#his wife is Beyonce. He definitely like. Won

[penroseparticle]

irreplaceable rant? to the left to the left

My irreplaceable rant is essentially:

When Beyonce wrote Irreplaceable it was like a giant stepping on an ant. Even in 06 she was shaping up to be a Juggernaut. B'Day launched at number 1 I believe? She was blowing up. Well established, producing bop after bop after banger after banger. And We bought Irreplaceable because we, fully, were on board. Beyonce COULD have another you in a minute. The mythos of Beyonce was taking shape. She was Beyonce, you were some guy. To the left.

When she wrote Lemonade it was like. Oh there are stakes now because whether you think Jay Z is great or not or a garbage dude or whatever, he's at least closer to her level than just "some guy".

Like. Of course she could have another you in a minute if you were some dude. But could she have another Jay Z in a minute? No, categorically she could not, and to say otherwise is to tell yourself fun lies because you hate cheaters or men or whatever. I am a firm believer that Beyonce is one of a kind and cannot be replicated in our lifetime as a cultural phenomenon, artist, creator, singer, you name it she is. incredible. But I'm also not going to pretend Jay Z wasn't in some ways just as singularly, powerfully monolithic with popculture just because most of this website understands rap less.

She writes the Sistine Chapel about him because like it or not, she wants to. She looks at him and sees things you could only dream of creating and I for one am just happy to be here, and could care less what you think about Beyonce's specialist boy who is the catalyst of some of the best music I've heard in the past decade, and also someone who MADE some of the best music I've heard in the past 20 years as well.

Beyonce's first solo recording was 03 Bonnie and Clyde, btw. As in, she was a feature on a Jay Z song before even releasing Dangerously in Love. Which. Also prominently has a Jay Z feature. In the lead single. That arguably launched Beyonce's career. Why would she ever write songs about the man who helped her launch her career that she has been married to for 16 years. A damn mystery.

And for the record, if she wanted to make the most beautiful art in the world about literal garbage, so the fuck what. We hate Duchamps The Fountain on this website now? Irving Penn spent years taking extremely detailed, well composed photos... of actual trash. Like Mud Glove. His photos were hanging in the Smithsonian a few years ago. Turns out beautiful art that says something, even something about trash? Still beautiful.

[haddiebell]

Taylor Swift: Villainized by Fake News and Sexism

Taylor Swift Isn’t Like Other Celebrities, She’s Worse, warns the headline of VICE’s 2016 article, an example from the fake news storm that clouded Taylor Swift’s once squeaky-clean reputation several years back. However, this villainization was far from abrupt; Swift’s persona had been undergoing a degradation by many different events for nearly a decade. The catalyst for this phenomenon originally occurred at the 2009 VMAs, where Swift was accepting an award and Kanye West stole the microphone from the then seventeen-year-old.

This event sparked a world of sexism and fake news to thrive and propagate wrongfully and with harm off Swift’s name for years to come. The media’s gradual villainization of Taylor Swift was done so unfairly. Fake news thrived off of Swift’s personal issues such as her feud, phone leaks, country to pop transition and manipulated them into a narrative where the media created a protagonist and antagonist. The fake news was infused with sexism and clickbait, namely from gossip outlets and social media platforms such as Twitter. The news was propagated by unsolicited feuds and manipulated storytelling in attempts to sell a narrative. This narrative tarnished her reputation, career, and personal life significantly. Taylor Swift is a prime example of how sexism and fake news thrive off of women, especially celebrities.

Taylor Swift was once considered the “Golden Girl” (Knibbs, ...Ten Years of Taylor Swift) of the music industry by many. Children, parents, and everyone in between seemed to like her. However, the media has controlled her public narrative for nearly Swift's entire career. Ever since her feud with Kayne was ignited back in 2009, Swift’s public perception has been at the mercy of how the media wanted her to be viewed. As mentioned in Vulture’s article, Now That No One Cares Anymore, Who Was Right in the Kanye-Taylor Feud? (2020), Jones states that whoever was enjoying more personal success at the time, whether that be Swift or West, the sympathy would follow suit.

This shows how the media was manipulating the public’s perception in order to monetize Swift’s feud. “When people got a little sick of her, suddenly she was a lying manipulator.” (Jones, ...Right in the Kanye-Taylor Feud?), Swift was frequently and wrongly used as a pawn in the media’s games. This relationship between Swift and the media, and how they villainized her for their own gain, is the single common thread that ties each of the following events together. Whether it was the 2009 VMAs, the infamous call with Kim Kardashian, Taylor becoming a supposed “snake”; her reputation was always unfairly in the hands of rather sexist media outlets, which focused on monetary gain over truth. Taylor Swift’s villainization was based on fake news and sexism.

THE 2009 VMA INCIDENT

How does the media manipulate the narrative? Negative news sells. As a society we are conditioned to find negative words and stories more intriguing (Stafford, ...Why bad news dominates...). The initial catalyst of Swift’s so called “downfall”, a word favoured by new outlets when referring to her at the time, was when Kayne West stole the microphone from then seventeen-year-old Swift during her acceptance speech. West had taken the microphone to explain why he thought Beyonce should have won this award (Cullen, 2016). This became the beginning of a narrative the media would continue to overexpose and sell about Swift for years to come.

Although the public at the time was still on Swift’s side, this laid the groundwork for their feuds to come and Swift’s inevitable peak villainization in 2016. Although Kayne was scrutinized for his actions, the event barely put a dent in his career. West still sold records and continued to rise in popularity. despite his actions; a courtesy Swift would not share.

In 2009 Swift was the victim, and more importantly still a child. Therefore, people still felt a sense of responsibility for her, which is why West was scrutinized. The media took this event and conjured it into something much larger. Swift and West’s names saturated media coverage for weeks.

One can see by the Google Trends data, negative news sticks in people’s memories better than the good (Stafford, ...Why bad news dominates...). The visualization shows how search results for Swift and West’s ‘giant’ feud at the VMAs over the past five years has remained much more relevant than the entire award show that night. Fake news was able to tell that story and keep people interested, for a long, long time.

TAYLOR SWIFT IS A SNAKE

From the 2009 VMAs onwards, the media chose to switch Swift from the protagonist to the antagonist in their stories. During the switch from country star to pop, Swift’s popularity and critical acclaim continued to rise. This overexposure was where her villainization began. Sexism plays a huge part in how the media uses and abuses fake news. Opposite to how West was simply able to move forward after the VMAs, Swift’s actions were manipulated and used against her, in an attempt to make her “look bad”. Swift became the suitable villain over Kanye because no one wanted to protect the mid-twenties perfect, pretty and successful “Golden Girl” anymore, she was no longer a girl but a woman. Negative news sells. Clickbait sells. Seeing perfect people fail is shocking and more exciting and memorable than continuing to see someone (West) who has a history of problematic behaviours (2009 VMAs) continue to be the villain in the story.

An example of this behaviour would be back in 2014 when Swift made her famous leap from country music singer to international pop star. Where this event could have simply been perceived as a change in taste, or perhaps wanting to try something new, it was conjured into quite the news story. According to Lela Lyon, a linguistics master’s student at the University of Kentucky, the media manipulated Swift’s persona shift by labelling this endeavour as “proof” she was indeed “fake”. This idea was justified by saying the change from her “sounding southern” and “moving around the country”, had somehow made her a less authentic human and performer (Lyon, SHIFTING PERSONAS...).

This whole fabrication the media had created around a harmless career goal was deeply rooted in sexism and an attempt to keep news selling, authentic or not. Changing genres as a musician is not a new trend, nor will it ever be as humans are constantly evolving and changing beings. For example, back in 2007 none other than Kanye West himself, made a genre jump from aggressive rap beats to somber electronic music (Suggest, ... Switched Genres). However, rather than being met with allegations of fake-ness and inauthenticity, his work was praised and critically acclaimed. Of course, there is no denying Swift has most definitely had no shortage of success, but this narrative is not uncommon unfortunately. The media’s manipulation and fake news is only a reflection of how the public readily tears down women attempting to grow, change or be successful. The media as well as the public were ready for a new villain and a fresh story, and Swift was essentially in the “wrong place at the wrong time”. The media needed to manipulate this successful woman into being perceived as duplicitous.

Not only does the sexism and spread of misinformation impact careers and reputations, but it also does a great deal of direct harm to the personal lives of those involved. Swift talks a great deal about how the hate became so overwhelming she stated in her 2020 Netflix documentary Miss Americana that, “no one physically saw me for a year” and, “I felt like it wasn’t about the music anymore”. When misinformation is spread, people rarely look at how deeply it affects the ones it's about. Swift said, “I’m kinda used to being gaslit by now” (Swift, qtd in Snapes “...about to Break”), a common fate for women in public media. Most notably however was how Swift “drawls wearily” after the quote (Swift, qtd in Snapes “...about to Break”). This involuntary reaction is physical proof of how the narrative manipulation had taken a toll on her both mentally and physically.

Unfortunately, in Swift’s case the sexism and fake news went hand in hand. The above only demonstrates how unfair a situation she was put in, as a person, woman and performer. Media outlets used her name and success as their way of pushing a narrative on to the public, to sell their stories. Taylor Swift was now the villain in the general public’s eyes.

KANYE MADE TAYLOR SWIFT ‘FAMOUS’

At this point in 2016, nearly eight years after the VMAs incident, fake news had told the public Taylor Swift is now your antagonist, Kanye was always right - hate Swift. Taylor had reached the peak of her wrongful villainization. The hate reached its precipice when Kim Kardashian leaked a video of Swift supposedly agreeing to Kanye calling her a “b*tch” in his new song ‘Famous’, which Swift publicly took offence to. Kim Kardashian is the wife of rapper Kanye West. With millions of followers and her own reality television show, Kim was able to use her influence to assist the media in feeding their manipulation of Swift's narrative to the press and general public to gain positive attention for herself and West, as well as make Swift look bad in the process.

This is where fake news thrives; celebrities feeding into rumours and gossip to quicken and widen the spread and belief of the misinformation. Dealing with these feuds so publicly is a dangerous game, and highly irresponsible. At this point between Kim, Kanye and the press, it had become popular to hate Taylor Swift. News Outlets used headlines such as Taylor Swift Isn’t Like Other Celebrities, She’s Worse (Vice), Is America Turning on Taylor Swift? (The Daily Beast), and How Taylor Swift Played The Victim For A Decade And Made Her Entire Career (Buzzfeed) to initiate a bandwagon effect against Swift. It was now a trend to hate her.

Hate her the public did. From this fake news narrative, however, was born one of the most significant and memorable examples of cancel culture and fake news in recent pop culture history. As clearly shown by the data visualization from Google Trends both Kim Kardashian and Taylor Swift’s google searches surged on July 18th, 2016. This was the beginning of the social media platform Twitter’s Trending hashtags “#KimExposedTaylorParty” and “#TaylorSwiftIsOverParty”. These hashtags both reached number one on Twitter Worldwide trending for two days straight. This virality of the situation caused a massive amount of hate to be thrown in Swift’s direction by the general public. People who had no previous knowledge or personal experience with the situation or Swift herself had joined this hate train because the media had pushed this false narrative so effectively. They had been building this story arch since the incident at the 2009 VMAs.

These specific tweets were pulled as examples to show how the general public was responding on Twitter, but also to show what new heights Swift’s villainization had reached. Swift was being accused of playing the victim (Woodward, How Taylor Swift Played The Victim...), something that was frequently used against her. In addition to the Twitter fiasco, Swift’s Instagram comments were flooded with snake emojis by angry Kardashian-West fans, to signify Swift being lying and duplicitous (Savage, Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian in War...). This kind of blind bandwagon behaviour is dangerous especially in the context of celebrity feuds fueled by fake news. Swift herself said “nothing ever just happens like that without some lead-up” (Swift, qtd in Sanchez, Taylor Swift Finally Speaks Her Truth...), this villainization was planned by the media.

Analyzing this behaviour dynamic between Kim and Taylor, really sheds light on how problematic the media can be when it comes to exacerbating unnecessary details. This misinformation epidemic and fake news did not come without its costs. Swift suffered personal darkness, and in addition released a redemption album targeted at the media called, ‘reputation’. Swift knows how to turn lemons into lemonade. She is a model of redemption and although her reputation has forever taken a hit, and America turned on her (Zimmerman, ...Turning on Taylor Swift?), she “died” and came back again. Although her resilience is admirable, the toll the sexism, cancel culture, and fake news took on her is both unforgivable and unethical. This analysis however would not be complete without recognizing the obvious factor race played here. Kanye is a Black man, Kim Kardashian is a woman of colour, and although Swift redeemed herself, she was able to do so likely due to white victimization. Due to her being a white woman, the public felt an ease of forgiveness and she was able to move on. However, a Black woman might not have been given the same opportunity. That being said, what happened to Swift was wrong and as a community this kind of behaviour should not be tolerated, and we should be able to hold the media accountable for its manipulation tactics. Just because someone is a Public Figure, does not exclude them from being ethically protected. Taylor Swift made it out, but she, like many other female singers, is a perfect example of how sexism and fake news can take a Golden Girl and make her one of the most hated villains in the world.

