#honestly dan should have listened to sean

[slaytthaphan]

dan, defending himself for arresting and holding the gang at gunpoint: they threatened my parents, you all would have done the same in my situation

sean, who was yelled at for being aggressive to dan and telling him to unalive because he killed his father:

[lutawolf]

Soft D/s Element of Not Me Episode 9

If you don't know what soft D/s element or tendencies are, then you haven't read my other posts. You can find them on my master list here. If you're interested in more D/s content then check out my general master list here, there is also a short bio there telling you, my qualifications.

There are several types of subs and Doms for that matter. Which I give somewhat of a description here. The important thing to understand is that while a person might be a natural submissive and use to listening and responding to commands. They do draw a line at who they will take commands from.

Honestly the whole love scene was very much negotiations, consent, and guidelines. This is what we do in a D/s relationship. Not only was it emotional but it detailed perfectly that negotiations and consent can be sensual as well.

Establish consent: "Are you scared of me" "No, I'm not" Establishing consent AND consent of power exchange: "What are we doing?" "Hmm, what should I do to you?" "That's up to you." Then establishing guidelines: "Don't be afraid. Once I do something, tell me if you like it or not.

Also take note that White establishes Sean's guidelines as well. Guidelines go both ways. A submissive has to ask to figure out what is acceptable and unacceptable to their Dom.

I often get asked what's the difference between body worship and sensuality. What White is doing is considered body worship. It looks like he is taking control from Sean but no, he is actually body worshipping. He is taking over to give maximum pleasure to Sean first.

Next scene has White and Sean sitting on an edge of the building. They both check on each other, asking each other if they are okay. Though Sean carries the power, there is not an imbalance in love and care. Though you will often see a sub caring for and putting their Dom first. A sub to their Dom is more valuable than anything.

I love how if you watch Dan and Yok scenes, you can really see the dynamic difference between the couples. Dan "What are you doing at the police station? You should go." Nope. Yok not going anywhere till he gets his date. These two hold an equal power balance.

The next scene has White waking up before Sean. Immediately going to touch him because as we've seen in previously, White finds comfort in touch. Now he feels comfortable to touch as much as he wants. Sean wakes up and though he is questioning why Black was awake so early, he reaffirms that Black can touch him all he wants. While telling Black that they have the day off and are going for a walk. White has questions but he isn't arguing.

As they are taking the walk; Sean is attentive, supportive, and protective. Helps Black through the window, over the gate, and basically helping him wherever he might need assistance. You've not seen Sean like this with his friends or even Namo because this sort of treatment is reserved for Black.

Sean takes Black to his spot. Where he comes when he is reborn. He knows that Black is struggling with something and not ready to communicate. He's trying to give him the tools to face his fears. He wants him to leap and land on a tire in the middle of the water. "If you're not brave enough, you'll never achieve it." He pushes and commands Black. "You do it, jump and land on your feet." White is still hesitant, rather than use a full command, Sean gives an incentive of a bet. Which White does respond to though hesitantly. Sean goads but it isn't like previously, this time it's gentler and intended as soft pushes.

White overextends the jump, but Sean is prepared and catches him. This was to show Black that he can face his fears and Sean will always be there to support him. Sean calls him on the fall, and they have enjoyable bratty banter. However, when White commands "ask your favor. Do it now or I'll change my mind." Sean quickly proves who the actual Dom is. Once Sean shuts him down, White just smiles back at him.

Once again we see the vastly different dynamic of Dan and Yok. Who easily balance commanding each other and giving over power wherever necessary. We have Dan pushing Yoks head down. Yok listening to Dan. Then Yok telling Dan to give him a ride. Very back and forth.

The next scene is Sean bringing a drink to Black, he even opens the can. White doesn't show the proper respect. Sean does a gentle correction by withholding the drink. When Sean does get the correct response, he quickly relents. However, he does enact some pay back by spraying the drink on Black. To which White tells Sean to "watch your back" "Look who you are speaking with here." "Who here should watch his back?" To which White has no comment. I think some people thought Sean was referencing being the top but considering the equity of the show. I really doubt it. It's referencing him being the Dominant in the relationship. Sean then hands over the other drink and puts Black's helmet on him.

Sean notices the car following them and lets Black know. He then tells him to not look back but to increase his speed. White instantly obeys. What I love though is that when White says, "Sean, make a turn up ahead. It's a one-way road." Sean immediately listens. My husband is my submissive but there are things he is more knowledgeable about, and I would be stupid to not listen. A good Dominant knows when to lead and when to listen.

When they arrive at the garage, Sean is in protective mode. Dominants are naturally very protective but add in Sean's abandonment issues and it's worse. White handles this perfectly. He listens to Sean until he knows they are safe, then he immediately starts to soothe.

When White gets a phone call from his mom, he decides to meet her. You can tell Sean would rather him not leave but Black is still his own person. Remember there are different types of subs and only a small percentage gives over all control. This is one of those times when Sean recognizes that he is going to have to step back and let Black do his own thing.

Let's talk about Black and White. Black is very much a Dominant. He's no brat tamer either. He is a classic Dominant with very little bend. White with Black doesn't brat or play, he just obeys. White is not even like with his father. He was able to defy him on something that matters to him. Not so with Black. Black has him completely conflicted.

Well, that's it for this episode. Sorry it took so long; I had a lot of issues finding the gifs I wanted. Hope you enjoy.

[they-callme-ami]

Aerin this, Poppy That, Noah and Dan this and that---you know who PB missed out on by NOT making them LIs? Analysis, Part 2 (still wlw, I'm giving y'all what you WANT....hopefully)

Alright, Michelle walked so Poppy could also strut. Listen--two blonde Asian (Asian-European for Poppy) women who look similar, have black football ex-boyfriends AND have bitchy-ish attitudes? Michelle was Poppy's blueprint. But unlike Poppy, Michelle became a Bad Bitch on her OWN. A little recap for y'all, she was raised by a single mother who instilled into her to work hard for what she wanted, is at the TOP of her class, and (as said in her folder) will probably get into any medical school she chooses. Even after her so called friends made it seem like she was cheating on Sean and she was dumped, she picked herself back up again and kept going. If anything, her 'bitchy popular girl' personality is to protect herself and focus on her goals. And y'know what? She is an amazing friend too. In Graces ember of Hope she encourages her even when her mother puts her down, she is constantly helping the team when they are hurt---both physically and mentally--and will fight tooth and pedicured nail for her friends. Not to mention, she has great skin-care and makeup tips.

Now, since it has been confirmed that Yvonne and Serafine are the same person-- why the hell was there no cameo in distant shores? In Endless summer, Yvonne seems nothing more than the steryotype French person who is always romantic, sexual, etc. But, she is so much more. She helps raise the teams morale, in her own funky way, and could Jake a run for his money in BDE. When we reunite with her after her centuries of life, she is a telepathic vampire now known as Serafine whom also radiates BDE. One thing is for sure, her heart is full in both lifetimes. She traveled the seas (and time) to try and save her brother, and opened up a nightclub where vampires could be safe and free from The Order. I can't really say much about her, because there isn't much to say. But that's the most charming thing, she is shrowded in mystery and would have had potential to learn more about if ahe was an LI. The only thing constant about her is the joy she slreads to others, in a sarcastic snarky way.

AURORAILOVEYOUDAMMITPBSTOPMAKING BLACKWOMENLOOKBADCHALLENGE2020 YOUCOWARDS---

*ahem* Despite how PB has written her in a terrible light, Aurora is ironically a woman many black readers can identify with. She is framed as strong, independent and rude. But take a step back and ta-da! She's fucking relatable as hell! Most of her life, because she was succesful, people saw her as either a stuck-up snob, a ticket to get to the top, or competition. Black women, ESPECIALLY in fields like this are always put down and underminded. Aurora is really just a girl who is afraid to let people use her again, tries to please her aunt and honestly, seems to have anxiety and social issues. But she continues to push past it all, and even after quitting at Emery, continues to work in the medicine field to help others and cares deeply for her patients. It's a shane after what PB has pulled in the OH series with their POC (really just in every series--) because I identified so much with Aurora and seeing a black woman kicking ass in the medical field while trying her best to get along with her friends is absolutley ADORABLE. I really hope PB makes her an LI when they bring OH2 back, because Aurora is the kind of woman that needs more attention in tv, movies, books, etc. A black woman who is succesful, can be strong, but is still vulnerable and has weaknesses. But friends to back her up and help her.

"If you can breathe, you can stand. If you can stand, you can fight."

(Red IS Olivia's color and I will be typing with it. No arguments.)

You already know what the fuck I'm talkin about. 6 books PB. TRR series, TRR Christmas Special, TRH---you had SIX BOOKS to do the ultimate enemies to lovers slowburn in the history of whatever. We have seen Olivia go from an agressive, cunning, quick-witted, battle-ready, stubborn and headstrong bitch to--oh, lemme check my notes here--an agressive, cunning, quick-witted, battle-ready, stubborn and headstrong bitch(tm) who has not compromised her values, but has opened up. Olivia is the ORIGINAL 'should have been an LI'. This woman has gone from hating MC with a passion for even breathing near Liam, to protecting her and a child that isn't even Olivia's with her LIFE. Olivia not only has opened up more to MC about her past, her family trauma, etc. But is a noble who actually fits the title. She fights with honor to protect her people and those who she loves, inspires courage into her people and even after being rejected by Liam (though not malicious on his part) she never holds that against MC. Olivia trusts our MC with her own life as well, and in the last shitty chapter of TRH2 is the ONLY house that votes against the idea of stripping MC of her baby, because she KNOWS that MC is an amazing parent and knows what it's like to grow up without loving family--if anything, in these books Olivia has proven how much she loves our MC more than anything.

[starrynite7114]

two sides of reality: one

A/N: My lovely readers, how are you all?! Some states are reopening, please stay safe and practice social distancing! I come to you now with a new story. Absolutely no worries, my other stories will not be abandoned. Also, the next drabble will be posted later tonight, just wanted to post this first. This is a bit different from my usual stories, I’m nervous, but I hope you all will enjoy it!

Thank you for continuing to like my writing, I truly do appreciate all the love you’ve given me and I hope you continue to like my stories!

Snapshots should also be updated by the end of the weekend!

If you would like to be added on the tag list for this story, any other stories or for all my works, please let me know!

Love you all!

tagged list: @justahopelessssromantic​ ; @iambabyharry​ ; @thegirlwhowritesfics​

Rhian was making her way towards the office her brother occupied. He had summoned her for some reason and it was the last thing she wanted to do. Her whole morning consisted of changing oil, car after car, it was tedious work. Tying up her burgundy colored hair that she recently got colored once again, she tightened her ponytail, hating how the heat just stuck to her skin. Her hair wasn’t too long, a little past her shoulders. Tugging at her baggy shirt, she regretted wearing such a baggy T-shirt on a day such as this, but she forgot to do laundry and it was one of the clean shirts she had. She dressed with baggy clothing for pure comfort. The joggers she was currently wearing made it flexible for her to work under the hood of a car and not worry about showing her ass crack. 

She should wear a jumpsuit, but again, it was too fucking hot. 

At times she wondered why she stayed in Santo Padre with her brother, Daniel instead of moving to Los Angeles with her sister, Erica. She would have more opportunities in Los Angeles, but she couldn’t leave her older brother. Besides that, Erica was much more controlling than Daniel and she really appreciated the freedom she had. Though, there were other factors on why she decided to stay in Santo Padre, but the main reason was the side gig she had with Daniel. 

“Dan, honestly, you know I can do more than change oil right?” Rhian immediately commented when she arrived in his office. She raised an eyebrow when her eyes landed on her brother’s best friend, Sergio. “I thought you were still in LA?”

“Just got back squirt, come join us for lunch.” Her eyes landed on Daniel’s desk which had various boxes of Chinese food. “You have her just changing oil again? This is why I can’t leave her with you.”

Sergio was her pseudo older brother that at times she preferred more than her own brother. He trusted her and Daniel, well, he did, but you were also his younger sister. Overprotective tendencies was his niche. 

“Look, there was nothing that interesting and she needs to do scut work every once in a while.” Daniel made a plate for Rhian, handing it over to her. “Are you going up to LA this weekend?”

Rhian looked over at Sergio before shaking her head. “Not LA, I have something to do in Seattle, I’ll be gone for a few days.”

“Seattle? You got some secret boyfriend there?” Daniel wasn’t exactly sure why his younger sister traveled to Seattle often, but he figured whatever it was, she would let him know in due time, even though it’s been three years. His sister has always been secretive and he’s never forced her to disclose information unless she truly wanted to. It’s not that they weren’t close, they were, he just let his sister come out of her own shell.

It’s always been this way. 

Erica and Daniel were outgoing. They had plenty of friends, loved going out to enjoy the town and loved being the center of attention. Rhian was not the same way. She wasn’t a loner, she had her fair share of friends, but high school was a breeze for Rhian. She never made too much noise and kept to her group of friends, especially after sophomore year. 

Boys could be cruel, especially teenagers. 

“A secret boyfriend,” Rhian scoffed. “I wish, but you know, Clouie moved there a few years back, I just like visiting her.” That wasn’t a lie, one of her closest friends did live in Seattle. She visited Clouie every once in a while, but the reality of her situation was much more complicated than that. 

“No, I get it.” Daniel held his hands up. “I’m just saying it wouldn’t be so bad if you put yourself out there.”

