#hotchner fam au

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

the hotchner siblings and their birthday posts

[failbaby]

awhile ago you mentioned the hotch fam has family meetings, what are some topics of the meetings that have happened over the years ?

Oooh.... in no particular order

• Daddy is Going to Bring You a New Baby Brother (Whether You Like It or Not So I Don’t Want to Hear a Word About It)

• It’s a New Year and This Year You’re Not Getting Away With Things Like You Used To

• We Need to Teach the Baby Not to Bite

• It’s a New Year and This Year You’re REALLY Not Getting Away With Things Like You Used To

• Potions—Which Household Ingredients are Up for Grabs, and Which Household Ingredients are Daddy’s Heartburn Pills

• It’s a New Year and This Year You’re REALLY Not Getting Away With Things Like You Used To (I’m Serious This Time)

• “I Know Everyone is Going Through a Lot, However:” Daddy’s Rules and Expectations for Virtual Learning

• I’m Going to Give Whoever Put the Frog in the Utensils Drawer One Chance to Come Clean and Then Everybody’s Getting Proper Interrogated FBI Style

• “Coming to Disneyworld is a Privilege, Not a Right, and I’ll Leave You Here With Grandpa if I Have to Emily:” an Anti-Shoplifting Seminar For ALL of my Children, but for Some More Than Others

• Jenny is Changing Her Name to “JJ,” Because it’s Cooler and More Grown-Up. And She’s Very Serious About This So Stop Laughing Derek

• I’m Going to Give Whoever Taught the Baby the F Word One Chance to Come Clean and Then Everybody’s Getting Proper Interrogated FBI Style

• Penelope is Changing her Name to “Princess Midnight.” If Jenny—Sorry, JJ—Gets to Change her Name, I Guess I Have to Let Everyone Else do it Too

• I Love You All Unconditionally, Gay or Not

• On Second Thought, Daddy’s Love Has Limits: Household Rules About Bringing Frogs Inside

[piqtescue]

this is so fucking cute??

[libraryofloveletters]

Neighbours

Derek Morgan x Reader 

Warnings: fem!reader, cursing, kissing, mentions of cheating, death of a parent, alcohol.

Category: Mix of angst and fluff 

Word Count: 4k

Author's Note: Idea came from @m0rcia​‘s garvez idea from the Hotchner fam au :) 

----- 

During High School 

The boy next door. 

Oh how you hated him, something about him just irritated you. Tall, dark and annoying is what he was, there was no other way to put it. It wasn’t always like that though, truthfully you and Derek had gotten along rather well as children. 

Things started to change around the start of high school, you didn't hang out as much and you had both gotten your own friend groups. His focus was on football and yours was on school. The two of you used to spend hours upon hours outside throwing around that stupid football of his. You’d both go home covered in mud and grass stains but you didn’t have the same desire to be tackled into the mud as you did when you were younger.

Senior year was coming to an end, everyone had picked a path for their life and you were, well, stuck. You had no clue what you wanted to do or where to go from there. The whole neighbourhood was gushing about Derek, the school’s star football player and his plans to go to Northwestern with his football scholarship. Of course your parents also knew all about Derek and his scholarship, meaning that you got compared to him every single night until you figured out what you were doing with your life. 

Graduation day was absolute hell. It was hot and you were uncomfortable in the heels your mother forced you to wear. You sat in the smouldering heat with all of your classmates, listening as your wretched principal spoke. 

Clearly, you loved high school. 

It came the time to throw the caps, because your school did things like that. You un-energetically threw your cap in the air, watching as it hit the floor. Something hit your back as you bent to pick up your cap. Turning around, you were met with none other than Derek Morgan himself. 

“Sorry y/n” 

“Watch where the fuck you throw shit” 

“Okay mama, relax with the attitude” he squeezed your shoulder, “I’m sorry” 

“Are you though?” you rolled your eyes and pushed his hand off your shoulder. 

“I am s-” 

“Save it” you shake your head as you walk the other way. He didn’t say anything to you again after that day. 

The night before he left, his mom threw a little party for him. It started as a little party and ended with the whole graduating class in Fran’s backyard. You had gone over with your parents, but you didn’t speak to Derek. You said hello to Fran and his sisters, and a few friends you saw at the party. Your parents left early and you stuck around to hang out with some friends. 

Around 3am, you decided it was time to head home. It was only Derek with a few of his guys and their girlfriends hanging around, your friends had just left. Fran was in the kitchen trying to clean up the house, you stepped in and knocked on the wall.

