#holy shit how am i supposed to... process this lmao i have. mental illness and will forever. the ada applies to me.

[tapedispensr]

having a fun mental illness moment of: oh shit!!! im actually disabled!!! wtf am i supposed to do with that

[blookmallow]

ok that was mostly really good but what a BULLSHIT ENDING

i WAS going to say this might’ve made me cry if i was in a more emotional state, stories where “the ghost was just Hurt and needed help and needed to be understood” absolutely fucking WRECK me and i was going to say “having a Mother be the one person who figured out what this abused, murdered child wanted, a mother finding her and making a connection with her and bringing her peace, is so good” and i was going to say “noah going from ‘really unpleasant guy i cant be bothered to remember who makes fun of her fears and wont take her seriously’ to ‘absolutely going fucking feral trying to save rachel’s life and going to ANY lengths to get through this together’ is SUCH GREAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT” but now im just fucking mad lmao

i never really like stories where it’s like.... a child is just Evil for no reason, like for one thing “idk its just evil” is boring (unless its like. disney villain musical number evil then its fun but u know) i dont think a child can be Just Evil, and especially when they set the parallel with the disabled kid like “sometimes your kid’s got Something Wrong With Them but you love them anyway” with “sometimes a kid’s just evil” / the implication that maybe her parents were right to murder her is SO fucked 

they had this beautiful moment of “this isn’t an evil monster, this is a child, this is a little girl who was maybe mentally unwell but that’s not her FAULT, and she was being abused by her father and was murdered by her mother and spent a week dying alone in a well knowing what her mother had done, she wanted to be found, she wanted someone to hear her, she wanted someone to understand her and it took a woman, a mother, to understand that and to FIND her” and then just threw it out for the shock value of “wait nope it’s not over she’s just evil and will keep killing people forever because she wants to spread her suffering to the world” 

i mean. i understand the particular horror in the “the only way to survive is to pass it to someone else” and maybe there’s some kind of “reporter realizes the cost of getting in other peoples’ business and reopening old wounds for the sake of a story; you want to share someone else’s pain, now you have to, now you have to share it with everyone or you’ll fucking die” message here but 

A) horror movies need to fucking realize they DONT HAVE TO HAVE A SHOCKER ENDING/A SAD ENDING ITS OKAY TO LET YOUR PROTAGONISTS SURVIVE ITS OK TO LET THEM HEAL ITS OK TO HAVE A RESOLUTION FOR ONCE HOLY SHIT

and B) that’s not what she was doing?? she mentions maybe doing a story on it but it was never about like, “if i solve this ill be famous/ill get a promotion” whatever she wanted to understand. she wanted to find out what happened. she wanted to protect her child, even if she couldn’t save herself, she wanted to save her son, so her motive was exactly what samara should have wanted, she should have been the perfect person to figure this out, she was trying to uncover the truth behind a child’s abuse and murder to bring that child peace and save her own child in the process 

and there was such potential for samara to communicate with aiden, a kid who’s different too, a kid who expresses in “unusual” ways like her, a kid who also has a rough time with his parents even if his situation isn’t nearly as bad

rachel wasn’t just trying to spread a rumor around, her motives were all in exactly the right place so why is she getting punished for it

or maybe THAT’S the point and it’s a “you tried to do everything right but now you’re being forced to spread evil and suffering anyway, even though that was the last thing you intended” i dont know. its bullshit and im mad but i still liked it up until that point enough to forgive it it was still. really good, despite the Massive Flaws :’| 

i gotta process for a while lmao

and i gotta watch the original to see if that clears anything up

i still dont understand why her parents got so fucked up about her. like. i guess anna kept miscarrying so her husband believed she wasn’t meant to have a child and straight away assumed something was Bad about samara. but why did anna kill her if she wanted her and loved her so much. what had she done at that point that was “bad” 

im guessing it was the weird pictures and stuff, which. ok the fact that they weren’t just weird drawings and were like. x ray things??? was maybe a sign of something supernaturally wrong and not just a kid who needs support for their mental illness But Still 