“Right, with you two doing chastity patrol? No way.” She appreciated their protective ways, but it was hard to meet anyone in Santo Padre. Besides being a person non-grata due to her pesky older brothers, she also didn’t entertain guys. She didn’t exactly know when they were talking to talk or talking to hit on her. Regardless, she didn’t want to make any ties in Santo Padre. Once her deal was done, she was going to either Seattle or Los Angeles. She would get the fuck out of Santo Padre, a place that was never kind to her.

“Chastity patrol?” Sergio scoffed. “Cockblocks are so much better.”

Rhian just rolled her eyes and sat beside Sergio. “I can’t wait to get out of here.” She mumbled under her breath. 

“You know you’ll never leave,” Daniel never wanted to part with his sister. Their mother lives in Chino with their aunt and uncle, while Erica was in Los Angeles. She was the only one who decided to stay with him and he couldn’t let her go. Besides, she was better off in Santo Padre. They established their livelihood there, she wouldn’t want to leave. 

Sergio looked at Rhian and just gave her a knowing look. He wanted to get her out of Santo Padre. There was no future for Rhian in Santo Padre and the further away she was from here, the safer she was.

“What did you need to talk about?” Rhian asked once she was done with her food, throwing her plate in the trash can beside her brother’s desk. 

“I need a racer tonight, you up for it?”

And in some Fast and The Furious reality, Rhian, Sergio and Daniel were part of the racing world of the Inland Empire of California. Stephanie, Aaron and Sean were also part of their little crew who also worked at the garage. Daniel built a reputation, encompassing neighboring cities that had people coming to Santo Padre to just get their cars modified by him. It was thanks to his part in the racing community, which he now has retired from. It was mostly Rhian, Stephanie and Sean who partook in the racing, while the other three took care of the cars and set up their races. 

“Not tonight, I have an exam tomorrow morning.” Rhian was currently finishing up her Bachelor’s Degree, which took her some time, but a few personal issues kept her from finishing.

“Come on, you know you’re going to ace that exam, which you have been studying for since last week. Take a break,” Daniel was always such a terrible influence on her. While he encouraged her to study, if the opportunity presented itself, he also encouraged her to do other activities instead of studying. She knew it was due to his immense faith in her, but at times, she felt that it was that immense faith that kept her rooted in Santo Padre.

“Wow, you’re such a great influence.” Sergio shook his head, handing Rhian his plate so she could throw it. “Rhi, if you don’t want to go, it’s fine. I can have Sean race.” 

“No, it’s okay, I need the money.” And she did, she’s been saving up so that when she finally got out of here, she didn’t have to look back.

“What are you saving up for? You’ve won at least ten thousand dollars the last few months.” Daniel wished that she opened up to him more. The only plan he knew she had was that she wanted to become a doctor, but then again, that was her dream when she was younger. He wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted to do now. Every time he asked her, she just avoided the question. “You still trying to be a doctor?”

“No, not anymore. Too much work,” Rhian sat back, looking up at the ceiling. “I’m majoring in graphic design, how do you not know this?”

“Cause you don’t talk to me Rhi.”

She glanced over at her brother and smirked. “I do, you just don’t listen. Sergio, when do I graduate?”

“In a few months.” 

Daniel was somewhat envious of Sergio and Rhian’s relationship. She seemed to run to him for everything. He began to question if he ignored his sister and it was the reason she ran to his best friend instead. But he always gave Rhian her time to speak to him. He didn’t want to force her, but he might have to actively try and get his sister to talk. Contrary to what she may believe, he did care about her and he wanted to know about her. 

“I knew that too.”

“Did you?” Rhian chuckled. “Look, I’m not trying to give you a hard time. You have a lot of things going on, the last thing you need to worry about is me.” In a few months time, her deal with the cartel would be over and Santo Padre could be a distant memory after that. 

“You know I love you, right?”

“I do.”

Daniel nodded his head. “I need you to give this to Uncle Taza, before he comes here trying to come for my head.” Daniel handed her an envelope. The MC had issued him a loan for the shop, he was almost done with the payments, which he was thankful for. They didn’t charge him interest, which definitely helped out some. 

Rhian laughed, shaking her head. “Using me as protection again.”

“You’re his favorite, he doesn’t give you grief whenever you go over there.” 

“I’m not his favorite, you’re just an asshole who doesn’t like criticism.” Rhian pointed out. Taza was their father’s younger brother. Ever since their father passed, Taza helped out their mother to take care of them. Rhian was quite close to Taza and she agreed, she was his favorite. And being his favorite, Taza frowned upon Rhian being part of this crew her brother had, but he knew that when Rhian put her mind to something, there was little to nothing that could stop her. 

“Look at her, trying to play off she ain’t the favorite,” Sergio teased, trying to ease the tension in the room.

“Whatever,” Rhian stood up, rolling her eyes at the two. “I just want to let you both know, you’re the bane of my existence.”

“We love you too!’ The two men said in unison. 

=========================

Rhian waved at Riz, thanking him for opening the gate for her. Parking behind the motorcycles, she turned off her car and opened the door. The Santo Padre heat immediately hit her, causing her to groan.

Riz laughed, giving her a hug once she was out of the car. “You know, it still surprises me that you’re not used to the heat.” Riz swatted her ponytail. “Nice hair, did you get new glasses too?”

“Maybe because no normal human being could actually get used to this.” Rhian quickly made her way to the shade the clubhouse porch provided. “Thanks Riz, and yes I did, I stupidly stepped on my previous ones and I could have just taped it together, but my brother insisted we get new glasses.”

“Can’t have you working on cars if you can’t see.” He teased her.

“I’m not that blind, douche,” Rhian stuck her tongue out towards him. “Is my uncle here?” 

“Yep, templo, just wait inside, the AC is on.” 

“This is why you’re my favorite!” 

“Lies, but I’ll take it,” Riz called out after her as she opened the door.

Rhian found Angel and Coco sitting at the table, with Gilly sitting by the bar talking to EZ. The four men looked over at her. Coco and Gilly immediately stood up to greet her, while Angel stayed rooted at his seat. She wasn’t sure why Angel was so awkward around her, but she didn’t question it. She knew it had something to do with what occurred in high school, but she’s moved on, she’s spoken to him a handful of times. 

“Rhi, what are you doing here?” Coco questioned as he pulled away from her.

“Money drop off,” she waved the envelope in her hand. “Daniel is just too chicken shit to come here cause my uncle always gives him grief.” Looking at EZ, she waved at him and then at Angel. The Reyes brothers were always so awkward with her and she wasn’t exactly sure why.

“Your brother is such a little shit,” Gilly laughed. “Heard through the grapevine there’s a race tonight, you racing?”

“Why? You guys are going to come?”

“You want us to?” Coco didn’t have anything planned and they already handled their Rebels business earlier in the day. 

“Where’s Creeper?”

“Across the border,” Angel answered. “He got injured.” 

Rhian nodded. “To answer your question,” she turned to Coco, “sure, but don’t come in your motorcycles, it makes people antsy.” 

“Fuck them, we don’t give a fuck,” Coco scoffed. “You’ve been racing often lately, something going on?”

“No,” she gave him an odd look. They didn’t have to know she was saving for her escape from Santo Padre. It wouldn’t really bode well with Coco and Gilly. They’ve become quite close and she knew the Mayans men had a hard time letting go of people who become constants in their life. They would eventually be happy for her, they’ll understand. “My brother asked me the same thing.”

Coco and Gilly were the two she was closest with at the MC. It surprised her since Angel was their third musketeer, hell, he was their leader in this little group, yet, she still didn’t become close to Angel. It wasn’t on purpose, but they seem to always just avoid one another. Angel kept to his corner, was civil towards her, but he always kept her at two arms length. 

Angel turned towards them, intrigued by their conversation. Rhian Ayala was an anomaly for him. She spoke to him every once in a while, but unlike other women, she just never gravitated towards him. Her sister, Angel used to have something there, but Rhian just avoided him. Or that’s what he liked to believe. After high school, she avoided him like the plague, but her sister always assured him that it wasn’t him. That Rhian was just like that and in some ways he agreed, but she also didn’t give EZ the time of day, which if he was honest, was a fucking breath of fresh air.

“Is there?” Gilly asked.

“No,” she shook her head. “I just like having money since you two are a pain to feed.”

Coco and Gilly laughed, nodding their heads. “That’s true, but you love us.”

“Well, it’s either you two or my brother and Sergio, the lesser of the pair of evils.” 

“Damn, why aren’t we invited?” EZ spoke up. He was surprised he did since he hasn’t really spoken to Rhian since Sophomore year of high school. 

Rhian chuckled. “You’re more than welcome to come Ezekiel.”

EZ slightly cringed. She was one of the few who called him by his full name and he felt it was to keep the distance between them. He used to be close to Rhian, they were best friends till sophomore year. Things just changed and he couldn’t stop it even if he wanted to do so. 

“Is the invite extended towards me as well?” Angel joined in.

The silence was much longer than any of them would have liked, but Rhian wasn’t exactly sure what to say.

“Of course, the more the merrier.” 

Before anyone else could say anything, the temple door opened with Taza, Hank, and Bishop walking out.

“Tio Taza!” She enthusiastically greeted him. 

“Conejo, what are you doing here?” Taza fondly called her the nickname he had bestowed on her when she was younger. He gave her a hug, wrapping an arm around her shoulder once he pulled away.

Rhian waved the envelope. “Just my brother’s monthly contribution.”

“Your brother has no time to bring it in?” Bishop always found it amusing that it was Rhian that dropped off the money Daniel owed them. He knew it was only due to Daniel not wanting an earful from his uncle. 

“My brother doesn’t want to hear Tio’s nagging.”

The Mayans laughed at her comment. She handed the envelope to Bishop. 

“Have you eaten?” Taza questioned. 

“Yes, you do know who my brother is right?” Rhian playfully elbowed Taza. “He’s like a human garbage disposal, there’s always food in the garage.”

“School good?”

“Yes tio, it’s good.” Rhian’s phone began to ring. She slipped it out of her pocket, checked the name, and slipped it back inside. “I’m gonna go, nice seeing you all during our monthly drop off.”

The members laughed once again. Rhian left the clubhouse then, with everyone going about their business.

“She’s racing tonight,” Coco informed Taza.

“You know the drill,” Taza sighed. “Make sure she’s safe.” He never tried to control Rhian. She was a big girl, she could make her own mistakes, it was part of life. But that didn’t mean he didn’t protect her. 

“Always.” Coco picked up his pack of cigarettes, making his way out of the clubhouse.

“Hey Coco,” Angel called after Coco who had walked out of the clubhouse.

“What’s up?”

“Let Gilly stay behind and I’ll come with.”

“You?” Coco chuckled, taking out a cigarette and lighting it up. “Why? You’ve never been interested in Rhian’s activities.”

“You won’t let me be interested.”

“I’m not the one that avoids her like the plague.”

“The fuck you mean?” Angel’s eyebrows furrowed at Coco’s suggestion. He didn’t avoid her, he just didn’t have anything to say to her. More like he didn’t know what to say to her. After high school, there was just this unseen wall between them and as much as Angel wanted to break them down, he didn’t know how. 

“Come on Angel, you know you do. Ever since I’ve known Rhian, you never really gave her the time of day.” Coco always found it odd that Rhian never spoke to the Reyes brothers, but he never pushed her. Rhian was very cordial towards them, but he never questioned why EZ and Angel just seemed to become awkward around her. The two men he knew that could charm a wall could not even look her in the eye. He wondered what occurred, but he never tried to ask Rhian. So he asked Taza and it all made sense. He thought it was childish that Angel and EZ avoided her, but it must be shame that truly did it for them.

“I can’t give her the time of day even if I wanted to, she won’t even talk to me.” 

“Have you tried? Answering her questions every once in a while isn’t really trying Angel, did you do something to her?” Coco always found it amusing when he observed Angel while Rhian was around. He could tell his friend was having a difficult time talking to her. He could just tell how perplexed Angel became, thinking of how to approach her. 

It was amusing to say the least.

“This might be my opportunity to open the gates.” Angel knew he did her wrong, and he’s been trying. Well, he believed he was, but every time he would make a joke, she would just crack a smile and nod her head. Nothing else. He was a funny guy, there was no way his jokes were not working on her. She was suppressing it and he wished she wouldn’t. He refused to believe that she didn’t find his jokes amusing. 

“Are you interested in her? You know Sergio and Daniel would never let you near her.”

Angel smirked. “They can go fuck themselves, they’re the least of my concerns.” He wasn’t the biggest fan of Sergio. Daniel, he could handle, but Sergio, he just rubbed him the wrong way, always did, even while he was dating Erica.

“So you are interested in her?”

“No, I’m not. She’s just frustrating. Every time I try to speak to her, she just keeps it very short and professional.” Angel took a cigarette out as well, sitting on the porch stairs. “It’s been years since high school and it’s like she still hasn’t forgiven me for what happened.”

“What did you do?” He was wondering if Angel would admit to him why they stopped talking, but he doubted it.

“Just some childish shit.”

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem, Rhian wouldn’t hold it against you. She’s far too mature for that shit.” 

“What time is that race tonight?”

“Eleven, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go.”

Angel scoffed. “When has that ever stopped me?”

