#his last day will probably be monday. im so sad i want to throw up

[dogduocatquartet]

i haven’t posted here in a while, mostly due to life taking up my time. i just wanted to get off my chest that harley has been getting way worse very abruptly recently, so we took him to the vet today and his kidney values are like. Insanely high. the creatinine levels were the highest the vet had ever seen. he’s lost a ton of weight the last month or so, despite being on an appetite stimulant. there’s not much they can do, and what they can do would be extremely taxing for him, may not even work, and would possibly give him a few more weeks at best. so the right thing to do is to let him pass while he’s still himself, still eating and drinking and purring and curling up in our laps even though he must feel tremendously bad. it’s extremely difficult and ive been crying all day and it just. sucks. ive known him since he was 6 days old and could fit in the palm of my hand. he’s been with me through several moves back and forth across the country and through some really shit times in my life and several relationships and just been such a constant for the last near-decade. ive been steeling myself for the grief ever since he got the diagnosis but it doesn’t help. i don’t know what else to say.

[buglovingbagel]

😭 sorry for invading your ask box again but how about an angsty hanahaki imagine with harvey and a transmasc (preset D) farmer?

I'm sorry for taking so long, my dear singular reader. 😭 Never apologize, I love that you were happy enough to come back for another!!!! I took a itty bitty break, got sad, but now IM BACK! It'll probably be shorter, I'm not feeling the most inspired rn.

I'm not great at hanahaki writing, haven't done it since middle school, but I'll try.

Also, I didn't know if you wanted good ending or bad ending, so I just went with good??? 😭

Generic TWs for a hanahaki story.

Harvey had hardly ever found the need to use his practices on himself. Sure, sometimes he'd catch the common cold or need a bandaid, but the doctor was one of the healthiest men in the valley. It was incredibly rare to see Harvey off of his schedule or staying in bed sick.

Which is why Harvey was highly confused why he felt so sick at the moment, sitting on the bathroom tile with a killer itch in his throat. Just last week, he had come down with an absolutely killer cough, and after taking some Tylenol and going to sleep a little early, he expected it to go away on its own. Subverting expectations, it did not. In fact, it only seemed to get worse, and this cough seemed to be out to embarrass the man.

Despite his cough being calm for most of the first day, it was when the farmer had come in for a checkup and their hands had brushed together that Harvey immediately had to cough into his sleeve, apologizing afterwards. Again and again, his cough acted up specifically in front of the farmer, itching pain clawing up his throat as if trying to reach the farmer. And of course, Harvey thought positively. He was sure that this was because of nervousness.

The farmer was, for lack of a better word, perfect. He was handsome, hardworking, and seemed to always know what Harvey needed to have a good day. He'd stop by to give him coffee and brought truffle oil after hearing from someone else say it was one of Harveys favorite things. Kindness was not uncommon in the valley, but the farmer, he truly seemed to exceed everyone else in Harveys eyes.

Not once did he ever voice those thoughts. The blush that dusted only Harveys cheeks when they talked, not the farmers, was enough to tell Harvey that those feelings were likely not mutual. Harvey wouldn't call it love, maybe just.. a crush. (It was far more than that.)

So now, a year after the farmer had moved in, Harvey is hacking in front of a toilet bowl after feeling something come up his throat at a cough. He looked a mess, having floundered to the bathroom in his pajamas, assuming he had to throw up. Dry heaving and gasping coughs filled the air while Harvey screwed his eyes shut at the discomfort, gagging when a small amount of iron tasting liquid and something remotely solid fell into the toilet bowl.

Harvey had nothing but fear in his eyes when he saw a flower petal and blood in the porcelain bowl. It didn't take a genius to realize what was happening, just a doctor. He spent about thirty minutes trying to convince himself he was dreaming, tears in his eyes.

★

Harvey felt a bit bad laying more of his work onto Maru, but he felt nothing except for hopelessness lately. He carried around a white cloth in his shirt pocket specifically to cough into so that blood wouldn't stain his sleeves. A week after his little coughing fit in the bathroom, he's been coughing up petals every few days, absolutely raking through the internet for a solution other than surgery. A temporary fix that could ruin his lungs is not what he wanted, and plus, it's not something he can do himself.

The only person who has really seemed to notice the switch is Maru. Harvey is more reserved, more tired. His smile doesn't exactly reach his eyes, and he has stopped going to the saloon on Mondays and Wednesdays. He told her that he's fine, just a simple cold, but she caught a glimpse of him rummaging through the medicine cabinet on more than one occasion, looking for something specific that they clearly did not have.

The only person who seems to share these concerns is the Farmer, who actually mentioned it to her first. Despite bringing Harvey nearly double the coffee they usually did for him, the man still looked tired. "Maru?" The woman, clad in nurse attire, smiled at the farmer behind the counter. His brows were furrowed in worry. "Is Harvey.. okay? Is he sick or something?" He had leaned in and whispered as if it were a secret. Her smile almost immediately dropped, and after a pause, she whispered back. "I-I don't know. I think he is? But he won't tell me what's wrong." They shared concerns, things they had noticed this far, but both decided not to pry. It wasn't their place. Both of them were just friends with Harvey.

★

Another week later, Harvey coughs up an entire flower this time around. It's the same color as the farmers eyes, as were the previous petals. He curls up into a ball and stares at the thing as if it had burned him, but surprisingly, he feels the need to keep it. He picks up the flower, keeping it in a small box on his dresser.

The internet had not helped in the slightest. Soothing teas had terrible reviews, medication did nothing but numb the throat, and unsurprisingly, home remedies did nothing. He had purchased some numbing spray to make it hurt less, but even that didn't stop the rasp that had entered his voice. Maru hardly properly smiled around him anymore, and every conversation ended with her gently asking him if he was really okay and whatever she could do to help.

Harvey, on his way back to the clinic from the saloon (Maru insisted he still go on Saturdays), fell into another embarrassing moment when the coughing hit him again, publically this time. It was well into night by now and Harvey was a bit tipsy, taking a knee to hopefully push away the nausea he was feeling. He didn't even notice footsteps behind him until the farmer came up behind him. "Harvey?" The man hesitantly put his hands under Harveys arms, trying to help pull him up from the ground. The farmer chuckled. Harveys chest flared in pain and he felt more tears easily spring to his eyes. "Had a bit too much to drink, hm?" Upon Harveys lack of a response, he properly tried to inspect the doctors face in the dark. "Harvey?- You look like you're gonna throw up-" *Harvey very much did, lips pulled into a thin line and adams apple bobbing when he gulped. He shook his head despite the very clear taste of blood and let the farmer guide him home.

As soon as they were inside, thanks to Harveys keys, the farmer lead him into his room. Harvey hardly muttered an "excuse me" before stumbling into the bathroom, leaving the farmer to stand in his bedroom. The farmers brow was once again creased in worry. This man was gonna give him grey hairs, at this rate. He tapped on his thigh, ignoring the sound of the toilet flushing before Harvey returned, looking a bit dazed. The farmer noticed a speckle of what looked like blood on Harveys collar and his eyes widened, but there was no need to stress the man out while drunk.

"Harvey." The farmers voice held sympathy and he guided the man to his bed. "Cmon, you should probably lay down. You're sick and drunk." Harvey batted at the farmers hand, but laid down anyways, taking off his overcoat while on his side. "M not sick." The farmer sighed. "Of course not." As if comically timed, Harvey coughed again. The quiver it caused in his hands made it even harder to unbutton the white button up he was wearing under his jacket.

Wordlessly, the farmer helped him with his clothes. Harveys chest quieted just a bit and he found himself breathing a little easier when the farmers hand met his own. His shirt and pants laid on the floor next to the bed and Harvey was under his sheet. He expected the farmer to leave, but instead, the man sat on the ground, leaving his hand in Harveys. If Harvey wasn't so drunk, he'd see the red tint across the farmers cheeks. "Get some rest, darling. I just wanna make sure you're okay." Harveys heart swelled at the words, but he wouldn't remember it by morning.

★

Surprisingly, this became a trend for the two. The farmer brought soup once, enough for himself, Maru, and Harvey to all have, and then insisted he stay the night when Harvey complained about having to open the clinic next morning. The farmer spent far more time with Harvey and got closer to him as a product of that. He helped around the clinic, but also helped Harvey take care of himself. Harvey had no idea how the man insisted on being so perfect when, really, Harvey didn't deserve it.