“Need some help Mrs. Morgan ?” 

“Oh sweetie, call me Fran and I'm alright. Why don’t you head home ?” 

“That’s okay, I don’t mind. If it’s just the kitchen, I can finish up and you can go to bed ?” 

“Are you sure you want to do that?” she asked before setting the garbage bag down. 

“Yeah, I’ve got it. Get some rest” you smiled back. 

She kissed your cheek before heading to her bedroom. You liked Fran, she was always nice to you and checked up on you, even if you and Derek stopped talking. 

The backdoor clicked shut while you were washing the dishes. “Hey, I didn't realize you were still here” Derek spoke quietly, “where’s mom?” he asked you. “In bed, I told her I'd finish cleaning up” you told him, not turning around. 

“Thanks, I can take over if you wanna get home” he mumbled with his mouth full. You glance over your shoulder to see Derek practically inhaling a slice of pizza.

“You still don't chew?” you asked him, shutting off the sink and wiping your hands off. 

“What’s that supposed to mean ?” he said, his brows furrowed and his mouth full. You gave him a small smile and shook your head. 

“You actually smile?” Derek asked you, a look of genuine amazement on his face. 

“Shut up” you picked up a slice of pizza and hopped up onto the counter. Derek stood beside you, leaning against the counter. The only thing between you and him was the empty box of pizza. The two of you ate in silence, no tension, no anger, just there in the moment. 

Derek looked over at you, “what happened to us?” he questioned you. 

“What do you mean?” you hopped off the counter. 

“You used to say we’d be in each other’s lives forever when we were younger” he watched as you moved about the kitchen. 

“I’m still here Derek” you told him.

“But you’re not though” he uttered, looking at you. 

“It’s just different now” you picked up the empty box and threw it out. 

“How? I’m still me and you’re still you” He grabbed your hand. 

You scoffed and shook your head, “expect you’re not just you anymore. You’re the popular football player that everyone loves and I'm just.. me” 

He looked at you, he looked sad. He opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off. “Don’t do that. Don’t say it’s not true, because we both know it’s true.” Derek didn't say anything to you, he pulled you closer to him. You were now standing in front of him, he was still against the counter. 

“Y/n, you’ll always be important to me, you know that right ? I know we drifted, a lot more than I’d like to admit but I still care about you, I still check on you” his hand cradled your face, you were looking up at him. 

“Really ?” you asked him quietly, so quietly he almost didn't hear you. He nodded and leaned towards you. You leaned in too, his lips inches away from yours. 

“Can I?” he whispered, you nodded. His lips were on yours, your arms were over his shoulder, one of your hands resting on the back on his neck. Derek’s hand was still on your cheek and the other one on your waist. 

If it wasn't for his sister coming down and catching the two of you, it would have gone on a lot long. “Ahem” she cleared her throat, you and Derek pulled away from each other and turned towards her. 

“Hey you two” she had a smug smile on her face.

“Hi.. uh I should get home” you said quietly before heading towards the door. 

“Let me walk you home” Derek followed you to the door, you shook your head. “I’m fine. Goodnight you guys, tell Fran I say thank you for having us over” you slide open the backdoor and step out. 

The early morning breeze was chill but yet warm. It was starting to change to autumn weather, you walked across the street, the wind blowing the leaves down the street. You sat on your front porch when you got home, your mom stepped out. 

“Are you now getting home?” she walked past you to the car. 

“Yeah, I stayed back to help Fran tidy up. Where are you going ?” you asked 

“Work, there was an emergency” she told you as she got in the car, you knew she was lying to you. Sometimes she forgot you weren’t a kid anymore, you knew she was cheating on your dad. She wasn’t very good at hiding it, but you had the things on your mind, like your kiss with Derek. 

He was leaving for college in less than 12 hours, it made no sense to start something with him. You sat on your porch for the rest of the day, heading in to use the bathroom and get something to eat. 

You watched the sun rise, felt the temperature change, watched Derek pack his boxes into the car, saw his goodbye to his sisters and his mother. He looked across the street, he looked at you before getting in his car. He didn't smile, he didn't come say anything. 

He just left. 

15 years later

You found yourself, once again, on your front pouch watching Derek. Only this time, he was unpacking. Fran had passed away last week, it was a heart attack. No one could have known but that didn't make it hurt any less. 

You had seen him at the funeral, you didn’t say anything to him but he saw you. He gave you a small smile and you gave him one back. You hadn't seen him since your kiss 15 years ago. 

