#hrarby spoiler

[onwriting-hrarby]

Liquid confidence--Spoiler #1

I realized I've been giving you some paragraphs here and there in pictures, but never really a spoiler just like I did with Rotten Judgement! So maybe this is a good time to come back to this old form of content, don't you think?

Prepare yourselves for the pining in the last chorus :') Mikasa's voice is being really difficult to portray because she's full of guilt and indecisiveness.

Find the spoiler after the "read more", and Liquid Confidence first and second chapter in here.

They stood in silence for some moments, him watching her down, she without taking her eyes off of him, and for a second, Mikasa thought, Yes, the answer I crave is in his eyes, in how they shine, in his smile, unwavering, in this moment of intimacy. But Eren stood up quickly, said, Maybe you’d like breakfast? And she wanted breakfast, somehow to fill the void in herself that she mistook for her stomach. His body saluted her in nakedness while he searched for his underwear somewhere on the floor. She got up, too, said, You know where everything is. He asked: “Is everything in the same place?” Mikasa looked at him: “It never changed.” In the shower, she lingered on his touches that night, in his smile in the morning. She thought, This is what it ought to be. And for a moment, just like a fleeting star, Mikasa saw her life passing by, and it was a life that made her heart swell with joy, her skin get goosebumps, her eyes water and her smile turn giddy. She grabbed her face with her hands. The water kept on pouring down over her, just like she was reborn, something strange and clean. She whispered: Eren, I love you. She cackled a laugh. She said: Eren, I have always loved you. Her voice echoed in the shower. The water muffled any sound.

[onwriting-hrarby]

a dreadful night (coming soon)

She was wearing a long, green dress. It glimmered under the moonlight, already up in the sky, and the torches that Jean and Eren had considered a good idea to illuminate the beach rested dimly in the night. Levi saw her seating on the sand, a bottle of wine in her hands and the bouquet at the other.

today is a dreadful night writing day!

i'm too tired to write rotten judgement, but i still want to immerse myself into a story. i hope i can update the story before the rivamika month passes (and more themes are revealed).

however, by now the stories features:

week 1 - free theme (actors)

week 2 - marriage

week 3 - modern au

and then i'll be able to catch up, too!

[onwriting-hrarby]

Rotten Judgement — Chapter 18: The wedding

Read the new chapter in AO3 now!

In which there's a wedding, and the uncertainty that it might happen, and what the wedding triggers in all the characters.

***

Well, well, hello! I hope you're all fine. As always, this chapter took me a little bit longer. I wanted to approach it kind of a little narration in the middle of the story, to focus more about ending Hitch's, Jean's and Sasha's character (which wasn't very present in the story to begin with, but still). I also think it was important to see how this triggers changes from everybody.

I hope you like it. As for the ending, I might do 20 chapters instead of 21. I'm still not sure—depending on how long the ending ends up being. For that, I'm sorry to announce that I will finish chapters 19, 20 (and 21) before uploading. So, it will take long... I hope you can all catch up in the meantime. This is to prevent any wobbly chapters, since I still need to make my mind on the count and it will be less confusing for you all that way.

Meanwhile, don't hesitate to send me some asks with your comments and opinions! <3

[onwriting-hrarby]

a dreadful night - snippet

I will finish this oneshot before I start anything else, I promise! I hope I can update it this weekend (I still have to decide whether I split it in two or not!)

[onwriting-hrarby]

THE NEW WORK - THE TRIPTYCH OF HURT

When Jean looked at him, amber eyes dripping sweetness, he found him distressed, pained. Eren had his jaw clenched, the fists in a tight grip. The cell had no windows, and the torches casted pronounced shadows on his face.

"You can't hurt her like this," Jean whispered. His fingers grazed Eren's through the iron bars.

"She's not been happy, but she could have moved on. Whatever you're doing--"

Eren tensed. Suddenly, he's a frenzy puppet, the pupils dancing in his deep eyes. Jean fears Eren will kill him--will take him by the neck, just as he's done with Hange. But Jean knows him better--seven years, seven years next to his side--and Eren would never hurt him.