Works Cited

“13 Famous Singers That Completely Switched Genres.” Suggest.Com, 15 May 2014, https://www.suggest.com/music/716/13-famous-singers-that-completely-switched-genres/.

adam is a savage. “#KimExposedTaylorParty #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty https://t.co/eoBEVgU27u.” @cxlvinhxrris, 18 July 2016, https://twitter.com/cxlvinhxrris/status/755038022954024960.

Alyssa Pickens. “RIP Taylor Swift (2009 – 2016) Https://T.Co/UMvl2FIzfC #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty Back Again with the Victim Card?” @Alyssa_Pickens1, 19 July 2016, https://twitter.com/Alyssa_Pickens1/status/755382076745154561.

amani222. “@taylorswift13 Lied and She Got Exposed for Her Lies, yet She Still Manages to Play the Victim #KimExposedTaylorPary #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty.” @aimanii8, 18 July 2016, https://twitter.com/aimanii8/status/755015350081773571.

Brandon. “@KimKardashian If You Can Make @taylorswift13 Not a Thing Anymore the World Will Forever Be in Your Debt #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty.” @burkettbrandon7, 19 July 2016, https://twitter.com/burkettbrandon7/status/755305865511444481.

Bryant, Aoibhin. “Kim Kardahsian Makes Sly Dig at Taylor Swift amid Phone Call Leak.” Extra.Ie, 30 Mar. 2020, https://extra.ie/2020/03/30/entertainment/celebrity/kim-kardahsian-taylor-swift-kanye-west-phonecall.

C, Kim. “Taylor Swift and Kanye West Feud Part 2: The ‘Famous’ Lyrics.” Music Times, 8 Sept. 2020, https://www.musictimes.com/articles/82233/20200908/taylor-swift-and-kanye-west-feud-part-2-the-famous-lyrics.htm.

Cullen, Shaun. “The Innocent and the Runaway: Kanye West, Taylor Swift, and the Cultural Politics of Racial Melodrama.” Journal of Popular Music Studies, vol. 28, no. 1, Wiley, 2016, pp. 33–50. Scholars Portal Journals, doi:10.1111/jpms.12160.

Djordjevic, Marta. “We Finally Understand Kanye’s Beef With Taylor Swift.” NickiSwift.Com, 21 May 2019, https://www.nickiswift.com/153445/we-finally-understand-kanyes-beef-with-taylor-swift/.

Gazette, Montreal. “There’s a Montreal Gazette Article in the New Taylor Swift Doc. It’s Doctored.” Montrealgazette, https://montrealgazette.com/news/local-news/theres-a-montreal-gazette-article-in-the-new-taylor-swift-doc-its-doctored. Accessed 25 Feb. 2021.

He, Richard S. Taylor Swift Isn’t Like Other Celebrities, She’s Worse. https://www.vice.com/en/article/rq47gb/taylor-swift-isnt-like-other-celebrities-shes-worse. Accessed 25 Feb. 2021.

Jabour, Bridie. “Taylor Swift’s ‘Downfall’: What the Online Celebrations Really Say | Bridie Jabour.” The Guardian, 18 July 2016, http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jul/18/taylor-swift-kanye-west-kim-kardashian-west-famous-reaction.

Jones, Nate. “Now That No One Cares Anymore, Who Was Right in the Kanye-Taylor Feud?” Vulture, 28 Mar. 2020, https://www.vulture.com/2020/03/taylor-swift-kanye-west-who-was-right.html.

Knibbs, Kate. “Ten Years of Taylor Swift: How the Pop Star Went From Sweetheart to Snake (and Back Again?).” The Ringer, 21 Aug. 2019, https://www.theringer.com/music/2019/8/21/20826837/ten-years-of-taylor-swift.

Lavender, Jane. “Inside Kim Kardashian’s Feud with Taylor Swift - and Why She Won’t Let It Drop.” Mirror, 3 June 2020, https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/inside-kim-kardashians-feud-taylor-22132388.

Leah Stodart. “Me at the #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty Https://T.Co/7NI7QYxLaE.” @notleah, 18 July 2016, https://twitter.com/notleah/status/755038570180554753.

Lyon, Lela. “SHIFTING PERSONAS: A CASE STUDY OF TAYLOR SWIFT.” Theses and Dissertations--Linguistics, Jan. 2019, doi:https://doi.org/10.13023/etd.2019.381.

Pak, Eudie. “Taylor Swift and Kanye West: A Timeline of the Musicians’ Decade-Long Feud.” Biography, https://www.biography.com/news/kanye-west-taylor-swift-feud-timeline. Accessed 12 Feb. 2021.

Sanchez, Chelsey. “Taylor Swift Finally Speaks Her Truth About Kanye’s Infamous Call.” Harper’s BAZAAR, 18 Sept. 2019, https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a29110321/taylor-swift-kanye-west-phone-call/.

Savage, Mark. “Taylor Swift and Kanye West’s Phone Call Leaks.” BBC News, 23 Mar. 2020. www.bbc.com, https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-52003974.

---. “Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian in War of Words over Leaked Call.” BBC News, 24 Mar. 2020. www.bbc.com, https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-52018077.

Snapes, Laura. “Taylor Swift: ‘I Was Literally about to Break.’” The Guardian, 24 Aug. 2019, http://www.theguardian.com/music/2019/aug/24/taylor-swift-pop-music-hunger-games-gladiators.

Stafford, Tom. Psychology: Why Bad News Dominates the Headlines. 28 July 2014, https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20140728-why-is-all-the-news-bad.

Wilson, Lana. Miss Americana. Tremolo Productions & Netflix, 2020, https://www.netflix.com/watch/81028336?trackId=14170287&tctx=2%2C0%2C52dd8493-86e7-4b42-95f6-42e9703ded6a-59610459%2C4048c9b2-4dfe-4289-b8b4-3ca68e4f6a47_3061207X3XX1614261818136%2C%2C.

Woodward, Ellie. “How Taylor Swift Played The Victim For A Decade And Made Her Entire Career.” BuzzFeed, https://www.buzzfeed.com/elliewoodward/how-taylor-swift-played-the-victim-and-made-her-entire-caree. Accessed 25 Feb. 2021.

Zimmerman, Amy. “Is America Turning on Taylor Swift?” The Daily Beast, 12 Aug. 2015. www.thedailybeast.com, https://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/08/12/is-america-turning-on-taylor-swift.

[tabloidtoc]

OK, March 8

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Bruce Springsteen

Page 1: Big Pic -- as part of Coach's latest campaign Jennifer Lopez posed with a supersized pink version of their new Pillow Tabby purse

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Chris Harrison gone for good? The Bachelor host's future with the show remains uncertain after his controversial interview with Rachel Lindsay

Page 6: Since the start of his career Justin Timberlake has endured his fair share of scandals but after welcoming his second son with wife Jessica Biel over the summer and celebrating his 40th birthday, he is confessing that he feels immense guilt about the past and he won't be making the same mistakes in the future -- Justin's done some soul-searching and accepts that he's wronged a lot of people over the years with his own terrible mistakes and he says he's still a work in progress, but step one has been to stand up and admit he's hurt too many women -- in addition to a boozy night out with his Palmer costar Alisha Wainwright in 2019 and his part in the now-infamous Nipplegate incident with Janet Jackson at the 2004 Super Bowl, Justin recently came under fire again due to the documentary Framing Britney Spears which showed him exploiting his breakup from Britney Spears to help his solo career -- Justin's learned from his mistakes and has a lot more sensitivity about the impact of his actions on other people and that's the big difference between the Justin of today and his old, immature self and that self-awareness was evident in an emotional statement that he posted apologizing to both Britney and Janet for the errors in his ways -- his words drew praise from his wife Jessica who says he's come a long way as a husband, a father and more importantly, a human being

Page 7: Wendy Williams is on the prowl for a new man and he's got to be husband material and she is ready for a serious commitment -- Wendy's been staying up until all hours of the night checking out guys online and on exclusive dating apps and she wants someone age-appropriate, fun, kind, independent and of course has no history of cheating -- she's feeling very optimistic and even buying new perfume and clothes and jewelry for all the dates she hopes to have once lockdown lifts

* Texas native Matthew McConaughey is seriously considering throwing his hat in the ring to become the state's next governor -- he's been putting out feelers to see if he's got sufficient support and if enough donors are willing to write checks, he'd mount an aggressive run in 2022 -- he's already gotten the thumbs-up from his wife Camila Alves and their three kids -- at this point, he needs to see an actual path to winning because he's not interested in just making a protest statement; don't be fooled by his aw-shucks attitude, Matthew means business

* Now that Keeping Up With the Kardashians is coming to an end, the hunt is on for a new family to replace the clan and one reality pro is poised to nab the prize: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Lisa Rinna -- there's already been talk about Lisa picking up the torch and her family is camera ready, consisting of husband Harry Hamlin, and their daughters Delilah Hamlin who's dating Love Island's Eyal Booker and Amelia Hamlin who's dating Scott Disick

Page 8: Things keep going from bad to worse for Armie Hammer -- he was forced to drop out of his upcoming movie Shotgun Wedding with Jennifer Lopez after direct messages he allegedly sent to women in which he described himself as a cannibal and detailed disturbing sexual fantasies were leaked online -- Armie was also fired by his talent agency WME and now the disgraced star may get cut from his new film Next Goal Wins which has already been shot -- he's radioactive and everybody knows it and his completed but unreleased work is getting a second look as studios want to do damage control, and that includes another of his finished projects Death on the Nile where his part could end up on the cutting room floor -- he's a pariah now and it's hard to see how he's ever going to come back from this

* Jennifer Aniston has always had a spiritual side but these days she is taking things to a whole new plane -- Jen has surrounded herself with psychics and has been doing Goddess Circles with the same group of close friends for 30 years, but now she's taking courses to learn to heal herself and be her own guru -- BFF Courteney Cox has been a big influence and Jen's learned a lot from Courteney, who's had a long-term interest in mediums, astrologists and horoscopes, and she's trying to fuse it all together into her own brand of spirituality -- Jen's had a lot of time alone, which has only deepened her questions about the universe and how she can make the most of her life and she's determined to find the answers

* Princess Eugenie is over the moon after welcoming her first child, a baby boy with businessman husband Jack Brooksbank but now the new mom is torn about taking time out from her royal responsibilities -- Eugenie would love to take a long break from everything and focus solely on raising her son however she knows deep down how much she's needed, especially since Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are showing no signs of coming back -- as she weighs her options, Eugenie is looking to her multi-tasking cousin-in-law Duchess Kate for some inspiration because she's impressed by how Kate is able to juggle her official duties while raising three young kids

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars captivate in enchanting puff-sleeve numbers -- Bel Powley, Aubrey Plaza, Lupita Nyong'o

Page 11: Kaitlyn Dever, Lucy Boynton, Margaret Qualley

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Hilary Swank vs. Madeline Brewer, Bella Hadid vs. Devon Windsor, Alison Brie vs. Dua Lipa

Page 14: News in Photos -- Tayshia Adams and her fiance Zac Clark felt on top of the world when the visited the Empire State Building together

Page 15: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend were inseparable while out and about in Beverly Hills, Bill Murray and NFL player Larry Fitzgerald Jr. were among the many stars to shoot their shot during a charity golf tournament in Pebble Beach, Rita Ora performing on an episode of the U.K. show Dancing on Ice in Hertfordshire

Page 16: At the Australian Open Serena Williams came out on top during the fourth round, Bachelorette alum Jordan Kimball and fiancee Christina Creedon couldn't wait until they got home to enjoy Candy Pop popcorn's new Peanut M&M's flavor from Sam's Club in Houston, Heidi Montag spent the day hitting the slopes at Lake Tahoe

Page 17: Hailey Bieber starring in Beyonce's new Ivy Park x Adidas collection

Page 18: Brody Jenner had a blast snow tubing while shooting the second season of The Hills: New Beginnings in Lake Tahoe, Avril Lavigne stepped out with her new boyfriend Mod Sun for a romantic dinner in West Hollywood

Page 20: Justin Bieber looked like he'd just hopped out of bed in a sweater and checkered fleece pants in L.A., Robin Thicke in front of a piano in L.A.