He stepped into the house and shut the door, you headed inside too. Your house was just as empty as his. Your parents had moved to the Bahamas in an attempt to save their marriage, leaving you with the house. You took the year after high school to work before finally settling on teaching as a career. You taught at your local high school with the same horrible staff and wretched principal that you hated all those years ago. You understood how the kids felt, it wasn't hard to connect with them. 

Settling in on your couch with a bottle of wine and Netflix, the doorbell rang. “Who is it?” you called out, not wanting to get up but there was no answer. The doorbell rang again, “who’s there?” you shouted, thinking that whoever was at the door didn't hear you the first time, but again there was no answer. The bell rang a 3rd time, “fuck hold on! I'm coming” you groaned as you walked to the door. You pulled the door open, 

“Are you deaf? you didn't hear me shouti-” Derek stood at your front door. “Oh, hi” you looked at him, he looked the same, only slightly older, more mature. “Hey, can I come in?” he asked, you nodded before stepping aside and letting him in. 

You really had debated if you should let him in, but you couldn’t turn him away, especially not now, not after what he had just gone through. 

He looked around as he followed you back to the living room. “House looks different” he took a seat on one end of the couch, “yeah, remodelled after they left” you sat at the other. Derek looked at you with a confused expression on his face, “left?” “they went to the Bahamas to try and save their marriage but I doubt that’ll work” you took a sip of your wine. You leaned the bottle in his direction, he took the bottle from you and took a sip. 

“No glasses ?” he chuckled, leaning back into the cushions. 

“Didn’t want to wash them afterwards” you turned the grinch back on. Derek laughed, you looked over at  him, “what ?” “you still watch this shit?” “hey! the grinch is my favourite, don't start with me Morgan” he rolled his eyes and settled back into his spot. 

15 minutes later, he rolled over onto his stomach and sprawled himself over your couch. “I'm hungry, what do you have to eat ?” he looked at you, “order a pizza” you mumbled, your eyes still on the tv. 

Half an hour later, a weight lifts off the house and your front door opens. Derek returns to the couch with a box of pizza. You watched as he set the box down and opened it, he looked over at you. 

“It’s rude to stare” he smiled and you shook your head “don't flatter yourself” 

He picked up a piece and practically inhaled it. “Seriously dude, would it kill you to chew ?” you watched him as his face changed into confusion. 

“Okay, I need to know what you mean by that! I've been hearing it my whole life” he pouted. You let out a loud laugh, “you never chew, you just inhale your food” you told him, his mouth making an O shape. 

Once again, you could yourself in the company of Derek Morgan, in the middle of the night, eating pizza, in silence. Shifting positions on the couch, you turned to him, “I'm really sorry about Fran, she was a wonderful woman” you spoke quietly, unsure if you regretted what you just said. He nodded, “she was, wasn’t she?” he gave you a small smile. 

“I saw your sisters when at the service, they didn’t come help you pack up ?” 

“They’ve got their lives, work and their families. I told them I'd handle it” 

“Hm, you’re not busy with work ? What happened to Mister Big Shot that went to Northwestern?” you joked, he chuckled. 

“Well, Mister Big Shot that went to Northwestern” he mocked, “got a law degree and works for the FBI now” he admitted to you proudly. 

“What the hell, are you serious ?” you were genuinely shocked, he nodded. If someone told you that Derek went on to be a football player, you’d believe them with no questions asked, but Derek, as a FBI agent, was something you never ever thought would happen. 

“The same Derek that rolled around in mud his entire childhood and was in trouble all the time, works for the fricking FBI ?” you laughed, “yup, that would be the one and I wasn't always in trouble!” 

The two you ended up sitting on the couch till about 3 am. “Can I ask you something ?” Derek turned to you, “of course” you looked over at him. 

“What happened to us? I want the truth. We’ve both grown up, the least we can do is talk about it.”

“I don’t know, we just drifted.” you looked at the wall, you couldn’t bare to look at Derek right now. His hand rested on yours, “y/n, c’mon, the truth.” 

“We just didn't fit into each other’s lives anymore. You went from Derek that would play dolls with me to Derek that was the popular football player. All the girls loved you, they practically swooned over you in the hallways, the guys were constantly talking about you and your games. I didn't want that attention. I just wanted you as you, not everything that came with it. The only way to let you go was to push you away I guess” you admitted to him, he sighed. 

