#honest talks with peyton

[weemsfreak]

Botany...Of Course, Pt 1

Summary: Peyton is the new Botany teacher at Nevermore. They are a telepath. They find themselves on a trip with Principal Weems. They discover what happened the year before they became a teacher at Nevermore, amongst other things. (Multiple parts)

Tw: None?

Note: This is my first fanfic, I don't know if it's any good! Let me know though. PS. I'm in love with Larissa :) ~2300 words

You were the new Botany teacher at Nevermore. You didn’t hear much of what happened last year, but judging by the fact that nobody wanted to talk about it, it wasn’t good. All you knew is that the botany teacher had died, and Larissa almost did too. Around three months ago, your friend Ren who worked at Nevermore told you to apply for the position as you had just graduated from your teaching degree. You were extremely grateful that Principal Weems had decided to give you a chance. Being 25, you felt really young and immature around other teachers, so you always tried to be incredibly professional and helpful.

One Friday you were walking to your room after classes. As you walked through the main doors to outside, Larissa was coming in. “Oh Peyton, I haven’t seen you this week, how are things?” she chirped when she saw you. She was wearing her green dress and matching coat with black gloves. This was your favourite outfit of hers if you’re being honest. “Hi Principal Weems, things are great! I’m learning a lot and the students are so well behaved.” “Well, so far, but that’s great to hear!” she said in a tone that seemed a bit hopeless, but caught herself. She paused for a moment and looked you up and down. You didn’t know if that was the end of the conversation and you should go? It sounded like she was going to continue. She was still staring at you, a slight smile on her face ,like she was pondering something. You stared back at her, eyes drifting to her outfit. You loved her style and how she was so confident and put together all the time. You envied her, for more reasons than just that. "You know, I don't have any plans for tonight, care to join me for some wine? Or just to talk if you're not into that. 8pm?" she asked you so sure, and batted her eyelashes when she did. You stuttered when you answered, surprised she would want to spend any time with you. "Yes, uh- sure Principal Weems, I would love to!"

You were facing her grand office doors, your phone read 7:50pm. You were trying to pick an outfit and get yourself together all night, you were surprised you weren't late. Confidence and having your crap together wasn't exactly your strong suit. With ten minutes to spare, you went for a walk through the hallway. Looking at some old photos, you noticed Larissa in one, a photo of award winners from 1991. She won a Literary award and a…Botany award? You thought that was the cutest thing ever. Young Larissa, how you would've loved to meet her. You knocked on her door once and when you went to knock again it opened. She stood there, her face lit up. You weren't surprised she was in a good mood, it was a Friday night, "Ah Peyton, come in!" You walked in and stood in the middle of her office as she gestured for you to sit on the sofa in front of the lit fireplace. As you sat, she poured you a glass of wine and took a sip from hers. She passed it to you and sat next to you, crossing her legs, her knee touching yours. She didn't say anything, just looked at you, again. You were usually uncomfortable with people staring at you, but you couldn't say much, you did the same to her. "I really like your dress, it looks stunning on you" you said, sounding nervous but giving her a sincere smile anyway. Ugh, why couldn't you just say 'I like your dress' and leave it at that, she's going to think you're a weirdo. "Why thank you, I did get it made specially for me" she said with a wink. Of course she did you thought, it hugged her perfectly, as it should. You grinned and looked away, trying to hide it. She asked you about your classes and how you felt with this being your first teaching job. Truthfully you loved it. The kids seemed so happy to be here and learn, and you loved teaching. You didn't know if you would when you took your degree, but you're glad you ended up here. "I'm really grateful to you Principal Weems, I think this was the best place for me to start my teaching career" you beamed at her after a couple glasses of wine. "Well good, I'm so glad to hear that."

You wanted to ask her about last year, about what happened and why the botany teacher died. You didn't want to ruin the mood though, or have her thinking about the time she almost died. You could, of course, try to find it in her memories, but only if she would allow you to. "So, do you have anything interesting going on lately?" you asked, genuinely curious. She poured another glass for you and her, and took her time to answer. "I am going to a principals conference in two weeks, it's being held at a very fabulous hotel in Tennessee" she trailed off, looking into the fire. Looking back at you, "I do feel rather lonely going though, usually I wouldn’t mind, but lately I just want someone to share things with, you know?" You did know, you knew all too well. Was this an invitation? Or was she just confiding in a friend? You weren't the best at picking up on hints or social cues. "I'll come with you" you said in a sarcastic tone, looking into the fire. You would go with her, but you didn't know if she wanted that. "What would you do when I go to the conference?" Oh, she was serious. "Well, I've been there before, they have some shops, including coffee and really good pretzels and cinnamon buns, and they have three different conservatories, it's absolutely incredible. I can get some ideas for our conservatory, maybe you can write it off as a work trip." You were surprised with your response, and so was she. You didn't realize how much you would love to go on vacation, especially with Larissa. She thought it adorable how you called it 'our' conservatory. She smirked down into her wine glass for a minute, then at you. "That sounds very convincing Peyton. If you really want to go, I can book your flight. Unfortunately, we would have to share a room. There are no more available, it's always very busy there." Unfortunate, for who you wondered. "Oh, I don’t want to infringe on your trip Principal Weems, I know it would be much more comfortable for you to not have to stay with me." You looked up at her as she moved closer to you, "Nonsense, it will be fun getting to know each other, maybe you can teach me a thing or two…about Botany, of course."

You leave tomorrow. Since Principal Weems proposed you go to Tennessee with her, you have only talked to her about your trip details. You were excited to get away for a few days, but being alone with her for that long scared you. What if she thought you were boring, what if she thought you didn't like having fun, or what if she thought you weren't responsible or professional? You didn't know which was worse. You had a gift, you thought, you had telekinetic abilities. Not very typically though, like feeling emotion or reading peoples thoughts. Yes, you could move things with your mind, but you were more telepathic. You could see a memory in someone's mind if it was a very joyous or very traumatic one. You could erase a memory/knowledge from someone's mind, and you could give someone knowledge as well. If anything went really wrong, Larissa wouldn't remember it, if you had something to do with it. "So, you're going away with the principal. Tsk, tsk Peyton, does she know you're into women?" Ren loved making fun of you over anything you did. You've known each other for so long, you both loved to bat back and forth. "No, she doesn't, and she's not going to Ren...because it's not like that." "Well, I've worked here for years, and she has never asked me on a trip, but whatever you say Peytato." You packed your favorite clothes, some dress pants and nice shirts, a dress and maxi skirt, your favorite penny loafers and platform sandals, and a black two piece in case you went swimming. "Toni, these bras and underwear are frigging old, are you trying to turn her away?" You didn't know how many times you had to say it. "Ren it doesn't matter, nobody is going to see them" you sighed. "Bullshit, we're going shopping so get ready, now!"

As you both arrived to the airport, you were nervous to get on the plane. It had been awhile since you were on one. You thought that it was fun to take off, but the rest of the trip was anxiety ridden and you could never relax, let alone sleep. As you boarded the plane you took your seat and looked out the window. You had booked your ticket after Larissa, so you couldn't get a seat next to her. As a man sat next to you, you became increasingly more nervous. You didn’t like feeling of doing something scary alone, let alone sitting next to a stranger, a man, doing it. Looking around to see where she was sitting, you bit your nails, you couldn't find her. She saw you looking for her with worry on your face and nails in your mouth. She was sat two rows behind you, and would've been so easy to catch if you had just looked back. Putting your head down you fiddled with your ear buds, maybe they would help with the noise. You closed your eyes and leaned your head against the window. A few minutes later you felt someone's hand on yours, and you froze, not wanting to open your eyes. You realized a mans hand wouldn't be this warm, this soft, this- you opened your eyes, red nails. You looked up beside you and Larissa was sitting there, giving you a reassuring smile. "Rissa, this isn't your seat" you beamed at her, being so relieved that you weren't alone. She smiled wider at your use of her nickname, "I know, I asked that man to trade seats. I saw you looking for me. Do you get nervous on planes? Why didn't you tell me?" You didn’t tell her before, you didn't want her to worry about you. "Yes, I just don't like them, they're loud and crammed and I always feel alone. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to bother you, since we didn't have seats together." "Well, we do now love."

You were laid back next to Larissa, chest rising and falling slowly. She watched you sleep, glad that you were no longer nervous. She thought you looked so beautiful and at peace. You later awoke with a jolt and looked around, just turbulence. All of the sudden you were hit with the urge to listen in on peoples conversations, and you found yourself detecting whether they were being truthful with their words. or not. One man sitting behind you, "Yes, I brought the gift for your sister"- lie, a flight attendant, "We don't have any juice left" - lie, a woman in front of you, "My husband is picking me up when we land" - blatant lie. "Ugh, Wednesday Addams will be the death of me" you look to Larissa who is in a huff, totally engrossed in and typing away on her laptop. You didn't know if she was talking to you or if she even meant to say that aloud. You observed her, her nose was scrunched up, her lips were pursed, otherwise she looked perfect. Perfect posture, perfect hair, perfect outfit, perfect jewellery, soft hands with nails painted perfectly -wait. You didn't pay attention to what she really said, you were too caught up in observing her. "Larissa, what did you just say?" Looking at you confused, she tilts her head and tries to recall if she had even said anything. "Oh, I didn't mean to speak aloud, apologies for waking you." You were asleep? "No worries, but what did you say?" Typing away again, you waited for her reply. "I think I said that Wednesday Addams will be the death of me" she said with a chuckle. You stared at her as your heart ached a bit, you didn't detect that as a lie, though you couldn't say it was the truth, you couldn't see into the future. She caught you staring, "Peyton what's wrong?" Nobody knew you could detect lies, as it was something new to you, and it only came on at random. In fact, nobody knew of your telepathic powers, besides the fact that you could control objects with your mind. "Uh, nothing, all good" you said softly with a forced smile. Turning back to the window, Larissa shut her laptop and put her hand back on yours. "You looked so peaceful sleeping, I'm happy you passed some time getting rest." You smiled up at her, her face so sincere, so true were her words. "I never sleep on planes, I guess I must feel safe enough with you that I can relax." She gave your hand a squeeze, "Only 20 more minutes" she said with excitement in her voice. You smiled, relieved to be landing soon. You took a chance and laid your head on her shoulder, hoping to god that she wouldn't reject you. To your surprise, she laid her head on yours and said in a low almost vulnerable tone, "Peyton, thank you for coming with me. This is so much better than being alone."

Link to Pt 2

[three-headed-monster]

the most important sabres videos from the 2022-23 season so i can cheer sabresblr up

because it is vital that we remember this year!!!!! this is the team that made us love sabres hockey again, no matter how far they didn't go.

now, in no particular order:

exclusive day with rasmus dahlin

what a GREAT way to start the season, truly!!!!! one of the first embeddeds we got featuring multiple members of the team, and UGH it gave us so many iconic moments. krebsy telling dylan he'll work him all day and that he's a fucker (muted for the children's sake). the chirps from everyone!!!! dylan and peyton literally encouraging each other to cheat just to try to beat ras. gave us some great character moments and really just gave us a good inside look into what the team dynamic is like and how much the guys love each other.

2. what a great day to be mic'd up | best of sabres mic'd up from december 2022 (actually from like february lmao)

lots of good moments from this one!!!!!! maybe not a fave for everyone, but certainly for me. lots of skinny and sammy in this one, and again it's just the daily interactions for me! i love to hear them talking about stupid things like gum and "too strong" is a classic dylan moment. it's just some silly good practice fun that makes me smile :)))

3. between 2 stalls

you all know and love it, i've included the whole playlist because every single one hits in a good and different way. it's absolutely the funniest thing the sabres have done media wise this year. it deserves an emmy and jeff skinner best leading actor or smth. i will pay good good money for more of these next season because they are hilarious. give me owen power squirminng while being questioned by jeff please and thank you.

4. hit the boards | owen power and ukko pekka luukonen

two soft and gentle giants not understanding that this is supposed to be a competitive series!!!!!!! you are not supposed to work together, you are supposed to compete!!!!!!! highlight of this one is owen getting "explosive diarrhea" way too fast and not being able to speak spanish. all with a small little laugh and smile along the way!

5. can't keep the beast in the cage

the fact that this is just a run of the mill presser that ended up creating a nickname, chirps in ANOTHER unrelated presser, just proves how good this video is. i mean what more can you want, it's just an excited kid ready to get out there! and we all need more devon levi in our lives if we are being truly honest.

6. sabres react to meme tweets

an ICONIC piece of media right here, i swear!!!!!!! "can you send me that?" so sammy can use this against them in the gc. jack quinn not knowing how to read allegations. tyson jost being so wholesome and hyping up his buddies. tommy dangles if you know you know. AND OF COURSE "daddy tuch".

7. jack and jj give the sabres holiday gifts

part 1 of this series is also a GEM, but unfortunately due to the 10 video attachment limit, i can only include part 2. highlights from part 1 include them buying owen a million gifts, dylan cozens' anger issues, them breaking a poster display because they don't know how posters work, and deciding to get gifts just to piss people off. part 2 however is this and MORE!!!!!! we get to see mostly EVERYONE get their gift! tage's this is slay moment was memed so many times, owen was overjoyed with his gifts, and let's not forget that "this is what the holidays are all about!" not to mention, sammy being the only one to get a fucked up gift made him so mad he decided he wanted the three pound gym weight

8. at home with casey mittelstadt, rasmus dahlin, dylan cozens, and jacob bryson

i'm honestly just here for dylan trying to hide from the camera and having to show up to "pay his rent" via being on camera. he also brings like a shit ton of water with him?????? AND "juicy lips" is a top 10 dylan cozens quote of all time. "they gave you pimples" too.

very much just. dylan cozens in this.

