#honestly its more private daydream material

[leopardsealz-remaking]

after watching the cat returns i wanna think abt my own lil cat oc verse again

[golden-witch]

I wrote an incredibly long character study for Sayo for an RP group. I am deciding to share because some fans have difficultly figuring her out because of Ryukishi’s writing style, which is honestly understandable. I hope y’all enjoy! I have some other writings about Sayo you could also check out. More under read-more.

Sayo was once a happy girl whose suffering transformed her into a woman with a polarized personality and a warped sense of justice. She has suffered emotional abuse at the hands of the Ushiromiya family and their associates. Born an orphan, she grew up neglected and without friends that weren’t imaginary. Daydreaming was a means of entertainment and escapism for Sayo. She created her own mental safe space called the Golden Land in order to cope with her miserable life. This would develop into a spiritual way of thinking and ultimately become the land of the dead in Sayo’s conceptualization of religion. 

It was always Sayo’s desire to blend fantasy with reality. Even as a little girl, she tried to bring her imagination to life by inventing the Golden Witch, a supposed ghost who haunted the halls of the mansion where she worked. Sayo would use this as a means to empower herself. Beatrice was a persona she assumed, and under her name, Sayo would pull pranks and cause mischief for the inhabitants of Rokkenjima both to enhance the veracity of the witch’s legend and to vent her anger towards the staff and her family for mistreating her. 

Sayo’s more vindictive personality traits would increase as she grew older. Although she had begun to impersonate the witch for fun, it became a power fantasy for her, and her acting would become dangerous. Sayo’s fear of abandonment caused her to cling to Battler Ushiromiya, and when he left the island, the hateful side of her began to fester. She anxiously waited for his return and blamed him for tragedies which befell her during their separation because he promised to save her from Rokkenjima. She became vengeful towards Battler and chose him as the target of her murder-suicide game, an ultimate act of retribution for leaving her to suffer.

The knowledge Sayo uncovered during Battler’s absence radically transformed the way she viewed herself. She was never satisfied with herself and had many suspicions about her body but learning the truth about her background was catastrophic. She considers herself deeply undeserving of other’s affection out of disgust towards herself-- largely affected by the circumstances of her birth;  she is an illegitimate child and a product of incest with disfigured sex organs due to an accident she sustained. Personal difficulty with discerning her gender causes her to suffer from an identity crisis so severe that she doesn’t view herself as human. This complex results in Sayo calling herself “furniture”, a being below humans whose sole purpose is servitute. Furniture can never know love, but they can still dream of what it feels like to love and be loved-- a torturous existence where all romantic endeavors end in tragedy. 

Love is a very important concept to Sayo. She has troubles with introversion and as a result forms bonds so deep that they are integral parts of her being.  She values relationships over material things and feels so strongly about connecting to others that she will go to great lengths to solidify relationships. While endearing, it has more dangerous side effects including possessiveness; once Sayo has become close to someone, she does everything in her power to avoid abandonment. This goes to extreme lengths in the story, where Sayo prefers to commit murder and suicide in order to prevent her loved ones from abandoning her.

Sayo is extremely sensitive towards the prospect of people discovering the state of her body and mind. She seeks to fulfill other’s desires before her own and is terrified of traits which displease them. She pushes these left over thoughts and feelings onto a series of personas to categorize them. They are Shannon, Kanon, and the witch, Beatrice. It should be noted that Sayo does not have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), rather she establishes characters to roleplay and does so convincingly.

‘Shannon’ is the work name Sayo wears while serving the Ushiromiya family as a maid. She has been developed into a persona, an idealized form of femininity. Shannon is a demure, heartfelt girl whose desire is to retire to domestic life with her husband and children. She is meant to fulfill Sayo’s fantasy of becoming a woman and a wife. Her concept of womanhood is limited and very gendered, bordering on stereotypical. 

‘Kanon’ is a male alter-ego (once an imaginary friend) who Sayo adopted due to her struggle with gender identity because of her unclear biological sex. He is her vision of what a boy should be like; crass, cold and impersonal, a protective persona meant to shield Shannon’s vulnerabilities. He is especially resentful of love and magic because of Sayo’s partial realization that her fantasies have a dark side. The traits Sayo gave to Shannon and Kanon are very polarizing, and the two often debate in her daydreams as she considers who she wants to be and what steps she must take to achieve that. Kanon opposes the massacre and wishes for life on Rokkenjima to continue as normal so that he can fulfill his relationship with Jessica, in part, and because he tries to be satisfied with his lot in life. When Sayo realizes that this is impossible due to the discoveries about her background, Kanon advocates for suicide rather than murder. He fails to convince Sayo because he is ultimately more passive and less dominant that the Shannon persona. This also causes Kanon to die during the duel.

‘Beatrice’ is the character Sayo play-acts as to fulfill a power fantasy. Beatrice represents the sadistic, vindictive side of Sayo’s psyche, traits she rarely displays in Shannon or Kanon. While operating under her Beatrice persona, Sayo channels her mischievous side into ‘magic’, pranks which vary from harmless to murderous. Beatrice embodies lost hopes and dreams for Sayo; for example, her voluptuous form, her sexual prowess, and her role as the family head are all impossible for Sayo to have. Beatrice is an unreachable ideal for Sayo. An interesting aspect I have noticed about Beatrice is her behavior, which is neither overly feminine (like Shannon) or masculine (like Kanon). Sayo blended these traits to create a woman who didn’t fit neatly into the two boxes of gender stereotypes. 

It is in this persona that Sayo commits her murder-suicide plot; Beatrice is the judge, juror, and executioner sent to cleanse the sins of Rokkenjima. She will kill the family and taken them with her to the Golden Land. She is almost godly, sent to Rokkenjima to enact divine justice.

The Golden Land and magic are religious concepts to Sayo which she has developed extensively over the years. She has a bit of a god-complex over the island as its master and believes, with conviction, that killing herself and her loved ones will transport them to this private heaven. Sayo will act on any means to actualize this dream and has no qualms with manipulating or hurting others to see her plans to fruition. She has decided this is the only way she can ever be happy. This includes grooming a child into a cult following with Beatrice as a sort of religious figure. While it began as an innocent game, Sayo warped Beatrice’s lore to brainwash Maria into believing that death was the only way to end her mother’s abuse instead of acting in Maria’s best interest and trying to intervene. She is incredibly passive and waits for miracles to change fate, miracles which would unfortunately never occur. At the end of the series, she realizes that she could have been more proactive in changing her life and others.

Sayo becomes a changed person after the events of Episode 6. She has finally accepted her mistakes and realized what she could have done to avoid Rokkenjima’s tragedy. In the Episode 8 manga, which I HIGHLY recommend reading (bc its better than the vn lol), she is able to confront a hysterical Ange and convince her that suicide and self destruction is not the answer to anyone’s problems. Sayo fully forgives the family for their actions and is able to move on, finally achieving peace in the afterlife where she exists happily with Battler.

You can find more writings about Sayo in my writings page.

[deviationdivine]

The Stoic Prince (RK900!Prompt Request)

TLDR: To you he’s a smug pain in the ass but you still fantasize about getting dirty with him at the DPD.

Word Count: 1,912

TW: Language, Suggestive Themes, Smut Fantasy

A/N: Follower/Reader Appreciation Drabble | Prompt: “Why the hell am I attracted to snarky stuck up dick faces?” - anon request! Thanks for participating nonnie! This went somewhere else. 1 in the queue done! Onto the next!

"Why do you even bother talking to it?"

Bitter taste of coffee barely touches tongue. Peering up at the question leaves a tiny smirk across lips, which did a hesitant skim of cup rim. Can the DPD honestly get a better brand to chug out of this dispenser?

“Excuse me?”

Purposely hedging away from your co-worker’s sudden interrogation hardly hides the clear tinge of artifice lacing words. Speaking any further may give away this ploy. Of course you know who they mean. He is the only smug jackass that does a heck of a job digging under skin.

Tall, imposing steel scoping a sea of puny humans to gnaw on, using his steadfast jaw, cut from stone if he were made of clay to be fitted by the gods themselves. Plastic, metal – raw material configured, manipulated into eye catching aesthetics.

Fabricated beauty and despite a brusque imperious affectation streaming out of those cool, pert lips. Often times you fantasize how human, warm they might taste. Not just against your mouth but gliding in a hungry appreciation upon every inch of skin made readily available.

To say you had the hots for Nines is an understatement. To say it can go anywhere is another quandary in your grand scheme of things. Natural enigmas be damned he is a walking puzzle waiting to be stripped of his authoritarian programming and cynical attitude.

Unfortunately those gods decided pompous and hypocrisy should be star qualities. Incessantly rolling eyes at your luck, leaning casually into table, coffee machine obscured by your current position, sank an invigorating quiet into your weary body for a brief moment.

Breaks are never long enough. At least there isn’t a sign of top human asshole of the Detroit Police. Rather not have to put a foot up his ass again. However, let’s get back to the inquiry at hand since it hasn’t left the break room.

“Daydreaming about it? Wow, Y/N.”

Sounds like some others you’ve known in the city. Detroit is just a heaping pile of garbage on a good day. Android fever is still in full swing and not how society originally saw it unfolding.  "Don't call him that." You defend him while not in his presence. Better to keep it that way because no way in hell are you admitting how fast you’d drop clothes and get down with the rigid android on the force.  "Just because he's an android, I mean." The female officer rolls eyes at you. "Uh huh. Sure. Next time you’ll tell me Reed’s going out for drinks with Anderson and Connor.”

Considering androids do not drink she’s a long way off course. You snort.

“Better luck with puppy eyed boy,” the officer jabs, smug. “He doesn’t look like he wants to eat people alive. Or maybe that RK900 just wants to eat you out.”

Nearly spitting coffee all over moves you in a quick step forward, grabbing a napkin out of dispenser to brush splotches of brown liquid off shirt. Eat you out?! Yeah, absolutely!

Perfervid antagonism blinds your gaze resting in a target over fellow officer all consuming in personal embarrassment. Truth is not far from luscious fantasies swirling in nightly subconscious. More than a few dreams about tangling body, flesh and humanity with synthetic, plastic and robotics transforms sleep. It is a burning secret. 

A mystery garden planted between the cages absconding the heart ruminating for something of construct, designed in perfection but never mind false images. Never mind unnatural heavenly auras built around a shell of mechanized man. He is everything you can dream about but never will quite openly acknowledge.

One more step and – "Your heart rate is dangerously high for caffeine consumption."

The calculating voice of the RK900 hovers close, sinking in smooth and curt. A statement more so than concern but appropriately edged with his swift, sharp stride into break room.