rachel realized this was just a mentally unwell kid who needed to be listened to finding a way to express herself that her parents decided meant she was evil and needed to die, and she was fucking horrified by that, she as a mother with a kid who is also “”different”” who she would do anything for realizing this child’s mother in the same situation chose to murder her kid

it could have been a powerful message if they hadn’t fucked it up with “lol just kidding she was evil actually” 

im also wondering if the husband maybe did something to his wife that was actively causing her to miscarry?? i dont know if thats a thing that can be done but he said she “wasn’t supposed” to have a child, samara said he loves the horses and not her, it seems like he didn’t want a child in the first place 

and i dont know why they said she was adopted?? i dont know. its 2 AM and now i gotta figure out how to get my brain to stop spinning in circles so i can sleep lmao

[dvoyd]

giant steaming pile of vent.

it’s hard.

it’s hard to care anymore. it’s hard to live anymore. i mean it was always hard, a struggle, fucking torture really (internally at least), but at least i always had a reason to keep going. cuz my mom wanted me to.

now, especially over the last year, something’s changed. it’s like i’ve become, more than anything just a burden on my mother. i know i always was, but i thought that i was one she was willing to take on not only because i’m her child and she loves me, but because she genuinely likes having me around and enjoys being with me

it doesn’t feel like that anymore. now i just feel like some thorn in her side. now i truly feel like i’d be better off dead, because i can’t even conjure up the genuine thought of ‘well at least my mom would miss me, at least she wants me around.’ i just feel like some fucking leech or pest-- granted i always have --but one that was enjoyed despite that, instead of just tolerated out of some... i dunno, sense of parental duty?? guilt???

these last few months have marked a sharp and dramatic decline in my emotional and mental health, due to various reasons (both online and offline), and i can’t find solace anywhere it seems. i genuinely feel that my mom wants nothing to do with me, and it’s not out of paranoia either.

not only have i observed marked and repeated differences in her attitude and desire to even spend time with me, one of the major IRL issues that has caused a severe amount of stress is that she’s been seeking a romantic partner via online dating. she didn’t even see fit to let me know about it until she was already dating a dude after a couple DAYS, and it was going very fast.

i have a ton of personal issues with this, one being that i hate my dad and have very few actual fond memories with him, two that witnessed my mom go through emotional struggles after divorcing my dad and go through dating a few guys who hurt her (i was only a little kid back then but i still recall it). three that a majority of adult males that my mom has associated with (platonically, either friends, coworkers, or like, hiring them to do work on the house / cars / etc) have tried to hit on / flirt with her multiple times, even after she gave indications she wasn’t interested, AND on top of that most of them were MARRIED. and scumbags. even just random male strangers have hit on her.

on top of all of this, i have no siblings. i was raised by a single mom. thus, i never learned how to share her; i grew dependent on her in so many ways, including emotionally, and i am incredibly possessive of her because she is one of very few people in this world that i have ever loved. she and my dad divorced when i was 3, and while i did have minimal contact with him over my childhood and adolescence, i never got emotionally close to him. my mom did briefly date a couple times after him like i said, but it just hurt her more and she stopped after that. she’s never tried since and i never really expected her to.

but she tells me that she’s not willing to live her life isolated and hidden away anymore. that she needs to be with someone romantically to be happy. basically being with me isn’t enough. i know i obviously can’t give her what she wants, but it just... hurts. especially since not only does it make me incredibly anxious and scared and angry and hurt and frustrated and all sorts of things, but also that i realized that i’ve always been willing (and i think even went with the expectation that i’d do so) to reject all romantic and sexual opportunities or potential just to be with her. maybe it’s sad, idk, idc, but thinking about it, it probably doesn’t come at that big of a loss to me because i’ve never experienced either of those things to begin with. i’ve never had sex, and i’ve never dated or had a romantic partner. hell i’ve never even been on a DATE.