9. owen succumbs to peer pressure

aka the boys tell owen to take his hat off and let the flow go, and in true ferda fashion he does. of course, OF COURSE, the resounding cheer after is deafening and this is one of the best actual pressers from this season because of it

10. what's in the box

the first truly viral sabres moment from this season !!! ending it kinda where we started tbh. i STILL laugh about this moment, from the "i think it likes me" to the TENDER dylan/tage hand hold to peyton proudly pronouncing he knows his poops...this is just perfect. it set out all the narratives for the season and gives us an amazing glimpse into the boys. sabres socials set the bar high with this one and continued to meet it for the rest of the year

other honourable mentions include: tyson jost + others doing community work (highlights include tyson being wholesome and owen's awful rat photo being called unrecognizable), the la entourage trip (jack quinn speaking. that's it, that's the tweet.), sabres choose owen power's goal song (jack's loud proclamation of fearless and kyle's singing), how well do the sabres know their moms (owen being a momma's boy stands out here), matt savoie mic'd up (this one is self-indulgent and just for me), and owen and ras' podcast interview (shocked owen can speak for an hour straight without literally curling up into a ball and hiding; and also bagged milk)

so there you go!!!! hope this cheered you up like it did me. i love our boys as always and can't wait to see what they do next year!

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

I have so many thoughts in my head tonight that I feel that this will be a hard one to get down in writing cohesively.

I'm rewatching a Season 4 Naley scene and am reminded of a comment I saw on Tik Tok of someone who said that Nathan led Rachel on in season 4. That take is bullshit honestly. Nathan was suicidal and kind of had a one track mind about the accident. Nathan was only interested in Rachel to find out what she may know about the accident. The truth of the matter is that Rachel knew that. Rachel knew why Nathan was hanging out with her as much as he did (which I wouldn't say was an inordinate amount of time). When they go to the after game party in 4x03 Nathan has that conversation with Rachel where he gets a bit too close to her. From a director point of view they wanted to do that so that Haley could see them and be jealous but also Nathan is so unaware of his surroundings most of the time. He's just kind of in his own head and is very depressed at that time. So it's not a romantic thing or an attraction thing or really anything. He talks to Rachel trying to figure out if she saw anything during the accident and Rachel can tell that he's obsessed with something but is not quite sure what. The scene after that Nathan is talking to Peyton and he is talking about how he thought he saw Keith under the water. They make a point of showing Rachel spying in on this conversation/taking note of it. Then in the next episode Rachel lies as an excuse to get him alone and says to Nathan that she did see Keith under the water. This is manipulative behavior. It's also incredibly insensitive to use/bait this poor dude who depressed and lost his Uncle Keith. But also that's on Rachel. Nathan did not lead her on. She knew precisely why he was hanging around her and she knew that he was in love with his wife. BTW she knew he was married and tried to steal him. I hate that bitch and there are seriously some people who are so obsessed with her that will trash Haley for rightfully being upset with her and will try and make Nathan out to be a manipulative dude when he's just a suicidal and depressed guy who isn't completely aware of how obsessed and manipulative Rachel is. The scene where Haley bitch slaps Rachel... people will seriously act like Haley's the devil for doing that... I mean those people do realize that Rachel got her fired, body shamed her (called her fat and said she had a little head), sort of ruined her wedding by making a huge scene and making it about herself and then almost immediately after causes a car accident that nearly killed Nathan/one of his only remaining uncles on his wedding day, and tried to steal her husband right? It's unbelievable the Rachel blinders some people have.

BTW. She forced on a kiss on him even before the party. All he had done was save her and his Uncle Cooper from death and she forced a kiss on him. Rachel does not need to be led on to be a crazy bitch!! I'm sorry but screw Rachel. I have no patience for anyone who make a game out of trying to steal people from their significant others. And I have no patience for people who sexually assault others. Rachel only backed off when she found out that Haley was pregnant. That makes me so pissed off. So this dude is fair game when he's married but he's gonna be a father then she tries to act like she has a shred of morals. I love the line that Nathan says to Rachel

RACHEL: Nathan. If Haley wasn’t pregnant … did I have a shot?

NATHAN: Not for a second

The way he says it is the best part. With 0 hesitation and with all the conviction in the world lmao. Like seriously? She was so delusional that she thought the only reason he was remaining with Haley was cause she was pregnant?! BITCH this man is obsessed with his wife so stay in your fucking lane!!

-

Speaking of above board I love this conversation between Nathan and Haley in 4x03. I love how honest Nathan is and completely sincere and above board. He's not playing games. Nathan is so in his own head and depressed he really didn't understand how Haley's been internalizing his emotional distance. So in this moment when Haley is honest with him and tells him her feelings you can see the surprise in his reaction. He doesn't hesitate to make her feel better in the most honest and sincere way and it makes me so happy. To feel both of their relief. Nathan is relieved cause he got this off his chest and Haley is relieved because he opened up to her. The relief is palpable in the way James and Joy play this scene...

HALEY: You keep going to that bridge. I never thought I’d be jealous of a river

NATHAN: You know how much I like the water

HALEY: I’m really trying not to be jealous and I want to be understanding but, uh it’s really hard with you sneaking around

NATHAN: I’m sorry

HALEY: I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to let me in … whatever it is, you know? … even if it has suh--something with Rachel … even if you like her. I just want you to tell me

NATHAN: Do you think I like Rachel? Haley, I was just, I was just talking to her about the accident

NATHAN: I just wanted to know if she saw him, too

HALEY: Saw who?

NATHAN: Keith. I think he’s the one that pulled me out of that car. I’m nobody’s hero

HALEY: Why didn’t you tell me?

NATHAN: Because I thought it would go away--I thought basketball would fix it, but it didn’t

HALEY: Nathan, your problems are my problems … I want us to figure this out together… and you’re wrong. You’re my hero

NATHAN: So you don’t think I’m crazy?

HALEY: No, I do not think you’re crazy

HALEY: … You think I’m fat?

NATHAN: What?! … Of course not

HALEY: Do I have a little head?

NATHAN: No … I love your head. Come here

(Nathan kisses Haley on the forehead and she smiles)

HALEY: … So that’s why you keep going down to that bridge?

NATHAN: For that and …

(NATHAN reaches into his pocket and pulls out the cracker jack bracelet he gave her in season 1)

NATHAN: … this. I love you, Haley

HALEY: I love you, too, Nathan Scott

[langernameohnebedeutung]

My Well Essay Part 2

Aka: I get to use pictures again, isn't that great! Maybe this should be a video essay.

Anyway, we left off with Blaine slowly losing his humanity. Or what little humanity he has_

The murder of his grandfather also already puts Blaine back on the path to the well and everything it represents: He finds out that his father excluded him from his will, so he forces him to change it. He keeps his father as a (frozen) prisoner. By playing his amnesia game, he loses Don E who immediately turns to Angus to get back at Blaine - and eventually, Blaine again takes what he considers his by attacking the Scratching Post and feeding his father to the well. This coincides with him sacrificing another big part of his humanity

Because interestingly, before he attacked the Scratching Post and threw his father into a well, Blaine had actually left Angus alone for quite a while. He even signed the family fortune back over to him, that he had gotten his hands on and abandoned all his other ill-earned fortunes in favour of pursuing a relationship with Peyton (which is also ill-earned fortune because it was under a false pretext). But the point is: This was a genuine stab at building a life for himself. For once, this was Blaine defining himself by something other than his father's values. Now, ultimately it failed (because obviously, it failed) and Blaine immediately returns to his old trajectory: He kills a bunch of people, and he even abandons the semi-honest trade of selling funeral home brains in favour of getting into the big business of international brain smuggling and he throws his father into the well - from his own perspective, for good, but still maintaining the satisfaction of eternal torture AND being able to have dinner and talk to him and mocksimile a father-son relationship, aka perfectly illustrating his conflict between these two extremes. (except the well obviously gives him what he wants, in the shape of Brother Love)

There is something else very interesting that happens at this point: Blaine slowly loses one of his biggest, most central and most important (and most human) interests: Music. The thing that Blaine has left of his grandfather. Blaine's love for music featured very prominently in season 2 and at the beginning of season 3, where he was a lounge singer while he had amnesia - until his break-up with Peyton, the person who he believed was his last shot at a life of his own and outside of his father's paradigm of the world. After that, this slowly fades away. We see his grandfather's record player in the Scratching Post basement but we don't really see him play it a lot. I think the last time we actually see Blaine sing and play the piano is when he sings Amazing Grace at one of his father's services - and this too is very interesting because one of the more human aspects of Blaine in the later season is that tentative relationship he manages to build with his father - and Amazing Grace is very much about the saving grace of love and hope - the love and hope, he places in his reconciliation with his father at that point.

Obviously, the whole thing with his father also falls apart once again because of Blaine's lies and because Angus is still a horrible person.

And now to turn back to our Narcissus-withering-away parallel for a moment - we already catch a glimpse of how little is left of Blaine at this point:

(also: crucifixion pose)

While Blaine, at this point, isn't actively trying to kill himself - he also doesn't seem to see any reason to stay alive now that his money is gone. (which brings us back to the "what they say they want" vs "what they want" vs "what they really want" vs "what they need" debate) We know that this is not just about money - we have seen Blaine lose everything several times now. And one of his incredibly cockroach-y character traits is that he usually gets right back on his feet and tries to do something new (and usually worse). In fact, even Don E points out that this has very little to do with money:

meanwhile, Blaine is on an entirely different page:

He lost his father.

And once again, Don E points out that very reasonable fact that-

Because...for all accounts of purposes it is true. Blaine never liked his father as a person. He wanted a father because he was a lonely neglected boy and because he had notions of masculinity instilled into him that emphasised the importance of a father figure - but Angus as a person, he hated. He wanted him dead. From the perspective of someone who is more familiar with the darker side of Blaine (which is most of him so it's kind of hard to get familiar with any other sides, but let's be real, Don E is particularly close up and personal with that part of Blaine, even if he's also self-destructively unconcerned about it) - Don E knows there is no reason for Blaine to be sad about this. But we can also tell from the reaction of Don E that he can already tell that things are a bit more complicated than that: Because the well actually gave Blaine what he always wanted. A father who loved him and that whom he had a close relationship. This is the big conflict Blaine has.

This is another aspect of Blaine's humanity, one that the well specifically brought out in him. And then, in the end, he also loses that:

For most of season 5, until very end of the show (and Blaine), Angus' death doesn't play much of a role anymore. It's not like Blaine is consumed by grief or his death - in fact, by the time we meet him again in season 5 (and even the moment Major offers him a new brain deal), Blaine is once again in best spirits - which is another human aspect of him taken away: The very complex relationship he had with his father. Now, really his entire life seems to be about wealth, power and publicity. A lot of his interior life, of his soul and self, has disappeared.

As I said, I've seen a lot of people say that season 5 was kind of a breaking point for them when it came to having genuine sympathy for Blaine and his antics. That this was the point where they were no longer interested in seeing a Blaine redemption arc.

And I'm first to admit that season 5 Blaine isn't the strongest Blaine arc we see. But I'm actually not willing to concede that Blaine is the most evil version of himself in season 5. Sure, in the second half (which is very different to the first half of season 5 Blaine) he's back to killing children. But this is something that he already did in season 1. Surely, his plan doesn't really hold a candle to the madness that was his plan in season 4 where he really swung up to super-villain proportions:

Like, my dude here was willing to sacrifice the planet - but most of what he does in that season is spend time with Don E and try to connect with his father. Like, I joked about this before but honestly, my sense of the season was always that Blaine's obligatory evil plan was really secondary (it barely even affects the season finale at all, it might as well not have happened, Angus could have just done that on his own at some point). The focus on his more human qualities still:

His messed-up family situation

His funny little evil friendship with Don E being closer than ever

(We also briefly touch upon the fact that he still has feelings for Peyton, but chooses to be weird about it from a distance)

The first one immediately seems to cease to be relevant to him in season 5 (or, perhaps, it is so relevant to him that it requires suppressing a lot of what little humanity Blaine has to actually avoid dealing with it).

His relationship with Don E is still a thing, they still seem to be evil besties, though we also get a bit of sense that due to Blaine being very absorbed with being rich, Don E feels a bit side-lined (the first time they talk on that season, Blaine is just back from a several days bender and hasn't kept up with brain business relevant news and Don E is kind of catty about it.)

In fact, this season also, for the first time, puts a real emphasis obnt he fact that Blaine has no friends (something he did as a kid). Usually, when a bad character becomes rich, there is this trope where he is suddenly surrounded by a bunch of at least fake friends - but Blaine remains fundamentally lonely other than Don E. He pretends he has friends to impress Al but she quickly finds out that it is all fake and he had to invite a bunch randomers to his soirée.

And to get back to the whole "wishing well" and "Be Careful What You Wish For" trope and the "selling his soul" thing - Blaine, at this point, has everything. Everything he ever worked towards, that he invested into. He is richer than his father ever was. He is beloved by the public. Angus is dead, Frau Bader is dead, he is one of the most powerful people in New Seattle, he can do whatever he wants.

That's all he ever worked towards!

And.

...

That's all he ever worked towards. And now it's all he has.

Because Blaine, very clearly is simultaneously happier than ever - and still fundamentally sad. We see that in the way he throws himself at Al - despite getting everything he worked for, he still isn't it happy. And this is something that has been coming a long time because he was never happy, no matter what progress we saw him make over the course of the show. Because he very rarely built towards anything meaningful - and the few times when he did, he either ruined by trying to get it by underhanded means (his entire relationship with Peyton) or by abandoning it in favour of working towards "bad" goals, aka goals that were only valuable in the world-view his dad installed in him - like sacrificing his grandfather (who he took care of selflessly in favour of revenge and getting his business back). Even things like his friendship with Don E (something his father very clearly didn't value because when he was working with Don E, he basically delegated him down to errand boy) has to compete with his business and success: Like Ravi called Blaine about Don E having been abducted by the conspiracy theorists and Blaine literally cannot decide between locking Mr Boss into a coffin and going to rescue Don E OR first closing his latest business deal.