[yourmandevine]

Some stuff that made me happy in 2020, in no particular order

God send you no greater loss. It’s something my grandmother said a lot — a bit of highly Irish Catholic wisdom intended to remind you, warmly but sharply, that whatever you’re currently suffering through isn’t all that bad compared to what lots of other people are dealing with. That it probably isn’t too much to complain about, in the grand scheme of things. That you should, instead, be grateful for what you’ve got, big and small and everything in between.

God sent a great many people a great many unfathomable losses this year, and as hard as it felt at times, our family wasn’t among them; we’re lucky, in the big picture. In the past, people have recommended I try writing those reasons down, to give myself a list of stuff to be thankful for, for the times it’s tough to summon up the gratitude. I figured the end of the year was as good a time as any to make that list, to highlight the stuff that helped me get through this year — the reasons big, small, and in between.

So: here goes.

Peanut butter and jelly

I haven’t counted how many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I’ve eaten since March 11, which is good, because that would be an absurd thing to do, and a sure sign that I have succumbed to a very specific kind of madness. It’s also good, though, because I would undoubtedly be ashamed by the number; the figure would be titanic, like the unsinkable ship of same name, or the iceberg that sunk it.

Or, at least, I would be ashamed under normal circumstances. This fuckin’ year required whatever flotation device you could find, and you know what I found in the fridge and cupboard? A couple of slices of bread, some strawberry jam, and some goddamn Skippy.

Need a weird mid-morning “brunch” after not having breakfast because you went right from waking up to remote school with the 6-year-old? Crank up a PB&J with that third cup of coffee. Need to pack something in the diaper bag to feed everyone while you’re out at the playground for the afternoon? Stack ‘em up, son. Need a late snack after working the overnight shift filing weird bubble playoff columns? Three letters, one ampersand, one love.

I need to eat better in 2021. But I kind of needed to eat sort of like shit to get through 2020, and time and again, when your man needed it most, PB&J was there.

Sunday night Zoom sessions with college friends

I know that most of us started something like this back in March; I’m not sure how many have stuck with it. I hope the answer is “a lot,” because honestly, knowing that I’m going to end the week by seeing a few friends — some here in Brooklyn but mostly beyond our reach for safety’s sake, some who’ve moved away — has felt like a stabilizing agent on more than a few occasions. It’s important, and no small blessing, to have people in your life who really know you, weird messy ugly bits and all, and in front of whom you can let everything go.

That gallery view’s provided a place to vent, to seethe, to laugh, to cry, and to try to find some semblance of center before heading back into another week. I’m grateful for it, and for the people in those little boxes. Except for the time they reminded me that, when I was 18, I was pretty sure I was a Pacey, and they were all extremely confident I was a Dawson. They were right, but still: a bitter pill to swallow, then and now.

Olivia calling herself “Dr. Bloody”

She took out her little toy doctor kit and just turned into a cackling villain.

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Deeply disconcerting, yes, but also adorable.

All Fantasy Everything

What got me in the door was the conceit: three very funny stand-up comedians (Ian Karmel, David Gborie, Sean Jordan), often with a very funny guest but sometimes without, pick some topic or another and engage in a fantasy draft of their favorite aspects or representations of that topic. (It is, crucially, a serpentine draft. Now what is that? That’s a great question.) Some favorite examples: Mikes; Words That You Think Make You Sound Smart, vols. 1 and 2; Things You Yell After You Dunk on Someone; Fictional Athletes; Crimes We’d Like to Commit. Yeah. It’s that kind of podcast.

What kept me around was the friendship. Listen to an episode and it becomes really clear really quickly just how much the three hosts love each other, how much fun they have being around each other and making one another laugh. The warmth radiates, just pours out of the speakers; in a year where I sorely needed some good vibes, I appreciated my regular check-ins with the Good Vibes Gang to just ... unclench for an hour and a half or so. 

Drinking beer

OK, I’ll admit: This doesn’t sound great for me. It’s true, though. I really like beer. (We brewed one in our kitchen, which I realize is something of a “bearded guy in Brooklyn” cliche, but here we are. It was exciting to complete a project, and it tasted OK-ish.) At some points this year, it didn’t feel like there wasn’t much to look forward to, and sometimes drinking some High Lifes or Narragansett tall boys — with my wife in our living room, with friends on the computer, whatever — helped take the edge off a shitty day/week/month/year. I look forward to being able to do that outside with people again.

The Good Place

I am sure some very smart cultural critics and political thinkers and social revolutionaries have forwarded compelling arguments for why this show is Bad, Actually, because that seems to be more or less true about most things, whether because said thing is Actually Bad or because the economics of the attention economy on the internet functionally necessitate the composition and publication of pretty much every position on pretty much every issue, and especially ones that present a counterargument for why you shouldn’t like the thing you like, and might be kind of a piece of shit for liking it. But I liked this half-hour comedy about the way the universe might be put together, why we should try to take better care of each other, and how doing so might be a pretty great way to take better care of ourselves.

Andrew let me write about it a little bit for a big project we did before the series finale aired, which was really nice of him. I found myself thinking about this part a lot this year:

I also thought a lot about Peeps Chili, but that happens every year.

Taking pictures of my dog

Check out this flumpy goddamn champion:

“Lugar is a good boy” is the main takeaway here. They don’t all have to be complicated.

Schitt’s Creek

I know we’re not alone in this, but we inhaled this show this year. A half-hour comedy about people being laid low, learning how to deal with who they actually are, and finding some grace and community and opportunities for growth kind of hit the spot, I guess.

One of the most wholesale enjoyable ensemble comedy casts I can remember; Catherine O’Hara was already in Cooperstown, but what she made with Moira Rose only polishes her plaque. I’ll never be able to describe with any specificity the thing Chris Elliott does, but I know it has made me laugh since I was a child too young to understand the Letterman bits or see Cabin Boy in the theater, and it’s probably going to make me laugh until I am dead.

I love that people who, for years, never got to see themselves or people like them on screen got to see David Rose on screen and maybe recognize themselves a little bit. The idea that seeing the David/Patrick relationship might make them maybe feel a little more at home, a little safer and more whole, makes me happy. Sad, about the before, but happy, about the now and the what comes next.

Past that, I just love how what was ostensibly a family-and-friends production for a Canadian channel just got absolutely everything right—the tone, the look, the sound, the theme song, the cast, the jokes, my goodness, the jokes—and before long, the rest of the world just got it. Like catching a fastball square on the barrel. Something the show clearly knew a little bit about.

Finding new outdoor places it was safe to go

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the need to give the kids a place to be that wasn’t unnecessarily dangerous but also wasn’t inside our two-bedroom apartment led us to do more exploring than we had before. Shirley Chisholm State Park is great. Canarsie Pier was a fun place to spend a Sunday morning; so’s Canarsie Playground. If we got there early enough or made our peace with some rain, the beaches at Jacob Riis Park and Fort Tilden were pretty rad this summer. I lived in Staten Island from ages 8 through 18, and during breaks throughout college, and don’t think I ever hiked in High Rock Park — that’s dumb, because it was nice!

Even if all those little excursions did was kill a little time and reduce the overall stress level of the four humans stuck in our four walls, that’s not nothing. Some days this year, it was everything.

Cobra Kai

I know I’m late here; I didn’t rush to seek it out because I don’t consider myself a huge fan of The Karate Kid, or at least not a big enough fan to sign up for YouTube’s premium service. I checked it out when it came to Netflix, though, and I honestly can’t believe how much I enjoyed this show. Give me “dumb, but with heart” every day of the week.

I believe in Miguel Diaz; I believe in Johnny Lawrence; I believe I will be firing up Season 3 next month, and perhaps drinking some Coors Banquets in its honor. (I cannot, however, believe how the “get him a body bag” thing came back around, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Closing unread tabs

I’m a serial hoarder of links, and I am bad at finishing all of them. I’ve tried to get into Pocket and Instapaper, but I’ve never been able to turn that sort of workflow — open link, save to third-party service, go back to third-party service later to read, then delete from there — into something that felt instinctual, natural, or habitual. So: lots of tabs. Like, lots of tabs.

This was a dicier proposition than usual in 2020, because cutting my work week in half to be able to more effectively coparent two kids who didn’t have school or day care for most of the year meant less time to read things.

I tried to do my best to keep up with the important stuff for work, and to read at least some stuff about how other parents were dealing with their anxiety/anger/depression/frustration at having to be on 24/7 and work, and to stay abreast of (at least some of) what was happening in the world. Sometimes, though, I would wake up and realize I’d been holding onto blog posts about Really Interesting Rotation Decisions on the 11th-Seeded Team in the East or whatever for literally nine months, and I would go against my nature and just hit the eject button on a 25-deep window, and something amazing would happen: I wouldn’t get fired for being shitty at my job. I would move on with my day, and I would feel about 10 pounds lighter.

I still keep too much stuff open. (As we speak, I’ve got three different Chrome windows open on two different laptops. I choose not to count the total tabs.) But I do so knowing that, if it gets too heavy, I can experience the momentary joy of surrendering to the inevitability that I can’t catch everything. In that moment, I feel OK with my decay.

Reading writers I wasn’t familiar with before

Two in particular stand out in my mind: Nekias Duncan, now of BasketballNews.com, who does excellent film breakdowns and statistical analysis, and Katie Heindl, who writes basketball stuff of all types all over the place, and strings sentences together in a way that scratches an itch inside my brain. I’m grateful I got more chances to read them this year, I look forward to bigger and better things for both of them, and I’m hopeful that, if things calm down and our schedules go back to something approximating normalcy, I’ll have more bandwidth to hunt out more new voices in the year ahead.

The time I ambushed my wife as she was trying to break down and put away the girls’ space tent

Pretty good.

Siobhan learning to ride a bicycle (with training wheels, but still)

The moment passed pretty quickly; Not Exactly A Mechanic over here can’t get the training wheels to reliably work right without either loosening them too much or tightening them so much that she can’t pedal it. In that first moment, though, and for as long as it lasted, it was really great to see her get excited about doing something new, big kid shit, for the first time.

She was proud. I was proud of her. And then we went to a playground for a few hours. Pretty good day.

Tyler Tynes roasting me

Tyler did some incredible work this year — The Cam Chronicles is getting deserved praise as one of 2020′s best podcasts, and his reporting on the Movement for Black Lives was exemplary. It’s hard to top this, though:

You know what the messed up part is? I was excited to tell him what I was doing, just because I knew the reaction would be so violent. Like a body rejecting a transplant. So lucky to have such a dear, dear friend.

PUP

I’m late on everything, so I didn’t start listening to PUP until the spring of 2019, but I haven’t really stopped since. This year has been too sedentary too often; this band is too kinetic to allow me to stay there.

“Bloody Mary Kate and Ashley Kate” is never more than about 20 minutes away from returning to the front of my mind. I would fucking love for it to be safe enough to watch these guys live at some point, and I am absolutely going to take Steve up on his offer.

Someone sending me a shirt based on a joke I tweeted

First:

Then:

Then:

I’m not sure you should be rewarding my behavior, SnoCoPrintShop, but I appreciate it all the same.

Which reminds me:

Family dinner/family movie night

My wife works in Manhattan and commutes back on the train, and we've tried to prioritize getting the girls to bed early since they were little, so that doesn’t leave much of a window between when she gets home and they go in the tub for us all to connect; before everything shut down, we almost never really ate together. We’re still not great about it, but for a while now we’ve carved out Saturday as family dinner night, where we sit down to eat and talk about our “up” from the day — something that happened that made us feel good or happy, or something we’re looking forward to. (We used to talk about our “down,” too, but that kind of seemed like overkill. Why try to focus on more bad shit right now, you know?)

Then we settle in for a movie, with who gets to pick rotating each week. It’s mostly been Pixar, which has been great but also has its drawbacks; after she caught me crying during one of them (maybe the Bing-Bong scene in Inside Out? or Miguel singing to Grandma Coco?), Siobhan straight up told me, “You need to get yourself together, man.” We just watched My Neighbor Totoro, too, which they loved, so we’re probably going to try some more Miyazaki soon. It’s a really simple thing, but it’s one we rarely made time for before, and it’s been really nice to manufacture something positive that we can share and look forward to together.

Sometimes looking like a shiftless drifter

No shade to anyone who felt strongly about getting a lineup or whatever, but I haven’t really felt like going to the barbershop was worth the risk, and I continue to refuse to believe that my wife can actually pull off the fade she’s long wanted to give me. (It is also possible that she just means she’s intending to run my fade, and that I will before long wind up cold-cocked and slumped by my bride of nine years.) So I’ve just kind of been growing out my hair like it was when I was single, and sometimes been letting my beard get kind of out of control too, and, well, I sort of like looking a little bit like a Wildling, it turns out.

I have since trimmed things up a little. It didn’t go over well with my youngest. Oh, well. I’ll try to do better next time.

My wife and daughter singing the Pixies

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We don’t know all the words to too many lullabies, so we sing the ones we do know the words to. This will probably come back to bite us in the years ahead. For now, though: Pretty good.

Doughboys’ Tournament of Chompions: Munch Madness: Mac Attack

I can’t believe how invested I became in Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell’s quest to determine the best menu item at McDonald’s in a 64-seed tournament that spawned hours and hours of delightfully funny audio featuring all-time home-run guests like Jon Gabrus and Nicole Byer, who gleefully feed into the often warm, sometimes antagonistic, always entertaining chemistry between the two hosts. I have also never found myself wanting to go to McDonald’s more in my entire life. I have hit the drive-thru a couple of times since, and the boys are right: The McDonald’s fountain Coke does just hit different.