It was a month after his condition began that the farmer had found a bloody flower petal Harvey had missed sitting behind the toilet. A month after his condition began that the farmer had to Google what that could possibly mean. A month after his condition began that he realized the man he had started to catch feelings for had feelings for someone else, and it was killing him.

While he left it alone at first, he was a ball of fucking nerves for the next day. And the day after that. And it only seemed to worsen. He sat on the edge of Harveys bed, excusing himself into the room after a hang out. The air was tense, as if this was some sort of intervention, and Harvey seemed surprised when he saw him. "Oh, farmer. Do you need-" The farmers voice shook, interrupting Harvey. "Who do you like?" Harvey blinked in surprise, confused. "I'm sorry?" The farmer looked a little bit betrayed. It seemed like Harvey was just going to hide his sickness until he died. The rasp in that man's voice suddenly felt much more deafening. Realizing how much danger Harvey was in made their feelings stronger. "You love somebody." He didn't say it like it was a happy thing. Harvey felt very disturbed, continuing to stand near the doorway. "I'm not sure what you mean, farmer." He huffed in annoyance. "You have hanahaki disease," he pronounced it wrong, having only read the word, but Harveys blood froze all the same, "and you're hiding it from us."

The farmer teared up, Harveys silence being enough of an answer. "Who is it? Who do you like?" The farmer was suddenly up, walking across the room and holding Harveys shoulder. "I'll- I can help you. Whoever it is, I'll make sure you two end up-" His voice got a little choked up, to Harveys surprise. "I can't watch you die." The doctor, unsure what to say, opened his mouth to speak. Not a word came out. After a couple more seconds of silence, he started coughing again, continuing to cough until he had to take a knee.

The farmer joined him on the floor, hand on his back. He waited until the coughing died down to keep talking. "This is what I mean. Seeing you in pain- That's enough on its own. But knowing your dying?" The words were harsh. Harvey didn't know what to say. "Please tell me, Harv. I'm begging you, I-" Harvey groaned. "Stop. Please." The farmers brow furrowed in an unreadable expression.

"No." The farmer, who'd almost always did what others asked and went above and beyond not to push boundaries, was the last person he'd expect to respond that way. It sounded harsh. "You can't just shut me out, Harvey. Tell me who it is." They seemed incredibly determined. Their words would be reassuring in any other setting. "I'm not leaving you, ever. There's not one name you can say right now that would make me turn my back on you." His heart swelled once again, but he knows it's not true. The farmer would leave if he knew. "Bullshit."

The farmer and Harvey continued to argue over the man's privacy. Harvey has never seen the farmer be so pushy. Both of them seemed to get more and more annoyed, and if was truly out of character for the both of them. The situation was simply too dire to walk on eggshells. Both were standing at this point, raising their voices just a bit, and Harveys still seemed quiet at his raised volume.

"Maybe it would be better if you turned away!" The farmer seemed appalled. "Stop it, I would never!-" Harveys voice cracked beyond what it normally did and a tear fell down his face. "I love you!" Harvey sniffled, trying hard not to sob right then and there. The farmer seemed stunned. "I love you, you fucking idiot." *His shoulders shook while he wiped his eyes with his sleeve, unable to leave look at the farmer while he heard the floorboards creek under the other mans work boots.

Wordlessly, the farmer held each of Harveys wrists, pulling them away from his face, and kissed him. The farmers lips were slightly chapped from being out in the cold for so long on the farm, but just as amazing as Harvey imagined. His eyes were closed, but Harvey couldn't bring himself to, completely shocked. The farmer pushed towards him, holding the kiss for multiple moments and moving his hands to hold Harvey by the shirt instead, and then finally pulled away. There was a long silence between them. The itch is Harveys throat, for once, was bearable. And with the ghost of the farmers lips on his, he didn't register the pain at all.

"You fucking idiot." The farmer wetly laughed, as if both relieved and shaken. "You could've-" guilt hit the man in the chest. "You could've told me earlier." Harvey joined his laughter, halfway between a chuckle and a sob while more tears swelled and travelled down his face.

---------

Not proud of this, tbh 😭 but I also didn't expect to be, I'm not great at writing Hanahaki shit and, tbfr, never have been. I hope you liked it either way!!! :]] This is most definitely not my best work, really off my game tonight, but I'm not inspired enough to redo it 😭 or even to properly proofread it.

[takoyakitenchou]

masquerade ch.8

7? idk but this one isn’t on ff or ao3 yet i think

12:58 PM Nakiri Erina: Hi, it’s been a while. Are you free the day after tomorrow?

1:03 PM Yukihira Souma: how’d u get this #?

1:04 PM Nakiri Erina: Alice gave it to me. 

1:04 PM Yukihira Souma: sup

1:05 PM Nakiri Erina: I’m opening Kiralyno Haza. It’s not like I want you to show up or anything.

message opened

1:37 PM Nakiri Erina: Hello?

2:40 PM Yukihira Souma: hey sorry i just got on break. congrats nakiri!

2:41 PM Nakiri Erina: It was expected.

2:41 PM Yukihira Souma: surprised it took you so long to open. hurry up and get your 3 stars bubs then we’ll really see who’s the better chef

2:41 PM Yukihira Souma: and did you get tired of shinomiya or did he get tired of you?

2:42 PM Nakiri Erina: I got tired of him. Duh. Are you not coming?

2:42 PM Yukihira Souma: save 4 seats for me. i’ll be a balloon by the time im done w your food also i hope you have enough ingredients for a shokugeki after

“Ugh. You’re as shit at texting as ever,” Erina groaned, throwing down her phone, but then she picked it up again to stare at those four particular characters. Bubs. God, it had been so long since she’d seen that in her messages.

(under the cut to see souma and erina start to get their shit together lol)

To think that she had been the one to break the radio silence between them — good lord, that was fucking annoying. It was weird to think about. There had been plenty of opportunities for them to talk again, and yet they’d somehow managed to evade each other since they’d run into each other at Nakiri Mansion. Whether this was coincidence she had no idea, but Souma hadn’t been at the official Totsuki-sponsored 92nd gen alumni reunion, and Shinomiya had dragged Erina to some culinary conference that made her miss the freshman training camp where Souma threatened the living shits out of the poor first years but ended up not cutting anybody from the roster.

Erina had done her best not to linger on the fact that she had had to ask Alice for Souma’s new number, but goddamn would that remain at the forefront of her mind for the week following Kiralyno Haza’s debut until she got frustrated enough to the point where she damn near chucked her own phone out the window.

It was thanks to Alice that her condo was still in one piece.

The COO of the Nakiri-Totsuki Group was sitting next to her at a bar in Budapest, helping herself to her third shot of tequila, a few empty glasses and a growing tab between them. “Yukihira’s coming?”

Erina nodded, smiling despite herself. “Yeah. I guess he is.”

Taking sudden interest in her drink, Alice remained silent for a thoughtful moment before she said, “I haven’t seen you this happy since you two broke up.”

With a half-hearted huff, Erina scoffed, “Yeah, right.”

Alice gave her a long look. “I’m not kidding, Erina. Who was that other guy you were seeing? Darren?”

“Aaron. Darren was before him.”

“Doesn’t he have a 3000-seater concert hall named after him?”

“I couldn’t care less.” Erina said, and Alice knew it was 593% true. 

Whenever tolerating a guy got tedious, Erina had extinguished whatever spark he thought he had ignited, pretended to be hung up on it, and started over, systematically breaking hearts left and right, all the while building titanium defenses around her own.

And then, a year and half ago, she’d seen Yukihira Souma at Nakiri Mansion, and everything had changed. 

So. Much. Pining. Alice was more than a few years past sick of how long those two idiots were dragging their shit out.

Erina picked up her belongings. “We should probably stop day-drinking.”

“Sure,” Alice said, paying the tab before Erina could get her wallet out.

“I’ll pay you back for that,” Erina promised as they left the bar.

Alice put a hand on Erina’s shoulder. “You can pay me back by not fucking up your confession again.”

At this, Erina frowned. A withering counter should’ve been second nature, but she found herself incapable. She wanted to believe that whatever piece of her heart that had clung to the hope that Yukihira Souma would come back to her was nothing more than a memory. More than anything, she wished the voice at the back of her head telling her to move on and forget him and their past would finally win out, because there were people in her present waiting for her, and it would be a sin to ignore that.