Fusing a firm hand atop your shoulder seemingly resonates effectively. Analysis is punctual upon your figure as are the sweeping steel he possesses to invoke fear in opponents. He stares down suspects and useless colleagues alike. However there is a bit more skill in you out of most among these humans. He keeps silent, studying a wide appreciation in your eyes.

Pupil dilation is telling to an android who measures subtlety, language in the human form, moving under its own command. Rarely does he witness a shining example of what is referred to as a poker face in most offenders. Upon you it is quite - delicious.

The spike in vitals draws him. Nostrils flare in your personal radius sampling as a bloodhound on a ferocious hunt. Fluctuations respond exquisitely as you are equally confounding in his state of processing.

Do you honestly believe you will affect him in such a wasteful way without retaliation? The form in which he shadows your trembling inhibitions is opposite of what is desired in potential partners. This android does not care in the slightest for decorum. 

He will pull you into his awaiting grasp, splaying atop his smooth marbled chest, wanton in prurience, undone from the molecules that form soft, fragile flesh. Tasting your essence will act as more than data on a long, skillful tongue. It will bury into the nerves breaking down your barriers in a flood of rapture. 

All it takes is a deliberate push. Buttons unfastening with each poke he prods, bleeding into your skin and he does so intentionally to gain reaction. Steeping within your system liquefies him to the plasma running through veins. 

Just as thirium runs a gamut of power to biocomponents he readily will be the life force keeping your mortal existence afloat. So it will be because he wills it out of a viral need you have unwittingly but most adoringly spread into his frame. 

His lips twitch faint. A tiniest curve unseen by naked eye but he settles them to a hard line. 

Your entire body shivers giving away how good he’s gotten you. Damn it. And he’s looking awfully smug about it all. Somehow he manages to keep his stoic façade nestling in his wide, masculine exterior; handsome is a mere flash in the pan for Nines. 

He is beyond definition. You think he knows it too. Why else does he single you out? Making you literally sweat, taking great pleasure in how you behave and pretending nothing is happening.

What a complete and total jackass! Sometimes you swear he fakes this hard ass persona to look the part. Actually, no he’s built this way. Deviancy does nothing for him!

Collecting yourself is instinct and self preservation kicking in. Nobody in their life will get away with this but he melts your strong core down to a puddle. Limpid steel expunges self control. In front of him you strive to be alert so it's not obvious but there was more warmth underneath his imposing touch than you can stand. 

God, he's too good. Flicking eyes down the length of his body drives a surge in your heart, thundering in desperation to current fantasy riding out awake.

Strewn atop table, legs around his waist; ripping open that damn white jacket, digging fingers against defined pecs visibly bursting at the seams through black material, fluffy camouflage to a toned body. Taking you right then and there, moaning his name, sinking fingers into exposed synthetic skin because you want to lay into him as heavily as he lays into you.

Biting of perfectly white teeth, licking languid, sensual from smooth tongue and pounding your body on hard surface, pain thumping against the plane of your back but you beg him for more. 

Ravenous, unfiltered and insatiably poetic while he completely ravages whatever is left of you, nearly collapsing the chosen surface of your hungry carnality. Eye witnesses neither ceasing nor distracting from the obvious orgasm you will ride on high in the clouds of your mind.

Breath catches in a mystifying glaze sparkling up to his hard narrowed brow. A daylight delusion swept hold at the least private location for you to be horny.  For a minute you fear he knows what went on in your head. A predatory slit of Nines’ eyes tracks each minute expression, fidget you relay. He resembles an albino king cobra, flaring a shroud to engulf you in his beguiling shadow.

 Hammering against ribs betrays you to the point of imagining the entire precinct eavesdropping on the laborious thud. A small inhalation expands his chest one he hardly requires for oxygen but absorbs your arousal. Oh, it’s very obvious. You have a bit of a problem between your legs right now. Fuck.

"Peak performance suggests you not consume more than the recommended dose of caffeine, Detective.”

The android’s voice is deeper, darker than usual. Almost testing, watchful of how your body will respond next. Enough so that a smirk graces the mouth you wish to ascend in prayer to the immediate issue you physically suffer. He will cure such issue predominantly efficient. “Coffee will not help your productivity if you misuse it." Misuse it, huh? Oh, you’re sure nothing will be of misuse here. Preferably his tongue; you screw up your face to hide the lust.  

Why the fuck is he looking like that? Does he realize people will start noticing? Honestly, it’s first time you realize it’s just the two of you in the break room. Guess he scared off your former gossip partner.  "Why do you care what I do anyway?” Seething at his game and the fact you’re turned on at work, you slam a finger into his chest. Stabbing him doesn’t move his perfect posture but it sure does make you ache more.  “It's not as if it's worth your time."

Nines’ head cocks to the side marginally amused by this insolence. He finds it cripplingly fascinating on a good day but why voice such trivialities?

“Perhaps if you behave in a professional capacity, Detective Y/L/N?” Leaning in to brush the words beside ear, purposely expelling artificial breath to lick your skin, the android fuses fingers against your hip.

A slow slide kisses beneath the android’s tempting fingertips allowing the hitch of your natural breath fuel his personal stimulus. Aroused by you will not go without discipline. There is only one kind he imagines to have utmost potency and satisfaction.

“Tell me, Y/N,” Nines switches to informalities, dangerously silken. “Do you wish every advanced piece of technology that wanders into the DPD to fuck you? Or is it because I am faster, stronger and more resilient to your needs?”

Gasping is the last vocalization you will give him. Pushing back from you reserves dignity even if you want him to just snag you hard by the hips and throw you down into the evidence room. Quieter, less traffic right now and it’d be a pretty good way to… He just called himself the best and believes it.

Well, it’s true right? No. Fuck his snide self!

You are trying but still…

“Why the hell am I attracted to snarky, stuck up dick faces?!”

Story of your goddamn life apparently and this one is the snarkiest, smuggest, sexy piece of android you’ve had the discomfort and pleasure to meet.

“Get over yourself, Nines!”

Yelling on the way out of the break room only causes looks and you’re sure without turning around he’s still standing there. Tall as hell and making you weak, oh so weak to his stormy sea and he’s already swallowed you up.

Wait until he devours you.  

Tag List: @elydith  @your-taxidermy

[forsakenoathkeeper]

Chapter 13: Mortal Reminder

Shuu Sakamaki x Sora Yasutake

* Please be warned about potential adult content, including violence, gore, foul language, abuse, sexual content, and mature themes. Due to the nature of this series, all chapters will be rated for mature content *

~ About Sora ~ Fanfiction Master List ~ First Chapter ~ Chapter 12 ► (more coming soon) ~ Special thank you to everyone who is reading my OC story. ♥ It means a lot to me and I really appreciate the support.

Shuu wasn't a fan of this bedroom. Aside from the obvious reason - that everything was pink or white and bright and the furniture was of horrible taste - it was also an empty and heartless place. This was the temporary home of all the brides that had been sent to them. Reiji was good at making sure it was spotless, and free of any evidence that it had been previously lived in, before a new bride arrived.

He didn't care about those girls, don't be mistaken. But, there was something unsettling about this room. Perhaps, it was the remnants of their existence that pecked at him when he was in here. He wasn't scared of ghosts, feeble spirits that thought they could cause torment. But, he didn't enjoy the unease of their lingering, like some of his brothers did.

It was, perhaps, the only thing their kind shared in common: dead vampires, too, on occasion, liked to linger. View things were more obnoxious than a ghost that believed its pitiful life was worthy enough to continue existing in the afterlife. Of course, none would dare disturb him.

When Shuu pushed the door and invited himself inside, he found the room to be what he expected: it smelt like the girl, was a little stuffy, but otherwise ordinary. She had unpacked more since the last time he was in here, and had somewhat rearranged a few things.

Her school uniform was washed and ironed, hung up by a hanger that was dangling out in the open, up on a hook near her dresser. She had left her science book open on her desk, on the page where she last been reading. Various notebooks were lined up on the desk, propped up between two makeshift book ends - likely some decorations she had snatched from the study on the other side of the mansion: they were hideous, clearly things that wouldn’t be missed and of Reiji’s poor taste. Her pajamas were laid out on the bed, atop the sheets, which was somewhat made. Her hairbrush was even sitting on the edge of her desk.

Shuu was a bit amused by it. Most of their sacrifices kept this room perfectly organized and clean, at least that he could recall. Then again, this girl wasn’t from the church, was she? A non-Christian, so to speak. That seemed to explain her tastes, then.

At a glance, he could see the spines of her notebooks propped up on the desk. They were colored ones: red, blue, purple, green, orange and pink. He didn't know if there existed any difference between those ones; however, Shuu did know that she was especially protective over the black one - because of course she would choose that color for such devious things.

The black one... which wasn't on the desk.

Had she hidden it? She would do something so stupid, wouldn't she? How annoying... He definitely didn't want to have to actually look for it. But, Shuu stepped further into the room, leaving the door open behind him without much care to getting caught. In fact, it would probably be amusing if she caught him in here. He could demand she supply him with what he wanted and mock her for it... maybe she would disobey him.

It didn't take his keen eyes long to find it. The black notebook was tucked into the small space between the bed frame and the wall. How silly. Was she honestly worried about someone finding it? Shuu leaned down and scooped it up with deft fingers and was out of the room, leaving the door open behind him.

He contemplated briefly on where to spend the remainder of his night. Outside was a thought, but he didn’t usually like to go out there unless he had recently fed, when his body was warmed and satiated. He was cold, somewhat; so, for now, he would stay inside.

Shuu settled for the library on the other side of the mansion. It was massive, with an upstairs and downstairs section. Reiji wasn't in there tonight, leaving the room quiet and not stinking to high hell. Shuu enjoyed the large window on the upper level. It was curved at the top and indented into the wall with a seating. It was the perfect size for him to lounge on and prop his feet on the end cushion, inevitably leaving behind an indent that Reiji would bitch about later.

Perfect.

"Should I have said no to Yuma...?” Sora thought to herself as she set the wet dishes on the drying rack. She pulled the plug to let the soapy water drain. As she dried her hands, she leaned her back against the counter and dwelled heavily on it all.

Yuma’s offer... if she could even call it that... had caught her off guard. Perhaps, however, her refusal was even more surprising. It wasn’t particularly frightening, but felt... wrong. To feel such a way over the thought of another vampire indulging in her... Had she truly grown attached to Shuu? Perhaps, that was just how vampires were. “Marked” and, now, she would only ever belong to Shuu. Was that real? Or was he saying that to make her feel bad?

“...tch.” Sora set the damp towel on the edge of the counter and walked away, leaving the dishes to dry on the rack and suds in the bottom of the sink. She wasn’t thinking about what Reiji would likely to say to her, but that she needed to lay down. She needed a distraction.

