!

*With that, they speed off. Steamer on the other hand, was perfecting his aim towards his intended target. *

Steamer: Sayonara San Fransokyo!

*Steamer than launches three missiles towards city and the ships.*

Honey Lemon: Heat-seeking missiles!

Wasabi: We have to divert them fast before they hit the city and the ships!

Gogo: Button for that!

*Gogo presses another button and soon the car speeds faster towards the missiles.*

Honey Lemon: *Through the comm-link* Freddy! Time to get out of there!

*The missiles soon change their direction from the city and ships to the underwater car, displeasing Steamer.*

Steamer: No! That's the wrong target!

*Fred snaps off his handcuffs.*

Fred: And I'm guessing you don't have a plan C?

*With that, Fred rolls away to escape while Wasabi drives towards the missiles and then pulls up, making the missiles follow suit. It isn't long until Wasabi makes a sharp turn up as the missiles head straight towards the submarine, causing it to explode. Fred soon pops out of the ocean while pieces of the sub rain down around him and sees Steamer swim up to the docks and throw a random stranger on a segway into the ocean.*

Steamer: Out of my way millennial!

*Steamer is about to hop onto the stranger's segway to escape and rue for another day...only to be blocked by Big Hero 7.*

Steamer: You've won this time Big Hero 7! But mark my words! I will have my reven-

*Just than, Fred hops up in a back flip and lands on Steamers back, pokes him in five pressure points and tickles his foot, causing the old man to laugh uncontrollably.*

Fred: Will you surrender and turn yourself in to the police?

Steamer:*Still laughing like crazy from the tickling* Yes! Yes! I-I'll surrender and turn myself in to the police!

*Soon he is thrown into Wasabi's car where Fred removes the fake mustache and reveals his true self.*

Boss: Wait! You're not Boss Awesome! You're his baby child! Mark my words, I will have my reve-

*Gogo shuts the door.*

Cora: Thank you Gogo!

Gogo: I just can't with the revenge-vowing anymore.

*Soon Hiro and Cora find themselves wrapped up in a group hug.*

Honey Lemon: We are so happy your both back safe and sound!

Wasabi: You two had us worried sick!

Fred: You have NO idea how relived we are to have you both back with us! Big Hero 7 just isn't the same without you two! Without you we're just *Shudders in fear* Big Hero 5!...

Gogo: Yeah... We're just glad your both here and alright now.

Hiro: Hehe. Thanks you guys. *Turns to Fred* By the way, nice one Fred, was that one of your Dad's moves?

Fred: *Breaks free from the hug as he puts the fake mustache on his chest* Yup! But I put my own twist on it!

Wasabi: What do you call it?

Fred: I was thinking of... Goochi Goochi Gotcha!

Cora: *Giggles*

Wasabi: As Mr. Frederickson would say...

The Whole Team: Classic!

*That's when they hear the sound of a whale humming as it blasts Baymax off with his blowhole which causes Baymax to land on the dock a few feet away from the rest of the team.*

Cora: *Waves to the whale* Thank you random whale!

*The whale hums in return before swimming away. After all that, where Cass and Mizuchi squeeze the two teens to death over how worried they were, the gang are at the garage the next day to discuss about Obake.*

Wasabi: I don't know about you guys. But I'm still creeped out that Obake was able hack us.

Honey Lemon: And how weird was it that he helped us?

Wasabi; Yeah, why would he help us save the city?

Hiro: Maybe it wasn't about the city... Maybe it was about the water..

Cora: And with the water...who knows what he wants with it.. *Narrows her eyes* Or what he could do with it...

*Back at Obake's undersea lair, he has successfully converted the H2O into D2O.*

Obake: Thank you Big Hero 7...

*He than gestures to the crab as he lightly pets it, pleased as he had already seen the contents of the trip towards the island..and everything else that happened on it. He pulls up the footage and watches it once again as a sinister smile appears on his face.*

Obake: My my my, my dear Cora... I knew there was something special about you, but I had no idea that you were this special...and what makes all of this so ironic is that you yourself have absolutely no idea about any of this..or what you actually are. But never-the-less, this new revelation will no doubt make things much, much more interesting...*Starts laughing evilly*

A.N: So how is the updated chapter? Tell me in the comments! Love you all! Also, yes. Mermaids exists in this Fanfic.

#big hero 6 fanfic #big hero 7 #Hiro Hamada #Cora Mizichio #hiro hamada x oc #Baymax #Kaguya #Fred Frederickson IV #fred frederickson iii #Wasabi #Honey lemon #Gogo Tomago #alistair krei #Lois Carter #The Sirens #baron von steamer #Boss Awesome #minimax #Heathcliff

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mst3kproject · 6 years

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The Beach Girls and the Monster

This movie stars Sue Casey from Catalina Caper and Elaine DuPont from I was a Teenage Werewolf, but I really don’t think I have to justify reviewing a movie called The Beach Girls and the Monster on an MST3K blog. The only people who are going to want a movie called The Beach Girls and the Monster are people who are fascinated by godawful movies. Let us proceed.

A beach party is interrupted when one of its choreographically-challenged bikini babes is strangled by a seaweed-draped fish monster that even the Horror of Party Beach would laugh at. The cops find mysterious footprints, which local scientist Dr. Lindsay declares belong to the South American Fantigua fish, a known man-eater! Dr. Lindsay also takes the opportunity to rant about how the killer was doubtless one of those good-for-nothing surfer kids his son Rich hangs around with. Then we take a right turn from The Horror of Party Beach into General Hospital as we get a taste of life in the Lindsay household. Not only are Rich and his father at odds over whether surfing is a worthwhile hobby, Rich’s stepmother Vicki is playing the two against each other while cheating on her husband at every turn, including with Rich’s friend Mark, a struggling artist who rents their spare room.

I’m going to stop there, because your brain is probably lagging behind as it tries to process the ‘fish footprints’ plot point. Yeah, no kidding, that’s in the movie – the footprints of a fish! Is Fantigua supposed to be the scientific name of the Creature from the Black Lagoon? I mean, yeah, there are fish that can crawl across land for short distances, but they still don’t have feet.