Sound Only

I’ve lost track of whether or not a 38-year-old is considered a millennial, but I’m quite confident that I’m not exactly plugged into “the millennial lifestyle” as my teammates Justin Charity and Micah Peters discuss it on their podcast, which relaunched this summer. Doesn’t matter, though, because I love hearing Charity and Micah talk to each other even if I don’t know what they’re talking about.

Their conversation about Dave Chappelle was great. After listening to their Travis Scott episode, I felt like I kind of understood who he is and why he occupies the space he does in pop culture now. I had no idea how they were going to get me to give a shit about set photos from The Batman, but this they not only got me there, but wended their way toward blaming 50 Cent for needing to know who Groot is to have a conversation on the internet, which is something for which Abraham Lincoln did not die. The show is good, it's getting better, it’s fun to hear them talk their shit, and Charity’s regular bellowing of “I, TOO, AM AMERICA” has made me smile for four straight months. 

Siobhan’s letters and notes

She’s in first grade now, and she’s taken to communicating her feelings through the written word. A lot.

I won’t pretend that I loved all of these in the moment. I can only get so upset, though, when she’s already writing with such a clear voice. (And trying to use proper punctuation. (And drawing little cartoons to drive the point home.)

Palm Springs

I’m having a hard time remembering too many specifics about it right now, which probably means it’d be a good thing to rewatch over the holidays. But, as I’m sure many people noted many months before we got around to watching it, a comedy about living the same day over and over again, and about trying to figure out how to make your life mean something when everything seems meaningless, scratched a pretty particular, and particularly important, itch this year. It could’ve been twice as long, and I would’ve eaten up every second of Andy Samberg and Cristin Miloti together.

I’m pretty sure I cried, although this year, that doesn’t necessarily mean much.  Also, put Conner O’Malley in more things.

Joining our union’s bargaining committee

I won’t say too much about this, but I will say that becoming an active participant in the process of a labor union negotiating its first contract with management has been an extremely educational experience. It’s pushed me to have conversations, sometimes difficult ones, about our priorities as a staff and a company. It's helped me get closer with the other past and present members of the BC, and has led me to start developing relationships with members of our staff that I otherwise might not have had much of an opportunity to get to know.

The organizing work takes time, effort, and energy, but trying to do what I can to help take better care of my colleagues has been well worth all of that. Here’s hoping that in 2021 we can reach a deal that helps make our workplace even better, stronger, and more equitable for all of us.

Publishing a story about Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup

I swear this is true: After I accepted my offer to work at The Ringer, but before I started, I told a friend that one thing I was excited about was that you had the chance to work on offbeat stuff here, in both the “kind of weird” and “not about the NBA” senses. That, I thought, might maybe open the door to me getting to write a story about a Saturday Night Live sketch I saw when I was a teenager about Stevie Nicks from Fleetwod Mac running a cheap Tex-Mex restaurant in Sedona, Arizona — a sketch that I wasn’t sure anyone else remembered, but that was stuck in my head forever.

That story ran on May 26.

A lot of people seemed to like it.

Accomplishing this goal was, as dumb as this might sound, a highlight of my year, and, honestly, a highlight of my career. I’d like to do some more stuff like this next year, time permitting; we’ll see. Whether or not I do, I got to do this. I’ll always have that.

[sweetnestor]

When I Met You | Chapter 5

teamiplier x oc, angst/platonic/romantic

PREVIOUS FICS (if you’re new, start there)

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“If there’s an upside to free falling, it's the chance you give your friends to catch you.” -Meredith Grey

~

Father's Day.

Bella was invited to join Jimena and her father for lunch in Indio, one of the many desert cities in this valley. Bella was also invited to Aria’s parents’ house in Cathedral City, the neighboring town from Palm Springs. It was still early in the morning, she didn't have to decide anything yet.

This was never a problem in the past. In her last relationship, her boyfriend's father was on the other side of the country, so an in-person celebration couldn't happen. But what would she have done if there was? Would she have just let them off by themselves? Would she have just wallowed by herself?

Wallowing felt like the thing to do, even if Bella knew she shouldn’t. Every other day of the year, she was almost perfectly fine about not having her parents around. She got that gross, irritable feeling only on Mother’s and Father’s Day, her birthday, their birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. Not to mention that mini depressive episode that comes during those last three holidays. Other than that, she knew she was better off without her parents. Or any of her relatives, really.

Bella spent the morning at an AA meeting. She wasn't the only one triggered by today's holiday, and it was both sad and comforting. At least she wasn't alone, but it also sucked that other nice people had to go through the same things she did.

Afterwards, she went to Aria’s apartment at The Modern Cactus. If that wasn't the most desert aesthetic name for an apartment building…

Aria already had plans, as it seemed. When Bella stepped into the studio apartment, she found Aria in her workout clothes, a grey sports bra, matching grey leggings, and black Nikes. She was in the middle of taking selfies in front of her large, full body mirror.

“I'm gonna teach a Zumba class today,” she said excitedly. “You should come!”

Bella tried not to look uninterested. “Aren't you gonna vlog it, though? Sounds like something you'd put on your channel.”

“I do need a camera person.” Aria smiled hopefully. “Please? That way, you don't even have to participate! I know you don't like exercise!”

“Fine…”

It kept Bella’s mind busy. Once she and Aria got to the studio on the other side of town, Bella was glad she didn't stay at the apartment. She would have been alone, with Aria busy and Jimena at work. Being alone was still pretty dangerous. Especially today.

The Zumba class was full of high energy and a lot of cheering women. Aria really knew how to motivate a group. They all “danced" to a mix of fun, upbeat songs, some in English and others in Spanish. It looked like a fun type of exercise. If Bella wasn't so shy (and more appropriately dressed) she may have joined in.

Just being around a group of motivated people and listening to exciting music boosted Bella's mood. Even after the class ended, Aria had music bumping and she was dancing like nobody’s business.

That was why Bella liked her so much. Aria had this sweet, bubbly presence wherever she went. It was easy to be around her, and she took in Bella without a second thought. Although, she was the one who pushed Bella to call her LA friends, too. She was also very good at taking Bella’s mind off things when everything was too much.

Bella owed Aria so much.

“So you’re going to dinner, right?” she asked when they got back to the apartment. “You got anything for me to clean? Laundry that needs doing? Ikea furniture to build?”

Aria plopped down in the armchair, her feet barely touching the ground. “Maybe I’ll finally get that dining table… then you can build it for me so I don’t have to call my dad.”

“I’ll be your daddy, don’t worry.”

“You can’t even hold me up against the wall. And I’m a lot smaller than you. And you’ve been doing all of my bidding since you got here. What were you again?”

Bella only blushed.

~

Vidcon.

“You know, even if you show up unannounced, they’ll probably find a place for you,” Aria said as she closed the trunk of her car. “You’re one of their favorites, after all.”

It was that time of year again. One of the most fun and anxiety inducing events of the year was happening in Anaheim, and Bella was going to miss it for a second time. Honestly, she was a little upset about it, despite making the decision not to go all on her own. Her manager/publicist, Sonji, strongly advised to make an appearance at Vidcon, because lately, Bella’s YouTube content and lack of activity on other platforms had been seen as something to worry about in the eyes of the Internet. Going to Vidcon would be a way to diffuse the speculation, especially since Bella did not want the public to know what had happened and where she had gone.

At the same time, Bella was not ready for a loud, chaotic convention. She was not ready to sit behind some curtains and make small talk with other creators. While she did have fun meeting her subscribers, that was always the only highlight. Everything else was just a threat to her sobriety, especially since the anniversary was right around the corner. Bella did not want to risk that. That was why she didn’t go last year.

There was also the fear that her friends that were going (Jack, Mark, Amy, Tyler - the whole crew) would be angry if Bella just waltzed in like nothing had happened three months ago. They would ask questions. They already were, the main one being, “Are you going to Vidcon?” They were going to grill her, and then one of them would report back to Ethan. It would get back to him no matter what.

But really, what was the bigger risk for Bella? Her sobriety or her ex?

“We’ll have our own con,” Jimena said as she threw her arm around Bella. “Something chill.”

“Don’t have too much fun without me,” Aria said with a chuckle. “Bella, remember you can stay in my apartment all you want. Just behave yourself, especially on my bed.”

Bella snorted, immediately flustered. So maybe the things that went down in this valley weren’t exactly innocent.

“Hey, it’s my weekend with her!” Jimena said, now holding Bella in both arms. “We’re going on a road trip!”

“San Diego!” Bella half cheered, wanting to be modest about her excitement. She looked at Aria. “Just have as much fun as you can. And remember, you haven’t heard from me, and you don’t know where I am.”

Aria nodded and then got into her car. Jimena and Bella stood in the parking lot and watched her go.

“So, is Vidcon the same as Tanacon?” Jimena asked.

~

It was easy to keep a secret when you weren’t around the people you’re supposed to keep the secret from. As soon as Aria was in her hotel room in Anaheim, everything that had happened in the last three months built up in her throat. This was probably a bad idea.

Of course, Sophie was the first person to come and visit her. They hadn’t seen each other in months. There was much to catch up on.

It was times like these that Aria was glad her friend was a chatterbox. She had to think of how to cut Bella out of the things she had been doing lately. There were plenty of things Aria had to share with her best friend. She didn’t realize how hard it would be to hide something this big.

All she had to do was survive the weekend, right?

“Dan and Phil are gonna wanna hang out,” Sophie mentioned in a way-too-casual tone.

After all this time, those two British guys still rubbed Aria the wrong way. So much, in fact that she forgot about the girl hiding in her apartment.

She couldn't pretend like she didn't know Dan and Phil were going to be here. She knew exactly what was going to happen this Vidcon. Aria was trying to be the bigger person, but she was still salty.

“I hope you have fun with them,” she replied, chipping at her black nail polish.

Sophie scoffed. “Dude, it's been four years.”

“I know.”

“I think you need to find another person. Maybe if you get into a new relationship, you'll stop being mad at them.”

And now Aria was thinking about Bella. That wasn't a relationship by any means. Neither of them really wanted that. But it did clear Aria’s mind, and answer some questions. It also showed that Aria had definitely moved on from Dan, emotionally and physically. But the things she went through with him towards the end, the way he treated her and shunted her off to the side… She didn't want it to stay with her, but it did.

“I just think there's always going to be a part of me that just can't stand them.”

“But you're gonna be on a panel with them.”

Aria sighed. “Yup.”

At least Dan and Phil’s presence kept her mind away from Bella. At least all of Vidcon focused on Aria’s dance performance with Chachi Gonzales at the opening panel. At least Aria made it through her panel alright.

Then came the part where she and Sophie had to wait behind some curtains for their meet and greet. Sophie had gone to find snacks and water, while Aria stayed behind on one of the only free sofas. It was the second day of the convention and Aria was proud that she hadn't drank vodka and spilled the tea.

She was scrolling through her phone, looking at the tweets following her panel. Even to this day, people who had Dan and Phil as their profile pictures attacked her for no good reason. Although, it had been a while since her mentions turned into a shitstorm. It only happened when she was near the Larry of YouTube.

“Why is areola even there??” said one tweet. There was a screenshot from the panel stream. Aria was sharing a couch with Dan and Phil, and in the extra chair was Jenna Marbles. No one had a problem with her.

“Because I was invited to be on the panel and I said yes. Also thanks for the new nickname,” Aria typed back. After sending that tweet, she changed her Twitter name to Areola Mercer.

As if on cue, Sophie returned not bearing sustenance, but people. Aria looked up and found Sean and Signe right beside her blonde best friend. It starts now.

“Hey guys!” Aria happily greeted as she stood up to hug them. Did she know the couple well enough to hug them? Probably not, but everyone did it at Vidcon.

Sophie took the seat next to Aria while Sean and Signe sat in the sofa across from them. They all fell into conversation, though Aria tried to remain distracted by her phone in order to keep herself from puking out the secret. She barely knew Bella’s best friend, yet she felt so guilty about hiding something this big from him.

Of course, they got to the subject of Bella’s absence. Sophie was there the day Bella disappeared, she was in full panic mode over it. More reasons to feel guilty; Aria was hiding something from her own best friend.

“Have you guys heard from her?” Sophie asked the couple. “Is she even coming?”

Sean shook his head. “She said she’s about to fall off the wagon. Needs time.”

“She hasn’t gone back to LA yet?” Signe asked.

“Nope!” Sophie sounded annoyed. “If she’s struggling, why wouldn’t she just come back to us? She needs people to help her right? We’re that help!”

Aria finally spoke, and it was from the heart. “Some people prefer to heal on their own. Or, they at least prefer to clean up the wounds first.”

“That’s Bella,” Sean agreed. “But still, it’s not really fair that’s she’s shutting us out, shutting me out. If she told me where she was, I wouldn’t tell. Have you guys seen her Instagram, though?”

Aria almost felt bad up until that last question. Of course Sean was reading into Bella’s social media activity. Who wouldn’t?

“Here we go.” Signe sighed.

“You guys have any idea where she’s been?” Sean asked the other two girls. “Maybe she’s in her hometown? I forget the name, but it’s not too far from here.”

Act natural, act normal! Don’t! Be! Suspicious!

“Palm Springs?” Sophie was a little skeptical. “How can you tell? All her Instagram photos are just makeup things, and all her selfies are in front of blank backgrounds.”

