for the longest time
part two is here!! in case you haven’t, please read ‘I have been a fool’ first c:
this is pure undiluted fluff and I love it so much. proof I can write something other than angst/hurt/comfort lol. and maybe it makes up for the angst I left you with this afternoon. these two are so s o f t and I can’t deal
tw for general hospital things again
The TV in her room was playing dimly as Cathy dozed lightly in the midmorning sunlight, not quite asleep enough that she couldn’t hear it but not awake enough that she was paying any attention to it. It felt too quiet without something making noise in the background, too used to living in a house with five not particularly quiet people to feel comfortable in silence anymore. The staff had been around with breakfast a little while ago, with Cathy feeling well enough to eat a proper meal for the first time since she was admitted thanks to the anti-nausea medication that she’d been given through an IV for the last 24 hours. That drip had been disconnected along with the heart monitor, but she still had her oxygen tube and fluids drip hooked up while she waited out the last of the drug’s effects.
All the queens had spent most of the previous day with her, only leaving to do their evening show, and even though Anne had been granted another night off Aragon had practically dragged her home with them so that she could shower and sleep in a proper bed. They’d texted throughout the evening though, with Cathy grateful for Anne’s refusal to leave her feeling lonely even though she wasn’t there in person. She’d promised that she would come in as soon as they let her the following morning though, so Cathy was content to sleep the time away until her arrival.
The sound of the door opening made Cathy open her eyes and glance over, smiling when she saw Anne stood almost hesitantly in the doorway. “Hey you,” she said, walking over and sitting down on the edge of the bed. Cathy quickly noticed that she was clutching something behind her back, but decided not to call her out on it until Anne revealed it herself. “How are you feeling, sleepyhead?” she teased, though her genuine care still shone through.
“Oi,” Cathy said good-humouredly, yawning as she sat up slowly and changed the bed’s incline settings so she could still lean against the pillow. There had been chaos the previous day when Anna had discovered that the bed had a remote control, resulting in Jane confiscating the remote when she returned from the café to find Cathy, Anne, and Kat sat on a mattress that was above Jane’s eye level. “I think I’m allowed to be sleepy, thank you very much. But I’m feeling a lot better, thank goodness.”
Anne nodded with a smile. “Good good. What have the doctors said?”
Cathy hummed for a moment as she thought back to what she’d been told when she was reviewed the previous evening. “They think that I’m almost clear since I’ve stopped feeling nauseous and the ‘hangover’ is nearly gone,” she said, doing the finger quotes motion at ‘hangover’ with her un-tubed hand since it wasn’t really a hangover in the technical sense. “My memory hasn’t come back yet but they said it’s a typical case of drug-induced amnesia and will improve over the next few days. And I should be able to come home this afternoon.” She smiled brightly at that, looking forward to getting back to her own bedroom.
“That’s nice to know, I’ve missed having you around,” Anne said, ducking her head a little as her cheeks flushed a light pink. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, wringing her hands together nervously, but before Cathy could ask her what was wrong she inhaled deeply and spoke all in a hurry. “Look. There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a bit, and after- after what happened I want to tell you now because what scared me the most was that I thought I’d never be able to tell you it again.”
She looked like a deer about to bolt when she finished, prompting Cathy to reach out and take her hand. “What is it? I’m listening,” she said softly, running her thumb over Anne’s knuckles when she let out a shaky breath.
“Thanks,” Anne muttered, squeezing Cathy’s fingers as she pulled the mysterious item out from behind her back. It was a torn out page from her notebook which she unfolded as she explained “I’m not good with words sometimes so I wrote it down. I know I said it accidentally yesterday but I want to do it properly,” she said, glancing up to meet Cathy’s eyes. When Cathy smiled encouragingly at her she returned it weakly before beginning to read aloud.
“Cathy. I don’t even really know what to say, because you’re the one who’s so amazing with words and all I can do is try to keep up. I wish I could have known you in my old life because I know we’d have been friends for sure, but I’m glad I know you in this life because this time round we’re allowed to be more than that. I think you’re amazing. You have the most lovely singing voice and your message in the show is really powerful but there’s more to you than that. I love how much you care about your work and how much you smile when you talk about it. I love how you always know what’s going through my mind. I love that snort you do when you’re laughing really hard. I guess I just love you. And maybe this is silly and a bit creepy because you’re elegance and beauty and I’m just an awkward mess who can’t deal with feelings but you’ve always been able to see that there’s more to me than just that. So maybe there’s hope that you might feel the same. Yours if you want me, Anne.”