“See, if you had told me that-” you cut him off, “what ? you would have ignored all the girls ? stopped being the star of the football team ? don’t lie to yourself Derek. We both knew you loved it, it’s who you are. You would have never given that up, especially not for me.” you looked over at him, his eyes were on you. He looked at you like he had never seen you before, like you were this fascinating thing that deserved all of his attention. 

“That moment we had in the kitchen that night, that meant nothing ?” he moved closer to you. “Of course it meant something but you didn’t even say goodbye. You just upped and left, Derek. All the times you came home to visit, you didn’t even say hello” 

“y/n, I tried. I came every time I came home. That day, I didn’t say goodbye because I thought I had upset you with the kiss, but I came every time I came home, to see you and try and talk. Your mom always said you weren’t home and she’d tell you.” 

“What? She never told me anything” 

“Well there you go. I tried, I promise you I did.” 

The two of you sat there, the tension was so thick you couldn't cut it with a knife. “Y/n” he called for you, you were too deep in your thoughts to hear him. “y/n” he called out again, his finger pulls your chin towards him. 

“Hm?”

“You know I care about you, right ? I never stopped” 

“Okay” you mumbled and got up. 

“That’s it? We’re not going to talk about it ?” Derek stood up 

You walked into the kitchen, ignoring Derek and his questions. You leaned forward on the counter, your hands gripping the edge to try and ground yourself. 

Why hadn’t she told me he came ? He just wanted to talk, what’s her problem ?

“Y/n, come on. Can we talk?” Derek rested his hand on your shoulder, you shrugged your shoulder and pushed his hand off. “Get out” you mumbled, “what ?” his eyes burning into your back. “Get. Out.” you said a little louder, “Why ? I just want to ta-” you turned around, you grabbed Derek’s hand and pulled him out of the kitchen and to the front door. “Out” you opened the door, 

“I'm so confused, why?” 

“Derek, shut up and get out!” 

You pushed him out of the door, he stood there looking back at you with a look of shock and confusion on his face. You slammed the door shut before heading to the bedroom to find our phone, expect it wasn't there. It felt as if you tore apart the entire house looking for it. When you found it, you dialled the one person you knew could answer your questions. 

“Hello ?” She answered 

“Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me that Derek came to see me ?! and not just once, BUT EVERY TIME!!” you yelled into the phone 

“Honey, calm down” your mother said to you. 

“Don’t tell me to calm down! you lied to me for 15 years, you watched me sulk for 2 whole years about Derek kissing me and just leaving when you knew he had come to talk to me!” 

“He’s no good for you” she said as if that was a fact. 

“What the hell does that mean? Not like you’d know what was good for me anyways. You don't care about anyone but yourself” you just hung up on her, you weren't in the mood to deal with her and her nonsense.

You paced back and forth through the whole house for a few hours. You had downed an entire bottle of wine while you paced, you knew what you needed to do. 

Come on, it’s just Derek. 

You headed out of the house and across the street.

God, what if he hates me now ? 

You walked back towards your house.

Oh, he won't hate me. 

You headed back to his house.

This is stupid.

You turned around to walk back to your house when you heard his voice. 

“Are you gonna stand out here all night like a mad woman ?” he leaned against the door frame. You walked up to him, he stood there looking at you. “I’m sorry I kicked you out earlier.. I just needed a minute to process things” you admitted,  Derek chuckled. “Considering that it's 4am, I'd say you had more than a minute to process. I’m making tea, want some?” he asked you, you nodded, “tea sounds good” you walked in. 

The house hadn't changed, expect for the addition of a few new picture frames. There were some of his sisters and him from what looks like his college graduation, some of his sisters and their families and the one that stood out to you was of Derek, Fran and some little skinny white boy. You picked up the frame and turned to Derek. 

“Come all this way and flirt with me but you have a boyfriend ?” you asked, holding back a laugh. 

“Haha, very funny. That’s Spencer Reid, we work together” 

“He works for the FBI ? He looked like a baby” you laughed and set down the frame. 

“He’s grown a lot since then” Derek laughed and headed to the kitchen, you followed him. “God, it felt like just yesterday we were running around here with Fran cooking and yelling at us” you said, hopping up on the counter. “Yeah, we had some good times” Derek smiled as he handed you a mug of tea. 

The two of you drank your tea quietly, you broke the silence. 

“I talked to my mom” you looked over at Derek, he turned to face you. 

“Oh yeah? What’d she say ?” 