That’s not even the weirdest thing in the movie, either. The first victim, a girl called Bunny, had at one point posed for a sculpture Mark was working on. After she dies, he gives the piece to her parents as a gift… which is nice enough, except that the sculpture is of Bunny as a sexy mermaid! What the fuck, dude?

At one of the beach party scenes, we have to listen to Rich sing an uninspired and unmemorable ballad called More than Wanting You. The nicest thing I can say about this song is that it’s still better than the music in Wild Guitar. Immediately afterwards, however, we’re treated to a much more entertaining nonsense song called There’s a Monster in the Surf, which is sung by Rich’s girlfriend and a lion hand puppet wielded by a guy in a fake beard. I have no explanation for that. None.

There’s the bit where Mark’s walking on the beach and comes across a group of girls wiggling their butts at the camera in time to music. There’s nobody else around, they never notice him watching them, and they’re totally separate from the party he arrives at later in the evening. They’re just there, in a way that suggests they’re like the rocks and the waves – they’ve been on this beach since the beginning of time and will be until the mountains crumble. I wonder if they’re a PokeStop.

There’s the jazz interlude when Vicki comes home drunk and staggers around the house for a while before being attacked by the monster, which was lying in wait for her at the top of the stairs (again – yes, this happens). The music suggests we’re supposed to be watching a strip show or something but all we’re doing is sitting there looking at Vicki’s ass as she pours herself a drink and reads a love letter. I can tell it’s supposed to be sexy but the only reaction it actually gets out of me is huh?

Huh? is my major reaction to Vicki as a character, actually. The first time we meet her, she’s trying to cozy up to Rich, who tells her to get lost. Then she accuses Dr. Lindsay of loving Rich more than he loves her, and tries to turn him against Rich’s friend Mark. Then she goes to pose for Mark, who really just seems to want to get on with the sculpture he’s making of her, but she comes on to him, kisses him, and then rejects him and calls him names. She cheats on her husband and tells him its too late to save their relationship – and throughout all of this, there’s never any sense that she has a goal. The only thing I can imagine all this behaviour leading up to is becoming a rich divorcee, but the idea of a divorce is never even brought up. As far as I can tell, she just likes messing with people’s emotions.

With all this interpersonal drama going on throughout the movie, it’s actually easy to forget about the monster. After its first murder it vanishes into the woodwork and never makes another appearance until almost the end of the movie – and the end of this movie is a letdown on almost more levels than I can actually count. In order to discuss this I’m obviously going to have to spoil it, but I have a hard time believing anybody cares about spoiling themselves for The Beach Girls and the Monster.

All right, so the monster kills a guy on the beach and Mark helpfully frames himself by being present, stealing a police car, and driving home, because he suspects that Dr. Lindsay has something to do with the monster – after all, we’ve heard Rich talk about his father’s papers on mutations in sea life! The monster kills Vicki, then goes after Mark, who stabs it with a kitchen knife and rips its head off, revealing… Dr. Lindsay in a stupid monster costume! Dr. Lindsay then steals Rich’s girlfriends car and drives off in pain, and the police chase him until he goes over a cliff and explodes. Roll credits.

There is almost more disappointment here than I think I can encompass in my remaining review space. First of all, we were told about the man-eating fish and then about science experiments that can mutate animals to several times their normal size. I don’t know about anybody else, but I was expecting that Dr. Lindsay had either created a fish monster or else had temporarily turned himself into one. Nope, he’s just a dude in a monster suit. I guess this was an attempt at a misdirection? Okay, sure, but if you’re going to misdirect your audience, it should go without saying that the real answer needs to be cooler than the fake one! Shriek of the Mutilated also had its monster turn out to be a guy in a costume, but that was a cover for a cult of cannibals!

Then there’s the explanation of why Dr. Lindsay did this. It’s never spelled out for us explicitly, but it seems like his motive was to scare Rich away from hanging out with the beach crowd so that the two of them could spend more time doing science together!

And there’s the car crash ending. Car crashes are like house fires in Frankenstein movies… they’re a way of ending the story without anybody actually having to do anything. The entire ending is calculated to avoid anybody suffering any consequences or Rich, who is technically our protagonist, actually having to behave like a hero. Mark stabs his attacker, but dies immediately afterwards so that he can’t be held responsible for a murder, even one committed in self-defense. His death also means that Rich no longer needs to look after his struggling friend. Dr. Lindsay runs away so that Rich cannot confront him or ask why he has done these things. The car crash finishes him off so that there’ll be no need to bother with an arrest or a trial or anything, and Vicki’s death means that Rich will inherit everything. Everybody who was making Rich’s life complicated is dead and now he gets all his daddy’s money and can do whatever he likes.

This is not what the audience wants at the end of this story. The middle of this story wasn’t what we wanted from this movie anyway – we wanted a story about a seaweed-covered fish monster killing people in swimsuits. If the reason we’ve spent so much time with the Lindsay family instead is because the monster is actually Rich’s dad in a costume, we need to deal with that. Having him drive over a cliff is a way of not dealing with it. The cop telling Rich ‘he thought he was doing it for you’ isn’t anything like the same as having Dr. Lindsay himself say, ‘I was doing it for you!’. Closing on a shot of Rich staring at the burning car doesn’t tell us what effect all this is going to have on him. It’s all a giant cop-out!

There are a million other little weird things here. There’s the movie’s insistence on calling Dr. Lindsay an oceanographer when everything we’re told about his research clearly makes him a marine biologist. The photograph of Rich that sits on his father’s desk is clearly one of actor Arnold Lessing’s headshots. There’s the wallpaper that from a distance looks like it’s covered in emojis. There’s surfing footage that serves the exact same non-purpose as the wrestling in Samson vs the Vampire Women. It all sucks.