But she couldn’t say the words; her heart belonged to Yukihira Souma — would always belong to him — and all broken promises and relationships notwithstanding, that was something she could not deny.

-

Although Souma technically hadn’t been invited to the kitchen for shift drinks when the front doors closed, he had taken the liberty of bringing a bottle of cab sauv that he and Erina finished in like ten seconds flat, to hell with sharing with staff, family, and friends.

The second she felt the words wanna come over? slip out of her atmosphere-drunk mouth, she knew it was going to take more self-control than she had not to demand he stay with her forever. 

“So, Yukihira,” she said like they hadn’t been catching up for the last two hours when they were sitting on the couch in her living room with pinot noir. “How’ve you been?”

The corners of Souma’s lips twitched. “Not bad,” he replied. “Mostly cooking. A few interviews and shit. I’ve been keeping up with all your stuff, by the way. Three tastings in twelve hours next Monday seems like too much, Nakiri.”

Erina frowned. “Even if you were as talented a stalker as Mimasaka Subaru, how the fuck would you know that?”

He held up his phone. “You were signed into my calendar app when I last downloaded a backup copy four years ago. So every time I get a new phone, I transfer all the old data.”

Erina stared at him, horrified. “Holy shit. You’ve seen everything?”

Shrugging, Souma said, “Not everything. Just… your dates with Darren. And Aaron. Also, I knew about Kiralyno opening before you texted me so I’d already cleared out my schedule by then.”

Erina had stopped listening halfway through. “Wait, Yukihira…”

“It’s okay, Nakiri.” Souma waved it off. “You’re here with me now. All that matters. Let’s not look too far into our past, yeah?”

“Don’t look into my future either, idiot! Sign out of my Google calendar right now!”

Souma shook his head seriously. “Sorry, Nakiri, I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Why the fuck not?”

He gazed at her intently and rested his chin on his fist. “I need to make sure I’ll still be in it.”

Erina rolled her eyes. “Don’t say sappy shit like that. It doesn’t suit you.”

“What if I just stayed?” he asked.

She sighed. “I think the question is, would I even let you? I thought we’re putting the past behind us? Don’t you want this back?” She pointed at the white cloth she was wearing on her wrist. His white cloth.

Souma ignored the second question and pulled Erina to him by her waist, close enough that she could feel his warm breath as he spoke, forehead brushing hers. “Another thing we both know is that you and I could never be just friends.”

“Take your hands off me or I swear I’m either going to spill my wine or kiss you, and I seriously do not care which.”

He leaned back with a sad smile. “You wouldn’t let me stay, would you, Nakiri?”

“I couldn’t,” she said helplessly. “We don’t even know where our lines are.”

“Do we need lines?” Souma asked, finishing his glass and balancing it on his knee. “You and I are beyond this dimension.”

Erina stared at him, memorizing every last square centimeter of his features — the way his hair seemed to get shorter every time they met until he somewhat resembled someone of his culinary pedigree; the way the creases formed on his sleeves along the contours of his toned arms.

“You know, Nakiri, if you let me stay, you wouldn’t have to stare so much.”

She tore her gaze from his collarbone, her whole face turning red. In all her twenty-one years, that had to be the most embarrassing moment of her life. “Shut up! I’m not staring!”

He was watching her with wistful eyes. “I wouldn’t mind if you were…” 

And they both heard it.

I wouldn’t mind if you were mine.

[zachsreaderinserts]

Taking a Stand

ship: platonic!bbs x male!reader

dialogue prompt: "No! I'm tired of doing what you tell me!"

warnings: abusive relationship, high school au, i poured my heart and soul into this, it felt really nice to write something like this

"Good morning, gamers," I mumbled, walking to our table in the cafeteria. My friends simply said their greetings back or just nodded at me, looking just as tired as I was.

Mondays were always hard on us, especially since we all were trying to keep up with our channels on the weekends. We all probably had a few hours of decent rest.

"Is everyone gonna be ready to upload our Prop Hunt video tonight?" Craig asked, pulling out the Uno cards. It was a tradition for us to play before school started.

"Yeah," Tyler muttered.

"Yup," Evan replied.

"I think so. I haven't had the chance to edit it yet." Brock gave me a look, that was between concerned and confused.

"You're usually the first one to finish editing out of all of us." I yawned, tears pricking my eyes.

"Angel called me last night. She was ranting and told me not to hang up, so I couldn't get to it." I missed the eye rolls and the silent scoffs that were passed around the group.

"You could've told her you had something to do." Marcel pointed out as the game had begun.

"She wouldn't be happy about it. I don't like upsetting her." I placed down the first card, nudging Brian to place his next. "I'll try to get it done before dinner."

"There's no pressure, L/n. Take your time." Jonathan reassured me, giving me a soft smile. His smile quickly melted away and before I could ask why tan arms wrapped around my shoulders.

"Y/n!" Angel, my girlfriend of one month, exclaimed. She pecked my lips, smiling happily. "Good morning, baby."

"Mornin', Ang." Looking back down at the table, I noticed it was my turn again and a plus two was laid before me. "Oh, you motherfuckers!" Everyone laughed as I pulled two cards from the deck.

"Don't curse, Y/n." Angel lightly patted my shoulder, giving me an admonishing frown. "It's just a game."

"Sorry, babe. It's just that my friends," I threw out a mock glare, "are little shits."

"I was wondering if you could walk me to my locker." I glanced over at my friends before looking at her. "Please, Y/n!"

"I really want to finish this game." I tried to reason, looking in the green eyes of my lover. "Can you wait until the second bell?"

"Y/n, I want to get there before Samantha and April do so we can catch up on some stuff." Seeing that I was still hesitating, she frowned again. "I bet Raymond would walk me to my locker." I turned back around, trying to hide my hurt expression.

"Yeah, I'll walk you." She clapped in excitement as I set my cards down. "See y'all at lunch." I tried to put on a smile, but it felt forced more than anything. Angel wrapped her hand around mine, leading me away from my friends.

Lately, I've been becoming less happy with Angel. She would give me little bits of an insult, leaving me to wonder if she meant it or not. And whenever I wouldn't let her have her way, she would just grow cold and serious.

But, I still liked her. She meant a lot to me. So, I took everything with stride.

My friends, on the other hand, didn't. Back at the table, all of them grew frustrated and angry with our relationship.

"I fucking hate her," Tyler growled, slamming down a blue card onto the deck.

"Join the club." Marcel sneered, glaring as Angel and I disappeared around the corner. "What does he see in her?"

"Maybe he's just staying for the sex." David pointed out, cursing quietly as a plus four was placed down.

"Y/n's too insecure for sex." Brian countered, crossing his arms. "Remember what happened when he had his fall out with Kyle? The whole reason it started was because Y/n refused to fuck him."

"Whatever it is, I hope it's good enough to justify her shitty behavior." Lui cut in, leaning against Evan. "Though, I doubt there's anything that really can justify it."

"We just gotta trust Y/n for now, guys." Brock sent everyone a reassuring glance. "I'm sure he knows what's best for him."

---

"Happy Valentine's Day!" I cheered, carrying an assortment of flowers and chocolates to my friends.

"Whoa!"

"Chocolate!"

"Holy shit!"

"Oh my God!" Various noises of surprise came from them as I placed the stash on the table, grinning proudly.

"Let me hand them out first, children." They went quiet as I started passing around gift cards with a gift attached.

For Evan, I stayed true to his simplistic nature and got him a bouquet of various red flowers. Jonathan received a chocolate box full of bear shaped candies. I got Lui and Brock assorted flowers, which were in almost every shade of the rainbow. Brian and Craig got Starbucks gift cards while I got David and Marcel Visa gift cards.

The last gift was for Tyler, but it was hidden in a plain, black box.

"Okay, open that one under the table." He did as I said and once he opened it, he started laughing loudly. I started laughing at his reaction, slapping the table.

"Y/n, you didn't!" He pulled out a blue dildo, about the size of his forearm. Brock quickly rushed to hide it, laughing along with the rest of us.

After the short laughing fit, they began to read the cards I gave them, either tearing up or smiling at my genuine messages.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Y/n!" Angel gave me a kiss on the mouth, which made me flustered.