now the whole dating thing happened like a month ago and it ended up ending like a week later because when she met him irl she didn’t feel the same chemistry that she did on the phone or computer, but she’s still determined to find someone else. but to make shit even worse and all the more terrifying, my very life hinges on whatever schmuck she picks. she was willing, as i overheard her tell one of her sisters on the phone, to literally pack up her bags and move to wherever that one guy wanted to go. AFTER JUST A FEW DAYS OF TALKING TO HIM.

like i understand that she wants to be happy and even though she cares about me, my being in her life isn’t going to stop her from fulfilling whatever else she needs in her life. like, i’m obviously not going to like or enjoy it, but i’m aware that i either have to put up with it or gtfo. but the fact that she’s willing to pull the rug out from under my feet for some guy she met on the internet (that she claims she had this ‘soulmate’ kind of connection with, yet apparently it only works over the phone/computer, smh) after just a couple days??

you cannot say that you love and care about me and what i think/feel and yet are willing to give me the proverbial middle finger like that. i’m aware that i’m 25 and her parental obligations to me ended the day i turned 18 but holy fuck. that’s just cruel. (not to mention i’m disabled even if the state won’t fucking acknowledge it and have mental + physical illnesses that aren’t all diagnosed because doctors are assholes and want to shove medicine down your throat rather than help you.)

so after having a huge emotional meltdown like a week or two ago over this and the fight we had over it which we never really resolved, on top of other drama (again both IRL and online), basically this whole summer has been a depressing and anxiety-ridden shitfest that has crushed whatever positive growth i managed over the last few years concerning my mental health, because i have suicidal thoughts and urges prominently and daily (i say prominently cuz i technically always have suicidal thoughts, yay depression, but they’re kinda ‘muted’ and in the background and basically get pushed under the rug, thus never acted upon) and my physical health is feeling it too.

i’ve been admitted to the hospital 3 times for suicidal + homicidal ideation / attempts, but all 3 were when i was an adolescent. obviously i’ve had plenty of ideation since, and i did have attempts after as an adult, but the last one no one even knew about (it obv didn’t work), i tried to overdose, but it basically gave me a pseudo-stomach flu (throwing up, nausea, dizziness, etc) and that’s what my mom thought i got until i told her what i did. promised her i wouldn’t do it again which is why she didn’t report it.

but now i’m an adult so that means i’d go to the adult unit and that my mom has no weight in the decision of getting me in or out, though that just assumes i’m unsuccessful. i’ve had enough attempts by now to p much know what it’ll take, and even though i promised my mom i wouldn’t

at this point it is clear i’m nothing more than a burden. that’s not anything more than the reality. i’m 25, no job, no job HISTORY or experience, mentally ill and disabled...

like, my potential in life is gone. it passed me by a while ago. i lost it. i tried to make things better, i tried to get help. i went through a program that was supposed to help people like me GET experience and get a job, but then my mom’s work changed their insurance (which is my mom’s insurance, and through her, mine as well) and the program didn’t accept that insurance. so i had to stop going literally right after i finished the registration process :))) 3 fucking days of filling out paperwork and having to sit there and wait and listen to old people and be in uncomfortable situations, all for nothing

the job market is shit. the pay is nowhere near what a ‘living wage’ actually is, as plenty of millennials can tell you. i’ve submitted tons of applications in the past, and only once have i ever gotten a call back for an interview, went to said interview and got an email back like a week later and was denied. this was for an entry level job at a fucking turkey hill, to basically be a CASHIER or similar. like?? if i can’t get accepted for that lmao.......

basically what is the point in putting myself through more suffering? at least a year or two ago it felt like i was suffering for a reason, or that i had a chance. what do i honestly and realistically have to look forward to?

world war 3?

yeah no thanks

[sadrien]

staos, ch5: panic! at the fake dating

on Ao3 | on ffnet 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

so....been a while, huh?

i just wanted to say that french paparazzi laws are totally different from this fic. they're actually incredibly strict, and the way the paparazzi in this fic act is more similar to the us, but still possibly kind of extreme? i probably should've googled that before using it as a plot point, but i didn't, and now it's a fairly major one, so i won't be going back and changing. i apologize for the inaccuracies!

shoutout to @reyxa​ for helping me with parts of this chapter and also thank you to everyone who hopped on when i was streaming! it was really fun and if people are interested, i'll probably do it again!

enjoy!