Is there anything nice I can say about The Beach Girls and the Monster? Well… there is one thing. This is the only movie I can think of where the monster has a perfectly gender-neutral body count. Dr. Lindsay kills exactly four people: Mark, Vicki, and surfer kids Bunny and Tom. Two men, two women, and like Bunny, Tom was killed in his swimsuit with the only visible injuries being some scratches to his face. Is this an intentional statement on how women are treated in monster movies? I fucking doubt it. Not in a film with this many jiggling ass shots.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the beach girls and the monster #manly beach dance #it's beginning to look a lot like fishmen #60s

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duhragonball · 7 years

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[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (59/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation. This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

Previous chapters conveniently available here.

[4 August, 238 Before Age. Planet Wist.]

He had stumbled, and the results had been disastrous, but very soon he would have another chance. He would make things right, and everything would be as it should have been.

Since the destruction of Goldwall Fortress, the Shockmaster had established a new command center in an abandoned castle a thousand miles away. Wistian technology had transformed the old stone manor into a gleaming administration building, and it was quickly staffed by the highest ranking survivors of the Wistian military. These personnel reported to his new chief of staff, Tigon, formerly a lieutenant colonel in charge of public works projects.

"Rewistification has come to a standstill in the southwestern districts," she said as he stood on the roof and contemplated the view of the valley below. "The devices we used to irrigate the farmland were destroyed in the battle, and so were the supply houses where the backups were stored."

"WE’LL REPLACE THEM," he said, his voice seemingly booming from everywhere at once. "ONCE THE CAMPAIGN IS COMPLETE. WE’LL REPLACE EVERYTHING."

"My Partner," Tigon began, for that was how he wished to be addressed, "That timetable simply won’t work. It’ll take weeks to finish assembling the fleet, and weeks to deploy them to Extraliga, to say nothing of the return trip. The farmers need irrigation now, during the growing season. By the time we return, winter will have set in."

"THE CAMPAIGN IS ALL THAT MATTERS," the Shockmaster said. "EVERYTHING DEPENDS UPON IT. ALL RESOURCES MUST BE PUT TOWARDS THAT GOAL, UNTIL EXTRALIGA IS WON."

"Is this how you make our planet great?" Tigon asked. "By starving its people? By selling them into slavery to pay mercenaries to fight in your war?"

The Shockmaster crossed his arms over his massive chest. "YES," he said.

Tigon was stunned by his bluntness. She opened her mouth to speak, but then he twitched his fingers, and she was suddenly engulfed in bolts of violet lightning.

"DON’T CONFUSE ME WITH THE DEGENERATES WHO ONCE RULED THIS WORLD, TIGON," he said as she convulsed violently. She dropped to her knees and only then did he cease his attack.

"MY AUTHORITY IS ABSOLUTE. I WON’T CHANGE MY PLANS SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ARE UNPOPULAR. I SEEK TO TRANSFORM THIS PLANET INTO A PARADISE, AND NOTHING LESS. IF THE PEOPLE MUST SUFFER HARDSHIP FOR THE GREATER GOOD, THEN SO BE IT. NOTHING WILL DISTRACT ME FROM MY OBJECTIVE. NOT LUFFA, NOT THE REBELS, NOT THE PEOPLE, AND CERTAINLY NOT YOU."

She recovered from the assault and nodded as she caught her breath. "Yes, sir," she said. Under the circumstances there was really nothing else she could say. She finished her report and left him to stare at the valley.

He didn’t expect them to understand. He had renamed the planet and its people, but none of them were true citizens of Wist. Wist was an ancient civilization to them, barely a footnote in their history. Despite all of its grand and glorious achievements, Wist had fallen, and the planet eventually gave rise to a new civilization: Goldwall. The Goldwallish were fools, possessing reasonably modern technology but preferring to live like a medieval people. They lived in stone castles and wooden houses, and they fought pointless battles over which noble family would rule which parcel of land. Their leaders had all been cruel, treacherous and venal, and they had ruled by fear and intrigue rather than any real power.

It embarrassed the Shockmaster that he had unwittingly played such a pivotal role in Goldwall’s history. For centuries, its rulers had used his legend as a sort of boogeyman to frighten their subjects into obedience. He could understand the value of intimidation, but they had no vision beyond their own appetites. Then the day finally came when he was summoned in earnest. The boogeyman proved to be real after all, and unlike the pitiful regimes who had used him as a crutch, he had a worthy vision for the future, and the strength to realize it.

At first, the people welcomed him, for he brought peace and stability simply by his very existence. None could defy the power of the Shockmaster, so the old disputes and conflicts swiftly became irrelevant. His deputies would jockey for position in the new order, but they knew better than to defy him personally. Alien interlopers had sought to oppose his rule, but they could only chip away at the edges, and he saw them as no serious threat. The Goldwallish were eager to accept anything he told them to do, but only because they believed he would deliver easy, guaranteed victories.

No one had questioned the invasion of Extraliga until it began to unravel. He had gambled much, and paid in manpower and materiel, but he had waited millennia for the chance to take that world. To him, the wormhole’s capture and Luffa’s counterattack were minor setbacks. The resentment of his subjects was little more than a minor annoyance. He had stumbled, but he had stumbled before, and as always, he would rise again and seize the final victory.

Tigon and her kind quibbled over useless details. The wormhole had been a convenience and nothing more. If he had to send a fleet across the galaxy to conquer Extraliga, he would do so. If the fleet needed six weeks to make the journey, so be it. If he had to make his subjects suffer to rebuild his military, then they would suffer. If he had to supplement that fleet with mercenaries, he would. If those mercenaries demanded Wistian slaves in lieu of payment, then it would be done. All that mattered was his goal, and he had already sacrificed far more important things in its pursuit...

*******

A thousand miles to the east of the Shockmaster, night had fallen over the ruins of Fortress Goldwall. Once, the fort would have been a bustling center of activity, lit by hundreds of lamps as officials and merchants went about their business. After the Super Saiyan's rampage, the only signs of life in this place were scavengers hoping to find something useful or valuable in the rubble, and they only came around during the day. Now, the only light was the meager starlight of the moonless sky, and a single flashlight.

