#homeiswheresheis

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Visiting me Mum in Racine, Wisconsin right now whilst I wait for my visa to get back to Mrs S in Japan, and guess who??? My original first full size violin. Man, this brings back memories. She just needs a visit to Hans Weisshaar on Larchmont for a little bit of TLC and rebirth. So glad @mrssandlittleb carried my L.A. violin to Japan. #gonetothemattresses #homeiswheresheis #laidlow #losangelestokyoto #iloveviolin #violin #usedtoplaymore #nicetobeloud #violinstagram #needsworkstill #needsrepair #inbetterconditionthanithought (at Racine, Wisconsin) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwzcP2FJmHz/?igshid=jkxc9grtx0u5

[phoenixrisinglove]

Home

We’ve been back in New Plymouth now for 5 weeks- which is insane, considering it feels like just yesterday we were still in London! I miss it: the traveling, the tube, the people. But I’ve come back withe best souvenir from France!

A fiancee! 

There’s an excitement and anticipation for the future that I haven’t experience before; this desire to marry someone because they’re the person you want to marry. Not just because you are fulfilling some social norm or because “god told me to”. Or because you’ve dated for a “n” number of years. Or whatever other reason you people enter marriage. 

I don’t profess to have it right- especially cos I would never consider myself an expert in this arena and the last thing I would want to do is give anyone else advice on their relationships. 

I just know that I am ready for a Fiancee and a wife.

I’m no longer ashamed of who I am with- even if it means tough conversations are always on the cards when you meant someone new and they go “Is your husband Asian too?” Ummmmm...”No, my wife is white”. And sometimes I get sick and tired of having these conversations, as you feel like you spend most of your time doing an analysis on whether that person will then still respect you as a human being or not. 

Anyway. I shant dwell on that.

A deconstruction of my faith values and a subsequent reconstruction of it, especially during our trip, has made me realise how unsafe Christianity (at least the brand of Christianity that pentecostal New Life Majestic Elim churches preach) actually is. Or really, any religion that is so dead set against believing they’re the only ones who are right. 

I was so brainwashed into thinking Creationism is the only thing that is real that it was so difficult for me to appreciate that there were other humanoids that existed, or that dinosaurs existed for a period of time longer than even humanoids have. Or that rocks can be 4 billion years old. 

No! It’s 6000! My inner mind keeps screaming. And the dinosaurs died in a flood! But I was completely fascinated by the skeletal remains of mammals that existed thousands of years ago. I feel like coming out as agnostic has actually increased my faith rather than diminish it.

And then let’s not even talk about the stupid fascination Christians have with healing. I think back to the 3 times I came off insulin (voluntarily, because I was so brainwashed) thinking that God would heal me if I stepped out in faith. My Mum didn’t even stop me doing that- and now I realise that it’s complete neglect. We should all have faith that God can heal people WITHOUT taking them off life-giving medication. I had a phone call with an elderly lady my Mum goes to bible study with just the other day, and she said it again “Well you know Ariel, we’ve been waiting a long time and don’t rule it out, but God might still come through with a complete healing of your diabetes”.

I almost wanted to yell at her. I could feel the anger rising up in me. I didn’t want to yell AT her, mind you, just at her. How can anyone still hold onto that deathly belief? That they would put me in danger? Oh it infuriates me how much religion dumbs people’s brains. Mostly because it belittles God too. It makes him look like he’s some kind of evil taskmaster, who will only give you what you want IF you do death-defying acts. 

What happened to “If you ask me for an egg, would I give you a scorpion?”

I just have no tolerance for religious talk about the moment. All it does for me is make me mad. Make me mad that the god I believed in for so long is so cruel underneath all the “goodness” that Christians say he is. Makes me mad that the god I believed in for so long would demand such stupidity in order to be his follower. 

But what makes me madder still, is that the God I do know, is nothing like the god I did believe in.

Their role in my life now is not some spiritual guidance, but a moral compass that I know is embedded already into everything I do. 

Argh. Just writing about the whole healing thing irks me so much. I need to stop.

Long entry closed with: I have just applied for a job at Base Hospital. So we’ll see if this is going to be our home for the next few years.

[bearrepublicnetwork]

My kind of town, but only when it’s warm. #chicagoillinois #chitown #mykindoftownchicagois #thatsabitofmethat #wishyouwerewithme #wishshewerehere #homeiswheresheis (at Chicago, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwyGgR7pNW1/?igshid=1k4ns7pdyvsp4

[bearrepublicnetwork]

Packing list for the last phase of this extended waiting period. Looking forward to reuniting with Mrs S in Japan. #gonetothemattresses #onthelam #laidlow #homeiswheresheis #losangelestojapan #japantolosangeles #californiatoarizona #arizonatoillinois #sterlingillinois #chicagotolosangeles #losangelestokyoto https://www.instagram.com/p/BwtYN2DJRSo/?igshid=zugydl16kpqx