Page 21: Steve Martin doubled up on face coverings on the set of his new project Only Murders in the Building in NYC, Michelle Obama on her new show Waffles + Michi, Cardi B spoiled herself with high-end goods during a day of shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills

Page 22: Brooke Burke romancing with boyfriend Scott Rigsby on Valentine's Day, Lucy Hale accessorized her look with her newest rescue pup Ethel in L.A., Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon masked up for a snowy outing in NYC

Page 24: For Galentine's Day Vanessa Lachey snacked on macarons and sipped on wine in L.A.

Page 25: Bella Hadid alongside models Mayowa Nicholas and Heejung Park in Michael Kors' new campaign for the Spring 2021 collection, Hugh Grant stepped out for some fresh hair in London, Sofia Vergara kept it casual during a visit to a pal's house in Beverly Hills

Page 26: Inside My Home -- Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley's Rocky Mountain retreat

Page 28: Marriage isn't easy especially during a global health crisis but for Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard divorce is not an option -- Kristen said she and Dax at the start of the pandemic were at a point in their marriage where they definitely needed a little therapy brush-up and every couple of years they're being very antagonistic towards each other and they don't want that so they go back to therapy and figure out how they can serve their team goal better and it's been incredibly helpful and even in the toughest times they always have each other's back and they're committed to being each other's biggest support systems -- while their relationship may never be perfect, they're happy and love each other and that's what matters most

Page 29: Now that Tom Brady has won his seventh Super Bowl with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, he has set his sights on the next prize: baby No. 3 with wife Gisele Bundchen -- they've been telling friends they hope to make an announcement by summer at the latest and Tom and Gisele have been super loved-up since leaving Boston and moving to Florida after the QB signed on with the Bucs and the change of scenery has worked wonders on their love life and put them in baby-making mode -- the duo, who recently bought a $17 million spread on Miami's exclusive Indian Creek Island, plan to build a luxury mansion there complete with a nursery and they hope to be all settled in when the new arrival comes -- they've never felt healthier or been happier

* Aaron Rodgers looked positively giddy when he revealed he had a fiancee, Shailene Woodley at the NFL Honors, but the QB is dreading the next step: bringing her home to meet his parents because it's no secret that Aaron's been estranged from them for years and the last thing he wants is for Shailene to get caught up in the drama -- Shailene wants Aaron to clear the air with his folks, but he's not ready to do that and he doesn't want to bring Shailene into a toxic environment

* It's only been two years since Miranda Lambert married Brendan McLoughlin but she's already itching for some alone time -- she's headed to Texas in April for her first concert in over a year and she's told Brendan he shouldn't come because it will be all work and no play but she really wants to get away from him for a while and after the pair's recent road trip together, Miranda is desperate for some space -- sometimes Miranda feels like she's living with a baby because Brendan whines and complains about life on her farm

Page 30: Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker's romance is heating up fast, so much so that she's practically handed over the keys to her Calabasas estate and she loves having Travis sleep over and sometimes he'll stay the whole weekend -- he gets along famously with her children and Travis has been a friend of the family for years, so the kids have pretty much known him their whole lives and they'll do fun stuff together like hiking or playing video games and Travis loves making breakfast and showing off his pancake-flipping skills --Travis is spending so much time at Kourt's place that he's moved a bunch of his stuff in to make it easier for his kids Landon and Alabama with ex Shanna Moakler to visit him there -- everyone's convinced they'll be living together full-time before you know it

* Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were met with a flurry of well-wishes after they revealed they're expecting baby No. 2 -- the couple decided to wait until Meghan was safely into her second trimester to share the news and they only told a handful of family members before the public and they wanted to cherish this secret for as long as they could -- Harry and Meghan have been nesting at their Montecito mansion and have been busy prepping the nursery and making sure it's eco-friendly with energy-efficient lighting and they're keeping it as plastic-free as possible

* Love Bites -- Clare Crawley and Dale Moss reunited, Kit Harington and Rose Leslie welcomed a baby boy, Paris Hilton and Carter Reum engaged

Page 32: Cover Story -- Bruce Springsteen's private world -- he's an open book in his songs, but here's Bruce's untold story of his struggles with depression and regret -- he still has dark thoughts from time to time but therapy and medication have helped a great deal

Page 36: Stars' Cheating Confessions -- sometimes all you can do is beg for forgiveness; these celebs have all had to plead their case -- Donny and Debbie Osmond, Jude Law and Sienna Miller, Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith

Page 37: David Letterman and Regina Lasko, Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling, Kevin Hart and Eniko Parrish

Page 40: Interview -- Elizabeth Olsen -- the Avengers star dishes about getting witchy again for Marvel's mind-bending WandaVision

Page 42: Golden Girls -- how these Golden Globes nominees get their award-worthy figures -- Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicole Kidman, Lily Collins

Page 43: Kaley Cuoco, Michelle Pfeiffer, Amanda Seyfried

Page 44: Aadila Dosani's vegan recipe for Chickpea and Potato Soup

Page 46: Style Week -- Ashley Graham is the new global brand ambassador for self-tanning label St. Tropez

Page 48: What's Hot Right Now -- create a naturally gorgeous, flushed look with fashion designer Jason Wu's namesake makeup collection

Page 49: Haute hippie retro jeans -- take a trip back to the '70s with Revice Denim's ultra-cool capsule, Los Angeles Lovers -- Delilah Belle Hamlin

Page 50: Flower Power -- floral prints are spring's hottest trend -- rock the pretty blooms for a fresh, boho-chic look -- Kaia Gerber

Page 52: DIY Blowout -- these foolproof finds deliver impeccable hair right at home -- Drew Barrymore

Page 54: Entertainment

Page 55: Q&A with Mary Fitzgerald of Selling Sunset

Page 58: Buzz -- after months of playing it coy, these celebs confirmed their relationships on Valentine's Day -- Scott Disick and Amelia Hamlin

Page 59: Vanessa Hudgens and Cole Tucker, Sharna Burgess and Brian Austin Green, Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker, Kendall Jenner and Devin Booker

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Halsey on not conforming to conventional beauty standards, Anderson Cooper on coparenting with his ex, Ashley Graham on the importance of self-care, Kate Winslet on feeling like a fish out of water in Hollywood

Page 61: Tom Holland on the plot of the next Spider-Man flick, Mila Kunis joking about keeping her family entertained during quarantine, Drew Barrymore when asked if she's ever been skinny-dipping, Madelaine Petsch on playing a teen in Clare at 16

Page 62: Horoscope -- Pisces Lupita Nyong'o turned 38 on March 1

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Riz Ahmed

[derekklenadaily]

Dani’s review of “Jagged Little Pill”

I had the privilege to go to Cambridge, Ma to see Derek’s current and new project “Jagged Little Pill” during my birthday week. While growing up back in the early '90s, Alanis Morrisette was definitely one of the most known artists in that era, I do remember hearing her music on the radio all time and even sang along to her tunes with my mother in the car. So, when I saw the news that her music was going to be made into a musical, I was very excited. Before I go any further, sexual assault is mentioned in this review and very slight spoilers is also present. 

Upon seeing the show, I got to say this musical is more than I ever thought it would be. The opening number just takes the audience by surprise with their exhilarating dancing and them singing fiercely but so passionately. It was like being an awesome rock concert, really. Then the music goes softer as we see the family of four comes up to the stage. 

Elizabeth Stanley who plays Mary Jane Healy who plays the mother of Nick and Frankie and a wife of Steve Healy. In the show, Mary Jane is an all star-kind of mother who supports her kids at various things such as sports and school. But outside of that world, she currently is struggling with drug addiction due after having a car accident earlier that year. At the same time, she has difficult relationship with her husband Steve who has been away from the family most of the time and hasn't had a great sexual relationship with him ever since the car accident incident. Elizabeth is absolutely beyond brilliant in this show. She has a great comedic timing especially the scenes with the family. Her acting and singing is definitely out of this world. I think the last scene ("Forgiven") before intermission got me shaking in the boots, because it was so incredibly beautiful, tragic and damn powerful at the same time. I'm definitely certain that the judges for any kind of theater awards will look into that scene and mark her as Best Actress in a Musical. She deserves to get it. I got to say her and Sean Allan Krill's chemistry was absolutely perfect to form this tragic and destructive husband and wife relationship. They would start as tense - not wanting to touch each other and then lying behind each other back's (her addiction with pills and him with pornography). Suddenly, Elizabeth and Sean went out of the box even more at one point - I thought they would end their characters' marriage and slam it with divorce right there in the show. It was absolutely incredible. 

Sean Allan Krill who plays the father of Nick and Frankie, also a husband of Mary Jane. He's business man who travels and works in his office most of the time. He doesn't have a very good relationship with Mary Jane because they hadn't had any sex over a year. So, to feed that sexual drive - he goes on porn sites and becomes addicted with it. Like what I said in the paragraph before, he and Elizabeth has an amazing chemistry. There's one scene that Sean does it so amazing when he sings "Mary Jane" in Act Two. It's absolutely heart-wrenching that we can't help feeling sorry for him and seeing him trying to mend his relationship with her after all that mess they went through.

There are some hidden secrets and devastating moments that each character cannot escape from, whether it’s sexual assault, drug-addiction, and sex addiction. Especially comes to Derek’s character, Nick - who is the good and golden boy who gets all the accolades and praises for his schoolwork and his sportsmanship in swimming. But that bubble suddenly bursts when one of his best friends gets accused of sexual assault by Bella who is one of Frankie’s best friend. Nick faces such a tremendous difficult decision on what to do and how he get through it without getting a scratch off his record. The songs he sings,“Wake Up” in Act One was absolutely incredible because it shows the depth of his feelings and being pressurized to speak up about what happened that night. “Perfect” was jaw-dropping and absolutely heart-wrenching, really. It shows that he screwed up for not saying something right away and now his pathway to going to his dream school may go to a complete different direction. Just watching Derek twice in this show, I definitely think that he has improved so much with his craft and his work after leaving “Anastasia” back in March. 

Kathyrn Gallagher who plays Bella, she is absolutely amazing in this role. After her countless researching and watching documentaries of sexual assaults and hearing several survivors’ stories, she definitely put her feet in their shoes to tell their stories on stage. It may be a really difficult and enormous thing to do, but she does it with a tremendous job. There is this scene where Kathryn sings “Predator” is absolutely devastating and heartbreaking but at the same time, it’s so beautiful because there is a dancer named Whitney Sprayberry who interprets Bella’s character on that night. As Kathryn sings this number, she watches herself to unfold to this beautiful human being from into this complete shattered person. I got to give major kudos to Sidi Larbi Cherkaoui who is the choreographer (you may know his work in Beyonce’s recent music video). Every single dancing movement in the show is absolutely thrilling and exciting all at once. But near at the end of the show, Kathryn’s brilliant and such a strong number “No” with Derek and Celia along with the ensembles, it spreads various but incredibly important messages to speak up.

Celia Gooding who plays Frankie - Nick's sister and a daughter of Mary Jane and Steve Healy. Frankie goes through several difficult situations in this play; one - she was adopted by Mary Jane and Steve when she was an infant and is the only black member in the family. So, she feels bit out of place especially dealing with Mary Jane who doesn't grasp the idea of Frankie's identity. Two, she tries to explores with her relationship in between Jo and Phoenix throughout the show and sees where and which her status falls in place. Celia is definitely bold and so much fierce as heck! She brings it all down when she sings "All I Really Want" with Elizabeth Stanley, "Hand in My Pocket" with Lauren Patten and then her solo piece "Unprodigal Daughter". Her chemistry with Lauren is awesome because you can see how much they compliment each other, it's all very fun and playful. Her chemistry with Antonio was very cute and flirtatious. Lastly, her chemistry with Elizabeth Stanley was incredible because it showed that they had a tough mother-daughter relationship like Elizabeth had this wall up, blocking everything out and Celia tries to take it down by doing such ferocious, daring and bold things. But towards at the end of the show, something tragically happens in the family - we see the wall in between them shift and eventually come down for good. 

 Antonio Cipriano who plays Phoenix, who is Frankie’s classmate and befriends her. Throughout the show, we see how their relationship develops. Antonio who was the finalist for the Jimmy Award last year. He is extremely talented and absolutely brilliant in this production. He's great comedic timing and has wonderful chemistry with Celia Gooding. I absolutely love when they sing "Head Over Feet". It was really cute! I'd love if he had a solo piece in this show because his singing voice is absolutely terrific. I certainly can hope he goes to Broadway someday because he deserves to, along with this incredible cast.

Lauren Patten who plays Jo, who is Frankie's best friend but also with benefits kind of relationship with Frankie. They also struggle to tell her mom about her gender identity about being a lesbian. Like I said in Celia's paragraph, Lauren has a wonderful chemistry with her. They bounce each other off so incredibly well that they have so much fun onstage and even off stage. And I must say holy crap, Lauren is awesome - I can't decide which will they give a Tony Award for Best Supporting Actress in A Musical? Celia or Kathryn? Can't they call it a tie so they can give it to all three of them? In Act Two - she really gave her all and brought the whole house down when singing "You Oughta Know" that we rose on our feet to give her a standing ovation as the song ended. It was so damn powerful. Holy sheeeetz!