Upstairs, the door to Sora’s room was open, but she didn’t immediately consider that strange. She closed the door behind herself and immediately flopped on the bed, leaving her shoed feet dangling off the edge. With the door having been left open, it was a little colder in here than usual, but she didn’t immediately move to wrap herself up in the blankets.

“Would things really be different...?” she thought to herself. She had not once considered Yuma as a way out. She didn’t look to him with eyes that pleaded for help. Maybe because he was a vampire, too. Maybe because some part of her doubted he really could save her. This situation was... her burden.

Then again... Out of worry over her own situation, Sora had briefly forgotten about what Yuma had requested of her. He wanted her to help him remember-... Remember what it was he had forgotten about Shuu? The more she thought about it, the stranger it seemed. What could she possibly do that he couldn’t? She could outright ask Shuu - no... no... she definitely couldn’t do that.

Shuu and Yuma were both vampires, but there was something subtly different about Yuma. She couldn’t really explain it. Maybe it wasn’t really there at all, and she was just imaging things. Maybe it was just the way he carried himself that gave her this impression. But, whatever it was...

“It’s like something out of a-...” Sora mumbled to herself, finishing her sentence mentally. Novel. It was like something out of a novel. Her situation? Sure, it was like a poetic horror, in a way, but... More so, whatever past and secrets were hidden between the two vampires, now that was thought provoking. With that, Sora’s thoughts drifted and she became lost in a daydream.

After some pondering, she rolled over and reached for the edge of the bed. Her fingers touched nothing but the bed frame and she froze up. She rolled over again, this time to look at the gap. Sure enough, it wasn’t there. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. It hadn’t slipped out and fallen. No, it was gone.

“What-...?” Sora began pacing the room, wondering if she had left it somewhere else. It wasn’t on the shelf or in her backpack, though it hadn’t left this room in a few days. She was usually good about keeping track of her things-... Oh. “The door was open... He wouldn’t-...!” She left the room frantically, leaving the door open behind her.

When he opened the notebook to the first page, it was labeled “chapter 8″. Part of him was disappointed for a second. Perhaps, it would have been more interesting if it was that woman’s journal? She was a little more private than their previous sacrifices. Her emotions weren’t always as readable as the girls from the church. Though, that sometimes made her a little more boring.

Then again... reading about her complaining about her pathetic life didn’t sound interesting when he thought about it. What he expected was for this book to be wicked, to hold desires that she kept to herself. Why else would she be so secretive about it? Chapter 8... ah well, as if the rest of it mattered much at all, anyway.

As he began, it didn’t take excellent perception skills to pick up on what kind of story the woman was telling. Suzaku... a young maiden, perhaps a princess, though it wasn’t explicitly stated, quite implied, longed to be with the warrior promised to protect her. She didn’t want to fulfill the duties bestowed upon her: a royal marriage arrangement, essentially, to a stranger. She wanted the man sworn to protect her.

Tch. How typical. It was exactly the kind of material he expected from that woman: a very predictable female fantasy. Yet, one thing did come as unexpected: the perspective. It would have made sense to tell the story through the eyes of Suzaku. But, it wasn’t. It was told through the eyes of her protector.

This chapter began with a battle, one man versus five others, and every little detail of how he defeated them against all odds... and ended in a sort of internal monologue, in which he longed for the girl just the same as she did for him. After that, it skipped to chapter 10, but Shuu wasn’t really thinking about the gaps, just kept reading, occasionally grimacing at the woman’s horrendous hand writing.

Another violent chapter, and it lead Shuu to wonder what kind of woman wrote about such things. This one was less cinematic, but somehow more dramatic. Perhaps she was more masochistic than he originally perceived... or an idiot: an idiot who thought she knew what she was talking about... a typical human with aspirations beyond their understanding.

He was close to the end of chapter ten... but then her loud footsteps interrupted him. He knew it was her before she even got close to the doorway. None of his brothers’ hearts beat that loudly, and none of them carried a heavy scent like that. He looked up even before she crossed the threshold.

“Sh-...! Shuu...” she panted from the doorway, cutting off what was going to be a shout, most likely. Was she actually going to yell at him? How interesting...

She looked a little winded, and Shuu couldn’t hold back a very slight, amused grin at the sight of her. Had she really been that anxious to find him? Shuu didn’t immediately move from where he lounged, curious to see what exactly she was going to do.

“Shuu,” she stated again as she began approaching him. “Shuu, why-... Please don’t take my things. That’s private.” Her tone wasn’t very firm, unsurprisingly. She sounded somewhat pleading, maybe even a little demanding. It was clear to him she was trying to restrain herself. Her eyes were desperate, but also determined.

“That’s cheeky of you: telling me what to do,” Shuu replied, calmly. He maneuvered a bit so that he was leaning up a little more, but still lounging. This leveled their heights somewhat, but she still remained taller as she stood beside him. Even so, she still looked meek.

“Well, it’s cheeky of you to take my things,” Sora replied, a bit uneasily, as if she was testing the waters with her response. Yet, it looked like the words spilled from her lips without much thought. “You are my thing,” Shuu replied without an ounce of hesitation. As soon as those words left his mouth, he could see her expression weaken. “As such, your things are also my things.”

Shuu wasn’t smirking this time. He was dead serious, and he knew she could see that. “I get that I’m your prey, but-” she began. “Do you get that?” he interrupted, speaking over her words. She was silent for a moment, staring at him with doubt riddling those brown eyes. “Shuu...” she spoke his name, a sound somewhat exasperated, maybe even a little sad. Or was she... annoyed with him? How amusing.

“I still deserve some respect. Please-” she gritted out. “-leave my writing alone.” That definitely wasn’t the most pitiful and pathetic please he had ever heard; but, it was most certainly the fakest. Was that supposed to be polite? Was he supposed to believe that she was attempting some humility? Shuu could see it in her red cheeks and glaring eyes, could hear it in her thundering heartbeat... She was mad at him.

He wanted to taste it.

Sora reached for the notebook, as if to gingerly take it from him. She wasn’t attempting to be quick, as if to swipe it from him. She moved steadily, almost like she was asking him permission to take it back. For a moment, Shuu acted as if he was going to let her. From where he held the notebook, it forced Sora to lean over him ever so slightly. Just as soon as her fingers grazed the paper, Shuu dropped the notebook on the bench beside him and used that hand to grab her arm.

She winced at the sudden contact, all her muscles tightening in response to it. For a second, Shuu stared at her face, finally catching the glimpses of fear in her brown eyes. “I don’t like stupid prey...”

Sora cried out as he tore her away from where she stood and dragged her onto the bench, twisting her body around until her back hit the bench and she was pinned beneath him. He pressed one of his legs in between hers as he laid his body over her, one hand to balance himself above her and the other sliding around to the back of her neck, gripping hair and skin as he firmly held her in place.

Her notebook was open beneath them, more specifically trapped under Sora’s body, open on the page where Shuu had left off. How strange... to think that she would consider that worthy of challenging him. Maybe she was unaware that that’s what this was...

“Sh - agh! That hurts!” she cried, wiggling pathetically beneath him. Her hands found purchase on his forearms, squeezing so tightly that her nails dug through his shirt into his skin. She didn’t bother trying to push him off. She seemed to know better than to try that. She was staring up at him with an expression that amused him immensely.

She was a little frightened, sure. It was the kind of fear he had grown accustomed to seeing in those eyes. But, more so, she looked angry. Her jaw was tight, teeth grimacing like she was about to snarl at him. He dug his nails into her skin where he held the back of her neck, mostly to get a reaction. She hissed, squeezing her eyes shut, and unconsciously tilted her head back, as if to lessen the pain.

Her throat never had looked so appetizing.

“You’re nothing but food,” he began, chilled breaths touching her skin. Sora’s eyes remained closed, but her brow trembled slightly as he spoke. “I’ll take what I want from you... your blood... your body... insignificant things...” His tongue tasted her throat before his fangs did, a quick lap at her pulse to make it tremble harder. She flinched once, then again when his fangs met her veins. She tried to mask that sound, a whimper unlike anything he had heard from her before.

Oh...

It was only when he paused that Shuu realized how rough he had been. Had he really been that careless? Or was he more parched than he realized? Blood had gushed from the wound, running down her neck and staining the once pale white pages of her notebook. He could feel how soaked his lower lip was, and even saw a droplet fall from his chin and land on the pages.

Had she noticed? Must have. Her eyes were glistening with tears that had yet to break the surface and fall. “Tch. To cry over something so stupid...” Sora turned her head away, and it was only then that Shuu realized that his grip on her had gone slack. Her eyes were open for a moment before she squeezed them shut. Her tears glistened a trail down her cheeks and joined the blood that stained her notebook.

“Mindless things... mean nothing to me. So long... as your blood is only mine...” Shuu’s fangs found a fresh new place to pierce on the other side of her neck. She flinched silently when those fangs penetrated her skin. She was silent as he took his time savoring her, but he could feel her trembling against him, until she faded from consciousness.

[lenavonschweetz]

Let’s Play Pretend - Part 2

Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Synopsis: Requested by @finnofamerica - Bucky agrees to be your fake boyfriend for your brother’s wedding to appease your family.  There’s only one problem - you want him to be more than just a fake boyfriend.

Warnings: Fluff, fake boyfriend troupe, language, a sprinkle of angst, sexual situations, sexual tension, adult content, Big Family Shenanigans™️.

A/N: Here is part 2 of the Let’s Play Pretend Saga!  The flirting and blushing and overall fluffiness continues!  Let’s see what Bucky gets up to this time... Thanks again to 

A/N/N: I did my best to leave the reader’s ethnicity, weight, height, and overall appearance all very vague so as to not leave anyone out.  I hope it reads alright!

HUGE HUGE HUGE SHOUT OUT TO @thetruealphasmccall for being my AMAZING beta and saving me about 1/2 a million headaches. Bless. You.

Masterlist

Let’s Play Pretend - Part 1 || Let’s Play Pretend - Part 3

You barely slept a wink.

How could you when you were forced to share a full-sized bed with one of the hottest sexiest largest men you knew? 

Ok, well forced was the wrong word.  In fact, Bucky had offered to make a make-shift bed on the floor out of pillows and comforters.  ‘I’ve slept on worse, trust me doll.’  But you couldn’t let him just sleep on the floor like some animal!

But no, you just had to be the idiot who told him to get his cute little butt in the bed.  When he saw the blush on your cheeks and the way you could not meet his eyes, he just couldn’t argue.

Bucky took up most of the bed even though he tried not to.  Still, you ended up scrunched up on your side trying desperately to avoid any physical contact.  When your alarm finally went off, you practically shot out of bed and downstairs to down some coffee before you could spontaneously combust.