“Nothing important, just tried to lie to me yet again” 

“About ?” 

“Apparently you’re ‘no good for me’ whatever that means” you roll your eyes, Derek shifts closer to you and he changes the topic. 

“You’re a teacher now ?”

“I am” you smiled, “ I don’t remember telling you that though, you work your FBI magic on me?” you chuckled, he smiled at you. 

“Mom told me, actually” your head tilted to the side, he realized you were confused.

“I feel weird admitting this to you, but she used to tell me what you were up too. She said she came to your graduation too” he fidgeted with his fingers. 

You smiled to yourself at the memory of Fran at your graduation. Your parents had already moved away and you didn't have anyone, you mentioned it to Fran as a by-the-way thing and she showed up.

“She did, but you’ve been keeping tabs on me or everyone you graduated with?” 

“Just the ones I've made out with” he had a smirk on that annoying face of his 

“Oh so half of the graduating class?” you held back a laugh. A loud “hey!” and a light smack to the arm was what that comment got you. Derek picked up the empty mugs and put them in the sink, on his way back to his spot beside you, you stretched your legs out, one was on each side of him. 

“What’s the plan here Ms. L/N?” 

“Not sure Mr. Morgan” 

“Actually, it's Agent Morgan to you” he stated causing you to roll your eyes. His hands rested on your thighs, “just two friends, chilling in a kitchen. Maybe they might kiss” you mumbled looking at him, he looked back at you with a smile on his face. 

“Yeah they might” 

“Exact- wait what ?” 

His hand cradled your face, your lips inches apart. “Can I ?” “Stop talking and kiss me alrea-” His lips on yours ended your sentence. Your heart pounded in your chest, you could only focus on how Derek’s lips felt against yours. You had been dreaming for another moment like this since your last kiss with him, it felt as if time stopped and it was only the two of you while the world melted away. 

Derek’s eyes had opened, taking the beautiful women in front of him. Taking in the moment just to make sure he wasn’t imagining what he had dreamt of the last 15 years and for the first time in those 15 years, he didn't feel angry or sad when he looked at you, he saw the one he had been waiting for.  

It felt like forever before either of you pulled away for a breath. Your hands clung onto Derek’s shirt like he’d disappear if you let go, his hands found their way to the back of your neck, toying with the hair at the nape of your neck. The two of you, wrapped up in each other, smiling at one another like children. 

“Not so bad huh ?” 

“Not so bad Morgan” 

---- 

Taglist: @aaronhotchnerr​ @mac99martin​ @aaron-hotchner187​ @tclaerh​ @luke-alvez​ @iconicc​ @lieberhers​ @pumpkin-reads​ @ssa-holmes​ @katexrichardson​ @sluttytears​

[thejeidhater]

my chemical romance songs i think the bau “core 7” would blast in their emo phase

kinda inspired by @penemily’s hotchner fam au!

penelope garcia-Planetary (GO!): very upbeat, has the whole japanese dance party theme lmao and just matches her energy

emily prentiss-I’m not ok (I promise): you’re lying if you say you cannot imagine her with black eyeliner screaming this song 24/7

jj- Summertime: i know that it’s canon that jj liked rock and this is a more chill and sweet song but i just think it really matches her energy!

spencer reid- Teenagers: honestly, spencer would probably blast the entire mcr discography at some point of his life. but this would probably be one of his favorite songs bc of the lyrics

derek morgan- Thank you for the venon: i don’t really know how to explain this one sorry LMAO but it’s like a really badass song and it’s the one i associate with him the most :)

aaron hotchner- Cancer or Sleep: i feel like hotch would like the slower and sadder songs

david rossi- idk🧍‍♀️he’s old (but maybe The kids from yesterday)

[jamb-oree]

I posted 116 times in 2021

6 posts created (5%)

110 posts reblogged (95%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 18.3 posts.

I added 22 tags in 2021

#i love this - 4 posts

#supernatural - 4 posts

#please😭 - 2 posts

#spencer reid - 2 posts

#criminal minds - 2 posts

#anyways - 2 posts

#autistic spencer reid - 2 posts

#fob - 2 posts

#poor spence :(((( - 1 posts

#anyways- destiel is cannon and has always been cannon and this is proof - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i’m a mess and idk how i’m passing all of my classes except for apush (i know why i’m failing that one) (spoiler alert: the teacher sucks)

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Hello my spicy lil amigo

hello! i’m gonna assume this is em since, well, shes the only one who has permission to call me spicy😂

0 notes • Posted 2021-02-06 03:00:06 GMT

#4

Did something make you smile today?! 🦆

yes, actually! one of my friends who i don’t get to see often was able to spend his open period with me during the class i was supposed to have chemistry. he picked me up and gave me all the hugs and it made a very tough day suddenly a good one and i love him for it.

thank you for asking, lil duck!