The hand held in Cathy’s was trembling as she finished, hanging her head and sighing roughly before she looked up at Cathy with tearful eyes. “So yeah, that’s it,” she finished, looking at her with the same unguarded hope that had shone in her eyes when Cathy had first held her in her arms. Her voice wavered a little as she added. “Say anything. Please just say anything.”
“You are silly, y’know.”
Anne looked up in horror at Cathy’s words, but Cathy just continued to stroke Anne’s hand as she smiled at her. “You’re no awkward mess. You’re witty, you’re clever, you’re kind, and you’re braver than you’ll ever give yourself credit for. I’ve admired you for nearly five hundred years and it’s an hour to call you my friend, but I’d like to call you something more because the only thing that can make me feel giddy is you smiling at me. You’re beyond brilliant, and I love you too Anne.” As she spoke, she watched as Anne’s terror turned into a beaming grin that could have outshone the sun.
They were both still for a moment, the air heavy with the weight of their confessions, before Anne abandoned her letter and moved closer to Cathy. “Oh just shut up and kiss me you poetic idiot,” she said, still grinning as she cupped Cathy’s jaw with a tentative hand.
“Coming from you,” Cathy quipped before leaning forwards to meet Anne’s lips.
The oxygen tube beneath Cathy’s nose bumped against Anne’s upper lip when they kissed, causing them both to laugh as they drew apart. Anne watched with wide eyes as Cathy unhooked the tube from around her ears and abandoned it next to her before tugging Anne’s arm to pull her in again, one hand buried in Anne’s hair and the other resting on her shoulder as they kissed.
Anne’s hands lingered at her jaw when they slowly parted for the second time, and Cathy felt like she could have drowned in her beautiful eyes as Anne slowly ran her thumb over her cheekbone. But then she gave an embarrassed smile and dropped her head to rest on Cathy’s chest, letting out a quiet “Hnnnnng” as Cathy laughed softly.
“What?” she asked, her hand running over Anne’s hair to rest at the nape of her neck.
“Told you ’m not good at feelings,” Anne mumbled into Cathy’s chest, wrapping her arms around her before almost whispering a quiet “Love you.”
Cathy beamed at that, overwhelmed by her own rush of emotions for a moment at the sight of Anne with every single defensive wall taken down. “I love you too,” she said, mindful of the tube in her hand as she adjusted her position so they were both lying down in the same position as they slept in the previous morning.
But this time Anne leaned up to kiss her cheek before resting her head in the crook of Cathy’s neck, and Cathy didn’t think she’d ever been happier.
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the stars were made for falling | Poe Dameron x Reader | Part Six
A/N: Hey, it’s been a while since I posted a chapter of this! Holiday season was crazy busy and when I had the time to write, I just didn’t want to. But I got the chapter finished and I think it’s ok???????? It’s not that great, but I hope you guys like it anyway lol. Work is back to normal so I’m hoping to write more!! <3
Rating: Hard T, soft M for just the dark themes of the story
Warning: Reader has to kill someone. Poe is broken and nearly unrecognizable it’s gr8. Hux is lowkey into you bc you’re hot. Naughty language. Lots of crying or almost crying. These kids are in a lot of pain. Poe deserves a hug. Everyone deserves a hug.
Word count: 2,975, apparently!!
Summary: You prove your loyalty to the First Order, and your move to the dark side destroys Poe.
Masterlist
GIF credit: No idea, but it’s not mine.
Tags: @marvelous-revengers @fandomnerdxox
You fantasized that the First Order would immediately set you free and let you do as you pleased, but that was pretty unrealistic.
You were put into a bigger, well-lit cell, at least.
A cell which stormtroopers actually entered to give you food.
Food that was more than sludge; slightly fluffy bread was delivered to you with your usual water. You ate it like it was the finest meal you'd ever been given.