The rest of the house joins you shortly after you’ve finished your first cup, while you sat perched on the kitchen island like a child.  Bucky looks like absolute sex as he ruffles his bed head, yawning in his tight t-shirt and grey sweatpants - which you could definitely see through the soft material to the...morning’s effects on him. You almost fall off your makeshift marble seat at the sight.

Jesus, was everything about this man overwhelming?!

“Morning, Doll.  How’d you sleep?”  He asks with the whisper of a smirk like he had no idea that you spent the night trying desperately not to jump him.

“Like the dead.”  You deadpanned, voice even and low as your brothers soon followed the wall of a man.  You divvied out the coffees, knowing exactly how everyone liked them and not at all just trying to cover for the fact that you knew exactly how Bucky liked his (which was black) and had made it the second you came down.

“So what’s on the agenda for today?”  Mike asks as Gordon takes a sip of his coffee.  The groom shrugs.

“I normally just wait until Mom or Em tells me what to do.”  Masculine chuckles echo around the room, one, in particular, drawing your attention.  You loved when Bucky let go and smiled like this.  Like nothing in the world could take him down.  Not his past, nor the what-ifs of the future.  He was in the present, his smile reaching his sparkling eyes.  When he suddenly shifts his attention to you that smile turns to a smirk.

Shit.  Play it off, Y/N.  Just drink your coffee and look away.  He won’t call you out in front of your brothers...right?

“Yeah, what is the plan for today, boss?”  Bucky winks at you as he saddles up next to you.  Even with you sitting on the high island counter, he towers over you.  His large hand snakes around your hip and goose bumps explode across your skin.  When he begins to run his thumb in small circles on the skin, you tap the metal digits quickly with a glare.  He ignores the obvious ‘stop!’ in your eyes, continuing his ministrations as your brothers stand just paces away from you.

“I know the bridal party was going to pick up the cake and bouquets.  Oh!  And I think we're picking up our bridesmaid dresses too!”  You answer smoothly.  A feat for how hard your body is shaking being so close to his.  “I should get ready to meet them soon.”

“When’s the bachelorette party?”  Will teases.  Mike rolls his eyes, informing the youngest brother that the party was last weekend.  At that information, Bucky’s eyes find yours again.  It’s very disarming.

“You missed the bachelorette party?”  He asks with puppy dog eyes.

“Well, yeah.”  You chuckle at his crestfallen expression.  “I couldn’t exactly leave in the middle of Nat and I’s mission to go watch ripped men, dressed as something outrageous, strip with my extended family.  It was hard enough to get this week off for the wedding!”

“Well Doll,” Bucky’s tone is still playful, but you feel like there’s some truth behind his words.  “If you still want to see ripped men dressed outrageously strip for you, I am at your service.”

You shove his shoulder roughly with a laugh and hop off the counter to go get dressed.  You hope desperately that he doesn’t notice the blush on your cheeks when the thought of him stripping for you crosses your mind in vivid detail.

Emely is a ball of energy, especially in the morning.

And her wedding is not a small one.

You had prepared efficiently, polishing off the remainder of your second cup of coffee before the girls came to pick you up.  Your stomach was rather empty since you hadn’t trusted yourself to eat anything what with the way Bucky had your stomach flipping like crazy.  His comment about giving you your own private show still danced through your head as you squeezed in your cousin’s car going from errand to errand.

“So when am I going to get to meet this hunk of yours, Y/N?”  Em asks, pulling you from a detailed daydream of having Bucky dressed (and quickly getting undressed) like a fireman for your eyes only.  “Gee said the pictures don’t come close to showing how big the guy really is.”

“Y-yeah.”  You say, clearing your throat as all the attention is shifted to you.  “He’s uh...something.”

“Y/N, that is a grotesque understatement.”  Your cousin Maria says.  “Mom showed me the pictures.  The man practically oozes sex!”

“Yeah, you got that right.”  Em’s best friend, Jasmine, giggles from the front seat.  “Em and I may or may not have stalked your Instagram.  Y/N, you work with the hottest men known to man.”  A smug smile fights its way to your face at that.

“Tell me about it.”

The conversation thankfully steers away from your love life as Maria fills Em in on your Aunt’s itinerary for picking up family from the airport.  Still, you can’t stop thinking about Bucky.

Had you always felt like this?  Sure, the guy was super easy on the eyes, but so was the rest of your team!  Up until now, he had just been a friend who was nice to look at.  When had he started making your heart and mind race like this?

The boutique that had fitted the bridal party’s dresses is nothing short of classy.  In fact, when you walked in the first words out of your mouth had been “Holy shit, I’ve never seen anything so bougie.”  The staff hadn’t appreciated that.

You’re all directed to your own dressing rooms, your dresses already hung up in them for you to try on.

You stare at the gown for a moment, taken aback by the beautiful garment.  You hadn’t actually been able to make it to a single fitting, but were easily able to supply your exact measurements as skin-tight catsuits are your daily wardrobe and those had to fit just right.  Sure, they had all told you how beautiful the dresses were but you couldn’t believe you got to wear something like this.

The floor-length gown was a soft color, one that complimented your hair and skin tone perfectly.  For years, you’d gotten used to tactical gear, catsuits, and gym clothes.  Sure, there were dresses involved on missions every now and again, but more times than not Nat was the one going undercover while you were the eyes and ears from afar. You didn’t get wear elegant things like this.  You much preferred the sniper’s detail than you did the seduction.  And it had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Bucky was usually your partner on the sniper’s detail.  Nope.  Not at all.

The silk drapes perfectly over your body, accentuating every curve, every contour in only the best ways.  You’ve never felt nor looked like this.  You’re honestly a little speechless when you see yourself, and you aren’t the only one.

“Y/N,” Maria whispers when you emerge.  “You look absolutely stunning.”

“Do you really think so?”  Doing a little spin, you face yourself in the surrounding mirrors.

“Do I really think so?”  Maria’s head suddenly rests on your shoulders, her arms winding around your waist.  You smile at your cousin through your reflection as she hugs you from behind.  “You are going to take Bucky’s breath away. cuz.”

“Thanks, Riri.”  You squeeze her forearms as a way of returning her hug before turning to face her and hold her at arms’ length.  “Emely chose the prettiest dresses.”

“Of course I did!  Only the best for my girls!  Now,”  Em embraces you both before pulling away to shoo you to your dressing rooms.  “Go ahead and get out of them so we can pick up the cake!”

Giggles trickle through the party as you all go to change.  Upon entering your stall, you see your phone light up with a message.  You unlock it with a smile at whose name pops up on your phone - a true feat considering you manage it one handed while also shimmying out of your dress.

Setting your phone down once more, you return the gown to its hanger, smoothing it out before handing it to the awaiting consultant on the other side of the dressing room door.

Another ping alerts you to a message and you cock an eyebrow at his ‘Just finished?  You still at the shop?’  You answer, giggling as you the two of you text while you reach for your bra to finish getting changed.  His latest reply makes you freeze.

He’s kidding.  Of course, he’s kidding.  He’s just fucking with you like he always does.  Why would Bucky Barnes ask you for a picture of you in just your underwear?!

But then what if he wasn’t?  What if Bucky was really asking you for an intimate picture?  What if when you sent it he would groan low in his throat - the groan that never fails to turn you on - as he palms himself through his pants?  Would he bite down on his plump bottom lip with those perfect teeth as he unbuckled his belt and pushed down his pants...

Before you can stop yourself, you’re dropping your bra.  This particular dress couldn’t be worn with a bra and if he wanted to see your bridesmaid lingerie, well then you’d show him!

You open your camera with shaking fingers, taking advantage of this sudden courage before it dissipates.  Angling the phone so the picture starts just above your collarbones, you drape your arm across your chest and press the capture button.  It’s not bad.

The swell of your breasts disappears below your arm, your palm cupping the outside of one to accentuate your cleavage.  Your hip is cocked just so, your back arched and turned slightly for a nice profile photo.  You’d even managed to slip the heels back on, and it did wonders for your legs and backside.  Your backside, which by the way, looks fucking amazing peeking out from underneath slightly sheer lace panties that match the color of your gown perfectly.

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding and smirk to yourself.

Maybe you would send it.

If anything, you could just tell him to go fuck himself and play it off as a joke...right?

When your phone alerts you to another message, you unlock your phone to attach the photo in his text thread.

But what you see wipes the confident look straight from your face.

A deep regret floods through your chest, followed by painfully powerful embarrassment.  Of course, he was kidding!  Who were you kidding?  He’s your friend; he’s just here pretending to be your boyfriend.  Just because you’re putting on this facade for your family doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to fall in love with each other!

Brushing off your disappointment, you type back what you hope is a flippant enough response to defuse the situation.  When Bucky suddenly returns to his playful self, you know you’ve done just that.

You lock your phone with a sigh and return to your day clothes before finally emerging from your dressing room.  You immediately put on a smile as you find the rest of the ladies, putting that Avengers training to good use.  You may have felt like absolute shit now, but you weren’t going to let them know, and you sure as hell weren’t going to let it ruin the rest of your week.

“How was the rest of your day?”  Bucky asks as he tugs his shirt off over his head in prep for bed.  “I mean how was it really.”  A groan escapes you before you can stop it.  The greatest assassin known to man would pick up on your behavior at dinner, no matter how minuscule your shift in demeanor.

“It was fine.”  You play off, slipping under the covers in your oversized t-shirt from your favorite band’s concert that you attended with your step-mom in high school.

“Doll.”  He fixes you with a hard stare, ridiculously muscular arms crossing over his broad, bare chest.  It takes everything you have to rip your eyes away from the light dusting of dark hair and freckles against his pale skin.

“Ok, fine!  It was...long.”  You relent.  “Emely dragged us all over and I’m just tired.”

Bucky didn’t buy it, not for a second.  He hummed low and sighed before uncrossing his arms to climb in next to you.  Thankfully, he flicks off the light and that seemed to be the end of that.

“Y’know, if it’ll help you sleep, I don’t mind if you want to snuggle with me.”

“Oh, fuck off Barnes.”  You grumble facing away from him, a fact that you’re glad for because you know you’re blushing.

“I just noticed that you were curled in on yourself last night in a position that didn’t look comfortable at all.  If you were trying to keep your distance for my comfort, I just wanted to let you know you don’t have to.”

A silence falls over the dark room before you give in.  Fumbling with the sheets you let yourself get comfortable, telling yourself that there was nothing weird about sleeping this close to a friend.  Thankfully, this adjustment seems to do wonders as sleep already begins to overtake you.  Before you fall asleep, you mumble.