"Who?" His voice echoes in the dark, furious. Jean furrows his brows. "You?" Eren inquires.

"What? No--" He's messed it up, he shouldn't ahve spilled it, as much as he hates the idea of Mikasa with--

"Armin?" Eren guesses. The grip on the bars falters, and his eyes water. "Is it Armin?"

Jean shakes his head. The thumb caresses Eren's pinky. He lowers his gaze. "No", he murmurs.

Eren stays in silence. Soem seconds later, the realization hits him, and he chuckles lowly. "So, that's why Captain kicked me so hard. Fuck."

*****

So, this is an excerpt of my next fic, a triptych of hurt. I've found this way to connect the three ideas I had of my canonverse, which actually fitted so very well together.

The first work will be Armin and Mikasa's, the last story chronologically: the long old idea I had in which Armin helps Mikasa raise Eren's sons. As you may now if you have been reading my wips and musings, we know that Jean let Mikasa into Eren's cell, and we also know that Levi is the first one to visit Mikasa in her cabin and offer to help her.

The second work will be Jean, Eren and Mikasa's, in which we get how Jean let Mikasa into Eren's cell, and how he is trying to move forward from both once he knows that Mikasa is pregnant from Eren, after the Rumbling is completed.

The third one is Levi and Mikasa's, in which we learn how the relationship progressed and how Mikasa found solace in him when Eren went away, and how Levi offers to stay and help her raise Eren's child but, ultimatedly, Mikasa refuses (and hence, Armin comes).

I am envisioning 3 chapters for part (maybe two in Jean's pov), so I hope it will be very short. This will begin once I finish RJ (which I hope I can do if I push RJ on nanowrimo and I can finish it in November).

I should put them in a series on ao3, right?

[onwriting-hrarby]

Rotten Judgement — Snippet #16

Mikasa would have liked not to hear the message, all the implications of the message. As she lays and rolls over her bed—comforter touching her nose and her breath coming short—she thinks, maybe I should go, maybe I should go, maybe this is a sign.

A sign for what, she doesn’t know. Only that she’s been happy—she’s been happy and oblivious and blissful and hasn’t even thought that this could end, as if love was just a mere extension of our life, and the death of love only came with the ceasing of breathing.

This is how Chapter 19 begins :'))) I am writing RJ again, because every time I play Akuma no Ko and I imagine the ending, I get all pumped because I think if I can do the ending well, people will remember it.

I hope you keep on supporting this fic, it means a lot to me <3

[onwriting-hrarby]

Alright, so: So far, my rivamika oneshot for the Rivamika Month is 11 pages and we're just getting to the action. I was wondering whether to cut it in chapters, but if you've been following me, you'll see that I don't like doing that, so I hope people read 20 pages worth of material on the AO3.

I also realized that my fic actually tackles the 2nd theme in a very primary focus! :') Was I a psychic, maybe?

I particularly liked what I wrote today, so I hope people enjoy it as well.

[onwriting-hrarby]

Rotten Judgement - Spoiler #13

Jean and Hitch (Chapte 15, or Chapter 16)

Hitch is going to be married forever, Jean thinks. It strikes him when he sees her going out of her room. He feels the air failing him, his lungs struggling. The stomach twitches in pain. Jean had always thought that when he’d see Hitch with a white wedding gown, it would be on the altar of thei wedding day. It was never a thought too strong so that he would buy a ring, but it was an inevitable thought altogether, simmering for five years of relationship.

He can’t really pinpoint where it all went wrong, and the year they’ve been separated it all has become even hazier. Jean remembers when Hitch left him, crying in the hallway, saying, You don’t love me anymore. Jean promised he did. Hitch moved out. Jean cried on Marco’s shoulder. Then, he couldn’t grief it—the way Hitch disappeared from his life, suddenly a ghost after so many years next to him—because Marco was sick. And in less than a year, Marco’s death, and Hitch is back into his life but marrying another.