"Ah, Angel! Not in front of the guys!" She pulled back, looking dejected. "Sorry, but you know I don't like kissing in front of other people."

"But it's Valentine's Day!" She pressed, slowly getting visibly angry with me. "Shouldn't we be making out all day?"

"I'm just not comfortable with it." She gave me a glare and I sighed, getting sad. "Sorry, Angel."

"No... Don't be. Just-- Did you get me anything?" I lit up, seeing the opportunity to cheer her up.

"Actually, yeah! It's at my house right now, so if you wanna come over later--"

"You mean to tell me that you don't have a gift to give me during the school day?" I shut my mouth, looking at her in confusion. The table around us went silent.

"Is that 'boyfriend protocol' or something?" She huffed frustratedly, taking a step back and crossing her arms.

"Uh, yes! How am I gonna show everyone how good of a boyfriend you are if you don't have a gift during school hours?"

"I don't think you'd need to flaunt around how good of a boyfriend I am if you already know it." I shrugged, trying to keep the tears at bay. "I'm no genius or anything, but I think I'm a very good boyfriend."

"Nevermind, Y/n. I'm going to class." She hissed, storming off. I clenched my fists, trying not to cry in front of my friends.

"Don't listen to her, Y/n." Lui comforted, leading me back to the table. "She's probably on her period or something."

"I made her a painting of us. I worked hard on it and everything." My voice cracked as I folded my arms and laid my head down on them. "I thought she would appreciate it."

"I don't think you guys should keep dating." Evan rubbed my back while talking to me. "You both clearly aren't happy in this situation."

"No, no. I'll figure it out. I really want to keep dating her." I looked at him with a teary face. "I'm sorry for crying."

"Hey, don't be." David came over, sitting next to me. "Why are you saying sorry?"

"Are you fucking crying right now? That's for babies, Y/n! I'm not gonna date a man who cries like a damn baby after an argument." Angel ranted, pointing at my face.

"I have no clue." I lied, rubbing my eyes harshly.

---

y/ntheactualgod has logged onto: what's jon's sexuality??

y/ntheactualgod: DHSJSK WHO CHANGED THE GROUPCHAT NAME

miniladd: IT WAS ME

h20delirious:

FUCK ALL OF YOU

h20delirious changed the chat name to: craig has a micropenis

y/ntheactualgod: and i oop

iamwildcat: y/n if you say "and i oop" one more time i'm going to freak the fuck out

y/ntheactualgod: A N D I OOP

moosnuckel: now you gotta beat them up tyler you said it yourself

iamwildcat: i'm gonna kick your ass as soon as we get to school tomorrow

y/ntheactualgod: do it pussy

vanossgaming: can i record it for my channel?

basicallyidowrk: they're gonna be the next logan paul and ksi

thegamingterroriser: but who's who?

y/ntheactualgod: call dibs on being ksi

iamwildcat: call dibs on being ksi F U CK I DON'T WANNA BE LOGAN PAUL

daithidenogla: sucks to suck

y/ntheactualgod: hold on, angel's messaging me

---

angelbabycakes: Y/N Y/N Y/N

y/ntheactualgod: what's up sugar

angelbabycakes: can i come over?

y/ntheactualgod: to hang out at like 2 AM?

angelbabycakes: not to hang out silly i wanna take our relationship to the next level

---

I felt my heart stop in my chest as I read over what she sent me.

---

y/ntheactualgod: oh. um, hold on

---

y/ntheactualgod: ANGEL WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHAT DO I DO?????

basicallyidowrk: SEND US A SCREENSHOT

y/ntheactualgod: unknown.png

h20delirious: oh my god

luicalibre: do u wanna have sex with her?

y/ntheactualgod: uhhhhh not really if i'm being honest ITS NOT THAT I DONT LIKE HER I LOVE ANGEL BUT IM NOT READY FOR SEX

miniladd: that's fine y/n! nothing to be worried about. just tell her how you feel

---

y/ntheactualgod: im sorry angel, but im not ready for that yet

angelbabycakes: look out ur window :)

---

"She didn't," I whispered in horror, rushing to go peek out the window. In my backyard stood my girlfriend of three months, who smiled up at me. I saw her put her phone to her ear and my phone lit up with a call from her. Answering it with shaky hands, I looked down at her through the window.

"Hey, baby! Can you let me in?"

"Angel, I love you a lot, but I can't do this." My voice trembled with anxiety as I saw her face be pulled into a frown. "I'm so sorry, honey, but I just can't have sex with anyone right now."

"Why not! I've been dating your sorry ass for three months! The least you could do is make it worth my while!"

"Angel, I--" She let out an enraged yell, picking up one of my lawn chairs and throwing it across my backyard. I watched in horror as she practically messed up my backyard. "Angel, please stop!"

"I'm tired of dating your wimpy ass! I don't deserve to be with such an ungrateful boyfriend." And she hung up on me, storming out of my yard. My hands were shaking so hard, I dropped my phone. Sinking to the floor, I stuck my head into my knees and started sobbing.

Was I crying of fear or heartbreak? I couldn't even tell.

---

"Good morning, Y/n!" I yelped loudly as David clapped his hand on my shoulder. He pulled his hand away, looking at me concerned.

"Oh, hey David." My voice was scratchy from a lack of sleep, but I didn't let it stop me from talking. "Sorry, you just scared me."

"I'm sorry. You look like you just saw a ghost." As we walked over to the lunch table, I kept my eyes open for Angel, becoming more paranoid the further in we walked. "Where were you this morning?"

This morning was really rough for me. I decided to skip out on sitting with my friends to hide in the bathroom, out of fear that Angel would confront me about last night.

"I had a long night. Woke up late." I lied, weakly smiling up at my friend. "Hope you guys were worried about me."

"We kinda were. Especially after what happened earlier this morning." I looked away from David, seeing that we were nearing the lunch table.

"I'm fine," I reassured to him, rushing to go sit down. I missed the unconvinced look on his face as he walked after me. "Hey, guys."

"Y/n! Where've you been?" Evan called out, grinning as I sat between him and Craig.

"Late morning," I responded, pulling out a cup of jello from my lunchbox. "Who won Uno today?"

"Lui did. He was totally cheating, though." Tyler complained, making me smile genuinely. I felt myself relax a little around them as I opened up the cup.

"You're a winner in my heart, Ty--"

"Y/n!" I couldn't help but jump harshly as Angel called out my name. I managed to squeeze all the jello out of the cup and all over my hand. Angel's tan arms wrapped around my shoulders and she moved to peck my cheek. "I didn't see you this morning."

Was she choosing to forget about what had happened?

"Uh... I woke up late." I stuttered, looking at my now ruined jello. "Sorry."

"You should really be more responsible, Y/n." As she picked her hand up to move a piece of my hair, I couldn't help the tiny flinch. Luckily she didn't notice. "You wanna come over later to watch some Netflix?" She gave me a look similar to the one she wore last night when she first stood in my backyard, letting me know what she was implying.

"I'm sorry, Angel, but I got--"

"Let me guess. Homework? A recording session? Friends coming over?" She took her arms away from my shoulders, giving me a harsh glare. "You never have time for me."

"Angel, not here," I whispered, looking at the eyes of my friends watching us talk.

"Don't give me that BS, L/n! You don't care about me anymore!" She stood up to her full height, putting her hands on her hips. "Don't talk to me unless you wanna apologize." And she stomped away again, leaving me behind with an empty cup of jello and a hand covered in it.

"I'll be right back," I muttered, scared that I was going to start crying in front of the whole cafeteria. I speed-walked to the nearest bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I let the tears slip down my cheeks and silently cried my heart out. My jello covered hand stained my shirt, but at the time, I didn't really care.

"Y/n? Are you in here?" I went silent, hoping that Brock would go away. "Y/n, I can see you sitting in there."

"Go away." My voice broke midsentence as Brock's footsteps came closer to my stall.

"Y/n, we just wanna help you." Jonathan came over as well. "Please come out."

"I-- I can't!" I yelled, feeling broken. "I'm trying so hard to make her happy and she just can't accept it! I've been letting her do as she pleases and it feels like she doesn't even listen to me. I don't want to cuddle with her and then she stops talking to me! I don't give her a gift during Valentine's Day at school and she yells at me! I say I don't want to have sex with her and she proceeds to trash my backyard! I'm so tired of not being enough!" I was gasping for air near the end, recognizing that I was starting to have another anxiety attack. I quickly unlocked the door and smashed into the nearest person's chest, sobbing heavily. They wrapped their arms around me, swaying back and forth as I let out month's worth of tears.