And this is where we get back to my well-takes:

I mentioned how wishing-devices in stories are often about finding out what you really want and what your priorities really are - but Blaine is too much like Narcissos to be able to achieve that. He has placed his entire energy into chasing after something that he cannot have, that he cannot identify with what he truly needs. In fact, I'd argue that all the energy that Blaine spends on his defensiveness and of chasing of safety and power - are symbolised by the coins and things he throws into the well. And like Narcissus, the more he invests into the well, the more he withers away and loses himself.

Something I enjoy a lot about the well-symbolism is that the whole "throwing a coin inside" is not a one-off thing. Blaine didn't do this one time, out of frustration. He did it every time he was hurt or watched his mother be hurt (which, in turn, also hurt him). I don't think it is excusing his actions to say that the childhood he had and the things he saw and experienced also created the foundation for all the choices he made in the future - I don't think the show argues that he was born evil. And it's also not saying that his wishing his father would die was a sign that he was bad or so inherently (or at all) sinful that it condemned him to become a monster. To make this clear: I don't think this reading punishes Blaine for wanting his abusive father to "drop dead". It punishes him for a) never investing any energy into all the positive sides of himself or trying to build a life of his own and b) using every bit of agency and power he carved out for himself in this world into living up to his father's ideas of power and success.

It is about the part of himself that Blaine fed and nurtured and paid into - and this is why it is important that he kept throwing coins in there because it is a continuous nurturing and a continuous loss of humanity he suffered. He didn't become evil because of one slip up or because he had a tendency to be evil or because the fact that he experienced a lot of physical and psychological violence as a child and that made him vulnerable to this stuff - it did make him vulnerable, which is something that happens when a child is exposed to abuse like this - but the fact that again and again, he chose to invest in that part of him that denied himself healing and instead, chased a false sense of safety from power and violence and mistreating others and never building genuine ties to others and because he indulged his father's world-view and his paradigm of success for so long - in fact, in many ways he also emulated his father: Blaine did end up hurting kids, he did end up hurting his romantic partners, he did end up exploiting people, he did end up hurting his grandfather - because that is the part of him he nurtured. And mirroring that, he lots all the other aspects of himself because he never nurtured them or he eventually neglected them in favour of pursuing money and power and (indirectly) his father's approval.

In fact, we even see him kill pieces of himself:

He kills homeless, drug-addicted youth

He sets up young drug-dealers (one of whom literally looks like a younger version of himself) to be killed by Mr Boss

He kills his grandfather who had a big influence on all of the positive sides of him

He killed Baracus, an ambitious hedonist (but not a monster)

and even his last important kill:

He sold his soul to the well. And the money and the brains and his father and everything he dropped into the well and told the well symbolises that. And that's also what Narcissus did - he neglected everything around him in favour of these pointless visions he had. Narcissus thought he saw a lover down there. Blaine as a child saw safety from that well, later he used it as a stand-in for a father he can have dinner with from time to time - as well as revenge, finally. But those were the things Blaine imposed on the well. He never wished for anything genuinely constructive.

Just like Narcissus died because he forgot to eat and drink or do anything other than stare at that vision of what he wants and thinks he's entitled to, the genuinely good and human side of Blaine withers away because it is ignored and at times, basically pushed aside and cut away in favour of the cynic and selfish mindset he needs to live the life he does. In fact, Narcissus last words are him telling his mirror-self not to flee - not because he genuinely thinks they can ever be united but because he wants to stare at his reflection to "add fuel to my miserable passions". And much in the same way, Blaine neglects to nurture anything good and genuinely meaningful and authentic within himself even though he knows that he cannot reach happiness on the path he is on. He knows it's just a pointless illusion he has - but also, he loves to indulge his self-pity for being denied a family or a good childhood. He loves to use that as an excuse.

One big change that happens in season 5 is that Blaine, starting with The Scratchmaker, eventually concedes that he is a monster (I made a post where I talk about this in detail) - in season 5, after his grandfather, and after Peyton and after music and all the other thing that made him, the one thing Blaine has left to cling to his humanity was that...now a lot of people saw that aspect of him and acknowledged him as a good person. So he leant into that, tried to adopt that persona of the saviour of Seattle, put himself in commercials and everything. It can easily look like the high time for Blaine and like he's now better than before - but at that point, when it comes to his humanity and sanity, the ground under his floor has really begun to crumble. And when that last pillar - public opinion - falls away, there is nothing left anymore for him. He just does whatever he feels like now. There is no humanity in him left to speak of anymore.

He treats his staff (even Candy, a woman who loved him and supported him with more loyalty than anyone ever and only abandoned him once for neglecting her, long after Don E already left) worse than ever, he kidnaps Peyton and tries to force her to live with him (IN HIS FATHER'S OLD MANSION) and eventually, the last thing human thing about him that remains: He destroys his friendship with Don E by killing Darcy.

(I think it is very central that he only in the finale returns to the family estate. He could have done that far earlier. But the point really is that at that point, now that he's really become his father's heir and become the head of the McDonough family (what is left of it) and legacy, that's the final stage. Soul fully sold out.

We even see this in his final speech:

You know where you went wrong, pop? You started to believe in big ideas. More than wealth. More than pleasure. It's a short ride, life. You got to get what you can, while you can. Someone's gonna come up on you, put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. Some army is going to line you up and gun you down. It's okay by me. You heard that? It's okay by me! Cause I filled my life with wine, women, song. At least I wasn't bored. I'd rather be dead……

"At least I wasn't bored" is kind of the lowest expectation you can have of your life. Trying to fill your life with literally ANYTHING just not to be bored is the total absence of meaning - and that's what he says, that it is a fatal error to want your life to mean anything. And it's also very interesting that at this point, he's speaking of his life in the past tense - "I filled my life..." I actually sometimes wonder whether he was about to kill himself at that point or throw himself in the well on purpose because -

why the hell are you sitting like this anyway?

All that time we've seen him obsess over the well, we've never actually seen him go so far as to dangle himself over it. Even if Don E hadn't pushed him in at that point, this would still be an important bit of symbolism - he is not outside of the well anymore (the well that is hell) - he's no longer even standing on the ground next to it. At this point, with his soul or humanity or whatever fully sold out and Blaine fully reaching the fall-out point of what it meant that he spent his entire life investing his energies and nurturing in the darkest side of himself - symbolically by feeding the well - there is more of Blaine inside that well than outside of it anyway.

At this point, he's actually already consumed by the well - because he fed so much of his humanity into it.

His falling in the end is really just the same ending we see in a lot of mythology:

He really just finally becomes one with the well (and he goes to hell. Because that's what the well is and where he was always going and that's also what is happening to him down there: Endless suffering and torture as punishment for his crimes)

Which is what I mentioned earlier, the usual outcome of selling your soul to get ahead in these stories: Even if you get what you want in life (usually not the way you imagined it), these stories also often have a comeuppance in the afterlife. (And to symbolise how foregone the conclusion of Blaine's damnation was, the entire show takes place in his afterlife, he's undead. The entire premise is that he died in the very first episode)

...anyway. Those were my well-thoughts. I affirm that I composed the previous text with a clear and sound state of mind, fully aware of my mental capacities and sanity.

[lcvb1tes]

@goldenru1e ( peyton )

"i gotta be real honest with ya. i stopped listening after you said you first started talking, so all of...whatever you said, i didn't hear it."

[adulting-sucks]

Where there’s a Bucky, there’s an Asshat

Gif from Google

Summary: Things were going great with Asshat, he loved being a brat, he loved taming said brat. But when two old friend last pop up, Steve’s insecurities eat at him. Can he fix the damage he caused?

This is the follow up to Captain Asshat Lives Here. You can read it here!

Steve Rogers x Reader (Nickname Brat), Bucky x Doc, Clint, Sam, Thor, Loki, Tony, and Wizard the Goat!

Word Count: Over 10k, sorry!

Warnings: 18+only, minors this is not for you. Thor and Loki need their own warning, Bucky and Doc, Asshat being mean, Smut, angst, Steve lives up to Asshat, Bucky does too

AN: this is my Avengers AU where I make up their lives as a I go. Thank you the amazing, gorgeous, talented @peyton-warren for helping me make this chapter happen. You are so amazing and a wonderful friend! All mistakes are mine and mine alone

The room filled quickly, the team making room for everyone who needed orders for the next mission. You walked in, balancing three trays of coffee, a different drink for each person on the team. Frozen, vanilla, plain, cream, no coffee, whip cream, any and everything you could think to add to coffee was in one of these trays.

You received splattered thank you’s from most of the team, grateful for some sort of caffeine for the meeting held at the Devil’s hour. You handed Steve his black, plain coffee-big surprise there-expecting a thank you at minimum. What you didn’t expect was to be treated as if you were an annoyance, pushed aside without a word uttered. “You’re welcome,” you whispered as you dropped into your seat, your face heated from embarrassment. You glanced over at Doc who mouthed I’m sorry. You shrugged your shoulders in resignation, Steve not having been in the best mood at all lately.

While Asshat tended to be short with everyone, you were the only one who ever talked back. Asshat loved when you were a brat, his brat, because there was nothing he loved more than taming you. In fact, due to fighting and flat out fucking, Tony had to soundproof your entire floor and both of your apartments.

While you loved him, you weren’t ready to fully hand over your space. Asshat was okay with it, for the most part, but he had been pushing more for moving in together. You just weren’t fully there, and you had a feeling this was part of the reason for the return of Captain Asshat.

If you were being completely honest, you loved being his brat and you thrived on being tamed. After everything in your history, Steve was the only man you had ever given control to, and while you absolutely loved it, you were also terrified by it. You two pushed and pulled against each other, but at the end of the day, there was no mistaking the love you shared.

You couldn’t help feeling he could do better, find someone who wasn’t so damaged, someone who would be ready to take the next step without hesitation. His return to Captain Asshat only helped to solidify your anxiety; you weren’t honestly sure how much longer the two of you would be together if something didn’t give.

You laughed as you watched Doc punch Bucky’s arm, then whisper at him to get his best friend under control. Bucky looked over at you, trying to be angry, but losing the battle once he was slapped upside the head Dinozzo style.

He rubbed the back off his head, and moved to sit next to his best friend. To say Steve was stressed was an understatement. Bucky wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, but he knew if you two didn’t figure it out, he was going to be moving in with Wizard, the goat. Having his girl as your best friend was making his life miserable. He loved Steve, he adored you, but every time something happened between the two of you, Doc punished him as well. He’d only just been allowed back into their bed, for fuck sake.

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Steve said as he ran his hand over his face in obvious frustration. He didn’t want to talk about his issues ever, but especially not here around everyone. He glanced around the room, stopping to watch you, your focus on your phone.

He didn’t understand why he was so tense, he knew your background, knew everything you had been through, but you not wanting to take the next step made him feel insecure. He felt he was little Stevie again, the one who didn’t get the girl, the one who was always sick, the one who was always fighting.

Steve looked over at you again, his jealousy spiking as he watched you, Sam, and Clint laugh at a video on your phone. He couldn’t remember the last time you had laughed like that with him, not that he could blame you. He knew he was being an ass, and yet he couldn’t stop the train from crashing.

You looked over at Steve, your laugh dying down and your smile fading as you saw the look on his face. Was this Asshat seriously jealous of your friendships? You rolled your eyes, sighing loudly and with exaggerated annoyance just to make sure the Ass got the point.

Steve stood, starting to make his way towards you, stopped in his tracks as the door flew open, hitting him in the nose. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” he yelled, blood pouring from his nose. Doc stood, rushing to his side, grabbing his nose and resetting it before he had a chance to say anything else. “Fuck, Doc! Warn me next time!”

“You don’t deserve a warning, not after this morning,” Doc replied, grabbing an ice pack from the first aid kit, breaking it open and placing it not so nicely on the super soldier’s nose. She smirked as he yelped again, making sure to walk past you on her way back to her seat. You held out your fist, bumping Doc’s in thanks as she walked past.

You felt badly, of course, but you also felt like the dick deserved it. Just as you were going to check on him, a familiar voice invaded the room.

“Your savior is here!” he said, followed by a flourish of green fabric and black hair as he entered the room. “My apologies to the soldier who I seem to have harmed, unintentionally of course.” You paused, turning at the sound of a voice you hadn’t heard in a few years.

“No fucking way. Loki?!” you exclaimed as you ran to the man and jumped into his arms. Loki lifted you off the ground, returning your hug with enthusiasm and his trademark chuckle.

“Hello, my cranky friend. It has been a long time!” He placed you on the ground, pulling back to take a look at you. He returned your smile, stopping to move a piece of hair out of your eyes that had fallen in all of the excitement. His cheeks flushed with happiness, a smile lighting up his entire face.

“What are you doing here? Is Thor here too?” you asked, your excitement bubbling over into babbling between you and your old friend. As you talked animatedly, the other brother walked in, grabbing you from behind, giving you a big bear hug.

“It’s my favorite superhuman! How are you, Cranky Spanky?” Thor said, spinning you around and around, your laughter ringing through the room. The blond god finally set you down, twirling you around to look at him.

“Thoralicious!” you yelled. Your excitement at seeing your old friends was palpable, but so was the anger rolling off your supersoldier. Thor didn’t notice, his jovial self never thinking someone would ever dislike him. Loki, on the other hand, noticed the soldier’s change in demeanor immediately, choosing to aggravate the man even more with his mischief.

“Ahh yes, Cranky Spanky. So, what has happened since we last met? I have heard quite a few tales of a very stubborn, beautiful, and spectacularly angry woman floating through the halls of Asgard.”

You smiled fondly, remembering your time with your two friends. “We did share some good fights, some good food, and even better Asgardian Ale, didn’t we?” you asked, laughing when Loki and Thor mentioned a memory here or there during the conversation.

“Who the fuck are these assholes?” you heard Bucky whisper to Steve, also loud enough for your super hearing, but not loud enough for the others in the room to hear. You plastered a smile on your face, turning around to introduce your friends to your team.

“How rude of me, I’m such an asshole for not making introductions,” you said, stopping to glare at Steve and Bucky, who didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed. Bucky was wildly protective over Steve, just as Doc was over you, which you planned to use to your advantage. You shot a smirk in her direction, her only warning that you were about to cause a fight.