0 notes • Posted 2021-02-04 03:48:09 GMT

#3

alrighty, here it is

a sneak peek of my rewrite of the supernatural finale (:

it’s just a little bit, but it should be on AO3 soon and i’ll post it here as well!

also please don’t take this bc this is my hard work and i don’t want to see this ending up anywhere else

5 notes • Posted 2021-01-06 02:31:43 GMT

#2

i’ve seen so many people doing this and i have about 10 minutes until new year so fuck it i’m doing it

thank you to all the blogs who have made my 2020 fantastic

here’s a special thank you to a few of the blogs who have helped me survive 2020

@ablogofthecriminalmindsvariety I LOVE YOU EM THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU’VE DONE FOR ME THIS YEAR you’re literally my rock on this app and your blog makes my day. your writing is 100/10 and i love all your headcanons bc they’re just *chefs kiss*. thank you for putting up with my constant spam of posts and thank you for cheering me up and listening to me when i ramble about my hyperfixations. i appreciate the fuck outta you, thank you so much.

@penemily rose you’re literally amazing, your blog is essentially my news feed in the way of criminal minds posts. your content has gotten me through this shitshow of a year and your spencer hotchner and hotchner fam AUs give me life so thank you so much. and angels? i don’t have words for how good it is. i didn’t know i needed it until you gave it to us and oh man, did i need it. thank you <3

@whump-town i love your content- like always makes my day. your writing? amazing. your ideas? they kill me they’re literally so goddamn good. your angsty hotchniss fics? flawless. literally everything about your blog makes me so happy so thank you for posting content for us all

@abitcriminalminds literally your content is amazing- yas i love your content so thank you for posing. your incorrect criminal minds quotes posts are one of the best thing to have happened to me on this app and they just always make me laugh. they even make my brother laugh and he hasn’t really watched the show

thank you to all of you guys. i love you all. thank you <<3

11 notes • Posted 2021-01-01 05:56:22 GMT

#1

here’s some transnatural week content! Sam, Dean, and Cas (:

i added some other flag details in some slightly hidden places so find them and lmk!

(my friend did the sketch and i added the colors and the words, but they wish to remain anonymous so we are posting it from my account! they wish it to be known that this is their drawing entirely and any similarities to any other work is either purely coincidental or their own work previously posted)

@transnaturalweek day one: team free will

95 notes • Posted 2021-06-23 14:00:29 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[sapphiics]

diana reid x aaron hotchner

isn’t this a plot point in the hotchner fam au @penemily ?

but also she doesn’t fuck cops

[literateleah]

catching up on @penemily’s hotchner fam au hcs like the morning paper with my coffee <3

[failbaby]

Hdjfkskd.......this is a good question

So. Hotch is a moderate Republican, but politics are generally not super big in their house (not as a result of him, anyway), because he doesn’t care all that much. He like. Votes every two years and that’s it. So his kids all have very different opinions that come from other places

(Keeping in mind that this is like another timeline where they’re not all cops)

• Derek votes dem, but doesn’t generally follow political goings on very closely. He’s an educated member of the public, but when Emily asks him if he “heard what Mitch McConell did now,” the answer is “no” 8 times out of 10

• Emily is a left-leaning democrat, but not like a leftist. I’m thinking Warren voter ?

• JJ is a moderate Republican/Centrist-type voter who posts those fb graphics like “DEMOCRAT. REPUBLICAN. HUMAN ❤️”

• Penelope is an anarchist, and she goes through a phase where she’s like that “this casserole reminds me of the Bolshevik Revolution” tweet every time the extended family is together

• Spencer absorbs his mother’s “the US government are fascists” teachings and becomes a straight up commie

[failbaby]

spencer actually doesn’t know that jj’s real name is jennifer until he’s like 7 years old. and his entire world is rocked when he finds out

S: “sissy’s name isn’t really jj? 🥺 why would you lie?”

