thinking about the sannin and abandonment and the past following you wherever you go no matter how hard you try to leave it behind and staying and clinging to whatever you have left until it twists you into something unrecognizable and chases you out and clinging to it even after that while getting worse and worse and watching everything you love die and pushing away whatever you have left and abandoning people who need you because staying is killing you and leaving and leaving also killing you and the worst coping mechanisms known to man and trying so hard not to remember when you were just three kids with a teacher who adored you before everything collapsed in on itself now none of you can stand the sight of each other and the devastation of war and fame gained through clinging to your life and being so defined by survival that you forget to do anything else and people trying to rely on you when you can't even rely on you and dying alone with your regrets and the endless cycle of rebirth and alcoholism
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