Also, I cannot forget everyone in ensemble - they really bring this show alive and go way above the level of energy and perfection. Seriously, this show wouldn't work without them - their amazing dance and outstanding singing performances, including even them doing the smallest things in the background in several scenes, they did stellar job to bring elevate the show to go where it needs to go. 

I want to say "Jagged Little Pill" is one amazing show. Much as I love RENT the Musical but I dare to say that it's so much better than RENT. It is even more thrilling after watching for the second time around. It involves with lot of diversity dealing with gender identity and the important messages that we see in the news almost every day such as sexual harassment and many other things that are happening in today's world. It definitely needs to be heard. Diablo Cody's (won Academy Award Winner for Best Screenplay for "Juno") outstanding writing and Alanis Morrisette's music just blends it together so beautifully to create this musical and put it onstage in front of us. From the choreography, the sets, the lights and costumes, and everything in this show - including the cast, I highly believe they are on the road to success to Broadway for sure. It's a possible chance that they will make it to award season maybe next year. Seriously, this show is not to miss, please do go see it. It will be worth it!

[womenofcolor15]

Vanessa Bryant Speaks For The First Time About Kobe & Gianna Bryant: ‘There Aren’t Enough Words To Describe Our Pain Right Now’

Vanessa Bryant speaks out for the first time since receiving the devastating news that her husband Kobe Bryant and her 13-year-old daughter Gianna Bryant were killed in a horrific helicopter crash. Read her words inside….

Vanessa Bryant – the wife of Kobe Bryant for nearly 20 years – just shared what was undoubtedly her hardest social media post in her life.

Breaking her silence since receiving news that her 41-year-old husband Kobe Bryant and 13-year-old daughter Gianna Bryant – along with seven other people - died in a horrific helicopter crash, Mrs. Bryant made her account public again and shared with the world that she and her daughters - Natalia (17), Bianka (3) & Capri Bryant (7-months) – are “completely devastated.” She thanked everyone for their outpouring of love during the most difficult time in her life.

”My girls and I want to thank the millions of people who’ve shown support and love during this horrific time,” she wrote in the caption of a family photo. “Thank you for all the prayers. We definitely need them. We are completely devastated by the sudden loss of my adoring husband, Kobe — the amazing father of our children; and my beautiful, sweet Gianna — a loving, thoughtful, and wonderful daughter, and amazing sister to Natalia, Bianka, and Capri.”

Vanessa recognized the other families who lost their loved ones in the crash. Kobe, Gianna and the other seven victims were headed to a basketball tournament at his Mamba Sports Academy in Thousand Oaks, California.

”We are also devastated for the families who lost their loved ones on Sunday, and we share in their grief intimately," she worte.

          View this post on Instagram

                  Capturing timeless images for me to share with the world is a blessing and also it’s a time of reflection to remember the moment in where and when it was taken. I will never forget taking this image they were so happy laughing and smiling the whole time. I’m Praying for Vanessa and the Family Thank you for all you have done on this earth you were a great example of a all around beautiful human being. You changed the world for so many and gave people hope. Rest in Heaven Gigi and Kobe your legacy and spirit will live on forever

A post shared by KAITO (@kaito) on Jan 29, 2020 at 3:00pm PST

    The 37-year-old widow shared there aren’t enough words to describe what she and her girls are feeling right now.

”There aren’t enough words to describe our pain right now. I take comfort in knowing that Kobe and Gigi both knew that they were so deeply loved. We were so incredibly blessed to have them in our lives. I wish they were here with us forever. They were our beautiful blessings taken from us too soon.”

She’s not sure what life will be like without Kobe & Gianna.

“I’m not sure what our lives hold beyond today, and it’s impossible to imagine life without them. But we wake up each day, trying to keep pushing because Kobe, and our baby girl, Gigi, are shining on us to light the way. Our love for them is endless — and that’s to say, immeasurable. I just wish I could hug them, kiss them and bless them. Have them here with us, forever.”

To further the legacy of Kobe & Gianna in youth sports, they’re taking donations to the Mamba Sports Foundation. The Bryant Family also wants to help the families of the seven victims who also lost their lives.

”To honor our Team Mamba family, the Mamba Sports Foundation has set up the MambaOnThree Fund to help support the other families affected by this tragedy. To donate, please go to MambaOnThree.org. To further Kobe and Gianna’s legacy in youth sports, please visit MambaSportsFoundation.org”.

In conclusion, she wrote:

”Thank you so much for lifting us up in your prayers, and for loving Kobe, Gigi, Natalia, Bianka, Capri and me. #Mamba #Mambacita #GirlsDad #DaddysGirls #Family

  She also changed her profile picture to a sweet daddy-daughter moment between Kobe & Gianna.

          View this post on Instagram

                  #VanessaBryant just acknowledged her family tragedy for the first time publicly. She changed her Instagram profile picture to her now late husband of 19 years #KobeBryant and their 13-year-old daughter #GIGiBryant in the sweetest daddy-daughter embrace. Our hearts are with her and the entire family during such an impossible time.

A post shared by TheYBF (@theybf_daily) on Jan 29, 2020 at 11:29am PST

  Kobe & Vanessa tied the knot in 2001 and would have celebrated their 19th wedding anniversary in April.

Beyonce took to social media recently to pay tribute to Kobe & Gianna:

          View this post on Instagram

                  I will continue to diligently pray for your Queens. You are deeply missed beloved Kobe.

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on Jan 29, 2020 at 9:43pm PST

  "I will continue to diligently pray for your Queens. You are deeply missed beloved Kobe," she wrote.

She also shared throwback photos of Kobe & Gianna on her Instagram account:

          View this post on Instagram

                      A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on Jan 29, 2020 at 9:43pm PST

            View this post on Instagram

                      A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on Jan 29, 2020 at 9:43pm PST

  NFL commissioner Roger Goddell revealed Kobe Bryant will be honored during this year's Super Bowl, which goes down this Sunday:

  Roger Goodell says Kobe Bryant will be honored at Super Bowl LIV pic.twitter.com/CVdQDYWVbG

— Al Butler (@ALaboutSports) January 29, 2020

  The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences is planning to pay tribute to Oscar winner Kobe Bryant during the ceremony on February 9th.

          View this post on Instagram

                  They doubted a kid could make it in the NBA and he proved them wrong. They doubted he could win a championship and he proved them wrong. They doubted he could make movies and he won an Oscar. Like all great artists, Kobe Bryant proved the doubters wrong. Rest in peace.

A post shared by The Academy (@theacademy) on Jan 26, 2020 at 1:25pm PST

  The NBA icon won the Best Animated Short Film for, "Dear Basketball" in 2018. He's the first professional athlete to win an Oscar.

  R&B crooner Usher shared an IG post about missing Kobe:

          View this post on Instagram

                  Missin you ...

A post shared by Usher (@usher) on Jan 29, 2020 at 11:44pm PST

  Singer Chris Brown shared a mural of Kobe he's working on:

  WORK IN PROGRESS!!! WE LOVE YOU KING pic.twitter.com/CS9v7RS6aJ

— Chris Brown (@chrisbrown) January 29, 2020

  Cassie's husband Alex Fine also shared a touching tribute:

          View this post on Instagram

                  A little over a month ago my Dad was pronounced dead at the hospital, then they told us if he ever woke up his brain function would be close to 0. He is now fully recovered and got to hold his granddaughter for the first time this week. Time and life is so fragile and you never know when your clock will hit double zeros. I am beyond blessed to have them in my life and the most amazing mother to my daughter. At the end we’re all “Just Visiting” and our time here should be making it better with love and dedication to family and work. I’m so blessed by many things and being a “Girl Dad” like Kobe Bryant said is my greatest accomplishment. Give the people around you hugs, smiles, and light.

A post shared by Alex Fine (@alexfine44) on Jan 28, 2020 at 4:24pm PST

  R.I.P. Mamba, Mambacita and the seven other victims - John Altobelli, Keri Altobelli, Alyssa Altobelli, Sarah Chester, Payton Chester, Christina Mauser, and Ara Zobayan.

Photos: Tinseltown/Shutterstock.com

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2020/01/30/vanessa-bryant-breaks-her-silence-on-kobe-gianna-bryant-%E2%80%98there-aren%E2%80%99t-enough-words-to-des

[battleofthebits]

Won’t You Get Me Bodied

Check, Please! and Yuri!!! on Ice crossover fic. 4.2 K, minor Jack/Bitty and Victor/Yuuri. I promise there’s YoI characters despite the opening scene being 100% Check Please. Read it on Ao3 here. 

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, my god.”

Jack stopped in the doorway and went through his mental tally of Reasons Bittle Is Having A Minor Breakdown. Bitty was hunched over his laptop, staring at it with awed disbelief, but — as Jack checked every month — there were no upcoming concerts or awards shows of the kind that usually merited this sort of a response. Bitty used his phone for email, so he couldn’t have gotten an offer to collab with anyone, and nobody had molested any of his pies recently.

That left only one tactic: direct questioning. “Is something wrong, Bits?” Jack asked, fully aware that if something important was going on, he would trigger another meltdown like the fiasco back in 2013.

“Wrong? Are you crazy?” Bittle said, catapulting up from the bed and shoving his laptop in Jack’s face.

The laptop, as far as Jack could tell, was showing nothing more important than some bird-boned ice dancers. “Uh?” Jack managed.

“Jack, Four Continents is in Boston this year!” Bitty said, in the exact same tone that he used when Beyonce did… well, anything… and the Great Phelps-Bittle Jam Feud was settled in Suzanne’s favor. Jack might have no idea what Four Continents was, or why it was so important to Bittle, but by God, he was going to learn.

“Sounds like it’s pretty important to you,” Jack said. Active listening; Lardo would be proud.

“It is, yeah. Do you know anybody who could get us tickets? I don’t wanna ask for much, but it used to be my dream to compete there, and it’s so close…”

“Yeah, definitely,” Jack said. “One of Dad’s friends’ wives is pretty pally with the ISU, and she should be able to hook us up.”

“And this friend’s wife wouldn’t happen to be an international figure skating champ you’ve never told me you know, would she?”

“A figure skating champion who can get you the tickets you want, Bits,” Jack said. “Maybe even rinkside.”

@omgcheckplease

OH MY GOD

8:23 PM · Jan 14, 2016

@omgcheckplease

SWEET MOTHER MARY FOUR CONTINENTS IS RIGHT NEXT DOOR

8:24 PM · Jan 14, 2016

@omgcheckplease

AND GUESS WHOSE AMAZING BOYFRIEND HAS TIX

8:47 PM · Jan 14, 2016

@omgcheckplease

I know, I have a French exam that Monday but WHATEVER I can do my homework in the Uber

8:47 PM · Jan 14, 2016

@omgcheckplease

And congrats to @leodelhielo on making it in! Us Southern boys gotta stick together!

8:49 PM · Jan 14, 2016

Leo made a habit of keeping up with his old competitors. Some people just faded out of the sport and didn’t do anything of note, but others went to college or pursued interesting careers. He figured it was a good way to get a look at his options post-figure skating, and besides, some of those guys had been cool. It was nice to keep in touch, or at least stalk their social media. He hadn’t been expecting a nostalgia follow to @ him, though.

He remembered following this account. He’d been Googling a list of boys who’d made it to regionals, and found not only a college and major but a Twitter, attached to one Eric Bittle. Leo dimly remembered him: won Southern Junior Regionals 2010, peppy as anything. The guy had brought tiny pies to the party afterwards, pissed off at least three skaters’ nutritionists, and then vanished from the sport despite what every announcer had said was astounding potential. And had apparently ended up in Boston, attached to a hockey team.

It couldn’t hurt to acknowledge an old acquaintance, and Leo didn’t have anybody managing his social media anyway. He dashed off a quick tweet.

@leodelhielo

@omgcheckplease thanks! we should totally catch up sometime.

9:17 PM · Jan 14, 2016

@omgcheckplease

Sweet! @leodelhielo I was actually planning a party that weekend, so…

9:21 PM · Jan 14, 2016

Jack heard a piercing screech from the kitchen and ran in to check that Bitty hadn’t gotten hurt and another surprise album hadn’t dropped. “What’s going on, bud?”

“Leo de la Iglesia just @-ed me. Leo de la Iglesia is in my DMs. Leo de la Iglesia thinks it would be totally swawesome to come to the Haus after Four Continents and bring his skater friends.” Bitty looked up from his phone with reverence in his eyes. “Jack. He used the word ‘swawesome.’”