Much to your surprise, it was only a day or two before a stormtrooper came and lead you rather gently down the hallway.
Gently meaning that you weren't dragged or forced with a blaster to your back.
Even though you had a new plan and things were different, you were still a little scared as you were brought into Hux's office. There was obviously the possibility that he knew your plan and was lulling you into a false sense of security, and was about to kill you.
But he smiled at you and stood as you entered, walking around his desk to meet you. "I must say, I wasn't as surprised as I expected to be when you said you wanted to join us. I knew you had potential all along."
Good. This was good. Well, it wasn't good that you had some clear potential to be evil, but it was good that he wasn't suspicious of you.
"But I do wonder how much they've ruined your mind. If you can really come back from years under their ideology." He didn't see your face fall as he moved to speak into your ear. "And a small part of me wonders if you are...lying?"
"I'm not," you said almost too quickly, too nervously, trying to keep a level stare as he moved to look at you. "Poe Dameron and the Resistance have brought me to captivity and torture, and I can see what they are now."
Liar. Liar.
Did you lie better than Poe, you wondered.
"Only looking out for themselves, yes?" He hummed. "Oh, it's so easy to act. No, I want you to prove yourself; prove that you've learned, that you're strong enough to be with us. Strong enough to kill your pilot, perhaps. I won't have a pathetic traitor running around this base, trying fruitlessly to escape. Bring the girl in."
The girl? What girl? Weren't you 'the girl'? Weren't you pretty much the only girl around here as far as you knew?
Apparently not. A young woman was dragged in, your age or perhaps younger, crying and struggling against the cuffs that bound her arms behind her back.
"She was conspiring against us, helping anyone she could to fight back. It's a good thing we took control of her planet before she could do any sort of damage." As Hux explained, you felt a weight in your hands and then he was guiding your arms up. "Go ahead."
You were confused for a moment; you looked at Hux, then at your hands. You knew what was going on when you saw the added weight was a blaster.
"No!" You immediately lowered the blaster. "I...I mean, I want to kill Poe because I hate him. I don't hate her."
"Killing has nothing to do with hate. It has to do with necessity." He grabbed your arms firmly and raised them up. "Hatred just happens to make it more fun. Now, prove yourself to me."
If you didn't prove yourself, he would know everything was a lie and you imagined whatever came of it would make you consider your previous arrangements to be enjoyable.
But you had to convince him by murdering an innocent person.
You must have been watching the woman weep for too long as Hux moved to speak in your ear again.
"If you think what you went through was difficult, you would be horrified at what's in store for her. You'll be putting her out of her misery, just like your pilot should have done for you, and just like I would do for you. I can be loyal if you are willing to do the same."
"I..."
You wanted to turn the blaster on yourself.
But you couldn't leave Poe.
And if what they would do to the girl in front of you was worse than isolation, practical starvation, torture of you, and torture of someone you cared about, how could you let her go through that?
Was killing her really the better option?
"I know you. You're from the Resistance!" The way she looked at you and sobbed in relief had you trembling harder than you already were. "Please, get us out of here..."
"Do the right thing." Hux spoke so softly, his words should have been sweet. "Do what the Resistance is too selfish to do."
If you killed her, she would be out of harm's way.
Your plan would continue.
But you would kill her.
She was looking at you like a hero, expecting you to save her when you were going to do the opposite. Or at least save her in a different way.
"Please...I want to go home."
"Oh, fuck." Tears were filling your eyes, but you held them back because otherwise Hux would know that this was destroying you too much for someone who claimed to want to kill a friend.
You tightened your grip on the blaster. You had to do this.
Even if the girl's eyes widened in recognition and she started to cry harder.
Even though your finger hesitated on the trigger, refusing to move enough to cause any action.
You had to do it for you, for Poe, for the Resistance, and for the girl in some fucked up sort of way that protected her from a life of torture.
But it hurt so much. Your chest was squeezing, your entire body shaking, your tears were begging to fall, and a sob was building up within you.
She wept with everything she had.
You noticed the weeping stop and everything go silent before you actually noticed you'd pulled the trigger.
And there she was, on the floor, eyes staring at nothing and one of her shoulders bent awkwardly in her position. Not that she would feel it, since you had just—
You dropped the blaster so quickly that Hux had to catch it more than simply take it from you.