“Let’s start with Doc.” You guided the men towards your friend, completely ignoring Bucky and Steve, stopping in front of the other woman. “Loki, Thor, this is Doc. She is the team’s physician, and my very best friend here.”

“Cranky, why have you never mentioned how stunning your friends are?” Thor said, grabbing Doc’s hand and bringing it to his lips. Doc giggled, her cheeks flushing a little at the smile the golden haired man threw her way.

“Hi, hello, hi. I’m Doc.” she replied, still giggling, moving her attention to Loki, who also gave a flattering remark, a kiss on the hand, adding in a wink. Doc looked back at you, silently asking how far you wanted to take this. You quirked your right eyebrow and smirked at your friend, silently allowing her to go as far as she wanted.

“It’s very nice to meet you both. Cranky Spanky doesn’t talk about her time before here much. How did you all meet?” Thor and Loki both laughed, very charmed by Doc, but also playing up the flirtation knowing how upset the other super soldiers were getting.

Bucky glared at Loki who was still holding Doc’s hand, smiling, Loki continuing to compliment the woman, low enough to only be heard by Doc and the other super soldiers in the room. Loki knew that neither you nor Doc were single, but being the god of mischief, he needed to stir the pot just a little.

“We met her just as she was escaping from the Hydra base that had made her the strong beauty she is today,” Thor explained, throwing a wink your way. Thor and Loki explained how you tried to fight them off while you were so close to death, and the very colorful vocabulary you taught them, causing Cranky to be born in that moment.

“Now, as for the other part of the name-” Loki looked over at you to gauge your reaction and how far he was allowed to take it when the door slammed open interrupting the conversation. All heads turned towards the newcomer as all talk stilled while Fury walked towards the front of the room to get this meeting started.

Loki and Thor moved to stand towards the back of the room, giving Fury the floor. You glanced over at Steve only to find him glaring at Loki while whispering with Bucky, His eyes finally drifted to you, and you gave him a small smile hoping to ease some tension. He dropped his gaze immediately, leaning over again to say something to Bucky who turned his attention over to you, making it very obvious you were the topic of discussion.

Pain and confusion flashed over your face as you slumped down in your chair, feeling the tears start to fall. You weren’t sure what the hell was actually happening, or which was worse: Steve choosing to confide in Bucky or continue telling you everything was fine when it obviously was not. You tried to wipe away the tears before anyone noticed, never really one to show emotions.

Doc turned when she heard you sniffle, her heart breaking a little. She thought that everything was finally right in the world when Steve brought you back to the compound, his attraction obvious to everyone but you. You had managed to break past Steve’s walls and insecurities and he did the same for you, and you two were so in love, had healed each other so much. This tension didn’t make any sense.

Doc mulled over everything as she grabbed another ice pack and broke it open to initiate the cold reaction, turning to the ass of a super soldier and not so gently replacing the one he was no longer using.

“Ow, Jesus Doc, what the hell are you doing?” Steve asked, the pain in his nose returning, Even with the serum speeding up his healing, it didn’t work miracles, his nose still broken and tender. Doc turned to Bucky and punched her super soldier in the arm before walking off to check on you as an unexpected “HEY!” followed behind her.

She sat down in the chair next to you, looping her arm through yours as you dropped your head on her shoulder. She didn’t say anything, knowing this isn’t something you would want to discuss here, instead offering all of the silent comfort you had grown to appreciate.

The meeting finished without further incident, everyone clear on their roles and assignments. The mission would be in a few weeks, giving you and the rest of the team plenty of time to research and get to know the two gods they were helping.

You stood and made your way out of the meeting room, Doc having already left due to an emergency in her med bay. You were trying to sneak out, not willing to see or speak to Steve at that moment. He made you cry, something he had always promised never to do, but just like most people you’d met, he lied.

You had made it out of the room and almost to the elevator when you heard Steve call your name. You didn’t stop, didn’t look back, didn’t even acknowledge you had heard him, even though he knew you had.

You walked faster, slipping into one of the elevators just as the door was closing. You turned around and looked back, your eyes meeting Steve’s, tears running down your cheeks. You wiped your tears away, looking away as the door closed.

Steve ran his hand through his hair then down his face, frustrated and angry at himself. He had made you cry, breaking the one promise you had ever asked of him. He didn’t know what was happening to him, but he did know one thing: if he didn’t fix this, he was going to lose you, something he refused to think about because you were the love of his life.

He turned to take the stairs, heading home to think about his issues and what he needed to do. He knew you needed time, and he was going to give it to you. He was going to show you how much you really meant to him and how sorry he was for being Asshat once again.

————————————————————

Later that day, you’d decided you needed to get out of your room for a little while, the walls starting to suffocate you. You were just gathering up your keys and wallet when you heard a knock at your door. You rolled your eyes, expecting Steve or Bucky to be on the other side, however you were pleasantly surprised to see your two old friends.

“Cranky! Loki and I were wondering if you would do us the honor of showing us around the tower,” Thor said, wrapping you in a large bear hug. You felt the tension leave your body, finding comfort in your old, familiar friends.

“It would be my pleasure,” you replied, turning to shut your door, linking one arm through Loki’s and the other through Thor’s. You laughed as Loki and Thor bickered, happy to have something distracting you from your own thoughts.

As the three of you headed towards the elevator, the doors opened, Clint and Sam getting off on your floor.

“Hey, just the person we were coming to see!” Clint said, shaking hands with Loki and Thor as Sam gave you a hug.

“What’s going on you two? I was just about to show Loki and Thor around the tower,” you replied as you also gave Clint a hug while Sam greeted Loki and Thor. You pressed the down button as they revealed their surprise.

“Spurs are coming, playing the Knicks at Madison Square. You and Doc in?” Sam asked, pulling the tickets out. “Courtside, behind the Spurs bench…” Sam continued, knowing this battle was already won. “We can get two extra tickets for Loki and Thor too.”

“A rousing game of the balls of baskets sounds like a great experience,” Thor said, clapping Sam on the back so hard he fell forward into Clint. “Loki and I would be honored to participate with our new friends!” Thor and Loki changed their outfits with their magic, Loki a little less enthusiastic about this than Thor, but still willing to go.

“Alright, alright. Let me grab Doc. You know she would kill me if I didn’t take her. Plus, Clint and Sam can’t talk shit the way she does!” you exclaimed as you ran away from Clint and Sam before they could reach you. It took them a minute to process what you just said, and you heard them both yell after you as your laughter rang through the air.

You took the stairs down to the medical wing, excited to get out of the tower and away from the drama. You were also excited to watch your favorite team against Doc’s favorite, knowing your best friend also needed a night away as much as you did.

“Doc!” you yelled as you walked into the room, the automatic doors swooshing closed behind you. You looked around, not seeing her anywhere. You turned at the sound of footsteps, on alert as no one but Doc should be in here.

“She isn’t here,” Bucky responded, his hands held up in front of him as you turned to face him. You took one look and turned to walk away, not wanting anything to do with Bucky, or Steve for that matter. Bucky called after you, asking you to wait.

You turned,your arms crossed in front of your body, trying to make yourself as small as possible. You knew Bucky would never hurt you, but it was a habit you still hadn’t been able to break.

“What, Bucky?” you asked.

“I don’t know what’s going on between you and Steve-” Bucky started. You put your hand up, stopping the conversation.

“You’re right. You want to know the sad part though, Bucky?” you replied, your hands clenched into fists at your side, your face heating as your temper rose. “The sad part is you, as his best friend, know more about the issues Steve and I have in OUR relationship, than I do, as his fucking girlfriend.”

“Hey, I-” Bucky started again. You turned, heading towards the door before he saw the tears start falling. You walked out without another word, leaving Bucky with his mouth hanging open. You’d never fought with him before, in all of the years you had known each other, and he wasn’t sure what to do. All he knew was this needed to be fixed.

You took a deep breath, texting everyone, including Doc, to meet you at the front door of the tower as you made your way there from the med bay, taking time to calm down and get your tears under control before anyone saw. The last thing you wanted to do was answer any questions about your relationship.

You found Sam, Clint, Thor, and Loki already down by the door when you arrived, your phone in hand texting with Doc. You had asked her to meet you at the front also, however you hadn’t told her why, wanting to see the surprise on her face when you did.

As you were all talking, you happened to see Doc coming around the corner. Your eyes met and you headed towards her. Immediately she started apologizing for Bucky’s need to insert himself into your relationship. She also advised Bucky would now be on the couch until he learned to mind his own business.

You smiled, always grateful for Doc’s friendship and protection, even if it meant Bucky was in trouble. You knew it was petty, but you couldn’t help it. You didn’t have many people on your side, and Doc had been protective over you since you arrived.

“Come on, let’s go,” you said, grabbing Doc, finally letting her in on the plans for the night. Doc squealed excitedly, immediately talking shit about the Knicks beating the Spurs. You laughed, everyone’s conversations overlapping once you and Doc had met up with the rest of the group, the sound fading as you all walked out.

————————————————————

Steve had spent the last few hours in the gym trying to work through this anger and jealousy coursing through him, unsure of how to make things right with you while feeling like this. He knows you wouldn’t cheat, knows you would never do anything to hurt him, but he still can’t help feeling insecure, all of his old worries and fears creeping back in.

Deciding he’d damaged enough punching bags, seven total counting the one he’d just launched across the room, Steve headed towards the community kitchen just as your group was getting back from the game. He stopped in the room as Thor and Loki rounded the corner with Sam and Clint, you and Doc having gone to change.

“Captain! Nice to see you again!” Thor bellowed, clapping the soldier on the back, his silver and black Spurs foam finger smacking Steve in the face. “This game, the balls of baskets, is so entertaining! Oh, Sam! May I please see the keeper of the images?” Thor bellowed, asking for Sam’s phone.

“Look at this, Captain. I was introduced to, what was it again?” Thor said as Sam walked over to show Steve the pictures from the game. “Ah, yes! That was it! I was able to learn about the Kiss Cam tonight!” Thor passed Sam’s phone over to Steve, a picture of the blond god kissing you on the cheek, the next picture of Loki kissing Doc on the cheek.

Sam, who saw Steve’s jaw tighten and fists clenched at his sides, grabbed his phone from the blond man, steering him away from the supersoldier who looked as if he wanted to snap the god in two. You had just come down the stairs, Doc behind you, to grab some food when Steve stalked over to you,

“Exactly what the fuck happened tonight?!” Steve yelled, slamming the fridge door shut in front of you, causing you to jump back in surprise.

“Well, hello to you too,” you said, ducking under his arm to put some space between the two of you. Steve’s anger was palpable, and although you knew he would never do anything to hurt you, you still didn’t like what was happening.

“I’ll ask again, what the fuck happened at the game tonight?” Steve yelled, his voice getting louder, his face turning red as his anger grew. He let you step away from him, keeping his fists clenched at his sides.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” you yelled back, your own anger starting to spike. You had no idea what was happening, where any of this was coming from. Sam and Clint peeked around the corner, to try and diffuse the situation but you nodded your head no, letting them know not to get involved.

“You let other guys kiss you now?” Steve continued, venom dripping from every word. “We have a fight, and now other guys are allowed to kiss you?” he continued, his face red, veins on the side of his neck visible. “Are you really that desperate for attention, pulling Doc into your stupid problems?”

You felt the blood rushing to your ears, not sure if you were hearing this correctly.“What did you just say to me, and what exactly are you trying to accuse me of?” you screamed back, sick of having to deal with his fucking attitude and issues.

“If I may-” Loki interrupted, trying to calm the situation.

“NO!” you and Steve both yelled at the other god, who held his hands up in defeat and moved to stand behind Doc. Bucky walked in just then, moving to stand beside Doc, with Sam and Clint behind him, the latter two having gone to get Bucky in hopes of calming Steve.

“You’re going to stand there and lie to me? I saw the fucking pictures!” Steve pointed over to Sam, who stepped back, not quite understanding what was going on. “I saw that blond asshole kissing you while the other asshole kissed Doc!”

Bucky stepped over to Steve, his face a mix of rage and confusion as he looked at Doc who looked just as confused as you. Doc moved over to stand beside you, hoping to calm you down. Doc looked over at Steve and Bucky, her anger and embarrassment of this scene growing with each second.

“Go on! Show us the pictures! It’s not like it’s exactly a secret considering it was literally broadcast all over! Go ahead and show everybody what a whore you are!” The minute he'd said it, he knew he’d crossed a line which he may not be able to come back from, but at this moment, he didn’t really care.

Your face fell, tears starting to fall. Never once had Steve spoken like this to you knowing you would never cheat on him. You grabbed your phone and pulled up the pictures from the game, the same ones Sam had taken. “Here, why don’t you take a look through these since you seem to know everything that happened. Go on.” You pushed your phone into his face, making him take a step back, his head turning from you as he retreated to stand by Bucky. “Don’t stop now, look at the fucking pictures!” you responded, your voice growing louder. “No? You called me a whore, but now you don’t want to see the pictures?’

You walked over to Steve and Bucky, your phone in front of you, the pictures on the screen. “See, here’s the Kiss Cam, there’s me and Thor, a kiss on the fucking cheek; Loki and Doc, another kiss on the fucking cheek-is she a whore too? Or is that just reserved for me? Oh! Look at that, Sam and Clint, on the fucking Kiss Cam, a kiss on the fucking cheek.”

You threw your phone at Steve, hitting him in the face as you continued. “It was Thor and Loki’s first time at a game, they were having a good time! I didn’t know that a friendly kiss on the cheek in the middle of a packed arena made me a whore!”

Steve looked at the pictures, realizing just how badly he’d fucked up. The other pictures were of a group of friends enjoying themselves at a game where there was obviously nothing romantic going on.

Bucky stepped forward, reaching for Doc who moved back, shaking her head. “Don’t fucking touch me,” Doc spat, her anger at the entire situation growing. “You really think we’d do something like this? Do you really not trust me, trust her at all?”