“...Thanks, Buck.”  You think his fingers brush your own before taking your hand, but write it off as a trick of your groggy mind.

“Anytime, Doll.”

TAGS:

TRUE LOVE TAGS:

@bxtchybrie , @sergeantjamesbarnes107th , @itsanotheravengersimaginesblog , @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme , @james-bionic-barnes , @mickeyl322 , @stank-tower , @lostinspace33 , @thecrownedrose , @nikkitia7 , @redroomproperty , @magpiegirl80 , @fifi1433 , @knittingknerdy , @specs15 , @justareader , @metalarmandredstar , @agentsofcap , @marvel-lucy , @pickylittlebitch , @shamvictoria11 , @twistedfate108 , @tori-medusa-belongs-to-bucky , @too-many-fandoms-and-shitposting, @allinhishands , @hellomissmabel , @mizzzpink , @smexy-bucky-waifu , @annwhojumps , @avengerofyourheart , @saffreelove , @palaiasaurus64 , @flowercrownsandmetallicarms , @sexyvixen7 , @armenian-nerd, @thiddlestoff , @callingmrsbarnes , @avengebuckybarnes , @splaine-to-me , @to-be-a-sunshine , @heismyhunter , @miladycollie , @4theluvofall , @sebastianbarnesandchrisrogers , @writingourwildestemodreams , @imadandelion-yourearose, @sebbymylove16, @harrysbbby, @italyand5soslover283, @gingerbatchwife,@httpbarnes, @subtletynotwithstanding, @panickingwiththefalloutboys, @hardcorehippos, @ryverpenrad, @stellarfairie, @nativesebby, @violentlyfarts, @dianelogan, @mrtinslydia, @ladylizzieofdarbyshire, @unidentifiedanonfics, @microscopicmonsters, @elohunnie, @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x, @paprika0437

BUCKY BABES:

@meganlane84 , @thewinterher0 , @winter-in-wakanda , @221bshrlocked , @iamkaties111003 , @castiel-barnes , @creideamhgradochas , @sebbytrash , @nykitass , @livenicebebeautiful , @slickblitz , @supersoldier-buckybarnes , @jarnesbrnes , @my-wings-will-heal, @octopishisahybridanimal, @harleyscheekheart, @leoberosis, @da-sebooty-be-plentiful, @jamesbarncs, @thenightmarebeforesam, @mermaidinplaid, @gucci---garbage, @siliverin, @ageekybookworm, @nilly-willy , @musichowler, @mermaidinplaid

LET’S PLAY PRETEND TAGS:

@l4life, @julesthequirky, @happy-pooter, @angelsofalliteration, @mlehbleh, @maximofos, @fuckthatfeeling, @marvel-fan-queen, @buckyisthepuresthuman,  @sicparvismagnaxi, @jamesbbarnes17, @some-emo-ass-poetry, @natalia-romvnova, @the-mrs-cap-evans, @savetoreadzx, @alyxandriamac, @just-add-butter, @anotherotter, @crazybunny02-blog, 

[newlifenewdeath]

Munday Meme

Name: Aesa / Leila

Pronouns: She / Her

Selectivity: I always say I’m semi, but when it comes to following people first I’m always kinda picky.

Favorite animal: Oh, hmmmm I’m gonna fall back on my classic answer: cheetahs!

Favorite muse you’ve had so far ever: Ever? Honestly I’ve gotta say right now it feels like Lola. She’s fun to write as and people are liking the way I write her, and the game hasn’t even released yet. I’ll give honorable mentions to a couple of OCs I rped a while back, a Marvel gal named Trinity and a DC lad named Castor. I miss them to bits.

Muse you kinda wanna pick up: Um, well since I added a verse for the game and have been replaying it and its spin off recently I have to say one of the main trio from inFamous: Second Son. I’ve always wanted to rp as Delsin but I love Fetch ad Eugene just as much. I’m kinda gravitating towards Fetch though when I toy with the idea, even though I’d love to write any of them.

Most identifiable fictional character: This one’s very difficult. Very, very difficult because as I am right now, I’m not sure I can think of anyone that really comes close to being like me. I know when I was younger I identified a lot with Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet, y’know I was living with just my mom for so long and rarely saw my dad, I wanted to be a good daughter but got caught up in daydreaming all the time. Nowadays though... I’m just not sure.

What color your aura is/think it is: It’s probably a really deep violet, a blue-leaning sort of purple.

Personality stuff you agree with (astrology, mbti, Hogwarts house, etc be as specific as you want!): I may not understand a lot of astrology stuff but my sun sign, Taurus, I 100% am on board with. Y’know, until people are being ridiculous and reducing my sign to “oh I’m always hungry”. I don’t actually care for my Hogwarts House anymore because with the introduction of Ilvermorny it solved the problem I had for so long with Hogwarts’ sorting situation. With them I was always toeing the line between Ravenclaw and Slytherin, both are very mentally-inclind houses and I fit them both. Now I just stick with Horned Serpent at Ilvermorny because their entire premise is about importance placed on one’s mind.

Do you think you’re a good driver: Sure would like to know, if only my anxiety would let me breathe when I get behind the wheel. c:

Favorite minor discourse (pinapple on pizza, what color is the dress, etc): Idk I don’t relly get into the petty discourse that gets super popular. Maybe I can say I love mint ice cream? Like I know there’s a swath of people that think it tastes like toothpaste. They’re wrong, of course.

Favorite vine and/or meme: I don’t really... have favorites. Like I wasn’t really into vine when it was alive and I mean, I just don’t think about memes that much to have a particular favorite? I’m a bland human being, I guess.

Why did you choose this muse: This’ll be a two parter since I have two muses. Lola came about first, as soon as we got the teaser image for Afterparty I was excited beyond belief. I loved Oxenfree and played the shit out of it when it hit ps4. (I’d even have the platinum if I hadn’t fucked up on my last playthrough, oops). And the Night School tumblr posts periodic things with character and concept art, and eventually the first trailer dropped and I lost my shit. I immediately fell if love with Lola and Milo, and I decided awhile back to try and make a different multi blog with Lola, Alex from Oxenfree, and Mae from Night in the Woods. It was a sideblog with a pretty niche audience so things were quiet there. It wasnt until DBH happened that gears really started turning.

Because lemme tell you, I kinda wanted to not like Detroit: BH. I’d watched playthroughs of Beyond Two Souls and heard a lot of good stuff about Heavy Rain’s story. For some reason though I just wasn’t feeling the promotional stuff for DBH. I only decided to check out the playthrough I finished watching because I really love and trust the Youtuber who made it. I didn’t know shit going into except that there were androids and I’d seen glimpses of Kara before. So of course Jesse fucking Williams is in it and sweeps me off my god damn feet. I think I made it through what would amount to a couple of hours of gameplay (broken into parts ofc) before deciding to uproot Lola from her old blog and buddy her up with Markus.

Favorite rp memory: Hmmm. It’s a lot less actual roleplaying and more, I guess more of the acceptance. A few years back, right around the time Agents of SHIELD first aired, I made an OC I actually mentioned up above, Trinity Duvall. I was toying with the idea of making a super powered character that wasn’t necessarily a cape-and-costume kind of gal, because I was like... 17 and had no experience with the original comics or anything other than mainstream superhero stuff at the time. I decided I wanted her powers to not be her own, but tied to a stone that landed inside a meteorite, and that the stone would actually have the soul of an alien being tied to it. It’s a little complicated so I on’t go into details, but I felt at the time like I was taking a gamble. I wrte a couple oneshots about her, applied to a forum rp with her, and eventually ended up doing private rp stories with someone I met through that forum. Never once did I have to change her, she was just welcomed right away. And coming off a shitty run of luck with the first site I’d rped on? It was the confidence boost I really needed.

Favorite thing you’ve written, in rp or not: It might sound a little silly, but I’ve mentioned Defiance on her a couple times so why not. The one story I’m most proud of writing is actually on FF.N, it’s called Fragility. It’s a short oneshot, not even 2k words. At the time I was trying to just write as often as possible even if I hated what I wrote afterwards, but this one... It provides an ending for a character the show kinda leaves in the void. A man comes home from space to find out the whole world has changed, an entire war has left the Earth terraformed with humans and aliens living together. He ends up finding out his wife’s still alive but oops, he’s actually not the real Gordon he’s just an alien that was implanted with Gordon’s memories. Every now and then I go back and read that little story and every time I do I still feel proud.

A line/lyrics/quote/etc you like or that means a lot to you: Nothing really jumped out as a favorite, so I went looking and found this passage I rather like from Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy:  “There’s plenty of folk as’d like to have a lion as a dæmon and they end up with a poodle. And till they learn to be satisfied with what they are, they’re going to be fretful about it. Waste of feeling, that is.”

Give a shout-out to someone: @softestmood has been my best friend for the past year now, and they’ve made me feel loved even when I felt I was worthless. I feel like I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t met Rae, and I’ll always be thankful for that <3

Tagged by: ghost tagged by @oraculideluna, anoter sweetheart~

Tagging: @flawedcodinq @justmachincs @disciplinarynovel

[foxyfetches]

Mr. KnowItAll

My AFTGGiveaway gift for @exybooks Hope you like it Morg 😍😘 @aftgexchange

Allison pushed her heart shaped sunglasses further up on her head as she gazed across the front lawn. She is meant to he studying for her history final, but instead she is daydreaming about Kevin Day. His name is the only one she bothered to remember from the roster. He was BEAUTIFUL all caps. He was also a complete know it all. Going so far as to correct the professor on numerous occasion. A habit that sent a traitorous shiver down Allison’s spine. She liked his harsh and brutally honest attitude.

However, Kevin Day seemed to not even notice her. A habit Allison could not abide by. After a month of class she finally approached him asking for his number, but instead of responding with intense gratitude and ah (as was normal) he said “Oh. Do you need a tutor?” With a pointed glance down at her subpar test grade.

Allison scoffed out loud. How dare she waste a moment of her time thinking about that rude boy. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and settled back down to study. There was more than just her GPA on the line, now her pride was resting on this test grade. She was determined to break his highest test average streak. She couldn’t wait to see his smug expression crumble.

Her phone vibrated against her leg: Dan🔥: I found you a tutor. Room 254 in the lib 4-5 for 20$. Dan🔥: Gotta beat Mr. KnowItAll 👊🏻😼 Allison: Thx bb. He won’t know what hit him! 💅

She glanced down and saw that it was 10 minutes till 4 and began packing her bag. It normally took ten minutes just to walk into the library in heels and a tight skirt none the less make it up a flight of stairs.

By the time she made it to the room she was slightly out of breath, but felt better when she glanced down at her phone. 3:59 she was a miracle really. She glided into the room on a wave of victory when she stopped short.