H: “bud we didn’t lie to you. it’s a nickname”

S: “😡 what else have you been lying about?😡”

Things Spencer learns between the ages of 3-6 that send him into cardiac arrest:

- Derek has other sisters who Spencer has never met and is not related to

- On that note, when Derek leaves every other week, he goes someplace else (to see the other sisters), he doesn’t just disappear and then reappear. So fucking crazy

- Penelope and JJ have different moms, despite having the same color hair. Makes no sense but ok

- JJ’s name is “Jennifer”

- Daddy’s name is “Aaron.” He could’ve SWORN it was “daddy”

- Most girls don’t have a penis. At all. Like, what the god-loving fuck

- Derek and Emily are not grown ups

- Boys have to do some things and girls have to do other things :(

[failbaby]

what would hotch get the hotchner fam for christmas (or like their fav presents)? 🥺

!!!!

• Hotch buys Derek AirPods and a good-luck jersey, and he is upstaged by Rich Grandpa Dave, who gives 16-year-old, freshly-licensed Derek one of his cars. It’s SO exciting. Derek cries 🥺💞

• Emily gets new platform docs and TICKETS TO THE MCR REUNION TOUR 🥺🥺!!!! She also cries.

• Penelope and JJ each get one of a set of American girl dolls (you know the ones that are like. Friends 🥺) and doll bunk beds for them. It’s very exciting for them because they have a whole section of their room dedicated to American girl dolls and are able to add to their massive ungodly hoarde.

• The expensive ass dolls/beds are their main present, but JJ also gets rollerskates!!!! Very exciting 😎

• And Penelope gets a new dress and a bunch craft supplies!!! 🥺 daddy lifts the lifetime household ban on glitter just in time for the holidays!!!

• Spencer gets an iPad mini in a big baby case, new pacis, a squishmallow bigger than he is, and Hotch’s old broken iPhone 6. You wouldn’t think that would be a good present for a toddler (or anyone else), but Spencer loves nothing more than pretending to talk to Derek on the phone. If Derek is sitting right next to him, he will literally ignore him in favor of pretending he’s talking to him on the phone

[failbaby]

can you elaborate on spencer with a swallowing disorder and the toll it takes on hotch not knowing why his baby won’t eat and being rlly scared 🥺

Yeah 🥺 :(

So. Achalasia is actually a very rare, very serious condition with dangerous complications, and it’s also fairly difficult to diagnose and treat, so it would hurt all of them :(

(Just for background, the way that it works is that food can’t move into the stomach because of nerve damage, and since there’s a backup of food and liquid in the esophagus, it can sometimes get into the lungs and cause pneumonia and other life-threatening lung problems)

When Spencer is like 14–18 months old, he starts coughing and spitting up almost every time he eats.

He’s been eating solids for a while, and he’s well beyond the age that it’s normal for Aaron to have to burp him, so it’s definitely a red flag for him to need thumping on the back after meals.

Aaron calls their pediatrician, who says that it’s probably just some kind of stomach bug, and he should wait for it to go away on its own.

But it doesn’t go away on its own—it gets worse. Spencer loses a ton of weight, starts waking up coughing and crying every night, spits up almost daily, and doesn’t want to eat anything, ever.

The other kids are grouchy, because they can’t sleep with Spencer screaming and crying and choking every night, and Derek, JJ, and Emily, who are old enough to understand that something is seriously wrong, are really worried about their baby brother on top of being sleep-deprived, so it’s just no fun around there for anybody.

Aaron is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, because on top of his murder-intensive job, his baby is suffering and he has no idea what’s wrong or how to fix it. :(( When Spencer is coughing, he takes him outside (in case it’s just croup?) and holds him real close and tries to coach him through breathing :((

He hates leaving Spencer with sitters when he has to travel for work, and he starts having Rossi stay with them overnight, because he just. Can’t handle the thought of his baby choking and having a random teenage girl in charge of him :(

Spencer gets a couple of really bad respiratory infections and has to stay over at the hospital a few times :( Hotch misses a lot of his other kids’ events and has Rossi (or Derek) taking care of them more often than not, because he spends so much time at the doctor’s office and urgent care and emergency room with Spence, just trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong with him :((

So it’s rough enough, and then one day, he’s doing his little baby thing and he just. Blacks out. Keels over while playing blocks and hits his head on the ground

He’s not out for long, but Aaron FREAKS out and takes him straight to the ER, where they give him a rough diagnosis and tell him that his baby is basically starving, bc he’s had so much trouble getting food into his stomach that it’s been like he hasn’t been eating anything :((

Aaron feels horribly guilty, and he just holds Spencer and cries into his soft hair and apologizes over and over. Spencer is like 🥺??? Bc he doesn’t know what’s going on >:( he’s just baby!!