“I’m so sorry-” Steve started, taking a step towards you.

“Don’t you dare touch me, you fucking prick,” you whispered as you moved towards the elevator. “You called me a whore, a fucking whore, and you can go fuck yourself.”

You turned, walking away, Doc right behind you as the others cleared a path. “Don’t bother coming home tonight,” Doc threw over her shoulder to Bucky. “You can go sleep at Steve’s place since you seem to trust him and think so little of me.”

“FUCK!” Steve yelled, launching your phone against the nearest wall. He turned around, all eyes on him, Bucky moving out from behind him. He looked at Steve, an unreadable expression on his face. Steve dropped his hands onto the counter, leaning against it to hold himself up.

“You better fucking fix this, Steve,” Bucky said as he turned to walk out of the room, Sam and Clint leaving close behind. Steve couldn’t look up, couldn’t meet their eyes, shame flooding him all over. He turned to walk out, Loki standing in his way.

“I know she loves you, and I do not understand why,” Loki said, his voice low and lethal. “I also know that you have just shattered any trust she had for you. She can absolutely handle herself and however once she has finished, it will be our turn, if you do not correct this issue and your behavior.”

Steve dropped his head again, knowing full well he deserved everything he had coming to him, and more. Thor walked past, clasping a hand on the back of his neck, squeezing tightly, and whispered about never ending pain before turning around to follow his brother to the elevator, leaving Steve to his demons.

————————————————————

The dull throb in your head finally made you roll over and pry your eyes open. You weren’t sure when you actually fell asleep, and without your phone, you weren’t really sure of the time. You thought you’d heard footsteps outside of your door a little while ago, and possibly a knock, however you couldn’t be bothered to drag yourself out of bed.

As you laid there, the tears once again started to fall, the night rushing back, sobs and hiccups the only sound in your room. When your sobs finally started to slow and your tears had stopped, you dragged yourself out of bed and into a hot shower.

Once you had dressed, donning your favorite leggings and oversized hoodie, you pulled your hair back, took a deep breath, and opened the door, not sure what to expect after everything that had happened. As you took a step out and turned to close the door, you kicked a box that you hadn’t seen in front of you.

You bent down, picking up the box that held the latest model of your missing phone, in your favorite color with a note on top. You opened it up, only two words written on the page in Steve’s familiar script: I’m Sorry.

You let out a deep breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding, your hands shaking. You weren’t really sure what he was sorry for, last night, the phone, all of it, but you weren’t ready to accept any apology. You would, however, take the phone as you actually did need it.

The next few days consisted of you dodging Steve whenever you saw him, hiding behind plants and people to keep him from spotting you. You also had help from your friends, Loki throwing illusions up when Steve would come too close, Doc hiding you in the med bay, Clint and Sam hiding you under furniture when Steve came around.

You’d managed to duck him for the most part, and when that was unavoidable, you refused to look at or talk to Steve. After meetings or training, you made sure to be the first out the door, counting on the others around to be your blockers.

You could see the sorrow in his eyes, and the worry etched into his face, but you couldn’t talk to him, not yet. You knew the moment you were alone with him, the minute you looked into his eyes, you wouldn’t be able to hang onto your anger, and to be honest, you weren’t sure if there was a future for the two of you anymore.

The avoidance came to an end when Fury requested a meeting with you regarding the upcoming mission, removing you from said mission. When you asked why you and not Steve, Fury said he’d based his decision on seniority. You left his office, heading directly to Steve’s room, fuming. You didn’t bother knocking, using your key to enter.

“Where the fuck are you, Asshat?” you yelled, slamming the door behind you. You made your way through the apartment, your anger building as you went, opening all the doors. You opened the bathroom door and walked in on Steve just getting out of the shower, completely nude.

“Uh, hey, hi! I’m glad-” he started before you slapped him across the cheek. “Ow, what the fuck?” he asked, his hand rubbing his cheek, an incredulous look on his face. You’d almost find this hilarious, Captain Asshat’s dick swinging freely with his hand resting on his cheek, if you weren’t so incensed at the moment.

“So, you insult me, you crush my phone, (thank you for the replacement, I love the color), then when I don’t accept your half assed apologies on sticky notes, you have Fury remove me from the mission?” you screamed, your blood pressure rising each second you looked at him. “Do you know how humiliating this is? You didn’t get your way, and now I have pay with my career, you fucking…fucking Asshat!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Steve yelled back, utterly confused as to why the hell you were angry. “I never talked to Fury, and I sure as fuck didn’t ask him to remove you from this mission! I would never do that!” Steve tried pushing past you to get to his towel, however you refused to let him walk away.

“Oh, you expect me to believe I was removed and you had nothing to do with it?” you continued, grabbing his towel and throwing it in the hall and away from Steve. It wasn’t lost on you how fucking delicious Steve looked, naked and flushed. Try as you might, you couldn’t ignore the tingle running down your body, your core growing wet.

“I didn’t have anything to do with this! I would never do anything like this. You should know me better than that,” he said, trying to ignore the scent of your arousal, and trying to hide his own.

You stared at Steve, tears forming as you took a shaky breath.”I thought I did, but you proved me wrong,” you whispered, wiping the tears away. “This was a mistake, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to put in for a transfer. This is the only thing I had, besides you, and now I have nothing.”

You turned to leave. Steve grabbing your arm, turning you to face him. He lifted your chin with his hand, forcing you to look at him as he wiped away your tears with the pad of his thumb. He saw the pain he had caused, and his already broken heart shattered further at the sight.

Before he knew what was happening, you leaned in, kissing him, emotions and hormones bypassing all reason. You kissed him deeply, your anger fueling your passion. Steve was home, he was familiar, and at this moment, familiar is what you wanted and needed.

Steve returned your kiss, his need just as deep as yours, his tongue on your lower lip, begging for entrance. You allowed him in, already drunk off his flavor. You hated how much you missed him, how your body missed him, feeling yourself growing even more wet with your need. You pulled back, panting, needing to catch your breath, and maybe even try to have a rational thought.

“Fuck it,” you said as you removed your clothes, letting them fall at your feet. You looked at Steve, panting and naked in front of you, his eyes clouded over with his own need.

“Are you sure?” Steve asked, waiting for your permission before he did anything, not wanting to hurt you even more than he already had, something he would never forgive himself for.

You grabbed his cock, stroking the precum already dripping over the tip, a moan rumbling from deep in Steve’s chest, his hand tightening in your hair.

“I’m sure, Steve. I need you now,” you responded, pulling him closer, still stroking his rock hard dick. He put his hands under your ass, lifting you up, placing your back against the wall with your legs wrapped around his waist.

He entered you in one deep thrust, his balls resting flush against your ass before he pulled out and started fucking you into you deeply. There was nothing sweet and loving right now, just a hard and passionate fuck.

Steve dropped his hand between the two of you, his fingers finding your bundle of nerves, rubbing hard as he grunted in your ear. You moaned as you came, your orgasm washing over you with no warning.

Steve felt you contract and spasm around his cock, his hips starting to stutter as he continued his assault on your clit, rocketing you to a second orgasm before the first had finished. You screamed, his name crossing your lips, over and over. He finally stilled, spilling his cum deep inside you as you came down from your highs together.

Steve leaned in, kissing your face on every surface of skin he could find, both of you needing to just feel the other. He rested his forehead against yours, as he told you how much he loved you, how sorry he was for what happened, how much he needed you.

You heard the honesty in his voice before you felt his tears falling, his breaths short as he sobbed. Your heart started healing in that moment, the open and raw honesty he had shared something he rarely did.

You cooed into his hair, his head resting in the crook of your neck as he slowly started to calm. He lifted his head and looked at you, your hands moving to his cheeks to wipe away his tears.

He whispered again how much he loved you and how sorry he was to have hurt you. “I know,” you replied, kissing him again. He slowly pulled out of you, carefully placing you on your feet, never once breaking the kiss.

You pulled away, feeling your mixed cum dripping down your legs as Steve left to grab you a towel, and also grabbed his clothes on his way back.

“I know you’re sorry,” you began, as you slowly got dressed, taking the extra moment of silence to try and make sense of your own thoughts. “I forgive you, Steve, but I’m scared of this happening again. You didn’t trust me enough to know I would never cheat on you. I love you so fucking much, and I would never throw away the life we’d built.”

Steve sighed deeply, swiping his hand across his face. “I know, and it absolutely wasn’t you I didn’t trust, it was your feelings for me.” Steve sighed deeply before continuing. “When I asked you to move in with me, you froze, just froze then walked away. And then Loki and Thor showed up, and all of a sudden I was back to being Little Sick Stevie. All of those insecurities came rushing back, and I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it.”

You pulled his chin up, forcing him to look you in the eyes. “Don’t you get it yet, Asshat? I would love Little Stevie just the same as I love this version of you. Because it’s you. You are the one I love, you are the one I choose, and you are the one who saved me.”

“You still choose me?” he questioned, so quietly, his voice missing all confidence that your heart broke for this man.

“I will always choose you.” Steve kissed you, soft and deep, every unspoken word tied into that moment. When he pulled away, you took a deep breath, then continued.

“I still need time. You go on this mission, and when you come back to me, let’s talk again, see where we go from here.”

Steve nodded, the doubt creeping back into his eyes as he turned to walk you to the door. “I’m not saying it’s over. I’m saying let’s take this time apart to heal ourselves. We have to do that before we can heal this relationship.”

“I understand,” Steve replied softly, bringing your hand to his lips, placing gentle kisses on your knuckles. “I will come find you as soon as we return, I promise.”

“I’ll let you get back to packing, I know your start time got pushed to today. Just…come back to me, Asshat. Promise me you’ll come back.” You stroked his cheek softly, trying to calm your own fears that appeared as you realized he was going without you, that you could not protect him.

“I will ALWAYS come back to you, always.” he replied as he wiped the tears you hadn’t even realized had started falling. He kissed you again, not wanting to let you go, but he has to.

“I love you.” he whispered. You whispered back “I love you,” before you turned and left his apartment, shutting the door softly behind you, sobs wracking your body as you made your way back to your own place, needing to be alone.

————————————————————

Steve had been gone for a few weeks, giving you time to realize just how much you missed him. You spent a lot of time with Doc, helping in the med bay, going out to dinner, hanging out with Wizard. You knew most missions were no communication, but it didn’t ease your fears. Doc and Bucky had made up before he had left, however all of his stuff was still in Wizard’s room, so you and Doc moved him back home.

You also had a lot of time to think about Steve, finally able to come to terms with the fact that you could not be without Asshat, YOUR Asshat. You knew that this was it for you, the minute he stepped off the Quinjet, you were going to tell him you wanted to move in with him. You wanted to keep your own space, hoping it would help to ease your fears, and you hoped Steve would be okay with the stipulation.

It was late, almost two in the morning, when you heard the knock at your door, loud and incessant. You looked at the clock wondering who the hell was waking you up this late. You stood up, throwing on your robe as you made your way to the door.

“I’m coming, Jesus fuck. Someone better be dead or dying,” you said as you opened the door, coming face to face with a panicked Sam. “What the hell is going on?” you asked, your heart feeling like it was going to explode, hoping that your worst fear had not just happened.

“Hey, it’s Steve. He’s hurt; it’s bad, really bad.” Sam responded. You felt your stomach drop, all sound ceasing as you felt your world stop. “We just got him into the Med Bay and Doc is taking care of him.”

“I’m going to change, and then I will meet you there, Sam.” You turned and headed towards your room, throwing on a pair of leggings and one of Steve’s hoodies. You took a deep breath, pushing your fear and worries aside, knowing that at this moment, Steve needed you more.

You walked towards the Med Bay, stopping right before the entrance to take a deep breath and steady your nerves. You had never seen Steve hurt before, but you knew you needed to be strong for him. You took one last breath then made your way through the automatic doors.

There he was, lying in the hospital bed, his face pale. You’d never seen him so still, and you didn’t realize that you’d started walking over to him until you reached his bedside. You heard Doc talking, not really sure if it was to you or around you, but the only thing you could see was Steve, grabbing his hand between yours as you begged him to be okay. You barely registered the tears falling down your face as Doc tried to move you away from his bedside so she could take care of Steve.

“Come on, you need to let Doc work,” Bucky said, removing your hands from Steve’s so he could shift you away from his bed. You fought against him, your panic rising to the surface. Bucky still held you tightly, whispering to you to keep you calm. He reassured you Steve was in the best hands, Doc would take care of him.

You finally allowed Bucky to pull you away, knowing your best friend would do everything she could to save Steve. You trusted her with your life, and now, you trusted her with the most important thing to you.

As you and Bucky sat in the common room, you tried to think of anything else, but you mind kept going back to Steve. Bucky tried to distract you the best he could, knowing how this was tearing you apart because of how it was killing him. He had faith Doc could save Steve, but he had never seen him hurt this badly before.

“How did this happen?” you asked, your voice small and frightened, afraid of the answer. You blamed yourself, you should have talked to him and made things right before he had left, made sure he knew how much you loved him and how you were ready to take the next step. If Steve died, you would never forgive yourself.

“We got separated during the raid on the Hydra base. They isolated Steve from the rest of us,” Bucky said. “We couldn’t find him, they had dragged him down a secret pathway we hadn’t seen during reconnaissance. We couldn’t find him, and by the time we got past everyone, he was unconscious. We looked, I looked, and couldn’t find him,” Bucky sobbed as he recounted the mission.

You hugged Bucky, pulling him close, whispering this wasn’t his fault, he had done everything he could, that this was no one’s fault but your own. He was distracted, he had to have been for Hydra to get the drop on him. And that distraction was you. You and Bucky cried, seeking comfort in the other, standing only when Doc entered the room.

“How is he?” you asked, immediately. She said that he was finally stable, but he had lost a lot of blood. Hydra had given him a drug that slowed his healing time, returning his body functions to preserum status. She had sent samples to Bruce and Tony, to see if they could identify what this drug was, and also states she didn’t know if it would be permanent.