“So you did just need a tutor.” Came the assertive voice across the table. For a moment a flash of disappointment seemed to grace his features, but that was quickly covered by a familiar smug mask.

Allison had never considered it a problem to solely refer to people by nicknames to her roommates, but she could now see its potential to bite her in the ass. She was stuck. Leaving would be equal to admitting that he affected her and maybe that his rejection had even hurt her feelings (blasphemy) but staying meant dealing with him and his obnoxiously long eye lashes in an enclosed space.

Allison’s pride was too strong to allow retreating so she scoffed tossed her hair over her shoulder and took the seat across from him. Taking a moment to adjust her skirt before settling.

“Do you normally wear club clothes to study sessions?” Allison glared up at him prepared to tear him a new one when he continued with “Are sweatpants not more comfortable?” With an honestly confused expression on his face. He was dressed in traditional fratty khaki shorts and a Robin blue polo.

“If you think these are nice clothes for me, you have obviously not been paying enough attention. Any heels below 5 inches are casual wear.” Before popping her sunglasses off her head and unpacking her bag. “Can we start or am I paying you to question my life choices?”

Kevin scoffed at her comment before firing off with “Which president repelled the 18th amendment for prohibition?”

After an hour of intense study Allison had to admit that Kevin was one of the best tutors she had ever had. He made the material interesting through his own passion for it, and he was even more knowledgeable than many of the professors she’s had over the years in private schools.

She also realized that he was a slightly awkward human being. Seemingly unaware of just how attractive he was and seemed to think that all the men women paying him for these sessions were just interested in being tutored. But Allison knew for a fact that Vicki, Tammy, and Bryan all had A+ averages in this class. Yet she could see on his planner they had all scheduled sessions later this evening.

Still Kevin had shown no indication that he was slightly interested in Allison beyond the 20$ she was paying for their session. When the hour was complete Allison began packing her bag after handing Kevin the bill.

“KEVIN my beautiful nerd here is your chicken salad! Ow Andrew no reason to get stabby.” As Nicky Hemmick stormed into the room. He and Allison ran in the same circles but never directly interacted. An incident over Allison’s Prada backpack at a 90s movie themed party had killed their friendship before it could begin.

“Queen Allison” Nicky said with a flourish.

“Nicky. Kill any bags lately.” Allison snarled with a toss of her hair.

“Haven’t had that pleasure, but plenty others.” He quipped winking. Allison rolled her eyes but offered him a half smile. She was too fried to do battle at the moment and Nicky’s skin was too tough. It would be too much work to take him down when she was feeling this mentally exhausted.

“Bye boys!” Allison called over her shoulder before sauntering past the less hostile twin that stood in the background. She thought that might be the one dating Katelyn, a perky cheerleader a year too young to included in Allison’s main group. The other, twin leaned against the far wall across from the door. He some how managed to make a finger waggling and a half smile vaguely threatening instead of a gesture farewell.

Allison made it all the way down the stairs and out the front door before realizing she had left her sunglasses on the table. “Shit.” Normally she would just leave something worth that much hassle behind without a single thought, but Renee had given her those sunglasses for Christmas from a vintage shop. They were Allison’s favorite.

After making the trek back up the stairs she began reaching for the door when she heard Kevin “I told you she just wanted to be tutored. She wasn’t asking me out.”

“Kevin how many times a day do I need to tell you how hot you are before you get it. Hell even Andrew has OW GOD QUIT WITH THE KNIVES ALREADY!”

“Well cut it with that gay shit Nicky. I’m trying to eat.” Aaron muttered.

Kevin broke back in “Allison Reynolds is not interested in a broke history major.”

Allison grabbed the door wrenching it open. Before she could say anything Andrew held out her sunglasses with one hand while the other stayed beneath the table still reached out towards Nicky. Nicky had nothing to say to her this time, his attention entirely on the knife Andrew apparently held in his hand.

If it were any other family Allison would have called the cops, but from the conversations she had with Katelyn or overhead at parties this was Sunday dinner for them. “Thank you.” As she turned back towards the door she tossed “I wasn’t asking you for a tutoring session” over her shoulder and continued out.

Kevin could take that however he wanted, but Allison fairly certain the next time her phone lit up it would from an unknown number saying something precious like- Her phone vibrated against her leg.

423-607-0101: Hey it’s Kevin. From History class. Are you free on Friday night?

Allison smirked victoriously before typing out yes and a time. She figured she didn’t have to worry about her history grade anymore. She was going to be dating the best and hottest tutor on campus. She hurried to her convertible excited to tell Dan and Renee about the strange developments the day had brought. Guess it was a good thing she only called people by nicknames after all.

[cooljazsheepie]

Webcomic Creator Interview with Kosmic of Feast for a King

Hi, all! I usually don’t post my webcomic creator interviews on this account, but this one is special since the comic is explicitly NSFW. The creator, Kosmic, is super awesome though and deserved an interview anyway. Check it after the cut.

Me: Please introduce yourself.

Kosmic: My name is Kosmic and I make two comics currently, Feast for a King and Eggshells. Although I mostly focus on Feast for a King! Which is a really graphically violent/sexual story about man eating worms in a sci-fi setting. I started it in September 2014 and I’ve basically been working every day on it since then.

Me: What made you pick sci-fi?

Kosmic: I’ve always really loved sci-fi stuff!! Many of my favorite stories/movies are sci-fi or have some robot/alien elements to them. I think it’d be more accurate to say that sci-fi picked me because FFAK was inspired by a dream I had which had some very strong sci-fi elements and visuals. I think at the time when I started FFAK, I was also feeling really inspired by the first two Terminator movies and wanted to like, take the elements about that i found successful in those movies and include them in my own story! I liked how much the characters struggled and how hopeless it felt to face their enemies, but they kept going anyway despite being so afraid. I also had a bunch of stories/characters I worked on sometimes that was really just my own version of Trigun that I didn’t know what to do with and just...felt like building on more of that type of world. I think I first started those characters in like 2009 but they were basically just back-burner ideas for something eventually. I got a lot of story material like that!!

Me: Do you have a favorite part of the creative process when you're working on your comic?

Kosmic: Favorite part of he process...That is kinda difficult. There are so many parts that I enjoy that blend in with each other, it’s hard to determine when one step begins and the other ends. Brainstorming with music is always really nice, especially if it’s in the afternoon and I don’t have any responsibilities to worry about. I do a lot of self RP too. I can go anywhere in the story I feel like and just let my mind explore freely!! Its always very fun/exciting to discover things I didn’t expect or when some connection suddenly clicks that opens up new doors of ideas! SO.. daydreaming is my favorite part, I suppose. That feels kinda basic to say, but I can’t think of anything that tops it!

Me: Nooo. I totally get what you mean. Just letting ideas come to you is the best! You do color and black&white comics. Do you prefer one over the other?

Kosmic: I don’t really like the look of colored comics for the most part, honestly. I find it way too mentally distracting and I find it often takes me out of the story by making me too aware I’m reading something. So, I generally prefer the look of B&W comics when I’m the one reading. However! I personally find it boring to do for too long if I’m the one working!! I hate doing the same stuff for too long and black/white communicates a certain type of atmosphere to me, so after a while it can feel kinda stiff or limited when I don’t...really need to be?? I used to be determined to only use B/W ONLY EVER!!! and now I am allowing myself the freedom to experiment using some aspects of color to communicate my ideas and not worry about a consistent look too much lol. I sort of feel like my comics fall somewhere in the middle because they obviously DO use color but aren’t like  the ‘typical’ full color comic, I guess? I dunno. That’s how i interpret it anyway. I am breaking my own rules of what looks good!!! If I had to make a decision, it would still B&W over color. :3

Me: Do the colors you pick have a certain significance for the characters? Like I know you have several named after them and the worms are colored by status.  

Kosmic: Yes! Totally. They are super important! I have a whole color lore or color language I have built in the story. I dont really focus on like...every color in the rainbow though. Its mostly with basic default-y colors of Red/Yellow/Blue + Green. Red and Green being the most important ones I use in FFAK. I reflect a lot on their dynamic and parallel in several different ways with various designs and narratives, Crimson and Celadon’s relationship is also meant to be a direct translation of that conflict and bond I see with those two colors in the context of the story as well. Red and Green is like the ...PURE EXPRESSION OF LIFE AND DEATH!!! or something.

Me: For your worms, do you choose certain animals for them or you just go by whatever? Like how Paper is a bunny.

Kosmic: Nah, I mostly go by whatever and many worm designs are just improvised on the spot as these weird...animal chimera things. Paper is sort of an odd one out because she’s specifically very bunny-themed.

Me: Do you have a favorite character?

Kosmic: Crimson’s my absolute favorite character!! However... Knife is also very important. I guess he’s a close 2nd. I just have put a staggering amount of work/history into both characters they both kinda stand out a little bit from the rest lol.

Me: I know you said to just read whatever, but how does the use of gender shape your comic? As a creator.

Kosmic:  I suppose it shapes a lot and yet it...doesn’t? IDK, it’s difficult to explain cause I think gender is a broad topic and I’m not sure what parts to focus on with it shaping? Haha. Most of my characters are just self-inserts really. It’s not really a conscious thing that I feel like I need to fit a quota of or something. I just sort of naturally feel the need to articulate feelings about my experiences using the characters sometimes. I also generally use my comic as a safe place to explore my thoughts about identity and sexuality. It makes the comic really personal/vulnerable/stressful sometimes, but I also feel like I understand myself a little easier. As much as I reflect on it I don't really have a concise answer or reason.. it’s just part of life! So there it is!

Me: Do you find that you attract or put off readers with the sex? Like do people expect a hentai situation? Or ignore the warning and get mad about it?

Kosmic: Yeah, it definitely rocks the boat a bit. I get a lot of polarized reactions from my sexual content. Mostly it’s supported and people understand and respect what I do with it, but I have definitely received negative comments or like, people feeling betrayed it was included at all. (Nothing upset people more than that period sex scene in chapter 11 for example .) It’s also often described as a vore fetish comic which I also...have mixed feelings with LMFAO. It just feels really misleading and simplifying the narrative. I think the fact that I include genitals in my drawings [means] people get the impression it’s supposed to be a smutty hentai comic, but then when they read it isn’t that either. So it’s hard for people to determine what it is. It pushes buttons, I guess. good and bad.

Me: Who is your intended audience or do you not have one?

Kosmic: I don’t really have an intended audience!!! I just draw it as much for me as possible. :D

Me:  What made you decide on making a webcomic?

Kosmic:  I’ve been determined to make comics since i was like...13 or 14? And webcomics are very freeing!! You just post it and go!! Nothing can stop you from making your story how you want and I love that.