"Remember, this isn't the first time you've killed." He was right about that. "But it is the first time you've done it rightfully. You have proven your strength and loyalty. Now return to your cell for the time being."
You barely listened to him, walking in almost a trance as a stormtrooper took you out of the office. As the door shut, you snapped out of it and every emotion that you forced back came rushing forward.
You wept like the girl.
"No, no, no, no. Oh, fuck." Your knees gave out and the trooper had to pull you back up, practically dragging you down the hallway. "What did I do? What did I do?"
You knew exactly what you did, and that didn't help.
Seeming insane to any passerby, you continued to sob out 'no's and profanities, even as you were shoved into your cell, You stumbled and collapsed, crying against the floor as your actions continued to dawn on you.
You could see her eyes.
You could feel her eyes.
It took you a moment to notice that the stormtrooper was standing in the doorway, staring at you. You tried to pull yourself together. "Plea—please don't—don't tell Hux." You figured they were watching to report that you were weak, but they kept staring. "Wha—what?"
Your breath hitched in slight hope, your sobs softening just a little as you forced yourself to sit up. "Finn?" They just kept standing there, proving themselves in a much tamer way than you'd just had to prove yourself. "Finn!"
You practically crawled towards him, seeking comfort from a friend that you didn't deserve. It seemed to spook him out of whatever reverie he was in, making him back up and shut the door.
Alone. It took you a moment to process his quick departure, then your tears returned.
Finn was irrelevant at the moment, compared to what you did.
You killed a completely innocent woman who was begging you to save her, all so you could follow through with your stupid plan.
You curled up against the wall, shivering and sobbing.
You always considered yourself to be on the light side, that you would never turn to something as obviously wrong as the dark side.
But could you be sure of that now?
Would killing someone innocent be the start of something you wouldn't be able to stop?
You'd been staring at the wall for hours.
She wasn't the first person you killed. How many stormtroopers had you taken out, not considering that there were human beings underneath their armor?
Those had been life or death situations.
Was killing that girl life or death, or just your selfishness? You wanted to save Poe — and yourself, if you were being honest — and put so much importance in your plan to do so, that you had done the unthinkable.
She was so innocent. She was good, better than you could ever dream of being.
So desperate. So afraid.
Of you. It wasn't Hux who killed her, no matter how many times you tried to rationalize that you were forced into it.
No one forced you. You killed the girl all by yourself, with too little hesitation in your opinion.
If you and Poe did get out, could you really just join the Resistance again? Now that you were a murderer?
More of a murderer.
You didn't look up when the door opened. You didn't look up when a stormtrooper walked over to you. You didn't look up as they spoke to you. You didn't look up when they held out pristinely folded clothes.
"General Hux has requested for you to change."
You might have made a biting comment before, but you couldn't now. You were on their side and you killed someone to prove it.
Instead, you took the clothes and unfolded them. It was some sort of First Order uniform, though of a very low rank. It was dark and plain, with their symbol sewn into it. You didn't even get a hat.
"Thank you." You weren't sure why you thanked them.
"Come to the door when you're finished."
You watched the stormtrooper leave, and you made yourself stand, and you made yourself change, and then you slowly walked to the door.
The stormtrooper allowed you to walk by their side, so you certainly proved yourself.
You still couldn't manage to be happy about it.
When you approached Hux's office, you felt a jolt of fear go through you at the possibility of having to kill someone else. Or maybe they left everything and wanted you to clean it up.
All you could focus on was how hard your heart was beating. Hadn't you done enough? Couldn't you get a break and figure out the rest of your plan, and get somewhere safe where you could destroy yourself for what you'd done?
The sight of Poe there, on his knees with his gaze on the floor, only served to make your heart beat even harder because were they going to have you kill him already?
No, you needed time. You had to complete your plan and get the two of you out before killing him became a real option.
Beneath your fear was something pitiful; the desire to collapse before him, to crawl into his lap and weep about what you'd done. To admit that you killed someone to save your and his asses, that you might as well turn to the dark side, that you were awful, that you should have turned the blaster on yourself instead.