“I don’t know, just a guess. Can’t imagine she would have wanted to get on a plane anywhere.”

Now it made good sense why Bella didn’t film at Aria’s apartment, even though it was more convenient. Their friends would recognize the space and figure it out. Aria had to admit, Sophie couldn’t keep quiet sometimes. Given that she was really anxious to know where Bella was only proved that she wouldn’t keep it to herself if she knew. Sean was anxious too, naturally. He was Bella’s best friend, and he lived so far away. He probably wanted to see her here at Vidcon just to make sure she was okay. Aria would have felt the same way, but she made a promise, and she understood Bella’s side of things more.

Bella didn’t want anyone to see her pain. She wanted to find herself without having to see her ex around. She wanted to be away for a while. She had every right to want that.

“What if we got like, a private investigator?” Sophie wondered.

“Why?” Aria asked, bewildered.

“Well, she calls every now and again,” Signe pointed out. “We know she’s alive, and I think she just wants to be left alone to recuperate.”

“Guys, sh, sh!” Sean suddenly nodded towards the end of the hall, where two people were coming their way.

It was Bella’s ex-boyfriend, Ethan, and his best friend, Kathryn. On one hand, Aria was glad to stop talking about Bella, but she also got more nervous now that Ethan had joined the party.

Aria and Ethan had seen each other at a few parties. Interaction was minimal between them. They also had the common ground of Bella’s New Year Intervention 2k17. Clearly, that wasn’t something you could build a friendship on. Aria just knew him as Bella’s boyfriend up until three months ago.

Now, Ethan was dangerous territory, given that Aria was hiding his ex-girlfriend in her apartment. Although, he was the one to end things between them, so would he care if he found out? Was Aria even allowed to act salty on behalf of Bella? She never gave off the impression that they were close, online and off.

“Why is it so quiet?” asked Kathryn. “Was there tea?”

“No tea here,” Signe replied.

There was not excited greetings this time. Maybe Ethan met with them earlier. Or things were really that awkward over Bella.

The latter was proven wrong when the group fell into a conversation. Ethan gushed about the meet and greet he just had. He seemed to really like his viewers. Must be nice.

“Everyone was really nice and respectful,” he said, smiling.

“How many people asked you to vore them?” Sean asked in return.

Ethan chuckled. “Surprisingly, none. I don’t know what I’d do if someone actually asked me that.”

Aria, still mildly salty, bitterly replied, “I’d rather people ask me that than why I’m here at all.”

It wasn’t really because of Ethan. Aria just had her own problems regarding the YouTube community.

“Are people actually saying that to you?” Signe asked, surprised.

“Uh, yeah. I try to block it out, but it happens almost every Vidcon.”

“That sucks,” Ethan said.

“Some people say that to me too,” Kathryn added. “It’s really their problem they got a stick up their ass.”

Aria nodded in agreement.

On the bright side, she had found people to stick with while Sophie hung out with Dan and Phil. On the down side, it was people who wanted to know where Bella was. Aria wasn’t sure how she survived.

~

Bella was always weirdly open with her audience. She talked about personal and intimate things about her life. She opened up about her anxiety and depression. She talked about her sexuality, she spoke about cutting ties with her family. Obviously, there were darker things that she hadn’t talked about, but she planned to talk about them in the future. She was thinking of sharing all of these bad things in the hopes that it would help someone out there going through similar things.

That being said, did posting a Boomerang of her current location count as a way of being helpfully open? Did showing some beautiful woman’s legs and platform clad feet surrounded by singles somehow show that it was okay to indulge sometimes? Bella thought so. At least for now.

While she wasn’t drinking, Bella certainly felt drunk on the music and the dance that Jimena bought for her. Let’s just say that Bella would not hear Little Mix’s “Down & Dirty” the same way ever again.

“So it’s Ladies’ Night,” Jimena told her over the loud music, “so no dick appointments for you! What about the blonde with the buzz cut over there?” She pointed to a woman on the other side of the bar.

Bella was glad the neon lights didn’t show how red her face was. Yes, everything was very exciting and liberating, but hooking up with a drunk stranger was not exactly ideal. It happened every now and again in Palm Springs, specifically people who would come and go to AA meetings…

“If you can find out if she’s sober or not, we’ll see,” she told Jimena.

However, they both saw the blonde not only down some shots, but also do a line of coke. San Diego is fun.

_______

next

[captainschmoe]

I Will Survive [Beta] - Chapter 7: No More

[A/N: This is the point in the story where I start to realize that I, at best, barely know what I’m doing. Go me?]

[Summary: In which literally every one of Sean’s friends makes an announcement, then there’s a nightmare.]

[Previous - Next]

Sean didn’t feel any kind of intro would be an appropriate one, so he just cut to the chase. “So, there’s been something really freaky going on, and... I didn’t want to talk about it with you guys at first. But now it’s reached... It’s come to a point where I’d just be endangering all you guys if I didn’t talk about it. So... here’s the deal...”

“So over on Jacksepticeye’s channel, he made this character called ‘Antisepticeye.’ He’s basically this evil- He’s literally this evil demonic thing that lives inside him. Eh, heheh...” Felix gave a nervous chuckle at how stupid that sounded. “But, like, if you heard the news recently about that girl in Oregon who was turned to stone, that’s Anti. That was him.”

“Because that happened to me, too. Here, let me show you my phone real quick...” Mark scrolled through the messages, finding the photo that was sent to Jack. He held it up to the camera for everyone to see. “So this is a text I sent to Jack. I didn’t actually send it, but it’s there. That’s my dead, stone body on the ground. That exact thing happened to me. Now I did manage to get out of that situation, and I would tell you guys how you can get out of there, too...”

“...but as you probably know from the news story, that girl didn’t come back like Jack and Mark did. And it’s the-” Marzia hiccuped in incoming sadness. She tried to swallow down the lump in her throat. “It’s the same with his girlfriend, Signe - Wiishu. She’s gone, too, and she hasn’t come back.”

“And it’s terrifying. I mean, I’m proud of Jack for actually being able to hold it together as well as he is, and being able to talk about this, ‘cause... If I had to watch something like that happen to Mary, or Layla...” Ken sighed, gritting his teeth. “Think I’d lose my goddamn mind.”

“I don’t know what’s next. Or who’s next. I don’t think Jack knows, either.” A moment of silence in the black as Cry attempted to gather some thoughts. “I’m just at a complete loss for words right now. I’m just...” He sniffed. “I want nothing more than for them to come back and for everyone to be happy again.”

“It’s obviously possible for them to come back, if Mark and Jack could come back,” Amy said. “I believe we can get Signe back. I believe Alyssa’s family can get her back. I don’t really want to think about the possibility that they might not, but I guess...” She drifted off. “What can I do?”

“I mean, if there’s anything I can do that would bring them back, anything at all, I will absolutely do it. I’m scared, I’ll admit it.” Bob gazed off-camera towards the ground for a moment. “I just really want to be there for Jack, because it’s the right thing to do, and because I want to, and because I know he’d do the same for me if I was in that situation.”

“We just want Jack to know that he’s not alone in all this. Jack, if you’re watching this... You’l never be alone. You’ve got us, you’ve got all your other friends, you’ve got your community-”

“Yeah, we’ve always got your back!” Dan piped up.

“Always.”

“It’s ‘cause we love him.”

“Yeah.” Arin chuckled. Sappy, but true.

Wade shrugged and rubbed his eyes. “...eh, I don’t even know what I’m saying at this point. Like, I know everything’s so cheesy and cliched, but it’s true. It’s really true. And I really want to put my effort first and foremost into helping him. The videos can wait.”

“So Jack and I will obviously not be making any more videos for the time being. I’m really sorry, but I’m sure you guys understand? This is all very overwhelming, as I said.” Well, no shit, Robin. “I’ve said this probably a dozen times in this video already, ut it’s really important to me to be there for him, and try and help him... not lose his sanity, I guess?”

“And I know all you guys will be there with him, too. Like one big supportive family!” Ethan grinned. “So yeah. That’s about all I have to say about it, I don’t really know how else to end this video, so I’ll leave you with- oh.” His eyes widened and pointed off-camera somewhere, and his hand came up to his stomach. “Uh... Guys? I’m feeling kinda-”

The screen cut to black. Static sounds filled the speakers, growing in intensity and even ignoring any efforts to turn down the volume. Eardrums felt shattered. And then came the silence, broken only by the sound of Anti introducing himself.

“Sorry to say, h͝e͢'͘ş ģone.”

A still image, covered in wavering glitch effects, of Ethan’s petrified body lying on the floor replaced the black, with Anti’s disembodied voice narrating over it.

“Slowly but surely, I build my community. - Right under your nose t̡ḩiş ͢whole̢ t̢i̛me! - Oh, poor little Ethan... I di͠dn͟'͠t want͠ to do this. - I d͟es̸er͜ve better! - I nev̡e͟ŗ wa͠nted to do this. And yet you! - N̶ev̸er e҉v͜en͜ kne̸w͝... - You’re the ones who d͟r̡o̸ve me͟ this far!

“And here you were all wor̴ried about Jack’s ot͞h͘e͏r͡ ͟e̡gos...” Anti snarled at the word. “Well, don’t fret now. They’re aaalll safe and sound... with͝ ̷m͏e.” A giggle rang through. “I’m sure your be̢lovéd͜ 'blue boi’ will enjoy the c̸o͜m̷pany, too... - And his f̸ri͡end͜s.”

The screen cut to black again, and in typical Anti fashion, he gave one last one-liner:

“Oh, S͢͞ea̛ǹ̶͝... If you only knew...”

I want to be as happy as I used to make Them.

“I blame Mark,” Felix said, sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over with his head in his hands. “If I die, it’s all his fault.”

“You’re not gonna die, you drama queen,” Sean retorted. “I survived. I’m still surviving. Look at me.” He, too, felt the worst headache and tinnitus he could have ever imagined. He was honestly surprised that he could ever hear Felix at all, let alone normally.

“Still blaming him for this massive migraine.” He put on his best - honestly, worst - Markiplier deep voice. “‘Hey, Jack, Felix, go watch Ethan, it’ll blow your fuckin’ minds!’ Yeah, sure. My mind wants to be blown, all right. ...Goddammit.”

Sean snorted at the unfortunate word choice.

“Shut up! You know what I meant! My head’s gonna explode!” Felix lay down, curling up into a fetal position. “I’m just gonna lay here and hopefully either get better or more likely die.”

Sean sarcastically rubbed his back. “There, there, poor baby.”

“Everything’s spinning. Your voice is echoing. Tell my family I love them.”

Oh, yeah, he never did tell anyone else about Echo yet, did he?

“Hey, Felix?”

“Yeah? You wanna say your last goodbye?”

“No, something else. It’s gonna sound kind of stupid.”

“I’ll take a stupid eulogy.” Felix twisted around to face him. “Go for it.”

Sean rolled his eyes and leaned back against the headboard. He sighed. “So the last two nights I was visited by this... person, I guess? In my sleep. They don’t have a visible body, it’s just a voice, but we’ve been talking. They seem nice, they’re called Echo.” Felix nodded, continuing to listen. Hadn’t made fun of him yet. Well, it wouldn’t be the most ridiculous thing to have been told in the last couple of days. “They told me they want me to kill Anti.”

Felix narrowed his eyes. “Well, no shit, I hope so.”

“I don’t know how, though. I don’t even know if this Anti, like, follows the rules I made for him, or if he’s different somehow. I don’t know how to get rid of him, or how to undo everything he’s done...”

“Well, are you gonna see Echo again tonight? Maybe you can ask them.”

“Hopefully.” If I can sleep. He wasn’t so sure having a stone Signe in the house would do any good for his ability to get some shut-eye.

Felix seemed to catch on to Sean’s distant staring, as he reached out to his back and gave it a series of light taps in an awkward attempt at comfort; he didn’t even properly meet Sean’s eyes until he pulled his arm away. Still a nice gesture on his part, one that put the briefest and subtlest of smiles on Sean’s face. He added, “You can have Edgar and Maya sleep with you if that helps.”

“Nah, I move too much in my sleep. I’d probably crush them.”

“They don’t have to be in bed with you. We can put their little beds over there.” He pointed to a spot a few feet away from them.

“Mm, I guess that works. Thanks, Felix.”

“No problem.”

“You gonna be alright?”

“Eh, I’m feeling a little less shitty. Still gonna lay here for a bit if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Sean pulled the blanket over him before leaving him alone, intending for it as a silly little “there, there, poor baby” joke, though Felix seemed to genuinely take it for what it was. Despite never showing it well to anyone aside from Marzia and the dogs, Sean knew he was a softie deep down. Maybe he’ll just leave him here and take the guest room himself.

A whole bunch of them!

Anti could practically taste infection in the group of teenagers - all of them! - down by the lakeside. What a convenient little haul; he could just drown them without the need to fool around infecting them first, and without any leftover kids screaming for help. Not that screaming would do them much good. What was the help going to do? Exorcise them back to life? Please. All screaming would accomplish for them would be to piss him off more. God, he hated screaming.

It hurt seeing their faces turn from confusion to awe to horror as they watched their idol - who should have been nowhere near their location - become who he really was. But it was a hurt Anti was willing to put up with if it would lead to his ultimate end goal. Besides, if he hadn’t before, he definitely crossed the event horizon now. He already went too far down this rotten path - might as well embrace it.