“You can see him, but only one can stay with him for any extended amount of time,” Doc cautioned, solely for your benefit as she knew you wouldn’t leave his side. You and Bucky went to see Steve immediately, both needing to see with your own eyes that he was indeed still breathing.

The three of you turned and headed towards the med bay doors, Bucky and Doc in front of you. They opened the doors and walked in, Doc rubbing his back comfortingly and whispering softly to her soldier. She and Bucky had talked a little before he’d left, but were going to figure everything out when he returned, and you felt a small stab of jealousy watching them.

You stopped at the door, needing a minute to breathe before you saw Steve, your nerves on fire. You got lost in your fears: what if Steve died, or didn’t know who you were, what if he realized he’d made a mistake being with you, or that he never really loved you. You started to hyperventilate, every fear and insecurity you had steamrolling you all at once as you slid down the wall, reaching the floor, your head resting in your hands.

You felt Bucky beside you, not saying a word as he sat down, placing his arm around your shoulder. You started crying, your body overwhelmed with every emotion hitting you all at once. You allowed Bucky to pull you into his embrace, your tears running from your face onto his shirt. No words said nor shared, both of you knowing this was something that could never be described in any language.

As your sobs slowed and tears dried, you gave Bucky a hug, softly reassuring him that you were okay, took a deep and shaky breath as you stood up. With a soft smile at your friend, you made your way through the door and to Steve’s side. You had never seen him look so frail, always assuming he would never have to face anything life threatening due to the serum.

You sat at the chair placed next to his bed, so wrapped up in your thoughts you didn’t see nor hear Doc and Bucky leave. Grabbing his hand, you noticed all of the IV lines running medication and fluid through his veins, helping to keep him stable.

You dropped your head onto his hand, silently making promises with him if he would just wake up. You wouldn’t nag him, you wouldn’t call him Asshat again, (although him putting you through this made him the biggest Asshat to date), you would put your clothes away instead of leaving them in the dryer, you would not yell and threaten him when he would wake you up in the morning, all of this if he would just come back to you.

You don’t know when you fell asleep, only waking up when Doc came in to check on Steve and adjust his orders and dosages of medications and fluids. Bucky came in with a cup of coffee, ordering you to go shower while he sat with Steve until you returned.

You didn’t want to leave at all, but you also couldn’t stand how you smelled, ripe being nice at this point. The shower almost made you feel human again as you dressed and headed back to the lab. Bucky and Doc knew it would be pointless to argue with you, so they helped in little ways.

This was the routine for the next few days, along with multiple blood draws to determine exactly what Hydra had done and to track Steve’s body functions as time progressed. On day five of this nightmare, Doc ran into the med bay with a smile on her face while yelling your name excitedly. You were changing the water in the vase next to Steve’s bed, filled with flowers the team had sent yesterday.

“Bruce and Tony need you in the lab! They have good news!” Doc yelled as she ran over to you, hugging you and almost causing you to drop the flowers. You yelped in surprise, Doc almost knocking you over.

“Slow down, Doc. what are you talking about?” you asked, as you gently pushed her back and set the flowers down. You turned to Steve, noticing he wasn’t as pale today as you pushed a stray piece of hair off his forehead.

“Bruce and Tony have been studying Steve’s blood over the last few days, and this morning they noticed a change with his most recent sample. The toxin or whatever they used-” You turned and ran out of the med bay, making your way to the lab before Doc could finish, your friend gumbling a you’re welcome as she went back to focusing on Steve.

“Tony! Banner! Doc said you have some good news!” you yelled as you ran into the lab at full speed. You stopped as you waited for them to answer, your face hopeful and yet scared all at once. You listened as the men explained their findings. You asked for them to break it down to human terms in which you were told the drug was only temporary, and all findings as of this morning showed Steve’s blood to no longer carry any of the toxin with all serum characteristics once again in place.

You ran back to the Med Bay, your heart hopeful for the first time in days. As you reached the doors, you stopped again to catch your breath. Once steadied, you walked into the room, your heart clenching in disappointment when you didn’t find Steve conscious. You dropped in the chair next to the bed, grabbing Steve’s hand again, unable to keep your tears away.

“What’s the matter, Brat?” you heard Steve ask, squeezing your hand. Your head shot up, locking eyes with the most beautiful set of blues you’d ever seen and loved.

“Steve? Are you really back?” you asked, fearful of this being a dream or hallucination. Your heart racing, you kissed your Asshat, long and deep, feeling his chuckle rumble

deep in his chest.

“Easy, Brat, I’m injured,” he teased, his smile lighting his face, pure adoration in his eyes. “If I’d have known all I had to do was get injured to get you to stop calling me Asshat, I would have done this months ago.”

“You heard that?” you replied, a flush creeping up your neck to the tips of your ears. “I mean, I will now only reserve that name for special occasions.” You laughed, a watery sob escaping.

“Shh, it’s alright. I’m not going anywhere. You cannot get rid of me that easily. When I said I love you, that I was in this for the long haul, I meant every word.” Steve ran his thumb soothingly along your cheekbone, wiping away your tears.

Steve moved over, motioning you to join him in the bed. You made sure you wouldn’t get in the way of any IVs, however all had been disconnected due to his healing power returning. You laid your head on his bicep, your face close to his as he dropped soft kisses all over.

Steve gently placed his hand under your chin, raising your face to his. He kissed you softly and slowly, almost as if he was afraid of breaking you. You deepened the kiss, allowing him access to your mouth, his tongue playing against yours. You felt the kiss turn passionate, a need to touch and be touched coming over you both.

You pulled away, needing to make sure Steve was really okay, that this wouldn’t harm him in any way at all. He nodded, knowing what you were afraid of, showing you he was healed and ready for this.

You slowly smiled, moving Steve to his back as you removed his hospital gown, straddling him. You slowly kissed down his neck, over his chest, stopping to play with his nipples along the way. You felt his cock grow hard beneath you, causing a new wave of wetness to soak your panties as you continued to make your way down.

You placed gentle kisses all over his abdomen, licking then biting as you continued moving further down. You made your way down one thigh, biting and kissing down then up the inner thigh, skipping over his rock hard length to tease the other side, biting and kissing down then back up the inner thigh again.

“Please,” you heard Steve say, no louder than a strangled whisper. You stopped your movement, looking up at your soldier.

“Please, what? Did you want something?” you asked, as you rested your hands on his thighs, your head quirked to the side. You loved making him work for his pleasure, loved how strong and in control he allowed you to be. You lightly ran your fingers over his hard length, just a ghost of touch. You watched him shiver, his cock twitching.

“Please suck my dick, need you so much,” he whimpered, his hands moving to wind themselves into your hair. You felt his fingers tighten, allowing him to guide your head down to his cock. You looked him in the eye as you licked a long stripe up the underside of his dick before taking just the tip into your mouth, your tongue swirling around the spongy head, tasting the beads of precum.

You pulled back, licking your lips before you allowed Steve to push you down again, this time allowing his cock to deeper, working to get past your gag reflex. You relaxed your throat, hollowing out your cheeks and breathing through your nose, letting Steve slide deeper down. You allowed Steve to control the pace, his hands holding your head still as you let him fuck your face. You felt your core grow even more wet, loving how Steve needed you. You looked up at him, tears and drool streaming down your face as he continued his assault on your throat.

“Gonna cum, ‘m gonna cum,” he said through gritted teeth, his voice strained and hoarse with need. You continued looking up at him, letting him know you were ready. With one last grunt, you felt his cum hit your mouth as you swallowed every last drop he pumped down your throat. Steve held your head still as he twitched a few times before he allowed you to pull your head back, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

“I have missed your mouth,” he said as he pulled you up, kissing you, tasting himself. You melted into his kiss, his hand moving between you, rubbing your cunt over your clothes. You softly whimpered into his mouth, your wetness starting to leak through and onto his fingers. “You’re so wet, did you miss me?”

You nodded as you started to move your clothed center over his hand, needing all of the friction you could get. You whined as Steve pulled his hand away, flipping you onto your back. He removed your shirt and pants, attacking your breasts immediately. You moaned and whined, his attention on your nipples sending shockwaves straight to your cunt.

You lifted your hips, allowing Steve to remove your leggings and panties, giving him complete access to you. He wasted no time, latching onto your bundle of nerves as he started to finger fuck you. You writhed and moaned, approaching your orgasm faster than ever before.

Steve didn’t slow down at all, working you through your first orgasm, directly into the second. After you came for the third time, you pushed Steve’s mouth away from your over sensitive clit, drifting back to reality. You pulled Steve up, kissing him deeply as you felt him line his cock up with your entrance, slowly pushing inch by agonizing inch in, until he was fully seated in you.

“Please move, Steve,” you begged, trying to move your hips to gain any movement or friction. You felt Steve pull out slowly, slamming back into you, repeating this over and over again as he slowly and deeply fucked you.

“Hey just coming to see-WHOA!” you heard Tony yell as he got a front row seat to Steve’s bare ass. “Can you please try and keep this to your floor?” he yelled, covering his eyes with his hands, turning to walk out, running into the wall just to the side of the door.

“Get the fuck out, Stark, unless you want to watch the finale!” you yelled, feeling your walls flutter as Steve continued to fuck you deep and slow. Your cries rose in volume the closer you got to your orgasm, your pussy starting to tighten over Steve’s cock mercilessly. You fell over the edge, covering Steve in your cum as you felt him release into you. You both held tightly to each other, coming down from your highs together.

“I will move in with you, but I really need to keep my place, just for when I need some space. Can you accept that?” you asked quietly, waiting for Steve to answer, your anxiety growing as Steve didn’t say anything. Your heart slowly started to break so you started to move, trying to get Steve off of you.

He stopped you, a hand softly landing on your cheek, forcing you to look at him. “I can do that, but are you sure this is what you want? I don’t want you to feel you have to. I will love you and be with you any way that I can, even if you aren’t ready for the next step.” Steve kissed you so tenderly, so softly. You threw your hands around his neck, tears streaming down your face. You returned his kiss, assuring him this was what you wanted.

“Come on, let’s go christen OUR house, pretty girl,” Steve said, wrapping his hospital gown around his waist to hide his ass and dick. You wrapped your legs around him, letting him carry you towards the door.

“Hey! I see someone is feeling better,” you heard Doc say, as Steve carried you out. “You’re also paying to have this room cleaned from top to bottom!” Doc yelled, laughter following you both out as you headed back to your place, finally back where you were meant to be.

Part One: Captain Asshat Lives Here

[inawickedlittletown]

Friday again (well Saturday now) and that means a new Bridgewater episode (S2ep 6/chapter 16). I was actually home this morning and could have listened, but I rather prefer getting to it at the end of Friday. Gives me something to look forward to all day. And what a good episode! 

-

Spoilers:

Peyton Blake! She is so interesting and bringing so much lore with her. 

I absolutely love all the Fae Court stuff and the way that we’re getting the information. 

The Liminal! I’m glad we finally have a name for where Thomas was. 

Two souls. One that is new. I really love that we’re getting an explanation for just what is happening and why it’s important to honor the deal and how all that works. 

Thomas immediately worrying about how nothing will change for Alden. 

Peyton just straight up expecting Thomas to want to go back in because he’s the best option. Uh...anyone is an option...if you’re so worried about it Peyton what about someone from the gathering volunteering? She even says that on their end “willing” isn’t even important...but also the contrast between Celeste trying to make it right by bringing Thomas back and Peyton wanting to send him back in to make it right. 

Thomas’ trust in Peyton worries me...while Anne not saying much and then putting her foot down on what they’re gonna do. I love Anne. But also poor Jeremy because he’s really going through it. 

Not sure what to believe from her end...or what they should trust but thus far I at least trust Peyton more than The Legend Tripper.

I find it so strange how quick Jeremy is to trust The Legend Tripper...which doesn’t change that he sounds so flustered on the phone. Oh Jeremy. 

Okay but Olivia and Thomas! I love their interactions so much. It’s like she says she was not someone he was expecting or that he had any history with...so of course they can get along differently. 

“New Grandpa” 

My heart breaks for Shelley, though. I’m glad she believes Thomas is who he says he is, but it is just so different for her than Jeremy and Anne. I’m so glad they’ve gotten to talk more and that she can be honest and tell him how she feels. The situation as a whole is so difficult and there’s just so much trauma all around. 

Thomas saying he became a better father because of Alden and how much that taught him...how he says he feels “untethered”...hmmm.

“I have your nose” Aww Shelley. 

Thomas admiting that he doesn’t know how to talk to Jeremy and just the disconnect for him with that...but Olivia pointing out that Jeremy didn’t have a full life...it’s so interesting to then go into Jeremy calling an old friend...a clear show that actually he has had other people around him...it’s just that didn’t make that a priority and that maybe that falls back on his childhood trauma and the loss of his father. 

Sofie is so wonderful though! I loved how warm and friendly she was and how she just clearly does know Jeremy well enough to not only know his stance on the paranormal, but also just the way that she realizes there’s something up the more worked up Jeremy is...and how by the end she just sounds worried. 

Fairy Contract Law! Oh, Jeremy...there is no getting out of a contract with the fae court. No matter how hard you try. 

In contrast to Sofie, I still find The Legend Tripper super suspicious. Is she a fairy? That’s my best guess so far, but I just wonder what she might want with Jeremy specifically...but also why we (including Jeremy) don’t know her name. I’m expecting her name to be really revealing. And I also just have to laugh at Jeremy because he hasn’t asked for her name...but has her phone number. Oh, Jeremy. 

Thomas what are you doing? Meeting up with Peyton on his own...I really truly think that his concern for Alden and the not quite fitting in forty years later is making him think it would be better to just go back to the liminial, not to mention how that would solve all the problems with creatures/the fae crossing over.

Cannot express how much I love this podcast. Every episode just gets better and better. 