Why? It’s often the question that keeps him up all night. Not why Marco is death—a nightmare itself—but why Hitch left him, why she moved on so quickly when he still doesn’t know how to process all of it, why she’s showing him her wedding dress—promised to another—in her new apartment. Why is he accepting sharing this? Why doesn’t he feel angry, regretful? Why doesn’t he feel anything at all?

“Well?”, she says.

He eyes are a strange thing. He could read them, long before. He knew Hitch like the palm of his hand, and not anymore. Her amber eyes are all turmoil, gasoline, dripping something that’s painful and exciting at the same time. As if she’s always running, exhausted.

Jean babbles. “Very beautiful.”

[onwriting-hrarby]

so i've written 5 pages of the runaways au... hehehe... it starts quite light but of course there's just a little bit of angst, because this is what i want!

i would like to write the arumika and the rivamika ones, but i fear it's a lot of angst and a lot of work and i'm not in the mood, i have to say! now i think i will read another chapter of sunshines and rainbows. <3

[onwriting-hrarby]

Rotten Judgement - Snippet #15

I've been working on RJ for some days now! Little by little it's going to morph into something, I think. I've decided to treat it as if it was a short story inside the main story. The protagonists of this short story are Jean and Hitch... and these first 10 pages will change everything for the rest of characters—including, yes, Eren and Mikasa. They were too happy...

Beware of spoilers!

“I want to see Jean.”

“No!” Sasha gets up, lets Hitch’s hand fall onto the sofa. She curls her fists, and suddenly the soft pink of her dress chokes her in sugar. “No, it would not be wise! You can’t see your ex when you’re about to…!”

But Hitch stays put. Her figure has changed, somehow: she’s not slumped against the sofa anymore, but leaned forward, the breasts covered in white touching her knees under the gown. Her arms expand towards her, move the fingers one by one, as if she was waking up from a long, long sleep.

“I want to see Jean”, she repeats, louder this time. Sasha wonders how she’s regained the upper-hand, although it is Hitch, of course, and she’s bound to always have the upper-hand somehow. Maybe not with Jean—no, with Jean, it was always an exchange, a point in the middle. Sasha brings herself back to the memories when Marco was alive and everything seemed yet to be done; when Death hadn’t struck, and they thought they were young and always had time. She remembers Hitch saying, it’s thanks to Marco that we’re together, and remembers Jean saying, it’s thanks to Marco that we understand each other.

[onwriting-hrarby]

hehehe hohoho planning a tryptich with erejeankasa, rivamika and arumika is THE BEST. Good news is, too, that I have written quite a lot on Erwin and Levi in RJ today. I don't know if I will update in Tuesday, qe shall try.

[onwriting-hrarby]

hehehe any updates on the hogwarts au

I WISH I HAD TIME TO WRITE IT

It evolved a little bit! So it will be hinting towards jeankasa and eremika... but... eremika with a twist! And Historia is going to be there like Oh I like Ymir but I can't say I'm a lesbian so I'll have Eren play the ruse with me which is very convenient because he wants to make... Mikasa?... Jealous.

Armin is going to be the only one who guesses what's up with Eren while Mikasa will not understand because she thinks Eren has always seen her as a friend...

But maybe Eren is not jealous of Jean, per se? We'll have to see...

But LEVI will be the one to tell Mikasa to go with Jean and not the suicidal blockhead of Eren. Sasha and Connie will be partners, too, while Armin finally has the courage to ask that blonde Slytherin who's very cold to him...

[onwriting-hrarby]

Rotten Judgement—Snippet #17 (wip wednesday)

BEWARE OF SPOILERRRSSS

Kiyomi’s voice sounds distant and grave as it speaks, and Mikasa needs to blink twice, take it in because Kiyomi’s mouth moves as if it didn’t have a sound.

“Going will not make you happier. You already went away once.”

A lump in her throat, Mikasa blossoms into a blush, and then she feels her heart plummeting. Kiyomi’s sadness is apparent, yet hidden: she hides her tight lips behind the mug, her eyes are downcast, and even her bun seems to be falling.