Me: Do you have any advice for other creators?

Kosmic: Advice is tough... But I suppose it is important to establish your boundaries between yourself and the audience. Your enjoyment and relationship you have with yourself and your art is what is most important. So be careful not to burn yourself out on what people will think/say/ask and it’s OK to feel overwhelmed and over-stimulated sometimes. Even when it’s positive attention, it can still be just as stressful and draining. I find that’s the hardest part about making a comic is learning how to deal with the reception rather than making the comic itself lmao. So yeah! Draw and write what you want! Always. But also give yourself a private place only for you, so you can reflect on your journey. :3

Me: That's great advice. Do you plan on making a print version?

Kosmic: My friend Cameron made Chapter 1 into a book and mailed it to me as a surprise. But besides that, I have no actual plans or real desire to make a printed version.It seems like it would take a lot of work to do and I’m very lazy. Maybe some sort of art book would be more ideal, but who knows!

Me:  Will you be attending any cons or making any merch?

Kosmic: I went to one con in 2015! I sold like...a single poster I think. It was fun (especially because a friend from Canada was staying and helped tremendously with it,I also got interviewed the first time there!) but not exactly the ideal experience. Another friend also made keychains for me of the characters that we sold online. But, besides that, I don’t have any cons planned. I want to make t-shirts in the future, but I’m so slow to do these things.  I just really need to take the plunge, but I generally get intimidated by money making stuff!!

Me: Do you do art full time?

Kosmic: Yes LOL. FFAK is basically my life. I do educational/instructional flash animations as well for the monies, but I am pretty broke most of the time. If it weren't for Patreon, IDK what I’d do!! I am so thankful for it.

And that’s it. I already linked Kosmic’s Tumblr profile, but you can also follow them on Twitter for personal or comic updates! If you have any comments or questions, feel free to post here or submit an ask. If you would like to be interviewed for your own comic, contact me here for explicitly NSFW content or over on my literacy blog if your work doesn’t have content restrictions that make it NSFW. Please also feel free to suggest artists for me to interview.

[the-scot-blog1]

Scrolling through Twitter one afternoon, I stumbled upon an amazing little feature by blogger Liam McNally – he had posted a text post with a number of different film titles from each year of his life. Bloody brilliant.

So I’ve decided to give it a go. I’ve been on this wonderful planet for almost 19 years now, and although I wasn’t alive for the release of Jurassic Park, there have been a fair few phenomenal films in my lifetime.

This is my longest post to date – I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. (2730 words – bloody hell).

  1998: Pleasantville

Oh my God. I didn’t realise how difficult this post was until I searched ‘1998 films’ into Google. The Trueman Show, Saving Private Ryan and The Wedding Singer all in the one year? God, anyone alive and kicking back then must have been having the best year of their lives.

But despite the 10 minute long decision process, I’ve decided on Pleasantville. I watched it when I was very young and hadn’t ever worn a bra, much less watched anything like that bath scene. Despite my mortified eyes however, the film will always be one of my favourites. I remember seeing the main character for the first time and just constantly thinking god, this is a weird film for Spiderman and Elle Woods to be in.

  1999: 10 Things I Hate About You

Again, this year is bloody difficult. The Iron Giant, The Mummy and Toy Story 2 – they just don’t make films like them anymore. Although I wasn’t a fan of Star Wars Episode 1 – it has to be one of my least favourites. Anyway.

10 Things I Hate About You was one of the first chick-flicks I ever watched. I knew Heath Ledger as ‘the strangely cute singing guy from that movie’ before I knew him as the Joker. I felt like I related to Kat – I wasn’t big on getting a boyfriend, and I was pretty much destined to be a wee bit strange since birth. Plus her name is so cool.

  2000: X-Men

At the time of watching, I was right into Harry Potter. I loved the idea of special schools dedicated to supernatural people – it made my own secondary school even more boring. I’d often just sit in class and daydream about being able to fly or have the ability to imitate people.

But in all honesty, the one person I was most envious of was Quicksilver. And not because I wanted to save the world or any of that pish. No. When I sat in my third year physics class, the smells from the cafeteria always decided to sneak up the vent and attack my nostrils. I would get so unbelievably hungry, and my stomach would always tell my classmates just that. So I used to daydream about running faster than time, sprinting down into the dining hall, grabbing a steaming hot spicy chicken panini (and maybe some soup, if I could manage) and munching it before heading back up to class. Yeah – I wanted superpowers so I could eat my lunch early.

  2001: The Princess Diaries

AH. I’ve got a feeling film directors are deliberately messing with me right now. Legit, I had a look at the films from 2001, and I was floored. What an amazing year. The first Harry Potter movie came out this year – the beginning of an absolute era. Shrek debuted as well – but I was always slightly offended when people heard my Scottish accent and compared me to a giant green ogre when I travelled abroad. The first Lord of the Rings film came out as well – see what I mean about them messing with me?

But despite all of my favourite film franchises beginning in this year, I gotta say, the Anne Hathaway/Julie Andrews combo that is The Princess Diaries absolutely stole my heart. I had never related to a character more – I had frizzy hair, buck teeth, oversized glasses and a tendency to prioritise spending time with my cat over hanging out with real-life friends. So when she went through her beautiful princess transformation, I was floored. I mean, I’m still waiting for that to officially happen, but I’m still holding out hope that I have a long lost relative that’s gonna tell me I’m a princess (no, not you mum).

  2002: The Pianist

Originally, I had written the first Spiderman as my favourite film of 2002. But that quickly changed.

The first time I watched The Pianist, I was 13 years old in a stuffy history classroom. I still hold the belief that this was definitely not the right time to watch this film. It felt as though my teacher didn’t have any material to convey how horrific the Holocaust really was, and so instead she stuck on one of the most distressing and hauntingly beautiful films of all time. I didn’t fully appreciate it back then – I cried when I watched the horrors that took place in the ghettos, and got even more upset when immature people around me started to laugh.

But I watched it for a second time a few years later. Although I cried again, I gained a much deeper understanding of the film. I still listen to the soundtrack when I want to write a particularly moving or sad chapter of a book. The film has such a disgusting beauty to it, it is astounding – it makes me question my morals when I say it is one of my favourite films.

  2003: Peter Pan

Again, there were so many amazing films this year – I can’t explain my guilt at not choosing Finding Nemo or the last instalment of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

But I found my first love in the live-action remake of Peter Pan. Just a few years after it was released, I found myself watching it time and time again. I was young, and there was a boy with messy hair and a fairy to keep him company. Honestly, I was head over heels. I grew to absolutely despise Wendy Darling. How dare she take away my Peter, with her stupid bow and annoying accent. And the fact that Lucius Malfoy was Captain Hook just made it that little bit better.

  2004: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

You’re lying if you say that this isn’t one of your favourite films.

Again, it was tricky not choosing The Incredibles or Mean Girls – even The Notebook made it to my shortlist. But the way the Weasley twin’s hair sat and the introduction of the marauders just made my life complete. Except for Pettigrew. Fuck you, Pettigrew. I’d read the book before I saw the film, and while I was slightly disappointed with the previous two, I didn’t stop talking about PoA for months. In fact, I still talk about it. It’s great.

  2005: Sky High

This year was going to be beautifully simple – I absolutely love Star Wars Episode III. In fact, it was possibly the only film I was certain of when I started this post. But, never the less, I looked at the list of 2005 films anyway, and was reminded of the best thing I’ve ever watched. Ever.

Remember earlier in the post when I said that I frickin LOVE schools for supernatural people? WELL HERE WE GO AGAIN. I watched Sky High recently with my friend Ross, and even although the acting was abysmal and my cringe levels were off the chart, I couldn’t help but smile. As if the flying school bus wasn’t enough, the euphoria I felt when Will and Warren won Save the Citizen was something I don’t think I’ll ever feel again.

  2006: Pan’s Labyrinth

I feel like if I choose any film other than this, my Spanish teacher would kill me. Again, it’s another film that we watched at way too young an age in my opinion. Sure, it looks all mystical with fairies and creepy monsters with eyeball hands, but it has this underlying story-line of the horrors of war and escapism that you can’t fully understand until you’re a bit older.

I watched it again when I was 17 and studying Advanced Higher Spanish, and knew the film as ‘El Laberinto del Fauno’. I could go on for 20 minutes about this film and its director (which I did by the way, in the final exam).

  2007: Ratatouille

WHAT A FILM BTW. I’ve always loved Disney – my sister and I would spend nights staying up way past our 8pm bedtime watching Aladdin and Peter Pan, with a fair few stolen After Eight mints from my mum’s bedroom too. This film just completely blew me away – the animation was new and cool and it was set in PARIS.

Even now, ten years later (omg ten years wtf) I still think about the scene where Remy combines the cheese and grapes, and little fireworks and swirls form in his mind. I once ate a McDonald’s chip and then took a sip of my strawberry milkshake, and legit I’m pretty sure that’s what happened in my mind.

  2008: The Chronicles of Narnia – Prince Caspian

Enter stage left – my second love. At the age of nine, Prince Caspian had everything I could ever want in a guy (or so I thought). He had a sword, long hair, an accent I had never heard before and he fought Peter Pevensie (I seem to hate a whole lot of Peters).

I thought it was the coolest combination of Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, and it was while watching this that I began to have a crisis about my true Hogwarts house. I had always thought myself a Gryffindor – I had the scarf, the pens and the egotistical ‘I’m-better-than-you’ attitude that all young Gryffs seem to adopt. But I found myself siding with Edmund Pevensie about a whole lot of things. I didn’t fully accept Slytherin as my true house till a good few years later.

  2009: Star Trek

I watched Star Trek before I even touched Star Wars, and I was absolutely hooked. It was what introduced me to science fiction, really. After Star Trek, I moved onto Doctor Who, and although I couldn’t really get into the Star Trek TV series, I found my love of sci-fi growing.

It was my love of Star Trek that caused me to accidentally find Star Wars. My brother would constantly go on about C3PO and lightsabers, and I decided very early on that it wasn’t for me. But after trying (and failing) to find Star Trek online, I accidentally found Star Wars instead, and thus began my love of the Skywalkers and giant wookies named Chewy.

  2010: How To Train Your Dragon

Other than Aladdin, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III was one of my first (of many) cartoon crushes. I thought he was the most adorable lil guy ever – he was clumsy, dorky, and absolutely loved animals. He was perfect. I thought the animation was absolutely incredible, and the Scottish accents were just a bonus. I much preferred being compared to Gerard Butler than a green ogre, in all honesty.

And don’t even get me started on how he looked in How To Train Your Dragon 2 – oaft.