They have to tube feed him to get his BMI up until they can figure out how to treat him and start seeing results :(( he gets a little feeding tube in his sweet baby nose with Dinosaur tape 🥺❤️ (it’s kinda uncomfy, but his dinos are cool, and he’s excited to show them to Derek 😌)

Penelope and JJ tell him he looks scary, and that makes him sad :(( he’s not scary 🥺

The next like. Year of their life is filled with specialist appointments and imaging and surgery to treat any infections he gets and it’s so hard on all of them :(

Financially it’s really rough, and Hotch doesn’t ever ask for help, but grandpa Rossi quietly covers hospital bills and just spoils the hell out of the kids, because they deserve it 🥺💕

Hotch is scared all the time, because complications can be life-threatening, and he’s terrified his baby’s lungs are gonna fill :( when he’s on cases, all he can think about his whether his littlest baby is breathing okay, and whether grandpa was able to work the feeding tube :( (Even though Grandpa is perfectly competent. Aaron just worries too much)

All in all, it’s very very hard on their family, and thinking the baby is suffering and might even die is horrible, but it also brings them all together and makes them all feel very protective for years to come 🥺

[failbaby]

Derek's jock friends play a game where everytime they come over they compete to see who can teach baby Spencer a new word first. It's always random shit like "mustang" "fumble" "pringle" and the first few times Aaron comes home to a bunch of teenagers sitting around in the living room just repeating the same random words over and over at his baby he's like "what in the fuck is going on in here"

Aaron Hotchner coming home after a long day of dealing with the worst mankind has to offer to find The Boys 😈🏈🥶🔥(who are all like 6 feet tall and 200lbs and are planning on tackling their way into college) gently passing his tiny little baby around trying to teach him to say their names while Derek is like “DO NOT!!!!!! DROP HIM‼️” and he’s like damn 😌maybe humanity is Tolerable

[failbaby]

what do you think the hotch kids would wear to their proms?

!!!!

• Derek, fashion wise, is a boring male, so like. Black tux 🙄

• Emily doesn’t like dresses (she wears a skirt Once onscreen I think), so she wears one of these in a color that matches her gf’s ball gown 🥺💞

• JJ and Will are one of those iconic high school Republican power couples so

• Penelope goes ALL out and wears some kind of insane $800 ball gown that prevents her date from ever actually getting within 6 feet of her, because she’s spoiled and Hotch buys her whatever she wants

• Spencer would wear something like this

He doesn’t take it very seriously or spend a ton of money on it, because he and his bf only stay at the actual dance for like an hour. He doesn’t like loud, crowded places, and he would rather just have a romantic night somewhere quiet and pretty 🥺

[failbaby]

Derek and Emily as kids would be so funny

Facts. They cause so many problems

Not in a malicious way either, they’re just crazy

Hotch is like “okay, go play, daddy’s working” five minutes later they’re both riding down the stairs on the same skateboard at the same time and somebody needs a visit to the emergency room

They love play fighting and they fight with lightsabers for HOURS. It’s all fun and games until somebody gets whacked in the knuckle

Emily always has pretty dresses and stockings, because her mama wants her to be a pretty girl, and when she’s at dad’s house, she gets to borrow Derek’s clothes instead so that she can play in the mud >:)

Derek yanks Emily’s loose teeth out with strings. They start asking Hotch if the tooth fairy will give them a bigger payout if they rip all their teeth out at once, and he panics and it’s no more tooth fairy for anybody

They bang the screen doors going in and out of the house all summer, probably putting bugs in Aaron’s coffee and then hiding to watch him take a sip >:)

Emily is shorter than Derek, and he pushes her on the swings 🥺

She’s also mad jealous of the beads on his hair and wants some for herself >:(

Also, they’re close enough in age that they can reasonably fuck with each other. Emily tells Derek that his penis will fall off if he’s outside in the snow for too long (she wants the coveted green sled to herself) and he WEEPS

They would hug each other for five minutes straight when they got split up to go to their moms’ houses 😭😭

[failbaby]

How would hitch and siblings react to spencer coming out in hotch fam?

I think when you’re the youngest of five, you’re not really the first to do anything. Emily’s already done it and so has Penelope. Old news. Attitudes are established and he knows it

Emily would high five him. Like “lol nice”

Derek has been entirely convinced that Spencer was gay since he was like four so