Adrien rests his forehead on the glass of his window and stares at the darkened city below him. He needs to move on with his life, but he can’t. Not yet. For now, he just needs to process this new information.

Marinette has a crush on him.

Fuck.

Marinette is great. Adrien thinks she’s great. He likes her a lot. Of course he does, he wouldn’t be planning to spend actual time fake dating her if he didn’t. But this— 

It is new information. And it adds a new layer of complexity to an already way too complex situation.

The universe is a dick.

Plagg cackles. “Man can you imagine how much she’d freak out if she realized she was fake dating you? HA sounds like a soap opera!”

Adrien groans and sits down on the floor. He needs some time to process this. If anything, he had been under the impression that Marinette was still uncomfortable around him because of the gum incident. The way she stuttered and got all blushy around him—

Oh.

“How didn’t I notice before?” Adrien mumbles. He hits his head against the glass in frustration.

“Careful there, you’re going to hurt yourself.” Plagg rests on the top of Adrien’s head and Adrien can feel him moving around his hair to make a nest. “And you didn’t notice because you were so caught up in Ladybug.”

Adrien sighs. “Now I feel bad.”

“Hey it’s not your fault that you don’t feel the same way,” Plagg says. “And it’s not like she actually told you about her feelings or anything like that. It could be worse. She could’ve asked you out. And you could’ve not realized what she was doing. You guys are hilarious to watch interact, I hope you know that.”

Adrien’s eyes go wide. “Holy shit,” he whispers.

“What?”

“I tried to set her up with Nino! Oh my god.” Adrien buries his face in his hands. “God this is so awkward,” he says, his voice muffled.

Plagg tugs on his hair. “Hey, stop that. It won’t be awkward until you make it awkward. Or more awkward than it already is.”

“I’m just supposed to act like everything’s the same?”

“Duh. Did you forget you’re both dating superheroes? Or at least pretending to be? Now’s not the time to bring up her crush.”

“You’re right,” Adrien admits. Plagg scoffs. “Of course I’m right. I’m always right.”

“No you’re not.” 

“I am this time.”

Adrien closes his eyes and breathes in the quietness of the house. He wishes he’d left a window open, just to feel the cool night air on his skin. It always keeps him calm and steady. His fingers are twitching to do something. He has the strong urge to create a flowchart or something, just to organize all the thoughts that are flying through his brain.

“Do you think she’ll come tonight?” he whispers.

“How am I supposed to know, kid?” Plagg asks.

Adrien shrugs. “You’re a god or something aren’t you?”

“If I could predict the future, we wouldn’t be in this mess. Trust me.”

Adrien laughs softly. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Yeah, so are you,” Plagg counters.

“No wonder we ended up together.” Adrien watches cars pass on the streets below him, small and and colorful, like toys. Everything is a game, life is a game, he just doesn’t know how to play it. “Do you ever think—”

“More than you do.”

Adrien rolls his eyes. “Do you ever think about how things would be different if someone else had gotten the miraculous?” His fingers find his ring and run over the sharp corners of it.

“Getting sentimental, are we?” Plagg teases.

“You say that like I’m not always sentimental,” Adrien says with a scoff.

“Alright well, you were always going to get the miraculous. Destiny and shit.”

Adrien frowns. “You believe in that sort of stuff?”

“I’ve lived a long time, kid,” Plagg says. “And the miraculous? There’s a reason for all of this stuff.”

“Does ‘this stuff’ include a fake dating disaster?”

Plagg snorts. “Definitely not. That’s your own fault, not the stars’. You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it.”

Adrien hums thoughtfully. Plagg isn’t wrong. He did get himself into this mess all on his own. He probably would’ve been better off just swallowing his pride and telling Ladybug he screwed up. But no, he’s here now and he has to deal with it.