"We're here, Y/n. We've got you." Brian whispered. I felt another pair of arms wrap around us and soon, everyone joined in on the hug.

And for the first time in months, I felt safe and secure.

Once my crying had dialed down, we all separated. I wiped my face with my sleeve, trying to remove any remnants of tears.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry for crying. There's no reason for you to say sorry when you're this mentally torn about something." Craig gave me a stern glare, holding me by the shoulders. "Why do you say sorry every time you cry?"

"I... I've been told that crying is considered being babyish." Evan huffed, rolling his eyes at me.

"So what? Showing emotions isn't being a baby. It's being genuine. If you hide your emotions, then you're just equivalent to a robot. You should be happy that you can express yourself so well. As cool as it would be to be a robot, I think it would get pretty boring." I smiled a little, sniffing.

"You think?"

"He's right, Y/n. Craig's expressive, but he lifts like a damn champion. And Tyler screams like a preteen, but he's just as strong as anyone else."

"Hey!" We all laughed at that.

"The point is is that you shouldn't feel bad for being emotional. It's a part of who you are." I nodded, feeling confident in myself. "Now, if I were to guess correctly, I'm assuming Angel told you that." My smile quickly changed to a frown.

"How'd you know?" I asked Marcel, to which Jonathan snorted at me.

"Your girlfriend's a douchebag, Y/n. I'm sorry, but it's the Gospel Truth." I just sighed, leaning against the wall.

"I know. But I love her." Brock grabbed my face gently, making me look in his eyes.

"Think of every moment you had with her that was happy." I looked up, trying to recall every moment.

When I asked her out. Our first date. The day we went on a road trip. Her aunt's wedding. My birthday.

"Now think of every moment that you weren't happy with her."

Our first fight. Meeting my parents. Valentine's Day. LAST NIGHT. NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES AGO--

"I have to go," I muttered, a sense of urgency and determination running through me. I slinked past everyone, rushing out of the bathroom and to the lunch room. They all followed me as I walked over to Angel's lunch table, where she turned to face me.

"Are you here to apologize?" I didn't even get to open my mouth when she spoke. "Well, too bad. I'm still angry--"

"No! I'm tired of doing what you tell me!" I cut her off, balling up my fists. "Last night, you trashed my backyard because I wouldn't fuck you! And you just yelled at me for saying no to hanging out after school. I've been doing everything for you when you wouldn't even do half of it for me!" The cafeteria went silent as I was speaking, watching us argue. And for once, I didn't care who saw me.

"How dare you, Y/n! I fucking love you!" She started tearing up, fake tears to get sympathy from me. "You're going to break up with me?!"

"Uh, yeah? Was that not clear?!" She closed her mouth, shocked by my rage. "If you fucking loved me then you would've respected the fact that I didn't want sex! You would've accepted my gift during Valentine's Day and you would've respected my wishes throughout the year of me saying no! But you didn't. Instead, you manipulated me continuously with no hesitation and it's because you can't seem to get in your tiny brain that not everyone owes you anything!" Tears leaked from my eyes, but this time, I didn't care who saw. "I'm done, Angel. I want everything I ever gave you back."

"You can't do that!" She grabbed my wrist, looking into my eyes. "Y/n, I love you!"

I looked down at my now ex-girlfriend, ripping my hand away from her.

"No, you don't." And with that, I left her behind, once and for all.

As I exited the cafeteria, I watched Lui come up and clap me on the shoulder, smiling at me.

"You did good, Y/n." I smiled. And it felt really great as a whole new feeling blossomed in my chest.

"Yeah. I did, huh?" Freedom. That's what this was. Freedom from months of torture. I wiped away tears, not feeling ashamed for shedding them. "You guys wanna go ditch for some Hardee's?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Alright!"

"Yes!"

"Sure."

"Cool!"

"I'm down."

"I call shotgun!"

"I'm taking my car!" As the others rushed out, Craig stayed behind, turning to look at me.

"Are you okay?" Linking our arms together, I sighed happily.

"I'm feeling great."

[abyss-mal-blog1]

current mind-space//word vomit

it’s amazing how much can change in a few days, but it hasn’t been a week since my finals ended and i already felt so different. i have been doing f45 everyday this week (if not then some kind of workout, but i’ve really been into that recently). i am feeling so much better now without deadlines, sometimes i don’t know if i function better under pressure or not. i guess not, but then it’s amazing how much i can do and achieve under pressure. i need the right amount of pressure, and this semester it has been a little difficult for me to get around that. 

last friday was kinda my last day of finals, i just had an essay to submit, and i am disappointed in myself and my work ethic because i submitted it at 9pm, went to my cousin’s (disappointing) party, and then professor emailed me to say that she cannot read Pages format (seriously smh @ my tardiness!!!), only got back at 1am that night and sent my mediocre essay. i am a little sad about it because i know that is not my 100%. idk why but college so far has just been a series of 80% effort. this paper was an interesting one, on airbnb, on the sharing economy, it’s a performance studies paper where i analyze the hospitality platform in terms of host-user relationship, parasitism and (attempted) to talk about free online labor. it is a little too late now but i kinda want to work on it again and like, submit for feedback. maybe ill ask taylor. 

last saturday was kinda meh, i agreed to go to a *social* kinda event at a bar/club at chelsea, held for Asian-ivy-alumni-people that yanlin invited me too. it was at up&up and honestly a little...i didn’t enjoy it at all. the music sucked, the people were either too dorky or gross or old or weird, and the whole time i just kept saying to myself, “never again”. they said it was open bar but they only served absolut, which was shit. and then my friend’s two friends were...i feel sorry that this was their first clubbing experience. at the beginning my reaction was look at all these ivy alumni! get hitched with one of them for ~da connectsx~ (and nothing else) but no kidding i was actually interested in talking to them just to get to know what people who graduated from ivies are up to, and what are they doing at such events...and are they actually enjoying themselves because it was really kinda gross. met my friend’s friend who seemed like a really smart engineer (he asked for my number the next day lol), and a german dude at the bar who didn’t want to get me a drink. all i needed that night was a drink.....(i’m glad i didn’t drink tho because recently drinking has made me feel all kinds of bad)  we had ramen after at ramen-ya (most probably the worst ramen and charsiew i’ve had but what can we do at 3am and my friend wanted noodle and soup...)

on sunday i KNow i should have left my house earlier to workout but i didn’t. i was angry at myself that i didn’t. instead, i stayed at home and emotion-ate. i must have eaten more green bean soup than my stomach would have liked. what else...avocado? i remember..two bananas? god. this was the day i felt like i was n’s boyfriend because i had to do what she wanted to do. i know i had agreed on going, but at that point i really wanted to go thrifting or something. i mean when i got to central park it was fine and things were good but the whole day just felt like i was kinda pulled into doing something that wasn’t my first choice of plans, not that i didn’t enjoy myself lying under the sun at the park. it just felt like i was accompanying someone. i was half an hour late to meet her as well, and half heartedly got a burrito-wrap at newsbar. if you think about it it is really kinda funny, we’re just buying food and taking the subway to this grass patch 50 blocks away. we didn’t walk much, we literally only stayed at a little grassy slope overlooking the baseball pitch. anyway we went to a dance class after (the class was an hour long but i felt like n had asked me about when and what time we should book the classes for more than an hour by text so i just got really sick of it) i rushed home and got dinner with my uncle who’s in town for my cousin’s graduation. i was surprised that he chose the same japanese restaurant again, after dissing it half a year ago we ate here. the omakase was crazy and it cost 230 per person. (for the most expensive set) it was also kinda dumb because you aren’t allowed to order a different omakase set from anyone else - everyone on the table has to order the same - because of “timing”. i wonder if this is how it is in japanese omakase etiquette, but in any case it really earned them a hefty amount because my uncle decided to get 230 for all of us. qiyang didn’t like and said qiqi had bad taste, hahaha. the food wasn’t bad, i mean it’s japanese fusion, but the prices were way too steep for the taste. anyway enough about the food, during the dinner i think we talked about many things though. i kinda wanted to talk to my uncle individually because i think he is the only one who knows about ah gong, but he was sick, and i could tell he was exhausted. my aunt got a little impatient because i didn’t arrange plans to take their furniture and they were going to throw all of them away and it was actually the first time i’ve seen her get so worked up - but at the same time trying to control her emotions - because she was talking to me. i could tell she was annoyed though but i tried not to take it personally, and arranged it tomorrow. 