Ah. And the spontaneous conversion of another he’d met and spread his plague to recently, judging by the small, pleasant tingling he felt coursing through his nerves. Better get back home and guide all of his new citizens to the hub before anyone realized his host was missing.

“Echo?”

“Sean!” Echo sounded panicked.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s getting worse. Anti’s...” They were sobbing, hiccups interrupting them. “Anti’s just getting more and more people, and he’s infecting more people, and they’re dying, and-”

“Okay, settle down, little buddy.” Sean instinctively reached outward in front of himself, feeling a bit stupid when there was no person, no body in front of him to touch and comfort. “Listen, we can get through this. Right? You seem to know a lot about Anti, right? Can you tell me how we can stop him?”

Echo sniffed. “You ju- You just need to work with the community and Robin and promise that you’re not going to acknowledge his existence anymore.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s why he exists. You made him, you can destroy him. I can’t.”

“Well...” Jeez, destroy him? That’s a... strong word choice. “Isn’t there another way we can beat him without ‘destroying’ him?”

“You think he deserves to live?”

Sean bit his lip. “I mean, I understand where you’re coming from, but I’d really rather not...” No more Antisepticeye ever again? Like, ever? They could never talk about him ever again? And he’d be permanently dead? They literally have to murder someone who has a mind of his own now? Sure, Sean got it. He’s done horrible things. Emotions are high. Shit’s scary. But was that really the most effective solution? The more Echo demanded Anti’s death, the more Sean’s brain wanted to resist. He didn’t want to accept murder as the first solution, even against someone like Anti. There had to be another way. There just had to be. “...I’d rather not just outright kill him if I don’t absolutely have to.”

“Well, you absolutely have to,” Echo replied rather coldly. “He will not stop otherwise.”

“Well, what about Signe and Ethan-”

“I’ll make sure you get all your friends back!” Echo started panicking and shouting again. “Just trust me! Sean? Sean!”

“What’s wro- aah!”

"Stay with me!”

Sean fell. How and where, he didn’t know, but he fell.

“Sean!”

The dusty, cobwebby back corner of the closet I get shoved in is the most empty and lonely place in this universe.

All of his friends are surrounding him, glaring at him. Gazes of anger, disappointment, and despair - a clear indication that they aren’t his friends anymore. There are a few spaces in the semicircle they’ve formed around him, and a few faces he looks for but doesn’t see - Signe, Ethan, Mark...

He knows where they are.

A strange yet familiar dark figure walks past him from behind, walking the semicircle and scanning its members. They stop at Felix. “This one,” they say, grabbing him by the shoulder, conjuring a shadowy set of handcuffs and locking his wrists behind his back, and walking him to Sean. Felix says nothing, nor does he even resist. He looks at Sean with eyes pleading for him not to harm him. Sean wishes he could oblige.

“Let’s go,” says the dark figure. They lead Sean and Felix up a series of staircases through a set of double doors behind them. They’re a sterile white with black railings, and the occasional smattering of worn paint and rust providing the only iota of color. They go up past the first floor. Second. Third. They never stop at any of the landings. How high does it go again? Sean looks up and tries to see, but the figure and Felix are leaving him behind. Too many for his poor legs. Pant, pant.

Finally, after far too many landings, they reach their floor. Seven flights, he’d counted. Right. Sean’s legs are rock-hard, compressed, aching, searing. It’s a miracle they didn’t crumble away into a dozen pieces each yet. There is a door with a shiny black lock, which the figure opens using their own finger as the key.

Inside are Signe, Mark, and Ethan, who, upon seeing the three of them enter, immediately line up in a row in front of Sean - Mark visibly struggling and stumbling to do so - dropping to their knees and gazing up at him with weariness that pangs his heart. Dribbling maroon wounds dot their bodies.

And now it’s Felix’s turn to join them. The figure shoves him to the ground, and turns to Sean with shining white eyes - no visible face - expecting him to make his move. Felix struggles to stand up on his knees, the handcuffs holding him down. No one helps him.

Only now does Sean think to look down at his hands. Long black nails dripping ichor replace his nails. His skin is marred with scars of varying degrees of freshness, some deep red, others stark white. Spots of blood stain his chest.

He doesn’t need any more information.

“Give ‘em a good smack,” the figure requests. “Hard as you can.” Their eyes narrow, and are practically targeting Sean like lasers. There’s a price to pay for defiance. Sean must obey.

He makes it quick. Doesn’t even look at his face as he does it. Felix winces and grunts as the cuts rip across his cheek. Trying to keep his cool. But there’s so many more waiting in line after him...

Next is Ethan, who already has a line of four puncture wounds in his throat and is bracing for impact. He still yelps as Sean rakes his face. Sean cringes, too. That yelp makes it so much worse. What did Ethan do? What did any of them do to deserve this?

Then Signe. She, too, has punctures in her throat, as well as a large blood splotch on her stomach. There are tears welling in her eyes.

He hesitates.

“Go!” booms the figures voice.

Smack.

Oh God, why did I do that? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, oh God, she’s crying...

Okay. There’s just one more. Mark. Scarred with punctures and a stomach wound. There’s another one, he remembered. From when he stabbed him from behind.

Ugh, Mark’s looking at him like he wants him flayed alive...

Just get it over with...

Mark flinches but doesn’t make a peep, seeming used to this by now. He still glares at Sean. Not so much of active viciousness and aggression, but more that of a long-standing hatred ingrained in his soul.

I’m so sorry, guys...

The figure is drinking in the ecstasy released from the four of them. Their lack of a face makes it impossible for Sean to see how they truly feel watching him destroy the people he loves just for another hit. It’s the same reaction as before, despite Sean harming more people. The figure has been building as much a tolerance as a dependence. More, more, more, it’s never enough to satiate them for long. What happens when Sean goes through the whole crowd? Does he have to keep slashing everyone over and over again for the figure’s high? Or will even that fail to be enough? Is it even worth hurting them this much just so he can be fed and watered? Especially since Sean is going to die somewhere down the line anyway, no matter how well he’s being taken care of?

He doesn’t want to live like this anymore.

But he has no other options...

“That will be all.”

The figure disappears without a trace, leaving Sean alone with these people once so near and dear to him. They still are, he still loves and cares for them, but the feeling is hardly mutual. None of them want anything to do with him anymore. They’ve disowned him by now. The loneliness crushes his soul into dust and suffocates him with it.

Why me?

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 17th November 2019

Three consecutive weeks and we get eight, seven and now NINE new arrivals! This week isn’t even an album bomb week, either. I’d say I fully expect the charts to cool down and for Christmas music to start coming back but I have no idea. I’ve predicted a slow week for two weeks in a row and I’ve just been greeted with more and more nonsense coming at me, so I’m not even going to try and speculate here.

Top 10

The top five often doesn’t reflect that movement within the charts, and this week is no exception as everything in the top four hasn’t moved, and for a sixth week, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I is at the #1 spot.

I expected “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa to drop off after the debut but surprisingly, it held on, showing a lot of initial longevity here at number-two, the runner-up spot, although I could very much see this grabbing the #1.

“Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean is still at number-three this week.

Also not moving at number-four is “South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B.

At number-five, we actually have a new arrival and our biggest of nine debuts this week, J Hus’ “Must Be”, his lead single from an upcoming project, album, mixtape, what have you. It’s his first solo single since he was released from prison in April this year, and we’ll talk more about Hus and his music later, but just for now, it’s his eighth UK Top 40 hit and it’s pretty great.

Now, there is some impact of this important top-five debut of course, although “Memories” by Maroon 5 climbing up two spots to number-six is a direct result of J Hus’ high new arrival.

The real impact is seen within the rest of the top 10, as “Circles” by Post Malone is down two spaces to number-seven.

Also down two spaces to number-eight is “Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez, which is falling off a tad quicker than I thought, although it could easily rebound.

Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” featuring Ariana Grande is also down two spots to number-nine.

Meanwhile, at #10, Lewis Capaldi’s “Bruises” is dropping down one space to the final spot here, but not near fast enough.

Climbers

Unless you’re a diehard fan of “The Last Time” by the Script (which is up six positions to #32 off of the album release, which should actually be incredibly disappointing for the band), there’s nothing to speak of here.

Fallers

Fallers on the other hand... well, it’s been a while since we’ve done this. Let’s split it into two vague genre sections: pop, rock and EDM vs. Hip-hop and R&B. First, let’s focus on the first section, as “Lights Up” by Harry Styles is down seven to #23, “God is a Dancer” by Tiesto and Mabel is down six to #26, “Liar” by Camila Cabello is down five to #29, “Post Malone” by Sam Feldt featuring RANI is down nine to #30 (Thankfully), “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is down six but I have no idea how it’s still on this bloody chart anyway and “10,000 Hours” by Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber flops down six spaces to #35. None of these drops are exactly disastrous for the artists here, although the drops for “10,000 Hours” and “Lights Up” seem worryingly premature. In terms of hip-hop and R&B, we have “Be Honest” by Jorja Smith and Burna Boy finishing its run down eight to #25, “Follow God” by Kanye West flailing down 12 spots to #27 whilst it’s not even Top 40 in the US, “Tell Me” by Krept & Konan featuring D-Block Europe and Ling Hussle down 14 off of the debut to #37, “Take Me Back to London” by Ed Sheeran featuring Stormzy and remixed by Sir Spyro featuring Aitch and Jaykae down five to #38 (Typing that each time takes about 20% of my overall writing time), and finally, “Floss” by AJ Tracey featuring MoStack and Not3s is down 12 spaces to #39.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

There are no returning entries, and honestly none of these drop-outs are ones I’m worried about or unfortunate drop-outs, because none of these songs are really worth mentioning. Let’s cover these in order of how little I care for them. “Orphans” by Coldplay, dropping out from #32, is a great lead single yet it’ll definitely rebound next week as the album Everyday Life is released, “Kiss and Tell” by AJ Tracey and Skepta is the only one here that really worries me as it’s out from the debut at #31 (It could still rebound, but perhaps this just isn’t catching on), “Higher Love” by Kygo and Whitney Houston is okay but it did have a respectable run before dropping out from #34, “G Love” by Krept & Konan featuring Wizkid dropped out from #28 but that song doesn’t exist anyway, neither does “Graveyard” by Halsey out from #40 for that matter. “Break Up Bye Bye” by the cast of RuPaul’s Drag Race UK (Specifically the... Frock Destroyers?) featuring uncredited vocals from Perrie Edwards is out from #35 as expected since the season’s finished, “Look at Her Now” by Selena Gomez monotonously hums its way out of the charts from #39, as does the regrettable “Playing Games” by Summer Walker out from #36, and finally, we have the detestable “Thumb” by M Huncho and Nafe Smallz out off of the debut at #30. I’m frankly kind of disgusted we ever let this chart in the first place.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Better Half of Me” – Tom Walker

Produced by Cam Blackwood and Mark Ralph

We all know singer-songwriter Tom Walker at this point. His debut album, What a Time to be Alive, went #1 and already produced two singles: “You and I” and “Leave a Light On”, both of which are inoffensive, boring guitar-pop fluff. This is his third UK Top 40 hit from this record and I’m not expecting anything close to any good or God forbid interesting from it... and, yeah, I’m right. The song’s a guitar ballad with Tom Walker singing in his nasal voice over some generic instrumental with piano and guitar with no attempt to even make it sound rich. The whole mix sounds really cheap, especially the transition from the pre-chorus into the chorus. Speaking of the chorus, Jesus Christ, Tom, have you been listening to Lewis Capaldi? It’s almost funny how Tom puts so much force into that part and it feels like a really inorganic warble and just sounds pretty gross overall. The lyrics are pretty sweet sometimes, though, I especially like the first verse. Otherwise, yeah, this is boring, milquetoast trash.

#36 – “Pump it Up” – Endor

Produced by Endor

Who’s Endor, you wonder? Well, I was wondering that too, so I looked it up and I found that Endor is a fictional moon in the Star Wars universe, known for its endless forests, savannahs, mountain ranges, and a few oceans. Okay, no, I’m kidding, obviously, but this dude seems pretty obscure, he wasn’t even on my first page of results for the term “Endor”. He’s not from Star Wars, he’s not from the Hebrew Bible, and he’s not a nation from Dragon Quest either. He’s a British house DJ who’s been releasing stuff since 2015 and became a self-proclaimed “Champion of the underground” before finally breaking out in the mainstream with this single released September this year on Defected Records, obviously his first UK Top 40 hit, and I mean it can’t be that bad if he’s latched on for so long with an underground fanbase. I mean, Skream likes him, and I like Skream, so it can’t be that bad.

Well, that wasn’t Skream, but it was interesting. It starts with some crowd cheering and the main hook coming in, which is delivered in a fun way (It kind of has to be, it’s just “Pump it up, you’ve got to pump it up, don’t you know?” for two and a half minutes), before the drums and the keys come in, and then the bass, and slowly it becomes a pretty fun, vibrant banger, with a pretty anti-climactic first drop but the way the 808 (or in this case, possibly 909) is modulated here is especially cool, and I love the cheesy Eurodance synths in the drop as well, and the second drop has a cool glitchy effect I really like. This isn’t bad at all, in fact I’d argue it’s pretty good house, it’s just that I wish there was more stakes here, because it just feels weak and at times empty.