“Sounds cool,” Jack offered.

“It is so not cool, Mister Zimmermann. I have to make plans! I have to figure out who all is coming, email their nutritionists so I can set up an appropriate menu, do a deep-clean of the Haus — what if one of them gets a virus from the couch? — and let the boys know to give them their privacy. There’s so much work to do, oh my god.”

“And you’ll love every minute of it.”

Agreeing to bring Leo’s friends to a college town forty minutes from the rink right after Four Continents was far more difficult than firing off a promise to do so. Seung-Gil hated loud noises, alcohol, and fun, so he was right out. Guang-hong might be down, but would be just about impossible to sneak into a frat party when he looked twelve on a good day. Otabek… was Otabek.  Leo was planning on asking JJ, because Leo was a nice person, dammit, but that invite might make the night sound more boring than JJ would ever stand for. Phichit would be much easier to lure in with the promise of a genuine American frat party. And if Leo played his cards right, and was very, very lucky, through persuading Phichit he might get to Yuuri.

Leo had seen rather too much of Yuuri with drunks, but he’d never actually seen Yuuri get hammered, and there were all kinds of rumors. Yuuri had reportedly barely touched the champagne at the GPF banquet this year, claiming he wanted to actually remember this night, thanks, which as far as Leo was concerned might as well be an invitation to get him blackout drunk. All he had to do was handle the situation with care.

Me

hey, you doing anything after Four Continents?

Phichit

not yet

you got any ideas?

Me

yeah, this guy I know from juniors lives in a frat house and makes amazing pie

he invited us all to dinner and a frat party

You in?

Phichit

you bet ur ass I am

Me

sweet, can you bring yuuri with you?

Phichit

uhhhhh

maybe

Me

think about it

this is a chance to get him totally wasted

see if the rumors are true

*and* get photographic evidence

all for the cost of an Uber to Samwell

Phichit

well when you put it like that

I’ll see what I can do

Yuuri had no idea why he was here. Getting his first real gold of the year had felt pretty nice, but after the win all he’d wanted to do was cuddle with his fiancé. Instead, Hurricane Phichit had burst into his room, said only, “Yuuri! We’re headed out in ten minutes! Grab your best party outfit!” and dragged him into an Uber while Victor was distracted by a crowd of fans. Apparently there was some kind of party, somewhere, and Phichit’s radar for a good, Yuuri-embarrassing time was just as strong as it had been in Detroit.

“Don’t you have a leg injury?” Yuuri asked.

“A of all, this sprain has been healing for a week; second of B, I just won bronze with it; and thirdly, you don’t need your legs when you’re doing a kegstand,” Phichit grinned.

Yuuri was doomed.

The house was… well. Yuuri would have liked to say it was nice enough, but that would have been a lie against God and architecture. It looked, frankly, like a crack den. With very spiffy curtains. “You’re sure this is the place?”

“Yeah, number 151.” Phichit carefully did not hobble up to the door.

A tall guy with a bemused look on his face was sitting on a chair on the roof above the porch. “Bitty!” he yelled into the house. “There’s more short guys showing up! Did you invite a gymnastics team over?”

A blond a little taller than Phichit opened the door in oven mitts. “Hi there,” he said, “ignore Tango, he’s, uh, special. Everyone else is ready to eat, unless JJ shows up out of the blue, and I’ve been instructed not to tweet about this party until Uber rush pricing starts, so that’s not very likely.”

“Uh, thanks?” Yuuri said.

“No problem! We’ve had some problems in the past with big personalities ruining the ambience, and I wouldn’t want that to happen tonight. Now, I’ve stuck to healthier food than I normally would, so you don’t have to worry too much about portion control. After dinner, we’re going to be pre-gaming and setting up for about an hour, and then the full-on kegster starts. No judgement if either of you want to leave before then. Any questions?”

“You’re Eric, right?” Phichit asked. “The guy Leo knew from Juniors?”

“Oh, where are my manners?” said Eric. “Yeah, that’s my name, but you can call me Bitty; everyone does around here. Pleased to meet you two!”

Bitty led them inside to a veritable buffet line and half of the men’s singles competitors, along with a decent number of jocks and, inexplicably, a tiny Southeast Asian girl. He introduced Phichit and Yuuri to his teammates, but the names were indistinguishable: everyone was called something random like Birker or Dexy.

“I know,” said a tall Black guy with killer cheekbones, “we’ve all got weird nicknames. It’s all a long and storied hockey tradition, like weird pre-game superstitions or everyone hating the Flyers.” And then he and a loud, blond, giant white guy launched a full-on Powerpoint presentation about the history of hockey names and how to make your own.

“So my hockey name would be what, Chiter?” Phichit asked, when he thought he had the hang of it.

Some dude with a mustache stared into his soul for a second and said,“Bruh, no. Cheetah.”

“Yeah, figure skaters are speedy little fuckers, right?” Loud Guy said around a mouthful of chicken breast. “Bitty beats everyone in suicides. Now, the rest of you guys gotta make your own nicknames, Shitty’s genius won’t stick around. Do your names sound like anything cool in your own language? Animals or weapons or something?”

“Oh my god,” Phichit said. “Yuuri. Katsudon. Plisetsky was right about you all along!” Yuuri was flailing and making the usual panicky noises that indicated Phichit was onto something.

“That’s not really—” Yuuri started to say, but Phichit interrupted him.

“Katsudon and Cheetah,” he mused. “Cheetah and Katsudon.” It was only natural at that point to force Yuuri into a selfie, captioned, “Me and katsukiyuuri at an #Epikegster pregame! #cheetah #katsudon #nameamoreepicduo #illwait #hockeynicknames #makeyourown!”  

After the last bite of souffle had been eaten — “don’t worry,” Eric had said, “they’re actually pretty low in sugar and you get a ton of protein!” ― and the dishes had been heaped in the sink to ignore, the older jocks and the tiny girl went out to grab beer and… well, nobody was sure what Tiny Girl was up to, but it had something to do with pregaming.

“Okay,” Loud Guy said, after Tiny Girl returned with a projector from somewhere and the skaters had been assembled on a revoltingly filthy green couch. “In honor of Cheetah, here, who says he’s seen every figure skating movie ever made but never fucking got to Blades of Glory—”

“Like you’ve ever seen Shall We Skate?” Phichit fired back.

“Dude,” said Cheekbones, “that movie’s in Thai and Holtzy can barely manage English.”

“What, and subtitles aren’t a thing in America?”

“We are doing a very special pregame today,” Mustache said, barrelling over the incipient movie argument. “The Blades of Glory drinking game: drink every time Chazz and Jimmy get in a fight, every time Chazz mentions his sex addiction, and every time figure skating just doesn’t work like that. Two drinks for every outdated cringey gay joke, and finish your drink every time the parents’ death gets mentioned. If we notice any slow-sipping, you’ll have to finish your drink on the spot. Ready?”

“How many lines am I gonna be able to quote out of context and embarrass Yuuri?” Phichit asked.

“He’s skating with another dude in exhibitions, right? Started in Detroit?” Loud Guy said.

“Yup.”

“Oh, around half the movie.”

And Loud Guy was right. Phichit ended up elbowing Yuuri when the announcers talked about Chazz’ upbringing in Detroit’s sewer skating scene, groaning at the hideous excuses for choreography, and whispering, “Look, it’s you and Yurio! He’s even got the haircut!” every time Jimmy and Chazz laid into each other. By the time the Iron Lotus subplot came up, he was buzzed enough to genuinely consider the physics of a bullshit movie-magic pairs skating move.

“I don’t think they would actually have been able to cut her head off,” Phichit said to nobody in particular. “Cut her throat, yeah, but there’s not enough momentum to cut through the spine. What do you think, Yuuri?” he asked, and turned to his friend, who was looking a little green.

“I think I’m gonna help the jocks set up,” Yuuri said, and fled the room.

Different strokes for different folks, Phichit figured, and took another drink— Chazz and Jimmy were fighting again.

It didn’t take long after that for the kegster to start in earnest. Students filed into the house, Loud Guy and Cheekbones brought in a keg, and before Phichit knew it, D.R.A.M. was blaring at full volume. But as Phichit got his ass kicked at flip cup, he couldn’t help but wonder where Yuuri had gone off to.

It wasn’t that Yuuri was having a bad night. Everyone was incredibly friendly and it barely mattered that he couldn’t socialize when the entire point of the night was getting hammered in creative ways. He didn’t so much greet people as slide between different drinking games. But an hour or so later and five drinks in, he was beginning to question the contents of whatever “tub juice” was.

He shambled towards the kitchen — which was blocked off with CAUTION tape and a sign reading “absolutely NO puking on appliances- ERB” — and found that somebody else had had the same idea. Somebody else looked a little like a much taller and ripped JJ, and was sitting at the table contemplating a can of root beer. Yuuri took a sip of the tub juice and tried to look as if he were neither drunk off his ass nor interested in conversation.

A few moments passed in mutually-appreciated silence.

“It’s a lot sometimes, isn’t it?” Root Beer Guy said, finally. “All the people and the socializing, and the compulsory drinking.”

“It’s not like I mind all that much,” Yuuri said. “The drinking helps with the people.”

“You’re one of the figure skaters Bittle invited, right? Katsuki?”

“The captains told me I’m supposed to call myself Katsudon now, but yeah.”

“They would. Well, I heard from Bittle that one of the reasons your friends wanted you to come tonight is to get you black-out wasted. Apparently they want to take pictures, maybe put a video on Youtube. You weren’t in on this, I’m guessing?”

“Oh God no.”

Root Beer Guy sighed. “That’s what I thought. Well, Shits is always going on about how the Haus is supposed to be a safer space, and we have to be part of consent culture and everything. I guess part of that is not forcing booze down people’s throats. Anyone tries to get you to drink when you aren’t feeling it, I’ll be here with my root beer.”

“Thanks, I guess? But I’m pretty awful at interacting without getting drunk.”

“Fair. One thing, though. You might wanna lay off the tub juice, that stuff’s basically Hi-C and Everclear.”

Yuuri squinted at his cup’s contents. “Really? I’m on my third cup and it doesn’t seem like it’s doing anything.”

“If tub juice doesn’t get you drunk, nothing will,” said Root Beer Guy. “Just keep it in mind, eh? I’d be a shitty ex-captain if I let guests get forced into situations they weren’t comfortable with.”

“I guess I will,” Yuuri said, and made his way out of the room. If tub juice wasn’t working for him, maybe beer would.

Phichit was having the time of his life. The music was pounding, his friends were dancing, and two gorgeous hockey players were helping him out of a kegstand. “Alright,” said Cheekbones, “pong table’s open! You got a partner?”

“Sure,” Phichit said. “Anybody know where Yuuri is?”

“Cute Japanese kid? Just came out of the kitchen with Jack,” Tiny Girl said from the table. “You sure you want to go with him? He looks pretty sloshed.”

“Dude, Yuuri is the best pong partner. He’s, like, a Hoover for booze and he never loses his coordination. He’s a freak of nature or something.”

“Your funeral,” said Tiny Girl. “Now, Haus rules are as follows. No smacking the ball away if it bounces, blowing and fingering are forbidden, and shots before the last cup are mandatory. Got it?”

“Yeah, but are we playing singles or doubles?” Phichit asked.

“Two of you, one of me,” Tiny Girl grinned. “If I can handle Kent Parson and half the Falconers, I can take a couple figure skaters.”

Yuuri wandered over, finished his cup of tub juice, and the game began. In short order, Tiny Girl had changed her tune.

“Aight, that’s a bounce off the ceiling, you drink four cups,” she said, and then, “The fuck, Katsuki? You’re allowed to alternate those, you’ve already been drinking half of Cheetah’s.”

“I’m fine, thanks,” Yuuri said, and chugged all of them. “Phichit’s got the alcohol tolerance of one of his hamsters, we’ve been playing pong like this for years. We end up equally wasted, so it’s not like I’m cheating.”

The game went on like that for a while, Yuuri and Tiny Girl landing all their shots, to the point where Phichit ducked out in favor of filming the legend unfolding in front of him. Finally, Tiny Girl and Yuuri had one cup left each. It was Yuuri’s turn. Somehow he managed to down the shot and bounce the ball into Tiny Girl's cup at the very edge of the table, and the room exploded.

“Holy shit!” Loud Guy said, “somebody just fucking beat Lardo at pong.”

“Barely,” Yuuri said, somehow managing to be self-defeating and plastered at the same time.

"Are you kidding me?" Mustache chipped in. "I never thought I'd see the goddamn day."

“His aim gets better when he gets drunker,” Phichit said. “I tried to warn you.”

“I’m still the undisputed Haus flip-cup champ,” said Tiny Girl.