The young woman who carried the flashlight moved purposely across the broken fortress. Unlike the usual scavengers, she didn't pause to search the area randomly. Instead, she went to a specific spot and began digging.

An hour passed. Then two. When a Wistian patrol vehicle flew over her position, she shut off her lamp and ducked under a leather cloak to hide, but this was the only real opposition she encountered. Finally, when she had found what she was looking for, she emerged from the hole she had dug, and leaped away from the ruins. She landed hundreds yards away, and broke into a run as soon as her boots touched the ground. Picking up speed, she continued along a road, altering her course and speed only to avoid Wistian convoys and checkpoints. Finally, she vaulted over a fence at the edge of a village and entered a bog on the other side. Wading up to her knees, she spoke a single word in a long-dead language, and vanished.

She reappeared in a room lined with peat and vegetation. There were candles, but most of the illumination was provided by what looked like bubbles that hung in the air and gave off a pale yellow glow. There, in the center, a creature sat upon a moss-covered cushion, engrossed in deep meditation. His muscular body was mostly humanoid, but his bulging yellow eyes and scaly green skin gave him a fish-like appearance. His only clothing was a vest covered in coral, and breeches made of seaweed. He glanced in her direction almost a soon as she arrived, and nodded courteously.

"Trrouuuble?" he asked in a slurred, gargling voice.

"No, I just found it a lot sooner than we expected," she said, removing her cloak to reveal her costume. In spite of the hours spent digging through debris, her blue gloves and boots were spotless, as well as the tricolor leotard she always wore, and the tricorne hat on her head. Her face and legs, however, were covered in dust and grime, a silent testament to her long night's work. "The locator spell you used managed to pinpoint it almost perfectly."

"Wellll dooooone," he said.

"I don't like all this sneaking around, Tobiko. I came to Planet Wist to fight for its freedom, not to dig up old relics from ruined fortresses."

He began to respond, then paused and made a series of esoteric gestures toward his throat. When he completed this spell, he began to speak normally, in a voice she found quite charming.

"Forgive me, Ensign Liberty. I would have searched the ruins myself, but my unsightly form would have been too conspicuous. And though it may not be to your liking, you have a talent for slipping into places unnoticed."

"I'm a revolutionary, mister," she said. "I know the importance of stealth, but I prefer to use it to make strategic gains. Intelligence gathering, sabotage, assassination, that sort of thing." She reached into a satchel hanging from her arm and withdrew a oblong, iridescent gemstone. "But this bauble you sent me to retrieve hardly seems worth the trouble."

He reached out his webbed hand to take the gem from her and examined it carefully with his bulbous eyes. "We shall soon see, M'ranga," he said. "The Crystal Chronicle contains historical records from as far back as the Golden Age of this world. Over the millennia, the knowledge of how to access those records was lost, until the Lords of Goldwall saw it as nothing more than an opulent treasure. But if I can decode its data-lattice with a Spell of Decryption, we may discover a number of gains, strategic or otherwise."

"That's all it is? A history book?" Ensign Liberty asked. When Tobiko nodded, she shook her head and threw out her hands. "What good can that possibly do us? We need to be worried about this planet's future, not its past. The Lords of Goldwall have been oppressing the people here for thousands of years, and for all the Shockmaster's promises, he's on track to finish grinding this world into dust. All he cares about is conquering a planet on the other side of the galaxy, and he's willing to use every resource on this planet to raise his army. We need to be fighting, resisting, not poring over musty old tomes."

"Be mindful, M'ranga. For all your righteous passion, I fear you are making the same mistake the Shockmaster has made."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Our enemy was sealed away thousands of years ago, and now he has awoken in a world he no longer recognizes. He seeks to restore it to the way it once was, or rather the way he wishes it had been."

"He wishes ancient Wist had never fallen," she said. "You already told me all about that. Wist was a paradise once, and he claims he can bring it all back, if only his subjects obey his every command."

"But Ancient Wist never fell," Tobiko replied. "Over the centuries, it changed and evolved into something completely different, but there was no fall, my good Ensign. That would require some singular, catastrophic event to mark the end of one era, and the beginning of the next. History is rarely so convenient, as any historian will attest."

She considered this for a moment. "You're saying the Shockmaster's strategy is flawed because it's built on a false premise. He's pinning all his hopes on this one great battle he's planning, because he thinks that's how the universe works."

"Months ago, you tried to shoot the Shockmaster in his own fortress," Tobiko said. "Your attempt failed, but even if it hadn't, did you truly believe you could liberate Planet Wist in a single stroke?"

"Of course not," she said. "Killing him would have been a big step forward, but only a step. It would have left a power vacuum, and there would have been usurpers, but each of them would be far weaker than the previous regime. The revolution would have an easier path to victory, but not a guaranteed one."

"Then you understand. The Shockmaster, I suspect, does not. If we study the past that he has overlooked, we may find the way to exploit this weakness."

She rubbed the tip of her chin, then took a seat on one of the mossy cushions in Tobiko's sanctum. "Where do we begin?" she asked earnestly.

*******

[6 April, 7491 Before Age. Wist.]

"Remarkable texture, wouldn’t you agree, Lord Beerus?"

"Mmm? Oh, yes. And the flavor is simply amazing. I think a second helping is in order."

"You’ve already had a second helping, my lord. And a third for that matter."

"No one asked you to keep count, Whis! For your information, I’m trying to make as fair an evaluation of this meal as possible."

"Oh, I see."

"It’s one thing to prepare a good meal, but a truly great chef must be able to produce consistent quality. If the second helping is as good as the third, then it demonstrates unparalleled skill."

In the great hall of the Mystic Council, the little boy watched from the doorway while his father served the meal. He was proud of his father. The Wist Hegemony was the greatest power in the universe, and the Mystic Council was wise beyond wisdom itself. That they had selected his father to run their kitchen was a tremendous honor. On days like these, his father had brought him along to watch him work, and the boy had been proud to see the Mystics lavish praise upon the food he prepared.