#34 – “Gangsta” – Darkoo and One Acen

Produced by AJProductions

Okay, well, I’ve actually briefly heard this song on the radio, but I don’t know who Darkoo is, so naturally, I had to do some research again, and I found out she’s a female singer and rapper in the same vein as her male contemporaries who makes UK trap or drill music (I can’t really tell the difference a lot of the time if there is one, to be honest). I can’t really find a great comparison off the top of my head to a rapper she resembles in the mainstream currently stylistically, but that shouldn’t matter. Darkoo blew up three months ago with the song “Rover” (or “Keys to My Rover”) and this is her big first UK Top 40 crossover single with One Acen, who we know from their collaborations with people like Hardy Caprio. I believe this is One Acen’s second UK Top 40 hit, though I might be missing one. The most important thing is: is the song any good? And well, it’s okay, but Darkoo doesn’t sound any different from her counterparts, female or male, and has very little character, but to be fair, she’s not exactly helped by this absolute crap guitar beat, with a clap that I’d like to ask a lot of questions, and chipmunk vocals echoing her lazy interpolation of “Strike a Pose” by Young T & Bugsey. Darkoo’s vocals have constant stuttering put onto them as well, while One Acen’s vocals are a lot smoother, and don’t sound bad at all, especially the start of the first verse, but I can’t pay attention to anything else when the beat is mixed this awfully that it’s genuinely giving me a headache! The bridge is pretty cool, especially the strings and the gang vocals that elevate it, but everything fades out afterwards and hence it just sticks out like a sore thumb. This outro sounds like someone put a piano beat’s MIDI through a Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time soundfont.

#28 – “Don’t Rush” – Young T & Bugsey featuring Headie One

Produced by GRADES

And that’s all for anything resembling anything other than UK trap (Excluding another upcoming new arrival), as I guess the last song was kind of R&B. Young T & Bugsey are rappers I had a pretty uninteresting first impression with although I liked their second hit single, “Strike a Pose”, as that had a lot of energy and groove, and a pretty great feature from Aitch, who has yet to impress me since if I’m honest. Headie One is someone who I was also initially bored by, but he did win me over with “Both”, a banger I still listen to due to its menacing guitar line and gorgeous soul sample. This is Young T & Bugsey’s third UK Top 40 hit and Headie One’s fourth, and I’m actually expecting some quality here... and well, I have no idea what that 80s-sounding synth and guitar sample is in the intro, but if that’s original, then this producer needs more attention because that sounds fantastic. It just transitions into a pretty dull Afroswing beat though, with none of the groove that “Strike a Pose” had. In fact, this is just “Strike a Pose” again, but now Young T and Bugsey have separate verses instead of one shared verse, and there’s no humour to this one and just feels like a bunch of filler bars. Only one line made me laugh here and I’m not sure if it was even intentional or not, but on their last single, Aitch was hilarious, sure, but both Young T and Bugsey delivered some equally sleazy lines. Here, I’m just bored by everyone, and Young T sticks to one flow for his verse (For the most part). Bugsey shares his verse flow with his chorus, so the whole song just kind of meshes together. Bugsey introducing Headie One with the same grandiose synth riff that was in the intro is a pretty fun idea, but it’s not worth it because Headie One is boring too. At least it’s professionally mixed, which is better than most of the more B-list UK trap that charts in the second half of the top 40.

Edit: Nevermind lol the bass is clipping throughout the chorus. Also realised I never talked about the line that made me laugh. In the first verse, Young T might have interpolated MC Smally and if he hasn’t, he’s used the same inflection and that’s hilarious to me.

#24 – “ROXANNE” – Arizona Zervas

Produced by Jae Green and 94skrt – Peaked at #1 in New Zealand and #27 in the US

Now for our only diversion from UK rap, but still vaguely in hip hop, Arizona Zervas, an R&B singer-songwriter who was starting a humble career before suddenly, TikTok found this song and now he has a global hit single. His live shows are pretty prolific for such a new artist... I am a bit weary of Arizona Zervas being a bit of an industry plant because this song blowing up so quickly is all too convenient, especially considering he got the playlist placement within three weeks. I don’t know, and I don’t care, it’s his first UK Top 40 single. Is it any good? No. I listened to the whole song and just sat there thinking what I could talk about... which is nothing. I guess I like the splashes of guitar and the... oh, for God’s sake, whistling? Sigh, well, the lyrics are questionable at times, and the second verse is pretty obviously ripped off from somewhere, and the guy sounds whiny and infuriating. That glass breaking sound effect is pretty corny as well. Also, Drake did the “Shake and Bake” / Ricky Bobby joke nearly exactly 10 years ago, Zervas, and he didn’t sound nearly as gutless saying it... wow, Drake sounding tougher than you really is an insult. Sidenote, why is “BedRock” five gruelling minutes?

#18 – “Down Like That” – KSI featuring Rick Ross, Lil Baby and S-X

Produced by S-X

From here on out, we only have British hip hop to talk about and now this is a name I didn’t expect to see... YouTuber and semi-professional boxer KSI, who after winning against Logan Paul, stated he would be working more on his music (He said this in a Good Morning Britain interview with Piers Morgan, by the way) and I didn’t expect this so soon, but here it is. It’s not KSI’s first time charting, it’s actually his second UK Top 40 hit after “Lamborghini” peaked at #30 in 2015, but he seems to be taking music more seriously now and without all the nonsense diss tracks he released (most of which genuinely charted), as he’s got his highest-peaking single yet and some pretty high-profile features from Rick Ross and Lil Baby, as well as relatively unknown British rapper S-X, who also produces the track. It’s his first UK Top 40 hit, but Rick Ross has a lot more (The information for this on his discography page is messy, scattered and often non-existent so I’m not bringing up specific numbers) and it’s Lil Baby’s third. I’m not expecting anything great from these guys, but I’d like to be surprised.

I wasn’t. S-X sounds pretty flat against the menacing piano line, especially when he gets into the falsetto but this beat isn’t bad, especially with the distorted vocal sample, although the vocals here are typically pretty muddy, which is expected considering a YouTuber recorded them. KSI is the lead artist but he doesn’t really give much of an impression, although his Dragon Ball Z reference was a nice touch, I guess. Rick Ross comes in with ad-libs about being the biggest in the game, and I always love a M-M-Maybach Music tag but his verse but is non-existent. Lil Baby sounds confused and initially off-beat, with his flow ending up sounding pretty janky, as he also refers to Rick Ross as “the biggest” and his verse sounds like it abruptly stops mid-sentence. Somehow, KSI had the best verse here, as the American rappers didn’t really seem to know how to adapt. Good beat, though.

#15 – “Paper Cuts” – Dave

Produced by Ghosty

I’m tired of writing these introductions at this point, I have to write nine of them and explain everything and... ugh. Okay, this is Dave, we all know him if you read the series, he’s a UK rapper who’s very introspective and typically one of my favourites. This was marketed as the first time he would rap on a drill beat, which has me wondering how well he’ll fare on a track he didn’t actually produce (He usually does self-produce). It’s his first lead single since the #1 album, PSYCHODRAMA, and 15th UK Top 40 hit. I am a bit worried for the upcoming record though, if there is one, as he’s been keeping himself busy with pretty lacklustre features and a mediocre Top Boy soundtrack single. Regardless, is this new song any good? Well, Dave sounds pretty Dave here, talking about his past with his typical flow and contrived wordplay about Anakin from Star Wars and Red Bull, as well as an awfully misguided tangent about Megan Thee Stallion. Dave sounds really awkward here, which is odd as not only is this beat great and eerie but it’s also pretty much in his wheelhouse. This isn’t bad, but I feel there are people who could have made this a lot better and more organic or even just hyped up as the song as it is, it’s a slog and wildly uninteresting, despite only being three minutes. Good beat, though.

#13 – “Netflix & Chill” – Fredo

Produced by Kirk Beats

Fredo? Oh, come on, he’s one of the least interesting guys! Okay, well, he’s a UK rapper all the same and he can be pretty funny and wild when he wants to, like on his #1 hit, “Funky Friday”, with Dave, and even “So High” with MIST where MIST was just dead weight. Overall, I just find him okay most of the time, but it’s his seventh UK Top 40 hit and without any features, I doubt I’ll like this... and you know, maybe I’m wrong actually. This guitar line is pretty slick and the vocal samples are cute here, and the chorus is actually pretty fun with Fredo actually singing for once... although his vocals are awfully punched-in here. Jesus, that sounds unprofessional, but otherwise the trap beat is pretty cool, and his flow in the first verse is constantly switching and his style of casual, careless braggadocio is actually clicking with me here. His second verse is surprisingly long and despite him lazily repeating some of his bars throughout the verse, his bars can be pretty funny. The mixing is strange here, especially vocally, and I left this feeling conflicted if anything. Again – good beat, though.

#5 – “Must Be” – J Hus

Produced by JAE5

Finally, it’s the last song and probably the best one, to be honest, but I’ve already talked about the chart placements and all that nonsense, so let’s discuss the song – because it’s really freaking good! Okay, so perhaps some context here: J Hus is a pioneer of the genre ‘Afroswing’ and a pretty respectable rapper as well, although I personally didn’t like many tracks from his first and so far only studio album Common Sense. In June 2018, Hus was arrested for carrying a knife in Stratford and after changing his plea from not guilty to guilty, served eight months in jail. During this time, he would deliver a verse for Dave on “Disaster”, which is one of both rappers’ best songs. I think the most powerful statement I’ve heard from J Hus is when he was asked why he had a knife, because he responded, pretty simply, “You know, it’s Westfield”.

He was released on 5th April, 2019, to much rejoicing from his fanbase, the British rap community and his colleagues but since his release, he’s actually been pretty scarce – he made a guest appearance hours after release at a Drake show in London, and has done some features for Skepta, MoStack and... Ed Sheeran, but there hasn’t been any solo material until now. This is his massive comeback single, and, yeah, it’s great. Let’s talk about the lyrical subject matter here first and get that out of the way: J Hus is singing about paranoia and trauma he experiences now due to his time in prison and his roots in gang violence, giving him a tough exterior that isolates him from everyone else. Both the chorus and the end of the first verse sum it up pretty well.

If man slip, get up, dust yourself off / Everyone F off, yo

The second verse dives into being “Guilty by association” and with an incredible rhyme scheme, Hus mostly talks about how if someone dares even talk to his enemies, they will become an enemy, and how he doesn’t trust people anymore, but also interesting touches on how young black men struggle to fit into society without resorting to rapping or being a gang member, although he doesn’t do this in a serious manner, and is actually pretty humorous wordplay and just general turn of phrase.

I think he’s an opp, but I need confirmation

All that doesn’t matter if it’s not delivered well... and of course it is, with that groovy bassline and synth embellishes in the intro thanks to JAE5, and a funky trap beat with cute pitch-shifted chipmunk samples and a freaking sax loop just coming in whenever it wants to. In fact, the instrumental feels pretty frantic initially, but the second half of the first verse is just beautiful. After the epic drum fill, some grandiose, sweet-sounding synths come in and it’s just gorgeous. J Hus has a lot of charisma even if he tends to mumble in the first verse, but his voice is just so sonically pleasing to me, man, I could listen to him all day. Well, this is miles ahead of the rest of the rap here, and that outro with the string composition in the background might be one of my favourite musical moments of the year. Welcome back, J Hus. Glad to have you back.

Conclusion

Well, it should be obvious that J Hus is taking Best of the Week for “Must Be”, with Honourable Mention probably going to Endor for “Pump it Up”, although it isn’t that great. Dishonourable Mention goes to Tom Walker for just being boring with “Better Half of Me”, but I think Arizona Zervas is taking Worst of the Week for the sappy, gross “ROXANNE”. I don’t even want to try and make sense of what’ll happen next week. Interestingly, we’re going into the Christmas season with a lot of hip-hop on the chart, although we know most of this won’t survive the Winter and... well, you know what happens in Winter. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 22nd April 2018 - Nicki Minaj and David Guetta Edition

Let’s just get on with it.

Top 10

Alright, so we do have a new number-one, with “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa jumping up two spots to claim its throne only a week after its debut. I mean, I’d rather it be this than what it was two weeks ago, but this isn’t really that much of an improvement over what is now at the runner-up spot.

Yes, that’s right, Drake’s “Nice for What” has fell off of its debut – which is something I didn’t really expect to happen. I think it will regain its position sometime, however, and you can quote me on that.

At number-three, going down a single spot from its runner-up position last time, we have a song.

“Paradise” by George Ezra creeps up a spot to number-four.

“These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Dan Caplen and Macklemore continues its slow descent to number-five, which is okay – it had a good run.

“Friends” by Marshmello and Anne-Marie still won’t budge at number-six.

“Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith has strangely moved up two spaces to number-seven.

“Feel it Still” by Portugal. The Man, similarly to “Friends”, won’t move out of the number-eight position.

“Psycho” by Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla $ign has moved up a spot to number-nine, probably because of the next spot’s absolute freefall.

At number-ten, we have “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble barely holding on after a three-spot tumble.

Climbers

So, the top 10 is pretty stable, but is anything shifting up in the 30 less popular songs? I mean, not really anything that notable. Off the debuts, we have “Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane moving up seven spaces into the top 20 at #18, as well as “Mad Love” by Sean Paul featuring Becky G and David Guetta up 14 spaces to #25. The big story here, however, is definitely Cardi B’s swift 17-space uptake for “I Like It” with Bad Bunny and J Balvin, now at #23. I can see this becoming a big hit.