“Really? Let’s see about that,” Yuuri said. Drunk Yuuri was finally coming out of his modest megane shell, and Phichit was going to be around to film every second.

“Hey,” Guang-hong asked Phichit around 1 AM, “has anybody seen Leo around?”

“I lost track of him after they started playing “Vivir Mi Vida” and he freaked out,” Phichit said. “How come?”

“Eric’s totally wasted and we need a translator.”

Phichit thought for a second. “From English? We’re using English right now.”

“No,” Guang-hong said, “from Southerner. He’s slurring all his words and allergic to consonants and the last phrase I heard from him was ‘Y’all boutta git sum.’ Leo’s from Houston, he knows that accent.”

“She like music, she from Houuu-ston, like Auntie Yonce,” a familiar voice warbled from Phichit’s seven. He reached out and grabbed Leo from the mass of partiers around them.

“Leo,” Guang-hong said with a valiant attempt at sobriety, “we need you to translate what Bitty’s saying. He’s getting up in Yuuri’s face and I just heard him saying everyone was gonna get something.”

“We don’t need to worry about a fight, Yuuri’s not a fighty drunk,” Phichit added, “but he might cry all over the host and that would just be embarrassing for everyone.”

Leo squinted at Phichit as if his eyes weren’t quite focusing right. “Wouldn’t you want that?” he asked. “You could film it and add it to your Yuuri Blackmail Stash.”

“It’s not a blackmail stash, it’s just a thing friends— look, we don’t have time for this!”

“Aight,” Leo said, “lemme at ‘im and I’ll do my best.”

They elbowed their way over to the circle of onlookers surrounding a slurring Bittle and confused Yuuri, both drunk off their asses. “Aintcha never done no dance-offs b’fore?” Eric said.

“Have you ever been in a dance-off?” Leo translated, enunciating carefully and swaying slightly.

“‘S rumors. Like, tons of ‘em, ‘n’ all of ‘em gotcha winnin’ ‘gainst some miiiiiiighty tough competition,” Eric continued.

“Many rumors claim that you’ve won previous dance-offs against very tough opponents,” said Leo, deadpan.

“An’ I’m thinkin’, how ‘bout it, huh? You an’ me, here ‘n’ now, mano a mano,” Eric concluded.

“And I think we should have a dance-off here and now,” Leo said.

Yuuri blinked. “Thass wha’ he’s sayin’?” he asked. Drunk Yuuri was its own dialect, heavy with slurs and sobbing and the Saga-Ben he never quite scrubbed from his accent. Luckily, Phichit was fluent.

“Yep,” he confirmed. “You down?”

It was a foregone conclusion; between the tub juice and the pong and the kegstands, Yuuri was a good eight drinks in, and eight-drinks Yuuri was a walking bad decision. “Am I down?” Yuuri said, looking like he was about to laugh, or maybe fall over. “Phichit, ‘m a gold medalist, gonna kick ass at Worlds. I think I can take an American who doesn’ even know how t’ breakdance.”

“Famous last words, buddy,” Phichit said, but he stepped back. If this disaster happened, somebody had better preserve it for posterity, and that somebody was going to be him.

“Hey, Cheetah!” Eric hollered, and hurled his phone at Phichit. “Use my phone, I gotta Youtube channel that’s gonna wanna see this.”

The phone was already set to record, so Phichit had nothing to do but stand in a clear spot, press a button, and hold on for the ride.

“Get Me Bodied” blasted through the speakers and Phichit had no adequate words to describe what came next. There was quite a bit of breakdancing on Yuuri’s part— Phichit thought he could recognize that K-kick from the banquet photos— and Eric was shaking his ass like the world was ending and twirling around like a bizarre headbanging ballerina. Between the two of them, Phichit thought they’d used a bit of every kind of dance Phichit knew, and a few he didn’t. As the music ended, Eric came out of a giant spin and… fell? On purpose? He didn’t look hurt, and it had been timed to the music, so probably it was deliberate.

“That’s a death drop, what Bittle ended with. Although I don’t know what you call the spin he did going into it,” said Otabek from behind Phichit’s shoulder, and since when had Otabek even been at this party?

“I’ve been here all night, you just haven’t noticed because I’m not a rowdy drunk like some people,” Otabek said. “I DJ on the side, and there’s always somebody asking for the latest American hits. I figured it would be field research.”

“Okay,” said Yuuri from where he was draped against the banister, “so who won?”

Phichit pressed STOP and the recording cut out. “Everybody who just witnessed that. Maaaybe Eric, by a tiny margin? But most of all, Eric’s twitter followers,” he said, and uploaded the video.

“I’m so gonna regret that tomorrow,” Eric said, accepting a bottle of water from his boyfriend.

“I’m regretting it already,” Yuuri said. As Yuuri was tragically boyfriend-less until Victor tracked them down, Phichit grabbed some water for him.

“But oh my god, Eric, that move you did at the end? You have to teach us!” Guang-hong piped up.

“Yeah,” Phichit chirped, “Yuuri can fall on purpose for once.”

“I really hate you sometimes, Phichit, “ said Yuuri.

“Hate me later, it’s time for a podium selfie!” Phichit said, throwing Eric’s phone back to him.

Eric carefully took a photo with Yuuri, and Phichit wrote the caption for him: “4CC gold medalist katsukiyuuri and the reigning Haus Dance-Off Champion! #Epikegster #danceoffroyalty #yourfavescouldnever” The party wound down after that, and around 2 AM everybody headed back to their hotels after extracting a deal: Eric would teach them how to do a death drop someday if Yuuri helped him land a quad loop.

Bitty woke up in the middle of the night with an enormous headache, aching joints, and several thousand new followers. His phone had apparently alerted him to all of them at once, and didn’t stop buzzing for the five minutes it took Bitty to scroll to the source of the problem. Sure, the dance-off video accounted for his new Twitter followers, but why on earth was his Instagram blowing up?

And then he saw the selfie, and more importantly, the top comment.

“Jack. Jack, if you love me at all, you have to see this.”

“Bits, it’s four in the morning.”

“Look at this. Look at it. Viktor. Nikiforov. Just. Liked. My. Photo. He complimented my selfie prowess, Jack!”

“...Who?”

“I’m divorcing you.”

“We’re not even engaged!”

[stokan]

The 20 Best Things of 2016

Fun fact: Many good things actually happened in the year 2016. It’s true! It wasn't all death and Trump, although as you’ll see, those two factors hang heavy over even the best of things. But just like every year, 2016 still managed to produce its fair share of great art, cultural triumphs, and viral delights. Leaving out, obviously, things from 2016 that it seems like I’ll probably love but have yet to experience (OJ: Made in America, Search Party, 20th Century Women, Fences, etc.), and TV shows I’ve already written about in years past (OITNB, Transparent, You're the Worst, Veep, etc) here are my top 20 favorite things from 2016, listed in no particular order:

1. Beyonce - “Formation” video

How upset old white people were about this should give you some idea of just how great it is.

When I was growing up, the biggest music video from the biggest female pop star of the day involved her dancing around suggestively in a Catholic school girl outfit. Trump may have won the election, but progress still remains undefeated.

2. Kendrick Lamar’s Grammys Performance

(Of course this isn't anywhere on the internet for me to link to. Because Neil Portnow.)

Kendrick’s performance was the performance that Kayne always thinks he is giving. It’s a performance that made everyone else who took the stage on Music’s Biggest Night seem like talent show contestants.

I don’t want to tell artists how to use their fame, but this is how they should use their fame.

3. Last Week Tonight - #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain

SPOILER ALERT: He didn't make Donald Drumpf again. In fact the viral success of this piece and lack of any resultant effect on Trump whatsoever does raise some big questions about the effectiveness of comedy in actually changing anyone’s mind about anything in 2016. But yet, like death from a thousand paper cuts, it definitely drew a little blood. And even though I really wish John Oliver had stuck with guns and only referred to Trump as Drumpf for the rest of the year, it was still a more thorough and effective attack ad than anything the Clinton campaign managed to put together, and that was basically their whole job. John Oliver can never be president, but the world is going to be a better place as long as he keeps trying to help decide who will be.

Also, says everything about 2016 that this piece now feels like it came out ten thousand years ago.

4. La La Land

Hey, remember joy? And love? And having hopes and dreams? Well La La Land sure does! The best and worst thing you can say about it is that it’s a pre-Trump movie. Maybe the last one ever in fact. But for my money, Damien Chazelle’s quest to Make Musicals Great Again is exactly the tonic we need right now. And it seems fitting the Oscars after the death of Debbie Reynolds are going to be headlined by a colorful and happiness-inducing musical about show business, complete with its own dream ballet. Sometimes the best way to reinvent an art form is to just do it the same way its always been done, only better and at the right time.

5. Olympic Swimming

When the Olympics began I barely cared. I was raised on the Olympics, but in 2016 there’s so much else going on it felt like maybe time has passed the Olympics by. And then the swimming started. And Ledecky destroyed all challengers. And Phelps proved that calling him the greatest swimmer of all time is still underrating him. And Simone Manuel made history. And Lochte Lochted. And Anthony Ervin spun an all-time Olympic athlete backstory into Olympic gold. And for a week there was nothing in the world more compelling than watch people swim laps in a pool.

So turns out the Olympics are the Michael Phelps of sporting events - the second you think they’ve slipped a bit is when they have you right where they want you.

6. LVL Up - “Pain”

Point: Rock and roll is dead

Counterpoint: “Pain” by LVL Up

7. Stranger Things

I hate the 80s. I hate supernatural shows and horror-based shows and “genre” shows in general. I hate homage as the starting place for a work of art. I hate culture’s obsession with nostalgia and youth. And yet I loved Stranger Things. It felt like nothing else on TV while feeling like so many other things all at once. It’s the show Lost wishes it could have been, and what JJ Abrams wishes he had made instead of Super 8.

Also: I hate that there’s going to be a season two. I hate that dialogue around the show seemed so #TeamBarb when clearly any sane right-thinking person is #TeamNancy all the way. I preemptively hate all the imitators Stranger Things is going to spawn. And I hate the Stranger Things backlash that’s inevitably coming and coming hard. But right now, in this moment, let’s all embrace a wonderful television ride and not worry about the demigorgons in the woods coming to put slugs in its mouth.

#KeepHawkinsWeird

8. Flossie Dickey

Sometimes you find true love where you least expect it. Like in an interview with a 110-year woman at a nursing home.

9. Sam Donsky on The Ringer

(Speaking of soul mates…)

In the age of Trump it’s more important than ever that we have writers brave enough to ask the tough questions. Like: Who would win the Oscar for Best Baby? What is the best night any celebrity has ever had at Madison Square Garden? And why does David Benioff always thank his wife by her full name?

From analyzing the Kim/Kayne/Taylor tapes like they're the Zapruder film, to asking 74 questions about a film no one saw or liked, 2016 was the year Sam Donsky officially made himself into this generation’s Woodward and Bernstein, if Woodward and Bernstein were mostly known for dissecting dumb pop culture on the internet. We may never fully understand why Trump won, but, also, what’s up with Chris Pratt’s vests?

10. Black-ish - “Hope”

A perfect piece of writing and a perfect argument for the continued existence of network TV.

That being said though, 40 years ago this would be a classic TV episode people would talk about for generations. Now, it didn't even get nominated for an Emmy. Maybe network TV is just beyond saving.

11. The People vs. OJ Simpson

It’s almost a cliche at this point to point out how many societal issues the OJ Simpson case touched on, but watching this miniseries unfold was a great reminder that looking at the the past is usually the best vehicle for exploring the present. To choose just one example, the scene where the jurors argue over what to watch on TV is a perfect encapsulation of how something like a Trump victory could some day be possible. And if Marcia Clark isn't a perfect Hillary Clinton avatar then I don’t know who is. My only complaints about a perfect eight hours of television are that it wasn't longer and that Sarah Paulson and Courtney B. Vance aren't eligible for Oscars.

12. Samantha Bee’s Donald Trump Conspiracy Theory

Look, I don't want to say that Full Frontal with Samantha Bee is the best and most important show on TV. That is has the best joke writers in the business. That it has the righteous anger and indignation that this year called for. That it’s going to be our guiding light for the next four years. And that it’s proof that giving The Daily Show to Trevor Noah was one of the dumbest decisions in recent television history. All I’m saying is that some people are saying that, and who am I to disagree? If I was going to make claims that outlandish, I guess the first pieces of evidence I would direct you to are this already iconic Donald Trump conspiracy and the show’s Harriet Tubman segment. But I’m not one to make accusations about things using facts and evidence. I’m no expert; I’m just a guy. A guy standing in front of samanthabee.com asking it to to love him.

13. David Bowie - “Lazarus” video

The ultimate mic drop.