“I’m not good at this,” he murmurs, more to himself than to Plagg.

“You’ll figure it out,” Plagg promises.

“I will?”

“Probably.”

Adrien sighs. “Great.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” Plagg says, patting Adrien’s head. “No one has any idea what they’re doing. Ever. People might have an inkling, but really, we’re all just winging it. Wing it until you fly.”

Adrien blinks. “That’s…surprisingly deep and inspirational.”

“Ew,” Plagg grumbles. “I take it back. Pretend you never heard me say that.”

Adrien smiles and rolls his eyes. “Heard you say what? I heard nothing.”

“Good.”

There has to be something good to come out of this mess. Adrien isn’t sure what it’s going to be, but it can’t be just a disaster. That’s statistically improbable.

Probably.

He finds himself listing the good, because otherwise, he’s never going to stop thinking about the negatives.

Getting to know Ladybug better.

Getting to know Marinette better.

He’ll finally find out how his dad feels about dating which…might not be a good thing, but at least they’ll finally have that conversation.

Spending more time with Ladybug outside of akuma fights and patrols.

Spending more time with Marinette alone, since before this, their only conversations were five minutes of stammering and he usually only hung out with her when with Nino or Alya.

?????

Profit

Adrien swears he was better at this optimism thing at some point.

Marinette wakes up and stares at her ceiling for a very long time.

She’s kind of scared to check her phone. But she does anyway, because she can’t just lock herself in her room away from the world for the rest of the time. Although that sounds really nice right about now.

The first thing she sees is a text from Alya, and her heart soars a little bit because she loves Alya and is so glad she has Alya standing by her in this. Even if Alya has no idea how convoluted this whole mess really is. It makes Marinette’s head spin a little bit, if she’s being honest.

From: the best™ To: partner in (phone stealing) crime      morning babe!!! <3      just a reminder that i love u a lot      ill see you at school w/ fists ready 2 fight off the haters and paps (ง'̀-'́)ง

From: partner in (phone stealing) crime To: the best™      Thanks al <3      Hows it looking??

From: the best™ To: partner in (phone stealing) crime      :(      dont look      ily but dont do it ill give u a recap @ school k?

From: partner in (phones stealing) crime To: the best™      That….isnt encouraging      Alyaaaa D’:

From: the best™ To: partner in (phone stealing) crime      im sorry :’(      but really      if u wanna look at stuff thats fine i just wanna be w/ u if u do      actually it doesnt have 2 b me i just want u 2 b w/ SOMEONE      theres some Bad Shit™      i dont want u 2 read it alone      itll either hurt u or ull hurt some1 else and as ur bff id like to avoid both of those things

Marinette sighs and puts her phone down on her stomach. She’ll respond to Alya in a minute or two, but for now she has to let herself imagine what kind of things people have said while she slept. She can definitely imagine. Imagining might be the worst possible thing she could be doing right now, but she has to wallow in her own thoughts for a little bit. People get death threats a lot on the internet, right?

“Tikki?” she asks suddenly as she sits up, realizing that Tikki isn’t next to her on the bed.

It takes a moment for Tikki to zip up to her bed. “Yes, Marinette?” Tikki asks with a cheerfulness that’s only a little bit forced.

“Do you think this whole fake dating thing is a mistake?”

Tikki blinks. “You know what I think about it,” she says after a long pause. “I think it’s overly complicated where it doesn’t have to be, and clearly it’s causing more harm than good. But if you’re happy—”

Marinette gives her withering look.

Tikki coos and nuzzles Marinette’s cheek. “You can stop whenever you want, Mari,” she reminds her softly. “If it’s not good for your mental health…”

Marinette sighs and looks down. “Yeah I just…I’m committed to this now. Or something like that. I don’t know.” She flops back on the bed. “I really didn’t think this through.” Her phone buzzes a few times on her stomach. “Is it important?” she mumbles.

She feels Tikki flip her phone over and hum. “It’s from your group chat,” Tikki says. “From Nino.”