Fallers

There were a lot of earlier 2018 and even late 2017 hits that fell this week, but none of them all that big. We had “Breathe” by Jax Jones featuring Ina Wroldsen down five spaces to #27, “IDGAF” by Dua Lipa down seven spaces to #28, “SAD!” by XXXYIKES down five spaces to #29, “A Million Dreams” by Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman and Michelle Williams down seven spaces to #33, “Sanctify” by Years & Years down six spaces to #35, “Never Enough” by Loren Allred down eight spaces to #36 and “All the Stars” by Kendrick Lamar and SZA down five spaces to #39. It should also be noted that “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran is now being credited as the duet version with Beyoncé as it goes down five spaces to #38. The BBC and Charts Company are very inconsistent about that.

Dropouts and Returning Entries

Now, we are gathered here today to mourn the losses of “Dreams” by Ruti from #14, “Wasted Times” by The Weeknd from #30, “Pray for Me” by The Weeknd and Kendrick Lamar from #32, “Fine Line” by Mabel featuring Not3s from #35, “I See You Shining” by Nines from #37, and finally, “Dancing” by Kylie Minogue from #39. Nothing terribly tragic or even important here, and no returning entries, so I think we should get straight into the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Like I Do” – David Guetta, Martin Garrix and Brooks

Two David Guetta tracks debuted this week and I’m going to assume right off the bat that they’re just bland EDM or electro house tracks with a pitch-shifted hook and a tropical tinge.

What? Did you expect it not be exactly what I expected from David “I Made One Good Song, Let’s Do It Another 72 Times” Guetta? No, but I am somewhat surprised by how punchy these house synths are in the drop, with some alarm sounds for good measure and pounding percussion, as well as that throbbing bassline. The pitch-shifted vocals are repetitious and assumingly a sample, but they fit in the synth noise that is the verse’s instrumental, which also has some subtle... tambourines? Damn, Guetta, you really went all out for this. Yeah, I’m sad to say this about a track I was so downbeat about, and to an extent, three artists I don’t care for, but, yeah, this is pretty damn good. Exciting and straight-to-the-point dance music, with all artists having a damn good jab at it.

#37 – “Flames” – David Guetta and Sia

Now, this is more what I expected. A flat melody with some extra tropical synths and Sia being completely wasted. Sounds like David Guetta, right? Well, not really. It’s got a chugging guitar melody to back it up, a steady drum pattern and Sia is underused but still kills it as always. I especially love the chorus, where it goes into a burst of celebratory, triumphant electro-pop, as Sia sees how many ways she can mispronounce “flames”. It’s not amazing, and neither is “Like I Do” for that matter, but man, I’m surprised by how much I like this, considering my distaste for Guetta’s music in the past. I hope Sia has a new album out soon, by the way. I’ve missed her.

#31 – “Barbie Tingz” – Nicki Minaj

You do not know how hyped I have been to listen to these two new Nicki Minaj tracks. I don’t tend to bother with pre-album singles, but since I kind of have to for this show, I gave these two a shot to see if my expectations are met. Honestly, this production is somewhat underwhelming. Tribal drums would usually be an immediate appeal for me, but it’s drowned out in reverb and a weak droning circus-synth that they call a bassline. I like the constant ad-libs, though, they add some flavour - and Nicki’s still great on the mic as always, with some decent rhymes as well as the fantastic flows and unique delivery we all know her for. I wanted to like this so much more, but sadly, Nicki’s new producer can’t keep up with the woman herself. I’m still excited for her new album, of course – I love Nicki’s personality and skill as an MC enough that I could probably listen to a whole project of disappointing tracks and give it a positive score.

#30 – “German” – EO

Andalé, andalé, EO, EO, uh-oh! What’s popping tonight?

I have no idea who this EO dude is, but like Nines from last week, the dude sure has a joke-bank of names. Seriously, these British faux-reggae rappers need to start working on their stage name game. Oh, yeah, the music – well, I’ve talked about this song before. At least, I think so. I’ve heard this autotuned croon with some mediocre lyricism, weak reverb-addict dancehall production and steel pan/trap snare combination for the percussion a few times before. Hmm... Let’s just say that if I wanted to listen to German music, I’d go for Kraftwerk.

This isn’t even in German, it’s just about foreign jewellery, foreign cars and foreign women. I mean, why German? It’s not stereotypically a luxurious country or anything; you’d expect a rapper to say that their cars and their girls are from like France, right? Is that just me? I don’t care – skip this trash.

#26 – “Chun-Li” – Nicki Minaj

Is that a man singing with an incredibly nasal nose or a bee buzzing for that synth? I can’t tell. Either way, Nicki is steps ahead from her served production as with “Barbie Tingz”, with intimidating, albeit melodramatic, spoken interludes and catchy fire bars, some of it being pretty impressively freestyled... which you can tell with the “Call me 2 Chainz, name go ding-dong” line. Yeah, that’s pretty questionable, but otherwise, yeah, with some less underwhelming production, this would have been a certified banger. As it is, it’s just some dude blowing his nose over an otherwise bland trap-rap track. Nicki, get some better dudes behind the keys next time, because this newly-hired guy isn’t doing too well.

#20 – “Let Me” – ZAYN

Oh, my God! It’s the lead single from former One Direction member turned R&B bad boy Zany Milk’s sophomore album... even though he released two singles prior but let’s just presume those were for buzz. This is the real thing! It’s going to be amazing! It’s going to be ground-breaking! It’s going to be a trap banger with production that is breathtaking and not watered down! It’s going to have meaningful, conscious lyrics that do not mention vanilla ice cream! It’s not going to have Zayn’s skin-crawlingly weak falsetto! It’s not going to have a jumbled mess of a chorus! It’s going to be a powerful, triumphant “stick-it-to-the-man” anthem with experimental instrumentation and a rebellious attitude to the lyrics! It’s not going to be the lazily trend-hopping BS that Zayn otherwise decides to sing on! It’s going to be new, fresh and exciting! Yeah...

Nope.

Conclusion

Nothing here knocked my socks off, but nothing here forced to me to put shoes on and go out for a walk. Best of the Week goes for “Like I Do” by David Guetta and co., with his other single with Sia, “Flames” getting the Honourable Mention. Worst of the Week is pretty obviously “German” by EO, with Dishonourable Mention going to “Let Me” by ZAYN. Nicki Minaj doesn’t take anything, which is sad because I thought she’d bring home Best of the Week. We’ll see how that album is, though, in a few weeks. For now, see ya next time!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 1st April 2018 [for real this time]

This is a big week! Drake is no longer at the top spot. Let’s see what is!

Top 10

It took an all-star cast to break Drake – except it didn’t, because “God’s Plan” is at number-ten. All it took was a sub-par streaming week. “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Dan Caplen and Macklemore, runner-up for nine weeks,  takes the number-one spot.

“Paradise” by George Ezra moves up three spots to number-two.

“Feel it Still” by Portugal. The Man is feeling still at number-three.

“Friends” by Marshmello and Anne-Marie also stays steady at number-four.

That’s the good news. Now here’s the bad news: Up 11 spots, at number five, is “Freaky Friday” by Lil Dicky featuring Chris Brown, Ed Sheeran, DJ Khaled and Kendall Jenner... I suddenly want to listen to XXXTENTACION’s “SAD!”. I wonder why.

Oh, yeah, thanks to the video, “Psycho” by Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla $ign moved up two spaces to number-six.

As does “The Middle” by Target—I mean, Zedd and Grey featuring Maren Morris at number-seven.

“This is Me” is down a single space, with the Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble track now at number-eight.

More bad news: “Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith moved four spaces, breaching the top 10 at number-nine.

And finally, as I mentioned prior, “God’s Plan” at Drake has taken a nine-space loss to number-ten. Rest in peace.

Climbers

Nothing happened.

No, I’m serious, it’s not just hyperbole for a slow week. Nothing notably moved up outside of the top ten this week other than a few one-spot hikes. Geez. It’s good we have four new arrivals, otherwise this’d be a very short episode.

Fallers

I wish the same applied here because there are some hefty drops for great songs here, like “IDGAF” by Dua Lipa taking a huge leap of faith down to #17, 11 spaces away from last week. “All the Stars” are not closer to the top spot this week, with the Kendrick Lamar and SZA track dipping 15 positions to #25. We also have “For You (Fifty Shades Freed)” by Liam Payne and Rita Ora dropping five spaces to #34 but whoever cared about that song? The only other notable fall here is “Moonlight” by XXXTENTACION off the debut, falling seven spaces to #38. I’m surprised it didn’t drop off completely honestly. Talking about dropouts...

Dropouts

Wow... finally, “New Rules” by Dua Lipa, former chart-topper, drops out from #38. The norm has been shaken today, it seems, and Dua Lipa’s having an especially bad week. “Supermarket Flowers” by Ed Sheeran also gets knocked out from #34 after its return a few weeks prior. “River” by Eminem featuring Ed Sheeran as well as “Barking” by Ramz drop out from #37 and #39 at the end of their impressive top 40 runs. There’s no returning entries this week, however, so let’s get straight to the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Vroom” – Yxng Bane

I’m not the only one who immediately thought of Childish Gambino when I saw this on the charts, right? Even if you didn’t, don’t expect that level of wit here, all we’ve got is a melodic autotune abuser with inflections and lyrics that should make you roll your eyes. The echoes every line in the verse are very cheaply-executed and seem very unnecessary, as do the Ricky Martin references in the pre-chorus. The instrumental is a nice fusion of trap snares and more tropical synths and even steel pans, resembling Drake’s production on “Fake Love” as Yxng Bane interpolates “Gimme the Light” by Sean Paul in the bridge, and ruining a song I never really liked in the first place (but can admit it had a nice hook). Apart from the chuckles you’ll get from corny car/girlfriend comparisons, you won’t get any enjoyment out of this until three minutes in, where a smooth as silk guitar solo damn near saves the whole song. Too bad it only lasts for that last minute.

#35 – “Shotgun” – George Ezra

Set to disappoint me again is George Ezra, with an album cut off his sophomore effort that I probably will not bother with. Has this track persuaded me to take a listen? Not really – in fact, it’s just turned me off even more with its reverb-heavy percussion and clouds of synth snooze, as well as the anti-climactic hook and Ezra’s only serviceable experience. It does pick up when more elements are added, like the acoustic guitar melody and the chirping trumpets that really do add a sense of urgency to the otherwise badly-mixed track. It just doesn’t seem to live up to its title that much – it should be less relaxed, right? It should at least be faster and more interesting or exciting. However, it does not really get there, in fact, it probably gets less worthy of its title as it fades away, leaving the trumpet solo to never truly conclude. It’s not bad and I’m not mad, it’s just disappointing and I’m rather disappointed.

#30 – “Lost in Japan” – Shawn Mendes

The piano melody that starts off this track is tasty, nay, delicious, but that does not matter in the slightest because somehow, Shawn Mendes has found a way to rip off Charlie Puth and become better than him infinitely. This is smooth funk with fitting handclaps, a groovy bassline and some of Mendes’ best performances vocally, as well as the return of that tasty piano to build up to nothing more than more funk. It’s danceable but not maximalist. Sometimes a good bassline, steady falsetto riff and the occasional electric guitar lick is all you need for a good time, and a good song at that. Who wants to be lost in the woods with Bon Iver when you can be lost in Japan with Shawn Mendes? This is surprisingly low-key but magnificent in its subtlety. Well freaking done, Mendes.

#13 – “In My Blood” – Shawn Mendes

I’ve already heard this song. I tweeted after my listen, “that new Shawn Mendes song is boring lol”. I’m still right, but what do you expect? It’s a Shawn Mendes ballad where he holds an acoustic guitar and strums while singing about his issues. That’s all you need to know. It’s not even a quality Shawn Mendes ballad where he holds an acoustic guitar and strums while singing about his issues, mostly because Mendes doesn’t seem to fit on more intense production, pulling off infuriatingly obnoxious vocal inflections over melodramatic instrumentation.

Or at least that’s what I thought, until I re-listened to “What I’ve Done” by Linkin Park... and realised that Mendes is actually pulling off a dramatic rock track pretty well here, with powerful screeches over the chorus, and an excellent guitar riff that’s simple but effective. Why did Linkin Park remind me of that, you ask? Because they both do the same thing, essentially, but I’m going to be honest, Mendes does it better than Bennington because he seems genuine and that genuineness just makes his performance all the more powerful here. The production also seems more fitting, with the anthemic hard rock instrumentation not really fitting the ballad style, but a softer, vulnerable side to not only Mendes but the direction they take the rock genre’s many tropes here just makes everything so much more believable.

Conclusion

Best of the Week goes to “Lost in Japan” by Shawn Mendes, with his other track “In My Blood” taking the Honourable Mention. Worst of the Week goes to “Vroom” by Yxng Bane, I suppose, even if its worst crime is that it’s not interesting. Dishonourable Mention goes to “Shotgun” by George Ezra for just being a bit mediocre and turning me off his new record. I hope that Panic! at the Disco debuts with “Say Amen (Saturday Night)” or “(F*** A) Silver Lining” next week because those are best-hits-of-the-year material, but they probably won’t because the British general public isn’t that much of a fan of alternative rock, as you can probably tell from the fact that Drake topped the charts for nine weeks. See ya next time!