[bearrepublicnetwork]

A little something that I did with an iPadPro once. Those of you who actually know me should know that I know that just because I’m a know-it-all-jackass who thinks he’s always right, doesn’t mean I know what the hell I’m talking about. #truth #ipadprosketch #gonetothemattresses #onthelam #theadventurecontinues #homeiswheresheis #goingbackhome✈️ #gottagetbacktojapan #losangelestojapan #japantolosangeles #californiatoarizona #arizonatoillinois #sterlingillinois #sterlingtochicago #chicagotolosangeles #californiatokyoto (at Sterling, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwqmPOypp56/?igshid=107c89y65t7hz

[bearrepublicnetwork]

Aside from trimming the stash with scissors, I haven’t shaven my face or head since Feb 23rd. All my shaving stuff is at home in Japan and Mrs S is the only person I’ll allow to groom me. But my beard’s getting a little thick, ね?? But I’m getting closer to the finish line and going to get to go back home to @mrssandlittleb #homeiswheresheis #gonetothemattresses #losangelesforever #losangelestojapan #japantolosangeles #californiatoarizona #arizonatoillinois #chicagotolosangeles #laxtoitm #itamiairporttokyotostation #koseiline #gottagetbacktomybear https://www.instagram.com/p/BwnmSCJp7Bn/?igshid=stvn48alppf

[bearrepublicnetwork]

He was just kinda hanging out, waiting on a bug to come by. He’s working for me. I killed a fly earlier and this big fly’s been doing flybys on me. This guy suddenly showed up and says, “I got this.” Fly’s been a no show ever since. #vindicated #righteouskill #universalbalance #balancerestored #unconventionalspaces #homeiswheresheis #gottagetbacktojapan #hidingout #gonetothemattresses https://www.instagram.com/p/BwnZQHFpdqU/?igshid=12kwo0gig8gsw

[bearrepublicnetwork]

Storm watching in Sterling. #unconventionalspaces #homeiswheresheis #gottagetbacktojapan #hidingout #gonetothemattresses https://www.instagram.com/p/Bwl2Kk5pzPy/?igshid=jdk6h062b056

[bearrepublicnetwork]

I get to visit with Chloe the Cat again! #hidingout #gottagetbacktojapan #homeiswheresheis #unconventionalspaces #unconventionalcommonsense #unconventionalcat #tuxedocat #goinghomesoon #missmywifey #losangelestojapan #japantolosangeles #californiatoarizona #arizonatoillinois #illinoistocalifornia #backtojapan🇯🇵 #certificateofapproval #homeiswhereversheis #cominghomesoon✈️ #heresacatpicture https://www.instagram.com/p/BwkQf1Fp1IF/?igshid=1g61fqxyyebdb

[bearrepublicnetwork]

FINALLY reached the next step in the process to get back to my Bear! Just a few more hoops to jump through and I’ll be home! #homeiswheresheis #gonetothemattresses #beenhidingout #unconventionalspaces #gottagetbacktojapan #alliwantistogohome #gottagetbacktomybear #americaninjapan #beenawayfromherfortoolong #cominghomebaby https://www.instagram.com/p/BwiCC2zp2fQ/?igshid=znvrxihc4x0k

[bearrepublicnetwork]

Got my medication, finally. Now it’s all a matter of a visa so I can go back home to Japan. #gonetothemattresses #glatirameracetate #glatiramer #thrivingwithms #abovems #hidingout #alliwantistogohome #imissmywifey #gottagetbacktojapan #homeiswheresheis https://www.instagram.com/p/BwdcsF7Jzvr/?igshid=xvh2gwoju2vg

[bearrepublicnetwork]

Ran out of kale the other day so I dosed us pretty good. #locationundisclosed #gonetothemattresses #notseeinganyone #wishingyouwell #nearbutnothere #evenfurtherthanthat #evensmallerthanthat #kaleisyourfriend #alliwantistogohome #imissmywife #visasandprescriptions #gottagetbacktomywife #homeiswheresheis https://www.instagram.com/p/BwTl6t9pfZy/?igshid=1onbdfgs1tv84

[bearrepublicnetwork]

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A post shared by J Eric Sandoval (@unconventionalcommonsense)

I used to live right behind all thus when there were feral children all over the place and this was just a giant hole in the ground. How I love this city like no other. But I’m off on an adventure of honor and we’ll be back! #gratefulforeverymoment #bigadventure #losangelestojapan #ilovela #ilovecalifornia❤️ #gottagogottago #goinghomesoon #homeiswheresheis (at Hollywood Walk of Fame) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxLP_1kB-Dt/?igshid=8dwfba6a4d1y

[bearrepublicnetwork]

So long, Sterling!! Off to Chicago now!! #chitownhereicome #gonetothemattresses #theadventurecontinues #chicagobound #thenextleg #alliwantistogohome #homeiswheresheis (at Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwuHHwopKdF/?igshid=1c3e94gl1nefc