But this time was different. Tonight, it was not the Council he served, but a pair of visitors. He didn't know who they were or why they had come, or why the Mystics had not used their invincible magic to make them leave. Surely the power of the Ur-Ember was enough to destroy them! Instead, the Mystics spoke in hushed whispers, and they had approached his father and pleaded for him to save them all. They were afraid. Until now, the little boy did not think such a thing was possible. He didn't understand everything that was happening, but he had gathered that something very terrible would happen unless his father could please the two visitors with his cooking.

"Then have you made your determination, Lord Beerus? Or will you need another slice?"

"Don’t rush me. I’ll have to think about this... Hmm, maybe after a nap."

"It wouldn’t be fair to keep them in suspense, now would it? You did say you would spare this world if the meal appeased your anger."

"Yes, well, if they don’t like the suspense, then this planet’s rulers should have been more polite when I arrived. Why, just thinking about it makes me positively..."

He paused to make a long, loud yawn, and then he rubbed his large eyes with his paw-like hands. Then he smacked his lips and continued speaking.

"...errr, positively furious."

"So furious that you want to take a nap, Lord Beerus?" Whis asked with a wry smile.

As they bickered, the little boy watched his father, who stood nearby with a bottle of wine. His father was a consummate professional. As terrified as the Mystics had been, he had accepted his role in the crisis with dignified grace. The boy thought he could make out a bead of sweat rolling down his father's face, but there was no other outward sign of anxiety. He would discharge his duty to the very end.

"Oh, fine, I suppose it was a good enough meal, after all. Hey, you over there."

It took the boy a moment to realize that the visitors had noticed him watching from the doorway.

"Yes, you, little boy. Go and tell those 'mystics' or whatever you call them to get back in here. I’ve made up my mind."

The boy looked to his father, and when he nodded, the boy ran to the great foyer, where the Elders of the Mystic Council waited anxiously. Minutes later, they convened before Beerus, like accused prisoners in their own Great Hall of Judgement.

"You should thank your chef," Beerus said idly. "In spite of your rudeness earlier, his exquisite cooking has convinced me to spare your planet."

The Mystics looked at each other and murmured with excited relief. One of them cleared his throat to speak. "Lord Beerus," he said, "On behalf of the Wist Hegemony, I wish to thank you for your merciful--"

"Oh, enough of that," Beerus said with a wave of his hand. "I’ve had enough of your speeches for one day. Just remember that your little 'hegemony' may have a great deal of power by mortal standards, but it’s no excuse for arrogance. Whis! We’re leaving."

"Right away, my lord."

They rose from their seats, and the one called Whis held out his hand. A long staff appeared from nowhere, and he took it in his hand. Beerus placed one hand on Whis’ shoulder.

"Oh, one last thing," Beerus said before they departed. He began to pick his teeth with one of his clawed fingers. "Although I’ve decided to spare your planet from destruction, I’m afraid my generosity will not be extended to your moon. Well, so long."

Before any of them could register what he had just said, Whis tapped his staff on the floor and the pair of them were engulfed in a column of light. When it faded, there was no trace of either of them. Dumbfounded, they looked out the large window on the south wall, which offered a picturesque view of the city. The full moon, hung in the sky as it always had. The Wistians called it Nostal, and its surface features resembled the face of a smiling woman.

A few seconds later, Nostal's cheery face turned an ashen grey color, and then it exploded in a burst of purple light.

*******

[4 August, 238 Before Age. Planet Wist.]

"The Ur-Ember was the source of power that sustained Wist as a galactic power during its Golden Age. It radiated mystical energy like a star, but it was small enough that you could hold it in your hand. Of course, that would be impossible. Most beings would be utterly destroyed before they could even approach it, much less touch it. That was why it was kept on Wist’s uninhabited moon."

"But Wist has no moon, Tobiko," Ensign Liberty said.

"Indeed. According to legend, the Ancients grew too arrogant, too satisfied with their own supremacy. One day, the gods took notice of them, and paid a visit. They became offended, and destroyed the moon to teach them humility."

"But you said there was no single catastrophe that caused Wist to fall," she said. "Losing the Ur-Ember would have been bad enough, but the moon’s destruction must have wreaked havoc on this planet’s environment."

"It wasn’t as bad as you might expect," Tobiko said. "During the Golden Age, Wist had many advanced technologies and magical devices. The loss of the Ur-Ember was tragic, but not a disaster. Working together, the Ancients eventually stabilized the planet’s orbit and shielded it from whatever debris might have remained from the moon’s destruction. It was a watershed moment, to be sure, but Ancient Wist continued on for many more thousands of years. There was no single event that marked the END of Wist and the BEGINNING of Goldwall. It was a gradual transformation.

"As I was taught, Wist was dealt a serious blow by the gods, but we were determined to recover and learn from the experience. As I said, there were other resources besides the Ur-Ember, and so the Council set to work reallocating those resources to compensate. In the Golden Age there were weather control systems that kept the entire planet in an eternal summer. There were machines that ran on magic to produce food from thin air. Buildings could be transformed completely. With the Ur-Ember, all of these things and more could be used simultaneously. Without it, some of them had to be shut down. The weather system was one of the first to be deactivated. Traditional farming techniques slowly resurfaced. Much of the magic power on Wist was committed to military defense and law enforcement. Too much, I always believed..."

*******

[29 September, 7480 Before Age. Wist.]

"Your father saved us, and it seems only fitting that his son should carry on that tradition."

The ancient sorceress looked as young as himself, and when he considered this, he could only marvel at the glories of Wist. His father had been granted the honor of serving their meals, and now they were prepared to bestow an even greater honor upon him.

"Please, my lady," the young man said as he genuflected before her. "My father only did what he could. I am unworthy of this boon."

"Such humility is the provenance of your worthiness, my young champion," she said. Her voice was as gentle as it was powerful. When her slender hand touched his face, it felt softer and smoother than anything he could imagine, and yet he could somehow sense the mighty energies that surged beneath her radiant skin. It saddened him that such a wonderful person had been reduced to seeking his lowly aid.