Maybe it’s not super important, but it’s still probably something she should read. She picks up her phone and stares at the screen for a second before she processes any of the words.

From: ninope / the best bro / bae (biggest annoyance ever <3) To: what the happ is fuckening      first of all our gc name is now almost ironically appropriate

From: the best™ /  Alya / the babe with the power To: what the happ is fuckening      lmao

From: ninope / the best bro / bae (biggest annoyance ever <3) To: what the happ is fuckening      second are we going out for lunch today or nah

From: Adrien / my main man / sunshine To: what the happ is fuckening      Can we?      My dad is back in time for lunch and I want to stall

From: the best™ /  Alya / the babe with the power To: what the happ is fuckening      rip off the bandaid marsh

From: Adrien / my main man / sunshine To: what the happ is fuckening      Yeaaaah no thanks

From: Marinette / mari berry / partner in (phone stealing) crime To: what the happ is fuckening      Can we hide in the bakery/my house      I dont wanna deal

From: Adrien / my main man / sunshine To: what the happ is fuckening      That sounds perfect

From: ninope / the best bro / bae (biggest annoyance ever <3) To: what the happ is fuckening      thats cool with me my dudes      see you at school

From: the best™ /  Alya / the babe with the power To: what the happ is fuckening      im stealing baked goods      also @marsh i already told mari but i got my fists and am Ready 2 Fite (ง'̀-'́)ง

From: Adrien / my main man / sunshine To: what the happ is fuckening      Please don’t actually fight anyone Al, but I appreciate the sentiment <3

From: the best™ /  Alya / the babe with the power To: what the happ is fuckening      booooo i wanna fight      but ok fine      see u nerds in a bit!!!

Marinette forces herself to get out of bed and get changed. She feels like a robot as she gets ready, putting on her makeup and doing her hair more out of habit than anything else. She thinks that her emotions may have shut down out of instinct to protect herself, because she’s pretty sure that below the blank emptiness there is pure terror.

Yesterday, things had been bad. Now, people have had hours to digest the “Marichat” thing. On one hand, people could’ve calmed down. On the other, it’s had time to spread and people have had time to say things that are significantly worse.

She has a plan for telling her parents. And that plan is shouting out that she’s dating Chat Noir just as she runs out of the door for school and then sprinting away from her house so she doesn’t have to deal with it.

Perfect.

Adrien is surprised to find Alya and Nino standing in front of the steps of school instead of hiding out in the bushes. At least, he’s surprised until he steps out of the car and suddenly someone with a camera jumps out from the bushes and starts taking pictures.

Nino crams his hat on Adrien’s head as Alya grabs Adrien’s arm and drags him inside. Caught by surprise, Adrien is barely able to register what’s happening, let alone protest. Not that he would. He doesn’t want another picture of his face all over the tabloids. Don’t they have enough pictures to use from photoshoots?

“You could’ve warned me,” he mutters once they’ve hauled him inside. He hands Nino his hat back and smooths down his hair.

“Sorry, dude,” Nino apologizes. “We were caught up in planning how to get you inside.”

“I don’t think we succeeded,” Alya admits. “These guys are vicious.”

“They get paid to be,” Chloé snips from behind them. She studies her nails and leans against the wall. “They’re rats and it’s their job to be.” “What’s your excuse?” Alya asks.

Chloé rolls her eyes. “Am I taking him off your hands or what, Césaire? Don’t you have a different friend you’re supposed to be watching for?”

Alya’s eyes go wide. “Shit you’re right,” she mumbles. She pulls out her phone and sends off a quick text before dragging Nino back out into the fray.

“Why am I getting handed off to you?” Adrien asks Chloé.

“Babysitting duty,” Chloé says flatly. “I’m here to make sure you’re not being a dumbass.”

“I can take care of myself,” Adrien promises.

Chloé shrugs. “I know that. They both know that. But we also know you have a tendency to take what people say about you to heart, and—” she reaches over and plucks his phone from his hands, “we don’t want that.”

He opens his mouth to protest before he gives in and leans against the wall next to her. “People aren’t really saying anything bad about me.”