arranging the moving stuff was kinda last minute, i was walking to the library for work one day and i saw a truck that said MakeSpace. i assumed it was a kind of moving company and so i looked them up. they seemed to be pretty okay in terms of their services and so i decided to try them out. confirmation and setting up an appointment went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the guy i think his name was joseph, asked me to give my credit card details over the phone. idk why i did that! i stopped though, and asked him why, to which he replied he wanted to key in with the coupon code. this service has so much gimmicks within the first 2-3 minutes on the phone he was already telling me about how the first pick up is free, and that he will deduct 100$ off the first month...when people give you discounts too easily it just feels like a ploy and a thing they give to everyone, it’s not anything special and it’s probably calculated inside whatever we have to pay. anyway, i was just thinking it would be cheaper (assuming the maximum that i would have to pay is ~$500, as i confirmed with them on the phone yesterday), it’d still be cheaper than starting an apartment lease now and going through the trouble of finding two subletters. 

well. idk, it’s also easy to have things all moved in, i have to find a place to store my perishables!

moving is so much work, and storing things. this reminds me of my paper on airbnb and about the digital nomad lifestyle. it is interesting though, that this is what it has become. but the homogenized aesthetic is something i really cannot stand, in airbnb, in coffeeshops around the world..i am sure you know what i’m talking about. a new york times writer did something about this - he termed it “Airspace” - and apparently it originated from Brooklyn. I guess that’s where the art/avant-garde stuff started. well. keep a look out im gonna write a blogpost about that 

moving on 

nat came to sleepover on sunday night and a few days after because the school kicks you out of the dorms you pay so much for right after your final ends. i forgot if we did something fun but i probably just fell asleep. 

on monday i think i went to f45 and did cardio at Dumbo with Gi. he seems like a pretty nice trainer, the first time i went it was him and another girl Bertha (i think my first f45 was last tuesday) and i felt like i had two personal trainers with me - Gi was cheering me on and Bertha was doing it with me. it felt like such a good workout, one of the best ive had in a while. then work, where i arranged the movers stuff. i also realized i bought the wrong date for my flight ticket as my friends and had to buy one more...............

tuesday was the same f45 in the morning, and the bobst after. didn’t really get much work done at bobst. oh i also viewed a 3BR flex at 160. hella expensive and small, and dates didn’t work out anyway. also the broker who brought us to view the apartment was a very nice tall french man and his name was jean-francois which i couldn’t pronounce and asked nat but still called him jean as in jeen instead of john. this is why i have to learn french. you’re embarrassing. i also went to the itp/ima spring show with shubham which was super cool. there were many cool ideas, and i just wonder if i could create something like that. i didn’t get to see all of the exhibits which i regret, but i remember a few notable projects. one was an installation made with keyboards that randomly clicks, but when you hold your phone up it’ll stop. it’s made using 3d gestures. there’s also one at a gallery for surveillance, this team had a thing they call facebox, and it’s literally a box, that when you open it has a webcam that would capture your face, find you on facebook, and print out an invoice/receipt on how much you have earned for this giant tech company.  what else...an AR project that when you scan a food,  it shows you where the food comes from. nat said that she would love it if menus have something they could scan and then have pictures appear in ~holographic~ format, or maybe in the nearer future something on your phone that shows you a picture of the picture of the food. but isn’t it a surprise tho? sometimes the fun’s in the surprise, you read the description, you know what are the foods you’ll eat, leaving room to imagine or be surprised by how the chef puts it together! anyway, went for dinner with nat and jenny - got vegan shwarma (definitely wasn’t worth $14) and went to get crepes with will after. 

wednesday we were gonna go to the dmv but we weren’t prepared. nat also needed to get her passport and she was lazy. wow the number of times i mentioned her, it feels like she’s my boyfriend at this point. talked to famz, sister, and beatrix. am currently considering if i should even go to beijing or just go straight home. fuck. went to bobst for work but no one was there i was just really sleepy. viewed an apartment at 55 morton (it’s a nice quiet residential street that seems to be tucked away from the loud cars and bars and people) then i went to f45 again-varsity!!! cardio!!!, walked across brooklyn bridge (a little regret although i wanted to walk, but my bag was heavy and there were too many tourists to brisk walk) 

also the reason for this is that after my soba/miso/salad/shrimp dinner last night i was just watching a bunch of netflix shows and it was probably the caffeine from puerto rican roasting company - the barista made me a chai cappuccino with almond milk (3 SHOTS!!!)

me and nat couldn’t sleep, i really think i slept for an hour. i watched so many different shows, yoko and john’s documentary, while we were young, anthony bourdain, i was seriously flipping through all the shows and alternating between amazonprme and youtube and netflix and i even tried watching peaceful cuisine and making the brightness lower and had the sleep mode on and wow i just couldn’t sleep

so yeah the birth of this word vomit 

i am going to create more things

[yanjuniverse]

Why Not You? | Cai Xukun Imagine

[Summary: Cai Xukun goes out for a high school party & you discover just how truthful of a drunk he is.]

Cai Xukun - star basketball player. has already been scouted for three different colleges and has a full ride to all of them if he agrees to play for them.

he’s really popular in school

like maybe a little too popular

but he doesn’t really like being popular, tbh.

because he feels like a lot of people only wanna be his friend because of it

and the only true friends he has is you and ziyi

ziyi is also co-captain of the basketball team and him and xukun are undefeatable

ziyi is also a more popular kid but he likes you because you’re really chill and you both have the same kind of taste in music

but they like to party and you don’t

when they do, you always stay up until one of them tell you they’re home safe

they also might need a designated driver sometimes

but usually they call someone else because they know you hate the smell of alcohol

one night though, your phone is ringing & you see ziyi’s face flashing across the screen

“listen, i know you hate us right now but can you please come? xukun is a little too wasted right now and he keeps asking for you.”

you groan, “fine. send the address. i’ll be there as soon as i can.”

when you show up, xukun is really wasted

and it worries you because he’s more of a casual drinker

and ziyi has sobered up a bit at the sight of his friend, who’s sitting on the sidewalk singing out loud to some song at the top of his lungs

“im sorry,” ziyi frowns as he throws xukun into the back of the car.

you simply shake your head and hand him some water bottles, making him smile as he slides into the passenger’s seat

“Y/N? Y/N i loveeeee you,” Xukun beams from where he’s laying in the back

you simply ignore him as you pull up in front of ziyi’s house

“you want me to take him?” he asks.

you shake your head, “no. he’ll be better off at my place. if your dad gets one whiff of that alcohol on that kid, it’s game over for the both of you.”

“you know, you really are cool, Y/N,” ziyi smiles.

you shrug, “my parents really like xukun,” you say while peering at him through the rearview. his eyes are shut but his head is still bobbing along to the music. “they don’t mind his state. they always wish i could be more social like him but,” you shrug again. “whatever.”

“just stay the way you are. some people actually really like how introverted you can be.”

you blush, “yeah? name one.”

ziyi just laughs. “see you on monday.”

you drive home and haul xukun up the stairs

he’s staring at you the entire time

and now he’s laying on your bed, watching you with heavy lidded eyes

“here,” you say, handing him the water from your dresser. “drink this so i dont have to hear about how much your head hurts tomorrow.”

he tilts his head up and lets you feed him the water, his eyes never leaving yours

“why do you keep doing that?” you groan. “stop looking at me like you’re looking at fried chicken.”

“i can’t help it,” he whines, throwing his head back on the pillow

“why did you even drink so much?” you roll your eyes. “now my room is going to stink.”

“you hurt my feelings today.” he says it so casually that you can barely hear the sadness in his tone - as if this has happened too many times before.

“what are you talking about?”

“i saw you talking to linong,” he sighs. “he’s a good match for you, though. smart, handsome, warm hearted. he’s all the things i could never be for you.”

you roll your eyes and brush back Xukun’s hair, “what are you even going on about?”

“that if anyone should date you, it should be him. even though i don’t want it to be him, it should be. he’s what you deserve,” he replies. xukun rolls over and turns his back to you.