"Wist is secure, but with the loss of our moon, we shall surely face an age of turmoil," the sorceress said. "It will take time for our weaknesses to show, and time again for our enemies to exploit these flaws, but these events shall come to pass, as surely as autumn follows summer."

"My lady, Wist has no autumn," he said. "Our climate is regulated by the Temperator, is it not?"

She made a small, sad laugh and gently tilted his head until he was looking up at her. "You are correct, my champion-to-be, but only for now. Wist has indeed known continual summer for many centuries, but the end shall come. The Temperator will go on as it has for some time, but without the Ur-Ember to sustain it, it shall eventually run down until it fails."

"But your powers, my lady!" he said anxiously. "Surely you and the other Mystics possess the means to... to..." He didn’t even know how to finish the thought. It was unthinkable that she and her peers lacked the power to solve any problem, and yet it was unpardonable folly for him to suggest that she had overlooked a possible solution.

"Powers we have," she said. "But many of the wonders that have sustained our Hegemony depended upon the augmented power of the Ur-Ember, which was destroyed with our moon. With its raw power augmenting our abilities, we could sustain a great many things. Now, we Ancients must shepherd our remaining power carefully, and use it only where it is most vital. Do you understand?"

"I... suppose," he said. "It’s difficult to imagine you having any limitations, my lady."

"You will understand better in time," she said. With a wave of her hand, a tiny spark of light floated into the atrium of the Great Hall. It moved directly above her waiting hands and then exploded with a burst of light. He shielded his eyes, and when he dared to look again, he saw her holding a massive silver helmet.

"Behold," she said. "This Helm of Power contains a portion of mystical energies from every member of the Mystic Council. Whosoever wears it shall be given strength and wisdom fitting a true champion of Wist. Indeed, the wearer shall become the living embodiment of all that is ever just and good in our culture. And we have chosen you to become that embodiment of Wist."

"Me? But... surely there are better..."

"We have searched and found none more worthy," she said. "The Council has ruled. This power, this burden, shall be yours alone."

"Burden, my lady?"

"The autumn of Wist is inevitable, my champion. And beyond that, a long winter. Without the Ur-Ember, our enemies shall gather and multiply in the shadows. It will be your task to defend Wist during that long winter, and to uphold what our society stands for. The task will be difficult, sometimes thankless, but always vital. Will you accept the power?"

He was confused. "You said the Council has already decided, my lady. What choice is there? If Wist needs my help, then I must answer the call."

She smiled proudly. "Then take your helm, champion. Become the first of a new age of heroes."

He reached out and took the helmet from her and placed it upon his head. It was completely dark inside, for even the lenses on the helmet were made of opaque silver-colored material. And yet, once the helmet was in place, he found he could see perfectly, as if there was nothing on his head at all.

Then he felt the power, like a bolt of lightning surging from his skull down to the tips of his toes. He stood up, and felt his muscles swelling, his body expanding. Electricity swirled around him, and he made an astonished cry.

The storm inside him did not subside, and he realized that it never truly would, but soon he found that his mind and body had adjusted to the power within him, and he looked down to find the ancient sorceress looking up at him with satisfaction.

"THE ENTIRE ROOM..." he said. He no longer recognized his own voice. It rumbled like distant thunder, and seemed to come from everywhere at once. "EVERYTHING IS SMALLER... NO... I’VE JUST GOTTEN BIGGER, HAVEN’T I?"

"Correct," she said. "You have been transformed into a being of power incarnate. As the Temperator allowed us to be masters of the weather, so you have become a master of the mystic energies bestowed upon the helm."

"HAVE I BECOME AN ANCIENT LIKE YOU?"

"In a sense," she admitted. "Your lifespan will be many times more than that of a normal man, and you now possess the same innate powers as I, but instead of mystic insight, your power is confined to physical might."

"YES. I CAN FEEL IT."

"Our Hegemony has suffered a tremendous blow, and there will be other shocks to our society to come. You will protect us from those disturbances, absorbing their impact and allowing our culture the chance to adapt to the coming changes. Henceforth, you will be known as the Shockmaster."

There was more for him to understand, of course, and she promised to explain it to him over the next several days. For now, he could only be amazed as he slowly realized what he had become, and the possibilities that now lay before him. As the sorceress spoke, he made many personal resolutions to himself.

The first was that he would defend Wist with all his heart and soul. The second was that he would never forget the supreme confidence she had in him, and do everything in his power to never let her down.

The third was that he would find some way to bring back Wist’s endless summer, and banish the hated autumn to the dustbin of history.

NEXT: The Tarnished Age

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indirispeaks · 7 years

Text

Titanic Fail Part the Second

!Presented in convo form! Apologies for the length

Me: Okay remember that glorious shipwreck of epic proportions that was the animated titanic movie I told you about with the magic anime girls moonbeam tears?

Him: .....yeah...

Me: I love your suble uneasiness in that 'yeah'. Because THERE IS A SEQUEL.

Him: .....I want to get off this planet now.

Me: "Titanic: Elizabeth And Mullet-Face Go To The Lost City Of Atlantis And There Is A Battle With Sharks And Creepy Clown Toys And Mentally Challenged Racist Caricatures Mice, And Also The Dog Has A Gun For Some Reason."

Him: fuck my life

Me: Also called "In Search of Titanic" But my version is more accurate. So Elizabeth and Glove Sniffer, (fuck if I remember the guy's name he made zero impression on me the first time)along with the dog -who can talk now- and the reeeeally awkward mice are riding around in a submarine looking for the wreck of the Titanic. Which is stupid, since the giant pinkie thing put the goddamn ship back together and lugged it to the new york harbor previously. Whales saved all the people! It was happily ever after all around.

Him: WHAT IS CONTINUITY?

Me: No one on the production team knows what that word means. It is unclear why the talking mice are qualified to make submersible dives. Maybe it happened between movies while the dog was learning to talk. Actually come to think of it, every animal in the first movie could talk except the dog and the whales and yet everyone seemed to understand them just fine even without the glitter spooge and it wasn’tt a big deal to ANY of them. I'm not sure why I'm searching for meaning and logic in a film written and produced by alcoholic lemurs but it still bugs me.