“Just your relationship.” Chloé flips his phone over in her hands a few times. “Besides, there’s no doubt that you’ll feel bad about what they’re saying about Marinette, despite the fact that none of that is within your control.”

“Of course I feel bad about what they’re saying!” he says defensively. “She’s my friend, why wouldn’t—”

Chloé gives him a look.

Adrien sags against the wall. “What’s that for?” he grumbles, casting his eyes to the floor.

She crosses her arms. “Adrien Agreste, do not tell me you’re that oblivious.”

He winces. “I might be.”

Chloé groans. “You aren’t serious.”

“Someone may have had to spell it out for me,” he admits.

“I hate you.”

“Fair enough.” Honestly, Adrien kind of hates himself for not noticing too. It’s only fair someone else hates him for it.

“No.” Chloé slips his phone into her pocket and grabs his hands. “You are not allowed to hate yourself for not returning someone’s feelings,” she says seriously. “You are not allowed to hate yourself because you didn’t realize someone felt something that you didn’t. Got it?”

Adrien stares at her.

“Got it?”

“Yes, mom,” he says, only realizing afterward how much those words sting both of them.

Chloé scoffs and drops his hands. “If you try to check any social media I’m taking this back and locking you out,” she says before handing back his phone.

“How would you lock me out?” Adrien asks, checking his notifications. He notices an email from Nathalie about lunch today and reminds himself to email her back with her plans before class starts. “I’ve never told you my password.”

Chloé smiles deviously. “I have my ways.”

Adrien narrows his eyes at her. “I’m changing my password now,” he announces.

“I have my ways,” she repeats.

“You know, between you and Alya, I’m starting to think that maybe I should just go back to writing letters and using carrier pigeons.”

Chloé snorts. “That would just make our jobs easier,” she points out. “You can’t escape it, Adri. Nothing is unknowable.”

He finds his thoughts going to Ladybug and brushes his fingers against his ring. “That’s what I’m worried about.”

Chloé grabs Adrien by the arm and pulls him closer as Alya and Nino drag Marinette inside the school. Marinette glances back over her shoulder with wide eyes, face pale as she stares at the paparazzi behind her.

“No damage done?” Alya asks Chloé.

“I know what I’m doing,” Chloé snipes.

Marinette takes a shaky breath. “Holy shit,” she whispers, looking to Adrien with wide eyes.

“You okay?” Nino asks, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She nods quickly. “Yeah it’s just— It’s been a morning.” She glances toward the door and lowers her voice. “I told my parents I’m dating Chat.”

Adrien notices Chloé’s eyebrows raise slightly as she leans the tiniest bit forward. She’d die before admitting that she’s interested in what Marinette has to say, so he’ll ask for her. “How’d it go?”

“Um…” Marinette tugs on a pigtail. “I don’t know?”

Alya frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I sort of—” Marinette takes a deep breath. “Okay, so I was running out the door because I was late—”  

“Typical,” Nino murmurs.

She flips him off as she continues her story. “And as I ran out the bakery I sort of just shouted ‘I’m dating Chat Noir bye!’ and left. So…” She meets Adrien’s eyes. “That happened.”

Chloé snorts. “Sorry,” she apologizes when Marinette glares at her. “But that’s one way to handle the conversation. By not handling it.” She tosses her hair over her shoulder. “Hope they don’t google it.”

Marinette goes pale.

“Smooth, Chlo,” Adrien mutters.

Chloé shrugs. “I wouldn’t google yourself either.”

“Why were you googling Marinette?” Alya asks, eyes narrowed.

Chloé hums and turns her attention to her phone, typing rapidly. “I’ll see you later, Adri,” she says, tapping him twice on the shoulder before walking away toward the locker room.

Alya’s phone buzzes and she purses her lips as she reads the newest message. “Right,” she murmurs. “Anyway, I hope your parents are cool with this,” she says, wrapping Marinette in a tight hug.

Marinette sighs and sinks into the hug. “No promises,” she mumbles.