Is she that great of a disappointment? I She made Kiyomi spend so much money on her dubbing school. She needs to pay it back, by showing she’s a stable worker, she gets offered so many roles, she—

She needs to tell her.

“But mom”, Mikasa leans forward to the table, and touches Kiyomi’s knee. It is bony, old, and she seems surprised by the act. “I was happy. You made me very happy. You were my mom.”

___________

Yes, I'm still feeling like a truck ran over me. I don't really know what I'm writing and because I'm reading such a good thing I don't have aa lot of motivation to write either (I'm just thinking: What is the point?), and I know I should upload Die for you soon enough, but I don't like how the chapter is turning out, so... I don't like this chapter of Rotten Judgement either but I can't postpone again :')

[onwriting-hrarby]

Rotten Judgement — Snippet #14

From Chapter 17, to be uploaded next Tuesday.

"Floch’s there, changing to his civilian clothes from his uniform. He stops when he sees Jean coming in. Their gazes meet and pull away, and their teeth clench. After almost two months, it’s official that they hate each other, and Jean’s not going to be civil about it. He can get around Floch’s racist jokes about Mikasa, insults towards the queer community, even snarls to Eren, but he cannot get around it when he applies it to his job: when he is harsher in treating POC suspects, when he whistles when a beautiful woman passes down their street when he’s on his cigarette break. Jean didn’t think he could loathe someone that much—and he almost doesn’t know what to do with that hate.

They change in silence. Jean buckles his belt, puts on his leather jacket. Maybe he could accept his sergeant position, find his ways to put him in another precinct, maybe even through complaining about his unfair behavior. But he sees all the police force laughing alongside with him, even Mike. It’s not like Jean’s a hero—he knows better: he even thinks that some of the prejudiced can be good people, heroes too, when encountered with trouble. He merely doesn’t fit anymore.

Floch and Jean go out the changing room. Floch is already searching the pockets of his green military jacket to find his pack of cigarettes. Outside, almost the end of December, Christmas carols echo through the city’s amplifiers, and the cold gets to them quickly. Jean sees how Floch halts his step suddenly. It almost seems to take a step back. His hands tremble, and Jean peeks through Floch’s shoulder in front of him.

Levi is waiting in the street, arms crossed and a cold look that doesn’t miss who’s going out of the building. Floch seems to want to stammer something. His mouth hangs open, pupils fretting in the honey eyes. Levi’s gaze swifts to Jean—and before Jean can ask him what he’s doing here, although he has a hunch, Levi stands tall and says:

“Jean, Eren said you’d be off by now.”

Jean corks up a brow. If he didn’t know better, he would say that Levi’s come to protect Eren—and him—in front of Floch. So far, it is working. Floch looks down while he lights up his cigarette and exhales in the air. Jean walks. Feels the feet like jelly, one in front of the other. If he didn’t know better, he would also be afraid of Levi’s menacing posture, his broad chest and his fiery eyes.

“Levi”, he salutes. From the periphery, he hears Floch whisper, Levi? As if he can’t believe the familiarity.

Levi just tilts his chin up to acknowledge him and walks towards them. Floch takes another step back. He’s almost inside the building again. Jean notices a plastic bag in Levi’s hands, and points at it.

“Mikasa asked me to pick up something from the dryer. Should we go?”

A power move, Jean thinks. Levi’s proud smirk doesn’t escape him, nor does Floch’s gasp. Eren was right—Levi was the only person who intimidated Floch enough. Levi looks at him one last time, a look full of despair and disdain, and Floch takes yet another step back, while muttering one big fuck you under his breath. Levi asks as if he hadn’t heard him—he’s always been much more elegant than anyone. He wouldn’t care about a mere insult. 