  2011: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two

HPDHP2 is right up there with the Prisoner of Azkaban. I remember heading to the midnight release of the last Harry Potter book – I was decked out in a Scream robe that we’d stitched a Gryffindor badge onto, with curly hair that reached my shoulders. And yes, I won the costume contest. But I remember staying up that night and reading the book until 7am, and having to head to school the next day without a wink of sleep. And yet I didn’t care – I had just finished the last book in a series that completely shaped my childhood.

So when the movie hit the cinema screens, I was praying that I wouldn’t be disappointed like I was with some of the others. And apparently, my prayers were answered. Even although the Deathly Hallows is split into two parts, I always consider them the one film. And it’s most certainly my favourite.

  2012: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

This film really got to me. I bundled up in warm clothes to see it in the cinema with my friend Ailish, and it was the first ever film I had cried at. I’d read the book before hand and cried my eyes out, but the severity and meaning of the story didn’t hit me until I watched the film. Logan Lerman and Emma Watson were two of my favourite stars at the time: I knew Emma from Harry Potter obviously, whilst Logan stole my heart as Percy Jackson.

But what struck me most was the way I related to these characters. I often found myself standing next to the wall in school dances, watching people having a good time but being physically incapable of joining in – it was as if my feet were constantly glued to the floor. It was comforting to know that I wasn’t alone in this, and it lead to me being able to open up to my guidance teacher about my struggles with anxiety.

I also wrote about the original book in my piece ’13 books to help get over a break up’ – check it out.

2013: The Hobbit – The Desolation of Smaug

When the making of the Hobbit was first announced, I was ecstatic. But my excitement somewhat wavered when I heard they were turning into three films. It was a small book – tiny in comparison to the three Lord of the Rings texts – how on earth would they stretch this wonderfully small work into three different films?

And yet somehow, they managed it, and subsequently made one of my favourite films of all time. Why, you ask? The barrel scene. 

2014: Guardians of the Galaxy

Not gonna lie, this one was a toss up between the hilarious Chris Pratt and the absolutely adorable Baymax. But, as much as I love Disney’s tale of superpowers and love therapy in Big Hero 6, it didn’t win this year for me. The best thing about the film is without a doubt the soundtrack – even four years later, I still listen to it when I wanna get psyched.

I wanted to cosplay as Gamora for last year’s MCM Comic Con in Glasgow so bad, but then I realised that I’d more than likely sweat off the green body paint and the leather would more than likely get quite uncomfortable.

2015: Star Wars – The Force Awakens

Up until 2015, I was losing interest in Star Wars. I’d watched the films countless times, but as much as I adored them, I couldn’t stop thinking about the shabby effects. So when Finn, Poe and Rey lit up my local cinema screen in December 2015, it was as if I was born again. I suddenly dived back into the world of lightsabers and gun-wielding Wookies, and I genuinely haven’t looked back since.

And although I cried my eyes out when that thing happened, I agreed with it – it was about time.

2016: Finding Dory

I actually travelled Australia for a month last year – I left school and just decided to get away from everything and everyone for a little while. So after I met my brother and we began to explore Sydney, we decided what better place to watch the latest instalment in Finding Nemo than the place where it’s set??

I was slightly disappointed to find out that Nemo and Dory did not, in fact, stay in Sydney for the duration of the film, but even so – it was just amazing.

I was going to write a segment for 2017 but then I realised – I legit haven’t watched any new releases yet. I’ve simply not had any time. And yes, that means that I haven’t even watched the new Beauty and the Beast. For shame.

But even although I haven’t watched anything yet, there are tonnes of films that I’m looking forward to – Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, Spiderman Homecoming, and Star Wars: The Last Jedi to name a few.

Hey, maybe I’ll revisit this post at the end of the year and add in my favourite film.

I’m tagging the fantastic Emily and Lucie in the ‘Film for every year of my life’ tag.

What are your most loved films from these years? Do we share any favourites? Or do you think my choices are just downright wrong? Let me know!

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18 films in 18 years: My favourite stories since I was born was originally published on Ellan

[yaminerua]

Karabita~

It’s like 4 in the morning and I finally managed to pull this together so I apologise if it’s not very good…;;;

I can’t believe I put my music on shuffle for this fic meme and it gave me a goddamn Rick Astley song to work with of all things…

Anyways, the snippet of lyrics I went with to base this little thing on was this little bit right here:

“Can you tell meWhen you look at meIf you need meIn all honesty”

I did what I could but my writing’s definitely a little rusty at the moment. I hope you like it anyways! and sorry for the wait ;;;

Doubt was a feeling Karamatsu didn’t like one bit. It madehim uneasy – made him question things he didn’t want to think too much about –and it had an awful habit of creeping into his thoughts when he least wishedfor it.

Even now, as he lay on his back in the dark on an old futonthat was just a little bit too small he could feel the unease beginning tosettle in the base of his gut, the icy tendrils of uncertainty wrappingthemselves tightly around his chest and beginning to squeeze.

To his right Chibita lay snoring softly, curled up under theblankets and completely dead to the world, oblivious to the growing innerturmoil roiling within the man mere inches away from him.

Karamatsu turned his head slightly to look at him, notingthe slight crease in his brow and way the pillow squished his cheek a little ashe slept. Reaching out, he brushed a finger lightly across his face, tracingthe curve of his jaw, watching the little twitches in his expression andfeeling a warm fondness spread across his chest as Chibita mumbled somethingtoo slurred by sleep to be coherent.

He smiled gently, a sincere expression of adoration paintedacross his features as he lowered his hand to rest it upon Chibita’s littlefist, balled up in the material of the duvet cover.

The whole situation, even now, still felt so surreal. Thathe could be lying there so close to someone he had come to hold so dear andknow that that person felt the same way still felt like the kind of idea hecould only entertain in a daydream.

At least… he hopedthe feeling was mutual…

The smile on his face faded and the unease in his gutchurned unpleasantly to remind him of its presence.

He sighed, dragging his fingers through his hair andshifting his gaze to the ceiling, willing himself to stop thinking such thingsand just let sleep whisk him away but the thoughts kept coming, lapping againsthis mind in waves of negativity and uncertainty.

Did Chibita need him?

It wasn’t like he’d ever overtly said he did and most ofwhat led Karamatsu to believe it was so came from his own assumptions. He’dheard him once privately acknowledge the fact that he was all alone but didthat mean he was lonely? Karamatsuhad learned with time that the two were not necessarily the same thing afterall and as far back as he could remember Chibita seemed to have always been by himself. Was that his ownchoice? Did he just prefer things that way? Or…?

He glanced down at Chibita’s sleeping form again andbreathed out heavily, feeling that tension in his gut build. Chibita had, allin all, done pretty well for himself in the end it seemed. He had a job and wasdoing pretty well with it and he had a decent little home to come back to everynight…

Karamatsu frowned slightly. It was strange… No matter howhard he tried to think back to compare he could never really picture Chibita’schildhood home. Or his family, come to think of it… Or… much of anything abouthim, really…

They hadn’t exactly been the best of friends as kids butthat still didn’t explain how… littleKaramatsu seemed to be able to recall of Chibita’s life from back then.

He swallowed uncomfortably, a deeply unsettling thoughtnestling itself in the back of his mind and burrowing its roots deep into his consciousness.Maybe there wasn’t anything to recall…Had he really been by himself that long…?

He shivered slightly, pulling the sheets a little tighteraround himself and shuffling lower down on the futon, trying not to ponder onthat thought too much.

In all honesty he couldn’t imagine having no-one in hislife. He’d been with his brothers since the very day they’d all been borntogether. He’d always had someone to rely on or team up with, someone to go towhen he had questions or problems. The idea of having to deal with everythingby himself… It was alien to him.

That was why he’d come here in the first place wasn’t it… herealised, brows knitting together in a deeper frown. He’d had no idea what todo when he’d first tried to set out on his own. No idea where to start or howand only one idea of who to go to. It had been terrifying… but Chibita hadtaken him in and offered him guidance and a kindness even Karamatsu himselfcould privately admit he probably didn’t deserve. But he’d been thankful anddeeply appreciative of the support and somehow over time what had started outas a temporary arrangement had quite naturally evolved into something morepermanent.

A yawn pulled itself from his lips and he rubbed the heel ofhis palm into his eyes tiredly. How long had he been awake like this? He wasonly thankful he didn’t have any job interviews scheduled for tomorrow…

He rolled onto his side, his back facing Chibita, and fixedhis gaze on the window, willing his mind to shut up and let him rest. There wasmovement behind him as Chibita pulled back the covers that had slipped off hisshoulder and Karamatsu felt his chest constrict painfully. He didn’t like theidea that he wasn’t needed…

If Chibita had been alone from the start then he’d managedto build his life up from nothing all on his own. He’d never needed anyone’shelp or support or guidance. He’d just… figured it out and made do with whatlittle he’d had. He was resilient and self-sufficient and able to do whateverhe wanted if he put his mind to it. Why would someone like that ever need ajobless, talentless NEET? What could he give that Chibita didn’t already have…?

There was movement behind him again and a quiet groan,softened by sleep, and then Karamatsu felt warm hands against his back, smallcalloused fingers grabbing fistfuls of the fabric of his tank top as a newwarmth pressed itself insistently against the base of his neck, nuzzlingsoftly.

Karamatsu’s breath caught in his throat and he stifled a cryof surprise. He could feel Chibita shift slightly against his back, his kneecoming to rest unexpectedly on Karamatsu’s thigh and his little hands reachinground to his front as his face buried itself in the curve of where Karamatsu’sneck met his shoulder. He suppressed a pleasant shudder at the way his hotlittle puffs of breath tickled the skin there.

He breathed out slowly, relaxing muscles he hadn’t evenrealised he’d tensed up, and Chibita seemed to hum appreciatively in his sleepas he settled into the comfier position against him.

Karamatsu could cry right now. Honestly. He’d even allowhimself to if he wasn’t worried he’d shake too much and pull Chibita from hisslumber.

Really, what had he been feeling so worried about…?

He did have somethingto offer Chibita, something Chibita definitely couldn’t bring to himself.Companionship. Comfort. Affection. Love…

He almost chided himself in retrospect for having worriedabout the differences between being alone and being lonely. It didn’t reallymatter in the here and now, with Chibita’s arms wrapped around him and his bodypressed flush against his back.

Even if he wasn’t lonely, he certainly seemed to prefercompany over being alone. Even if he didn’t need it, he liked it. And Regardlessof whether he needed him or not, Chibita wantedhim, and that - Karamatsu thought with a smile as he shut his eyes and focusedon letting that warmth wash over him and ease his worries - was probably moreimportant in the end.