Him: Alcoholic lemurs could have written a better story. meth addicted squirrel monkeys though.

Me: No the squirrel monkeys wrote the sequel. In the snow. With their own pee. But yeah the dog can talk now and I think his name is Lucky. Or Fritz. Or Frank. Steven? He doesn't like being down there because there are sharks. Water is blue, Stevie-boy. But speaking of sharks, the criminal shark gulag is back, again with the whaler asshole, still after the whales. There are no whales in this movie. The giant pink thingie is apparently called Tentaclino, but no one even calls him that and he's not really in the movie either. For that matter, neither is the Titanic. I don't know what they were actually calling it, because 80 percent of the dialogue in garbled to high hell in some way or another.

Which I guess is what happens when three different countries work on the same movie in a fourth language none of them actually speak. They gave up 20 minutes in anyway and just started trying to out-stupid each other.

The new head shark (also with names changing every other scene) gets da boyz to attack the sub and cut it loose because it's yellow. All submarines are yellow. Also sharks are colorblind IRL but that's the least of this movie's issues.

Him: Of course it's yellow.

Me: Everyone in the sub is understandably shocked and upset at this development, except for Glove Sniffer who says that everyone should remain calm while the sharks chew through their tether and oxygen tube. The breach causes implosive decompression and kills them all instantly. The End.

Him: That's not what happened is it.

Me: Nupe.

Him: Joy.

Me: What actually happens is Da Boss shark and his dudebros chew the Technodrome loose to the complete and utter indifference of everyone inside it because the animation budget did not have enough money to pay for more frames when the dudebros start playing tether ball with it. They ask Da Boss shark if they should finish destroying it but he says no, first he has to stop and brush his teeth. Dental hygiene is important, yo! This calls for a rap number!

OH YEEEEEEEEEEAH THIS ONE'S A MUSICAL! YAAAAAY!!!

Him: This is a hell dimension. We are in a hell dimension.

Me: It sets the precedent for the whooole circus though, because NONE of the "songs" in this technicolor nightmare make any sense to anyone who doesn't just happen to be an acid-tripping squirrel monkey. The most I got out of this one was the opening line of "YO! YO! YO! LOOK AT MY TEETH! HOOGA HOOGA HOOGA SO WHITE AND NEAT!" and the rest of it was sung by a chorus of small clams who'd come back from the dentist with mouths full of Novocaine. It SOUNDED like they were singing "Oh, you, you! There's no white meat out of you! Oh, you, you! There's wuh walla, walla WOOOO!!" You can look it up on youtube, the comments are full of people taking guesses at the actual lyrics.

Him: ....

Me: After that incomprehensible nonsense, it cuts back to where Elizabeth, Glove Sniffer and co. have been hanging out awaiting their cues for the last five minutes that you just spent listening to cartoon prison-shark rapping. Literally. Upside down and motionless. Elizabeth's long flowing hair is unaffected by gravity. They come back to life just in time to realize they're probably going to drown and are understandably panicked....except for Glove Sniffer, natch, who tells them to stay calm again but then they go unconscious again and merpeople on multicolored My Little Pony steeds (WHY) come to the rescue and save everybody by spraying air bubbles on their heads....

hang on sec

I missed the part where it became possible for the merpeople to open the top hatch without turning the people into ground sausage. I.

Magic glitter spooge.

I guess.

They're unconscious again in any case. They're also wearing life vests like that's going to help you 7 miles down. I couldn't tell if they were dead or not as they were not sausage, but if they were it would have saved the audience 70 more minutes of this shit. Actually I think the dogs name was Pete.

Him: I'd suggest rewatching it as a drinking game but I don't think anyone would survive the alcohol poisoning.

Me: Yeeeeeah. The mersquad lugs their unconscious asses back to the Lost City of Atlantis, populated by more merpeople who are really just different colored normal people walking around in frog feet with artistically placed fish scales. Pete wakes up halfway there, catches sight of a merwoman and is utterly convinced he's dead and she's taking him to doggy hell. Doggy. Hell. Full throttle Don Bluth. She tells him to stay calm, they're safe now. He doesn't buy it but WHO THE FUCK WOULD.

You might be able to make a drinking game of how many times they actually say some version of "stay calm." They are met at the door by a blue guy whose name we never find out, who tells them that in order to visit the city they have to drink this incredibly suspicious green potion. Elizabeth questions the wisdom of accepting drinks from people wearing sexy-nurse costumes complete with white cowboy hat emblazoned with a red cross. Blue guy tells her to stay calm...and then says "GET EVERYTHING READY!!" to the sexy nurse in a tone that is in no way menacing and foreshadowy.

And from this point on, Elizabeth "I can talk to dolphins with my magiccy-farts" becomes the SOLE VOICE OF REASON. To which the blue guy tells her to shut up and drink it already.. Total dick move. Glove-Sniffer has lost what few brain cells he had (probably from sniffing other things, like wet paint and cat piss), and says that he understands. Just stay calm, and isn't this potion a pretty color? Can't possibly be a bad thing! CHUGGALUGGALUGALUG. I'm not kidding he actually says that. Elizabeth questions her own sanity.

Him: .........she's just now questioning that?

Me: Yeah, well. Elizabeth has seen some fucked up shit in her day. Then the blue guy takes them on a tour! They go and meet this jack in the box clown...fish...pokemon thing with a cape and a pimp cane because why the hell not, who says he's the ambassador or something and oh by the way everything in the city can breathe underwater, never go to sleep, everything can talk, and live forever. Scary Toy sounds like a cross between Marilyn Manson and Fozzie Bear which is creepy as fuck. I can totally see Jeff Dunham using that voice in his stand up. Then it gets bizarre.

Him: again, just now?

Me: More bizarre.

Him: I didn't know it was possible to go downhill from the deepest pit of hell.