They walk side by side in silence to the apartment for one or two minutes, even if Levi’s not living there anymore. Jean doesn’t know the details, but Eren told him it’s complicated, and it has something to do with Erwin and Levi’s long friendship. Levi does still live near enough them, and he still sees Mikasa almost daily, although now they’ve got the habit to meet in the café, where Erwin doesn’t frequent. Jean’s seen Erwin twice or thrice during the last few weeks—hanging with Hange, who’s normally hanging with Armin because of the lab. Erwin seems sad, long face and hollowed cheeks."

[onwriting-hrarby]

Finished works

Instead, they said. 110 k words, completed; rating: mature

A strangers to lovers in which Eren and Mikasa get attracted to each other but must decide what to do with it; a friendship that blossoms over 8 years until they are thirty-one and ready to look for answers.

I did not live until today. 180 k, completed; rating: mature

A best friends to lovers in which Eren and Mikasa have never understood their relationship. While they work to become singers and dancers, the story tackles the way dreams are forced into us, open relationships, gender identities and grief.

Only a lifetime. 16 k (one-shot), completed; rating: mature.

An Eren/Mikasa/Jean canon-verse story in which Jean is in love with both of them and doesn't know how to handle it; what he doesn't imagine, though, is that they hold a soft spot for him, too.

A hopeful, secret dream. 4 k (one-shot), completed; rating: general.

5 years after the epilogue of I did not live until today, we follow Eren and Mikasa's great idea of bringing their son to watch Broadway for the first time.

A dreadful night. 16 k (one-shot), completed; rating: mature.

A Levi/Mikasa actor AU in which, two months ago, they suffered a dreadful night that changed their relationship. Now, in the middle of the series promotions, they are paired for an interview. How will they manage?

[onwriting-hrarby]

only a lifetime (snippet)

Title: Only a lifetime Pairings: Eren Jaeger / Mikasa Ackerman, Mikasa Ackerman / Jean Kirstein, Jean Kirstein / Eren Jaeger - Mostly Jean in unrequited love. Summary: Because it’s in the way his coma aches, when Jean realizes that he is in love with Eren, as much as he is with Mikasa.

1. The war

His love for Mikasa stems out of his heart —it is something innocent, at first, flickering like a flame that’s just born, a light on the darkness he’s grown used to living into.

He has heard it, the attack of Titans, the refugees, the desperation in people. So, when he meets her —black hair falling like a cascade, smelling like apples and something sweet he cannot put into words—, Jean thinks that she is the one, almost like a savior.

It’s strange what his body does in return. Lanky, not yet used to this new teenager years, he propels into her, in front of her, so as to be seen, and he says: “You’ve got pretty hair”. He cringes at the words, at the lack of them —so void, so superficial, barely enough to convey what he really feels: a heart that threatens to come out of the ribcage, two legs trembling and falling, the blush on his cheeks and the way his short hairs at the nape spike at the anticipation.

Her eyes are grey, seemingly unfazed. She says, “Thank you”. Her voice is gentle, low. It leaves a trace of wanting, so he follows it. His gaze back at her long skirt, at the way her feet move, secure and strong, because this is Mikasa Ackerman, and he will always love her, from this moment until he dies —he will say, she was my first love; and everyone will know, and everyone will joke about it; and even she will, in the future, understand the stare he has always given her. That he just falls suddenly, terribly unafraid, embracing the awkwardness of the first crushes, the knowledge that this woman is made for him, no matter how much she changes.

But Jean also sees it —waiting at the door for her. He is there, a presence above anything and everyone else, and he hates it, or him. Taller than Mikasa by just a few inches, same build and same intensity in the gaze, green as the forest and green as an aurora. It strikes him because it is maddening beautiful. That suicidal bastard. And Eren Jaeger is much the opposite of Mikasa, almost in every sense —for the fact that he is a boy, of all; for the fact that he is intense and hot-tempered, and probably one of the worst soldiers. But the will that Mikasa has to protect Eren, Eren has it to get better.

And so when their gazes meet, and they go outside —and Jean follows, pulled out by something invisible, electricity moving his feet—, and Eren puts a hand on her hair and says “You should cut it”, Jean Kirstein understands.

There is just no one, in life, that he can get in between both of them.

***