[othsource]

Did you feel like Peyton liking Lucas came out of nowhere? I always wanted it to be Jake and Peyton

hiiiiii :) i'm gonna go on a rant, if that's okay xD

this rant is about lucas, peyton, brooke, and jake! but short answer? no i feel like it made sense. i love peyton with jake! don't get me wrong. but peyton never really got her chance with lucas for the first 3 seasons. it makes sense that those feelings didn't go away completely.

i think they were masked with anger after the shit lucas pulled toward the end of s1 and then they slowly came back to the surface as lucas continued to show up for peyton throughout s2 and s3. examples: lucas calling jake because he knew that peyton needed someone to lean on; lucas being there for peyton through the entire ellie situation; lucas going back in to the school when he found out peyton was shot.

i think all of that (and more that i'm not thinking of atm) reminded peyton why she liked lucas so much in s1 but she couldn't admit it to herself because brooke was with lucas and she wasn't going to do that to brooke again

and to be perfectly honest, i like lucas with brooke and i like lucas with peyton. i ship both of them. either of them. i'm cool with whatever!

but after re-watching s3 as a grown adult, i realized that lucas was a really realllllyy crappy boyfriend toward brooke. watching her break down at the wedding like that hit different this time.

"why didn't you tell me about the kiss? and why didn't you call me while you were away? and why won't you ever just let me all the way in?"

why didn't he tell her? if it wasn't a big deal, and if it didn't mean anything romantic to him, then why not tell her? if he cares about her so much, why didn't he call her while he was away? why didn't he lean on the person that he supposedly loves so much when he's going through something so terrible? this whole season was just lucas keeping brooke close by without ever truly letting her in - especially after keith died. it was all just fun and light-hearted surface-level romance and brooke wanted something so much more than that, which is why she ultimately broke it off. she needed someone that was going to go 100% in with her, and lucas wasn't doing that.

lucas drove me wild during this part of the show, as well. brooke was clearlllllllly very upset about something at the wedding prep when lucas came up and she asked him not to talk to peyton. and then she realized she shouldn't make it about herself, so she made up some bullshit about why she's upset. but in reality, if he knows her so well, and he loves her so much, wouldn't he see right through that? no. instead, he just chuckled, shook his head, and said "pff... weddings." like REALLY bro?!?! and then when she listed off reasons why it's not working, after begging him to let her all the way in, all he had to do was admit his fault and tell her he really wanted to make a change. but instead, he just said "brooke... i'm sorry." and she looked at him like, "yeah.... okay... that's real heart-felt. thanks. cool. me too." and the look on her face broke my heart because i could see what she really felt behind her actions! she wanted him to fight for her! just like in the beginning of s3. but once again, he fell short.

it feels like he always fell short when it came to brooke and that is lucas' biggest character flaw because she is brooke penelope davis!

but the leyton stan in me chooses to believe that all of these flaws are simply because lucas never truly truly loved brooke the way he loved peyton. that's why once peyton and lucas got started in s4, they never really ended. s5 is all about them finding their way back to each other (because lucas is an idiot who put her through hell but i lowkey loved s5 because so much emotion) and s6 is all about their journey to get married and start a family.

soooooooooooo i guess what i'm saying is, peyton loved lucas from the very beginning. she just needed to be reminded of that, and that's what lucas did without knowing it in s2 and s3. so it makes sense that an emotionally mature person like jake would see that even if lucas and peyton haven't seen it themselves yet.

[catt-nuevenor]

"I know you're all still chomping at the bit for more Ana and Abe content."

It's true A simps are parched, as an A simp myself, I can attest to that. But all the sneak peeks you have shared, have been nothing but intriguing and interesting so I don't care that much to be honest. And please never feel pressure to post sneak peeks for specific fandoms. I'm sure I'm speaking on behalf of all the fandom when I say that you should take your time and we're all willing to wait for as long as we have to 😊

That has to be one of my favourite internet clips, the range of facial expressions alone is an animators dream.

It's going to hopefully be getting more into Abe and Ana's true content soon.

All of this talk about Zeph and Marrin/Marryn/Marren are part and parcel of Abe and Ana being the most, shall we say 'intrigued' by the Main Character's past? At least to the point where they are willing to ask lots of questions directly about it.

Peyton, Peidyn, Louis and Leila are all more focused on the now. And Keldan and Kelda are happy being their little exceptional selves in the corner, for now.

But no worries, the pace is what it is, so long as there's forward progress I'm happy, and hopefully you folks are as well. Every word typed is a word closer to submission and completion.

[zalrb]

Skins Rewatch - Chris

Is this when Chris has an erection for like 24 hours? Which is priapism and would HURT? Just ask Jason. Or is that series 2?

Him trying to go to piss with a boner is SO gross, lmao

And do we ever get into why his mother abandoned him? Is it because of the condition he didn't have until series 2 and ruined my life with?

15 hours, my bad.

Sid is ridiculous. I can't believe it takes him so long to just look at Cassie as a romantic prospect. I mean, I can, he's a 16 year old boy. But seriously. You deserve that vomit in your lap.

LOL Chris talking to this child about rolling paper is FUNNY, what's his face in Euphoria was just supposed to be shocking.

Angie showing up to her teenage student's party is ridiculous, YOU'RE A GROWN WOMAN, ANGIE.

Angie, you know Chris, you know your students, WHAT made you think it would be THIS kind of party

9. And Chris is just so sincere and vulnerable and honest but also very Chris at the same time.

I love it. Angie should also be in prison.

10. A sweet moment being ruined by the boner taped to his stomach is just ... SO skins.

11. Like Tony is emotionally abusive, objectively I get that, and obviously that's shitty, I just never feel sorry for Michelle.

12. They're also way too comfortable fucking in each other's beds, lmao.

13. "Your eyes are supposed to fucking blur too!" then WHY are you WITH HIM? He doesn't even make you come! Like???

14. I think that's something teen shows in general don't do well enough where there's this horrible relationship and one person always stays when it's clearly horrible but they don't show the reason why they would stay, they don't show the highs of the relationship. Like I forget which episode it is where Michelle is dancing with Sid and it looks like it's finally going to happen and Tony gave Sid his blessing but at the last minute he changes his mind and cuts in between Sid and Michelle and Michelle just melds into Tony and all is forgiven. WHY? Because even though Tony is supposed to be hot, he doesn't actually seem to be popular in their own school, he's popular in the posh all girls college but, like, that's it?? And it was the same thing with Nathan and Peyton, I was like WHY are you two together in the first place, there was one episode when they were hanging out when he was with Haley where I was like ok I can sort of see why you two would've been together beforehand but I needed to see more of that IN relationship so Peyton just doesn't seem like a doormat. NUANCE.

15. CHRIS AND JAL

my heart.

16. Sid and Cassie

are this

17. And again when Chris realizes that his mother really is gone and Tony verbalizes that and Chris switches the conversation to about how his boner has gone down it's noticeably poignant

because the rest of the episode has been absurd

18. And again friendship, they're not afraid to touch, they're close together and they're just watching bullshit on TV while Anwar goes on about fucking older women.

19. Also Chris' mom abandoned him and only left him 1,000 pounds?

20. And I like that the dynamics can be switched up and it makes sense for what they're doing like Sid and Chris being together while Chris is trying to schlep around his damaged electronics to sell makes sense because Sid is that friend who would do the schleping for you.

21. And of course a dog would piss on Sid's leg because he's Sid and of course Chris would be irresponsible and choose getting 20 quid in pills and not cash because he's Chris and also because he's trying to disassociate and you know what, I DON'T NEED A VOICEOVER TO TELL ME THIS.

22. The devolution of his house is also very Jesse Pinkman BrBa although this actually came first.

23. I think I missed the fact that he tries to wipe off the "Fuck Your Mum" graffiti on his wall, which again SUPER poignant without it bashing our heads in it.

24. Seeing a bit of Chris' balls when he drags out the dude sleeping in his shower is just some realism I didn't need.

25. I like how no one on the street thinks it's weird that Chris is completely naked.

26. SHE GAVE HIM A BLANKET? Every school has extra gym clothes, come ON angie.

27. "What are you going to do?" Angie, you need to call someone.

28. And again the friends all act the way their characters they would. Michelle and Cassie get him clothes

of course Tony tries to help by being a COMPLETE. ASSHOLE. But he's ACTUALLY trying to be a friend he's just a sociopath

and of course Jal would be indignant

and be the one who goes with Chris to actually see his dad

because that's who they are.

29. Ah, his mother has mental health issues? "Take another turn".

30.

i LOVE how there's groundwork for them even before they were a them.

31. And then he DROPS the baby. I remember the first time I saw that..

32. And him being vulnerable with Jal in a way he can't with others, I like it because it does lend into how they get together in series 2 but it's also because Jal is that friend you can be vulnerable with

33. And Tony knowing which tops show Jal's nipples is just SO Tony

34. So is him seeing Sid stare at Michelle's boobs and then telling him he better not be jerking off, and it's also very teen boy friendship

35. Remember that time Cassie tried to commit suicide because Sid wouldn't go on a date with her.

36. These two are going to rip out my heart in series 2

37. Chris drinking from the fish cup is always gross.

[pkmnomegaverse]

AAA ok im curious since you posted that travel group pic. mirroring their other siblings, what is peyton and cereus' relationship like?

Me answering this half a year after you sent this ask but so it goes!

So admittedly the specifics of their relationships is still a work in progress, since Cereus was a later addition to this verse after I had made Micah/Jackie/Dylan Peyton’s main interaction partners. And Cereus as a whole needs some work. But what I’m leaning towards is unlike Aidan and Liliana who grow closer as time progresses due to traveling together (and Deni and Braxton who are still close cause they’re both like 10), Peyton and Cereus start out closer and then grow further apart with age. Although as Peyton grows apart with everyone as time progresses, this just follows the general theme of Peyton as “the distant hero.” Driven by the pursuit of his goals to the detriment of his personal relationship. It’s always seemed like a given to me that May and Brendan would make an effort to try and get their kids to be friends. Arranging playdates together, encouraging them to travel together when applicable, etc. So while Cereus is a bit younger than Peyton, they’re close enough in age where Brendan and May for sure would have pushed them to be friends. And while they’re children, they’re very much friends! Both are pretty outgoing and friendly overall, so they do get along well as a result. If asked, they would both say that the other was their best friend growing up, since while they both for sure had other friends, they were each other’s most consistent friend. Bff they saw the most. But there’s just enough of an age gap between them that Peyton starts his journey before Cereus. And once Cereus is able to start his own journey two years later, the seeds are set for Peyton to ultimately leave Hoenn.

Initially though, once Cereus is out traveling, he does get sort of roped into the Jackie/Micah/Dylan trio at times since Micah ends up taking him under his wing as a fellow coordinator. Giving him advice, showing him the ropes. Of course given Cereus’s parents, Cereus doesn’t necessarily need a ton of pointers per se, but he is trying to make it as a coordinator without relying on his parents (because let’s be real, Harley can and would pull strings and Cereus doesn’t want that). So if Cereus has questions, he goes to Micah (or sometimes Drew if he caves and asks one of his parents) since he feels Micah will be more unbiased and honest with him. And as a byproduct he sees and interacts with Peyton some as well.

As for once Peyton leaves Hoenn to travel the world on his “hero journey,” I don’t see Cereus taking Peyton’s absence as personally as some of the others do. They still sometimes talk but it’s one of those situations where as time passes, they talk less and less. Check up on what the other is doing through whatever social media each uses, but interaction past that decreases with time. However, they do always still have that base of “he was my best friend when I was a kid” to fall back on, so while they never stop being friends, they’re less close to each other once they’re both adults. Both have followed their own path and respect that about each other, even if their different paths mean they rarely see each other. When they do happen to see each other though, it’s pretty easy for them to reconnect. In some ways it’s like picking back up on where they left their friendship. So very much old friends. Perhaps if I ever figure out what Peyton does epilogue wise, I’ll have more of an opinion on how things progress past that, but for now that’s my general vibe on what their relationship is like.

[enzombie]

I just finished season 4 and im. Im ruined. Ive already watched the show like 6 times btw but FUCK. GOD DAMN

Blaine being truly honest for the first time in as long as we've known him by telling angus he made the sign from god, only to get a reality check when his dad isnt as selfish and cowardly as he is, except thats such a mindfuck because his dad is a horrible awful child abusive son of a bitch, and it must have been so confusing to watch the church devour fraud bater under angus's orders. How eagerly angus watches blaines reaction, how he so hopes that makes up for everything, its sickening. Especially at the end of their arc where if i got it correctly, enzo sold them out? Told FMG they'd be coming and led them to a trap? And we saw angus and his flock get shot down. I cant help but feel bad for blaine

Peyton refusing to let FMG get away with moving up the time of the execution, marching into that studio and taking iver the broadcast, being the REASON people SHOWED UP at the warehouse and being right there with johnny fucking frost of all people, and ravi right by her side.

Major leaping over the crowd of soldiers to tackle chase, raging out completely and rightfully after all the shit he had to do for what he believed to be the right cause, only for the leader of that cause to spit in his face by trying to execute the love of his life. Because despite everything they still love eachother still and major is so goddamn pissed hes not gonna let another person murder his kids and get away ith it (even tho we saw so little of captain seattle i do not rememebr his actual name. Or jordans half the time)

Liv's stone cold expression at pulling the level and crushing chase's skull, and being so right about it too. Still tho, it wasnt enough to bring levon back, just like every time she tries to do the thing she thinks is right, someone she loves dies for it. When she tries to shoot blaine on sniper brain but cant, lowell tries to and gets killed. When she saves the chaos killer victims and clive from dying to a zombie, that zombie just had to be drake. When she tries to help human-zombie relations (misguidedly) and save lives by being renegade, she gets a front row seat to levons head being crushed. Her pain is so real idec chase is done with. It wasnt a good ending for her and i can feel that so clearly, even with that hopeful ending scene

My friend and I talked abour how selfish Liv can be when we started watching together (her first time), but how selfish can someone be when they give up the cure for their ailment twice for other peoples happiness?