“linong is my project partner you doorknob.”

his head perks up and he turns to look at you, body swaying a bit as he sits up. his face is suddenly inches from yours as he says, “so i still have a chance?”

“kunkun, you’re drunk,” you whisper.

“i’m not drunk, i’m in love with you,” he cheers.

his eyes are so glossy and he smells so much like alcohol that your throat burns

“xukun,” you whisper. “don’t tell me you got almost black out drunk because you were jealous.”

he hums, “you make me feels stupid.”

“go to sleep,” you tell him. “you’re drunk.”

he pouts, laying down. “stay with me?” you’re hesitant but lay down nonetheless, making him sigh and wrap his arm around you. “you’re always there for me, you know?” he burries his head into you neck and inhales deeply. “i’ve been trying to work up the courage to say i love you for a while but seeing you with linong-“

“you’re drunk, xukun.”

“but i’m a truthful drunk,” he whines.

“just go to sleep, okay?” you frown.

you can’t see it but he’s frowning a little too hard as he falls asleep.

when he wakes up though, he’s confused and disoriented and his head hurts a little bit

“good morning,” you say, just entering the room. he shoots up at the sight of you, panic striken. “chill out,” you scoff. “my parents know you’re here and i already texted your mom and told her we caught a late movie.”

he groans, covering his face from the sunlight. “why does my head hurt so bad?”

“probably because you decided to party a little too hard last night?” you raise an eyebrow. you walk over with some medicine and some toast. “eat up or go back to sleep. i don’t care,” you frown.

xukun slowly eats, his eyes following you as you sit at the desk to do your homework.

it’s when he hears your phone ring and the name “nongnong” leave your mouth that all the feelings from last night come back

now xukun has been trying to deny his feelings for you for a while. afterall, you were his best friend and he wasn’t the type to just ruin a relationship this strong just because he has some stupid feelings. but when he saw you talking to linong after school the other day, he felt a sting in his heart. the last conversation he had with you ended with him leaving you at the school and telling you to tell linong to take you home. (ziyi ended up taking you home that day after ranting about how much of a jerk xukun is)

he doesn’t know what comes over him but he’s suddenly climbing over the bed and toward you

“yeah, i’ll do all of the even numbered questions and you-“

“linong?”

“what are you doing?!” you scold, looking at xukun, who has taken your phone away and is now talking

“it’s xukun. can you call back later? no, everything is fine. i just really need to do this or else i might never have the guts to ever again. okay. okay. bye byeeee.”

“what are you doing?!” you ask again as he shoves your phone in his pocket.

“we have to talk,” he sighs, sitting on the bed.

“cai xukun, after all the trouble you’ve put me through this weekend, the last thing i wanna do is talk to you.”

“i meant what i said,” he blurts out.

“what-“

“i’ve liked you ever since the third grade and i don’t know when it happened but i ended up falling in love with you - hard. and if you don’t love me back like that then we can just go back to being friends and -“

“why are you telling me this now?” you whisper.

he shrugs, “i just...because linong is so much better. he’s smart and humble and is president of our class while i’m just some basketball playing airhead who can’t even get the girl.”

“you could have any girl you wanted. why me?”

he shakes his head and smiles, “why not you?”

“you promise this isn’t some sort of sick and twisted game where i end up the butt of the joke?” you eye him suspiciously

“maybe this will convince you it’s real.”

and that’s when it happens

your best friend ever since you were little is kissing you

needless to say, it was real

as a couple you guys did a lot of couple outfits

you wearing his jersey on game days

lots and lots of cute stuff sksksksk

ok the end sorry i suck at endings

(a/n: i’m going to stop it here just because im really bad at endings. i have like 8 drafts that i cant post just because i suck at endings. i might delete this too sooooooooooooo. i also didn’t proof read it because i just wanna get this cringey post over with so if you see a mistake, let me know!)

MASTER LIST

[starkniall]

Hey I’m not the anon that u talked about but I follow u on twitter and wanna let u know that don’t worry!!!! That happened to me a few days ago too djdnxjsn. Are you posting today?

ahhh HI OMG thank u for understanding :’)

IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING bc i got it all written but there’s lil things to edit and words to change a bit but it was basically done and then the power went out and refused to come back for 7 hours :/

as soon as it came back i got to it but im sleeeeepy and i have a family thing tomorrow morning (basically today wow it’s 4 am) so i can’t post it until the afternoon :( BUT YES TODAY IT’LL BE POSTED FINALLY. NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM POSTING IT TODAY.

if u want, and for the other super patient and lovely anon as well, here’s a lil preview of it; the first out of the 5 + 1 things of this fic!

(as i said, it still needs to be proof read again so if u find mistakes pls pretend u didnt, im gonna get to them tomorrow sdkfhds but yeah there u have 1,5k of this monster of a fic that took over 2 months of my life lmao what started as a lil hurt/comfort fic ended up in a 18k monster of developing relationship hurt/comfort and angst with a cHEESY ending wow)

Having the night shift at the E.R onFriday nights it’s always a chore. Harry always tries his best to change itwith one of his colleagues, even if he has to take Monday’s morning shift whereeveryone comes with the silliest symptoms to get some excuse to get out oftheir jobs for a couple days.

This time, however, Liam has a familything he can’t get out of and Harry has to cover the night shift.

It goes as he expected it.

Drunk college students with alcoholpoisoning are the most common gig of the night, followed by guys withconcussions and broken noses that can only be attributed to bar fights.

It’s around 10 pm when he’s making a roundthrough the new arrivals when he sees a guy sitting in the waiting room withwhat seems to be a scarf wrapped around his left arm and a guitar tightlyclutched in his right hand.

He looks downright miserable. Soaked tothe bone – though Harry doesn’t recall it raining when he started his shift –hair plastered to his forehead and a bruise in his right cheek that he can tellit’s gonna swell and hurt as fuck tomorrow morning.

He takes a look around the room andfigures he’s the most interesting case he can get out of the night.

“Hello there, I’m Doctor Styles. Did thenurse give you the triage paper?” He asks, looking down at the brown hairedguy, who startles at his voice.

“Oh, hi, yes, uh,” he searches around hispockets for a bit, hissing when he disturbs his homemade bandage, Harry doesn’tknow if he’s hiding a broken, burnt or cut arm, but he’s sure the scarf it’snot wrapped up properly for none of those situations.

He finally finds a yellow crumbled uppaper in the pocket of his jeans, “thought the red papers got attention first.”He says, looking up to Harry and handing him the paper.

“Yeah, Friday nights are usually full ofyellow ones, though.” Harry says, scanning the paper quickly and seeing Niall J. Horan, 25 year old male, reportedbar fight, probable broken wrist, no signs of concussion, vitals on order, pain8/10. “How’s your pain right now?”

“Out of ten? It’s been simmering between 8and 9 for the last hour,” Niall replies with a shrug. “Nurse told me x-rayswere necessary but that I’d have to leave my guitar outside,” he continues, “Irefused, because have you seen the people around this place? They’re all drunk.No way I’m leaving it out here only to find it broken, so if you can tell mewhat to do or what to take for the pain I’d appreciate it so I can go home.”

“You could have a broken wrist, judging bythe pain I’m pretty sure that’s the case, isn’t getting the x-ray moreimportant than a guitar?” Harry asks, an amused smile making his way through asNiall splutters and shakes his head.

“’Course it’s more important, she’s one ofa kind. Actually my arm might be broken because I fell out of the stage toprotect her.” He states. A stubborn frown taking over his face.

“Alright,” Harry nods, “You can leave itin my office while we do x-rays and get you proper treatment. That way both ofyou will be safe.”

“Really?” Niall asks, “Hey, thank youmate! I hope it’s not a bother.”

“None at all, just follow me and we’ll getit done quick enough.”

-

Half an hour later Niall’s sitting in astretcher as Harry wraps up his broken wrist properly. His guitar restingbeside him. “I cannot help but ask, what did you mean you fell out of a stageto save your guitar?”