They say Native Americans used to make use of every part of the buffalo. David Bowie was like that, only the buffalo was his life.

14. SNL

“Farewell Mr. Bunting”

Having enough trust in your audience and your vision to attempt this sketch is super inspiring. Getting people in 2016 to wait through two and a half minutes of build up in a viral video before it pays off feels like a miracle. And getting the feeling back in my face when I finally finish laughing at this is going to be really great.

“Black Jeopardy” This is what comedy can do when its at it’s best. It cuts to truths about America more clearly and cleanly than 1,000 think pieces ever could. Are comedy sketches eligible for the Nobel Prize in Literature now?

“Hillary Clinton/Hallelujah” And this is what comedy can do when it’s not comedy at all. When historians 200 years from now want to know what the days just after the election of Donald Trump felt like all they need to do is watch this. The best thing SNL has ever done.

15. Songs That Made Me Unsure Whether I Should Be Sad, Dance, Or Both

Christine and the Queens - “iT”

I have absolutely no idea what this song is about. All I know is it sounds like the feeling of being alive. Between this song and Marion Cotillard’s eyes the French really continue to have the whole beautiful sadness thing figured out.

Eleanor Freiberger - “My Mistakes” The best Rilo Kiley song of 2016. The world can change however it wants; as long as it keeps giving me new versions of the exact song I’m totally good.

Mike Posner - “Took a Pill in Ibiza” The exact opposite of me is an EDM-influenced song about taking drugs in a nightclub in Ibiza. Yet here we are. Turns out that existential melancholy translated into Douche from the original Neurotic Intellectual is still pretty damn relatable. And yes I realize this song came out in 2015, but this will always be the sound of 2016 to me.

16. Moonlight

Moonlight feels like a miracle. That a serious drama without any name stars about a poor, gay, black man coming of age could be made at all, yet alone breakthrough into the popular consciousness. That a cast this natural and flawless could be found, like an album where every song that comes on makes you go “no THIS one is my favorite!”. That there are two different sets of three actors so similar and so good that when I see them together doing press it hurts my brain because I can’t process that they were not ACTUALLY the same person at three different ages. That two people making small talk at a table in a diner could have a whole audience on the edge of their seats. That a no-name director with one prior little-seen credit could create the most powerful and well-made movie of the year. None of these things seems possible or plausible, and yet they're all true. This movie is a miracle. And its success gives me hope. To quote critic Dana Stevens, in the pitch-black year of Trump, Moonlight was a “crack in the wall that allowed light to shine through”.

17. Atlanta

In 2016, what even is TV? It’s basically anything now. And it’s everything. It’s whatever it wants to be. And no artist has yet risen to meet the challenge and possibility of our post-Louie world better than Donald Glover has. In 2016 Atlanta is TV, and TV is Atlanta. There are no rules. There is only what you can dream up.

What will season two of Atlanta be? It could be literally anything and no one would bat an eye.

18. Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book

Chance the Rapper is so millennial it hurts. Chance the Rapper definitely has strong feelings about safe spaces and Bernie Sanders. Chance the Rapper has never even considered doing something ironically. Chance the Rapper makes Lin-Manuel Miranda look like a cynical pessimist. Hell, Chance the Rapper named himself Chance the Rapper. And as a millennial, Chance the Rapper is the future.

And the future sounds amazing.

The future is like if Old Kanye had been raised on new Kanye and was actually good at rapping. (As the old saying goes: every generation gets the Late Registration it deserves) The future is like if Picasso painted with emojis. The future is earnestness being the new aggression. The future is Future being the past.

Hip-hop is dead, long live hip-hop.

19. “A Closer Look” on Late Night With Seth Meyers

I almost left this reoccurring segment off my list of the best of 2016 because it’s become such a constant part of my life that I assumed it had been around longer than just this year. Who knew when Jon Stewart retired that the new iteration of The Daily Show would be called Late Night With Seth Meyers? Or as I call it: Essential.

20. Revisionist History Podcast

Facts and knowledge really took a beating in 2016, but turns out both are still great if you just re-examine them rather then throw them out all together. Perhaps looking more deeply into our assumptions about the world can help us better understand human nature and the reality we all share. Who knew?

Of everything I experienced in 2016 this podcast is the thing I reference most frequently. I’m fun at parties.

[timclymer]

Miss Brick House

At nineteen, in 1975, I was selling advertising for the OSU college paper, The Lantern, and submitting stories and getting published in the student “fringe” paper: Our Choking Times. The one where I won their respect as a budding radical, then went flying over the lines of professionalism to date Gil Scott-Heron.

I not only wrote about the older and otherworldly genius radical rapper, I threw caution in my hometown wind, hit the road with him, and well, you know. Ditching college for nearly a week, I boarded a tour bus with Gil, soaking up his celebrity and smiling a smug smile, when other girls stared with hungry eyes. Mostly I watched him read and read and read.

Now I knew why his lyrics were so intriguing. He devoured news magazines and books, speed-reading, thoughts on fire. I tried to be ready with an intelligent comment or witticism, while keeping the goal of my article in mind.

“I like talking to you,” he once said approvingly, eyes smiling as he looked up from U.S. News and World Report. And well my heart did little flips as the bus clipped along.

In 1976, I would have flashbacks of our recent time together: Gil, handsome, angular-faced and charmingly disheveled sat backwards on a chair across from me, as I lay robed in his hotel bed and dreamily drank wine. He enthusiastically entertained his enraptured audience of one. I alternated between laughter and awe, as he tossed off brilliant dialogue and humor with an upturned finger, woven in with his trademark political rhapsody and a wacked, uncombed, uncared-about afro.

My merriment only slightly dimmed by an shadowy sense of foreboding when Gil made a point of taking frequent “artistic time-outs” to do copious lines of cocaine from an album cover on The Holiday Inn hotel dresser. Credit to him, he didn’t corrupt me with his coke, which I had turned down the first day. I was still terrified by cocaine–then. And he let me stay happily “in my cups”, replenishing my drink stash at every rest stop. Back in that day, a man who never let my drink run out, was the epitome of a gentleman to me, which made it hard to focus on diamonds and more upscale amenities.

Wrenching myself away from that rendezvous for a season, I became the sometimes-faux, oft-times truly-dedicated student again and dove into my college classes for another year or so.

Mostly I wrote from the soul, without getting intimately involved–all in preparation for my coming career in broadcast journalism. That is until I got sidetracked again, but by this time I was twenty-one. Hey, I was grown! But my grown self was running a semester behind my scheduled graduation date. My degree had to wait for spells of heavy drinking, the local party scene and manic depression hovering in the wings.

At least school was out for a season, because it was the smoking-hot Summer of 77″!! A friend of a friend, a concert promoter, borderline dirty old man. (he was late 40’s which at 21 seemed pretty ancient.) This guy submitted my name to a contest, then told my friend that I’d be perfect with some coaching and could probably win.

It was a beauty contest, but sort of an invented one for publicity to launch Lionel Richie and The Commodores’ concert tour and promote the hit record du jour. The song soaring up the charts was “Brick House”–helping to make The Commodores one of Motown’s hottest groups. The contest was for Miss Columbus (Ohio) Brick House.

The winner at the national level it was promised, would also snag a movie role with the exceedingly cool, Billy Dee Williams in his next movie. I was jazzed beyond rhythm-and-blues. Fifteen girls competed at “Ciro’s”, the popular Columbus dance club, sort of Miss America style, in swimsuits and heels and then revealed their “intellect” or “wit” when asked a serious question.

To be honest, there was a girl who was a Brick House bombshell, with a sensational eye-popping figure, judging by the collective stares of the men in the audience, but the dear bombshell appeared dumb as a bag of hammers! (She wasn’t, just shy.) I was pretty adept at stringing a sentence together, and she fumbled over her name. Since they wanted a kind of spokesmodel winner, I won.

Sandi, the Bombshell, became the runner-up and we became fast friends, because at that point, The Commodore’s management closed down the contest and picked the two of us to go on Tour with the group.

We won gift certificates and free travel, limo rides, meals, money for clothes. We stood behind barricades in record stores in swimsuits, high heels and fake furs and signed autographs, along with The Commodores. I always wore a pair of slacks over my swimsuits in public when offstage, because I didn’t want to look sluttish. I was actually aiming for something sophisticated, sexy and upscale. Years later, Beyonce’ pulled it off.

Sandi and I roomed together, giggled, gossiped and drank champagne while we traveled to Philadelphia, Hartford, Connecticut, Boston, and made a pit stop in Dayton before the tour was to have a huge concert at Madison Square Garden in New York City.

It was at a packed arena in Philadelphia that I was “crowned” the official stage dancer on tour and I was ecstatic to be onstage with Lionel Richie and The Commodores.

“She’s a Brick House–she’s mighty, mighty!” they sung in snug, glittering military-style suits–a vision for testosterone-deprived eyes. And I’d do a wham-bam funky yet feminine, hip thrust as I wound my provocative dance to position myself in between Lionel Richie and William King.

“A-A-O-O-W”, I would think while William Orange actually sang it.

I was developing a serious crush on Lionel, but would try to reign it in whenever his pretty wife, Brenda, stage left, arms folded, looked at us, sullen from the sidelines. I was told by the road manager, she had been doing that for the last two years, but now it seemed definitely directed at me. That angst and heady excitement became a combustible mix that changed the show’s routine it seemed during one concert.

The routine was that Sandi would dance solo from stage right and I’d dance solo from stage left. Once during a concert the air charged with anti-matter, the routine was interrupted at the pit stop in Dayton. There was a rustling, a din, and then complete clamor and chaos.

Suddenly a “boo” erupted from the back. What had started as a tiny disturbance, quickly became something monstrous. 10,000 people packed in the arena began booing in a huge roar for almost a full, tortuous minute.

I was mortified, spinning dizzily as I finally stumbled offstage when the song was over, almost tripping over my sky-high heels. Try hiding wearing a neon-orange bathing suit. I ran into a photographer who was stage side, who became one of my best friends over the years.

“Why did they boo?” I broke out in little-girl sobs, heaving in-between blurted words, “I was thinking I did my best Chaka Khan dance moves,”

“I was in the back of the arena earlier,” Chuckie laughed, “and I heard a loud, crazy protest, people complaining—Miss Brick House is white! Miss Brick House is white!”. Then everyone started booing, not even knowing why they were booing,” he said. “Just really stupid.”

“But I’m not white!” I wailed, “I’m a black woman, a light-skinned black woman.” (African-American was not yet in vogue.)

“Oh, of course I can see that,” said Chuckie, “but wa-a-ay in the back with bright lights washing out your skin tone and the fact that you sometimes wear that straightened Farrah Fawcett-looking hairdo—well, I guess they just couldn’t tell.” Tears of laughter brimmed Chuckie’s eyes and he wiped them away with his knuckles.

I found it hard to laugh with him or even chuckle. To be booed by 10,000 people in a roar of disapproval back then, made me wish the earth would quake, open up and consume me quickly, no matter what the reason.

The next morning on the road again, I had washed and curled and frizzed my hair, letting it dry naturally. But I continued to whimper about the night before. Yet it seemed to disturb nobody but me, which I found amazing. I thought they would send me home. Then I remembered the performer’s mantra:

“The show must go on.”

I also thought of Lionel Richie’s smile. Did I care he was married? Only when I examined his wife’s face did I feel a wave of guilt. She seemed so unhappy about the nightly crush of women. Yet I wasn’t a groupie, I sniffed to myself. ‘Hey, I’m Miss Brick House! I’m not only with the band, I’m in the show!’

That sense of entitlement combined with the bitter-sweetness of an early hallway smile beamed in my direction. And light conversation between Lionel and me–and I only cared for my own selfish joy.

That summed up a 21-year old woman-child, with a dusty Bible and a neon orange bathing suit strutting nightly onstage with a supergroup, led by a friendly, incredibly talented, rich and famous man. I was dancing a dream and anything seemed possible. And so I danced.

Source by Tory Connolly

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/miss-brick-house/ via Home Solutions on WordPress from Home Solutions FOREV https://homesolutionsforev.tumblr.com/post/188020942960 via Tim Clymer on Wordpress

[homesolutionsforev]

Miss Brick House

At nineteen, in 1975, I was selling advertising for the OSU college paper, The Lantern, and submitting stories and getting published in the student “fringe” paper: Our Choking Times. The one where I won their respect as a budding radical, then went flying over the lines of professionalism to date Gil Scott-Heron.

I not only wrote about the older and otherworldly genius radical rapper, I threw caution in my hometown wind, hit the road with him, and well, you know. Ditching college for nearly a week, I boarded a tour bus with Gil, soaking up his celebrity and smiling a smug smile, when other girls stared with hungry eyes. Mostly I watched him read and read and read.