And Chase. God. That entire decline during the latter half of the season was brutal. When thwy announced renegades execution and the video came out, he was done it was over, there was truly no coming back from this. He was so out of it at the point of the supporters breaking in that his voice cracks when he shouts at major to stop and when he says dont shoot and hes scrambling wildly for some form of control, in this case a gun that he places his head right on the gillutine. I think its a mercy that he died so painlessly.

At least Dale and Clive got a happy ending to the season though, getting married and getting the cure. Clive calling liv partner when they were saying goodbye in chase's office, it was just so bittersweet

Hope its okay that this is so long i just wanted to dump my thoughts onto someone ^^ this show is phenomenal i cant recover from this tonight.

DAMN. THATS A LOT OF WORDS. DAMN.

I uh idk how to respond to most of this cus there's so much but I'll try my best (also why this took so long to reply sorry)

Blaine is a mixed feelings character, he's a fan favourite and he's always enjoyable to watch. Angus on the other hand idk a single soul who likes that bitch. Say what you will about Blaine, but Angus was EVIL. Shout out to Enzo for killing him off fr. We are grateful. All my homies hate Angus.

Also Enzo didn't exactly sell them out, he more completely set them up - he went directly to Blaine and Angus to make sure they went the exact route, made sure he was there for all the final plans, he collaborated directly with the US military to get rid of Angus and his pals. Like it wasn't a split second betrayal it was a planned execution, he knew full well Angus would take the bait and was probably hoping Blaine would too. I'm not sure if it was even an official FG operation because as far as we know, Chase didn't hear anything back from Enzo about the church. He didn't tell the press his name, he was the only FG personnel there - I'm sus that he just took it upon himself to deal with them. King behaviour.

And yeah Peyton was girlboss at the end of season 4 but it's like. When her bestie in danger she got all this proactive shit but when she's acting mayor the energies like half that. Makes me mad.

As for major. Little sympathy. Oh did your child soldiers get killed? Maybe child soldiers are a bad idea? Maybe you wouldn't be upset if you didn't have children as soldiers in the first place? Maybe giving untrained children weapons is guaranteed to go badly and end with them injured or killed? Do you think? Like. Honestly. And the way he was with Levon. Major was weird in season 4 idk. And I disagree with them killing Chase. There's so many worse people in the show that she can't bring herself to kill but Chase she executes without hesitation. He wasn't even that bad. I don't think its very fair for him either. Like he was trying his best to keep Seattle under control, and renegade was actively making everything worse. And if you think he was doing a bad job what came after in season 5? With Major: terrorism and hatecrimes peaked and he did nothing, he made Seattle completely reliant on Blaine who (bless him) is not trustworthy and not a good person and is obviously going to be a controversy. With Enzo: the second he took over, Majors mistakes blow up and Seattle dealing with civil war. Not to mention Enzo isn't great at de-escalation, at any point - not even just when he's in charge, since his introduction he walks in and makes situations worse on purpose (can't help being a girlboss)

As for your question about Liv being selfish - it's shortsightedness. She'll do selfless things that make her feel good but she won't consider the consequences. Stuff like giving up the cure is fine, not really any consequences, she gets to help her friends. The renegade stuff, she gets to scratch sick people and feel good about it - but the whole of Seattle gets closer and closer to dying horribly every time she does. It's like only caring about what's directly in front of her. Irritates me a little tbh. Especially when she's one of the only zombies not experiencing the food shortage so it's just this whole privilege thing while thousands of people are at risk.

Clive and Bozzio are so precious I love them so much they deserve everything. That's all.

Anyway, hope you and your friend enjoy season 5✌️

[lingeringscars]

@ttrgrl / layla sc

she knows all of them: brooke, peyton, haley. she hasn’t talked to them much since high school ended, for various reasons. layla has been working to build her empire, and frankly, they weren’t that close. layla had her own friend group that she gave herself over, but it feels nice to recognize a friendly face. it almost helps with the question haley is asking; working with friends, close friends, roommates... it had almost destroyed her friendship with patience, even if she still believes that she was the best fit for her. maybe if circumstances had been different for both of them, things would have been better. 

“i’ve heard mia’s stuff. she’s good.” this was her element; a business transaction. she’s heard haley’s sound too, and if she’s honest...which she is. deadly, when it comes to her label. “your sound matches. you’d be a good addition to peyton’s label, so why are you coming to me.” haley went on tour when they were still in high school, too, no less. she’s building new artists, and if haley wants things to go a certain way, she could hinder the production. this was her time, her money, going in to build them. haley had to prove that she was worth the investment, not the other way around. 

[terrifyingstories]

lucas scott but it’s pride month and i’m putting my gay hands on everything so let’s talk about pansexual lucas because it just makes sense 

begins to question his sexuality in high school, but doesn’t come out until he’s an adult, though it becomes apparent to him that gender doesn’t have much to do with who he’s attracted to much earlier 

experiences a lot of sexuality-related confusion earlier in his life, but isn’t really forced to confront it until he’s joined the ravens and becomes closer with jake jagielski, who he develops deep romantic feelings toward (unfortunately probably not admitted until much later in his life) 

struggles with a lot of internalized homophobia and compulsory heterosexuality that takes a lot of time to work through. becoming friends with anna helps him a lot and gives him a lot of clarity and peace with himself even though he isn’t ready to go deeper at this time in his life

when he’s younger, he purposely leaves out some magazines featuring men for karen to find as almost a kind of secret call for help, hoping that she will see them and help him work through a lot of the confusion and fear he’s struggling with. 

unfortunately this backfires as she reacts poorly, not out of plain homophobia but out of fear for her son; she’s immensely fearful of the struggles lucas faces already as the son powerful, influential white businessman dan scott abandoned and as a biracial man and is terrified that if lucas isn’t straight he will face yet even more harm. it comes from a place of love and her own trauma rather than malice but unfortunately causes lucas to withdraw and shove down his feelings as he can’t bear worrying his mother or experiencing further shame or hate from his biological father. after she’s calmed down and tries to reenter the conversation with better control over her emotions, lucas says he was just curious and that they don’t need to talk about it. karen doesn’t want to feel relieved, but she is, and lucas can see that within her, which of course only makes it all so much harder. it causes a fracture in their relationship that doesn’t fully heal until adulthood and reinforces a cycle of lucas burying his feelings to protect karen’s. it doesn’t come from evilness or a lack of love for lucas, but causes some deep wounds regardless. 

his confusion and fear leads to a lot of overcompensation with women; he gets a little lost with all of the new attention he’s getting as a raven and makes a lot of mistakes trying to figure it all out. it’s easy to throw himself into his attraction to women to try and forget about all the other feelings he’s struggling with and he messes up a lot because of it. he so badly wants those feelings to go away and shoves them down the best he can, clinging to his new position in society and what that means. that isn’t to say his feelings for and attractions to brooke and peyton aren’t entirely genuine, just that he isn’t being honest with himself and it manifests in a lot of clumsiness and messiness in his romantic life. 

keith hears about their fight upon karen finding the magazines and wants to address it but doesn’t know how and doesn’t know that it’s his place, but gives lucas a comforting shoulder squeeze and reminds him that they both love him, which doesn’t make it go away, but does help significantly. lucas doesn’t ever have the chance to come out to him, but keith tries to support him in all the little ways that he can, and had he still been around when lucas was ready to have that conversation, keith is the person he would have gone to first. he deeply wishes he’d had the chance. 

the first person he comes out to in actuality is haley. it’s a very easy, normal conversation for the best friends, one that isn’t A Talk so much as them discussing his past feelings for jake and feelings in general and what that means. it’s casual and warm and supportive and everything he needs. as an adult, he’s much more comfortable in his sexuality, though private about it, at least at first. eventually he’ll become more open about it and use his own experiences to help others, which in turn brings him a great deal of healing and inner peace. there comes a day where he’s comfortable discussing all of his identities and it’s beautiful. 

[tmblrgirlie1]

Season 8 Episode 3

Is it just me or are you also glad the Peyton/Luke drama is no longer hovering over the show?

1. One thing I've noticed that is a pattern with this show is that they include black characters as health characters for the white main characters. #HodgeBros. Edwin Hodge ate his roll down though, as he does with every role I've seen him play. And I'm sure it's nice to have One Tree Hill on your resume. But throughout this whole series, it's like they're allergic to giving black people a back story, character development, and/or a vital role besides help in this show.

2. Once again, I feel like the show dropped the ball in terms of really creating a holistic viewer experience. They talk about things like gun violence and texting while driving and at the end of the show, they could provide resources on more info on the dangers of texting and driving and information on becoming an organ donor.

3. Honestly they could even add sources for coping with infertility and adoption options, if you REALLY wanna get into it.

4. I love that Jamie was kind of challenging the adults when they were pushing him away or keeping him away from this instead of being honest with him. I feel like Jamie is different from a lot of kids his age because he's gone through a lot of trauma so early on in life, not to say that he can take it but he's at a point where it would be helpful for him to be included in the process. I also love that scene where his mom told people to pick him up but he had the capacity to question it and stand on idky frfr and question them ( even though it was no ill intent) 😂 Period Jamie!

[bisluthq]

Hey, you might not remember this, but a few months ago, I sent in an ask about me and my best friend from high school and I growing apart since heading to college. I decided to send in another ask because how the situation has progressed is really weighing on me but it's not really something that I can get into with other people because...

1) it's not really their business

2) they know her and I would never want to say something that might create issues for her

3) I can talk to my mum about it😭

ANYWAY, I don't remember exactly what I had said to you in my last ask, but the brief run-down is

1) we met year 7. Became proper friends end of year 8. Became best friends year 9. Maintained that through year 10 (with some slight exceptions).

2) year 11 rolls around. Things are weird. I get upset. We talk about it over text. She basically tells me to get more out there. Fuckall changes. She texts me like a week or two later saying she "needs space" because she's gone through something traumatic and can't be a good friend to me right now. We stop hanging out but keep in minimal contact.

And I think that's where things had been at last time I sent through. Since then, we've broken contact completely. It was my doing. I was watching One Tree fucking Hill and they had an episode where Peyton and Brooke were growing distant and I felt a little targeted. I unadded her as a friend on snapchat, and removed her on instagram (those were our only forms of communication besides yk.. actually talking lmao).

Like an hour or two later she sent me this LONG message over instagram apologising. She said A LOT of stuff, but the gist of it was

She hadn’t been completely honest about why she "needed space" and that it did in fact have something to do with me (no shit)

That she had sabotaged things because she fears people will disappoint her otherwise (she specifically specified that she didn't think I would)

That she hadn't acknowledged these things until starting therapy (which is a WIN because the shit that girl has gone through...)

That I was an INCREDIBLE person, and a GREAT friend, and that she didn't expect me to forgive her for "stabbing me in the back after I'd been there for her so many times"

Then she ended the conversation by saying if i ever felt comfortable talking to her again that I could tell her shit that I couldn't say to other people

Since then we haven't spoken. The only class we have together is Maths (which was already the Worst but is now... the WORST), but I still see her a bit around school. The particularly upsetting way in which I see her is when I'm walking to my bus stop and she walks past without a second glance (which i can't exactly be pissed about. I actively try to avoid so much as making eye contact with her as much as possible). Or when I'm driving home and I see her alone, or with the other girls in that old friend group.

I have other friends that I really enjoy the company of, and I would LOVE to move past the whole thing, but I can't. I keep getting really sad/mad about it. It's really hard not to be. She was the closest friend I've ever had, and as much as this whole thing has distorted what used to be my perception of the situation, I know that was mutual (at least at some point).

We told each other shit we'd never told anyone else. We bonded over our eerily similar life-experiences. When something bad happened, I was the first person she called. When I started crying in the middle of lunch she was the person who comforted me. WE HAD THE SAME FUCKING BIRTHDAY (something she consistently forgot about, which would be a much bigger red flag if she didn't have the memory of a fucking gold fish).

Going from being That close to a person to not speaking to them is really hard, even if I can recognise it's for the best. I've always struggled with maintaining friendships, especially close ones (a mutual experience we discussed MANY times over the phone), so this is sort of a new experience for me. My mum compared it to a breakup of sorts which is... definitely accurate (I might’ve been the tiniest bit into her. She's hot and vaguely queer. Can you blame me?)

I'm not necessarily submitting this in the hopes of advise, since I'm fully aware there's basically fuckall I can do about it besides

A) talking to her (NO)

B) moving on

I just kind of needed to vent. But hey, if you DO have any advice, I would more than appreciate it.

(Also sorry for the long ask xx)

found it! Okay, listen to me: friend breakups suck absolute balls. They hurt more tbh than romantic breakups because when you're going through a romantic breakup, everyone is so lovely about it lol. My partner and I are taking a Break at the moment (which I have previously sworn never ever to do and just do clean breaks but that's what's going on lol because he wrecks my plans all the fucking time lmfao and I guess that's part of the problem) and like all my friends are super super nice about it and have let me come and cry and get all upset and shit lmao. But when you're going through a friend breakup, absolutely no one seems to understand - even though we've all been through one or two - and you can't talk to anyone because then you're just badmouthing that person and also you always have mutuals and it's all just... messy and horrible and shitty.

I do think in your case, you've got to just keep moving on and making new friends. Over time, it'll get easier. I know with my ex friends like... it really hurt at the time and it was hard and I tried to hold onto a couple dead friendships and resuscitate them a few times - make coffee plans or reach out and send them things I think would interest them or whatever - but like now I... actually still have both those girls on Insta and I don't feel sad about it anymore and I have no desire to talk to them, even though we all live in the same town. I am glad they're doing well seemingly and that's all I really think about them. But it took me a long time to get there.

It really, really sucks. I'm sorry I don't have any better advice for you. You've just gotta keep on moving on dude and making new friends and keeping busy. Start a new hobby, seek out new people, just... focus on you and like getting into a better space.

There's a chance you'll reconnect idk but I wouldn't count on it because as I say all my ex friends are very much just people that I used to know, including one who was like a sister/wife to me but it just wound up... not working out.