But you couldn't. You wanted to kill him as far as General Hux knew, and you had to keep your entire being neutral. Your legs and your chin trembled, but you stood tall and kept your tears at bay. You decided it would be best not to look at Poe.
"Eyes up, dog," said Hux from where he stood behind his desk proudly.
You heard a strangled noise, and then you realized why they had given you this outfit and why they brought you to see Poe.
Today you would be killing him, but not physically.
"No, no, no, no, baby, not you. Please, not you." You could tell he was crying just from hearing him speak.
There was a sudden force against your legs that would have had you toppling over were it not for the arms wrapping around you, Poe's face pressing to the front of your pants.
You stood stiffly and stared straight ahead as he wept, fighting your damn hardest to keep from crying with him. If you thought seeing him in pain was difficult, nothing prepared you for seeing this strong, good man completely falling apart at your feet.
You thought he had been broken before.
You couldn't say sorry. You couldn't fall to the floor with him and hold him, and tell him that none of it was real.
You could stand there and pretend you didn't care. That was it.
"Do you know what she said, dog?" There was the prideful, amused general, walking from around his desk. "That she hates you. That she wants to...kill you." Now he did laugh; apparently he was capable of it.
"No, this is a lie." Poe pulled away enough to look up at you desperately while you continued to stare straight ahead. "Tell me this is a lie! Tell me they didn't get to you, please."
"Kick him away."
"You can't do this to me, you're supposed to get out. I have to get you out."
You closed your eyes against the coming tears, forcing yourself to nudge him with your knee, which barely made him move. You nudged a bit harder, managing to get him to give away enough for you to start to move back.
He followed, grabbing at any part of you he could. "You're so strong, sweetheart, you can't let them turn you into this. Please tell me you're faking this."
The Poe you knew might have gone along with this, might have realized you were doing this for protection.
But the Poe you knew had not been a broken man who saw his kindest friend turned into a heartless stormtrooper. If Finn had fallen, what hope was there for you?
He kept begging as you squirmed to get out of his grip, so pitiful that your tears were trying to fall and you knew you had to get out of there. You were seconds away from diving into his arms, admitting everything, and begging for forgiveness that wasn't even his to give.
He was completely breaking because of you when all you wanted to do was to get him out and help him heal.
Was this plan worth it? Would you succeed? And if you did, would Poe be okay? Or would this be what completely brought him down?
He grasped desperately at your ankles when you pulled away, causing you to fall to the floor, scrambling to get away from him. Your plan would be ruined if you broke with him.
A stormtrooper dragged him back and you hurried to your feet, running out of the room without a care if you got in trouble. Even if it revealed to them that this was all a ruse, at least they might put you out of your misery.
You hadn't realized you were barely breathing until you stumbled into the hallway and took the deepest breath you were sure you ever had in your life. You held onto the wall to stay standing, closing your eyes tightly as you reminded yourself, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
There were footsteps behind you, followed by a suspicious tone, "Is something the matter, Y/N?"
Your name sounded strange on Hux's tongue. It made your skin crawl.
You would be absolutely fucked and not at all put out of your misery if you admitted that this was all fake.
Slowly straightening up, you turned to face him. "I...hate being touched by him. He betrayed me and I..." You trailed off, unsure of what else to say.
You didn't realize you were avoiding his gaze until he gently grasped your chin, lifting your head to search for the truth in your eyes.
"I see." His thumb ran over your bottom lip, with no Poe to jump him. No actual you to kick his ass because you had to pretend to tolerate him. "Once your last thread to the Resistance is gone, you and I could make...quite the team." The way his fingers trailed along your jawline told you clearly what sort of team he had in mind.
"Yes." Now you wanted to cry even more than before.
Maybe you were in over your head with this plan. What if you couldn't figure a way out before you were faced with your 'desire' to kill Poe?
Would they kill you if you refused? Or continue to torture you until you were old and withered?
You could imagine them killing Poe in front of you and making you live with the pain.
Or maybe they would do it the other way around.
Hux pulled away, seeming almost satisfied. "His public execution will be held two days from now. You may choose the weapon, of course."
In over your head or not, you were going to have to go through with this.
Unless some miracle got you, Poe, and Finn out of it.
A miracle would have been really fucking helpful at this point.
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