Now I knew why his lyrics were so intriguing. He devoured news magazines and books, speed-reading, thoughts on fire. I tried to be ready with an intelligent comment or witticism, while keeping the goal of my article in mind.

“I like talking to you,” he once said approvingly, eyes smiling as he looked up from U.S. News and World Report. And well my heart did little flips as the bus clipped along.

In 1976, I would have flashbacks of our recent time together: Gil, handsome, angular-faced and charmingly disheveled sat backwards on a chair across from me, as I lay robed in his hotel bed and dreamily drank wine. He enthusiastically entertained his enraptured audience of one. I alternated between laughter and awe, as he tossed off brilliant dialogue and humor with an upturned finger, woven in with his trademark political rhapsody and a wacked, uncombed, uncared-about afro.

My merriment only slightly dimmed by an shadowy sense of foreboding when Gil made a point of taking frequent “artistic time-outs” to do copious lines of cocaine from an album cover on The Holiday Inn hotel dresser. Credit to him, he didn’t corrupt me with his coke, which I had turned down the first day. I was still terrified by cocaine–then. And he let me stay happily “in my cups”, replenishing my drink stash at every rest stop. Back in that day, a man who never let my drink run out, was the epitome of a gentleman to me, which made it hard to focus on diamonds and more upscale amenities.

Wrenching myself away from that rendezvous for a season, I became the sometimes-faux, oft-times truly-dedicated student again and dove into my college classes for another year or so.

Mostly I wrote from the soul, without getting intimately involved–all in preparation for my coming career in broadcast journalism. That is until I got sidetracked again, but by this time I was twenty-one. Hey, I was grown! But my grown self was running a semester behind my scheduled graduation date. My degree had to wait for spells of heavy drinking, the local party scene and manic depression hovering in the wings.

At least school was out for a season, because it was the smoking-hot Summer of 77″!! A friend of a friend, a concert promoter, borderline dirty old man. (he was late 40’s which at 21 seemed pretty ancient.) This guy submitted my name to a contest, then told my friend that I’d be perfect with some coaching and could probably win.

It was a beauty contest, but sort of an invented one for publicity to launch Lionel Richie and The Commodores’ concert tour and promote the hit record du jour. The song soaring up the charts was “Brick House”–helping to make The Commodores one of Motown’s hottest groups. The contest was for Miss Columbus (Ohio) Brick House.

The winner at the national level it was promised, would also snag a movie role with the exceedingly cool, Billy Dee Williams in his next movie. I was jazzed beyond rhythm-and-blues. Fifteen girls competed at “Ciro’s”, the popular Columbus dance club, sort of Miss America style, in swimsuits and heels and then revealed their “intellect” or “wit” when asked a serious question.

To be honest, there was a girl who was a Brick House bombshell, with a sensational eye-popping figure, judging by the collective stares of the men in the audience, but the dear bombshell appeared dumb as a bag of hammers! (She wasn’t, just shy.) I was pretty adept at stringing a sentence together, and she fumbled over her name. Since they wanted a kind of spokesmodel winner, I won.

Sandi, the Bombshell, became the runner-up and we became fast friends, because at that point, The Commodore’s management closed down the contest and picked the two of us to go on Tour with the group.

We won gift certificates and free travel, limo rides, meals, money for clothes. We stood behind barricades in record stores in swimsuits, high heels and fake furs and signed autographs, along with The Commodores. I always wore a pair of slacks over my swimsuits in public when offstage, because I didn’t want to look sluttish. I was actually aiming for something sophisticated, sexy and upscale. Years later, Beyonce’ pulled it off.

Sandi and I roomed together, giggled, gossiped and drank champagne while we traveled to Philadelphia, Hartford, Connecticut, Boston, and made a pit stop in Dayton before the tour was to have a huge concert at Madison Square Garden in New York City.

It was at a packed arena in Philadelphia that I was “crowned” the official stage dancer on tour and I was ecstatic to be onstage with Lionel Richie and The Commodores.

“She’s a Brick House–she’s mighty, mighty!” they sung in snug, glittering military-style suits–a vision for testosterone-deprived eyes. And I’d do a wham-bam funky yet feminine, hip thrust as I wound my provocative dance to position myself in between Lionel Richie and William King.

“A-A-O-O-W”, I would think while William Orange actually sang it.

I was developing a serious crush on Lionel, but would try to reign it in whenever his pretty wife, Brenda, stage left, arms folded, looked at us, sullen from the sidelines. I was told by the road manager, she had been doing that for the last two years, but now it seemed definitely directed at me. That angst and heady excitement became a combustible mix that changed the show’s routine it seemed during one concert.

The routine was that Sandi would dance solo from stage right and I’d dance solo from stage left. Once during a concert the air charged with anti-matter, the routine was interrupted at the pit stop in Dayton. There was a rustling, a din, and then complete clamor and chaos.

Suddenly a “boo” erupted from the back. What had started as a tiny disturbance, quickly became something monstrous. 10,000 people packed in the arena began booing in a huge roar for almost a full, tortuous minute.

I was mortified, spinning dizzily as I finally stumbled offstage when the song was over, almost tripping over my sky-high heels. Try hiding wearing a neon-orange bathing suit. I ran into a photographer who was stage side, who became one of my best friends over the years.

“Why did they boo?” I broke out in little-girl sobs, heaving in-between blurted words, “I was thinking I did my best Chaka Khan dance moves,”

“I was in the back of the arena earlier,” Chuckie laughed, “and I heard a loud, crazy protest, people complaining—Miss Brick House is white! Miss Brick House is white!”. Then everyone started booing, not even knowing why they were booing,” he said. “Just really stupid.”

“But I’m not white!” I wailed, “I’m a black woman, a light-skinned black woman.” (African-American was not yet in vogue.)

“Oh, of course I can see that,” said Chuckie, “but wa-a-ay in the back with bright lights washing out your skin tone and the fact that you sometimes wear that straightened Farrah Fawcett-looking hairdo—well, I guess they just couldn’t tell.” Tears of laughter brimmed Chuckie’s eyes and he wiped them away with his knuckles.

I found it hard to laugh with him or even chuckle. To be booed by 10,000 people in a roar of disapproval back then, made me wish the earth would quake, open up and consume me quickly, no matter what the reason.

The next morning on the road again, I had washed and curled and frizzed my hair, letting it dry naturally. But I continued to whimper about the night before. Yet it seemed to disturb nobody but me, which I found amazing. I thought they would send me home. Then I remembered the performer’s mantra:

“The show must go on.”

I also thought of Lionel Richie’s smile. Did I care he was married? Only when I examined his wife’s face did I feel a wave of guilt. She seemed so unhappy about the nightly crush of women. Yet I wasn’t a groupie, I sniffed to myself. ‘Hey, I’m Miss Brick House! I’m not only with the band, I’m in the show!’

That sense of entitlement combined with the bitter-sweetness of an early hallway smile beamed in my direction. And light conversation between Lionel and me–and I only cared for my own selfish joy.

That summed up a 21-year old woman-child, with a dusty Bible and a neon orange bathing suit strutting nightly onstage with a supergroup, led by a friendly, incredibly talented, rich and famous man. I was dancing a dream and anything seemed possible. And so I danced.

Source by Tory Connolly

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/miss-brick-house/ via Home Solutions on WordPress

[jijijisun]

i just feel empty right now

listening to “imagine” by ariana grande. i remember feeling that kind of love, at some point. 

like, i loved jon. i loved isaiah.

but then jon turned out to be a psychopath/someone i didn’t even really know, somebody entirely different from the person in my head. and isaiah let me down so many times, and got my hopes up so many times, always to let me down again. i think i loved tommy, but that honestly feels lightyears away, and i feel like i don’t even know the girl i was in high school. i feel like every single cell of my body 7 years ago has been replaced with someone entirely new.

and joel i didn’t even love, don’t even know how much i liked beyond as a friend, but i definitely felt something. i think that something was, at least partially, the hope that somebody could genuinely like me and respect me. lol.

joel is a good guy. i guess they are all decent people. i’m always disappointed in them for not living up to my expectations but for joel, i think he wants to be my friend but doesn’t really know how. but i appreciate him at least wanting to. and i appreciate most of all that he never hurt me, at least not in the way anyone else did. but maybe that’s because i never gave him the power to (and maybe that speaks more to how i’ve grown than to him at all). but even then, it’s like my standards were on the floor. “at least he didn’t disrespect me”. sheesh.

it makes me sad that i feel like i don’t have a pure love i can look back on and just think, yes, that was a beautiful thing. maybe one day, when i have the strength to forgive everyone, i will see all of these relationships for the true, pure love i felt. but it’s sad to look back on jon, specifically, and think about how much i loved him and how much i don’t even know him now. maybe never knew him. i sent him a text a few weeks ago just saying, “hey, i don’t think we can ever be friends and won’t try to be, but i wanted to say i appreciate you and really hope you’re doing well” - it was after the beyonce movie. i told him it reminded me of him and i appreciated all the things he taught me. of course he didn’t respond, maybe he blocked me, idk. (i just know i hate having bad blood with people). 

but it made me a little sad to think about how much i put into that relationship, and how much i lost. even though i feel, again, lightyears away from that time of my life and the person i was then.

isaiah...oh, baby. you are working with a very broken girl right now. i’m trying my best to just hold it all together. i think about the patterns in my life. how every boy i’ve ever dated (except tommy, but let’s ignore high school for now) has followed this pattern of worshipping the ground i walk on for like 2 months and then flips a switch where they suddenly realize i am an imperfect, emotional, needy bitch who is not as cool and fun and sexy and hot as i initially seemed. and at that point, when they’ve already won me over with how nice/sweet they’ve been while they they were trying to impress me, they pull away and i’m left desperately wondering what i did wrong. 

i’m not perfect and i definitely am needy, annoying, and often stupid. but i don’t think it was wrong for me to hope that a boy would look at me and love me for my heart and mind and not just my pussy or my face. i feel almost taken advantage of by all these boys who had mad crushes on me and then lost interest when they realized i didn’t compare to the girl in their head, the girl on the pedestal. i don’t know what they were expecting. i don’t think they were thinking about how it would make me feel. i don’t know if they were thinking at all. 

people always say a man will change for the right woman. isaiah even says that now about me but i completely disagree. if that was true then he would’ve changed a long time ago. i think it’s just about timing. about a man deciding, yeah, i’m ready. i’m ready to care about someone other than myself in a serious, emotional way. but i always felt like it was because i wasn’t enough, i wasn’t the right woman, maybe they’d change for someone else but not me. and that’s a shitty feeling to feel. 

and i just think that’s fucked up and wrong. i spent so much time wondering why i wasn’t enough for jon or isaiah only to realize that their selfishness had nothing to do with me. jon will probably wake up one day and be like “shit, it’s time for a wife” and end up with the girl closest who checks the boxes. 

maybe i say that somewhat spitefully, but truly, i hope not. i hope we all find beautiful, glorious love. i hope there is such a thing as “the one,” and that “when you know, you know.” i hope that i meet someone who changes the way i see the world, changes everything, and loves me in a way i’ve never even dared to imagine. maybe it’s someone i already know, or maybe it’s not. 

but i’m starting to think that that’s not how life is going to work. i don’t really know if i believe in “the one”, or in true love at all. i think we just love and latch on to the people who are closest when we feel like we want to need somebody. maybe jon and isaiah were right, it’s all just people acting in their own self interest. maybe there is no such thing as love except for God, because humans are incapable of selflessness. maybe. 

maybe i’m being a stupid, emotional bitch even right now and none of these thoughts matter at all. 

i guess i appreciate joel for helping me realize, finally, that a boy scorning me in the name of selfishness is really just that - selfishness. “not wanting to be in a relationship” was true before they met me, and maybe they thought for a second i would be “the one to change their minds”, but then i’m always not. of course not. how could i change your mind? you hardly know me. knew me. 

i don’t know. all i know is - i need to internalize the fact that joel/isaiah/jon is choosing/chose to be selfish and it has nothing to do with me not being pretty, sexy, fun, cool, smart, sweet, kind or special enough. even if i was i don’t know if that would do it. maybe i am all of those things and it doesn’t matter. maybe i have to realize that just because isaiah didn’t know i was the “one” two years ago doesn’t mean that i’m not now - because if it’s all about timing, and not a predestined romance that he and i were ordained to follow, then i should allow for him and his perception of me to change. maybe there is no such thing as soulmates. maybe there is no such thing as meeting someone and just “knowing”, and having them “change everything” or turn your world upside down like in the movies. maybe it’s all just about learning and growing and changing and coming to a point in your life where you have to first even be willing to change. 

maybe.

but right now, i don’t know anything. i’m confused, and lost, and i’m just trying to get through the day. people will always disappoint you. just accept this.