“Oh,” he laughs, “well, you see, I play inthis bar on Friday nights, to help a bit with the bills, you know? Being ajust-graduated-nutritionist doesn’t give you much, so I was there, justchilling, getting ready to finish the set, when a bunch of assholes startedfighting, throwing punches and chairs and tables went flying. My guitar was inthe direct line of fire.” He says, pausing a bit to swallow harshly as Harrymoves his arm to check the blood flow is alright and the bandages are justtight enough. “So I try to yell at ‘em to be careful but just as I was about toreach the guitar and leave a guy was pushed over, I can only guess he was deaddrunk, because he didn’t even try to slow down the fall, and I could only seehis ass was for sure gonna land on my guitar, so I jumped head first to grab itand he fell on me, I fell on the corner of the stage, thus the bruising.”

“Is that why you told the nurse the reasonof all this was a bar fight?”

“Well, technically it all started with abar fight, but as I was about to explain it all she just went and rolled hiseyes and gave me a yellow paper.” Niall says, a sour look on his face, “realrude of her, you know.”

“Yeah, you’ll have to forgive her,” Harrysays with a small smile, “we don’t get much of anything other than bar fightson Friday nights.” He continues, handing Niall a sheet of paper with hisprescribed pain medication.

“Do I have to come for you to take a lookat it again? Like, remove the bandage or something?” Niall asks, looking a bitforlornly at the piece of paper.

“Oh, yeah but not here, exactly. You cancall this number,” he says, handing Niall a small card that just says Liam Payne and two phone numbers. “He’sthe best orthopedist you’ll ever find in this hospital. He’ll do an x-ray,check everything’s alright and in about 4 weeks you’ll be bandages free.” Hefinishes, smiling despite the fact that Niall looks kind of sad. Disappointedeven. “He really is the best, you’ve got nothing to be scared of, he’ll takegood care of you.”

“Not as good as you,” Niall mutters underhis breath as Harry turns his back on him to open the curtain that wasseparating them from the rest of the E.R.

“What was that?” Harry asks.

“Oh, nothing, just. Thinking out loudabout whether I should try to find a bus or just walk home.”

“I can call you a cab if you’d like.”Harry offers. Helping Niall gather his guitar, papers and card without losinganything.

“No, that’s alright. I left my jacket atthe bar so I have no change with me, just my very loyal Oyster card and twowell-functioning legs.”

“It’s really late, Niall, really. I canlend you some, it’s no trouble.” Harry says, searching in his pockets for hiswallet, “I’d be no good of me as a doctor if I fix you up only to let you walkhome at two in the morning. Cab is the safest option.”

“Also the most expensive,” Niall remarks,“we’re in an alright neighborhood and I live like half an hour from here, it’llbe alright.” Then, with a bit more of spark in his eyes, he says; “If you wantyou can give me your number and I can text you as soon as I get home.”

Harry seemed too busy looking into hiswallet to notice, though, “Here, just a couple of bucks. Just in case youdecide your house’s too far and you’re too tired or cold to keep walking.” Hesays, handing Niall a couple of folded bills. “Or in case you have nothing inyour Oyster card. Can’t never be too safe.”

He’s just finished talking when a beepcomes from his pocket. Eyes opening wide when he sees a red alert from hispager.

“Well, look at that. You can have a couplered cases on Friday nights too.” Harry says, shaking his head, “Have a niceevening. Don’t forget to pick up your meds tomorrow morning. What I just gaveyou we’ll be enough for the night but it might get really achey if you movearound a lot.” Harry says, walking fast towards the nurses’ station. “No guitarplaying, for at least a week, let you hand heal nicely. If there’s moreswelling, your fingers get really cold, dark or you can’t feel them or there’sany fever at all, please come back to the E.R immediately.” Harry says in arush as he checks the new triage papers. “Any questions?”

“Thank you.” Says Niall. “Really, you werethe nicest doctor I’ve ever met and I promise when I come back for that check-upI’ll hunt you down and pay you back.”

“No need,” Harry replies with a smile,“I’ve got to run. Have a safe trip home!”

And with that he leaves, back towards theentrance of the E.R where an ambulance is pulling in someone in a really bloodystretcher.

With a shudder, Niall turns to leave, notbefore looking back at Harry for the last time and saying to himself, “nexttime I’ll get his number.”

[lotsofdogs]

Things I’m Loving Friday #206

Hi friends! I definitely didn’t mean to disappear from the blog yesterday but a tough bout of food poisoning had other plans. I actually had a day-in-the-life post 80 percent drafted but couldn’t sit up at my computer to finish it without making a dash to the bathroom, so I pressed pause and now I’m here again today. I began throwing up around 10:30 p.m. on Wednesday night and didn’t feel much better on Thursday morning. I’ve had food poisoning before but yesterday’s incident was probably the worst I’ve experienced. My body clearly wanted something O-U-T and I struggled to get any food or liquids in my body.

I was also a bit stressed because I had a lot on my to-do list yesterday and everything got neglected. The bright side? I think Sadie and Chase thought Mom being sick was the best thing ever. Movies and couch cuddles galore!

I was a bit nervous my sickness would stay around and I’d have to cancel my weekend plans which would’ve really, really bummed me out. Thankfully I’m doing much better (though still not 100 percent) so I am heading off to Michigan this afternoon! One of my best friends of 20+ years got engaged over the summer and I cannot wait to celebrate Carrie and also spend some quality time with our mutual BFFs Leah and Michaela who will also be flying in town.

We have some pampering on the agenda and also hope to visit a cider mill in addition to heading off to a boutique to help Carrie shop for a wedding dress! I am so excited and will be sure to recap everything on the blog next week.

I still have to pack and travel days always feel a bit frazzled around here but before the madness sets in, I wanted to be sure to share my usual Things I’m Loving Friday blog post with you guys! See below for a short roundup of some things that are making me smile this week. As always, I’d love to hear a little bit about something you’re loving this week in the comments section.

Enjoy your weekend, my friends! See ya on Monday!

Things I’m Loving Friday

Babe

I consider Babe one of the most underrated movies of all time (I wish I was joking) and absolutely LOVE it. Ryan always laughs at my love for the talking pig movie but you better believe I jumped at the chance to use my sick day yesterday to introduce Chase to this classic. He was SO into it and pointed out all of the animals and quickly picked up on their names so I think I may have a future Babe fanatic on my hands. The silver lining to food poisoning, my friends.

Shortcut Pumpkin Spice Lattes

I gave a quick rundown of how I make my pumpkin spice lattes on Instagram Stories earlier this week but then I received a few messages from you guys asking me to detail everything on the blog as well. Ask and you shall receive! I begin by making a batch of pumpkin spice milk by combining 1 cup of milk (I love a combination of 1/2 cup whole milk and 1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla cashew milk) and mix it together with 3-4 heaping tablespoons of pumpkin, 1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice and a couple of drops of liquid vanilla stevia. (A little bit goes a long way with stevia drops! You can also use honey, sugar or maple syrup.)

I use my Aerolatte frother to mix it all up and then microwave it until the milk is hot, froth it again and pour it over my hot coffee! Viola! It’s not the fanciest method but it’s SIMPLE and that’s what I like! Also, one batch of pumpkin spice milk usually yields two pumpkin spice lattes for me and I like a very full cup of coffee!

Toast with Jelly

Toast with jelly? I know, I know but before yesterday I cannot remember the last time I had a simple piece of toast smothered in butter and jelly. That’s kind of sad, right!? I feel like I always use restaurant’s toast to soak up egg yolks and typically gravitate toward heartier, more filling breakfasts at home but toast and bananas were pretty much all my stomach could handle yesterday. Thankfully toast with jelly and butter is so tasty and assuming it doesn’t now remind me of being sick, I think it will pop back up into my diet a lot more often in the near future.

Purple Hippo Customized Children’s Book

How adorable is this book!? Blog reader Amanda sent me this absolutely beautiful children’s book completely customized with Chase’s name and a story about animals selecting the letters for his name after he was born. The book is colorful and fun and Chase instantly LOVED it. We read it three times before bed the first night it arrived! Amanda has an Etsy shop and personalizes these beautiful children’s names books and I am so impressed with her creativity. Thank you for the sweet gift, Amanda. We love it!

Friday Flashbacks

Apple Pie Spice Chex Mix (In a season dominated by pumpkin pie spice everything, don’t forget about apple pie spice! This snack mix is a sweet and salty way to enjoy the flavors of fall!)

8 Fitness Apps To Try (A collection of 8 of my favorite fitness apps I love to use when I need a little workout motivation.)

Question of the Day

What is one thing that is making you smile this week?

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