By the end of the school day, Marinette is just about ready to sleep for rest of time.

Of course, Hawk Moth doesn’t work like that.

“You alright?” Tikki asks as she flies out of Marinette’s purse.

Marinette sighs. “No, not really. I just want to curl up in my room and stop thinking and experiencing life for a while.”

Tikki nuzzles her cheek. “We can do that after this, if you want.”

“I’d love that,” Marinette admits. “Spots on, Tikki.”

The transformation and magic washes over her, calming some of her anxiety and clearing her mind. She’s always able to think more clearly as Ladybug. Maybe that’s because she knows exactly who Ladybug is. She still has questions about Marinette.

Ladybug swings up to the roof of a tall building to get a better look of the streets. The akuma had gotten away while she’d been finding a place to hide and transform, and its trail of destruction is more minimal than most.

She squints in the sunlit as she looks around Paris. She finds a sign of the akuma, a car crash, and after checking to make sure the civilians are all safe and able to get out of their cars, she follows the akuma’s path from above the streets.

Ladybug’s breath catches in her throat as she sees Adrien duck into an alley, the akuma on his heels.

“Shit,” she whispers. She didn’t really want to be making appearances with Adrien as Ladybug, but like hell she was going to leave him cornered.

Ladybug swings down into the alley, wrapping her arm tightly around Adrien’s waist as she swings by.

Adrien yelps and throws his arms around her neck, burying his face against her shoulder.

“S-sorry!” she shouts, landing them on a roof. “The akuma—”

“It’s fine!” Adrien says quickly. “You were doing your job. Saving my life.” He glances over the edge of the building before stepping back, and closer, to Ladybug. “Thank you for that, by the way.”

“Of course. Doing my job,” Ladybug says. That was all. Nothing more. Of course.

“Uh…so how do I get down?” Adrien asks.

Ladybug hesitates. “I can set you down somewhere safe,” she says after a moment. “If you’re okay with that?”

Adrien nods and puts his arms around her neck carefully. “Is this okay?”

Ladybug swallows and tries not to think about how close they are. She can scream to Tikki later. “Yup, it’s fine. Hold on tight.”

Adrien clutches onto her tighter as she leaps from the building. She’s more careful with her swings than usual. Even when she has to swing Chat around the city she’s not this careful. Chat always lands on his feet, and he has the bonus of a protective suit.

Adrien has neither of those going for him and that’s kind of terrifying.

She moves away from the akuma, landing as lightly as she can in the first clear street. She makes sure that Adrien’s feet are firmly on the ground before she loosens her grip on his waist. “Are you alright?” she asks.

Adrien nods before his eyes go wide. He whispers, “People are watching,” and presses a quick kiss to her cheek.

Ladybug tenses, her cheeks heating up. She can see the people Adrien mentioned out of the corner of her eye, phones and cameras raised, all catching the moment.

More news for the tabloids. Joy.

She jumps away from Adrien as there’s a large crash somewhere a few streets over. Car alarms start blaring and she gives him an apologetic. “I, uh, I have to…” She motions toward the akuma hopelessly.

Adrien nods. “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll find somewhere safe.” He chews on his lip and glances at his feet. “I’ll see you later?”

Ladybug is barely able to nod, screaming to herself as she throws her yoyo and swings off to the akuma attack. Chat arrives on the scene only a few minutes after her, panting and apologizing for being late, saying that he got caught up in something on the way. Ladybug just nods and focuses on not grabbing him by the should and screaming that Adrien Agreste kissed her! Her cheek. But still! His lips touched her skin.

She would’ve forgotten the fist bump at the end of the fight if Chat hadn’t raised his fist first. She gives him a small smile as she bumps their fists together before she breaks off in a spring and swings off.

The moment she’s detransformed and in her bedroom, Marinette presses a pillow to her face and screams.

“Are you okay, Mari?” Tikki asks nervously.

Marinette lifts her head from the pillow. “Yeah I’m good,” she says before burying her face in the pillow again and continuing to scream.

Adrien Agreste is going to be the absolute death of her.