Me: They have a backhoe for digging, and Buffy missed this particular hellmouth. There's a bunch of toys that live in the ballroom and Creepy Toy goes into this...this...song and dance number...about how all this works..I must have blanked it out after he made this horrifying demon giggle. He doesn't exactly sing, either, just spouts more Manson-esque lyrics until all hell breaks loose in a sort of what I can only describe as "Techno Rave Fusion Dance Party Music". The lights go out and colored spotlights start flying around the raving toy mosh pit (there's a mosh pit) and every single word of whatever the serial killer fish clown is trying to say is completely obscured by WUB WUB WUB, WUBBA WUB WUB WUB!! WUB WUB WUB, WUBBA WUB WUB WUB!! Elizabeth's voice actor can be heard over the soundtrack saying "THIS IS SCARY!!" and she is so right.

Him: ....

Me: He finishes his routine by abruptly telling them surprise! they're not allowed to leave the city and go home for the rest of their immortal, sleepless lives. Elizabeth is upset. Guess what Glove Sniffer tells her?

And then they go meet the king, who is a fushia man I think. He's wearing a long green robe with attached hoodie cowl from which a black hole exudes so you can't see his face. Could have been tentacles under there for all I know. He's sitting on a throne which I admit was kinda cool, made out of water with fish and seaweed floating/swimming around in it. Or at least it was cool until it gets up and starts following the king around and there's a fucking face on it that the king proceeds to sit on and then it blows bubbles right up his ass. It's a sentient bidet.

Him: sec, finding the vodka.

Me: He asks how they are adjusting to the "news" that they are now under house arrest til the end of time, and Glove Sniffer says he's glad they were told right away and in such an amusing manner. Whoever was responsible for writing his dialogue has been huffing rubber cement between sentences. Elizabeth looks irritated. I don't really blame her.

Then the movie remembers oh yeah, talking animals! The dog's name might have been Happy. Still no clue about the mice. Happy finds a lady dog that lives in Atlantis because why not, and they frolic a bit She has no speaking lines and it's love at first sight. She has no name. Meanwhile the mice are taken to meet all the other mice and why are there fucking mice in Atlantis? There, uh. There's a chinese one. You can tell this movie was made somewhere other than here because that one would have never got past the MPAA.

Anyway the mice/rats have this plan to overthrow the king and steal the elixir of life and then go Pinky and the Brain. It is not explained why they the elixir will help them take over the world. They also for some reason have laser guns. The two sailor mice run and tell the king. He doesn't question their story and neither did I. Elizabeth did.

Him: ....

Me: The king decides to let the mice try to take over the world because they're just a bunch of heat-packing mice and he has a bazillion army merpeople and toys and the elixir of life. He replaces it with water so the mice steal a fake. They test it out by tying another mouse to a rock and tossing him down a well to drown. I mean if you're going to put Don Bluth-level incredibly dark topics in a kid's movie, you may as well go all in. The Creepy Toy is afraid of the mice taking him apart with a screwdriver because then he'll be dead, (for kids!) but a red dolphin reassures him that screwdrivers are banned in Atlantis. (Apparently they built the city without screws. I dunno just go with it okay?)

The evil mice are in cahoots with the sharks who are in cahoots with the whaling asshole because there needs to be at least six different plotlines at the same time. They want to feed the pink thingie to Da Boss shark. Why? Supposedly he ruins stuff....mainly any sort of continuity when someone tries to inject some sanity into this. stupid. stupid. Stupid. stupid. stupid stupidstupidstupid there's a toy army that goes up against the mice who have their own submarines and how the hell are ANY of them supposed to take over the world when your shark shock troops are stuck underwater and you don't have a tornado handy?

I need a break

Their subs also have lasers but they are outgunned via Glove Sniffer's rampaging stupidity. There's a brief fight montage, the dog sets up a sniper point and starts picking off mice even though he lacks opposable thumbs and he's scared of sharks. And water. I'm not sure why he's on this vacation. Maybe they needed to sell tie in plushies?

Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew-pew! WHOOOOMPA! Pew! Pew!

There's also a boy doll who looks like a girl doll because he's got a wig on and it's a curse a little girl put on him to look like a girl and blah blah blah blah it's not important. None of this is important. He sounds like a pirate even though he's dressed in scottish kit. He off a single cannon shot and ta da! he's a boy again and promptly fucks off the movie never to be seen or mentioned again. Yay, misogyny on top of pointless! Thankfully he does not sing or rap about it.

Him: Small mercies.

Me: The war is over! The mice have slunk back to Atlantis and decide to test their elixir of life anyway even though...their entire battle strategy imploded. Elizabeth's voice actor has given up entirely and she just sort of stands there, lost in her own little hell. There's a grand total of 4 seconds where the pink thingie shows up and then leaves so the animators have an excuse to plaster him/her/it on the dvd case. The king decides to reward the useless tourists, half of whom keep asking nosy questions, and puts the Titanic back together again (I mean this IS a Titanic movie, the ship has to be in the film for at least 12 seconds) There is now a sentient screwdriver in the mix whose supposedly the Creepy Toy Fish's best friend. They'.....but he's scare...I thought they were ban...the fuck.

Him: Well yeah.

Me: They get the ship cleaned up and put back together (what's continuity again?) and then use it to drop Elizabeth and Glove Sniffer on a deserted tropical island to live the rest of their lives going quietly insane up THERE instead of underwater. Which is an improvement over hostages, because now they're marooned with the Titanic parked on the beach as their own private yacht. Thank god they don't have relatives that will miss them or go looking for them. I kinda wonder that since they have issues with continuity if there were dead bodies on the ship. I assume there probably were but there sure aren't any now. I won't speculate as to what happened to them but you never see anybody eating fish down there, if you know what I mean. That's basically the end, everyone lives happily ever after if you don't count mind never seeing your families and friends ever again.

Him: .....you know I hate you, right?

........the dogs name was fucking “Smile” by the way.

#titanic movie #titanic #titanic cartoon #lasers #wtf

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